Love and Basketball
by SiriuslyFour'sGirl
Summary: AU, OOC Malec tale. Alec is an openly gay cheerleader starting college. Magnus is a secretive basketball player. Their lives are about to change forever. *Note: The story will eventually break down into 6 separate story arcs. Part 1 is Chapters 1-24. Part 2 is Chapters 25-56. Part 3 is Chapters 57-85. Part 4 is Chapters 86-108, Part 5 is 109-?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wanted to do something a little different with this one. As a HUGE college basketball fan, I thought I would bring some of my world into Malec's. You will encounter b-ball terms that I hope won't be too confusing, and I'll do my best with the cheerleading terminology (though all I know about cheerleading is what I've witnessed at games and what I've found on internet searches. Sorry, it's not my thing.) Anyway, I thought a little role-reversal would be fun to try. Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Alec Lightwood stared up at the enormous, looming red brick building that would be his home for the next four years. The structure itself was intimidating, but the prospect of living with so many other people, so many other _guys_ was scaring the hell out of him. He knew no one, had no friends or family here. His life was basically starting from scratch. He was suddenly paralyzed with fear.

"That's the last box," Jace Wayland said as he came to rest at Alec's right, holding a box of Alec's possessions in his lean, muscular arms. Alec jumped and turned to smile at his best friend.

Jace was two years younger than him, a junior in high school. Their parents had been close friends forever and that friendship had trickled down to Alec and Jace when they were young boys. When Jace's parents died six years ago in a car crash, Jace came to live with the Lightwoods and he and Jace had been inseparable since. Wherever one was, the other was usually not far away. Only now, Jace couldn't follow Alec. Alec was going to be on his own for the first time ever.

He glanced around at his mother, father, sister, brother, and Jace, his own personal moving crew. Each was carrying a heavy box of his possessions, and that thought finally broke through his fear and kicked him into gear. He moved toward the daunting building with its rough exterior and glass doors and security system.

He depressed the button on the intercom and waited. A moment later, a crackly voice asked what he wanted. After a quick conversation and the sound of a buzzer, the door popped open, admitting them to its interior.

They stopped at a window and received a temporary card. "That card will give you access to the building and the elevator. After orientation tomorrow, you will get your student ID which will replace the temporary pass. Here is a key to your dorm room. The number is 404. Take the elevator to the fourth floor, turn left, second door on the right," said a young guy in an extremely bored, monotone voice. Alec wondered how many times he had given that spiel in the last few days.

He thanked the man and entered through another set of double glass doors into an open area. He could see tables and chairs and a kitchen area in the distance. There was a ping-pong table, a shelf with board games, and several televisions scattered around the room. This must be the common room. The walls were lined with small rooms with computer stations and doors, and were obviously used for private study sessions.

The elevators were immediately to the right of the doors, and Alec punched the 'up' button to call the elevator down. The elevator dinged instantly, and the doors parted. They entered the metal box and rode up to the fourth floor.

Alec was apprehensive as he turned the key to his dorm room. He was about to meet his roommate for the first time, and then his family would be leaving him. Alone. At least he had chosen to go to a university in Brooklyn so he wouldn't be too far away from his family.

Alec had grown up in a penthouse on the thirtieth floor of a high-rise residential building in Manhattan. His family came from 'old money' and had been wealthy since long before crossing the Atlantic Ocean and coming to America when the country was young. His father, Robert, was a successful businessman, adding his contribution to the sizeable family wealth. His mother, Maryse, had never held a paying job.

Many people assumed that, given the circumstances of being from a wealthy family, Alec and his siblings had grown up in a sterile environment lacking love. But that was simply not the case. Oh, they had a nanny and a butler and several other servants and housekeepers, but his parents had very much been a part of his life. His father, busy as he was, had never missed one of Alec's little league baseball games. He had been the one to teach Alec to throw a baseball, to swing a bat, to shoot a basketball. He had even tried to get him interested in football, but Alec had not taken much interest in that sport. When Jace moved in with them, Robert had helped him with soccer practice. He was a busy man, in constant demand, but family came first.

His mother was just as supportive. She had met Robert in at a social event at the college they both attended. Robert was smitten with her at first sight. Maryse had studied to become a teacher, but when she married Robert their senior year of college, he had given her a life that meant she never had to work. Instead, she spent her time volunteering with underprivileged children, helping out in homeless shelters, and being an upstanding member of society.

When Alec came along, and then two years later they had Isabelle, Maryse devoted her time to them. She used her education background to give her kids the best possible start in life. She home-schooled them until they reached high school. At that point, she wanted them to have the interactions and opportunities they would need to thrive in college. Plus she could devote more time to their youngest son, Max, who was just a toddler at the time.

No, Alec Lightwood had nothing to complain about when it came to his childhood. He had been loved and cared for. He had been lucky.

And that made it so much harder to leave.

Alec pushed open the door to his dorm room to discover a small living area with an even smaller kitchen. He sighed in relief when he saw the bedrooms were separate. He didn't like the idea of sharing a bedroom with a stranger. Especially a strange boy. He was a private person, mostly, and needed a comfortable place to get away from everything and relax and think.

A tall, thin, well-build guy with dark blonde hair and a deep tan sauntered into the room. His loping gait and slouched posture gave him the appearance of someone lazy, but the well-defined biceps and abs that peaked through his thin tank top told another story altogether. This guy was an athlete, as was every other guy in the building. What sport he played Alec still had to find out.

The guy stretched out his hand to Alec. "Austin Chambers," he said as Alec shook his hand. He had an easy smile, open and inviting, and just a hint of a southern accent. Alec felt inexplicably comfortable around Austin, and thought they might get along just fine. He immediately began to relax.

Alec made introductions, and Austin politely shook hands with Robert and Jace as well. He turned on the charm with Maryse and Isabelle, dragging their hands to his lips and planting a gentle kiss over their knuckles. Both ladies smiles and blushed. Yeah, this guy knew how to work the women. He was thoroughly glad Izzy was too young to join him at college.

Alec's family stayed and helped him find places for all his belongings. The dorm came furnished with furniture and appliances. Since he only had to bring his personal effects, the process of putting everything away didn't take very long. He tried to drag it out, knowing that they would soon be leaving and he would be on his own. Not that he wasn't excited about college, he was. Very. He was just nervous about being away from home. He was also nervous about the response from the jocks once they discovered he was a member of the cheerleading squad. He had received a lot of grief from the boys at his high school, being one of only four male cheerleaders, and he hoped the next four years wouldn't be just as bad.

Of course, the main thing his classmates had assumed was that he was gay. Which he was. So he really had no comeback for that one. It did irritate him that they assumed _all_ the male cheerleaders were gay, however, especially since the other three were not. He hated stereotyping. Of course, assuming that the jocks would give him grief was in itself stereotyping, so perhaps he was being hypocritical. And overthinking things.

His family stayed for another thirty minutes after his room was organized. He hugged Jace and Izzy goodbye first. Then his mother squeezed him tightly and kissed his cheek, promising to see him soon and to send him some of Cook's best comfort foods. Then his father gripped his shoulders, pulling him into a hug and telling him how proud he was of him. And then they left, and Alec was alone. He felt a twinge in his gut at the thought, then mentally slapped himself. He wasn't alone. He was in an eight-story building full of college guys. Hot college guys. Hot _athletic_ college guys. Surely at least _one_ of them would be gay, right? And even if there weren't any other gay guys in his dorm, at least he would have plenty of eye candy. Maybe it was time to do some mingling. He may not be outgoing around large groups of strangers, but he could hold his own in a small group, and he could _look_.

He tossed himself on the futon couch in the tiny living room. Austin was sitting in a mismatched armchair, his long, tanned leg thrown over the side and his arm dangling over the back. He looked comfortable…and kind of sexy. He lolled his head around to look at Alec. "So, Lightwood, what's your story?"

Alec raised an eyebrow. "My story?" Oh, hell, that could take awhile. He hadn't even decided how much of his story he would tell people at college. He was a fairly open person, and honest sometimes to a fault. If someone asked him straight up if he was gay, he would certainly tell them the truth. But he wasn't sure how much information he wanted to _offer_. Should he tell people his family is loaded, and though he is here occupying a scholarship, his parents had insisted on paying his tuition instead of taking the university's money? What to tell and what to keep to himself, that was the question.

"Yeah," Austin drawled. "You're living in the Athletes' Dorm. I assume you aren't here on a ping-pong scholarship."

Alec snorted. "No." He tilted his head in thought. "Do they have ping-pong scholarships here?"

"I don't think so," said Austin. He slid his leg over the side of the chair and sat up straighter, studying Alec. "So, what's your sport?"

Alec hesitated, but what was the point. He couldn't actually hide being a cheerleader, and he didn't really want to. He truly enjoyed it. Besides, he would likely be on TV during basketball and football games. And if they were good enough, he might even be on ESPN for the cheerleading competitions in the spring. "I'm on the cheer squad," he replied, hoping that sounded a little more masculine than 'cheerleader.'

Austin's eyebrows disappeared in his hairline, and he inclined his head in interest. "Never would have guessed that. You're built like a football player."

Alec gave him a skeptically look. "What. Not a lineman or anything. More like, I don't know, a running back or a wide receiver. You're obviously strong, broad shoulders." Austin shrugged, unfazed.

Alec chuckled. "You try holding a hundred pound girl over your head and see how big your upper body gets!"

"I never thought of that," Austin conceded. "So, how did you get involved in cheerleading?"

"Uh-uh. Question for question," Alec said, holding up a finger. "What sport are you in?"

"Swimming," Austin answered casually. "I'm gonna be the next Michael Phelps."

"Cool."

"Now, answer my question. Why cheerleading?"

Alec grimaced. He really didn't like answering this question, but everyone always wanted to know. Maybe that's why he didn't like the question, because everyone was always asking it. People rarely asked basketball or football players why they played their sport. They assumed they played because they liked it. Why did cheerleading have to be different?

"I played a variety of rec-league sports as a kid: basketball, baseball, soccer. But I always loved tumbling and doing flips and such. So my mom enrolled me in gymnastics. I liked it a lot, but I didn't care much for some of the apparatuses." Alec shrugged. "Then I started high school, and my school didn't have a gymnastics program, but they did have a limited number of positions for male cheerleaders. I loved it. I got to do the parts of gymnastics that I loved, without the parts that I loathed."

"Plus you got to look up the cheerleaders skirts," Austin said with a knowing look. Alec looked away. "Oh, hell, don't tell me that's wasted on you." He groaned with disappointment.

Alec laughed. "What can I say? That does absolutely nothing for me." He liked Austin. He seemed easy-going, and not put off by the fact his roommate was gay. That was a relief.

"Unbelievable," Austin sighed, shaking his head. But he was grinning. "So, what do your parents think of having a gay son?"

Alec shrugged off the question. "They're really cool about it, actually. My sister, Izzy, and Jace have known since I hit puberty I think. They've always been great about it. They don't care at all. They kept my secret for many years.

"When I was fifteen, I met a guy. We liked each other a lot but he was so scared we would get caught. He didn't want anyone to know about us. Thought people would give us a hard time about it. We would frequently meet in an out-of-the-way bathroom at school that no one ever used, and would make out. It was fun because there was always the risk of getting caught. I cared about getting caught, but I didn't at the same time. In a lot of ways, I _wanted_ to get caught, wanted it out there so I could just deal with it. Does that make any sense?"

Austin nodded. "Yeah. No one wants to hide who they are and what they want."

Alec smiled. He definitely liked this guy, and had no trouble imaging them becoming good friends. "Anyway, one day we were leaving that bathroom, and walking to class. Our classes that period were right next to each other. We had been dating secretly for months, and for some unknown reason, I subconsciously grabbed his hand in the hallway and pulled him to me and kissed him, right there in the doorway to my classroom. We were already late for class and my teacher was standing at the door about to close it when it happened. Every single student in class was watching us. My boyfriend was utterly horrified. He broke up with me via text message and never spoke to me again."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. It sucked. When I got home, I told Jace and Izzy all about it. I hadn't gotten into trouble at school, not even for being late to class, but it was out there. Everyone knew or would know pretty quickly. I knew I had no choice but to tell my parents. So we sat in my room, me on my rolling desk chair, them perched on my bed, and discussed what I should say and do. I was terrified. I had no idea how my parents would react. Would they accept me? Kick me out? I was only fifteen, but still, my imagination was running wild."

Austin was perched on the edge of the chair now, raptly caught up in Alec's story. "When my dad got home from work, he and my mom knocked on my door. I think I jumped about a foot in surprise. I still hadn't figured out what to say. My dad demanded Izzy and Jace leave, and I could tell by the look on their faces that they were worried and didn't like the idea of leaving me to deal with this alone. But they left. You met my dad. He can be intimidating when he wants, especially if he doesn't get his way."

Austin nodded his understanding. Robert Lightwood was a very large, very muscular man. He had a short, crisp haircut that made one think of the military. Even though he had been a wonderful father to Alec, he could still be scary.

"So, my mom and dad sit down exactly where Jace and Izzy had been sitting. I take a deep breath and start to spill my guts, but my dad cuts me off. Apparently he had already gotten a call from a family friend at the school who was worried about how I would handle this news getting out. He wanted to give my dad a heads-up. So, my dad says, 'Alec don't bother. We've suspected you were gay since you were little. When you reached the stage where boys go crazy over girls, we noticed the way you looked at boys instead. We've always known, we just weren't sure you had come to terms with it yet, and wanted to give you the space to figure things out for yourself. Clearly you've done that. If there is anything we can do to make this easier for you, all you have to do is tell us what that is.'"

Austin sucked in a breath. He was very good at making the appropriate responses at just the right times.

"I was floored. I mean, they knew! They already knew! They had known for years and nothing had changed between us. They accepted me unconditionally. So, I said, 'You just did it, dad.' And they had. Their acceptance made everything easier. I knew I could face whatever the rest of the world threw at me, because my family had my back."

Austin let out a low whistle, and shook his head. "You're gorgeous, have a rocking body, and you're parents support you being gay. I'm pretty sure I hate you."

Alec grinned. "I'm one of the lucky ones," he agreed. "So, what about you? What's your story?"

Austin waved an impatient hand. "My story is boring. My mom raised me. Dad ran off before I was born, and I've never even met him. I started swimming and diving in the local public pool and got lucky enough to make the swim team in high school. My coach saw something special in me and got some colleges to scout me. That's how I ended up here with a scholarship. I'm a sophomore this year, and really want to make the Olympic team, but it's so competitive, and I don't have money to compete with some of the other kids." He shrugged as if resigned to his fate.

"Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones, too," said Alec. He checked his watch. "Listen, I have a squad meeting in twenty minutes. Meet and greet and all that. I gotta run."

"Yeah, I have swim practice, too. The pool is next door to the gym. I'll walk you over."

Alec was thankful for that offer. He had been on campus several times, but never to the dorms and he had no idea where the gym was in relation.

Twenty minutes later he was standing outside the closed gym doors, in a cool, dim hallway, waiting for basketball practice to end so they could use the space. Someone propped open the door, and the deep voice of the basketball coach filtered through the doors and into the hallway. A moment later, the team started filing out. A dozen guys jogged past the cheerleaders as they waited their turn. A few girls started into the gym and the rest of the squad followed. As Alec rounded the corner, he almost ran headlong into a heart-stoppingly gorgeous guy.

The guy was several inches taller than Alec's six-foot-two frame, but Alec judged that he was probably twenty-five to thirty pounds lighter than Alec. He was lean, with well-defined arm muscles. He was wearing a basketball practice jersey that hung loosely, but Alec still got the sense that underneath that jersey he would find a well-toned body. His skin was smooth and honey-colored, and currently glistening with a layer of sweat. He was obviously of some Asian descent, with his jet black hair and slightly slanted eyes, eyes that were piercing, and the most unique shade of green-gold, amber like a cat's. He moved with an easy grace that Alec could never pull off, casual, aloof, unconcerned, at ease in his own skin, like he knew everyone liked him and he was okay with that. It was a heady combination and Alec found himself wanted to lick the sweat right off his body.

He stared at the guy for several long moments, fantasizing about what he would do with this beautiful, exotic male specimen, before he was forced back to reality by the sound of his cheer coach blowing her whistle. With a last glance at the mystery man, he wrenched himself away and jogged over to the rest of the team.

Today was mostly about meeting each other, and getting partner assignments. They got their practice schedules, and an outline of expectations. The University of Kentucky's cheerleaders have won twenty of the last twenty-two National Championships, and this was the standard by which they, the Idris University cheerleaders, would be measured. Alec thought those were pretty lofty goals, but there was nothing wrong with trying to be the best. The coach was intense, and driven, and demanding. This should be an interesting year.

The meeting adjourned and everyone cleared out rapidly. Alec was about to leave, too, when a cute, perky blonde with stunningly green eyes approached him. "Alec Lightwood?" she said. "Hi, I'm Cammie Belcourt. You've been assigned as my partner, but I need to see what you can do before I agree to it."

She raised her eyebrows in challenge, her hand resting firmly on her hip. Alec wasn't exactly sure what she meant, so he hesitated. "My last partner graduated last year. He was great, and made me look good. I want to see what you can do," she persisted, and stretched her arm out toward the gym floor. Alec got the message, loud and clear.

He was glad he was wearing gym shorts and a tank top, items he could easily practice flips and tumbling in. He stretched his arms up and behind his head, swinging them to loosen his muscles. He stretched his back and leg muscles, then did a few experimental moves to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself when he put effort into it. Normally he would tape his wrists, but he wasn't planning to do much, so he didn't bother.

With a grin at Cammie, he took a deep breath and launched into a run. After a few steps, he did a cartwheel into a series of back handsprings interspersed with other random flips as he saw fit. He let his instincts take over. He landed perfectly about three-quarters of the way down the length of the basketball court. To his astonishment, Cammie actually applauded as he jogged back to where he was standing.

"That's really good!" she said in the most cheerleader voice ever. Her praise made him grin, much to his chagrin.

"Thanks."

"What's your longest time holding up a flyer?" she asked.

Now that he had impressed her, she seemed to be open to not only being his partner, but being friendly with him as well. That was a relief. It would really suck to be partnered with someone who disliked him and gave him a hard time. In fact, it would likely be impossible to do that. Cheerleading partners needed to have the utmost faith and trust in one another, or else someone could get seriously hurt.

"Minute forty-seven. One-handed," he answered. He remembered that day well. His partner in high school, Miranda Hinkley, had been a good friend of his throughout high school. They had practiced a lot of things that his coach never taught them, stuff they found on the internet, just to push their limits and see what they could do. He once held her balanced on one hand for one minute and forty-seven seconds, his personal best. His arm had felt like rubber afterward.

She whistled appreciatively. He smiled again. He wasn't sure why her approval meant something to him, but he couldn't deny that it did. He had a feeling this was going to be a good partnership. So far he was batting a thousand with the people he met since he arrived on campus, and was beginning to feel he had worried so much over nothing.

They were nearly to the gymnasium door when Cammie stopped him. "I…um…saw you looking at Magnus Bane earlier," she said awkwardly.

Alec gave her a puzzled look. "Who?"

"Magnus Bane. The totally hot basketball player you nearly flattened on you way into the gym. Ring any bells?"

"Oh. Yeah." He could feel the blush creeping into his face.

"You seemed interested," she pressed pointedly.

"Um…" He shifted uncomfortably. He had already spilled his guts to his roommate today, and now this. What's worse is she noticed him checking this Magnus Bane guy out. How many others noticed, too? He suddenly had a sinking feeling, which evidently showed on his face.

Cammie waved a dismissive hand. "I'm not saying this to make you uncomfortable. And I don't care that you are gay. In fact, I'm kind of glad you are." He gave her a skeptical look that made her laugh. "I don't have to worry about your intentions," she added and punched him lightly on the arm. He laughed in response. "Anyway, I just wanted to warn you about Magnus. He's a strange guy. And he's very straight."

"Oh," Alec said, with crushing disappointment. That guy was hot as fuck! Of course, he would be straight. That was Alec's luck. Damn it all to Hell and back! "What do you mean he's strange?" he replied, holding in all of the things he wanted to say instead.

"He's...aloof, very confident, but closed off. Basketball is the most important thing to him, and you will rarely see him without one in his hand. He's a natural leader and his teammates follow him around like lost puppies, but he doesn't let anyone get too close, not even the girls he dates. And you will never see him with the same girl more than a few weeks, maybe a couple of parties."

"So, he's a player."

Cammie shook her head. "I don't think it's that. I think he just doesn't let anyone in. You know what I mean?"

Alec nodded. "Yeah."

He opened the door for Cammie and she pranced through. Then a thought occurred to him. "You seem to know a lot about him. Have _you_ been with him?" he asked curiously.

The clunk of the heavy door resounded behind them as she hesitated with her answer. Finally, she nodded. "Yeah. He's spectacular. Best orgasm of my life."

Alec groaned. Of course he was great in bed. Fuck it all.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec found acclimating to college life much easier than he had thought it would be. He quickly fell into a routine of going to class, studying, cheer practice, more studying, sleep, even more studying. He found having a routine comforting. It helped that he still kept in close contact with his family as well. They were his foundation, and helped keep him grounded whenever he felt overwhelmed.

He texted Jace almost daily, and sometimes Isabelle, too. Every weekend he called home and talked to each member of his family. He bragged about college life with Jace and Izzy, then talked about comic books with Max. When his mom got on the phone, he thanked her for the latest care package she had sent him. These usually consisted of some of his favorite comfort foods, and a vast array of cookies, his addiction. Once, his mom asked if he had any special cookie requests, and he and Austin simultaneously said, "Snickerdoodles!" into the phone. Austin was definitely benefiting from the care packages, too. Finally, his dad took the phone and chatted for a bit about how everything was going. His dad's strong presence, even just over the phone, always put him at ease.

But the thing that made campus life the most enjoyable was his new friendships, his roommate, Austin, and his cheer partner, Cammie. He became fast friends with both, falling into an easy camaraderie. Both were easy to talk to and fun to be around. Having upperclassman as friends was helpful since they had already been through at least one year of school, Austin being a sophomore and Cammie a junior, and knew how to navigate campus life, knew the right places to go and people to hang out with, and the ones to avoid at all costs.

Unfortunately, Alec didn't always heed their warnings. He couldn't help that he was drawn to Magnus Bane like a moth to a flame. He was intrigued by this guy, by his sexy, care-free demeanor, his larger-than-life personality. He was king of the basketball court at Idris, and with good reason.

Alec thought it may not be so bad if he could distance himself from Magnus, but that wasn't possible. Cheer practices were always scheduled before or after basketball practice, and always in the same gym. They ran into each other almost daily. There was nothing he could do about it, other than show up late for practice, which would only get his ass in trouble with his coach, and no man was worth that!

Every Saturday was booked for Alec and Cammie, owing to the college football schedule. They were expected to entertain the crowd at each game, and this schedule would soon be more than doubled when basketball season started. More often than not, he ended up taking his books to practice with him so he could get some uninterrupted studying in before the rest of the squad arrived.

This sounded great in theory, but when the basketball team was practicing, it just wasn't happening. Try as he may to tear his eyes away from the court, he found it nearly impossible when Magnus Bane was out there…which was pretty much all the time.

Cammie had not been exaggerating about his abilities on the court. He was awesome. As the point guard of the team, he was clearly the leader. He set up plays, passing the ball with precision to his teammates. And he was one hell of a shooter. Alec was impressed, and struggled to focus on his studies. He could watch Magnus ball all day long.

One day in late August, Magnus began staying after basketball practice to do individual workouts in the gym…during cheerleading practice! Alec couldn't believe his luck. As if the illustrious Magnus Bane didn't occupy his thoughts often enough, now he had the distraction of him hanging around during practice. He stayed out of the cheerleaders' way, occupying a small area of the court where he could practice free throws or his jump shot or sprints, but his physical presence was distracting for Alec nonetheless.

Alec did his best to ignore Magnus. Fortunately, when he was practicing with Cammie, his full and undivided attention was required. He would not let anything happen to her, and definitely not because of him. After a bit, he was able to concentrate fully on practice, and drown out the sound of the basketball dribbling on the hard surface of the court.

Today, they were practicing something Alec had never done before. His high school coach had not been very adventurous, even though they had a good team with kids that wanted to do more than what she allowed. Coach Reiners, his Idris coach, was not one to hold back. She planned to push them to their limits and see what she could make of them.

The plan was to get the flyers up in the air via a 360 degree spin, landing firmly on their bases hands. Alec was used to just tossing his partner into the air and catching her. That he could do. That he understood. This? Well, he wasn't so sure about it. This took a completely different skill set. And he was one of only six freshman on the squad. Which meant that everyone else knew how to do this and would be watching the six newbies and their partners, critiquing them. Oh, hell. He completely forgot all about Magnus Bane.

He was thankful that he already had a trusting relationship with Cammie. And that in their partnership, the base was the freshman. He saw the terrified looks on the faces of Bryanna, Emily, Payton, and Ashley, the freshman girls, and knew he had it much better than they did. He simply had to spin Cammie and hope he didn't throw her too far to catch. No problem, right? So why was there a huge knot in his stomach?

They practiced the stunt in stages. Cammie was great, helping to settle his nerves. She showed him exactly what he needed to do, where he needed to place his hands, where she would land so he felt more confident in the stunt. His first attempt wasn't pretty, with Cammie wobbling and toppling into his arms after only a few seconds. He was honestly just thankful he managed to catch her at all!

Thirty minutes later, they were completing the stunt with fewer mistakes and much more gracefully. His squad mates were not doing nearly as well as he and Cammie. His coach gave them a break and Alec led Cammie to the edge of the group of cheerleaders, near a guy named Brandon who was the school mascot, the Bobcat.

They flopped onto the floor next to Brandon, whose face lit up. He was on the small side with unruly brown hair, and was probably the funniest guy Alec had ever known. He was easygoing, never taking anything seriously, and always trying to make people laugh. Perfect qualities for a school mascot. He performed his duties well. Everyone loved the mascot.

"You guys looked great out there!" Brandon said once they were seated.

Cammie patted his leg appreciatively, then turned to Alec. "He's right, you know. It took me forever to get it right with my first partner. We rocked it!"

Alec grinned. He was pleased by Cammie's and Brandon's assessments. He was encouraged to get out there and try it again, even though Coach had told them to take a seat. The three of them chatted for another fifteen minutes or so before Coach decided to do individual workouts.

They broke into several small groups. Some were to practice tumbling, some single lifts, some group lifts. Alec and Cammie were put into the tumbling group first. They were given a series of flips to do, in order. Alec watched Cammie's tiny body flip down the court, landing perfectly, and grinning. He clapped for her as she trotted back to him. Then it was his turn.

He ran through the required routine repeatedly in his head several more times, then started his routine. When he landed on the other side of the court, he realized he had missed a back tuck. Piss. He had to do it again. He backed up to the opposite end of the court, and performed the flips until he was back beside Cammie. At least he got it right this time.

Cammie laughed at his mistake and gave him a playful shove. He spun around to catch his balance. She may be small, but she was a tough little thing. As he turned back, he caught sight of a dark shape from the corner of his eye. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and his head whipped back around, almost involuntarily. Magnus was standing lazily in the corner, the basketball pinned between his arm and his side, watching the cheerleaders. No, that wasn't true. His gaze was specifically trained on Alec and Cammie. And as soon as Alec's eyes found Magnus's, Magnus turned away and walked right out of the gym.

What was that all about? Had he pissed Magnus off by his interactions with Cammie? According to her, he wasn't one to get attached to the girls he had slept with, so surely he wasn't angry that Cammie was talking to him. A thought entered his mind, maybe Magnus was jealous, and he had to stifle a laugh. Nothing that he knew about Magnus gave him reason to suspect the man even knew what jealousy was. That was not an emotion Alec could willing associate with Magnus Bane.

He shrugged and turned back to his squad. He and Cammie were now practicing lifts with another guy, Chris. They lifted her in the air and she balanced one foot on each of their hands. Then, they tossed her high and locked hands to catch her. It was a simple stunt that he had done millions of times in high school, but had to practice with these new people so they had their timing correct. Check. Move on.

At last, he practiced lifting Cammie solo again. He was getting the timing down on the 360 move pretty quickly and decided to see how long he could hold her up. His record was a minute and forty-seven seconds. He wanted very much to beat that record, and for some reason, it meant something to beat the record with Cammie.

He got Brandon to time them, but after two hours of practicing and holding her above his head so many times already, he couldn't last longer than a minute thirty-eight. He made an exasperated sound, but Cammie was encouraged.

"We'll get there," she said cheerfully.

He resolved then and there to hit the weight room. He needed to do some more conditioning if he was going to have the stamina to do the things he wanted to do.

When practice ended, he walked Cammie to the girls' dorms, which were directly across the street from the guys' dorms. It was basically a huge athletic dorm complex, but it still seemed odd to him that the men's and women's dorms would be so close. He shrugged. They were adults, and having the girls so close didn't do much for him other than he didn't have to walk as far once he saw his partner home safely. He could get in much more mischief in his own dorm.

"Did you see Magnus Bane leave the gym tonight?" he asked Cammie casually, or at least, he hoped he sounded casual.

Cammie glanced sideways at him. "Yeah, I did."

"Did he seem…weird to you?" Again, he tried to sound as if the question was offhand, nothing of real importance. Not like a guy asking about the guy that was in his dreams more often than not.

Cammie laughed. "I told you, Alec. He _is_ weird."

Alec shook his head. "No, it was more than that. I mean, I think he was watching us." That wasn't entirely true. Alec didn't _think_ Magnus had been watching them, he _knew_ it. But he didn't know how Cammie would react to that, and didn't want to freak her out.

Cammie didn't seem at all disturbed by this news. "If he was watching the cheerleaders, he was probably just trying to figure out who he wants to sleep with next." She gave a little nonchalant wave of her hand.

The streetlights lining the sidewalk intermittently cast them into brightness, then darkness, as they continued their walk to Cammie's dorm. Alec mulled over her words, but he just couldn't reconcile the look he had seen on Magnus's face with him trying to find his next girl. He didn't know Magnus at all, but that was in no way how he would interpret that look.

"I don't think that's it, Cam," he said. "Besides, he wasn't watching the cheerleaders, he was watching _us_. You and me."

Cammie tilted her head to the side thoughtfully for a moment, then finally shrugged. "I have no idea what that's about then."

"Do you think he could be…jealous?" Alec felt stupid asking the question, almost like he was prying. But, if he were honest, he was very curious about all things Magnus Bane.

Cammie giggled. "Magnus? Jealous?" Her giggles slid into full out laughter. Alec felt the heat in his ears and on his cheeks. Why had he asked that question? He already knew Magnus wasn't the type to get jealous, that he wasn't _invested_ enough to get jealous. He laughed, a little too loudly, in an effort to cover his embarrassment.

When the laughter finally died down, Cammie said, "Look, Alec, Magnus Bane is not jealous over me. That I can promise. We had a one-night stand our freshman year. I doubt he even remembers it. Trust me, we never cared about each other, it was just a fling."

"Maybe he wants it to be more," Alec offered as an explanation. It made sense. Magnus was straight, so the only options for him to be staring Alec and Cammie down were 1) he wanted to hook up with her again, or 2) he wanted to make sure Alec _wasn't_ hooking up with her…which was still sort of a version of 1.

"You've lost your mind, Lightwood," Cammie said with a laugh. "Perhaps you've had too many Snickerdoodles from home!" She pulled up short as they finally reached her dormitory. "Take my advise, forget about Magnus Bane. Trying to figure him out will only drive you crazy."

She said goodnight, waved, and disappeared into the mirror image of Alec's dorm. Alec shrugged, thinking Cammie was likely right. She certainly knew more about the habits of Magnus Bane than he did. Perhaps he had interpreted what he saw wrong. Maybe there was nothing to it at all and Magnus was simply finishing his workout and leaving.

He crossed the street to his own dormitory, let himself in and was immediately assaulted by noise. The common room was hopping tonight, as it always was the night before a football game. The football players liked to blow off steam by getting loud. Tonight, heavy metal music blared from a stereo, and a large group of guys were playing air guitar and air drums. Others were pushing tables out of the way and creating a mosh pit in the middle of the common room. One guy jumped onto a table, screeching out the words to the song and jamming on his air guitar.

Alec chuckled at the sight of the team cutting loose and having fun. He had no idea how football players at other schools behaved, but these guys were nothing like he had expected them to be. He had assumed they would be stupid, meat-head kind of guys that kept to their own. But not these guys. They knew how to enjoy themselves and liked to get the other guys involved. He wasn't really friends with any of them, but he wasn't enemies either. They were just guys.

His eyes fell on Austin and his group of swim team buddies sitting at a table against the wall. He made his way over and sank into an empty chair next to his roommate. "Metallica tonight. Excellent choice," he said as he greeted Austin, Tony, Ziggy (he had no idea what his real name was), and Flip (who was really Phillip, but got his nickname from diving), before turning back to watch the show.

He often wondered if the football players didn't take themselves too seriously here because they weren't planning to get drafted by the NFL. Idris was not the hotspot for NFL hopefuls, not the best of the best or the cream of the crop. They had talent, sure, and won a fair number of their games, but they weren't the type of guys that were heavily recruited by the big-time football schools, like Alabama, Auburn, Ohio State. They were not in the same league as those guys, literally and figuratively. They played lesser competition in their conference league, and most of those guys actually paid attention to their academics.

Alec was thrown from his thoughts by a sultry voice. His head snapped around to see Magnus Bane standing in the doorway saying, "Started the party without me, huh?"

He looked gorgeous, with tight black skinny jeans and a loose-fitting pale blue t-shirt that showed off the muscles in his arms. Alec saw the bottom of a tattoo peaking out from the hem of his right shirt sleeve. He wondered what the rest of the tattoo looked like, or if Magnus had any others, or what he looked like without that shirt on…and maybe without the pants, too.

He shook his head to clear these thoughts, barely, and it was then that he noticed a petite girl sliding off Magnus's back. He had evidently been piggy-backing the girl, and Alec didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about how beautiful the girl was either, with her long black hair and brilliant blue eyes that he could see even from this distance. He also didn't want to think about the fact that Magnus was technically not supposed to bring girls into the men's dormitory. Unfortunately, for Alec at least, the same bored guy who had admitted him on his first day was on duty tonight, and he didn't care what anyone else did, as long as order was restored before the end of his shift so he didn't get into trouble.

Magnus's face split into a broad grin and he adopted the air guitar stance as well, strumming the air in time with the music. He took off running, dropped to his knees and slid across the floor, like so many rockstars before him. His body gyrated in that position to the music, and all the other guys who had been playing along dropped to their knees as well. Magnus really was a leader, even without trying to be.

When the song ended, Magnus rose to his feet and strode back to his girl. He picked her up and spun her around, both grinning and laughing. He turned back to the crowd and said, "See you losers later," then grinned and waved. He sat the girl down, and slid his hand into her back pocket, cupping her ass, as he backed her toward the elevator. He punched the button, then tucked his other hand in her empty back pocket and pulled her body close to his. As the elevator doors closed, she went up on her tiptoes and he leaned down and the whole room caught a glimpse of their heated kiss.

The room erupted in cheers for Magnus. Alec caught snippets of words like, "Lucky bastard," and "Wish I was Magnus!" Alec sighed, and for some reason unknown to him, looked at Austin, who was giving him a sympathetic look. Alec shrugged. There was nothing he could do. He knew Magnus was straight, but he couldn't seem to quell the crush he had on him. He wondered idly if his 'gay-dar' was broken. How could he let himself get hung up on a guy that was straight? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He leaned over to Austin. "I'm gonna hit the weight room. I need to blow off some steam, too, and this just isn't doing it for me." Austin nodded over the ruckus that had resumed once Magnus and his girl-of-the-night disappeared into the elevator. Fortunately, Alec was still wearing his shorts and tank top from cheer practice, perfect attire for a good workout, so he took off out the door and into the slightly quieter evening. It was never quiet in Brooklyn.

The athletes' weight room was just a block away from the dormitories, so Alec jogged there in no time. He slid his student ID into the reader and the door sprang open. A quick survey told him he had the gym to himself, thankfully. He wasn't in the mood to deal with other people right now, not when he couldn't get the image of Magnus and that girl out of his head.

He turned on a treadmill and started warming up. After forty minutes, he had a good sweat going and was beginning to feel more human. He left the treadmill behind and went to the weights. He could bench press three-hundred and fifty pounds, but he didn't like to do that alone, just in case something went wrong. He stacked some weights on one of the machines and started working his upper body. He loved the burn of his muscles as he put them through their paces. That was something he could focus on, something that could, at least temporarily, remove the images of Magnus's hands on that pretty girl's ass.

It didn't take him long to realize that he really just needed to hit something. He put the weights away and found a pair of boxing gloves. In the corner hung a large red punching bag, perfect for his current needs. Sweat ran down his back as he punched the bag, each jab harder than the previous. He felt better, like he was expelling demons from within.

He checked the clock. It was nearly midnight. Though he didn't have curfew and would certainly not get in trouble for working out, two hours of sweating stress relief was plenty. He did a short cool down, lowering his heart rate. Then he made sure everything was tidy, grabbed a towel and threw it around his neck, and opened the door to the weight room.

The night air was cooler than when he first arrived at the gym and he stood in the doorway for a few moments letting the gentle breeze cool his heated skin. He took a deep breath and rounded the corner…and walked squarely into Magnus Bane and his perky little black-haired beauty. He looked so hot with sex hair, and Alec so wanted to be the one to make him look like that. His heart skipped and he closed his eyes, willing himself to remain calm.

But seriously? _'Of all the gin joints in all the world?' _

He muttered a hasty 'sorry' and skirted past them, not waiting to hear their reply. He heard the patter of their feet as they continued down the sidewalk. He raised his head to the heavens and thought, _What the hell did I do to you?_ Then, he pressed his forehead against the rough exterior of the weight room and lightly pounded the padded side of his fist against the wall, muttering '_why, why, why_' with each thump.

He shook his head and chuckled at himself. What a predicament he was in. He caught movement from the corner of his eye, and reluctantly turned his head in the direction Magnus had gone, and his heart nearly stopped. Magnus was looking back at him over his shoulder while he walked hand-in-hand with the girl.

_Shit, did he see me pounding on the wall like a little kid?_ he thought, and his heart sank. Of course he saw that. He knew he did. He watched Magnus's retreating figure with some trepidation.

And then he wondered why he felt like this. What did it matter what a hotshot basketball player thought of him? He had no shot with this guy. Surely the beautiful girl hanging all over him was proof of that. Right?

But then, why had he looked back? Why was Magnus watching him? Another thought struck him, out of nowhere. Had Magnus been watching _him_ at cheer practice, instead of Cammie? If so, why?

Alec shook his head again and jogged back to his dorm. He needed some perspective. But first, he needed a shower, and some sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec slept fitfully, tossing and turning as his mind kept summoning images of Magnus with his black-haired beauty. Then the image morphed into Magnus and him. He was being piggy-backed on Magnus's back, which was ridiculous. He was so much heavier than Magnus, he would probably break him if he tried it! Then Magnus's hands were in _his _back pockets, pulling _him _close, and kissing _him_.

His alarm went off and he dragged his ass out of bed and into the tiny dormitory kitchen.

"Coffee," he moaned as Austin poured a cup of the strong brew. He passed the cup to Alec with a crooked smile. Alec moaned again as the hot liquid hit his lips, as if the coffee were better than sex or something.

"Rough night?" Austin said cheerfully. Alec nodded and took another sip of his coffee. "I think you need to get laid," Austin announced and Alec spit his coffee across the countertop. Austin laughed at the incredulous look on his face as he grabbed a dish cloth and began wiping up the spill.

"Do you?" Alec said, raising an eyebrow at his roommate.

Austin nodded, unfazed. "Yep. That's how you get over someone, don't you know?"

"By hopping into bed with someone else?" Alec said with a laugh.

"Yeah. Works like a charm."

Alec shook his head. "I'll pass."

Austin pointed his index finger at him as he backed away toward the bathroom. "Mark my words. You'll wish you had listened to my advice."

Alec shook his head and chuckled. Meaningless sex had never been his thing. He had always preferred being in a relationship with someone, caring about someone, before he took that step. Perhaps that was part of the reason Magnus had him so flustered. Sure, he was attracted to lots of guys, and had pictured himself doing all sorts of dirty things with those sexy men. But he had never actually done any of those things, except with someone he was in a relationship with. Now, though, he found himself wondering if he would take a one-night stand with Magnus, just to have him for a little while.

Alec sighed. That kind of thinking would get him nowhere quick. He really needed to put Magnus Bane out of his mind. Straight guys don't sleep with other guys. Period.

Austin emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a pair of shorts with a towel draped over his shoulders and his hair still damp from his shower.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Alec said, though he wasn't sure if he was being truthful. He did at least feel more awake.

"Good. I need to ask you something." Austin suddenly looked more serious, which was an odd expression on his happy-go-lucky face.

"Shoot," Alec replied, dropping onto the couch with a second cup of coffee.

Austin flopped into the armchair next to him and locked eyes with him. "I was wondering if you would introduce me to your partner."

Whatever Alec had been expecting, it wasn't that. He raised an eyebrow at his roommate. "Cammie?"

"Yeah. She's so hot."

"You want me to hook you up with Cammie," he said for clarification, and Austin nodded emphatically.

Alec wasn't sure how he felt about this. On one hand, he liked Austin a lot. He was a good friend, and someone he trusted, contrary to his first impression when Austin was pouring on the charm with his mother and sister. He had come to learn that Austin was a great guy, and respectful to women. Part of him thought he and Cammie would make a great couple.

On the other hand, Cammie was his cheer partner and also a very good friend. She trusted him completely, and he was as protective of her as he was his own sister. In fact, she was like a sister to him now. What if it didn't work out between them? Would he and Cammie still be able to be partners without it getting weird? He'd only known both of them for a month, and though he liked and trusted them, he didn't know if getting involved like this was a good idea.

"Come on, Alec," Austin pleaded. "Just one date. I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman."

"Okay," Alec finally conceded, and Austin punched the air in triumph. Alec held up a hand to stop the celebration. "I'll mention it to Cam. If she's interested, I'll introduce you, but I'm going to be there in case she feels uncomfortable."

He got up and started toward his bedroom to get ready for the game. Austin followed, grinning stupidly.

"That's cool. Thanks, man!"

Alec took comfort in seeing how excited Austin was, and how willing he was to go by Alec's terms. But he wanted to make damn sure his friend understood the stakes. He whipped around and Austin nearly collided with him. Austin was a couple inches taller than Alec. He was slender with taut muscles, but not near as big as Alec. He took a step closer, effectively getting in his friend's face.

"Let's get one thing straight right now. If you do anything to hurt her, I'll break your face." He said this with deadly calm, and he could see in Austin's green eyes that he believed him. His easy-going demeanor faltered.

"Relax, man. I don't have any intention of hurting her. I like her. I swear."

Alec narrowed his eyes. "How can you like her if you've never met her?"

Austin's easy grin spread across his face again. "Because of you. You talk about her all the time. I feel like I already know her, because of you."

Alec relaxed. "You really like her?" Austin nodded. "Okay. I guess I was just worried because of your comment that I needed to get laid. I thought maybe that was your intentions, too."

Austin laughed. "Naw, man. I said _you_ need to get laid, get rid of some of that pent up energy. It's not good for your soul. _I _just want to meet this beautiful girl you like so much and see where it goes. I have no intentions, good or bad."

Alec finally smiled. "Okay. I'll mention it to her at the game today. If she's cool with meeting you, we can make plans for you to come to practice and meet her. Maybe we'll get something to eat afterward or something."

Austin chucked his chin. "You're the best!"

* * *

A few hours later, he was dressed in his cheer uniform, which consisted of long green pants and a short-sleeved green and white top with a large IU in white across the chest. Cammie was beside him in her matching uniform, except she had a short green skirt instead of pants, and was carrying a green and a white pompom. Her hair was neatly tied back in a ponytail with green and white bows. She really did look cute in her uniform.

It was a warm sunny Saturday, the kind that made you feel sorry for the football players that had to wear all those pads. They had to be sweltering under all that gear. Hell, Alec was pretty warm in his long pants. A few beads of sweat rolled down his back as he tossed Cammie in the air, and held her above his head.

They had a few minutes break and Alec took the opportunity to mention Austin's request. "So," he said casually, "my roommate wants to meet you."

"Oh?" Cammie glanced sideways at him.

"Yeah. He seems interested in you."

Her lip twitched as if she were suppressing a grin. "Does your roommate need you to speak for him?"

Alec's head snapped in her direction. "What? No! No, he just mentioned that he was interested in meeting you, maybe going out on a date. I told him I would handle it."

Her lip inched a little higher at that. "And why do you need to handle it?"

Alec was flustered. He hadn't anticipated this being an issue. He thought he would just mention Austin and Cammie would say whether or not she was interested and go from there. He didn't want her to think he was trying to control her life, even though that was kind of what he was doing. At least in this situation. Would she be angry that he was being so protective of her?

"I-I…uh…" he spluttered and Cammie giggled.

"Relax, I'm just playing with you. Say what you want to say."

Alec sighed with relief. "My roommate, Austin, is interested in meeting you. He says I talk about you all the time and he wants to get to know you…if you are interested."

Cammie grinned. "You talk about me all the time?"

"Well, yeah. You and Austin are my closest friends here. I talk about you both a lot."

"I know," she said. "And yes, I am interested in meeting Austin. The way you talk about him makes him sound like a great guy."

"He is," Alec agreed. "But you don't have to do this unless you want to. I don't want to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable. And I certainly don't want you two to hate each other."

Cammie put her hand on her hip impatiently. "Just set up the meeting and let me worry about the rest."

Alec laughed. "Okay. How does dinner after practice on Monday sound?"

"Sounds perfect."

* * *

Alec was rattled. Magnus had stayed throughout their entire practice Monday night, and Alec caught him watching on several occasions. Every time he glanced Magnus's way, Magnus looked away immediately, as if pretending he had not been watching them. And every time, Alec was thrown into the past, remembering how Magnus had watched him on Friday night.

He couldn't figure this guy out. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that he had never actually spoken to him. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he continually caught Magnus staring at him. What would make a straight guy stare at another guy like that?

He was starting to wonder if Cammie's assessment was wrong. Was Magnus actually straight? He knew that many guys pretended to be straight when they didn't want to admit they were gay, or hadn't come to terms with their sexuality yet. Some even married women and had children. Cammie had been so certain that Magnus was straight, but how well did she actually know him? They had only had a brief fling two years ago, after all.

Alec shook his head. That kind of thinking could only lead to more problems for him down the road. He needed to _quit_ thinking about Magnus, not find new reasons to want to kiss those beautiful, full lips. _Damn it!_

"Earth to Alec." Cammie waved her hand in front of Alec's face, trying to get his attention. He spluttered to life and realized she was looking at him with a telling expression, like she knew where his thoughts had just been.

"Hey," he said sheepishly. He knew he was busted. Why pretend like he wasn't?

"Will you be joining Austin and me for dinner or will you be staring down Magnus Bane all night?" she said flippantly as she gathered her cheerleading equipment and tossed her duffle bag over her shoulder.

"Sorry." Alec slid Cammie's bag back off her shoulder and slung it over his own. He was nothing if not a gentleman.

"Don't worry about it," Cammie said. "Honestly, Alec, you don't have to come with us if you don't want. I'm perfectly capable of meeting Austin on my own."

"I know you are, but I'm your escape plan in case you don't like him," Alec said with a grin.

"Why wouldn't I like him?" she replied. "Did you set me up with a dim-witted troll?"

Alec chuckled and held the door open for her. He cast one last look at where Magnus had been throughout practice, but the gym was empty now, much to his disappointment. "Naw, but I think we are about to find out how similar our taste in men is," he said as she slid past him into the hallway. She looked up at him quizzically. "I think he's hot. Can't wait to see what you think."

She giggled and looped her arm through his as they started up the sidewalk. They had arranged to meet Austin in a small casual restaurant at the edge of campus. It was a short walk from the dorms, and a restaurant that was frequented by the athletes, not just for close proximity, but because they had the best burgers and cheese fries in the state.

Austin was already seated at a booth in the corner when they arrived. When he spotted them, he slid out of his seat to greet them. His face light up at the sight of Cammie and Alec was surprised to see how excited she looked as well. Did he really talk about them enough that they felt like they already knew each other? Or was it just the idea of meeting someone new that made them look that way? Alec supposed he had already taken some of the guesswork out of it by being the middle-man. Unlike with him and Magnus, Austin and Cammie already knew the other was interested. He would give just about anything right now for someone to tell him that Magnus wanted to meet him.

True to Austin's southern upbringing, he held out his hand for Cammie and kissed her knuckles, just as he had with Alec's mom and sister. She blushed and grinned at him. Then he slid back into his seat, leaving the one across the table open. Cammie slid into the booth seat first and Alec after, trapping her against the wall. Well, not really. If she wasn't having a good time, Alec was more than willing to let her out and walk her home. He was still a little apprehensive about this 'date.'

He needn't have worried. Austin was his usual, easy-going self, talking in that mild manner he was famous for about his family, his studies, his dreams of Olympic glory. Cammie talked about her frequent trips to visit her dad's family in France and her dreams of being a psychologist. They laughed and talked and ate, and when Alec saw Austin reach across the table and take Cammie's hand, and Cammie didn't pull away, he decided it was time for him to go. They seemed to have this under control.

He said goodnight, paid his bill, and headed out into the cool night air. He had always liked September, when the weather started cooling down from the intense August heat. It was still quite warm during the day, but when the sun went down, he was comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt. As the month wore on, he would need long pants and a hoodie, but right now, the weather was perfect. A great night for a walk.

He started toward the buildings that housed the gym and the swimming pool, past the tennis courts and the track. He passed many of the guys from his dorm, most he knew from sight but not by name. He made the loop around the football stadium and cut through campus.

There were numerous, quite amorous, couples sitting on benches or stretched out on blankets beneath the tall oak trees that littered the campus. Not all of the couples were heterosexual either. One of the things he had always liked about living in New York City was the openness of the gay community. Same-sex couples were usually not bothered for holding hands or being affectionate as they walked down the streets of New York, and that seemed to spill over into campus life. Oh, he was not delusional that there were people out there who disapproved of his lifestyle, even in New York, but he knew there were others who had it far worse than any bigotry he had ever encountered.

Seeing these couples now gave him a twinge of jealousy. He had not been in a relationship for about a year, and he was beginning to feel the loneliness. He wasn't one who needed a man to complete him or anything. He didn't _need_ a man at all, but he wanted one. One in particular, in fact.

He rounded the corner of the weight room near his dormitory, and heard the jangle of a basketball rim and the thud of a ball bouncing off the ground. The sound of shoes hitting pavement and shouts reached him next. He turned his head and found the source of the noise: an outdoor basketball court. On the court were half a dozen guys in shorts, but only half were wearing shirts. Apparently they were split into teams: shirts versus skins.

But Alec's eyes ignored the other five guys on the court, focusing instead on the dark hair and tanned skin of Magnus Bane. He was on the 'skins' team, and was wearing nothing but his long basketball shorts, socks and shoes. He was dribbling the ball, probing the defense to see if his man could keep up with him. He couldn't. Magnus was fast, and after a couple of jabs, he kicked it into another gear and swept past his defender, creating a wide open lane to the rim. He leapt into the air and slammed the ball through the rim, the sound of the metal resounding as he landed on the ground.

"Damn, Magnus. We're just playing around. You don't have to make us look bad," said the guy who had been defending Magnus.

Magnus smirked. "I've been telling you since last year to learn to move your feet better, Tyler," he said as he retrieved the ball. He stood with the ball resting between his arm and his hip as he grinned crookedly at the guy named Tyler.

"You sound like Coach," Tyler said, shuffling his feet. Tyler was a couple inches taller than Magnus, probably six foot eight or nine, if Alec were guessing.

Alec stayed in the shadows of the building and watched the pick-up game progress. Magnus was really talented. Not that his teammates weren't, they just weren't in the same league as Magnus. He was faster, more agile, and had a beautiful jump shot. Alec couldn't help wondering why he was at Idris U. Surely he had been recruited by some of the big name basketball schools around the country.

Alec heard the new voices before their owners came into view. Five girls from the women's basketball team were lined up at the edge of the court, hands on their hips in challenge, smirking at the men.

"You boys up for a game?" challenged a tall, blonde girl with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Magnus grinned and stalked over to stand in front of her. He was about six inches taller than her, and looked down at her with an amused expression. "Any time," he said pleasantly.

She swatted at the ball and knocked it loose from his arms. One of her friends tracked it down as all the girls laughed.

Magnus tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "Lets do this."

They quickly split into teams, three guys and two girls each, mostly because the guys' height advantage would be unfair to the much shorter girls. The fifth girl withdrew a whistle from her pocket and took up position as a referee.

If the guys thought the girls needed their help, they were instantly put in their places. A girl from each team scored the first five baskets, and laughed heartily at the boys. The teams were fairly evenly matched, though Magnus was by far the best player on the court. The girls were quick and able to duck under the taller guys' arms and shoot lay-up after lay-up. Magnus evidently thought this was hilarious and teased his teammates relentlessly.

Tyler, the tallest one on the court, finally got fed up with the teasing and the girls getting the better of him. When one of the girls went for another lay-up, he blocked the shot, sending the ball hurtling into the shadows…right at Alec. He caught the ball as the girl jogged over to him, and he passed the ball back to her.

She looked at him in surprise. Apparently no one had noticed him watching them. She looked back over her shoulders and called, "Hey, guys, we have an audience!"

Alec stepped into the light as Magnus turned his head in their direction. He took a few steps closer. "No," he said, "we have a cheerleader."

Alec ran his hand nervously through his hair. He had never actually spoken to Magnus, unless you count the 'sorry' he had thrown at him when he nearly knocked him down on the sidewalk. He didn't know how any of them would react to him watching them from the shadow of the building.

The girl who retrieved the ball turned back to him, her eyebrow cocked. "Cheerleader, huh?"

He heard another girl call out, "That's one hot cheerleader!" He had no idea who said it, and it didn't matter. He felt the blush creep up his neck and into his face.

Another girl's voice said, "He can cheer for me anytime."

Oh, hell. All the girls laughed at this statement. The girl in front of him grinned and stuck out her hand. "I'm Katie. Why don't you join us?"

"Yeah, cutie, we can use a guy like you around!" called one of the other girls. Damn but these girls were brazen. Alec was beginning to feel like a piece of meat on display. He did not miss the irony that he could probably have any girl on the court right now, and the one person he did want was straight.

Katie looped her arm in his and dragged him onto the court. "We definitely need your help. Janelle, our ref, cheats. You can't trust her." She shot a wicked grin at Janelle, who blew her whistle and stuck her tongue out at Katie.

He was quickly introduced to the other players on the court, smiling and shaking hands with each one. "Alec Lightwood," he said by way of greeting. The next thing he knew he was standing face to face with Magnus, who lazily extended his hand to shake Alec's. Alec bit his lip as his hand slid around Magnus's, and he felt a jolt of energy, almost like an electrical shock. Their eyes met, and held. He was powerless to pull away from the man, like he was rooted to the spot and nothing could move him. The moment was brief, probably not even long enough for anyone else to notice, but something passed between them in that instant. Alec couldn't name what it was, he had no idea, and before he had a chance to try to comprehend it, Magnus was turning away from him, an easy, relaxed smile on his face, almost as if nothing at all had happened. Alec couldn't have been the only one that felt it, whatever it was.

Janelle blew her whistle again, and tossed him a second one. He caught the whistle and draped it around his neck. The game resumed and Alec found himself having a great time hanging out with the basketball players. The girls gave the guys a hard time every chance they got and Alec laughed so hard his face hurt.

When the game finally ended, Katie and the other girls started quizzing him on cheerleading. They were easy to talk to, and didn't look at him like a weirdo for being a male cheerleader. They seemed genuinely interested in him and what he could do. After a significant amount of coaxing from the girls, in which the guys finally got involved, all except Magnus, he finally did a few flips for them. To his surprise, they cheered loudly, like it was some kind of competition.

A girl named Kaylie stepped up and announced she had been a cheerleader in middle school, and received a great deal of crap from her teammates. She then proceeded to match Alec flip for flip. The crowd really got into it at that, cheering them on excitedly. Alec decided to up the ante. He did a combination of flips and tucks, ending with a 360 degree twist, and nailing the landing perfectly. Kaylie immediately declared him the winner. His prize? A sweet kiss, planted firmly on his lips…that did nothing for him but cause him to blush furiously.

After that, the group split up and headed back to the dorms. Alec thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie with these guys. For the most part, his friends at school consisted of Austin and some of his swim and track buddies, Cammie, Brandon the Mascot, and the rest of the cheerleaders, though he would call them acquaintances more than friends. Tonight had been eye-opening for him. The basketball teams were pretty fun people to hang out with.

He tossed up his hand to say goodnight to the guys and punched the button for the elevator. He wanted to get some studying done before he went to bed, but they seemed to be planning to hang out in the common room for a little longer. He stepped into the elevator, and hit the button for the fourth floor, then leaned against the wall of the elevator as the doors began to close.

Suddenly, a hand appeared between the doors, and they automatically split wide again to reveal Magnus Bane. He stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the fifth floor. Alec tried not to stare at him, he really did, but he was just too attracted to Magnus to be able to stop himself. He tried not to noticed the fact that Magnus had not put his shirt back on, or that he was finally in a lighted area and was getting a good look at Magnus's upper body. His eyes took in the slightly ripped abs, and the light lines of his pectoral muscles. There was a tattoo of angel wings and a halo directly over his heart, and Alec finally got a good look at the tattoo on the fleshy part of his right shoulder: a basketball dropping through the net and the fierce eyes of a cat above the rim. Alec didn't know if that was to symbolize the Bobcat mascot of IU or Magnus's own cat-like eyes. Alec's eyes traveled a little further upward.

And once again, Magnus was watching him. As the elevator jerked into action, Alec decided this would be the most uncomfortable elevator ride ever if they just stood there staring at each other without speaking. To his surprise, Magnus spoke up first.

"You're really good at all that flipping and stuff," he said awkwardly, with a flick of his hand.

Alec smiled sheepishly at the compliment. "Thanks," he said, then added, "You're an awesome point guard. I can't wait to see you in games." He felt his face heating up as he said it.

He was simultaneously relieved and disappointed when the elevator dinged and the doors opened wide again. "This is me," he said, pointing at the open doors and stating the obvious. He stepped out of the elevator. "I'll see you around."

As the doors closed behind him, he heard Magnus say, "Yeah. See you around."

He crept back to his room wondering how much trouble he would get in for kidnapping Magnus and holding him hostage until he could have a normal, comfortable conversation with him.


	4. Chapter 4

"So," Austin began when Alec finally emerged from his bedroom, "what are the birthday plans?"

Alec shrugged noncommittally. "Dinner with the fam."

Austin gave him a disappointed look. "Your first college birthday and all you are doing is having dinner with your family?" He sounded borderline outraged by the injustice of such a statement.

"What, do you have a better idea?" Alec asked as he reached for a cup from the cabinet and poured himself a cup of coffee, even though he had slept through the better part of the morning. The football game last night had been a late one, and the team won, so there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on until the wee hours of the morning. The majority of the dormitory had been jammed into the common room, celebrating all night long. Alec finally snuck away around four o'clock in the morning and passed out cold on his bed.

"YES!" Austin said enthusiastically. "We party!" He did a silly dance move around the kitchen, careful not to spill a drop of his coffee.

Alec laughed and shook his head. "I had enough partying last night, thank you very much."

"Not with alcohol," Austin said in a singsong voice, wiggling his eyebrows knowingly.

Idris University, like most American college campuses, was a drug and alcohol free campus. Meaning even the students that were old enough were not allowed to bring alcohol onto campus or into the dorms. Somehow, the frat houses seemed to get a way with it, but they were right on the edge of campus, so that may have been how. Anyway, all the rowdy dorm parties they had were strictly alcohol-free, unless the guys were sneaking stuff in without anyone knowing about it. It was a college campus, after all, and breaking the rules was part of the fun for some people.

Not necessarily for Alec. "No thanks. I've got a lot of studying to get done today, then dinner with my family, who would kill me if I showed up drunk, by the way."

"What about after dinner. There is a fraternity party tonight. We could have some fun. I can bring Cam, and maybe we can find you a sexy guy to hang all over."

Austin and Cammie had been dating for several weeks now, and were getting along quite well. Alec was pleased that it hadn't been disastrous and that his two closest friends on campus seemed very happy together. They were cute…sickeningly cute. Especially when he was so hung up on Magnus and so far getting absolutely nowhere with him.

Alec was also still hesitant about letting Austin fix him up with someone. He wanted Magnus, and didn't think using someone else as a substitute was going to make his situation better. He also wasn't much of a drinker. He had been drunk a few times in high school, and just didn't see the appeal of acting stupid, or the next-day hangover.

Alec shrugged again. "Sure, we can check out the party when I get back from dinner," he said, and Austin punched the air triumphantly as if Alec had just given him the best birthday gift ever. Austin was funny that way. His friends' highs were his highs, their lows his lows. He was a good friend and Alec was so grateful they had been assigned as roommates.

Alec spent the rest of the day stretched out on his bed getting caught up on his homework. He had a stupid paper to write for his English class and he had to finish the write-up for his latest experiment in Chem lab. By the time he finished his assignments and took a much needed shower, he received a text from Jace saying his family was in the parking lot waiting for him.

He dressed hurriedly, tossed a quick 'see ya, later' at Austin and was heading toward his family as fast as the stupid elevator would let him. He had not seen his family since they left him at his dorm nearly two months previously. Though he still talked to them regularly, it wasn't the same as seeing them. He was tight with his family, every single one of them, and had been counting down the days to his birthday and a chance to see them again.

Alec wasn't a typical college guy who cared about looking cool in front of his friends and others. He really didn't care what most people thought of him at all, in fact. So as soon as his family came into view, standing next to his father's Cadillac SUV, Alec took off at a run and launched himself into their waiting arms. It was a giant group hug, that quickly subsided to individual hugs for every single member of his family, including Jace, though he and Jace normally didn't do a lot of hugging. Alec didn't care, and neither, apparently, did Jace. Not this time. They really missed each other.

Once the hugging was finished, they piled back into the car and Robert Lightwood took them to a nearby restaurant where he had reserved the party room…for six people. That's what happens when someone has more money than God. They tend to do extravagant things.

The Lightwoods spent several hours eating and chatting and catching up on everything that has been going on in their lives.

"We saw you on TV during the football game a few weeks ago," Maryse said. She was beaming with pride at Alec. "That partner of yours is really pretty."

"Yeah, Cammie is great. Her and Austin have helped me fit in on campus," he said, then added, "They are dating, by the way."

Isabelle looked disappointed. "Darn it. Austin is such a hottie," she grumbled.

Maryse smiled indulgently at her daughter.

"Yes, he is," affirmed Alec.

"What about you, Alec?" Izzy said. "Have you found that certain someone yet?"

Though Alec talked to his family frequently, he had only mentioned Magnus to Jace, and he had tried to play that off as if he really didn't mean anything to him. It wasn't too difficult to do considering they only talked about Magnus via texting. He caught Jace's eye, and the expression on his best friend's face made him wonder if maybe he hadn't been as cavalier about his feelings as he thought he had.

He sighed. He appreciated his family's acceptance and interest in his love life. That didn't make talking about it any less awkward. "There is a guy…"

Isabelle squealed. "Tell me all about him!" she said excitedly.

"Isabelle," Robert said in a tone that clearly said Izzy needed to calm down. But there was no distracting her from her need of information about her brother's love life…or lack of as the case would be. There were just some things a girl needed to know.

"What?" Izzy said dismissively. "He hasn't dated anyone since Eric. And now he's into a college guy." She said 'college guy' in such a dreamy voice, like she would say 'rockstar' or something of the sort.

"He's just a guy," Alec said, studying the table cloth as if it held the answers to all the problems of the world. "I'm not even sure he's interested in me…"

"Who. Is. He." Izzy punctuated each word. She was not going to let him off without telling her about Magnus.

"He's the starting point guard for the basketball team," Alec said in a voice that was barely audible.

Izzy's eyes lit up and grew wide. "Ooooh, a basketball star." That was a dream of Izzy's. She loved tall guys with incredible bodies. Who doesn't, really?

Alec resigned himself to the conversation that he wasn't ready to have. "His name is Magnus Bane. He'll be playing professional basketball one day. He's really good. I can't wait for games to start so you guys can watch him. He's the best baller I've ever seen in person." All these words spilled from him in rapid succession, like it would ease his discomfort to just spit them all out at once. It didn't ease his discomfort. Not really. But he was a little glad to have his family know about his feelings for Magnus. Except the part where he didn't know if Magnus could ever or would ever be attracted to him. That part he would keep to himself for now.

To his surprise, Robert was the one who had something to say about this. He had listened to Alec talk about the guy he was interested in or dating on several occasions before, but he usually didn't offer a lot of advice. Alec thought that was likely because he didn't know what kind of advice to offer his son about other guys.

"Be careful, Alexander," Robert said softly. "College guys…well, they are different from what you are used to. People change in college. A guy as popular as the starting point guard…well, let's just say I don't want you to get hurt."

Alec glanced at his father and offered him an appreciative smile. He was touched that his dad worried about who he was dating or was interested in. He knew plenty of gay guys whose fathers would rather die than get involved in that kind of conversation with their son. His big, macho, business tycoon of a father could be such a softie when it came to his children.

"Thanks, dad," Alec replied. "I'll be careful."

Robert had the server bring dessert for each of them, and they sang 'Happy Birthday' to Alec, whose face was flaming red by the end of the song. After everyone was thoroughly stuffed, they piled back into the car and headed back to the dorm. He hugged everyone in his family, again. He was sad to see them go after such a short time together. He really missed them.

Alec stood on the sidewalk waving until the SUV was out of sight, then let himself into the dormitory building. The watchman on duty, not the bored guy that lets everyone get away with stuff, was the grumpy guy who seemed to hate his job and every single guy in the dormitory. He snapped at Alec as soon as he saw him.

"Lightwood!" Alec froze mid-stride, turned, and walked over to the window that separated him from Mr. Grumpy. "I have a message from Mrs. Greene that she wants to see you immediately upon your return."

Alec gave him a puzzled look, but if Mr. Grumpy knew anything about what Mrs. Greene wanted, he wasn't sharing. Instead of taking a right to go to the elevators, Alec took a left and walked the couple of doors down the hall to Mrs. Greene's office. Mrs. Greene was the woman in charge of making sure life in the dormitory went smoothly. She was the one who assigned them dorm rooms and roommates, made sure the kitchen was stocked, made sure the trash was taken out regularly so no one had unwanted science experiments in their dorms. She performed periodic spot checks of each room, and also dealt with any issues that popped up.

Alec couldn't think of a single reason why she would want to see him. He had no issues whatsoever with his roommate or dorm life. He loved living with Austin. They were both fairly tidy people, especially for college guys, they didn't cause any trouble. A thought struck him that maybe she had found out about the frat party he and Austin were planning to attend tonight, but he shook that off. There was no way she could know about it unless Austin had told her, and there was no way he would have done that.

He rapped his knuckles on the door and heard Mrs. Greene beckon him inside. Mrs. Greene was a tall woman that had the appearance of a former athlete gone to seed. She was in her forties or fifties and could be very nice or very strict, depending on the situation.

"Hello, Mr. Lightwood," she said cordially.

"Hello, Mrs. Greene," he replied, matching her formality. She indicated he should take the seat across from her desk and he did so. He found that he was nervous, which was likely due to the fact that he had no idea why he was here. It was like being called to the principal's office and not knowing what you could possibly have done wrong.

"Alec," she began, dropping the formality now, "I have had a request for a roommate change." Alec's eyebrows furrowed and he could feel the surprise on his face. She hastily added, "Not from your roommate." Relief washed over him, but it was fleeting. Why would someone else's roommate wanting a change affect him?

Mrs. Greene sighed. "You have been randomly chosen to change rooms. Someone will be at your room in one hour to help you move to your new room. Please have all of your things packed by then. If you need boxes, there are some in the next room that you can use."

Alec was shaking his head long before she finished her spiel. "What? I don't understand. I _like_ my roommate. We are really good friends. I don't want to move." But he could see by the look on her face that she would not budge. She was going to make him move from his dorm with Austin to some other room with some other guy he would probably hate. There was no way he would get lucky enough to find another roommate like Austin. This was total bullshit.

He was suddenly fiercely angry. Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face, for Mrs. Greene narrowed her eyes in a challenge. Alec knew there was nothing he could do to change her mind, and pissing her off would only lead to trouble down the road for him. So, he took his lumps, and dashed out of the room as quickly as possible, not bothering to say goodbye or anything else to Mrs. Greene.

He grabbed some boxes from the storeroom next to Mrs. Greene's office and then punched the elevator call button much harder than was necessary. He was fuming as he rode the elevator up to room 404, the room he shared with Austin, for the last time. He entered the dorm room and saw Austin sitting on the couch, looking unhappy.

"You heard," Alec said without preamble.

Austin nodded. "It's bullshit. Why are they making you move?" He looked really upset, which strangely made Alec feel better. At least Austin was as unhappy about him moving out as he was.

"Mrs. Greene said it was a random selection," he said and flung himself onto the couch next to Austin. "I hate this!"

"Me, too."

They sat like that, just staring off into space, consumed by anger for several minutes before Alec remembered he was moving in an hour. He needed to get his things packed as quickly as possible. He pushed himself off the couch, grabbed the boxes and headed into his bedroom. Austin came in a few minutes later with a collection of items he had left in the kitchen and living room. He tossed the items into a box and helped Alec gather the rest of his stuff.

All too soon, there was a knock on the door. Alec looked at Austin. His roommate had been very quiet while they packed Alec's belongings. He looked so sad now, and Alec was sure his features mirrored Austin's. Austin stretched out his arm and Alec shook his hand. Austin pulled him in for a quick, manly, one-armed hug.

"Nothing else is going to change," Austin said softly. "We're friends. We'll still see each other as much as possible." Alec nodded. "And if your new roommate is an asshole, you can hang out here as much as you like."

Alec grinned at him appreciatively. The knock sounded again, and Alec knew it was time for him to go. He let one of the student dorm monitors into the room. The guy dragged a plastic, gray cart behind him, and helped Alec load his boxes onto the cart. Alec followed him to the elevator, feeling like the worst thing ever had just happened to him. Who would his knew roommate be? Would they get along? Was he the problem that caused Alec to have to change rooms, or was it the other guy that had caused the issues?

Alec was so lost in thought that he didn't even pay attention to what floor he was on now. Not until the guy he was following knocked on room number 518. The door opened and Alec's heart stopped. His mouth fell open as he stared at his new roommate, who was none other than Magnus Bane.

_Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! _he thought as his eyes locked with Magnus's. This couldn't really be happening, could it? How was he supposed to live with Magnus, when he had yet to have a normal conversation with the guy? When he had such an incredible crush on him? This was beyond awkward. This was…Alec didn't even know what this was! But he knew he was screwed. This couldn't possibly end well. Could it?

They relieved the cart of Alec's belongings with Alec still in a daze. He felt he should say something to Magnus, but what? _Hey, I want you so bad I can barely see straight, but I promise to at least try to keep my hands to myself_ didn't seem like the best way to start this new adventure, even if every word was true. How was he supposed to get through this?

"That room is yours," Magnus said, pointing in the direction of the empty bedroom. Alec nodded and started carrying boxes to his new room.

He dropped the last box on the desk in his room and started putting his things away. He plopped the second box on the desk, one containing his socks and underwear and some other clothing items. On his second trip to the dresser, he saw Magnus leaning against the doorframe to his room, watching him. He started, then laughed nervously to cover his embarrassment.

Magnus inclined his head. "Want some help?" he asked casually. Alec looked down at the wad of underwear he currently held in his hand and quickly shoved his hand behind his back. _Really? He comes in here while I'm holding a handful of underwear? Fuck_.

Alec dropped the clothes in his drawer and quickly closed it from Magnus's view. He shrugged. "Sure," he said in what he hoped was an offhand voice. He was so nervous that he wouldn't have been surprised to hear his voice shaking or going up a few octaves.

Magnus entered his room and flung himself on Alec's bed. He grabbed the nearest box and began rummaging through it. The box contained Alec's favorite books that he couldn't leave behind at his parents' house and a few other personal items. Nothing of real interest. Magnus put them on top of the desk and glanced up at Alec. Yeah, Alec had been watching him, and got busted once again. Being around Magnus without making a fool of himself was going to take some serious effort.

Alec couldn't help wondering why Magnus's previous roommate hadn't worked out, but he didn't feel comfortable asking just yet. Hopefully, there would be time to find that out later, as they got to know each other.

"You're pretty quiet for a cheerleader," Magnus observed. Alec's face flushed. He was always shy when he first met someone new, but this was different altogether. His feelings for Magnus were preventing him from thinking of a reasonable topic of conversation. He wanted to know everything there was to know about this guy, and that couldn't be accomplished in a few minutes time. Plus, he already knew that Magnus could be closed off. He wasn't sure what to say to get him talking.

"It's been an…interesting day," he said.

"I'll bet it has. Nothing like being reassigned and forced to move." Magnus leaned back on his hands on Alec's bed looking calm and casual, and eliciting all sorts of images in Alec's mind.

"Yeah. Not exactly the best birthday present I ever got," Alec replied, putting the last of his clothes away in a drawer.

Magnus sat up. "It's your birthday? Man, that sucks. Hope you had a good day before this happened." He seemed sincere enough to Alec.

"I did. Had dinner with my family, which was great. I really miss them."

Magnus looked thoughtful. "How old are you, Alec?"

It was the first time Magnus had ever said his name, and Alec had to admit he liked the way it sounded coming from him. "Nineteen."

Magnus snapped his fingers. "Too bad. I know a great bar, but you have to be twenty-one…unless you are me." He winked at Alec and Alec felt his insides melt.

"Th-that's okay. I was supposed to go to a party with Austin, my room- I mean, my former roommate, but I don't feel much like partying now. Think I'll turn in early."

Magnus took the hint, even though Alec wasn't entirely sure he was trying to hint at all, and pushed himself off Alec's bed. He crossed the room to the door and leaned against the frame again. "Alright. See you in the morning, then, cheerleader."

He turned and disappeared into his own room. Alec closed his door and flopped onto his bed. In truth, he didn't want Magnus to leave his bed, but he really needed to think. He was in a precarious situation. This could go well, or could go horribly wrong. He was terrified that his feelings for Magnus would worsen now that he was living with him. What if he fell for Magnus? Could he handle that knowing that Magnus was straight? Did he know that Magnus was straight? He kept catching Magnus looking at him. Did that mean something, or was he misinterpreting things because of the way he felt about Magnus?

This was such a mess. He had half a mind to march down to Mrs. Greene's office and demand to be moved back in with Austin. But then what? If he had any chance at all of getting to know Magnus and finding out if he was even remotely attracted to him, this was it. If he left now, he would never know. Magnus wouldn't want anything to do with him if he turned tail and ran the instant he found out they were roommates.

He sank onto his bed, which was still warm from where Magnus had been sitting on it. The scent of Magnus, musk and sandalwood and something...sweet, lingered against his sheets. He breathed deeply, and sighed. He leaned back and extracted his phone from his pocket, punched some buttons and typed.

_Holy fuck. Guess who my new roommate is?_

A moment later he received a reply from Austin. _Who?_

_Magnus Bane!_

He could practically hear Austin's laughter as he read his reply. _LOL. You're fucked!_

_Tell me something I don't know…_

He texted Austin and then Jace for another hour or so. Neither were particularly helpful in the what-the-fuck-am-I-supposed-to-do-now department. Both thought his situation was funny, and both thought he may have been given a golden opportunity. Only time would tell if that was true or not. And it would be up to him to figure out how to make the most of this situation. He wanted Magnus, bad. Everyone seemed to think that Magnus was aloof, closed-off, unreachable. But Alec had been there. Before everyone found out he was gay, he was a distant person that was difficult to reach. Perhaps Magnus had some secrets, some skeletons in his closet that made him keep everyone at a distance. Could Alec find and break down those barriers? Would Magnus let him? Would he die in the attempt? Okay, that may be a little dramatic, but he also knew that sometimes the journey to the truth left one with a lot of battle scars.


	5. Chapter 5

Alec busied himself making coffee, hoping that would be enough to wake him up after a fitful night of sleep. Everything in his world turned upside down yesterday and he wasn't quite sure how to right the ship. The one thing he was sure about was that he had every intention of getting to know his new roommate, and that started today.

He pulled two mugs from the cabinet as he heard the shower kick off. He poured the steaming coffee into the mugs and searched until he found some sugar. A quick scan of the fridge revealed some hazelnut creamer. Alec assumed that was how Magnus liked his coffee, so he sat it on the countertop as well. He was feeling distinctly jittery as he heard the bathroom door creak open.

Magnus emerged from the bathroom a moment later, enveloped in a cloud of steam. He was toweling his hair dry as he walked toward the kitchen…completely naked! The only towel in sight was the one he was rubbing against his hair. Alec's breath caught in his throat.

He looked up at Alec as he neared the kitchen and his eyes lit when he saw the cup of coffee waiting for him. He looked completely at ease, standing there in the buff with his towel now draped around his neck. He looked completely gorgeous as well. Alec was staring, he knew he was, but he was powerless to stop himself. Everything he had been thinking or wanting to say flew out of his mind in that instant. He was stunned that Magnus was walking around the apartment unashamedly naked. Who did that?

Alec couldn't resist letting his gaze drop. His eyes roved over Magnus's lean physique, taking in the gentle ripples of muscle on his body and glancing over the tattoos on Magnus's chest and shoulder. Then, his eyes dipped a little further south. Magnus wasn't aroused at all, but even at rest his dick was impressive length. Alec could tell it was bigger than any he had had before, and he wondered what it would look like fully erect. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from it. It called to him, drew him in like a magnet. He felt the pulsing in his groin as his body responded to Magnus. His eyes flashed up to Magnus's face and saw Magnus's eyebrow raise and an amused expression grace his face. Yeah, he knew Alec was checking him out, in a very intimate way. _Oh, shit._

Magnus raised his coffee to his lips and took a sip. Alec could hear the grin in his voice as he hid his mouth behind the cup and said, "Cheerleader bats for the other team, huh?"

Alec groaned and rested his forehead on the countertop. That was not exactly how he would have chosen Magnus to find out he was gay. Oh, well, nothing to be done about it now.

"Yep," he replied casually, as if Magnus had asked if the sky was blue. His whole body was on edge being so close to Magnus. He wondered if he had actually pulled off the casual air he was trying to portray.

Magnus took another sip of his coffee. "That explains a lot."

Alec gave him a puzzled look. What on earth could that explain? They barely knew each other.

Magnus grinned. "I was wondering why you let your roommate have Cammie." He turned away and walked over to the couch, sliding gracefully onto it…still naked.

Alec couldn't help feeling disappointed. He had hoped that Magnus was watching them because of him, but apparently he was watching Cammie after all. The let-down was much greater than it should have been considering this was their first real conversation.

Alec walked over and slumped into the chair opposite the couch. He tried really hard not to stare at Magnus. No, really, he did. It was impossible. The man was practically perfect. Perhaps thinner than a lot of people liked, but Alec liked long, lean guys. In fact, if he were asked prior to meeting Magnus what type of guy he was attracted to most, he probably would have described Magnus to a T.

"Yeah, Austin and Cammie are pretty cute together," Alec said at last. "I hear you were with Cammie once." He wasn't sure what made him say it. He wanted information about Magnus and how he felt about…well, everything.

Magnus smiled crookedly. "You don't mince words much, do you." It was an observation, not a question.

Alec smiled in spite of himself. "Not really."

"You don't have to worry about me and Cammie," Magnus said. "It was just a fling our freshman year. Getting used to college life and such. I won't bother her and her boyfriend."

He said this like Alec was concerned he would try to break up Cammie and Austin. That really wasn't where his mind was at that moment, but at least it was an excuse for why he was asking the question in the first place, one that didn't involve how much Alec wanted to touch Magnus right now..

"So, what do your parents think of you being gay?" Magnus asked. He tried to make the question sound casual, but there was something in the way that he said it that gave Alec chills. "You said you had dinner with them yesterday, so I guess you still get along?"

"Yeah. My parents are great. I think they knew I was gay before I did."

"That why they put you in cheerleading?" There was an edge to Magnus's voice that put Alec on the defense.

"They didn't _put me_ anywhere," he said hotly. "I happen to like cheering."

Magnus held up his hands in surrender. "Relax, man. I didn't mean to offend you. I was just curious why you chose cheerleading."

Alec bit his lip sheepishly. He hadn't meant to bite Magnus's head off. "Sorry. It's just that people are always acting like there is something wrong with me being a cheerleader. I don't really care what people think. I love it. I get to test my limits and put my body through a lot of interesting stuff."

Magnus grinned lazily. "I know what you mean. That's how I feel about basketball. I'm constantly trying to better my game. I want to be the best point guard in the league one day." Magnus's eyes widened fractionally. He clearly hadn't meant to be so open about his dreams. Alec wasn't letting this moment pass if he could keep from it.

"You want to play in the NBA?"

Magnus shrugged. "Yeah. Who doesn't?" His expression, which had been so open a moment ago, closed.

Alec was disappointed. "I don't. I was never very good at basketball. No matter how much my dad tried to teach me."

Magnus suddenly looked interested. "You play?"

"A little. I was on a team in middle school, but I wasn't good enough to play in high school." He shrugged. "I liked cheerleading better anyway. I love watching basketball though. It's my favorite sport to watch."

Magnus grinned. "How about a game of one-on-one?"

Alec looked skeptical. "You want me to play against you?"

"Why not?"

"Oh, that won't be embarrassing or anything! You'll kill me!"

Magnus chuckled. "I'll shoot with my left hand."

Alec stared at him a moment longer, then came to a decision. Magnus spoke basketball. That may be the only thing that interested him or really got him going. If Alec could share that with him, even just a little, maybe it would be his ticket to get to know Magnus better. "Okay," he said finally, then added, "Wait. You're not left handed are you?"

Magnus laughed loudly this time. "No, cheerleader, I'm right handed. Don't worry. I'll go easy on you."

To Alec's intense relief, Magnus threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before they headed down to the basketball court. Having a conversation with a naked Magnus was hard enough. He'd probably get knocked out cold if he had to play naked basketball. Hell, even with the clothes on he was struggling not to look at Magnus's crotch whenever he got the chance.

Magnus passed him the ball. "Cheerleaders first," he said with a little smirk on his face. He bent his knees into a defensive stance and stretched out his arms. Alec wondered how much defense he would actually play against him, but he couldn't worry too much about that. He had the ball, and needed to score.

Alec's jump shot had never been very good, which was the main reason he had quit basketball in the first place. At six-foot-two, he was too short to play any position but guard, and guards had to be able to shoot. He had worked on it with his dad every day for years, but his shot just never developed. Then he lost interest and focused more on gymnastics, then cheerleading.

Alec dribbled the ball, and took a few hesitant steps forward, trying to determine how close Magnus was going to guard him. Magnus was on him like stink on shit. Every time Alec tried to make a move, Magnus was right there blocking him, and easy grin on his face, taunting him.

"Good thing we aren't playing with a shot clock, cheerleader. You would definitely be out of time by now."

Alec narrowed his eyes at Magnus. He took a step to the right, faked, and went left instead. Magnus was a fraction of a second behind him and Alec had an open lay-up…except that Magnus blocked his shot. The ball went flying into the grass beside the court.

"Damn, Magnus. It's just a pick-up game. You said you'd go easy on me."

Magnus's grin widened. "I did go easy on you. You made it to the rim, didn't you?" Magnus laughed at the incredulous look on Alec's face. The sound was musical to Alec, beautiful. It was no wonder why people were drawn to this man. He was too charismatic for his own good.

Magnus retrieved the ball and dribbled it back to where Alec was standing. Alec attempted to guard him, he really did. Magnus shot the ball, left handed as he promised, and sank a twelve foot jump shot, right over Alec's outstretched hand. Alec shook his head. Magnus was ridiculous. That shouldn't happen.

They continued in much the same way. Magnus still had a decent shot percentage even shooting with his non-dominant hand. Alec tried his best to create an open shot, but kept getting denied by Magnus even when he was able to. The height discrepancy, as well as the talent discrepancy, were certainly not in Alec's favor. Alec punched the air when he finally managed to score over Magnus, and Magnus chuckled.

"Nice shot, cheerleader."

"Thanks," Alec said. "I have a name you know."

Magnus looked at him sideways. "I know," he said. He dribbled a few times then shot a twenty footer with his right hand and sank the ball with a little rattle of the rim. He jogged after the ball, returned to his original spot on the court, and shot again, with the same result. Damn he was a good shooter.

He paused for a second, eyeing Alec thoughtfully. "Does it bother you when I call you 'cheerleader'?"

Alec shrugged. "Not really," he said. He wondered idly why that was true. He would have objected to anyone else doing that. Not that he was ashamed of being a cheerleader. He just preferred to have people use his name. But with Magnus, it almost felt like a nickname, or a term of endearment. It made him feel special. He didn't really think Magnus meant it to have that effect on him, but it did.

Magnus smiled that beautiful, graceful smile that melted Alec. Yeah, Alec was in trouble for sure.

They sat on the picnic table beside the court and opened the bottled water they had brought with them from their dorm. They had worked up a sweat playing basketball, and needed to cool down. Alec had enjoyed every second of their game, even getting his ass handed to him by Magnus. There was no one he would rather get beat by than Magnus.

He sat his water down on the table top. "Where did you learn to shoot like that?" he asked, unable to keep the awe out of his voice. He was truly impressed with Magnus's skill.

"Like what?"

"I've seen you shoot in practice and you're really good. But left handed? That just shouldn't happen. No one can shoot that well with their non-dominant hand."

Magnus shrugged. "I grew up on a basketball court. After awhile, you start doing things just to see if you can." He didn't look at Alec as he said it, and Alec wondered why.

"Well, you're really good," he said again. "You could probably play for any team in the country!"

Magnus smiled at him. He looked about to say something, but they were interrupted by someone shouting Magnus's name. They both turned in time to see a handsome guy with black hair and blue eyes, like Alec, waving to them. Alec glanced at Magnus, whose face broke into a broad gin.

"Will!" Magnus shouted back. He stood up as Will approached the table. Alec couldn't stop himself from sizing Will up. He had no idea who this guy was, and he felt a twinge of jealousy at the look his mere presence put on Magnus's face. He was positively alive with happiness.

Will gave Magnus a quick, one-armed hug, then pulled back with a disgusted look on his face. "You're all sweaty," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"That's what happens when you play basketball, William," Magnus said with a laugh.

"Well that's just one more reason for me not to play basketball," Will said haughtily, and Magnus laughed.

"No point in you playing. You suck at it anyway." Magnus ducked as Will swiped at the back of his head. He laughed harder.

Alec studied then curiously, wondering what their relationship was. Magnus was easy-going with most people, to the point of being aloof, but this was different. With Will, it was obvious that he truly cared about him. They didn't look anything alike, so Alec doubted they were related. They didn't act like relatives anyway. It was more like really close friends, or brothers, or (and Alec really didn't like to think about this) even lovers. Whatever it was between them, Alec was all sorts of jealous about it. He really wanted to have that kind of relationship with Magnus, to make Magnus's face light up when they saw each other, to make him look so open and free.

"Who's your friend?" Will asked. They had been bantering for several minutes before anyone even acknowledged that Alec was there.

Magnus turned to him, looking a little guilty for ignoring him, at least that's what Alec thought that look meant. "This is my new roommate. Alec Lightwood, this is Will Herondale."

Will stretched his arm out to shake hands with Alec. Alec did not fail to notice Magnus had not given him any clue as to who Will was or what they meant to each other. Alec was feeling distinctly nettled now.

Magnus turned back to Will and they chatted for a few moments. Then Will said, "Mom wants you to come to dinner next Sunday."

Magnus smiled. "Okay. I haven't seen her in ages. Sounds like fun."

"I…um…wanted to talk to you about something…" Will said. He glanced at Alec apologetically and Alec knew that whatever Will had to say, he wanted privacy. He could take the hint.

He stood and looked at Magnus. "I'll see you later."

Magnus looked up at him with an appreciative smile. His eyes seemed to hold…something. What was it? Regret? Possibly. Alec wasn't sure. He simply didn't know Magnus well enough to read his expressions yet. He knew what he was feeling, though. He was so disappointed that Will had shown up when he did. He was having so much fun with Magnus, even if he was getting his ass beat at basketball. He felt like they had made a connection during the game. Plus he was getting to watch Magnus, in his element, getting all sweaty and looking too hot for words.

Alec turned to leave and Will said, "Thanks, Alec. Nice meeting you."

Alec smiled at him. He hoped it looked more like a smile than a grimace. He couldn't be sure, considering he wasn't happy that Will had spoiled his fun with Magnus. "Nice to meet you, too," he said. He hoped that statement would turn out to be true. He hoped he wouldn't grow to dislike this guy.

Will took Alec's seat on the picnic table as Alec headed back to the dorms. He didn't really have any plans now that his day with Magnus was interrupted. He could probably use a shower, but he really didn't care about that right now. He punched the elevator button and rode up to the fourth floor. A few minutes later, Austin was letting him into his old dorm room.

Austin's new roommate wasn't there, so they had the whole place to themselves. Just like old times. Okay, just like _yesterday_. Somehow, it seemed like more time had passed since he had moved out of this dorm room and into Magnus's. He missed Austin a lot already.

"How's it going with the superstar?" Austin asked as he sprawled out on the chair and gave Alec the couch, like always.

Alec shrugged. "He's different."

Austin snorted. "No shit. Really?"

Alec grinned. Of course Magnus was different. They already knew that. Even if Alec hadn't told him anything, surely Cammie would have by now. "I think I might have figured out why his previous roommate wanted a transfer."

Austin raised a curious eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell." His voice was conspiratorial.

"Yeah. He, uh, came out of the bathroom naked this morning."

Austin burst with laughter at this statement. Alec joined him. The incident had been awkward, but Alec would never regret seeing Magnus naked. Damn that man was gorgeous.

When the laughter finally faded, Austin said, "I bet that would be really uncomfortable, especially if his roommate was straight."

Alec nodded. "It was uncomfortable for his gay roommate that has a crush on him. I can promise you that!"

Austin gave him a sympathetic look. "Does he know you are gay yet?"

Alec felt the heat in his face remembering that Magnus had found out about him because he was staring at his private areas. "Yeah. Apparently I'm not hard to figure out. You, Cam, and Magnus all figured me out within a few minutes of meeting me. Do I have a sign on me or something? Something that screams 'Gay Boy Walking'?"

Austin chuckled. "No, man. You are just so open about it. About everything. It's easy to figure you out because you don't hide what you think and feel." Alec's brow furrowed. He wasn't sure if what Austin said was good thing or a bad one. "It's not a bad thing, Alec," Austin said, as if answering Alec's unspoken thought, and simultaneously confirming what Austin had just said. Alec was open and honest, and therefore easy to read, apparently."Do you think he knows how you feel about him?" Austin continued.

Alec shrugged. "He knows I'm attracted to him. It's not exactly difficult to figure out when I'm staring at his crotch with a tent in my shorts." He felt his blush deepen at those words.

Austin nodded. "I guess that would be pretty obvious."

He spent the next several hours with Austin. His friendship with his former roommate was very special to him, and he simply liked being in his company. It also took his mind off the fact that Magnus was with Will, and Alec didn't know Will's intentions.

Austin eventually announced that he was meeting Cammie for dinner and needed to get ready. He invited Alec along, but Alec didn't want to intrude on their date. Besides, he had some homework he needed to finish and hoped to talk to Magnus some more. He wanted to know more about Will, and what competition he provided.

He let himself into his own dorm and found Magnus sprawled out on the couch. He had taken another shower to get the sweat from their game off him, and was naked again. Alec was pretty sure he would go insane if Magnus walked around naked all the time. He felt the stirring in his groin again. He tried to hide his growing erection, but he was wearing loose-fitting shorts and a shirt that didn't hang low enough.

He sat down next to Magnus, and caught the smirk on Magnus's face out of the corner of his eye. Damn it. Of course he knew what Alec was feeling at the moment. Didn't he just discover how easy it was to read him?

He hoped that starting a conversation would take the pressure off him. The topic in mind certainly would assist him going soft again. "So, Will seems nice," he said, and watched Magnus's expression change. His smirk melted into a grin.

"He is. He's the best friend I've ever had."

"Yeah?" Alec said. He hoped to get Magnus talking again. He loved how Magnus's face looked when he let his guard down.

"Yeah," Magnus said. "Will and I have been friends since we exited our mothers' wombs. And our mothers were best friends most of their lives as well. We grew up together. Will's dad died when he was four and my stepdad was a truck driver, so our moms used each other as babysitters. His mom worked days and mine worked nights, so Will and I always had someone to look after us. We were either at his house or mine. We're practically brothers." He gave a soft laugh. Alec could see Magnus's affection for Will. Hell, anyone could see it, even if they didn't know anything about him.

Alec grinned. "You and Will sound like Jace and me."

"Who's Jace?" Magnus asked with curiosity. Alec felt a prickle of something, excitement maybe, that Magnus was showing genuine interest in him.

"Jace Wayland is my best friend. We grew up together as well. When his parents died, he moved in with my family. He's like a brother to me."

"So you know what I mean then. You know how I feel about Will." The expression on Magnus's face was so full of hope that Alec was taken aback. He was surprised that his understanding meant something to Magnus. He wondered why.

"Yeah, I do," Alec said.

"There is nothing like having someone who completely knows and understands you," Magnus said quietly.

Alec glanced sidelong at him. He knew Magnus was referring to Will, but he hoped one day he would feel that way about him, too.

"Yeah," Alec agreed.

He stretched out his hand and patted Magnus's knee without thinking. His intentions were harmless, and probably would have come off that way if Magnus wasn't sitting there completely naked at the time. Magnus's posture stiffened and he moved his leg away, letting Alec's hand fall. Alec hurriedly pulled his hand away, embarrassed by his actions. He glanced at Magnus, and his heart broke. Where a moment ago Magnus's expression was the most open it had ever been with Alec, he was now completely closed again. The protective walls were back up. Someone had locked the door and thrown away the key.

Alec sighed and pushed himself off the couch. "I need to get a shower and some homework done. See you tomorrow," he said. He was unable to completely conceal the disappointment in his voice. He had screwed up and inadvertently took things too far. He hoped that Magnus wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him now. He really enjoyed talking to him. He was surprised at how much he was enjoying being his roommate, even if he walked around naked and made him feel awkward. He liked Magnus…a lot. And he really wanted to get to know him.

Magnus made a quick nod of his head, but didn't say anything more. Alec locked himself in the bathroom and tried to wash away the horrible feelings in him that were borne of his mistake. He knew better than what he had done. If he wanted to have a chance at even real friendship with Magnus, he had to be careful. Magnus had so many protective barriers around him, yet Alec had already broken them down, twice in the first day. He tried not to read too much into that. He knew he needed to proceed with caution.


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks of living with Magnus and Alec was still no more accustomed to seeing him prance around the dorm room naked than he was that first day. Every time he saw the beautiful, wiry body emerge on full display from the bathroom or his bedroom, Alec's heartbeat quickened and he had difficulty drawing breath. His eyes and body betrayed him at every turn. He stared at Magnus - how could he not? - and there was always a twitch in his pants that he fought to disguise. He knew Magnus knew what he was doing to him. What he didn't know was _why_? Was this some attempt to break Alec? Did he do this to all of his roommates, or just for Alec's benefit? Or maybe Magnus was just an exhibitionist and it had nothing to do with Alec at all.

Whatever was going on, it was causing a serious issue in Alec's groin. He could take care of the little problem in his pants himself just fine, but not as often as Magnus was eliciting the response in him. If he jacked off that much, he'd rub the skin right off his…well, anyway.

Alec was a little bummed that he hadn't had any further meaningful conversations with Magnus. Not like the first day anyway. Magnus remained distant, though not unfriendly. They talked, just not about anything personal: whose turn it was to take out the trash or clean the bathroom or do the dishes, what TV shows they enjoyed and play-fighting over the remote, and other such boring, mundane things. Alec discovered that Magnus was a surprisingly neat person. Alec, himself, was a neat-freak. Every thing had it's place and there was no reason to leave it anywhere else. Magnus wasn't quite up to his standards, but he certainly wasn't a slob.

They spent a lot of time together, more than Alec had thought they would. Alec had been generous enough to let Magnus kick his ass at basketball several more times in the last two weeks. They had even worked out in the weight room together a few times. At least _that_ was Alec's turf. He was stronger than Magnus and couldn't resist showing off a little when lifting weights with him.

Alec smiled as he looked around the little apartment he shared with Magnus. He marveled at how he had gotten into this situation. So far, the living arrangement wasn't as bad as he had feared it would be. However, being so close to Magnus all the time was _not _helping his crush. In fact, the more he learned about his new roommate, the more he liked him.

Unfortunately, the roommate was nowhere to be found today. No matter, though. He had plans to meet Austin and Cammie on the quad for lunch, and if he didn't hurry, he was going to be late.

He took a quick shower, threw on a comfortable pair of jeans and a short-sleeve t-shirt. October in New York could be temperamental. Some days were warm and sunny, some cold and rainy. Today was of the former variety, Alec noted as he exited the building and walked into the bright sunlight. He jogged in the direction of the quad and a few minutes later, found Austin sitting on the bench of a picnic table, with Cammie sitting on the table top. In that position, they were nearly the same height.

He shook his head at the sappy looks on his friends' faces as he approached them. The couple were nearly inseparable at this point. They looked at each other like there was no one else in the world. Cammie leaned over and kissed Austin as Alec plunked down on the other side of the table, startling them both. They turned their slightly embarrassed, yet still sappy, faces toward him and grinned in greeting.

"So," Austin said, "how's the new roommate?" Austin had asked him this question every time he saw Alec for the last two weeks. Alec usually gave a noncommittal shrug, but today he was in the mood to talk.

"Surprisingly good," he replied, withdrawing a sandwich, chips and an apple from his bag.

"Oh?" Austin said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Though he still likes to be on display."

Austin's brows furrowed and Alec gave him an exasperated look. Apparently he had forgotten about their previous conversation. Finally, Austin seemed to catch on. "You mean…he what? Still walks around…naked, or something?"

Alec touched the tip of his nose with his finger, indicating Austin was correct. "No 'or something' to it. If he's home, he's naked." Alec dropped his head into his hands. "It's driving me crazy!" he said to the table top.

"Oh, Alec," Cammie said sympathetically, patting his shoulder with her tiny little hand.

He looked up at her. "He's just so pretty," he whined, drawing out the word pretty to make it overly dramatic.

Austin and Cammie laughed at his pain. He scowled. "So, what's he like…you know…down there?" Austin whispered conspiratorially, looking around to make sure no one could overhear.

Alec gave him an incredulous look that said he thought Austin was being immature in asking that question, but it was Cammie who responded. "Huge!" she stated almost automatically. Austin and Alec nearly choked on their own tongues as they turned to see her hand fly up to cover her mouth and her face flush brilliantly.

Alec didn't like to think about Cammie's one night stand with Magnus. He didn't want any weirdness between them, or between her and Austin. Too late for that at the moment. The look on Austin's face was a mix between shock that Cammie had said that and jealousy, and intrigue and irritation. It was a comical expression, really.

"What are you saying, Cam? Is he bigger than me?"

Cammie looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock at that moment and not come out until next Spring. She tried to save face. "Oh, Austin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. You're perfect!" She leaned over to kiss him again, but he still looked disgruntled.

"So you _are_ saying he's bigger than me!" Austin folded his arms across his chest.

Alec grinned. "I have to side with Cammie on this one," he said. "Not that I've seen you naked, but let's be honest, a pair of cut off sweats is pretty close. Magnus has nothing to be ashamed of, so unless you are packing something that you somehow managed to hide from me for two months, I'm going to say Magnus is bigger." Austin's mouth gaped open at these words and Alec threw his hands in the air as if to say 'I give up.' "Stop it. He's bigger than me, too, and you don't see me acting like a baby about it."

Austin huffed. "Can we talk about something else now? Please?" Austin said.

Alec shrugged. "Sure."

Austin looked relieved to no longer be talking about the size of Magnus's penis, especially with his girlfriend. "So, have you got him talking yet?" Austin asked Alec. He knew that Alec planned to get to know Magnus, even if he had to drag Magnus along kicking and screaming.

"Kind of," Alec said. "We've talked about basketball and some about his childhood. Oh, and I met his best friend, Will."

"_What_?" Cammie said. Her mouth was hanging open and she looked completely shocked.

"Well, I mean, I don't know what he talked about with his other roommates…" Alec said, a little taken aback by Cammie's response.

"He doesn't talk about _that_, I can promise you," Cammie said. "I didn't even know he _had_ a best friend!"

"Oh, come on. Everyone has a best friend," Austin said incredulously.

She turned to him. "I'm not saying he didn't have one, I'm just saying I didn't _know_ he had one. No one on campus knows he has one. Magnus doesn't share that kind of stuff with anyone here."

Alec was beginning to feel…what? Uncomfortable? Maybe. "It wasn't a big deal. Will showed up when I was playing basketball with Magnus. If I hadn't been there, I doubt he would have told me about him."

But was that true? He and Magnus had talked about Will and his childhood again _after_ Will left. Magnus had trusted him enough to tell him a little bit about his childhood. Maybe that did mean something...

Cammie was shaking her head. "I'm telling you, Alec, no one else knows anything about Magnus's childhood."

Alec frowned. "How can you know that, Cam? You were only with him once, two years ago. Maybe he's talked to other people, past roommates or something."

This time it was Austin who shook his head. "Naw, man. You know my new roommate, Steve, was Magnus's old roommate. He said Magnus never talked about anything with him. He did mention the nudity thing, but not how big Magnus was…"

Alec and Cammie ignored the last bit of this statement. "Look, Alec, I may not know Magnus well myself, but we are the same age, and the athletic community here is pretty small, and pretty tight. I know several of his former roommates. Magnus never told them anything personal. At all."

"Really?"

"Really."

Alec didn't know what to think. He knew Magnus had opened up to him, slightly. He could tell by the way he acted when he thought he had said too much, or when Alec accidentally touched him. But he didn't realize he was the _only_ person who he had talked to like that. He felt a warmth growing inside of him.

"I'm not sure what to do with that information," he said honestly. "It doesn't help me quell my feelings for him though…"

"Feelings?" Austin said.

"Yeah. It used to just be a crush, but not anymore," Alec said softly.

Austin swore under his breath and gave him a sympathetic look.

"Oh, Alec, honey," Cammie said sadly. "That's why I told you from the beginning he was straight. I didn't want you to get hurt." She patted him gently.

Alec bit his lip for a moment, thinking. He wasn't sure how much he should say of his thought, but he needed to talk to someone. This was Austin and Cammie, two people he trusted completely. He looked up at his friends, meeting their gazes. "The thing is, I'm not so sure he is," Alec said. "Straight, I mean."

"You think he's gay?" Cammie asked, uncertainty flavoring her voice.

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. Gay, or bi. Doesn't really matter. That guy is wedged so far into the closet you would think he was trying to get to Narnia."

Austin snorted. Cammie giggled. Alec caught the look on their faces as they tried to suppress their laughter, and after a few moments, he succumbed to his own joke and laughed along with his friends. They laughed themselves to tears, then finally quieted.

"So what makes you think he's not straight?" asked Austin curiously.

"Just a hunch," Alec said. Austin and Cammie gave him a look that clearly said 'a hunch' was not good enough for them. They wanted details. "Okay. Sometimes I catch him looking at me. He always turns away, like he doesn't want to be caught, doesn't want me to know he's watching me. Why would he do that if he's not interested...even a little?"

"Maybe you have mustard on your shirt," Austin suggested unhelpfully and Alec rolled his eyes.

"There's other stuff, too. I just can't put my finger on it yet. But he definitely pings my 'gay-dar'."

"Okay," Austin said, nodding slightly and wiping a stray tear from his eye. He was still intermittently chuckling. "Seriously though, what are you going to do?"

"What can I do?" Alec said. "I'm going to do my best to drag him out of that closet. He's too old for Narnia anyway." He gave them a crooked smile as he rose from the table and gathered his trash.

"Good luck."

Alec nodded his head in acknowledgement of the fact that he would certainly need all the luck he could get. He wanted Magnus, cared about Magnus. If Magnus was even remotely interested in him, he had to try. Right?

He said goodbye to his friends and headed back to his dorm. During the walk, he mulled over ways to get Magnus to open up to him again. He remembered the look on Magnus's face when he talked about his childhood, about him mom and Will. He looked so…innocent, he supposed that was a good word for it. He wanted Magnus to look like that with him all the time. Not that Magnus was unbearable or a jerk or anything at all like he feared he would be when Cammie first told him about Magnus. On the contrary, he was an fun guy with a great smile and even better laugh. He made everyone feel at ease, well, except when he walked around naked in their dorm room. What was up with that anyway?

Alec was a little surprised to discover he was already at his door. The walk across campus had taken no time at all. He entered the dorm, flicked his eyes in the direction of Magnus's open bedroom door, and froze.

Magnus was laying on his bed, completely naked of course, with his dick in his hand. He was evidently just getting started, for his hand was moving in long, slow, teasing strokes, and he was growing rapidly. Cammie was right, he was huge! This was the first time Alec had seen him fully erect, and it was quite an impressive sight. He was long and slender, perfectly matching the rest of his lean body. He was longer than Alec by a couple of inches, but Alec's was definitely thicker, just like his own body. A smile split his face at the comparison.

Alec was frozen in place by the sight before him. He couldn't have torn his eyes away if he had wanted to, which, if he were honest with himself, he didn't. He very much wanted to watch this. He fleetingly wondered if Magnus knew he was there, could sense his presence, and if this was another ploy to make Alec feel uncomfortable. Well, he did, but not enough to do the right thing and duck into his own bedroom and give Magnus privacy. If Magnus had wanted privacy, he should have closed his fucking door!

Magnus's strokes were becoming more purposeful now, and Alec could hear soft noises coming from the room. His own pants were becoming painfully tight, so he reached down to readjust himself. _Oh, fuck, that feels good,_ he thought when his hand made contact with his erection through his pants. He wasn't even conscious of the fact that he continued touching himself through the thick fabric of his jeans. He was so focused on Magnus and the movement of his hand and the gentle rocking of his hips and the soft moans falling from his lips. He would give anything if he could walk into that room and take him in his mouth, or sit on that straining cock and take over pleasuring Magnus. _Anything_.

Magnus's grip tightened and Alec could see the skin moving as he arched his back and his thrusts became more forceful. He could imagine Magnus's hand around _him, _stroking _him_, pleasuring _him. _And his imagination was vivid. He remembered some of his past lovers and how each of them had liked to be touched differently. Some full-length, some just at the base, some wanted their balls touched as well and others didn't. Okay, that made him sound slutty. There had only been three guys, and only two that had progressed beyond a hand job.

A loud moan from Magnus broke him from his comparisons of his past lovers. Magnus's body was moving in the most beautifully graceful arch he had ever seen. His hand stilled as his pelvis thrust his dick rapidly through the tight ring it had formed. Alec's own palm was rubbing him harder through his pants, but he was so caught up in watching Magnus, he didn't fully realize what he was doing. He leaned against the counter for support as Magnus sighed heavily, let out an incoherent lustful sound, and erupted with a fountain of white goo that splattered his pelvis and abdomen and even his thighs. It was the most erotic scene Alec had ever witnessed.

He suddenly became acutely aware of the wetness in his own underwear, and realized he had done something he hadn't done since he was thirteen years old: he came in his pants. He was utterly mortified that he had done something so juvenile, while watching his roommate jack off. He was ashamed, and quickly darted into his bedroom before he was caught.

He slid his pants and underwear off and tucked them at the bottom of his hamper so they would not be discovered. Then he slipped into clean clothes and sank onto his bed with his head in his hands. Magnus was getting to him, badly. He honestly couldn't believe he had just done that. What was wrong with him? He had wanted to watch. Of course he had. Who wouldn't? But he shouldn't have and he knew it. God, but it was a beautifully erotic sight.

Alec stayed in his room for several long minutes before returning to the living room. He wasn't sure how to explain his presence in the dorm room without Magnus knowing what he had seen. Would Magnus even care that he saw? Probably not. He would have shut his door if he truly cared about privacy.

Alec was pulling a bottled water from the fridge when Magnus emerged from his room. Alec was relieved to see he had clothes on for a change. Well, basketball shorts at least. There was no waistband peeking above his shorts, and Alec wondered if he was wearing underwear. His dick twitched at the thought. What the hell was wrong with him? Seriously!

"When did you get home?" Magnus asked, holding out his hand when Alec silently offered him a bottle of water. Alec passed the water to him and he twisted the top off, chugging down half the bottle in one gulp. Alec supposed Magnus had worked up a thirst…_Stop it!_

"Just a few minutes ago," Alec said casually, hoping Magnus wouldn't catch him in the lie. He was a terrible liar.

Magnus's brow furrowed. "I didn't hear you come in."

Alec cast his mind for an excuse. Someone was looking out for him at that moment. Magnus was wearing a pair of earbuds around his neck. He gestured to the earbuds and Magnus said, "Oh. Yeah." Alec sighed inwardly. Thank God Magnus had his earbuds in when Alec was observing things he had no right to observe.

They sat down on the couch beside each other, still sipping their water. After his conversation with Cammie, Alec was eager to get Magnus talking again, to see if he really was telling him things he didn't tell other people. He wanted to know why Magnus would open up to him, but the why was not as important as the fact that he was. He tried to think of something that would loosen Magnus's tongue, and eventually decided to start with the basics.

"So, where did you grow up?"

"Brooklyn."

Alec grinned. "Didn't go far from home, I see."

Magnus shook his head. "Brooklyn is home. I love it. I see no reason to leave."

Not exactly the in-depth analysis Alec was looking for. "What about after college? Are you okay with leaving then?"

Magnus eyed him sideways, as if trying to decide if he would answer the question. If Cammie was right, he likely hadn't answered that question with anyone in a long time, if ever. He suddenly wondered how Magnus came off as such an likable guy if he didn't answer questions when people asked them. Or maybe most people kept their noses out of his business and didn't ask him personal questions. He waited with baited breath to see if Magnus would answer.

"Coach had contacted a few NBA scouts to come to some games and watch me. So far, the only ones who have agreed were the New York Knicks and the Brooklyn Nets." Magnus shrugged. "If I get drafted to one of those teams, I won't have to worry about leaving New York, will I?"

Alec smiled. "I guess not." He suddenly felt a surge of outrage. "I can't believe those are the only scouts willing to watch you! You are amazing. Every team should be wanting you."

Magnus smiled crookedly. "You haven't even seen me play a game yet." He sounded incredulous that Alec would get so worked up when he had only seen him in practice and some pick-up games.

"I know. But you have a wicked jump shot, and some great moves."

"Thanks," Magnus replied.

"That slam dunk you did against Tyler was awesome!" Alec continued enthusiastically.

"Yeah, well, Tyler is big and slow. He needs to get in better shape and learn to move his feet better if he wants to be a good defender." Magnus shrugged, like the lack of defense made his dunk less awesome.

"Don't be modest," Alec chided. "You are really quick and could probably beat anybody off the dribble."

Alec could see the twinkle of mischief in Magnus's eye. "While that may be true, cheerleader, you haven't exactly seen me play against a good defender." Alec knew he was referring to his own weak defensive skills, and his cheeks reddened slightly. Magnus laughed, and nudged Alec with his shoulder. Alec smiled, knowing Magnus was just giving him shit.

Alec nudged him back. "Hey, I hit five shots against you last time. I'm improving." Magnus laughed harder and a wide grin split Alec's face at the sound. Magnus had a beautiful smile and his laughter engulfed Alec, sinking deep into his soul, drawing him closer to his new friend.

And that's what they were, he realized. He and Magnus were becoming friends. Unlike any of the other guys that had shared a living space with Magnus. He was warm and friendly and more open with Alec than he had been with anyone else. Friendship, of course, was not Alec's ultimate goal here, but it was a damn good start. Magnus seemed to feel comfortable around him, and that meant a lot to Alec.

Magnus grabbed his laptop from beside the couch, turned it on and pulled up YouTube. He hit a few keys and turned it so they could both watch some videos of NBA stars, and even some college guys, performing amazing basketball feats. Slam dunks, crossover dribbles, no-look passes, alley-oops. Alec watched the videos, but was more interested in Magnus's reaction to them. His expression was so open, awed, inspired that it took Alec's breath away. This was a Magnus few people, if any, ever got to see. The Magnus he displayed to the world was friendly in a detached way, and did not let people see what made him tick, what made him happy.

Magnus glanced sideways at him and he quickly looked away, afraid that Magnus would freak out again when he discovered Alec was watching him. But he didn't. Magnus smiled softly, almost to himself, and turned back to the computer screen. Alec caught several covert glances as they set huddled together watching videos for the next couple of hours. He could get used to this.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: 1. Aye: I do read the review. Every. Single. One. I even translate the ones that aren't in English. Reviews are like crack to me! I LOVE THEM! I love knowing how my story is affecting people and what they think about it. I have been known to get inspired by a review and change/add a chapter. :)**

**2\. As many have asked, I do not plan to do any chapters from Magnus's POV. I like the suspense created by not knowing what Magnus is thinking. **

**3\. Mrs. Magnus B : Are you a Kentucky girl, too? **

* * *

Halloween had never meant much to Alec. He didn't eat much candy and didn't care much about wearing costumes, so the appeal of the holiday was kind of lost on him. Consequently, he was a little reluctant to allow Austin and Cammie to drag him to a Halloween party. And he flat refused to wear a costume. Until Cammie started on him and he finally agreed to wear his cheerleading uniform. He felt it was a compromise, but she was unimpressed.

"You wear that all the time!" she protested. "Come on, Alec!"

She was wearing a kind of cute/kind of slutty nurse costume, and Austin was dressed as her patient. He had a friend in medical school that got him a hospital gown and supplies to look like he was attached to an IV. Alec was glad to see his friend was wearing clothes underneath the open-backed hospital gown. He didn't think they were going to _that_ kind of party.

"Sorry, Cam, this is my costume. Take it or leave it," he said brightly.

Cammie scowled at him. "What would you do if I said 'leave it'?"

A mischievous grin spread across his face. "I'd go change into jeans and a t-shirt."

"Whatever."

She turned her back on him and started down the sidewalk, pretending to ignore the fact that he wasn't playing fair. He ran up behind her and scooped her into his arms, swinging her around in a circle. Her hair flew out behind her in a wide, blonde arc and she kicked her feet, giggling like a little girl. He heard Austin's laughter as he came up behind them and Alec sat her down. She punched him in the arm before continuing down the sidewalk, looking back over her shoulder periodically to make sure Alec was behaving now.

They entered the frat house to a barrage of loud, thumping music. Everywhere Alec looked were writhing bodies in various costumes. Some were very elaborate, and probably very expensive. Others were clearly homemade and just barely passed as a costume. Alec suddenly felt his cheerleading uniform was just fine. At least he wasn't wearing a plain white t-shirt with multiple rolls of toilet paper attached to it. What the hell was that supposed to be anyway?

He glanced around the room and found the beverage table. He leaned close to Austin and Cammie to see if they wanted anything, but they waved him off. They were going to hit the dance floor first. He sighed. His first frat party, and he was single, didn't even have a date. Boo. He knew Magnus was off partying somewhere, but they hadn't really discussed specifics. All he knew was that Magnus had left the dorm room earlier looking ten kinds of hot in nineteenth century gentleman's attire. Where he got the costume, Alec had no idea, but damn did he look good in it. Plum with gold striping waistcoat, white frilly button-up shirt, top hat and coattails. Yum. He wondered if Magnus could pull off a good British accent. Alec would be putty in his hands if he did.

After half an hour of standing around bored, Cammie dragged him onto the dance floor. He danced with Austin and Cammie, carving out a triangle shaped area in the center of the room. Alec liked to dance, and was fine with group dancing. That was about all he got to do in high school. There just weren't many gay boys in his school, and even fewer that were willing to publicly dance with him.

They danced for hours, working up a sweat, moving to the hip hop songs that vibrated through the speakers and into their souls. Alec was having fun, but his mind kept drifting, like it so often did, to Magnus. He wondered where Magnus was, what he was doing. After a while, he realized his heart wasn't into the party any longer. He wanted to go back to his room, be alone, think. No, what he really wanted was to talk to Magnus.

He remembered sitting together on the couch watching videos of basketball stars performing insane feats. He recalled the look in Magnus's eyes and how excited he got as they watched. That beautiful, open, unhindered expression when Alec could see straight into his soul. Yeah, that's what he wanted.

He dragged Austin and Cammie off the dance floor and told them he was calling it a night. They looked disappointed to see him go, but he smiled softly to them and they smiled back. He knew they worried about him, especially when he saw the expression on Cam's face. It reminded him of the way Izzy looked at him when he broke up with Eric.

He pulled her into a one-armed hug and kissed the top of her head. "I'm fine. Stop worrying about me." She grinned up at him with an expression that clearly said she would _not_ stop worrying. He released her and clasped hands and chest bumped with Austin. "You guys have fun. I'll see you later. Okay?" They agreed and Alec headed for the door. He looked back one last time before he left and caught the look that passed between Cammie and Austin. There was only one word to describe that look. Love. He hoped someone would look at him like that someday.

He casually walked back to the dormitory, wondering if he would be the only person in the entire building tonight. Halloween had been the topic of every conversation for the last two weeks. It seemed the entire campus had plans for tonight. Perhaps he would text Jace and see what he was up to.

He let himself into his dorm room. As he expected, he didn't encounter a single person along the way. Everything was quiet. Perhaps that's why the noises coming from Magnus's room startled him so. He glanced in the direction and received the shock of his life.

Magnus's bedroom door was wide open. Magnus was kneeling at the foot of the bed behind a girl on her hands and knees, and he was fucking her senseless. Her long black hair draped over her lean body, and she emitted some incredibly wanton noises. She flung her head back and Alec caught a glimpse of her face. She had startling blue eyes, but she was not the same girl Magnus had been with that night he nearly knocked him to the ground outside the weight room. This girl had a more slender, heart-shaped face. Both were stunningly pretty.

The girl let her head fall back down as Magnus continued to pummel into her. Alec felt like he was rooted to the spot, unable to turn his eyes away, no matter how much he wanted to. And, unlike when he caught Magnus jacking off, this time he desperately wanted to look away. This was a private moment, and he hated intruding on it. Hell, he hated that it was even happening. He felt a surge of jealousy, but he knew that wasn't fair. Sure, he had caught Magnus looking at him on many occasions, and they were becoming pretty good friends, but Magnus had not admitted to any feelings for Alec, had not even admitted that he _could_ have feelings for a guy. Still, would it have killed him to shut the fucking door?

Alec's eyes involuntarily scanned the girl's body, from her flowing black hair to her slender waist, and came to rest on Magnus, whose hands where gripping her hips so tightly his knuckles where turning white. His eyes grazed over his perfect torso, currently covered in a thin sheen of sweat from exertion. He looked so beautiful like that, even if he was with a girl at the moment. That part didn't really do anything for him, but just watching the graceful arc of Magnus's body made him wish he could take the place of that girl. Alec continued his trail up Magnus's body, finally landing on his face, which was contorted into a mask of tension and…frustration? Could that really be what Alec was seeing?

The girl started bucking wildly on Magnus's dick, vocalizing her release, and Magnus's face scrunched up tighter. Alec wasn't an expert in heterosexual sex, but the look on Magnus's face didn't reconcile with what he should be feeling at this moment. The girl finally stopped moving, collapsing into a panting mess against Magnus's mattress, but Magnus continued pounding her, still searching for his own release.

To Alec's horror, Magnus's eyes cracked opened, and immediately found him. He was caught watching, and was completely embarrassed by it. He wanted to run, hide, possibly never face Magnus again as long as he lived. It's what he deserved. He had no business watching Magnus, and he was sure his friend would let him know that. He expected Magnus's wrath, but what actually happened caught him completely off guard, and left him questioning everything he knew. Instead of looking angry or ashamed or anything else Alec thought Magnus would feel at being observed, Magnus's features softened, his lips turning up at the corners into a soft smile. He held Alec's gaze, his unique green-gold eyes locked onto Alec's brilliant blue. His hips pumped a few more times, then his body trembled and spasmed. His mouth fell open in silent release, but he did not break eye contact with Alec. His body stopped moving, all the tension draining from him, and he finally let his eyes slide shut in relief.

Alec stood there long enough to see Magnus pull out of the girl, climb off the bed, and discard the condom in the trash. Then he turned and darted into his bedroom as fast as he could. He leaned against the door, panting as if he were the one who had just had sex. It took several long moments, and many deep breaths to steady him. _What the hell just happened? _he thought. He couldn't make sense of it. It was almost like Magnus was struggling to get off _until_ he saw Alec. But that couldn't be...could it?

Alec was a jumble of emotions. He couldn't honestly describe how he felt at the moment. It hurt to see Magnus with a girl, and he was jealous as fuck about it! He was slightly traumatized at having caught Magnus, again, in such an intimate situation, especially one that involved someone else. His feelings for Magnus seemed to be increasing by the day, but now he wondered if he was making a mistake getting close to him. Maybe Magnus was straight after all. But then, why did he seem so happy to see Alec, and get off right after that? Or was that just a coincidence and he was about to finish, regardless of him standing there? Did it even matter? If Magnus was fucking some chick, he didn't seem to be any closer to coming out than he was a month ago when Alec moved in. And, tickling at the back of his mind, not yet forming into a coherent thought he could analyze, was the fact the both girls Magnus had been with this semester had black hair and blue eyes...just like Alec...

After an unknown amount of time, he heard the door close and only then did he venture back out into the living room. He didn't want to face Magnus at the moment. He was still reeling from what he had witnessed, still trying to process it all, still trying to figure out how he felt about it. He hated seeing Magnus with someone else. Seeing him with a girl made him question if Magnus really was attracted to guys. Of course, seeing him with another guy would have meant that he was indeed attracted to guys, just not Alec. He really wished he hadn't seen him with anyone. He stood in the kitchen, his thoughts chasing each other through his mind, for a ridiculously long time before finally deciding to pop some popcorn and watch a movie, drowning his sorrows in mindless TV and super-buttery, fattening comfort food.

To Alec's surprise, Magnus returned before the popcorn was finished popping. _Shit._ He had hoped to be back in his room with his laptop and Netflix before Magnus returned, but now he had no excuses to avoid Magnus. _The girl must not live far away, _Alec thought. His mind searched for something to say to Magnus, something to make the situation not so awkward. He rather thought that was asking a lot.

Magnus strolled over to the refrigerator, yanked the door open and pulled out a bottle of water. "Want one?" he asked Alec, who suddenly realized he hadn't thought of something to drink with his popcorn. Magnus looked up, caught Alec's eye, his expression completely neutral. The expression he used on everyone in his life. The expression that gave nothing about his feelings away, nothing whatsoever.

"S-sure," he stammered, still not sure how to handle this situation.

"Do I smell popcorn?" Magnus closed the refrigerator door and handed the bottle of water to Alec.

"Yeah." He still couldn't believe how nonchalant Magnus was acting, so calm, like he hadn't just gotten off while staring directly into Alec's eyes. Alec's hand was trembling, he noted with a deep sense of unease, as he took the water bottle Magnus offered.

"There enough for me?" Magnus asked. "I'm starved."

_I'll bet you are!_ Alec thought, but simply nodded to Magnus instead. He dumped the popcorn into a bowl and grabbed his water bottle off the countertop, then headed to the couch, followed closely by Magnus. This was not the plan. Not that he really had a plan to begin with, but sitting next to Magnus on the couch sharing popcorn was not going to help him clear his head.

Then, before his brain-to-mouth filter had a chance to kick in, he found himself saying, "Why do you do that?" _Oh, shit!_ He hadn't meant to start this conversation, though if he were honest with himself, he really wanted to know the answer. Perhaps being straight-forward was the best option. God he hoped it was.

"Do what?"

Alec looked at him incredulously. Was this guy serious? "Oh, I don't know. Walk around the dorm naked? Leave your door open to include me in your private moments?"

The corner of Magnus's mouth hitched upward. "We don't have to make a big deal out of this."

Alec spluttered, his eyes rounding in disbelief. "Not...big deal...What?" He opened and closed his mouth a few times. He knew he looked stupid, but he just couldn't believe Magnus had said it wasn't a big deal. "It's a big deal to me!" he said, finally getting his brain and mouth to coordinate.

"Why?" Magnus said with genuine interest in his tone.

Alec bit his lip, thinking fast. Oh, he was so not going to answer that question. "That's not important," he said. "But it is a big deal, and I want to know why you do it."

Magnus shrugged. "It's what I've always done," he said offhandedly.

Alec turned in his seat to look more closely at him. "But why?" he said earnestly. Despite his discomfort, he really wanted to know what was going through that gorgeous head right now. If Magnus had done this before, he must have a reason.

Magnus dropped his gaze to his hands. "Because I never wanted a roommate. I thought if I ran them all off, maybe they would finally stop giving me new ones, and let me live alone."

Alec wasn't prepared for that. Those words stung him more than just about anything else Magnus could have said. He wanted so badly to get to know Magnus, it really hurt to find out he was trying to get rid of him all along. "Oh," he said softly, his voice sounding hollow even to himself. He edged to the corner of the couch, about to get up, then said quietly, "I'll ask Mrs. Greene for a transfer on Monday."

"What?" Magnus said, sounding alarmed. "No! I don't want _you_ to go!"

Alec chanced a glance at him and was surprised to see that his face held the same strain that was in his voice. He sincerely didn't want Alec to move out. Alec's heart fluttered, but he was confused.

"But you just said…"

"I know what I said," Magnus said urgently, "but I didn't mean you."

"Why not me?" Alec asked, half afraid of the answer.

"Because," Magnus said softly, "you're different."

Alec looked at him, his brows furrowed in question. "What do you mean?"

Magnus looked distinctly uncomfortable. Alec was sure that he was. They were wading into some deep waters here, and Alec felt the trepidation as well. "I never wanted a roommate. I've always wanted to be alone. It's easier that way. I can be myself when I'm alone. And I don't like to talk about personal things, you know?"

Magnus paused, and Alec held his breath. He didn't want to push Magnus, but he knew that they needed to get this out in the open if they were going to continue to be roommates. This was a long time coming. He waited for Magnus to continue.

"My first roommate was pushy," Magnus said. "He didn't get the hint that I am a private person and didn't want to talk about things with him. I finally managed to push him away and get him to leave, but it was difficult and very uncomfortable for me. He found out some things I didn't want him to know…"

Magnus swallowed. "Anyway, after that, I started doing the naked routine. Do you know how most people responded to that?" Alec shook his head, though he had a pretty good idea. "They shut themselves up in their room and pretty much never spoke to me." Magnus shrugged. "It was what I wanted, I guess."

"It wasn't what you wanted?" Alec said, reading between the lines. He was more than a little surprised.

"I thought it was what I wanted." Magnus shook his head as if trying to shake a pesky fly. "No, it was definitely what I wanted. I didn't want anyone else in my life...but then you came along and took me by surprise."

"I did?"

"Yeah," Magnus said. "You didn't hole up in your room and ignore me. You sat down next to me and had a conversation, like me being naked is the most natural thing in the world. And for some reason unknown to me, I liked that. It felt like you accepted me. That doesn't make any sense, does it?"

"No, it does. And I do accept you." Alec looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "So, was this all some kind of...test?"

"I never really thought about it like that before," Magnus answered honestly. "I guess, in a way, it was."

"And did I pass?" Alec said, unable to keep the note of hope from his voice.

Magnus grinned at him. "With flying colors." Alec beamed, his whole body filled with a glowing warmth at Magnus's words. Magnus wanted him to stay, wanted him as a roommate.

"Awesome," he said happily. "I think I'm glad I was randomly selected to be your new roommate."

Magnus snorted, then turned a surprised look on Alec. "Is that what they told you?"

Alec's forehead crinkled into a frown. "Yeah," he said uncertainly.

Magnus shook his head. "You weren't randomly selected. You were chosen on purpose." His voice was as certain as Alec's was doubtful.

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Magnus said patiently. Alec didn't answer. "They thought you would be able to deal with me. It's no secret among Mrs. Greene and the administrators why I can't seem to keep a roommate. They've tried to reprimand me, several times, but there's nothing they can do, really. So, they chose the openly gay, easy-to-get-along-with guy. Plus, they always choose freshman. I think they think the freshman wouldn't know anything about me and might get them a couple extra months before they cave. Freshman don't like to make waves if they can keep from it. Usually." He smirked a little at Alec at that last statement, though Alec wasn't sure why. He certainly didn't tend to make waves. Did he?

"So they took me away from a place where I was happy, with a roommate I got along with well, because they thought I could handle your…eccentricities?"

Magnus burst into laughter, though whether from Alec's indignation or his calling Magnus's nudity an eccentricity, he didn't know. Alec watched him laugh for several moments before finally conceding that his statement was funny, and laughing lightly with him.

"I'm sorry, Alec," Magnus said when the laughter had finally died. "I never considered how my actions were affecting others. No, that's not true. I never _cared_ how my actions affected people. I just wanted to be alone and that was the only thing I could think of to make it happen."

Alec studied him for a moment. "Don't you get lonely though, being alone all the time? Don't you want a friend, someone to talk to?"

Magnus shrugged. "I have Will. He's all I need." He glanced sideways at Alec. "Need-ed," he amended.

Alec looked sharply at Magnus. "Needed?"

Magnus stared determinedly at his hands as he quietly said, "Yeah. I like having you as a friend."

Alec dragged his lower lip between his teeth, chewing thoughtfully. He was hesitant for some reason. Well, not for 'some reason.' He didn't want to ruin this moment by saying something stupid or grabbing Magnus and kissing him, like he _really_ wanted to do. Magnus had just said he needed him, liked having him as a friend. Alec felt fairly certain that he had never uttered those words to anyone, other than maybe Will, in his entire life. His heart swelled, but he had to remain grounded. Magnus had used the word 'friend' after all. Oh, God, he was in so much trouble.

Finally, he said, "You're friendship means a lot to mean too, Magnus."

Magnus looked up, his eyes wordlessly telling Alec that his thoughts were correct, that Magnus had never really put himself out there like that, with anyone, again, other than Will. But in many ways Will didn't count in this scenario. He and Will had been friends their entire lives. Will knew where he stood with Magnus, and vice versa. There was no question about that. And consequently, no need for Magnus to make himself so vulnerable.

Magnus's expression eased, and he reached for a handful of popcorn. He leaned back on the couch, stretching out and getting comfortable.

"So, what movie should we watch?" he said casually, like they had not just had a life-changing conversation. Well, it had changed Alec's life anyway. He wondered if Magnus felt the same.

Alec picked up the remote and flicked through the options on Netflix. "Ferris Beuller's Day Off!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"Ferris what?" said Magnus skeptically.

"Oh, come on. Surely you've heard of one of the best '80's movies ever!" Alec said, looking at Magnus as if he were a new species he didn't understand.

Magnus chuckled. "Sorry. No."

"Then we are definitely watching it," Alec said, clicking the button. He leaned back on the couch, grabbed a handful of popcorn and waited for the movie to load. He glanced sideways at Magnus, and realized he was watching him with a crooked grin on his face. "What? My parents love '80's movies…and music…and just about everything for that matter. Relax and enjoy the show. You'll love it, I promise."

Magnus's grin widened, but he did as he was instructed. He reached for some popcorn and bumped hands with Alec, pulling away shyly. Alec offered the bowl to him, not wanting anything to break the spell they seemed to be under at that moment. Then he settled in to watch the movie, sitting closer to Magnus than was strictly necessary to share popcorn. He caught a whiff of Magnus's scent, that musky, masculine smell, lightly flavored by sandalwood and sweat. He torn his mind away from his roommate and focused on the antics of one Ferris Beuller.


	8. Chapter 8

Alec stood in the a line of cheerleaders near the Idris bench, Cammie settled on his shoulders with her legs wrapped around him to secure her, and leaving his arms free to applaud and cheer. Basketball season was well underway, and the announcer was gearing up for the starting line-ups of their fifth game of the season. Cammie, as well as the other flyers were waving their pompoms in the air, helping to energize the crowd.

The members of the basketball team who were not starters lined up near the cheerleaders, creating a tunnel for the starters to run through as their names were called. Alec liked this part, the introductions, the anticipation, and yeah, high-fiving Magnus as he jogged past on his way to center court was pretty cool, too.

The PA system crackled to life and the booming voice of the announcer made the introductions for Idris's opponent. They were imbedded in the non-conference portion of their schedule, which meant they were playing a mixture of teams around the country. Idris, being a small university with a small following, rarely had their games televised, unless they were playing a school that had a large market. They had gone to Syracuse, another New York college, just a few days ago and gotten beaten handily. That game had been on TV, and Alec had watched Magnus from the comfort of his dorm room, because the cheerleaders didn't travel to away games. Magnus had played well, the team was just undermanned and undersized to beat that kind of team in their own arena.

"At guard, a 6'5" Junior from Brooklyn, New York. Magnus Bane!" came the announcer's voice, breaking into Alec's thoughts. Magnus jumped out of his seat, shook hands and shared some dance moves with his teammates before trotting past the cheerleaders. He gave Alec a smile and swatted his hand as he went past. Alec almost forgot to listen to the rest of the team's names being called.

"At guard, a 5'11" Sophomore from Fredericksburg, Virginia. Blake Whittington!" More applause as the small shooting guard who was paler than Alec with a tuft of blonde hair on top of his head smacked hands and joined Magnus at center court.

"At guard, a 6'0" Senior from Hartford, Connecticut. Jalen Crawford!" Alec clapped. Jalen was a one of the guys he met during that first pick-up game back in August. He was undersized, but he was fast. A lean, dark-skinned guy with close-cropped hair, and the ability to penetrate the defense. Idris was a little guard-heavy, but all three of their starting guards were skilled.

"At forward, a 6'6" Junior from Bronx, New York. Patrick Rowlings!" Pat was cool. Alec liked him. He was pretty athletic, as were most forwards. He was of mixed race with lightly pigmented skin and a crooked smile that could put the most cynical person at ease. He liked to joke around a lot and was the 'class clown' of the team.

"At center, a 6'9" Sophomore from Charlottesville, Virginia. Tyler Johnson!" Tyler was the guy that Magnus said was big and slow. He wasn't wrong. He lumbered down the court and got winded easily. But he could easily improve his game if he put his mind to his work-outs. Alec wondered how serious he actually was about basketball.

For some reason, today's the starting line-up tripped a switch in Alec's mind. Something had been bothering him for months now, but he couldn't put his finger on it, until now. He had always wondered why Magnus chose to come to Idris University, instead of going to a more prestigious basketball school. And he still wondered. But now he understood why his teammates had chosen Idris. They were all, every last one of them, undersized for their position. These weren't guys who were likely to play professional basketball one day, at least, not in America. Seriously, a 6'9 center! He'd get killed in the league! A few extra inches makes a difference when it comes to basketball. Hell, most of the good college teams had at least one guy that was 6'11 or 7 foot.

But Magnus was different. Far from being undersized, Magnus was a tall point guard. A tall, skilled point guard. Alec had done a little research and discovered that Magnus had been highly recruited coming out of high school, yet he chose to stay in Brooklyn and go to a little known school. Alec didn't understand why.

He let Cammie down from his shoulders and left the court. The teams both lined up near their benches as a tiny little woman from the music department was introduced to sing the "Star-Spangled Banner." That tiny woman had one hell of a set of lungs, though. The whole crowd cheered, all 5,000 of them, as she hit the high notes at the end of the song.

And then the game began. Alec loved watching his team play. They may be undersized, but they had some talented players. Blake was deadly from behind the three-point arc. Patrick loved to dunk the ball. Tyler, though big and slow, was like a bull in a china shop on offense. He could tear down the lane and get a lay-up and he blocked a fair number of shots.

But Magnus, now that was the real show. That was why the tiny arena sold out for a no-name non-conference game. That's who everyone came to see. Magnus Bane was by far the best player to ever play at Idris. He was a superstar in the eyes of the fans and students. Alec thought he was pretty great, too.

Magnus knew he was what the fans came to see. And he delivered. Every time. He seemed to revel in performing for the crowd. Waving his hands around to get the crowd pumped up and cheering louder. He showed off his skills, too. By halftime, he already had sixteen points and three assists, one of which was a lob pass to Patrick, who slammed the ball through the hoop and made the crowd explode with cheers.

Alec was profoundly grateful to be a cheerleader. He could cheer for Magnus without worrying that someone might read something into it. Not that he cared about that, but he knew Magnus would. Oh, he cheered for Magnus's teammates as well, for every great play they made, he just cheered a little bit louder for Magnus.

Midway through the second half of the game, Magnus drove past the defenders and went for a lay-up. His shot was blocked and he was fouled hard, landing awkwardly. He didn't get up right away. Alec couldn't see exactly what happened, so he watched the replay. Magnus was holding his right leg out, a look of pain etched onto his face. It literally took every bit of self-control he possessed not to rush out onto the court to see if Magnus was alright. His hands were bunched into fists at his sides, his knuckles turning white, as the training staff came out to see what was wrong.

After several long, agonizing minutes, Magnus was helped to the bench by the training staff. A few moments later, they started working on his leg, massaging it, and Alec realized with great relief that Magnus was having muscle cramps. He sighed heavily, and Cammie squeezed his hand reassuringly.

Magnus's minutes were limited the rest of the game due to cramping, but when he was in the game, he was still very effective. He finished the game with twenty-three points, six assists, and two steals. Not a bad stat line for a guy who only played twenty-eight minutes of the game. With the win, Idris's record moved to 4-1, the best start in school history.

Alec waited for Magnus after the game. He never quite felt confident doing that, not sure how Magnus would take being walked back to their dorm by his roommate, but today was different. Magnus hadn't played at all the last four minutes of the game due to his cramping, and Alec wanted to make sure he got back to the dorm okay. At least this time he had an excuse to walk him home.

Magnus emerged thirty minutes later from the locker room, walking a little gingerly on his right leg. His face lit up when he saw Alec waiting for him.

"You okay?" Alec asked, jerking his head toward Magnus's leg.

"Yeah," Magnus said with a grimace. "I'll manage."

"Well, I'm going to walk back with you. If you need any help, you can lean on me."

Magnus smiled appreciatively. "Thanks."

Alec, and he suspected Magnus too, was thankful the dorms were just a few blocks away from the gym. Magnus did lean on him several times during the walk. He seemed greatly relieved when Alec finally helped him settle down on the couch.

Alec sat down beside him and patted his hands against his lap. Magnus raised an eyebrow at him. "Swing your legs up here," he said, patting his lap again. Magnus still looked skeptical. "I'm going to rub the cramps out of your legs."

Magnus finally relented and lifted his legs to rest on Alec's lap. "I won't turn you gay by rubbing your legs," Alec said jokingly.

Magnus snorted and gave him an odd look. "I'm not worried about you 'turning me gay.' I'm not homophobic, you know."

Alec liked this opening Magnus was giving him. He smirked, but before he could say anything, Magnus added, "My best friend, Will, is gay. You remember him, right?"

"Yeah, I remember him. Is he single?" Alec said, wiggling his eyebrows at Magnus. Magnus gaped at him and Alec shrugged. "What? It's been awhile." Alec thoroughly enjoyed watching Magnus flounder at these words. He wasn't quite sure how to interpret it, but it was still fun to watch.

Finally, Magnus said, "No. H-he has a boyfriend."

"Oh, bummer. He's kinda hot." Alec turned his attention to Magnus's right leg, tentatively laying his hands on it, pressing his thumbs into the band of muscles along the outer side of his leg. The muscles were tight and tense. He was pretty sure those were the ones that had given Magnus so much trouble today. He worked his fingers, gently at first, then with more force, and Magnus threw his head back, groaning piteously. All thoughts of their conversation about Will flew straight out of Alec's head.

"That feels amazing," he said breathlessly.

Alec grinned and shifted a little so Magnus wouldn't notice the effect his reactions were having on him. An erection was not exactly his plan, but what could he do? He slipped a pillow between Magnus's legs and his crotch and refocused his attention to Magnus's leg, trying to pretend it was anyone but the guy who turned him on like no other. He was only partially successful.

He worked his hands down Magnus's calf to his ankle, then flicked his shoes and socks off to get at his feet. He was thankful Magnus had already showered after the game. He liked this guy, but stinky jock feet was not somewhere he wanted to put his hands. He kneaded his thumbs into the ball of Magnus's foot, along the arch to the heel and back. He paid particular attention to the pressure points that he knew would relieve pressure on Magnus's legs and hips and back.

"God, you're good at this," Magnus moaned. Alec chuckled. Magnus drew his head back up to look at Alec. "No, I'm serious. You could make a living out of this."

Alec laughed outright this time. "I plan to."

"Really?" Magnus said.

"Well, sort of," Alec amended. "I'm studying Sports Medicine. I'd like to do something with helping athletes prevent and recover from injuries."

"Like our trainers?" Magnus said.

"Yeah. I'd like to get hired on at a university or even a pro-team, preferably basketball or soccer." Alec's hands crept back up Magnus's leg, working out all the kinks in his calf.

"How did you get interested in doing that?" Magnus asked with genuine interest. He was watching Alec's hands work their magic on his leg.

"A couple of years ago, Jace tore his ACL playing soccer. He had surgery to repair it, then had to go through rehab with lots of physical therapy. I went with him, mostly to make sure he was actually doing all the things he was supposed to be doing at home, and I thought it was really interesting. I starting asking his therapist questions, and he taught me all sorts of stuff, like pressure points and how to massage. I love it."

"So, you actually like massaging my leg like this?" Magnus said and Alec nodded. _You have no idea._ "Well, you can do this any time!"

Alec chuckled. "Okay," he said, "I don't mind it. Really. I don't have an interest in working with the general public doing PT, but athletes are a different story. Their physical fitness is vital to their success. Athletes tend to be more willing to do what you tell them to do. You know?"

"Yeah. I see your point."

"Good," Alec said, "so I won't hear any argument when I say that you will be drinking an entire bottle of Gatorade before every game from now on."

"What?" Magnus said. "I can't do that. I'll have to pee the whole time I'm on the court!"

"So, pee before and during halftime. You'll be fine.," Alec replied dismissively. He worked his hands over Magnus's knee and hesitantly tried to go a little higher up his thigh. He could feel Magnus's body tense beside him, and quickly moved back to a safer zone.

"Fine," Magnus said reluctantly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help keep you in the game. It's your body," he said offhandedly.

"I said fine," Magnus grumbled. "I just hate Gatorade."

Alec silently chuckled at that. He hated Gatorade, too, but the electrolytes would help keep Magnus from cramping. "The red one isn't so bad," he offered.

Alec switched to Magnus's left leg, massaging and kneading until his muscles released their tension. "Can I ask you something?" he said after several long minutes of silence.

"As long as you are doing that to my leg, you can ask me anything you want." Magnus's voice had taken on a dreamy quality and his body was completely relaxed under Alec's touch. Alec liked the way he looked, especially because he was the cause of it.

"Why are you here?"

Magnus cracked open an eye. "Philosophically? Like what is the meaning of life? Or -"

"Why are you at Idris?" Alec clarified, cutting across Magnus before he took the conversation somewhere Alec didn't want it to go. He was sounding distinctly like Jace at the moment.

Magnus looked meditatively at him, then shrugged. "To play basketball," he said simply.

"But why _here_? I get why the other guys are here. They are decent players, but undersized at each position. I doubt any of them will play in the NBA. But you? A 6'5" highly skilled point guard? The number one point guard in your class. You had to have college coaches drooling all over you."

"Yeah, they liked the idea of a point guard that can see over the defense." He shrugged like this was no big deal.

Alec pressed further. "You were recruited by all the big-name basketball schools: Kentucky, Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, and on and on. I don't get why you came here."

Magnus tensed. "How do you know all that about me?" he said, his tone harsh, a flash of something -concern maybe - in his eyes.

"I…I did a little research," Alec said softly, afraid Magnus was going to be really pissed at him.

"Yeah?" Magnus said hotly. "Is that all you found?"

Alec's eyes darted up to Magnus's. His expression was unreadable. "Yeah. That's all I was looking for."

Magnus seemed to relax a little, the edge leaving his voice. "I didn't want to leave home." He studied Alec a little longer. Alec held his tongue, wanting to be sure the anger passed before he said anything else to Magnus. "You remember a few years ago when Stephen Curry went to Davidson and basically put that school on the map?" Alec nodded. "Well, I thought, if he could do it, why can't I?"

Alec could feel the tension draining from Magnus as he talked, as Alec continued massaging his legs. He thought now it might be alright to speak. "Okay, but don't you think going to one of those other schools, somewhere you would have more national exposure, would have been better for your career?"

"I wanted to stay close to home," he repeated.

"Well, there are plenty of schools close to home. Syracuse, UConn, Maryland, Georgetown. All within a couple hours drive."

Magnus sighed, and looked down at his hands, which were twisting in his lap. "Fine." He sighed heavily again. "When I was a senior in high school, my mom got sick. Cancer. My step dad was…gone by then. I couldn't leave her. I didn't _want_ to leave her. I wanted to stay home with her and skip college altogether, but she wouldn't let me."

Alec held his breath, his hands went still on Magnus's legs as he waited for him to continue.

"She couldn't work because she was so sick, and we lost the house. Hell we were lucky to have food to eat most of the time. Eventually, we had to move in with Will and his mom. They took care of us.

"I started Idris in the fall, and went home every chance I got just to see my mom. She got weaker and weaker, until finally she died…It was late-January my freshman year. I don't even know how I played the rest of the season, don't really remember much of it, to be honest."

Alec touched his shoulder, sliding his hand along it to comfort him. This time, Magnus let him. "I'm sorry, Magnus," he said. He didn't know what else to say in that situation. There really wasn't anything else to say, no words of comfort to ease his pain. "You two were close?"

Magnus looked up and Alec saw the barely-concealed tears in his eyes. He nodded. "Yeah. We were. She was a good mom, did the best she could for me, under the circumstances…"

Alec assumed he meant her illness. He was heartbroken for Magnus. He couldn't imagine losing one of his parents, and Magnus had only ever mentioned his mother and step dad, who apparently was no longer in the picture. He didn't mention any siblings that had moved in with Will and his mom either. It sounded like Magnus was pretty much alone in the world.

They sat in silence for several minutes while Alec resumed his work on Magnus's legs. He had already worked out the knots in Magnus's muscles, but he didn't want to stop. He told himself it was to comfort Magnus, but there was a small - or maybe not so small - part of him that just wanted to keep touching him. Was that selfish? Sure, but Magnus was getting something out of it, too. And he seemed to appreciate the attention. He gave Alec a small, sweet smile that melting Alec's insides into a puddle.

Finally, when Magnus had had time to collect himself, Alec said, "So, why have you stayed here? I mean, you could always transfer to a school that would give you better exposure, play for a team that might contend for a national championship."

One corner of Magnus's mouth hitched upward. "You trying to get rid of me, cheerleader?"

Alec shoved Magnus's legs off his lap, knowing he would irritate his muscles if he continued to massage him like this. Magnus jerked forward, trying to regain his balance. "No," Alec said, "of course not. I'm glad you,re here. I'm just curious as to your reasoning."

Magnus shrugged. "I really do like it here. I like my teammates, my coach. It may not be as big and fancy as some of those other schools, but I've never had big and fancy. That's not really my dream or who I am. It doesn't mean much to me. The goal is to get to the NBA, and I can manage that just fine from Idris. I may not get picked as high as I would have at some other school, but maybe I will. Besides, Coach says I'm a lottery pick whenever I decide to go anyway."

He glanced sidelong at Alec, who could feel his face scrunched up in confusion. "Don't know much about the NBA Draft, huh?" Alec shook his head and Magnus chuckled. "A lottery pick means the first fourteen guys to get drafted. It basically means you are going to one of the fourteen shittiest teams the previous year. The draft order is determined kind of like bingo, your number is called and that's the order for making your selection." He shrugged. "Anyway, all first-rounders are guaranteed a two-year contract, with the top picks getting the highest salary and trickling down from there. Understand?"

Alec nodded. "So, your coach doesn't think having more national exposure would help you get picked higher?" He was surprised how fascinating he found this conversation.

Magnus shook his head. "The Knicks and the Nets suck this year. Both could use more depth at the point."

"Do you plan to leave college at the end of the year? Go in the draft early?" Alec tried to sound like the question was offhand, but inside he was dying. He didn't want Magnus to leave at the end of the year. He was hoping for more time with him.

Magnus shrugged. "Haven't decided yet. Most people in my situation would, but I have no family, no one to support. I'm not really in a rush to be a grown-up, but you never know what will happen."

He winked at Alec…actually winked! And Alec thought he might have died just a little.

Magnus scooped up his laptop. "Time for more videos," he said with a knowing glance at Alec. This was one of Magnus's favorite pastimes, and something they did on a regular basis to wind down after games or tough practices. There was never a shortage of spectacular basketball plays on YouTube, but Alec thought it was time to exercise his own will for a change.

"Give me that," he said, taking the laptop out of Magnus's hands. Magnus looked at him like he had never seen anything quite like Alec before, and perhaps he hadn't. Alec doubted very many people told Magnus what to do. "We can watch videos, but we're going to watch some cheerleading videos first."

Magnus cocked an eyebrow at him. "Cheerleading videos?"

"Yes." He tapped away at the keys and brought up a serious of videos made by the University of Kentucky's cheerleading program. "Okay, so Coach's goal is for us to be as good as these guys," Alec said, giving Magnus a sideways glance. "That's not going to happen. These guys are amazing. Watch this."

He clicked on a video and angled the screen so Magnus could see, too. They watched as a flyer and her base did a series of unbelievable moves and stunts. When the short video was over, Alec caught the look of awe on Magnus's face and grinned. "Can you imagine Cammie and me doing _that_?"

Magnus shook his head. "They are really good!"

A thrill went through Alec that Magnus appreciated the efforts of cheerleaders as much as basketball players. They watched several more videos that were just as amazing. The amount of skill, and trust, and just plain nerve involved with each stunt was inspiring.

"So, you think you and Cammie will eventually do some of those stunts?" Magnus asked.

Alec bit his lip. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "Hell, I'm glad I can lift her with a 360 spin. Some of those girls were spinning 3 or 4 times! It's amazing to watch, I just don't know if I have the guts to try any of it."

"No guts, no glory," Magnus said.

"No guts, no broken necks," Alec replied.

* * *

**A/N: If anyone is interested in watching the videos Magnus and Alec watched, PM me and I'll get you the links (it won't let me post them on here...). Or you can type in University of Kentucky cheerleaders. Those folks do some amazing stunts!**

**On a side note, I have recently (like in the last week or so) become addicted to an online story called Daron's Guitar Chronicles. It's about a young adult gay man in the late 1980's who starts a rock band and all the trials and tribulations that come along with that. It's awesome. I'm seeing some parallels between Daron and the Magnus I created in this story. It's written like a fanfic with short chapters but there are hundreds of them! Warning: if you check it out on the mobile addition, make sure you click on "Start here" at the bottom or you will be starting with the most recent posts and it won't make sense. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Aye...you figured me out ;)**

**Mrs. Magnus B...IKR. Those cheerleaders are fucking awesome!**

**deathslittledoll...I love Lexington! The Mecca of college basketball, and horseracing, and bourbon. It's a great city.**

* * *

November faded into December in a blur of basketball games, cheerleading practices, projects and papers for school, and studying for finals. Magnus's leg cramps resolved with a steady regime of pre-game Gatorade and post-game massages. Far from finding this tedious, Alec loved every moment he spent touching Magnus. He kept reminding himself that there wasn't anything sexual about it. His brain listened, but the rest of him…not so much.

His attraction to Magnus was growing stronger every day. But it was so much more than attraction. He cared about Magnus…a lot. More than he liked to admit. He dreamed about Magnus, about having Magnus's hands on him, kissing Magnus, and having Magnus return his affection. His daydreams were significantly more explicit. He wanted Magnus like he had never wanted anything else. Ever.

He found himself unable to control his emotions at basketball games. He cheered loudly for Magnus, punched the air when he made a great play, and then had to remind himself that he needed to cheer just as loud for the rest of the players. It wasn't too hard really, considering how much he loved watching basketball anyway, but he couldn't help how excited he got to see Magnus out there tearing up the court, sinking jump shots, making brilliant passes. God, he was good.

Alec's parents picked him up and took him home for Thanksgiving dinner. He spent hours catching up with his family, and just as long listening to his sister go on and on about Magnus Bane. She wanted details of Alec and Magnus's non-existent relationship, and didn't seem to hear him when he said they were just friends. She had been bitten by the love-bug for Alec and Magnus and wanted them together very badly. Alec could not disagree with her, but he knew he couldn't afford to lose his head over Magnus, at least, not until he knew if Magnus felt something for him, too. Fortunately, their mother finally quieted her, but then mentioned how she wished Idris had more games televised so they could see him more often, which opened a whole new round of questions from Izzy. All things considered, it was an enjoyable meal, but he was thankful when only his father and Jace accompanied him home that evening.

Magnus ate Thanksgiving dinner with the team at their coach's house, and by the time they both got home, they were practically in a food coma and too sleepy to offer much more than a cursory 'hello.' They turned in early and slept well. Idris had a game the next day, which proved to be a good one, a back and forth battle that came down to a last second shot by Magnus to win the game. The gymnasium erupted with cheers when the shot fell, and Magnus was carted off the floor like a hero.

After the game, Magnus and Alec did their usual routine of rubbing down Magnus's legs. Magnus chattered excitedly about the game, giving Alec a play-by-play as if he hadn't been captivated by every single moment of the game. Alec did his part, ooh-ing and aah-ing at all the right places. He casually glanced at Magnus as he spoke, thoroughly enjoying the way his face lit up as he recounted the game, as he lost himself in basketball right their in their living room. His eyes were wide, the green-gold color of his irises glimmering in the soft artificial light of their dorm. He leaned his head back, folding his arms behind it and sank into the couch cushions, as Alec tended to his feet.

"Have I told you how much I love that?" Magnus said breathily.

Alec grinned. "Every time."

"Oh," Magnus said with a chuckle.

Alec finished with Magnus's legs and picked up his backpack, withdrawing a notebook and pencil. He still had a study guide to finish for his chemistry class, and a paper to finish writing for English. Meanwhile, Magnus was on his laptop, as usual. This time, instead of watching videos, he pulled up his favorite online radio station and soft music flooded the room. They had discovered that both of them studied better with background music and had done this many times. Alec heard the keys clicking as Magnus's fingers flew across his keyboard as he, too, worked on whatever he was doing to prepare for finals week.

Alec's mind was not cooperating with his studies, however. It kept drifting, marveling in how quickly the two roommates had settled into a routine, how comfortable they had become in each other's presence. He was happy to sit on this couch next to Magnus, whether they were talking or studying or watching videos it didn't matter. Just being near Magnus was enough for him. Well, that wasn't exactly true. He wanted to be doing so much more than just sitting there, but…

Alec paused, studying the notes he had just written. Somehow, he doubted the words _he's so beautiful_ had anything to do with the chemical reactions he was supposed to be memorizing, but the irony was not lost on him. He hastily erased the words, inwardly berating himself for his lack of focus.

As he tried to refocus on the task at hand, his mind registered the fact that Magnus had stopped typing. Alec glanced at him sideways and found him staring, dazedly, at the computer screen. Odd. He laid his pencil down on his notebook, set it on the coffee table and turned to look full-on at Magnus. Magnus didn't even seem to notice Alec had moved, or that he was watching him. The words of the song emitting from Magnus's laptop filled the silence.

_"So tell me what you want to hear_  
_Something that will light those ears_  
_Sick of all the insincere_  
_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away"_

"Magnus?" Alec said tentatively, wondering what was troubling him.

Magnus didn't look at him. He continued to stare at the screen, mesmerized. Finally, his voice flat, he said, "Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Wouldn't what be nice?"

Slowly, Magnus turned his head to face Alec. "Wouldn't it be nice to give all your secrets away?" Alec stared at him blankly for a moment before he finally realized that Magnus was referring to the song. Magnus let out a harsh laugh. "Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. You're an open book for anyone to read."

Alec blinked. Magnus thought he had no secrets. Clearly Magnus didn't know that _he_ was Alec's biggest secret. "I may be like that now, but I wasn't always," Alec said, and Magnus gave him a disbelieving look. "There was a time I was very secretive. When I was twelve, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, and I had a lot of anxiety over it. I pretty much became a recluse and quit talking to everyone for about six months, until Jace finally had enough and pinned me down…and I mean that literally. He did some crazy wrestling move he'd seen on TV and pinned my ass to the floor in my bedroom and refused to let me up until I told him what was wrong."

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. "And that worked?"

Alec nodded. "It was killing me not talking to him anyway. So I told him."

"What did he say?"

Alec laughed. "He said something to the effect of '_that's_ what's bothering you?' Then he let me up and told me off for acting like a jerk. He said he had been worried something serious was wrong with me. Apparently me being gay was not a serious problem." Alec shrugged. "I told my sister about six months after that, then my parents found out when I was fifteen. I've been open about pretty much everything since then, but for a time, I had some pretty dark secrets, and dark thoughts."

Magnus's mouth raised in a humorless smile. "I wish I could be more open about things. I have so many secrets, so many things I'm hiding from everyone. I don't even know how people would respond if they knew the truth about me." His eyes darted briefly to Alec, then back at his screen. His voice was nearly inaudible when he continued. "But you already know one of my secrets, don't you? You've already figured me out."

Alec froze, unable to so much as breathe. He didn't answer Magnus, just waited patiently for him to continue. "You know I'm gay. Don't you?" Alec did not miss the slight quiver in his voice.

Alec took a deep breath as warmth poured throughout his body. Magnus had finally, _finally_, admitted he was gay. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to steady his nerves and his wildly racing heart. "I-I didn't _know_. I suspected...I hoped."

Magnus's eyes met his and held. Alec's heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest, perhaps to go to Magnus, and his breathing became more rapid. He registered the increase in the rise and fall of Magnus's chest as well, the slightly harsher sound of his breaths. Magnus shoved his laptop off his lap and onto the coffee table, then turned his body sideways on the couch, pulling his leg up under him. That was all the invitation Alec needed. He leaned forward, hoping like hell he had read the signals correctly. It seemed to take an eternity for their lips to meet, and when they finally did, Alec felt Magnus tense. His lips were soft, softer than he had ever imagined, but unyielding against Alec's. Alec didn't pull away - how could he? - but instead waited patiently, and after a few brief moments, Magnus relaxed into the kiss. His lips molded against Alec's, moved with Alec's, in a slow, lazy manner.

Magnus brought his hand up to Alec's cheek, flattening his palm against Alec's jaw and gently, absently, stroking his thumb over the ridge of his cheekbone. Alec melted into that touch, into the kiss that he had wanted for so long, despite the millions of electrical jolts the touch elicited against his cheek and his lips. The kiss was intense, even if it was just a gentle press of the lips, and it was oh so good. Mind-blowing. Earth-shattering. Life-changing. The emotions behind it were enough to make it electrifying, and Alec couldn't help wondering if Magnus had been wanting this as long as he had. Alec's fingers hesitantly hovered over the firm muscles of Magnus's chest, then ever so lightly made contact, before skimming up to cup the back of his neck.

Alec wanted, more than anything, to deepen the kiss, to taste Magnus, but he was afraid to push things. While it was true that Magnus was kissing him back, seemed to be as into the kiss as he was, he didn't know how he would respond if he took it further. At the moment, he was just so happy to have gotten this far, to be touching and kissing Magnus. He poured his heart into that kiss, and wondered if Magnus could feel it, if he understood how much he meant to Alec. And he wondered why, oh why, was he over thinking this so much?

He slipped his tongue between his lips, tracing the crease of Magnus's soft, accommodating mouth. He tasted sweet, and the scent of sandalwood filled his nostrils as he breathed in deeply. Magnus gasped at the sensation of Alec's tongue on his lips, parting his lips ever so slightly, and then, just as Alec was about to go for it, Magnus pulled away. He gently pushed Alec away from him, breaking whatever spell they had been under, and scrambled off the couch, pirouetting around the armrest, picking up a quick, chopping, pacing gait. He looked agitated, rubbing his hand over his face and up to tousle his hair.

"Magnus?" Alec said tentatively.

He stopped pacing briefly, his hand stalling in his messy hair. His eyes locked on Alec's face with a haunted look. "I can't, Alec." Alec stared at him, he didn't want Magnus to finish that thought, didn't want to know what, exactly, Magnus couldn't do. But Magnus continued, despite Alec silently screaming for him not to. "I can't…be with a guy. I just can't." His pacing resumed.

"Magnus-" he began, but Magnus cut him off.

"I can't have a relationship with a guy. You don't understand." Alec could read the plea in his eyes, and the fear. He knew him well enough to do that now. And his heart sank. No, his heart broke. He knew now that he was in love with Magnus, completely. That kiss had pushed him over the edge of the cliff and he was free-falling. He couldn't even grasp the idea that he couldn't have Magnus, not now. Not now that he _knew_. His only solace was that Magnus had said he couldn't be with a guy, not that he couldn't, or didn't want, to be with _Alec_, specifically. That gave him a little hope that maybe he could change Magnus's mind, but first he had to find out why.

"You're right, Magnus. I don't understand. Why can't you be in a relationship with a guy?" He tried to keep his voice steady and calm, like he was speaking to a frightened animal.

Magnus stilled again. After a moment, he sank back onto the couch next to Alec. "My team," he said quietly. "My team can't know I'm gay."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "You're team?" he said.

Magnus nodded sadly. "I'm the point guard, and the captain of the team. The other guys look to me for leadership. They trust me. Do you honestly think they would still trust me if they knew?" He looked beseechingly at Alec.

"I…why would they care?" Alec said. No one had cared when he came out, at least, no one who knew him. No one who mattered. Was it really so different for Magnus?

"They would care, I know they would. And then they would feel uncomfortable with me taking a shower with them after games or even being in the locker room, thinking I was looking at them. They would question every time I put my arm around them in a huddle or slapped their asses after a good play. I'd be lucky if they still wanted me on the team."

"Do you?" Alec said, before he could stop himself. "Look at them in the shower?" He couldn't hide the amusement in his voice at this statement, even with the gravity of the situation. He wondered, if he were to shower with other guys, especially fit athletes, if he could keep his eyes to himself.

Magnus looked away, embarrassment in his expression. "Well, yeah. Wouldn't you? They used to be what I thought about so I could finish when having sex with a girl." Magnus's eyes widened, like he couldn't believe he had actually told Alec that. Alec's only thought was _used to be?_ That implied he thought about something else now. And then he remembered when he had caught Magnus in bed with that girl, and the frustrated look on his face…until he saw Alec. He remembered how Magnus's face had relaxed, the tension draining from him, and then he had released.

Alec couldn't think about that right now. He needed to find a way to convince Magnus that they could be together.

"I don't think you are giving your teammates much credit," Alec said calmly. "I bet most of them wouldn't care." He wondered if he actually believed this or if it was just wishful thinking.

"Okay," Magnus said, "say you're right and my teammates are fine with it. Then what? What about when I make the league? How many openly gay men do you know of in the NBA?"

Alec faltered. Truth was, he didn't really know much about the NBA or it's players. He watched it occasionally, but his interest was more in college basketball. Even at that, he wasn't one of those guys who knew stats and players. He didn't even follow a specific team, just watched whatever game he caught on TV that looked interesting. His knowledge of gay NBA players was, therefore, seriously lacking.

"Let me help you out. None. There is not a single openly gay man, that I know of, in the NBA. If I was playing nearly _any_ other sport, it might be alright. But basketball?"

"Are you serious?" Alec said incredulously. How is that even possible? "There's not a single gay guy in the NBA?"

"I'm not saying there aren't any. I'm just saying they aren't open about it in public. If there are, I don't know if their teams know about it. I just don't know." He dropped his head into his hands. Alec could see how much this was hurting him. "I don't want to end my career before it ever even starts."

"So, you're going to…what? Live a lie forever? Pretend to be someone you are not? Never let anyone get close to you?" Alec stared at him, willing him to realize how hard it would be to do that.

"Not forever, no," Magnus said, still with his head in his hands. "Most guys retire by the time they are thirty or, if they are lucky, thirty-five. The human body just isn't cut out to play sports on that level much longer than that, and that's if I manage to stay healthy and not have any significant injuries."

"So you'll just wait until you're thirty-five to finally be with a man? Are you just going to keep fucking random girls until then?" Alec said with more heat than he had meant. He was frustrated. He cared about Magnus, but he was not going to wait fifteen years for his chance to be with him. He hoped to be married, possibly even with a kid or two by then. He wasn't in a rush to settle down or anything, but fifteen years was a long fucking time!

He was surprised to see Magnus flinch at his harsh words. He hadn't meant to hurt him, but he couldn't deny his irritation either. And he thought Magnus was being ridiculous. He had admitted to being gay, not bi. He really thought he could fake it for fifteen years?

"I have to keep up appearances," Magnus said in a low, defeated voice. He looked so miserable.

Alec was shaking his head. "This is crazy. It's the twenty-first century. This kind of thinking sets our society back a hundred years."

He wanted to grab Magnus and shake him, make him see reason. He honestly didn't believe his teammates would care, college or professional. Maybe some would, but not most. Surely. It wasn't like Magnus was planning on fucking them in the shower or something. What did it matter who he dated and loved?

Magnus was quiet, sitting next to Alec in a painful silence.

"I think you should tell them. I think you will be happier if you can be yourself."

Their eyes met again and Alec firmly held his gaze. _I love you_, Alec wanted to say, and wanted to hear even more. But what he saw in Magnus's eyes froze his insides. Magnus was afraid, of telling his teammates, Alec guessed. But there was more to it than that. There was a sharp edge of pure terror in his eyes that Alec didn't understand, that didn't fit with just the fear of telling your teammates something important they don't know about you. _I have so many secrets, so many things I'm hiding from everyone_, Magnus had said. Alec suddenly knew, he didn't know how but he _knew_, that Magnus's explanation was only part of the story, that there was much more that Magnus had not told him. That Magnus was hiding some...big.

"Magnus, did something happen to you?" Alec asked softly.

"What?" Magnus screamed in a clear over-reaction as anger flared up in him. Alec wondered if he had accidentally stumbled onto the truth. "Just drop it, Alec! Leave me alone!"

With that, he got to his feet and stormed into his bedroom, slamming the door closed behind him, leaving Alec with his head in his hands and wondering how they had gone from kissing one minute to a blow-up fight the next.

* * *

**A/N: The song is "Secrets" by OneRepublic.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Surprise! So, you guys gave me the most reviews I have EVER received for one chapter for the last chapter. As a thank-you (and because I went on a writing binge and, for once, I'm actually ahead in writing!) I have decided to give you an extra chapter this week! Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. Love you guys!**

**Maxsunny: Magnus (and I) did not know about Collins. But, as you said, it was the end of his career so I doubt that would give Magnus warm-fuzzies about coming out. Thanks for the info though!**

**deathslittledoll: Are your parents grieving as hard as I am right now? God, that game gutted me...**

**Can't comment on anything else without it being a spoiler...**

* * *

Alec awoke the following morning to a note from Magnus that said he was going to stay at Will's for the weekend. Alec was disappointed, but not surprised. To say things had not gone well the night before between them was the understatement of the century. Alec replayed the events in his mind all night long: Magnus admitting he was gay, Alec kissing him, Magnus freaking out and running away to the sanctuary of his bedroom. Not exactly how he had planned their first kiss. Not at all.

Alec moped around the apartment all weekend, finishing his school work and studying for the upcoming finals, taking breaks to clean something whenever it got to be too much for him. A little elbow grease could be therapeutic. He thought about Magnus often, and hoped he would get some perspective while at Will's, hoped Will would make him see that being in a same-sex relationship was not the end of the world. Was he hoping for a miracle? Probably. But hope was all he had.

Weekend basketball practice and cheer practice did not always follow each other, like they did during the week. So Alec wasn't surprised that he didn't see Magnus all weekend long. He waited up late Sunday night until his eyelids finally made the decision to sleep for him, and yet, still no Magnus.

When he didn't see Magnus on Monday, he started to worry. He'd given him space to come to terms with what happened. He thought he would have done that by now. Every time he returned to the dorms that day, he kept waiting to be called into Mrs. Greene's office, to be told he or Magnus would be reassigned to a different room. Was he being paranoid or realistic? But the call never came.

On Tuesday, he texted Magnus as he made coffee, but received no reply. When he got his things together for his shower, he realized there was evidence that Magnus had been there. The shampoo bottles were in a slightly different place, there was a recently used towel and washcloth drying in the bathroom. So Magnus was avoiding him. Great.

This continued for the next two weeks, through finals. Alec was so distracted by Magnus's behavior he would be surprised if he managed to pass any of his finals. Alec altered his schedule to try to catch Magnus off-guard, but even when he managed to see him, all Magnus would give him was a brief greeting, then do his disappearing act again. Magnus even surrounded himself with his teammates so that Alec felt unwelcome in their group.

At the end of those two weeks, Alec was an utter wreck. Consequently, he was completely floored when he returned home from his last final to find Magnus scurrying around the kitchen, whistling cheerfully and making sandwiches. Alec hesitantly sat down on the barstool that was their only kitchen furniture and accepted the sandwich Magnus pushed across the countertop toward him. He wasn't really hungry, since he had spent the hour prior to his exam eating lunch and figuratively crying on the shoulders of Austin and Cammie, but when your roommate who hasn't spoken to you in two weeks makes you a sandwich, you eat it.

They ate silently, while Alec studied Magnus. He seemed…fine. Like nothing had happened. Like he wasn't upset with Alec or avoiding him. Alec didn't know what to make of any of this. He was more confused now than he was before. At least he understood the reason for Magnus ignoring him. But this was completely unexpected, and a little unsettling, though not unwelcome. Perhaps Magnus just wanted to put the incident behind them, forget it had happened. Alec supposed he could do that, for now, but where would that leave his feelings for Magnus?

Magnus was the first to break the silent truce. "Do you want to go to a party with me tonight?" he asked around a bite of his sandwich.

Alec's mouth fell open. He hurriedly shut it when he realized there was still food inside. Gross. He stared at Magnus, who looked completely calm and carefree, and wondered what the hell was going on. Had he seriously just asked him out?

Apparently he took too long thinking, for Magnus added, "Today's my birthday. I thought it would be fun to go to a frat party."

Alec finally recovered himself. "H-happy birthday," he said, adopting a wide smile. "I'd love to go to a party with you."

"As friends," Magnus clarified.

"Of course," said Alec, though a little piece of him died.

"Great!" Magnus replied enthusiastically. "It's an '80's theme, which is right up your alley." He grinned slyly at Alec, reminding him of their conversation about his parents' love for all things '80's. "They'll be playing '80's music all night long."

"Do we have to wear costumes?" Alec muttered.

"Of course! It'll be fun!"

Alec grimaced. "Do all frat parties have some stupid theme and require costumes? Seriously, first Halloween, now this."

Magnus laughed. "Come on, Alec. It's fun. You'll see."

With Magnus's encouragement and assistance, he managed to end up wearing his tightest pair of blue jeans and a pair of old Converse sneakers he hadn't realized he had brought with him to school. He just needed a shirt. Magnus offered one of his plain black t-shirts, to which Alec scoffed heartily.

"Your shirts would be skin-tight on me!" he protested.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "That's the _point_!" he replied, tossing the shirt to Alec.

Alec eyed it skeptically, wondering if his upper body could actually fit in this shirt without ripping it to shreds. He also wondered how this was an '80's costume, but he wasn't going to say anything to that for fear that Magnus would make him wear something even more ridiculous. As it was, tight shirt and all, he was getting off pretty easy. He was also enjoying being around Magnus again, and was willing to do just about anything to keep the light-hearted atmosphere going. With that, he pulled the shirt over his head, and tugged it into place. He could hardly breathe, it was so tight. But he could handle that for a few hours.

Magnus was putting the finishing touches on his own costume. Somehow, he had acquired a pair of red parachute pants straight out of the '80's, and a snow white t-shirt under a red jacket that matched the pants. He looked good. Really good. Alec was pretty sure his mouth was watering.

Magnus gave him a warm smile. "Ready to go?" Alec nodded. "Oh, wait. One more thing. He withdrew from his closet a black leather jacket and tossed it to Alec. Alec looked even more skeptically at the jacket. If Magnus's shirt was too small, there was no way this unforgiving jacket was going to fit him. He was surprised when he tried it on and found that it did. Perfectly.

"Where did you get this?" Alec said in awe.

"It was Will's dad's. Will's mom let me borrow it," Magnus said softly, his eyes darting between the floor and Alec's and back again.

"For me?" Alec said with equal quiet, and Magnus nodded. Alec was stunned. When did he get the jacket? After Thanksgiving, when Alec thought Magnus was mad at him? Why would he do that? He so wanted to know the answer, but didn't want to pry and put Magnus back on edge, not when he had finally started speaking to him again.

"Thanks," he said instead.

Magnus grinned. "Let's go."

Night was falling as they made their way to Frat Row. The sounds of music and laughter filled the air as frat house after frat house filled with people celebrating the end of the semester. The atmosphere was contagious, after all, Alec had plenty to celebrate, too. He had just completed his first semester of college and, though he had been distracted during finals, he knew had pulled out decent enough grades to keep his scholarship.

Magnus pointed across Alec to the house that was their destination. The door was standing wide open and Alec could see a mass of bodies gyrating to the beat inside a large room even from where he stood on the sidewalk. Magnus nudged him, and they entered the house, Alec slightly behind Magnus and a little hesitant.

Inside the frat house was even better than the party he had attended on Halloween with Austin and Cammie. The house was much larger than the other one, for starters, and had a much more 'Greek' feel to it, with large columns out front and an enormous, grand room that he thought was normally probably the living room area. There were no couches in sight at the moment, however, only folding chairs lining the walls. There were long, buffet-style tables near the kitchen that held every type of refreshment Alec could think of. In one corner, stood a DJ with speakers as tall as he was, and flashing, multi-colored lights lighting the dance floor.

Magnus grabbed Alec's arm and pulled him onto the dance floor, into a group of five girls, all dressed like some version of Madonna circa 1985. Their hair was teased and pulled into ponytails on the side or top of their heads. They wore frilly skirts and legwarmers and too much make-up. But they were dancing like there was no tomorrow and gladly welcomed the two men into their group.

As Alec had anticipated, Magnus was a great dancer. He looked so smooth and fluid on the dance floor. Alec's mouth was watering again. He tried not to stare too much at Magnus, but it was impossible. And he wasn't the only one staring. All the girls in their group looked like they wanted a piece of him, and so did many others, evidenced by the number of people inserting themselves into the group and brushing up against Magnus. Alec felt his claws extending, and had to talk himself out of a jealous cat-fight…with everyone.

Alec wanted so badly to move closer to Magnus, to be the object of his attention, instead of the multitude of girls that surrounded him, but he knew that wasn't possible. Magnus may have invited him, but as a friend, not a date, and knowing Magnus the way he did, he definitely wouldn't appreciate Alec making a spectacle of them. Besides, at this point, he didn't even know what Magnus wanted from him, and he was just thrilled Magnus was speaking to him again. Those two weeks had been hell for him.

As Madonna sang _"Live out your fantasy here with me, Just let the music set you free, Touch my body and move in time, Now I know you're mine", _Alec suddenly needed a breather. He slipped off the dance floor and quickly headed for the refreshments. He almost reached for the beer…_God, I could use a drink right about now_…but opted for a cola instead. He rarely drank soft drinks, and it didn't take long for him to be wired on a sugar-high.

He leaned against the wall, finished his drink, and was just about to return to the dance floor when a cute brunette approached him. She had a slightly predatory look about her, like a lioness stalking her prey. Alec was afraid he was the prey. She had made minimal attempt at the '80's look, and what she had done was ruined by the numerous facial piercings and tattoos covering her body. _At least the streak of hot pink hair fit in pretty well, _Alec mused.

"Hey, cutie," she said. Her voice was seductive, and Alec found himself mesmerized by the rings in her lower lip. "Care to dance?"

Alec shrugged. "Sure," he said, and let her lead him onto the dance floor. He fleetingly wondered if he should tell her he was gay, but somehow, he doubted it would make a difference. This girl seemed to embrace different and wear it proudly. He wondered, if she knew, would she try to 'convert' him? He chuckled to himself at that thought. She was cute, and he was interested in her, just not like that. That was never going to happen.

"My name's Melissa," she said, and Alec nearly snorted. He was so not expecting that! She winked at him as if reading his mind. "I go by Mo. My parents are the only ones who call me Melissa. I think they are in denial that I am not their sweet little girl anymore."

"Hey, Mo. I'm Alec." He had to shout over the music, which was now some upbeat '80's boy band song. Alec wasn't sure who the artist was, he tended to get those boy bands confused, ironically enough.

"I know who you are," she said through a smirk and Alec was taken aback. If she knew who he was… "Yes, Mr. Cheerleader, I know you're gay, too." She had dropped her voice conspiratorially, and Alec had to lean in to hear what she said.

"Then, why…?"

She laughed loudly, tossing her head back. Her voice had a sweet, tinkling quality to it when she laughed, much higher pitched than her speaking voice, so far anyway. "See that guy over there?" She jerked her head toward a tall guy in the corner that was currently shooting daggers with his eyes at them. Alec nodded. "He's been hitting on me all night. Won't take no for an answer. When I told him I was a lesbian, he said, 'Cool, let's find another girl and head back to my place.'" She said this last bit in a funny, masculine accent and Alec laughed.

"Shame you already told him you were a lesbian," Alec said. "Otherwise, I could just kiss you and we could pretend to be hooking up."

She laughed and snapped her fingers in exaggerated disappointment. Alec liked this girl and hoped they would get to hang out again.

They danced in their little carved-out space, and Alec lost himself in the music and rhythm. It felt good to cut loose after the hardcore studying, not to mention the worry over what was happening with Magnus. At the thought of his roommate, Alec's eyes immediately searched for him, and found him just a few feet away, still surrounded by girls. He rolled his eyes, but as the next song started up, his eyes made contact with Magnus's.

_"Oh here it comes_  
_ That funny feeling again winding me up inside_  
_ Every time we touch_  
_ Hey I don't know_  
_ Oh, tell me where to begin cause I never ever_  
_ Felt so much"_

Something flickered in Magnus's eyes, and he looked away. Alec returned to Mo, who was dancing a sexy circle around him. He chuckled at her antics.

They danced through several more songs, then took another break. Alec was hot and sweaty in the leather jacket, but he wasn't about to take it off and trust these strangers to not harm or steal it. He was just finishing a bottle of water when Mo squealed, said, "I love this song!" and dragged him back on the dance floor.

The song was a slow one, meaning he had to slow dance with Mo, who was really just slowing down her fast-dance movements. It was a comical sight, and she and Alec laughed.

_"I don't want to touch you too much baby_  
_Cause making love to you might drive me crazy_  
_(Love bites, love bleeds)_  
_It's bringing me to my knees_  
_(Love lives, love dies)_  
_It's no surprise_  
_(Love begs, love pleads)_  
_It's what I need"_

Alec's eyes flicked back to Magnus, who was now draped around a tall, slender girl with black hair and, Alec was willing to bet, blue eyes. He couldn't see that to know for sure with her back facing him, but he would bet his entire trust fund it was true. And again, Magnus looked away.

When the song ended, he politely told Mo that he didn't want to dance anymore. The party atmosphere was draining him, especially with Magnus dancing with that girl. He watched from the shadows of the doorway as Magnus spun the girl around, and he could see that she did, in fact, have blue eyes, and she was certainly not either of the other two girls he had slept with. An all too familiar scenario was beginning, and Alec was getting seriously pissed off about it. He knew _exactly_ what Magnus was doing now. All the pieces fell into place. He knew Magnus didn't have a 'type' because he had slept with Cammie, who had blonde hair and green eyes. This girl, like the two before her, were nothing but surrogates…for Alec.

Magnus swayed with the girl in his arms, watching Alec the whole time. He wondered if his roommate could sense the anger radiating from him, if he could see it written on his features. The next song struck a nerve in Alec, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

_"I've been lonely, I've been waitin' for you_  
_ I'm pretending and that's all I can do_  
_ The love I'm sendin'_  
_ Ain't makin' it through to your heart_

_You've been hidin', never lettin' it show_  
_ Always tryin' to keep it under control_  
_ You got it down and you're well on your way to the top_  
_ But there's somethin' that you forgot_

_What about love?"_

Magnus was holding the girl even closer, but his eyes didn't break contact with Alec's. Alec turned and found that the doorway where he stood led to the kitchen, and then a straight shot to the front door. He was out of there. He tossed the rest of his drink into the sink and searched for a trash can to toss his red plastic cup. He finally found one in the corner, and when he turned back around to head toward the exit, he saw Magnus with his arm around his latest conquest, and heard his said, "Let's get out of here."

And then, he lost his shit.

He stormed over to Magnus, anger licking the insides of his body and boiling over. "Can I have a word with you?" he spat.

Magnus looked at him in shock, which pissed Alec off even more. "I'll be back in just a moment," he said to the girl and followed Alec as he stomped out of the house and around the side of the building. It was dark there, with only the quarter moon for illumination, just enough to see Magnus's eyes sparkle, but not enough to make out his features.

"What the FUCK are you doing?" he demanded as soon as Magnus joined him on the side of the building. He could just make out the puff of steam coming from his mouth as his warm breath hit the cold December air.

"What do you-" Magnus began, but Alec cut across him.

"Why did you invite me here? So, I could have a front row seat as you pick up your next piece of ass? One that just happens to look like me."

"I thought it would be fun," Magnus said, regaining his composure. "Sorry you didn't agree."

"Fun?" Alec said, his voice rising even further in anger. "Magnus, I kissed you. And it meant something to me. I guess it didn't mean anything to you."

"Shhh," Magnus pleaded, "keep your voice down."

Alec glanced around. They were completely alone. "It's too fucking cold for anyone to be out here eavesdropping." He paused, gathering himself. "Magnus, would you just talk to me? Please." He tried to keep his voice steady, but it wavered nonetheless. For some reason, he knew, he just knew, that this was it. This was his last chance with Magnus. If Magnus went home with that girl…

"What do you want me to say," Magnus said stubbornly. Alec could see him shift positions and cross his arms in front of his chest. A defensive stance.

So Alec threw in all the chips. "I want you to say you feel something for me, too. I want you to say we have a chance to be together. I want you to choose me…not some replacement who is acceptable because she has a pussy."

He could see in the dim light as Magnus's eyes grew wider, and after several long, agonizing moments, "I can't Alec." And now Magnus's eyes were shining brightly, too brightly. Were there tears in his eyes? Did it even matter? Magnus was saying no, in the end.

"Fine," Alec said forcefully, choking back his own pain. "Fine. If you want to pretend we don't mean anything to each other, go right ahead. Go fuck your little girlfriend and think about me while you do it. But don't you dare bring her back to our dorm."

He started to turn away, then stopped and added, "Don't worry, it's not forever. Monday morning I'll go see Mrs. Greene and get a transfer. Then you can fuck whoever you want in _your_ dorm. Who knows, maybe you'll get your wish this time and they won't give you a new roommate. After all, if _I _can't handle you…"

He turned again and stalked off. He heard Magnus call his name, and only paused long enough to say, "I'm done!" As soon as his feet hit the sidewalk, he broke into a run, putting as much distance as possible between him and Magnus. He honestly couldn't believe that had just happened. Then, he honestly couldn't believe that he honestly couldn't believe it. How stupid and naïve does one have to be to think that him kissing Magnus was going to suddenly make him come out and land directly into a relationship with him? But God, he had so wanted it.

He kicked at an empty can laying on the sidewalk, sending it flying up ahead of him, and kicked it again when he reached it. He didn't know what to do with himself now. He didn't want to go back to his dorm, partially because it reminded him of Magnus, but also because a small part of him was afraid Magnus would take the girl back there despite what he had said, and he definitely didn't want to see that! Thinking about it was killing him. Unfortunately for him, it was fucking freezing outside, and he needed to get indoors. He made a snap decision to go to Austin's. He needed a friend right now.

His knock on Austin's door was probably more insistent that it needed to be, but Alec could only vaguely care about that right now. Austin opened the door, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, shit. Did I wake you?" Alec said, feeling like an ass. "Sorry. Go back to sleep. I'll talk to you later."

"No, it's okay. I mean, it is one o'clock in the morning, but I'm already up now." Austin took a step back, swinging the door open to admit Alec. "Come in."

Alec entered his old dorm room with a vague sense of nostalgia. He'd only lived there for two months, but it had been a good two months. He briefly wondered if he would feel that way about living with Magnus. Up until this moment, he would have said yes, but now he was starting to wonder if it had been worth it. Or maybe that was just the pain talking…

"What's up?" Austin said, finally recognizing Alec's agitated mood.

"I'm moving out. I can't live with him anymore."

Austin raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

Alec's eyes darted around the empty room. "Are we alone?" he asked. He may be mad at Magnus, but he wasn't going to out him to people he didn't know and trust to keep the secret. He had already told Austin and Cammie that he had kissed Magnus and that Magnus had freaked out, but that wasn't going anywhere else.

"Yeah."

"Good. I basically told Magnus that he needed to make a choice: me or his numerous girlfriends."

Austin sucked in a breath. "Wow. What did he say?"

Alec gave him a pointed look. "I'm here with you aren't I?"

"Oh. Right. Sorry, man."

"Yeah. It sucks. I don't know what to do."

"So you're moving out?" Alec could hear the disbelief in his voice, and his eyes darted up to his friend's.

"What else am I supposed to do?" he said desperately. "I'm in love with him, and he's off fucking some girl. I can't do this anymore."

"Okay. So your knee-jerk response is to move out." Austin said this like he was trying to make it make sense to himself.

"No. My knee-jerk response is to kick his ass, but that's not going to help matters. So instead I came here. You know, for your help." He looked at Austin as if he were doing anything but helping him at the moment.

"Okay," Austin said again. "So how can I help you?"

Alec took a deep breath. "Do you remember when I told you I had a crush on Magnus, and you said I just needed to get laid? Well, I want you to help me do that. Set me up with that guy you said was interested in me."

Austin shook his head sadly. "Alec, getting laid with help you get over a _crush_. It won't do anything but cause you more pain if you love him."

"I don't care," Alec said loudly. "I have to do something, have to get over him somehow. Please, Austin. Just set up the date, and leave the rest to me. Just let him know I'm interested, alright?"

Austin was still shaking his head. "I don't think this is a good idea, Alec."

"It doesn't matter if it's a good idea or not! It's got to be better than this," Alec said. He was dangerously close to tears and didn't know how much more he could take.

Austin sighed. "When?"

Alec gave him a watery smile. "Tomorrow. After the game. It's an early game, two o'clock, so there will be plenty of time afterward. Something casual, like I did with you and Cam."

Austin nodded. "Alright. I still think this is a bad idea…"

"I know. It's just…I've never been in love before. I don't know what I'm doing but I can't just sit back and watch my heart break."

"This is what Cam and I have been worried about." Alec's eyes met Austin's again. "You getting hurt. We never thought you and Magnus were a good idea, but you seemed to have everything under control, and he seemed to be opening up to you. So we thought, maybe. Maybe it'll all work out. But I don't really know what you see in him."

Alec shrugged. "The heart wants what it wants. Besides, he really is a great guy, if he would just let others see it. He's also his own worst enemy. He's hiding something. I don't believe for a second that he won't go out with me because of the NB-freaking-A. That's just an excuse he can hide behind."

"What do you think he's hiding?" Austin's interest was piqued now.

Alec shook his head. "No idea. That's the point, right? He's hiding whatever his secret is from me. God!" Alec said in frustration as he flung himself backward against the couch. He pulled his knees up and hugged them close to his body. "I wish I knew. How am I supposed to get around the obstacle when I don't even know what it is?"

"So…you're not giving up, then?"

Alec sighed. "No, I am. He's made it perfectly clear that it's not going to happen between us."

_Although, he did call your name as you ran away,_ a little voice inside his head reminded him. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. It didn't matter anymore. He was done chasing Magnus. He'd go on this date, and maybe even have meaningless sex with the guy, and hopefully, in the process, make Magnus see what he's missing. If not, then he would at least know for sure that it was over. Over before it ever really began. That thought saddened him more than any other. Magnus hadn't even given him a chance to make him happy. And he knew that he could make Magnus happy. He knew it. Magnus would never be happy with a girl, no gay man could be truly happy with a girl. _I'll be damned if there is anything I can do about it._

He left Austin's a short time later. He knew Austin was tired, and he was feeling pretty worn down himself. After making Austin promise one more time to set up the date for tomorrow after the game, he said goodnight and headed to his own dorm room.

When he entered the room, he gaze immediately landed on Magnus's closed bedroom door. He hadn't been at Austin's more than half and hour, and he knew they had left both bedroom doors open when they left earlier that night. So that meant Magnus was home. _He better not have brought that girl up here_, he grumbled to himself, then tip-toed over to Magnus's door and listened. He half expected to hear sounds of sex, but he heard nothing whatsoever. Magnus's room was as silent as if it were empty.

Alec didn't know what to make of that. And he was too exhausted to contemplate the meanings. He crossed the room to his own bedroom, closed the door behind him, and just barely managed to shuck off Magnus's jacket and shirt, and toe off his shoes before collapsing onto the bed and falling fast asleep, tight jeans be damned.

* * *

**A/N: These lovely '80's songs, in order, are: 1. "Get Into The Groove" by Madonna, 2. "Why Can't This Be Love" by Van Halen, 3. "Love Bites" by Def Leppard, and 4. "What About Love" by Heart.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Just to clarify, the Thursday 'bonus' chapter was a THANK YOU, not a bribe. I plan to continue posting regularly (on Mondays) and I don't hold chapters hostage until I get a bunch of reviews, 'cause that's just silly. That being said, feel free to leave a review any time you wish. Love you guys! :)**

* * *

Alec stayed in his room until he heard Magnus leave, around ten o'clock, for shoot-around. Since the game was an early one, Magnus had to be there early for a warm-up practice. Alec did not have to be there early, so he lounged in bed, avoiding Magnus, and trying to come to terms with what had happened the previous night.

He was still upset with Magnus though his anger had faded, and at this point, was still resolved to move out. He also had every intention of going through with the date Austin was setting up for him. He was nervous about that. It had been more than a year since he had broken up with Eric, and there hadn't been anyone since. Not until Magnus, but that hardly counted as dating, and he had certainly not had sex with him. Unfortunately.

He sighed, deep and long, then forced himself off the bed. He made a quick breakfast, well, brunch really as he would have no time to eat anything else before the game. He had to be there by twelve-thirty for his own warm-ups and greeting the small mass of spectators as they entered the gym. They would be doing some cheers and a few simple stunts, along with the pep band's performance, outside the gym to get the fans rallied for the game. He honestly liked that part, though he wasn't feeling very cheerful today.

He ate, showered, killed some time texting Jace and Izzy, then headed over to the gym. Cammie was waiting for him outside the cheerleader's changing rooms, with an expression that clearly said she had talked to Austin already.

"I'm fine," he lied before she had a chance to start in on him.

"A date?" she said anyway, not that he expected to get away without having to talk about it. It was Cammie, after all. She was like a sister to him, and she treated him much like his real sister did. Which meant they were going to talk about it whether he wanted to or not.

"Yes. A date. I think it's about time, don't you?" He tugged on the hem of his cheer top, straightening it, though it didn't really need straightening.

"I don't know," Cammie said, biting her lower lip between her teeth. "It seemed like things were going so well between you, and now you're just giving up?"

Alec sighed. Fortunately, the were currently alone in the hallway, walking toward the entrance, so no one could overhear them, and more importantly, the conversation would have to be brief. "What else am I supposed to do. He's made it clear that we are not going to happen. I guess I'm just calling his bluff."

Her curls bobbled as her head snapped in his direction. "Do you think he's bluffing?"

"Only one way to find out," Alec said with a shrug.

They had reached the front doors, and Cammie gave him a look that clearly said the conversation was not over. Alec would just have to make himself scarce after the game because he most certainly didn't want to talk about Magnus.

Nerves were getting to Alec as he lined up on the court with Cammie on his shoulders, awaiting the starting line-up. He hadn't given a thought to the awkwardness of seeing Magnus at that moment. Magnus always smacked his hand as he ran past him and flashed him one of his award-winning smiles. Fortunately, there wasn't time to do much of anything, but Alec's hands were sweating nonetheless.

When Magnus's name was called, he jumped up as usual, and trotted through his teammates, smacking hands with each one in turn. He glanced up at Alec and their eyes made contact for the briefest moment before Alec looked away. He couldn't take what he saw in those beautiful eyes he had come to regard so highly. Magnus seemed to be as much of a mess as he was. Then, he felt the rush of air as Magnus moved past him toward center court. They didn't touch.

Alec wasn't sure what he had been expecting. Of course they weren't going to touch if he didn't even extend his hand. Magnus wasn't going to grab him right there in front of an entire gymnasium full of people and beg his forgiveness. That was a ludicrous thought. He still felt the sense of loss like a punch in the gut, no matter how absurd it was.

Alec sat on the sidelines with the other cheerleaders watching the game. Idris's opponent was a decent team, but Idris was favored to win. Shortly after tip-off, however, it became clear that this would be a very long forty minutes of play. Magnus's head was not in the game, and consequently, he made mistake after mistake. His shot was off, resulting in the worst shooting performance of his career. He made stupid mistakes, like traveling violations and poor passes that lead to turnovers. He even got charged for a technical foul for verbally taking out his frustrations on the court.

Alec was stunned. He had never seen Magnus lose his composure during a game. Not when they team was getting slaughtered. Not when he had an off shooting night. Not even when they played a really physical team that made it difficult to play the way they were used to playing. Never. Magnus was always calm and in control. As the point guard, his calming demeanor was one of the team's strongest assets. But today, he was rattled.

Magnus performed so poorly in the first half, he ended up playing very limited minutes in the second half. Alec watched him from his spot on the sidelines, and what he saw broke his heart. This was not his Magnus. _His Magnus_? What the hell was he thinking? Magnus wasn't his, had never been his. But he couldn't shake feeling responsible for Magnus's current state. As Magnus sat on the bench with his head in his hands, Alec wanted nothing more than to go to him, and…what? It's not like Magnus would let him comfort him, or would talk to him, tell him the truth…would he?

When the game ended, in a double-digit loss, Alec quickly left the gym. He needed to get ready for his date and get the hell out of the dorm before Magnus came back. After seeing him look so lost today, Alec wasn't sure he had the resolve to walk away if confronted with Magnus, no matter how much he had hurt him. Hurting doesn't make a guy stop loving someone. Neither did dating someone else, but he was solidly ignoring that bit of advice.

He rushed through his shower, knowing Magnus would take one with the team after their post-game chat with the coach. He knew he had about an hour to get ready before Magnus would get home. Alec was a pretty laid-back kind of guy, didn't do much primping, even for a date, so he assumed he would have plenty of time to get ready and be gone before Magnus got home.

It took longer than he thought it would to pick out a shirt to wear. He had told Austin to make it casual, so he had already decided on his favorite worn blue jeans that did nice things for his ass, and his favorite boots that did nice things for his legs. But the shirt…after trying on half a dozen different shirts, he finally settled on a blue button-up that matched the color of his eyes, and left it untucked to keep with the casual vibe. One last check in the mirror, and he was ready to go. He reached for his jacket and saw Magnus's black leather jacket from the night before. He pulled up short, his breath catching in his throat. Was he really going to go on a date with someone else when he loved Magnus so damn much? With great effort, he forced himself to grab his own jacket and toss it on, then yanked open his bedroom door.

Just his luck. Magnus was sitting on the couch, his face drawn and pinched. He honestly looked close to tears. Alec stood there, staring, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"Rough day?" he said softly. He stood a short distance away, closer to the kitchen area than the couch where Magnus was sitting, not that there was a whole lot of space in their tiny dorm room.

Magnus evidently hadn't heard him enter the room. His head snapped up and it took him a few disoriented seconds to locate Alec. When he finally did, he held eye contact ever so briefly, then looked down at his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. "You could say that." Even his voice sounded strained.

"What did your coach say?" Alec prompted, knowing the only thing that could make Magnus look like that was something basketball related.

"He told me to get my head out of my ass or he was going to bench me," Magnus said, adding a humorless bark of a laugh.

"I'm sorry, Magnus."

"It's not your fault," Magnus said in that same, horrible voice. "I'm the one that fucked everything up."

Alec really had no idea what to say to that. He didn't feel Magnus should take _all_ the responsibility for what happened between them, which presumably is why he played so horribly today. After all, Alec was the one who kissed him, and has been the one pressing him all semester to open up. But the lion's share of the blame fell on Magnus. He was the one being secretive. Alec couldn't help but feel that if Magnus would just tell him the real problem, then they would find a way to work everything out. Perhaps that was wishful thinking, but it was all he had right now.

Magnus looked back at Alec, really seeing him this time. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"What?" Alec said, momentarily surprised by the question. He had been so lost in his thoughts, in Magnus's despair, he had forgotten about his date. That couldn't be a good omen, right? "Oh…I…um…have a date."

He looked away, unable to meet Magnus's gaze, not wanting to know what he would see reflected in those gorgeous green-gold eyes. What _would _he see there? Hurt? Betrayal? Anger? Or worse…calm indifference?

"I…I didn't sleep with her," Magnus said, his voice rough, emotional, raw. "I couldn't…No, that's not right. I didn't want to." Their eyes met again, and Alec felt a spark deep in his chest that he couldn't explain.

"Really?"

Alec had, at some point, moved closer to the door. He had no real recollection of doing so, but there he was. Magnus met his eyes, and before Alec knew what happened, he had pinned him against the door, his arms forming a sort of cage around Alec's upper body.

"Please don't move out," Magnus said in a breathless whisper. "I want you to stay."

They were so close that Alec could feel Magnus's warm breath on his skin. His heart beat a rapid tattoo against the walls of his chest, making him dizzy, like he wasn't getting enough blood flowing to his brain. His eyes focused on Magnus's soft, full lips which hovered mere inches away from his face, so close he could almost feel them, almost taste them.

He held perfectly still, waiting to see if Magnus would close the distance and kiss him. His brain screamed inside his head a continual litany: _Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him._ But he didn't dare. Not after last time. He needed to know that it was what Magnus wanted. He wasn't taking any more chances on screwing this up.

Magnus lowered his head, lightly pressing his forehead against Alec's, and Alec held his breath. "Please don't go," he repeated, almost inaudibly and Alec wondered if he was referring to Alec moving out or his date. Then, Magnus's hand brushed Alec's cheek, and Alec jumped in surprise.

"Will you be honest with me? Tell me why we can't be together?" Alec forced himself to say. After all, what was the point in staying if Magnus was just going to keep pushing him away?

Magnus's hand fell to his side as he pulled away. His eyes darted around, scanning Alec's face, and there was such a mix of emotions in the green-gold depths that Alec couldn't get a good read on what Magnus was thinking or feeling. He pushed off the door, putting more space between them, and broke eye contact.

"You should go," he said miserably. "You don't want to be late for your date." And then he was gone, with nothing but the reverberating sound of his bedroom door slamming closed left to fill the empty space.

Alec, still leaning against the front door, rolled around until his forehead was pressed against the cool metal. He had a ridiculous urge to bang his head against the door in frustration. _One step forward, two steps back_, he thought as a humorless chuckle escaped him. He'd been so close…so close to having _Magnus_ kiss _him._ He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Magnus was hiding something, something that was keeping him from letting himself be happy, keeping them from being together. He had no idea what it was, and no idea how to get Magnus to tell him.

He sighed heavily, pushed off the door, swung the door open and left the dorm. He had a date to get to.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, he strolled into one of those pizza places that everyone goes to as much for the ambience as for the food. It was situated a few blocks from campus, and priced reasonably enough that college students could afford to eat there from time to time. He spotted Austin and Cammie, and his date, seated in a high-backed wooden booth near the back of the restaurant. Long pendant lights hung above the tables, each one a different color, leaving the restaurant semi-dark and creating the illusion of privacy.

All three of his companions slid out of the booth as he approached. He was introduced to a tall, lean, handsome guy named Jeff, who extended his hand for Alec to shake. This seemed odd to Alec, considering they were on a date, but he went with it. Maybe it was perfectly normal. It wasn't like Alec dated with any regularity to know the difference. As they shook hands, Alec's eyes wandered over Jeff, from his curly, sandy hair that was maybe just a little too long, to his elongated, slender face, his straight, slightly pointy nose, and the most startlingly emerald green eyes he had ever seen on a man. Yeah, this guy was hot. _Well done, Austin. _

They slid back into their seats, Austin and Jeff taking the inside seats with Cammie and Alec taking the outside. Alec listened as Jeff talked about being on the track team, mostly relay and hurtles. Alec thought fleetingly that Jeff's legs were so long he could probably step over hurtles if he wanted to.

Then, somewhere along the way, his mind wandered, drifting back to his dorm room…to Magnus. He had no idea what to do about the situation. He didn't know if he should stay and continue being roommates with Magnus, keep trying to see if it could work between them. Or maybe it was time to give up, move on, cut his losses. He didn't even know what Magnus wanted from him. _I want you to stay. _The words echoed in his head.

He was startled by Cammie's cool hand on his arm. He hadn't even realized he had tuned out the conversation, or that appetizers had arrived. He gave Cammie a shy smile that clearly said "Oops." She nodded encouragingly at him. He glanced at the appetizer: friend mozzarella sticks, fried calamari, fried mushroom balls, and friend zucchini sticks. Apparently he was getting a heart attack for his blind date. He put a little of everything on his plate, and absent-mindedly nibbled at it. He tried following the conversation, but his mind kept betraying him and slipping back to Magnus every chance it got.

Cammie kicked him under the table a couple of times, startling him from his thoughts. He offered a smile each time, which was returned by everyone. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the bemused grin on Austin's face, but he didn't have room in his head to contemplate anything else at the moment.

When the pizza arrived and Alec took no notice of it, Cammie grabbed his arm, the one he had been resting his head on, and dragged him out of the restaurant and around the corner of the building like he was a misbehaving child. As soon as they were out of earshot of any passersby, she rounded on him.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" she demanded.

Alec scrubbed his hand over his face, tousling his hair. "He almost kissed me," he said.

"Magnus?" she hissed, trying to keep her voice low. Alec nodded. "And you _left_?"

"Yeah. He _almost _kissed me," Alec said, "but he didn't."

Cammie's hands went to her hips in one of the most comical poses Alec had ever seen on her. Her tiny little frame ruined the desired effect. "What is going on with you two?"

Alec sighed. "I have no idea. He's hiding something, I know he is. And whatever it is, it's something that is keeping us apart."

"So talk to him about it," she said, as if this was the obvious answer to the problem.

"I've tried! He won't tell me. I don't know what to do." Alec felt so lost, defeated, ready to just give up and admit his failure.

"Well, you're not going to get him to talk while you're out on a date with someone else."

Alec's eyes met her pretty green ones, and he grinned crookedly at her. "He locked himself in his room. And this date was kind of my idea. What was I supposed to do?"

"It's not my job to tell you what to do," she said, looking sternly into his eyes. That hand on her hip no longer seemed so funny. She was all seriousness now. "But it seems to me that you are at a crossroads, Alec. The road you take is your decision. You can keep going down the path you are on with Magnus, follow it to the end, see where it goes. Or you can go back inside with me and try to salvage your date. Or you can do something else entirely. It's your choice, and you're going to have to make it."

He thought about that word for several long minutes. _Crossroads. _She was right. He could do whatever he wanted. But what did he want to do? Did he really just ask himself that question? He wanted Magnus, more than he had ever wanted anything. He loved him, and he knew if he chose to walk away he would always wonder _what if._

"I feel really bad about…" He paused. Oh hell, he had forgotten his date's name. He thought it started with a J…James, Jason, Jeremy…He wrinkled his nose and make a face at Cammie.

She laughed at him. "Jeff," she supplied helpfully. "Don't worry about him. This wasn't a real date anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Austin told him the story, leaving out names of course. He knows you are in love with someone else, that you had a fight and wanted a date to try to forget about him. He knows that this wasn't likely to go anywhere at all."

"Really?" Alec asked in disbelief. "And he still came?"

She grinned at him. "Austin offered to buy him dinner. Who can pass that up? Plus, I'm pretty sure he would have slept with you if you really wanted to."

Alec laughed and felt himself blush. "Remind me to get him something nice. You and Austin, too." He scooped her into a tight hug. "You guys are the best. I love you both, I hope you know that."

He released her enough that she could turn her face up to him. "We love you, too. Now get out of here." She pushed him away and made a shooing gesture toward him. He waved and took off at a run down the sidewalk.

The twenty minute walk went by much faster at a run. The scenery blew by with barely a notice, as did the elevator ride up to the fifth floor. In no time, he was entering his dorm room, his hands shaking nervously.

Throughout the entire journey, he had thought of and discarded numerous things he wanted to say to Magnus. There was so much to say, but the 'how' was really getting to him. And even now, as he stood outside Magnus's closed bedroom door, he had no idea what he would say. His mind was blank, even as his fist pounded on the door and he heard himself shout, "Open the damn door, Magnus! We need to talk!"

He heard the creak of the bedsprings and Magnus's distant voice say, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on a date?"

"I was," he said, still winging it, "but I couldn't stop thinking of you. Open the door so we can talk."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

Alec laughed. "The hell you don't! You know exactly what I want you to say. I want you to tell me that you want me, that you want us to be together. I want you to tell me why you think we can't be together so we can figure out a way around it. I want you to tell me…" _…that you love me, too._ "…that you feel something for me." He had lost the fiery edge to his speech by the end of it. There was a note of desperation creeping in.

"Alec…"

"Don't say you can't!" Alec said, shaking his head, though Magnus could not see him. "Please, don't say that."

"Alec, you don't understand."

"Then make me understand!" he said, banging his hand against the door. "Open the door and talk to me and make me understand what's going on. 'Cause I'm at a loss here. I have no idea what's going on. All I know is you are hiding something, and for some reason you think we can't be together."

"Alec…" Even through the door his voice sounded sad and defeated.

"Who hurt you, Magnus?"

"Don't, Alec. Just let it go." Now his voice held a plea.

"I can't let it go, Magnus," he said, hitting the door again. "Don't you know how I feel about you? I can't give up on you, on us. Please don't do this."

There was another creak of the springs, and then Magnus's voice was so close, just on the other side of the door. Alec imagined him with his forehead pressed against the door, just like Alec's was, and with their hands aligned on either side of the door. "Don't fall in love with me, Alec," Magnus's sad voice said. "I don't want to hurt you."

He hit the door again. "Damn it, Magnus!" he shouted angrily. "You don't get to decide that! You may control everything else that's happening, but you can't stop me from loving you!"

With that, he turned on his heel and stormed across the room to his own bedroom. He slammed the door behind him so hard that he wondered if people in the adjacent room could hear it. The walls were pretty well sound-proofed, and he never heard his neighbors, but he could feel the walls move when he slammed the door closed. He couldn't even bring himself to care.

He threw himself on his bed, wondering just what the fuck he was supposed to do now. He vaguely realized that he basically just told Magnus that he loved him, but could only manage a small fret about it. What did it matter? What did anything matter? If Magnus wasn't going to talk to him, what did anything else matter? He was dangerously close to tears at that moment, and took several deep breaths to try to steady himself. But he wasn't surprised when he had to swipe away an errant tear anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Shyreader18: Thanks for that review! You nailed it. I love basketball. It's probably my greatest passion, though sadly, I'm a lot like Alec in that I am too short to play under the rim and don't have a good enough jump shot to play on the perimeter. I always heard you should write about what you know, and I try not to get too basketball-y with it, but it is a lot of fun to put my boys in the middle of something I love so much. Glad you are enjoying it, too!**

**PS: Don't you guys wish I could respond individually to each comment without it going through private messaging? I do! **

* * *

_"Alec...Help me..."_

_Alec heard the plea but couldn't locate the source. He knew the voice, however. He would know that voice anywhere._

_"Where are you, Magnus?" he called. He heard no other sounds and saw nothing but darkness. There were tiny pinpricks of light far off in the distance, but nothing to give him a clue as to where he was, or more importantly, where Magnus was._

_Then, he heard the soft thud of a basketball against pavement, the clink of the metal rim as the ball went through the hoop. The outdoor basketball court began to materialize in around him. He realized he was standing at the edge of the court in a pair of cut-off sweats and no shirt. Wasn't it December? Why wasn't he cold? As he glanced around, he was able to take in more of his surroundings. The dark brick of the weight room began taking shape, then the asphalt, the rusting metal pole that held the rusting metal rim and backboard that seriously needed to be painted. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, there was Magnus holding the ball between his hands and smiling at him._

_"Help me, Alec," he said again, his voice far more distant than his actual proximity, almost ghostly._

_"Help you what? Magnus, I don't understand."_

_He took a step toward Magnus, but the distance between them didn't change. Magnus turned that smile on him again, the shy, crooked smile that Alec rarely saw._

_"I need your help. Please." He said this as evenly as if he had asked him to pass the salt shaker._

_Alec's heart rate increased. He was starting to feel panicked. He didn't know what Magnus wanted him to do. "Tell me what to do, Magnus. You know I'd do anything for you!"_

_His grin widened. He shot the ball. It arced high into the air, swishing perfectly through the net. Wait, there wasn't a net on the outdoor court. Was there? No, he was certain there wasn't. He looked back at Magnus and found the ball in his hands again, though he didn't appear to have moved at all._

_"I know you would," Magnus said, a thoughtful expression on his beautiful face. "That's why I'm asking you. Help me."_

_He moved toward Magnus again, but the more steps he took, the further away Magnus seemed to get. Magnus stretched out a hand to him and he reached for it. Their fingertips brushed, but he couldn't grasp him, couldn't hold on. Magnus was slipping away, farther and farther. His voice now sounded like it was coming from a tunnel or a well, a deep, echoing, tinny quality to it._

_"Help me…"_

_"MAGNUS!"_

_And he was gone._

Alec awoke with a start, covered in cold sweat and panting as if he had run a marathon. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He had no idea what had startled him awake, but the hint of something frightening tickled the edges of his mind. He patted himself down, making sure everything was in place as it should be.

He was still wearing his date-night clothes. He had evidently fallen asleep in his bed. The last thing he remembered was being frustrated that Magnus wouldn't talk to him, and fighting back tears. His face had the dry, crusty feeling that happens after a good cry, and he wondered how much crying he had actually done. He wasn't normally much of a crier, and tending to cry more from anger and frustration than anything else. Perhaps that explained a lot. Those were two emotions he had become very familiar with in the last couple of days.

He went to the bathroom to relieve himself, then stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water. It was then, as he sat the empty glass in the sink, that he realized Magnus's bedroom door was open. He walked around the edge of the counter and had a clear view into Magnus's room. It was empty, the bed ruffled, but not slept in. Magnus was nowhere to be seen. Where could he be at this time of night? Hell, what time was it?

He went back into his room and glanced at his alarm clock. Three a.m. What could Magnus possibly be doing out of the dorm at three a.m.? He crossed the room to his window and pulled back the curtain. He looked out at the dark night sky. There was a partial moon overhead, but it was mostly obscured by clouds. He would see no stars in Brooklyn with all the city lights.

His eyes were drawn to the outdoor basketball court, which he had an obstructed view of from his bedroom window. He saw a ball fly into the air, then a figure run after it as if it were trying to escape. He knew instinctively that the figure was Magnus, though being five stories in the air and three a.m. made it impossible to make out any distinguishing features. He didn't even hesitate, but grabbed his coat and headed out the door.

As he approached the court, the sounds of basketball hit him squarely in the heart. He recalled a glimpse of his dream, but nothing tangible, nothing he understood. He circled around the outer edge of the court and sat on the top of a picnic table, drawing his knees up on the bench seat, and resting his elbows on his knees. He watched Magnus shoot the ball, over and over, hitting just over half of his shots. Clearly there was something bothering him. Magnus rarely missed when he wasn't being defended. He was just too good of a shooter. He wondered if he should say something, but nothing good came to mind, so he sat silently waiting.

Finally, after yet another missed shot, Magnus's shoulders slumped. He went to retrieve the miss, then dribbled the ball as he walked over near where Alec sat. He turned his back, not even acknowledging that Alec was there, brought the ball up like he was going to shoot again, then lowered it.

"It was my stepdad," he said, softly, still not looking at Alec.

"What?" Alec said, not comprehending what Magnus was saying.

Magnus sighed. "You asked who hurt me. It was my stepdad."

Alec's heart sped up with a deep sense of foreboding. Of course it was the stepdad. Wasn't it always the stepdad? He was suddenly unsure he wanted to hear what Magnus had to say, but he owed it to him to listen after how hard he pushed for him to talk.

Magnus sat on the bench beside Alec's feet, holding the ball in his lap. He spoke mostly to that rough, rugged basketball, when he wasn't staring out into nothingness.

"I suppose I should give you a little background information," he began. "My mom and stepdad, Rick, were high school sweethearts. They married a year after graduation, and attended the same college. They shared an off-campus apartment. My stepdad worked so they didn't have to rack up so much student loan debt. He was a short, stocky guy, his skin even paler than yours. My mom was of Indonesian descent, with creamy tan skin.

"One night when he was working and she was walking home from a late study session at the library, she was attacked and raped…by my father. He was a huge guy with very dark skin, a member of the football team. My mom found out a few weeks later that she was pregnant with me. My stepdad wanted her to have an abortion, he hated me from the moment he found out about me, but she said it wasn't my fault how I was conceived."

He paused for a breath. "I think it may have been better if I had been born with lighter skin, maybe they could have passed me off as his son, but my father was too dark-skinned for that. I'm several shades darker than my mom was. I never had a chance at getting him to like me. Then, I grew and grew and grew. I'm about eight inches taller than my stepdad. I had no chance…

"Anyway, I finally figured out I was gay when I was fifteen. No, that's not true. I knew long before that, I just wouldn't admit it, not even to myself. I dated girls, but nothing serious because I just wasn't interested in them. Finally, when I was sixteen, I met a guy. We dated for a few months, and I was so unbelievably curious about having sex with him, we ended up making up an elaborate excuse to be alone together.

"My stepdad was a truck driver and on the road five or six days a week, he wasn't due back until the following day, and my mom had to work that night so I knew we would have my place to ourselves. I had Will cover for me, tell his mom I had a project to finish after school and would be over when I was done. So, we went to my house. I was so nervous. I wasn't a virgin, but I'd never been with a guy and I didn't know what to expect exactly. Neither of us did, really. We had no idea what we were doing, so we did the clichéd thing…he bent me over the side of my bed and went at it.

"It hurt like fucking hell at first, and I wasn't sure I would be able to continue. Then, all of a sudden, it started to feel good, really good. We were so into it, everything else seemed to disappear. We finished together, and I made a spectacular mess all over the floor…just as my stepdad walked into the room. We never even heard him enter the house...

"Before I knew what happened, he practically ripped the guy out of me. Fuck, I still remember how bad that hurt. Rick grabbed a handful of clothes; I don't even know if they were mine or his. Then, he shoved the guy out the front door without even giving him a chance to get dressed. I heard the door slam and it kicked me into gear. I was terrified. I'd never seen that look on Rick's face before: a wild, cruel, almost evil look. I didn't know what he was going to do.

"I sent a quick text to Will that simply said _Rick's home._ Then, I threw on my underwear and grabbed my t-shirt to try to clean up some of the mess. For some reason I thought that if the mess was gone, maybe he would calm down and it would all blow over."

He paused again, lost in his own head, his own memories. Alec sat there watching him, waiting, anticipation and dread building in the pit of his stomach. He noticed his own hands were shaking, but Magnus seemed calm, distant.

Finally, he continued. "When Rick came back into the room, I saw that same cruel look in his eyes. I'd always known he hated me, saw me as a constant reminder that his wife was raped and that everything had changed after that. But he had never done anything physically to me. He mostly just ignored me. I wasn't allowed to refer to him as my dad, even though he was the only dad I'd ever known. Because of that, even though I feared him at that moment, I never expected what he was going to do, never even thought to defend myself.

"He crossed the room in a flash, screaming things my brain can't remember, and landed a punch against my left temple. He wore a big, ugly ring on his right hand. I still have a scar from it." Magnus pointed to his temple. Alec had never noticed the scar before, but now, in the dim light of the quarter moon and the couple of streetlights, it was throw into sharp enough relief that it was clearly visible. A small, star-shaped scar, bright against his dark-honey skin. Alec wondered if it was not visibly in full light, or if he had just never noticed it because he didn't know it was there.

"Anyway, the blow made me dizzy and a half-fell across the edge of the bed. I remember holding on, trying to get my balance, trying to clear my head. Then, he hit me again, in the chest, I remember feeling fire shoot through my lungs, and I couldn't catch my breath. I fell to the floor. I remember feeling more pain just before I passed out…"

Magnus was quiet for so long Alec began to wonder if this was the end of his story, or at least, if this was all he planned to tell him. He sat patiently, watching Magnus. He still had that cold, detached look in his eyes, and it frightened Alec a little, though he wasn't quite sure why. He wasn't quite sure how he would feel recounting a story like this either. His heart went out to Magnus, though he doubted Magnus knew that.

"I woke up four days later in the ICU. My eyes were so swollen it took several minutes for anyone to notice I was awake. I don't remember much, other than the pain. There was pain in my head, my face hurt, my arm felt really heavy, and there were tubes in my chest and down my throat, helping me breathe. Even so, every fucking breath _hurt._ Everything hurt. I remember my mom's face coming into focus, and her voice sounding really distant. Then, I passed out again.

"When, I awoke the second time, two days later, the swelling had decreased and I could open my eyes. They had taken the chest tube out, and were waiting to see if I could handle that before they removed the tube from my throat. I had to sit there for hours like that, unable to speak. My throat was so dry and sore.

"The doctor came in to tell me how lucky I was." Magnus made a derisive, bark-like sound. "Yeah. Anyway, apparently I had several facial fractures, but none were displaced so I didn't have to have surgery for that. I had a lot of head trauma and swelling in my brain initially, so they weren't sure if there would be any residual brain damage. I freaked out when they told me my right arm was broken. Like not being able to shoot properly was my biggest worry." He trailed off again, then shook his head. "I had several broken ribs and one had punctured my lung, which is why I had the chest tube in the first place. They managed to fix all the broken bones without surgery, miraculously. Then, he said it would just be a matter of time now. You know, to see if I would make a full recovery…

"My mom told me later that the doctor had told her at first that anything was possible. I could make a complete recovery, or I could be a vegetable for the rest of my life, or I could die, or anything in between. No one really knew what to expect when I woke up. As it turned out, I spent another ten days in the hospital, then started rehab. I had lost a lot of weight and muscle mass in the hospital. I ended up missing the rest of the basketball season, too. But somehow, the only physical reminders I have are the scar on my head, one on my chest from the tube, and a knot where my broken arm healed. Apparently my text to Will is what saved my life. He got worried when I didn't text him back and he and his mom came to my house and found me..."

Magnus became quiet yet again. The silence stretched out between them, until Alec couldn't take it anymore and finally said, "Did they catch him? Your stepdad."

"What?" Magnus said, as if he had been lost in his thoughts, which he probably had. "Oh, yeah." He laughed shakily. "If you're going to run from the cops, a big red rig with pointed teeth painted across the front is probably not the best place to hide. They caught him the next day, and charged him with attempted murder. Said the charge would go to murder if I died."

"What happened?"

"He got 15 years, but is eligible for parole after ten." Magnus was shaking. "He would have gotten less, but they said it was a hate crime, and that increased the penalty. It also let everyone know what I was. I hadn't told anyone but Will at that point. Not my mom, or his. No one. Lucky for me, I was still a minor so the details of the case were not made public. No one knew it was me…at least, not officially. But everyone at my school guessed. Mom ended up divorcing him and selling his rig. She used the money to pay for me to go to a private school where no one knew me."

"My God, Magnus," Alec said. He didn't know what else to say. What could you say to something like that? Nothing meaningful.

Magnus looked up at him. "Don't look at me like that."

Alec flinched at the sternness of Magnus's tone. "Like what?"

"With pity," he said. "I didn't tell you this to get your pity. I don't need it and I don't want it."

"I'm sorry," he said. He watched Magnus thoughtfully as he turned the basketball in his hands. After a few long moments, he said, "Why did you tell me?"

Magnus stared straight ahead, still fumbling with the ball. "So you would understand. I nearly died for being with a guy once. I've never found one worth dying for." He stood, still not looking at Alec. "I'm finding it harder and harder to push you away."

He dribbled the ball a few times, then shot a twenty-foot jump shot. The ball hit the back of the rim and bounced off in the opposite direction. He trotted over to retrieve the ball. Alec was so absorbed in Magnus's story, and mulling over that last line, that Magnus was nearly out of sight before he realized he was heading toward their dormitory. He leapt off the picnic table, scrambling to catch up to Magnus, but by the time he reached him, Magnus was nearly at the front doors.

He knew Magnus wouldn't appreciate having a personal conversation within the elevator or in the hallway leading to their room. So he kept quiet, silently trailing behind Magnus, watching him walk. He carried the basketball pinned between his arm and his chest, casually. His shoulders were slightly hunched over, like he was carrying a weight too heavy for him to bear. And maybe he was. Maybe that was the whole point of his story, to let Alec know that he just couldn't handle all of this. Alec hoped that wasn't the case.

Magnus let them into their room, dropped the ball beside the couch and darted into his room, closing the door behind him. Shutting Alec out…again.

Alec sighed heavily. Magnus had had enough for one night, he knew that without having to be told. He cast one last glance at his roommate's door and went back to his own bedroom. He laid down on the bed, pillowing his hands behind his head, and let his tears fall. They spilled down his cheeks, pooling in the shell of his ears, as he thought about everything that had happened on this hellish roller coaster of a day.

He had known Magnus was hiding something. Asking him who had hurt him had just been a guess. He had no idea how right he had been. It pissed him off like crazy that Magnus's stepdad had done that to him. And it pissed him off more that he could be eligible for parole after ten fucking years! God the judicial system in this country was ridiculous! Magnus had said he was sixteen when it happened. That was at most five years ago. He had only celebrated his twenty-first birthday on Friday. Had it really only been the night before?

So much had happened between them in that thirty-six-ish hour period. They had started speaking again. Then Magnus had broken his heart. He had foolishly gone on a date with someone else, practically told Magnus he loved him, and been rejected again. And now? Now he knew why. What had happened to Magnus still haunted him, that much was clear. Alec had no idea how to move past it, how to get him to see that being with him would be different. His stepdad was in prison, at least for now, and couldn't hurt him anymore. But Alec knew that logic was frequently trumped by fear, and Magnus had a lot of fear.

_Help me._ The words startled him, mostly because, until that moment, he hadn't remembered any details of the dream that had woken him earlier. Now, he did. Magnus had asked him repeatedly to help him. Was it more than just a dream? Did Magnus really want his help? It certainly sounded like he could use some help, but what could Alec do? He was a Sports Medicine major, not Psychology. He didn't know how to help Magnus.

Then, another, significantly more selfish question entered his mind unbidden. Did he _want _to help Magnus? Was it worth sticking around for this? He shook his head angrily. If he could punch himself, he would have at that moment. How could he even think such a thing? Yes, he would help Magnus, as much as he could. And if that wasn't enough, he would find some way to give him more.

The problem was he didn't even know what Magnus needed. He'd seemed so lost and distant telling his story. But that could have just been a defense mechanism, right? Putting distance between himself and his memories to keep them from hurting him again. Yeah, that sounded reasonable. Magnus had seemed so normal, if not a bit standoffish when he first met him. Alec was now wondering if his prying had done more harm than good for Magnus. He shook his had again. No, if he had opened old wounds, that was because Magnus hadn't let them heal properly. They would have opened again some day, with or without Alec's help. If Magnus hadn't dealt with this situation, he needed to, and Alec was going to be there every step of the way to help him do it.

That was the promise he made to an unknowing Magnus that night.


	13. Chapter 13

Alec awoke the next morning feeling a little hung over. Emotional hangovers, he decided, are often worse than their alcohol-induced counterparts. He felt drained, weak, and his head hurt from crying himself to sleep the night before. He was still wearing his clothes , which were now rumpled and he was sure he looked as badly as he felt.

Magnus. He'd never known anyone who had gone through the things Magnus had been through. He was at a loss for how to help him…if he even needed or wanted Alec's help. Several years had passed, after all. Maybe Magnus had put that day behind him. Was that even possible? Was it possible to put a traumatic event like having your stepdad nearly beat you to death because you are gay behind you?

He could hear Magnus in the kitchen, scurrying around, probably making coffee. He wasn't sure how to handle things with Magnus now. He felt completely overwhelmed. The idea of awkwardness between them made him nervous to even open his door. But hiding in his room wasn't going to help the situation. And if he was honest with himself, he really wanted to talk to Magnus, to find out where they go from here.

With that thought in mind, he rose from his bed, straightened his clothes and ran a hand through his hair. He hoped that made him look a little less disheveled, but did it really matter? This was Magnus. He had already seen Alec looking pretty rough. They did live together, after all.

He opened the door, started toward the kitchen with as confident of steps as he could muster, then chickened out at the last minute and veered into the bathroom. _This is good,_ he told himself as he drained his bladder. _Now I can brush my teeth and hair before I go out there. _Vanity? Really? He knew it was simply an excuse, a stall tactic, but it didn't make him feel any better about himself. He wasn't even sure why he felt bad to begin with. He wasn't the one who had dropped a bomb on them and then ran off to the solitude of his room. _Great, now I feel like shit for even thinking of it that way. _

He sighed, washed his hands, brushed his teeth. He looked in the mirror. _Buck up, man_, he told his reflection. With a deep breath, he did just that.

He settled himself on the barstool at the countertop that passed as their kitchen table. Magnus pushed a cup of steaming coffee toward him and Alec accepted it gratefully. He also recognized it for what it was: a peace offering. He glanced at Magnus over the rim of his cup as he sipped the coffee.

Magnus looked…torn, was the best description he could come up with. He looked like a battle was waging inside him, and he was struggling to pick a side. And the side mattered, was life-changing, was possibly the most important decision of his life. Or that could be Alec projecting his own thoughts and feelings into the situation. Maybe he was just trying to figure out if he wanted eggs or bagels for breakfast…Alec snorted inwardly at that.

He sat his coffee cup down and continued to watch Magnus. Then, to his utter surprise, Magnus walked around the corner of the countertop and stopped just a few feet in front of him. He shifted his weight between his feet, clearly uncertain about something. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and his chest and feet were bare. Of course Alec would notice the strain of his muscles that revealed the depth of tension inside his body. Alec didn't, however, know what to say. Magnus seemed on the verge of speaking, so he simply slid off his stool and waited, chewing on his lower lip as he did so.

It was then that he noticed Magnus's eyes looked puffy and bruised, like maybe he hadn't slept at all. Alec thought it likely he hadn't.

Finally, Magnus broke the silence. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes flashing up to Alec's.

Alec had not expected _that. _"What the hell are you sorry for?"

"For keeping that secret from you…"

"What?" Alec was stunned. "No, Magnus. That…no. Don't you dare apologize. That wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. I'm sorry I forced you to tell me. I'm sorry…" He wasn't even aware that he felt sorry for practically extorting the information from Magnus until he had said the words. A pang of guilt shot through him at that realization. He had wanted to know what was going on with Magnus so badly that he pushed and pushed until Magnus caved. How was that fair? Especially in light of what Magnus was hiding!

Alec didn't even know how it happened, but the next thing he knew, Magnus had both hands pressed firmly against his cheeks, and their foreheads were pressed together. He could feel the heat of Magnus's touch, smell the scent of his sweetened coffee on his breath, feel the tremble of his body through his fingertips.

"I needed to tell someone," Magnus said quietly. "I needed to tell _you._"

Alec's fingers found Magnus's wrists and held tightly to them. His heart pounded against his ribs, but no words would come to him…

"I don't want to push you away anymore, but I'm scared, Alec." Magnus's voice quivered on his name.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Everything," Magnus said. "Everything. You. How I feel about you. The future I've worked so hard for. Everything."

Alec smiled softly. "You think I'm not afraid of how I feel about you?" But as Alec looked into his eyes, he knew there was more to the fear than what Magnus was saying. Something much deeper and more sinister. "Magnus, you have to know I'll never let anyone hurt you. I know I'm just a cheerleader -"

"Stop," Magnus said, placing his fingers over Alec's lips to quiet him. "You're not just a cheerleader. You're not _just_ anything! You're…everything."

Alec had a fleeting thought of sucking Magnus's fingers into his mouth, but Magnus's words stopped him. He thought Alec was…everything? He suddenly couldn't breathe, and the more he tried, the more light-headed he became. And then, Magnus's lips were covering his and he forgot that he couldn't breathe, forgot that he even _needed_ to breathe. All he knew was Magnus.

Magnus's hands slid along his shoulders and down his arms, catching the hem of his shirt. He tugged gently, and Alec didn't even stop to consider if this was a good idea. He had wanted Magnus for so long, thoughts didn't even enter his mind at that moment. He lifted his arms high and broke the kiss for just a second to allow Magnus to pull his shirt over his head. The shirt landed, presumably on the floor, with a soft thump, but Alec paid no attention to it. His hands and mouth were back on Magnus, skimming over the smooth texture of his skin, the firm muscles underneath.

He wrapped his arms around Magnus's lean body and tugged him close. His hands then moved, seemingly of their own accord, trailing down Magnus's back, pausing only to feel the muscles contract and relax as Magnus's hands gave his own body the same treatment. Before his conscious brain caught up with his subconscious, his hands were cupping Magnus's ass and gently pulling on the hem of his shorts.

He didn't even pause. Neither of them did. He was not even surprised to find Magnus's hands dipping below the waistband of his track pants, sliding under the band of his boxers, and slipping them down his hips. _Oh hell, is this really happening?_ Alec thought as his tongue flicked in and out of Magnus's hot, wet mouth, as Magnus crushed their lips together more fiercely and slid his pants down a few more inches.

Alec was hardly aware of stepping out of his pants until he felt the cold breeze against his rock-hard dick. That only made it harder. Magnus's pants were on the floor, too, and Alec's hands were exploring the body he had fantasized about for months on end. Every touch was searing as his hands mapped out Magnus's body, committing it to memory. Every ridge and groove, every hard muscle, every sensitive spot that made Magnus moan or sigh or gasp. He would find every last one.

Somehow, they ended up in Magnus's bedroom, tumbling onto his bed. This was one of the few moments where their kiss was broken, but only of necessity. Alec scooted along the soft sheets and Magnus climbed on top of him, leaning on one elbow so that he wasn't exactly covering him. Alec's whole body was alive with energy, with need for Magnus. He reached up and pulled Magnus down so that their bodies were touching, and he pressed his erection firmly against Magnus's thigh. He could feel the heavy weight of Magnus's cock against his hip, and he thrilled at the sensation as his mouth recaptured Magnus's.

They kissed and touched and caressed each other, turning each other on and driving the other crazy. Being in Magnus's arms with his weight baring down on him was surreal and otherworldly. Alec broke the kiss, moving his lips to Magnus's jaw and tasting the saltiness of his sweat. He had wanted to lick the sweat off Magnus since the first time he ever laid eyes on him. He was not disappointed. _This feels so good. So right,_ he thought as he nipped at the pulsing blood vessels coursing through Magnus's neck.

Then, suddenly, Magnus froze. It took a couple of seconds for Alec to realize this, caught up in his passion as he was, but when he did, he leveled his gaze at Magnus, studying him. Magnus leaned off to the side again, breaking some contact with Alec and letting the cool air kiss his hot flesh, sending shivers through his body. Magnus's head was slightly hung, his dark hair falling across his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Alec said.

Magnus's eyes darted up to him. "I…I have no idea what I'm doing here," he confessed. "I've never…"

Alec stared at him uncomprehendingly. Magnus was, obviously, not a virgin. He'd been with several women in the short time Alec had known him, and according to his story, had also once been with a guy. So what was the prob- _Oh…_

"You've never been on top with a guy before?" he said as realization dawned on him. Magnus nodded sheepishly. Alec chuckled. "Look at me. Relax. Sex is sex. You fuck me just like you'd fuck a girl…only use a different hole and a lot of lube." He paused for a moment, thoughtful. "Well, unless you did anal with any of the girls. Then it's the same thing."

Magnus gaped at him. "No. It was surprisingly hard to find a girl willing to do anal as a one night stand."

Between Alec's lighthearted explanation and Magnus's rebuttal, they both resolved into laughter, an embarrassed, incredulous sort of laughter, but still laughter.

When the laughter died down, however, Alec could feel Magnus trembling against him. "Hey. Look we don't have to do anything. We can take it slow, wait until you're ready."

Magnus looked back at him. "I want you. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you. Four months _is_ taking it slow for me," he said earnestly. Alec's heart swelled. Magnus had wanted him as long as he had wanted Magnus. He almost couldn't believe it.

But he could see the uncertainty in Magnus's eyes, and he hated being the reason for it to be there. He sat up, leaning against the headboard of the bed, and Magnus pulled himself up as well, folding his legs beneath him. They stared at each other for several long moments, trying to figure out where to go from here. They were both breathing hard, and still sporting the evidence of their desire to be together. But…

"I won't pressure you, Magnus. I can wait as long as you need."

"I want you."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes! I want you!"

Alec's eyes dropped to Magnus's crotch, confirming that statement, then flashed back up to his face. Alec took Magnus's hand in his. "We don't have to do it today." He hated the sudden dejected look on Magnus's face. The whole conversation was bizarre, really. Magnus Bane, the sexiest, most wanted guy on campus, not confident? Who knew? That was certainly not the image he projected to everyone, but then again, he had hid being gay pretty thoroughly, too. "How about we do something else?"

"Like what?"

"How about I give you the best blow job of your life?"

Magnus's eyes widened. Alec propped up some pillows and leaned Magnus against them before situating himself above Magnus. "You seem awfully cocky."

Alec smirked. "I know my way around a cock," he said with a wink and Magnus's eyes fluttered.

He kissed Magnus again, slowly, flicking his tongue suggestively against Magnus's lips. His lips parted and Alec dipped inside, grazing his tongue along Magnus's, against the roof of his mouth, treating his mouth as he planned to treat his dick. He loved the moans emitting from Magnus. This was one of his favorite parts: the foreplay. Except Alec preferred to call it wind-up, because that's what he was doing, really. He was getting Magnus so wound up he'd be begging before long, and he would keep him close to the edge, just on the brink, for as long as possible before ending it. Oh, yes, Alec liked this part…almost as much as the sex itself.

His lips left Magnus's, trailing a warm, wet path along his body. Criss-crossing his neck, leaving small bite marks on his chest. Magnus gasped when Alec rimmed his nipple with his tongue, and Alec stored that information away for another time. He continued down the ridges of Magnus's ribs, sending shivers through that gorgeous body and making him tense up suddenly. _He's ticklish_, Alec thought, and he stored that away, too.

Alec dipped his tongue into Magnus's shallow navel, running the tip around the rim. Then, he continued on down to the v-shape of his pelvis. Magnus's hands clinched the sheets into knots as Alec started at one hip and kissed and licked along the 'V' all the way to Magnus's balls, fully conscious that his cock was practically begging for attention, and thoroughly ignoring it. He sucked each ball in turn into his mouth, planting a wet kiss on them before releasing. He followed the same trail up the other side of Magnus's pelvis, and watched as Magnus writhed beneath him. He grinned. _Not yet, baby._

Alec spread Magnus's legs apart, and dipped his head to latch onto the inner, sensitive part of his thigh. Magnus groaned headily, and Alec began to wonder how much more he could take himself. He wanted Magnus so badly, not that he would have him today, but damn did he want him. He switched to the other thigh, and Magnus finally broke.

"Alec…please," he groaned.

Alec grinned. "My pleasure." He let his hand slide up, smoothing over Magnus's long, rigid cock, gripping at the base and angling it toward his mouth. Magnus hissed as Alec finally took him in. Alec worked his tongue, much like he had in Magnus's mouth, teasing and flicking his shaft until his lips met his hand, then he closed his mouth around Magnus and worked his magic.

If Alec seemed overly confident, it's because he was. This was something he was really good at doing. It wasn't rocket science, and he had the same equipment to play with. His previous boyfriends had been great practice for him. He knew he could please Magnus. He had no doubts about it.

Magnus tried to thrust upward, tried to get his dick as far into Alec's mouth as he could, but Alec's hand blocked his way. He spent a few minutes coordinating the movements of his hand and mouth into one seamless action. Magnus's knuckles were turning white where he clamped the sheet. He reached down with his free hand and cupped Magnus's balls, rolling them gently between his fingers, giving them a slight squeeze.

His hand and Magnus's cock were drenched with saliva and Alec knew how good this must feel for him. He pumped a few more times and released his hand, trailing it down to Magnus's hole and just barely pressing against it, but not entering. Magnus gasped and Alec relaxed his throat, taking Magnus all the way in until his nose was flush against his abdomen. Alec swallowed around him, several times. He felt the pulse at the same time as Magnus cried out and emptied himself down Alec's throat. Alec continued working his lips, his tongue, his throat against Magnus's cock until his whole body shuddered. Then, he licked him clean. Not a single drop spilled.

Magnus was a blithering, panting mess as Alec repositioned himself beside him. He seemed to be attempting to speak, but was completely unable to form a words. Alec suspected he was unable to form coherent thoughts either. Alec smiled as he ran his fingers lovingly along Magnus's chest, tracing the outline of his pectoral muscles as his chest heaved, brushing his ribcage where he knew Magnus was ticklish, but was too far gone to contemplate that at the moment.

When he finally recovered enough to speak, his first words were, "Oh. My. Fucking. God."

Alec smiled again at that.

It took much longer for him to regain his wits. Alec waited patiently.

Magnus rolled his head slowly to face Alec, still in that haze that only comes from getting off. His eyes traveled down Alec's body to his still rock-hard erection. "What about you?" he said in a husky voice.

"I'm okay."

"No you're not!" He hissed, and his hand slid across Alec's leg and grasped his shaft. He began stroking in long, firm strokes, and Alec lost his mind completely. It didn't take long. Not after what he had just done, not with Magnus-freaking-Bane touching him. When it was over and Magnus's hand was coated in Alec's release, Alec turned his unfocused eyes on Magnus and kissed him squarely on the lips.

They lay in bed together, wrapped in each other, for an indeterminable amount of time. It didn't really matter anyway. Time was irrelevant. The only thing that matter was that Alec felt really good snuggled up against Magnus's side, listening to his heart beat and the motion of his chest as he breathed. He had never felt so utterly content in his life.

He woke sometime later to Magnus shifting his position next to him. He turned his blue eyes on Magnus, feeling a significant amount of apprehension as he stared into his eyes and wondered what Magnus was thinking. To his surprise, Magnus's mouth curved into a beautiful, heart-stopping smile when he realized Alec was watching him.

_I love you_, Alec thought, not for the first time.

"How do you feel?" Magnus croaked through his dry throat, then swallowed hard.

"Good. No, great! What about you? Are you okay?"

Magnus's reply was to kiss Alec softly on his lips. They stayed like that for several drawn-out moments before breaking apart. Relief flooded Alec, and he burrowed even closer to Magnus, feeling like all was right in the world.

Except that it wasn't.

He suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Had he taken advantage of Magnus? No, he didn't really think he had. It just felt that way because it was so soon after hearing Magnus's story. Should he have said no and talked instead of jumping into bed together? Probably, but damn, he was so caught up in the moment and Magnus was practically begging him for it…Okay, so maybe he hadn't done anything wrong, but had he done anything _right_? And if jumping straight into bed with Magnus was a mistake, falling asleep afterward was just plain stupid. Where did they go from here? He suddenly felt very awkward.

"Hey," Magnus said, tilting Alec's face up to his with a long, slender finger. "What's wrong?"

Alec kissed his jaw. "Nothing. I just…should we have done that?"

Magnus's lip twitched into a half-grin. "Who cares about 'should we'? I wanted to. You wanted to. So we did."

"No regrets?" Alec hated the hopeful noted in his voice as he said this.

Magnus's mouth evened into a broad grin. "None at all."

They sat silently for several more minutes. Then, "Magnus?"

"Hmmm…"

"Are you…over it? What happened to you, I mean?"

Magnus twisted so that he could see Alec's face better. He studied him, his eyes darting around Alec's features, absorbing them. Alec watched him, too, trying to read his facial expressions, to know what was going on behind those unique eyes and that beautiful face. He wasn't successful.

"Over it?…Not exactly. I'm not sure you can really get over something like that. You know?"

Alec nodded against Magnus's chest, though the truth was that he didn't know. He had no idea what it would feel like to go through what Magnus had been through.

"Part of my therapy after I got out of the hospital included counseling. I saw several different counselors, all with different specialties. They helped me a lot, once I quit fighting them." He broke off with a chuckle. "It was intense, and I hated it, but they really helped me get my head on straight. So, yeah, I've put it behind me and moved on with my life, but I'm not over it. The fear is still there."

Alec could hear the fear in his voice and selfishly wondered what it meant for them. Could Magnus put the fear away enough to have a relationship with him? Was he going to be another notch in Magnus's belt, just another one night stand? Could he deal with that if that's what Magnus wanted?

"What's going on in that gorgeous head of yours?" Magnus asked quietly.

"I guess…I guess I'm just wondering where we go from here?"

"Well, I'd kind of like a shower, but I'm guessing that's not what you meant."

Alec chuckled. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean, what happens between us now. I've waited so long for this…I just want to know what to expect…"

"Expectations lead to trouble," Magnus said. "But you're right. We should talk about this. I guess the first thing to ask is what do you want to happen?"

"I don't think I'm the one we should be asking." _Since I'm the one who is in love here_, he finished in his head.

"Why not? Your opinion matters, too."

"Because…I have a feeling that I feel more strongly for you than you do for me." There, he said it. Oh fuck, he said it! His eyes darted, somewhat frantically, to Magnus's face.

Magnus's expression was almost…bewildered. Like he wasn't quite sure what to make of Alec. "How do you feel about me, Alec?"

Alec was shaking his head before the sentence was completely out of Magnus's mouth. "Oh, no. I'm so not answering that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not ready to hear it!" Oh fuck, did he actually just say that. Where was that damn brain-to-mouth filter? Why was it failing him now? Jesus-fucking-Christ.

"Okay. I'll go then." He paused for a few moments, appearing to collect his thoughts. "I like you, Alec. I'd…like to try…you know?"

Alec's eyes widened in surprise. "You want to…try…to have a relationship? Or…" _God, Lightwood, you are failing so spectacularly at this…_

"Yeah. I've been thinking about it for awhile. But every time I tried to say something…I just…couldn't. I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of, Magnus. Lay it all out for me so we can figure this out, okay?"

Magnus nodded. "I'm afraid that…" His eyes met Alec's again. "You know I'm likely to be really bad at this. Don't you? I mean, the only thing close to a relationship I've ever had was the guy that I nearly died for. And I was sixteen and stupid and it only lasted a couple of months. I had a few relationships with girls before that, but nothing that lasted more than a couple of weeks. All I've done since is have sex. No strings, no feelings. Just sex. I don't know how to do this."

Alec kissed him briefly. "So we'll figure it out together." He grinned crookedly. "I've been dealing with your mood swings and you pushing me away for months. You think I can't handle it now that we've…you know?" He gestured toward their still-naked bodies, and Magnus answered his grin.

"Yeah, I guess you kind of know what you're getting into, huh?"

"I know exactly what I'm getting into. I know it won't be easy. I don't expect it to. We have a lot of issues, not least of which being that we are both men. But I'm willing to try if you are. That's not true. I'm willing to try regardless of what you think. I want to be with you, Magnus. I want to see if we are good together."

Magnus kissed him again. Alec thought he could really get used to those kisses, and how they made him feel. "I want that, too."

"Okay, so what else are you afraid of?"

"My stepdad," Magnus said in a voice so soft Alec had to strain to hear it.

He took Magnus's hand between his and gently rubbed circles along the back with his thumbs. "He can't hurt you now."

"I know. And it's not just _him_ that scares me. I'm afraid of all the _hims_ out there, all the other people who would do the same thing in the same situation. I'm scared of someone finding out that I'm gay and in a relationship with a guy and…you know?"

Well, fuck. What could he say to that? Any promise he made about it would be empty. He knew it and he knew Magnus knew it, too. This wasn't a situation where he could placate Magnus. So, he decided honesty was the best policy.

"I think every same-sex couple feels that way to an extent. I doubt any of us get to live a normal life where no one judges us for who we are. Some only deal with dirty looks and snide comments. Others…more extreme forms of hate. But there will always be someone, somewhere who feels the need to tell us what they think about our lifestyle. It's not fair and it sucks, but it's the way things are. We can't live our lives hiding from those people, because if we do, we are giving up all the wonderful things for a handful of bad moments. If we do, we let them win. And we are miserable. I can't live like that, Magnus. I just can't."

"I know. I'm being stupid, but the fear is real and I don't know how to overcome it. Therapy helped in a lot of ways, but not that one."

Alec drew Magnus's hand up to his lips and kissed his fingers, one after another. "I know. But I honestly think the best way to get over the fear is to not let it hold you back. We'll face it together, and once you see that the majority of people aren't going to say or do anything, that fear will ease. Trust me. I've been public with my previous relationships, and for the most part, everything was fine."

Magnus shook his head. "I'm not ready to do that. I need…time. I need to adjust to the fact that not only does someone else know I'm gay, but that I'm starting a relationship with him. You know? I need a chance to get used to _us_ before I let anyone else know that there is an _us. _And I'm still really worried about what my team will think, and how it will effect my future." Magnus worried his lower lip between his teeth. "Can you do that, Alec? Can you keep it secret?"

Alec contemplated this for a moment. On one hand, he didn't like the idea of hiding. He was in the closet, so to speak, long enough and now was enjoying the bright sunlight on the other side. He didn't want to go back to hiding. Of course, he wouldn't _exactly be_ hiding. Everyone would still know he was gay. He couldn't put that cat back in the bag, even if he wanted to. All he was hiding was his relationship with Magnus, the one thing that he wanted to shout from the rooftops, to let the entire world know.

On the other hand, though, it wasn't really fair of him to _make_ Magnus come out to the world. He had been there, done that when he was fifteen, and still felt bad for the guy. He didn't want a repeat of that, partially because what it had left him with was an empty feeling and no boyfriend.

"Yes," Alec said, finally. "I can keep it a secret. For now." A wide grin spread across Magnus's face, prompting Alec to hold up his hand. He wasn't finished yet. "But I have some conditions."

Magnus's smile faded slightly. "What conditions?"

Alec ticked off each point on his fingers as he said them. "First," he bent back his index finger, "no more girls. I don't give a damn about appearances and I don't care what kind of excuses you make. I can't deal with you sleeping around if we are going to be together."

He leveled a challenging gaze at Magnus, and Magnus nodded. No protest, no complaint. He agreed without question. Alec's heart fluttered. "Second, I want to tell my family and Austin and Cammie." This time Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec cut him off. "You can argue all you want, but it won't do any good. They know me better than anyone, and they will already know as soon as they see me. There's only one thing in this world that can make me as happy as I am right now, and that's being with you. They know that, and they'll ask me about it, and I'm not going to lie to them. I'll tell them not to tell anyone else, but I won't lie to them."

Magnus mulled that over for a few minutes. "Fine. As long as you trust them not to tell anyone else until we are ready."

"They won't. I promise." Magnus nodded his head in agreement. "Third, I need you to realize that I can't do this forever. I don't know how long I can hide it, but I promise to let you know how I feel. I won't just up and leave you, and I won't out you. But I'm not going to be in a relationship with you and not be able to tell anyone until you retire from the NBA."

Magnus nodded at this point as well. "I wouldn't ask that of you. Besides, we don't know how long this will last anyway. You might be tired of me in a week."

"Not likely," Alec replied and leaned in to kiss him again.

When they drew apart, Magnus said, "Okay. Is there anything else we need to cover? Any other conditions?"

"Just one thing. Is there anything else you are afraid of?"

Magnus ducked his head and nodded. "I'm afraid of how I feel about you. I'm afraid I won't be good enough for you."

"Look at me," Alec said, tilting Magnus's face back up toward his. He cupped both cheeks between his palms and kissed him. "You are what I want. The guy that lets me in, lets his guard down around me. This," he said, gesturing between their two bare chests. "This is what I want. We'll work everything else out as it comes along. Okay?"

Magnus gave him a watery smile that still betrayed his fears, but Alec took it as confirmation anyway. So he kissed him again.

And that's how they made it through an entire, intimate, conversation without Magnus freaking out and pushing Alec away. Miracles do happen.


	14. Chapter 14

Alec lay alone in his bed the next morning wondering if it had all been a dream. A really good dream. A really vivid dream. He could still feel the ghosts of Magnus's hands touching him, see the spark of desire in his beautiful eyes, taste his essence on his tongue.

He was over-the-moon happy that Magnus had agreed to see where this thing goes. Hearing Magnus say he wanted him was the best part of the best wet dream he'd ever had. God, seriously. Could he really be that lucky? Could he really have the one person he wanted more than anything?

But…there was always a but, wasn't there? He couldn't help wondering what would happen now. Would Magnus still feel the way he did yesterday? Was Magnus serious about having a relationship with him, or had he been reeling from the hangover of everything that had happened that weekend?

And now that he thought about it, what was he supposed to do when he saw Magnus this morning? Would it be awkward? He'd never been intimate with someone he lived with before, had never been around the next morning to see how everyone felt. Well, he saw his previous boyfriends at school the next day, but that wasn't the same as walking out of his bedroom and coming face-to-face with him.

Alec had only had three boyfriends prior to this. He'd gone on dates with other guys that didn't pan out, but only three that he ever felt something for, or did something with. There had been the guy when he was fifteen that he accidentally outed in front of the entire school. _That_ had ended disastrously. Then, about a year later, he had dated a hot-as-fuck guy from school who was in a rock and roll band, bass guitarist if Alec remembered correctly. Very drool-worthy. He had been Alec's first, and they had done every unspeakable thing they could think of to each other. It had been a whirlwind romance, and had ended almost as abruptly as it started. But it had been F.U.N.

And then, there was Eric. Alec's only real long-term relationship. Eric was a video gaming book nerd. Tall with sandy blonde hair, a crooked smile, and glasses that never quite sat straight on his face. He had thought, as much as anyone thinks when they are seventeen years old and dating the same guy for over a year, that perhaps Eric had been 'the one.' He had loved Eric, at least, he thought he did at the time. They had been very serious, even discussing going to the same college together. But, in the end, Eric had found someone else, and Alec was fortunate/unfortunate enough to catch him in the act. When he discovered that he wasn't as heartbroken as he thought he should have been over it, he realized that perhaps that hadn't been love after all. Perhaps, he was more in love with the _idea_ of Eric, someone he had deep, thought-provoking talks with, shared sweet, tender moments, and someone who could always make him laugh. But who needed the bullshit?

The sound of pots banging around in the kitchen broke Alec from his reverie. He came back to earth with only one thought in his head; he loved Magnus. The way he felt about Magnus was something he had never felt before, not with all the other guys combined. So with that in mind, he dragged his ass out of bed, fought down the trepidation that was threatening to surface, and went to see what Magnus was up to.

He needn't have worried so much. As soon as Magnus saw him, his face lit up with a radiant smile. Alec answered with a smile of his own. And just like that, the anxiety that he had been warding off disappeared. He came around the edge of the countertop and stopped just in front of Magnus, and sucked his lower lip between his teeth. Magnus reached for him, and Alec didn't hesitate. He threw his arms around Magnus and pulled him close, burying his face against Magnus's bare chest and breathing him in.

"So, you're still okay with this?" he said softly into Magnus's chest.

He felt the gentle wisp of Magnus's hair against his cheek, the motion of his nod in the movement of his body where they touched. "I don't think I could live with myself if we didn't at least try. I'm in if you are."

Alec tilted his head up and kissed the underneath side of his jaw, softly, sweetly, innocently…but he still got a reaction in the form of a firm mass pressed against his leg. Alec inwardly shuddered at the thought that he could have that kind of effect on Magnus. Wow. Just a simple little kiss. He sighed happily, then reluctantly pulled away as nature called to him.

After a quick bathroom break, in which he emptied his bladder and brushed his teeth so that he at least felt human again, he returned to the kitchen to find Magnus in the midst of making bacon, eggs, and toast. Alec didn't even remember them _having_ bacon and eggs, but didn't feel it was important enough to question. "What can I do?" he asked as he slid into place beside Magnus.

"Coffee." Magnus jerked his head in the direction of the coffee pot and Alec set to work making magic happen. He fleetingly considered the fact that they were entirely too reliant on coffee, but shrugged it away. There were worse addictions.

A few minutes later, the apartment was alive with the aroma of brewing coffee and frying bacon. Alec's stomach gave a queasy rumble. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was. "Hey!" Magnus said as he reached for a piece of bacon fresh out of the skillet and nearly singed the tips of his fingers off. He dropped the hot bacon back on the plate, tentatively picking it up and blowing on it to cool it before attempting to eat it. Magnus laughed at him, and Alec thought that was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. He ripped the bacon in half, ate his half and laid the other half on Magnus's lower lip. Magnus's tongue darted out and licked seductively at the bacon before pulling it into his mouth. Then, he winked and smiled at Alec, melting him on the spot.

Alec's eyes focused in on Magnus's lips, on the plump, tender shape and the little bit of grease the bacon had left behind. He was seized by an urge to kiss those lips, to run his tongue along them, and if he was feeling particularly spunky, to bite them. Yesterday had merely whet his appetite for Magnus. He wondered how long he would have to wait to taste him again.

Magnus, however, was either completely oblivious to what Alec was feeling, or had much better self-control. He turned away to pull the rest of the bacon out of the skillet and then started cracking eggs. "How do you want them?"

Alec was still kind of lost in his fantasy of Magnus and didn't quite register what Magnus was saying. "Hmmm?"

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. "Your eggs. How do you want them?"

"Oh. Over-easy." Alec watched as Magnus's tongue darted out and caught the bit of grease on his lip, leaving a shiny wet spot in it's place. Then, he shook his head clear and forced himself to focus on breakfast instead of his dirty thoughts.

A short time later breakfast was over and Alec was mopping up the last of his egg yolk with the last of his toast, still trying not to focus on how badly he wanted Magnus. He wouldn't push him to do something he didn't want to do. That wasn't fair. He just didn't know what Magnus was up for. Which meant…they needed to talk.

"What's the plan for today?" he asked as he finished his coffee and set the cup back on the countertop. They were sitting side by side on the barstools, but were turned in such a way that they were almost facing each other.

Magnus shrugged. "Practice at two. The rest of the day is pretty open though."

Alec grinned at that. This was the first Monday after finals, and they had nothing they had to do, other than practice, for the next three weeks. What a great time to start a new relationship, no?

"I have practice at four," Alec said, then paused. He tried to sound casual, but really, was that even possible at this point? "We could get dinner later. And we still have…" He checked the clock on the microwave. "Four hours until you have to be at practice…"

"Hmmm," Magnus hummed, "what do you suggest we do?"

Alec reached across the countertop and took Magnus's hand in his. He eyed the smooth skin as his thumb drew shapes on the back of his hand. He had a one track mind at this point, and no idea how Magnus would feel about it. "We could…"

Alec's eyes darted up to meet Magnus's, and he was taken aback by the smoldering look that met him. "We could," Magnus confirmed.

Magnus tugged gently with the hand Alec was holding and pulled him close enough to kiss. Their lips collided in a searing kiss, one that took Alec's breath away. But who needs breath when you're kissing Magnus Bane, right? Alec immersed himself in the kiss, sliding off his seat and pulling Magnus with him until their bodies were pressed together. He could feel the desire emanating from Magnus, and briefly wondered how he had kept such careful control over those emotions for so long. They had been in close contact with each other on numerous occasions over the last couple of months, but Alec had never felt something so strong coming from Magnus. Then, he wondered how well he had kept his desires in check during that same time. Then, he wondered why he was thinking about this instead of just concentrating on kissing the man he loved. And with that thought, he gave in completely.

Like the night before, they went through a complicated dance of getting undressed as hastily as possible while still kissing. This was something of an art form that was difficult to master, but Alec hoped they would have plenty of practice at it in the near future. The soft sounds of clothing hitting the floor and various pieces of furniture was barely recognized in their mind-numbing lust for each other.

Alec pushed Magnus against the wall, and they rolled into the nearest bedroom. Magnus's. Alec climbed onto the bed and tugged Magnus on top of him. Magnus's arms wrapped around him and held him tightly. Their bodies were pressed together and Magnus was devouring Alec's neck. Alec's entire body was alive with sexual energy. He needed an outlet. Now.

"Have you…ever…" he panted, "sucked a guy…off?"

A deep rumble sounded in Magnus's chest and he bit down on Alec's shoulder. _Oh, God,_ he thought as his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Yes," Magnus breathed. "It's been a long time though."

Alec arced his pelvis against Magnus's, wordlessly expressing his need. Magnus took the hint. He slithered down Alec's body, trailing kisses from his neck to his groin and all points in between. Alec was thrumming with anticipation and desire and lust. All coherent thoughts fled his brain as pure instinct took over. Magnus's hands felt like fire on his skin when he finally, _finally_, wrapped his hand around Alec's throbbing dick and gave it a few good tugs.

"Magnus…"

Magnus kissed Alec's pelvis, causing an involuntary buck of his hips, then teased his shaft with his lips and tongue. Alec honestly couldn't have given a play-by-play if he had wanted to, he was too caught up in the sensation of having Magnus's various body parts touching him. But when Magnus finally took him in his mouth, the whole world came into incredibly sharp focus. He could see and feel things he had never known before, like the distinct color of every fleck of gold in Magnus's eyes as they met his own. Like the intense electrical jolts that coursed through him as Magnus licked and sucked him. And finally, he felt his release building, almost painfully, deep in his balls and shooting through his body as he emptied himself in Magnus's mouth and hand.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there, panting and free-falling, before he regained some semblance of self. The first thing he noticed was the feel of Magnus's warm body pressed against his, slowly gliding his own tight erection against Alec's leg. The next thing he noticed was that his knuckles ached from being balled into fists for so long. That was the most intense orgasm he had ever had and his body was still reeling from it.

Then, like someone had flipped a switch to the 'on' position, he came out of his haze and his brain made the connection that Magnus was rubbing himself against his leg and was still not satisfied. He immediately jumped into action. His hand snaked around his body and found Magnus's cock, gently stroking him at first. Magnus moaned softly against his neck, and kissed his shoulder. He was rocking against Alec's hand, his pace quickening as Alec's strokes became more purposeful.

And Alec suddenly wanted him more than he could describe. "Magnus…please…"

Magnus continued his motion and said, "What?" in a somewhat desperate whisper.

"I want you inside me," Alec groaned.

That was the wrong thing to say. Magnus froze, his eyes widening like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. His expression was unreadable, but he was retreating, that much was obvious. He pushed himself away from Alec, but Alec wrapped his other arm around him and kept him close. He still had one hand on Magnus's cock.

"Magnus. Shhh, stay with me." Alec spoke in a soothing voice, trying to keep Magnus in the moment. _Fucking idiot. What were you thinking? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. _"Shhh, it's alright. Shhh, just let me touch you. Stay with me. Let me touch you."

He held Magnus's eyes, practically by force, until Magnus finally relaxed a little and nodded. "Okay," he said in a weak, strangled voice.

"Okay." Alec kissed him again, as he let his hand motion restart. Magnus relaxed even more against him and eventually started rocking his hips again. Their movements coordinated, building Magnus up until he finally tumbled into the abyss and came all over Alec's hand and hip. Alec kissed him through his orgasm, through every last spasm of his body and every last drop of his release. He continued kissing him until Magnus finally pulled away, gasping for breath.

Magnus then collapsed on Alec with his body draped across him. Alec grabbed a…shirt?…off the floor and swiped it across his hand and body, cleaning up their mess. He didn't even know whose clothing it was, and he didn't really care. He wrapped his arms around Magnus after pulling the covers over them and held him tightly, breathing in his scent and letting his mind drift.

He had nearly blown it. He knew that. He was actually a little surprised that Magnus agreed to let him finish him. _He's more haunted by what happened with his stepdad than he let on. _The question was what to do about it? Alec didn't even know what needed to be done. Was this a simple case of giving Magnus more time to get used to the idea of being with another man? Or did he need to consider more therapy now that they were together? Alec didn't know the answer and he didn't know how to bring up the question.

He'd said he wouldn't push Magnus, and he really hadn't meant to. He was so caught up in the moment, and knew Magnus was as horny as he was. He had thought Magnus might be okay with being on top, so he had never expected him to freak out like that. Maybe it was stupid for him not to expect it. Magnus had freaked out on him so many times before, for various things, none of which were as intense as actually fucking Alec.

As he lay there holding Magnus, realizing that his body was relaxing against him, he decided to just take it slower. Let Magnus have a chance to get used to the idea of them being together before he broached the topic of sex again. There was still plenty of things they could do to each other, ways to play and get each other off, without actual intercourse. He could wait. He could be patient. After all, he hadn't had another man inside him for over a year. He could wait a little longer. And Magnus was so worth the wait.

He kissed the shaggy hairs that were tickling his face, just a soft brush, a simple gesture that filled him so full of love for Magnus that he wondered if he would actually crack open and bleed from it. He squeezed his arms a little tighter and Magnus gave a sleepy grunt. He could tell by his even breathing that Magnus had fallen asleep after his release. Alec took the opportunity to gaze at him until he'd had his fill. He never did that when Magnus was awake, both not wanting to freak him out and not wanting him to know how much he longed for him. But right here in this moment? Yeah, he looked all he wanted.

He memorized the slope of Magnus's shoulder, and the defined lines of his arms. He just might dream about the long, slender fingers of the hand draped over his chest. He watched the light filtering through the bedroom window bring out sparks of color in Magnus's jet black hair, and kept watching as those sparks seemed to dance with the gentle movement of their bodies as they breathed.

This was love. There was no other word for it. Nothing else could explain the way he felt, his need to just _watch_ Magnus. At that moment, he would give anything to tell him how he felt, how Magnus was rapidly becoming the one thing he couldn't live without, didn't _want_ to live without.

_Patience, Lightwood, patience. _He knew it would happen some day, when Magnus was ready to hear it, and hopefully ready to say it back. His heart fluttered in his chest at the thought of Magnus one day loving him, too. Yeah. Better temper those thoughts. Magnus couldn't even handle Alec asking him to fuck him. He was no where near ready for the L-word. All in good time.

They lay like that for several hours before finally getting up and eating some boring turkey sandwiches for lunch. A short while later, Magnus left for practice, but not before pinning Alec against the wall and kissing him thoroughly breathless.

* * *

Two hours later, Alec waltzed into the hallway outside the gymnasium. Someone had propped open the doors and he could hear Magnus's coach blow his whistle. The team huddled up and listened to whatever the coach was saying and then they were dismissed.

Magnus was the last to leave the gym and caught Alec's eye as he sprinted through the open doorway. He gave Alec a heart-stopping smile, one that Alec attempted to return, though he wasn't so sure his was as heart-stopping as Magnus's. In fact, he was pretty sure his smile was very dull and boring in comparison, but he may be biased. After all, he thought Magnus was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on, and it took very little effort on Magnus's part to cause a serious disruption in Alec's normal bodily functions, like his heartbeat and breathing.

Alec watched him follow his teammates to the locker room, and only pulled his eyes away when Magnus was finally out of sight. He heard the rest of the cheerleaders making their way into the gym, but when he turned around, an enormous smile splitting his face, he found Cammie watching him. She wore a knowing expression and a little smirk.

"So...you talked?"

Alec chewed on his lip, but, as predicted, there was no way for him to hide his smile. He didn't even _want_ to hide it. "Yeah. We talked."

"And?" She lowered her voice conspiratorially, even though the rest of the squad was in the gym and they were still standing in the hallway. "Are you together now?"

Alec nodded, his smile so wide it was starting to hurt his cheeks. Cammie squealed and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, lifting her off the ground in his excitement. He was just about to say something about how happy he was when his coach blew her whistle and her stern voice shouted to them in the hallway. "You girls planning to join us, or are we interrupting something?"

Alec released Cammie and felt his face flush. Nothing quite like being called out by your cheerleading coach while having a somewhat private moment with a friend. Oh, well. He knew better than to get into a conversation about his relationship with Magnus when he was supposed to be at practice anyway. He ushered Cammie into the gym and waited for Coach Reiners to tell them the plan for practice today, his mind still on the amazing smile Magnus had flashed him in the hallway, and the sexiness that had occurred that morning.

Practice went pretty well, too, by the way.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Bookraven24: Alec trusts Cammie and Austin completely, but he did tell them to keep their relationship quiet, I just didn't include the actual words in the story. **

**Sara: No spoilers, but...Alec is trying to make Magnus as comfortable as possible in all aspects of their relationship at this point. Stay tuned to see how it all goes :)**

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What a difference a week can make. Saturday's game could not have been more different from the previous one. From the casual high-five Magnus gave Alec when his name was announced to the end of the game was a complete one-eighty. It really all started shortly after tip-off.

On the first possession of the game, Alec could see a difference in Magnus. He was back to his confident self, and quickly found Blake on the wing for a wide-open three. The crowd cheered. Alec cheered. Magnus grinned and slapped hands with Blake as the jogged up the court and got set on defense.

The next possession, Magnus brought the ball over the half-court line and sort of stood there dribbling the ball, eyeing his defender. It took only seconds for him to realize the guy was a good six inches shorter than him. Magnus did a fancy little step move and dribbled the ball between his legs. Then Alec saw the wicked look in his eye as he simply picked up his dribble and shot the ball from just behind the three-point arc. The rim didn't even jangle as the ball went through. _Nothing but net, _Alec thought as he cheered loudly.

A few minutes later, Magnus shot again from beyond the NBA three-point line. _Swish_. Yeah. He was feeling it. He was all over the place on defense, too. Stepping into passing lanes and stealing the ball on several occasions. He was hot tonight and he knew it. Alec could tell by his body language, which was so different from how he behaved last Saturday.

A little later, Magnus was again dribbling the ball and staring down his defender. Alec almost felt sorry for the guy. He really didn't have much chance of guarding Magnus when he was feeling it like this. Magnus was standing just past the painted emblem of a Bobcat at center court when he pulled up again and shot. _Heat check_. Alec held his breath. This was about a thirty-footer, and probably not what his coach wanted him to do, but Magnus was in a zone tonight and feeling it. Alec blew out his breath as the ball sailed through the net, barely grazing the rim. _Fuck!_

At halftime, Alec and the rest of the cheerleaders watched the dance team perform to what began as Imagine Dragon's "Radioactive" and then morphed into a loud, aggressive rap song that Alec didn't know. The dance team was pretty good and could be entertaining, but Alec found his mind wandering. Wandering, and landing on the moments before Magnus had left for shoot-around. Moments they spent on the couch kissing each other breathless. He had a feeling he was grinning rather stupidly when Cammie nudged him with her elbow.

The second half progressed in much the same way. Magnus was hot and the team fed off him. They were favored by five, but ended up winning by twenty-seven. Magnus finished the game with twenty-four points, eleven assists and three steals. A double-double. Yeah, he was on fire.

After the game, Cammie and Austin loitered in the hallway outside the locker rooms with Alec so that it wouldn't look so suspicious. Alec thought it was overkill, considering he had waited for Magnus after several games, and they _were_ roommates after all. But Magnus had felt self-conscious about it now that they were actually together, so he went along with it.

Magnus emerged from the locker room freshly showered and glowing with the buzz of his performance high. He was grinning from ear to ear and letting his teammates clap him on the back and congratulate him on having such a great game. He broke away from the pack when he saw Alec and the others waiting for him and made a beeline toward them.

"Hey!" he said excitedly.

"Hey!" Alec countered. "Great game!"

Magnus's impossibly wide grin grew even wider as he looked at Alec, and Alec was seized with a longing to kiss him. That was one impulse he couldn't act on though. Not if he wanted to keep Magnus. And he most definitely wanted to keep Magnus.

"So," Austin said casually, "you guys hungry?"

"Starved!" Alec, Magnus and Cammie said simultaneously, then collapsed into giggles.

Austin chuckled at them. He was the only one who had gotten to sit down and just enjoy the game without any type of performance on his part. Of course the others were hungry. They had expended quite a bit of energy entertaining the masses. "Pizza?" he suggested, to which all agreed.

As they exited the building and started down the sidewalk, Cammie leapt onto Alec's back and he piggy-backed her all the way to the restaurant. Austin and Magnus chattered on about the game, walking a few paces in front of them. Cammie drew herself up higher on Alec's back so she could whisper in his ear. "He looks really happy…"

Alec grinned, though Cammie couldn't see it. "He does, doesn't he."

"You do, too."

_Getting my dick sucked on a regular basis by the guy I'm in love with kind of does that for me,_ he thought, but what he said was, "I am."

"I'm happy for you."

A few minutes later, Alec realized where they were heading. He caught Austin's eye and gave him a _Really?_ look, to which Austin grinned and shrugged. They stopped outside of the restaurant where Alec had his disastrous date last week, and Cammie slid off his back, landing expertly on the ground. Alec caught the look she gave Austin. She clearly didn't approve of his choice of restaurants either. But Alec was determined not to make big deal out of it. It _wasn't_ a big deal.

They were seated toward the back of the restaurant again, but in a different booth. Somehow they managed to sit exactly as they did for the date, with Magnus taking Jeff's place. Alec felt a flash of awkwardness, but pushed it away. It didn't matter. He was here with Magnus, the person he wanted to be with more than anyone else, the person he _should have_ been with on the date last week. No reason to feel awkward about the similarities of his non-date. Hell, truth be told, he was with Magnus that time, too, at least mentally.

Alec found following the conversation a little easier this time around. Magnus was still brimming with happiness and excitement over the game and his performance. As he should be. Alec was mesmerized by the light in Magnus's eyes, the brilliance of his smile, the motion of his hands as he animatedly talked about the game.

Magnus's hair looked soft and fluffy as it dried from his recent shower. Alec's fingers twitched as he restrained himself from touching it. _Later. You'll have your hands all in his hair later. You just have to be patient. _

Magnus turned his head at just the right angle to highlight the scar on his temple, and Alec felt a jolt ripple through his body. He tried not to think about what happened to Magnus. He didn't want to dwell on it and end up in a bad mood, but sometimes the reminder struck him hard and fast. More often than not the reminder was in the form of one of Magnus's 'freak out' moments. Sometimes, like now, it was the physical scars that were left on his body that day. He had seen the one on his ribs from the chest tube, had even touched it once when they were in bed and mapping each other's bodies. He remembered feeling a visceral pain when he touched that scar and having to choke back tears to keep from upsetting Magnus. He had kissed the scar, then looked into Magnus's eyes and melted under the tender expression he received.

Alec joined in the conversation this time, telling Magnus how he had held his breath when he shot that 'Heat check' shot. Magnus laughed at him. "It wasn't a heat check. 'Heat check' implies I was trying to see what my range was, if I was hot enough to hit from thirty feet away. I already knew I was on fire and knew that shot was going in as soon as it left my hands."

The others laughed at this, though no one disagreed. Alec felt utterly relaxed as he continued to watch Magnus. He had been worried that when he broke Magnus down and got him to confess his secrets that maybe he had broken his confidence. It had certainly seemed that way at first. But now? Magnus's confidence seemed to be returning full force. Alec hoped that would last. Actually, he hoped that would lead to Magnus feeling comfortable enough to come out to the world. For now, he was glad Magnus was comfortable enough to have dinner with Austin and Cammie.

The pizza arrived, a typical New York style thin crust that folded perfectly and melted in their mouths. Conversation ceased while they ate in a comfortable silence. Alec glanced at Magnus as he reached for a second piece and noticed a dab of pizza sauce at the corner of his mouth. He started to reach up to wipe it away but caught himself just in time. Having a secret relationship was harder than Alec had thought it would be. He wasn't an overly affectionate, touchy-feely kind of guy, but sometimes he found it very hard not to touch Magnus. Very, very hard. He got Magnus's attention and touched his own face. Magnus got his meaning and darted his tongue out to lick away the sauce. Alec's eyes fluttered closed as he was suddenly overwhelmed with desire. _Damn, that was hot._

Magnus licked his lips sheepishly, ducking his head slightly as he glanced at Alec. Alec could see in his expression that he knew _exactly_ what he was thinking and feeling at that moment. Alec shifted in his seat, trying to make the sudden bulge in his pants fit more comfortably.

Magnus seemed determined to smooth things over and get back to normal. He turned his attention back toward their companions and bit into his pizza. This time, the warm, melted cheese coming loose in long strands got to Alec. Holy fuck was he horny.

He ripped his eyes away from Magnus and returned his attention to his own food. He made the mistake of glancing up at Austin and Cammie, two people who could read him like a fucking book. Their matching expressions told him that he was fooling no one. Every person at that table knew he was turned on and wanted Magnus. He felt his face flush and hid it behind his hand as he finished his slice.

He wiped his hands on his napkin and tucked them under the table, trying to hide the nervous energy building inside him. He was in a fair amount of discomfort since he had worn one of his tighter pairs of jeans. He shifted again, and this time his leg brushed against Magnus's under the table.

Now, there was no way on earth that anyone could have seen that. And even if they did, it was an innocent touch and didn't mean anything. Nothing at all. But that didn't stop Magnus from reacting. He practically jumped out of his skin and moved as close to the wall as he could get. Far enough away that Alec would have to be purposefully trying to touch him in order to reach him. It wasn't a large booth, but it was big enough for that.

Alec's heart sank. He hadn't meant to freak Magnus out. He _never_ actually meant to freak him out, but he had done it just the same. He inwardly cursed himself for making the situation uncomfortable. He chanced a glance at Magnus and saw that the excitement he had been emitting earlier had faded. He now looked anxious, like he was ready to get out of there. Alec's dick promptly deflated.

Austin and Cammie shared identical expressions of confusion now. They, of course, had not seen what happened and had no idea why Magnus's mood had suddenly shifted.

Fortunately the meal was over, so when their waitress came back around, they simply asked for the check. Alec insisted on paying since he felt like he already owed Austin and Cammie, and since he had ruined Magnus's good time. Those were not the reasons he gave them because he didn't want anyone else to feel awkward or have to explain anything. He simply said, "My treat." There wasn't much argument, especially since Alec came from a family with more money than God.

They slipped out of the booth and meandered down the sidewalk back toward their dorms. Alec remembered rushing past this scenery a week ago in his haste to get back to Magnus, and was once again struck by how much things had changed in such a short period of time. He glanced sideways at Magnus then. He was quieter on the walk back, but Cammie had managed to engage him in a conversation about an upcoming party her and Austin were going to, and he seemed to be calming down.

When they reached the girls' dormitory, Cammie gave him and Magnus a hug. Austin decided to hang back and have a private goodbye with Cammie, which was just fine with them. They trotted across the street to their dorm building, and rode up the elevator in silence. Alec kept glancing at Magnus, but Magnus kept his eyes glued to the floor.

Alec had barely shut the door behind him when he began apologizing. "I'm sorry, Magnus. Please don't be mad at me. It was an accident."

Magnus held up his hand. "Stop. I'm not mad. I just…freaked out for a moment."

Alec hesitantly reached for his hand. "So…we're…okay?"

Magnus laughed. "Yeah," he said as he pulled him into a hug, "we're okay."

Alec barely had time to contemplate the fact that Magnus had handled the freakout on his own before their lips met. Magnus's arms were wrapped around him and his warm hands were pressing against his back. Alec wound his arms around Magnus's neck and pulled their bodies even closer together.

Alec absolutely loved kissing Magnus. He had always liked kissing, but this was different. Magnus's lips were so soft, so perfectly made for kissing. He loved how they molded against his own, forming a perfect union of their mouths. He loved that Magnus applied the perfect amount of pressure to feel like he was demanding something from Alec without seeming aggressive, not so soft that he seemed hesitant, not so hard as to be painful. The right balance was difficult when the kiss was so incredibly passionate, but Magnus really knew what he was doing, and so did Alec. At least, he knew what he wanted and how he like it, and he wasn't afraid to go for it, so that's something, right?

Alec was starting to feel dizzy, whether from oxygen deprivation or just from Magnus he couldn't be sure. Both, most likely. He was getting aroused entirely too quickly. He wanted Magnus (when did he not?), but he knew better than to ask for what he wanted. Magnus had freaked from an innocent brush of their legs in public not even an hour ago. Now was not the time to come out with _Hey baby, wanna fuck?_ No, he would have to let Magnus instigate that.

They had done something sexual every day since that first day, but only using their hands or their mouths, or both. And Alec was fine with that. Just having Magnus touch him and kiss him was enough to sustain him for awhile. It was more than he thought he would ever have when things had gotten so bad between them he was planning to move out.

And now Alec wanted to be touching even more of Magnus. His thoughts would be the death of him one day…

He slid his hands under Magnus's shirt and over the ridges of his spine. For some reason, the tactile sense was so much stronger with Magnus than he'd felt with anyone else. Well, not for some reason. He had a strong suspicion that it was because of everything they had been through so far. And because of how much he loved him. He was still holding back with Magnus, trying to keep him from freaking out, trying to be patient and thoughtful and not push him, and that, he thought, had a lot to do with how much more he felt with Magnus than his previous lovers. All that pent up emotion flowed freely through his fingertips whenever they touched. He wondered if Magnus could sense that, if he knew how much Alec was restraining himself and how much he felt for him, just by that simple touch.

Magnus kissed him into the bedroom. Alec didn't even take time to notice _whose_ bedroom. It didn't matter. He stopped backing up when the backs of his legs hit the side of the bed. He sat down, reaching up for Magnus's cock, expecting the same things they had done every day for the last week, but Magnus pushed him down and climbed on top of him. He fit their bodies together, and Alec felt a thrill course through his body when Magnus's hardness met his own. His eyes fluttered shut, then popped back open when Magnus ground against him.

Alec had no intention of rushing things with Magnus, no matter how badly he wanted him. He reached down with both hands and clasped their erections together, and slowly began to stroke with a long, fluid motion. Magnus's body quivered at the sensation. Alec's hands sped up, creating more friction, and once Magnus started thrusting against him, it was all over pretty quickly. They shot off at the same time, painting Alec's chest and abdomen in a masterpiece of ropy white fluid.

Magnus collapsed on the bed beside him, snuggled up close as the beds were too small for guys their size to stretch out on together. When Alec could think again, he looked down at the mess on his body, thinking the design was something Jackson Pollock would be proud of, and grinned. He quickly removed the evidence so that he could pull Magnus into his arms without gluing them together, and they lay like that for quite some time, just being together and feeling satisfied.

Magnus kissed Alec's chest and neck while Alec smoothed his hands over Magnus's arms and back, and kissed the hair that continuously found its way into his mouth. After awhile, though, the comfortable silence started to fill with the things Alec had been holding back. He mulled things over in his mind, almost afraid to ask Magnus the question that had been on his mind for a week. Then, finally, he grew a pair and asked.

"Magnus?"

"Hmm," Magnus hummed against his skin. He'd never known how amazing that could feel until that moment.

"Um…you know that Christmas is next week?" Why was he saying this like a question? Spit it out, for god's sake.

Magnus turned his eyes up to look at him, resting his chin on Alec's chest. His eyes were big, inviting Alec to speak. His shaggy hair was still a little damp from exertion. _God, he's beautiful_.

"Will you come with me to my family's Christmas?" He held his breath while waiting for the response.

Magnus looked away, a sad expression on his face. "I…I don't think I'm ready for that." He looked back, his eyes searching Alec's face for…understanding? Anger? What did he expect Alec to think or feel?

"Why not?" Alec cringed at the petulance in his voice. He hadn't meant it to sound like that.

"We've only been together for a week. Do you honestly think we are ready for a 'meet the family' kind of thing? And especially at Christmas?"

"But, my family is dying to meet you!" Alec said with some urgency. "They already know about us, and they've always been supportive of me. They will love you. They know that I lo-…care about you. I think it will be good for us." Alec bit his lip. He had almost said _I love you_, and somehow, he didn't think that would help the situation. If Magnus had caught his hesitation, he didn't say anything about it.

Magnus was shaking his head. "I know you care about me. I care about you, too. But I'm just getting used to the idea that there _is _an 'us.'"

Alec averted his eyes now. This is what he had feared and why it had taken him a week to work up the courage. It wasn't even about their relationship, not really. He had been thinking about asking Magnus to come home with him for awhile, just as friends. He really wanted him to meet his family, even if they had never started a relationship.

"Don't be mad at me, Alec," Magnus said gruffly.

"I'm not mad. I just..."

Magnus pushed away from him. "Just what? You said you would give me time, that you wouldn't push me. Do you think a week is long enough?"

"Magnus..."

"Don't push me, Alec!" He started to get up, but Alec caught his hand and kept him on the bed.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to push you. I'm not that much of a dickhead. I...I don't know. I just want you there. I always want you with me, you know?" He looked away again, dejected. "It's Christmas...I just wanted to spend it with you." He knew he sounded pathetic, and he hated that. But it was true. The thought of not seeing Magnus on Christmas was difficult for him to deal with.

Magnus relaxed beside him and tilting his chin up so they were looking eye-to-eye again. "I'm not rejecting you. I'm just not ready for this step yet. Please tell me you understand that."

For some reason, intense relief flooded through him. Perhaps 'rejected' was exactly how he had been feeling and he was relieved to know that was not what Magnus intended. Still he was sad that he would be spending the holiday without him.

By way of response, Alec kissed him, a soft, sweet, lingering kiss. Magnus didn't let him go, and continued kissing him for hours, or days, or maybe until the end of time. Who can tell at a time like that?


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: We hit the 200 reviews threshold. Yay! Thanks so much to everyone who supports this story, in whatever way you support it. I love you all!**

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"There you are," Jace said, peaking his head into Alec's darkened bedroom. He entered the room and sank into a chair beside a tall floor lamp. A click sounded as Jace turned on the lamp, casting some illumination into the room, causing Alec to flinch away from the light. "What are you doing in here?"

"Hiding," Alec said sullenly.

"Why?"

Alec sighed. "Because I'm freaking out."

Jace leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and studying Alec. Alec lay stretched out on his bed with his arms folding behind his head. He had no idea how long he had been in there just staring at the dark ceiling and thinking. He could find out easily enough, though, all he had to do was check his phone.

"What's up?"

Alec still didn't look at Jace. "I haven't talked to him since I left our dorm." He didn't elaborate on who 'him' was, and he didn't need to. Jace was his best friend. He knew.

"Ah." Jace leaned back in the chair, still watching Alec. Alec could feel his eyes on him even though he wasn't looking at Jace. "It's only been two days, Alec. That doesn't seem like an unreasonable amount of time."

"No, but it's Christmas. I…he didn't even tell me Merry Christmas," Alec replied miserably.

"Maybe he's busy. You would be busy if you weren't in here hiding from your family."

Alec looked at Jace now. "I'm not hiding from my family. I just…came in here to text him Merry Christmas. But then he didn't reply and…"

"And now you're freaking out. What's going on, Alec? It's not like you to be so clingy."

"I'm not being clingy. Not really." Alec sat up and rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair. "I'm just wondering if I made a mistake." Jace gave him a quizzical look at that. Alec sighed again. No use holding it in, he knew he was going to tell Jace everything anyway. "I slept with him for the first time just before I left."

Jace let out a low whistle. "Oh."

Alec looked at him sharply. "Yeah."

"Ok. So maybe there's a good explanation for why he hasn't texted you back. Tell me the story and I'll try to help you figure it out."

Alec's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "You want me to tell you about having sex with Magnus?" he said skeptically.

"Well, you can leave out the play-by-play. But, yeah. Tell me how it all went down."

Alec felt distinctly uncomfortable with this idea, but again, there was no question about whether or not he was going to talk. Who knows, maybe Jace could help him figure it out.

"Ok, so Tuesday the 23rd, we both had our final practices before our coaches let us go home for the holidays. They were short practices. Mine was at nine a.m., his was at ten. When he got back to the dorm, he walked over to the couch and threw himself down next to me…and kissed me. A really good kiss…" He trailed off dreamily for a moment. "Then, he asked me what time I was leaving. I said, 'The car will be here to get me at two. My dad is working and my mom took Jace, Izzy, and Max to do the traditional New York Christmas…" _Without me,_ he added silently. He had been a little upset about that. This was the first time in his life he had missed Christmas shopping, and the giant tree at Rockefeller Center, and ice skating.

He gave Jace a sad, half-smile and continued. "Anyway, he got this adorable sheepish look on his face and said, 'Can we…?' and I knew what he was talking about."

"So, he asked you for it?"

"Yeah, he did. I mean, not in so many words but…" Alec was thoughtful for a moment.

"And how did you do it?"

Alec's eyes widened so big he was afraid they might pop out of his head. "I thought you didn't want the play-by-play."

"I don't. But the position might be important."

"Alright…he…was behind me."

"Hmmm." Jace had an expression on his face that Alec didn't particularly like.

"What?"

"Just thinking..." Jace hedged.

"About?" Alec said, possibly more forcefully than he meant.

"If he was behind you then you couldn't see his face."

"No," Alec answered hesitantly. "Does that matter?"

"Well, you couldn't tell what he was feeling, couldn't read his facial expressions."

"I think I know what he was feeling," Alec answered dryly.

"Do you?"

"What's that supposed to mean? You think he faked an orgasm?" Alec could feel himself blushing furiously.

"Well..."

"Jace," he said sternly, his blush deepening over the words that were about to escape from his mouth. "I could _feel_ it. And I had a condom full of jizz as evidence." He really wanted to crawl into a hole and hide at this point.

"Okay, so he enjoyed it," Jace said with a half-shrug of his shoulders.

"Yeah, he did. Alright?" Jace shrugged again, but Alec's mind brought up an unbidden image that he didn't want to think about. The image was of Magnus with that girl, struggling to finish...until he saw Alec's face. She had no idea that he was struggling. Would Alec? He cast that thought aside before he lost his head completely.

"Hang on a minute," he said. "I'm not going to tell you this part, but I want to run through it in my mind and make sure I wasn't too pushy or anything. Okay?" Jace nodded and Alec lay back down on his bed, getting lost in his memories…

… "Can we…?" Magnus said, a smoky look of desire in his eyes.

"You want to…?"

Magnus nodded, and then kissed him. This kiss was hot and wet and full of need. Magnus's arms circled around Alec's neck and pulled him closer, closer. Their bodies were touching in so many spots it was like they were welded together…and they were only on the couch at this point.

Alec broke away. "Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want to rush you."

Magnus leveled his gaze at Alec. "I want you. We've done so much other stuff together, and it's been great. But I want this, Alec. I really do."

Alec's mind calculated the fact that it had only been two weeks that they'd been seeing each other, and a week since the last time Magnus had freaked out about it, that day at the restaurant when Alec had brushed his leg. That had been a fairly minor freak out, too. But still, was two weeks too soon? Could Magnus handle them actually having sex?

Then, Magnus's hand was down his pants, stroking him to full hardness, and Alec forgot his protest. He pressed closer still to Magnus until they finally had to get off the couch and remove some clothing to ease the pain of that particular restriction. They stripped each other with wild motions as they made their way to Alec's bedroom, never breaking the kiss if it could be helped.

Alec's hand was on Magnus's shaft, gently gliding up and down in a motion that wouldn't get him anywhere, but would certainly keep him in the moment. He felt Magnus's hands on his shoulders and back, then sliding down to cup his ass. A cool, slender finger ran it's way between his butt cheeks and Alec's body responded without hesitation.

Alec did break the kiss then. "How do you want me?" he said in a voice dripping with lust.

Magnus kissed him again, brief but fierce. "On your hands and knees," he said with absolute confidence. Alec was surprised, but rather enjoyed Magnus taking charge. He hurriedly got into the position, and Magnus settled between his legs. Alec heard the rip of the condom wrapper, and then the snap of the bottle of lube, and his heart raced with anticipation. This was really going to happen this time.

Magnus was gentle, thankfully. It had really been a long time for Alec. He eased his way in with slow, steady movements, never pushing too far or too fast. Alec was honestly surprised at how gentle Magnus was being, considering he had never done this before. There was pressure and a little pain as he stretched to accommodate Magnus's size, but the pain was insignificant compared to the intense pleasure he felt by being with Magnus.

Alec was panting hard by the time Magnus was fully seated in him, and Magnus gave him a few moments to adjust to the sensation. God, but it felt good to have Magnus inside him. He pushed back against Magnus, wanting him to move, wanting to feel every inch of him, just wanting him. Magnus was happy to oblige. He moved in long, slow, fluid strokes, drawing nearly all the way out before plunging back in. Alec could feel everything. _Everything_.

Magnus leaned over his back and nipped at his shoulders, licking the sweat off of him. Alec shuddered. Then, Magnus's hands were on his hips and his speed was increasing, and he was nailing the fuck out of his prostate, sending Alec into a tailspin of pleasure. Every nerve in his body ignited. His skin was super-sensitive every place Magnus touched him. And his dick was throbbing.

Magnus was panting and making ungodly noises behind him with each stroke. Alec was hardly aware of his own noises, just of the incessant thrumming of his entire body. He balanced on one arm, reaching back to grasp his own erection to finish himself off, but before he could even get there it was all over. He pulsed jets of white fluid onto his sheets as his body spasmed. A moment later, he felt Magnus shooting into the condom, and Magnus's arms wrap around his waist as he held him tight and thrust a few more times, emptying himself.

Magnus's face was pressed against his sweaty back, his hair tickling Alec's skin, but Alec didn't mind. Not even a little bit. Magnus shifted, and they rolled off the bed, discarding the sheets before laying back down together in a knot of twisted limbs. They were both still panting and sweaty and trembling from such intense orgasms.

Alec kissed him. "God. Thank you." He stared into Magnus's eyes for a moment, then looked away sheepishly. "I…um…I've never…gotten off without…"

"Without…?" Magnus prompted.

"Without being…touched." His eyes darted to his crotch so Magnus would understand his meaning.

"Oh." Magnus's eyebrows raised, and a grin spread across his face. "It was that good?"

Alec kissed him again. "It was fucking amazing." And he pulled Magnus onto him, kissing him thoroughly…

…"It was fucking amazing?" Jace parroted.

Alec started. "Wait. Did I say that out loud?"

Jace laughed. "Yeah. You did."

Alec sat up on the bed again and turned to face Jace. He was blushing. "Did I say anything else I didn't mean to say?"

Jace shook his head. "No, just that. Did you think of anything that might have upset Magnus?"

"No. I mean…it was fucking amazing!" He thought for a moment. "You don't think me saying that would upset him, do you?"

Jace shrugged. "It wouldn't upset _me_. But I'm not a partially-freed closeted gay man, so what do I know?"

Alec chuckled, then Jace continued. "Alright, so let me get this straight. No pun intended." Alec rolled his eyes. "Everything had been going well for the last two weeks, right?"

"Yes. Everything has been great. I was honestly starting to wonder if maybe I had put too much emphasis on our problems, and maybe it was going to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. I mean, he freaked out a few times, but not nearly what I expected, and not nearly as bad as I expected." Jace knew Magnus was closeted and was against coming out at this point, but he didn't know about Magnus's stepdad. That wasn't Alec's secret to tell.

"So, you were both feeling pretty good about the relationship, and he decided to take it to the next level."

"Yeah, I guess."

"And then you had really great sex and haven't heard from him since."

He glowered at Jace. "Don't you dare say he got what he wanted and is done with me," he said in an angry voice.

Jace flinched. "I wasn't going to. I'm just trying to get the facts straight."

Alec relaxed a little. "Sorry. I know that's not the problem. If all he wanted was sex, he wouldn't take the risk of being with me. He could have sex with any girl he wanted and not have to worry about the consequences. I guess I'm just worried that he's freaking out because we had sex and I don't know how to reach him to tell him everything will be fine."

"What if he's not freaking out because you had sex, but because you had intense, mind-blowing, life-changing sex?"

"What if you're being a little melodramatic?"

"Was it not intense, mind-blowing, life-changing sex?"

Alec grinned crookedly. "Hell yeah it was! I can't believe we are having this conversation…"

"Shut up and answer the question. Do you think he could be freaking out because the sex was so good?"

Alec mulled that over for a bit. "I guess. I mean, he's been having sex with girls he's not even interested in, so having it with someone he actually cares about could definitely be overwhelming…"

"And maybe he just needs some time to himself now." Jace draped himself over the armrest of the chair all haughty, like he was a genius for revealing the world's most hidden secret.

"And he couldn't even _text_ me 'Merry Christmas'? I didn't call because I didn't want to be pushy or demanding or seem…needy or whatever. I just texted him instead. Would it kill him to reply?"

Jace shrugged. "Maybe it would."

Alec looked away, hiding the hurt he knew was written all over his face. "I shouldn't have slept with him. What do I do now?" he said quietly.

Jace didn't respond for a moment. "You're really in love with him, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Look, Alec. We don't _know_ that he's freaking out. Maybe he really is just busy. Don't lose your head until you get back and have a chance to talk to him. Okay?"

"I'm trying not to," Alec said. "It's hard though, you know? I mean, I invited him here and he said no. You know Christmas is my favorite time of year, and I just wanted to spend it with him."

"Yeah, but that's a lot of pressure to put on someone who was recently freaking out about being in a relationship with another guy."

"I wasn't trying to pressure him."

"I know that, and I'm sure he does too. But seriously, what guy, straight or gay, is going to feel comfortable meeting the family of his significant other two weeks after they start dating? Not a damn one, let me tell you."

Alec heaved a deep sigh. "I know. It was stupid. I wasn't thinking clearly." He paused. "So I was expecting a freak-out over that, which I got a small one, but nothing too bad. Then, when he asked me for sex I thought everything was going to be okay. And now this happens."

"And we're back to the freak-out being over sex."

"Or," Alec said, "maybe the freak-out is over the whole damn relationship. Maybe he's been trying so hard for the last two weeks that he's now so completely overwhelmed he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore." He dropped his head into his hands. "Oh, god, please don't let it be that."

"Does he know that you are in love with him?" Jace had a thoughtful expression that made Alec nervous for some reason.

"Well, I haven't actually said the words..."

"What did you say?"

"Well, that night I was trying to get him to talk to me? He told me not to fall in love with him, and I told him he didn't get to make that choice, that he couldn't stop me from loving him..."

Jace sat back in his seat and teepeed his hands in front of him. "Ok, so for the sake of argument, let's say I was writing a script on how to freak a guy out." He paused and stared at Alec for a moment. "I would ask him to meet my family, at Christmas no less, have intense, incredible sex, and tell him I love him _all within the first two weeks of dating him._ And then, just to make it all the more entertaining, I would make him a closeted gay man in his first real relationship..._with his roommate, _a guy that he is with all the freaking time with pretty much no breaks, nowhere to go to get away."

Alec gaped at him, then leaned his head back until he was staring at the ceiling, then brought his hands up to cover his face. "Oh fuck, you're right. I really screwed this up, didn't I?"

"Well, you did orchestrate a worst-case scenario, but..." Jace crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Alec. He put his arm around his shoulders, gently patting him. "Like I said, you need to wait until you can talk to him before you start freaking out about this. There may not be anything to freak out over. Right now all we can do is speculate, and we may be completely off-base." Alec looked at him from between his fingers. "Maybe he lost power and can't charge his cell phone."

"He could still call. He knows my number."

"Maybe Will's mom doesn't have a phone."

"And no one in the neighborhood does either?"

"Maybe they are in some secluded area with poor cell service and he's waiting to contact you back so the call or text will actually go through."

"Maybe you're full of shit," Alec said with a little laugh. "But thank you."

He hugged Jace. "Anything for you, brother."


	17. Chapter 17

Alec made it back to his dorm the next day in one piece. Well, physically anyway. His mind was a wreck. Magnus had still not returned his texts or calls, and he was getting more desperate by the minute. He ran through that night repeatedly in his head, but couldn't glean any more information from it that he had the other ten thousand times he had thought about it.

All he knew was that he really wanted to see Magnus, and this was the most likely place for that to happen.

He was solidly rejecting the memory of Magnus not speaking to him for two weeks after he had kissed him. Yeah, not thinking about that at all. Right.

He puttered around the tiny apartment, tidying up even though there wasn't much out of place since neither of them had been home for three days. He kept his mind as busy as he could, thinking about practice that afternoon and the game tomorrow, and what classes he was taking next semester, and deciding whether he should do laundry tonight or wait til the weekend. All perfectly normal things to think of when he was trying _not_ to think of the one person he wanted to think about most. God, this was hard. How was he supposed to get through this again? How long would Magnus ignore him this time?

So much for not thinking about Magnus…

Well, since he was thinking about him anyway, he felt slightly reassured that he would at least see him at the game tomorrow. Maybe he could corner him and get him to talk then, if he didn't come home tonight, that is. Would he come home tonight? Would he see him at practice? What time was basketball practice anyway?

He slammed his hands down on the countertop in frustration. _Stop it! Or you'll drive yourself insane._ This was really starting to get to him.

He grabbed his phone and out of habit checked it for messages. Nothing. Of course. He couldn't even think of words to describe how he felt. Empty, lost, afraid, heartbroken…they didn't even come close to expressing everything he felt.

He walked around like a zombie, just going through the motions, lost in his own head, unable to forget about his own pain. He made a meager attempt at working out in the weight room, but quit when he nearly dropped a weight on his foot. He just wasn't focused enough. He was starting to worry about cheer practice that afternoon. He needed to be able to concentrate.

He went back home and took a shower, staying in the stream until the water ran cold and his fingers and toes were wrinkly. He took his time drying off. He thought briefly about touching himself, but even that didn't interest him. His cock was as mopey as the rest of his body.

He lounged on the couch until the time came for practice, then headed over to the gym. Fortunately, practice turned out to be the one thing that distracted him from his troubles. Also fortunate was his foresight in telling Austin and Cammie what was going on with him and Magnus. She read his mood and he read the expression on her face. She apparently didn't have it in her to question him today. Thank god for small favors, right?

He did not see Magnus before or after cheer practice.

He ended up going to bed early because he just couldn't think of anything else worthwhile to do. He was familiar with this routine. He knew that it didn't really matter how late he stayed up waiting for Magnus, or how early he got up hoping to catch him. Somehow, Magnus always eluded him when he wanted to.

He wished with all his heart that he was old enough to buy liquor…

Idris had a game the following day. Apparently he did a poor job of dressing himself, for when he arrived at the gym, Cammie took him aside to straighten his clothes. Oops.

"Snap out of it," she said, not unkindly. She patted him on the arm and he gave her a weak smile.

In truth, his heart was hammering in his chest. He knew he was going to see Magnus, whether Magnus wanted that or not, but it was during the game so there wasn't exactly a way for them to talk. His hands were sweaty as he tossed Cammie onto his shoulders and got ready for the starting line-up.

Alec got his first glimpse of Magnus when his name was called. He leapt off the bench as usual, but there wasn't the spring in his step he usually had before a game. He looked tired, drained. He made eye contact with Alec ever so briefly, then looked away. Alec's heart jumped when he felt Magnus's hand make contact with his as he went by. There was hope.

Magnus did not have his best game ever, but he didn't have his worst either. He played like he just didn't have the energy to exert. He was flat and not as quick as usual. But he didn't make the horrible mental mistakes he had made the first time he had quit talking to Alec. He was at least in the game enough to pass the ball to Blake, who scored the game winning three-point shot.

The other thing worth mentioning about the game is the fact that Alec caught Magnus looking at him, multiple times. The first time was during a time-out, when he was supposed to be listening to his coach. Cammie was on his shoulders and he turned for her to wave to the crowd, and saw Magnus staring at him. They both looked away quickly.

After that, he saw Magnus look at him when someone, likely Jalen since he got fouled a lot, was shooting free throws. And again when he came over to help Patrick up after he dove into the cheerleaders going after a loose ball. They made eye contact each time, held it briefly, then looked away.

Alec had no idea how to interpret this. All he knew was that he wanted to talk to Magnus. No, he _needed_ to talk to him. They would never get past whatever was bothering him if they didn't talk.

He didn't wait after the game. He had been down that road before, and it had hurt him pretty badly to be ignored by Magnus in front of his teammates. Instead, he went back to the dorm, alone, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Rewind, repeat.

New Year's Eve arrived. Alec knew he wouldn't see Magnus then. He was sure to have multiple party invitations to choose from. Alec himself had been invited to a party with Austin and Cammie, and also Jace had invited him to go out with him and his buddies. He had declined at first, but Cammie twisted his arm until he finally caved and agreed to go. At least this wasn't a costume party, though he would be expected to wear a stupid hat and beads and probably glasses that read '2015'. Ugh.

He was freshly showered, wearing his favorite jeans and a long sleeve black t-shirt. His coat was hanging on the back of one of the barstools waiting for him. He downed a glass of water and set the cup in the sink when he heard the door open. He had left it unlocked for Austin, since they were going to walk to Cam's dorm and then to the party together.

He turned around, and froze. It wasn't Austin standing in the doorway. It was Magnus. Alec's heart dropped to somewhere around his navel, then rebounded into his throat. He couldn't speak. Seeing Magnus like that was so unexpected, he just couldn't even speak.

Magnus leaned against the door, his eyes roving over Alec, then pausing to hold his gaze. He chewed on his lip nervously. His hands were behind his back, likely on the doorknob. Ready to escape? Or just somewhere to put his hands?

Finally, after 347 million years, Magnus said, "Hey."

Alec swallowed the lump in his throat, and managed a weak, "Hey."

They stared at each other for another couple years, then said, simultaneously, "I'm sorry." That broke the ice, and they started toward each other. They closed the distance in a few long strides. Alec's arms went around Magnus's waist and Magnus's around Alec's shoulders. They held each other so close, there was no space between them. Alec rested his forehead in the crook of Magnus's neck, breathing him in. He felt alive for the first time in days. He could feel the blood bounding through his veins, rushing in his ears, making him dizzy. Or maybe that was just being so close to Magnus and feeling his arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus," he said softly against his skin. "I'm so sorry."

Magnus pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "Why are you sorry?"

"I knew you weren't ready. We shouldn't have slept together. It's all my fault." He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't help it. He had to apologize.

Magnus released him, but then took his hand and led him to the couch. They sat together, as close as possible, still holding hands. Magnus took several deep breaths, but Alec felt like he couldn't breathe at all. He didn't know what was about to happen. He was so scared he could barely even _look_ at Magnus.

"I'm sorry I got so…panicked," Magnus said, and Alec did look up at that.

He shook his head. "It's not your fault, Magnus. It's mine. I screwed up. I pushed you too far. I'm so sorry."

Magnus squeezed his hand. "How can it be your fault when I asked you to have sex with me? That doesn't make any sense."

"But it does," Alec insisted. "I knew you weren't ready. I just wanted you so badly, I couldn't say no."

"Alec," Magnus said gently, "The sex isn't what freaked me out."

Alec's eyes widened in surprise. "It wasn't?"

"Well, it was maybe the straw that broke the camel's back. It was…everything. I just felt so overwhelmed, you know?"

Alec nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. It was my fault for putting so much pressure on you. I didn't mean to. Things were going so well between us, I just took things too far too fast. I'm sorry."

"Alec, stop apologizing for my hang-ups. Okay? It's not your fault. _I_ panicked and _I_ took off."

"But -"

"But nothing," Magnus said. He angled his body to look at Alec and took his other hand in his as well. He held both of Alec's hands up to his chest, his eyes searching Alec's face. "This is _not_ your fault. Hell, I'm not even sure it's _my_ fault either. Maybe no one is to blame. Maybe it's just the way things are right now." He sighed heavily. "I'm not making any sense."

"Magnus," Alec said, and gave his hands a little tug to get him to look at him. "Look, I talked to Jace about this, and I know what I did wrong. I know you need time to get used to everything, and things have been happening pretty quickly between us. I mean, in two weeks time you went from being firmly rooted in the closet to being in a relationship with a guy that wanted to take you home to meet his family for Christmas. Then, we had the most…amazing sex I've ever had. It was too much. Anyone in that situation would have freaked out. I just have to remember that just because _I'm_ ready to do these things, doesn't mean you are."

He brought Magnus's hands up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. Magnus smiled at him, then released one hand and cupped it behind his neck, drawing him in for a tender kiss.

When they broke apart, Alec said, "I wonder if it's so much more intense because we are roommates. We spend so much time together. You don't really have a way to get away from me."

"I don't really want to get away from you most of the time…"

Alec cocked an eyebrow at him. "Really?" he said incredulously.

"Well, okay, it's definitely more intense living with you so early into our relationship. And I'm sure that played a part in me freaking out. But, honestly Alec, I really like you, as a friend, not just as a…boyfriend?" He said the word hesitantly. Even Alec made a small gasp at it. Boyfriend was a pretty heavy term, but that's what they were, right? They were more than friends, more than fuckbuddies. They were in a relationship, so yeah, boyfriends was probably the correct term. Why was it so scary? Magnus wasn't Alec's first boyfriend. But maybe he was the most important one? After all, Alec had never been in love before now.

"Yeah," he said quietly, not quite trusting his own voice. "Boyfriends." He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yeah."

Everything seemed so tense all of a sudden. They stared at each other, still holding hands, both kind of heaving. Alec wasn't sure what he read on Magnus's face, and Magnus seemed just as uncertain.

The door to the dorm opened and Austin poked his head in. He opened his mouth to speak, but then noticed Alec and Magnus sitting on the couch, clutching each other's hands like they were the only things keeping them tethered to Earth. Alec wondered dimly if Austin could feel the tension between them. He assumed so, since Austin's face disappeared and he softly closed the door behind him without uttering a single word.

Alec turned back to Magnus, who was now wearing an embarrassed expression. He squeezed his hands again. "I don't want things to be weird between us," Alec said. "It's hard enough as it is. Our situation in…hard." Well, that didn't come out quite like he had hoped it would, but Magnus seemed to understand him anyway. At least, he was nodding.

"It's definitely complicated. I just don't want my shit to come between us. But I can't promise that there will never be anything that freaks me out again."

"I know. I don't expect you to promise me anything. Just…give me a chance to help us figure it out, okay? You don't have to do this alone, you know? I've been out for a long time, and I'm comfortable with who I am. I can help you."

Magnus chuckled at that. "You know what's funny? I finally forced myself to admit I'm gay when I was fifteen. Since then, I've actually been comfortable with it. Internally at least. I may hide it from everyone else, but I'm okay with it. Does that even make any sense?" He shrugged. "What I'm saying is, I've always known that at some time in my life I will live as an openly gay man, hopefully in a relationship with someone I love and trust. I just didn't know _when_ that would happen. I still don't. But I was never full of self-loathing or had destructive feelings about it. I was in denial for a long time, but once I figured it all out, I was okay with it. I actually felt relieved to know why I was different. In fact, if what happened with Rick hadn't happened, I might have come out by now. Actually, I probably would have not long after that. My relationship with that guy was progressing, and we weren't exactly being secretive about it…"

Alec wondered why Magnus never mentioned 'that guy' by name. Perhaps he was still protecting his identity. That sounded like something Magnus would do. Alec kissed his hand again, and Magnus smiled at him.

"So, it's really just the fear we have to overcome?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll make a deal with you. I'll try not to push you, and you'll try to talk to me instead of running away."

Magnus looked thoughtful for a moment. "Alright. I'll try."

Alec breathed a sigh of relief. Then, he kissed Magnus without hesitation. And Magnus kissed him back. And he got so caught up in the taste of Magnus, and the feel of his soft lips on his own, and the smell of him filling in nose when he breathed, that it took a moment to register that Magnus's hand was slowly creeping up his thigh.

Alec broke away and stared, wide-eyed, at Magnus. "What are you doing?" he said, as Magnus's hand inched further up his leg. Was he serious? He had disappeared for a week after they'd had sex, and now he was touching him like he wanted to again. Did Alec want to? Hell yeah he did. Did he think it was the right time? Um…not so much? Maybe?

Magnus had that smoldering look in his eyes again, the one that melted Alec's insides and made his dick stand up and salute. "Wanna blow off steam?" he said in a voice so heavily dripping with seduction that Alec really stood no chance against it.

"Fuck yeah I do."

The next thing he knew, he had climbed onto Magnus's lap and was straddling him. Their lips were locked together in a heated kiss, and their hands were making quick work of their clothing. Alec shimmied down Magnus's body, too desperate to get his hands and mouth on him to bother with taking his time. They hadn't touched each other in a week, a week full of anxiety and stress and worry, they were ready to go without the need for much preparation.

Magnus leaned back on the couch, throwing his head back when Alec touched his cock and kissed his pelvis. But when he took him into his mouth, Magnus lowered his head and made eye contact with him. Their gazes held as Alec worked him over like an expert, but when Magnus came, he threw his head back again, pressing it into the back of the couch as his hands tightly gripped Alec's head and held it in place. He moaned and groaned and thrashed his hips around as he rode out his orgasm in Alec's mouth.

Then it was Alec's turn. He slithered back up Magnus's body, kissing him passionately, with the taste of him still lingering in his mouth. God, that was hot. Magnus flipped him over and laid him back on the couch as he took a turn kissing and licking and _devouring_ Alec's body. Alec was just as quick as Magnus had been, maybe even quicker. Having Magnus's mouth on his dick was enough to send him into orbit anyway, especially after all they had been through the last week. Alec relaxed and let Magnus take control and within minutes he was shooting into Magnus's hot mouth and grunting like a caveman.

Magnus climbed up him and settled his long body between Alec's legs, his head resting on Alec's chest. He kissed Alec's chest and neck, and Alec tugged a blanket over them before wrapping his arms around that lean frame and holding him close. He could never put into words the way Magnus made him feel when they had just gotten off together and then snuggled up to each other like that. It was a high like no other. Magnus was the only drug he needed, the only thing that could possibly make him feel this good.

And this? This was good. What they had done was something they were comfortable doing. They had done this many times, with no anxiety or panic or freak-outs involved. This was okay. No, it was better than okay. It was amazing. Not as amazing as the actual sex they'd had last time, but just as passionate, without the extreme intensity. They could go a little slower and work up to sex again. That was probably best for both of them.

Alec kissed the top of Magnus's head and said, "I really missed you."

Magnus shifted so he could look up at him. "I missed you, too. I'm sorry I flaked like that."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you came home. Where did you go anyway? Will's?"

Magnus had laid his head back on Alec's chest, so when he nodded, his hair tickled Alec's skin. It was a nice feeling. "Will and his mom don't live very far from here. It's not too difficult to go there and still make it to practice or class on time."

They were quiet again for awhile. Alec was thinking about the conversation they had earlier, which may be why he suddenly asked the question he asked. Magnus had said that he would likely be out if not for what his stepdad did to him, which made him think of the time he had done that internet search about Magnus's college options, and how Magnus had freaked out about Alec researching him. Perhaps this train of thought doesn't make sense, but it was where Alec's mind went anyway.

"Can I ask you something?"

Magnus chuckled. "You just did. But, sure. Fire away. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

Alec jerked in surprise at that. "What? Really?"

"Yes. I don't want to have secrets from you."

"Huh." Alec was quiet for a moment while he mulled that over. Then he got back to his original question. "When I researched you before, about what colleges recruited you and all…"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't I find anything about…your stepdad? I mean, I assume that's why you were upset that I researched you in the first place."

Magnus raised up so he could see Alec's face. "Well, partly because I was a minor. Most of it was kept out of the press. The story was there, but I'm not sure I was ever mentioned by name."

That made sense. The judicial system was usually pretty good about keeping minor's names a secret. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"Partly?"

"Yeah. Magnus Bane isn't my real name."

"What?" Alec was stunned. He'd known Magnus for months, had slept with him, fallen in love with him, and _didn't know his real name!_

Magnus shrugged sheepishly. "My mom made Rick give me his last name when I was born. Probably yet another reason why he hated me. She also wanted me to have an Indonesian name. She named me Matius, which means 'Gift of God.' My birth name is Matius Blackmon. Ironic, don't you think? My mom had quite the sense of humor."

Alec felt like the whole conversation had taken a sharp left turn without him. The whole thing was bizarre. Magnus was right though. "Gift of God" Blackmon…when he was conceived because his mother was raped by a black man? "Quite the sense of humor" didn't seem to do justice to that name.

"So, you changed your name?" Duh.

"Yeah. I wasn't going to keep Rick's name after what happened. In the back of my mind, I thought he may have a harder time finding me when he gets out…if he wants to, anyway."

"Do you think he'll do that?"

Magnus shrugged. "No idea. He might want revenge for being sent to prison. He might just want to pretend I don't exist, like he did my whole life."

Alec thought about that. It broke his heart that Magnus had been treated so badly, even before he was beaten. And yet, somehow, he had grown into such a great person. Sure, he had issues. Issues that were motivated by fear, mostly. But that didn't detract from the person he was.

"Why did you choose 'Magnus Bane' as your name?"

Magnus laughed darkly. "The translation of the name means 'great destruction.' Seemed appropriate."

"What?" Alec said, alarmed. "No, Magnus. Don't even say that."

"Why not? It's true. I destroyed the relationship between my mom and her husband just by being born. I'd say the name fits."

Alec didn't know what to say or how to feel. Magnus had a very dark sense of who he was, and that just wasn't right in his book. Magnus hadn't done anything wrong, not to his stepdad, not to his team, not to anyone, really. Unless he counted his previous roommates and how uncomfortable he made them by prancing around the dorm naked, but Alec wasn't sure he counted that as being 'destructive' to them. This whole conversation was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.

"Magnus, you are a good person. You have to know that. You have to."

Magnus shrugged.

"You haven't destroyed me," Alec said, pleading his case.

"Yet. Give me some time, I'm sure I'll manage it."

Alec had had enough. "No, Magnus. Stop this shit right now. You are a good person. You're not going to destroy me or anyone else for that matter. Just stop."

And he kissed him, partly to keep him from rebutting, but mostly just because he wanted to. The thoughts going through his head the entire time were these: I love you, I trust you, I believe in you. But he couldn't say the words. Not yet.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry there was no note last time. It was Memorial Day here in the states and I had to publish from my phone, which is always dicey.**

**To all those that said it: I love the Jalec bromance and their banter as well. It's a lot of fun to write. I don't particularly like writing book-Jace or Izzy, but when I get to put him in an AU, he's a lot of fun (still don't like writing Izzy though...not sure why...).**

**AllNightmareLong666: They are 'boyfriends' but this was the first time they actually used the terminology. They tend to get hung up on the little things like that and let it freak them out. Silly boys...**

* * *

Alec awoke to Magnus tousling his hair and kissing him softly on his temple. He had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Magnus to return from a road game. The conference that Idris University belonged to was small and clustered in the New England area, so most of their away games were within driving distance.

Alec sat up groggily, but the feel of Magnus's hand on his shoulder was livening him up quite nicely. He stretched and yawned, then turned a sleepy grin to Magnus. "Sleepy?"

Magnus shook his head. "I slept on the bus on the way back."

Alec's grin widened. There had been several occasions already this season where Magnus had returned home from an away game and they stayed up late into the night talking. He hoped this would be one of those times.

"Hungry?"

"YES!" Magnus said enthusiastically.

Alec rubbed his eyes and stretched again, then went to the kitchen to find something to eat. "I made some pasta for dinner," he said with his head in the fridge. "I could warm that up, or we could just have sandwiches and popcorn." He looked up at Magnus, awaiting his answer.

"Sandwiches and popcorn," Magnus said, reaching up to pull a bag of microwave popcorn from the cabinet. "We'll eat the pasta for lunch tomorrow." He glanced at the clock that said it was well after one a.m. "Later today," he amended with a crooked grin. Alec chuckled.

"Good thing it was a weekend game this time. At least we don't have to get up early for class."

Magnus agreed, and they set to making the sandwiches while the popcorn popped in the microwave. A few minutes later, they sat down on the barstools and ate. When they had eaten their fill, they retired to Magnus's room. Alec climbed in bed beside Magnus and they snuggled against each other. Magnus drew shapes on his arm with his thumb while Alec asked him about the game.

"You played well tonight," he said, looking up into Magnus's shadowed eyes. It was dark, and they hadn't bothered to turn on any lights. Just laying there in the dark together talking was enough for them both. There was a small amount of faint light streaming through the window where the curtain wasn't completely closed.

"Yeah, it was a good game. Their point guard was small, but damn he was tenacious. He was in my face the whole night. Good thing I'm so much taller than him or it could have been really frustrating."

"You're so much taller than most point guards," Alec pointed out, to which Magnus chuckled and agreed.

"That's my advantage. Sometimes I think it's my only advantage…"

Alec rolled over and propped himself on his elbows to see Magnus better. "You have to be kidding me. Magnus, you are so much more talented than most of the people you play against. It's more than just your height, and you know it."

"I know. I don't even know why I said that."

"Are you feeling…insecure about your game?" Alec studying his face as best he could in the dim light. He'd never heard Magnus talk like this. It had honestly never occurred to him that Magnus could have any insecurity about basketball.

"No. Not really." Magnus looked thoughtful, like he was searching for the right words to express what he was trying to say. "It's just…well, I'm a junior, and more than halfway through my third season of college ball. I'll be expected to make a decision about the NBA in the next few months, and I don't know. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"You don't have to leave school this year. You can stay for your senior year." _You can stay with me_, Alec thought, but felt it was too selfish to say. He wanted Magnus to make the decision for himself, not based on what Alec wanted him to do.

But Magnus wasn't playing fair. "What do you think I should do?"

Alec burrowed against Magnus again, not wanting him to see his face. Alec was a terrible liar, and he didn't want Magnus to read the truth in his eyes. He decided to tell Magnus as much truth as he could, without inflicting his own personal wishes into it, if possible. "I want you to do what's right for you."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"The best one I can give you. You have to decide what's best for you, independent of what's best for me or us or our future or anything else. I don't want to influence you on this, because I don't want you to be mad at me if you make a choice you aren't happy with."

"How very non-committal of you," Magnus said dryly.

"I'm not trying to be non-committal. But really, Magnus, we are only a month into our relationship. What do you want me to say? Should I beg you to stay with me? How ridiculous would that sound right now? And would it sound worse if I told you to go? Go live your life making millions of dollars, traveling all over the country…without me. There's nothing I can say at this point in our relationship that is going to sound anything be wrong."

"Okay, I see your point. Maybe that's a conversation we should save for another day."

"Yeah. I think that's best. How about you tell me how you got started with basketball in the first place?"

Magnus laughed. "We really haven't covered that? Alright. When I was a kid, I grew really fast. I was always taller than everyone else in my class, and sometimes taller than everyone in my school. I was crazy athletic, could run faster than most everyone, and jump higher. So my mom decided I needed to play sports. I mean, I grew up in Brooklyn. You either had something to do after school, or you ended up in a gang or doing drugs or something. Mom wanted me to have a better life than what she had, so it was sports for me."

Alec nodded in agreement, though his childhood had been drastically different from Magnus's, so he really didn't understand what he had been through.

"Anyway, mom wanted me to figure out what I was good at, so she signed me up with every sports team the local YMCA offered. Basketball, soccer, baseball, even football."

Alec's eyes widened at that, but he didn't interrupt. He was looking up at Magnus, so Magnus noticed his reaction.

"Yeah. I know. I was too gangly and scrawny to play most positions. I think my mom wanted me to be a kicker or something, but I was so fast they had me as a running back. I only got to play one year though. It was just too hard for my mom. I was disappointed a first, because I loved outrunning the opponent and having everyone on the field chasing me, but years later when my mom finally told me about my biological father, I understood completely. I can't believe she even signed me up for football in the first place, really."

"She loved you. And she was a brave woman," Alec said softly, and felt Magnus's breath catch. He squeezed him tightly in his arms.

"She was that. Bravest woman I've ever known."

They observed a few moments of silence for Magnus's mom, then Alec said, "So, what about the other sports? Were you great at those, too?"

Magnus chuckled, his body shifting under Alec as he did so. "Probably better than I should have been. I wasn't great at baseball, but I didn't suck at it either. One thing you have to understand is that I was fearless. In baseball, I would dive after the ball so I made some pretty cool catches. I wasn't afraid to steal bases either. In soccer, I was still the fastest one on the field and not afraid to try things. I think it was mainly just my athleticism that let me do some of the stuff I did. I wasn't great at those sports, but I could hold my own and was better than the majority of my peers."

He took a breath and Alec looked up at him in time to see his eyes sparkle. "And then there was basketball. Once I got a basketball in my hands, there was nothing else for me. I was seven when that happened. That was the youngest our YMCA would allow a kid to sign up. It changed everything for me. After a few years, my mom signed me up with the AAU circuit so I could have better coaching and better competition than what the YMCA could provide." He gave a little shrug. "I don't know. It was like basketball provided everything I needed. That doesn't make any sense…"

"It does," Alec said. "I mean, if there were things you needed that you weren't getting at home…"

"Yeah. Like a father?" His laugh was a little shaky. "My coach was pretty good. A big X's and O's kind of coach. He preached fundamentals, proper shooting techniques and things like that. I absorbed it all like a sponge. He knew I had a bad relationship with my stepdad and that there was no 'real dad' to speak of, so he kind of took me under his wing. You don't forget people like that."

"No, you don't." Alec agreed.

"Basketball kept me off the streets and out of trouble," Magnus said as he gave Alec a gentle hug. "But enough about me. It's your turn."

"I'd rather listen to you," he said sheepishly. "There's not much to tell about me that I haven't already told you. I've already told you about how I became a cheerleader, and you already know about my parents' support of me. What else do you want to know?"

"I want to know everything."

"Okay…" Alec said slowly. "Okay, so I grew up in Manhattan in a penthouse on the thirtieth floor of our building. Housekeepers, butler, chauffeurs, you name it we had it. My family comes from some pretty old money, so that was how my grandparents lived, and their parents before them…you get what I'm saying? I never knew another way of life, honestly. I don't say that to sound pretentious, it's just a fact. My family is loaded, and one day I will be, too."

"When you say 'loaded'…"

"I mean loaded." Alec turned to look at him. "I have a twenty million dollar trust fund waiting for me when I turn twenty-one. I will also inherit whatever my parents leave us, which I think is somewhere in the neighborhood of one hundred mil, to be split between me, Izzy, Max and Jace."

Magnus's expression was somewhat comical, his eyes wide and round, his mouth forming a large O. He blinked rapidly, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to form words. "Twenty million? For just you?" he finally managed.

Alec nodded. "Yeah."

"I can't even comprehend those numbers. I mean…wow."

Alec laughed. "Yeah."

"But…you're so…normal."

Alec really laughed this time. "Thanks, I think."

Magnus waved a dismissive hand at him. "You know what I mean. You don't act like some spoiled rich kid who's too good to live in a shitty dorm with the rest of us middle class citizens. How is that even possible?"

"Because my parents didn't raise an asshole. They taught me the value of a dollar. They made me work for things I wanted. Sure they went overboard at Christmas and my mom loves to splurge on holidays and special occasions and such, but we were never allowed to _act_ like we were entitled. Hell, I didn't even know I had a trust fund until I was seventeen. I knew I would get money one day, but didn't know how much or any of that."

"How did you know you would get money?"

"My dad is very big on family history and traditions. We've all heard the stories over and over about how our ancestors made their fortunes and then passed it down generation to generation, each one adding their own fortune to it. It's not always possible for every family member to add a significant amount, so the ones that couldn't just did what they could to not squander the family fortune. I don't know, I guess it's just a mindset you have to have if you want all this to continue. So my great-grandfather owned several successful businesses and added a lot to the fortune. My grandfather did well in the stock market. They spent what they wanted but always kept adding money so their descendants could have a good life, too."

"Wow," Magnus said again. "So, your family will include Jace in the will?"

"Yeah. He has a trust fund, too. When his parents died and he came to live with us, it wasn't like he was just another responsibility or that we owed something to his family. No, he _became_ family. My parents even completed the paperwork to officially adopt him several years ago, but he wanted to keep his father's name, so he did. He's my brother though, in ever sense of the word. So, yeah, he gets a share of the money, too."

"And you're okay with that?"

Alec shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be? Pretend it's you and Will. Would you have a problem with Will getting half your inheritance?"

"Not at all. I owe Will my life."

"Well, it's nothing quite so dramatic between Jace and me, but I feel like I owe him a lot, too. He's been there for me more times than I could tell you. As I said, he's my brother and I love him very much."

Magnus nodded his understanding of Alec's feelings toward his best friend. That was certainly something they both had in common. "So, tell me about your sister and your other brother."

"Izzy and Max? Well, they are pretty awesome actually. Izzy is tall and thin and pretty much perfect as far as girls go. She's got a wild streak in her though. Let's just say I don't like to argue with her. She's not afraid to try to kick my ass, and since Jace taught her some wrestling moves, she can just about do it. It hurts like hell when she tries at least."

Magnus chuckled at this. "I bet it does," he said, and Alec was almost certain he heard some sarcasm in his voice.

"What?" he said suspiciously.

Magnus held up his hands in defense. "Nothing. It's just…well, look at you. You're what? Six-two, two hundred and forty pounds?"

"I'm _not_ two hundred and forty pounds!" he said incredulously. Magnus's eyebrows went up, and Alec relented. "I'm two hundred thirty-five," he added softly, to which Magnus burst with laughter. Alec couldn't repress his own grin for long. Magnus kissed him softly on his temple and Alec snuggled close again.

"Anyway," he continued, "Izzy is a hell-cat when she wants to be. She's tough, but I couldn't ask for a better sister."

"And Max?"

"Yeah. Max. He's the baby of the family, everyone's pet I guess. He kind of hero-worships Jace and wants to play soccer just like Jace does. I guess it's good that he's there for Max, now that I'm not…" His voice trailed off sadly.

"You miss them." It wasn't a question and Magnus didn't say it like it was. It was obvious that Alec missed his family very much.

"I do," he agreed. "We're a really close family. It's hard to be away from them sometimes." He glanced up at Magnus. "But," he said, a grin infiltrating his sadness and chasing it away, "I'm thoroughly enjoying college. Especially now."

"Hmmm, because of me?"

"Of course! I mean, I was enjoying college anyway. I've made some great friends and had a lot of fun, but being with you? Well, there's just not much that can compare to that, is there?"

Magnus shook his head, which Alec couldn't see in the dark but he felt the brush of his hair against his cheek. "No. I think I'm the happiest I've ever been."

Alec kissed his lips, because what else was he supposed to do when Magnus said something like that? He could feel Magnus's grin as he kissed him back. He could feel it all the way to his toes. He suddenly wanted very much to tell Magnus how he felt about him, and it took all of his efforts to keep the words inside him. _He's not ready_, Alec reminded himself.

They settled back down in each other's arms, and Alec eventually resumed the conversation. "You know, being so much older than Max kind of gave me an idea of what it would be like to be a parent, to have that responsibility."

"You want kids?"

Alec shrugged. "Maybe. If the situation is right."

"Don't you think that's an odd thing for a gay man to want?"

Alec sat up a little to look at Magnus. "Not at all. I mean, I never thought about it when I was younger. I assumed that wouldn't be an option for me. But now? Gay couples are adopting kids every day. Why couldn't I be part of that some day?"

Magnus was quiet, and Alec wasn't sure if it was the thoughtful kind of quiet or the freaking out kind of quiet. "Listen, Magnus, I'm not saying we should run out an adopt a kid. Don't freak out about this okay?"

Magnus chuckled. "I'm not freaking out. Actually, I was just thinking about what you said."

"Okay, so what about you? Did you ever want kids?"

He sighed. "Well, since I thought I would be living as a straight guy for the next ten years or so, I assumed I would get married and probably give her kids if that's what she wanted. You know, to keep up appearances. I guess I hadn't thought much past that. But now I don't know. I like kids. I'm not opposed to having them. But everything is so…uncertain for me right now. I feel…I don't know how I feel…"

"What do you mean?"

Magnus didn't answer right away. "I guess I'm saying…I mean, obviously the conversation we are having is way off in the future, if ever. And…well, you kind of turned my whole world upside down."

"I did?" Alec's eyes were wide. He hadn't really thought of it that way before. He knew Magnus's life had changed when he agreed to enter a relationship with Alec, but he hadn't really thought about it turning his whole world upside down.

"Of course you did," Magnus said softly. "I'm in a real relationship with a guy, and doing all sorts of…sexual things that I've never done before. And I know it won't last forever unless I'm willing to go public with it. And I have feelings that I've never had before, feelings about you." He nuzzled Alec's ear with his nose. "And feelings about my future and questions and fears and…I don't know. I thought I had it all planned out, and then you came along and I have no idea how my life is going to go now."

Alec tenderly touched Magnus's face. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much I was messing you up."

Magnus's hand covered Alec's. "I'm not complaining. Please don't think that I am. It's just a little scary to go from having everything planned out to not knowing how anything is going to go."

"Well, you still know you'll be playing in the NBA one day. That hasn't changed."

"That's true."

"Magnus, you know I'm afraid of the future, too. Probably for different reasons, but no one really knows how their life will turn out. It's a pretty common fear, really."

"I guess that's fair."

"Yeah. Okay, enough with the heavy stuff. What's your favorite color?"

Magnus grinned. "I thought that would be obvious. Blue."

Alec blushed, though he wasn't entirely sure why. He already knew how much Magnus liked his blue eyes. "Mine, too."

"Oooh." Magnus wiggled his eyebrows. "Favorite food?"

"Spinach and feta pizza."

"What?"

"Shut up. It's awesome!"

"Rich people eat weird things. Mine's hot wings with lots of sauce."

Alec dipped his head in acknowledgement and said, "Saucy." They dissolved into giggles again. "Favorite song?"

Magnus looked thoughtful. "I don't really have a favorite song. I just love music. All types."

"Yeah, me either. That was a stupid question. I'll go again. Favorite movie?"

"Space Jam," Magnus said without hesitation.

"The Looney Tunes movie?"

"About basketball. Duh." Alec shrugged. "Let me guess, yours is some 80's movie?"

"Mine is EVERY 80's movie," Alec sassed, and Magnus laughed.

Then, he looked a little more serious when he said, "Do you think you'll always live in the city?"

"In New York?" Alec said. "I doubt it. I have no idea where my career will take me. Maybe I'll get a job here in the city, but maybe not. I may end up in Kansas or something."

Magnus clutched his chest mockingly, as if having to move to the Midwest US was the worst fate he could imagine. "Obviously I'll live in a city. There aren't any NBA teams in the middle of nowhere." He chuckled. "Guess I'll finally get to see the world..."

"Yeah. You'll be traveling all over the country. Speaking of traveling, where is the coolest place you've ever been."

Magnus looked at him sheepishly. "I've...never left New York."

Alec gaped at him. "Really?" Magnus nodded. "Oh, we are so going to fix that! I think we should go somewhere this summer."

Alec caught the glance Magnus gave him. "With your family?" he said softly.

"That depends on how you feel about meeting my family by then. It's up to you. We can go somewhere alone, or just take Cammie and Austin, maybe Will and his boyfriend...? Maybe Jace and his girlfriend...? Whatever you are comfortable with."

"Alec..."

"Don't answer now. We can figure it out later. No pressure, really."

Magnus was shaking his head. "It's not that. I just...don't really have any money to spend on a vacation." He seemed to really struggle to get those words out, and Alec immediately felt bad for making his life more difficult.

He smiled warmly at Magnus. "What part of 'my family is loaded' did you not understand? My family owns property all over the world, so we won't have to pay for a hotel. My dad owns a private airplane. We'll just need money to eat and play. Please don't dismiss the idea because of money. I don't care about money, and I don't mind spending it on my friends...and you. Especially not you." Magnus still looked unconvinced. "Just think about it. If you don't want to go, I won't pressure you. Just don't worry about the money, okay?"

Magnus nodded. "Okay. Now...where were we?"

"I don't know. I think it was your turn."

"Hmmm...I think it was your turn." He laughed and kissed Alec briefly.

The conversation continued like this until the light filtering through the curtain began to brighten and they finally grew sleepy. Then they slept, tangled together, long into the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

As luck would have it, Magnus was in Massachusetts for an away game on Valentine's Day. And Alec was sulking.

He spent the day with Austin and Cammie, and on more than one occasion realized how very lucky he was to have such great friends. They could have spent their day together, having a wonderfully romantic time, but instead chose to keep him company. Yeah, they were awesome.

How did he repay their efforts? By being moody and moping around all day. He spent much of the day in his own head, so in a way they did get to spend the day alone, he supposed. He also supposed that he should get used to this if he planned to continue dating Magnus. The NBA stopped for no one, including holidays. In fact, there was usually a whole slate of games scheduled for Christmas Day, so he would probably be alone then as well. That thought did nothing to improve his mood.

"Come on, Alec. Cheer up!" Cammie said, giving him a look as she waved a French fry with the end coated in ketchup in his general direction. They were currently sitting in the restaurant with the amazing cheeseburgers, surrounded by other college kids that couldn't afford a fancy dinner for their significant other…or that didn't have a significant other…or that was currently separated from said significant other. Maybe Cammie was right and he did need to snap out of his dreary mood.

"I'm sorry, you guys. You shouldn't have to deal with me tonight. You should be off doing… whatever straight couples do," he said with a wave of his hand.

Austin and Cammie laughed at that. "I'm pretty sure straight couples do the same things gay couples do," Austin said with a little smirk.

"Yeah, probably." He sighed somewhat theatrically and stood. "I'm going to head home. You two find something fun to get into. Okay?"

They nodded, and watched with pitying expressions as he left the restaurant. The wind was whipping around, so Alec pulled his hood over his head and shrugged his body deep into his coat. Snow had fallen a few days ago, and it had been too cold out for it to melt. He hugged his arms to him in an attempt to keep warm as he walked the few blocks back to the dorm.

Once in his room, he shed his coat, scarf and gloves and sat down on the couch. He still had hours to go before Magnus would be home. The game was in progress at that moment but since neither team had a large audience, it was not being televised. He hated that. If he could watch Magnus play, he would feel closer to him, and he would know what kind of mood to expect him to be in when he got home. Fortunately, modern technology allowed him to track the score of the game on the internet, so he at least knew that the team won.

He spent the next few hours fucking around on the internet, listening to music, watching some stupid videos, wishing like hell Magnus was already home. It seemed so wrong to be separated on their first Valentine's Day together.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep. When he woke, he decided that having his boyfriend kiss him awake was possibly the best way to wake up…ever. For a few disoriented moments, he thought maybe it was a dream, that Magnus wasn't really there yet, smelling of soap and stale bus air, tasting like the mint candy he had recently eaten. But Alec's dream senses weren't nearly strong enough to make up this scenario. Plus there was the fact that he was not only hard, but he _knew_ he was hard, and that didn't normally happen in his dreams.

His arms snaked up around Magnus's neck and pulled him down on top of him. Magnus stumbled, unprepared for Alec's overeager reaction to him, and tumbled onto the couch, flattening Alec against the seats. He chuckled softly and grinned at what Alec was sure was poorly disguised desire in his eyes.

"What time is it?" Alec said.

"Just after one."

Alec felt his face fall. They had missed Valentine's Day completely. He knew they would, but somehow knowing it and the reality of it were two separate things.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said softly as he nudged Alec's cheek with his nose. "I was hoping we would be back sooner. Don't be sad." He nuzzled against the crook of Alec's neck and whispered, "We have all day tomorrow together."

That did it. A whole day to spend together? No practice for either of them? No neglected schoolwork to attend to? Such a rare treat. He could definitely get used to having a day off with Magnus.

Alec pulled him into another kiss, but before it could progress Magnus backed away, dragging Alec with him. They ended up in Alec's room this time. Alec was prepared for the usual hasty departure with their clothing and quick romp on the bed, but Magnus seemed to have other ideas.

He swatted Alec's hands away from the hem of his shirt, and Alec gave him a lopsided grin, cocking one eyebrow in question. In response, Magnus gave him a slow burning kiss, then crept along to Alec's ear and whispered, "I want to take my time with you tonight."

Alec felt his insides ignite. He already wanted Magnus, but now he wanted him even more. He wondered what Magnus had in store for them, but only briefly, because as soon as his earlobe was sucked into Magnus's warm mouth he forgot to wonder about anything. He lost all ability to think, in fact. All he could do was feel…and he really liked what he was feeling.

Magnus attempted to remove Alec's shirt slowly, but it was a t-shirt, so there was really only a minimal amount of lingering he could do. It didn't matter. The feel of Magnus's cool palms slowly gliding up Alec's torso had him melting into a puddle anyway. Alec performed the same slow dance with Magnus's shirt, and once they were finally discarded, the two came together again, holding each other close and pressing their chests together.

Alec could feel the heat radiating off Magnus's body, absorbing into his own skin. His hands were quickly warming from contact with Alec's skin, and Alec was somewhat impressed that he even noticed that given that Magnus was kissing him breathless. He finally had to pull away before he passed out from lack of oxygen.

He panted hard against Magnus, his breath puffing dark tufts of Magnus's silky hair. He ran his fingers through that soft hair and Magnus let out a feral groan. When he leveled his gaze to Alec's again, there was a look in his eye that left no question about what Magnus wanted to do tonight. Then, Magnus's hands shimmied down Alec's ribs, hooking the waistband of his pants and sliding them off his body.

The room was cool now that Alec was naked, but he didn't mind. He made short work of removing Magnus's pants. He tried to do the slow, lingering thing, he really did, but at this point, he needed Magnus to badly. The realization of what Magnus wanted only fueled his desire to make it happen.

Alec climbed into bed and tugged Magnus down by the hand. Magnus crawled over him, balancing his body on his elbows and winding his hands around Alec's body. He pressed their bodies together fully now and Alec could feel every inch of Magnus's desire pressed firmly against him. Magnus kissed him slowly, deeply, passionately, as if he was hungry for Alec and couldn't quite get enough of him. And Alec matched him, kiss for kiss.

That feeling he sometimes got when he kissed Magnus flared in him now, the feeling that there was something intense, combustible, between them, and every kiss was giving off sparks, threatening to blow the whole thing up, to consume them like tinder. Alec was powerless against that feeling. It wasn't something he understood, it just…was. Perhaps that was what made Magnus freak out from time to time, more than anything else. But he couldn't think about that now, not during that feeling, because then it might go away. And no matter how scary or intimidating that feeling was, it was also something he craved, something he needed as much as he needed water or air.

Magnus broke away from his lips and trailed a line of kisses along his jaw to his ear, each one more searing and greedy than the previous. Alec moaned in his ear and that seemed to intensify Magnus's need. His arms tightened around Alec's body and he rocked his hips against him, sliding his hard dick back and forth across Alec's pelvis, brushing against his own straining erection.

When Magnus's lips reached Alec's ear, he said, in a heady, throaty whisper, "Roll over." He leaned back just enough to give Alec space to comply with his request, and Alec didn't hesitate. Magnus reached for the necessary items, and once everything was in place, Alec felt the hard tip of Magnus's cock against his hole as Magnus flattened him to the mattress. He sucked in a breath of anticipation, silently willing Magnus to continue and to not freak out this time.

Magnus pushed forward and entered him slowly, and Alec gasped again. Not from pain, but from pure unfiltered desire. Magnus covered him again, draping over his back and winding his arms around Alec's chest, holding him tightly. He continued to rock and maneuver his way into Alec and Alec clutched the sheets in his hands, just needing something to hold onto. Magnus's weight pushed Alec into the mattress, his cock rubbing against the sheet. It was a strange sensation, but not unwelcome. It actually felt kind of good, though there were other things he would rather feel on his dick…

Magnus's breaths were coming out harsh against the back of Alec's neck, sending tingling shivers up and down his spine. Then he felt Magnus's lips touching his neck, his shoulders, and a hot tongue licking along the ridges of his spine. He willed himself not to come, but oh fuck was it difficult to hold back at that moment. Magnus was doing everything right, pushing all of Alec's buttons, and making him hold on. God, he was good. So. Fucking. Good.

Magnus reached up under Alec's pillow and pried his hand off the sheet, then twined his fingers around Alec's, holding his hand and pressing it firmly into the mattress with each motion. He slid his other hand down Alec's side and under him, curling his fingers around Alec's cock. Now each thrust sent Alec's dick through the ring of Magnus's hand, and _that _felt amazing.

Apparently, Magnus was serious about taking his time, though. He brought Alec to the brink time and again, and each time he would still or slow down enough that Alec felt himself uncoil. Then, Magnus would start all over again, until Alec was right there, ready to fall. But Magnus wouldn't let him. Not yet.

Alec had no sense of how long they went on like this, with Magnus holding his hand and his cock, fucking him slowly while his brains scrambled. He alternated between kissing, licking and biting at Alec's neck and shoulders and back. Then, Alec would turn his head just enough for Magnus to capture his lips, and kiss him as deeply and passionately as he had earlier. Alec wanted it to go on forever, just him and Magnus in bed, locked together in the most intimate of ways, but that's just not possible now is it…?

Eventually Alec felt a change in Magnus and he knew that he couldn't hold on much longer either. There are only so many times one can deny his dick what it wants before said dick takes matters into its own…hands? Hmmm.

Alec felt the urgency in Magnus now, where it hadn't been before. He was close, and so was Alec. They kept going this time, no changing to delay the inevitable. Alec could feel the tension and energy building in Magnus, and when it reached its peak, Magnus bit down hard on the back of Alec's neck as he twitched and writhed and buried himself in Alec. His fingers clutched tightly to Alec's left hand while his other hand took what Alec had to give him. And Alec was pretty sure he was the one that let slip the cry as their mutual orgasms hit. Pretty sure. But who really knows?

Magnus slowly withdrew from him and he rolled onto his back. The sheets would have to be washed again, but he didn't care one damn bit about that right now. Magnus cleaned the mess off his hand and disposed of the condom before entangling himself with Alec again. Their arms snaked around each other and held on tightly. Alec waited patiently as Magnus kissed him, just enjoying the moment.

But deep down, he wondered if Magnus was going to lose it again. Things had been going so well between them, but they had refrained from sex since that first time. The time when Magnus had freaked and disappeared for a week. Alec felt the anxiety starting to build in his chest, and he fought it down. He had to remain calm if he wanted Magnus to. If he got wound up, he was sure Magnus would, too, because then Magnus would have something to get wound up about. Right? He didn't even know if that actually made sense, but couldn't see a downside to him remaining calm. So that's what he did.

He settled into Magnus, holding him, touching him, kissing him. His lips were sore and puffy from kissing, but he wasn't about to protest or stop. Magnus's lips still felt good against his, and now that he was satisfied, and the kisses had turned languid, he could go on like this all night. He ran his hands through Magnus's hair, massaging his scalp and felt more than heard Magnus moan against his lips.

Magnus kissed his chin and his neck in that same slow, sweet manner. He seemed to be completely fine, no angst, no worries. He twined their fingers together again and brought Alec's hand to his lips, planting kisses on each finger, then his palm, and the back of his hand. He continued up Alec's wrist and arm and shoulder, before returning to his neck and then his lips. Alec couldn't recall anyone ever kissing him like that, and he was a little surprised that Magnus, the self-proclaimed relationship novice, was the one that would do that to him. He had an upsurge of emotion for Magnus, his love deepening by the moment.

And then he had a moment of clarity, a moment when he could see Magnus's heart and soul, and what he saw was the most beautiful human being he had even known. Here was this guy who claimed to know nothing about relationships, yet he managed to be doing _everything_ right. It almost seemed unfair to all the other couples in the world, but Alec was not going to complain. He was going to enjoy this as long as he could.

Suddenly, it hit him like a punch in the gut: Magnus was handling their relationship much better than he was. Magnus, even with his freak-outs and running away, had never made the mistakes Alec had made, and Alec was the experienced one, so to speak. Alec had been the one to push Magnus too far, too fast and make him flee. Alec had been the one to make _all_ the mistakes so far. That realization did not make him feel good. He found he could no longer look at Magnus.

Magnus wasn't looking at him, but he apparently could sense the change in Alec. He stopped kissing his neck and pulled back enough to see Alec's face. "What's wrong?" he said with a worried edge to his voice.

Alec's eyes flashed to Magnus's, but he didn't know what to say. _You're the best boyfriend I could imagine and I suck?_ No. That wasn't even true. Magnus was a great boyfriend, far better than Alec thought he would be at this stage, but there were still things about their relationship that didn't work for Alec, too. Like the fact that they still had to hide it from everyone.

And then it all came together for Alec. The reason Magnus was so much better at this is _because_ he didn't have a clue what he was doing. He was going on pure instinct, and his instincts were good. Really good. And he wasn't holding back. He had no reason to fear pushing Alec too far, so he could just let loose and be himself and feel _everything_ that he was feeling…at least when they were alone.

But Alec? Well, he had to be more careful. He had to reign in his emotions for fear of scaring Magnus away. He had learned that little lesson the hard way. He wanted so much to sink into this feeling of being in love, to let himself go, but he couldn't take that risk. He was pretty sure if he did, he wouldn't be able to keep it under control when they were in public, and then he would lose Magnus for sure.

He truly hated hiding their relationship…

Magnus sat up, looking alarmed. "Did I do something wrong? Did you not want to have sex?"

That snapped Alec our of his reverie. "What? No, Magnus." He placed his palms on Magnus's cheeks so Magnus was forced to look at him. "That's not it. The sex was great, wonderful…perfect. Thank you for that." God, he sounded like an idiot sometimes. He took a deep breath, and let his hands fall, along with his eyes. "I was just thinking…"

The sentence trailed off. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell him that he wanted to go public with their relationship. He didn't need to. Magnus already knew that anyway. To say the words would just be pushing him…again.

He glanced back up at Magnus, who seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for Alec to say whatever he was going to say. He could tell Magnus everything he had been thinking, or he could tell him the one thing that would make him feel good about everything, without freaking him out. At least, he hoped it wouldn't freak him out. He made a split second decision, then said the words before he could change his mind.

"I was thinking about what a great boyfriend you are, how much better you are at this than I am…"

Magnus made a face at him. "What are you talking about?"

Magnus's hand was on his thigh, and Alec took it in his and brushed it against his cheek. Magnus took over from there, a feather-light touch of the backs of his fingers whispering across Alec's cheek, then one finger trailing off down his throat. "That. That's what I'm talking about. The way you touch me. The way you make me feel." Magnus opened his mouth as if to speak, but Alec said, "I'm not talking about sex. That's great, too, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean all the other things, the little things you do, like kissing me awake, or the way you hold me in your arms."

He broke off then, blushing furiously. He had said more than he meant to say. When he glanced up at Magnus, he could see that he was blushing, too. He was taken aback by that. Magnus rarely blushed, and his skin was dark enough that it was usually difficult to see if he did, but this blush was clear as day, even in the dim light of the small hours of the morning.

Magnus laid back down next to him, and was quiet for awhile. The blush receded, and the intense moment between them faded before he finally spoke again. "You're really important to me, Alec. I…I care about you…a lot." He kind of stumbled over the words and the flush crept back up his cheeks, and Alec simply couldn't stand to see him like that any longer.

He pulled Magnus against him, enfolding him in his embrace. He kissed him, and he wanted to tell him so much more, like how deeply in love he was with him, and how he could no longer imagine a future that didn't include him, but he knew it wasn't the right time. Perhaps Valentine's Day was to blame for his soppiness. Or perhaps it was that being with Magnus this time had felt so much more intimate than their first time, more touching and kissing, more like making love. He didn't know.

"You know you are very important to me, too." It took all of his willpower to stop there, to not say more. Instead, he kissed him again and poured everything he was feeling into that kiss, and hoped like hell he didn't overwhelm Magnus again.

They held each other, kissing lazily until they finally drifted off to sleep. The last thought Alec had before falling asleep was the hope that Magnus would still be there in his arms when he woke in the morning.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Alexa: Alec really does overthink things...he _really_ does.**

**Sparkly warlock: Thanks for breaking radio silence for ME! That's awesome. I really appreciate the review!**

**Innocently Deprived: They used lube. I just wrote 'the necessary items' because, well, these guys have a lot of sex and I thought you all might get tired of hearing 'condoms and lube', 'condoms and lube', 'condoms and lube' over and over again. ;)**

* * *

Magnus was there the following morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. In fact, the couple began sleeping in the same bed every night, crowded though it was because of the small size of the bed and the large size of their bodies. They slept in a tangle of limbs, spooned together. They fit together perfectly, and it didn't take long for them to grow accustomed to sleeping in such a confined space.

Magnus didn't freak out. And they had a lot of sex.

Alec couldn't remember ever being so happy. He felt pretty sure that Magnus felt the same way. If the light in his eyes and the look on his face when he saw Alec were any indication of what he was feeling, Alec had no doubt that Magnus was very, very happy.

Alec's only problem was that he was struggling to concentrate on this stupid essay he was supposed to be writing for his English class, because all he could think about were those green-gold eyes that took on a dark, smoldering look when Magnus wanted him, and the way his lips looked a little pouty just before he kissed him, and the feel of those long, slender fingers wrapping around his waist and pulling him close, and…Fuck, now he had another problem all together.

He glanced up at the clock. Magnus had another half hour of practice before he would be home and Alec was now hard as a rock. _Idiot. You couldn't just do your damn homework?_ He heaved a sigh and tried to focus his mind on the task at hand and not his throbbing cock. He really tried.

It didn't work. Every few minutes he found his hand rubbing against his erection through his clothes. When he caught himself, he then chastised himself and returned to his study, only to end up in the same situation a few minutes later with his mind wandering and his hand rubbing him.

By the time Magnus finally made it home, Alec had given up on his essay altogether. He was sitting on the couch with his cock in hand, gently stroking it so that he wouldn't actually finish before Magnus got home.

The look on Magnus's face when he walked in the door and saw Alec in that position was comical. His eyes widened and his mouth formed a perfect O. His surprise quickly melted into a look of utter desire and he descended on Alec before the door had even completely closed behind him.

"Oh, Alec," he murmured in a sympathetic voice as he dropped to his knees in front of the couch. His hand wrapped around Alec's shaft and he stroked him just the way he liked it. "Let me take care of that."

It didn't take long until they were both sated and lounging on the couch together. Magnus whispered in his ear, "You were waiting for me?"

Alec was still in that orgasmic fog, and he blinked a few times as he let Magnus's words sink in. "Hmmm," he muttered, "I needed you."

He felt Magnus's body shake with laughter. "I'll say you did. What had you so worked up?"

Alec turned his body so he could kiss the corner of Magnus's mouth. "You. I was trying to write an essay, but I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Magnus squeezed Alec a little tighter. "I'm glad I have that affect on you even when I'm not here."

Alec hummed his pleasure at that thought as well. They lay there for awhile longer, just enjoying each other, until Alec finally sobered enough to ask Magnus about practice.

Today's practice was the final one before the conference tournament began. The regular season games were over and Idris had finished at the top of their conference, which meant their tournament would be held on Idris's campus. Being such a small conference, this was the way things were done. They didn't get to have their tournament at Madison Square Garden or Cowboy Stadium or any of the other enormous arenas across the country. There was no need. The fanbases for these schools were small, and there just wasn't the funding to allow them to have that kind of tournament.

That had not quelled the excitement level on campus one bit, though. The conference tournament was the talk of campus these days, partly because it was rarely held on Idris's campus. Idris simply didn't win the regular season very often, so they usually ended up traveling to another school. But this year, all ten conference schools would be on Idris's campus, and every basketball fan was elated.

Alec had sensed a change in Magnus since the end of the regular season, too. He knew the stakes of this tournament. Idris had never been to the NCAA tournament before, never got to participate in the hoopla of March Madness. Magnus and his teammates had the opportunity to take this school somewhere it had never been before, to put them on the map. Magnus was excited and ready for the challenge, but Alec could sense a hint of nervousness just under the surface of his calm, confident demeanor.

Magnus smiled at him, that heart-stopping grin that sent Alec spiraling. "Practice was good. I think we are ready." He shrugged. "It's not like we haven't played all these teams already."

"Three games in three days though," Alec said, thinking about how exhausting that would be for Magnus and his teammates. Of course, they would only get to play all three games if they win. Conference tournaments were single elimination games. You lose, you go home. And being from a small conference meant you lose and your season is over. Only the tournament winner would get the opportunity to go to the NCAA tournament. There were no at-large bids for the small conferences.

"It'll be exhausting, I'm sure, but we can handle it."

Alec loved Magnus's confidence in his ability, as well as his teammates'. He knew Magnus trusted his team at this point, and hoped they would not let him down. He was kind of looking forward to a front row seat at the tournament himself, cheering Magnus and the team on. Sometimes, he couldn't think of anything he'd rather be than a basketball cheerleader.

The next few days were crazy and hectic and Alec found himself pulled in a million directions. He was thankful that they were in Brooklyn so there were plenty of accommodations for the other teams that filtered into their quiet little campus, but felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of people that were suddenly invading his space. The cheerleaders were recruited to help the guests navigate the campus. Why, he wasn't entirely sure. There was a whole welcoming committee made up of student volunteers, but the cheerleaders were expected to be there, in uniform no less, and be…well, cheerful. Alec was annoyed with this by the second day.

He was also annoyed by the fact that he had very little time with Magnus. Or maybe that was the whole reason he was annoyed in the first place. Magnus was busy. He was busy. And Magnus couldn't afford to expend any extra energy at night, even if it was a form of stress relief. Which meant Alec went to bed alone for the first time in weeks. But he understood Magnus's position, and wasn't going to be a demanding asshole and add more pressure to the already sky-high amount that Magnus was under.

Idris played well in their first two games, easily cruising past the teams that hadn't done so well in their conference. When Saturday arrived, bringing with it the conference championship game, Alec was surprised to see the wild, anxious look in Magnus's eyes. He wasn't sure if that look was something others could see, or if he could simply because he knew Magnus so well.

"Hey," he said, kissing Magnus gently before pouring him a cup of coffee. Magnus had just emerged from showering and his hair was damp and hanging in strands. He needed a haircut, as his hair was beginning to hang over his eyes. Alec liked his hair longer, but knew it got in his way when he played if it was too long. He reached up and brushed the hair out of his face so he could see his eyes better. "You doing okay?"

Magnus nodded, then shook his head, and then shrugged. _I guess that about sums it up._ Alec smiled gently and pulled him into a hug. "Don't be nervous. You're going to do great. I believe in you." Magnus dropped his gaze momentarily, then looked back into Alec's eyes and smiled. Alec felt that smile all the way to his soul, and he was once again reminded how much he loved this man.

After breakfast, Magnus left for shoot-around and Alec went to greet the masses. Now that there were only two teams left in the tournament, he didn't have to do as much smiling and hand-shaking and pretending like he absolutely enjoyed catering to these strangers, but he still had to make them feel welcome. It was a relief when he could just do the cheerleading stunts that he had practiced and performed with Cammie all year long.

Alec caught sight on the conference commissioner as he took his seat to watch the game. He was, by basketball standards, a short man, with balding gray hair and a friendly smile. Alec wondered if he enjoyed wearing a suit to events like basketball games, or if he would rather be dressed more casually. Alec's father liked to dress nicely, and it was always a little shock when he saw him wearing jeans. Alec himself hated wearing suits and was the first to loosen his tie whenever he was forced to.

Shortly after tip-off, it became apparent that this game was going to be forty minutes of war. Both teams came to play, both teams knew the stakes, neither team wanted their season to end today. The opponent was Cambridge, a team in which Idris had split their regular season games, each team winning at home and losing on the road. They were pretty evenly matched, but there was only one Magnus Bane.

Cambridge's point guard was a senior, though. This was his last chance to go to the NCAA tournament, and he played like he was fighting for his life.

Magnus, on the other hand, seemed to be working through some nerves. He made a few mental errors to start the game, but quickly settled into his normal rhythm. He played well, shot well, found his teammates cutting through the defense or for open shots. The whole team played pretty well, in fact, and even Tyler seemed to have learned to move better on defense throughout the course of the season. It all seemed to be coming together in this moment.

So Alec was a little shocked when he looked at the scoreboard with only three minutes left to play and the score was tied at 72. How was that possible? He knew it had been a back-and-forth battle, but he had been so lost in watching the game progress, he hadn't paid attention to the score. If asked, he would have said Idris was ahead by at least six or seven points. The game suddenly became a nail-bitter for Alec. He didn't want to even think about what condition Magnus would be in if they lost this game.

Alec was now more conscious of every play, every basket, every missed shot. Every turnover. Magnus made a dangerous pass that was picked off by a Cambridge guard and had to race him to the other end of the court to try to correct his mistake. Unfortunately, all he ended up doing was fouling the guy, and putting him on the free throw line. Alec could read Magnus's body language as the guy sank both free throws, each one hitting Magnus like a blow to the gut. Alec willed him not to let one mistake turn into more.

When Magnus received the ball from Jalen after he threw it in-bounds, Alec caught the look of determination in his eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief. Magnus was ready to finish this. He brought the ball to Idris's end of the court and pulled up for jump shot, and Alec cheered when the ball soared through the air and straight through the net. The score was tied again.

The back-and-forth battle continued, and Alec's nerves were on fire. He clenched his fists to keep anyone from noticing his hands shaking. _If I'm like this, how must Magnus feel? _he thought, but then noted Magnus's calm demeanor. This is what Magnus does, what he lives to do, what he loves to do. He can carry the team if needed, but the way everyone had been playing, Alec wasn't so sure that was necessary.

Then, with five seconds left, a Cambridge guard got around Tyler and straight to the basket, hitting a lay-up. Cambridge went ahead by two. Alec could see the fury in Magnus's eyes, though his body language didn't betray anything. Coach called a time-out to set up what would likely be their final play and Alec looked at Cammie. Her eyes were as wide, and worried, as his. There was an air of tension penetrating the entire gymnasium as the teams took the court again.

With time working against him, Magnus brought the ball across half court, side-stepped his defender, and shot the ball. Idris was going for the win instead of taking their chances with a two-point shot to tie the game and see what they could do in overtime. The ball hung in the air _forever_ and the entire arena held its collective breath. Then, the ball hit the edge of the rim…and bounced off. The buzzer signaling the end of the game had never sounded so loud in Alec's ears as he watched Magnus's shoulders slump with defeat. Alec's heart went out to him.

Alec lost Magnus in the chaos that ensued, as Cambridge took center court where it rained confetti. The Idris team retreated to the locker room, all wearing identical dejected expressions. Their season was over. This team would never play together again. They only had two seniors, but one of them was starting guard, Jalen, who Magnus was close to and really enjoyed playing with.

And then, there was the matter that Magnus had been the one to miss the final shot. Alec knew he would beat himself up over it, but he also knew that, had Magnus passed the ball to someone else who ended up missing the shot, he would have beat himself up over that, too. He was the point guard. The team went as he went. If he failed, the team failed. He would shoulder the responsibility for the loss, even if that wasn't really fair to him.

Alec debated whether he should wait for Magnus or just meet him in their dorm. In the end, he decided to wait, but wasn't sure if that was the right idea when he finally emerged from the locker room and Alec caught the look on his face. He offered him a sad smile, the kind you give someone who's family member had just died, because that was how bad Magnus looked.

They walked back to the dorm in silence. Alec nearly attempted conversation a couple of times, but he couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say, and everything just sounded so false in his own ears he decided it better that he just kept quiet.

When they entered the dorm and closed the world out of their private space, Alec caught Magnus's arm and pulled him into his embrace. Magnus kind of shuddered against him, but he didn't cry. They just stood there, holding each other, for a long time, before Alec dragged him to his bed. It was still late afternoon, but he wanted a place where they could lay together and hold each other and he could comfort Magnus as best he could.

After what felt like hours, Magnus finally pulled away from him and gave him a sad smile. "I failed."

"Magnus, you played well. Idris wouldn't even have been in the game with a shot to win if not for you."

Magnus looked away, then looked back, holding Alec's gaze. He could see how close to tears Magnus was, and he felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him. He gently kissed Magnus, planning to pull away after a brief touch of their lips, but Magnus held tightly to him like he was some lifeline that Magnus desperately needed, and kissed him hard.

When they finally broke apart, panting and heaving, Magnus said, "Alec, I want you to fuck me."

Alec looked at him in wide-eyed shock. That was certainly not where he thought this evening would go. "Magnus?"

"I'm serious, Alec. I need you. I want to feel it."

Alec watched him, trying to read him. "Is this some kind of self-inflicted punishment you're going for?"

"What? No, Alec. Sex with you is not a punishment," he said, giving Alec a look.

"But you want me to be on top?"

"Yes. I do."

"Why? Why now?"

Magnus looked away. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before looking back at Alec. "It's something I've been thinking about for awhile. We've been together for three months, and have been having sex on a regular basis for a month. I want to do this, and I know you do to."

"But why _now_?" Alec still couldn't shake the feeling that Magnus was trying to punish himself with something he thought would be painful. Alec was _not_ going to do it if that was his motivation. He had no intention of hurting Magnus, not ever, not in any way.

Magnus gave him a sheepish grin. "I wanted to wait until basketball season was over…you know, it case I was sore the next day. I didn't want to have to go to practice like that." Alec gave him a look meant to say '_Is that all'_. "Look, I thought we would be partying in the common room tonight, celebrating our victory. And then I planned to bring you back here and let you fuck me. I still want to do it. I feel like shit and I want you to make me feel better."

The sadness in his eyes was Alec's undoing. He still wasn't sure this was the best idea, but he couldn't take that look any longer. If there was something he could do to make it go away, he would do it. He leaned down and kissed Magnus. He knew sex would make him forget, at least for a little while.

It didn't take long for Magnus's hands to greedily grope at Alec, or for Alec to respond in kind. They were always hot for each other, but they had been on quite an emotional roller coaster that day and the idea of releasing some of that emotion appealed to them both.

Alec slid off the bed and began carefully peeling his clothes off. Magnus watched every motion of his hands, every movement of his body as he discarded each item. Alec could see the teasing was already working on Magnus. A fire lit in his eyes, one that burned only for him.

When he was completely naked, his erection jutting out from his body and aimed straight at Magnus, he began working on removing Magnus's clothes. Even though it was only March and still cold outside, Magnus was only wearing basketball shorts and a green Idris U t-shirt. Undressing Magnus was pretty simple. Alec grabbed the lube and a condom from his bedside stand before climbing back into his bed with Magnus.

He kissed Magnus passionately, pressing his body against the warmth of Magnus's. His boyfriend trembled beneath him, but when he looked into Magnus's eyes, he knew the tremble was from anticipation rather than fear. There was nothing in his expression to make Alec think he didn't want this as much as he did.

Alec kissed a trail down Magnus's warm, hard body and reveled in watching Magnus respond to him. No matter how many times they were together, their bodies responded to each other's touch with the same longing every time. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and drew his chest up to his lips, and then he remember how Magnus had responded when Alec had touched his nipples that first time. Alec's tongue flicked out and circled the pert brown ring and Magnus bucked beneath him, a little moan escaping his lips. Alec grinned, and did it again, and again.

Magnus was writhing by the time Alec made his way down his stomach and took hold of his cock with his mouth. A shudder ran through Magnus and Alec's cock danced with anticipation. Alec bobbed his head up and down Magnus's shaft, encircling him with his tongue, as his hand expertly squeezed some lube onto his fingers. He trailed a wet finger down Magnus's crack to his hole and noted Magnus's breathing increase and his hand clench the sheets.

Alec took his time, gently pressing against Magnus's entrance, then withdrawing. He was in no rush. They had all night to play with each other. And if taking his time gave Magnus a chance to change his mind, so be it. He had done well recently in not pressuring Magnus, and he had no intention of starting now. Magnus had asked him for this, but they had been down that road before, and it had left Magnus hiding at Will's and Alec feeling like an ass. So if Magnus changed his mind, he was okay with that. On the other hand, Magnus said he had planned for this to be the night for some time, so perhaps everything would work out fine.

After several minutes of Alec teasing him and Magnus getting so worked up he actually pulled Alec's hair, Alec finally breached Magnus's opening and slid one finger inside him to the first knuckle. He took his time working his finger deeper and deeper and watching Magnus lose more and more of his control. He withdrew to the point where he could add a second finger, and heard Magnus hiss as he stretched him. Alec paid more attention to Magnus's dick and Magnus melted into the pleasure instead of focusing on the pain. He played with his two fingers until Magnus relaxed again, and then added a third.

This time Magnus's eyes flew open as he choked on his breath. But Alec soothed him again, working wonders with his tongue and free hand until Magnus was as pliable as putty. His lips worked their way back up Magnus's body, kissing and licking and sucking, as one hand worked his cock and the other fucked him with his fingers. Magnus caught hold of his head and brought their mouths together in a searing kiss. Their tongues danced and played together, tasting each other.

When Magnus thrust into Alec's hand, he finally broke the kiss and looked at him, his eyes searching Magnus's face. "You're sure about this?" he said. He had to make sure this was what Magnus wanted. He had to know.

"Please, Alec…"

"Is that the lust talking?" he said as both of his hands stilled.

Magnus held firmly to Alec's cheeks and their gazed locked. "I want this. I want you. I want to feel this. I want to be with you like this. Please, Alec."

Alec nodded and kissed him again. Then he pulled away to slip the condom in place. Magnus spread a palmful of lube over the condom and Alec's eyes fluttered shut at the contact. He was so hard from everything he had already done with Magnus and knowing what he was about to do, the friction of Magnus's hand was more than welcome. Magnus released him and started to roll over onto his stomach.

"No," Alec said hastily, stopping him. "No, Magnus. I want to look into your eyes this time. I want to see your face when I make you come."

Magnus sucked in a breath, his chest heaving a few times before calming, and then he nodded. Alec spread Magnus's legs apart, pushing them up against his sides as he lined himself up with Magnus's entrance. Even prepping him with his fingers wasn't enough to match Alec's girth, so Alec proceeded cautiously, gently easing himself into Magnus so he wouldn't hurt him. He remembered, vividly, Magnus's story about his first time with a guy and how badly it hurt at first, and he was determined not to hurt him like that. He watched the emotions flit across Magnus's face: pain, pleasure, lust, bliss, need. Each alternating and in no particular order. When Alec was finally all the way in, Magnus reached up and grabbed his ass, holding him in place. It felt so good to be inside him. He had wanted this since the first time he saw Magnus. He had wanted everything since the first time he saw Magnus.

When Magnus's grip loosened on his ass, Alec started moving, very slowly. He watched for signs of discomfort from Magnus, but if there were any, he didn't recognize them. Magnus's dick was hard, his eyes were closed, and he appeared to be in heaven.

Alec took his time, not wanting this to end too quickly and not wanting Magnus to be too sore tomorrow. He wrapped his arms around Magnus's body again and held him tightly. He could feel Magnus's cock pressing firmly against his stomach as their body's moved together and he kissed him long and lazily. Magnus's hands moving along his back sent shivers up and down his spine in a way he never thought possible. They had been together many times at this point. Sometimes just a quick fuck, sometimes what Alec would definitely consider making love. But nothing had ever felt like this to him. Perhaps it was the emotions of the day making everything feel so much more extreme than it ever had before. Perhaps it was him being inside Magnus for the first time. Perhaps it was just all building up to this moment. He didn't have an answer for why he felt so emotional, why he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

He buried his face in the crook of Magnus's neck and willed the tears away. His bit his lip and forced his words of love to remain inside him, unspoken, just as he did nearly every time he saw Magnus these days. He wanted to tell him how he felt, wanted him to know how much he meant to him. But he was still taking baby steps with their relationship, and if making love to him tonight was half as emotional for Magnus as it was for Alec, he knew he couldn't add anything more to the situation without pushing Magnus over the edge.

He was nearing the point of no return now, knowing that any moment he would not be able to restrain himself and hold back, making this last as long as possible. His release was already building within him. He could feel the coiling in his groin. The look in Magnus's eyes told him he was right there with him.

Alec's speed increased as he hurtled toward completion. He balanced himself on one arm and gripped Magnus's cock with his free hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts. In moments, Magnus was throbbing and pulsing white creamy fluid into Alec's hand and on his belly. His muscles clenched around Alec's dick and sent him toppling over the edge, and he released inside Magnus as he softly cried out his name.

His arms went back around Magnus, squeezing him tightly as his body was racked with a shudder the likes of which he had never felt before. He buried his face in Magnus's neck again, his soft hair fanned out against Alec's face, as emotion welled up in him and spilled over in the form of tears. He had no idea why he was crying, only that this was the most emotional experience of his life, even more than the other times he had slept with Magnus. His words of love were once again on the tip of his tongue, but he choked them down as he tried to steady himself. He held Magnus so tightly he wondered if he could even breathe.

When he finally pulled himself together, he discreetly wiped his face on the pillows beside Magnus's head and pulled away enough to kiss him. He wasn't sure if Magnus could tell he had been crying, but if he could, he didn't comment. He hastily cleaned them off and returned to Magnus's waiting arms. They nestled together, wrapped in each other, closing out the world that didn't even exist to them right now. And they kissed, soft, slow, gentle, wonderful kisses.

"Are you okay?" he whispered against Magnus's lips.

Magnus nodded. "You?"

Alec nodded in reply. And they kissed until they both fell asleep.

* * *

Alec awoke to the sound of a zipper being pulled. Magnus stood at the edge of the bed, fully dressed, with a wild look in his eyes. He rolled over facing Magnus. Magnus was clearly agitated, shifting his weight from one foot to the next restlessly. He swung a duffle bag over his shoulder.

"I…um…"

Alec sighed. The crushing weight of disappointment smothered him. "Tell Will to let me know that you're okay?"

Magnus gave him a weary smile, kissed him on the forehead, and left. Alec rolled over onto his stomach, pillowing his hands under his head. _One step forward, two steps back, _he thought as he pushed his pain away so he could drift back to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Two long, lonely days passed without a word from Magnus, not that Alec expected to hear from him. They had been down this road before. He knew the path intimately. He hated it, but he knew it. This time was a little different, however. This time, he knew where Magnus was, and knew he was alright because Will was kind enough to text him daily. Just a simple _He's okay_, but that was all Alec needed to keep his mind somewhat peaceful. Magnus was okay. What more could he ask for?

Well, he wanted to ask for Magnus to stop freaking out and running away when things got too intense between them, but that seemed like an impossibility right now.

Alec was only mildly surprised when he heard the doorknob rattle after only two days. He looked up from his place on the couch as Magnus entered their dorm. He had his laptop open and had been typing a paper for his English Lit class, and there were books and papers spread out on the cushions next to him and the coffee table, but he forgot all about that the moment he saw Magnus's face.

Two days. Maybe there was hope after all. He'd disappeared for two weeks after their first kiss, and one week after the first time they had sex. Two days was something he could live with, fairly comfortably in fact.

"Hey," Magnus said softly.

"Hey." Alec shuffled his notes together and piled them on the table, giving Magnus a place to sit on the couch if he wanted one. Magnus looked grateful as he took his usual seat next to Alec. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just -" he began, but Alec interrupted.

"I know. It's okay." He placed a hand on Magnus's arm and received a small smile in return.

"I'm -"

"Don't apologize. It's not necessary. You needed some time, some space. I understand."

"I don't deserve you," Magnus said to his hands, which were folded in his lap.

"Why would you say that?" Alec was genuinely surprised that Magnus would think that. The idea of Magnus deserving or not deserving him had never really occurred to him before now.

"You're always so patient with me. Even when I do stupid shit."

"Like run away?" Alec couldn't help saying that with a touch of humor in his voice. He knew it wasn't funny, and he wished Magnus wouldn't get so overwhelmed that he had to get away from him, but he didn't know what to do about it. He shook Magnus's hand to get him to look at him. "Magnus, do you remember the talk we had when we first decided to give this a try? You said you were likely to be bad at this, and I said I knew what I was getting into, remember?" Magnus nodded. "Well, you're not so bad at this, you just get freaked out easily. You deserve someone who will be patient with you and let you get used to being in a relationship and all the stuff that goes along with that."

"But…this can't be normal. People don't normally disappear like that, do they?" The look in his eyes was a mixture of sadness and worry and pain and…some deep emotion that Alec was hesitant to name, afraid to get his hopes up…and it broke Alec's heart to see such conflict in him.

"What's normal? There's no such thing. Look, what we have is intense, because we care about each other and we're roommates and you have some terrible things in your past that makes this overwhelming sometimes. I get that. But look at you. You were only gone two days this time. That's not an unreasonable amount of time to be away from each other. If you want normal, that's probably as close to it as we are going to get!" He finished with a laugh, and he could see the tension draining from Magnus as he released a soft chuckle, too.

"So you're not mad?" Magnus said, and his expression turned hopeful.

Alec shook his head. "I'm not mad. Why would I be?"

Magnus shrugged. "We're okay?"

"We're okay."

Alec slid his arm behind Magnus's neck and pulled him in for a tender kiss. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against Magnus's and breathed his air, his scent, and was just thankful to have him back home.

* * *

In the coming weeks, Alec reverted to 'holding back' mode with Magnus. He wanted him…desperately, but he wasn't willing to send him running to Will's again. He didn't know if Magnus was truly alright with them having sex or if it was just the intensity of the way they'd done it or if maybe it had been as emotional for him as it had been for Alec. And he didn't know how to ask Magnus any of this. He didn't know if the conversation itself would be too much for Magnus to handle.

For Magnus's part, he seemed to be ignoring the fact that he had disappeared again. He didn't broach the subject, and neither did Alec. They somehow managed to avoid the topic altogether, even going so far as to not have sex at all. Just hand jobs and blow jobs, like they had the first time Magnus freaked out about sex.

Eventually, sex became the elephant in the room…

Alec was beginning to get frustrated, with himself as much as anything. He would not allow himself to get frustrated with Magnus, not after his 'I can be patient' speech. He could be patient, and he was being patient. But they had spent a month having sex regularly before Magnus had let him top, and he had hoped they would at least go back to that. He didn't mind being the bottom, in fact, he rather enjoyed it.

With basketball season over, and the cheer squad not being invited to any post-season competitions, Alec was bored. Bored and horny, and blow jobs were not doing the trick. Ok, they were, but not enough to keep his mind from obsessing over the fact that it had been _weeks_ since they'd had actual sex.

He sighed. Apparently much more loudly than he had meant to. Magnus turned to him from their positions on the couch; they were sitting side-by-side with their shoulders, hips, and knees touching. Perhaps that was the real issue. Being so close to Magnus always had a way of driving him mad. He had never wanted to fuck someone so badly in his life!

"What's wrong?" Magnus inquired.

Alec sighed again. Could he tell him? _Should_ he tell him? Three weeks had passed. Was that long enough?

"Nothing." God, he could be such a chicken shit sometimes…

Magnus gave him a look that clearly said he didn't believe him, and likely that he too thought Alec was being a chicken shit. Alec returned to his homework, ignoring Magnus's eyes boring into him.

"Talk to me, Alec."

When Alec didn't answer, Magnus got creative. His hand slid down his own thigh then crossed over to Alec's. Alec tried to ignore it. He did. And then he wondered why he was trying to ignore it when the thing he wanted most in the world was to have sex with Magnus.

"Alec…"

He watched as Magnus's hand crept up his thigh, inching along the inner, most sensitive area and up to his groin. His body responded to the touch like it always did, and he quickly slipped into that trance that only a strong sexual desire can elicit. He therefore couldn't be held accountable for the words that tumbled from his mouth at that moment, right?

"Are we ever going to have sex again?" he said with a hint of desperation and a whole lot of lust.

Magnus's hand stilled, the tips of his fingers ghosting beside Alec's balls. Alec's eyes flashed to Magnus, and he felt slightly horrified that he had said it so baldly. That really had not been his intention.

Magnus bit his lip while he thought of his reply. Given that small moment of hesitation, Alec hastily retreated.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

A grin spread across Magnus's face. "Yes you did. That's the most honest thing you've said to me in weeks."

Alec's brows furrowed. "Is it?" He replayed their conversations of the last few weeks, trying to see what Magnus meant by that.

"Yeah, it is. You've been tiptoeing around me ever since I came home. Like you think I'm going to snap and run away again. I've tried to talk to you, but you just tell me everything is fine."

Alec was stunned. Was he really doing that without realizing it? How was that possible? And then Magnus delivered the gut-punch.

"Alec, I want to have sex with you, but you won't let me. You insist on blow jobs instead."

Whoa. "Wait. What?" Magnus was saying it was _Alec_ that had been keeping his distance. Was that true? His head was spinning.

"Alec, look at me." Alec did. "I'm not fragile. I understand why you think I am, but I'm not. I know I lost it for a bit, but I don't regret sleeping with you. I don't regret anything."

"So…wait. _I've_ been the one holding out?"

"Afraid so," Magnus said sympathetically, but Alec could hear the amusement in his voice even though he clearly tried to disguise it.

Alec shook his head, his eyes searching Magnus's face as if waiting for him to tell the punch line of his little joke. "That's not possible. That's just…crazy. I want you so badly, Magnus. That doesn't make any sense."

Magnus cupped his hand under Alec's chin. "Maybe your subconscious is trying to protect you. Maybe…" Magnus choked on his words, and had to clear his throat. "Maybe I hurt you more than we thought."

Alec gasped, an actual audible gasp. It was like a dam had broken inside him and he was suddenly flooded with emotion. The intensity and overwhelming love he'd felt the last time they slept together. The pain that he'd forced out of his conscious mind when Magnus got up and left afterward. The relief of him coming home. All of it hit him full-force. He had pushed it all away, compartmentalized it until he believed he had minimized its effects on him. Even the emotions he had about the other times Magnus had taken off came barreling back at him.

He couldn't breathe. "Oh, shit," he choked out, turning away from Magnus and burying his head in his hands.

Magnus took his hands and pulled them away from his face. "Breathe, Alec. It's okay."

"Why do I keep screwing this up?" Alec couldn't hide the despair in his voice.

"You're not screwing anything up. Come here." Magnus drew him close, holding him and whispering softly to him, soothing him like a little kid. Alec felt ashamed at how much he needed Magnus to soothe him. How had they gotten to this point? Magnus was the one who freaked out and disappeared, not Alec. Alec didn't understand what was happening or why.

They sat in relative silence, Magnus holding him and making soft noises. The only other sound was the soft music emitting from Magnus's laptop sitting on the coffee table as if forgotten. Alec's mind was racing, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He couldn't have been distant from Magnus these last few weeks, could he? Distance was not what he wanted. How could he be distant and not even know it? He felt like his emotions were ganging up on him, and pulling him under with their weight.

Some time later, Alec finally pulled himself back together and sat up, looking at Magnus. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. That was never my intention."

"I know that," he said softly, brushing his lips against Alec's temple. Alec again wondered how Magnus had gotten so good at the boyfriend thing when Alec seemed to be flailing around like a fish out of water.

They continued to sit next to each other, neither one interested in returning to the work they needed to complete. After awhile, Magnus broke the silence.

"I never understood what this song is about."

He was referring to a melody that filled the small room. Alec had not been listening to it, but now that Magnus drew his attention, he smiled. The song was "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain.

"It's the ultimate love song," Alec said. "He's saying he'll do anything, be anything, for her."

"Or him."

Alec laughed. "Yeah."

"Seriously though, what's that line about the gallows? And love suicide? I don't get it."

"Well…that means. Oh fuck, I don't know what that means." Alec laughed again. Then he looked at Magnus and his heart melted. "The most important line," he said, reaching up to stroke Magnus's cheek, "is 'I'll be the greatest fan of your life.'"

Magnus turned his face and kissed the palm of Alec's hand. "I'm your greatest fan, too."

"Yeah? Well, you're the one who has millions of fans already, and will have millions more once you make an NBA roster, so me being your greatest fan carries more weight."

Magnus chuckled. "Oh, Mr. Rich Kid? I'm sure you have your fair share of people idolizing you."

Alec had never really thought about that. He supposed his name was well known in certain circles, but he had never been hounded by the paparazzi or anything. He shrugged. "Anyway, the song is a love song, and that's what matters. Maybe some of the lines are worded weird but the gist is still there. I never really understood it before either. Maybe you have to be in love for it to make sense."

He said this offhanded, the words slipping from his mouth like something he said on a regular basis. But their meaning? Yeah. He looked at Magnus, whose eyes widened as he looked back at Alec. Alec thought his own expression may just match the one his boyfriend wore.

"Alec? Are you…" His eyes searched Alec's face. "Are you in love with me?"

Alec breathed hard. He had not planned to admit his feelings to Magnus yet. He wasn't sure Magnus was ready to hear it. But then, he hadn't realized he was the one keeping his distance from Magnus, so perhaps _he_ wasn't the one ready to say it. Maybe Magnus was ready. Everything seemed so topsy-turvy at this point, like the world had fallen off its axis and was struggling to right itself. He didn't know what to believe.

"Don't freak out."

"Alec?" There was a look of concern in Magnus's features. Although Alec wasn't sure either of them were ready for this, he also knew there was no way he would lie about it. He'd opened his mouth and practically confessed already. There was no going back now.

"Yes, Magnus. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time."

Magnus sucked in a breath, but whether because he was surprised or just because Alec had actually said the words, he couldn't tell. Alec hastily added, "Don't freak out."

"I'm not freaking out."

"You're not? Good. I don't expect you to say it back or anything. I just…well, I'm not going to lie to you. So I had to tell you, because you asked."

Magnus placed two fingers over Alec's lips to quiet him. Alec kissed his fingers. "It's okay, Alec."

"I just don't want you to freak out again," he said, his voice muffled against Magnus's fingers.

Magnus leaned in close, his eyes wide and staring intently into Alec's. "I'm. Not. Freaking. Out." He annunciated each word as if that would help make Alec believe him. "In fact…" Magnus added, "I think I'm in love with you, too."

Alec's eyes grew wide and his lips parted in surprise. He could feel his heart racing and his breaths came out in swift, jerky movements. "You…you are?"

Magnus nodded, and then closed the rest of the space between them and kissed him. He took Alec's breath away, what little he had left. Alec tried to return the kiss, but _he couldn't fucking breathe._ He couldn't get enough air, no matter how hard he tried. It felt like a band was constricting his chest, and his heart and lungs couldn't fill properly, couldn't expand. He felt dizzy, like he was going to pass out.

Magnus broke away. "Alec?" he said, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Are you alright?"

Alec slid off the couch onto his knees, still unable to breathe. He got to his feet, still staring at Magnus, and backed away. Then he turned and fled the dormitory.

He staggered to the elevator, trying to calm himself. _What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with me?_ he thought as his hand clutched at his chest, unable to relieve the pressure inside. He panted and gasped the whole way out of the building and stumbled onto the sidewalk, where he finally collapsed.

He sat on the edge of the sidewalk, his feet on the pavement, his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly in his hair. He wanted to run, to get away, but he couldn't draw enough breath to move. He rocked back and forth, willing himself to calm down so he could _breathe._

As if from a distance, he heard someone say his name. He looked around and saw Austin approaching him looking very worried. His voice sounded as if it was coming from a great distance, all tinny and quiet. Alec couldn't make out the words he was saying.

Somehow, Austin finally convinced Alec to stand and follow him back into the dormitory and off the street. Alec obeyed like a well-trained dog, following Austin to his dorm room. He didn't know what was happening to him, or for what reason he suddenly felt more relaxed when he entered Austin's room, he just knew that he did. He collapsed onto Austin's couch, and finally took a breath.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Bonus chapter! Thanks for all the support for this story, and to whoever keeps putting my stories in communities! Hope you enjoy it! :)**

* * *

Hey, everyone! Magnus here. Boss lady said you guys keep asking for a post from me, so she finally gave in, and here I am. She didn't, however, tell me what I'm supposed to talk about. So I have a feeling this is going to be like one of my conversations with Alec. You know, rambling. But hey, hopefully you will enjoy it! I don't really understand why you want to hear from me. I'd rather hear Alec tell our story…

Speaking of Alec. Yeah. Isn't he great? I wasn't exactly honest with him when I said I 'think' I'm in love with him. There's no 'think' to it. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. It's funny that I've been given the green light to do this post now, all things considered. Or maybe our present situation is why I had to fill in…Ok, show of hands. Who thought _Alec_ would be the one to flake when we finally said 'I love you'? Yeah. Me neither. But I can certainly understand where he's coming from. Our relationship is so…intense sometimes. I don't think either of us really know how to handle those emotions. So, yeah. But I'm not worried. He'll be back. He has to come back. Right?

Anyway, more on Alec later. There are some things I want to tell you guys. I'm going to start with Will. You know he's my best friend and like a brother to me, because that's what I've told Alec. But you don't really _know_ him. And I want you to. Will's a great guy, and one day I hope he and Alec get a chance to be friends.

I wasn't exaggerating when I said Will and I have been friends since exiting the womb. Our mothers were best friends, and they were always together. I didn't know what it was like to sleep on my own until I was like five or something. Will is exactly three months older than me. My birthday is December 12th, and his is September 12th. People probably would have thought we were twins if not for his skin being so pale and mine being darker. Well, and the Asian eye thing. Will's eyes are more round than mine, but I'm okay with that. Everyone seems to like my eyes.

Will and I have been through absolutely every step of our lives together, except one. We went to kindergarten together. We were frequently in the same classes at school, took the same electives in high school. He's not into playing sports like I am, but he always went to my practices and games. He's a musician. His favorite instrument is the guitar, but he also loves the piano and the saxophone. I always went to his recitals and concerts. Like I said, we were inseparable.

The one thing we didn't do together is probably the one thing we _should have_ done together. We kept our sexuality secret from each other for a long time. I mean, really, who expects best friends who grew up together to both turn out to be gay?

He's a little faster on the uptake than I am, though. He figured his shit out when he was about twelve, I think. It was a strange time for us, because for the first time ever, we grew distant. I could tell he was going through some stuff, but he wouldn't talk to me about it. The more I tried, the more he pushed me away, until it eventually got to a point where I thought I was going to lose him.

Then, one day I realized I was having some…sexual feelings for him. I was thirteen, I think. Alec doesn't know anything about this, and I'm not going to tell him. So you better not either! It's not a big deal, really, I just don't want it to come between them and keep them from being friends. I love them both, in very different ways, and I need them to get along. So, shhh. Okay?

As I said, I realized one day when I was thinking about Will not talking to me and picturing his face in my head, that I was hard. Like, hard. I didn't really understand what it meant, or even realize that it meant something at the time. I mean, I was thirteen. If the wind picked up a little I got hard. Seriously. Sometimes it sucks to be an adolescent boy and have everyone know the moment you get aroused…

Anyway, nothing happened with Will then, but it did make me realize that I needed him in my life. So if he wasn't going to tell me what was bothering him, I was going to quit asking. We still saw each other every day because our moms were each other's child care, and neither of our parents trusted us to be home alone at the age of thirteen. Moms can be pretty smart sometimes…

So, I told Will he didn't have to tell me his secret, and he thanked me for not prying, and our relationship got back on track. We went back to doing everything together and being best friends. And life was great.

Until my fifteenth birthday. By this time, I wasn't really sexually attracted to Will any longer, but I was figuring out that I was attracted to guys. There were a lot of guys in school that made my dick get hard, and a lot of celebrities as well…_a lot_ of celebrities! I mean, with the likes of Paul Walker, Taylor Lautner, Chris Hemsworth, and Adam Lambert (I'm not even sure we knew he was gay then…) gracing the TV screen almost daily, and Johnny Depp on the cover of People Magazine as the Sexiest Man Alive? Yeah, I was a walking boner…

Anyway, on my fifteenth birthday I had a small party. Just some friends from school, and Will, of course. Everything was going great. I was having a blast. My mom had somehow gotten her hands on some paint ball guns and we were redecorating the back yard pretty colorfully, when I saw out of the corner of my eye Will grab this kid Charlie's ass. I was stunned…and got hit by about twenty paintballs in a matter of seconds (I'll never forgive him for that!). It was then that I realized that Will was hiding the same thing I was hiding. He was gay, too! Oh, and in case you were wondering, so was Charlie. He and Will ended up dating briefly after that.

So, I confronted Will about it after the party, and he confessed and I confessed and life was great. I had my best friend back, completely this time, and we shared a secret. A pretty important secret, really. I was about as happy as a fifteen year old gay kid could be.

Now, this is the part that I won't tell Alec about…Right. A few weeks later, Will and I were in bed, because sometimes my mom worked late and our parents thought it better for me to just stay the night at Will's than get up at one a.m. to go home on a school night. We'd been doing this for years. No big deal right? Except that on this particular night, I was horny as fuck!

And so was Will, apparently. We didn't really do anything. I mean, we didn't have sex or even kiss. But we did lay in bed beside each other and jerk ourselves off together. Like I said, no big deal. Right? But possibly enough to make Alec uncomfortable around Will and I don't want that. And then there is the fact that that was not the only time that happened. It happened pretty frequently, actually. Until…well, until that night…with Rick. That night changed everything, really. But, I can honestly say that I have never touched my best friend's dick nor have I ever kissed him. Mutual jerk-off isn't so bad, right? God, I hope not. Maybe I should leave this part out… Shit, boss lady says I have to leave it in now, so…don't judge me too harshly, okay? And please don't tell Alec!

So, that's Will. My best friend. The guy who helped me become comfortable with my sexuality, the first time at least. The guy who saved my life when Rick tried to end it. The guy I owe for everything good that's ever happened to me.

Now, I know what you are thinking here. I owe Alec for some good stuff, too. I know that. But it wouldn't have been possible without Will. You see, that day that Alec and I were playing basketball and Will came to campus to see me? Yeah, we talked about Alec that day. He tried so hard to convince me it was okay to let Alec into my life, to tell him my secrets, to date him, to love him. I've got a pretty thick skull sometimes, and I can be pretty stubborn, but eventually stuff sinks in…most of the time. And of course, it was to Will's that I ran each time I freaked out about Alec and me. You see, Will's house is like home, especially since my mom and I lost our home. Will's is my refuge when things get to be too much for me. Sometimes, we just sit together, sometimes he fusses at me, sometimes he talks me off the ledge, and finally gets me to go back home, to Alec, where I belong. I know that's where I belong. I really do. It's where I want to be. As you can see, _I'm _not the one who ran off when we dropped the L-bombs. I'm ready…I think.

Okay, maybe I should clarify what exactly I think I'm ready _for. _I love Alec. He's so amazingly patient and wonderful. I know everything he does, he has my best interest in mind…well, except for whatever the hell he's doing right now. But that's about him, and it's okay. He needs this time for himself. I get that. I'm not upset with him. How could I be? He's sat patiently waiting for me several times already. The least I can do is wait for him and not get upset or angry at him for running away. Hell, I don't even know how I would have reacted if he had stayed. Maybe it would have become too intense for me and I would have disappeared again. We'll never know, because…well, you know.

I can tell you for sure what I'm _not _ready for, though. I'm not ready to be out. I'm not ready for my teammates to know about me. And I'm scared shitless about what will happen if the NBA powers-that-be find out that I'm gay. I don't know what they would do. What if I don't get drafted as high because of it? My coach thinks I'll go top five when I decide to enter the draft. So what if I don't even make first round? What if they don't draft me at all?

For those of you that have never had to deal with homophobia (you lucky bastards), you don't know how real the problem is. People are afraid. Of what, I have no idea. I'm gay. I'm _not_ a serial killer. I'm _not_ a rapist. I'm _not_ going to hurt your children or push myself on someone who doesn't want me. I'm _not_ evil or damned or whatever the stupid Bible says I am. I'm a guy. Just a guy who happens to be attracted to men instead of women. I'm _not _a monster. I have feelings, and I hurt and love and bleed and all the other things that every straight human does…except that I don't judge you for who you love. I would never do that.

I love Alec, but I am so afraid of throwing away everything that I've worked so hard to get. If we can just keep it secret a little bit longer…

Okay, so what else should I tell you about me? Hmmm, how about we talk about my mom? This may be the most painful subject of all for me. My mom was the most wonderful human being to ever walk the Earth. She was this tiny little woman. By the time I was fourteen, I could pick her up and toss her over my shoulder and carry her around. She'd pretend to get so mad when I'd do that. She'd try to wiggle out of my grip, but I was too big and strong for her. By the time I'd put her back down we would both be laughing so hard we could hardly breathe. That was my mom. She couldn't even really get mad at me.

She was the type of mom that would read me bedtime stories every night. She would check under the bed and in the closet for monsters every time I got scared. Even if she'd already checked that night, she would check again. She never complained when I made a mistake, when I broke something or spilled something. I don't know where she got that kind of patience, because believe me, I was not an easy child to raise. I think she just took every opportunity and turned it into a learning experience. Instead of getting mad, she would teach me how I should have done it. You would think that would make me less of a basket case with Alec, but…not so much.

She was also the most supportive mom I could ever imagine. I already told you (through Alec) that she signed me up for every sport she could think of, even football, which had to be immeasurably hard for her. She tried to make it to every game, even trading shifts or working doubles so she could be off in time for my games. She rarely got to come to practice because of work, so Will's mom usually had to take me, and I could see how much it bothered her not to be there. Sometimes, that's enough. Just knowing that she _wanted_ to be there, knowing she would be if she could, it was enough.

I never once in my life doubted my mother's love for me. I never once denied her the opportunity to hug or kiss me, even in public, even in front of my friends. She didn't do it often, and I took a lot of ribbing from the guys for it, but I didn't care. I was a momma's boy, everyone knew it, and I was okay with it.

You know I'll never forgive Rick for what he did to me. I don't hate him, because hate destroys your soul. That's what my therapist said, and I believe her. I let that go. At least, I let go the hate over what he did to me. Now, what he did to my mom? Fuck that. I hate that bastard for hurting her. You see, the night he hurt me was the worst night of my mom's life. Yeah, even worse than the night she was raped and got pregnant with me. Because I was her life, her everything. The thought of losing me over something like that was unbearable. She didn't tell me this, of course, but Will did. And years later, after my mom's death, Will's mom (who I normally refer to as Momma H, short for Momma Herondale, because she really is my second mom) told me all about it. Momma H was pretty sure my mom would die, right there in the hospital, if I hadn't made it, and I see no reason not to believe her.

After all the dust settled, and I was awake and they were sure I was going to live, we had a pretty uncomfortable conversation, my mom and me. You see, I hadn't told her I was gay. And I was in no shape to think up a lie about it. Besides, I didn't want to lie about it. Will knew what I had been doing, of course, and he had refused to talk about it unless the unthinkable happened. No one else knew. They had caught Rick by the time I was coherent enough to talk about it, but he wasn't telling anyone why he had beaten me like that. He was a homophobic asshole, but he wasn't stupid. He knew as soon as the cops and lawyers found I was gay that he would be charged with a hate crime, which has stiffer penalties than just regular ole domestic violence. So he was keeping quiet.

But my mom wanted answers. Who can blame her? We had lived as a family, albeit not a truly happy family, at least not with Rick and me. But still, we were a family. Rick had never laid a hand on me before that time, and, sadly, she loved him. She didn't understand how he could be so cold to me while I was growing up, but she had loved him most of her life and not knowing how something like that could happen was eating her up. So I told her. Everything. Even what Rick had walked in on. She listened to every detail as I purged my soul, and we both cried, and she held me (gingerly, I was still in pretty bad shape at that point).

It was quite some time before she was able to speak. Every time she looked at me she burst into tears, and I thought that was how it would always be between us now. That she wasn't going to be able to accept me being gay. But that wasn't why she was crying. When she finally was able to speak again, she told me that was the most horrific story she had ever heard and that she was so sorry for keeping a man like that in my life. I was stunned into silence. I knew how much it hurt her to think these things about the husband that she loved, but then she told me that Rick was no longer the husband that she loved, that husband was gone and she didn't know who she had been living with all these years. I think it helped her come to terms with the facts, especially the fact that her family had been destroyed that afternoon. She was a tough woman, my mother.

And I'm sorry, but I just can't talk about her anymore. I wanted to tell you guys about her illness and losing her, but…I can't. It still hurts too much.

So, basketball? As you well know by now, I love basketball. Everything about it. It challenges me daily and I accept the challenge to try to make myself the best player I can be. It's hard, but it's fun, too. You know?

Anyway, I have so many big plans for the future. I hope to get drafted to a team that needs a point guard so I can play right away. I'm not a very good bench warmer. But I'm willing to do my time if I have to. It'll all be worth it in the end, and who knows. Maybe I'll convince them that I'm better than whoever their current point guard is. Right? Right.

I had a meeting with my coach a few days ago. He thinks I'm ready to leave now, but wants me to stay for my senior year if I'm okay with that. Honestly, I am. I think it will be good for me to stay. Plus, I'm really feeling like I still have something to prove. That last game, not winning the championship and not getting to go to the NCAA Tournament, well, let's just say I have some unfinished business. And, there's Alec. Staying another year would give me another year with Alec without the logistics of him being in school and me being on a professional basketball team. I know he said not to use him as a reason in making this decision, but…how can I not? I think Alec and I have a real chance at something special. We just need more time to figure it all out, you know?

Alec is such a great guy. I hope that comes through with his storytelling, because you guys need to know how special he is. I've never known anyone like him. Of course, I've made it a point not to get to know anyone. So there's that. But, Alec is truly one of a kind. I'm going to make him see that. Somehow.

Well, it's been really fun chatting with you all. I hope this gave you a little more insight into the Real Magnus Bane. I gotta run. Finals are coming up and I want to keep my scholarship.

P.S. Don't worry about Alec. He'll be back. I know he will. I'm not worried. Not at all…


	23. Chapter 23

The door creaked loudly as Alec attempted to sneak back into his dorm room. How did Magnus manage this without waking the entire building? He slipped inside the room and closed the door behind him with a soft click. His eyes darted around the room, surveying the scene.

Nothing appeared to be out of place, he noted during his scan. Then, he finally let his eyes be drawn to the area he wanted to avoid as much as he wanted to see. Magnus's bedroom door. It was closed, which likely meant Magnus was already in bed asleep. That was good. Alec could sneak into his own room and try to get some sleep before he was confronted with an angry Magnus. A Magnus who had every right to be pissed at him, who was probably hurt that Alec had run out like that.

Unfortunately for him, his feet seemed to no longer respond to the commands of his brain. His feet walked him straight to Magnus's door, while his mind screamed at him to go to his own room. Then his traitorous hand turned the doorknob. A thin wedge of light illuminated Magnus's room, and the Magnus-shaped lump laying on the bed.

Magnus's hair was tousled from sleep and he was facing away from the door, so the light was not hitting him directly in the eye. The gentle rise and fall of his chest told Alec he was, indeed, sleeping. The blanket covering him had slipped a little off his shoulder and the soft curves of his neck and back were highlighted by the light seeping in from the kitchen. Alec suddenly wanted nothing more than to climb in bed with Magnus and kiss that shoulder, that neck, that back.

As soon as the thought occurred to him, his feet once again conspired against him and led him straight to the side of Magnus's bed. He slipped off his shirt, shoes, and pants, and climbed in behind him. He slipped his arm around Magnus's waist and Magnus snuggled up to him. Alec wondered if he was awake or just so used to cuddling with him that it was second nature now. After several long moments, Magnus sighed and rolled over.

Alec had forgotten to shut the door, so he could clearly see Magnus's eyes when he turned to face him. There was a trace of a smile playing on Magnus's lips and Alec thought, not for the first time, that he didn't deserve this man. He should be upset or angry that Alec had flaked like he did. But no, not Magnus. He was smiling at Alec and draping his arm around his waist and pulling him closer.

"Welcome home," he said softly.

Alec opened him mouth to speak, but Magnus cut him off with a kiss. When the kiss ended, Magnus simply said, "We can talk tomorrow. Let's get some sleep."

His grip tightened around Alec's waist, then gradually relaxed as he fell back to sleep.

* * *

When Alec awoke in the morning, Magnus was standing next to the bed pulling on a pair of basketball shorts.

"Good morning," he said and leaned down to kiss Alec gently on the forehead. "Come on, sleepy head. Let's make breakfast."

Alec smiled up at him, and slipped out of bed. He tugged on a pair of sweatpants, feeling horrible for disappearing like he did, even if it was only for a few hours. He couldn't really help it, but Magnus now knew how Alec had felt when he had disappeared, and he felt guilty for hurting Magnus like that.

Alec followed him into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee while Magnus fished out some English muffins and strawberry jam from the fridge. He turned and watched Alec as the muffins toasted. When the toaster popped up, he dug the muffins out with a butter knife and applied liberal amounts of jam to the warm tops.

Alec took his plate and cup of coffee and sat on a barstool. Magnus stood opposite him, leaning on the countertop. They ate in silence, just watching each other. Then Magnus picked up his coffee cup, holding it between his big hands and resting his elbows on the counter. He eyed Alec over the top of the cup as he sipped it, and Alec mimicked him from the other side of the counter.

Finally, Magnus said, "So…all better now?"

Alec looked away, feeling the shame of running away. He knew they had to talk about this, and Magnus had said it could wait until today, but he didn't know what to say to him. He knew how his actions must have looked to Magnus, how it must have hurt him.

"Yeah," he said quietly, turning back to Magnus. "I'm -"

"Nope," Magnus interrupted shaking his head vehemently. "Don't you dare apologize."

"Why not? I owe you an apology for what I did."

"No, you don't. I'm tired of us apologizing for how we feel and our reactions to those feelings. It's stupid. It's not something we can help anyway."

"I know. I just feel bad for…"

"For?" Magnus encouraged.

Alec's eyes darted up to that face he loved so much. "Panicking. Austin says I had a panic attack. I'd never had one before. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. I had to get out of here…"

"What made you panic?" Magnus was giving him a curious look, like he really just wanted to understand Alec's reaction. For some reason, that put Alec at ease and he felt like opening up about it.

"Well…this is going to sound awful, but…I've never really wanted for anything in my life. We always had money and my parents provided for our every need." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I have a close, supportive family. My dad was always worried about people trying to get close to us because of the money so he taught us how to identify insincere people. Because of that, I only had a few friends, close friends that I knew I could count on, knew I could trust. I also knew I could choose a career that would make me happy without having to worry about money. The only thing I ever wanted was someone to love, someone to share myself with."

He fell silent, knowing if he continued he would say something stupid that would scare Magnus away, something about wanting to find his soul mate. Or maybe he was afraid of scaring himself again. He could feel Magnus watching him and forced himself to look him straight in the eyes when he said, "Do you know what it feels like to get everything you ever wanted?"

Magnus made a tiny gasp, and Alec was thankful he hadn't said more. His eyes darted back and forth, searching Alec's face. "Alec…"

Alec steeled himself. "Well, I do, Magnus. You are everything I've ever wanted. Hearing you tell me you love me made it real, and it scared the shit out of me, and I panicked. I'm sorry."

Magnus gripped his arms tightly. "I said no apologizing," he said firmly, giving Alec a little shake. Then his features softened. "I love you, Alec. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I know you haven't either. It's going to take some time for us to get used to this. I understand that you needed some space. It's okay. Really. Hell, you were only gone a few hours."

Magnus gave him a crooked smile and a wink, and Alec melted into his embrace, all the tension and stress and anxiety leaving his body as Magnus's arms surrounded him. He pulled him closer until they were fitted together seamlessly, then planted a lingering kiss on Alec's forehead. Then Alec turned his face upward for a proper kiss.

"You handled that better than I thought you would," he said to Magnus once they broke apart.

"How did you think I would handle it?" he replied, cocking his head to one side.

"Well, I mean, you freaked out before…about sex, but you seem perfectly comfortable saying the L-word."

"Hmmm," he said, leaning down and kissing the corner of Alec's mouth, "maybe I'm growing up."

"You?" Alec said teasingly.

"Yep."

"That's good to hear," he said against Magnus's lips, then abandoned the conversation in favor of kissing. He wound one hand into Magnus's hair and held his head steady against his lips. His other hand slid around Magnus's waist as Magnus melted into the kiss. But Alec wasn't completely finished teasing his boyfriend yet.

He slid his hand down Magnus's side and broke the kiss with a mock shocked look on his face. "What's this?" He pinched the skin at Magnus's waist. "Three weeks without basketball and you're letting yourself go to seed."

"What are you talking about?" Magnus said indignantly.

"You haven't been working out, have you? You're getting…pudgy!" This was an utter lie. Alec couldn't imagine a world in which Magnus Bane was anything but a firmly muscled bean pole, all thin and wiry and sexy as hell.

"I am not!"

But Alec's teasing words covered his real motive. His hand slid up Magnus's ribs and found that spot he remembered from the first time they did anything together, the night he offered Magnus 'the best blow job he'd ever had.' He found Magnus's tickle-spot. He stroked it lightly, running his fingers over the ridges of Magnus's ribcage.

Magnus burst with laughter and tried to pull away, but Alec caught his hand and continued his tortuous caress. Magnus dropped to the floor as he tried to get away and Alec pounced on top of him. His laughter was bordering maniacal at this point, completely uncontrollable, and Alec was laughing right along with him.

"Stop!…Stop, Alec!…Stop!" Magnus shouted through his giggles. Alec had him pinned down, his hips straddling Magnus's and his fingers continuing their assault on his ribs. Magnus writhed beneath him. "Stop! You're going to make me pee!"

Alec laughed loudly and stopped his tickling long enough to rub his hand over the bulge in Magnus's shorts. "I don't think so," he said confidently.

"What?" Magnus said. He stopped wiggling when he realized he was no longer being tickled, that Alec's hand had moved to other pursuits.

Alec leaned down, pressing his bare chest to Magnus's, and whispered in his ear. "You can't pee when you're that hard." He squeezed Magnus's cock for emphasis, and Magnus let out a guttural groan.

He pulled back and Magnus propped himself on his elbows. Alec's eyes roamed all over Magnus's body, taking in the lean muscles of his chest and shoulders, the curve where his neck met his torso, the sharp point of his chin as it jutted out defiantly toward Alec. Magnus's features were proud, as was the man himself.

"How did you even know I was ticklish?" Magnus said, his lower lip pouting slightly. Alec really wanted to suck it into his mouth, but wanted to see Magnus's reaction to his answer first.

"I make it my business to know everything there is to know about the man I love."

Magnus's features softened, and a shy grin spread across his face. Perfect.

"I love you, too, Alec." His arms wound around Alec's neck and pulled him close for a sweet kiss.

When they broke apart, Magnus leaned back on his elbows again and Alec resumed his appraisal of his boyfriend's body.

"You don't really think I'm pudgy, do you?" Magnus said as he watched Alec thoughtfully.

Alec shook his head. "No. You are perfect. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on." He watched the emotions play across Magnus's face as those words sunk in. Then, he said, "Now, get your ass up and naked."

He slid off Magnus's lap and extended a hand, helping him to his feet. With the speed and grace of an athlete, Magnus got to his feet and slipped his shorts off in one fluid motion. His erection stood straight up like a flag pole, ready and willing. Alec's hands were on his own waistband when Magnus's covered them, assisting him in removing his sweatpants.

Magnus looked to him for direction since he seemed to be calling the shots this time. Fine by Alec. He knew exactly how he wanted Magnus. He grabbed his hand and tugged him into his bedroom, stopping by the bedside table to retrieve the necessary items.

Magnus started toward the bed, but Alec stepped in front of him and pushed him up against the wall. "I'm gonna fuck you against the wall," he growled, and Magnus's eyes widened.

He wasted no time getting the condom in place, and slathering copious amounts of lube on his rigid cock. His eyes rolled back as he massaged the lube up and down his length. He slid his hands around Magnus's waist, and down to cup his butt cheeks, then further down under the backside of his thighs. With a slight heave, he hoisted Magnus up into the air and guided his legs around his own waist.

Magnus looked stunned. "Put me down, cheerleader, before you hurt yourself!"

The use of that nickname made him harder than he ever thought possible. He laughed, a heady, seductive sound. "I can bench press three hundred and fifty pounds, and hold a hundred pound girl above my head one-handed for nearly two minutes. This is not a problem."

He lifted Magnus higher and speared him on his cock, gently pushing himself inside. Magnus's eyes fluttered and his cock danced against his body. Alec watched himself disappear into Magnus, his eyelids low and heavy with lust. When he was finally all the way in, he moved his arms up around Magnus's chest and devoured his neck with his lips and tongue. Magnus's arms were around his neck again, balancing him as Alec began to thrust his hips forward.

Magnus was not what Alec would call quiet when they had sex, but he didn't usually say actual words either, just moans and groans and the usual sex noises. So when he spoke, Alec's eyes darted up to his to make sure he was okay. He was more than okay. His eyes were closed and a look of pure abandon graced his face as he uttered things like, "Oh, God!" and "Yes!" and "Alec!" while Alec fucked him senseless.

Alec licked his nipples, swirling his tongue around them and smiling as the litany continued. He kissed and sucked and bit the sensitive skin on Magnus's neck, felt his pulse bound using only his tongue. He held him tightly in his arms as he forced Magnus's body to meet his thrusts.

"This feels so good," he said, glancing down to see the fluid leaking from Magnus's long, slender dick and onto the dark-honey colored skin. His abs rippled with each movement and Alec thought he would be happy just to watch Magnus's body having sex for the rest of his life.

His eyes slid up to Magnus's face. His eyes were slightly opened now and regarding Alec with a mixture of love and desire. His features gave the tale-tell signs of impending orgasm and Alec glanced down to see even more fluid flowing from Magnus's turgid cock.

"Touch yourself," he breathed against Magnus's neck. He was so close himself, and he wanted them to finish together if possible.

He watched as Magnus released one hand from around his neck and it slithered down between his legs, curving around his cock. The most beautifully wanton moan he had ever heard escaped Magnus's lips as he grasped onto himself and pumped a few times. Alec kept pace with him and within moments they both erupted. Alec pushed into him and held until he was empty, then feeling the strength drain from his body, turned and deposited him on the bed.

He pulled out of Magnus, disposed of the condom and swiped a towel over his torso as a cursory cleaning. He didn't really care if Magnus was clean or a hot, sticky mess. He just didn't want to be away from him any longer than he absolutely had to.

He climbed into the bed beside Magnus, who had adjust himself so there would be room for both of them. The next thing he knew, he was plastered against a warm body with what felt like octopus tentacles surrounding him as Magnus wrapped all his limbs around Alec's body and held him tightly. Alec nipped at the sharp line of his jaw and blew across his sweaty skin, causing goose bumps to erupt and making Magnus shiver.

"God that was great," Magnus said as he ran his hand through Alec's sweaty hair.

"Yes it was." He turned to look at Magnus. "Told you I could hold you up." A wide grin broke across his face and Magnus couldn't seem to stop from matching it.

"What are we going to do with that ego, Lightwood?" he teased.

"_You_ can do anything you want with me, anytime you want to do it."

Magnus kissed him clumsily on the tip of his nose. "I love you."

"I love you." Alec nuzzled his nose against Magnus's cheek. "We really do need to work out though..."

"Yeah. You up for a run later on? After a nap?"

"Hmmm, that sounds perfect." Then, quietly, he said, "So…do you think we've reached the end of things to freak out about?"

He could feel Magnus's chest shake as he chuckled. "I doubt it. We still have to meet each other's families, right?"

Alec groaned. "And…"

"And what?"

"Well…one day…we have to…maybe come out to the world…" His voice raised at the end, making it sound more like a question. He turned hopeful eyes to Magnus.

Magnus sighed. "Baby steps, Alec."

Alec nodded in agreement. He knew they weren't ready for that. He had thought it was just Magnus's problem, but after his disappearing act/panic attack, he wasn't so sure. They had a long way to go before they were ready to share their relationship with everyone else. For now, he was content just knowing they are in love, that Magnus loves him as much as he loves Magnus. They were together and happy. They had the support of the people that meant the most to them. Who cares about the rest of the world?


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: happy demon dragon: That makes me so happy! I understand about getting crap about not liking basketball in Kentucky. I have friends that aren't into it either (not that I understand THAT part! lol). I'm glad you gave my story a try and have found a way to let the sport into your life. Basketball is Life ;)**

* * *

Spring was taken New York by storm. Flowers were blooming along the sidewalks all over campus. The flowering trees were making everyone sneezy and watery-eyed. The sun was bright and warm and sunbathers could be spotted strewn about the grassy areas of campus with varying degrees of sun-kissed skin.

And Spring Fever had hit the student population. Final exams were just around the corner but in the classrooms, the students were too busy staring longingly out the windows to pay much attention to their professors.

The outdoor basketball courts generally had a line of students waiting for their chance at a pick-up game. However, Magnus seemed to rarely have trouble skipping line and being invited to play with any group of students. He was too popular, and too good. Everyone wanted him on their team.

The swimming pool was just as crowded as the basketball courts, especially the outdoor one. The swim coaches frequently had to patrol the pool to kick out non-members of the team so the actual team could practice. As soon as practice was over, scantily-clad men and women were right back in the pool, enjoying the warm weather and end of school craziness.

Alec currently sat at a picnic table with Magnus, Cammie and Austin, munching on an apple. They were supposed to be studying for finals, but the day was too pretty and they kept getting distracted by joggers looking hot and sweaty as they passed. Members of the cheer squad, the basketball team, and the swim team wandered over to them throughout the course of the day.

"So. Three weeks," Alec said around a bite of apple.

Everyone's face lit up. Three weeks until the semester was over and Alec became a college sophomore. Three weeks until his first year of college was behind him. Three weeks to freedom.

"What's everyone planning to do when finals are over?" he continued.

"I'm heading home to North Carolina," Austin said. "My mom entered my in an Olympic-qualifier meet in Florida the first week of June. Then, I have nothing going on until I have to be back here."

Alec nodded, then turned his attention to Cammie. "I'm going home, too."

"To Boston?"

She nodded. "At first. My parents like to go to their cabin in Maine for the summer. They have a bunch of blueberry bushes, so we spend the summer eating our weight in blueberries." She had one of those grins that told how much she truly loved the idea of eating her weight in blueberries. Then, she opened her eyes and looked forlornly to Austin. "I'm going to miss this guy though," she added, nudging Austin with her knee.

He placed a hand on her thigh and said, "I'll miss you, too, babe." Then, she leaned down and kissed him. She was, of course, sitting on the tabletop like always.

Alec and Magnus shared a look and made gagging gestures in mock protest of their friends' PDA. Austin looked sheepish, but Cammie leaned across the table and got in Alec's face, pointing her index finger at him.

"You shut up," she hissed. She looked around to make sure no one was within listening distance. "You get to do unspeakable things to him…" She jerked her head at Magnus, "…any time you want. While Austin and I have to sneak around looking for places to have a private moment. So just shut your face, Lightwood."

A broad grin spread across Alec's face. He knew she wasn't mad, that she was happy for him and Magnus, but the indignation she managed to pull off on behalf of her sex life was hilarious. He also found it ironic that the 'acceptable' heterosexual couple had to sneak around to have sex, while he and Magnus, the 'unacceptable' gay couple could pretty much fuck whenever they wanted. Weird.

For Magnus's part, he had become quite comfortable with Austin and Cammie knowing about their relationship, even talking about it. Perhaps the fact that they were so supportive of the couple helped him adjust so well. Or maybe it was just that Cammie's blatant, persistent discussion of their relationship finally desensitized Magnus to the situation. At any rate, having Cammie talk about his and Magnus's sex life did not put Magnus on edge, and for that Alec was thankful.

"Anyway…" Alec said pointedly, "Magnus and I have decided to take a little vacation this summer. He is free until mid-June, so we are planning to leave as soon as finals are over. We were wondering if you guys wanted to come with us."

Cammie looked thoughtful, tapping her finger against her chin. "I definitely have to go home first. My mom would kill me if I didn't go to Maine with them. But I don't have to stay the _whole_ time…"

"Where are you planning to go?" asked Austin.

"Florida. I'm not really sure yet. Maybe Miami or the Keys. Somewhere gay-friendly."

Magnus looked up sharply. They had discussed spending a month together in Florida, but not necessarily the 'gay-friendly' part. "Why?"

"Relax, Magnus," Alec said. It took every bit of will-power not to touch his arm or leg, just to comfort him in that moment. He knew in this open, public area, Magnus would not get any comfort from such a gesture. "I'm not talking about going to a gay city or something. Just somewhere where it's accepted. I'd like to spend a few weeks with you where people don't know us, and…" He glanced down at his hands curled in his lap, then back up to Magnus. "…Where I can actually be your boyfriend in public without anyone having anything to say about it."

Magnus's eyebrows disappeared under his hair line. "So this is…what, a coming out vacation?"

"No!" Alec shook his head abruptly. "No, Magnus. I just thought…if we were somewhere else, maybe we could…" Magnus was chewing on his lower lip. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Magnus. I'm not talking about some wild…_orgy _or something. I just thought, maybe we could hold hands in public. I'm not asking for anything to change _here_. I just thought it would be nice to be together that way, just for a little while. But if you don't want to…"

Magnus, to Alec's utter surprise, patted his leg under the table. Alec was so shocked, in fact, that his mouth hung slightly agape as he looked at this man that he loved with all his heart. "I…I want to…I think I can do this…"

Alec had never wanted to touch, hold, kiss Magnus so much in his life. He didn't, but the struggle was real. He tried to convey with just his eyes how much that statement meant to him. How much _Magnus_ meant to him. He thought, maybe, Magnus understood.

"So…that's settled," Cammie said brightly, grinning at the two of them like they had just gotten engaged or something.

Alec slowly turned his head to look at her. "Yeah," he said, his voice still carrying vestiges of his surprise. "Yeah. My parents have a beach house in Miami, so we can stay there. Maybe we'll go to the Keys for a few days."

"Count me in!" said Cammie.

Everyone turned to Austin. "What about you? Where's your swim meet?"

"Gainesville. At the University of Florida."

"Okay. I'll have my dad's jet pick you up at the airport." Alec turned to Cammie. "Do you want it to pick you up in Maine?"

Cammie shook her head. "I was thinking of going to Gainesville to watch a swim meet first." She glanced at Austin, who grinned stupidly back at her. Alec suddenly wondered if he looked at Magnus that way. If so, everyone in the damn country would know how he felt about him. He decided to wait and ask Cammie about it later.

"Sounds perfect." Alec grinned at his three companions. He suddenly wished it was three weeks later and they were leaving for Florida right now. He had a feeling things were going to be so great while they were gone. He let his mind wander to walks on the beach with Magnus, dancing in night clubs, romantic dinners.

A noise burst his beautiful daydream bubble, and he noticed that Austin had pulled Cammie to him and they were kissing. A surge of jealousy spiked through him as he remembered their earlier conversation about he and Magnus being able to have sex when they felt like it, but her and Austin having to steal private moments. _Well, at least you can kiss your boyfriend in public_, he thought.

"Get a room," he said, and Cammie broke free to glare at him.

Her eyes narrowed mischievously, and Alec quickly backed off the picnic table seat. As he turned away from Cammie, she launched herself onto his back and pounded her little fist against his shoulder. He twined his arms around her legs, making sure she was firmly seated on his back, then swung her back and forth as if trying to shake her off. She laughed. He laughed. Then he twisted her around where they were looking at each other eye to eye. She placed both palms against his cheeks and planted a kiss on his forehead, leaving a pink lipstick mark.

He sat her down, still laughing, and followed her back to the table. Thankfully, Austin and Magnus understood that Alec regarded Cammie as a sibling, and she felt the same about him. There was no jealousy amongst them. In fact, the boyfriends were laughing as hard as they were.

Alec scrubbed at the lipstick on his forehead as he took his seat.

"Wow, Cammie. Kissing other guys in front of your boyfriend?" called a voice that was unfamiliar to Alec. The four turned to see who the newcomer was.

He was a short, slightly pudgy guy with nondescript features. He wasn't ugly, but he wasn't particularly attractive either. For some reason, the hairs on the back of Alec's neck bristled at the sight of him.

"Shut up, Brian," Cammie said amicably, but Alec thought he felt a reserved vibe from her. He glanced at her, but her demeanor gave nothing away, so he thought maybe he had imagined it. "This is my brother-from-another-mother, Alec. And his roommate, Magnus. You know Austin, of course." Cammie gestured toward each other them as she said their names.

"I know who he is," Brian said, jutting his chin toward Alec. "He's the fag cheerleader."

And just like that every muscle in Alec's body went rigid. His mind fleetingly landed on the fact that he had been called the 'fag cheerleader' when most people assumed _all_ male cheerleaders were gay. At least, they did where he went to school. Now he was a singular entity. Weird. He pushed that thought away and followed the conversation.

"I'm surprised your boyfriend lets you kiss faggots. Isn't he worried about diseases?" Brian's eyes shot toward Austin and then back to Cammie. Alec noted that Cammie's eyes had narrowed to little green slits. She was pissed off.

She stood on the bench seat, her hand on her hip, and said, "You can stop saying that word right now. Alec is my friend. We don't need your bullshit bigotry. Thanks."

"Hey, don't get pissed at me!" Brian held his hands in front of him. "It's not my fault he's a fag."

"Stop. Saying. That. Word," Cammie ground out through gritted teeth. "What the hell gives you the right to come over here and say this shit to us?"

"The Bible. That's what," Brian shot back. "It's a sin to act gay, an abomination. It's unnatural. God says it's wrong, so it's wrong."

To Alec's surprise, Cammie threw her head back and laughed. Then she locked her gaze on Brian again and said, "If God didn't want there to be gay men, then tell me. Why'd he put a G-spot in their ass?"

Four mouths gaped open. Brian did a little fish-face like he was trying to come up with words to say to that. Cammie looked around at Austin, Alec, and Magnus and said, "What? I read!" with the most indignant inflection Alec had ever heard.

Cammie got to her feet while Brian continued to fish-face, and stalked toward him. She put her hands on his chest and pushed. "Now, you listen to me, Brian Mills, you bigoted little asshole. There is nothing, _nothing_, wrong with being gay. Do you know what the Bible says? It's says _you_," and she punctuated this with a poke from her index finger into his chest, "have no right to judge anyone. It says you should love others, and treat them as you want to be treated. Is this how you want to be treated? Do you want me to point out all of your supposed sins? _Do you_?"

Brian was backing away now. But then stopped, as if he got a second wind, or thought of a new argument. "But God said -"

"I don't care what _your_ God said," she interrupted, pushing him again. "_My_ God is fair, and loving, and would never hate someone. Especially not for who they love!"

"Love? Ha! They don't love!" Brian said, gesturing toward Alec. Magnus was sitting right beside him, and it was impossible to tell if he was gesturing at just Alec or at Magnus as well. Alec's blood ran cold at the thought that this asshole might be suspicious of Magnus. Then, Brian looked right at Alec and said, "Is that your roommate or your butt-buddy?"

Alec leapt to his feet, his hands balled into fists. But Cammie was closer. She shoved him again. "You fucking idiot. That guy happens to be one of the most popular guys in this school. He's had more girls than you've had wet dreams!"

Alec laughed, but it was a pissed off, I'd-rather-be-pummeling-your-face laugh, instead of true humor. Apparently, she had finally worn Brian down though.

"Bitch!" he shouted and made a move like he was going to shove her back. In an instant, Cammie was surrounded by Alec, Austin, and Magnus, each looking murderous, but not quite as much as Cammie herself.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and said, in a falsely calm voice, "Brian, I think it's time you take your tiny little bigoted mind and go somewhere else, before these fine gentleman have to kick your ass. You may have noticed they are all quite a bit bigger than you, but then again, you are pretty stupid, so maybe you didn't notice."

If Alec hadn't been so angry, he would have laughed at the expression on Brian's face. The wide eyes as he looked up at the three men that were all at least half a foot taller than him, and much more athletic. The grim mouth that seemed to finally have sealed itself shut in an effort of self-preservation. He backed away until he was well out of reach, the turned and trotted off.

Alec felt the tension dissipate from himself and his companions. They were only a half dozen steps away from the table, but they walked so slowly it seemed to take an eternity to reach it. Alec noted that everyone was quiet, but Magnus most of all. He was the last to retake his seat, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to the others as the conversation slowly started again.

Alec knew what was on Magnus's mind. That asshole, Brian, had pointed his ugly hatred at Magnus as well as Alec. He knew his deeply ingrained fear of being outed was swallowing him whole at the moment, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was quite certain that Magnus would completely freak out if he touched him in this public place after what had just happened. He was equally as certain that Magnus did not want to talk about it here.

Alec turned his attention to Cammie and Austin and was once again jealous that they could touch and comfort each other so publicly. Austin was rubbing her arms up to her shoulders and down to her elbows. Cammie still looked angry, but each touch from Austin seemed to calm her more than the last.

"I just can't believe that…_jerk_," she said. "What gives him the right to -"

She stopped mid-sentence when Magnus stood abruptly. He didn't look at any of them, just shuffled his feet back and forth for a moment before saying, "I…um, I've got to go…um…yeah." He was gone before any of them had a chance to say anything.

They all watched him until he rounded the corner and was gone from sight. Then all eyes were on Alec. He sighed heavily.

"Are you going to go after him?" Cammie asked softly.

Alec glanced back at the spot where Magnus had disappeared, then slowly turned back to his friends. "It's best to just let him deal with it alone first. He'll be okay." He smiled appreciatively before changing the subject. "So…'G-spot in their ass?'"

Cammie shrugged unapologetically. "Like I said, I read."

"You read what, exactly?" Austin said, and Alec nodded in agreement.

Cammie's cheeks turned slightly pink, much to Alec's surprise. He exchanged a look with Austin, who simply shrugged. "Well, see, I've never had a gay friend before. I went to an all-girls Catholic school. There were plenty of lesbians there. In fact, I'm pretty sure my base my senior year was looking up my skirt most of the time…" Alec and Austin laughed at this. "Anyway, I never had occasion to know any gay guys. So, when I met you, Alec, and we instantly became friends, I got curious…"

Her cheeks flushed a little brighter. "Spill it, Cam," Alec said.

"I downloaded a few gay romance novels on my Kindle, and then I checked out a few books about gay lifestyles from the library…I just wanted to understand, you know?"

Alec snorted. "Gay lifestyles? You do realize that my lifestyle is not all that different from yours, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. We're both cheerleaders. We both come from wealthy families who love and support us unconditionally." He glanced at Austin. "We're both in love with pretty awesome guys."

"Aww, thanks," said Austin, fluttering his eyelashes. "I didn't realize you felt that way about me, Alec."

Cammie laughed as Alec shot back. "It's truly a shame you aren't into guys," he said with a wink. Then they all dissolved into laughter.

An hour later, Alec said goodbye to Austin and Cammie and went to check on Magnus. Surely that had given Magnus enough time to process and deal with what had happened. If not, he had a least had enough time to calm down and have a conversation about it now.

He nearly ran straight into Magnus on his way into the building. Magnus was exiting the dorm with a basketball in his hands. "Want to play?" he said when he saw Alec.

Alec studied him. He wore basketball shorts without a shirt, and a lopsided grin that made his face took slightly mischievous. His posture was mostly relaxed. In other words, he looked alright. Alec released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He smiled at Magnus and said, "Yeah."

They walked across the street to the outdoor goal. There were a few sweaty guys pulling shirts on that had just finished a game, and for once there was no one else waiting. Alec tugged his shirt over his head and tossed in on the picnic table next to the court. They said a few cordial words to the guys that were leaving before diving into a one-on-one match-up, just him and Magnus.

Within minutes a light sheen of sweat broke out on their skin. Alec loved watching Magnus get sweaty, especially with the warm sun shining on his skin. He looked so beautiful like that, Alec couldn't resist staring at him. That momentary lapse cost him a point as Magnus moved past him and got an easy lay-up. It was a point he would gladly give up over and over again.

He had a sudden sense that everything was going to be just fine.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I have a confession to make...for the first time EVER, I will be writing about a location I've never visited (Miami). I've been to a lot of places in Florida, but never further south than a neat little place called Sebastian Inlet, which is just south of Melbourne, for all you Floridians (on a side note, I've never had so many reviews by people who mentioned they were from the same state. It made me smile. I'm weird.). Anyway, so all of this Miami stuff is either made up or from Google searches :)**

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Freedom. There was no other word for it. Finals were over. Alec was officially a college sophomore. Magnus didn't have to be back on campus until June 15th, a month away. Alec didn't have to return until August, which presented some questions, but Alec was not thinking about that right now. He had a suitcase full of clothes and was navigating the passageways through their dormitory with countless other students ready to head home, or elsewhere, for the summer. And Magnus was following closely behind him. It was a mass exodus of excited college students.

Alec held up a finger indicating Magnus should wait for him. After a quick affirmative nod from Magnus, he strolled down the hallway to Mrs. Greene's office and knocked on the door. He entered on her invitation.

Mrs. Greene looked up from her papers and a pleasant smile spread across her face. "Mr. Lightwood. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Alec closed the door behind him and sat on the chair across from her. "I wanted to let you know that everything went well between Magnus and me this semester. I know he can be a difficult roommate, but it's nothing I can't handle. So, when you are assigning roommates for next year, I don't mind being paired with him again."

Mrs. Greene angled her head in curiosity. Alec feared he would say the wrong thing and give too much away, but he didn't want Magnus rooming with anyone else next year. He rather liked their arrangement.

He smiled warmly at the overworked, likely underpaid woman. "Magnus and I have become friends. I thought us remaining roommates would easy the stress in your life."

Mrs. Greene brightened. "That's very thoughtful of you. Mr. Bane has had quite a few roommates in his time here at Idris University. I'm glad we've finally found someone who could tame him a little." She jotted something down on a complicated looking form on her desk. "Thank you for your generosity, Mr. Lightwood. Things have been much more peaceful for me since you started rooming with Mr. Bane."

Alec nodded and stood, recognizing the dismissal. He said goodbye to Mrs. Greene and wished her a happy summer, then exited the room and rejoined Magnus near the entrance of the building.

Magnus didn't question him, but followed him out the doors with a small crowd of people. A long, black limousine awaited them at the curb, the driver standing next to the car in typical chauffer attire. The driver, Samuel, was a tall, aging black man who always reminded Alec of Morgan Freeman, both in looks and demeanor. He was a man of few words, but the words he said were always worth a listen. He nodded cordially to Alec, then Magnus, then took their bags and loaded them in the trunk. Alec was never one to stand on ceremony, so he opened the door himself and climbed in, Magnus right on his heels.

Alec fleetingly wondered if anyone thought it strange that him and Magnus were getting into a limo together, but decided not to say anything. If Magnus wasn't going to freak out about it on his own, he certainly wasn't going to bring it to his attention. Knowing that Samuel already knew they were heading to the airport, Alec put up the privacy screen and turned to Magnus.

Magnus's eyes were wide as he took in the inside of the plush limo. He ran his hands over the thick, cushioned leather seats that seemed to engulf their bodies. He checked out the small refrigerator that Alec's dad kept stocked with juices, water, and a few small bottles of liquor. He stared through the nearly blacked-out windows that gave them full privacy from any spectators. They could be celebrities, or the president, or _anybody _riding down the road in luxurious style.

Alec knew Magnus had never been in a limo before. He figured they had at least thirty minutes of driving in the current traffic before they reached the airport. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he was powerless to push it away. He wanted to give Magnus the rockstar treatment in the back of his father's limo.

Alec poured each of them a glass of champagne, even though he was technically still underage. He knew no one would question him about it. Then he raised the glass and said, "To us. A month of just us on the beach." They clinked glasses and downed the contents, feeling on top of the world.

He then leaned in and kissed Magnus thoroughly on the mouth. The limo was spacious, so he slid to the floor on his knees in front of Magnus, not breaking the kiss for a second. Magnus melted against the leather seat, absorbing into Alec's lips, and barely noticed Alec's hands fiddling with the snap on his jeans. The sound of the zipper being pulled got his attention, though.

"Alec? What are you doing?"

"Taking care of my man. Now shut up and let me."

He gave Magnus a gentle push, and Magnus relaxed back into the seat. His eyes darted to the blacked-out windows and then the privacy screen separating them from Samuel. "Relax. He can't hear or see us. No one can." A wicked grin spread across Alec's face, which Magnus caught as if it were contagious. Then he truly let himself relax as Alec slid his cock out of his pants and stroked it to full hardness. At that point, Alec doubted he cared who knew what was going on in the back of the limo barreling down the Long Island Expressway.

Alec teased Magnus with his tongue, running up and down his shaft and swirling it around his head. Then he took him into his mouth and Magnus's head pressed into the back of the seat as he moaned his appreciation. One hand twined through Alec's hair, encouraging him to continue. He worked Magnus over with his hand, his tongue, his lips. He took him deep, then slowly slid him out, over and over.

Magnus was done before they merged onto the Grand Central Parkway. He came in Alec's mouth, and Alec devoured him hungrily. He loved the way Magnus tasted. He loved making Magnus come. He loved watching his green-gold eyes flutter shut in ecstasy. He loved pleasing Magnus.

He tucked Magnus back into his pants, carefully pulling the zipper closed, and refastening his button. Then he climbed back into his seat and watched him come down from his high. Alec was certain he had never seen anyone so beautiful in all his life, and once again marveled that all that beauty was his. _His._

Magnus slowly turned his head to Alec, his eyes still slightly glazed. They fell to the bulge in Alec's pants and he whisper-moaned, "Your turn?"

Alec smiled. "You don't have to. I wanted to do something special for your first time in a limo."

Magnus smirked and cocked one eyebrow. "Have _you_ ever gotten a blow job in a limo?"

Alec laughed. "Well. No."

"Alright then."

Magnus lowered himself onto the floor and took care of Alec. Alec's hands ghosted up and down Magnus's arms as the sensations engulfed him: the warm heat of Magnus's mouth, the contrasting cool of his long, slender fingers, the velvety softness of Magnus's tongue, the gentle pressure of his other hand on his balls. He lost himself in these feelings, in the thrill running up his spine, in the motion of the car driving down the expressway that made this whole thing just a little more daring, a little more naughty.

He was hardly aware of the car slowing down as it exited the expressway to the airport, for at that moment, he gripped Magnus firmly by the elbows and released into him. His hips jerked with each spasm until he was empty and Magnus had made sure he was clean. Then, he hastily slipped his dick into his underwear and zipped his pants closed.

He pulled Magnus into a kiss, thanking him profusely whenever their lips parted. He was surprised how erotic that had been, just the thought of sucking Magnus, and Magnus sucking him, while they were riding down the street in the back of a limo. The thrill of possibly being caught in a compromising position as the car pulled to a stop on the tarmac.

Magnus looked out the window as Samuel opened the door of the car. They got out, standing just yards away from a sleek private jet owned by Robert Lightwood. They didn't have to go through airport security and obtain boarding passes. This was an airplane for two. There would be no other passengers on board.

Magnus's eyes widened further as they climbed the stairs into a posh passenger cabin. Like the limo, the seats were made of the finest, softest leather. The seats reclined completely and were wide enough to make a comfortable bed. There was a small bar near the front of the plane with food and drink available.

Alec slid into one of the seats and patted the one next to him. Magnus obeyed, and sat down beside him, buckling his seatbelt and still wearing a stunned, excited expression.

"Have you been in an airplane before?"

Magnus nodded. "Not one like this though." He ran his hands along the cushioned leather armrests. "You know when I said I haven't left New York, I meant for anything other than basketball games. I don't really count that because all I see is the inside of our hotel and the arena where we play. It's not like a vacation where you get to see the sights…It's not like _this_."

Alec grinned. Magnus was clearly enjoying the luxury his father provided for them. He was so glad to get to show this to Magnus, to pamper him. He deserved to be treated like someone special. He _was_ someone special, especially to Alec. Alec laced his fingers with Magnus's as the pilot's voice surrounded them.

"Good morning, Mr. Lightwood."

Alec chuckled. "Oh, Marty. Mr. Lightwood is my father."

"Ah, but you are an adult now," Marty's voice came over the speaker, softer than before, more personal. "I like my job, Alec. Your father expects me to call you 'Mr. Lightwood' now."

"Well, my father is not here right now, is he? So call me Alec."

A deep laugh sounded over the speakers, then Marty said, "Buckle up. Wheels up in five."

Alec grinned as he heard the PA system kick off. He turned to Magnus. "Marty has been our pilot since I was a little kid. My dad used to co-pilot with him when we went on family vacations or whatever. They used to let me sit in the cockpit and fly the plane. Well, I thought I was flying the plane. Marty was in complete control the whole time, but I didn't know that. It was so much fun."

"Sounds awesome," Magnus said enthusiastically.

They got quiet as the plane started to taxi down the runway. Magnus had the window seat and couldn't peel his eyes away. He watched every second as the plane sped up, the nose lifted off the ground and forced them back against their seats, and then as the ground became smaller and smaller until objects could no longer be identified. Alec grinned stupidly watching Magnus. It was like watching a little kid on his first airplane ride. Magical.

Magnus caught Alec watching him and grinned sheepishly. "I've been in a plane before, we just normally fly at night so I don't get to see much. This is really cool." Alec squeezed his hand.

When they reached flying altitude and Marty told them they were free to move around again, Alec unbuckled his seatbelt and crossed to the bar for something to drink. They both chose water this time. Then Alec walked to the door separating the cabin from the rest of the plane, the steps and the cockpit, and turned the lock. He turned back to Magnus and licked his lips.

"Want to join the Mile-High Club?"

"The what?"

"The Mile-High Club," Alec said as he slid back into his seat. He skimmed his hand up Magnus's thigh. "It means having sex on an airplane while it's flying."

Magnus swallowed, his eyes widening again. "But, what about…Marty…and the flight attendant?"

Alec kissed his shoulder. "I told dad we didn't need a flight attendant. And that door is locked. No one will bother us. There _is_ no one to bother us."

"Oh," Magnus said, and Alec could see the tension drain from him, to be replaced by a look of pure desire. "In that case…"

Magnus's arms were around him in seconds, and their lips collided in a heated kiss. Magnus took complete control, stripping Alec expertly, his hands touching all of the places that drove Alec insane with lust. Magnus climbed onto Alec's lap, still fully dressed to Alec's nakedness, and kissed him while his hands explored his body. That nervous, excited, child-like Magnus was gone, and in his place was a confident, desirable, sexy Magnus that knew exactly what he was doing to Alec. Alec shuddered. He was one lucky guy.

Magnus kissed him, teased him, and soon had him flying as high as the clouds that surrounded the plane. Those beautiful, long fingers stroked Alec's neck and shoulders and chest. They pinched and circled his nipples, then trailed lower, lower, finally spreading around his back to cup his ass and give a gentle squeeze. Then Alec abruptly felt the world give way beneath him, and he fell backward with a thud and a slightly hysterical laugh. Magnus had leaned the oversized seat all the way back into a position that made it more like a bed. He looked up and saw Magnus hovering above him, and the laughter died. Who could laugh when the man he loved looked at him like that? Like he was seconds away from devouring him? Alec felt the tingle all the way to his toes.

He bit his lip. Then he bit Magnus's. His sudden need for Magnus was all-consuming, powerful, almost desperate. He kissed him roughly, possibly rougher than he'd ever done before, but Magnus responded. He wasn't even sure why he was like this. They had just gotten off in the limo at each others hand (mouth). There shouldn't be a desperation involved. Perhaps it was being in his dad's airplane, 35,000 feet in the sky. Perhaps it was their first day of freedom together. Perhaps it was the knowledge that they were going to actually get to show each other affection in public for the next month. Or perhaps it was just because it was Magnus, and he so easily got worked up when he was with Magnus.

Whatever the reason, he was anxious to see where this went.

Magnus broke the kiss, a mischievous glint in his eye as he said, "Condom?" Alec grinned, dipped his hand in the pocket of his discarded jeans, and pulled out a little foil packet. "Lube?" Alec produced a travel-size bottle of lube, to which Magnus erupted with laughter. Travel-size bottles of lube…who knew?

Magnus stood and ripped his clothes off his body as quickly as he could. He tore open the condom and put it in place, then watched as Alec covered his stiff cock with lube. He pushed Alec down onto the reclined seat and covered him with his body, everything aligning as if it knew exactly where it wanted to be.

He pressed inside, easily sliding in completely. Alec's eyes rolled back and fluttered closed. God, he loved that part, that first breech of his system, when his body went from passionate need to feeling full and whole. Complete. Yes, that's what he felt when Magnus was inside him, complete. Like there was a part of him missing the rest of the time that was only there when he was with Magnus like this.

Then Magnus started moving and all thoughts of need and love and completion evaporated. There were no thoughts, only feeling. Only the new heights that Magnus would take him to, independent of the fact that they were on an airplane.

Magnus's arms wound around him and his hips pumped impatiently. This was no slow, love-making session, even if they did have a couple of hours before the plane would land. This was erotic and kinky and taboo. They may not be caught by someone walking in on them, but the pilot and co-pilot could certainly _try._ Alec didn't tell Magnus that because he really wanted to do this and didn't want him to back out. That bit of forbidden-ness made Alec want it that much more.

Magnus pounded him so hard he could feel his body inching along the leather seats. It felt amazing. The raw desire flooding through Magnus came off in waves that Alec could practically visualize. His hunger and want for Alec made him feel that much more special. And, God, the things he was doing to his body!

Alec knew he wouldn't last long like this, but he held on, willing his orgasm away. Magnus pumped into him again and again, and Alec fought off his release. Then Magnus's body stuttered, his motion interrupted, and Alec felt the heat of his release deep inside his body. Magnus panted and jerked, spilling all he had into Alec, holding him close, kissing his neck and chest.

When he finally stilled, he looked down. His eyes flashed up to Alec's, looking worried. "You're not done?"

Alec grinned and shook his head. "No. My turn."

Magnus's eyes ignited and his dick twitched. Alec doubted he could get fully hard again after two orgasms in the last hour, but he was happy to see Magnus was a willing participant. He had gambled that Magnus would let him do him next, and he had won.

Magnus pulled out and faced Alec. He unrolled a fresh condom onto Alec's still-straining erection and slathered it with lube. He got on his hands and knees on the reclined seat and Alec came in behind him. They had had sex many times now, and usually chose to do what felt right at the time with regards to who was top or bottom, but they had never done this. They had never taken turns like this.

Alec had been very close to finishing earlier and doubted it would take long to get there again. He watched as he disappeared into Magnus, his eyes rolling back in his head as his hands held tightly to Magnus's hips. He thought, maybe, he let a moan escape, but he couldn't be sure if that was him or Magnus. Probably him. Probably.

Alec pumped his hips, his eyes transfixed on his dick moving in and out of his boyfriend. He loved this. He had never realized how erotic just watching could be. He'd never thought about it, until Magnus. But then, everything was better with Magnus. He felt the energy coiling within him, his release building, and as it spilled from his body he sat back on his haunches and pulled Magnus down with him, burying himself deep inside his lover.

His mouth found Magnus's shoulder blades, kissing and nipping at them as his cock throbbed and pulsed its fluid. His hands were hooked around Magnus's chest and shoulders, holding him in place as he emptied himself. Magnus's head lolled back onto Alec's shoulder, his body spent and limp as it leaned against him.

"I love you," Alec whispered into his ear. Magnus couldn't muster the energy to reply, just nodding his head in agreement. Alec chuckled and eased Magnus off of him. "I'd love to let you sleep, but we really have to clean up first."

Magnus mustered the strength to look up at Alec. "When do we land?"

Alec checked the clock on the wall. "About an hour."

"Mmmm," Magnus moaned. He stood and cleaned himself up, then hastily threw his clothes back on before flopping down on the reclined seat.

Alec did the same, and unlocked the cabin door. He grabbed a blanket from one of the overhead compartments and snuggled next to Magnus on the oversized seat. "You okay with this?" he said as he nuzzled his nose against Magnus's neck.

Magnus paused. "Does Marty know you are gay?"

Alec gave him a look. "I don't know. I've never brought any guys on the plane before…" He shrugged. Would Marty know? He didn't exactly hide his sexuality, but he never really flaunted it either. "Does it matter?"

Magnus shrugged this time. "I don't know. If he knows about you, then we can assume he has guessed about us. If not…" Magnus kissed him gently. "You know what? Who cares if he knows. This will be good practice for me to get used to people knowing about us. I mean, that's why we chose Miami, right? So we could be free to be boyfriends in public. Guess I'll find out how much I can handle."

Alec kissed him. He restrained the giddy feeling that encompassed him with every effort because he didn't want to make a big deal of this, even though it was certainly a big deal to him. This was a huge step for them. He had thought they might hold hands, walk on the beach, have dinner dates, maybe even a brief kiss in public. The things other couples take for granted. But letting people they knew see them cuddled together under a blanket? This was far more than he thought Magnus would go for at this stage. He couldn't help thinking if he could just make Magnus see that their relationship is not going to cause a problem for most people, maybe one day he would feel comfortable going public with it. But for now, he would be very happy with this. He kissed Magnus again, then made himself comfortable for the rest of the flight.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: So...you guys know I take my reviews seriously. So when I was asked if I thought the last chapter was too much (sex), I spent A LOT of time thinking about my answer and wondering if perhaps it was. See it didn't get many reviews so I don't know what most people think about it. I decided that I don't think it was too much, and I want to spend a few minutes explaining why. If you are not interested in that, feel free to scroll down to where the bold type ends and pick up the story. **

**First, I hadn't actually planned on any sex until they got to Miami, but, once I started writing it just kind of happened. Magnus was so incredibly adorable and sexy as he experienced the luxury that Alec had known, and taken for granted, his entire life. Alec suddenly wanted to make it as memorable as possible. It really wasn't about the sex, per se, as much as it was about elevating Magnus's experience. Does that make any sense? I don't know, but that's how it came to be. **

**Second, this was the first time that Alec had been alone with his boyfriend in his father's limo and jet. He had never experienced any of those things either, and he knew that opportunities like that didn't arise every day. So he took advantage of the opportunity when it did. He knew that Cammie and Austin would be with them on the trip back, and he hopes that his family will be going with them on the next vacation (meaning that Magnus finally agreed to meet the family and everything is cool...we'll see if that ever happens ;)). **

**The chapter honestly wrote itself, and I wouldn't change it. I like the chapter, I like the emotions behind it (perhaps those didn't come through as well as I had hoped...?), and I like the way they interact with each other. I have always (even in the books) thought of Magnus and Alec highly sexual people (especially Magnus, duh) and I think if CC had developed their relationship more in the books, we would have seen even more than what we saw with Jace and Clary. For proof of that, check out the Bane Chronicles. **

**Anyway, I just wanted to give an explanation, and apologize for not doing my job better. And, shit, if I offended anyone, I am so, so sorry! I have A LOT planned for this story, and I won't change the plot, but I can at least warn you guys better, if needed. **

**Thanks again to everyone who has read, followed or favorited this story, and especially to everyone who reviews and lets me know how you feel about it! I love you all. **

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When they stepped off the airplane in Miami, there was already a car waiting for them with their luggage already stowed away. Alec and Magnus shook hands with Marty and his co-pilot, who Alec recognized as a young guy named Tim that had flown the Lightwood jet with Marty before on occasion. They all chatted briefly before descending the steps and climbing into the car Robert Lightwood had arranged to pick them up. This car was not a limo, not near as private, but there was a divider screen. The driver already had instructions on where to take them, so Alec leaned back in the soft leather seats and studied Magnus.

_So far, so good_. Magnus was handling everything like Alec had hoped he would. His shoulders were relaxed, an easy smile on his face as he looked at Alec then reached out to take his hand. He had talked and laughed with Marty and Tim, never seeming uncomfortable in their presence. All these things Alec took as good signs. He wanted Magnus to be comfortable around his family and friends, and Marty was sort of an extension of that. He was an employee, but one his father trusted to fly his family around the world, and to let his son sit in the man's lap while he pretended to fly the plane. This was definitely a step in the right direction.

Twenty minutes later, the car pulled up in front of a spacious beach house that Alec had only visited a few times in his entire life. How frivolous to own a house that rarely gets used. Though, that was not really true. Robert used a real estate company to rent out all their properties when the family wasn't using them, and to keep up with maintenance on those properties. They were all a minor source of income for the Lightwood's.

This particular house was nestled on a large expanse of sandy white beach and shaded by palm trees. It was stylish with a Spanish theme that was popular in that part of the country. Alec supposed the term 'house' was an understatement. This was more like a mansion. He couldn't remember how many bedrooms it had, but was pretty sure the place could hold everyone he knew comfortably. His dad had purchased this house several years ago, and Alec wondered if Robert knew it was located on the edge of one of the gay beaches. He hadn't realized it until he did some research trying to decide where he and Magnus should spend their month of vacation. He chuckled softly to himself.

He led Magnus into the house, disarming the security system. The first floor had an open concept and was larger than the common room in their dormitory. A state-of-the-art kitchen provided a focal point at the back of the house with numerous overstuffed couches and chairs occupying the forefront.

Alec glanced at Magnus to see his reaction. He knew Magnus had never been exposed to luxury like this, and suddenly felt worried that he would be overwhelmed. They were hundreds of miles away from New York and the refuge of Will's house. He wasn't sure what Magnus would do or where he would go if he needed to escape. Perhaps this hadn't been Alec's best idea ever…

But Magnus, once again, seemed to be doing fine. His eyes were wide with appreciation and feasting on the extravagance this house had to offer. He ran his hand along the soft, plush arm of the couch, then strolled over to the enormous fireplace and leaned his arm against the mantel. He looked up at Alec, an incredulous smile on his face.

"Is this what your home in Manhattan looks like?" he said in an awed voice.

Alec shrugged. "Not really. I mean, it's just as showy, but a different style." He grinned sheepishly. "It's New York, not Miami."

Magnus nodded as if he understood. Alec wondered if he did. He doubted it. Most people who didn't grow up with the kind of money the Lightwoods had would struggle to comprehend it. Hell, sometimes Alec struggled to comprehend it, but that was mostly because he didn't really care about the money. He didn't like to dress up, he didn't care about owning sports cars and fancy houses. He was doing this for Magnus. The only reason they were staying here is because it wouldn't cost any money. He would have been perfectly happy in a tiny hotel room or a one-bedroom shack or a tent or…absolutely anywhere as long as he was with Magnus.

Magnus's eyes were following the high arch leading into the dining room, the line of the twenty foot ceiling, the graceful arc of the magnificent staircase. His gaze lighted on Alec and he said, "So this is how the other half lives…"

Alec laughed. "This is how _you_ will be living in a few years."

Magnus's eyes widened. "What?"

"Magnus," Alec began patiently, "you will be making a couple million a year when you get drafted. Then, once you prove yourself and get a max contract, you'll be so rich you won't know what to do with yourself." He grinned at the look on Magnus's face. "I've been doing some research. There were several young guys this year that got a max contract for like eighty million dollars. It could happen, Magnus."

Alec thought Magnus was surprised that Alec could talk NBA contracts now, when he had been woefully ignorant when they first met. But no. As Magnus sank to the couch with the weight of those numbers, Alec realized he had never really thought about the amount of money he stood to make if he could shine in the NBA like he has in college. In fact, Alec was pretty sure Magnus hadn't thought much past getting drafted and playing professional basketball. He hadn't cared about the rest of it. Alec vowed silently to one day get his dad to teach Magnus some business skills. He didn't want some organization dicking him around because he was naïve about the business.

Alec sat next to him and patted his leg. "Come on, let's go choose a bedroom."

Magnus met his gaze and nodded, though he still looked a little stunned. They carried their luggage up the stairs and found a multitude of rooms on the second floor. There was an entertainment room with a pool table and several other games, an enormous flat screen TV attached to one wall, and a library of books, video games and board games. They found a room with a sauna next. "Who puts a freaking sauna on the second floor?" Alec said, shaking his head.

They found not one, but several 'master suites.' They were all slightly different, each a different layout and color scheme. Each had a master bath with a Jacuzzi tub and open showers. Each had a walk-in closet that was larger than their dorm room in New York. After scoping them all, they decided to chose the bedroom with the exotic animal prints because they found it hilarious. Zebra and leopard and giraffe designs covered the bed and floor and walls of the room.

Alec gave Magnus a lopsided grin and said, "No animals were harmed in the making of this room," to which Magnus snorted.

Since the pair had already had morning sex and a nap, they decided it was time to hit the beach. After a quick change into more appropriate beach attire, slathering themselves with sunscreen, and grabbing towels and water bottles, they headed toward the back door. They paused for a moment to marvel at the indoor/outdoor pool and the hot tub.

"Later," Alec said with a grin as he led the way into the soft sand and down to the beach. It was early afternoon and the beach was moderately crowded. Alec looked in both directions. To the left, off in the distance, were families with small children running around. To the right? All men. This was the outer edge of a popular gay beach, and Alec felt a thrill shimmy through his body at the thought.

He took a few steps toward the men, casually observing them. It was only then that he realized how little exposure he had had to gay culture. He was the one who was out and somewhat experienced, but he was not flamboyant. He didn't wear his attraction to men like a badge of honor like some gay men did. He didn't dress or speak or act like the stereotypical image of gay men. He suspected that most gay men didn't act stereotypical, but he didn't know for sure.

As he watched the couples on the beach in front of him, he realized there were very few of them that he would have pegged as gay, aside from the fact that they were holding hands or kissing or rubbing lotion on another man. They mostly looked like completely normal men. This thought gave him a weird mixture of feelings.

On one hand, they _were_ completely normal men. They had jobs and hobbies and families just like everyone else. They came from all walks of life, just like the rest of the population. There was nothing different about them, except the fact they liked the same sex. This was a place that Magnus could feel safe and comfortable with his sexuality, he was sure of it. These people were bankers and lawyers and teachers and doctors and, yes, athletes.

On the other hand, he was shocked by his lack of experience with gay culture. He had not grown up with a gay role model, or even gay friends, really. He'd had a couple of boyfriends in high school, but neither of them were the type that screamed _I'm a gay man!_ Neither of them were likely to one day live in a gay community and have primarily gay friends. He was too young to go to gay bars, and didn't know any places to hang out with other gay people. He suddenly felt this was going to be an eye-opening experience for him, as much as it would be for Magnus.

They edged their way along the beach until they were smack in the middle of a group of guys playing volleyball on the beach. They stretched out their blankets and took off their shirts before flopping down on the ground. In this setting, Alec wanted so badly to reach over and take Magnus's hand in his, but he didn't want to be the one to make the first move. He didn't want Magnus to feel uncomfortable in any way. Besides, they had plenty of time. No need to freak Magnus out in the first hour of being in Florida.

Alec leaned back, propping himself on his arms, and watched the volleyball game progress. There were six guys on each team, all tanned and shirtless and very attractive. Sweaty. The team on the right scored a point and the guy serving the ball received a brief kiss from a very tall, slender, gorgeous guy on his team. Alec felt a tingle inside him that he couldn't explain.

He glanced at Magnus, who seemed to be comfortably relaxed. He let his eyes wander over Magnus's form. Magnus, leaning back in a similar position to Alec's, his honey skin shining in the sunlight, surrounded by brilliant white sand. His eyes were closed and he looked so incredibly peaceful. This is what Alec had wanted more than anything. A chance to take Magnus away from the stress and expectations of their normal lives. A place where they could be themselves. A place where Magnus could be carefree and happy. His heart swelled with emotion.

Then, he felt something brush up against his foot. He looked down and saw Magnus's foot slowly caressing the bottom of his own. Magnus was touching him in public, in a very intimate way, without any sort of cover. He hooked his big toe around Magnus's and gave his boyfriend a loving smile.

When the game finished, the guys took a break and lounged under some beach umbrellas, downing bottles of water and Gatorade. They were set up not far from where Alec and Magnus sat, and after rehydrating, a couple of the guys came over to talk to them. One of those guys was the server who had gotten a kiss from his boyfriend, whose name was Tony, and another guy named Jason. They invited Alec and Magnus to play the next game, and the guys accepted.

Alec had played beach volleyball a few times, but Magnus was a complete novice. Good thing he was so damned athletic and good at nearly every sport he tried. Alec joked that having them both on the same team might make an unfair advantage for the other team, but as the game got underway, Magnus proved he was worth his salt, leaping high into the air and spiking the ball back across the net to score the first point for their team. Alec clapped him on the back, and to his surprise, Magnus kissed him briefly on his cheek. Alec's stomach fluttered.

As the afternoon wore on, they played a couple more games of volleyball, swam in the ocean, got a little sunburned. During one of the intermissions, Alec and Magnus sat in the shade of an umbrella chatting with Tony and his boyfriend, Mark, and Jason and his boyfriend, Dean. They discovered that the guys all lived in Miami and frequently met on this beach for all manner of beach related activities.

"We'd be happy to show you guys around," Tony was saying, and received a flurry of nods in agreement. "We know all the best bars and restaurants." Tony gave them a grin that was possibly brighter than the sun. He was truly an attractive man.

Alec looked at Magnus, not wanting to agree to something that would make Magnus uncomfortable. But Magnus wasn't looking at him. He inclined his head to Tony. "Alec's only nineteen. He can't legally get into bars yet."

Tony sized Alec up, a look of surprise at Alec's young age evident on his face. Then he shrugged. "Alright. Well, there are plenty of 18+ gay clubs around, too. I don't think I'm so old that I can't fit in at one of them anymore." The others laughed at this statement. In response to Alec and Magnus's confused expressions, he added, "I'm twenty-seven. Practically ancient to an eighteen-year-old."

Alec blushed, but Magnus just laughed.

After that they decided to go back to the house and get cleaned up for a night on the town. They planned to meet the others around seven at a popular restaurant owned by a gay couple. They would hit the clubs afterward.

They each took a nap while the other showered, then sorted through their clothes for something appropriate to wear. Tony and the others said to dress casually, shorts, shirts and sandals being the typical fashion this time of year, especially on a week day. He had added that they could get dressed up and go somewhere special on Friday or Saturday night if Alec and Magnus wanted to.

Donning khaki cargo pants, loose-fitting t-shirts, and sandals, they made their way to a restaurant called The Good Life. It was an open, airy place with wrought iron outdoor furniture and tiki torches for lighting. There was a continuous gentle breeze wafting from the ocean, keeping the dining area cool. The smell of salt and fish permeated the restaurant, whose specialty was seafood.

Despite its openness, the restaurant had an intimate feel. Tony recommend the house specialty, which consisted of all manner of seafood brought out on an enormous tray for everyone to share. Individual plates were brought out so everyone could sample everything. Eating without utensils was encouraged. It was a strange experience, but completely enjoyable, and one Alec would like to do again.

Afterward, they headed to an over eighteen club called Friction. Tony, the most outgoing one of the group, explained that Friction was mostly a dance club, but liked to do theme nights, to which Alec groaned loudly. Tony chuckled and said tonight was not a theme night, and that's why he chose that club.

There was a line wrapped around the building waiting for entry. A burly bouncer with his head shaved stood cross-armed barring the doorway. Every so often, he let another group of bubbling guys enter the club. When he caught sight of Tony and the others, however, a broad grin spread across his face. His body language changed immediately as he outstretched his hand to shake Tony's. The group was given immediate entry, with just a brief paused to place a neon band on Alec's wrist, signaling he was under twenty-one, and therefore could not be served alcoholic beverages.

The club itself was a one-story, wooden structure with a barely sloping roof making it look almost flattened. Once inside, they were assaulted by a loud bass beat and multi-colored lighting. The dance floor took up the majority of the center of the building, with tall wooden tables lining the walls. On either end was a bar, and both were already lined with people.

They found a couple of tables side by side and ordered drinks from the first waiter they saw. He was a short, slim guy wearing skin-tight pants that glowed in the lighting. He had short, stylish hair and looked younger than Alec. He stared at Alec, letting his eyes wander up and down his body, and Alec felt like a piece of meat on display. That is, until Magnus noticed and not-so-casually slipped his arm around Alec's waist, drawing him in for a kiss. When they broke apart, the waiter was gone, Alec felt stunned, and Tony was laughing.

"Have either of you ever been to a gay bar before?" he said with amusement coloring his face.

"I'm under twenty-one, Tony. You know I haven't."

"And I'm totally in the closet at home," Magnus said sheepishly. The statement was pretty funny considering he had spent the day with total strangers and just kissed his boyfriend passionately in front of a club full of people.

Tony eyed them carefully, gently stroking his chin in the process. "Why do I get the feeling you two don't know anything about gay culture?"

Alec laughed. "Because we don't. Is it that obvious?"

"YES!" shouted Jason over the noise. Everyone laughed.

Tony clapped his hands together. "Education time, boys!" he said happily, and was rewarded with his friends clustering around their table, leaning on their elbows, and hanging on his every word. "Ok, we'll start with the basics. Stop me if you already know this. Our waiter?" He pointed in the direction the waiter had gone. "He's what is known as a twink. Young guy, dressing the part of gay more than most guys do. Usually very stylish. They typically like to be observed, want people to look at them. They will do all sorts of stuff to get a guy's attention. Got it?"

Alec and Magnus nodded. "Good," Tony continued. "Now, twinks typically go after guys called bears. They are big and muscular. Usually older. Frequently hairy." He shrugged, like that wasn't really something he was in to. "It's funny that guy was eyeing you, Alec. You're certainly big enough to be the bear, but you're younger than him, so…" He shrugged again. Alec had no idea what to do with that information, so he filed it away.

They spent the next hour learning more gay lingo and watching the body language of the men in the club. Tony pointed out tale-tell signs of guys showing interest or hooking up. He told them that in gay bars, if you accept a drink from another man, you are practically telling him you are willing to fuck him. They learned that even now, there are likely to be men getting it on in the bathroom on the club.

"Gay sex no longer has the seedy, taboo stigma it had a few decades ago," Tony was saying. "It's definitely much more acceptable than it ever has been. But, hey, we're horny men, and public sex still gets a lot of people off."

"Jesus, Tony," Dean said, "you make it sound like we're just a bunch of horn-balls fucking all the time. _Some_ of us have lives outside of the bedroom. Besides, that seedy crap you're talking about was decades ago. You weren't even born then."

Tony cocked an eyebrow at him. "This is a history lesson. Besides, I would almost guarantee that if we walked in the bathroom right now, there are guys in the handicap stall fucking."

A round of dares went up and Alec exchanged glances at Magnus, wondering what they had gotten themselves into, and if any of their companions would actually go into the bathroom to see if there were guys having sex in one of the stalls. He briefly entertained accepting the dare himself, but decided that may be more information than he really wanted to have anyway. Plus he wasn't entirely sure that Tony and his friends weren't just teasing them.

After a bit, he and Magnus decided to dance. The other guys were still half-heartedly bickering about how gay culture had changed over the decades and how much farther it needed to go. Alec couldn't help smiling at the men. They were all out and living life like normal people, not hiding their interests and beliefs, not afraid to show affection in public to the men they were with. In essence, they were living like Alec himself wanted to live.

But, he realized as Magnus turned him around and placed his hands on his hips, grinding his pelvis seductively against Alec's, _this_ was a damn good start. He had enjoyed every moment since they got in the limo this morning, every touch and gesture and kiss that Magnus had given him _in public._ He wasn't stupid. He knew this would go away as soon as they stepped back on New York soil (or pavement, as it were), but if this was how it was going to be with them for the next month, he had absolutely nothing to complain about.

Alec stretched his arms above his head and shook his hips, taunting Magnus. The song was upbeat, as was most of the music they played in this club, but Alec wasn't dancing with the rhythm. He was moving to his own seductive beat. He'd never danced with Magnus in public, except the group dancing they had done at that frat party, but that was nothing compared to this.

He glanced down and saw the effect he was having on his boyfriend. He could clearly see the bulge in the front of Magnus's pants, and felt his own cock coming alive. _Perhaps this is why there are men doing it in the bathroom right now. God, he's never looked hotter than he does right now. _There was definitely something about the public display that was turning Alec, and apparently Magnus, on.

This continued for a couple of hours, the teasing and taunting, the groping, even occasional brief humping, all disguised as dancing. Alec's entire body felt like one giant sex nerve, and Magnus kept pressing his buttons. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. He grabbed Magnus's hand, said a quick goodbye to their new friends and led him out of the club. A moment later, he shoved Magnus into the car that was waiting for them.

With the privacy screen up, they kissed and groped each other the whole way back to the house. They stumbled from the car, barely able to catch their footing, and barely able to act somewhat respectable until Alec had disarmed the security and they were safely indoors.

Alec paused, just staring at Magnus. He felt awed by his presence somehow. Here was this gorgeous man he was completely in love with, who was afraid to be open about their relationship, yet he had just been purposefully taunting and arousing Alec in a crowded club full of people. He never thought Magnus would step so far out of his comfort zone so quickly.

"I've never wanted you more than I do right now," he breathed, and thoroughly enjoyed watching Magnus's eyes flutter closed and his head loll backward.

Magnus reached for him, and in that instant, the first touch, all hell broke loose inside him. There was no self-control, or control of any kind. He went into some sort of instinct mode, blinded by lust and love and an overwhelm gratitude for the day Magnus had just given him.

He couldn't say how they ended up naked, or where their clothes were for that matter. All he knew was the sensation of cool air against his warm body, the feel of Magnus's hands skimming around his waist to the small of his back, the heat of Magnus's lips pressing against his collarbone, his neck, his ear. He heard a groan, but who emitted it he had no idea. He felt Magnus's hard-on dig into his hip, and all thought ceased.

Somehow they ended up on the couch with Magnus pummeling into him like never before. Quick, deep strokes sliding against his most sensitive tissues and making him feel alive. More than alive. His nerve endings ignited into a fiery inferno, consuming him and Magnus with it. He had no sense, no ability to reason or think. All he could do was feel, just feel.

As his body dropped into oblivion, as he felt Magnus pulsing deep inside his body, and he came once again without anyone touching his dick, he realized what a singularly spectacular day he had just been lucky enough to have.

It seemed to take an eternity to regain his senses. Thoughts and ideas drifted through his conscious mind, not lingering. Like the fact that Magnus had somehow, miraculously, had the wits to put on a condom. Or the fact that none of the window coverings were pulled closed, so anyone could have witnessed their deranged, lustful act. Or that he was completely, utterly spent, and didn't know if he could make it upstairs to the stupid animal print room.

But mostly he was just lost in Magnus. Magnus's eyes, his warmth, his gradually slowing heart rate, his lips on Alec's sensitive skin.

"So…" he breathed, and Magnus met his gaze, "dancing, huh?"

Magnus chuckled. "Yeah. That was the most erotically hot thing I've ever done. I'm not sure my dick can handle that very often."

"No. Me either. God, that was amazing!" he panted, then cupped Magnus's chin with his hand and pulled him in for another kiss, this one long and lazy. "Thank you for a perfect day."

"It really was, wasn't it?"

Alec nodded, then somehow summoned the strength to drag his ass up the stairs, where he collapsed on the bed and knew nothing else until morning.


	27. Chapter 27

"So, let me get this straight," Alec said, twirling his root beer bottle between his hands, then picking it up and using it to point, "you think _that_ guy is going home with _that _guy, not the one that's hanging all over him?" He put just the right amount of disbelief in his voice and looked at Tony to see the effect.

Tony merely chuckled. "I never said they would make it home."

Alec gave him a quizzical look, to which Tony just laughed harder. "They may only make it to the bathroom…"

Alec sighed, shaking his head. He and Magnus had spent a portion of every day that week with Tony and his friends. They had been to the group's favorite restaurants, a good sampling of the best gay clubs Miami had to offer, and had learned so much more about gay culture than he ever thought possible. But it always came back to sex in the bathroom. Perhaps Alec would believe it more if he had seen evidence in just _one_ of the bathrooms he had visited in the last week.

Alec decided to skim over that part of the conversation. "So what makes you think he will go for that other guy instead of the twink that's sucking his neck as we speak?" He found he was surprised at how easily he slipped into the lingo when he was with Tony and the guys.

"Look at his body language," Tony said patiently, "and the way they are making eye contact. It's gonna happen. Trust me."

The thing was, Alec did trust him. Tony had been a constant source of information for him since they met. He was absorbing gay culture like a sponge, and he felt completely comfortable surrounded by all these gay men. He often wondered if maybe this was where he belonged, or at least somewhere like it. Somewhere with people that understood him and what he felt and had been through. He loved his family and friends, and wouldn't trade them for anyone in the world, but being here, being open, being able to show Magnus affection in front of other people…well, there just wasn't anything quite like it.

"He's very charismatic ," Tony said, tilting his beer bottle in Magnus's direction.

Alec nodded. Magnus was currently surrounded by Mark, Jason, and Dean, and holding their rapt attention. He said something, and the others burst into laughter. Alec smiled.

"Yeah. That's Magnus."

"He seems to be fitting in well."

"Yeah."

Tony gave him a look. "You don't sound so sure…"

"It's just…it's not real. I mean, this, what you see, that's Magnus all right. He could lead the rats away with a simple song." Alec glanced at Tony and smirked when he realized Tony had understood his reference to the Pied Piper. But really, that was Magnus, or at least, it had been before they started dating. Magnus had been the most confident person he'd ever known, capable of leading any group he wanted. But Alec realized, watching him now, that things had been different since they'd started dating. "The main difference is he would normally be surrounded by girls," he said aloud.

"Right. Closet case." Tony took a swig of his beer. "So you don't think this will continue once you get home?"

Alec laughed. "No. And I can't even think about that. I can't get my hopes up like that because it would make it so much harder when we get home and it doesn't happen."

Tony nodded. "I've been in a relationship with a closet case before. It's tough to have a relationship like that when you are out," he said sympathetically.

"Sometimes. Most of the time being with him is amazing, but I really hate going out and having to pretend that I'm not crazy about him. He still has some issues to overcome."

"You guys are in love?"

Alec grinned. "Yeah, we are. What about you and Mark?"

Tony snorted. "Naw. I'm not going to get hung up on a player like Mark."

"A player? Really?"

Tony took another drink. "Yeah. He's probably flirting with your boyfriend right now." Tony burst out laughing at the look of surprise on Alec's face. "Don't worry. He won't go beyond flirting. That's just how he is though. He'll flirt with any guy with a pulse, and if I wasn't around, he'd fuck them all, too."

"And you're okay with that?" Alec couldn't hide the incredulity in his voice.

Tony shrugged. "Like I said, I'm not going to fall for him."

"Then why are you with him?"

"He's fun," Tony said simply, then leaned over conspiratorially and added, "And he's the best fuck I've ever had."

Alec leaned back, processing that. He, personally, had never gone into a relationship without wanting to see if it would go somewhere. Not even with the rockstar boyfriend he had in high school. That relationship ran its course pretty quickly, but Alec wasn't in it just for the great sex. He had genuinely liked the guy.

"Should I be worried?" Alec said with mock concern, but the effect was ruined by his twitching lips.

"About your man? No way. Mark doesn't pick up guys in front of me."

"Wait. So if you weren't here he'd pick up another guy?"

Tony shrugged. "Probably. He might just have a quick fuck in the bathroom or he might go home with someone else. Or he might just get himself all worked up and come over to my place."

Alec stared open-mouthed at his new friend. "And again, you're okay with that?"

Tony turned in his chair to face Alec. "Look, Alec, this thing with Mark is just for fun. No strings. He sleeps with other guys and so do I. It's not a big deal. Really."

Alec stewed on that for awhile, wondering how he would truly feel if ever faced with a proposition like that. Obviously, that would never work for him and Magnus. He was in love with Magnus and Magnus with him. He could not imagine being okay with Magnus sleeping with someone else.

"Alec?" Tony said, calling him from his thoughts. He looked at his new friend, noticing the change in his demeanor, the wary look in his eyes. He didn't know Tony well enough to interpret this, however.

"What's up?" he asked casually, though he felt anything but casual all of a sudden.

Tony twisted the bottle in his hands as he spoke. "I know who you are."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I majored in finance in college. The Lightwoods are a popular subject. With all the successful businesses your family has owned over the generations, but then the business is sold instead of handed down to the next generation so each person gets to create their own legacy? Well, that's just not done in most wealthy families. It's really unique…and admirable, to me at least. Some people probably think your ancestors are crazy, but I think it's great that you aren't stuck doing something just because your predecessor did it."

Alec had never had his family analyzed like this, and found it intriguing yet disconcerting at the same time. "How did you figure out it was me?"

"Well, I saw what direction you came from when you and Magnus walk to the beach. It's a pretty affluent area. Then, I saw you get in a car with a freaking chauffeur and I knew it wasn't just for show. Poor college students might take a cab, but a personal driver? No way. Then, I learned your last name and all the pieces fell into place."

Alec was reeling even more now. A casual 'Cool' was the only reply that came to him.

"Yeah." Tony suddenly looked a bit more awkward. "I…um…I know who he is, too." He jerked his head toward Magnus and Alec's mouth fell open in surprise.

"You do? How?"

"I thought I recognized him when we first met. Once I found out his name, I knew I knew who he was. I played basketball in college. I'm a huge fan and watch it all the time." He offered a sheepish look at Alec, then added, "He's been on Sports Center a lot this season."

Alec nodded in confirmation of that last statement. Magnus had, indeed, been on TV with regularity this year. Even if Idris's game wasn't televised, the announcers still found something to talk about, or some play to show on air. "He'll be a millionaire one day. Do the other guys know?"

Tony shook his head. "I don't think so. They are not as into it as I am. They watch some, but don't usually watch the sports news shows like I do. They are more into the pro teams anyway."

Alec laughed. "I was kind of hoping that would be the case when I chose Miami for our vacation. A lot of cities with professional teams don't pay as close attention to the college teams, you know?"

"Well, I do. Sorry. I wasn't trying to pry, really. I just thought he looked familiar and it was driving me crazy until I figured out who he is."

"So, what do we do with this information now?" Alec asked with some trepidation. He didn't know what Tony wanted by bringing the subject up, and didn't know how Magnus would handle their friend knowing who he was. Operating under a shroud of anonymity, Magnus had very much relaxed and was fitting in nicely in this gay community. How would he react to losing that, to no longer being anonymous? And if he freaked out, what would happen? Would he insist on going home? Alec wrung his hands in his lap as he nervously awaited Tony's response.

Tony grinned at him. "I want to play him, of course!" he said, coming alive with excitement.

Alec relaxed slightly. At least Tony didn't seem to want to cause them any trouble. Now, to find out how Magnus would respond. He nodded sharply to Tony, then called out to Magnus. Magnus's ears perked up when he heard his name and Alec motioned him over. He said something to the other guys and strode confidently to where Alec and Tony were sitting.

"What's up?"

Alec started to speak, but Tony cut him off. "I have a proposition for you."

Magnus raised an interested eyebrow, and Tony continued. "I want to play you in a game of basketball."

Magnus's eyes ignited in a way Alec hadn't seen for a couple of weeks. Just the word 'basketball' was enough to do that to him, and an invitation to play was that much better. "Hell yeah! When? Now?"

Tony chuckled. "No. I'll reserve us a court for tomorrow."

"Okay. Just us, or should we get everyone involved?"

Tony shrugged. "Up to you."

"Great. We can play three on three. Do they know how to play?"

"Yeah."

"Great," Magnus repeated. Then his brain seemed to break through his excitement. "Wait. How do you know I play basketball?" He glanced at Alec, a questioning look on his face.

Alec held up his hands as if in defense. "I didn't say anything," he said hastily.

"I figured it out myself," Tony said quietly.

The atmosphere at their table changed so abruptly it was alarming. Magnus froze with tension, the only thing moving being his eyes as they darted between his boyfriend and a gay man he barely knew. The edginess permeated them, both Alec and Tony attempting to placate him simultaneously.

"Magnus, don't freak out," Alec pleaded, placing a hand on his arm, which thankfully he did not shrug off.

"It's not a big deal, Magnus," said Tony, staring straight at Magnus with the obvious hope that he would believe him.

Magnus's breathing was rapid, but he seemed to be trying to slow it down, trying to regain control of himself. "H-how did you…?"

"I played basketball in college," Tony began in explanation. "Division II. Right here in Miami. I recognized you from ESPN. They talk about you a lot, you know? Then, when I heard your full name, I finally put all the pieces together. I haven't told anyone who you are, and I'm not going to."

Magnus absorbed this, then nodded. "So," he said slowly, "then, what do you want? Why are you telling me this?"

"Like I said," Tony said as he leaned back in his chair, clearly feeling like the worst had passed, "I just want to play you. Can you imagine? One day when you are rich and famous, a household name like Kobe or LeBron, I can say, 'I played him once.' I can tell my nieces and nephews about it and I'll be their hero." He laughed, and, to Alec's relief, Magnus cracked a smile. "Look, Magnus, obviously I don't care that you are gay. And I know you are in the closet back home. I won't rat you out. I don't have an ulterior motive. I just want to play against one of the best point guards I've ever seen."

Magnus's grin turned shy. "Okay. Thanks, Tony." Magnus relaxed a little more. "So, what position do you play?"

"Shooting guard. I was lethal back in college."

"Why did you play DII then?"

"I was planning to play at Florida, but I tore my ACL at the end of my senior year of high school and they backed out. I got an offer from a DII school who was willing to wait until my rehab was complete, so I took it."

"Well, I can't wait to see what you can do."

Alec let his breath out slowly. He couldn't believe how nonchalantly Magnus was handling this situation. He dared not get his hopes up though, not until Magnus was ready to come out at home.

"What about you, Alec? Do you play?"

"Me? No," he said, holding up his hands and shaking his head. Magnus made a disapproving noise. "What? I don't play basketball. I just get on the court so you can beat my ass from time to time."

Magnus snorted and Tony chuckled behind his hand. Regaining his composure, he said, "What do you do then?"

Alec grinned. "I cheer him on."

"Alec's an amazing cheerleader."

Tony's eyebrows went up. "Really? Oh, I have an idea!"

Within a moment, the rest of the guys were crowded around the table and Tony was explaining his idea. "Jason, have your cousin, Brett, meet us at the gym tomorrow. We need his skills. We are going to have a friendly wager."

"Oh? A wager involving Brett?" Jason looked skeptical.

"Yes. He's a gymnast and Alec is a cheerleader. We are going to pick teams for a game of basketball, and each team will support either Alec or Brett. We'll see who is the better…what is all that flipping you do called?" he suddenly asked Alec.

"Tumbling."

"Yeah. That. Anyway, the losing team has to buy dinner for the winning team. Then we'll play a game of basketball and the losing team has to buy drinks." He sat back and watched the effect his words had on his friends. He looked rather smug, Alec noted. But everyone seemed in favor of the idea, even Magnus.

After the logistics were settled, and Jason had texted Brett to tell him what they had volunteered him to do, Alec and Magnus headed back to the house for some alone time. Once they were home and comfortably in bed, Alec decided to test the waters, see how Magnus really felt about everything that had happened.

"Magnus? Are you okay?"

Magnus was quiet for a moment. "Yeah. I think I am. I'm not freaking out, and I really want to play this game. I think it'll be fun."

"So you're okay with Tony knowing who you really are?"

Again, he thought about his answer before replying. "Yeah. For some reason, I believe him when he says he will keep it secret. I don't know if I would trust the other guys, but Tony? He seems like an honorable guy. You know?"

Alec nodded. "I agree. I was worried that you would freak out and want to go home."

Magnus kissed him softly. "I'm having the time of my life here. I'm not leaving early."

Alec sighed with contentment. He felt the same way. But a desire had ignited in him, a wish that their lives in New York could be like this. And he feared that that would be a dangerous thing for them.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews! I wanted to let you guys know that this story is now my most followed story and is about to become my most reviewed story, and is TEN chapters shorter than my second longest story (so far)! Wow. It's safe to say that I'm humbled by this. Seriously, thanks everyone!**

**Karia: Welcome aboard! Sorry you didn't realize it wasn't a completed story. We have a long way to go yet, but I think it would drive me insane not to finish it, so there's that. I also have to say that your family sounds AWESOME! Also, don't worry, I got the 'siriusly' reference. You may have noticed my name...I've been in love with Sirius Black forever! :)**

* * *

Alec woke Magnus earlier than necessary the following day. He was nervous about his showdown with Jason's cousin, Brett. He hadn't had an opportunity to practice tumbling for a few weeks and he really didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of his new friends. Magnus, of course, told him he was being ridiculous, that he could practically tumble in his sleep - before snorting loudly and laughing when Alec blushed crimson at this comment.

But Alec's nerves were the reason they were standing in an enormous gymnasium over an hour before they were supposed to meet Tony and the guys. Tony had texted Alec the address and told him they would meet him and Magnus there the next day. Alec was thankful that they didn't need any special passcode or membership to enter the gym. Apparently, the gym was funded by property tax fees and free to anyone who wanted to use it.

He surveyed the area before him. To the right were various gymnastics apparatuses, including a large padded floor mat that he would be practicing on momentarily. Through a set of double doors, he spotted basketball hoops, where they would have their pickup game later. Through another set of doors, he could see various workout machines, several of which were currently in use. There was also an Olympic swimming pool outdoors that they passed on their way into the building.

His eyes drifted back to the gymnastic equipment. He hadn't used any of this equipment since he started high school, and had a strange twinge of longing as he stared at them. Magnus caught his eye.

"Do you miss it?" he asked, and Alec's eyes flashed to his, a small smile forming on his face.

Alec shrugged. "Yes and no." He walked over to the pommel horse, running his hand along the top of the apparatus and the hand grips. Then he gave it a gentle slap. "I don't miss _this _motherfucker. I hated this thing so much."

Alec caught Magnus's grin. "Why?" he asked innocently.

"Because it sucks."

"Show me," Magnus retorted, and Alec groaned. He'd known that was where the conversation was heading, but he really, really hated the pommel horse. Really. "Please?" The sweetness in Magnus's voice and the look on his face was the only thing that would get Alec on that stupid horse. Damn it.

Alec did a few stretches so he wouldn't injure himself, then hopped onto the pommel horse, swearing silently at the damn thing as he did. He hated it so much because he had to support his entire body weight on his arms and hands and swing his body around, not touching any part of the apparatus. It was _not_ fun, and one of the reasons he decided not to continue with gymnastics.

He didn't perform for Magnus at competition level; it had been at least five years since he had been on a pommel horse. But he felt that he did fairly well, all things considered. His right thigh hit the hand grips a couple of times, knocking off his rhythm, but he nailed the dismount pretty well, and all in all was pleased with his performance. Evidently, Magnus was pleased as well, for he generously applauded and Alec took a bow, just for fun.

"Now, this," he said, walking over to the parallel rings dangling from a high support bar, and gazing at them with reverence, "I love these things."

Magnus raised an eyebrow at this, a clear invitation. "Why?"

Alec shrugged. "Power. These rings are just a demonstration of pure strength and power. You have to keep the rings steady and hold your position for a given amount of time. It's…awesome."

"Let's see it." Magnus took a few steps back and watched Alec eyeing the rings.

"I haven't done this in a really long time," he began, "and don't have gloves and such like I used to…" He shrugged again, and Magnus returned the gesture.

Alec leapt into the air and grasped the rings, holding himself as steady as possible until the rings stabilized. Then he swung his body up until he was positioned with his arms at his sides, bent at the waist with his legs extended in an 'L' shape in front of him. He held that position as long as he could without his arms starting to shake, but he didn't actually count the seconds. Then, he pushed the rings away from his body, holding himself perfectly straight in a 'T' shape. He could feel the muscles in his arms burning, begging for mercy, and at the last second before they started to shake, he pulled his legs up into a tuck, released the rings and dismounted.

Magnus cheered for him as he took another bow. That had not been anywhere near competition level performance. His 'routine' was entirely too short, and his form was off - toes not pointed, etc. - but it had been fun! He hadn't even realized how much he missed those rings until that moment, being on them again.

He shook out his arms as Magnus patted him on the back. "That was awesome!"

Alec grinned at his boyfriend. Magnus clearly didn't know much about gymnastics, but his praise meant a lot to Alec anyway. "Come on. I need to practice for this bet or I'm going to look foolish."

"Not a chance," Magnus said confidently, but he followed Alec to the padded floor mats anyway.

Alec spent the next thirty minutes doing his usual cheerleading warm-ups and several of the routines they had learned for competition. He was loose and confident and landing a complicated flip when an unfamiliar voice got his attention.

"You must be Alec," the voice said. The voice belonged to an attractive young guy with short blondish hair. He was easily a half a foot shorter than Alec, possibly more, and he wore a huge, easy grin.

"And you must be Brett," Alec replied. He crossed the room to shake hands with Brett as he confirmed that was his identity. Magnus joined them and a few moments later the rest of their party arrived.

Tony, Mark, Jason, and Dean greeted Alec, Magnus, and Brett jovially, a slight prickle of excitement rising up at the upcoming competitions. There was another unfamiliar face in the crowd, however. Brett introduced the other guy as Ian. He was about the same height as Brett, but his hair was darker and he was a little broader across the chest. He seemed nervous, for what reason Alec had no idea.

When Brett touched Ian's arm in a manner that indicated more than just friendship, and Ian pulled back, Alec thought he knew why Ian looked so uncomfortable. He thought perhaps Ian was worried about someone finding out he was gay. Alec nearly laughed at this, considering every person currently in the room was gay, but he didn't. Instead, he watched Brett frown in Ian's direction.

"Relax, would you?" Brett hissed at Ian. "We're all queers here."

The expressions on everyone's faces were comical. From raised eyebrows, to tight lips that appeared to be holding back grins or laughter, the entire group seemed to be struggling to keep straight faces. Ian, however, just looked embarrassed.

"Well, you could have told me that before!" he hissed back at Brett. And everyone else lost it. Laughter erupted throughout the crowd as Ian turned twelve shades of red.

When they finally settled down, Tony took control, deciding it was time to get this competition started. He announced that he and Magnus would be captains of their teams, and the teams were divided. Magnus, Alec, Jason, and Ian on one team. Tony, Mark, Brett and Dean on the other. Magnus protested a little at first, not knowing how good or bad the other guys were at basketball, but Tony told him to shut up because he was probably good enough to play all seven of them by himself and win. Magnus grinned sheepishly at this and stopped his protest. Then, each team chose to support the gymnast/cheerleader that was on their team already. With that decided, Alec just had one remaining question.

"Who's going to judge?" he asked to no one in particular. He knew that the other guys didn't know anything about tumbling, or how it was judged, and he seriously thought the judging part might be an issue.

To his surprise, Ian spoke up. "That's kind of why Brett invited me. I was a gymnast until I got injured. Now I judge amateur competitions."

Alec was impressed by this, but… "But you're on the opposing team."

"Don't worry," Brett assured him, "Ian's tougher on me than anyone else. He'll probably spot you a few points just to make me work harder!" Everyone laughed at this.

Brett and Alec spent several minutes mapping out their routines to make sure they did the same things. That way it would look the same to the other guys, who were all, technically, judges. Ian was just there in case there was a dispute. It all seemed a bit much for just a friendly competition, but then again, there was dinner riding on the outcome.

They flipped a coin, and Brett ended up going first. Alec had to admit he was stiff competition. He had great form, and his routine was nearly perfect. Suddenly, Alec felt a bit more nervous. He scolded himself for this, reminding himself it was just a friendly wager, just dinner. It wasn't the end of the world if he didn't win. Now if he fell on his face, that was another matter altogether…

He shook out his nerves as he stepped on the blue padded floor. He clearly heard Magnus's voice cheering for him, and took a moment to toss a sweet smile in his boyfriend's direction. Then, he was off, flipping through the air, doing cartwheels and handsprings and tucks. And landing perfectly. He knew he hadn't performed perfectly though. There were a couple of flips where his legs weren't perfectly together, his toes not pointed. Brett had definitely performed better than he had.

He jogged over to Magnus, who was grinning stupidly at him and clapping his hands. There was some deliberation amongst the groups, but it was eventually decided that Brett had won the competition. Alec had to agree, and stepped forward to congratulate him.

Next, they went onto the basketball court. Magnus's eyes ignited with passion, and any tension he'd been feeling visibly drained from his body. He was home, and everyone could see it. Mark clapped Tony on the shoulder and told him he was about to get his ass handed to him. Alec looked slightly alarmed at that, but relaxed when Mark pointed out how loose Magnus looked on the court. They knew he played basketball, they just didn't know who he was. And Alec and Magnus wanted to keep it that way.

The game was fun and easy-going for most of it. Tony and Magnus were definitely the most competitive of the group, and the most skilled. Tony hit some really great, off-balance shots, and if he managed to shake free from his defender, the resulting point was almost automatic. Magnus had a good game, too. He dropped a few long-range shots, blew past the defense a couple of times for a lay-up, and once managed to dunk right in Tony's face, much to his annoyance.

When it came down to the end of the game, the teams were tied at twenty. For the final point, Alec and the others silently agreed to let Magnus and Tony work it out on their own. Magnus had the ball in his hands, taking jutting steps toward Tony, looking for a weakness. Tony was on him, not giving him any space to move, but then Alec saw the familiar smirk on Magnus's face, and knew he'd found what he was looking for. Magnus started left, and Tony bit. Magnus was too fast for Tony, and by the time he had recovered from his mistake, Magnus was slamming the ball through the rim and winning the game for his team.

Before Alec stopped to think about it, he wrapped his arms around Magnus in a celebratory hug. To his surprise, Magnus didn't even flinch. Instead, he wrapped his sweaty arms tightly around Alec in return. At least, until someone behind them told them to get a room. They broke apart, exchanging a sheepish glance and a not-so-sheepish smile.

"Alright," Alec said, "so we owe you dinner, and you owe us drinks."

"Not so fast," Tony said, and received a multitude of confused looks. "You two," he added, pointing to Alec and Magnus, "how about a little game of HORSE?"

Alec shook his head. "You've got to be kidding. I'm not playing anything against you two!"

Tony chuckled. "Nope. Just you two." He gave Alec a challenging look that made Alec want to know what exactly he was up to. Tony winked at him and said, "For every point you win, Alec, Magnus has to kiss you…in public." There were cheers and wolf-whistles at this declaration.

Alec couldn't help grinning himself. "What about his points?" he said, jerking his thumb toward Magnus.

Tony's grin broadened, looking devilish. "That's for you to decide in the comfort of your own bedroom."

More wolf-whistles, and Alec felt his face flush brightly. Magnus kept his poker-face on, agreeing to the terms of this wager. Alec was a little surprised at the sexual innuendo dripping from Tony's voice, but when he caught his eye, Tony gave him a you'll-thank-me-later look, and Alec thought it likely that he would.

The first shot was a lay-up, which both Magnus and Alec had no trouble hitting. It all went to hell after that. Magnus quickly got his H, O, and R with various shots, while Alec missed all of his corresponding shots. That was three sexual favors he owed Magnus, not that he was going to complain about it. The next shot, however, was a relatively easy jump shot from the free throw line, and somehow, Magnus missed it. When Alec hit his, earning his H, Magnus rushed over to him, gathering him in his arms, bending him slightly backwards, and planting a sweet but thorough kiss on his lips. More cheers rang out over this display, as Alec melted against Magnus. That kiss threw him off enough that he didn't even get close to hitting the next two shots, and Magnus won the game.

Afterward, there was a five minute discussion about how each team was going to pay up. The discussion ended quickly when Alec offered the beach house as the site for the payments. This idea was agreed upon in record time. Then, everyone dispersed to get cleaned up and meet at the house later that evening.

Alec marked a few things off his list of favors he owed Magnus, most of which occurred in the shower they took to get cleaned up. There was just something about his soapy hand on Magnus's rigid cock, and his mouth causing a second orgasm before they even made it out of the shower. Magnus was nice enough to reciprocate, even though he had technically already fulfilled his duty by kissing him on the basketball court. When they were both spent, they curled against each other and slept the afternoon away.

* * *

Alec ordered barbeque ribs, pulled pork, and wings from a nearby restaurant, which arrived shortly after Tony and the others showed up with several cases of beer. Alec had a couple of coolers of ice waiting out by the pool, which the guys wasted no time filling with beer bottles. Tony handed out the chilled beverages to everyone as they passed through the line collecting their food.

Alec and Magnus had not spent much time in the back yard of the mansion where they were staying, so after everyone had stuffed their bellies, they spent some time exploring. As it turned out, there was an enormous pool, complete with diving board and slide, a hot tub, and an outdoor bar. Someone lit tiki torches with citronella in an effort to keep the bugs away. But the best part was the sound system. The entire back yard was enclosed in a high privacy fence, and was wired with a state-of-the-art stereo and surround sound. Someone tuned in an alternative rock station as everyone sank into the pool and sipped their beer.

This was the relaxing evening Alec was hoping for. He liked the clubbing and the fancy restaurants, going out with his boyfriend and their new friends. But he really just wanted a night of peace and lethargy, chilling in the pool, drinking beer (which he couldn't do in public because he's underage), and chatting with people he enjoyed spending time with.

He glanced frequently at Magnus, who appeared to be completely stress-free, just the way he liked him. He was laughing with Tony, Mark, and Ian, who were apparently praising his skill on the basketball court, and possibly ribbing Tony about losing. Alec had his arms draped over the edge of the pool, letting his feet move in the current as he drained his bottle, when Brett swam up to him, flinging water as he shook his head like a dog. Alec laughed.

"So," Brett said, "tell me how you became a cheerleader."

Alec delved into the story about starting off as a gymnast, but changing to cheerleading as he entered high school because he truly hated some of the apparatuses. Brett thought that was funny, but couldn't resist agreeing that some of the apparatuses were a nightmare. When Alec finished his story, he turned the tables on Brett.

"Oh," Brett began, "well, all my family members are short. So they decided when I was little that I would either be a gymnast or a jockey." He gave Alec a pointed look. "I hate horses." Alec laughed at this, and Brett shrugged. "I mostly enjoy gymnastics, so I stuck with it."

"Well, you are certainly good at it."

Brett grinned. "I qualified for the Olympics this season. Can't wait. Rio de Janeiro, baby!" He looked like a kid at Christmas.

Alec clapped him on the shoulder. "That's awesome! Congrats, man. I have a friend that is trying out for the Olympic swim team. He'll be here in a few weeks."

"Yeah? Well, I hope he makes it. It'll be cool to see a familiar face there."

After promising to introduce Austin when he and Cammie arrived, Alec narrowed his eyes at Tony, just before launching himself at his new friend. He caught Tony by surprise and easily dunked him. When Tony came up for air, spluttering the water he had inhaled, Alec pointed a finger at him accusingly.

"You cheated!" he said sternly, though the effect was ruined by his inability to keep a straight face.

"What did I do?"

"You put me up against an Olympian!" he said as indignantly as he could muster. Everyone laughed. "I'm just a college cheerleader! Brett's practically a professional!"

Tony seemed to have trouble recovering from his laughter, but when he finally did, he said, "What about him!" He pointed at Magnus. "He's a freak of nature on the court!"

"Yeah," Alec said, slightly guarded, "but you had a whole team to help you! What the fuck, man!" Alec was laughing as he said this to Tony, wanting to make sure he realized he was just teasing him, even though he did feel slightly indignant that his competition was a freaking Olympic athlete! But his eyes kept darting to Magnus, worried that the amount of alcohol they had consumed would somehow loosen Tony's tongue enough for him to spill the beans about who Magnus was. He didn't really want to deal with his boyfriend freaking out right now.

Magnus had a slightly wary look in his eyes, but Alec doubted anyone who didn't know him as well as he did would catch it. He covered it well, as only Magnus can, with laughter and by punching the air triumphantly. That started a round of good natured ribbing as everyone recounted the number of times Magnus got the better of Tony on the court. Tony pouted, blaming the fact that Magnus was still playing on his inability to keep up with his opponent during the game. Alec thought that was skating a little too close for comfort to revealing Magnus's true identity. He shot Tony a 'cool it' look, and Tony seemed to realize what he was saying. Fortunately, the other guys didn't seem to catch it, and the conversation dwindled into multiple smaller groups. Alec sighed with relief.

He turned in the direction Magnus had been in a moment before, but Magnus had moved…right up against Alec. He was startled to find his boyfriend so close to him, but melting against him when Magnus's arms snaked around his waist and pulled him closer. Their groins brushed against each other as Magnus said, "Dance with me," against Alec's ear.

Alec pulled away enough to look into his eyes. "Here? In the pool?"

"Mmm-hmm," Magnus replied with a nod of his head.

Alec studied him for a moment. He seemed to be alright, not at all concerned that Tony was hinting around the fact that Magnus was still playing basketball. Alec wondered if he was truly okay or if he was still just covering it, but the worry fled his mind when Magnus wiggled his hips and his crotch met Alec's again. Alec's eyes fluttered briefly before he tossed his head back, raised his arms in the air and attempted to dance with Magnus right there in the pool.

If dancing in a pool sounds difficult, that's because it is. But just because he couldn't get the exact groove he normally would have on a dance floor, didn't mean he wasn't having a great time trying. They laughed at each other's moves, hampered by the force of the water, and Alec completely forgot any apprehension he'd been feeling. Magnus's eyes were shining and dancing with happiness, and that was all Alec needed to fully relax and enjoy this time with him.

It didn't take long for their guests to figure out what they were doing and join them. The water was swirling and writhing with the motion of eight bodies dancing in the pool. The fact that they were club-dancing to the alternative rock station the stereo was tuned to earlier didn't seem to bother anyone. No one seemed to be able to hold a decent rhythm anyway because of the water, so the dancing pretty much culminated in ruckus laughter from everyone.

After awhile, Alec found himself slow dancing with Magnus, with his arms around his neck and Magnus's around his waist, to one of the slower songs by Stone Temple Pilots or Alice In Chains, he couldn't remember which. It didn't matter. He wasn't exactly paying attention to the song anyway. He couldn't honestly say that he was aware of anything but Magnus, and the loving look in his eyes, and the feel of his hands on his back, slowly rubbing circles against his skin. He couldn't break Magnus's stare, and he didn't want to. That look, the one that told him everything he needed to know, he wanted that look forever.

"I love you," he whispered softly. Magnus dipped his head in reply, his lips softly brushing against Alec's, and Alec leaned into him even more. Their bodies were just barely above water, the feeling of floating intensified by the kiss. They kissed slowly, lazily, not really wanting to embarrass themselves with full-on erections when they finally got out of the pool.

Alec had no idea how long they stayed like that, in each other's embrace, lips locked together, bodies wrapped around the other's. It could have been a few minutes or all of eternity. But eventually, someone cleared their throat, and the couple broke apart. They were shocked to discover that everyone else was out of the pool, the music was off, and someone was working on turning off the lights and blowing out the tiki torches. Alec felt himself blushing as he realized that he and Magnus must have been in their own little world for quite some time.

They swam to the steps leading out of the pool and caught the towels Tony tossed to them as they got out. As Alec toweled off his hair, he said, "You guys are welcome to stay the night. We have plenty of bedrooms."

After a brief discussion, they all agreed to stay. They had consumed a decent quantity of beer and, to Alec's surprise and amusement, it was well after one in the morning. He gave his guests a quick tour of the house and told them to make themselves at home. Then he and Magnus retired to their wild animal printed room to check off a few more of those favors Alec owed him from the game of HORSE.

* * *

**A/N: Before you guys start asking, no, I am not reluctant to do the sex scenes now. Sometimes it fits the story better to just reference them instead of describe what's going on. There will be plenty more lovin' between these two. No worries. Besides, can you imagine how long this chapter would be if I had included them?!**


	29. Chapter 29

"Alec, will you _please_ tell me where we are going?" Magnus whined, and was rewarded with yet another smirk from his boyfriend.

"You'll see soon enough. I can't exactly hide it from you much longer anyway."

Magnus glanced sideways at him, looking distinctly disgruntled. Alec had been tormenting him all day with a surprise outing and wouldn't even give him a clue as to what he had planned. He couldn't help the devious smile on his face as Magnus continued to look irritated. Tonight was going to be something special for Magnus, Alec knew, and he silently urged the car forward in an attempt to get them to their destination faster. Traffic was a nightmare, but really, how could it not be? Tonight was a big night.

After what seemed like an eternity of brake lights, the car finally pulled up to the curb outside a huge brightly lit building. There were palm trees lining the sidewalk, and people everywhere. Everywhere. Anywhere they looked there were animated people excitedly chattering, nearly all dressed in red or black jerseys.

Alec glanced at Magnus, who narrowed his eyes at the building. "Where are we…?" he said very slowly.

Alec beamed. "Welcome to your first NBA Playoff game, Magnus Bane."

As those words sunk in, Magnus's eyes rounded and his eyebrows disappeared in his hairline. The palpable excitement from the crowd milling around the American Airlines Arena in downtown Miami finally seemed to find its way into Magnus, and his face suddenly lit up.

"Are you fucking serious?" he said, then covered his mouth with his hand and blushed as he realized how loudly he had spoken around a rather large number of strangers. He placed his hands on Alec's shoulders and in his excitement, gave Alec a little shake as he said in a much lower voice, "Seriously? We're really going to a Playoff game?"

Alec nodded, unable to stop grinning. He was taken by surprise when Magnus pulled him close and hugged him tightly. Alec finally managed to get his hands up high enough to pat Magnus's back before Magnus broke away, grabbed his hand, and led him toward the queue waiting to enter the arena.

The closer they got, the more animated Magnus became. He was like a coiled spring waiting to be released. Each step was more of a bounce, and he chattered away in a manner Alec had never witnessed before.

"This is really happening? You really have tickets?" he asked for the tenth time, at least.

Alec pulled the tickets out of his pocket, again, to reassure Magnus this was actually happening. He was actually going to his first Playoff game, and Alec was sure it would not be his last.

"I can't believe this. I've never even been to a regular season game."

Alec looked at him sharply. "But…you grew up in Brooklyn, and you freaking _play_ basketball! How have you never been to an NBA game?"

Magnus's mood was temporarily subdued. "We didn't have the money," he said softly.

This broke Alec's heart. Magnus had dreamed his entire life of playing in the NBA and he had never even been to a game, never seen the players play live. He decided right then and there that this would be the best night of Magnus's life. He was pulling out all the stops, and spoiling his boyfriend rotten.

They made it through the bag-check station where a metal detector wand was casually swiped down the front of their bodies, then Alec handed the tickets to the ticket-taker and they went through a turnstile and into the vast building. They wandered around, looking at all the displays of merchandise available for purchase. Alec's knee-jerk response was to buy Magnus one of everything, but Magnus simply laughed and looked embarrassed. They settled on a Miami Heat jersey, which Alec promptly told him he could never wear in front of his dad, and a red foam hand with #1 on it. Magnus made him buy these stupid little black and red pompoms, stating he had to have them because he's a cheerleader anyway. Alec rolled his eyes at this, but bought them without question.

As they made their way closer to their seats, they purchased some bottled water, two steak sandwiches loaded with peppers and onions, a giant tub of popcorn, and some cotton candy. Alec briefly wondered if his stomach could handle this much food at one time, but then again, they would be there for at least three hours so it shouldn't really be a problem.

When they finally found their seats, Magnus already sporting his new jersey, Alec was not at all surprised to see that their seats were so close to the floor, just across from the home team's bench. Magnus, however, was in complete awe of their seats.

"Wow, Alec, how did you get these tickets?"

"My dad," he simply replied, but Magnus looked like he wanted more of an explanation. "My dad has season tickets to the Knicks, and happens to be good friends with the owner of the organization. Since that happens to be the Heat's opponent tonight, he was able to get us tickets. We could have been up there," he continued, pointing to the fancy box seats where the Heat executives and VIPs were, "but I thought you would rather be closer to the action." He winked at Magnus, who proceeded to vigorously nod his head in agreement with that last statement.

"These seats are amazing!"

They polished off their sandwiches as the arena filled to capacity and the teams came out to warm up. Alec watched Magnus closely as a myriad of emotions played across his face. He had to admit that the atmosphere was electric, easily as good as it had been the times his dad had taken him to see the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. He again thought how unfair it was that he had been going to professional basketball games since he was a little kid, and Magnus had never been to one before. There was something very wrong about that.

The lights dimmed as members of each team were introduced to ruckus applause and cheering. Magnus shouted out to his favorite players, the point guards of course. Then everyone stood for the singing of the National Anthem. Alec continued observing Magnus and was a little shocked by the expression on his face. He noticed Magnus's throat move, like he was swallowing some emotion, and when the song ended and Magnus turned to him with a crooked smile, he noted that his eyes were a little too bright.

Magnus cleared his throat and said, "Remember when I said I didn't have a favorite song?" Alec nodded, tilting his head slightly with interest. "Well, I do now. That. That is my favorite song."

"The Star-Spangled Banner?" Alec asked with surprise.

"Yeah. It's just…I mean, I wouldn't necessarily call myself a patriot or anything, it's just that song…" He trailed off, looking up at the flag that was displayed before turning his attention back to Alec. "It's played before every sporting event, and it's just…a beautiful song. It gets me pumped up and ready for the game, you know? I don't know, I just really love it."

Alec smiled at him thinking he was the most adorable thing he'd ever laid eyes on. "I get it," he assured his boyfriend, and he did. He understood what Magnus was trying to say, even if he was failing miserably at doing so. The song had a deeper meaning for Magnus than just notes and lyrics, more than even the words themselves meant. It was something he associated with the one thing that has kept him sane through everything he's been through: basketball.

Magnus beamed at him, then they turned their attention to the court as a whistle sounded, and the men lined up for tip-off. Their was a buzz in the air, so much pent up excitement just waiting to be released. As soon as the referee threw the ball up, and the center for the Heat tapped it to his guard, the stadium erupted in a deafening roar, and Alec and Magnus joined in the chaos.

Alec spent plenty of time watching the game. After all, he was a huge basketball fan as well, and had grown up a Knicks fan. It was a back-and-forth affair, neither team seeming able to take the lead for very long. And they were sitting so close to the action they could actually hear the players talking to each other. Not that Alec hadn't done that before. His father's season tickets were pretty great seats, too. But he'd never been to a Play-off game, with the anticipation and tension so high. This was an experience all of its own.

But the thing that held Alec's attention even more than the game, was Magnus. He'd never gotten to watch a game _with_ Magnus before. He was always _watching Magnus_, or whatever video Magnus wanted to show him on his laptop. This was a totally new experience for the couple, and Alec had to admit it was a fun one. Magnus was bubbling over with excitement, and it was highly contagious. Despite wearing a Heat jersey, he was cheering whenever either team made a good play. Alec supposed that was the basketball player in him. It didn't really matter who was making the game look easy, as far as Magnus was concerned.

At halftime, they walked around the arena, exploring the nooks and crannies instead of watching whatever halftime entertainment was being provided. Alec took the opportunity to interrogate Magnus.

"So I noticed you were cheering pretty loudly for the Heat," he said casually.

Magnus glanced sideways at him. "Why wouldn't I?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. You are a Knicks fan though, right?"

Magnus stopped. "Why do you think I'm a Knicks fan?"

"Well you did grow up in New York…"

"I grew up in Brooklyn…"

"But Brooklyn just got a team a few years ago. Before that, the Nets were in New Jersey, so that doesn't count."

"So you assume everyone who grows up in New York is a Knicks fan?" Magnus retorted, attempting to hide a grin.

"Well…yeah!" Alec studied Magnus for a moment. "Don't tell me you hate the Knicks," he said theatrically. "My dad will kill me!"

Magnus laughed heartily at this. "I don't hate the Knicks, I just never became a fan of any one team."

"How is that even possible?" Alec asked, feeling thoroughly dismayed. Doesn't every basketball fan have _one_ team they support above all others?

"Well, the way I see it is I plan to play in the NBA one day. So it seemed that picking a specific team to support could be a problem down the road. What if I decided I was a Celtics fan and ended up playing for the Lakers, their most hated rival? Or some other equally uncomfortable situation. So I decided to remain neutral. That way, I don't really care who I play for, or against. That way, it's just about the basketball, no weird feelings, you know?"

Alec thought about that for a moment. "Well, that makes sense. But that Celtics-Lakers rivalry is an old one. And there's certainly been plenty of tension between the Knicks and the Heat."

"Yeah," Magnus agreed, and they continued their discussion of NBA rivalries all the way back to their seats, only stopping once the buzzer sounded to signify the start of the third quarter.

The second half was just as exciting as the first and ended up tied at 102 with only three seconds left when a Heat forward bumped a Knicks guard, sending him to the free throw line. The pro-Heat crowd booed the refs, as Alec punched the air in triumph. It was a blatant foul, just ask any Knicks fan. Okay, it _might_ have been a controversial foul, but being a Knicks fan, he would gladly take the call all day long. The guard, being one of their best free throw shooters, hit both shots easily, putting the Knicks up by two. Then, the Heat was unable to hit a last second shot to tie the game and send it into overtime. Alec cheered, before he remembered that he was surrounded by thousands of disgruntled Heat fans, and decided to wait until later to celebrate. One guy gave him an angry glare, and he simply shrugged, saying, "Maybe you'll get them in game 4." When the guy narrowed his eyes further, Magnus grabbed his hand and led him briskly away in the opposite direction.

They made their way outdoors without further incident, and strolled along the sidewalk hand-in-hand. Magnus replayed the end of the game over and over, excitedly chattering about how the point guard had balls of steel to knock down those two free throws in that environment. Alec decided then and there that taking Magnus to this game was the best idea he'd ever had.

They spotted their car with the driver standing next to it, waiting patiently for them. Neither felt like leaving just yet though. Instead, they continued to walk along the sidewalk until they came to an area overlooking the water. There were plenty of people milling around, some of which had recently left the game as well. They heard people grumbling about that foul call, and vowing to get the Knicks in game 4 in a couple of days. Alec snickered into Magnus's shoulder as they passed a group of guys in Heat jerseys griping about how much they hate the Knicks. Magnus pulled him closer and walked faster, clearly trying to keep Alec from getting their asses kicked.

When he finally released him, Alec grumbled about Magnus not needing to be so protective. He wouldn't have said anything to those guys. He didn't actually have a death-wish, thank you very much. But it was true that he was having a hard time containing his excitement at the moment. The evening had gone even better than he ever thought possible, and it did not escape his attention that his hand was still solidly planted in Magnus's as they continued their leisurely stroll.

There seemed to be something magical about being in Miami. They had not had a single bad experience so far. Everything had been completely wonderful. They made new friends. Magnus was willing to give him the PDA experience he so desperately missed in New York. The Knicks won! They were having the time of their lives.

They spent nearly an hour walking around the area surrounding the arena, letting traffic clear out and enjoying the gentle breeze wafting from the ocean. At one point, Magnus pushed him against the railing, pressing their bodies close. "I love you, Alec. I don't even know how to thank you for tonight," he said against Alec's ear. Then, he kissed him, right there overlooking the water with a salty, gently breeze wafting over their skin, a slow, sweet kiss that Alec was sure would be firmly planted in his memory forever. Alec can't help thinking that was a good start to expressing his gratitude.

When Magnus pulled away, he said, "Let's go get some food."

* * *

**A/N: For any of you basketball fans out there, you may have noticed that I took some liberties with historical accuracies of this chapter, ie neither the Heat nor the Knicks made the Playoffs in 2015. That's why they call it fiction ;). I also have never been to AAA, but have been to a few large arenas and extrapolated by experiences there to Magnus's and Alec's.**

**Also, for those who don't know anything about the NBA Playoffs and are wondering about what 'game 4' means, the teams are ranked according to their regular season win-loss record, and put into a bracket where it is determined who they will play. Each series, like the above Heat-Knicks series, is a best of 7 game series. So whoever gets to 4 wins first, wins the series and advances to the next set of games against another opponent. Hope that clears up any confusion. It didn't make sense to put it in the story because both Alec and Magnus would already know that. :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: OK, guys, Magnus says this story is about to become my most reviewed story. I keep telling him to shut up, but you know Magnus ;). It's also only 6 reviews shy of 300! Wow. Seriously, wow. Thanks everyone!**

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A few days after the Heat-Knicks game, Alec had yet another surprise for Magnus. With an small suitcase full of swimming trunks and tank tops, one semi-dressy outfit each, and of course, condoms and lube, they traveled to a marina on a southern beach in Miami. Alec spent several minutes making sure all the arrangements were set while Magnus waited, impatiently, to find out what was happening next.

With a quick flash of a smile, Alec beckoned him to follow him to a boat slip. Tethered to the dock was a massive sailboat. Magnus looked at him, wide-eyed and wondering.

"Y-you know how to sail?" he asked, his voice colored by surprise.

Alec snorted. "Of course not." He pointed up at the boat as a man came into view holding a large, coiled rope. "But he does."

With visible relief, Magnus grinned. He followed Alec as he climbed onto the boat, extending his hand to the unknown stranger on board. "I'm Alec," he said, shaking the guy's hand. "And this is Magnus."

The guy was young, tall, and deeply tanned. He had curly brown hair with blonde highlights, but it was impossible to say if those were natural highlights from being in the sun, or store-bought. He had a warm, friendly face with an easy smile that put both Alec and Magnus at ease. He was clearly at ease aboard the boat, expertly riding the waves as Alec and Magnus staggered a bit, trying to find their sea legs.

"Lyle," he said in a pleasant voice that perfectly matched his demeanor. "First time sailing?"

"Is it that obvious?" Alec asked sheepishly. He had been on a boat several times, fishing boats and cruise ships and such, but never a sailboat, and not often enough to be comfortable on one.

Lyle laughed, a warm, inviting sound. "A little." Somehow, though, Lyle made them feel at home on the boat. He spent the next thirty minutes going over basic sailing information, mostly so they wouldn't get in his way as he maneuvered the sailboat. He went over safety protocols, and then gave them a tour of the boat, pointing out all of its features.

Then, Lyle eased the boat out of the slip and they were off. Alec's first thought was how quiet a sailboat was compared to a motor boat. Of course, that wouldn't become completely apparent until they were further away from land and the noise pollution associated with the city.

The day was perfect for sailing, with a strong enough breeze to easily move the boat but not too strong as to create difficulty handling it. The sky was brilliant blue with occasional white fluffy clouds coasting by. The air smelled of salt and sea and warm, clean breeze. Alec leaned back on his hands, his head falling back to soak up as much sunshine as possible.

After a few minutes of this, he brought his head up to observe Magnus. He knew this was Magnus's first time at sea, even if they were still within sight of the coastline. He wondered if he was handling it alright, if he felt any seasickness. Magnus was standing near the front of the boat, looking at the horizon, gently swaying with the rhythm of the waves. His posture was one of ease. He looked peaceful, tranquil.

"You look like you belong on a boat," Alec observed aloud. He caught a movement from Lyle, a brisk nod of the other man's head, agreeing with Alec.

Magnus turned to him. "This is amazing," he said simply. He walked over to where Alec was sitting and dropped down beside him. "I've never heard so much…quiet." Alec chuckled at this, and Magnus grinned. "You know what I mean. There's not a moment's quiet in Brooklyn. Not even in the neighborhood where I grew up. But here…" He looked back out to sea. "Here, all I hear is the slapping of the waves and the cry of the seagulls." He glanced sideways at Alec. "Those are seagulls, right?"

Alec laughed. "Yes, they are." He suddenly caught a spray of water out toward the horizon and pointed. "Look, Magnus!" He glanced at Lyle in question.

"That was a whale," Lyle said casually. Alec shot him a slightly alarmed look, but Lyle grinned at him. "Don't worry. It's not interested in us," he added.

They spent the better part of the day in peaceful silence, enjoying the wonders of the Atlantic Ocean. They saw several fishing boats off in the distance, and were briefly followed by a couple of dolphins, who lost interest in them when they didn't have any fish to feed them. Instead, the dolphins entertained them by chasing each other, rolling over and breaching the surface of the water periodically. They finally reached their destination of Key Largo as the sun was setting. Lyle managed to get them around the island in time for the sun to disappear along the western horizon, something people from the east coast don't generally get to see. Alec could tell by the look of sheer joy on Magnus's face that he had never seen the sun set like that before, and he was thoroughly glad they got to experience it together, shoulder to shoulder at the front of the boat, hands twined together.

As they disembarked onto the dock, they laughed at each other stumbling around on solid ground. It only took a few minutes to get used to walking on land again, but those few minutes were pretty hilarious. They thanked Lyle for a wonderful day, and Alec gave him a generous tip. Then, they went in search of their ride.

A car picked them up and dropped them at a private beach house, completely surrounded by palm trees and hidden by bushes. The house was small and cozy with pale blue siding and white trim. There was a small enclosed porch with a table and two chairs which would be a perfect place to have dinner or breakfast. The door knocker was a brass boat rope that had turned green with age and exposure to the sea air. They entered into a small living area with nautical themed décor, attached to a small kitchen with fishes coloring the walls. A master bedroom and bathroom completed the small house, the nautical theme continuing there.

Alec shrugged. "At least they are consistent." Alec plopped their bag on the floor and fell onto the bed. He folded his hands behind his head, his elbows winged out on either side of his head, drawing one knee up and resting it casually on the bed as he stared at Magnus.

Magnus crossed the room and sank onto the bed next to him. "Your dad owns this place, too?" he said as he turned on his side to look at Alec.

"Mmhmm," Alec confirmed, withdrawing one arm and sliding it around Magnus, drawing him closer. Magnus rolled over further, covering Alec's body as his arms snaked around him and held him close.

He buried his face against Alec's neck and inhaled. "You smell like the sea," he breathed headily and licked Alec's neck. Alec trembled at the touch.

"Are you saying I need a shower?" he asked playfully, quickly losing his ability to concentrate on words as Magnus's tongue continued its assault on his neck.

"Mmm, no. You taste perfect." With that, his mouth found Alec's, pressing expectantly against his lips. Alec's mouth opened for him, and Magnus's tongue delved inside, playing with Alec's in a heated, sensual dance as he moved to straddle his hips. Alec's hands found the hem of Magnus's shirt and pushed it up, revealing his toned abdomen beneath his tank top. He ran his hands along Magnus's sides, his fingers rippling over the bumps of his ribs and spine and the sharp edge of his shoulder blades. Magnus broke away just long enough for Alec to tug his shirt over his head and toss it somewhere in the room before resuming the kiss.

Alec raised up, pushing Magnus backward on his lap and pulled off his own tank top, blue to match his eyes, the way Magnus liked it. When Magnus's mouth returned to his body this time, it was pressed against his shoulder, sliding down his chest to give special attention to his nipple. Alec squirmed under the assault, and slid his hands under the waistband of Magnus's shorts, shimmying them down his hips and over the swell of his ass. He idly pondered how he still couldn't get enough of the feel of Magnus's bare skin against his fingertips before he had to lift his hips to allow Magnus to remove his own shorts.

Instinct took over from there, the intense need to be one after such a glorious day together at sea. Magnus kissed him thoroughly breathless, his chest heaving in gulps of cool air as Magnus pressed into him. He begged Magnus with his hands, encouraging him with his lips along his collarbone as Magnus's muscular arms and chest tightened and flexed above him with each movement. His hair had grown longer than he normally kept it during basketball season, and now it framed his face as he looked down at Alec, his features shadowed in the dim light, though his pouty lips were clearly visible. He was beautiful, absolutely fucking beautiful.

Alec ran his hands along Magnus's arms, feeling the strain of his muscles as they worked. A thin sheen of sweat allowed his hands to easily glide across the smooth skin. Alec leaned up and nipped at Magnus's chest, licking the sweat off of him. Magnus groaned loudly and Alec slipped one hand between their bodies, desperately needing to feel friction against his cock. He wrapped his hand around the shaft and there was another groan, a mingling of sounds coming from himself and Magnus.

"Stroke it," Magnus moaned, and Alec wasted no time responding to this command. "God, that's hot," he breathed, leaning down to suck on Alec's neck as Alec picked up the pace with his hand. He was so close now, and he could feel the tension coming off Magnus in waves, signaling how close he was as well. A few more strokes and Alec's cock erupted all over his abdomen. Magnus's rhythm faltered as he came inside Alec, his arms giving out and his body collapsing on top of him as his hands wound behind Alec's back and hooked around his shoulders and he pushed himself in as far as he could go, holding on tightly and gluing their bodies together with Alec's fluid.

Magnus panted hard, his body still twitching with the aftershocks of his orgasm and he kissed Alec's neck and jaw and earlobe. When he finally regained the use of his body, he withdrew, peeled off the condom and collapsed next to Alec on the bed. He turned his head, grinning at Alec and said, "Welcome to Key Largo."

Alec turned to face him, trailing his hand down the curve of his shoulder and whispered, "I love you. Let's eat."

Magnus chuckled and replied, "Let's shower first."

Alec found no reason to argue.

* * *

A short time later, they found themselves eating take-out on the secluded beach outside their little cottage, shoulder to shoulder, their every movement in sync. When they finished eating, Alec noticed a tiny bit of sauce next to the corner of Magnus's mouth, and he leaned over to kiss it away. That little gesture turned into a fairly extensive make-out session, with Magnus leaning into Alec in turn. Alec's hand searched for Magnus's, finally locating it and twining their fingers together as his tongue explored Magnus's mouth.

When they finally broke apart, Alec dragged Magnus to his feet. "Come on. I love swimming at night," he said as he led Magnus toward the waves that gently broke against the sand. They didn't really swim, per se, instead wading in until the water was just over their ankles, then plopping onto the sand still holding hands. Alec splashed water at Magnus, who in turn tackled him, pinning him to the ground as the waves crashed around them. He kissed him again, because he could.

Alec rolled him over, pinning Magnus down this time, and ran his fingers along Magnus's ribs, tickling him until he was laughing uncontrollably and writhing in the waves. He felt a little guilty, however, when Magnus sucked in a mouthful of water and spluttered all over the place. He helped him sit up, brushing the water off his face and kissing his cheek.

"Sorry," he muttered, to which Magnus splashed water in his face.

Alec narrowed his eyes, but burst into laughter at the scandalized look Magnus gave him.

They sat in silence, side by side with shoulders, hips and knees touching, letting the waves relax them, and staring off at the dark horizon. Alec felt something brush against his foot and looked down to find a small, pinkish sea shell, perfectly intact. He picked it up, taking Magnus's hand with his other and turning it over, palm up. He placed the shell in Magnus's hand with a small, apologetic smile on his face.

Magnus returned the smile. "It's beautiful."

"It's not as beautiful as you are," he said softly. Magnus ducked his head, looking up at him through his impossibly long lashes, then leaned in and kissed him. Clearly he was forgiven for nearly drowning his boyfriend. Alec surrendered to the kiss, letting the tranquility of the night wash over him, much like the waves. They broke apart, still leaning against each other, knees tented with arms draped over them and chins resting on their arms, noses nearly touching. Time stood still as they simply gazed into each other's eyes by the light of the moon.

Magnus was the first to break the spell, chuckling softly and brushing his nose back and forth against Alec's in an Eskimo kiss. He sat up straight and examined the shell in his hands. It really was pretty, and as he held it up in the moonlight, Alec could see the more intricate details. Besides the pale pink color, there were lines and waves of cream and tan, and a loose swirling pattern.

"I think I want to make it a necklace," Magnus said, shooting a glance at Alec, who smiled at him.

"It would look really good against your skin," he replied, slightly envious of Magnus's darker skin which would really make that shell stand out. Sometimes he hated his inability to take up color in his pale skin. Who doesn't want a tan in summertime?

Magnus held the shell up to his throat. "You think so?" Alec nodded, then Magnus looped his arm through Alec's, sliding his hand down his arm and twining their fingers together. They leaned their heads together until they were gently touching and watched the moonlight dance on the surface of the water.

* * *

The next morning, Alec was up at the crack of dawn. He slipped out of bed, pocketing the seashell that Magnus had left on the night stand the night before. He left him a note on the kitchen table that said he was going to pick up some breakfast and coffee and headed out.

He made a detour before finding breakfast. There was a little jewelry shop on the corner a few streets away from their house, in a little strip mall that sold all manner of souvenirs, beach attire, surfboards, the like. He slipped into the store and was greeted by an aged man with white hair and more than his fair share of wrinkles. He was tanned and had a stooped posture that spoke of many years gone by. Alec showed him the shell and asked him to make it into a necklace.

"For someone special?" the old man said in a surprisingly strong voice.

Alec grinned. "Yes."

The old man nodded and showed Alec a selection of neckwear to choose from. Alec debated between a long, delicate silver chain and a slightly thicker hemp string. In the end, he decided the string seemed more fitting and would look really good around Magnus's neck . The old man smiled his agreement with Alec's decision and set to work attaching the seashell to the sandy brown cord. The finished product was beautiful. The jeweler then placed the necklace in a box on a bed of soft, deep purple velvet and handed it to Alec. Alec paid for his purchase and left the store in search of breakfast.

When he returned to the little cottage, Magnus was already awake, showered and patiently - okay that might not be true - awaiting Alec's return. He damp hair hung loosely, still occasionally dripping water onto his bare shoulders, for he hadn't bothered putting on a shirt yet.

"Coffee!" he said with barely contained desperation. He really was an addict. Alec laughed as he practically ripped the coffee cup from his hands and took as big of a gulp as possible without burning all the flesh from his mouth. After consuming most of his coffee, Magnus rummaged through the bag of food, pulling out a breakfast burrito for each of them and tearing into it liked he'd never eaten before.

"Slow down there before you choke on your food," Alec said, still very much amused. Magnus had the decency to look ashamed before he inhaled the rest of his burrito and started on a second one before Alec had the chance to eat half of his own.

"I'm blaming it on the sailing yesterday," Magnus said around a mouthful of food. "More coffee?" he added, a pleading look on his face.

"Yeah," Alec said, "I'll have to make it though. You only get one expensive coffee per day." He got up and pulled a container of coffee grounds from another bag he had dropped on the table, and started a pot of coffee. He knew Magnus wouldn't be able to handle just one cup of coffee, and either would he, if he were speaking truthfully.

While he was busy readying the coffee pot, Magnus was busy snooping through the remaining bags Alec had brought in. As the brew started percolating, he turned around, just in time to see Magnus pull a long, thin, black box from a bag. In the time it took for this to register with Alec, Magnus turned to him and said, "What's this?"

Shit. Alec had planned to surprise him with it that night at dinner. Oh well, not much to be done about it now.

"It's a gift." Magnus's eyebrows shot up, interested. "For you. Go on, open it."

Magnus stared at him for a moment, as if not comprehending why Alec would get him a gift. Alec thought that was fair, considering they had never exchanged gifts before, and it was kind of out of the blue. He nodded encouragingly at Magnus, who finally lifted the top of the box and peeked inside. Alec watched the emotions play across his face as he chewed on his lower lip, then turned to Alec.

He swallowed before saying, "It's beautiful."

Alec grinned. "Still not as beautiful as you," he said, before removing the necklace from the box and placing it around Magnus's neck. He stood back to get the full effect. The hemp cord came to a point just below Magnus's collarbones, the seashell lying flat against his chest. Alec had been right when he said the shell would look stunning against Magnus's rich skin color. "Perfect," he whispered.

"Yeah, you are," Magnus said. "I can't believe you did this." He fingered the string hanging around his neck, tracing it down to the seashell pendent. "I love it. Thank you."

Alec leaned down to kiss him. "I love you," was his reply.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: You guys did it! You broke 300 in reviews! Guess I shouldn't have told Magnus to shut up ;). Thanks so much!**

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The bag Magnus was holding slipped from his hands and landed with a thud on the dock. "You said we were going scuba diving…on a reef!" He stared at Alec with incredulous eyes.

"And so we are," Alec said teasingly. He knew exactly why Magnus was having a fit, but found it much more enjoyable to pretend like he didn't.

Magnus's mouth opened and closed like a fish's as he jabbed a finger at the boat behind him. "From the fucking Titanic?" he said, his mouth falling agape.

Alec laughed. "Oh, please, the boat's not _that _big." He scooped up the bag Magnus had dropped, and brushed past his boyfriend, heading further up the dock to where a rather large yacht was moored. He wouldn't admit it to Magnus, but he was a little shocked at the size of the boat he had rented. He supposed he hadn't been very specific though, simply saying he needed a boat and an instructor to take them scuba diving, and he wanted one they could comfortably sleep on overnight. That didn't seem too outlandish. Though, perhaps saying money wasn't an issue was his mistake…

Magnus was muttering something that sounded like '_not that big?_' under his breath, but Alec ignored him. He walked to the end of the dock and approached a man standing next to the wooden plank they would use to climb aboard the ship. The man looked like a typical ancient mariner. He had fluffy white hair that stuck out from under a navy blue and white Captain's hat. His navy blue blazer was decorated with thin golden cords along the shoulders and cuffs, and the starched, white pants he wore were also trimmed in gold. His face was deeply lined with wrinkled, hinting at his age, but many of them could probably be blamed on the permanently deep tan he sported.

"My name is Captain Charles," he said in a gruff voice. "You can call me Captain Charles, or simply Captain."

Alec stifled a grin, then introduced himself and Magnus as he shook the Captain's hand. Captain Charles motioned for them to climb aboard, and when he turned, Alec noticed he seemed to hobble, his gait reminding Alec of a duck. Alec was suddenly concerned about the man's advanced age, and whether or not he was up to a couple of days at sea on such a large boat. He shot a glance at Magnus, but his boyfriend was either not concerned, or had simply not noticed how frail the good captain seemed to be.

However, when they got aboard the ship, Captain Charles came alive. He barked orders to his crew, sounding very much like the commander of a military fleet. Alec also noticed how much better the old man walked on board the ship than he did on dry land. He wondered how often the man actual left the ship.

The 'crew' assembled in front of the captain, standing rigid, and again bringing to mind a scene from any number of military movies. Captain Charles introduced the crew, which was much smaller than one would imagine for such a large boat. It consisted of the captain and his co-captain/first mate/whatever the hell that guy was called, a mechanic-type person who would stay below deck and make sure everything was operating correctly, a cook, a housekeeper, and a young guy who was introduced as the 'entertainment specialist.' Alec wasn't entirely sure what was required of an 'entertainment specialist' but he assumed the guy would at least know how to scuba dive, considering that was the main purpose of this excursion.

Alec and Magnus were shown to a room that was every bit what one would expect from a yacht. There was an enormous, king size bed taking up a huge section of the room, with gleaming wood headboard and accent tables. A flat screen TV mounted inside a shiny, dark wood cabinet sat across from the bed. Plush carpeting lined the floor and led to an attached bathroom that was just as elegant as the rest of their room. They dropped their bag beside the bed, staring at each other with wide eyes, and left the room to do some exploring.

They had some time before they would reach the area near the reef where they would drop anchor, so to speak, and have their first scuba lesson. In the meantime, they discovered all the amenities the boat had to offer.

"I still can't believe you rented a freaking yacht," Magnus said, as they poked their heads into a small weight room.

Alec flicked on the light to reveal an elliptical machine and a stationary bike. There was a punching bag in one corner and a small set of weights secured against one wall. "You seemed so comfortable on the sailboat," he replied, turning the light back off and closing the door behind them as they made their way down the hall. "I thought you would like this, too."

"Oh, I do," Magnus said enthusiastically, as he peered into an arcade, complete with a billiards table, air hockey, pinball, and a few games like Pac-man and some hunting game. "This is awesome. I just can't believe you rented it."

They descended a curving staircase and found the bar. The room was dark, and again had the gleaming darkly stained wooden furniture that seemed to be a common theme throughout the boat. "I happen to be having fun spoiling you, my love," Alec said as he pointed to a few bottles of expensive liquor secured behind a glass fronted cabinet. "We might have to sneak in here later tonight," he said, lowering his voice conspiratorially as he winked at Magnus. Magnus nodded in agreement.

Alec continued toward a wide open living space that had caught his eye before he realized Magnus hadn't followed him. He turned back around to see Magnus leaning against a wall, staring out into space. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Magnus shrugged, but turned his head until their eyes met. "You weren't supposed to be spoiling me," he said. "You weren't supposed to be spending so much money. That was the whole point of staying in your dad's house in Miami."

"Magnus -" Alec began, but Magnus cut him off.

"No, Alec, you don't understand." He pushed himself off the wall and began pacing. "I don't feel comfortable with you spending so much money on me."

Alec stopped Magnus's pacing by placing his hands on his shoulders and turning him to look him in the eyes. "Magnus, stop. Look, just think of this as a vacation within a vacation. Okay? Here in Key Largo we can go crazy and run up the credit card bill. Once we're back in Miami, we'll go back to how it was," Alec bargained.

"You've spent a lot of money…"

Alec made a dismissive gesture. "There's no one I'd rather spend money on than you. And it's just for this week. Alright?"

"But it's not just for this week," Magnus protested. "There was the Heat game, too. Those tickets couldn't have been cheap."

"Undoubtedly they were expensive," Alec conceded, "but I didn't pay for them. My dad goes to every Knicks game he can. He had tickets for game 2 in New York, but he ended up not being able to go. He thought about us here in Miami and swapped tickets with a friend of his who had tickets for game 3. His friend got to see the game in New York, and we got to go to the one in Miami. The tickets would have been wasted if we hadn't used them."

Alec could feel the tension drain from Magnus's body. He hated that Magnus kept getting so hung up about money, especially when money didn't really mean much to Alec. Sure, it was nice to be able to rent a yacht on a whim, it was nice to _have_ money, but what good did it do to have it if he couldn't spend it? He had no idea how to get Magnus to relax about the money issue. It wasn't something he wanted to fight about. Fighting about money, to him, was for people who didn't have it yet one person wanted to buy things they couldn't afford. Not for people who had it and wanted to spend it showing the person they loved the time of his life.

"Are we okay here?" he asked, somewhat tentatively. "Are you okay with spending the night on the yacht, or should I tell Captain Charles to take us back to land?"

Magnus ducked his head sheepishly. "I'm okay. I just…you know I'm not comfortable with you spending so much money on me."

"I know, and I admit I got a little carried away…"

Magnus cocked an eyebrow at him. "A little carried away? _A little carried away?_ Have you seen the size of this freaking boat?" Magnus stammered, incredulous.

Alec grinned. "Well, I was _trying_ to see the size of this boat, but you decided to freak out about money. Come on, let's see what else is here."

He tugged Magnus's hand before he had a chance to protest any further. He led Magnus through the main living area, decked out with white leather couches, a crystal chandelier dangling from the ceiling. Then, they continued into the kitchen where they met the cook with less formality than they had when they first boarded the yacht. As it turned out, the cook went by 'Cook' and would offer no other name for them to call him. Cook drilled them about their food preferences, saying his job was to make this an experience they would never forget. He was a middle aged man with a friendly face, but not one that either of them wanted to cross. His piercing blue eyes glared at them when they said they weren't very picky about food, until they finally caved and told him all their favorite things. Alec and Magnus were laughing about how intense Cook could be by the time they made it to the top deck for their scuba lesson.

As they had suspected, the 'entertainment specialist' was indeed the guy who would give them scuba lessons. He appeared to be in his mid-twenties with curly brown hair and soft brown eyes. His name was Jamie, and he had apparently grown up in southern Florida. He knew how to scuba dive, surf, parasail, and just about anything else they could imagine doing on the water, and many activities that don't involve the water.

They spent about an hour going over the equipment, how to use it, what to do if they got into trouble of any kind. Jamie assured them he would be with them the entire time, and would be paying close attention to any signs of distress. This alarmed both Alec and Magnus a little, as they now wondered how often people encountered distress while scuba diving. Jamie smiled a reassuring smile and said that sometimes people got freaked out underwater, or if when they encountered some of the species of oceanic wildlife that inhabited the reef. He then spent time going over the plan for once they get underwater.

And then it was time to do this thing. Alec felt nervous energy coursing through him. He glanced at Magnus and noticed him bouncing on the balls of his feet. They exchanged a smile, and a short time later, found themselves forty feet below the water looking at the most beautiful sight either could imagine. The colors, even underwater, were so vibrant. Schools of fish shimmered as they swam by, some clustering around the divers and following their movements. Alec laughed when a rather large fish startled Magnus and he swam away to hide behind him. _That's right, baby, I'll protect you,_ he thought and wished he could say. Instead, he simply held out his arms in a protective gesture, before completely cracking up. He doubled over laughing when he saw the look on Magnus's face, a mixture of surprise and embarrassment at his overreaction.

Later that evening, Alec teased Magnus again about the incident as they dined on the most extraordinary steaks they had ever eaten. Even Jamie got in on the teasing, mimicking Magnus's frightened expression.

"Oh, shut up, you two," Magnus grumbled, but Alec caught the twitch of his lips and the faint blush coloring his cheeks, and knew he wasn't really upset about the teasing.

"Awww, come on, baby, don't be upset with us," Alec said in a mock-plea. Magnus looked at him through narrowed eyes, so Alec added, "We might have to sic a big ole fish after you." Then he and Jamie burst with laughter again. Magnus tried to hold his disgruntled expression, but failed miserably, and all three ended up in tears, fists pounding the table as they let it all out.

"So, what do we do now?" Magnus asked when they had finally recovered.

"Well, there's a hot tub on the upper deck," Jamie suggested. "Or," he added, lowering his voice, "we could raid the bar and hang out in the game room." Alec exchanged a look with Magnus, who simply shrugged as if to say _Whatever you want to do._ Alec shrugged right back and said, "Bar and game room."

A few minutes later, they found themselves snooping through the cabinets in the bar, selecting a bottle each of top-shelf tequila and whiskey. Jamie disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a lime cut into wedges and a salt shaker. Magnus spotted this and grabbed a trio of shot glasses, then they headed toward the game room.

On first glance that morning, Alec and Magnus had not noticed the wicked sound system in the game room. Fortunately, Jamie knew all about it. He cranked up the volume to some 90's New Age shit that Alec and Magnus were not familiar with but had a good rhythm so they didn't complain. Alec challenged Magnus to a game of air hockey, which he was spectacularly good at, in hopes of finally finding a game he could whip Magnus's ass playing. Magnus smirked at him. Shit, he knows how to play air hockey, too. Life was so unfair.

Twenty minutes later, they were still trying to get the last point, both blocking each other's shot so ferociously that the puck was flying around the table in a blur. Jamie approached them timidly with three shot glasses and set them on the edge of the table. Magnus glanced away for one second and Alec slid the puck through Magnus's goal, winning the game. He threw his hands up triumphantly, whooping and yelling his victory. Magnus scowled at him.

"Look guys," Jamie said, "I love games as much as the next person, but we are wasting perfectly good tequila and limes here." He chuckled as he handed out the glasses.

They grinned at each other, passing the salt shaker around as each licked their hand and salted it, then licked the salt off. They clinked glasses and tossed the tequila down their throats, then stuffed the lime wedges in their mouths. Magnus shook his head as the sour lime hit his taste buds, and Jamie let out an exaggerated sigh. Alec, personally, loved tequila shots. He and Jace had used them to celebrate his eighteenth birthday with a few of Jace's friends from his soccer team and a couple of Alec's from cheerleading. It wasn't just the taste of the tequila he liked, it was the whole package, the whole ceremony with the salt and the lime. Tequila shots were just fun.

They spent the next few hours playing silly drinking games. For example, whenever Magnus's Pac-Man died, they all drank. Whenever someone hit a combo shot on the pool table, they all drank. Whenever Alec missed the dart board completely, they all drank (this one happened a lot more than it should, especially as they got drunker).

Finally, Alec found himself sitting on the floor, leaning against the pool table, very close to Magnus. In fact, his legs were draped over Magnus's and their arms were linked together. Magnus had a drunken, glazed look in his eyes that Alec found kind of adorable. He pulled Magnus to him and kissed him. Then whispered in his ear, "I want to bend you over the pool table and fuck you senseless." He grinned as Magnus's glazed look turned blazing and his breath came out a little harsher. His eyes slid sideways, then back to Alec's.

"Umm, we have an audience right now," Magnus whispered back. Their heads were so close together that Magnus's breath fluttered Alec's hair.

"Hmm, that could be -"

"Don't. Don't finish that sentence," Magnus interrupted. Alec saw the flash of desire in his eyes along with a flash of something else. Magnus didn't need to worry though. He had only been joking. He may enjoy public displays of affection, but public sex? Yeah, no. Not happening. He kissed Magnus to soothe him, and maybe, just maybe, turn him on a little more.

"You guys are really cute together," Jamie's drunken voice said from across the room where he had drunkenly slid down the wall. Alec and Magnus both turned to look at him, their heads still drawn close together, and still hanging onto each other. Alec had specifically requested a crew for the yacht that was not homophobic, but he hadn't really expected someone to tell them they were cute together. He was intrigued by this, but he didn't know what to say either. Before his muddled mind thought of something, Jamie said, "You make me miss my ex."

"Oh?" Alec said, releasing Magnus and turning slightly to face Jamie, though he still kept in close contact with his boyfriend. The sad look on Jamie's face made him feel guilty for hanging all over Magnus like that.

"Yeah," Jamie continued. "Damon. I miss him."

Alec and Magnus shared a glance. So Jamie was gay, too. And apparently heartbroken. "What happened?" Magnus asked, because Jamie looked like he needed to talk about it.

Jamie sighed and waved a hand at them. "It's been a while now," he slurred and sank down a little lower. He was quiet for several long beats and Alec thought he wasn't going to say anything more. But then the flood gates opened and he bared his soul. "I was in love with him. We met our sophomore year of college. He had never been with a guy before, and he was really nervous about it. No one even knew about us except for our roommates. It was hard to hide it from them when we were spending the night in each other's bed all the time. We were together until graduation…" He trailed off into silence again. He took a deep breath and continued. "After graduation, I was ready to move in together, start a life, you know? But he said that he wasn't gay, that he was just experimenting like everyone does in college. He said he'd been seeing a girl back home since Spring Break and that he was going to marry her. He said…" Jamie sniffed softly. "He said he never loved me. It was all just a game to him. He never loved me."

Alec tightened his grip on Magnus's arm, and Magnus squeezed his hand. Neither knew what to say to Jamie. Alec had no trouble imagining how Jamie felt. What if Magnus never came out and then dumped him after he graduated? Yeah, no trouble understanding how heartbroken he would be if something like that happened. He thrust his head into Magnus's shoulder. The gesture was too harsh to call a nuzzle. He just needed to be as close to Magnus as he could at that moment, needed to hold on just a little tighter.

A strangled laugh escaped Jamie and he sat up a little straighter. "I'm sorry. I guess I drank too much. I don't normally talk about it. It's been more than a year since it happened. I'm trying to forget…it's just…hard sometimes."

Instinctively, Alec and Magnus released each other and crawled across the floor together to sit on either side of Jamie. They draped their arms around his shoulders in a comforting gesture and he smiled briefly at them.

"You'll find someone else, someone better," Alec said, squeezing Jamie's shoulder. Magnus nodded in agreement.

"Thanks, but honestly, I no longer trust my judgment. I thought he loved me. How could I be so wrong?"

"Don't do this, Jamie. You're a good guy. Don't let one jerk ruin everything. He's not worth it," Alec said fiercely. He wasn't even sure why he felt so angry about this. He barely knew Jamie. Maybe it was his own fear showing through. He shook his head to stop that train of thought. He was _not_ in the same situation as Jamie. Magnus loved him. He _knew _Magnus loved him. He didn't _think_ Magnus loved him, he was completely certain of it. This trip to Florida had cemented that knowledge in his mind. There were no doubts. Well…except for if/when Magnus would ever decide to come out…

Twenty minutes later, they had tucked Jamie into bed in his own cabin and were in their huge master suite getting ready for bed. They hadn't really said anything about Jamie or his story, but it seemed to be weighing heavily on both of their minds. Alec pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, fluffing his pillow before laying his head on it. He tented the covers up, inviting Magnus to join him. He slid in next to Alec with a small smile. He rested his head on the corner of Alec's pillow, his arm snaking around Alec's waist and pulling him close. Alec happily scooted closer to Magnus and rested his forehead against his boyfriend's.

"I love you," Magnus whispered. "I'm not like Damon. Please don't think I am. I'm not just experimenting with you. I love you, and I want to be with you."

Alec met his gaze and smiled. "I never thought you were experimenting with me. I know you love me." He pressed a gentle kiss to Magnus's lips.

"Yeah, but I saw the look on your face when Jamie told us his story. I know you were scared, but you have nothing to worry about."

"I know. It was a scary story though. But I know you love me, I don't doubt you at all, Magnus."

Magnus smiled at him, then pressed his lips to Alec's forehead and just held him close until they fell asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Reesexxoo: Welcome aboard! Glad you are enjoying the story so far. Thanks so much for your reviews!**

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Alec threw open the door, hoping to stop the incessant buzz of the doorbell. He was instantly bowled over, a high-pitched squeal rupturing his eardrums.

"Jesus, Cammie!" Alec said as he floundered for balance, not quite knowing how he managed to stay on his feet. Remaining upright was a lot harder to do with a tiny woman attached to him like a sloth. Her arms were squeezing the life out of his neck and her legs were wrapped around his waist just at tightly. He chuckled at her, and hugged her back, burying his face in her long blonde hair. "I missed you, too."

Magnus and Austin were too busy laughing at her to give him any assistance in his predicament. But he didn't really mind. He loved Cammie. She was like his little…er, big sister. Whatever. She kissed his cheek then hopped down in that way that only tiny cheerleaders can accomplish, with a little bounce as she landed on her feet.

"I missed you so much!" She bubbled over with excitement, even worse than usual. "I know it's only been a few weeks, but it seems like _forever_ since the semester ended. I can't wait to hear _everything_ you two have been up to."

Alec exchanged a glance and a smile with Magnus. "We've been pretty busy, actually," he said with a grin, one that widened considerable when he felt Magnus's hand at the small of his back. Cammie caught the affectionate gesture, her eyes widening. She looked expectantly at Alec, but she would have to wait until they at least got all the pleasantries over with, and, perhaps, until they closed the front door.

He shifted his attention to Austin, who was wearing a crooked smile. He grabbed his hand and pulled him into a one-armed hug. "Congratulations, man! We're so happy for you!"

"Thanks," Austin said demurely, his cheeks reddening just a little under his eyes. Cammie had texted Alec a few days before to let him know that Austin had qualified for the Olympics, and to set up arrangements for the Lightwood jet to pick them up.

"I wish we could have been there," Alec said, feeling guilty that they hadn't been there. They had been busy, but would have made time to go to the meet if Austin hadn't told them not to come.

"No worries," said Austin, dismissively waving his hand. "Like I said, I was so busy I barely got to see Cam the whole time we were in Gainsville. I was either practicing, competing, or doing some stupid media shit. Two solid days of interviews and photo ops. Ugh."

Alec laughed, though inwardly thought that was definitely his idea of hell. He scooped up Cammie's bag where it had fallen on the floor when she launched herself at him in greeting. Magnus took Austin's, and led them on a quick tour of the house. He told Cammie she could pick any bedroom she wanted, and of course, she took the purple room. Alec assured them that the housekeeper had made sure all the rooms were clean and tidy and fully stocked, but if they needed anything all they had to do was ask.

"You guys hungry?" he asked after dropping Cammie's and Austin's belongings in their bedroom. Both nodded vigorously. Alec grinned and led them back down the stairs to the kitchen.

While Magnus rummaged in the fridge for sandwich ingredients, Cammie cornered Alec. "So, what _have_ you been up to?" she said, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

"Everything," he said evasively, "absolutely everything."

She gave him a disgruntled look, and he knew he would soon be telling her everything. He wasn't really sure why he was holding back, why he wasn't word-vomiting all over her right now. He wanted to tell her how incredible things had been since they got to Miami. He wanted to tell someone, if for no other reason than to make it real. But he just couldn't seem to make his mouth form the words. It was stupid, really. Cammie and Austin knew nearly everything there was to know about his relationship with Magnus, everything except Magnus's own personal secrets.

He was saved from answering when Austin and Magnus interrupted them, handing them each a sandwich. Alec smiles gratefully, but Cammie glared at him, making sure he knew that their conversation was far from over.

They settled at the kitchen table, making small talk. Austin told them all about Gainsville, going into more detail about the meet and qualifying. His mother had been there, and Alec felt another twinge of guilt for not being there to meet her. He had talked to her a few times on the phone during the brief time he lived with Austin, and she seemed like a female version of her son, sweet and open and easy to talk to. He wished he had ignored Austin and went to the damn meet.

Cammie skimmed over her trip to Maine, saying it was exactly like every other year. She was clearly much more interested in what had been going on between Alec and Magnus, and kept trying to steer the conversation back to them. Her eyes followed their every movement, narrowing and focusing when Magnus's arm slid around Alec's shoulders, or down to squeeze his thigh. Alec still reveled in those little gestures from his boyfriend, and he could understand why Cammie was practically bursting to know their meaning. After all, she had never seen Magnus be so affectionate toward Alec. She only got to see him in public, never in the privacy of their dorm room. She was drinking it in, too, much like a girl watching her favorite characters finally get together. Alec couldn't help smiling at that thought. He knew that was how Cammie regarded them, like the couple she's been rooting for on her favorite show, hoping they would get together and have the perfect relationship. He didn't mind. He liked having someone care so much if he and Magnus made it.

After awhile, Alec noticed the tired look in Austin's eyes, and the droop of Cammie's head leaning against her hand for support. He knew they were exhausted from their week in Gainsville, and from the short flight down to Miami. He sent them to their room for a nap, feeling like an overprotective parent in doing so, and promised they would all hit the town once they were rested.

Alec took the opportunity for some alone time with Magnus, and led him to the back yard for a swim in the pool. That might not be completely accurate. Yes, they got in the pool, but they didn't do much swimming. It was really just an excuse for a cool, wet make-out session. They swam to the deep end, shading themselves under the free end of the diving board. They tread water as they held on to the diving board, and each other, and explored the other's mouth quite thoroughly.

Much later, once Cammie and Austin were up and everyone had showered, they got dressed up and went to dinner. Alec took them to his favorite restaurant that Tony had recommended. It was a small, elegant place that had an outdoor seating area overlooking the beach. The place was a little pricey, but Alec didn't care about that. They were celebrating! Austin made the Olympic swim team, and he and Cammie were finally here to spend their last week in Miami with them. They all had steak and lobster and ate like pigs. Magnus and Cammie had champagne, while Alec and Austin had sparkling cider, since they were still underage. But it didn't matter. Alec was high on life at the moment, and didn't need the intoxication of alcohol to lift his mood.

After dinner, they met Tony, Mark, Jason, and Dean at their favorite club for a night of dancing. Cammie was overly excited about this. She loved dancing, and couldn't wait to meet Alec's and Magnus's new friends. Alec thought she secretly hoped to get some damning information from his friends. Once she met the other guys, Alec's suspicions were confirmed. She flirted shamelessly with all of them, and they flirted right back, but she kept glancing his way from time to time and he knew she was trying to get the guys to talk. This didn't bother him at all, especially since he already planned to tell her everything.

Austin leaned over to talk loudly in Alec's ear so that he could hear him over the music. "It's a good thing these guys are all gay. I might have to worry if they weren't."

Alec shook his head. "If they were straight, she wouldn't be flirting with them."

Austin laughed. "You're probably right."

"I know I'm right. Cam loves you. You have nothing to worry about. But she does seem to be enjoying herself."

Cammie was currenly dancing somewhat provocatively with Jason and Dean. She was in the middle, sandwiched between the two men, rubbing her body along them, her head thrown back, laughing. Austin chuckled. "She's shameless." Alec had to agree.

Tony sat down next to them with a beer in hand. "So, you're the Olympian," he said to Austin.

Austin grinned. "Yep. That's me. I still can't believe it."

"Hey, Tony, I want to introduce him to Brett. I promised I would when Austin got here."

"No problem. Name the time and place," Tony said, taking a long draft from his bottle.

"Who's Brett?" Austin asked.

"Oh, just this Olympic gymnast who Tony put me up against so he could cheat and win a bet," Alec said casually, then shot a glare in Tony's direction. Tony choked on his beer and Alec laughed. Austin looked back and forth between them, clearly wondering what he was missing.

Alec launched into the story of how Tony had figured out who Magnus was and wanted to play him, and how he had decided to bet that Brett was better than Alec at tumbling. "Of course he's better! He's going to be in the fucking Olympics!" Alec said indignantly. He folded his arms across his chest, but he couldn't keep a straight face when Tony started laughing, shortly joined by Austin. He wasn't really mad anyway. It was just a stupid bet, just for fun. No reason to be upset about it.

"If I remember correctly, you tried to drown me in the pool when you found out," Tony said, tipping his beer bottle in Alec's direction.

Alec snorted. "Serves you right."

When Tony got up to go to the bar and get another beer, Austin leaned in and said, "Looks like you've made some friends down here."

Alec nodded. "We have. God, it's been such a great month." Austin smiled at him and he said, "I've really missed you and Cam though. I'm glad you're here now."

"We missed you, too. And Magnus. Where is he anyway?" Austin craned his neck to scan the club for a sign of Magnus. Alec finally spotted him, now dancing with Mark. The memory of a conversation with Tony entered his mind unbidden, the conversation where he told him about what a slutty flirt Mark could be.

He stood up abruptly. "I'm going to rescue my boyfriend," he said, as Mark's hands landed on Magnus's hips. Magnus shook his hips, more vigorously than necessary for dancing. Alec hoped he was trying to shake Mark off.

Alec marched up to them and cut in between Magnus and Mark. He smiled sweetly and said, "You don't mind if I dance with my boyfriend, do you, Mark?"

Mark looked surprised, but then schooled his expression into one of nonchalance, and said, "Not at all."

Alec turned around and put his hands on Magnus's hips, right where Mark's had been a moment ago. He sighed with relief, wondering why exactly he felt relieved. It wasn't like anything was really happening, and he certainly trusted Magnus. He met Magnus's eyes and the broad grin that split is face.

"Jealous?" Magnus said innocently, though the twinkle in his eye told a different story. Alec narrowed his eyes at Magnus, then shook his head.

"No," he muttered, "but my hands are the only ones that are going to be on your hips."

"Oh, baby, you have nothing to worry about," Magnus said against his lips just before he kissed him. "Thank you for saving me though," he added when he pulled away.

"You're welcome," he mumbled, starting to feel stupid for getting jealous of Mark. There was no reason to be. He knew that. He _knew_ it. He just couldn't stop the reaction he had when he saw Mark's hands on Magnus's hips. Magnus was his, and he wasn't sharing.

Magnus pulled him closer, dancing seductively to the beat of the music. His hips ground against Alec's and a thrill shot through him. "You're the only one I want touching me," Magnus drawled, punctuating his words with another swing of his hips.

"God, Magnus," he moaned, circling his arms around Magnus's neck and bringing his mouth up for another kiss.

Magnus snickered and cleared his throat. "Umm, we are on a crowded dance floor…"

Alec's eyes snapped open. Oh shit! He had forgotten they were dancing at a club. He wanted Magnus, and the evidence was not something he could hide.

"So, um, maybe we should, um, put a little space between us," Alec stammered.

Magnus laughed and kissed his cheek. "No way, baby," he said, pulling Alec close again.

They danced to several more songs, though not as tantalizingly as before, and allowed Alec enough time for his erection to go down before he made his way back to the tables. Magnus stayed on the dance floor with Tony, Jason, and Dean. Alec had no idea where Mark had gone, but he hoped he wouldn't have such a strong reaction if he showed up and danced with Magnus again. He looked around and noticed that Austin was now dancing with Cammie a few feet away. After another couple of songs, Cammie broke away and slid into the chair next to Alec.

"You're friends are awesome!" Cammie grinned excitedly. She grabbed the glass from Alec's hand and drank deeply. She sat the glass back in front of him with a disapproving look. "Water? Really, Alec? Live a little!" She threw her head back laughing.

Alec shook his head. "I'm underage. Remember?" She gave him a pitying look. "And, anyway, you're right. My friends are awesome." He looked pointedly at her and she grinned.

"So," she said, retrieving the olive from on of the guy's martini glasses and popping it into her mouth, "you and Magnus seem to be doing well." She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly at him. He couldn't suppress his grin. It was true, they were doing very well.

"We are. It's been amazing being here with him. I've never felt closer to anyone."

She eyed him shrewdly. "Has it been like this the whole time?"

"The whole time. Since we got in the limo…" He looked away, attempting to hide the heat in his face.

"What happened in the limo," Cammie teased as she smirked at him. He had been rather obvious that _something_ had happened in the limo.

"Nothing," he said innocently.

"Oh no you don't, Alec Lightwood. You tell me what happened in that limo!"

"We kind of…um…" His face was flaming red at this point, so he just leaned over and whispered it in her ear.

She pulled back, wide-eyed, and slapped his arm. "Get out! Did you really? Oh, Alec, you naughty, naughty boy!" She giggled and reached into someone else's drink to steal an orange slice. Alec bit his lip and whispered what they had done in the airplane. "Holy fuck, Alec! You're even naughtier than I thought!"

"I know. I couldn't believe it either. I've never done anything like that before, but the best part was…he _let me_! He's been so different since we've been here. In a good way…a really good way," he finished with a dreamy quality in his voice that was sickeningly sweet, even to him.

"Well," Cammie said, reaching for yet another glass to steal something edible, "I'm really happy for both of you. Just promise me you won't do that on the flight home. Ew."

Alec arched an eyebrow. "Hey, weren't you the one who read gay romance novels so we could talk about this kind of stuff?"

"Yeah, I did. That doesn't mean I want to _watch_ it!"

"What don't you want to watch?" Austin said, joining the table and wrapping his arm around Cammie's shoulder.

"Yeah, what are you two up to over here by yourselves?" Magnus said, taking Alec's glass and emptying it down his throat.

"Nothing," Cammie and Alec said together. They turned to each other and laughed, earning skeptical glances from their boyfriends.

Cammie snagged a passing waiter and ordered a drink, then turned back to the guys. "We were just talking about how happy you look, Magnus," she said. "You look good out there dancing with Alec."

Magnus leaned over and rested his head on Alec's shoulder. "He's the one that looks good out there."

Alec bit his lip and smiled shyly. He leaned his head against Magnus's. "You look good. I'm just an accessory."

Cammie punched his arm. "Ow," he said, rubbing his shoulder.

"You are not an accessory," she said adamantly. "But you two do look really good together. Maybe we can go dancing sometime when we get back to New York."

Alec knew what she was doing, and he appreciated it, but he didn't want to do anything to set Magnus on edge. They only had a week left in Miami, and he wanted it to be just as perfect as the rest of this month had been. He gave Cammie a 'cool-it' look, and she returned it with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"I saw that," Magnus said, pulling Alec to him, almost onto his lap, and nuzzling his face against Alec's neck. "Maybe we can go dancing…some day."

Cammie beamed at him, then leaned back to accept her drink from the waiter. When he was gone she said, "I'm gonna hold you to that, Magnus Bane." She pointed her straw at him, punctuating her point.

Alec smiled. Could Cammie help him get Magnus to come out? He'd never thought about recruiting his friends to help with this. He'd always just assumed that Magnus would have to do it in his own time, but now he wondered if Cammie and Austin could help them, like Tony and the others had helped them feel comfortable here in Miami. Was it possible? Maybe. He suddenly felt a lot more hopeful.


	33. Chapter 33

Saturday arrived entirely too quickly. Sunday afternoon they were leaving to go back to New York. Alec and Magnus spent the entire week showing Austin and Cammie their favorite places in Miami, taking them to the beach every day, swimming in the pool behind the house. Both were looking for a quiet week together without a lot of crazy activities after their hectic week in Gainsville, and seeing that this was Alec's and Magnus's last week, too, they were inclined to agree with their friends.

But, for their final night in Miami, they had a big celebration planned. They were going to party on the beach. Tony, Magnus, and Austin spent the day cutting up a dead tree at Tony's for a bonfire and collecting a few pieces of driftwood to add blue color to the flames. Alec and Cammie made sure the food and drinks were in order. Jason got in touch with Brett and Ian to invite them to come along so that Brett and Austin could finally meet. It was shaping up to be quite a send-off.

As the sun drifted toward the western horizon, the group met back at Alec's house. They gathered up all the food and drinks, and someone grabbed a portable radio, and headed to the beach. The bonfire was already set up, just waiting for the flame to be added, but they would wait until the sky grew darker to do that. Jason and Brett argued over the radio station, and eventually brought a collection of cds from someone's car and cranked up the music.

Beer was passed around in red cups so as not to be too obvious what they were drinking. They'd considered getting a keg, but since both Alec and Austin were underage, they didn't want to attract any unwanted attention. In no time at all, the group settled in to a very festive party.

The music changed to a different genre after each cd ended, just to keep in interesting. The beer flowed freely in a nearly endless supply. Alec and Cammie had planned mostly finger foods, sandwiches, veggies and fruits, cheeses, pickles and olives, chips and pretzels. Everyone picked at the offerings and the food table slowly dwindled.

And everyone danced. Group dancing broke into couples dancing when the music turned soft and slow. Alec spent as much time as possible in Magnus's arms, his head resting against his boyfriend's chest listening to his steady heart beat. He breathed in the mingled scent of smoke and sea and Magnus, inhaling deeply and holding his breath so that the smell lingering in his nostrils. He loved that smell. He loved the smell of Magnus more than any of the others combined, but there was something about the salty, smoky air that added to the scent.

As the night wore on, Alec found himself, on more than one occasion, standing alone near the food table or the coolers of beer. He watched Magnus laughing and talking to their friends, watched the rest of the group enjoying themselves as well. And his mind wandered. He recalled the images of playing volleyball on the beach, the bets over the basketball game, swimming in the pool and the ocean, sailing to the Keys. Everything they had done over the last month flashed before his eyes, and he felt a strange sense of longing.

"Why are you over here all by yourself?" Cammie's voice drew him from his thoughts. He looked up at her, realizing that he was sitting under a palm tree several yards away from everyone else. She sat down next to him and he offered her a wan smile. "You've been awfully quiet today." He could see the concern in her pretty green eyes as she looked at him.

"I don't want to go back to New York," he said softly, looking down at his hands folded in his lap.

Cammie chuckled. "I think everyone feels that way at the end of vacation."

Alec shook his head. "No. This is different."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Alec glanced sideways at her. "It's just…I've found everything I ever wanted here. When Magnus said he loved me, I thought that was everything I ever wanted, but now that I've seen what my life could be like, with him, here…I want it. I want it so badly it hurts."

"What do you mean?"

"You've seen it. He holds my hand and kisses me in public. We go on dates, dance together _in public._ We're like…a real couple here. And I don't want it to end. I don't want to go back in the fucking closet. I want the whole world to know I have a boyfriend, and that I love him and want him and need him. I'm sick of hiding." He rested his head in his hands at the end of that speech. He just couldn't look at her at the moment. He thought maybe it was jealousy, jealousy that she could do all of those things with Austin when he couldn't with Magnus.

"It's not really your choice though Alec," she said softly, placing one small hand on his arm. "You agreed to give him time, to keep your relationship secret for now. Unless you've decided you can't do that anymore…" Her voice lilted up in question at the end.

"No," he sighed, "I mean, you're right. I don't have a choice. I want to be with him. I just don't want to hide it anymore. Hell, I don't even know if I _can_ hide it anymore." He met Cammie's worried gaze. "I've seen the way you look at Austin. Do you think you could hide that look every time you go in public?"

Cammie thought for a moment before answering. "No. I don't think I could."

Satisfied, he shifted his gaze back toward the guys drinking around the bonfire. "After spending a month down here, being open and free to love him any way I want, I just don't know how I'm going to stop now. I don't _want_ to stop now."

"Alec, honey, he wants the same thing."

Alec's head snapped up to look at her. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Come on, Alec. Your affection is not one-sided. He loves you, and he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem? You know you can't force him to come out if he's not ready. You're just going to have to be patient."

Alec sighed, exasperated. "You don't understand, Cam. He kissed me after the Heat game with thousands of people around that could see us. We sat on the beach and just…stared into each other's eyes for a really long time. I was in love with him before, but not like this. I've fallen so hard for him. I want him. All of him. I want it all, the whole package. Everything…I want…him."

"Wow, you've really got it bad, don't you." It wasn't a question, and she didn't phrase it as one. Alec nodded is agreement.

"I do. This thing with him…it's so much more than I ever thought it could be. He's…I think he's the one, Cam."

"The one what, Alec?" she said, and Alec couldn't be sure if she was teasing him or not.

He answered honestly anyway. "The one I'd like to share my life with."

Cammie let out a soft, high-pitched squeal and threw her arms in the air in perfect cheerleader victory formation. Alec grinned and her arms suddenly encircled his neck, squeezing him tightly. "I knew it!" She kissed his cheek and squealed again.

He laughed briefly at her antics, then his smile faltered. "Don't you see though, Cam, that just makes it worse. I love him so much. How am I supposed to pretend that I don't? How am I supposed to act like we're just roommates, or just friends? How?"

Her happy smile drooped. "Oh, sweetie. I don't know. You just…have to."

Alec grunted irritably, then turned a sly smile on her. "We don't really have to go back though, right? I mean, he doesn't have any family. No one would notice him missing."

Cammie laughed. "Right. No one would notice…except the millions of basketball fans that are waiting to see what he does his senior year. And the NBA folks that are drooling over having him on their team next year. And I'm pretty sure his coach would come looking for him if he's not at practice on Monday."

Alec shrugged. "Like I said, no one would notice."

They both laughed as Alec allowed Cammie to pull him to his feet. "Let's go back to the party. It's getting cold away from the fire."

"Yeah. I'd like to enjoy my last night here with Magnus, before I have to share him with the rest of the world and pretend he's not the center of mine."

As soon as they rejoined the crowd, Magnus slipped behind Alec and wrapped his arms around his waist. Alec leaned back against him, turning his head to kiss his lips.

"Everything okay?" Magnus whispered in his ear.

"Yeah," he replied. Magnus's arms tightened around him and he knew that Magnus wasn't buying it. "I'll tell you later."

Hours later, once the fire burned itself out and the detritus of the party was cleared, the entire group retired to Alec's house. The mood was bittersweet, everyone knowing this was their last night together. No one seemed to want it to end, but in the small hours of the morning, as the sky began to lighten toward daybreak, each succumbed to exhaustion, one by one.

Once he had seen his guests to their rooms, Alec joined Magnus in their own crazy animal print bedroom. He stripped off his tank top and tossed it to the floor, his mind wandering. He wondered if Magnus would recall that he had promised to tell him what was bothering him earlier. He hoped that he wouldn't, but at the same time, hoped that he would. He wasn't sure what purpose it would serve to, once again, tell Magnus that he wanted them to go public back home. Magnus knew this, had always known this. And, as Cammie reminded him, he had promised to give Magnus time. But things had changed for him in Miami. They had been dating for, what, six months now? Was that long enough for Magnus to come to terms with everything, with their relationship and his own feelings? Was it still too soon to expect Magnus to come out, or to even consider coming out? He didn't know, and he didn't want to fight about it, especially not on their last day in the place that had brought Alec more happiness than he'd ever known.

He shed the rest of his clothing, and so did Magnus. They always slept naked together, even on the rare occasions that nothing sexual happened between them. They slipped under the covers at the same time, rolling onto their sides to face the other. Magnus brought a hand up to stroke Alec's cheek, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. He smiled warmly and kissed Alec, long and slow.

When he pulled away, he said, "What was bothering you earlier?"

Alec sighed. Of course Magnus remembered. It had probably been bugging him the whole time. He took a deep breath and plunged forward. "I don't want to go home."

Magnus quirked a grin at him. "You want to stay here in Miami?"

Alec nodded, bit his lip, then shook his head no. Magnus laughed at his confusion. "Just say it, Alec."

He steeled himself and captured Magnus's gaze. "I want what we have here. I want to date, and go dancing, and hold your hand and kiss you in public. I want…I want to stop hiding our relationship, Magnus."

Magnus's face fell, and Alec's heart sank. "You know I'm not ready for that…"

"But you are," he pleaded, cupping Magnus's chin in his palm. "You've been doing exactly that the whole time we've been here. I just…I wish it could continue when we got back to New York."

Magnus turned his face and kissed Alec's palm. "I wish it could, too. Don't you think I want that? Don't you think I want this?" He gestured between them with his hand. "I want you, Alec. God, this last month has been the best month of my life. I love you, and having all our friends know it has been…magical. But we don't live in a magical world. And I'm terrified of the world we do live in."

Alec felt the sting of tears in his eyes. No, apparently six months hadn't been long enough. He tried, desperately, not to let sadness overtake him, but he couldn't deny that it hurt. Badly. But he had known, hadn't he? Known that this vacation was not a 'coming out.' Magnus had voiced that before they even left New York. He'd made no illusions. Yet Alec had fallen into the trap of hoping and wishing. Stupid. Just fucking stupid.

"Alec, please. Don't be upset with me," Magnus said, jerking him back to the present, and making him feel like shit. This wasn't Magnus's fault. He knew that. Magnus looked at him with round, sorrowful eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

Alec forced the hurt away, forced the tears down so they didn't spill over and make Magnus feel worse. "I love you, too," he said earnestly. "So much."

And he kissed him. He wasn't going to let Magnus feel bad for not wanting to come out yet. No matter how much he wanted it. Magnus said he wanted it, too. That was something at least. He wound his hand through Magnus's too long hair, pressing it to the back of his head and holding it steady for the kiss. He kissed him, over and over, sinking into that place where it was just him and Magnus, no need for worry about the outside world or its influences.

Magnus kissed him back with a sense of greedy urgency, deepening the kiss. He rolled Alec onto his back, climbing on top of him. Alec felt the need in him awaken abruptly. He didn't want anything between them, no distance, no difference of opinion. They loved each other, and that was the most important thing anyway. That wasn't going to change, whether they hid it or flaunted it for the whole world to see.

He spread his legs, tenting them up so that Magnus fell into the hollow they made, where he fit perfectly. His hands slid down Magnus's body, cupping his ass and pulling his body against him. He needed Magnus now, needed him to make the pain go away.

It was over more quickly than normal, because their need for each other was so great at that moment, the need to be close and comfort the other, to make sure each knew how much he was loved. They both felt the sting of knowing that the lifestyle they had created in Miami wouldn't continue when they got home, no matter how much they wanted it to. So when Magnus entered Alec, and Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus's waist, they both sighed with relief that they hadn't damaged their connection to the other's soul. Magnus's movements held that urgency, and though he tried to drag it out as long as he could, his body simply didn't cooperate. He tried to go slow. Alec could feel his restraint with each movement, could feel the tremble in his body as he tried to hold out longer, but he couldn't. Neither could Alec. Each thrust seemed to penetrate not only his body, but his soul as well. And all too quickly, they spilled themselves.

Magnus buried his face in Alec's neck and wrapped his arms tightly around him, not caring about the mess. He kissed his neck and jaw and just held him.

"I wish I could give you what you want," he said eventually. Alec could hear the pain in his voice and it broke his heart. He regretted saying anything to Magnus. Deep down, he had known that he would regret it. That's why he had always let it go before, instead of pushing the issue.

He didn't say anything. What was there to say to that? He could say it was okay, but he wasn't okay with it. He didn't know any words to comfort Magnus, or himself for that matter, so he used his body instead. He held Magnus close, tracing slow circles with his hands against his back. He kissed his lips, jaw, ear, nose. He looked into his eyes, smiled at him, told him he loved him in every way except verbally.

Eventually, Magnus withdrew and rolled them so they were on their sides facing each other again. They stayed wrapped in each other, their bodies glued together by Alec's fluid, but neither cared about that. Their eyes never wavered, and they barely blinked, not wanting to miss a single moment.

Alec gave voice to something he'd been thinking about all week. "I want some gay friends," he said. Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him, so he quickly added, "Back home. I mean, I've never had a gay role model or gay friends before. I feel like I've learned so much from Tony and I just like having friends that understand what we've been through. I mean, Cammie and Austin are great, but they can never quite understand how we feel, or the struggles we've been through. You know?"

He took a deep, steadying breath after rambling like that, and studied Magnus's reaction. To his surprise, Magnus laughed. "Alec, have you forgotten that my best friend is gay?"

Alec's eyes widened. "Will," he said incredulously. He had, indeed, forgotten that Will was gay, and that he had a boyfriend.

"Yeah, Will." Magnus smiled and kissed Alec's shoulder.

"But, would you be willing to let me meet him?"

Magnus gave him a look. "You've already met him."

Alec rolled his eyes. "I met him, sure. And then you ushered me away like you didn't want me to contaminate him."

Magnus's mouth fell open. "I did not!" he said indignantly. "He just wanted to talk to me alone."

"Fine. Whatever. But the question still stands. Would you let me meet him? Talk to him? Be friends with him?"

Magnus meditated on that for a moment before replying. "I want you to be friends with Will. I just haven't been ready to introduce you yet." He paused for a moment, then seemed to make up his mind about something. "Yes, Alec, I'll introduce you. Soon. I promise."

Alec grinned. That was definitely a step in the right direction. Maybe spending time with Will and his boyfriend back home would help Magnus feel more comfortable about coming out. Maybe this was exactly what they needed.

They lay in silence together, just watching each other, touching, being close.

Alec licked his bottom lip, suddenly nervous. Thinking about meeting Will brought an idea to mind. "Magnus? There's, um, there's this place near the river that my parents go every year to watch fireworks on the 4th of July. We have food and drinks and spend the whole afternoon there. It has a great view of the fireworks, too."

Magnus visibly swallowed, and Alec knew he'd made his point, even without saying the words. "And…you want me to go? To meet your parents?"

Alec nodded. "Jace and Izzy and Max will be there, too. You could bring Will…"

Magnus blew out a breath. "I don't know, Alec…"

"Please, Magnus." Alec's eyes scanned Magnus's face. "I can't move back into the dorm for seven more weeks. I'm going to miss you so much. But if we see each other on the 4th, it won't seem so long."

Magnus kissed him on the nose. "I'll think about it. Okay?"

Alec nodded. He knew he wasn't going to get him to commit to going tonight. He had pretty much ambushed him with the idea in the first place, and right after Magnus had agreed to let him meet Will. It was a lot for him to deal with at one time, but getting him to promise to think about meeting his parents gave him hope. He kissed Magnus in thanks and laid his head on the pillow.

Tomorrow they would be back in New York, and back in the closet.

Back to life. Back to reality.


	34. Chapter 34

Three weeks. Has it really only been three weeks? Well, it's the longest three weeks of Alec's life.

When he left Magnus at the dormitory with a long, lingering kiss goodbye, he knew it would be hard to be separated from him. Especially now. After spending an entire month practically joined at the hip. Well, longer than that really. They've lived together since September, and been dating since December, and now it was July and he hadn't seen Magnus in the flesh for three- fucking- weeks. God he missed him.

In those three weeks, he had talked to Magnus at least once a day, mostly before they went to bed so they could hear each other's voice. Helps them sleep better. Sometimes, he even got to talk to him first thing in the morning. They've also sent about a million texts to each other, further proof of how much they missed each other. They even Skyped a few times, mostly from the privacy of his bedroom, mostly very naked as they watched the other bring himself off. It was hot and kinky and fun, but it didn't completely fill the void.

Alec felt lonely, lonelier than he'd ever felt in his life, including the six months that he didn't talk to anyone when he first figured out he was gay. He also felt like he must be one hell of an actor, because no one ever commented on him moping around the house like a lost puppy. He did his best to occupy his time by hanging out with Jace, Izzy and Max, or going shopping with his mom. His dad even took him to a gun shooting range, just to let him blow off steam. Okay, maybe he wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as he thought if his dad thought he needed to blow off steam.

Anyway, the separation from Magnus was so much worse than he had imagined it would be. Worse than when Magnus didn't speak to him for two weeks after he kissed him. Worse than each time he disappeared to Will's. Worse because now he knew what it was like to be in a real relationship with him, and not seeing him just made the hunger that much stronger.

And now it was July 4th, and he was helping his mom pack up the food they would be eating later that afternoon at the park. He'd talked to Magnus last night and again this morning, but Magnus had still not committed to meeting his family. He just kept saying he wasn't sure if he was ready for that. Alec kept trying, but didn't want to push him too far. But fuck, if they don't see each other tonight it will be nearly another month before they finally do, and Alec wasn't sure he could take that. The logical solution would be for him to go see Magnus, but Magnus balked about that, saying it would only raise suspicions about their true relationship. Like Alec gave a fuck about that. He just wanted to see Magnus, and he knew Magnus wanted to see him, too.

His entire family seemed to have conspired to cheer him up on the ride to the park. They packed the Cadillac SUV full of their belongings and set off, and Jace and Izzy immediately started up a conversation about something Alec couldn't care less about, then dragged him into it, kicking and screaming. His mom and dad even joined in. The only one who seemed to realize he wasn't paying attention was Max.

Max tugged on his sleeve and Alec turned to him. "Check out my new manga book," he said, cheerfully. For some reason, though he highly suspected Max was in on the family conspiracy, he didn't really mind this line of chatter. It wasn't just idle chatter, at any rate, it was something that Max was actually into and wanted to share with Alec. So Alec obliged. They spent the rest of the ride chatting about his favorite new books and comics and some stuff he'd been reading online. Alec promised to check out the online stories when he got a chance, and Max seemed satisfied with that. Alec didn't miss the secret glances and smiles the older members of his family shared while he talked to Max.

As they set up their site near the waterfront, Alec helping his dad with the grill, while Jace set up blankets and chairs, and Izzy and Maryse sorted out the food, Robert took the opportunity to corner Alec.

"You've been awfully quiet since you've been home," Robert said conversationally, as he poured charcoal into the small grill. Alec flashed a crooked smile at this. His father always preferred the taste and smell of food cooked over charcoal to that of a gas grill, so even though it was more work, and more of a pain in the ass, this was how they always grilled.

He glanced up at his father, who was still several inches taller than him. "I know," he said, feeling ashamed by his melancholy, and totally disheartened that his acting was not as good as he had thought. "I just miss him."

Robert dropped a rather large hand onto his shoulder and gave him a knowing smile. "I get it. I really do. But you may want to think about your family, too. We've been without your company for much longer than three weeks, you know. You think Jace and Izzy weren't unbearable when you first left? Moping around all the time. Or your mom, or Max? Hell, son, I miss you, too."

Alec's guts twisted with guilt. He remembered how sad and lonely he'd felt when he first moved into the dorm. Then, he'd become fast friends with Austin and Cammie, and had his whole life flipped on end when he was forced to move in with Magnus. He had missed his family less and less as he was sucked deeper and deeper into his new life. And now? Now he was with them and pining over missing his boyfriend that he would see again in just a few more weeks, if not tonight. He felt like such an asshole.

"Your right, Dad. I'm sorry."

Robert smiled patiently at him. "Don't be sorry. Just know that we love you and want just a little bit of your time, too."

Jace interrupted at that moment, grinning and tossing his soccer ball in the air. Alec glanced back at his dad, who nodded his approval of the boys taking off. They jogged over to an open field, still within sight of the rest of the family. Jace kicked the ball to him and they spent a good half hour knocking the ball around. Jace showed off some new move he'd recently learned. By then, with the sun beating down on them, they were pretty hot and sweaty. They sat under a huge oak tree, stripping off their shirts to cool down. Izzy joined them a few minutes later with bottles of water, having finally broken away from their mother and the food.

Alec looked from Jace to Izzy and back, mustered his courage and said, "Look, you guys, I'm sorry I've been such a…"

"Asshole?" Jace supplied.

"Party-pooper?" said Izzy.

The two exchanged a glance, then burst into laughter. Alec shook his head and joined them. "Yeah, I guess both of those descriptions fit. Seriously though, I'm sorry I haven't really been around much. I miss you guys, you know?"

"Yeah right. You miss your _boyfriend_," Izzy said, trying to look hurt, but the twinge in her lips gave away her humor.

"Can't deny that. But I do miss you, too." He gave Izzy a one-arm hug and pulled her to his chest.

"Ew. You're all sweaty!" she said, pushing him away to the amusement of both boys.

Alec glanced sidelong at Jace, just in time to see him lunge at Izzy. Jace held her down while Alec tickled her ribs, both boy's sweaty arms rubbing against her as she writhed on the grass, laughing and attempting to push them away. When they finally let her up, she was red-faced and tossing some choice words about how disgusting she found the pair of them.

After that, they chatted about Alec's trip to Florida and the Heat-Knicks game, then about Jace's girlfriend, Clary. Izzy surprised them all when she started talking about this guy, Simon, she'd been seeing. Izzy wasn't the kind of girl that dated anyone for very long, or bothered telling her brothers about them. Alec couldn't remember any guy lasting more than a week with his sister, and she never gushed about any of them. She only ever gushed about Alec's boyfriends, and that was just to rile him up.

He began to realize how much he had missed the easy camaraderie he had with his siblings. They used to talk about everything and nothing, sometimes simultaneously. He loved those two so much. He didn't know how he would have made it through his life without them. Oh, he'd been one of the lucky ones for sure, having a supportive family. But before he ever told his parents he was gay, he'd told Jace and Izzy, and they had been there for him, every step of the way. He owed them so much, and felt like he'd abandoned them when he left for college. Not that he had a choice, he just wished he'd done a better job staying in touch. Calling them daily at first was good, but that had progressed to weekly calls as his schedule, and his love life, got busier. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't let that happen again. His family was just as important as Magnus and more important than school.

With that mindset, he decided to quit looking over his shoulder every few minutes to see if Magnus had arrived. When his mother called them over for dinner, he went happily, making a plate for himself, and kissing his mom on the cheek, thanking her for everything she'd done. He meant it in more ways than just making them dinner, too. His mom was great, had always taken care of them, and he loved her very much.

They sat around the fold-out table, eating their steaks and grilled vegetables. Robert Lightwood was a grill master, the best Alec had ever known, and he made the best steaks in New York. That was saying something, considering some of the best chefs in the world were in New York City. The dinner conversation was light and fun, and Alec caught his dad's eye a couple of times, exchanging a smile that spoke volumes of thanks.

After dinner, the whole family tossed a Frisbee around, trying to see how long they could keep it going without hitting the ground. Alec was surprised how good Max had gotten at this. He used to be the weak link, considering he was so much younger than everyone else, but now he was getting really good. Alec pointed this out, after he, himself, had been the one to drop the Frisbee, and Max beamed with pride at his big brother.

As night fell, the crowd thickened, and the Lightwoods moved back to the little plot of land they had claimed. Someone in the crowd brought a radio and turned it up so everyone could listen to it. It was set on an oldies station, playing all sorts of music from the 50's and 60's. Alec didn't really care the genre as much as he enjoyed the upbeat tunes that seemed to put everyone in a good mood. His mom and dad even danced to a couple of the songs, whirling around in their small space, occasionally bumping into someone and having to apologize profusely.

Alec had been pushing away thoughts of Magnus all evening. Every time they threatened to surface, he squashed them, choosing instead to enjoy his time with his family. If Magnus didn't want to show up and meet them, there wasn't much he could do about it.

Alec was browsing the food table, searching for his mom's world famous snickerdoodle cookies when Jace tapped him on the shoulder. "Don't look now, but there's a creepy stalker staring you down," he said, jerking his head at the line of trees behind them.

He turned slowly, his eyes scanning the tree line and finally lighting on a very familiar figure partially hidden in the shadows of an oak tree that was easily twice his size. Alec's heart skipped and a smile split his face. He thought he heard Jace say something to him as he walked away, but he was too focused on that figure to notice what. He made a beeline through what was likely hundreds or maybe even thousands of people, but he wasn't aware of any of them.

He approached the tree and the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen graced the most beautiful face he could possibly imagine. He looked up into those unique greenish-gold eyes and could feel the goofy smile on his face. If this was his first test at hiding his true feelings for Magnus in public, he was failing miserably.

"You came."

"I did," replied Magnus.

"I didn't think you would."

"Neither did I." His smile turned demure.

"But you did."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad."

"Me too."

Alec chewed on his lower lip, still feeling kind of dazed and giddy to see Magnus there. "I love you," he said in a barely audible tone.

"I love you, too."

"I wish I could touch you, or kiss you."

Magnus's grin slipped. They stared at each other for several long moments, then Magnus reached out and dropped his hand on Alec's shoulder. Alec felt his knees weaken at the contact he'd been deprived of for three solid weeks. His breath came out a little harsh as he said, "Want to go meet my family?"

With the hand on Alec's shoulder, Magnus guided him toward the Lightwoods and said, "Come on. Let's get this over with." Magnus's hand slid down Alec's back and then broke contact as they began carving their way through the crowd. But that was okay. He was here. That's all that mattered. Alec knew what a huge step this was for Magnus, and he hoped Magnus knew how much it meant to him.

As they approached the little area where the Lightwoods had set up camp, Alec's mom and dad were standing at the food table, pretending not to notice the sudden appearance of Alec's boyfriend. They knew he was there, of course. Alec had felt the entire family's eyes follow him and watch him as he talked to Magnus. He was certain that they just didn't want to scare Magnus by being too forward.

"Mom, Dad? This is Magnus," Alec said, then turned to Magnus and made the introductions.

He could see Magnus slip into his heterosexual-basketball-star mode, and knew it was a defense mechanism, the only way he knew how to get through this. He gave him an encouraging smile. Magnus returned a too-bright, fake smile. Then he extended his hand to Alec's mom and said, "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lightwood."

Alec's mom smiled warmly at him. "Please call me Maryse," she said as she slid her hand into Magnus's and gracefully shook it. "It's nice to finally meet you, Magnus. Alec has told us a lot about you."

Magnus's fake, nervous grin widened appropriately. Alec doubted anyone who didn't know him as intimately as a lover would ever know that smile was fake. Magnus could be quite the actor when he needed to be. He'd had a lot of practice.

"He's told me a lot about you all as well."

Robert Lightwood thrust his hand toward Magnus and said in his deep, commanding voice, "Robert Lightwood." Magnus shook his hand firmly, that smile staying in place.

Before the handshake had ended, Jace interjected himself. "Magnus Bane! Hey! I'm Jace." Magnus's smile shifted slightly, as if he were a little more comfortable talking to a teenager than big, scary parents.

"Hi, Jace," Magnus said. His eyes looked Jace up and down and noticed the soccer ball tucked between his arm and side, just like Magnus always held his basketball. "Right. You're the soccer player."

Jace's smile broadened. "Yeah. Listen, can I ask you something?"

"You just did," Magnus teased. Alec could see the minute shift in his posture that said his was every so slightly more relaxed. Jace laughed, and Magnus said, "What do you want to know? Something about basketball?"

Jace shook his head. "Not really." He tugged Magnus by the arm away from his parents, but Alec could still hear his next words. "I wanted to know how you chose which college to go to. I've had scholarship offers to play soccer at several school, but I'm not sure how to choose. I wanted to know why you chose Idris U over Kentucky or Duke or…"

The rest of the conversation was drowned out by the noise of the crowd as Jace and Magnus moved further away. Alec was honestly thankful for Jace's interference. He didn't think Magnus would tell him about his mom, and the real reason he chose Idris, but the topic of choosing colleges was otherwise safe, and would let Magnus feel more at ease.

He turned to his parents and smiled at them. "So, that's Magnus."

His mom smiled at him. "He seems like a lovely young man."

"Yes," Robert agreed, "maybe once Jace finishes with him we'll be able to talk to him."

Alec really hoped that would be the case.

A short time later, the fireworks began and Magnus was back at his side. Alec was hyperaware of the close proximity, and his whole body was thrumming with energy, wanting so badly to touch his boyfriend. After spending a month being able to touch him and kiss him any time he wanted, this was near torture. He glanced up at Magnus and saw the red and green and gold flashes of fireworks reflecting on his face. As if sensing Alec's eyes on him, he turned and gave him a small smile that spoke volumes to him. He knew Magnus was feeling the same things he was, he could tell by the look in his eyes. That alone made him feel better.

After the fireworks, Maryse cornered Magnus, offering him something to eat. Magnus accepted the plate she offered and helped himself to a handful of chips and a few cookies.

"Your snickerdoodles are my absolute favorite, Maryse," he said politely. "Alec and I really enjoy your care packages."

That was the right thing to say. Maryse beamed at him, spluttering her thanks. Robert wasn't far away and joined in complementing his wife's cookies. She smacked his arm playfully, blushing at all the praise but looking very pleased at the same time.

"So, Magnus," Robert said, changing the subject, "we enjoyed watching you play this year. You're one of the most talented young point guards I've seen in many years."

"Thank you, Robert," Magnus said shyly. _Shyly? _Alec wanted to do something to comfort him, to let him know that his dad wasn't scary, but he didn't know what to do.

Robert cleared his throat. "We were thinking about getting season tickets to Idris's games this year. Alec wouldn't let us last year, but now that we've met, we were hoping it would be alright."

Magnus's eyes widened. Oops. Alec hadn't told Magnus that his parents wanted to come to their games but he had told them no because he didn't want to freak Magnus out, even before they'd started dating. Magnus stared at him and he clumsily tried to think of something to say.

"I…um…just…"

Magnus interrupted, turning back to Alec's parents. "Of course you can come to our games. I have no problem with that," he said, and he seemed completely sincere.

Alec gaped at him. "You don't?"

Magnus tugged his arm, pulling him a few paces away from his parents. "You thought I'd have a problem with them coming to the games?" He actually sounded surprised. This threw Alec off even more.

"Well, yeah. You didn't want to meet them, weren't even sure you would come here tonight. I thought them being at the games would make you nervous or something."

Magnus shook his head incredulously. "Alec, the basketball court is the one place I'm confident about myself. I don't mind them coming to the games. Now, if you'd said I had to meet them because they were there, that would have been a different story. But I don't care who's in the stands."

"Oh," Alec said quietly. "I'm sorry. I just assumed."

"No need to apologize. I'd probably make the same assumption if the situation was reversed. I appreciate you thinking of my feelings, but next time, you could just ask me."

"Yeah. You're right. I should have done that."

They shared a smile and rejoined Alec's parents. "Everything okay?" Robert asked.

"Yes, Dad. We'd…um, like it if you came to our games this year."

"Are we going to Idris games this year?" Jace said enthusiastically, slinking up behind Alec and tossing his arm around his shoulders. Izzy and Max were right behind him, looking just as excited as Jace.

"We are. You guys will have to fight it out over who gets the extra ticket though," said Robert, grinning at his children.

"Not when you're out of town," said Izzy with her hand on her hip.

"No, but I'm going to some of these games, too, so we'll have to think of some way to divide them fairly," said Maryse.

A chorus of half-hearted groans filled the air as Alec's siblings and parents play-fought about who would be attending what games. Alec shared a glance with Magnus, who seemed to be amused that Alec's family was so interested in coming to Idris's games. Alec was surprised though. His whole family really liked basketball.

Magnus pulled Alec away again, this time heading back toward the tree where Alec had first spotted him. "I feel like we really made their night," he said, sounding quite entertained by the whole conversation.

"We did. The whole family loves basketball. Though I suspect Izzy wants to check out the college boys as much as watching the games."

Magnus leaned against the tree, his smile faltering. "I need to go," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I know," Alec replied, feeling his mood slip, too. "I wish I could kiss you goodbye."

He looked up at Magnus, watching as he scanned the crowd. Everyone seemed to be packing up and leaving since the fireworks ended. There were much fewer people there now than had been when Magnus arrived, at any rate. Magnus turned back to Alec, then jerked his head toward the forest, high weeds, and bushes that formed the outer edge of the park, just beyond the large tree where they currently stood. He strode off in that direction, and Alec followed.

Magnus stopped in a small, secluded clearing, turned, and scooped Alec into his arms, pulling him close to his body. "I couldn't leave without this," he said in a heady whisper, just before pressing his lips to Alec's.

Every nerve in Alec's body caught fire with that simple kiss. Alec's arms swept around Magnus's waist, holding him so impossibly close. Their lips parted, tongues creating a complicated dance, twisting together and sending shivers through their bodies. Alec could feel Magnus's erection pressing against his own, and suddenly would give anything to be able to take care of it for him. Three weeks felt like an eternity just now, and they still had several more weeks to go before they would be living under the same roof again. This thought spurred Alec on, his hands now traveling up and down Magnus's back, his groin pressing firmly into Magnus's, his tongue darting to all corners of Magnus's mouth. He couldn't get enough of him, wanted to draw this kiss out as long as he possibly could. He didn't want to let him go. Not ever.

But eventually, they had to breathe. When the kiss broke, they were both panting, gasping for air. Magnus took a huge gulp of air and kissed Alec again, just had heatedly, and broke off much too quickly. Alec's lungs burned for oxygen, protesting any further kissing, but the rest of his body screamed at his lungs to shut the hell up. The rest of his body wanted Magnus, right here, right now.

Magnus finally caught his breath at about the same time as Alec, and leaned in to kiss him once more. This kiss was much softer, less frenzied, but just as passionate and loving. This time when he broke away, Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's and said, "I love you. I can't wait til you get home."

Alec kissed his chin, not wanting to separate from Magnus any more than he had to. He knew he had to, though. Finally they parted, and Magnus grabbed his hand, guiding him back through the brambles and vines and stems broken from their previous trek into the woods. When they got to the edge of the forest, Magnus released him, said a quick goodbye, and disappeared.

Alec sighed, his whole body wanting to follow Magnus, urging him to follow. Instead, he headed back to his family. The Lightwoods had packed up most of their belongings in Alec's absence, and were waiting for him to rejoin them so they could leave.

"Where have you been?" Jace said, with a knowing smirk on his face.

"Said goodbye to Magnus," he mumbled.

Izzy walked up behind him, picked a leaf from his hair and flicked it into the air where is swirled to the ground on the breeze. "Uh huh, I'll just bet you were," she teased.

Alec's face flushed red.


	35. Chapter 35

The rest of summer break paradoxically flew by and dragged on. That kiss in the bushes weighed heavy on Alec's mind, making him wish for more. He wanted to see Magnus: see him, touch him, smell him, taste him. He missed him so much it hurt. He longed for him.

But his father's words on July 4th stuck with him. He wasn't alone, or at least, he didn't have to be. He had his family, a family who loved him and needed him. And he needed them. So instead of moping like he'd done the first few weeks after his trip to Miami, Alec threw himself into being the best son and brother he could possibly be. He spent a lot of time practicing soccer with Jace, and following him to his summer games. They invited Max along on several occasions, when they could drag him away from his comic books. He even braved the malls to go school shopping with Jace and Izzy. Jace, it seemed, had grown several inches over the last year and none of his clothes fit him anymore. Izzy, however, refused to wear the same wardrobe she'd worn last school year. Alec thought this ridiculous, but he wasn't going to argue with them, even if shopping was not his idea of a great time. He also thought Jace was a little too excited about shopping, and had a little too much fashion sense. Of course, Alec having virtually no fashion sense meant that his standards on that subject weren't very high. He enjoyed teasing Jace by saying, "Are you sure you're straight? You know an awful lot about fashion." His face fell when Jace shot back with, "Are you sure you're gay? Your fashion sense sucks." Iz laughed at them both, and tried to convince Alec that he would look good in a silver cashmere sweater, to which Alec said, "No fucking way."

All in all, the rest of summer went by pretty well. But when the day finally came to move back into the dorm, he was all nervous energy and excitement. His family insisted on delivering him back to school, and as happy as he was to see them for just that much longer, he couldn't control the twitch in his leg or the shake of his hands as he anticipated seeing his boyfriend again.

When they pulled up to the curb outside the dormitory, Magnus was already waiting for him. Alec knew with one glance at Magnus that he was just as anxious to see him, though he doubted anyone else would notice. Magnus was very good at hiding his true feelings. If the basketball thing didn't pan out, he could probably go into acting.

Alec had the door open as soon as the car came to a stop. He smiled at Magnus, who casually tossed his head in greeting. He went to the back of the SUV and opened the hatch, pulling out the couple of bags he had brought with him and dropping them on the sidewalk. Magnus walked over and greeted the Lightwoods, then slung one bag over his shoulder and waited. Alec noted the occasional tap of his foot that was the only give-away of his impatience.

Alec spared a few minutes with each family member, saying his goodbyes. As much as he wanted to get Magnus alone, he wanted to give his family a proper goodbye. He knew he would miss them as soon as they were gone, and they were very important to him, too. So he hugged everyone, told them he loved them, shared a private moment and some special words, then saw them into their car and down the road. He felt a pang in his chest as they drove away, but as soon as he turned and saw Magnus again, it melted away. He grabbed the handle on his rolling bag and tugged it behind him. He offered to take the bag Magnus was holding, but Magnus waved him off.

Magnus swiped his ID card and the glass doors to the dorm popped open. He held the door for Alec as they entered, then punched the 'up' button to call the elevator. Alec felt a thrill as they entered the elevator, knowing they would be alone for the few moments it took to get to the fifth floor, but at the last second, two guys got on the elevator with them, and he knew he would have to wait a little longer. The guys were cordial as they hit the button for the seventh floor, then focused on their own conversation, ignoring Magnus and Alec. Alec thought they might be from the track team, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know their names.

That was the longest elevator ride of his life.

Alec swore room 518 had not been so far away from the elevator last Spring. He felt like he was in some stupid fun house that screwed with distances. Every step he took closer to the dorm seemed to make the door farther away. His whole body was on edge and thrumming and _why the hell was this taking so long_?

Then finally, mercifully, Magnus was sliding his key into the door and throwing it wide so they could enter. He hadn't even closed the door completely behind them before his hand found Alec's belt loop and jerked him to him, their bodies colliding. There was a frenzy of lips and tongues and hands, of clothes flying and soft moans and _god-I-missed-you_'s. They fell to the floor right there inside the door, Magnus pinning Alec down and attacking his neck, but Alec quickly rolled him over and growled, "I want your ass."

Magnus's eyes glazed at those words and he muttered, "I have practice later. Go easy."

"This won't be easy," Alec said, and reclaimed Magnus's mouth. He had thought they might take their time and get reacquainted, but found he had no ability or desire to do that right now. He needed Magnus, possibly more than he'd ever needed him. He tore his mouth away and took a quick survey of the room, his eyes lighting on the small table that separated the door from the couch. Magnus was prepared. There was already a condom and their nearly empty bottle of lube waiting for him. He pushed himself off of Magnus and reached for those items, a smirk on his face when he looked back at his boyfriend. "You knew we wouldn't make it to the bedroom?"

Magnus reached for him, greedily pulling him back on top. "Shut up and fuck me."

Alec didn't need telling twice.

And he wasn't easy. He rubbed a generous amount of lube onto his sheathed cock and pushed into Magnus. Magnus gasped, a mixture of pleasure and pain. Alec gave him a moment to adjust, and when his boyfriend's hands found his ass and pulled hard, he knew he was ready. The sex was animalistic, instinctual, desperate. Alec rutted him like a wild animal, their moans and grunts and cries feral.

When it was over, Alec buried his face in the crook of Magnus's neck and inhaled, letting his unique aroma fill him, the last remaining link he needed to feel complete. He'd now seen, touched, tasted, smelled, and got off with Magnus, all the things he'd missed all summer. As he came back to his senses, he raised his head and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry if I was too rough," he said, and lazily kissed the sharp edge of Magnus's jaw.

Magnus snorted. "I can take you rough, cheerleader."

"Oh? Then why'd you tell me to go easy?"

"'Cause I knew you couldn't, and me asking would make it that much harder," Magnus said as he ran a finger down Alec's chest. Damn, he knew how to push Alec's buttons.

Magnus stretched out an impossibly long leg toward the couch and kicked a blanket and a few throw pillows onto the floor where he could reach them. Then he bundled them up in the blanket and slipped a pillow under each of their heads. They were laying on their side, facing each other, and Magnus brought a hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind Alec's ear.

"I missed you," he said. "Thank god you're finally home."

Home. That word caused Alec to smile. He never thought that a tiny dorm room would ever feel like home, but he now realized that his home was wherever Magnus was. That's where he wanted to be. That's where he belonged.

He covered Magnus's hand with his own, turning slightly so he could kiss his palm. Now that his need was met, he just wanted to be close to Magnus, to hold him and kiss him and love him. He pulled him close until their bodies were pressed together, paying no mind to the fact that they had not cleaned themselves up. He didn't care about that. In fact, as gross as it may sound, he kind of liked being glued together by Magnus's fluid and their sweat. He wasn't sure he would like that with anyone else, but with Magnus? With Magnus, it was just a deeper level of intimacy.

"So," Magnus said after a long silence in which they just gazed into each other's eyes, "tell me about your summer."

"You already know about my summer," Alec stated. "We've talked every day."

Magnus kissed him gently. "I want to hear about it when I can see you and touch you."

Alec grinned shyly. Magnus had a way of making him feel like that, especially since he'd been wanting the same thing. He spent some time going into detail about playing soccer with his brothers, and going clothes shopping. When he finished his story, Magnus said, "You should have bought the silver cashmere sweater."

"No way."

"Why not? You'd look good in it."

"How would you know? You didn't see me in it."

Magnus kissed the tip of his nose this time. "Because, unlike you, I actually have a sense of fashion."

"Hey!" Alec replied indignantly. "I have a sense of fashion."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Yes, you do. Jeans and t-shirts are definitely a sense of fashion."

"Hey!" he said again. "I have button-up shirts, and sometimes I wear them open over a t-shirt, and -"

"Relax, Alec. I like your fashion sense. But you would look good in that sweater…"

"What about you? All you ever wear is basketball shorts!"

Magnus laughed. "And I rock them."

Alec laughed with him. After awhile, they calmed. "So, how's the team looking so far?"

Magnus brightened at the subject change. "Great! We've got a couple of new guys. This kid, Devin, he's a helluva shooter. Might even be better than Blake, but don't tell either of them I said that. Coach has been practicing us all on the floor at the same time. Gives me an extra shooter to pass to. I love it! I don't know if he'll actually play us that way, but with Blake on one wing and Devin on the other? Man, is it fun.

"We've got a new forward, too," Magnus continued animatedly. "I don't remember his real name, everyone just calls him Jojo. He's a fantastic cutter, moves well without the ball, gets into passing lanes. The kid can fly. You should have seen the alley-oop I threw him yesterday. Shit. He's not as good as Jamal, but in a few years he might be."

"Sounds like Coach has given you plenty of options this year."

Magnus nodded with vigor. "Yeah. I hope it's enough. I really want to win the conference championship this year. It'll be my only chance to get a ring in college. I knew going to Idris meant giving up any chance at an NCAA title, but the conference title is doable. And I'd really like to play in an NCAA tourney game. You know?"

"I know," Alec agreed. "It's what every basketball player dreams about. Especially one of your caliber. You deserve it, too."

"Thanks. I know it's stupid, but, all my life people have been telling me that I'm good at basketball, and I feel like…if I don't ever win anything…I don't know, like I'm letting them down or something…or maybe it's me I'm letting down."

Alec studied him. "You're not letting anyone down, Magnus. Don't even think like that. You are doing the best you can given the circumstances. You're stats are phenomenal. People are taking notice."

"I know, it's just…if I don't have anything to show for it…"

"And a college championship ring is going to, what, make it all worthwhile?"

"Well, no. I mean, the ultimate goal is an NBA title, of course. But something from college would be nice." He shrugged, like it didn't really matter, but Alec knew him well enough to know better. He hadn't realized before how much Magnus wanted to make his mark on basketball, not just play, not just get drafted and make a significant contribution to his team, but to leave some kind of legacy behind.

"You know you are already a local hero at Idris. Everyone on campus knows who you are, and they idolize you. You've broken so many basketball records, not just at our school but in the conference as well, and you're making some noise nationally, too. You'll at least end up in the top fifty on points and assists, depending on how well your senior year goes. You've left your mark on college basketball, whether you win the conference title and play in the tournament or not."

Magnus kissed him, a brief smooch that had a loud pop at the end. "See, that's why I keep you around. You know my stats better than I do, and you're always stroking my ego." He winked at the incredulous look on Alec's face and chuckled.

"I'll stroke something else if you're not careful," Alec said in a low voice as he reached between them and took Magnus's cock in his hand. Magnus made a strangled sound.

"Alec, I've got to get ready for practice…"

"I know."

Magnus kissed him again. "I'll make love to you when I get back," he said, and Alec moaned at those words. "I've been wanting that fine, white ass of yours anyway, but right now, I've got to eat something and get going."

"Mmmm, can't we just kiss a little longer?" Alec whined.

"Well, maybe just for a minute."

Bad idea. A minute was all it took to get both of them hard again. It had been so long since they'd been able to be together this way. They were both very sensitive, and extremely needy. But true to his word, a minute later, Magnus broke the kiss and pushed himself off the floor. He strode into the kitchen butt naked, his erection aimed upward, walking gingerly.

Alec rolled onto his stomach and watched him, propping himself on his and Magnus's pillow and adjusting to keep his own cock from rubbing uncomfortably on the floor. "Sorry," he said at the way Magnus was walking.

Magnus glanced back over his shoulder as he lined up sandwich ingredients on the countertop. "No worries. I'm alright."

"I'm not the only one with a fine ass," Alec said as Magnus bent over to get something from the fridge. Magnus wiggled his ass at Alec, causing another loud groan to escape him.

"God, you're such a tease." Alec got off the floor and walked into the kitchen, coming up behind Magnus and wrapping his arms around him. He bit down on Magnus's shoulder just as he was squeezing mustard onto his sandwich, causing him to jerk and miss the bread altogether. Alec chuckled at the mess Magnus made, and laughed outright when Magnus glared at him over his shoulder. He knew Magnus wasn't really mad though, which became obvious when he leaned over and kissed Alec roughly on the lips. Alec nipped at him as he pulled away and jammed the sandwich into his mouth.

Alec was still not as comfortable walking around naked as Magnus was, but was getting more used to it now. He released Magnus and leaned against the countertop, watching him eat. "So, have you thought any more about me meeting Will?" he said as casually as he could manage.

Magnus arched an eyebrow and slowly sat his sandwich back on the counter. He painstakingly chewed the food in his mouth, but Alec knew he was just buying time to figure out how he wanted to answer. But Alec could be patient, when he wanted to, and this time he wanted to. He wanted to see Magnus's response, and not lead him to what he wanted him to say.

Finally, Magnus swallowed, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. He took a long drink from the glass, still stalling. Alec was getting nervous now.

"I…yeah, Alec. Of course I've thought about it. I…I'm just not sure…when…"

Alec rolled his eyes and took the glass from Magnus's hand. He downed the rest of the water in one gulp. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Magnus. What's the big deal? You met my family and you didn't spontaneously combust."

"True, but…"

"You didn't freak out about meeting my family did you?" The thought hadn't occurred to him before now. He had talked to Magnus before going to bed that night, and every day since, and didn't get the impression that he was freaking out, but who knows?

Magnus shook his head. "No. It was fine. I'm fine."

Alec leveled his gaze on Magnus. "Have you changed your mind about me being friends with Will?" He tried to keep his voice steady, but this was really important to him, and he didn't know what he would do if Magnus had changed his mind. He chewed on his lower lip as he waited for Magnus's reply.

Magnus's expression softened as he stared at Alec's lip, then brushed his thumb over it, stopping Alec before he could cause any damage from worrying it. "No, I haven't changed my mind. I want you to be friends with Will. I've always wanted that, I'm just…nervous about it for some reason." Alec started to protest but Magnus cut him off. "I know. I know there's nothing to worry about. It's just…I've never had a real boyfriend before, so I've never had someone to introduce to Will. I don't know how it will go."

"That's stupid, you know that right?" Alec said. "I mean, it's me. I'm a pretty likeable guy. Are you telling me Will's an asshole or something?"

"No. Of course he's not an asshole," Magnus said, looking away. When his eyes found Alec's again, he said, "I just really want you to get along…"

Alec leaned in and kissed him. "I'm sure we will. He can't be bad if you love him. Right?"

"He's great, actually. And so are you, by the way."

"Then I don't see the problem," Alec said as Magnus ate the last bite of his sandwich. He left a little spot of mustard at the corner of his mouth, and Alec couldn't resist licking it off. "What about my birthday?"

"What about your birthday?" Magnus said, dusting the crumbs off his hands into the sink.

"I mean, maybe we could set up the meeting for my birthday," he said really slowly, spelling it out for him.

"Oh," he grinned sheepishly.

"That way it gives you a little more time to get used to the idea, and hopefully, to feel comfortable with it," Alec said, shrugging like it really wasn't a big deal to him. Complete lie, right there.

"Alec, I _am _okay with it. I swear."

Alec wrapped his arms loosely around Magnus. Probably not the best idea if he actually wanted his dick to soften the rest of the way, considering they were both still naked. "So, my birthday, then?"

"Okay," Magnus agreed. "I really do want you to meet him..."

"I know you do. And I'm trying to make it as easy for you as I can."

Magnus held him, too, and buried his face in Alec's hair. "Thank you for being so understanding. I love you."

"I love you, too," Alec replied, then gently pushed Magnus away. "Now, go get ready for practice. And clean yourself up. You're kind of disgusting," he added, nodding toward the dried come on his boyfriend's belly.

"I thought that's how you like me," Magnus said, feigning hurt.

"You know I do," Alec retorted, and smacked Magnus on the ass as he walked toward the bathroom for a quick shower before practice. As he watched his boyfriend walk away, he couldn't help the giddy feeling he had over setting a date to meet Will. He wanted this very much. He wanted some gay friends. He missed Tony and the other guys a lot, even though they had kept in touch. He missed the lifestyle more than anything. And he was praying that this step, meeting Will, would push them toward a return to that lifestyle.

He smiled as he dragged his bags to his room to unpack. It was good to be home.

* * *

**A/N: So, I was asked how many chapters I planned to write, which is funny because I've been asking myself that very same question. See when I originally decided to write this story, I thought it would be a 'how they got together' story. I never intended it to be this long but somewhere along the way I decided to make it develop slower, more realistically. A couple of weeks ago, I sat down and mapped out the rest of the story and realized there is a lot more to their story. So. Much. More. It goes way beyond what I originally thought I was going to do. And I really want to tell it all. The problem? After looking at the outline and realizing there are several key plot points that will require 5+ chapters to tell (kinda like their trip to Miami and the weekend Magnus finally told his story), I realized that this story could easily end up with 100+ chapters. I'm concerned that may be too long, but don't really want to break it up into 2 parts. I accept that I may lose some people along the way, ones that don't want to invest that much time in such a long story, but so far it's still gaining followers each week and we are nearly to 200 followers now (whoohoo!). The reviews have taken a nosedive, going from about 15/chapter to about 3/chapter in the last month, so I don't have a good grasps on how many of you feel about the story. I hope it's holding everyone's interest. As I said, I have a lot more to tell. And honestly, I _have_ to tell it, or I'll make myself crazy with it. So, should I find a good stopping point and make a sequel or just keep going no matter how long it takes? Thoughts?**

**Also guest, thanks for giving it a try even though it's not finished, and yes I love my tequila shots ;)**

**And other guest, I'm glad you enjoy the music when it's there. I speak in lyrics frequently. Sometimes it's the simplest way to get your point across.**

**Also, I don't think Magnus ever mentioned the name of the guy he got caught with, mostly because he never saw him again, so it didn't really matter, I guess.**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: OK, whoa! You guys are amazing! First, no need to feel bad or apologize for not reviewing. I know you have lives. I'm thankful that you read and like the story! Truly. Second, omg 29 (TWENTY-FUCKING-NINE!) reviews for last chapter! Thanks for all the input about the length. I really didn't want to split it up, and I'm so glad no one seems to mind having a really long story. Guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other! lol. I promised Monday updates, and that will continue, but it looks like I owe you a bonus chapter for the record number of reviews! I'll try to get enough written to do that in the next two weeks...**

**For the guest who asked: 'Four' as in the guy from Divergent. I would have his babies (even before I ever saw Theo James as Four, but even moreso after...)**

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The semester was in full swing by the time Alec's birthday arrived. He and Cammie had performed together at three football games already. The team was playing pretty well, and so far had only lost one game. In some miraculous twist of fate, the team had the weekend off, meaning Alec had no commitments for his birthday weekend. He was stoked about this as he sprawled out on the grass, soaking up the warm, autumn sun with the three people on campus who meant the most to him.

"I still can't believe you two have been together for a year," Alec said to Cammie and Austin, cracking open one eye to peer at them sideways.

Cammie threw her arms around Austin's neck and kissed his cheek. Then turned to Alec. "Us? Look at you. You've managed to tame Magnus Bane, of all people." She grinned, clearly proud of her comeback.

Alec saw Magnus look around, making sure no one was close enough to hear them, but he wasn't as enthusiastic about it as he was last Spring. The gesture seemed more a force of habit than any real anxiety, and Alec smiled to himself at that thought.

"The lady has a point," Austin said. "I didn't think anyone would ever get this guy to settle down. Of course, I also thought he was straight, so…"

Magnus, to Alec's further surprise, chuckled. "That's what I wanted everyone to think." _Wanted_. Did he just say _wanted_? Not want, wanted. Past tense. Alec was so surprised by that, he had to voice it.

"Did you just say _wanted_?"

Magnus's eyes slowly drifted to him. "Yeah. I did," he said in a way that told Alec not to push it. Alec pulled up short on his questions.

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, until Austin finally broke it. "So, you guys are going out with some of Magnus's friends tonight?"

"Yeah," Alec said, nodding, and silently thanking Austin for the change of topic. In truth, he was a little nervous about meeting Will tonight, and he didn't want any awkwardness between him and Magnus before they even got there.

"Yes," Magnus confirmed, "we're meeting my friend Will and his boyfriend. I'm not really sure what is planned. Will said he would take care of everything."

Austin and Cammie exchanged a look that Alec couldn't interpret, but the little grin they shared told him they liked this idea very much. He did, too, honestly. He was really looking forward to meeting Will, and hoped that whatever he had planned, it involved something that would make Magnus feel comfortable with him in public. Although, for the life of him he couldn't figure out what that would be. If anyone could, it was Will. Will had known Magnus his whole life, and probably knew him better than anyone, though Alec hoped not as intimately as he knew him. He chose not to think about that.

A short time later, Alec and Magnus were showered and dressed and ready to meet up with Will. Magnus wistfully mentioned how good Alec would have looked in that silver cashmere sweater he refused to buy over the summer. Alec lightly punched his arm and told him to shut up, which turned into a childish game of 'shut me up' until Magnus had Alec pinned against the wall with his tongue shoved very far down Alec's throat.

When he finally broke away, looking triumphant, he cast an appraising look at Alec and said, "You do look good. Even without that sexy sweater."

"Who said the sweater was sexy?"

"Do we really need to rehash this?"

"Fine," Alec huffed. He wasn't sure why he was huffing. Magnus had just told him he looked good in his blue cotton long-sleeve shirt and loose-fitting jeans. His features softened as he took in Magnus's appearance and the smoldering look in his eyes. Magnus was wearing a black button-up shirt, nothing too fancy, and a pair of tight black jeans that looked like they were painted on him. He also had a pair of small silver hoop earrings in, something Alec rarely saw him wearing, and a silver ring with a blue gemstone set in it. Alec had never seen that ring before. He reached for Magnus's hand, drawing it up to get a better look at the ring. "What's this?"

"My birthstone," he said softly. "My mother gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday." He looked away, and Alec could tell the subject was difficult for him. "I only wear it on special occasions," he added.

Alec tugged his hand to get him to look at him again, and gave him a small smile when he did. "My birthday is a special occasion?"

"Well…yeah," he said more confidently. "But it's not just your birthday. Today is the anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. The day you became my roommate."

"I know. I can't believe it's already been a year."

"I can't believe how lucky I was that day." He looked up at Alec through his lashes as he spoke, and Alec's heart did one of those crazy somersaults in his chest. Magnus thought _he_ was lucky? Not nearly as lucky as Alec felt. No way.

"I thought you were trying to run me off. All that naked prancing around you were doing…" He grinned as he said it so Magnus would know he was only teasing him.

Magnus shrugged. "Maybe I was. Or at least maybe that's what I thought I wanted at the time. But honestly, Alec, I was intrigued by you the first time we met. I was drawn to you, and I couldn't explain why. I just…wanted…" He trailed off, searching and failing to find the right words.

"Just wanted to get to know me?" Alec supplied.

"Yeah. I guess. I don't know. I was terrified of you, though. I felt something that first day, when you nearly ran me over leaving the gym. I wanted to get to know you, but I was scared of where it might lead…that it might lead to this, actually." He gestured toward the hand that Alec was still holding. "You frightened me, Alec. Sometimes you still do."

What? Alec's eyebrows furrowed. "I frighten you?" He searched Magnus's face for answers.

"I'm still scared of how I feel about you, how intensely I love you. And I know being with you means one day I'll have to grow some balls and come out to the world, and that scares the shit out of me."

"Magnus, I'm not asking you to declare your love on national television. I just want…I'd like to hold your hand in public, even if it's under the table where no one else can see it. I'm not asking for all or none here. I'm okay with baby steps, gradually doing more as you feel comfortable with it. Not everyone is comfortable with public affection anyway, so you don't have to" -he shrugged, trying to find the words- "walk me to class and kiss me in front of everyone…or…something…"

"I don't?" Magnus looked incredulous. "But I thought that's what you wanted. You said you wanted to be like a real couple. I don't understand."

Alec led him by the hand over to the couch. "Look, the things we did in Miami were awesome. Perfect even. I loved every minute we were there. But, like you said, that wasn't real life." He paused to collect his thoughts, wanting to get this right. "We don't have to act like highschoolers in their first relationship. You don't have to be all over me all the time. You don't even have to be publicly affectionate all the time. Just…like today when we were sitting on the quad with Cammie and Austin, and they were sitting so close together and holding hands, I really wanted to touch you then. Just a little affectionate gesture. That's all I need right now."

Magnus still looked confused. "So, you just want to hold my hand when you feel like it?"

"For now, yes." Alec blew out a breath. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to hug you and kiss you any time I want, but mostly, I just don't want to have to _think_ so damn much all the time. I'm constantly on edge, trying to make sure I don't look at you wrong or accidentally touch you in a way that could be interpreted wrong. Actually, I try not to touch you at all in public, and it's just so damn _hard._"

Magnus was nodding, like he understood. "I need to think about this, Alec. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable walking around campus holding hands with you, but I agree that it's becoming really difficult to not let anyone know how I feel about you." His eyes drifted down to their entwined hands. "Sometimes, I think I'm already failing at that," he added softly.

Alec snorted. "Please. You're the best actor I've ever met. Trust me, no one knows how you feel about me."

Magnus said something so softly that Alec couldn't hear it and had to ask him to repeat it. He cleared his throat and their eyes met. "I said, sometimes I wish they did know."

Alec made an inaudible gasp, his breath catching in his throat. "Really?"

"Yeah. Come on, Alec, you know I want to be with you. You _know_ I want to be _out_ with you. If I were on virtually _any other _career path, I probably already would be out."

This was definitely news to Alec. "So, wait. You're saying you're no longer afraid of getting hurt by the big bad homophobes, just of it damaging your career?"

Magnus nodded. "Yeah. Look, when we were in Miami, I realized some things. I might have seemed casual about it all, but I was definitely watching what other people were doing and how they were reacting, and you know what I noticed?" Alec shook his head. "No one gave a shit. No one cared if I touched you or kissed you or whatever. Not just our friends, no one. Most people didn't even look twice at us, and some of the ones that did, actually smiled. That was a really eye-opening experience for me. And I realized that I really _liked_ being with you that way."

Alec felt a little stunned. "So…what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I need some more time, but that I'm no longer afraid that most people are going to react horribly bad to us." Alec's eyes widened, so Magnus quickly added, "But, I'm still afraid of how the NBA people will react. They're jocks, and jocks are not your classic gay-friendly group, you know?" Alec nodded bitterly. "But, I'm also saying that what you are saying sounds…reasonable…maybe even possible. I just need to think about it. I just need more time."

"Yeah. Okay. No problem."

Magnus offered him a smile, which he returned. "Let's get going or Will will think we've stood him up."

They caught a cab to a restaurant near the East River, a place Will had picked out. The place was quaint and had an outdoor seating area, where they found Will and his boyfriend waiting for them at a table in the corner. Alec had a vague memory of Will, having only met him once. He remembered that Will was several inches shorter than him, but had similar black hair that hung in his deep blue eyes, like Alec's. He had forgotten how devastatingly handsome he was.

But even that wasn't enough to draw Alec's attention away from the man sitting next to Will. The guy was the most unique man Alec had ever laid eyes on, including Magnus. His hair was a silvery brown color which framed a kind-looking face. He had an easy smile that lit up his whole face. But his eyes were what really drew Alec. His eyes were a pale silvery color that almost looked clear, like if he were to stare into this guy's eyes, they might actually be transparent. They were gorgeous, intimidating, and a little frightening. They didn't match the rest of his friendly face at all.

As Alec and Magnus approached the table, Will and his boyfriend stood to greet them. Will embraced Magnus like a brother, which seemed appropriate to Alec. When they separated, Magnus made the introductions, and Alec discovered the silvery man's name was Jem. Alec shook hands with both Will and Jem before they all took their seats.

They made small talk, and Alec felt the nervous energy that had been building in him all day begin to dissipate. Alec still felt a bit of an outsider, since Will and Magnus had known each other since birth, and Magnus had met Jem several times since he'd started dating Will. And the others seemed to realize this, doing their best to include him. They talked about Alec's family, and Will's mom. Alec discovered that Jem had spent much of his childhood in China, but moved to the states when he was fourteen.

"So, how did you two meet?" he asked, eyes darting between Will and Jem.

"Will decided he wanted to form a band," Jem stated. "He plays guitar, you know," he added in a low voice, conspiratorial-like.

"I play more than the guitar," Will reminded him.

"Yes, but the way you play the guitar…" Jem turned to Alec. "You should hear him. He's truly a god with six strings."

Will rolled his eyes. "I am NOT a god."

"You are to me," Jem said, and Alec felt a sudden pang of jealousy at the way he looked at Will. He wanted so badly to be able to look at Magnus that way in public. The look was very intimate, and Alec felt like he was intruding on a private moment when Will returned Jem's gaze.

Magnus cleared his throat and broke the spell. "Will really is very good with his guitar. You'll definitely have to hear him play sometime."

"I'd love to," replied Alec. "But that doesn't tell me how you two met…"

Jem and Will laughed. "Right," Jem continued. "Anyway, Will started this band, and he needed a singer…"

Alec watched Will reach for Jem's hand and squeeze it. "As soon as I saw him, and heard that beautiful voice, I knew he was the one." There was that look again.

Alec glanced at Magnus, saw the smile he wore for his friend's happiness and thought, _That could be us, you know? Please let it be us._ He had thought being around other gay people would make him feel…he wasn't sure, but he thought it would be better than this. Currently, all he was feeling was jealousy and longing, and wishing for something he couldn't have. Lost in his thoughts, he missed how the conversation shifted to school and basketball, and likely other topics he wasn't really paying full attention to.

The meal was good, though Alec didn't really pay much attention to what he ate. He mostly thought about Will and Jem, and how lucky they were to get to be in an open relationship, to not have to hide their obvious love for one another. Alec snapped out of his funk when he heard Magnus ask what the plan for the rest of the evening was, as he signed the credit card slip.

"Well," began Will. He seemed hesitant, unsure of himself. Alec hadn't been paying full attention tonight, but he'd paid enough to know that this was not Will. Will was confident, and according to the stories Magnus had told him, he was always very sure of himself.

"Well?" Magnus urged his friend.

"We…um…kind of have a gig tonight." Will looked at Magnus, who's face lit up when his friend's words sunk in.

"Really?" Magnus turned to Alec. "You want to go?"

Magnus looked so excited, how could Alec possibly say no? Besides, he really did want to see Will's band play. "Sounds like fun."

Will cleared his throat. "There's, um…there's a catch, Magnus…"

Alec watched Magnus's eyes sharpen as he looked at his friend. "What kind of catch?"

Will and Jem exchanged looks, Jem encouraging him with his eyes. Will turned back to Magnus. "It's…we're playing in a gay bar."

Alec could see the worry on Will's face. He'd offered to plan Alec's birthday celebration, and was essentially asking Magnus to come watch his band play in a gay bar. He felt a thrill of excitement, wondering how Magnus would handle this.

"Well, um…Alec's only twenty," Magnus muttered.

"Oh, I know," Will said hastily. "It's an eighteen and over show. He'll have no problem getting in."

"Oh," Magnus said hesitantly, "well…when do we leave?"

Did Alec just hear that right? "We're going?" he asked Magnus, placing his hand on Magnus's forearm without thinking. Magnus's eyes darted around, clearly checking to see if anyone was watching them, but he didn't shrug Alec's hand off his arm. Grateful for that, Alec let his hand fall, but still looked at Magnus expectantly.

"If you want to. It's your birthday," Magnus said softly.

"I want to," Alec replied in a rush. He didn't want to give Magnus the opportunity to back out. He very much wanted to go to this gay bar.

"We need to be going now," Will said, once Alec and Magnus had hashed out their plans.

"Now?" Magnus sounded surprised.

"Yeah," Jem said. "We did sound check before we met you guys here, and left the rest of the band at the bar. We need to get back soon. We're the opening act. We go on at nine."

"Oh," Magnus said. Alec watched him gather himself, push his seat back and rise to his feet. He looked resolute. Alec struggled to comprehend this. He knew the score, for sure, but it was such a change from their time in Miami. Magnus never once questioned or seemed uncomfortable with going to gay bars in Miami. He almost felt bad for making him go tonight. Almost. He probably would feel bad if he didn't want it so much himself. He hoped he was making the right decision, not pushing Magnus so far that he would eventually retreat again.

As it turned out, the bar was only a few blocks away from the restaurant. They walked leisurely along the sidewalk, Will and Jem holding hands and chattering amongst themselves, Alec and Magnus walking behind them, close together but not quite touching. Again, Alec felt that pang of jealousy at their openness.

Will and Jem led them through a back entrance that was reserved for staff and the band members. A large guy with a shaved head stood guard at the entrance to make sure only the people who were supposed to be using that door got in. He didn't check ID, though. Alec didn't question it, but he didn't take advantage of it either. Especially not during school when he had to be in shape and out of trouble for cheerleading. Magnus didn't drink anything either. He might splurge a little during the off-season, but Magnus was more selective about what he put in his body during basketball season.

Will led them down a long corridor that was lit with fluorescent lights and lined with black cases in the shapes of guitars and drums and amps. Cords ran every which way, many haphazardly tossed along the walls, some taped down with duct tape. People mingled in small groups, all seemed to be wearing black or dark clothing, most had tattoos, many had various piercings as well. Alec suddenly wondered what kind of music Will's band played.

In a small room at the end of the hall, they found the rest of the band. Will introduced them to the bass guitarist, Johnny, and the drummer, Ryan. Both guys seemed friendly enough. Both were tall, wearing black jeans and a shredded band t-shirt that showed off their muscular arms and several tattoos each.

"Hey, Will," said Johnny, "I know this is your band, but dude, we have a dress code."

Everyone turned to see the contrast in clothing. Half the band looked like they belonged in a rock or punk band, the other half looked like they were going to the symphony.

Will laughed. "We'll be right back," he said, taking Jem's hand and scooping up a gym bag, before leading him out the door. They returned a few minutes later looking completely different. Will was wearing dark blue jeans with several tattered rips, and an old Pink Floyd shirt, giving Alec some clue to the style of music they played. Jem was a little flashier. He wore tight black jeans that left nothing to the imagination, and a shimmering, silvery, paper-thin shirt that brought out the color of his eyes and hair. He had lined his eyes with black eyeliner. He looked even more stunning that he had before, but Alec was struggling to believe that _this_ _guy _was the front man of a rock band. He couldn't wait to see the show.

"You wanna watch from backstage or front row?" Jem asked Magnus and Alec.

The couple exchanged a look, turned back to Jem and simultaneously said, "Front row!"

Will had the security guard bring them around to the front of the stage. There were tables lining the sides of the club, which was very dark at the moment. Alec could just make out colored disco balls handing from the ceiling and several tracks of lights aimed in the direction of the stage. He presumed that this club catered to all different types of people and music.

He scanned the crowd. It really didn't seem much different from the gay bars they'd gone to in Miami, except they had never seen a live band at any of those bars. There were guys with spiked Mohawks, in various colors. There were several women that looked so tough, even Alec was a little afraid of them. There were cute colleges guys being held in the arms of their bigger lovers. Alec recalled the conversation with Tony about twinks and bears, and smiled inwardly. _If Tony could see us now_.

The lights dimmed, and being up front, Alec could see movement on the stage. When the lights came back on, there was ruckus cheering, whooping and whistles. Jem stood almost directly in front of them, a spotlight illuminating him, his shirt billowing out around him resembling smoke. Alec thought the effect was pretty cool.

Jem grabbed the mic and said, "Hey! You guys ready to jam?" He received an crescendo of noise to that. "Hell yeah! We're Infernal Devices and we're gonna rock you!"

The noise from the crowd reached a deafening pitch, and Alec could only assume that Infernal Devices was a popular band, at least in this crowd. Then, he heard the scream of a steel guitar, and his eyes went instantly to Will. Will's fingers were moving rapidly up and down the neck of his guitar. He was really making that thing sing! Jem and Magnus were right. Will was very talented. A few moments later, Jem's voice topped the music and Alec swore it penetrated his soul. Jem had an amazing voice, sweet and harmonious when he wanted it to be, but he could be rough and scream when the song called for it.

The band played for a little over an hour, playing a mix of cover songs and originals. The cover songs were a wide range of rock, from Metallica to U2, and all points in between. Their original songs were what really got to Alec. Someone had written those songs, and whoever the songwriter was had some serious talent.

One of Alec's favorite moments was when they performed an Adam Lambert song that Alec knew but couldn't remember the name of. He knew it because it was the song they played when Adam kissed Tommy Joe Ratliff during their live performances. He'd seen the videos on YouTube, and he wondered if that was the reason Infernal Devices was doing this song. He was not disappointed. When they got to that particular part of the song, Jem sauntered over to Will, tugged his head back, and stuck his tongue down his throat. The kiss was hot and passionate and Alec felt a tingling in him, suddenly wondering what Magnus would do if he did something like that to him.

He was not the only one that enjoyed this part of the show. The audience screamed and cheered, wolf-whistled and cat-called. And then, he felt a hand tightly squeeze his ass. He jumped and looked around for the culprit, and found the only person even paying attention to him was Magnus. He had this look on his face, a mixture of excitement and disbelief, and a distinct undertone of lust. Alec took a chance and pressed his body to Magnus's, his cock suddenly hard and straining against his jeans. He knew Magnus could feel it, could tell by the widening of his eyes and the look of desire that flickered in the green-gold circles of his irises. That was all the warning Alec got before Magnus grabbed him and smashed their lips roughly, painfully, together. Alec tasted the coppery blood in his mouth as Magnus drew away, and he was never quite sure if that was a kiss, or if Magnus, in a blind moment of passion, had actually bitten him.

And he didn't care.

Magnus released him and looked away, shock evident on his face. Nothing more happened throughout the rest of Infernal Devices' show. They met the band backstage afterward, and watched the other two bands from there. They hung out with the band, laughing and joking and profusely praising their show. They declined the offer of alcohol, and again when Ryan, Johnny and some of the crew passed around a joint, although Alec wondered if he was getting a contact buzz from sitting in the same room with the smoke.

As the evening wound down, Will and Jem invited them to come to their next show, which happened to be next Friday night. This time it would not be at a gay bar, so they would be cutting out the Adam Lambert song. They were a small operation, an unsigned band with a decent local following, but no kind of security detail and they didn't want to get their asses kicked for kissing onstage. That part they saved for places they felt more comfortable, more protected. Alec said he'd love to, but he had to check the schedule to see if Saturday's game was home or away. He knew his and Magnus's lives were about to get much busier in the coming month or so, when basketball season started up again, so he wanted to do as much extracurricular stuff as they could before they no longer had the time to. Magnus said he would think about it.

After they said their goodbyes and tumbled into the back of a cab, Alec asked Magnus if he had ever seen Infernal Devices play before. He said that he had, once over Christmas break last year, when he was home with Will. They hadn't done the Adam Lambert song that night, and he was surprised at how much it affected him.

Alec gave him a calculated look. "Did you…_bite _me?"

Magnus's shoulders shook with silent laughter, and Alec lightly smacked his arm. Then, Magnus leaned in close to Alec, close enough to whisper into his ear. "Wait til you see what I do when we get home…" His hot breath on Alec's ear sent a shiver of desire through him. His teeth clamping down on his ear lobe did much more than that.

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**A/N: The Adam/Tommy Joe thing is real. There's a lot of videos on YouTube. If you haven't seen them, beware...they are H-O-T! lol**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: The High Warlock of Glitter (which is a fantabulous name, btw): A Glambert? Moi? Not really, but I do very much enjoy looking at him! He's gorgeous and talented! I also have the utmost respect for anyone that can be themselves in the public eye like he does. And those videos...**

**Karia: What I think is funny is that Shailene Woodley (Tris) managed to get herself roles where she sleeps with Four (Divergent series), Peter (The Spectacular Now), and Caleb (The Fault In Our Stars). Also, I agree, Adommy is so freaking cute! (I noticed many of you agree with that!) Wish it was real. And, in case it's ever a trivia question, it NEVER gets old hearing that you guys like my story ;)**

**Last but not least, a guest advised me that it was mean to get the boys all worked up and not tell you guys what they did when they got home. I confess, that is probably true, BUT not all chapters are about the sex. There is A LOT of sex between these two that happens off screen. But in the interest of fairness, have a little PWP bonus scene as only Magnus can tell it. Thanks again for all the reviews!**

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I was all over Alec the entire cab ride back to the dorm. I don't really know what got into me. Was it simply watching Jem kiss Will so passionately on stage? Was it the fact that Will and Alec seemed to hit it off pretty well? Was it Alec's birthday? Was it just the fact that I was so motherfucking horny I couldn't control myself and didn't even care who was around? I have no idea, but I was hot and I wanted Alec so bad I couldn't stand it.

Fortunately, our cab had a divider between us and the cabbie, and had a cabbie that didn't seem to care what we were doing. Or maybe he was watching us and getting off on it. I don't know. Like I said, I didn't care.

After whispering in Alec's ear that I was planning something when we got home, and seeing the spark flare in his eyes, I slid my hand behind his neck and kissed him. I'd never kissed anyone like that in public. Not even Alec. Not even when we were in Miami. Hell, I don't know if I've ever kissed anyone like that at all. Period. It was a controlled frenzy, if that makes any sense. I didn't 'ask' permission to use my tongue, he just opened for me and I did what I wanted to do.

I licked the inside of his mouth from one side to the other, repeatedly. I kissed him so long and so hard that neither of us could breathe…and then I kissed him more. I didn't care about oxygen at that moment. I just cared about kissing and feeling every emotion that the kissing brought out in me. And him. I just cared about him.

We broke apart long enough to gasp in a breath and were right back at it. I had to hand it to Will, he knew what he was doing taking us so far away from campus that I was able to let myself go a little. I didn't recognize it for what it was until I was in that cab on the way home. I realized then that he had given me quite a gift. He let me have a glimpse of the New York gay life, of how open he was with Jem in public, and how his audience responded to that. They weren't just accepting of it, they wanted to see it! They cheered for it! There was so much I still needed to learn…

But the best part of being so far away was that I got to have a long make-out session with Alec on the way home. I tried, I really did, to keep my hands to myself on that ride home, but it wasn't possible. As I said, I was crazy horny at that point, and kissing him was certainly not making _that_ feeling lessen. I wanted him so badly right then I was close to trying to fuck him in the back of that cab. If it wasn't that I'd probably end up spending the night in jail for indecent exposure, and then have to explain to my coach and teammates why I was fucking my roommate in the back of a taxi, I might have actually done it. Oh, stupid decency laws in America…

My free hand, you know the one not holding his head steady while I kissed him, made its way down Alec's front and found the waistband of his jeans. I've never been so happy that he wore loose-fitting jeans…I slid my hand inside his pants, and both of us twitched when my hand brushed his cock. He was so hard. I gently stroked him, teasing him, swallowing his moans, not wanting him to come in the cab. If I had to wait, so did he.

We sobered up when we got to the stoplight about a block away from campus. It wouldn't do to be seen making out in the back of a taxi as we pulled up to the dorm. Again, I didn't want to explain to my coach and teammates. Although, I was so horny by then it did cross my mind to just push him up against the wall of the dorm and ravish him right there. Well, it crossed my mind in a 'what an awesome fantasy' kind of way. I'm not even sure Alec would approve of that. He may want to go public but I don't think he wants to go_ that_ public.

Speaking of going public…I do know how much he wants to, in case you guys think I'm oblivious to his needs or something. I want it too. I really do. I just wish I knew that everything would be okay if I did come out. You know?

Anyway, by the time we got out of the taxi, we were both having difficulty walking. Thank fuck I wore my shirt untucked so it at least somewhat covered my raging boner. Alec's pants were loose enough that his wasn't too obvious, not that I could really judge that since I already knew it was there…We made it to our room without incident anyhow.

Once inside the room with the door closed to the world, our own private sanctuary, I turned to him, my mind racing with all the things I wanted to do to him. He looked so fucking good, his blue eyes shining with love and lust and their own beauty. He licked his lips and I nearly came in my pants. I wanted him so badly, but I wanted to take my time, too. He was just past arm's length away from me, so I took a step closer. His breathing picked up, and I think mine did, too. I reached out and touched his cheek, letting my fingers skim across his warm skin, down his neck, shoulders, arms, to the hem of his shirt. I tugged his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor as I just…stared at him.

He's really beautiful, you know? I mean, besides the black hair/blue eye thing that is just a stunning combination. He's got one of those straight noses that perfectly fits his face, not too big, not too small, not too wide or too narrow. Just perfect. His eyebrows have this slight arch in the middle that looks great on him. His lips…every time I look at those full lips I want to kiss them, or slide my dick between them. Okay, I usually want to do both. Sue me. Anyway, his jaw is sharp and prominent, maybe not as much as it would be if he wasn't so damn BIG! He's so muscular, every cord of muscle in his neck stands out, perfectly defined. Hell, every muscle in his body is that way! He spends way too much time in the gym, and holding tiny women above his head, but all that work has created a nearly perfect body. How did I get so lucky to get to look at that every day? And you guys wonder why I'm so horny all the time…

Anyway, I say nearly perfect body because no one is perfect. But it's the imperfections that make him human, and even more beautiful. He has a couple of scars, one on his chest from falling off the parallel bars and getting caught on something that ripped him open. It's about six inches long and covers the left side of his chest just under his pecs and across his ribs. The other is on his shoulder from a bike wreck when he was ten. He was racing Jace and lost control of the bike and skidded on the asphalt a good distance. That scar resembles more of a birthmark now, but it stands out well against his porcelain skin that never really tans.

That's not really the point of this, but I wanted to give you a physical description of him, since I would bet my right arm that he's never done it himself…

I love this guy. I love him more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone. One day I'll get up the courage to do what he wants me to do…

And back to my story. I was staring at his body, touching him, and he trembled under my fingers. How awesome is it to have the power to make someone tremble with just a touch? I trailed my finger between his pecs just to watch him tremble more. I teased him, I know this, but I'm teasing myself at the same time. My free hand automatically went to my cock and I felt a wet spot on my jeans. I really needed him.

I hooked my finger in his belt loop, because that is one of the sexiest moves I can imagine. Turns me on every time. I tugged him toward me. He was grinning at me. He knew what was coming, he knew the effect he was having on me. He knows I love him with every fiber of my being. He knows…me. After spending so much time pushing people away, you just can't imagine the feeling of knowing that the person you love most knows you so well.

I'm not entirely sure what he did next. I think it was supposed to be a kiss, but he pretty much grabbed my mouth with his and tongued me. I melted into a puddle…

The rest of our clothes disappeared as hands found buttons and pushed and pulled and tugged until we were both naked. He had that look in his eye that told me I could have him anyway I wanted. I don't think I was capable of thought at the moment, so I dragged him to the couch and pushed him down on it. He landed, splayed out and giving me an unobstructed view of his most private parts. He looked amazing like that, with one leg over the edge of the seat, the other tented up, his hands folded behind his head, his cock aimed toward his face as hard as I'd ever seen it, his balls pulled up close like they were already ready to come. He was a feast for the eyes.

And I worshipped him.

I descended on him, draping my body across his. I kissed and touched him all over, slow, methodical. He was slightly salty from sweating at the club, I noticed as I licked his neck and shoulder and slid down to pay special attention to his nipples. He likes that. He comes unglued whenever I do it, arching his back, panting, moaning my name. If he's beautiful on an every day basis, I don't know how to describe him in the throes of passion. Maybe there just aren't words for that. Maybe I should make one up.

I don't know how long that went on, but I stretched it out as long as I could take it. My body wanted him so badly, but after everything that had happened tonight, I wanted to make sure he knew it wasn't just physical. My emotional craving for him was just as deep as my physical one. So I kissed every inch of his body. Every. Fucking. Inch. His lips, eyelids, forehead, cheeks, chin, jaw, ears. I worked my way down him, lips following the path set by my fingers. I even kissed his armpits, which I thought sounded gross, but turned out to be incredibly hot.

I pulled the leg hanging off the edge of the couch up, exposing him completely to me. I kissed his toes and worked my way back up his legs, pausing to lick behind his knees which surprisingly made him shudder. He liked that a lot. When I got to his inner thighs, my kisses became rougher. I used my teeth to mark him, to make him groan, to make him whimper. His cock bobbed with each loving bite and his head pressed hard into the couch cushion. His hands reached for me, landed on my shoulders and gripped me tightly.

I kissed around his groin, using that perfect 'V' shape as a guideline. He quivered the closer I got to his cock, but I ignored it, no matter how much it begged. I kissed his balls, one at a time, then moved further down. I think if I'd not been so caught up in the moment, I probably wouldn't have kissed him…there…you know…oh, fuck, don't make me say it...It wasn't gross, it was hot as fuck!

He was moaning unintelligible sounds by this time, but he got it together enough to grab my hand and drag it to his mouth. He sucked my fingers into his mouth, one by one, wetting them thoroughly with his tongue. I imagined that tongue treating my dick that way and nearly came just from the thought. When he released my fingers, I trailed my hand down his body to the part of his ass and found his hole.

When the first finger went in, he bucked, his body tensing up, and he cried out. I slowly pushed in and withdrew, feeling him loosen up as his body came even more alive with each movement. I gently massaged his prostate, not enough to get him off, just enough to tease, to make it feel really fucking good. I love watching him like this. His whole body thrumming with desire…for me. That's the best part. All of this is because he wants _me._

He looked at me then, his pupils blown so wide I could barely make out the slender rim of blue. He spoke for the first time since asking me in the cab if I had bitten him during the concert. Not that he'd been silent, he just hadn't been forming words. "Magnus...I...need you," was all he managed to say. His breathing was ragged, so full of need. His lust was visible in the hard lines of his body. I knew better than to touch his dick right then. If I did, it would all be over. He was that close.

I grabbed a condom and the lube we now kept in the stand beside the couch, you know, for emergencies…I readied myself then sat on the couch. I almost felt bad making him sit up, but I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to make him do the actual work, after all. He caught on pretty quickly to what I wanted him to do, and straddled my lap, lowering his body down onto my cock.

How he could still feel that tight when I fuck him all the time was beyond the laws of nature. He did, though, he totally fucking did. He fit me like a glove, one that was tailor made for me, one that was warm and inviting and clung to me in all the right ways. He slid down until I was completely buried in him, and he sighed. His head dropped to my shoulder while he tried to gather himself. I knew it wouldn't take much to send him over the edge, and it wouldn't take much for me either. Not after worshipping that gorgeous body for at least an hour. Not after wanting to fuck him since before we ever left for our date with Will and Jem. Not after kissing him in the bar and in the cab.

I held him close to me as his breathing calmed back down, then I gently moved his hips back and forth. He had his arms around my neck and his head still buried against my shoulder. I could feel every breath he took, warm against my skin. I could feel the movements of his chest, too. He kissed my chest, the only part he could reach in this position, and it felt wonderful. I wasn't moving him much, but the sensations I felt in my dick were unbelievable, so good, so intimate. Sometimes I like it rough with him, but sometimes, this is all we need.

I kept up the gentle movements until I felt his breathing turn ragged again. He was so close. I knew he wouldn't last much longer. I was not quite that close yet. I slid my arms under his thighs and propped him up so he didn't have to do anything, so he could remain boneless, the masterpiece I'd created. I thrust my hips up into him and he moaned. Twice more and he came, a violent spurting covering my chest and abdomen. I fucked him faster through his orgasm, and as he tightened his channel against me, I fell over the edge as well.

It took quite a long time for our spent bodies to recover. Neither of us were in a hurry to anyway. I held him, petted him, loved him as he completely gave himself over to my ministrations.

"Happy birthday, baby," I whispered into his ear. "I love you with all my heart and soul."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: The High Warlock of Glitter: Every relationship has issues. I think these two already do, pretty big ones too. Alec wants an open gay lifestyle. Magnus isn't ready for that. Who knows when/if he will be, and what will happen if he does take that risk? The best part about relationship problems is watching them work through them. **

* * *

**A/N from Alec: Hey everyone! Just wanted to say yeah, I had a fantastic birthday! *blushes* Glad you guys enjoyed it, too.**

* * *

The first semester of Alec's sophomore year flew by in a blur of football games, basketball games, date nights with Will and Jem or Austin and Cammie, and the occasional bit of studying. Yeah, right. Sophomore year was a bitch! Alec grumbled about the amount of homework he had. It seemed that taking just one night off from studying made the homework pile even higher. He felt like it was crushing him. And he didn't have much say in whether or not he took a night off. Away football games required his presence on the field, and there was traveling to do then. Even home games took up a good part of the day. Once basketball season started, and there were games 2-3 times a week, Alec struggled to keep his head above water.

His saving grace was the fact that he was actually smart. The downside of that was that he actually had difficult classes. Idris was not a university known for its athletic accomplishments, not a professional athlete production machine, so most of the student athletes actually went to class for reasons other than just to keep their scholarships. They would nearly all eventually have a career other than sports, but there was still a discrepancy in majors. Not many of the athletes were on a career path that led to something in the medical field. Not many had to learn the differences between regular chemistry and organic chemistry, and why the fuck was organic chemistry so much harder? Not many had to memorize the fucking Krebs Cycle for the umpteenth time in their life. But Alec did. Of course Alec did. And that was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg that his classes were torturing him with this semester.

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, Alec was feeling more than a little stressed. He was, in fact, ready to blow. He had four tests in three days, all of which were the last test before finals started in a couple weeks. He also had three basketball games to cheer for, and since they had half the week off, his coach scheduled extra practices. He had two papers due when he came back from the short break and he hadn't started either one. This was the excuse he gave when he accidentally bit Cammie's head off.

He was sitting in the gymnasium simultaneously studying and watching Magnus practice. Okay, he was doing a lot more watching Magnus practice than actual studying, which only increased his irritation with himself. He _knew_ how much work he had to do. He needed to get it done. There was only about thirty minutes left of basketball practice, then he would have a two hour cheer practice, and he wasn't feeling very cheery.

When Cammie flopped onto the bench beside him, and attempted to drag his attention away from Magnus, he snapped at her. Her green eyes grew wide as she stared at him, completely shocked that he would be so pissy. Guilt overwhelmed him and he hung his head.

"I'm sorry, Cam. That wasn't directed at you. You know that, right?"

She patted his shoulder and her face softened. "I know, sweetie. What are you working on?"

"This stupid paper for my Psychology class, the same one I just bombed a test in earlier this week," he grumbled.

"I'm sure you didn't bomb the test, Alec," she said sympathetically.

"I might have…"

"But you didn't. You know your shit, Alec."

"Yeah, but…why is sophomore year so damn hard?" he complained.

Cammie giggled. "Because, they have to get all the stupid Gen. Ed. classes finished so you can start the classes you actually _want_ when you're a junior."

"Psychology isn't really a stupid class…"

"No," Cammie agreed, "but is it necessary for your major?"

"It's an elective, but I think it's one that will help me in Sports Med. Maybe help me read people better…"

Cammie smirked, and Alec realized she had managed to not only defuse his bad mood, but make him admit that the class that was currently tormenting him might actually help him in the future. She's good. Really good. Damn it. He grinned in defeat and she planted a victory kiss on his cheek.

His mood lightened, he returned to his studies with renewed enthusiasm. He really did enjoy psychology, and really did think it could help him deal with the top-notch athletes he hoped to work with one day. Unfortunately, his good mood was about to be tested.

He heard the coach blow his whistle and the basketball team huddled up at center court. The sight of so many tall, thin, sweaty guys in one spot was enough to make any gay boy flustered, and Alec watched with more than mild interest. He focused more on Magnus, of course, than anyone else, but he let his eye wander around the whole group. He knew most of the team from last year, and now knew the two new guys. Magnus had been spot-on in his evaluation of Devin and Jojo. They were decent ball players and added depth to the team. So far, Coach had experimented with playing both Blake and Devin, giving Magnus several long-range shooters as options.

The huddle nearly writhed with nervous energy. Idris had its first game against a Top 25 opponent tomorrow, and the whole team seemed to be feeling the strain. The team had performed well so far this season, and currently sported a record of 5-1, their only loss against a good, but young, St. John's team that could end up challenging for a spot in the NCAA tournament. Not a bad loss, but one that certainly left the team hungry.

As the team broke apart, collecting their belongings before heading into the locker room, Magnus caught Alec's eye, and started in his direction. Alec couldn't stop the smile that split his face as Magnus got closer. Unfortunately, he was followed by a couple of his teammates.

"Hey, Magnus, wait up," Tyler called.

Magnus turned on the spot, several feet away from Alec, to face Tyler and Patrick. "What's up, guys?" he said casually, his basketball star persona in place, as usual.

"We were thinking about going to a bar tonight," Patrick said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"A bar? The night before a game?" Magnus replied.

"Well, we want to go to a frat party, but it seems that too many people went home for the holiday for there to be any," Tyler said.

"We aren't planning on drinking…much," said Patrick. "We just want to find some girls, if you know what I mean."

Magnus crossed his arms, his jovial mood slipping. "It doesn't take a decoder to figure out what you mean, Pat." He cocked an eyebrow at Patrick.

"Anyway," said Tyler, "you should come with us."

"Me? Why?"

"Because," Patrick said, dropping his voice, which still managed to carry to Alec, "it's been awhile since we seen you hook up with a chick."

Alec knew he was glaring daggers at Patrick, but was powerless to stop. Magnus, for his part, laughed. "Just because you don't know what I'm doing, doesn't mean I'm not getting any."

"So…who you been fuckin'?" Patrick said, leaning in closer to Magnus, not wanting to miss whatever his reply would be. Alec found himself leaning in as well. His hands were shaking. He just didn't know how Magnus would handle this development.

Magnus simply smirked. "Now, Pat, I don't kiss and tell. You know that."

"Maybe not, but you usually have girls draped all over you," said Tyler. "And we haven't seen you with anyone in a long time."

Damn, Tyler wasn't dumb. This could be a problem. Alec held his breath.

"Look, guys, I'm not going out looking for a piece of ass with the two of you. Besides, if I did, you two would end up going home to just your hand anyway," Magnus bit out. "I don't need to find a girl, so just back off."

Tyler and Patrick exchanged surprised looks.

"Sounds like _someone_ needs to get laid," said Patrick, and Tyler nodded in agreement.

"I don't need to get laid!" Magnus shouted. Fortunately, most of the basketball team was already in the locker room. Unfortunately, the entire cheer squad was in the gym, and now, because of his outburst, were staring at Magnus. Alec could feel the irritation coming off his boyfriend in waves. He wanted to jump in, to defend him, to tell them Magnus would most certainly _not_ be going out looking for some girl to fuck, not when he had a perfectly good boyfriend at home he could do anytime he wanted. But those words were unlikely to be of any help to Magnus, and would likely just get Alec sent to the doghouse where it's cold and lonely and completely sex-free. No thanks. All he could do was sit back and watch the scene unfold, like it didn't effect him in any way. Being in the closet sucked.

Patrick and Tyler held up their hands and took a few steps back. "Just trying to help, Magnus," Tyler said. "No need to bite our heads off."

Alec distinctly heard Patrick say, "He definitely needs to get laid," under his breath as they turned and walked away. He ignored them, and turned his attention to Magnus. The way he looked in that moment, Alec had to agree that Magnus looked stressed enough that sex might just help chill him out. His heart went out to Magnus, but there was really nothing Alec could do to comfort him, not until Magnus was ready to go public with their relationship.

"You alright?" he asked softly, and Magnus lifted his eyes to meet Alec's. He offered a small, brief smile, which Alec returned. They knew each other so well now, they could sometimes communicate without words. This was one of those times. They spoke with their eyes, Alec apologizing that he had to get to practice and promising they could talk, or whatever, when he got home, while Magnus's said he understood and was looking forward to…whatever. They smiled again, this one reaching their eyes, and Alec hoped his silent "I love you" was heard loud and clear.

Practice turned out to be utterly useless. Alec kept thinking about Magnus and couldn't concentrate on what he was doing. On more than one occasion, Cammie had to punch his arm to get his attention. She somehow managed to keep him from getting in trouble with Coach Reiners, and keep herself from getting injured through Alec's negligence. He had to sit through a ten minute irritated tirade from Cammie at the end of practice, before she finally felt sorry for him and let him go home to Magnus. He promised to make it up to her in the form of ice cream later in the week. That brought a smile to her face and she let him go, with the promise of rocky road in a cone with sprinkles from the little homemade ice cream shop at the other end of campus.

Alec walked through the door of the dormitory and found Magnus lying face down in basketball shorts on his bed. He toed off his shoes and climbed in next to him. Magnus rolled over and Alec pulled him into his arms and kissed him.

"You okay?" he asked again, now that they could talk.

Magnus nodded. "When did Tyler become so observant?" he said, outline Alec's cheek with his long, slender finger.

Alec laughed. "I think Patrick is probably the observant one. Tyler just wanted you to go out with them." He paused for a moment. "I'm sorry, Magnus. When I told you 'no girls' I didn't think about how that would look to your teammates." He paused again, thinking. "No, that's not true. I didn't _care_ how it would look. I didn't think about it possibly hurting you or causing trouble for you."

"I know you didn't. I understand why you wanted me to stay away from the girls. Honestly, I think using girls as a cover while I'm dating you and _not_ fucking them would have been more disastrous."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Think about it. If I kept hanging all over girls, but never actually did anything with them, people would start to wonder why. This way, at least we got away with it this long before someone thought it was weird."

"So, what are we going to do about it?" Alec's brows crinkled up in the middle in concern. Magnus reached up and smoothed them out.

"Nothing. What can we do? I'm just going to go on like nothing happened, until next time they ask me about it. Hopefully I was bitchy enough today that they will think twice about asking for awhile."

Alec wasn't sure this course of action was going to work, but he couldn't think of a better plan, so he let the subject drop. Instead, he nuzzled Magnus, convinced him that a quickie was the best way to relieve stress, then set about finishing his homework so maybe, just maybe, he would actually pass this damn semester.

* * *

The atmosphere at the game the next day was electric. The game was sold out, even though it was the Saturday after Thanksgiving and most of the student body was still at home with their families. It wasn't every day that a big name school like UConn agreed to play at a little school like Idris. UConn was ranked 25th at the time of the game, giving everyone that extra bit of anticipation and excitement. If Idris managed to pull off the upset, it would be a great win for their team, and if they finished the season well, it could given them that one win that made the NCAA Selection Committee look twice at Idris come tournament time. That's a lot of 'ifs' but everyone was aware of the potential plusses of this game.

From tip-off to the final buzzer, the game was a fight. UConn's guards were small and quick and skilled. Magnus struggled with guarding a guy that was easily six inches shorter than him, and possibly even faster. He faced shorter guards on a regular basis. How could he not? He was six-foot-five, for god's sake. But the speed and athleticism of those guards were not something he faced regularly. Alec could see the determination on his face as he fought to keep the little guys in front of him, as he stretched his arms wide to block the path of their shots. This was one area that being so tall certainly benefited Magnus, as long as the other guy couldn't sneak under his outstretched arm and get around him, which actually happened once or twice.

As for the rest of the team, the forwards were pretty evenly matched in size and skill level, and UConn didn't have a true center. That was not necessarily a bad thing for them, as Tyler, Idris's center, was kind of big and slow, so UConn's forwards blew past him pretty easily. Tyler's one redeeming quality was his shot-blocking ability. He did manage to save several baskets with a well-timed block.

The saving grace for Idris was their shooting. Magnus was on fire, going four-of-five from three point range and hitting several two point shots as well. Alec knew he would rise to the challenge, would be on when they played a televised game against a ranked opponent, and he was not disappointed.

Magnus also managed to find his teammates for open shots, to the tune of twelve assists! Coach tried Blake and Devin on the court together several times, and after they each hit a couple of three's, Idris was able to spread the defense pretty wide. Since the UConn guards were smaller than Magnus, he was able to find his teammates pretty easily, and every time UConn left Magnus, Blake or Devin open, they made them pay.

Alec was so into the game, he nearly missed the cheerleaders' cue to entertain the crowd. There was only a few minutes left of the game when Idris called a time-out and Alec and the other cheerleaders went onto the court to lead the crowd in a "Green-White" cheer. With Cammie on his shoulders and unable to see Magnus buried deep within the huddle of his teammates and coaches, Alec focused on the cheer. But his blood was pumping way faster than cheering could make it. Under two minutes of game time, Idris up by three, and doing their best to hold on to that lead. _That's_ what had his blood flowing right now.

The ref's whistle blew and the cheerleaders cleared the floor. UConn inbounded the ball at mid-court and Idris fell into a zone defense. Alec hated zone. Man-to-man was so much more interesting, and thrilling for the players as well. But zone was harder to shoot over. Idris was basically challenging UConn to beat them from the three point line. Alec thought it was a dangerous strategy, considering the UConn guards had been hitting three's at a decent clip tonight, but they were a young team, and the pressure was on them with being down as the game drew to a close, so maybe Coach knew what he was doing after all.

Alec saw the stutter-step of the UConn guard and knew he was trying to fake out Magnus. He held his breath, waiting to see if Magnus would take the bait. He didn't, and the guard passed the ball to someone else, who hit a short jump shot from the elbow for two points. Idris up by one.

Magnus narrowed his eyes, and awaited the inbounds pass. Alec could see him reading the defense, looking for holes. He'd studied Magnus's game enough at this point, he could almost anticipate what he would do. He thought he saw the opening about the same time as Magnus did, and he tensed up, waiting, waiting. Magnus fired, and Alec knew the shot was off. He shouted 'rebound' at the same time that Magnus took a few steps toward the basket. The ball landed in his hands and he slammed it through the hoop. The effect was like Magnus had passed the ball to himself off the backboard. It looked cool as fuck!

Down three again, UConn called a time-out to talk things over. Alec was bristling with excited energy now. He could nearly taste victory, and he wanted it so badly for Magnus, for the team, for the school.

After the time-out, Idris was guarding them closely, trying not to leave any openings for the quick UConn guards to get through. UConn passed the ball rapidly, trying to get someone out of position so they'd have an open shot. And it worked. The freshman, Devin, bit on a ball fake and was burned on a three point shot. The score was tied, with only about thirty seconds left in regulation.

Idris used its final time-out to set up a play. Alec wished he could be in that huddle, to know what Coach was saying to them, to know the plan. He assumed it would be to run the clock down as low as possible before taking the shot so they wouldn't give UConn much opportunity to score. If they missed the shot, they would go into overtime and have five more minutes to duke it out. He exchanged nervous grins with Cammie, and realized his hands were shaking.

Alec's strategy turned out to be Coach's strategy as well. The team played cat-and-mouse, running down the game clock until there was only about five seconds left. Magnus had the ball in his hands and that gleam in his eyes that told Alec he was ready for this moment. He pulled up, over his significantly shorter defender, and fired from just past the free-throw line, a shot he could practically make in his sleep. The ball soared through the air, in what felt like slow motion, and dropped through the hoop, barely even grazing the rim.

Alec screamed and punched the air. He was ready to jump up and cheer, but remembered there was still four-point-three seconds on the clock. He sat on his hands, trying to calm his racing heart and watched as UConn took it's finally time-out. Magnus's teammates were slapping his back, chest-bumping him. His coach smacked his ass and shook his hand.

When the whistle blew again, both teams lined up for the final showdown. Four-point-three seconds was still a long damn time in basketball, enough time to go from one end of the court to the other and get a shot off. Idris tightened the defense, especially around the three point line. They would risk a two to tie the game, but were not given UConn the chance to win if they could help it.

UConn inbounded the ball, let it roll to nearly half-court until an Idris defender made them pick it up, starting the game clock. The guard dribbled once, pulled up, and had Magnus's big hand in his face as he released the ball. The tips of Magnus's fingers brushed the ball, just enough to make the shot fall short. The final buzzer sounded. Idris won!

Alec lost Magnus in the melee as his team tackled him at center court. The stands erupted with cheers and the noise level was so high he couldn't hear Cammie shouting at him until she pulled on his arm and he bent down so she could shout into his ear. What a fucking game! What a fucking night!

The team left the court to a standing ovation, and the cheerleaders did their end-of-game thing. Once the arena was nearly empty, Alec, Cammie, and Austin made their way toward the locker rooms. They started this tradition of all three of them waiting for Magnus to emerge so they wouldn't raise any suspicions about Alec waiting alone for Magnus. They leaned against the wall recounting the final minutes of the game as they waited.

When Magnus finally appeared he was flanked by Tyler and Patrick. "Magnus, come on! There's going to be a kickin' party on frat row tonight. All the houses are involved. They came back early to celebrate the win," Tyler said, almost begging Magnus to join them.

"There will be plenty of sorority girls," Patrick added. "You know how you love sorority girls…"

"Look guys," Magnus said, rounding on them, "I said I wasn't interested. I don't want to have a cheap fuck with a sorority girl, okay?"

"Since when?" Tyler sounded flabbergasted at this statement.

"Since…" Magnus was floundering. Alec didn't know what to do, how to help. He was slightly alarmed that the guys were already giving Magnus a hard time about finding a girl. He'd thought his outburst yesterday would have bought him a little more time.

Alec saw a sudden change in Patrick's eyes, like he suddenly understood something. His blood ran cold.

"I get it," Patrick said, nodding his head as a sly smile crept across his face.

"Get what?" Magnus and Tyler said at the same time. Alec froze.

"Get why he's avoiding girls," Patrick replied, dragging it out. Magnus's posture stiffened. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Tyler didn't have that problem. "Well, don't keep us in suspense," he demanded.

"You old dog," Patrick said, playfully punching Magnus's arm. Magnus flinched, but still didn't speak. "What's her name?"

"Wh-…wh-" Magnus stammered.

"What are you talking about?" said Tyler.

"Isn't it obvious? He's got a girl back home. That's why he won't go out hunting with us. You dog," Patrick said again.

Alec released a silent breath of relief. Patrick didn't know anything. But he wondered what Magnus would say to this statement.

Magnus tossed his head and chuckled. "Yep, you caught me. I have someone already and I'm not looking for anyone else, so please stop asking me to."

Alec smiled to himself. Magnus confirmed he was seeing someone, without lying and saying that someone was a girl. He thought that was about as good as he could ask for. He had a sudden vision of Magnus turning around, striding up to him and kissing him passionately in front of everyone, claiming _him_ as that someone he already has, but that wasn't going to happen and dwelling on wanting it was not going to help matters.

"Well, you can still come party with us," Patrick suggested. "Surely you can have fun _and_ keep your dick in your pants, right?"

Magnus laughed outright this time. "Yeah, I can, but I kinda want to just relax with these guys tonight." He jerked his head toward Alec, Austin and Cammie as he said this. "Maybe next time?"

Patrick slapped Tyler's arm. "Alright. Come on, man. More ladies for us."

And with that, they were gone. Alec could see the stress drain from Magnus, leaving him looking very tired. "Come on. Let's get out of here," he said. He cast one last look at Magnus's retreating teammates, then leaned in and whispered, "You did good, babe." Magnus turned an appreciative smile on him.

* * *

**A/N (sidenote really, just because): UConn is the abbreviation for the University of Connecticut. Clearly I made up the rankings, since it is _not_ currently November 2015 and they are not in the Top 25 preseason rankings (which are pretty meaningless anyway). The rest of the UConn part is actually fairly typical for them of late. They tend to have quick guards that give opponents problems. They also tend to beat teams they shouldn't, get themselves in the Top 25, lose to a team they shouldn't have, then climb their way back up later in the season. They also tend to shock the shit out of people in the NCAA tournament, so if you're ever looking for a 'sleeper' team, they might be one to consider.**

**Funny story: In 2014, I won my online bracket challenge, in part because of UConn...well, I filled out my "real" bracket, probably picking Florida since I'd seen them play live and they were legit, and then I filled out my "what the fuck IF" bracket. In the latter, I picked #7 seed UConn and #8 seed Kentucky in the championship game, and they both made it, behind some pretty amazing last second shots by Aaron 'Ice' Harrison, cementing him forever in UK lore (if you'd like to see the video, go to youtube and look for Aaron Harrison vs. Louisville, Michigan and Wisconsin. That shit NEVER gets old. As a sidenote on the sidenote, those three teams UK beat were all in the Final Four the previous year)...In the end, the championship game did _not_ turn out the way I wanted it to, but...anyway, just thought I'd give a little fun-fact ;) **

****Oh, btw, for those that don't know, when the Selection Committee chooses the teams for the tournament, they are given a 'seed' number. This is a ranking of sorts. There are 4 of each seed 1-16. So being a #7 seed means the committee believes there are 24-27 teams in the tournament that are better than you, being a #8 seed means there are 28-31 better teams. You see how funny it is that a #7 and #8 ended up in the championship game? And even funnier that I was crazy enough to pick that...lol****


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Alexa: I keep trying to tell Alec that Organic Chemistry is not that bad, but he doesn't listen. But you know, he likes Calculus and that was just a mindfuck for me, so... ;)**

**Magnus is...Magnus. When things get rough, he reverts to his untouchable persona that he created. It's gotten him through so far, but how much longer will that work? He is slowly changing, though, and that's fun to watch.**

**The day-to-day details of college life are boring. Get up, go to school, go to practice, fry brain with studies, rinse, repeat. Glad you guys enjoy them when they appear. Just keeping it real :)**

**And finally, we hit 200 follows! Yay!**

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"We're celebrating tonight!" Magnus exclaimed as he raised his beer mug toward the center of the table.

Alec cast a disparaging look at his mug of root beer before raising it. Six glasses clinked together, Alec's being the only one without alcohol. Why did he have to be the youngest, the only one under twenty-one?

Six glasses found their owners' lips and six throats took long swigs of their drinks. Six 'clinks' later, when all the glasses had returned to their water-ring spots on the table, Alec glanced around at the familiar faces that were celebrating with him tonight. He was seated on one end of a circular booth next to Magnus, who was next to Will, then Jem, and Austin, with Cammie taking the other end seat. The booth was at the far back of Will's favorite pizza place, located close to an industrial area near Queens, and had high walls, giving the illusion of privacy. Well, maybe not really an illusion. They couldn't see anyone else unless they really made an effort, and the high backs of the booth muffled any surrounding conversation.

"Is that why you are eating pizza and drinking beer, Magnus?" Will inquired with mock-innocence. Alec had learned how much Will loved to tease his best friend over the last few months.

"Why yes it is, William," Magnus replied smartly.

"And is all this for your birthday?" Will asked, gesturing around the table.

Magnus grinned. "Of course not! We have a lot to celebrate!"

"Such as?" Will continued. Alec knew Will knew full well what was being celebrated tonight, he just wanted to make Magnus say the words. Magnus seemed to be enjoying the banter with his best friend as well.

"Well, for starters, we won today! And we now have a record of 8-2, which is pretty fucking awesome!"

A round of soft cheering rippled around the table. Idris had indeed won a great game that afternoon, a marvelous birthday present for Magnus. His team had been all in to make it a great day for their star point guard. To top it all off, the teams' only two losses of the season were against St. John's early on, and last week's loss to #10 Syracuse. Neither were bad losses. They had beaten every team they were supposed to beat so far, and even had that marquee win against then #25 UConn. The teams' NCAA tournament resume was looking pretty good so far.

Magnus continued with, "We are also celebrating the fact that Alec, here- " He placed a hand on Alec's shoulder and gave it a little shake. " -passed his first semester of Hell Year." Another round of cheering. "And that Cammie, Will and I only have one semester left until we are officially college graduates. Sorry, Austin, halfway through Junior year is just not as exciting." Magnus smirked at Austin, who simply shrugged in agreement.

"Babies," Jem muttered under his breath, but just loud enough that Magnus heard.

"You're just an old man," he retorted. Alec cocked an eyebrow at Magnus because he knew Jem was the same age as him and Will. Magnus leaned closer and stage-whispered, "Jem graduated last spring. He thinks he's better than us because he's a fucking genius and graduated in three years instead of four."

Jem threw a balled-up napkin at Magnus, who retaliated by shooting a straw wrapper at Jem's head.

"Yes, he's clearly more mature than the rest of us," Will said sarcastically, as everyone laughed at Magnus and Jem.

Magnus cleared his throat and said, "In addition to that and my birthday-"

He was interrupted when Will and Jem broke into the "Happy birthday to you" song, quickly joined by the others, and they all clinked glasses again as it ended. Magnus looked a little embarrassed at all the attention, but he was grinning wildly at them just the same.

"Sorry, Magnus, what were you saying?" Will prompted.

Magnus's eyes slid to his best friend, who he flashed a grin, then turned sideways in the booth seat to face Alec, the leather creaking as he did. Magnus reached for Alec's hand under the checkered red and white table cloth, and gave it a light squeeze. Alec froze, unable to believe Magnus was holding his hand in the restaurant.

"Well," he said softly to Alec, not even acknowledging the others at the table now, "a year ago this weekend, I finally let my guard down, and let you into my life. You completely stole my heart. It was the best decision I ever made." He briefly took his eyes off Alec and glanced past the edges of their private booth, then leaned in and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, a loving kiss, and it was over quickly, but Alec felt the tingling in his lips long after Magnus pulled away. He glanced around the circle of his friends, each couple leaned in close together and smiling at them, Cammie's smile biggest of all.

His eyes met Magnus's again and he mouthed the words _I love you_, unable to make his voice audible. Magnus said them back making Alec's heart do a little somersault in his chest. He couldn't believe that Magnus had just kissed him in public, _in New York_, and was still holding his hand. Maybe they got the days wrong and it was actually Alec's birthday. This was the best present he could think of.

Alec was still dazed when the waiter arrived with the largest pizza he had ever seen. It was served on a giant circular silver tray held up by four separate silver legs in order to stabilize the massive pie. There was barely enough room on the tabletop for the six plates and drinks with the pizza taking up the center of the table.

Alec pulled a slice off his side and set it on the plate. The one slice was so large it hung over every edge of his plate. And it was absolutely delicious! Warm and gooey and melt-in-your-mouth delicious. He finished his first slice then had to split the second with Magnus because it was just too big to eat two pieces by himself. Jem and Will did the same thing, and Austin finished what Cammie couldn't of her one and only slice.

Stuffed full of pizza, they all leaned back from the table. Alec seriously wanted to unbutton his pants and relieve some of the pressure on his gut, and thought the others looked like they felt the same way. He finished his root beer, drifting into that hazy place known as a food coma. He was abruptly brought back to reality when Will started to speak.

Will rested his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand, and said to Magnus, "Momma wanted me to ask you about your plans for Christmas. You know she would be devastated if she didn't see you on Christmas Day."

Magnus smiled. "I know. I'll be there. I…um…" His eyes drifted to Alec's. "Um…I was wondering…if you'd like to come to the Herondale's for Christmas."

Alec saw Cammie's hands cover her gaping mouth from his peripheral vision. He pinched his bottom lip between his teeth, wondering if he had actually heard Magnus correctly. "You…you want me to meet your family…on Christmas?" he stuttered out.

Magnus made a sheepish face. "Well, technically, you only have Momma H left to meet. You already know Will…"

Alec glanced at Will, who looked at him expectantly, like he was trying to make sure Alec didn't blow this. But Alec had no intention of blowing it. He'd wanted this invitation for a very long time. He was nervous as hell about it, but he wanted it nonetheless.

"Of course I want to meet Will's mom," he finally said, and noticed Magnus looked both relieved and nervous. "But I have to go to my family's dinner, too. My mom would kill me if I didn't show up for Christmas."

"No problem," Will interjected before Magnus could say anything. "Talk to your family and see when they want to have Christmas. My mom can work around that. It'll just be the four of us and mom, anyway," he added with a warm look at Jem.

After paying the tab, they walked the few blocks to a row of old warehouses that had been transformed into a club. This club was so large that it took up much of the block. Infernal Devices was playing again tonight. This would be the first time Cammie and Austin were able to catch their show. Alec and Magnus were becoming pros at the band groupie thing. They led the other two backstage to where the rest of the band sat getting ready for the show. They made the introductions and waited for Will and Jem to join them after changing into their rock star attire.

They had never been to this club before, and although they were able to bypass the cover charge by entering through the back door with Will and Jem, they still each had to have their hand stamped and Alec was given a neon orange wrist band to indicate that he was under twenty-one. This was because this club was split into four completely different bars. All the bars were interlinked by a couple of doorways, and each had their own theme and staff. The one Infernal Devices was playing was the typical dark, crowded, seedy rock-band-type place. Alec didn't know what the others were like, yet.

After attending several of Will's band's shows, Alec started to recognize some of the faces in the crowd. It seemed that Infernal Devices had a decent-size following of very loyal fans. Many of the same people kept cropping up, some were even wearing t-shirts with the band's logo on it. Alec decided he wanted to get one of those shirts.

As they waited at the front of the stage for the band to play, Alec leaned over to Austin and said, "Are you sure you're okay with being in a gay bar?" He wasn't worried about Cammie. He knew she was fine with it, but guys, even guys that were cool with having close friends that were gay, sometimes felt uncomfortable in gay bars.

Austin grinned. "So far it's just like any other club I've ever been in. Besides," he added, pulling Cammie against him, "I've got Cam to take up for me if too many guys start hitting on me."

Cammie giggled at this and stretched up on her tiptoes to lace her arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss. Alec laughed. Yeah, Cam would take care of her man.

The music started up then, and Alec was rocked to the core again by Jem's voice and Will's guitar, and the incessant, soul-bearing beat of the drums. He loved every single song that Infernal Devices played. He loved their original songs, especially since he found out that Will and Jem wrote the majority of them. He often wondered if he was biased because he knew the members of the band, or if they were really just that good, but he thought they deserved to be playing to a larger crowd, to be making real money doing what they do. He wondered about their chances of ever getting a record contract, of making it big.

Just like always, when it came to 'the kiss,' the entire place erupted with cheers and shouts and whistles. Alec cut his eyes toward Austin and Cammie. He hadn't told them about the kiss, wanting to see their reaction to it, and he wasn't disappointed. Austin stood there with his mouth open, staring, while Cammie clapped and cheered and jumped up and down. When the song ended, Austin turned dazed eyes on Alec and said, "Fuck, man, that was hot!"

"I know," he shouted back over the din, and laughed.

At the end of the set, they again met the band backstage. Will and Jem quickly changed clothes, got their gear together and helped Johnny and Ryan load out. The other two were taking their gear back to wherever it was they set up for practice - Alec had never asked - while Will and Jem joined Alec, Magnus, Cammie, and Austin to do a little more celebrating.

Will led the group through the door into the next bar. The contrast was abrupt. The bar Infernal Devices played was dark and geared toward rock/metal bands, while this new one had a more Country and Western theme. Every surface was wooden, including the walls and floor. The floor was actually covered in sawdust and peanut hulls, and there were many taxidermied dead creatures on the walls - deer, fish, raccoons, even a badger. They gave Alec the creeps, but he opted to ignore them.

At the back of this bar was a large, open, wooden dance floor. People dressed in cowboy hats and boots were line-dancing, the click-click-click of the slick-bottomed boots almost as loud as the music. Alec heard music that he recognized, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

"It's the Electric Slide! Oh my god, come on! We have to do it!" He grabbed Magnus's hand without thinking and dragged him onto the dance floor, Magnus loudly spluttering his protests.

Cammie and Austin were the only other ones that new the dance, so they split up, teaching Magnus, Will and Jem. Alec wasn't sure if he had more fun doing the Electric Slide or laughing at the three that had no idea what they were doing and kept getting the moves wrong. All he knew was that his sides were hurting from laughing by the end of the dance, and that his companions were very good sports about it.

They stuck around and danced to Brooks &amp; Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie" which was another song that made Magnus fumble the dance moves. For all his talk about liking all kinds of music, he sure didn't know how to dance to Country songs. Alec found this very amusing.

"Okay, let's check out the next bar," Magnus said after dragging Alec back off the dance floor. There were no protests, so Will led them into the next section of the club.

This part was the typical dance club. Loud bass beats, multicolored flashing lights, flailing bodies. The dance floor itself was kind of unique, though. It was positioned in the middle of the room, about a half dozen steps below floor level, giving the feel of dancing in a pit. They wasted no time descending the stairs and joining the fray.

After a few songs, the music stopped abruptly in the middle of some dance mix that Alec didn't know but was fun to dance to, and spotlights illuminated a stage that Alec hadn't even noticed when they first entered the club. All eyes turned to watch a beautiful woman take center stage. She wore a long red dress with red gloves and lots of sparkling jewelry, calling to mind Madonna in her "Material Girl" music video. She had a long, blonde Dolly Parton wig and a bosom to match. But something was off.

Alec leaned into Magnus and whispered, "Is that…?"

"A man?" Magnus finished for him. "Yeah, I think so."

Alec grinned as she started singing Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl." She had a beautiful, sultry voice. They listened to several songs, even dancing along with a few of them, before Alec's curiosity got the better of him.

"I want to see the last club," he informed his friends.

"No, you don't," Will said adamantly.

Alec thought that was strange. And now he was even _more_ curious. "Why not?"

"Just trust me."

Magnus laughed. "If you didn't want to go in there, Will, that was the wrong thing to say."

Will sighed loudly and made a gesture that said he wanted to get this over as quickly as possible. He dragged his feet toward the door, pushed it open, and stepped back, watching the others get their first look inside the final club.

Alec's first impression was that it looked like Cupid vomited all over the room. There were stupid hearts in every shade of pink and red, golden bows and arrows, and even little cherubs decorating the walls. Strands of white Christmas lights hung from the ceiling resembling icicles. He noticed a sign that looked like it belonged on a parade float that read, "Tunnel of Love." He laughed out loud at the sheer cheesiness of the room, and then he heard the music they were playing.

"Yeah," Will deadpanned, "it's all cheesy love songs."

"Oh my god! I love a good love song!" Alec exclaimed.

"I don't think the words 'good' and 'love song' belong in the same sentence," Jem muttered. Alec stuck his tongue out at him and instantly realized he and Will were made for each other.

"If you guys want to hang out in here, go ahead. I think I'm going to go watch the headliner for our show play. They are pretty awesome," Will said, and Jem followed him. Cammie and Austin, it seemed, were fine with checking out the cheesy love songs room.

There were several couples slow dancing on the dance floor. Most were same sex, but there were a few heterosexual couple as well, including Cammie and Austin. Magnus took Alec in his arms and drew him close as they swayed to the music. Alec leaned his head against Magnus's shoulder, breathing him in.

_"There's only so much I can say_  
_ So please don't run away from what we have together_  
_ It's only you and me tonight_  
_ So let's stay lost in flight_  
_ Oh, won't you please surrender?"_

Those words made Alec think about what Magnus had said to him at dinner. He had finally surrendered, opened up to Alec and let him in. He was so glad he'd finally broken down those walls around Magnus and was lucky enough to find the man of his dreams inside.

"I'm glad you let me in, too," he whispered so that only Magnus could hear him. His words didn't make much sense out of context, but Magnus knew what he meant. It seemed that Magnus always knew what he meant.

"Me, too," he whispered back, pressing his cheek against Alec's as they danced. The song changed.

_"You know our love was meant to be_  
_The kind of love that lasts forever_  
_And I want you here with me_  
_From tonight until the end of time_

_You should know, everywhere I go_  
_You're always on my mind_  
_In my heart, in my soul, baby"_

Alec could feel the love in the room. It was such an intense feeling, it was almost creepy, scary. He glanced around at the other couples, all holding each other close, possessively. Many were kissing, hands sliding down bodies to places that might not be considered appropriate in polite society, but Alec didn't really care about that. He was getting turned on himself, being in Magnus's arms in the middle of a dance floor in a club. A new song started up, and they continued their slow movements.

_"I was living for a dream, loving for a moment_  
_Taking on the world, that was just my style_  
_Now I look into your eyes, I can see forever_  
_The search is over, you were with me all the while"_

Alec drew back and smiled at Magnus. Magnus kissed him lightly on the lips as they kept dance. The song changed to Lionel Richie and Diana Ross singing "Endless Love." Alec looked into Magnus's eyes and said, "Do you feel like we're in a bad 80's prom movie?"

Magnus chuckled. "Kind of."

"'Pretty In Pink!'" Alec grinned. "But wait. That was a great movie…"

Magnus smiled indulgently at Alec's love of all things 80's, but he did know the movie his boyfriend was talking about, so he asked, "How did Molly Ringwald pull off that pink dress with her red hair?"

"I have no idea." Alec shook his head.

"Awww, you really are gay," Magnus teased. Alec gave him a strange look, so he added, "Straight guys don't pay attention to things like that," and kissed him again.

Alec paused thoughtfully. "So which one of us is Molly Ringwald's character?"

"That would be you, Princess." Magnus's lip quivered with the effort to hold in his laughter.

Alec cocked an eyebrow. "Princess?" he said, and Magnus lost it. "So, if _I'm _Molly Ringwald's character, that means _you _must be Duckie!"

The laughter died in Magnus's throat. "What? I am _not_ Duckie! I'm that cool, rich kid she's in love with."

"No, _I'm_ the cool, rich kid. And since we're both guys, you're still Duckie!"

"Am not!"

They bickered back and forth until the novelty wore off, then fell back into each other's arms and listened to Journey sing, _"I'm forever yours, faithfully."_

Alec couldn't think how life could possibly get any better than that moment.

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**A/N: There are several songs listed in this one. The unnamed ones are, in order: "Endless Summer Nights" by Richard Marx, "You're the Inspiration" by Chicago, "The Search Is Over" by Survivor, and the Journey song is "Faithfully." Also, Pretty In Pink really is a decent 80's movie. Yeah, I'm an 80's movie/music geek. Also, I was going to put the words to "Endless Love" in there until I actually saw them written out and realized that song is definitely one that falls into the category of "lyrics that look stupid written out." It is considered by many to be one of the all-time greatest love songs though. **


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Sounds like some of you guys have your Spidey senses tingling...;)**

** I've found some extra time and managed to get a few chapters ahead (yay me!) and I'm making this bonus offer: If you guys can get this story to 400 reviews by Thursday, I'll post the next chapter then. If not, it'll go up Monday as usual. We only need 15 reviews, so that's totally doable. **

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Christmas morning was one of those shitty New York winter days where it's cold and drizzly, occasionally spitting snow but not enough to accumulate and make everything look pretty. Just enough to make everything wet and uncomfortable.

Alec looked out his bedroom window at the people already trickling out onto the sidewalks, bundled up with their heads tucked down against the cold and wind and wet. At least, this was the image he had in his head. He was on the thirtieth floor of a high-rise residential building in the penthouse where he'd grown up. From his vantage point, the people were pretty small and indiscernible, but he knew what New York winters were like, and he could see the rain/snow splattering the window as he looked on.

He turned away from the window and his eyes fell on the sleeping form in his bed. Magnus. He smiled to himself. He couldn't believe Magnus Bane was sleeping in his bed in his parents' home. He'd never had _any_ guy sleep in his bed in his parents' home, and Magnus was certainly the only one he'd ever _wanted_ to have there. Well, that may not be true. He had once thought he loved Eric, and probably wished he could have had that kind of relationship with him, but he now knew that he had been wrong. Or, at least, if he had loved Eric, it hadn't been like this. Hell, he'd never known that it _could _be like this, that he could love someone so much as to be content to simply watch him sleep in his bed.

In his bed. Part of him was still in shock that he managed to get Magnus to agree to spend Christmas Eve night at his parents' home. He was even more shocked that there had been very little actual convincing involved. He'd talked to his mom and dad as Will had asked, and they said they were going to do lunch on Christmas Day and that Magnus was more than welcome to come. After that, he'd simply asked Magnus to come, stating that they wouldn't have to deal with traffic that morning if they just spent the night, and to his utter surprise, Magnus had agreed. No argument, no discussion, just yes. Alec had never loved him more.

He'd wondered for a time if Magnus would change his mind and bail when he caught sight of the building, though. His gorgeous green-gold eyes had widened so large Alec was concerned they might pop right out of his head. And he'd been speechless for a solid fifteen minutes, until his manners finally kicked in and he stuttered out a breathless "your home is beautiful" to Alec's parents.

Alec understood Magnus's shock. He'd described the tiny row house where he'd grown up in Brooklyn, with its shabby carpet and outdated furnishings. The description of Will's home wasn't much different. And he'd been in complete awe of the Lightwood limousine and private jet. Then, there'd been the enormous mansion in Miami and the yacht, though that hadn't actually belonged to Alec's family, it was still quite impressive. So, yeah, he'd known Magnus would struggle at first with his family home.

His first glimpse had been of the floor-to-ceiling mirrored windows that covered the outside of the building. It was impossible to see into the windows from outside, even at night, but it gave the homeowners an unobstructed view of Manhattan from all four sides. That feature was one of the many things that had attracted Alec's family, and also driven the price right out the roof.

When they'd entered the door, the uniformed doorman recognizing Alec and greeting him cordially, and into the lobby, Magnus had stopped in his tracks. The lobby looked like it belonged in a five star hotel. There was a twenty foot high ceiling with an enormous chandelier dangling from the center. To the right was a magnificent mahogany and gold (yes, actual GOLD) desk that took up much of the space. Another uniformed man greeted Alec from behind the desk. Alec explained that particular man did everything that a concierge of a hotel would do and then some. He took care of their mail, called their car around if asked, would even sometimes make reservations for them. He knew every single person that came and went from the building, and he was also in charge of security. There were several uniformed security guards loitering around the lobby as well.

Alec took out his key and fitted it into the elevator slot designated for the penthouse, then pressed the button. The elevator started, and Magnus stumbled. He grasped the golden handrail for support and stared at the multiple images of himself bouncing between the mirrored walls of the elevator car.

When they reached the top floor, the elevator doors opened into a very spacious, very modern room. Alec still tried to put himself in Magnus's place, giving him plenty of time to take in everything there was to see of his family home, but it was slightly more difficult to do now that his family was descending upon them.

Alec led Magnus to the middle of the room, to a grouping of three ultra-sleek and modern leather and chrome couches that were deceptively comfortable. Alec's mom got to her feet to greet them both with a lingering hug. Alec pulled Magnus down onto one of the couches beside him and chatted with his mom so Magnus could have a few more moments to acclimate.

The penthouse had high ceilings and a sleek floor with some reflective surface. The light from the fireplace danced along the floor, casting a strange orange glow in that area, but warming it just the same. Nearby the fireplace was an enormous Christmas tree that looked like it belonged in a magazine, presents crowded together and spilling out from beneath the tree.

Magnus shot a worried glance at Alec, who smiled and patted his knee reassuringly. He and Magnus had talked about gifts already and decided not to exchange them. There were stupid NCAA rules on the books that prohibited certain types of 'gifts' as being viewed as impermissible benefits. Now that Alec's parents were season ticket holders at Idris, they could conceivably be seen as donors or boosters, and could potentially get Magnus in trouble, or more specifically, get Idris University in trouble, which Magnus was adamant would not happen. As a result, and one that Alec was perfectly fine with, there were no presents addressed to Alec or Magnus under that tree.

Alec had purposefully waited until late that night to show up at his parents' house. He didn't want Magnus to feel too overwhelmed as soon as he got there. By waiting so late, they only had to chat with the family for a short time before everyone went to their own rooms to get ready for bed. He had discussed this with his mom extensively when Magnus wasn't around so that everything would go smoothly. And it did. A few minutes after they settled onto the couches with preliminary small talk underway, Alec's and Magnus's bags were delivered to their door.

"Alec, why don't you show Magnus where he'll be sleeping?" Maryse asked. She made eye contact with Alec and he nodded. This would be Magnus's next test of the night.

They dragged their overnight bags down a short hallway with several doors leading off it. Alec threw open the door to his bedroom and stepped aside so Magnus could enter. Magnus, still looking overwhelmed and pale, took hesitant steps into the room and looked around. There was a large queen-size bed to the right with dark, masculine coverings. A desk and chair took up the left side of the room. A door stood ajar next to the desk leading to the bathroom. There were several Knicks posters on the walls and a collection of trophies on a shelf.

"This…this is your bedroom?" Magnus said.

"Yep." Alec brushed past him when Magnus made no further effort to enter the room. He dropped his bag and flopped onto the bed, hoping Magnus would follow.

He didn't. "I-I can't sleep in your bedroom." He looked thoroughly spooked now.

"Why not? We sleep together all the time," Alec tried, but Magnus was already shaking his head.

Alec walked slowly to him. "Magnus," he said as he placed a hand on his arm, gently but firm enough to let Magnus know he was not going to let him run away, "just come in and sit down."

Magnus allowed him to lead him to the bed. He sat gingerly on the edge and Alec climbed behind him. He leaned against the headboard and pulled Magnus between his legs, against his chest. He muttered soft nonsense words that soothed Magnus. When he felt the tension subside, he said, "There is nowhere else for you to sleep, baby. Two parents, four kids, five bedrooms. They all expect you to sleep in here so don't worry about it. Okay?"

Magnus nodded against his chest and he kissed the top of his head, sighing to himself in relief. They sat like that for a long time, Alec still in disbelief that Magnus was here with him. He tilted Magnus's face upward with a long, strong finger and kissed him. He flicked his tongue across Magnus's lips and he opened for him. He explored Magnus's mouth as his boyfriend melted into the kiss. The kiss, the oxygen deprivation, Magnus in his room, in his bed, was a heady combination.

Alec's hand ghosted down Magnus's body, skimming over his throat, the sharp edge of his collarbone, flitting over a nipple and the ridges of his firm abdominal muscles. Magnus's breath hitched when Alec's hand found the waistband of his jeans, expertly undoing the clasp and slipping his fingers through the open fly, caressing over the bulge that was forming.

Magnus pulled away. "No way, Alec. No fucking way." He was shaking his head again, the lustful spell they had just been under shattering.

"Come on, Magnus," Alec said, his soothing tone back in place. "The only present I can give you is my body. Please let me."

Magnus narrowed his eyes as if he thought that was a low blow. It probably was. But Alec didn't care. He wanted Magnus, even more so because of the taboo of fucking him in his bedroom in his parents' house. He had no intention of playing fair on this one. His hand stroked Magnus through his cotton underwear and Magnus moaned aloud before snapping back to attention. His dilated pupils betrayed him when he spoke.

"I don't want to, Alec. Not here." There was a plea in his voice, but Alec wasn't going to let him off that easily.

He stroked Magnus's dick harder. "_This_ says otherwise." He captured Magnus's mouth again with his own, kissing him deep and thorough. When he broke away this time, they were both panting hard.

Magnus's eyes darted round the room, finally stopping on the open bathroom door. "Is there a shower in there?" Alec, catching on quickly to Magnus's meaning, nodded his head. "Fine. We'll fuck in there. I'm not taking chances of being overheard in your parents' house."

A little thought niggled in Alec's mind, the reason Magnus would be worried about parents overhearing them, but he cast it aside. He couldn't let Magnus's fear take away from this moment. If he let the fear win this time, he worried it always would.

He led Magnus into his private bathroom and turned on the shower, setting the digital temperature gauge just where he wanted it. He kissed Magnus again as he unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders, then went to work on finishing what he'd started on his pants. Alec stroked Magnus, keeping him in the moment, as he slipped out of his own clothes.

The shower was steaming when they stepped into it. The heat only made Alec hotter, more needy. Alec pulled Magnus into his embrace, kissing him gently at first, then with more intensity and passion. Their hard dicks rubbed together as their hands found perfect resting places on each other's bodies. When Alec couldn't take any more, he pulled away, unfurled the condom on Magnus's cock, and applied the lube for him since he seemed to be unable to do this for himself. He turned his back to Magnus and pressed against him, his boyfriend's rigid cock gliding into place between his ass cheeks.

Magnus's brain finally engaged, or his instinct, or something. His lips found the crook of Alec's neck, kissing and teasing his sensitive skin. His hands crept across Alec's ribs and stomach muscles, gliding down and wrapping around his erection. Alec thrust into his hand as he took hold, and Magnus simultaneously thrust into him, burying himself deep within Alec's warmth. Alec let out a strangled gasp at the penetration, his head falling back against Magnus's chest, his breathing hard and fast. He fucked him long and slow, his hand on Alec's dick matching the full strokes.

Alec's fingers dug into the tiles as he grasped for purchase, for something to cling to. When that didn't work, he brought one hand up and hooked it behind Magnus's neck, holding his head against him as Magnus refocused his energy on Alec's tender neck. The sensations were too much for Alec. Magnus's lips and tongue, one hand on his cock, the other on his hip, the throbbing deep inside him, the hot steam from the shower were all too much, yet he needed more. He couldn't quite get there. He needed…something, more.

"Harder, Magnus…please," he panted and felt the ghost of a grin against his neck. Magnus maintained his pace, his slow, dizzying, infuriating, painstaking pace. Alec begged for more, his cock painfully hard and leaking. He wanted more. He needed more. He was right there, hovering on the edge, just needing that extra push. "Magnus…please…" But Magnus ignored his plea.

Alec gave up and tried moving himself, forcing Magnus into him deeper and harder, but Magnus was ready. He tightened his grip on Alec's hip first, then, when that didn't work, he squeezed his cock painfully tight. Alec cried out and stilled his movements. Magnus's breath was hot and wet in his ear, heated and urgent.

"Is _this_ what you want?" he growled, punctuating his statement with a fierce thrust of his hips.

Alec's body shuddered. "Yes," he breathed.

"I didn't hear you." Another deep thrust.

"Y-yes," Alec forced out. God, he was so close. So. Fucking. Close. His body all but vibrated at this height of awareness. "God…yes!"

Another snap of his hips. Another moaned '_yes!'. _And now Magnus was past the point of no return. He hammered into Alec, just like he'd been begging him to do, held him tighter and thrust once more and they cried out their orgasms together, Alec's clinging to the tile before the water washed it away. His body completely boneless, he somehow managed to get the water turned off and them both wrapped in a towel before tumbling into bed, still quite damp.

Magnus whispered unsteadily, "Doesn't your shower ever run out of hot water?" They'd been in there quite a long time. That was one of the many benefits to the penthouse.

Alec smiled as he recalled the previous night's events. He rather liked it when Magnus took charge like that, when he made him need him so damn much.

And now they had to face Christmas with both of their families…

Christmas dinner at the Lightwood's was surprisingly uneventful, except for Max whining about wanting to open gifts. Maryse insisted that they wait until Magnus and Alec had left, so they wouldn't feel bad about not participating. Magnus insisted that they didn't mind, but Alec knew it would do no good. Once his mother had her mind made up about something, there was no changing it. Max would just have to wait.

Magnus seemed surprised that Alec's mom had given the staff the day off and made Christmas dinner herself. He covered his surprise well by simply gushing about how wonderful everything tasted. He never seemed to be at ease at the Lightwood table, evidenced by the perpetual deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, but he managed to get into several conversations about sports, and even watched the Knicks game with the family. All in all, Alec would say the first major family holiday meal was a success, and he was so proud of Magnus for getting through it.

Mid-afternoon saw Alec and Magnus catching a cab to Will's house in Brooklyn. Alec was willing to pay the exorbitant fare, especially after Magnus reminded him how out of place a limo or any other car the Lightwoods owned would be in Will's neighborhood. He didn't particularly want to draw that kind of attention to them any more than Magnus did.

They pulled up outside Will's mom's home and Alec realized Magnus's description of the place was spot-on. The house was small, tiny in fact. Magnus had said, in an awed voice, that they could easily fit four or five of Will's house inside the Lightwood's penthouse. Alec thought he was exaggerating, but he clearly was not.

The house might be small and old and outdated, but it was clearly cared for. There was evidence the house had been painted recently, likely last summer. The shrubs in front were trimmed. There were dead flowers in the flower beds, but the mulch appeared to be from this year. The gutter was pulling away from the house on one end, and Alec made a mental note to offer to help fix it next summer.

A blast of heat greeted them as they stepped onto the small, concrete porch. The only warning they had was a loud squeal before Mrs. Herondale pulled Magnus into a hug, shaking him slightly. She then turned to Alec and said, "Alec!" and hugged him the same way. She acted like they'd known each other for years, instead of having just met. Alec had to laugh. She was a tiny woman, barely reaching his chest, with the same black hair and blue eyes that Will had, but she was strong as an ox, squeezing him tightly. This was no fading violet. Alec liked her instantly.

Alec glanced over her shoulder and saw Will smiling, and behind him, Jem shaking with laughter. The look in his eye said he had been subjected to the same treatment as Alec.

Mrs. Herondale released him and ushered them into the house. The doorway led to a small living space that looked even smaller when they were all inside. There was a shabby blue sectional couch taking up one corner of the room, a television perfectly positioned to watch from the sofa, and a Christmas tree that barely seemed to fit in the room, weighed down with lights and ornaments and garland. Looking around the room, Alec noticed nearly ever surface was covered in something Christmas related. He remembered Magnus telling him once that Christmas was Mrs. Herondale's favorite holiday, and judging by the decorations, it was easy to tell that was true.

They all took seats on the couch. Alec noticed everyone carefully avoiding a brown leather recliner that was easily the best seat in the house. It was _that _recliner, the one that had belonged to Will's father, who had died when he was very young. Alec felt a cold chill, felt sad for the man who was clearly still missed by his family.

Alec, remembering his manners, said, "Something smells wonderful, Mrs. Herondale."

Her sharp eyes caught his. "What's this Mrs. Herondale business? You call me Momma or Momma H, just like my boys do." She reached a hand behind Magnus's and Will's heads and pulled them to her, first kissing Magnus on the cheek, and then Will. "Any boy that loves one of my boys is family. Don't forget that."

Feeling put in his place, Alec offered her a small, apologetic smile. "Sorry, Momma H," he said and Magnus squeezed his knee in encouragement.

After that little incident, everything went smoothly. Momma H wanted to know all about Alec and his family. Alec told her all about growing up a Lightwood. He tried to scale down his family's wealth. It just felt wrong, like he was bragging or something, to go on and on about his family home and vacation homes all over the world and cars and jets and so on, while he was seated on a threadbare couch with a woman who showed obvious signs of having worked very hard all her life. But Magnus didn't let him get away with that. He kept saying Alec was being modest and went into full detail about Alec's parents' home and the beach house they'd lived in while in Miami. He told them about the jet and the limo, leaving out the sex scenes of course. While all of this attention was making Alec uncomfortable, he had the distinct impression that it made Momma H feel better, somehow, like maybe she was happy that she wouldn't have to worry about Magnus, at least not financially.

They took a break from talking to move to the kitchen table for dinner. There was no formal dining room in this home, but instead there was a small table in the kitchen which had a lovely decorative table cloth covering it. Momma H had set all the food along the limited counter space the kitchen provided and set the table for five. The table only had four matching chairs, the fifth one looked to belong to a desk that must be somewhere else in the house.

They loaded down their plates with turkey and dressing and sweet potatoes and green beans. Alec didn't even want to think about the amount of calories he'd eaten today, or how many hours he'd have to spend in the gym to work them off. He didn't normally fuss about things like that, but two full Christmas dinners in one day? One thing was for sure, though. Momma H could cook! Every thing smelled good, and tasted even better.

Once they'd finished dinner and cut into the pumpkin and pecan pies, Momma H said, "I wonder if your family knows Jem's family," motioning to Alec.

Alec didn't know much about Jem's family, other than they had been financially successful in China and then moved to the states eight years or so ago. Jem seemed to know much more about this than he did.

"My father's company does handle some of the financials for Mr. Lightwood's company," Jem said to Mrs. Herondale, then added to Alec, "I looked it up after we met. Seems they've been clients of ours for years."

"Oh," Alec said, taken aback. "I don't really know anything about my father's business. That's his thing. I'm not involved at all."

"Alec's going into Sports Medicine when he graduates," Magnus supplied, and Alec nodded. If anyone thought that strange, they didn't comment.

"I take it you know a lot about your father's company, Jem?" Alec said.

Jem nodded. "He's been grooming me my whole life to take over for him one day. CEO of a Fortune 500 financial company. Should be interesting."

Alec had a sudden vision of Jem wearing eyeliner and that billowing silver shirt to a board meeting. He had to stifle his laugh. "So…the rockstar thing is…?"

Jem shrugged. "Just for fun." His arm moved toward Will and probably took his hand under the table. Will and Jem shared that loving look again. "Gives us something to do together, you know?"

Will let his eyes drift to Alec. "Like you and Magnus have basketball."

Alec understood, but was a little sad to know they weren't going to try to make the band successful. Infernal Devices was really good, and did a great show. But something in Will's face made Alec's questions about the band die in his throat.

"Sports Medicine?" Momma H said. "Tell me, Alec, what exactly does that mean?"

Alec smiled at the lovely woman. "I'll be responsible for setting up conditioning and training protocols, assessing injuries to the athletes, and helping them recover through physical therapy." When Mrs. Herondale asked how he became interested in that, he told the story of Jace tearing his ACL.

"Where do you hope to work when you graduate," Momma H asked. Though her words sounded casual, Alec could see the calculating look she gave him as he prepared his answer.

"Well, my dream job would be with the Knicks. That's not very likely to happen though. It's hard to get in with professional teams, especially with the NBA and the NFL. They want the best of the best, of course, with their multi-million dollar athletes. So it would take _years_ of experience to get a job like that, plus really good connections. Most likely I'll end up working at a small college or a large high school with a big budget for their athletic program."

"So, you don't think you have a chance to work with whichever team drafts Magnus?"

Alec paused, his fork suspended in air with a bite of pecan pie attached to the end of it. He slowly lowered the fork back to his plate where it landed with a soft clatter. He hadn't ever thought about working for the same organization that drafted Magnus, not really anyway. Maybe he'd fleetingly thought it would be cool if that happened, but they didn't really talk much about the future, at least not in that context, and his career still seemed so far away. Two and a half years, he reminded himself. That really wasn't a very long time. Not long at all.

"Umm…" He tried to collect himself, unnerved by how much that question had unsettled him. "The odds of us working for the same organization have to be…" He shared a look with Magnus, who seemed to be just as rattled as he was. "It's…very unlikely," he finished quietly.

He may not have been thinking about the future before, but he certainly was now. When they'd first started talking about Magnus's NBA hopes - were they even dating then? - Alec remembered Magnus saying the only two teams to show interest so far were New York and Brooklyn. Somehow, he'd let himself fall into the trap of thinking Magnus would end up one of those places. But that didn't mean he would. He could end up on the West Coast or any number of teams that would mean Alec…wouldn't ever see him. The NBA off-season, especially for a rookie, is so short. What would happen if he ended up somewhere else? What would happen to their relationship? Sudden, hiding their relationship wasn't their biggest looming problem.

Alec was quiet throughout the rest of dinner. He couldn't stop thinking about what might happen after draft day. He perked up a little when Will brought out his acoustic guitar and Jem sang Christmas carols. After awhile, the others joined in. Momma H had a lovely voice and Will sounded pretty good, too. Magnus was a little off-key, but he made up for it in his enthusiasm, and his smile was infectious. Alec nearly forgot his worry as they sang.

That night, Magnus somehow convinced him to stay the night at Will's. The small house had three small bedrooms, and Mrs. Herondale seemed to have no problem at all with the couples sleeping in the same room together. Alec gathered through the conversation that Jem stayed over regularly and always slept in Will's bed. Alec didn't exactly feel comfortable with this idea, but since Magnus had stayed at his parents' house last night, he didn't argue.

"I've never stayed in this room before," Magnus said, looking around the spare bedroom. "It used to be Will's dad's office. Will and I always slept in the same room growing up." He shed his clothes and reached for the basketball shorts he planned to sleep in. They usually slept naked together, but not in someone else's home. He looked at Alec, holding the shorts in one hand, and said, "Unless…" _you want to fuck_, was the unspoken thought.

Alec's eyes widened. "Hell no," he hissed, eyes darting around the room as if he expected someone to be in there with them.

"But, we did it at your parents' house," Magnus said, and Alec wasn't sure if he was mocking him or really asking.

"Magnus," he said through clinched teeth, "there is no way they won't hear us! This place is too small for that."

Magnus chuckled. "You think Will and Jem don't fuck here all the time? Momma's used to hearing it, I can promise you that."

"Wait. So you didn't want to at my parents' place, with thick, soundproof walls, but you want to do it here where everyone in the house will probably hear us?" Alec said incredulously.

Magnus, still naked, slunk up to Alec and snaked his arms around him, pulling him close until their groins met. "Not if we're quiet…" He wiggled his eyebrows mischievously.

"Magnus. No," Alec said, half-heartedly attempting to push his boyfriend away. "Come on. Stop…"

At that moment, they heard a noise, the unmistakable sound of a bed frame creaking in the room next door. The creaking grew louder and more rhythmic, interspersed with moans. Alec groaned and Magnus took the opportunity to capitalize on Alec's distraction. He gripped Alec's cock and stroked him until it was weeping glistening drops of clear fluid. The sounds of Will and Jem having sex next door combined with Magnus's touch had Alec so turned on, no longer able to fight it.

"Come on," Magnus grinned. "Their noise will cover ours."

Alec surrendered. He was hard now and knew he would just spend a sleepless night wishing they'd done it if they didn't. He let Magnus have him, and they quickly fell into rhythm with Will and Jem, the squeaking beds sounding simultaneously. Somehow, all four managed to climax together.

When it was over, Magnus snuggled up to him and whispered, "Feel better now?"

Alec raised an eyebrow. "Yeah."

Magnus grinned. "Not about _that,_" he said, meaning the sex. "About earlier. The NBA thing."

"Oh." Alec averted his eyes, knowing Magnus could read the truth in them. "That."

"Alec." Something in Magnus's voice made him look up. "We'll figure something out. There's no use stressing about it until we find out where I'm going. For now, let's just enjoy being together. Okay?"

Alec smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I love you" were the only words he could force out.

"I love you, too. So much," Magnus said against his throat, his warm breath soothing.

* * *

**A/N: The NCAA rules logic probably seems pretty screwy here. That's because the NCAA rules are screwy, as is the organization itself. Their rules are frequently ridiculous, which is the reason that some coaches are starting to talk about breaking free of their tyranny. I can't honestly say that I know the rule book (I doubt anyone, including its makers, can), but I do know that there have been many documented cases of stupid shit getting teams/players/coaches/universities in trouble with the NCAA. For example, a few years ago, 2 Indiana players were ruled ineligible by the NCAA because someone close to them (forgive me for not remembering the entire story) had donated $200 to the school (technically making them 'boosters') and had bought stuff for the players, like clothes or shoes or something. Very weird situation. Another that I do know more about was a UK player who dove into the cheerleaders of the opposing team trying to save the ball from going out of bounds. The cheerleader ended up injured, and he had to wait until the end of the season to send her flowers as an apology so that it wouldn't be an NCAA violation. As I said, ridiculous. Anyway, I have no idea if couples exchanging gifts would be an issue, and I doubt the NCAA looks deeply at small schools like Idris U, but I have no doubt they would find something wrong with this situation. Plus, I didn't feel like thinking up Christmas gifts...sometimes I'm lazy ;)**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: You guys did it! Much love and thanks!**

* * *

The spring semester was underway. Alec always struggled calling it that when it was early January and there was six inches of snow on the ground. He didn't feel "spring-y" at all. He loved spring and the warmer weather and pretty flowers and allergy symptoms. Okay, maybe not the allergies, but spring was still a lovely time of year. Just after the long, frigid winter months, the warm spring air was so welcomed. Sledging around campus through mountains of snow did not call to mind images of spring.

As basketball season progressed, Magnus showed why he was touted so highly among people that know basketball. He worked his ass off, improving his game, making his passes smoother, his shots sharper, his steps quicker. He did everything in his power to ready himself for the NBA and to prove to the scouts that he was worth taking a chance on.

Much to Magnus's chagrin, he found himself a new admirer. He'd always had the respect and trust of his teammates. They'd always looked to him for leadership and were in awe of his talent. But this time things were a little different. The new kid, Devin, developed a sort of hero-worship of Magnus. He tailed him constantly at practice, and looked at him like he was the best thing he'd ever seen.

"He's got a crush on you," Alec said one day after practice. Magnus's hair was still dripping onto his shoulders from his shower as he stood in the hallway outside the locker rooms with Alec. They'd made plans to meet Austin and Cammie for dinner since the cheer squad didn't have practice that day.

Magnus glanced over his shoulder as the rest of the team filed out. He caught Devin's eye and the boy's grin stretched across his face. Magnus turned back to Alec, who was wearing a knowing smirk. "He does not." He started walking, and Alec had to hurry to catch up.

"Sure he does," Alec said, falling into step beside Magnus. "It's not a big deal though. I'm not jealous or anything."

Magnus stopped suddenly. "He. Doesn't. Have. A. Crush. On. Me." Magnus articulated every word to make his point.

Alec held up his hands. "Okay. Fine. Sorry I said anything." But the smirk was back on his face as soon as Magnus looked away.

* * *

A couple weeks later.

"I think Devin has a crush on me." Magnus sounded so miserable Alec had to look up at him.

They were sitting on their couch working separately on some projects that were coming due. They hadn't spoken for nearly an hour, both lost in their work. At least, Alec was lost in his work. Magnus, apparently, was ruminating this issue with Devin.

"Oh?" Alec asked innocently. "What makes you think that?" _Besides the fact that I pointed it out weeks ago?_ He thought but didn't say.

"He's…always…_watching_ me. Always. Every time I look at him, he's already looking at me." Magnus scrubbed a hand through his hair. "It's unnerving."

Alec tried to suppress his grin, but he knew he was failing. He found this Devin situation rather amusing. "As unnerving as I was in the beginning?" he teased.

Magnus looked at him sharply. "Don't be ridiculous. You were unnerving because I had feelings for you, too. I don't feel that way about this kid. I've just never had anyone look at me the way he does. It's creeping me out!"

Alec has seen the way Devin looked at Magnus, and he could understand why Magnus found it unsettling. The guy was shameless. He practically gawked at Magnus. "It's just a little crush."

"Maybe, but I think some of the other guys are noticing now. What if they figure out…"

"Wait. You think the rest of your team will figure out _you_ are gay because Devin is looking at you?" Magnus nodded his head, but didn't seem very confident. "Magnus. Don't you think they would think _he _was gay, not you?"

Magnus shrugged. "I guess I'm just not ready to deal with this."

Suddenly nettled, Alec gritted his teeth. "It's not that you're not ready, you just don't _want_ to deal with it." He didn't think he hid his irritation very well. Magnus glanced sidelong at him, but didn't comment on Alec's curtness. "Look, Magnus," he said in a softer tone, "maybe you should talk to Devin. Tell him to cool it. Find out what he really thinks about you."

Magnus looked alarmed at that. "Find out what he thinks? How am I supposed to deal with it if he says he likes me?"

"Tell him you already have a boyfriend," Alec said nonchalantly, and turned back to his homework so Magnus wouldn't see the amusement in his eyes.

Magnus spluttered incoherently. "Wh-wh-what?!"

Alec kissed his cheek. "You are so adorable. Talk to Devin." With that, he went back to work in earnest, ending the conversation.

* * *

Two days later.

"Hey, I need some new deodorant," Magnus said. "Be right back."

They were at the grocery store. Alec was sorting through a basket of oranges, looking for just the right ones. He nodded toward Magnus so he would know he heard him, then spared a moment to watch his ass as he walked away.

"Hey!" A voice called to Alec, startling him. It was none other than Devin.

"Oh, hey, Devin. How's it going?"

"Great." His easy grin widened as he took in Alec and the oranges. "Big Friday night out on the town?"

Alec grimaced. "Something like that. Magnus and I will starve if we don't get some groceries soon."

Devin brightened, his eyes darting around the store. "Is Magnus here?"

As Alec was about to answer, Magnus appeared, looking at something in his hands and paying no attention to his surroundings. "Hey, Alec. Do you think I'd smell better in Sexy or Desire?" he said, holding up two black containers of his favorite brand of deodorant. His eyes found Devin standing next to Alec and, for a moment, his surprise was evident. Then, Alec watched him slip into his star mode with ease. It was quite stunning to watch him transform like that. "Oh, hey, Devin," he said like he hadn't just been asking his boyfriend a potentially damning question in front of his teammate.

Not missing a beat, Devin said, "Desire. Smells great."

"Uh, thanks."

Devin left a moment later, saying he had a study group to get to. _On a Friday night, freshman? After busting my balls for grocery shopping? _Alec thought skeptically.

"Well that was awkward," Alec said, his eyes following Devin's retreating figure.

"Yeah."

"Could have been worse."

"Yeah."

"You need to talk to him."

* * *

A few more days passed.

"Did you talk to Devin?

"No."

"When are you going to talk to him?" Alec followed Magnus into the bathroom, unashamedly watching him take a piss. At least he knew he had him cornered at the toilet.

"Alec…"

Magnus finished up and washed his hands, then brushed past Alec and into the kitchen. The dorm room was so small it was impossible to avoid each other. Alec simply turned and leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, watching his boyfriend, waiting.

"I don't know what to say to him," Magnus finally said when the silence became uncomfortable.

"Why don't you invite him over. We can all chat."

Magnus wheeled around, nearly spilling the bowl of leftover spaghetti he was holding. "Invite him over? We never invite _anyone_ over."

"Well, maybe we should." Alec said with an air of finality.

Magnus sighed. Alec won, and they both knew it.

* * *

The next day.

A knock sounded on the door and Alec gave Magnus a nod to indicate he should get it. He was elbow deep in a hamburger concoction he was making for dinner and didn't want to stop to answer the door. Magnus gave him a nervous look, nodded, and threw open the door.

"Hey!" Devin said cheerfully from the hallway. He didn't wait to be invited in, instead simply brushing past Magnus and into the dorm. He flopped down on the couch like he was in his own room. Magnus stared at him, kind of stunned. Alec hid his grin.

Magnus didn't seem to be snapping out of his surprise, so Alec called a greeting to Devin, who happily greeted Alec in return. Alec asked him if he wanted a bottle of water, and when he said yes, Magnus finally kicked into gear and got him the bottle from the fridge. Alec put the food in the oven, washed his hands and joined them in the living room.

Considering Magnus and Devin were teammates, one would think they would have plenty to talk about, but neither seemed able to start a conversation. So Alec asked Devin how he was enjoying college.

"It's great!" he said enthusiastically. Alec was beginning to wonder if he had another tone. He seemed to be excited about everything. "I never thought I'd get to play with someone like Magnus Bane though." He turned his big, star-struck eyes on Magnus, who looked very uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Alec studied the kid as he talked. He definitely seemed to be enamored with Magnus. And he was a cute kid. He had straight black hair and enough color in his skin in late January to suggest he was not fully Caucasian. He had rich brown eyes and a perpetual smile that lit up his face. He was just a happy kid. He was one of the youngest guys on campus, having his eighteenth birthday after classes had already started. And he just looked young. Young and innocent. Maybe that's why Alec couldn't help thinking of him as a kid. Maybe that's why Alec felt no jealousy at the way this guy was looking at his boyfriend.

They shared a friendly conversation about basketball and where Magnus was likely to end up after the draft. Devin told them how much he loved playing ball but he knew he was unlikely to get drafted to the NBA. He had a good skill set, but he wasn't athletic enough, wasn't fast enough to play with those guys. Alec couldn't figure out a place to interject the reason they'd invited him over.

Then, out of the blue, Devin says, "So, how long have you two been together?"

Alec's eyes widened and his head snapped to Magnus, who was doing a good impression of a fish, his mouth opening and closing, no words coming out. Magnus stood, knocking over the chair he'd been sitting on. His face was pale. He was panicking.

"Magnus," Alec said as he got to his feet. He gently pushed Magnus toward his bedroom door, needing to find a place for him to calm down and get himself under control.

"Did I say something wrong?" Devin called behind him.

Alec looked back over his shoulder as he struggled to get Magnus into his room. "Just…stay here. Let me talk to him. Just don't leave," he instructed the startled kid who had risen and taken a few steps away from the couch. He saw Devin sit back down before he closed the door to Magnus's room.

"Magnus. Magnus. Magnus." He kept saying his name, over and over in a calming voice. Magnus looked ready to bolt right out the door, or even the window if given the opportunity. Five stories up, that was a very bad idea. But he was in full-blown panic mode right now. "Magnus, please. Just listen to me. Please."

He slowly inched closer until he could finally put his arms around him. Magnus was trembling, and still hadn't formed words. He made soft shushing sounds, gently petting him, soothing him. Eventually, Magnus's arms came around him and he relaxed, ever so slightly, in Alec's arms. He was still trembling.

"He knows." Magnus's voice was barely a whisper. His grip momentarily tightened around Alec, making it difficult to breathe.

"I know." Alec kissed his temple and Magnus sighed.

"What do we do?"

Alec held him at arms length and looked him in the eyes. "Magnus. I think you should tell him." Panic shot across Magnus's features again but Alec quickly continued. "Listen to me. He already knows, and he hasn't said anything to anyone else. What's the point in denying it?"

It took several more minutes to calm Magnus enough to get him back into the living room. When they emerged from the bedroom, Devin jumped to his feet. "I'm sorry," he said urgently. "Magnus, I-"

Alec held up a hand to stop him saying whatever he was about to say. He could feel Magnus's nervous energy beside him. "Let's just sit down and talk, okay, Devin?"

Devin dropped back into his seat. Alec noticed his leg was twitching nervously as he and Magnus sat down again. "Devin," he began but Magnus interrupted.

"How did you know?" he demanded.

Devin flinched at Magnus's aggression. Alec looked sideways at his boyfriend, then said, much more calmly, "Yes, Devin, how did you know about us?"

Devin shrugged. "I just did. My twin brother's gay," he added as if that settled things.

"Really?" Alec said, surprised. "So, are you…do you…like Magnus?"

"What?" Devin said in obvious surprise. "No, man. I'm straight. Got a girlfriend back home and everything. Wait. Is that why you asked me here? You thought I had a thing for Magnus?"

"Well, you do look at him a lot…" Alec felt a little defensive, and a lot stupid for jumping to conclusions. Boy had they been wrong.

Devin laughed. "Have you seen this guy play? He's amazing! He's like…my idol or something…" Both Devin and Magnus looked away, clearly embarrassed by this statement.

"Oh, okay. Well, good," spluttered Alec.

"But how did you know about us?" Magnus stated again. Apparently getting back to the point took some of the embarrassment away.

"Well, like I said, my brother's gay. I spent a lot of time with him and his gay friends growing up. I mean, we are twins. We did everything together, except basketball. He's into art, not sports. Anyway, I guess I picked up what to look for by watching him."

Alec started to speak but Magnus jumped in again. "So, what did we do to give us away? Does the rest of the team know?" He sounded terrified at these last words. Alec reached out and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Devin smiled.

"No. I don't think anyone else knows," Devin said. "Like I said, I only know because I spent so much time with my brother." He thought for a moment. Alec got the impression he hadn't ever really considered _how _or_ why_ he knew that Magnus and Alec were together, he just did. Alec was completely intrigued by this as well. "It's really more the way you interact with each other," Devin continued hesitantly. "I mean, everyone knows Alec is gay, and I think some of the guys may have noticed the way he looks at you, Magnus…"

Devin cast an apologetic look at Alec. Magnus nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, a couple of the guys said they thought he might like me."

This was news to Alec. "What? When? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Magnus shrugged. "What did it matter? They already thought it. They all think I'm straight so it didn't ever occur to them that the feelings go both ways."

Alec was stunned. He stared at Magnus like he was something he just didn't understand. "I can't believe you never told me this."

"It was a long time ago, when you first moved in here. It's not a big deal." Magnus turned back to Devin. "But I do want to know how you knew about us."

Devin nodded. "Well, it's like I was saying. It's more what you don't do. You try very hard not to touch each other, ever. It's weird. You live together, you're obviously friends or you wouldn't wait for each other before and after practice. But you _never_ touch. Not even a friendly pat on the shoulder or fist-bump. Nothing."

"So…you're saying we _try too hard_ to not be obvious that something is going on between us?" Alec said the words but still had to mull them over to see if they even made sense to him.

"Yeah, I guess." Devin nodded his head in agreement.

"Well, fuck," Alec said irritably. He'd tried so hard not to give them away.

"Alec?" Magnus said. Alec pushed himself off his chair and paced around the room. This was just too much for him. He didn't want to be in the fucking closet anyway, and now his best effort not to out Magnus was see-through. He didn't realize he'd actually said those words aloud until Magnus caught his arms to stop his pacing and looked him in the eyes. "Hey," he said quietly, "it's okay. We'll figure it out."

"Did you just say it's okay?" Alec said in disbelief, once the shock wore off enough he could close his mouth again.

Magnus pulled him into a hug, right there in front of Devin, stunning Alec into further silence. He buried his head against Magnus's chest, wondering how on Earth they ended up like this, with Magnus holding him, consoling him. Perhaps there was a rip in the time-space continuum and they were now in some alternate universe. That was the _only_ explanation Alec could think of to make sense of this moment.

Then, just to add proof Alec's theory, Magnus pulled away enough to look at Devin and said, "Hey, Dev. I'm gay, and completely in love with this guy."

Alec heard Devin laugh, but his eyes locked on Magnus's. Magnus gave him a half smile and a look that said _what do you do?_ Alec held Magnus even tighter and felt relief wash over him. Magnus was out to one of his teammates, a teammate who had figured them out all on his own and had kept it to himself. And Magnus seemed oddly relaxed with this information…well, after he got over his panic attack.

They broke apart and sat back down in their chairs. Alec noticed the chairs were just a little bit closer together. He smiled at this.

"Just so we're all clear," he said to the room at large, or maybe to the universe itself. "Devin knows that Magnus is gay and that we are in a relationship together. He has a gay brother, a twin, and is apparently okay with the whole gay thing. And he's not in love with my boyfriend."

Devin burst with laughter. "Yeah. That's about right."

"You're really not going to tell anyone?" Magnus asked with a surprisingly minimal amount of concern. Or maybe that was his basketball star persona talking. Alec could usually tell the difference, though.

"Dude!" Devin exclaimed. "No way I'd ever out someone. My brother would fucking kill me!"

The remaining tension drained from Magnus at this point, and Alec breathed a relieved sigh. "Thanks," they said at the same time.

"No need to thank me. Seriously." A dark expression clouded Devin's face and Alec had to prod him to continue. "It's just…Dylan and I, we've always been close. You know, twins and all. He's my best friend. Anyway, we're from Texas, San Antonio. Our parents are devout Christians. They didn't understand when he told them he was gay, but they tried. They supported him the best they could. They read books and went to support groups and stuff. I didn't need all that. He's my twin. I knew he was different and I didn't care.

"Anyway, it eventually got around school that Dylan was gay. There were a lot of people who were really mean to him, calling him names and telling him he was going to Hell. And my parents…well, they continued going to church, and they made us go as well, even though we both said we didn't want to. Our church was definitely not one that was cool with gay people." This he said so bitterly Alec recoiled. "One Sunday shortly after everyone found out about Dylan, the preacher started his sermon talking about gays and how their lifestyle was sinful and all that bullshit people spew from the Bible. It couldn't have been a coincidence. He had to do that just to get at my brother, you know? Dylan started to cry. We were only thirteen at the time." The outrage Devin showed for his brother made Alec's heart clinch. He could just imagine a little Devin look-alike sitting in that church, or Magnus, or himself, or any number of other boys and girls. He felt the anger rise in him as well.

"My dad," Devin continued, "he stood up in the middle of the sermon and stared at the preacher. We always sat toward the front of the church, so the hundreds of people behind us, and the preacher could see exactly what was going on. My dad tugged my mom up by her hand and they stood there looking at him defiantly. I held Dylan's hand, trying to give him my support, but I was fascinated with what my parents were doing. When the preacher stopped talking, everyone at the front of the church realized something was up and they turned to look at us. Dylan tried to disappear into the pew, but my mom took his hand and we both stood up with our parents. My dad said, 'This will be our last time coming here,' and led us out of our pew and down the center aisle of the church with everyone watching us."

Devin took a deep breath then. "We moved not long after that. To Houston. We encountered more homophobia there. I'm not really sure how people found out. We were much more careful by then. Maybe they didn't know and were just talking their stupid beliefs." He shrugged. "A few years later, when it got really bad, we moved to Dallas."

"Was it better there?" Alec asked.

Devin shook his head. "Well, maybe a little. Dallas is so big. But there were so many students in our school and no one could tell the difference between Dylan and me. We're identical twins, I don't know if I ever said that. I got just as much bullshit as he did. Sometimes I even took it for him. He'd been through so much and sometimes I could tell he was about to break, so I stepped in and said I was Dylan and dealt with bullies for him. I could tell he felt guilty letting me do that, but he also felt relieved, you know?"

Magnus and Alec nodded. Alec could feel much more of Magnus's warm body against him then. They were touching from shoulder down to hands, and Magnus took a moment to loop his fingers with Alec's. Alec gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Where is Dylan now?" Magnus asked.

"He's here, too. I mean, he's in New York. NYU. He's studying sexuality and cultural norms and such. He's minoring in art. I'm not sure what he's going to do with that degree, but I know he wants to help people that are in situations like he was."

Alec smiled at this. "He sounds great. I'd like to meet him sometime."

"Really? He'd like that, I'm sure of it!" Devin looked very excited about this idea. "Does…does that mean you believe me? You trust me to keep your secret?"

Magnus grinned this time. "Yeah, we trust you." He shared a glance with Alec, who knew what he was thinking. He nodded and Magnus said to Devin, "We'd like to hang out with you more, if you're okay with that."

Devin's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really? Wow, that would be so cool!"

Alec felt the sting of tears in his eyes and blinked them away. There was something about this kid that he really liked. He trusted him, especially after hearing that story. He knew Devin wouldn't out them, not unless Magnus said it was okay to tell people. Not after what he and his brother had been through.

They ate dinner sitting on the floor crowded around the coffee table, chatting about trivial things like what they all planned to do after college, what team they thought most likely to draft Magnus, when he was likely to go (Devin was adamant that Magnus should get drafted number 1). By the end of the night, Alec had made a new friend, and Magnus had gained more than just a teammate that hero-worshipped him.

When Devin left, Magnus pulled Alec into his arms, nuzzled his cheek, sniffed his hair. He pulled back enough to kiss him, long and slow, to let what lingered of the stress of the evening slip away. "That went well," he finally said.

"Yeah, it did. So…you're out, to a teammate." Magnus nodded. "And the world didn't implode."

At this, Magnus laughed. "Yeah."

"How do you feel?"

"Good, Alec. It feels good."

Alec held him tighter, and said a silent _thank you_ to one Devin Callahan, and his brother he had yet to meet.


	42. Chapter 42

In a weird twist of fate, Alec and Magnus found themselves at an NYU frat party the following Friday night. A gay frat party. They were invited by Devin's brother, Dylan, and accepted without hesitation. Well, Alec didn't hesitate. Magnus fussed like a mother hen, but in the end he wanted to meet Dylan as much as Alec did.

Devin had hung around them every day since Magnus came out to him. He'd been the fifth wheel to their usual foursome that was seen around campus all the time. Alec found he didn't mind this. He rather liked the kid. Devin was always happy, always smiling. The others didn't seem to mind him tagging along either. And Devin looked like he was in Seventh Heaven being around his hero.

Alec couldn't resist pulling out all the stops for their trip into Manhattan. He knew that Cammie's family had money, and so did Jem's. Devin's had enough to be able to move all over Texas to avoid the homophobia they encountered, but he didn't get the impression the family was wealthy. The others all came from middleclass America. So he called up his dad and had him send the limo to pick up him and his friends. Will and Jem met them on the sidewalk outside the dorm to wait for the limo.

They attracted quite the crowd of spectators as they waited. Magnus and Devin played around with an invisible basketball, pretending to shoot or pass or block a shot. Alec and Cammie cheered them on with parodies of real cheers, substituting Magnus's and Devin's names for the school's or the mascot's. After awhile, Will, Jem and Austin joined the cheering, because it was funny and they loved making fun of Magnus whenever possible. Magnus and Devin took it all in stride, strutting around and flexing their muscles, showing off for the crowd.

But when the limo arrived, an excited ripple made its way through the gathered students. Samuel, the chauffer, stepped out of the car in a crisp black and white suit, his black chauffer hat perched atop his head. "Mr. Lightwood," he said in a more professional tone than Alec was used to him using. Not that Samuel wasn't the consummate professional; Alec just preferred to be on friendly terms with his father's staff. He didn't like when they made him feel important. He didn't feel important. He was just a guy, and they were just people who were paid to do a job. Normally he would have teased Samuel for addressing him so formally, but with all those people standing around watching, he decided to play the part of the rich kid tonight, and not cause any problems.

"Samuel," he replied. He even allowed Samuel to open the door for his friends. Samuel gave him a little wink that no one else saw, like they shared a secret no one else knew. Alec nodded in return.

He followed his friends into the back of the limo. Magnus caught his eye and ran his tongue along his lower lip. Alec knew he was remembering the first time he'd been in the limo, when they'd given each other the 'rock star treatment.' Alec felt his face flush and looked away.

He tossed out a casual warning to the others about sitting in the rear-facing seat behind the driver. He'd made that mistake once as a kid, and ended up carsick and vomiting into a plastic bag. The others heeded the warning, and avoided that seat. Cammie and Austin sat on the long bench to the left, while Will and Jem sat opposite them on the right. Devin took the last forward facing seat, next to Magnus and Alec.

Alec enjoyed the smiles and excited energy of his friends as they hopped on the expressway and across the Manhattan Bridge. Jem and Devin struck up a conversation about music that morphed into talking about all the bands they'd seen live. Before long, everyone was putting in their two cents about the best shows they'd been to and in no time at all, the limo was coming to a stop beside a curb in front of a massive brick structure.

Climbing out of the limo garnered as much attention as getting into it back on Idris's campus. Alec was the first one out, and he paused to take in his surroundings. The brick building he'd gotten a glimpse of from the limo's window was even more massive now that he could see the entire structure. It was three stories high and as big as some of Idris's classroom buildings. Not as large as his dormitory, but still vast. There were people milling around on the lawn, all dressed warmly against the cool temperatures of late January. The day was unseasonably warm and it seemed that many of the party-goers took advantage of that, however temporary it would be. They were all holding plastic cups or mugs of steaming liquid, proving it was not yet warm enough for an outdoor party.

Alec heard a sound and turned to see a carbon copy of Devin walking down the sidewalk toward them. He had the same bright eyes and friendly face and warm smile. They were roughly the same height and build, but Devin's hair was a little shorter and Dylan's was fashionably styled. Dylan stood straight against Devin's slouch, making him look more sophisticated. He also wore a suit and tie, which Alec thought was odd for a frat party.

Dylan extended his hand and shook everyone's. When he got to Devin, his smile widened. Devin pulled him into a hug and said, "How's my baby brother?"

"Baby?" Alec said with a chuckle.

Devin turned that stunning smile on him. "Yeah. I'm four and a half minutes older." He winked at Alec who laughed in response.

Dylan led them toward the building, pointing out important people along the way. The president of the fraternity, a few members of some club or another. Alec didn't catch all the details, but he got the impression that Dylan wanted to seem important. He hadn't been expecting that.

Once inside, Dylan showed them to a room where they shed their outerwear, then led them into the main hall where the party was underway. Leading them was not exactly necessary, since they could have just followed the loud music, but he seemed to enjoy showing them around. There were several plaques lining the walls of the hallway, indicating awards for service or ground-breaking discoveries that members of the fraternity had received over the years. Alec wondered how old this gay fraternity was.

When they entered the main hall, Alec was struck how the party was simultaneously like and unlike any frat party he'd ever attended. In the center of the room, the designated dance floor, were numerous people flailing around to the beat of the music. They were dressed more formally than most frat party-goers, with many of the men wearing suits like Dylan and many of the women wearing cocktail dresses. Even the music was different. Where most of the parties Alec had attended played popular dance songs that everyone knew, this music seemed to be more underground, not mainstream music at all. It even had a different sound, not just all bass and sharp sounds and dance beats. It was softer and smoother, but still easy to dance to. Alec found it intriguing.

Along the walls of the room were numerous small, round tables each with several delicate looking chairs. Most already had small groups of people sitting around them lost in their own conversations. The music was not deafeningly loud, making conversations possible. If this all sounds stuffy, it really wasn't. There was a lively, festive atmosphere, just a little more sophisticated than Alec was used to at college frat parties.

The best part of it all was that nearly all the dancing couples were same sex. This, on a college campus, was a treat for Alec. He spent several long minutes just watching the couples, and sometimes three or four people, dancing together. The sight made his heart soar, and gave him hope that one day this would be happening on every college campus in the country, in the world.

Will and Jem disappeared early on. They turned up later in a room near the main hall having found an acoustic guitar. They were taking requests from a small group of people and playing and singing the songs like they were being paid to be there. Alec smiled when he saw this, knowing those two were in their element.

Cammie and Austin headed straight for the dance floor, being one of only a handful of heterosexual couples. They were getting used to this, though, the more time they spent going out with Will and Jem. They were completely relaxed and at home in the company of so many gay couples, and were clearly having a good time.

Devin dragged Magnus to a table of gay athletes that Dylan had pointed out to him. Alec considered tagging along, just to see what conversations they would stir up. He hoped the other guys would tell him stories about being out with their teammates and the apocalypse _not_ occurring. But just as he took a step in their direction, he was halted by a hand on his arm. He turned swiftly and came face to face with Dylan.

Dylan pulled him toward one of the tables in the corner of the room. It was already occupied by a couple of handsome, sharply dressed guys. They were deep in conversation and didn't bother to pause just because two new people joined the table.

"…and the estimates have to be conservative. How is it even possible to measure things like that accurately?" said the one on the left with short blonde hair and a deep tan, which had to be fake this time of year. Alec noticed his hands are perfectly manicured and loosely wrapped around his drink.

"Hey, guys," Dylan said, and that was the first thing he'd done that made him seem more like a college kid than an executive. Alec smiled to himself. "Ellis," he said to the blonde, then turned to the guy with wavy brown hair, "Peter. This is Alec, my brother's friend I was telling you about."

The two guys stood and shook Alec's hand. They were both slightly shorter than Alec, and he could tell they were well-built under their dress attire.

Peter sized him up then said with a smirk, "So you're the flaming cheerleader."

Alec stared at him, mouth gaping open. He shot a look at Dylan, and the others all laughed.

"He's joking, Alec," Dylan said, shaking his head. Alec didn't think the joke was funny, but he didn't want to stir up any conflict with people he'd just met. He shrugged and sat in the seat Dylan indicated for him. "What were you guys talking about?" Dylan said, taking the seat next to Alec and resting his arms on the tabletop, giving the other two an intense look.

Ellis grinned. "I was telling Peter that it's impossible to estimate the number of bisexuals in any population."

"Oh," Dylan said, sitting up straighter with interest. "Yes. I was reading a paper recently about that."

"And I was about to tell Ellis that the estimates for _all _of the LGBT community are shit," said Peter. "I mean, do a Google search. They are all over the map. Some sites say as low as 2% of Americans, some say as high as 20%. Even as far back as the 1980's the estimate was 1 in 10."

"Exactly," said Ellis. "So if they can't get a decent estimate on homosexuals, how can they possibly estimate bisexuals?"

Alec was following this conversation much like a tennis match, his head swiveling from one side of the table to the other, completely engrossed in the topic.

"They can't," said Peter with an air of finality. "Think of it this way," he directed toward Dylan and Alec. "What makes the bisexual different?"

"He or she likes either gender," Dylan answered quickly and Alec realized how much the kid wanted to fit in with these people.

"Right. So, if that person happens to currently be with someone of the opposite sex, most people will view them as heterosexual, which isn't true." Peter leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms against his chest as if satisfied that he'd made his point.

"That assumption is so frustrating for us, too," Ellis said vehemently. "I've had a girlfriend for two years. Does that make me no longer attracted to men? No. If it wasn't for her, I'd take Alec in the back room right now and show him a good time." He winked at Alec, who found himself spluttering again. The twinkle in Dylan's eyes told him he was being teased again, and he shook his head with a short laugh.

"But that doesn't even begin to cover the problem with those estimates," Peter chimed in. "What about pansexuals?"

"What's that?" Alec asked.

"Pansexuals are people who are attracted to pretty much anybody, no matter their sexual or gender identity," Ellis said.

"How's that different from bisexuals?" Alec's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"By definition, bisexuals are attracted to both men and women. Pansexuals are attracted to men and women, transgenders…anyone. How the other person identifies is meaningless, really," said Peter.

Alec was still confused. "What do you mean 'how the other person identifies'?"

"Their sexual or gender identity," Dylan said, as if this explained something.

"Let me ask you something, Alec." Peter again. "What is your sexual orientation?"

"I'm gay," Alec said, finally feeling like he could say something he was completely sure about.

"Are you?" Peter gave him a challenging look.

"Yes. Is this a trick question or something?"

"Is what a trick question?" Magnus said as he dropped into the seat next to Alec and draped his arm on the back of Alec's seat.

"We're just trying to determine Alec's sexuality," said Peter. Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec who shrugged in reply.

"Ellis. Peter. This is Magnus, Alec's boyfriend," Dylan said. "And this is my brother, Devin," he added when Devin took the last empty chair at the table.

After a nod to acknowledge the introduction, Magnus said, "So what's this about determining Alec's sexuality?"

"Well, we were discussing the estimates of LGBT members in American society, and why those estimates are inaccurate. Alec, here, didn't seem to understand about self-identification, but he seems pretty adamant that he's gay."

"Well, I certainly hope so," said Magnus with his wide grin in place. "Being straight would certainly put a damper on our relationship." Alec grinned at him, thankful that something was finally making sense. In all the time he'd spent with Tony in Miami, learning about gay culture and lifestyle, he'd never been so confuse as he was with this conversation.

Peter smirked at Magnus. "What about you, Magnus? You're the closet case, right?"

Magnus shot a withering look at Devin, the only possible source for Peter to have this information. Devin had the decency to look apologetic. When he turned back to Peter, his easy grin was back in place. Alec could tell it was fake. He didn't think Magnus liked this guy very much.

"What's your point?" he said casually.

"Just curious about how you identify."

"I'm gay."

"Even with all the girls you've had sex with?"

Magnus shot another look at Devin, who now looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and disappear. Alec had a feeling that Devin had told his brother these details about him and Magnus in what he thought was confidence. They were going to need to chat with Devin and Dylan very soon.

"Yes." Magnus was apparently not going to offer any more information than Peter already had.

"Girls didn't do it for you then? What about guys dressed as girls? Girls dressed as guys? Or one's that simply identify as the opposite sex?" Peter pressed.

"I like guys, okay?" Magnus snapped. "I can get it up with a girl but I can't get off unless I think about a guy. Is that what you wanted to know?"

Peter's smug expression was rather annoying. "Yes. So you identify as gay, even thought you've slept with plenty of girls. And according to these two," he gestured between Devin and Dylan, "you play the part of straight very convincingly."

"Yeah, I guess," Magnus grumbled.

"See, that's my point. You look and act straight. You want everyone to believe you are straight. No one would know what lies in your heart unless you tell them. You are not the only person like that in America. So how can they possibly have the slightest idea how many people in our society are queer?" Peter gave Magnus a true smile this time. It was still arrogant, but Alec got the impression he was appreciative that Magnus had helped him prove his point.

"I still don't understand the self-identification thing," Alec said. Magnus looked like he wanted the conversation to be over, but Alec, despite Peter's irritating arrogance, was still very interested.

"It's all about labels, really," Ellis said. "Everyone wants to pigeonhole us into a nice, neat little group so they can pretend they understand us. 'You are a guy. You like other guys. Therefore, you must be gay.' The old one plus one equals two equation. But the world isn't like that. There are gray areas, many different shades of gray areas."

"Or many different colors of the rainbow, if you prefer," said Peter.

Alec nodded. At least something they said made sense to him. "How do you guys know so much about this?"

Dylan grinned. "That's what we're all studying. Sex and gender roles and how that affects our society. It's really interesting."

"I agree," Alec said. "So what is your opinion on the actual population of…" Alec hesitated, not sure what word was eluding him. He felt uncomfortable, for some reason, saying LGBT, like it was some secret club that he didn't feel included him. He wasn't sure that logic made any sense either, but somehow he didn't feel like he knew enough or acted 'gay' enough to be included with that group of people. He didn't hide his sexuality, he was out and wanted to have a public relationship with Magnus, but he'd never done any of the gay pride stuff, never really talked so openly about being gay with other people, and certainly never took any classes about it. This was all so foreign to him, he didn't even know how he felt about it yet.

"Queer folk?" Ellis supplied, and Alec blanched. Was that really the right term? Ellis laughed. "Many of us use that term to encompass all the people who identify as something other that heterosexual."

"Oh" was all Alec could think to say.

"Anyway," Ellis continued, "I think the one in ten is probably a low-ball estimate, but no one really knows what the true answer is. There are some theories that everyone has homosexual tendencies, that every human has attraction to the same sex. But then you get into whether or not the gender you are born is your true gender. That's why there is the concept of how you actually identify yourself. For example, is a person who was born anatomically male, but feels they are female and is attracted to males, gay?"

Alec wondered if his brain had exploded. It was certainly twisted up tightly with all this new information and ideas he'd never before been exposed to.

"That's why how you identify is so important, and why it's nearly impossible to determine how many of us are out there," Peter added.

Ellis's face suddenly lit up and he pushed his chair back from the table. "It's been great talking to you guys. Hope I see you around," he said, then strode toward the doorway where a very pretty, petite blonde girl stood grinning at him. He swept her into his arms and kissed her, then took her hand and headed back through the door. Peter followed closely behind them.

Alec glance at Magnus who looked nearly as shell-shocked as he felt.

"This is what you study?" Devin said to Dylan.

"Yes. Fascinating, isn't it?" Dylan beamed.

"I think my head exploded," said Devin, echoing Alec's thoughts as he dropped his head into his hand.

"What will you do with this information, Dylan?" Alec said.

Dylan shrugged. "Teach, maybe. Politics. Social work. I don't know. I've gotten involved with a campus LGBT group. They do a lot of lobbying for the gay community and that's been really interesting. Have you ever thought about attending Gay Pride events, Alec?"

"No, I haven't."

"Why not? You meet a lot of interesting people at those events. It's good to have your voice heard, too. If not for the activists, we wouldn't have near the equality that we have now, but there is still so much work to be done."

"Yeah. Yeah, I get that. I'm thankful that I can now live anywhere in America and still get married one day." He glanced sidelong at Magnus, who still looked prickly and wasn't looking at him. "But I've never worn my sexuality on my sleeve the way some of those activists do. I just…don't know if it's right for me…right now…" He was thinking about Magnus and his NBA career and how it would look for him to have not just a gay roommate, but a gay _activist_ roommate. Then, if - no, when, he had to believe _when_ \- Magnus finally came out, would that hurt his career? Did he even want to get involved with something like that? He'd never been interested in politics, which is essentially what they were talking about.

"Well," said Dylan, "you should think about it. We could use every voice we can get."

"I'll do that," he said with an awkward smile. Then the smile faded and he said, "How much personal information did you guys tell about us?"

Devin blanched and Magnus finally rejoined the conversation. "Yeah. I trusted you," he said irritably.

"I didn't think he would tell anyone!" Devin said, looking worried.

"Relax," said Dylan. "I had to give them basic info or they wouldn't have let you in. We have rules, mostly for security reasons. They want to know that everyone here is queer or queer-friendly. I only told them what I had to. They don't know who you are. And they know how to be discreet, even if Peter can be a real ass sometimes."

Feeling satisfied with this explanation but still overwhelmed by all the new concepts floating around in the head, Alec grabbed Magnus's hand and tugged him to his feet. "Come on, baby. Dance with me."

Magnus offered a half grin and let Alec lead him to the dance floor. The song was slow enough they could fold themselves into each other's arms and just sway together. Alec was unsure why he felt like the foundation of his existence had been shaken, or what he was supposed to do to right the ship. He didn't understand half of what Peter and Ellis were talking about either. There was so much he didn't know about being queer, as Ellis had called it. Dylan was right; the conversation had been fascinating. But he didn't know where, if anywhere, he fit into all of it. He was just a guy that was in love with another guy. Was that enough? Should he be more outspoken? Should he work toward the greater good of 'his people'? He nearly snorted aloud just thinking that thought.

Maybe that wasn't for him. Maybe just being with the man he loved was all he needed. Maybe getting Magnus to come out so they could have an open relationship would be enough.

One thing was for certain, there was a whole world out there that Alec knew virtually nothing about. His head was still spinning as he snuggled against Magnus's side and let him lead the dance.

* * *

**A/N: Good news! I'm still ahead in writing and since I love you guys dearly, we're doing two chapters this week too! Yay!**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: I'm so glad you guys liked the last chapter! Alec's exposure to queer folk growing up is appalling, especially for an openly gay cheerleader from Manhattan. Makes you wonder how different he'd be if his best friend was gay, like Magnus's, or if he'd grown up with a circle of gay friends, like Dylan, or if he'd known people like Peter and Ellis. (I love him just the way he is, though)**

* * *

Alec felt a thrill when he heard the jingle of Magnus's keys and the soft click of the doorknob turning. He'd been at the final practice before Senior Day. He knew this game would be special, Magnus's last regular season home game as an Idris Bobcat. They'd already won the conference and secured their number one seed in the conference tournament, so the tournament would be held in Idris's gymnasium again this year, but this would still be a special night.

Alec's face lit up when he saw Magnus, as it usually did. He could feel the smile spread across his face. It was the end of February, nearly the end of Magnus's college basketball career, and Alec still couldn't even look at him without glowing. How on Earth no one knew they loved each other outside the circle of their friends was beyond him. Although, Magnus did a better job of hiding it than he did.

Magnus slid the door closed with another soft click and leaned against it, his head falling back against the door with a quiet thud, like he'd had one hell of a day. His eyes were closed, his breathing uneven. He didn't say a word, just stood there looking weary. Alec's brow furrowed.

"Magnus?"

His head drifted up where he leveled his gaze at Alec. He didn't smile. Alec moved around the countertop and crossed the room in a couple of long strides.

"What happened?"

"We need to talk."

Alec helped him to the couch because he looked like he needed the support. Alec couldn't think what might have happened. He hadn't been gone very long, just long enough for a short practice, and he'd been perfectly fine when he left, laughing and kissing Alec on his way out the door. He waited impatiently, though trying not to show it, for Magnus to talk.

Magnus slumped on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees, his fingers tangling in his hair. He sighed heavily. "After practice, I ran into Pat in the hall…

…_"Hey, Magnus. Can we talk for a sec?"_

_"Sure. What's up, Pat?"_

_Patrick jerked his head at one of the empty rooms the team used for meetings. He turned and strode toward the door and Magnus followed. A private conversation? What could this be about?_

_Once they were inside the room and the door was closed, Patrick looked at Magnus. He ran his hand through his hair, shifting from one foot to the other, like he was nervous or something. Magnus had never seen Pat nervous. That guy exudes confidence, always._

_"What's up, Pat?" he repeated, starting to get nervous himself._

_"I, um, I saw you." Magnus narrowed his eyes, wondering what the hell Pat was talking about. He waited. "Um. Shit, man. I saw you and Alec at the Infernal Devices show last night."_

_Magnus's face blanched. The show last night was in a small club damn near to Manhattan. It wasn't a gay club, but Alec and Magnus had gotten so comfortable at the shows, being around people that they'd been seeing around town for months, that they hadn't been as discreet as they normally were. At several points during the show, he'd put his arm around Alec's waist, or Alec had ran his fingers along Magnus's arm in a loving, teasing way. They'd stood close together, touching most of the time. He'd even stolen a quick kiss once or twice._

_What the fuck was Patrick doing there?_

_"Wh-what did you see?" Magnus muttered in a strained, barely audible voice. Fear had him by the balls and there was nothing he could do about it._

_"I saw your roommate touch your arm, like a girl would. And I saw you kiss him."_

_Magnus was pretty sure his heart stopped right then. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Devin figuring out his secret had freaked him out, but Devin was okay with it. What would Pat do?_

_"Wh-what were you…why were you…"_

_"Why was I there?" Patrick finished for him. "Me and Tyler and a few other guys went to see the show. We'd heard Infernal Devices was good, so we wanted to check them out. They were awesome."_

_Magnus nodded, though he wasn't sure if it was in response to Pat's comment or just out of habit. Fear was muddling his brain. _

_"You…and the guys?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Did…did anyone else…see?"_

_"Naw, man. I was trying to find us a place close to the stage, you know? When I saw you, I turned around and told Travs to head back the other way. There wasn't no room that way. I blocked them so they wouldn't see you."_

_"You did?"_

_"Yeah. Man, it was none of their business what you were doing."_

_Magnus took a deep breath. So Pat had covered for him. Why? What did he want? What was he going to do now? He had to voice this._

_"What are you going to do?" he said in a voice so soft, he could barely hear it himself._

_"Do?" Pat smiled. "I'm gonna do the same thing I've been doing since Thanksgiving. Nothing."_

_"Since Thanksgiving?" Huh?_

_"Yeah. Look, I covered for you then, I'm covering for you now."_

_"You covered for me then?" What the hell was Pat talking about? Magnus was so confused._

_"Yeah. That story about you having a girlfriend back home. I said that to give you an excuse."_

_"An excuse?"_

_"Yeah. Everyone wanted to know why you weren't hooking up with chicks, so I helped you out." He said this like it should have been obvious. Maybe he was right._

_"But…how did you know…about me and Alec?"_

_"Well, for starters, your roommate was glaring daggers at me that day after practice when I tried to get you laid."_

_"He was?"_

_"Yeah. I'm lucky looks can't actually kill. He was pretty pissed." Pat shrugged. "I just put the pieces together, and knew what was going on. You weren't fucking girls no more. You spend all your time with Alec. He waits for you after practice and games. He was ready to spit nails when I suggested you needed to get laid. Everybody knows Alec likes you. I don't know." He shrugged again. "Made sense that you two were together."_

_It made sense that he and Alec were together…It made sense?…Magnus couldn't wrap his head around that making sense to Pat. Or the fact that Pat had known all this time. And had given him an excuse to keep seeing Alec and not go looking for girls._

_Patrick placed a big hand on Magnus's shoulder. "Look, man. I don't care who you fuck. You're one helluva basketball player and I respect you. You're my captain, and my friend. I ain't gonna out you to anyone. Your secret's safe with me. I just wanted you to know I saw you so you can be more careful, if you want to keep it a secret."_

_Magnus drew a shaky breath and nodded. He uttered a "thanks" but wasn't sure if Pat could hear it. Pat smiled at him, nodded back like they had an understanding. Maybe they did. Maybe there was no maybe to it…_

_…_"So, Patrick knows," Alec said in disbelief. "He's known for awhile, and he didn't tell anyone. And he's not going to tell anyone."

Magnus nodded his head. "Can you believe it?"

Alec was quiet for a moment. "Yes," he finally said, "I can. This is what I've been trying to tell you, Magnus. Nobody cares who you sleep with. Nobody cares about your relationships. All they care about is how well you're playing."

"That's not all they care about," Magnus said defensively.

"Your right. They also care if you are a good teammate. And you are. You're not an arrogant jerk that thinks he's better than everyone because he's the best player on the team. You're not a ball-hog. You don't talk down to people just because you can. _That's _what your teammates care about."

Magnus smiled sheepishly, like he was embarrassed of Alec's praise. Alec took his hands in his own. "Magnus, I think you could come out to them and it would be fine. You're only going to be teammates with those guys for a few more weeks anyway. Why do you care what they think?"

Magnus averted his eyes. "I don't know, Alec. I guess I don't really care what they think about us. Like you said, my time at Idris is nearly over. But…I don't know…"

"Think about it, Magnus. Please, just think about it."

Magnus gave him a look that said he thought about it all the time.

* * *

Magnus was a bundle of nervous energy as game time rolled around on Saturday. Senior Day was a rite of passage, a celebration for all seniors. It was a night to honor the accomplishments of the senior class, and to single them out to the entire stadium.

Magnus was used to being singled-out, of course, being the star of the basketball team. But this was different. This was a night when the senior's family was invited to attend the games, and in many cases, that meant traveling long distances. That was not the case for this year's seniors, as both Magnus and Patrick were from New York City, and the only other senior was a quiet kid that rarely played named Michael Travers, who they all referred to as Travs. Alec couldn't be certain but he thought Travs was from Ithaca, New York.

Magnus, who never got nervous before a game, was nervous today. He didn't have a mother or father to be there for him on Senior Day, and Alec could tell that was bothering him. He wasn't nervous about the game, he was nervous about the ceremony that would happen before the game. Sadness hung over him like a shroud, sadness that his mother couldn't be there today. It was moments like this when the loss of Magnus's mom weighed heavily on him. There wasn't anything Alec could do to ease his pain, so he just kissed him softly and held him long and hard before they left the dorm room.

About fifteen minutes before the game was due to start, after the teams had already done their warm-ups, the cheerleaders made a loose circle around center court. There were several cheerleaders that were participating in the Senior Day activities, including Cammie, which left Alec without a partner at the moment, but he didn't really need one for this.

The cheerleaders left an opening at one end of the circle, where the seniors would meet their families and enter into the ring. It was a symbolic gesture, a way for the Idris community to embrace their seniors one last time. As the names were called, one after another, Alec found himself getting emotional.

The cheerleaders were called first. Their coach met each one, shaking hands with the athlete and his or her parents, then presenting them with a framed picture of themselves in uniform with their partner. Cammie, surrounded by her parents, accepted the photo, then made eye contact with Alec. He could see the emotion in her eyes, the small tear track running down her cheek. Her father gave her a single red rose and she hugged both her parents. Then, unexpectedly, she broke away and ran over to Alec, hugging him tightly around the neck.

"Love you," she whispered in his ear, and his arms tightened around her waist.

"Love you, too." Then she was gone. He felt the loss of her deep in his soul, and for the first time wondered what cheering would be like next year without her.

A few more names were called from the cheer squad, people that Alec was friendly with but not nearly as close to as he was Cammie. He still felt choked up about them leaving after two years of getting to know them. He watched as the families greeted their seniors, and the emotions that passed between them all. Then it was time for the basketball players.

Alec's eyes honed in on Magnus right away. He was looking down at his feet, his jaw set, and Alec knew his mother was still on his mind. He wondered how often Senior Day consisted of a lost soul with no blood relatives, no family other than those he had made for himself. He so wished he could be the one to greet Magnus, to be Magnus's family, to hug him and tell him how proud he was of all his accomplishments.

Magnus took a few slow steps forward, then finally looked up. His eyes found Alec's just as the announcer said his name...and introduced his family. The look on Magnus's face was pure shock. He obviously had no idea that anyone would be there for him today. His expression when his saw Mrs. Herondale and Will walking toward him, grinning, was enough to make Alec tear up. He blinked rapidly to keep the tears from spilling over. How would it look to a sold-out gymnasium if he was crying for Magnus?

Magnus stooped down and hugged Momma H tight against his body. Her arms circled his neck and squeezed him. Alec could see her lips moving, whispering something in Magnus's ear, something that made his body shake, from laughter or with the effort to control his emotions, Alec couldn't be sure.

When she finally released him, Magnus hugged Will in a brotherly gesture. Alec could see his eyes were faintly red, and he was struggling to get himself under control. It was a rare moment of weakness that touched Alec's soul. Then, Coach handed him a large picture frame containing one of Magnus's jerseys. It was one of the white 'home' jerseys with Bobcats printed in green above the number 23. Then, Momma H handed him a single red rose, and they entered the circle of cheerleaders. Magnus caught Alec's eye again and gave him a watery smile.

Patrick was then greeted by his parents and two younger siblings, all very tall, dark skinned, and handsome. Travs was introduced along with a tall balding man, his comically shorter wife, and a girlfriend that he'd cheated on so many times they'd quit counting. By the end, when the basketball players left the court for a few minutes in the locker room to prepare for the game, Alec was wishing he could have a few moments to collect himself out of the public eye as well.

Cammie returned to his side and hugged him again. "God, I didn't know that was going to be so emotional," she said, and Alec nodded in agreement. "And Will and his mom showing up for Magnus. Wow."

Still feeling close to tears, Alec didn't trust himself to speak yet. His heart was in that locker room with Magnus. He yearned to touch him, to hold him, to be able to share this special day with him.

He loathed being in the closet.

Idris's opponent that day turned out to be one of the weaker teams from their conference, and as a result, the game was a blow-out. Per tradition, all three seniors started the game, and when it became evident that the other team was not up to the challenge they faced, Coach decided to let Travs play most of the game. In fact, other than Magnus and Patrick, none of the regular starters saw much playing time in this game. Coach evidently wanted to rest them for the conference tournament next week, but he didn't want to take out the seniors on their last official home game.

When, Coach finally took Magnus out for the last time, with about three minutes left on the game clock, he received a standing ovation. There was so much cheering and noise from the Idris fans it was impossible to even hear the ref's whistle blow. Magnus was their basketball hero. He'd chosen to come to Idris, to make their basketball program receive national attention and to make a mark in the history books. The fans appreciated that, and were going to miss him next year.

Magnus stretched out his hand in a slow wave to the crowd, looking for all the world like the celebrity he was about to become. He blew a few kisses, which made the girls cheer louder, giving back some of the love they'd shown him during his years at Idris. Alec grinned broadly, then checked himself. Was that something Magnus's roommate and friend would do, or something his boyfriend would do? Then he thought _Fuck it._ He grinned and cheered with the rest of the spectators, maybe just a little bit louder than the others.

The final score of the game was 85-56.

After the game, Magnus was in such a good mood he agreed to go to dinner with Robert and Maryse Lightwood, Mrs. Herondale, Will and Jem, Cammie and Austin and the Belcourts. Alec was surprised by this at first, but then realized that the only people who didn't know about him and Magnus were Cammie's parents, and they already knew that Cammie and Austin had joined him and Magnus in Miami last year. Maybe they suspected something about his relationship with Magnus. Maybe they just thought they were all friends. Maybe it didn't matter what they thought.

The group split between the Lightwood's limousine and the Belcourt's rented limo, Cammie and Austin going with her parents. Mrs. Herondale was the only one who had never been in the Lightwood limo, but if she was feeling anything about the experience, she didn't let it show. Alec had the impression that the woman took everything in stride and didn't get starry-eyed by money and the things it could buy.

Robert called ahead to reserve a space for them at one of his favorite restaurants. It was a little French restaurant in Manhattan nestled along the East River. In late February it was still too cold to eat outdoors and enjoy the view of the river, but the dining area had large windows where its patrons could still see the water. It was an upscale, fancy place, but since Robert frequented the place so much, they didn't say anything about the group that had just come from a basketball game.

Dinner was pleasant, and delicious. They ordered what seemed like one of everything on the menu and there was much sharing around the table so that everyone who wasn't familiar with French food could try something new. Alec had been to this restaurant with his father before, and typically didn't branch out too far from what he would consider 'normal' food, though he had liked everything he tried. His favorite dish was the orange duck, which he ordered every time they went there. He'd never been brave enough to try the caviar or the escargot, but with a significant amount of ribbing from Cammie and Jem, who thought both were wonderful, he finally relented. He was surprised how much he enjoyed them. He enjoyed making Magnus, Will and Austin try them even more. They were such babies about it.

Eventually, seats were shuffled so that Robert could talk to Mr. Belcourt about business, Jem quickly taking an interest in the conversation. The ladies got into a conversation about fashion and traveling and god only knew what else. The boys fell into talks of their next outing and how much fun the conference tournament would be.

Alec watched Magnus throughout dinner. He seemed to be at ease around this large group of people. It wasn't an illusion either. He was happy to be with them, but Alec could still sense that underlying sadness that his mother wasn't there. He knew Magnus wished to share milestones like this with her, and his heart ached for him that he wasn't able to.

Alec overheard Mrs. Herondale talking to him later in the evening. She and Magnus pulled their chairs away from the table enough to sit facing each other. She took his big hands in her small ones and smiled warmly at him. She told him how proud his mom was of him and that wherever she was, she was watching over him and knew of his accomplishments. Alec saw a tear trickle down Magnus's cheek. He didn't brush it away.

"I miss her so much," he said softly, and Alec's heart broke for him. He didn't talk about his mom very often, the subject was just too painful for him.

"I know, honey. I miss her, too." Momma H then launched into a series of stories about Magnus's mom, everything from when she brought Magnus home from the hospital when he was just a little baby to the time he and Will got in trouble for climbing the neighbor's apple tree and broke several branches when they fell. Magnus's mom had told off the neighbor for being so miserly to the boys, then when he was gone, told off the boys for trespassing and damaging the neighbor's property. Apparently Magnus's mom always took up for the boys, even when they were wrong, even if she then had to punish them in private.

Momma H then told a story about her and Magnus's mom when they were teenagers in the early 1990's. They had spent the night at Momma H's house and snuck out her bedroom window in the middle of the night. Then they met a bunch of their friends who'd also snuck out and sat around in the park drinking beer and having a good time. When they went back home they found out that they'd not only been busted by Momma H's parents, but that her parents had called Magnus's mom's parents and they were there waiting as well. By the end of this story, all eyes were on Momma H, listening to her tale.

"…And then," she said through her laughter, "my momma said we were grounded for the rest of eternity. But you know, she never did say anything about us smelling like beer so we always thought we got away with one. Then when I was about twenty-five or so, my momma told me she knew about us drinking that night but didn't say anything because she didn't want Nadya to get into trouble with her parents."

Magnus was laughing by now, as was the rest of the group. What kid doesn't like to hear about his parents getting into trouble as teenagers, right? Alec watched him thoughtfully. Magnus had never mentioned his mother's name before. Nadya. _What a pretty name,_ he thought.

The group split back into small groups of conversations, but Alec continued observing Magnus. His sadness seemed to have lifted, if not totally dissipated. Magnus hugged Momma H and whispered a thank you in her ear. She patted his hair and kissed his cheek and it was easy to see the affection she had for her best friend's son, the bond that the two had together.

Will joined the two. There was more whispered words and hugs and Alec's heart lifted. He'd started the day feeling sorry for Magnus for having no family- well, no blood relatives- but watching those three, he was reminded that they _were_ a family, that blood doesn't create the bond. Love does. Magnus may miss his mom, but he isn't missing out on a family.


	44. Chapter 44

The next week felt very familiar. In fact, it was almost exactly like last year. Idris University was preparing to host the men's basketball conference tournament. The cheerleaders were reminded to be gracious and helpful and, by-god, cheerful! Alec was getting used to this by now, but he still hated the intrusion on his life, especially on his personal time with Magnus.

As expected, Idris won their first game of the tournament handily. The second was a little tougher, but they still won by a comfortable margin and the game was never in doubt. Then the team found itself facing a familiar opponent for the championship game. Cambridge. The same team they lost to in the finals last year, though this time they were without that pesky little starting point guard.

Magnus got up early that Saturday morning. The game was scheduled for three p.m. but he was up by dawn. He tried to get out of bed without waking Alec, but the gentle dip and rise of the mattress woke him anyway. Alec looked up at him, bleary eyed in the early morning light. He rubbed his fingers over his eyes and yawned, then propped himself on one elbow as Magnus picked his boxers and basketball shorts off the floor where he'd discarded them last night, and hastily pulled them on.

"You're up early." Apparently he turned into Captain Obvious when he woke so early on a Saturday morning.

"Yeah. Can't sleep." Magnus tugged a t-shirt over his head. "I'm gonna go for a run."

"Want some company?" he offered as Magnus sat on the edge of the bed to put on his socks and running shoes.

"Nah." He kissed Alec gently on the lips. "Get some more sleep. I'll see you in a bit."

Alec pulled him down for another, longer kiss, then let him go. "Love you."

Magnus nodded and blew him a kiss from the bedroom doorway. Alec flopped back onto the bed, tucked his hands behind his head, and stared at the ceiling until he drifted back to sleep.

An hour or so later, Alec woke again, this time to the sound of the front door closing. He stumbled out of bed and threw on some clothes in time to see Magnus getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

"How was your run?"

Magnus shrugged. "Got the job done."

"What job was that?"

He sat the half empty bottle on the counter and pulled Alec to him. His skin was cold to the touch, but Alec nuzzled against him anyway. "I just needed to clear my head. Focus. Get ready for the game."

"Nervous?" Alec said, pulling back so he could see Magnus's eyes.

He shrugged again. "Not really. I just want to win this so badly. This is my last chance at playing in the NCAA tournament, you know? I just…want it."

Alec's arms tightened around him. "I know. You'll be great. Don't worry."

"Not according to my dream…" Alec raised an eyebrow in question so Magnus continued. "I dreamt that all the other team's players were huge and I was this little guy that barely came up to their knees. They beat us by like a million points."

"Have you been watching Space Jam?" Alec said and Magnus snorted, which was exactly what Alec wanted.

"Maybe that's where that idea came from," Magnus said thoughtfully. He picked up his water bottle and emptied it down his throat.

Alec started putting together ingredients for an omelet while Magnus set the coffee brewing. With the onions and peppers sizzling in the skillet, just waiting for the eggs to be added, he said, "So, what were your first two seasons here like?"

Magnus paused, his coffee cup halfway to his lips, then set it down thoughtfully. "I forget you weren't here for those. Seems like you've been part of my life forever."

Alec glanced at him sidelong. "Is that a good thing?"

Magnus kissed him on the cheek. He could smell the rich aroma of coffee on his breath. "You best believe it." Alec grinned and flipped the omelet. "Anyway, my freshman year we were horrible." He shook his head in disgust at the memory. "Finished the season with a losing record…a _bad_ losing record. Like, I don't think we hit double digits in the win column."

"Ouch." Alec slid the omelet on a plate and handed it to Magnus, then started one for himself.

"Thanks," Magnus said, digging a couple forks from the drawer and taking a bite of his food as he leaned against the counter next to Alec. "This is great, by the way. So, yeah. We sucked. Badly. Coach was in his third season at Idris. I was his first five-star recruit and the best player he'd ever signed, but I was only a freshman. I made a lot of stupid mistakes back then. Played too fast, turned the ball over a lot, and my shot was still developing. And I wasn't exactly surrounded by the type of players we have now. Pat was obviously a freshman, too, and he was still developing. He was thin and didn't have the strength to get past defenders like he does now. Even Jamal- you remember him from last year- he was a sophomore and not near the player he was as a senior.

"The three of us became fast friends and ended up spending a lot of time in the gym together. Over the course of that first year, we improved a lot. In fact, most of our wins came toward the end of the season. We worked out together all the time, too. Just trying to build our bodies so we could be stronger. Playing in college is nothing like playing in high school. We were all the best on our team in high school, sometimes the best player in our league. Well, until I started playing AAU to prepare for college. But the other guys didn't get that chance, so it was down to me to make this team something, you know?"

Alec started in on his omelet as he listened to Magnus's story. "Needless to say," Magnus continued, "we lost our first conference tourney game and our season was over. So, my sophomore year, we worked harder and improved more. Pat put on muscle over the summer and all of a sudden looked like a beast! He had to learn how to throw his weight around on the court, though, because he'd never had it to use before. I, of course, stayed skinny as a rail."

Alec grinned at this. Magnus was still really thin, long and lanky. His body was toned and the muscles defined, but he hadn't filled out yet. At twenty-two, Alec was starting to wonder if he ever would. Alec's own body had started filling out when he was seventeen, but he'd always been broader than most of the other boys his age.

"My sophomore year we got Blake and I finally had a legit shooter to pass to. We all knew Tyler was a work in progress. He had some decent moves and was big enough to intimidate small players at the rim, but he was just so slow. He's only now starting to move his feet better. Anyway, we ended that season with a winning record, but not by much. I think we won sixteen or seventeen games that year, and we actually won a conference tournament game. We've been improving every year and adding better personnel, more talented guards, stronger forwards. Coach is building a name for himself and more and more guys are interested in playing for him. I don't know how long Idris will be able to keep him before some of the big-time basketball schools start courting him. He may even end up coaching in the NBA one day." Magnus shrugged. Alec fleetingly wondered what it would be like for Magnus to end up being coached in the NBA by his college coach. The college game was not the same as the professional game. Lots of coaches struggled with one and succeeded with the other. He wondered how Coach would do.

"Well, it sounds like you've come a long way here at Idris."

"Yeah. That's why today is so important though. Idris hasn't been to the NCAA tournament in decades. This is my last chance to help get us there."

"Don't put too much pressure on yourself, Magnus. Just stay focuses and play your best. That's all you can do." Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus's waist and pulled him in for a kiss. They kissed until their dicks were hard, then broke apart. Sex before a game was a big no-no. Instead, they immersed themselves in YouTube videos to pass the time until they were needed in the gym.

* * *

Alec was on high alert from the start of the game. He knew full well this might be the last time he got to cheer _with_ Cammie, and cheer _for_ Magnus. If Idris lost this game, it would all be over. It all seemed to sneak up on him so fast. Wasn't it just yesterday that he started at Idris and met these people he'd grown to love? How could time have gone by so quickly?

Alec knew he wasn't the only one feeling the strain today. Cammie, who was normally bubbling over with energy, seemed a little subdued. She was still excited and energetic, just not to her usual extent. Her smile didn't betray her, but Alec knew her and could see it in her eyes.

Magnus wasn't his usual self today either. He stood at center court awaiting tip-off with a grim expression on his face. Most people would say he looked focused, but Alec thought he might be feeling the nerves a little. He'd certainly seemed off just before he left the dorm to head to the gym for shoot-around. Alec smiled as he remembered Magnus pulling him close, one hand on the small of Alec's back, the other bracing the back of his head, and burying his face in the crook of Alec's neck. He'd held him so tight, like he didn't want to let him go. He didn't say anything, just kissed him briefly on the lips, and then was gone. Alec followed along about an hour later. He'd been busy being 'cheery' and hadn't seen Magnus until now, and he still thought there was something not right with him.

The first half of the game was unlike any Idris had played all year. The confident swagger of the players just wasn't there. Cambridge struck first and often, and Idris found itself repeatedly trying to tie the game instead of getting the opportunity to take the lead. Magnus made a couple bad passes that led to turnovers, and then got frustrated with himself and ended up fouling a couple of times. This was just not Magnus's normal game.

The rest of the team seemed to be overcompensating. Alec knew they wanted to do well for Magnus- Patrick and Travs too- but mostly for Magnus. They all knew how much he wanted the chance to play in the NCAA tournament- they all wanted it too- and this game was the last obstacle. Sometimes, though, trying too hard just makes things worse.

At halftime, the score was tied at thirty-eight. Alec wanted to go into the locker room and talk to Magnus, see if he could help him calm down, or at least find out where his head was, since it was clearly not in this game. But that wasn't going to happen. Even if everyone knew about them, he still wouldn't be allowed in the team locker room. There were rules.

After the intermission, the team still played tight. Alec didn't know what the coach had said to them, but it didn't seem to have worked. Within the first six minutes of the second half, Idris fell behind by twelve. Coach called a timeout and, even from where he was sitting, Alec could hear him yelling at the team. He couldn't make out the words, but the gist was there.

When they took the floor again, Alec caught Devin's eye. He had a grim look on his face that just didn't sit right with Alec. Devin was always, _always_, happy. He gave Alec a sharp nod, which Alec returned. He shook out his arms, rolled his neck, and jumped up and down a few times like he was trying to shake off the dark cloud over his team. He glanced at Alec again and this time Alec smiled. He watched as Devin's face slowly broke into a grin, then nodded to him again. It was a silent communication. Alec knew that Devin needed to be smiling and having fun if he was going to play well. Something about seeing that smile return to his face gave Alec hope.

He didn't get a chance to catch Magnus's eyes before the ball was inbounded again. But he studied his body language. He was still tense, but also resigned, like he knew his team was going to lose and there was nothing he could do about it. This really pissed Alec off. Damn it, if anyone could do something about it, it was Magnus.

An errant pass from Tyler suddenly flew straight at Alec's head. The next thing he knew, Magnus was diving out of bounds to save the possession…and landing in Alec's lap. He made a snap decision. Actually he wasn't even sure if he made a decision or if it was just instinct, but in the couple seconds before Magnus struggled to his feet, he looked him in the eye and said, just loud enough for only Magnus to hear, "They're not going to lay down and die. Fight, damn it."

Magnus's eyes widened fractionally, but Alec knew he'd heard him. Then he was gone, back out on the court, ready to take the next pass. He caught the ball that Devin passed him, flashed the briefest glance in Alec's direction, and with a slight crook of a smile, shot the ball. It rattled around the rim for a moment then fell through the hoop. Three more points on Idris's tally.

From that moment on, Magnus was different. His eyes were steely, hard and cold. He played with more control and finesse than he had all game long. His passes were crisper, his shots more accurate. He didn't have a single turnover the rest of the game. And every so often, he glanced at Alec, giving him a sharp, barely perceptible nod or the smallest smile. Alec knew those gestures were meant for him and he felt more connected to Magnus's game than he'd ever felt before.

The rest of the team fed off Magnus's attitude change. Devin and Blake found ways to get open so when Magnus passed to them, they were ready to let the ball fly. Pat made some amazing plays, slam dunks and alley-oops. Tyler had a couple great plays, too. The whole team was energized by Magnus.

Idris chipped away at the lead, and finally pulled ahead.

After a timeout late in the game, when Alec and the other cheerleaders were clearing the floor, Magnus bumped into Alec. From a distance, it probably looked like he was apologizing for running into him, but what he really said was "Thanks." Alec smiled in return.

When the final buzzer sounded, Magnus stood just past center court dribbling the ball until time expired. There was no last second shot, no what-ifs. Idris won by fourteen points. They were going to the NCAA tournament. He launched the ball into the air as confetti rained down him and his teammates, and the pep band struck up the university's fight song.

Magnus's teammates lifted him onto their shoulders, cheering and chanting his name. Before long, the entire stadium joined the chant. Magnus was the hero of the game. Alec was reminded again that as Magnus goes, the team goes, and this time Magnus turned the whole game around.

The conference commissioner spoke into a microphone that had been set up as soon as the final buzzer sounded, his voice bouncing off the concrete walls of the gymnasium. Magnus slid off his teammates' shoulders, back onto the floor. His small grin was replaced by an ear to ear, shit-eating smile that lit up his whole face. The commissioner congratulated Idris University on its conference tournament win that earned them a place in the NCAA tournament. He then presented the coach with a glossy wooden trophy with a large golden plaque on the front of it.

Coach accepted the award, raising it high above his head to raucous applause. Into the microphone he said, "I have never been more honored to coach a group of guys. These young men have more character and grace under pressure than most people. I'm so proud of my team and the effort they gave us all year. Thank you," he said to the guys, then turned back to the audience, "and thank you all for supporting us. This trophy is as much for the fans as it is for us!"

The cheering intensified to the point where the commissioner was drowned out as he tried to speak. He waited a moment for the crowd to quiet, then his strong voice rang out again.

"This year's conference tournament Most Valuable Player Award goes to Idris University's Magnus Bane!"

The crowd erupted with noise again. Alec and Cammie leapt to their feet, punching the air, hugging, cheering. No one was surprised by this, but Alec knew how much that honor would mean to Magnus. A low rumbling started in the stands and soon he could hear them chanting _Speech! Speech! Speech!_ Alec was sure Magnus had not prepared any kind of speech and for a moment, was worried he might freeze up. But this was Magnus Bane they were talking about. He could see his star persona in place, that big, easy smile on his face.

He took the mic from the commissioner and said, "I just want to thank Coach and my teammates, my family and friends." He paused, eyes darting around the gym and landing, finally, on Alec. "For believing in me. For propping me up whenever I fall. I couldn't have done this without you!" He held Alec's eyes for another couple beats. "And I want to thank all the fans for their support. You guys are amazing!" Another loud cheer came from the crowd as Magnus turned back to the commissioner, smiling as he handed back the microphone.

The cheering continued as Cammie looped her arm in his and grinned up at him. She knew how much Magnus's little speech meant to him. He felt like he'd been acknowledged, singled out through Magnus's eye contact. It meant everything to him. He wished he could show Magnus that, but he would have to wait until they were alone.

Magnus's teammates put him on their shoulders again. This time he held his MVP trophy high above his head and the din in the arena was deafening. Every single player grinned up at Magnus, their faces shining with respect. And he deserved it. He'd turned the game around, given the effort he needed to help his team win, and he'd led his team to victory.

Alec scooped up a handful of confetti and tossed it over Cammie's head. She giggled and playfully punched his arm. Austin came down from the stands and stood beside them, laughing and talking animatedly about the game. Alec knew they would have quite awhile to wait for Magnus. Coach would talk to them about the game and what was next, then they'd hit the locker rooms. That is if they ever put Magnus down so they could leave the floor.

Alec glanced back over at the team as they finally lowered Magnus down. They made eye contact again, and Magnus smiled that gorgeous toothy smile of his, melting Alec's heart. His teammates grabbed for him as they started toward the locker room, but he waved them off and walked straight up to Alec.

As he got closer, there was a look in his eye, not unlike his determined look he has during games. He stopped in front of Alec, standing closer than he normally would. Alec glanced around him. The stands were emptying, but there was still hundreds of people around. The media crew was packing up their equipment, but there were still cameras filming the aftermath, and others replaying what they'd already filmed. The team and Coach were heading toward the locker room, but many were still soaking up the glory of the win.

He looked back at Magnus. Their eyes locked and he knew he was wearing that stupid grin Magnus elicited. He couldn't help it, he was so fucking happy and proud of his boyfriend. Then, to his surprise, Magnus brought his hands up and cupped either side of Alec's face.

Alec's eyes widened. "What are you doing?" he said softly, but urgently.

Magnus was undeterred. "Something I should have done a long time ago. I want to share this moment with you."

Alec felt the sting as his eyes moistened. "Are…are you sure?"

Magnus nodded. "Yes."

Alec's nod was brief and firm. He was willing to accept the fallout of what Magnus was about to do. Apparently Magnus was ready, too.

Magnus leaned in, bringing Alec to meet him halfway. Their eyes slid shut as their lips pressed together in a soft, lingering kiss, a rated-E-for-everyone kind of kiss, and then he pulled away. Their eyes met again, and Alec was surprised to see that Magnus still looked determined, not a trace of regret or uncertainty on his face. Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's for just a moment, then turned and walked away toward the locker rooms. He walked right past the stunned looks on his teammates' faces without even a glance.

Alec felt like the air had been sucked out of the building. All eyes were on him. He could feel them without even looking. The hundreds of people still in the arena were deathly quiet. He had no idea if the cameras had caught the kiss, or what was going to happen now.

Austin and Cammie came up to him, and their movement seemed to bring life back into the gymnasium. A low murmur settled over the remaining crowd. Cam touched his arm and he snapped to attention. He caught the look Coach gave him, but he couldn't interpret it. It wasn't hostile, and he didn't think it was angry, but it wasn't exactly happy either. He didn't know what to make of it.

Cammie led him to the sidelines where the equipment managers were putting away the megaphones and pompoms. "I can't believe he did that," she hissed.

"Neither can I," Alec said, still feeling dazed that Magnus had kissed him in front of so many people. "Neither can I."

"What do you think will happen now?" she said, chewing on her bottom lip.

Alec shook his head and glanced over his shoulder where Magnus had disappeared. "I have no idea."

* * *

**A/N: Please tell me you've all seen Space Jam...Best Looney Tunes movie ever!**


	45. Chapter 45

I know you guys are _dying_ to know what happened after I kissed Alec in public, and since he wasn't around for most of it, you get another chapter from your favorite (and incredibly sexy) basketball player. ;)

As Alec said, I walked straight past the rest of my team without even a glance in their direction. It looked arrogant as all hell, I'm sure, but you know what it really was? It was me trying _not_ to have a panic attack. The fact that I had just kissed Alec in front of hundreds of people was slowly sinking in and I had no idea how my coach or teammates or the rest of the goddamned world would react. I was afraid that if I looked at any of them, I'd lose it, my resolve would fail and I'd crumple into a heap of terrified gay boy mess. By not looking at them, walking past like I owned the fucking place, I was keeping the panic at bay.

I could hear the team behind me, following at a distance, and I led them straight into the conference room we always used for our post-game talk with Coach. I went to my usual seat, front row, furthest from the door. I flung myself into the chair and propped my elbow on the armrest, kind of hiding behind my hand as the rest of the team filed in and took their seats. Devin sat down next to me, as always. To my surprise- simply because he never sat there- Pat took the seat behind me, his big, heavy hand patting my shoulder in some show of solidarity or something. There are no words to describe how much that meant to me. Patrick Rawlings was a much better friend than I'd ever given him credit for. And yes, I'm ashamed of that.

Everyone was seated and getting restless by the time Coach finally entered the room. He was normally right behind us, followed by the assistant coaches, so I think him being delayed had everyone further on edge. Whispered voices were asking each other where Coach was and what was taking him so long, but no one knew the answer. I assumed it had something to do with the tournament, but who knows, really.

I'll confess: I was chickenshit. I was too afraid to look at any of my teammates, not even Devin or Pat. I didn't want to see the confusion or anger or whatever they were feeling on their faces. In fact, I kind of felt like I'd let them all down or stolen a truly spectacular moment from them by what I'd done. They should be celebrating and cheering and acting like fools instead of fidgeting in their seats waiting for Coach. It just didn't seem fair.

Let me take a moment to explain why I chose _that moment_ to come out, and why I chose that way as well. You may recall that I'd just had Senior Day the weekend before. That had been a once in a lifetime moment for me. Having Momma H and Will show up like that was indescribable. But the moment was missing something. At first I thought it was just my mom's absence I was feeling so sharply, and that was a big part of it, but later I came to realize what was missing was Alec. One of the biggest moments of my life and the man I love more than anything didn't get to participate in it. Travs's girlfriend was there with him- I think that was mostly so she could be in the spotlight, but whatever- and my boyfriend was standing not fifteen feet away from me and I didn't even hug him or acknowledge how important he is in my life. It didn't take long for regret to settle in.

When we won the conference tournament and I was made MVP (god I can't even begin to tell you how fucking awesome that was), I don't know, I just wasn't going to let that happen again. Especially not after what Alec said to me when I fell into his lap. If it wasn't for him, I might have given up. I know that sounds awful for someone who aspires to play professional basketball one day, but I was feeling resigned at that point, defeated. I just knew I wasn't ever going to play in the NCAA tournament, and I let it affect my chances. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.

So, when my teammates put me down that second time, and I saw him standing there smiling like _he'd_ just won the tournament, well, I wasn't going to leave him out this time. I suppose I didn't have to be quite so demonstrative with him, and I have no idea what the fallout of that kiss will be, but in that moment, all I wanted was to kiss him, to make him understand that he was the most important person in my life and that I was finally ready to let everyone know that.

My hands are shaking as I think about that…

Anyway, Coach comes in and closes the door behind him with a soft click. That's what got my attention, since I wasn't looking at anything but the white board in front of me or the tattered piece of carpet where the installer had cut it wrong and left the edges frayed. I looked up and saw his eyes slowly scan our faces, landing on mine last. He seemed to look at me longer than anyone else, but I might have just been paranoid.

His face lit up suddenly. "Well!" he shouted. "You did it! You won the damn tournament! How about a smile or two!"

That was Coach. Instead of dwelling on what was on everyone's mind, he reminded us that we should be celebrating, that we should be happy. There was an outburst of whooping and hollering.

"And our own Magnus was named MVP!" he continued.

More cheering. Devin grabbed my arm and gave it a little shake. Then Pat's hand was on my shoulder again. For the first time, I looked up and smiled at my friends. I realized then that no matter what else happened, I had those two on my side. I don't know why it took me so long to come to that conclusion. Maybe I just didn't trust what I had with my teammates. Stupid, I know.

"You know the best part? _We're not done yet!_" The cheering got even louder. "We're going to the N-C-freaking-double-A tournament!" The noise level reached decibels that could easily cause deafness, but no one cared. We were playing in the tourney and that's all that mattered.

Coach waited for the guys to calm down and yell themselves out. When he spoke again, his voice was full of emotion. "I want you guys to know that I've never been more proud of my team. You handled adversity well today. You could have folded up when we got down in the second half, could've given in and went home, but you didn't. You stuck it out. You made the plays you needed to make to win. I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourselves."

He paused, I think for dramatic effect. "Now, we've made it this far because we trust one another. We work together as a team should. We count on each other for support and encouragement, and for every man to do his job." He paused, his eyes slowly sweeping the room. "We _must _continue that. We cannot do this if we don't. We must continue to be a team, to take care of each other, to be there for each other…to be brothers." His eyes stopped, again, on me, then looked away. "Does anyone see any reason that can't happen?"

Just like that. He issued a challenge to my teammates. Without bringing up what happened, he asked them if they would still support me, if they would still follow my lead as captain and point guard of the team. He was slick, that's for sure. And I finally got brave enough to look around the room at my teammates. A few were looking at me, most weren't, but no one voiced any reason that we couldn't continue to play together, so that's something at least.

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, hit the showers." There was the sound of guys leaving their seats and taking steps toward the door. "And be here by 5:30 tomorrow. We're having a Selection party in the gym. Camera crews and everything. Some of you will be giving interviews, too."

The guys were boisterous as they left the conference room. I lagged behind and was eventually stopped by Coach before I made my exit.

"Magnus, I wanted to talk to you for a moment." I paused and looked into his eyes. He had piercing gray eyes that always gave me the impression he was xraying me, like he could see what I was made of. It creeped me out at first, but I got used to it over the years. Coach is a good guy. But at that moment, I was nervous as hell. He seemed to be having trouble deciding what to say, which was so unlike him, and that made me even more worried. "Magnus…Look, son, I think you're about to have a lot to deal with. I was talking to the press before I came in here. Some of the cameras were still rolling. Between that and however many people recorded you on their cell phones…this is going to be all over the internet."

"Fuck," I said. "I'm sorry Coach. I didn't mean to cause problems for the team."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Let's not worry about that right now. I just want you focused on the next game. I think it would be best if you stayed off social media for awhile. I wouldn't even bother turning on the TV, either. It's going to be everywhere, and some people are likely to have some nasty things to say about it. Just give it some time, let things blow over. People will forget about it when the next bit of gossip turns up."

"I'm sorry," I said again. What else could I say? I'd been worried about what it meant for my future with the NBA, but hadn't given a thought to how my coming out would affect my team, or anybody else really. And it probably wouldn't have affected them at all if I had chosen to do it on a smaller scale. "I just wanted to share that moment with him."

"I take it he's important to you?"

I nodded. "I love him."

"Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." I looked up at him, wondering what the fuck that meant. He smiled and winked at me. "It'll be okay, son. Don't think too hard on it, okay?"

Then I finally voiced what had been on my mind all along. "Do you think it will hurt my chances in the draft?"

To my surprise, he laughed. "Those NBA guys? All they care about is making money. They want the best of the best so they can be the best and make the most money. _You_ are one of the best. You'll get drafted, don't you worry about that. There's been a lot of interest in you lately, from several organizations. I'll talk to them again and see what they make of this, but I'm telling you not to worry. They care a whole lot more about how you play than who you kiss."

Honest-to-god, my face flushed when he said that. But hearing him say all that made me feel a lot better. If I could just get on a team, I was sure I could prove myself. I just needed a chance. He smiled at me again and patted me on the back.

"They want to interview you, specifically, tomorrow. I told them absolutely no references to that kiss. They have to keep their questions basketball related. Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now hit the shower." As I started to walk away, he said, "And Magnus? Let me know if any of the guys give you a hard time."

It was some time later when I realized how fucking cool my coach is.

I walked the short way down the hall to the locker room. By the time I got there, I could already hear the showers running and some voices and laughter coming from that area. I crossed to my locker where there was a loose circle of guys. Devin was sitting on a bench, shirtless and bent over untying his shoes. Pat leaned one shoulder against a locker across from mine. He was naked with a white towel slung over the other shoulder. Blake rested against the laundry hamper with a towel around his waist. Jojo sat on the floor against the cold, concrete block wall with a towel around his waist, his knees bent with the towel draped modestly between them. Tyler stood butt-naked, chest out, legs apart, towel hung around his neck with one hand hanging off each end of it.

I slipped my jersey over my head and tossed it into the dirty laundry, then shimmied out of the rest of my uniform and wrapped a towel around my waist. I removed my personal items from my locker to take to the shower with me and turned to face the group. I had no idea what to say to them.

"So," Tyler said. His tone felt aggressive to me, but maybe I was just edgy. "That's why you wouldn't go girl hunting with Pat and me, huh?"

I weighed my words carefully, but then decided it didn't matter. They all knew now. There were no more secrets to protect. Either they would be cool with it, or they wouldn't, and there wasn't much I could do about it now. "Yeah."

"How long's it been going on?"

I noticed the other guys' heads moving back and forth as they followed our conversation. I also noticed that Pat and Devin were positioned closest to me, and I felt like they were protecting me. I really appreciated that. "Since December last year."

Tyler's mouth fell open. "You've been fucking a guy for over a year?" he said incredulously.

"That's none of your business," said Pat, pushing himself off the locker and taking a sideways step closer to me.

Tyler did not miss this move, and he seemed to be upset by it. "What are you doing, Pat? What do you think I'm going to do?"

"You're not going to do anything, Tyler," Pat said, as calm and cool as I've ever seen him.

"You're damn right I'm not." Tyler seemed genuinely hurt at this point. "Magnus is my friend. I just wanted to know what's going on. I can't believe he's been hiding all this from us for so long."

"I'll tell you what's going on," Devin piped up. "Magnus, here, has _still_ managed to show us all up." Every eye stared at him, and his face broke into his trademark grin. "He still ended up with the hottest cheerleader."

The effect of those words was comical. Jojo burst into laughter while Pat and Blake shook their heads incredulously. Tyler opened and closed his mouth, speechless. That didn't last long though.

"Don't tell me you're…you know…too?"

Devin cracked up. He flipped his towel over his shoulder and took a few steps toward Tyler, reached out and patted his arm. "Nope. I'm too busy stealing all the girls from you."

We all got to laughing at that, even Tyler. We laughed until our sides hurt, and it felt so good, because now I knew. I knew that these guys, at least, had my back. I knew I could count on them. I knew we were still a team, and even more than that, we were still friends. I can't even tell you how much that meant to me, especially with Coach's warning that the rest of the world may not look so favorably at me.

Eventually, the laughter died down, and Pat and Jojo pushed Tyler toward the showers, Blake trailing along behind them. Tyler called over his shoulder, "Don't be looking at my ass as I walk away, Bane!" I saw Pat give him a hard shove and Tyler cracked up laughing again. I cracked a smile. Getting teased I could handle. I know he didn't mean anything malicious by it.

Devin nudged me with his elbow, his big grin still in place. "That went pretty well."

"Yeah, I guess it did."

"Must be a relief."

I took a deep- and yes, relieved- breath and nodded. "I wasn't really sure what to expect. Thanks for sticking up for me."

"Shoot, Magnus. Did you have a doubt that I would?"

"No. But it still means a lot to me."

"That's what friends are for."

He clapped me on the back and started toward the showers, me right beside him. "So…you think my boyfriend is hot?"

He laughed. "Naw, but my brother does."

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Really?" I said, trying to decide if this was something I should tell Alec or if it would just go to his head. He wasn't egotistical, at all. In fact, most of the time I wondered if he had any idea how good looking he really was and how many girls and guys alike were interested in him. I thought maybe I shouldn't clue him in to this.

"Yeah. All his friends, too."

Damn, maybe it's a good thing I came out.

* * *

I found Alec waiting in the hallway with Cammie and Austin. He had a deep furrow between his eyes and a worried expression on his beautiful face. My heart melted when I saw him.

I crossed the hall and stopped in front of him, completely unsure what to do now. I wanted to hug him, and I guess technically now I could. But something held me back. I think I didn't want to rub it in the guys' faces any more than I had to that day. You know? So instead, we stood there staring at each other like a couple of fools who didn't know what to do. He finally ended the staring contest.

"How did it go?"

"Good. Mostly good. A couple of the guys kind of avoided me. I think everyone was in shock, really."

"Can't say I blame them for that."

I smiled at him. "Me either. So, um…" I was still standing about a foot away from him when someone ran into the back of me, almost knocking me into Alec. I turned to see Devin giving me that grin that says he's up to something. I'd learned it well over the course of the season.

"Psst," he said in a stage-whisper. "In case you didn't know, everyone knows about you two now. It's okay to touch him." Then he winked at me, and honest-to-god, I blushed. Alec did a poor job hiding his grin.

Our little group started up the hall. Tyler caught up with us and reminded us that there was going to be a party in the common room tonight. I should have expected that. The whole campus is probably celebrating the win and our upcoming appearance in the NCAA tournament. I wasn't sure I wanted to go.

"Come on, Magnus. Don't hide from us now." Tyler had a way with words, no? Of course he would see me keeping quiet about my sexuality as hiding. What the hell does he know about something like that anyway? But I guess he had a fair point. And if I'm going to keep the support of my teammates, hiding in my room with Alec when I should be celebrating with the guys is probably not the way to do it.

"Are you okay with going?" I said softly to Alec.

"Yeah. As long as you are." He had the concerned look on his face again. He wasn't worried about himself. He'd been openly gay since he arrived on campus. _I _was the one he was concerned for.

I looked at each of my friends in turn and they all gave me a look or gesture of support. Whatever I wanted to do was fine with them.

"What about Cammie?" You know, since girls aren't technically allowed in the guys' dormitory.

"Don't worry about me, sweetie. I'm short. No one will ever know I'm there."

We all laughed at that. "Alright. Let's do it," I said, hoping I wasn't making a mistake.

We walked to the dorm as a group and for the first time ever, Alec and I were in contact the entire way. I felt his shoulder brush against mine with every step we took, and it was comforting. Mostly. Okay, I had to resist the urge to look around and make sure no one was watching. Old habits die hard, you know? But I did resist it. Hell, they wouldn't be looking at us because our shoulders were touching anyway. If people were going to stare, it's because I kissed him. Period. Plain and simple.

Guess what happened? Go on…I'll wait. No? Fine, I'll tell you. Nothing. That's what happened. Our group did grow a little though. What started as me, Alec, Cammie and Austin quickly added Devin and Tyler, then Pat and some of the other guys joined us before we made it out of the arena. Along the walk to the dorms, we were congratulated by I don't even know how many people. Some stopped us and wanted autographs. Even from me.

That was my first dose of people-don't-give-a-shit-who-you-kiss. Most people didn't even mention the fact that I'd kissed Alec, and I started to wonder if they just didn't know. A couple of people gave Alec and me a look, and each time it broke into a knowing smile. But that was it. The whole way back to the dorms, and that was it. Nothing negative at all.

I think maybe that's why I found the courage to do what I did next. As Tyler pulled out his ID card and swiped it to let us into the dorm, I looked at Alec, smiled a little nervously, steeled myself, and...took his hand. The surprise on his face was immediate. I guess I can't blame him. I went from hiding in the closet to putting us on display with no warning whatsoever. I didn't say anything, just held on tight to his hand and looked straight ahead as we stepped through the door.

It was like walking into a wall of sound. The stereo was blaring something so loud I couldn't even tell what genre of music it was. The common room was already full of students, mostly athletes, but there were others that I didn't recognize and assumed they were from some other part of the school. There were so many people it _had_ to be a fire code violation. It just had to. There was barely enough room to weasel through the mass of bodies, but somehow, when they realized the basketball team- and specifically _me-_ had arrived, the crowd parted into a neat circle around us.

The cheering was louder than the stereo, which someone wisely turned down to slightly less than ear-bleeding level. Once I could hear, I realized they were chanting my name. Wow. I mean, I'm not the only one that won that game, but I guess being the MVP made a difference. I realized I'd gotten separated from my trophy when someone, I think it was Pat, shoved it into my hand and the crowd went wild. I never really grasped that concept before, until I saw it first hand. It was kind of scary. People were shouting and screaming and pushing and cheering and hugging each other and me.

I held even tighter to Alec's hand.

The party itself was so much fun. I'm pretty sure I talked to every single person there. They all wanted to personally congratulate me on my MVP award and on the game, the season, the upcoming tournament. Being a building full of jocks, I guess they were even more aware of how amazing this opportunity was for us as a team and as a school. I guess I wasn't really surprised by all the attention. I've been center of attention with that crowd numerous times over the years, I'd just fallen out of touch with that since I started dating Alec. It hadn't been as important to me after that.

I was not at all surprised by the number of girls that managed to sneak into the common room. Most of them were from the women's athletic department. We all knew each other. And the women's basketball team had some celebrating to do itself. They were also heading to the women's NCAA tournament. Go Bobcats!

What did surprise me was how overly flirtatious some of the girls were with me. I mean, they'd always been flirty- I had too, for that matter- but this was way more than I'd ever experienced. I took that to mean they'd heard the news about me. You know how girls can be; they seem to love gay men. I think half of them wanted to convert me back to straight. Alec received quite a bit of flirting from the ladies, and some jealous looks, too. He took it all in stride, sticking by my side, hand in mine even when it got so hot in there that our hands were sweaty. Neither of us cared about that. The contact was too important to us.

I guess now would be a good time to tell you how I actually felt about all this. The problem is, I don't really know. It's easy to state the facts as they happened, and even my thoughts at the time. It's much harder to know how I felt about it all. I hadn't had a chance to digest any of it yet. I was still a little surprised that I'd kissed him like that, and, after Coach's warning, was worried about what would come of it all. And I had no way of finding out what would happen until it did. No crystal ball predictions for me. The NBA draft was still three months away, and there was so much still to come between now and then. I was encouraged by the response I'd gotten from my Coach and my teammates that didn't already know, from the people on the streets on the way to the party, and from the people I was partying with. But these were all people that knew me, or knew of me. I didn't know how the rest of the world would feel about me. To those people, I was just some kid who could play basketball, nothing more, nothing less. They had no reason to offer me support. They also had no reason to offer me any unkindness, but I wasn't so naïve as to think that was reasonable to expect.

The point is: I just don't know…anything. Well, I know what I want. I want to be free to love Alec and still have my basketball career. I want to not have to worry about being the victim of hatred or ignorance. Don't we all?

As for what happens next, I guess Alec and I will find out together.

* * *

**A/N: Our hearts are with the people of France. Hatred, in all forms, is a terrible thing.**


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: Cinkie68: You know, I hadn't actually thought about Jeremy Lin as Magnus, but I can see why you would. 6'3 point guard of Asian descent playing in the NBA who is A LOT of fun to watch? Yeah, makes sense, though our Magnus's skin would be darker than Lin's, since his father was dark-skinned. Honestly, I will always picture Godfrey Gao as Magnus. It's unusual for me to do that with actors, especially when I read the books first, but in this case I think he was just about perfect, even if they didn't use his real voice. I'm disappointed that the guy playing him in the TV show is shorter than the guy playing Alec, but I'm willing to keep an open mind...Anyway, I think that Pacers-Hornets game sounds like fun! There are no professional basketball (or football) teams in my home state, so I've never actually been to one. It's on my bucket list, though!**

* * *

Alec awoke to the feel of Magnus's warm, wet mouth surrounding his rock hard cock. At first, he wasn't even sure if he was awake or asleep, or hovering in that hazy zone between the two. He'd had dreams like this before, and once or twice had been on the giving end of it, but this was the first time Magnus had woken him that way. It was incredible.

Magnus's hands held firmly to Alec's hips, holding him still so he couldn't buck against him. His tongue was magic, coaxing him to orgasm faster than Alec thought possible. When he spent himself, Magnus took care of that, too.

Alec dragged him up his body, folding him in his arms and kissing him. He could taste himself in Magnus's mouth. "What was that for?" he said against Magnus's lips as his hand curled around Magnus's dick and slowly began stroking him.

"Because I love you," came Magnus's reply. He rolled onto his back and let Alec touch him. Alec kissed him and stroked him until he came.

When they both had clear heads again, Alec said, "You doing okay?" They both knew what he meant. Yesterday had been pretty eventful.

"Too soon to tell." Magnus snuggled against his side, burying his face in Alec's neck and planting soft kisses there. "I'm nervous about the interview."

"Coach told them not to ask you about me, though, right?" Alec brushed Magnus's hair away from his face with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, but have you ever given an interview? They pretty much do whatever they want."

"You can always say 'no comment,'" Alec suggested.

"Yeah…but is that what I _should_ do? I mean, everyone knows about us already…thanks to what I did."

Alec tipped Magnus's head upward so he could look into his eyes. "Yes, they do. Thank you, Magnus. I never expected you to kiss me like that. Why did you do it?"

Magnus stared at him, eyes moving across his face as if reading him. "If you are imagining I did that on a whim, then stop. It wasn't like that." He sat up abruptly, still watching Alec. "I've been thinking about coming out for a long time, I just didn't know how or when I was going to do it. I never said anything because I didn't know if I'd have the guts to do it. But so much has changed recently. Two of my teammates know about us and they're okay with it. We've been going to gay clubs to watch Infernal Devices. And those athletes at the NYU frat party? They're all out...But the thing that really got to me was Senior Day. Cammie hugged you."

Alec stared at him, surprised. "You're not jealous of Cammie hugging me, are you?" Magnus had never been jealous of Cammie.

He shook his head. "No. I'm jealous that she _could_ hug you though. And Travs's girlfriend was there. We know what a sham that relationship is, yet she was there. And _my_ boyfriend was standing ten feet away from me, left out of the ceremony. It felt so wrong."

Magnus held his hands, tracing small circles with his thumbs. It felt really good. "Yesterday morning, when I couldn't sleep and went for a run?" Alec nodded. "I wasn't just preparing for the game. I knew if we won I couldn't ignore you this time. You're the most important person in my life and I wanted to share that moment with you. Then they named me MVP and I thought of you. You were the MVP. If you hadn't told me to fight, we wouldn't have won. Then I realized the one thing I'd never fought for...was you. Us." He shook his head again. "I want to fight for us, Alec."

Alec swooned. There was no other word for it. "I want that too. We'll deal with whatever happens now. And I can be there for the interview if you want me to."

Magnus gave a small smile. "You'll be there anyway, right?"

"Yes. The cheerleaders are going to be there to make sure you basketball players make enough noise for the cameras." Alec winked at him, drawing the laugh he'd wanted from Magnus.

"Good. Just knowing you are there will be enough, I think."

"I'll always be there for you."

* * *

They spent the majority of the day in bed, taking turns pleasing each other, then napping to regain their strength. It was one of those rare days where neither had practice, nowhere to be until late in the afternoon, so they took the opportunity to just be together. It was a day they would both remember for a very long time. Eventually, though, they had to shower and get ready for the Selection Show party.

While Magnus was in the shower, Alec took out his laptop. Magnus's coach had told him not to get on the internet or watch TV until whatever shit-storm was about to happen finally ended. Magnus was doing what he was told, but Alec needed to know. His curiosity got the better of him, again, as he called up the search engine and typed in Magnus's name.

The screen was flooded with a barrage of images, photos, videos, even GIFs. Wow, people didn't waste any time did they. He clicked on a few and scanned through the comments. That was a mistake.

There were several _Awww_'s and _Aren't-they-cute_'s and _Good-for-him_'s, and many other _What-the-fuck_'s and other things he wished he hadn't read. After reading some barely literate rants about God and the Bible and _They-are-going-to-Hell, _Alec felt his IQ level had dropped just reading that bullshit.

He then called up a major sports network's website and there in the top stories was an article about Magnus. The title was something ultra stupid. "Magnus Bane: Basketball's first gay MVP?" This time Alec actually said, "What the fuck?" aloud. He wasn't sure he should have expected more from the most popular sports network in America, but somehow he had and was now disappointed. Of course they were going to run with the story. They wanted viewers, and nothing drew viewers better than a scandalous story. Disgusted, he shut down the computer.

He climbed into the shower just as Magnus was finishing up. His arms snaked around his boyfriend and drew him close. He needed sanity in the form of Magnus's body.

Magnus grinned at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just missed you." Alec kissed him, then let him out so he could have his shower. He pushed the crap he'd found on the internet out of his mind. He hoped Magnus never saw any of that, and that his coach was right and it would all blow over soon.

They walked together to the arena, their arms touching but not holding hands. Alec wanted to, and he thought Magnus did, too, but it just didn't feel right. Maybe those words from the internet were weighing more heavily than he'd thought. Or maybe they just weren't sure what to expect, and weren't sure how to test the waters yet.

They entered the gym through the heavy green metal doors and paused as the door clanked closed. A large crowd of basketball players, cheerleaders, and staff had already gathered in the gym. Most were milling around the TV cameras that were set up at center court. Cables ran all over the court, leading from the cameras and sound equipment to the computers and monitors and other equipment set up on the sidelines. There were a couple of 'director's chairs' set up in front of the cameras where Magnus would be giving his interview shortly.

Cammie waved at them with a green pompom and Alec smiled and waved back. Magnus's coach caught his eye and motioned him over to where he was talking to the guy who would be interviewing Magnus. Alec recognized him as one of the more popular analysts of that very same network that wrote the stupid article about Magnus. Alec's spine stiffened. He wanted to march over there and tell the guy off, even though _he_ wasn't the writer of that article. He still worked for the network. Guilt by association, and all that.

When Magnus turned a wary smile on him, his irritation seeped out of him, replaced by a strong desire to hold him and protect him from the world. He settled for squeezing his hand and giving him an encouraging smile. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Magnus nodded, then walked over to his coach. Alec followed, standing as close to the cameras as the cameramen would let him. He wanted to be where Magnus could see him, could draw strength from him if he needed it, but he had to stay out of the way, too. The cameramen kept ushering him a little further away, but he held his ground the best he could.

The interviewer, a guy named Jay Hanstrom, said a few words to Magnus and his coach that Alec couldn't hear, and judging by the look on his face, Alec thought he may have gotten a few reminder words of warning from Magnus's coach. Then the lights came on, the camera rolling.

To the camera, Jay said, "We are here with Idris University's MVP Magnus Bane and Coach Ian Whitaker, waiting to hear where Idris will end up in the NCAA Tournament." A chorus of cheers echoed in the gym and Alec turned to see someone with a big sign prompting the players and cheerleaders. He looked back to Magnus when he heard Jay address him.

"So Magnus," Jay said in the most jovial voice Alec had heard him use so far today. "How does it feel to be on your way to the tournament for the first time?"

Magnus's basketball star persona came out again. He suddenly transformed into a completely confident person, like he had not a care in the world except for his next game. Remarkable. "It feels great. I've been dreaming of this forever."

"Idris hasn't been to the tournament since 1989. You weren't even born yet, were you?"

Magnus laughed. "No. I wasn't."

"It must be quite an honor to be the one taking them back to the tourney."

"Well, I didn't do it by myself. I have the best teammates in the world. I couldn't have done any of this without them."

Alec smiled at him. Magnus was doing great. He never understood why people tried to make basketball an individual sport and give all the credit to the star player. Sure, Michael Jordan was the best basketball player of his time, but he didn't win all those rings by himself. He needed his team. _What a putz_, Alec thought.

"Still, you were the one named MVP of your conference tournament," the jackass pressed.

"I work hard to be the best player and best teammate I can be."

Score another point for Magnus.

"Looking ahead to the tournament, where do you expect Idris to be seeded?"

Magnus laughed again. This one sounded more fake to Alec, like maybe he was getting tired of this guy, too. "I'll leave that to the Selection Committee to decide. That's their job. We'll be ready for whatever opponent they give us."

"Alright. Let's talk about the NBA draft. The early mock-drafts have you going in the top 5. There's several teams around the country that need a good point guard. Do you have a particular team you hope drafts you?"

"I'll give every thing I have to any team willing to draft me."

"So you don't have a favorite?"

_That's what he said, asshole. _Alec caught himself rolling his eyes.

Magnus grinned. "I just want to play and be the best I can be."

"Are you worried at all about your draft position? In light of recent events…"

Alec stiffened, and he saw a momentary reaction from Magnus before he schooled his thoughts and expression. It was Magnus's coach that spoke. "Magnus's play speaks for itself. Any team would be lucky to have him as their leader."

"Indeed," said Jay, looking as if he wanted to press further. Coach's demeanor suggested he shouldn't. "Well, good luck to you and Idris. Can't wait to see who you'll be playing."

"Thanks," said Magnus, and he put on a huge smile.

A cameraman said, "Cut," and Magnus slid from his seat, walking swiftly toward Alec. Coach stayed behind, likely to give Jay a piece of his mind.

Magnus kept walking all the way out into the hall with Alec close on his heels. He was clearly agitated, but he waited for the door to close before he said anything. "What an asshole!"

They were alone in the corridor, so Alec took Magnus's hands and loosely shook his arms, getting him to focus on him instead of the interview. When he finally looked up at Alec, the tension visibly drained from his face and he put on a real smile.

"It wasn't that bad, Magnus."

"He got really close to talking about…about us."

"I know. But I'm pretty sure Coach would have ripped him a new one if he had."

Magnus laughed, which was what Alec wanted, of course. "That's better," Alec said softly, pulling Magnus into a hug. It took all of two seconds for him to realize what he'd just done. He'd hugged Magnus in the hallway of the gym with reporters and TV crews on the other side of the door. He could do that now…as long as Magnus let him. And Magnus wasn't pulling away.

Magnus sighed as Alec released him. "That was not my favorite interview…"

"You have a favorite interview?"

"Yeah. I've had some fun ones over the years, mostly after wins. I hoped this one would be good since we won the conference tournament, I was named MVP, we're going to the NCAA tourney, and I'm entering the draft in June. So much positive stuff to talk about, and he wants to act like I'm some hot shot who doesn't need my teammates, then hint around at our…"

"Relationship? Scandal? Wild, passionate, public kiss?" Alec supplied.

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. "Wild, passionate, public kiss?"

"Well, we could always give them one."

Magnus cupped his cheek in his palm. "I love you, Alexander Lightwood. Don't ever change, okay?"

Alec smiled. "I love you, too. Now, let's get back in there before they send a search party."

Alec pushed open the heavy door and started back into the gym. His heart leapt when he felt Magnus's hand slide into his own and give a soft squeeze. They walked over to where several rows of chairs held the basketball players and some of the staff members. The cheerleaders formed a semi-circle around the players, and everyone was facing the camera that was set up to film their reaction as the tournament bracket was announced. There was a large screen to the left of the camera airing the televised Selection Show. Magnus took a seat on the end of a row, and Alec stood next to him.

Cammie weaseled her way between Alec and another cheerleader. She looked overjoyed to be part of this. Alec had to admit he was feeling the excitement now as the TV network's talking heads filled the screen, ready to announce the bracket. There was an excited ripple through the players as well. All eyes were on that big screen, waiting to see where the tournament would take them.

The Selection Committee tried to place teams as close to home as possible for their first games, at least for the top seeded teams. But even the lower seeded teams were frequently placed relatively close to home. With the divisions broken down to East, West, Midwest, and South, and the arenas being located all over the country, it was difficult to predict where Idris might end up playing. There was even a small chance that Idris could end up playing in Brooklyn, as that was one of the sites hosting the tournament this year. Alec really hoped not. He was ready to travel!

As the TV announcer started naming the teams in the East Region, Alec rested his hand on Magnus's shoulder. Magnus didn't look at him, but his hand covered Alec's, and a small smile played across his face.

"The number three seed in the East Region is the Villanova Wildcats," called the announcer. "They will face the number fourteen seed Idris Bobcats."

A deafening roar filled the room as Idris's players jumped to their feet cheering, and the cheerleaders attempted to top them. An image of the guys, all dressed in their black warm-up suits with green and white Idris Bobcats lettering, flashed onto the screen. The players punched the air and high-fived each other. Green and white pompoms could be seen in the background. This was the image broadcast to all of America right now.

When they got the signal that the camera was off, Alec scooped Cammie into a bear hug, then shared a brief, manly hug with Magnus. He caught Devin's eye and wicked, triumphant grin, and he returned it.

A moment later, Magnus's interview with Jay the Asshole flashed across the screen. A few of the guys patted his back when he said he couldn't have done any of it without his teammates. They had always been a tight group, and Alec hoped that would continue, at least for the next game. They didn't have a chance at winning unless they played as a team. Facing a number three seed would be a tall order under normal circumstances, but would be impossible if the guys didn't accept Magnus and play for him like they had been all year.

They settled down to watch the rest of the Selection Show, until the bracket was complete. As the cameramen packed up their equipment, Coach announced that they would be playing on Thursday in Providence, RI. The players and cheerleaders were expected in front of the dorms Wednesday morning, nine o'clock sharp, with all their gear packed and ready to go. The buses would pick them up then and they would drive the almost two hundred miles to Providence.

They walked in large groups back to the dormitory. Several of the guys were talking about the brackets and wondering if they could still fill one out online since they were playing in the tournament this year. The general consensus was that there were rules against it, but as long as they weren't playing for money or prizes, would anyone really care? Alec chose to ignore this.

They filtered into the common room to find a party already underway. Two nights in a row. Yep, they were in college. Some very industrious students had taped some white poster board to the walls. On one side of the room, in big Green letters, the sign said, "GO BOBCATS! BEAT VILLANOVA!" On the other wall, someone with much more patience that Alec could ever muster had hand copied the tournament bracket. Alec grinned when he saw it.

Austin, who hadn't been allowed to come to the Selection Show party in the gymnasium, came up beside him, grinning like a fool. "You like it?" he said, nudging his head toward the overly large bracket.

"Its fantastic!"

"I know. We're going to fill it out as the tournament progresses." He glanced around the room full of athletes. "Can you believe some of these guys are picking Idris to win it all?"

"That would be something wouldn't it," Alec said with a laugh.

The tournament was a crazy three week event in which just about anything could happen. Rarely did the best team in the country, the team that had proven themselves time and again all season long, actually manage to win the tournament. There were too many variables, too much weird shit that always happened during the tournament. That's one of the reasons it was so popular, even among people who didn't know much about basketball. That was also what made the tournament so frustrating for people who do know basketball. To win the tournament, a team needs talent, skill, confidence, luck, and the weird randomness to land in its favor. A poor shooting night, an injury, or any number of other problems can end a great season for a great team. Alec never understood why winning this tournament was considered the end-all-be-all of college basketball, when there were so many things working against the best teams. That's why he liked the NBA play-offs better. Playing the same team in a best four-out-of-seven format tended to let the best teams end up in the championship game. Not always, but the odds were much better.

Alec was brought from his thoughts by a very familiar voice. Magnus, apparently bolstered by the excitement of playing in the tournament, stood on top of one of the tables and addressed the crowd. "Brothers!" he said loudly, and everyone cheered. Alec couldn't see a single person not cheering. Wow. "We are heading to Providence!" More cheering. "And we are going to kick some Wildcat ass!" The roar was deafening at those words. He turned and jabbed a finger at the giant bracket, specifically to the Championship game. "We're gonna be this year's Cinderella story and we're going all the way to Houston!"

Alec exchanged glances with Austin, who gave him a _why-not_ look, as Magnus hopped off the table, grinning wildly. He disappeared into the roaring crowd whose outstretched arms slapped his back, rubbed his head, shook his hand. He was still their hero, gay or not.


	47. Chapter 47

_What a waste of four hours._

Alec cracked a smile when he saw the text from Magnus. He couldn't agree more.

_I wish we could be together right now,_ he sent back a moment later.

Cammie leaned against him, reading his text over his shoulder. "You two are so cute. But really, I don't get to see Austin _at all_ as long as we are in Providence. Suck it up, buddy."

_I miss u._

_I miss u 2. Cam's giving me shit._

_Lol. We probably deserve it…_

"Yes, you do," Cammie said, sitting back in her seat, folding her arms in front of her, looking distinctly disgruntled.

The blue flicker of water caught his eye as the bus rolled over a bridge. "Oh, Cam. I'm sorry. You're right. It would be much worse to be stuck in Brooklyn while Magnus played in Providence. But it sucks that his bus is _right there_," Alec gestured toward the bus in front of them, "and I'm here." He felt it more than sucked. It was downright stupid.

"Cheerleaders never get to ride the same bus as the team, you know that."

He did. The cheerleaders always took a different bus when they went to away football games. He'd never complained before, but then he'd never been traveling _with his boyfriend _and not been able to sit with him. "Yeah. We don't get to ride the same bus. We have different hotel rooms."

Cammie turned a disparaging look on him. "Is that the real problem? You don't get to sleep in the same bed for a few days?" she hissed at him.

Alec flushed, wondering if anyone else heard that comment. There was a difference between everyone knowing they were an item, and everyone advertising that they slept in the same bed. Some things he thought should be kept private. "Well…"

"Oh. My. God. Alec Lightwood." Cammie was practically snarling at him now. "You do realize that I _never_ get to sleep in the same bed as Austin, right? Are you really going to whine to me about this shit?"

"Didn't you used to be my supportive friend?" he said quietly.

"Hmpf," she grunted and looked out the window.

"Come on, Cam. Don't be mad. You know how I get when he's not around."

Cammie rolled her eyes. "He's right fucking there!" She pointed to the other bus. "Whatever. I know what babies you two are when you're apart. Anyway, how's everything going since…you know?"

Alec shrugged offhandedly. "Good. He's doing fine. No problems."

Cammie scrutinized him. "Why do I feel like I'm missing something?"

Alec sighed. "Have you ever heard that ignorance is bliss? Well, that's what's going on. His coach wants him focused on the game, which I totally agree with. He told him to stay off social media, no TV, no nothing, which I also agree with. The problem is he has no idea what's going on outside of campus and our own little world. He doesn't even seem interested in knowing. It's great. He's happy. I, however, have no such restrictions."

"What's he missing?"

"How much this world sucks." Alec ran a hand through his hair. "Why is this anyone else's business? I realize he kissed me in front of a lot of people, but the kiss was still just between us. It doesn't affect anyone else's life. Everyone else is free to continue on the way they choose to live, but instead of minding their own fucking business, they want to chime in on how Magnus and I should live our lives. Why? What does it matter to someone in Nevada if I have a boyfriend? Or Kansas? Wisconsin? Texas? Florida? Why do they care? What do they expect to gain from telling the world their opinion of my boyfriend kissing me?" He suddenly realized his voice had gotten loud. Several of his squad mates sitting close by were making shifty-eyes at them. He lowered his voice and continued. "We have some supporters, of course. The LGBT community is pretty large and very outspoken. And there are plenty of straight people offering up their support as well. But there are so many people that have something terrible to say about us, and they are by far the most outspoken, and the least likely to back down. You should read some of the comments people are making. They are full-on fighting on Facebook, for fuck's sake! What did I do that was so terrible? I fall in love with another man. So fucking what. I don't need people telling me they think I'm going to Hell or that our relationship is an abomination. I don't care that people think it's sick or disgusting or -my personal favorite- '_a waste_ that two good-looking men would chose to live like that.'" He actually used the air quotes around that last statement, seething as he remembered it.

"Oh, Alec. I'm sorry. People can be so cruel and judgmental."

_That's an understatement_. "I'm starting to see what Dylan -Devin's brother- and his friends at NYU meant about there being more work to do. If people still feel the need to judge me, then there is a lot more to do. The problem is how do you change someone's mind about this? Most people who abhor our lifestyle do so because of their religious beliefs, or because they are ignorant about what our lifestyle actually is. They don't realize, or don't want to realize, that we actual do love each other, just as much as a man and woman love each other, and in many cases, we love each other more. Have you seen the divorce rate in this country?" He sighed with all the weight of the world. "Maybe I should get more involved, go to a Gay Pride rally and see what it's all about."

"Really? That doesn't sound like you." Cammie cocked one eyebrow at him.

"I know. It just pisses me off that people think they can tell me how to live my life, and who I can or can't love. I completely support someone's right to believe whatever they want to believe, but do they turn that support back around to me? No. They think they have the right to force their beliefs on others, to dictate how everyone else lives. And damn it all if you don't agree with them."

"I assume we are talking about religious beliefs?"

"Yeah. Mostly. The only arguments people seem able to piece together are that it's wrong because God says so in whatever form they choose to quote, or because they think what we do is 'icky.' Icky? Really? These are mostly grown adults and the best they can come up with is _it's icky_? It's like they think gay people are just a bunch of perverts that'll fuck any guy who'll bend over long enough. Never mind what kind of kinky shit straight people are into. No, we're the pervs 'cause we have fewer holes to choose from when we have sex." Alec sounded exasperated and miserable, even to his own ears. He caught the stifled grin on Cammie's face and, remembering her 'G-spot in his ass' comment, cracked a smile in spite of himself.

"It's all so ridiculous, really Did you know there are some people from Bible belt states that are basically threatening him if he gets drafted to their team. 'We'll run that fag right out of town.' 'He better fucking hope he doesn't end up here.' Stupid shit like that. I don't know how much of it to take seriously, but I'm worried about him, and there's nothing I can do about it."

Cammie took his hand between hers and gave it a little pat. "There's no use stressing about it now. The draft is still months away."

"I know. I've quit looking at the comments. I can't deal with it. It's too stressful. I mean, can you imagine a more idiotic thing than to _hate_ someone you don't even know because of who that person _loves_?"

"No. It's really sad that people think like that." Alec leaned his head against hers. He was so thankful to have her as a friend. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but you know there are so many people who love you and Magnus. Try not to let this bring you down. Okay?"

"Thanks, Cam. Love's supposed to conquer all, right? I'll just keep holding on to that, I guess."

Alec's phone vibrated. He looked down at the message and smiled.

_I love you, baby. _

That man had impeccable timing.

Cammie grinned at him as he typed _I love you, too_, and hit send. He met her gaze with a wry smile. "We never abbreviate 'I love you.' Corny, isn't it?"

Cammie giggled and shook her head. "Austin and I don't either."

* * *

A knock on the door drew Alec's attention from the mystery romance he was reading on his Kindle. He heaved himself off the bed and crossed to the door, pulling it wide to reveal Magnus. What a sight for sore eyes. They hadn't seen each other since they'd arrived in Providence and gotten off their buses. They'd been immediately pulled in opposite directions by their coaches for team meetings, then practices. They didn't even eat dinner together. He'd missed Magnus all day long.

"Hey," he said, grinning like a fool.

"Hey. Where's your roommate?" Magnus swept past him as he entered the room.

Something about the sight of Magnus standing in his hotel room next to his bed was making naughty images flash through his mind. He pulled himself together. "Cam's in there," he said, pointing at a closed door.

Magnus whirled around. "You're rooming with Cammie? What the fuck is that?" He sounded outraged, but there was no heat behind his words.

Alec laughed. "Privileges of being an openly gay cheerleader?" He shrugged. "Who're you rooming with?"

"Dev." Magnus reached for Alec's hand and drew him close. "I fucking missed you so much."

Magnus swallowed Alec's reply as he pressed their lips together. Why did it feel like they'd been apart for weeks instead of hours?

"Hi, Magnus!" called Cammie's voice through the door. She sounded like she was in a far-away land, or maybe that was Alec getting lightheaded from the kiss.

"Hi, Cam!" Magnus yelled back. "Is she in the bathroom?"

Alec chuckled. "Yeah. Soaking in the tub. Part of some stress-relieving beauty treatment or something. You know how girls are." Magnus looked distinctly like he did, in fact, _not_ know how girls are. Alec changed the subject. "How much time do you have?"

Magnus grinned sheepishly. "I'm not supposed to be here. We have lights-out in about ten minutes."

"Did you ever think you'd have a curfew at twenty-two?"

"No," Magnus said flatly.

"You two better not be doing it on my bed!" Cammie shouted. They heard the bath water splash.

"We're not doing it at all!" replied Alec, then he gave Magnus a measured look. "Are we?"

Magnus groaned. "I wish." He took Alec's hand and lead him back to the door. "I just wanted to see you before I went to bed. The bed looks so cold and lonely without you in it." He was pouting. Alec thought he looked very cute like that.

"I better go," Magnus whispered with obvious reluctance as he rested his forehead against Alec's. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and Alec could feel the love coming off him in waves. Magnus kissed him gently, lingering as long as he dared. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Alec lightly pushed him out into the hall, feeling the loss as the door closed behind him. He leaned back against the door, his eyes sliding closed, his arms crossing in front of him as if he were holding himself together. He trapped his lower lip between his teeth, reliving the feel of Magnus's lips on his. God he loved that man. He wondered if he was supposed to still feel this way, though. They'd been dating for well over a year. Wasn't that long enough for the butterflies and racing heart and feelings of complete and utter infatuation to go away? His own experience said it was. When he'd fallen in love with Eric, he'd had those feelings for about four or five months, then they settled into the routine-ness of their relationship. But there was nothing routine about being with Magnus, and he still felt all those feelings every time they touched. He still longed for him whenever they were apart. He still wanted him as desperately as he had that first time they were together. Was that normal? Was that what love was supposed to feel like?

His head snapped up and eyes flew open when he heard Cammie's soft cough. The bed springs squawked when she sat down on her bed. His bed groaned heavier when it took his weight.

"You two are ridiculous," she said with a smile that told him how happy she was for him.

"Are we?" he asked, his head still floating from his emotions and his thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she said as she snuggled under her blankets, her long blonde hair darker than normal since she hadn't dried it completely. She turned on her side to face him, fluffing the pillow under her head.

Now that he'd said that, he wasn't sure how to ask what he wanted to ask. "Does Austin…make you feel…like…"

"Like I'm floating on clouds? Like my heart's going to burst when I'm with him? Like I can do anything as long as he's by my side?" Alec stared at her, then nodded. He supposed that was what he wanted to know. "Yes. He does."

"But you've been together longer than Magnus and I have. And you still feel that way about him?"

"Yes."

"Do you think that feeling will ever go away?"

"God, I hope not! Do you want it to go away?"

Alec rolled onto his back with his arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling as he thought about what Cammie said, and Magnus, and how he felt. "No," he said simply. He decided he very much liked being in love.

* * *

Alec felt a jolt of anticipation when he heard the knock on his door this time. He knew the team would be leaving for shoot-around soon and just knew it would be Magnus on the other side of the door. He flung the door open and grinned at his boyfriend's gorgeous smile. He didn't even have enough time to say 'hello' before Magnus pressed him into the room with his body and locked him in a bear hug. He kissed him before he had a chance to catch his breath. But who needs to breathe when there is a beautiful man to kiss?

As sweet and innocent as last night's kiss had been, this one was on the complete other end of the spectrum. This one was hot and needy, with tongues and hands running along backs and holding tightly to shoulders and waists. Alec felt himself stir instantly and wished he could do something about it.

"I'd say 'get a room' but since you are currently standing in a hotel room, that would be pointless," Cammie said as she rounded the corner from the bathroom and spotted them in their embrace.

Magnus broke away, looking shyly at Cammie. "Sorry, Cam. I guess I just missed him."

Cammie waved an impatient hand at him. "Don't bother. I get it. You love each other. Blah, blah, blah." She rummaged in her bag for some bobby-pins and went back into the bathroom to finish pinning up her hair.

"I gotta run," Magnus said. "I'll see you in a few hours."

Cammie called to him from the bathroom. "You better play well tonight. We didn't come all this way for nothing!"

Magnus beamed. Alec knew how much he loved to be challenged. He leaned in and kissed Alec again, with much less heat, then slipped out the door. "I love you," he tossed out as he jogged backwards down the hallway.

"I love you, too. Good luck!"

Alec pulled his head back into the room and found Cammie standing next to her bed, hair up, make-up on, in uniform. She was ready for the game and they still had a couple hours before they had to be at the gym. Alec hadn't even showered yet.

"Hey, Alec, I want to talk to you about something." She sat delicately on the edge of her bed.

"Okay. What's on your mind, beautiful?"

"Well, this might be our last game together…"

Alec's heart clinched. He was all too aware of that fact. He didn't like to think about not cheering with Cammie next year. He didn't want to think much past the here and now, if he was being honest. He swallowed hard as she continued.

"We, um, haven't ever hit the two minute mark on the cupie," she said. Alec perked up. This was something he could talk about.

"I know. We've gotten close, but never made it."

"It's been two years. This is it for me. After graduation there will be no more cheerleading for me. I really, really want to do this...and I want to do it with you. I trust you more than any base I've ever worked with. You're like a brother and a best friend all wrapped up into one to me."

"Oh, Cam," he said, choking down his emotions. "You know how much I love you. You know what you mean to me, right?"

She nodded. Alec slid off of his bed and drew her to him, hugging her fiercely. He wanted to do this, too. They'd gotten so close to two minutes several times this year. Their conditioning was good. If he was ever going to do this, now was the time. "Let's do it." Alec said, regaining his enthusiasm.

"Yeah? Tonight? On national television?"

"Fuck yeah!" Alec high-fived her, then swung her around in his arms, laughing. "We should have the biggest audience for a stunt like that, right?"

"Yes! Now put me down. Save it for the court, Lightwood!" she said and he set her on her feet. She grinned up at him, and he grinned right back. He hopped in the shower, full of energy and excitement, ready for the game.

* * *

**A/N: The 'cupie' is a cheerleading stunt where the base (Alec) holds the flyer (Cammie) above his head with one hand. You may recall from way back in the first chapter, Cammie asked Alec what his best time was for this stunt, though she didn't give it a name (because I was too lazy to find out what it was called) and he said 1 minute 47 seconds. They've been trying to hit the two minute mark ever since, even if that occurred off-screen. You can probably imagine how difficult (and impressive) that would be.**


	48. Chapter 48

The Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence was a mid-size arena seating about twelve thousand people. More than twice the size of Idris's campus gymnasium. Alec had never cheered in that large of a basketball arena. Football stadiums, sure. But not basketball. Of course, part of that was because the cheerleaders didn't normally travel with the team to away games. This was his first chance to cheer away from Idris for a basketball game. Did he feel nervous? Maybe just a little.

When he entered the arena, the stands were already filling up. Idris was the first game of the afternoon, and many of the fans planned to attend all four games slated for that day, not just the one their team played. The energy in the arena was electric, almost palpable, and Alec could feel the nerves fade away as his excitement level rose. This might well be a once in a lifetime moment for him. Without Magnus on the team, Idris might not make the tournament again before Alec graduated.

He did a slow pirouette, absorbing the sights and sounds and smells of the arena. The spotlights high up in the rafters shone brightly, and the giant hanging scoreboard flashed highlights of last year's tournament games to energize the crowd. The din of excited voices buzzed in his ears. The smell of popcorn and hotdogs and sweat filled his nostrils. He had a feeling he would remember this moment for a very long time.

The team came out of the locker rooms a short time later. Alec caught Magnus's eye and smiled at him. He returned the grin. He looked focused and ready, with an obvious exhilarated undercurrent. This was the moment Magnus had been waiting for his entire life! He watched as his boyfriend's eyes made the same trek around the stadium that his had when he arrived. He could see the emotions play across Magnus's face as he took it all in. His expression said this was even better than the Knicks-Heat game they'd attended in Miami. Of course it was. This was _Magnus_ playing, _Magnus _living his dream, not just watching others live theirs.

A buzzer sounded, penetrating the chattering from the crowd. The level of anticipation shot up dramatically. Members of all four branches of the United States Armed Forces marched onto the court, one carrying an American flag jutting out from his body. A man from a Providence music school sang the Star-Spangled Banner into a microphone, his deep baritone reverberating throughout the arena. Alec glanced at Magnus, remembering how Magnus once admitted the national anthem was his favorite song. By the look on his face, the song was hitting home today, adding to the moment for him.

The announcer then called out the starting line-up for each team, alternating players between squads. The players met at center court for a handshake or fist-bump before returning to their own side. This was different from regular season as well. It added a certain amount of sportsmanship to the atmosphere. Alec liked it.

As the teams gathered around center court for tip-off, the buzz in the arena grew exponentially. Every nerve in Alec's body ignited. The anticipation was so high he kept involuntarily clenching and unclenching his fists. He just wanted the ball in the air and the game underway. Cammie squeezed his arm in her own excitement, and he smiled nervously at her.

Finally, the ref blew his whistle and threw the ball in the air. Villanova won the tip, their center having a solid two inches on Tyler. The sound of squeaking sneakers added to the noise level in the arena, as did the shouts from the coaches and the cheers from both teams' cheerleaders. Alec raised his megaphone to his mouth, chanting 'Defense Bobcats' along with his squad mates.

Villanova's point guard was several inches shorter than Magnus, but Magnus had no trouble matching his speed. He held his arms stretched out, his feet moving rapidly side-to-side as he attempted to guard the smaller guy. Alec was momentarily distracted by the rippling of his muscles as they worked. What a beautiful sight.

The Villanova guard made an awkward dribble and Magnus scooped up the ball. He sprinted down the court and slammed the ball through the hoop to raucous applause and cheering. He'd scored the first points of the game! Alec cheered loudly for him, but there was no time to waste celebrating. The team had to get back on defense immediately.

That first basket set the tone for the rest of the half. Magnus's teammates knew his mind was focused on the game, that he brought his 'A-game' tonight. He wasn't fucking around and he wasn't tolerating mistakes. He was the 'floor general' that everyone expected a great point guard to be. He was active, gesturing and talking to his teammates, signaling what play he and Coach wanted to run and where he wanted each of them positioned.

Midway through the first half, Idris had a five point lead on the number three seed.

A flawless game is not exactly possible, however. Alec chuckled when Magnus caught Tyler out of position, letting a Villanova forward dunk on him, and ripped him a new one over it. And when Blake let his man beat him and he ended up fouling on a three point shot. Alec could hear the Idris supporters cringe when the guy stepped to the free throw line for three shots. And he could almost see the vein popping out on Coach's head in frustration. Never, _ever_, foul a guy on a three point shot. Alec was pretty sure that was written in stone somewhere.

But even with the mental mistakes and several turnovers and a few stupid fouls, Idris took a three point lead into the locker room at halftime.

Alec's nervous energy was still thrumming through his body, but he'd settled down significantly since the start of the game. At least the team had come out ready to play and given Villanova a challenge. Even if they didn't win the game, it wasn't for lack of trying. They'd given their best effort so far, and the scoreboard showed it. Win or lose, Magnus could leave with the memory of playing well and giving it his best shot. For a competitor like Magnus, that wouldn't be good enough, but it was better than playing like shit and getting his ass handed to him.

A guy was introduced over the PA system, along with his small, fluffy dog. They proceeded to center court where they put on an interesting show complete with Frisbees and a hula-hoop. Alec watched the little dog soar through the hoop and then catch a Frisbee, then trot back over to the man. Creative halftime entertainment. Alec wondered if Idris could find someone to do that. He nearly snorted out loud.

Cammie nudged him with her shoulder. "You ready to try it?"

Alec knew what she meant. The two-minute cupie. "Yeah. First media time-out?" Alec replied. "We know that will be long enough."

Cammie nodded. "I'll ask Adam to spot us." She skipped over to Adam, an senior cheerleader that had been their spotter on many occasions. They didn't always use a spotter, but since they were going to push themselves to a limit they'd never reached, it was probably a good idea. Adam glanced over at Alec as Cammie talked and grinned at him. Then, he nodded once in agreement. The stage was set.

The start of the second half made it obvious to Alec that every single player, on both teams, had a will to win. The only question was if they had the killer instinct. That instinct that tells them not to let up, to keep fighting until the final buzzer sounded. Alec had the feeling they were in for one hell of a show.

From the first inbounds pass, the Villanova Wildcats put significant defensive pressure on Idris. Blake and Devin struggled to break free of their defenders to have a chance at getting a shot off. They ended up passing the ball around, looking for a opportunity until the shot clock expired and they had to relinquish the ball. Magnus shouted something to his team, likely telling them to play good defense, then he was on his man as he brought the ball up the court.

The whole Idris team was active on defense, trying to keep Villanova from scoring. Magnus got a hand on the ball during a pass and tipped it to Patrick who threw it down the court ahead of Devin. Devin grabbed the ball, tossed it behind him. Pat scooped it up and slammed it through the goal. The crowd went wild. In Alec's mind, that made up for the shot-clock violation.

Back on defense again, the guys were playing Villanova close. Too close. Devin was called for a foul when he reached in try to tap the ball away from a 'Nova guard and got his hand. A few seconds later, that same guard shot a high-arcing three over top of Devin's outstretched hand, and made it.

The second half progressed much like this. Each team showed the fight, the grit, the determination that got them to the tournament.

At the first media time-out, the Idris cheerleaders took to their end of the court. "Let's go," Alec said to Cammie, and she beamed up at him. He gripped her waist, calling out a soft count before tossing her up in the air. She landed with perfect balance in his hands. He put her feet together in one hand, and dropped the other to his side for balance.

The first minute or so wasn't too bad. It never was. Cammie was light and had perfect balance, and he was strong. Holding her above his head briefly wasn't too difficult for him. He could hear Adam beside him softly ticking off the seconds. He wasn't sure if that helped or made it worse. Sometimes not knowing how much longer you have to do something makes it easier to actually do the thing.

As Adam said, "One thirty-seven," Alec really started feeling the burn in his arm. A few of the other cheerleaders saw what they were doing and played to the crowd, pointing at him and Cammie and waving their hands to get the audience to make some noise. The people sitting in the sections in front of them clapped and cheered for them, which somehow gave Alec more stamina. They were so close now, he wasn't about to give out before they hit two minutes.

Adam shouted to the stands, "Two minutes, ladies and gentleman!" and the applause grew louder. They'd done it, and Alec's arm now felt like a wet noodle. He gave Cammie the signal to dismount and he and Adam caught her before setting her solidly on the ground.

Cammie turned a blinding smile on him and pulled him into a tight hug. "We did it!" she shouted into his ear. He shook out his arm, grinning wildly as the buzzer sounded and they sat back down on the floor in their spots. Several of the cheerleaders congratulated them and patted their backs as they took their seats, too.

"We did it! We actually did it!" Cammie hissed excitedly as 'Nova inbounded the ball. "Yes!"

"Your feet are staying on the floor next time-out," Alec said. "My arm's dead."

She chuckled. "No problem," she said with a wink.

Alec followed the back and forth motion of the game. The intensity never let up. The look of grim determination on Magnus's face never changed. Magnus wasn't a guy who played with a smile on his face, like Devin. He loved basketball, but he didn't just play it to have fun. He played to win, and improve his game. He played to challenge himself, and to try to be better than his opponent.

But Alec could tell how he felt and what he thought by watching his body language. His face may be set in stone, unless someone made a really good play or did something really stupid. That was about the only time he really showed any emotion on the court. By watching his body, Alec could tell if he was tense or worried about the game, if he was playing loose and carefree, if he was irritated or upset about how things were going or how he was playing.

Today, Magnus was playing loose and fluid. His motions were confident. He was better that Villanova's point guard, and he knew it. His teammates were playing their hearts out and leaving it all on the court. He was happy, even if his face didn't show it. Even if the score was tied with only thirty seconds left in the game.

Villanova had the ball. Idris put on a full-court press with all three guards in the back court, trying to frustrate the 'Nova guards into making a mistake. They barely got the ball over the half court line in the required ten seconds. The guard passed the ball to their center. Tyler went for the block as the guy tried to dunk the ball and got called for a foul. He stepped to the free throw line to give his team the lead with only seventeen seconds left on the game clock.

The first free throw rattled off the back of the rim and landed in Tyler's hands. He tossed it to the ref who gave the signal for one more free throw, then bounced the ball to the 'Nova center. The second free throw was good. Villanova had a one point lead.

Tyler took the ball out and inbounded it to Magnus. Villanova attempted a full court press of their own, but Magnus being as tall as he was could see over the defense and passed the ball ahead to Pat. Pat passed the ball back to him as he went flying down the lane. He caught it and went for the dunk.

Alec felt like the entire arena was holding its breath as Magnus moved in slow-motion toward the goal. Basketball fans notoriously cheered for the underdog. As the game progressed and Idris had played well and kept the score close, the anticipation of the tournament's first upset grew palpable. Anyone not wearing Villanova gear hoped to witness Idris take down the number three seeded team.

As Magnus neared the goal, the big 'Nova center fouled him hard, making him miss the shot. He tumbled to the ground, landing on his back and sliding a few feet underneath the goal. Alec flinched, almost rising to go to him before he remembered that he wasn't allowed to do that.

Patrick and Devin trotted over to him, extending their hands to help him to his feet. Magnus had an uncharacteristically huge grin on his face. He had two free throws coming, with only three seconds left on the game clock. The game was literally in Magnus's hands.

He stepped to the free throw line, calm and cool. The ref passed him the ball. His eyes met Alec's as he dribbled the ball once, twice. He focused on the rim, brought his hands up and released. The ball hit the back of the rim, rattled off the front on the rim, and through the net. Shooter's roll.

This was it. The score tied, and one more free throw for Magnus. The ref bounced him the ball again. He glanced at Alec, and this time, Alec saw the corner of his mouth twitch slightly upward before his eyes shifted back to the goal. He shot the ball, leaving his hand extended above his head like players sometimes do after shooting a three. It was the equivalent of Babe Ruth pointing out his homerun before he stepped up to bat. Pure confidence. The ball soared through the hoop, the only sound a light _whoosh_ of the net.

The silence that had blanketed the arena a moment before erupted with shouts and cheers. People were on their feet jumping, cheering, high-fiving each other. And most of those people weren't even Idris fans! Alec high-fived Cammie and let out a loud whoop. Villanova called a time-out.

Alec got up to do some cheering during the time-out, and caught Magnus's eye again. They shared a grin and a knowing nod. Idris was up by one point, and Magnus was _not_ going to let Villanova score if he could keep from it.

Alec tossed Cammie into the air and caught her in another cupie. They only held this one for about twenty seconds though, as the time-out was quickly over, and really, they didn't have anything else to prove. He caught her dismount and she slid to the floor. They took their seats again.

The atmosphere did not diminish during the time-out. Fans were still screaming and clapping and cheering their hearts out. They wanted Idris, the underdog, to win as much as Idris wanted it.

The Villanova guard caught the inbounds pass, and Magnus smothered him. He couldn't see past Magnus. He made a wild three-quarter court shot, which actually hit the backboard but had no chance of going in, just as time expired.

Magnus roared with triumph from center court, punching the air. He'd not only played his first NCAA tournament game, but he'd won it. And he'd get to play another one in two days! He sank to his knees, a look of pure elation on his face as he looked up at the rafters, high against the ceiling. Alec knew that look was meant for his mom.

His teammates piled around him, pulling him to his feet, cheering. Then, he got in line to shake hands with the opposing team. When Magnus rounded the end of the line, he locked eyes with Alec again, grinned, and jogged over to him. He clutched Alec's hand and pulled him into a brief, one-arm, back-thumping hug.

"We fucking did it!" he said in awe and excitement.

"You did! Congrats, man!" Alec replied. He was so happy for Magnus. It had truly been an awesome day.

"Wait for me outside the locker rooms," Magnus said, he took a few backward steps toward his team. "We're gonna stay and watch some of the next game. See who our competition on Saturday will be."

Alec nodded and waved as Magnus turned and followed his team out of the arena.

About forty-five minutes later, with permission from Coach Reiners and Coach Whitaker, Alec and Cammie followed Magnus and his teammates back into the arena. The game was already underway. There was an empty row of seats just behind one of the benches. Alec didn't know whose seats they were, but he sat down between Cammie and Magnus with several other members of the team stretching out down the row on Magnus's other side.

"Are we scouting?" Alec said to Magnus after watching several minutes of play.

Magnus pointed to another part of the arena where Coach Whitaker and a couple assistant coaches were seated. "That's their job. I just want to see what we're up against. It's all about match-ups, you know?"

Alec had an idea what he meant, but he wanted to hear Magnus's explanation, so he gave him an uncertain expression. Magnus pointed at the court. "It's all about style. Some teams like to play physical and rough you up. Some teams have good shooters. Some have good big men, rim-protectors who will block all your shots so driving to the basket is pretty pointless and you have to find other ways to score."

Alec nodded. "What do you make of these teams?"

"Well, the blue team has some good guards. They're good shooters and they defend the three pretty well. See how much difficulty the red team is having getting their shots off? Those guards don't look real tall though. I might be able to shoot over them, but I think Blake and Devin might have some trouble."

Alec saw what Magnus meant. The blue team's guards couldn't have been more than six foot, maybe six-one at best. Magnus should be able to shoot over them no problem, but they were definitely tenacious enough to be pesky to the other guys, who were about their same height. "What about the red team?"

"Well, they want to run and drive the ball. See how that guard ran right around the defense and got all the way to the goal. They're quick. I haven't seen them hit a jump shot yet, though. So if we play them, we're going to need Tyler and Patrick defending. They can both block shots, and we'd need them to do that, or at least make it hard for them. See, they just missed another shot. Oh, but look, he got his own rebound and hit the lay-up. Some teams' best offense is rebounding their own misses."

They watched the first half progress. Both teams were giving it their all. This was the six-eleven match-up, one where there are frequently upsets. The closer the two seed numbers, the more comparable the two teams, talent-wise, and the better the chances for an upset.

One of the equipment managers came to collect the team with a few minutes left of the first half. As they were filing out of the arena, Alec asked Magnus which team he thought they'd be playing. Magnus grinned crookedly. "The red team," he said with confidence. The red team was the six seed and currently down by five points.

Alec cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you say that?"

Magnus pushed open a door and held it for Alec and Cammie. "You live and die by the jump shot," he said simply.

Alec had heard that saying before. "You think the blue team's going to start missing?"

Magnus grinned. "They always do. Listen, on a good shooting night a team might hit fifty percent of their shots. The closer you can get to the basket, the higher that percentage can get. Lay-ups are high percentage shots, meaning you should hit most of them. Three-point shots are low percentage shots, because it's harder to hit from twenty feet away. If you can mix those shots up, or get a lot of lay-ups, you can hit fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five percent of your shots. If all you do is stand behind the three-point line and jack up threes, your percentage is likely to be more like thirty to forty percent, depending on how good your shooters are. That's why I spend so much time on my jump shot. I know I can get a lay-up or dunk pretty much whenever I want, but to be a point guard in the NBA I'll need to be able to hit pull-up jumpers and threes at will, too."

Alec smiled at him. He knew most of this, of course. He'd been following basketball his whole life. But to hear Magnus explain it was pretty cool. Magnus had a high basketball IQ, he knew the game, and apparently could scout pretty well. He said this almost from a coach's viewpoint. Pretty amazing for a twenty-two year old guy.

They climbed onto the bus, and Alec finally got his wish from the ride from Brooklyn. He took the seat next to Magnus while Cammie sat in the seat in front of them. She turned around and gave Alec a knowing look. Alec ignored her.

"So," Magnus began, "we're doing some sight-seeing tomorrow. Leaving around noon. I think we're going to eat lunch out, too. Do you want to go?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Alec said with the innocence of a school-girl.

Magnus gave him an even look. "Yeah. I guess I am."

A thrill of excitement coursed through Alec. A date? With Magnus? Well, Magnus and his team, really, but still, that was even better. He felt like he was really a part of Magnus's life just then, his whole life, basketball and everything. "I'd love to."

Magnus grinned and laced his fingers with Alec's, pulling Alec's hand into his lap. Alec bit his lip, smiling to himself. Magnus hadn't even been out for a week yet, and although everyone knew about them, he was still hesitant with PDA, so Alec still wasn't used to it when it happened. His heart fluttered as he gave Magnus's fingers a gentle squeeze. Magnus leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes for the rest of the ride back to the hotel. The smile on his face told Alec he wasn't sleeping. He was probably reliving the win over and over in his mind.

When they entered the lobby of the hotel, Cammie suddenly got very excited about the little coffee shop in the corner. "I'll meet you upstairs in a bit. I want to get some coffee, and maybe a muffin. And they have a cute little gift shop. Maybe I'll get Austin something…or my parents…"

Alec had a suspicion that she had an ulterior motive, but he didn't question her. He and Magnus got off the elevator on the second floor, and Magnus walked him to his room. "Will you get in trouble if you're caught near my room?" Alec asked.

Magnus shrugged. "There's not much reason for anyone from the team to be on this floor. Our rooms are on the third floor," he said as Alec closed the door behind them.

Magnus followed Alec into the bathroom, where he promptly relieved his bladder into the toilet. Then Magnus took a turn. When Magnus turned away from the toilet, he came face to face with Alec. "You had a pretty fantastic day." Magnus nodded. His pupils dilated with anticipation when Alec pulled him close. "I'm about to make it much better."

"You don't have to…"

Alec focused on the movement of Magnus's lips. "Shut up," he said, and kissed him.

Magnus melted into him as Alec's tongue coaxed his mouth open. Alec wanted to take his time, to kiss him for hours, working him up before giving him relief. But he knew their time was limited. He suspected Cammie's sudden shopping was to give them some time alone, but she could return at any moment. And surely Magnus would be missed before long. With a great effort, he tore his mouth away from Magnus's and kissed a line down his neck.

Magnus pulled his shirt over his head, giving Alec access to more of his body. Alec planted more kisses down his chest as he dropped to his knees, slipping Magnus's warm-up pants down as he went. He wasn't wearing underwear. His dick was already hard, jutting out from his body, pointing at Alec's face.

Alec wasted no time. He slid Magnus between his parted lips, wetting his cock until it reached the back of his throat. He stroked him rhythmically with his hand and mouth, cupping his balls in his other hand and gently massaging, until he brought him off. Magnus's head fell back on his shoulders and he swayed on his feet as he panted and moaned through his orgasm. Alec cleaned him off with his tongue and tucked him back into his pants, then kissed him good and thorough.

"God, you're amazing," Magnus said when words returned to him. "Your turn."

Alec shook his head. "This is your day," he said, though his dick was painfully hard.

"Okay, then I want to suck you off on my day," Magnus argued.

Alec kissed him again. "And I love you for that, but you need to be going before you get in trouble. No one knows where you are."

"Oh, I think some of the guys can guess where I am," he said, but Alec was already pushing him toward the door. Magnus put up little resistance. He clearly knew Alec was right. He kissed him one last time. "I'll see you tomorrow. For our date."

Alec sighed with content has he closed the door between him and Magnus. Then he got in the shower to take care of his little problem.


	49. Chapter 49

Alec met Magnus in the lobby of the hotel just before noon. The entire basketball team and several of the cheerleaders, including Cammie, were going on the sightseeing tour. They were only allowed a few hours, so they couldn't to go far. Someone had already planned out the trip, maybe one of the assistant coaches or equipment managers? At any rate, a bus was parked in front of the hotel ready to take them wherever they were heading.

Everyone had been warned to dress warmly. March in Rhode Island, right? Really anywhere along the Eastern Seaboard in March caught a pretty chill wind from the Atlantic Ocean. Alec was bundled in his favorite pair of jeans, a long-sleeve henley with an open button-up shirt over top, his favorite brown coat with a scarf, hat, and gloves tucked into the pockets, just in case he got cold. It was a nice, sunny day, but he knew how deceptive those days could be this time of year.

His surprise came upon seeing Magnus. Magnus, who wore basketball shorts _all the freaking time_ and still never got cold, was wearing his black Idris warm-up suit with a thick Idris jacket pulled over it. That had to be the most clothing Alec had ever seen on his boyfriend. Ever. He'd taken a few minutes to spike up his hair and put his silver loop earrings in. He looked sexy as hell, and it didn't matter that most of his skin was covered.

Alec realized he was appraising Magnus when Devin and Cammie laughed and told him to get his tongue back in his mouth. He was absolutely _positive_ his tongue was indeed in his mouth. Well, mostly positive. Oh hell, could anyone really blame him for drooling over Magnus?

They climbed onto the bus and slid into the same seat they'd shared last night. Cammie and Devin took the seat in front of them. Devin turned around, excitedly rattling on about their day of exploration in an unfamiliar city. None of them had ever been to Providence, and no one had any idea what actual sights there were to see. Alec couldn't honestly say he cared what they did. As long as he was with Magnus, he didn't care if they sat on the bus eating cold baked beans from a can with a fork. He really had it bad for that guy...

The bus stopped in front of a huge white government building, complete with dome on the top. Someone had booked a tour of the Rhode Island State House. They had to leave most of their personal items on the bus, and pass through a security checkpoint to enter the building. Inside, they met a cute, perky young lady who gave them a guided tour. There were many types of artworks housed there, including paintings and sculptures of people who meant something to Rhode Island's history, but nothing in particular to Alec. Art had never really been his thing, and he could tell Magnus felt the same, but was too polite to say anything. Cammie 'ooh-ed' and 'aah-ed' over everything, but she was much more cultured than he was, no matter how rich his family was. He could hold his own in conversation with the upper echelon of society, but he didn't pretend to care about the so-called finer things in life. He'd rather work-out and get sweaty and play sports than stare at priceless works of art any day of the week.

Anyhow, the tour was interesting and they got to see some pretty neat things, including some really cool architecture, but by the end of it, Alec had only one thing on his mind. Food. He was absolutely starving. They boarded the bus again for a short trip to something called Waterplace Park, where there was supposedly lots of food to be had. To Alec's surprise, they were actually given free reign of the area, and told to meet back at the bus by four o'clock. Alec and Magnus - with Cammie's permission because he wasn't about to leave her without it - snuck off for a bit to grab lunch alone. Alec would have to thank Cammie later for being such a great friend.

The Waterplace Park turned out to be a really cool part of town. Situated alongside a river, there were plenty of things to do. But Alec paid no attention to that, not until food was found. He was on a mission. He and Magnus walked side by side looking for a little mom-and-pop type place, avoiding all the big chain restaurants. The breeze was gentle but cold and still stung where it touched bare skin. Alec was to the point of not caring what they ate when he spotted a place that made him perk up.

"Sushi!" he shouted excitedly.

"Sushi?" Magnus wrinkled his nose.

"Don't tell me you don't like sushi." Alec's shoulders slumped. How on Earth had Magnus grown up in any part of New York City and never learned to eat good food?

"Of course I like sushi, but it's twenty fucking degrees and you want to eat cold food," Magnus complained.

"It's not twenty degrees. It's like, forty degrees or something. Whatever. Come on you big baby, I want sushi." Then, without thinking twice about it, he grabbed Magnus's hand and led him into the sushi restaurant. Magnus didn't pull his hand away, and followed without further complaint.

The restaurant was a charming little place, with small wiry tables and chairs. They ordered a sampler platter and ate to bursting, chatting mostly about basketball, the tournament, tomorrow's game. Once they were full and warm, they bundled up again and ventured back onto the riverwalk, where they met up with Cammie and Devin.

They stopped in a coffee shop and got the largest coffees money could buy to keep them warm. Magnus and Cammie ordered something way too complicated to even begin to try to describe, and way too sweet and just weird. Alec asked if they wanted some coffee to go with their sugar and spices and whatever the hell else they put in there. Cammie swatted his chest.

As they strolled along the riverwalk, Alec was vaguely reminded of walking beside the Seine River in Paris. He'd gone there with his family about four years ago, and there were a few similarities to what he was seeing here in Providence. It wasn't the same, of course. Paris was…well, Paris. It's magnificent and so old and beautiful. The buildings and architecture there were so unique. And they had the freaking Eiffel Tower. By contrast, the riverwalk in Providence was much more modern and miniaturized version. There were boats on the river for tours, much smaller than the ones in Paris, and there were gondolas, too, though the weather was not conducive to boat rides. The path along the river was paved with people walking, jogging, or biking along the banks. There were also several bridges crossing the river, some only for foot travel. There were just enough similarities to tickle Alec's memory.

Interspersed with the huge modern buildings were some colonial, or maybe federal-style buildings. Alec wasn't entirely sure of his early American architecture to know what the actual style was. It didn't matter anyway, he just liked looking at the old buildings. At one point, they could even see the State House building they'd toured early in the day. It was in the background overlooking the river, and made for a pretty picture.

"What are those bowls out there in the river?" Devin asked, pointing toward a row of braziers running along the middle of the river.

"They are for the Waterfire events," Cammie explained. "They light them on fire during the summer months."

"It's a shame they're not lit now. Maybe it would warm us up," said Magnus with a wry grin.

Alec got a little camera happy at that point. He snapped pics of Magnus leaning over a railing looking at the water. He got some of Cammie with the river to her back, smiling her welcoming smile. He sent one to Austin via picture mail. He got a few group pics of Magnus, Cam, and Dev, one of which had the dome of the State House in the background. Then he let Cammie take a few of him and Magnus.

He'd been watching all day for signs of Providence being a gay-friendly place. He knew next to nothing about the city, so he'd held back showing Magnus affection. Getting his boyfriend beat up when they'd been trusted to stay out of trouble, especially the day before he played an NCAA tournament game, was not on his agenda.

As Cammie took a pic of him and Magnus leaning together and smiling on one of the foot bridges crossing the river, Alec saw two guys holding hands on the other end of the bridge. No one seemed to be paying any attention to them. Bolstered by this sight, he leaned in and kissed Magnus on the cheek as Cammie took another picture. When he pulled away, Magnus met his eyes and smiled. So he kissed him for real, on the lips. Just a brief peck, but Cammie caught it with the camera, too.

Alec took the camera from her and pulled up the picture. It was one of those perfect images: heads tilted, eyes closed, lips slightly parted and pressed together. He knew he wanted to use that picture for something, he just didn't know what at that moment. Something would come to him, eventually, he had no doubt. As they started along the riverwalk again, Magnus slipped his hand into Alec's, and Alec gave it a gentle squeeze. They walked hand-in-hand the rest of the afternoon.

The group paused at several war memorials along their walk. Statues and other type memorials. "I always feel this…I don't know, pang or something, in my heart when I look at things like this," Alec admitted as they stared at a Korean War memorial. "I don't really know why, when the war was generations before my time, but I still do."

Magnus tugged his hand. "I do, too," he said softly. "Maybe it's just empathy?"

"Maybe." He suddenly looked at Magnus. "We should go to Washington, D.C. sometime, to all the memorials there. And to Arlington Cemetery."

Magnus grinned. "Maybe I'll get drafted to the Wizards and we can go as often as we want."

He seemed to freeze solid at the end of that statement. Alec wasn't sure if that was because he'd brought up the draft, the one thing they were avoiding talking about, or if because he'd sounded like he was assuming Alec would follow him to D.C. if he got drafted to the Wizards. Alec tried to prevent his hands from shaking. He didn't want Magnus to know how his statement affected him. _He _didn't even know how the statement affected him. Somehow, in the midst of not talking about the draft, of putting the future out of their minds and just enjoying being together, Alec had managed to not think about what he would do if Magnus ended up somewhere other than New York. He hadn't let himself think about it, but had Magnus?

"Alec, don't." He shook his head, his eyes never leaving Alec's face. "I shouldn't have said that. Let's talk about something else."

Alec heard the quiver in his voice. He was as emotional as Alec was about this. Of course he was. It was their fucking future as a couple they were talking about, or _not_ talking about, as the case was.

Magnus tugged him along the riverwalk, following behind Cammie and Devin, who were in the middle of an animated conversation and didn't seem to know what was going on between their friends. Hell, Alec didn't even know what was going on between them. The future was so uncertain right now, and he found he was much happier when he blocked it all out. But how long could he reasonably do that? And if he didn't let himself think about it, how was he going to figure out what he wanted to do? Was he willing to go to D.C., or Houston? Minnesota? L.A.? Could he leave his family and friends? What about school and cheering? His scholarship? His career? There were few true Sports Medicine programs in the country. He'd been lucky to find one in Brooklyn in the first place, and even luckier to get accepted onto the cheer squad.

Magnus's breath was warm in his ear. "Stop thinking about it, Alec. Please. Just enjoy the day. Okay?"

Alec dragged himself from his funk, pushing down all the things that worried him. This was not the time to dwell on things he couldn't control. Magnus was right. He didn't want to ruin their time together. Especially not this day that was turning out to be so perfect. He smiled softly at his boyfriend.

"Here it is! You guys, come on! Look at this!" Cammie called to them.

She was standing in front of a wall of tiles, each painted with a picture or message of peace and love and hope. "What is it?" Alec asked. He already felt a strong pull to this art display, the same kind of feeling he had for the war memorial, and he didn't know what it was.

"It's called the Wall of Hope. It's a memorial for 9/11," Cammie said softly, like she was feeling the power of the memorial as well.

None of them were old enough to really grasp how all of America stood still that day, how deeply affected the American people were by the events of those terrorist attacks, but they were old enough to understand that thousands of people died that day. They were old enough to remember watching their mothers cry in front of the TV. And though Alec had been planning his sixth birthday party at the time, he could still remember his father mourning the deaths of many friends and colleagues that died when the World Trade Center towers fell. But remembering that day wasn't entirely necessary to feel the power of the memorial. Just like being there wasn't necessary to be moved by the war memorials they'd seen. Alec felt a lump in his throat that he struggled to swallow, as he reached out a finger and gently touched the smooth tiles.

Time seemed to stand still, until finally Devin said, "It's getting late." He used that same 'deathbed' voice Cammie had used earlier. After several more drawn-out minutes of quiet, they turned back toward the place they were supposed to meet the bus. They didn't speak as they walked, each lost in his or her own thoughts. The veil seemed to lift, letting the sunlight back in, when they stopped for more coffee before getting back on the bus.

As the bus started moving to take them back to the hotel, Magnus said, "I'm glad we don't have to play today."

Alec nodded and squeezed his hand. If Magnus was feeling half as wrung out as he did, at least emotionally, he would have been useless on the court today. He let his mind drift for a moment, revisiting all the things they'd seen and done today, stopping briefly on the thing he wasn't supposed to be thinking about: the future.

He didn't let those thoughts linger though. He had plenty of time before the draft to consider and reconsider everything. He had six weeks of loneliness while Magnus was at the NBA combine working out and proving himself to the teams he needed to impress. And Alec had no doubt he would impress them. One of those teams would take him. Maybe there would be a fight over him and it would all come down to who got first dibs in the lottery. Who knows?

He started mentally ticking off the teams that already had a star point guard, and the ones who desperately needed one. Magnus had to already be on the radar for the teams that needed someone with his skill sets, right? He came up with about a half dozen teams off the top of his head. His spirits soared when he realized both the New York teams were on that list. Provided he didn't get taken by some team that wanted to put him on a shelf until their current star was done, which would be a stupid waste of his talent in Alec's opinion, he felt much better about 2 of 6 odds. That's much better than 2 of 30! He couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus whispered in his ear.

Alec looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "You," he answered honestly. "Us. The future."

"I thought we weren't thinking about the future."

Alec shrugged. "Sometimes I can't help myself."

"Why are you smiling?" Magnus said, watching him critically.

"Because, I'm finally starting to think you are right. Somehow, some way, it will all work out." Magnus looked at him like he'd grown another head. "What? Can't I be optimistic? Look, Magnus, we belong together. That much I know. How could the universe be so cruel as to keep us apart?"

"I love you," Magnus said in earnest. "I'm not sure what they put in your coffee, but I love you."

Alec laughed, and it felt good. He leaned his head on Magnus's shoulder for the rest of the ride back to the hotel, just content to be with the man he loved.

When they arrived back at the hotel, they went their separate ways.

"You okay?" Cammie asked, flopping down on her bed. How she could bounce so high when she didn't have any weight behind her, Alec had no idea.

He folded his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. "Yeah. It was a good day."

"It was," she agreed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" He glanced over at her.

"About why you got all gloomy and melancholy, then suddenly became all smiles."

"I'm just…trying to be optimistic about the future. Some days it's harder than others."

"I heard what you said to Magnus. You're right, you know. You and Magnus belong together. You'll find a way to make it work. Besides, even if he ends up on the other side of the country, you graduate in two years and can go wherever you want then."

"Maybe," Alec said, still in that thoughtful place. "I really want to work for the Knicks, but it's practically impossible to get that job. Maybe if I set my sights lower, work for a college or a women's pro team, or maybe not even a basketball team..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Alec. You know you want to work in basketball. But you may be onto something there. If the Knicks job is out of the question until you get some experience, then your options really are limitless. You finish school and you can get a job wherever Magnus is. Win-win."

"Yeah. Win-win."

"Okay, enough about that." She scooched into the bed beside him. "Let's have a look at the pics we took today."

They spent the next hour looking through Alec's pictures. Cammie loved the one of him kissing Magnus as much as he did. "That one's really special," she said. "You should use it for something, like an engagement announcement or something."

"Whoa," Alec said, sitting up quickly.

She gave him a funny look. "What?" Then she started laughing. "Oh. My. God. You are _not_ freaking out because I said 'engagement.' No, no, no. You…" She paused and shook her head. "You really are ridiculous."

"What? I mean, you just came out of the blue with that, and…"

"Out of the blue?" she said incredulously. "We were just talking about you finding a way to be with him in _two years_! Is it so unreasonable to think one or both of you might _consider_ wanting to get married in that length of time?"

Alec calmed immeasurably. "Well, maybe in two years. I'm just not ready yet."

"Obviously." She rolled her eyes at him. "Sheesh. You'd think I had plans to get you two hitched next week."

"Shut up," he said, completely without ire. "What about you and Austin? When are you getting married?"

She shrugged. "I guess the future is uncertain for us, too. I'm going back to Boston after graduation, and he'll still be here."

"Oh, Cam." He felt like such an ass. He'd been so wrapped up in his own future worries, he hadn't even thought about what the future held for Austin and Cammie.

She grinned at him, a resolved smile that said she wasn't going to let anything get her down. And knowing her, she wouldn't. "I'll tell you one thing, though. If he ever asks, I'll say 'yes.'"

She snuggled up against him again, and spent a long time talking about her potential future wedding, potential locations and guests and what she wanted her dress to look like. Alec only half listened to her, his mind wandering to things he shouldn't be thinking about. Things like what he and Magnus might wear to their own wedding, should that ever happen, many years in the future, or where it might occur. What it would be like to live together somewhere that wasn't a college dorm, somewhere with a bed big enough to actually accommodate both of them comfortably.

At some point, he dozed off. He was not surprised to wake up to Magnus knocking on his door, expecting his goodnight kiss. He made it a good one.

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**A/N: I was absorbed in my own problems and sadness, and unfortunately forgot to mention the tragedy that recently occurred in California. I don't know what this world is coming to...**

**On a happier note, this chapter puts us over the 200,000 word mark. I can't believe it. Thanks for sticking with us this long. Hope you continue to enjoy the story as it unfolds.**


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Night Changer: Funny you should say that. I had a reviewer of 'Falling For You' recently say they liked the story so much they want fanfiction and fanart about it. I confess I have read it through a couple of times myself (is it wrong to enjoy my own story so much? the typos drive me nuts though...I missed them the first time) and kinda wish someone would do some fanart for it. Anyway, I'm glad you are enjoying both stories. :)**

**Guest: Oh wow. *chills***

**Bluriel: Nope, I'm still here :)**

**Tattle Tales: Thanks, dear. Just had a rough couple of weeks. Don't worry, your reviews are great. I love hearing what you guys like/dislike about each chapter. I see authors say reviews are love, but I use them to learn. Was that chapter effective? Realistic? Utterly ridiculous? Should I have skipped that idea or do more chapters like it? Did I convey not just the scene but emotions effectively? Or was it too much? So you see, every word you write helps me grow. Thank you for that!**

**High Warlock of Glitter: Thanks. The scary part is that we're not even half way yet...**

* * *

The atmosphere for Idris's second game of the tournament, in the Round of 32, was just as electrifying and exciting as their first game. Actually, it was even better. Every year, as the tournament progressed, the interest in it escalated throughout the country, culminating in the most watched college basketball games of the season: the Final Four, which that year was in Houston, Texas. Vegas made a killing off people betting on the games. There were also office pools and online challenges to see who could pick the best bracket, and all sorts of prizes or money were awarded to the winners.

Idris turned out to be the first bracket-buster of the year. They weren't supposed to win their first game, and knocking off the number three seed destroyed a lot of brackets across the country. Alec was keeping an eye on the number of perfect brackets still in play. He was surprised how many still existed after the Round of 64 games concluded. Idris's upset over Villanova was not the only one from that round. But the fact that there were still perfect brackets suggested there were plenty of people that either knew how good Magnus was and how well his team was playing, or just got lucky in picking that particular upset. Alec chose to think it was the former.

As it turned out, Magnus had nailed it when he said the red team was going to be their next opponent. The blue team's shooting went cold, as he predicted, and the red team won comfortably. The red team, by the way, was the Dayton Flyers, from Ohio. Alec smiled to himself as he remembered the knowing smirk on Magnus's face when he found out he'd been right.

Dayton was the number six seed in the East Region, while Idris was the fourteen seed. This would be another tough challenge for Magnus and the guys. As Magnus said before, it's all about match-ups. Dayton's style was similar to Idris's. They liked to run-and-gun, drive the ball into the paint and get a lay-up or a dunk. If that wasn't available, they would kick it out to a perimeter player for an open jump shot. When two teams played a similar style, the outcome frequently came down to who played it best on any given day. That's why the tournament captivated so many people around the country. Predicting the brackets was fun. Watching the underdog upset the big dog was fun. Forty-eight games in four days was fun. That's why they call it March Madness.

The game against Dayton turned out to be quite a bit different from the game against Villanova. Villanova's style was different from Idris's, and they simply couldn't stop Magnus from doing whatever he wanted to do. Idris's shooters had been hot that day, too. They'd played Villanova to the wire, and won. Dayton didn't fair any better against Magnus, but they did a better job containing the others. Dayton's center was ten times more athletic than Tyler and a good shot-blocker, which made it difficult to Idris to get easy lay-ups. Magnus and Patrick had to work hard for every single point they got in the paint.

Magnus played a great game, made good decisions and few mistakes. He scored a career high thirty-six points! But basketball is a team sport. One player can't win the game. Dayton seemed to understand they had no answer for Magnus, no one that could defend him, and they were content to let him get his points while shutting down the rest of the team. Blake and Devin struggled to get their shots to fall, while Dayton hit jump shots at a higher percentage than they had all year. Dayton blocked quite a few of Idris's shots, and Tyler was unable to stay between their forwards and the rim. Dayton pulled ahead by ten points midway through the first half, and, no matter how hard Idris tried, it was never able to close that gap. The final score was 87-77.

Alec watched as the team trotted back to the locker room, looking every bit as defeated as the final score said. His heart was broken for Magnus. The loss weighed heavy on his heart. That was Magnus's final college basketball game, the end of an era. He gathered his own belongings and headed to the corridor outside the locker rooms with the rest of the cheerleaders, tail tucked firmly between his legs.

The cheerleaders congregated outside the locker room, waiting for the team to come out. As they waited, Idris supporters trickled into the corridor. The crowd grew larger and larger, and even though the muttering was subdued, there was still an air of excitement laced within it. Alec felt that excitement grow in himself as well. He was sad that the team had lost, that the seniors' college careers were over, but they had played two games in the tournament, and played them both well. They had done everything they could to win, left it all on the floor, not holding back, and they'd not been intimidated by supposedly superior teams. They'd lost today, got beaten at their own game, but they had played well. Sometimes, the shots just don't fall. They should be proud of what they'd accomplished.

The doors to the locker room opened, and the first to emerge were the three seniors: Magnus, Pat, and Travs. They had their arms linked across each other's shoulders, smiles, tainted with sadness, on their faces. As if their appearance was an unspoken cue, all the cheerleaders and fans alike began applauding the team. Wolf-whistles and cheers joined the din in the hallway, and the players paused, looking around at their supporters, true smiles breaking on their faces.

Devin high-fived a couple of kids as he walked past them, his customary grin in place. Tyler looked shocked when a little girl broke away from her mother, ran up to him, and hugged his leg. He clearly had no idea who the kid was or what he was supposed to do. Magnus and Pat erupted with laughter at the stunned look on his face.

Then, Magnus turned and his eyes fell on Alec. By then, Alec was grinning from ear to ear, buoyed up by the outpouring of support for this small college basketball team. Magnus nodded to him, returning his smile. A moment later, he broke away from Pat and Travs and jogged up to Alec. He didn't say a word, just threw his arms around his shoulders and held him tight for a moment. Then, he pulled away, one hand cupping Alec's neck, and touched their foreheads and noses together. Alec could see the emotion in the depths of those beautiful green-gold eyes before Magnus let his lids slide shut. He took a deep breath, released Alec, and caught up with his teammates as they headed toward their bus.

It took every bit of willpower Alec possessed to suppress his emotions. He'd been through the full range today. Happiness and exhilaration that Idris was playing another game in the tournament. Sadness and defeat that they'd lost. Pride and humility that the team had so many supporters to give them a standing ovation as they exited the locker room. And a bundle of unnamed emotions that he saw reflected back at him in Magnus's eyes. He was exhausted as he climbed onto the bus.

They'd checked out of the hotel before leaving for the game earlier. Win or lose, they were heading back to campus since their next game wouldn't have been until Thursday or Friday of the following week, and would have been in a different city. He took his seat next to Cammie and offered her a reserved smile, which she returned. Then, he pulled his phone from his pocket.

_Are you ok?_ he typed and hit send.

A moment later his phone buzzed. _Yeah _was Magnus's reply.

_Don't be sad. You played great._

_Thanks. I'm not really sad. Emotions just mixed up._

Alec bit his lip. He understood that sentiment. He felt the same way.

_I love you._

_I love you, too, cheerleader. _Alec smiled at the use of his old nickname from Magnus. _Gonna sleep now. See ya in Brooklyn._

_Ok_, he replied, and slid his phone back in his pocket.

"How's he doing?" Cammie asked.

"He'll be alright."

"Of course he will," Cam replied. She looped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder. She was asleep shortly after the bus started moving, the soft sounds of her rhythmic breathing lulling him to sleep as well.

The bus unloaded them four hours later in front of the men's dormitory. A large crowd of athletes congregated on the sidewalk in front of the building, with Austin at the front of them all. He was wearing the biggest grin Alec had ever seen on his face. As soon as the cheerleaders and players disembarked, the crowd erupted in applause. The cheering was so loud it attracted the attention of people walking down the sidewalk or playing basketball on the outdoor court across the street, and eventually the inhabitants of the women's dormitory. The girls spilled out of the dorm, joining the passersby in adding to the already massive size of the gathering. Alec felt the same feelings he'd had in the corridor outside the locker room.

Austin pulled him into a one-armed hug, patting his back hard. "What's all this?" Alec said, knowing his friend had organized this reception.

Austin's grin widened. "Thought they deserved to know how great we all think they are. Don't you?"

Alec laughed. "Hell yeah!"

At that moment, Cammie launched herself at Austin, her arms squeezing his neck, her legs encircling his waist. She planted kisses all over his face as he giggled and said, "I missed you, too, baby!" Then, she slowed down, looked deep into his eyes and kissed him the way Alec knew she'd been wanting to the whole time they were gone. He turned his head, not wanting to intrude on their very-public private moment.

His eyes sought out Magnus, who was surrounded by people. The entire team was, honestly. Magnus laughed at whatever his entourage was saying to him, and accepted a multitude of hugs from all his friends from the girl's dorm. Alec idly wondered how many of those friends Magnus had slept with in his first two years at Idris, but he didn't dwell on it. It didn't matter anymore. Magnus was his now.

After awhile, Magnus finally broke away and joined him, Austin, and Cammie. His smile faded a little when he was finally in the company of people he didn't have to put on a show for. He looked tired.

"How you doing, man?" Austin said, still grinning.

"I'm alright," Magnus said. "It's all just…bittersweet, you know? I hate that my last college game ended in a loss, but that was always going to happen. Unless we miraculously won the national title…"

"Look, man, you have nothing to feel bad about." Magnus gave him an uncertain look at that. "Listen to me. There are what? 350 Division 1 basketball teams?"

Magnus shrugged. "Something like that."

"You," Austin continued, poking Magnus in the shoulder to emphasize his point, "did everything you could for this school. You." He poked him again. "helped take this team to the tournament and played two outstanding games. You won the first one against a damn good Villanova team. So what you lost the second one. You made it to the Round of 32. So of 350 teams, you helped make little ole Idris University one of the final 32 teams. That's one fucking hell of an accomplishment."

Magnus chewed on his lower lip, his smile gradually returning to his face. "Thanks, Austin." He pulled his friend into the hug he unusually reserved for Will. Alec beat his emotions down, again.

When they broke apart, Cammie hugged Magnus, and kissed his cheek, then did the same to Alec. "You should be proud of yourself, Magnus. We're all proud of you."

Magnus kissed the top of her head by way of thanks. Then he casually reached over and took Alec's hand in his. To Austin he said, "There's a party in there, isn't there?"

Austin laughed. "You know there is. Come on."

They entered the common room, followed by most of the crowd from the sidewalk. Many of the girls declined the invitation to break the rules, but Cammie of course was not one of them. Within minutes, the place was as packed as Alec had ever seen it.

The first thing he noticed was the giant bracket that had been taped on the wall since Selection Sunday. Someone with fairly legible handwriting was keeping it up to date. Despite everything, seeing Dayton's name instead of Idris's was a jolt.

The second thing he noticed was the even larger banner welcoming them home. It was painted in large green letters with a huge green paw print on one side and an orange basketball on the other. Either someone in the dormitory had some artistic ability, or they had someone from the art department paint it. The sign was beautiful, and the sentiment was even better. Their friends and fellow athletes were clearly very proud of what the basketball team had accomplished.

Alec and Magnus mingled for a couple of hours. Magnus graciously accepted praise and signed a million autographs. Even Tyler and Devin got in on the autographs, saying they would sell it for a ton of money once Magnus became rich and famous. Magnus laughed at that.

The moment finally came when Magnus could no longer hide how much he was wilting. Alec led him by the hand toward the elevator, saying goodbye to their friends along the way. A few minutes later, they closed the door to their dorm room behind them, shutting out the rest of the world.

Magnus pulled him into a body-crushing hug, clinging to him like he was the only life preserver he had. Alec lost track of how long they held each other. Neither was in a hurry to let the other go. At long last, they loosened their grips, but still held each other close.

"Thanks. I needed that," Magnus whispered against Alec's hair.

"I know." Alec kissed him softly on the neck, inhaling his heady scent. "You know Austin's right, don't you? Your college career has been amazing, and you gave your teammates everything you have. You deserved to celebrate tonight."

"I know. It's just…it's over. I played my last college game and…"

"It's hard to say goodbye."

Magnus's arms tensed around Alec, squeezing him closer. "Yeah. I didn't realize how hard it would be to let go. I'm a senior. I'm graduating in like, six weeks. I love being here. It'll be so hard to leave it all behind."

Emotion welled up in Alec again. He forced it down. "It'll be hard for everyone to let you go, too." He carefully avoided naming himself in that, though he knew it was a possibility that he'd have to. He wasn't ready for that, couldn't think about it at that moment.

Magnus's eyes found his, and held him as tightly as his arms. "How did I get so lucky? You get me, understand me. You're so good to me, even with all the stupid shit I do. I feel whole with you, and I never thought that would be possible."

Magnus's kiss was gentle, and so full of emotion. Alec didn't know what to say. Magnus didn't usually talk like this. "Are you trying to woo me, Magnus Bane?"

Magnus chuckled. "Nope, just stating the facts. If I was trying to woo you, I'd do this." He traced Alec's hairline with the tips of his long fingers, outlining the shell of his ear, and tipping his jaw up to access his lips better. "Then, I'd kiss you like this." He pressed their lips together again, softly at first, then with more purpose. Alec opened for him without hesitation, and Magnus slipped his tongue into Alec's mouth, tasting him in the most wonderfully wanton way. He pulled back, grinning. "How'm I doing?"

Alec licked his lips. "Not bad. I'm still not feeling wooed though." He tried his best to stifle his grin, and failed.

"Good. I'm not done yet." He linked his hands at the base of Alec's neck, his thumbs tracing along Alec's jaw, and gazed deep into his eyes. "I've never been more in love with anyone. You are my other half, my better half…my sane half. I'll love you until the day I die."

There were those damned emotions again. Alec swallowed the lump in his throat, and felt the moisture in his eyes. "I'm starting to feel a little wooed now."

Magnus smiled. "Then I guess it's time to close the deal. Alec Lightwood, would you be my date for the Senior Banquet?"

Alec gasped. The Senior Banquet was a huge celebration of the season. The men's and women's basketball teams, as well as the cheerleaders were invited, and they were all allowed to bring a date. There was an awards ceremony, and everyone was expected to dress up. Last year, Alec sat with Cammie and Austin, stealing glances at Magnus from across the room all night. This year, he would be Magnus's date? It was all too much for Alec. His emotions welled up again and this time spilled over and down his cheeks in the form of tears.

Magnus brushed the tears away with the soft pad of his thumb. Alec couldn't form the words, so he simply nodded his acceptance of the invitation. Magnus kissed him through the tears, and Alec wasn't entirely sure his were the only ones falling. When he finally regained control, Magnus slid his hand down Alec's arm, took his hand, and slowly led him to his bedroom.

There was no haste tonight. Basketball season was officially over for Magnus. Alec had no more cheering to do. No classes again until Monday morning. They had all the time in the world to be together.

They gradually peeled each article of clothing from the other's body, taking their time, savoring the moment. Their kisses, though full of love and passion, were languorous. They ignored the demands of their rigid cocks as they slowly stretched out together on Magnus's bed with Magnus draped over one side of Alec's body. Their fingers reacquainted with each other's skin, playing teasing games, tracing the dips and ridges, the curves and lines of the other's body. Alec found Magnus's tickle spot with ease, and grinned as his boyfriend cackled with laughter. When he caught his breath, Magnus pinned him down and sucked a livid hickey on his neck in retaliation.

That escalated the process dramatically. Suddenly, their playful movements became purposeful. Magnus trailed his fingers over the firm ridges of his pectoral muscles and down along his ribs. He teased Alec's nipples with his tongue and lips, Alec hissing and seething as he did so. Alec lifted his hips, his cock brushing against Magnus's muscular thigh, and Magnus arched himself against Alec in response.

Magnus found his lips again and kissed him breathless. He poured all the emotion of the day into that kiss, and Alec felt it sharply. He held Magnus close to him, aligning their bodies so he could grind their erections together. He swallowed Magnus's moans, giving Magnus his in return. Their bodies rocked together, spiraling upward toward a climax neither were quite ready to reach yet.

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna come," Alec panted, then pulled Magnus's groin against his again. A shudder racked his body and it took everything he had not to lose it right then and there.

"Not yet, baby," Magnus gasped, roughly kissing his neck before reaching into the nightstand for a condom and his bottle of lube. Within moments he was slicked up and ready to go.

Alec's eyes rolled back in his head when Magnus entered him. It seemed like forever since they'd been together like this, even though it hadn't even been a week. He squeezed the firm globes of Magnus's ass between his fingers, holding him firmly against his body. He needed Magnus not to move for a moment or he would finish before they even got started.

Magnus seemed to understand this silent plea. He dipped his head down, capturing Alec's lips, kissing the sharp edge of his jaw and the tender flesh of his neck. He ran his tongue over the hickey he'd placed on Alec's neck earlier. Alec moaned aloud, squeezing Magnus's hips even tighter against him. God it felt good. Everything felt good. His whole body was in heaven.

After some time, he finally regained control of himself, and released the tight grip he'd had on Magnus, but didn't let go. He coaxed Magnus in a gentle, easy rhythm, one he hoped he could maintain for a long time. They kissed lazily, enjoying the feel of their soft lips colliding and Magnus's long, slow, steady strokes inside him.

Alec's mind wandered back to their conversation from earlier. He knew Magnus loved him, had known it for a long time. He knew he wanted to be with Magnus. He couldn't honestly imagine his life without the man. He just didn't know how to make it all happen. He wanted this: the sex, the love, the intimacy. He wanted to know that he was with someone who cared about him, who would be there for him when life threw him curveballs. He wanted to build a life with Magnus, and spend the rest of his days with him.

The uncertainty of the future weighed heavily on him. That's what his tears had been about. Not just Magnus's sweet words of love, but because he had no control over their future. He would not be consulted about what team he thought Magnus should play for. He had no more choice in the matter than Magnus did. He felt helpless, and, as a Lightwood, that was not a feeling he was used to having.

He realized Magnus's even gaze was watching him, studying him. He reached up and pulled Magnus's lips back to his, kissing him with abandon. He might not be able to control the future, but he could love his boyfriend with everything he had right now.

Magnus's rhythm sped up as he got closer to the point of no return. Alec realized he was right there with him. He broke the kiss, unable to maintain it with Magnus holding him so tightly and thrusting into him like he was.

Magnus threw his head back, groaning as his body shuddered. His throbbing dick pulsed his hot fluid into the condom deep inside him, and a couple firm strokes of his hand sent Alec over the edge, too. He coated the space between them, their chests, and their abdomens with his own sticky fluid. He clutched Magnus to him, making a spectacular mess of their bodies and not caring one damn bit, as he drifted on his orgasmic cloud.

For once, that feeling never seemed to fully go away. He just kept floating, even after his heartbeat and breathing returned to normal. Magnus looked down at him, his expression soft, his eyes unfocused. Alec could read the love there like words on a page.

_I'll never give you up,_ he thought as he held Magnus's eyes with his. _I'll make it work…somehow._

Magnus buried his head against Alec's neck, their bodies glued together. Alec tugged the blanket over their lethargic forms and held Magnus close. He felt Magnus's breath flutter his hair, and thought - would almost swear - he heard Magnus say something, but the next instant, he recognized the soft, even breathing signaling his boyfriend had fallen asleep.

As Alec drifted off to sleep himself, the words he thought he'd heard Magnus say echoed in his head.

_Stay with me._


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: Did you all see the "Shadowhunters" TV special? The behind the scenes thing they did? They showed a clip of Alec and Magnus staring at each other and the look on their faces...I melted...I may have squealed. Lol. Can't wait til January 12th!**

* * *

Panic set in a few days prior to the Senior Banquet as many of the freshman realized they were required to wear a suit, and none of them had one on campus. So, Magnus, Alec, Austin, and Cammie volunteered to take Devin and Jojo and a couple of freshman cheerleaders shopping. Finding something suitable for the guys turned out to be pretty simple. They were all college kids and no one had the money for fancy, expensive suits. Well, Alec did if he counted his parents' money, but he didn't care about spending thousands of dollars on a tailored suit. Everyone just wanted something decent to wear so no one made fun of them. They went to a discount store and bought suits off the rack and were happy to have it over and done with. Guys could be easy that way.

Cammie, on the other hand, had to find the _perfect_ dress. And with a limitless credit card from her daddy, she had many, many options to choose from. After the third dress store, Alec was ready to call it off and send her back out with some of her girlfriends. He would never do that, of course. Cammie had always been too good to him for him to ever deliberately disappoint her. Finally, after what felt like 37.000 hours and a significant amount of whining from the guys, she selected a cute, knee-length red dress with a sweetheart neckline that would look perfect with her blonde locks and her grandmother's pearls. At least, that's what she said. Alec had no earthly idea about women's fashion.

Alec and Magnus decided to get ready in their own rooms. Alec snickered as the _can't-see-the-bride-before-the-wedding_ thought popped into his mind. The banquet was a big deal, almost like a senior prom or something, but it certainly wasn't a wedding. Still, he'd been completely overcome with emotion when Magnus asked him to be his date. This was just one more validation of their relationship, and Alec was walking on clouds as he tied his silky blue necktie.

He heard a commotion from Magnus's room and peeked his head out to see what was the matter. Magnus stood in the doorway of his bedroom with his tie around his neck, the part that was supposed to be long was way too short, and the short part was way too long. Alec snickered again at the sight as he crossed the room and took the tie off Magnus's neck.

"I hate those things," Magnus pouted.

"Didn't you wear one last year?" Alec said as he untied the spectacular mess of a knot that Magnus had tied.

Magnus let out a bark of a laugh. "No. I didn't."

Alec quirked an eyebrow, trying to remember if that was true or not.

"I'm a basketball star. I don't have to wear ties!"

That made Alec laugh. He slipped the silk tie around Magnus's neck and expertly performed the semi-complicated movements to tie it correctly. "Right. You never see high-profile professional athletes dressed nicely."

He gave the knot a tug and slid it in place against Magnus's throat. "They probably have someone to tie it for them," Magnus grumbled.

Alec patted the tie down against his boyfriend's chest. "Guess you'll just have to keep me around," he said playfully.

Magnus pulled him close, stared into his eyes for a moment, then kissed him. "I plan to." Alec grinned a soul-bearing grin, then grabbed their suit coats and left the dorm.

The evening was clear and cool, a beautiful late March sunset casting pink and purple and gold across the sky. Alec was thankful for the warmth his suit provided. He wasn't entirely sure he could blame the warmth on that, though. It might have something to do with the fact that Magnus had just taken his hand as they walked down the sidewalk toward the banquet hall. He wondered if he would ever stop getting a thrill when Magnus touched him in public.

They met Cammie and Austin outside the girls' dormitory. Cammie looked stunningly beautiful. Her green eyes were more brilliant than Alec had ever seen them, sparkling in the failing light. Of course, the giant-ass grin on her face and slight flush of her cheeks may be partially to blame. Austin also had that wind-swept look that told Alec they'd just interrupted a serious make-out session. He gave Cammie a knowing smile, and she punched him lightly on the arm.

The rest of the men's and women's basketball teams, as well as the cheerleaders were making their way in small groups to the banquet hall. Devin, who Alec couldn't help but think of as a social butterfly, drifted from one group to the next, chatting merrily with his teammates, and flirting heartily with all the girls. He finally made it to Alec's group, looking happy as ever.

"Where's your date, Dev?" Alec asked, observing no special lady hanging off his arm.

"Tsk. It's not who you come with, it's who you go home with," Devin replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

The whole group burst into laughter. "Hey, little man, I thought you had a girlfriend," Magnus teased.

Devin shrugged indifferently. "She decided she wanted a guy that actually planned to set foot in Texas again. I didn't qualify. We weren't serious anyway. I should have ended it when I moved here." His eye wandered to a pretty girl walking down the sidewalk. She was dressed casually, clearly not planning to attend the banquet. "Be right back," he said and jogged across the street to chat up the girl.

"Can you imagine _that guy_ with a girlfriend?" Austin said, jerking his thumb toward Devin.

"No!" Cammie, Alec, and Magnus said simultaneously, then erupted with laughter again.

Devin didn't catch up to them again until they'd entered the banquet hall. When he did, he looked slightly disheveled, but was grinning from ear to ear. Alec shook his head as he took the seat next to Magnus.

The banquet hall looked exactly like it had last year, and Alec suspected, like it had for many, many years before that. The dark paneled walls reflected the low light from the chandeliers above. There were several long tables draped with white linen and fancy green, gold and white centerpieces with the Idris University seal adhered to them. The tables lined three walls, each basketball team had one and the cheerleaders had the last. A podium set at the front of the room. There was another table behind the podium for the coaches and the representatives of the university.

Waiters, who Alec suspected were other students and not actually getting paid, came around with fluted glasses. Since Idris was a drug-free campus, they had their choice of sparkling grape juice, ginger ale, or water. Alec felt like a child pretending to be an adult, but he didn't complain. He took his grape juice like it was the best thing he'd ever been offered.

Alec picked up the small paper menu that lay on the table in front of him. They had the choice of steak, chicken, or a vegetarian dish. He remembered the steak from last year. It was divine. He'd learned later that the food for the banquet was a graded assignment for the students of Idris's culinary school. He didn't need to look any closer at the menu.

Dinner was a jovial affair. The sounds of cutlery scraping plates were easily drown out by the babble of conversation. Alec sat next to Magnus on one side and Blake's date on the other. The girl turned out to be a sophomore as well, and Alec found her very interesting. She was studying civil engineering at NYU. Alec entered into a fascinating conversation about some of the more magnificent feats of engineering around the globe: the Hoover Dam and the London Bridge among them. He listened as she talked about the eroding infrastructure of some of the major cities, especially costal cities that were built up so they'd be above sea level. He was so engrossed in the conversation, he didn't realize he'd already finished his dinner, or that Magnus was trying to get his attention. Magnus had been talking to Patrick but ended his conversation when Coach Whitaker took the podium.

Coach cleared his throat, waiting for the chatter to die down. "Good evening and welcome to the Basketball and Cheerleading Senior Banquet." A light round of applause filled the room, then faded. "As I said when we won the conference tournament, I have never been more proud to coach a group of guys than I am _this_ group of guys. Every single man on this team is coachable and strives to get better for himself and for the team. It has been a real honor to be a part of what you guys have accomplished this year.

"I want to take a few minutes to recognize this year's senior class in the men's basketball program. These three men have been with us for four years and have helped us build a team that was good enough to take Idris University back to the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 1989. Through their blood, sweat, and probably tears, they laid the foundation of our current team, they set the expectations of what we wanted to accomplish, and they fought hard to get us there." He paused for a moment, then smiled in the direction of the three seniors, who were, oddly enough, all sitting together.

"First, I want to recognize Michael Travers." Travs stood and waved to the crowd. He might not play much, but he was very handsome and charismatic and everyone loved him. Coach motioned him up toward the podium, and a few moments later, he stood by Coach's side. "Travs, as we all know him, has been a valuable part of our team for the last four years. He may not see the court as much as some of the other guys, but we wouldn't be where we are without him in practice. Most of you don't know this, but he is very vocal and demanding on our guys in practice. He's not afraid to get in there and bruise 'em up if he has to either."

The team laughed loudly at this, many nodding or shaking their head, like they'd been on the receiving end of his brute strength before. Travs grinned like this was the best compliment he'd ever received. The Coach presented him with two small polished wood plaques: one for the conference tournament championship, and the other for participation in the NCAA Tournament. Travs beamed as he retook his seat.

Coach Whitaker continued on. "Next, I want to recognize Patrick Rawlings. This guy had the body of a beast when he first set foot on campus!" Laughter erupted from the audience, and Magnus clapped Pat's shoulder teasingly. "He was raw, and had to learn how to play the college game, but he's a fast learner and has a great set of skills. He's also loyal and an excellent teammate. We were truly lucky when he agreed to come play at Idris."

Pat looked embarrassed by the praise of his coach, but also pleased. He walked to the podium to collect his trophies and did some fancy handshake with Coach that surprised everyone in the room. They had to - _had to_ \- have practiced that. There's no way they could have pulled that off flawlessly without practice, but both Pat and Coach acted like it was no big deal, a spur of the moment thing. Alec was still grinning when the applause died down again.

His attention was now focused exclusively on Magnus. He could feel the emotion in his boyfriend, sense him fighting to remain in control. Alec knew Magnus loved playing at Idris, knew his biggest struggle with losing in the tournament was knowing his college career was over.

"And last, but certainly not least, our MVP, Magnus Bane," Coach Whitaker held his hand out, indicating Magnus. The applause was immediate, and Coach had to speak loudly to be heard over it. "What to say about Magnus…He was the first five-star recruit I've ever coached. And to be completely honest, I was terrified of him."

That got everyone's attention, including Magnus's, who looked stunned by this revelation. Alec couldn't blame him. Magnus was not an intimidating person at all. Coach grinned and continued. "When Magnus's high school coached called and said his star player, who was being recruited by the likes of Kentucky and Duke and Kansas, among many, many others, had reopened his recruiting because he wanted to stay close to home, I seriously questioned if I was capable of handling that situation. I had only been a college coach for a few years, and I was worried that he would know more about it than I did. I'd seen him play. He was very good.

"But playing in high school is not like playing in college, and we both ended up learning from each other. He made me a better coach at the same time that I made him a better player. He's like a son to me. I feel like a parent about to turn my child loose into the real world. I've done what I can for him, now it's his turn to work hard and make a name for himself as a professional athlete."

Coach paused for a moment, then looked Magnus directly in the eye and said, "I wish you all the best in your future."

Magnus's chair scraped the hard surface of the floor as he pushed away from the table. He walked straight up to Coach Whitaker and threw his arms around him, hugging him tightly. It was a poignant moment felt by every single person in that room. Magnus pulled away and said something that only Coach could hear. They hugged again briefly and then he accepted his awards: the conference tourney championship plaque and the NCAA tourney participation plaque. But Magnus received an additional award. His MVP. Coach had wanted to give it to him symbolically at the banquet, and Magnus had agreed to that.

When Magnus returned to the table, his arms laden with awards, his eyes were red-rimmed. He placed the awards on the table in front of him and gave Alec a warm, watery smile. Alec squeezed his leg under the table in support, and Coach finished up his speech before having the equipment managers distribute the plaques to the rest of the team.

The women's coach then took the podium, recognizing her seniors and their accomplishments of the season. Alec knew most of the girls from the times he and Magnus had played pick-up games with them on the outdoor court near the dorms. He applauded a little louder for the girl, Kaylie, who'd once challenged him to a tumbling contest, then kissed him when she forfeited and declared him winner. He grinned a little stupidly as he remembered that night. It was the first time he'd ever talked to Magnus, when he'd finally been introduced to him. Wow, how things had changed in his life since then.

When the women's team was finished, Coach Reiners took the podium to address the senior cheerleaders. The Idris cheerleading squad, much to their coach's chagrin, had never reached the competitive level the coach desired. They had individuals, like Alec and Cammie, who were pretty good and who could perform stunts with the best of them, but as a group, they fell short. The squad had not really accomplished much in the two years Alec had been there. As a consequence, there were no awards to give.

At least, that's what Alec thought. After each senior cheerleader stood to be recognized, Coach Reiners announced one particular award she wanted to give. Apparently, she had witnessed Alec and Cammie's two minute cupie, and had an award specially made for the pair. Alec met Cammie's eyes, a wide grin spreading across his face.

In an instant, he was beside her, taking her hand and pulled her to her feet. She grinned up at him, and they walked hand-in-hand up to their coach to receive their awards. Alec had a fleeting thought of tossing her up in the air and performing the stunt right there in front of everyone, but Cammie's dress was not designed for such activity and he didn't want to make them look foolish. Instead, he just scooped her up and spun her around in his arms, her long blonde hair fanning out behind her. The audience laughed and clapped for them.

After that, soft music began playing over the PA system and everyone mingled. Several members of the women's basketball team came over to congratulate Magnus on his awesomeness - their actual words - and nearly everyone who didn't already have it ended up getting Magnus's autograph.

Alec talked to pretty much every person there at one point or another. They were a good group of people and he enjoyed hanging out with them. He'd always liked the women's basketball team, and he got on fine with most of the cheerleaders. His only worry had been the men's team, and that was only because he had been secretly dating their captain. He'd worried they would hate him once they found out about him and Magnus, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Over the last few weeks, as the team came to terms with Magnus's shocking revelation, they'd all warmed up to him, including the ones that had avoided Magnus shortly after that kiss.

While he was thinking about it, Alec reflected on the national reaction to Magnus's coming out. As it turned out, Coach was right. After a few weeks, the world seemed to forget about Magnus Bane's sexuality, or maybe it just redirected it's attention to things that were still current, like the Final Four of the NCAA Tournament. Alec idly wondered if they'd still be talking about it if Idris had made it that far into the tourney. He shook his head dismissively. What a stupid thought. Of course, they'd still be talking about it if Magnus was still playing. Sports announcers had to come up with enough babble to make it through a 2 hour game, and that was just the type of bullshit that would keep themselves and their audiences entertained.

That thought irked him, possibly more than it should. He just couldn't help being annoyed that people made such a big deal of his sexuality. He was attracted to guys. So what? As far as he could tell, he fell in love with Magnus the same way that Cammie fell in love with Austin. Same emotions. Same bond. Same desires. His just happened to be directed toward someone that shared his gender. And their sex was probably a little different, though he had to confess not knowing or caring what Cammie and Austin did sexually.

The thing that intrigued him most, however, was Magnus. He would have thought Magnus would be dying to know what was said about him after he came out. He'd hid their relationship and his true sexuality for so long, after all. But that wasn't the case. Even after Coach lifted the social media ban, Magnus didn't bother looking back at what had been said about him. At least, not as far as Alec knew. And he didn't think his teammates had told him about it either.

Magnus had a personal Facebook page, Instagram, and probably some others. On those he was only 'friends' with people who actually knew him: Alec, Will and Jem, Cammie and Austin, his teammates, etc. He also had 'public figure' accounts with Facebook and Twitter and who knows what else. He had a respectable following of basketball fans, and frequently got messages congratulating him on a great game, or comments when he made Sports Center Top 10, or when he posted a video of some crazy play he'd made in a game. Basketball fans ate that shit up, and Magnus had a lot of great moves at his disposal. He once posted a video taken on someone's cell phone from the outdoor court next to the dorms. He was doing a 360 degree turn then dunking the ball. He'd practiced it several times, and got the video in one take. He had thousands of likes and hundreds of comments about it.

So he had plenty of opportunities to see what people had said about his coming out. But Alec never once saw him look. He didn't even seem that bothered about not knowing. If there was an internal struggle, Alec couldn't detect it. And the few times Alec had asked him about it, he'd just shrugged and said it didn't matter. Very mature attitude for someone who hid their relationship for over a year. Alec didn't know what to make of that, but one thing was for sure: Magnus wasn't talking about it.

"Earth to Alec. Come in, Alec. Can you hear me?" Magnus's voice sounded robotic, and he waved his hand in front of Alec's face in a choppy motion.

Alec snapped from his thoughts and grinned sheepishly at his boyfriend. "Hey."

"Where'd you go?"

Alec shrugged. "Just thinking."

Magnus waggled his eyebrows. "About me I hope." He slid his arms around Alec's waist and whispered in his ear. "Maybe about me taking you back to the dorm and getting out of these clothes?"

Alec moaned softly. "That sounds nice."

Magnus pulled back to look in his eyes. "Yeah?" Alec nodded. "Well, tough. We're supposed to be dancing now."

Alec groaned. "You are such a tease," he whined, but let Magnus lead him to the middle of the room. He was somewhat surprised to see that the tables and chairs were now pushed against the wall to make more room for dancing. He really had been lost in La-la Land.

In the latest show of Magnus-is-becoming-comfortable-with-displaying-his-sexuality, Magnus chose to dance a slow dance with Alec in front of everyone. Alec briefly grinned as he remembered Magnus saying he wasn't sure if he'd ever be comfortable walking around campus holding hands. That had been…when? Oh right, Alec's birthday. He marveled at how much Magnus had grown and changed since then. Love and acceptance had a funny way of doing that to a person.

They spent several songs swaying together, until a couple of girls from the basketball team high-jacked the music and played some dance mixes. Alec and Magnus, along with all the other guys, quickly shed their sports coats and suit jackets. They were too hot and cumbersome and restricted their movements. The couples dancing quickly devolved into a large mass of writhing, gyrating bodies. Alec had so much fun he barely noticed when a pair of breasts rubbed against his back! Okay, he noticed. He jerked around to see one of the ball players grinning wickedly at him. He laughed and shook his head, then turned back to Magnus.

He stopped short when he saw the gleam in Magnus's eye. Apparently he'd seen what happened. "Not used to boobs, eh?" Magnus teased.

"Uh, no."

"You don't seem to have enjoyed the experience," Magnus said reflectively.

"Magnus."

"Alec," he shot back.

"It's not a big deal. Just drop it, okay?" Alec hissed through his teeth.

"Hmmm…let me think…no." Alec sighed, knowing what was coming. "So what didn't you like about it?" He sounded like a freaking shrink or something. _And how does that make you feel?_ He snorted at the thought. He tried to ignore Magnus, but that's practically impossible to do.

Magnus stared pointedly at him for several long moments before Alec finally caved. "Fine. If you must know…they're…squishy…"

Magnus roared with laughter, loud enough to make everyone near them stop dancing and stare. Magnus laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face. Alec was pretty sure he heard him mutter _squishy_ between gales of laughter.

"Shut up," he grumbled. "I suppose _you_ like how they feel."

Somehow, Magnus managed to laugh harder. How was that even possible?

Finally, Alec had enough. He stepped close to Magnus, his body blocking the view of his hand as it shot between Magnus's legs and gripped his cock and balls as tightly as he could. The shock chased the mirth right out of him. He leaned close and growled into Magnus's ear. "I prefer my partner to be firm…everywhere." He punctuated this with a squeeze of his hand, and Magnus gasped. Magnus's dick hardened in his hand, and his gaze smoldered. When Alec finally released him, he had a lovely tent in his pants.

Alec looked around. Everyone had apparently lost interest in them when they couldn't see what was going on, and had turned back to dancing. Alec ground his pelvis against Magnus's hard cock and thought his boyfriend was going to collapse right there in front of him. He smirked.

"I…I'll…behave…" Magnus panted.

Alec grinned at him, pulled him in for a quick kiss, and returned to dancing as if nothing unusual had happened.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: KayLovesBane: Welcome aboard!**

**Folks have been busy this week. Nearly all of my stories have gotten at least 1 new fav/follow or review. Since all the others finished up a year or more ago, I have to think at least some of those came from fans of this story. So thanks very much!**

**Also, it seems the site is eating reviews. I got a new one for this and for Falling For You but can't see them. The number changed but no words/name appear. It's upsetting. :( **

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"Why do all agents have to be so…so…shady?" Magnus complained.

Over the last few weeks, Coach Whitaker had set up meetings with a number of sports agents, hoping to find someone with Magnus's best interest at heart. Unfortunately, they were yet to find an agent _with_ a heart. They were all soul-sucking monsters, or so it seemed.

"Don't worry, Magnus, we'll find one that we like," Alec said, still clinging to the hope that they would, though not totally feeling it.

"The thing to remember," said Robert Lightwood, "is that, slimy as they are, _they_ make more money if they get _you_ more money."

Alec had asked his father to come along for the interviews because he was a successful businessman and had first hand experience dealing with creeps. Between Robert and Coach, they knew all the right questions to ask the agents to make sure Magnus ended up in a healthy working relationship. One that would be mutually beneficial for Magnus and his agent. Okay, they weren't there to give the agent warm-fuzzies, but that would happen by extension if Magnus found the right agent.

So far, they'd been unsuccessful in finding someone even remotely satisfactory.

The first guy was middle-aged, balding, and reminded Alec of Danny DeVito, with an attitude similar to DeVito's character in the cartoon version of Disney's Hercules, the little satyr named Phil. His laugh even reminded Alec of Phil's _baaaah_, and he'd struggled the whole meeting to maintain his composure.

There were several important points they wanted to hash out with any potential agent for Magnus. First, they wanted to know the agent's connections. Was he respected by the powers-that-be in the NBA? Who were his clients and were they successful? What kind of extra deals had he gotten for them? Some athletes get shoe or clothing contracts with big name sports apparel companies like Nike, Adidas, Under Armor. Some get commercial contracts, car deals, or something else outside of sports. They wanted to know what Magnus could be looking at in the future.

Robert, being a businessman, wanted to know what his fees were. How much of Magnus's salary would he be getting? How well could he negotiate contract extensions and compensation? How many of his athletes had max contracts with the NBA? Although that depended as much on the player's individual talent, there had been players that got paid quite handsomely who weren't necessarily top-tier talent. Essentially, he wanted to know how much money they could expect Magnus to be making in two years, when his rookie contract expired? In five years, when many of the top athletes got max contracts? In ten years, when he was nearing retirement age?

But the thing that weighed most heavily on Alec's mind - and probably Magnus's, too - was his sexuality. They wanted input from the agent on what the General Managers, owners, and others high up in the NBA food chain thought about Magnus's coming out. Did he think it would be a problem? There weren't many precedents for something like this, so no one really knew what the NBA's reaction would be. Did he think it would hurt Magnus's draft position? Coach said no, but the agents worked much more closely with the organizations than he did. Did he think Magnus would have problems with his teammates? Coaches? Fans?

The guy that Alec dubbed 'Phil DeVito' wasn't the one. Alec never even bothered to learn his real name. He bragged heavily about some of the talent he'd represented, but most of the big name stars were not even from the 21st century. His current talent were mostly in the Developmental League, the NBA's version of Minor League Baseball: they still got paid to play, but they weren't the guys getting drafted in the lottery. They weren't the stars. Magnus wanted to be a star. This was not the guy for him.

The second guy was tall and svelte and looked like he might have actually played in the NBA himself a few years ago. He hadn't, but he had the look. He had bleach-blonde hair, a fake tan, and Alec would swear on his life the guy had had more than one cosmetic surgery procedure. He looked fake. He acted fake. He said, "I gotcher back," so many times Alec actually wanted to slap him. He was not the guy.

The third guy seemed promising. He didn't seem to be as full of bullshit as the others. He looked like a businessman, like Robert in all honesty, and Alec noticed his dad's interest was piqued as soon as the guy walked in the room. Robert connected with him, understood his mannerisms and way of speaking. He could have been a board member at Robert's company with the way they were talking to each other.

He also had an impressive resume. He had several big time superstars as clients. Several had received max contracts, shoe deals, the whole nine yards. Alec was definitely warming up to him, and by the looks on their faces, so was everyone else. It looked like they might have found what they were looking for.

And then, the magic question: How will he present Magnus's sexuality? The guy honest-to-god spluttered.

"S-sexu-al-ity?" he stammered.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Yes. Magnus is gay. And the whole fucking world knows it," he deadpanned. _Except, apparently, YOU,_ he added in his head.

After significantly more incoherent babbling, the mood in the room grew darker. It was clear that the guy not only didn't _know_ his audience, but didn't exactly _approve_ of it either. Magnus did not need his own fucking agent's disapproval. He needed an agent that would stand by him, protect him. Hell, this guy didn't even seem interested in working with him after finding out he was gay.

He dug under Alec's skin deep enough to make him prickly. When Alec balled his hands into fists, Coach Whitaker decided to end the meeting. He showed the homophobic asshole out the door before Alec had a chance to do something he might regret. _Might. _Alec was not altogether certain he would have regretted punching that bastard in the face.

When he caught sight of Magnus's face, his anger flared-up, then burned out. Magnus looked so dejected, hurt. Alec went to him, pulled him into a corner so they could talk, so Alec could try to make him feel better. He soothingly caressed Magnus's arms, while trying to get him to look at him. He meant to sound placating, but apparently his anger had not completely resolved.

"Fuck that asshole. We don't need him. He's just a stupid, homophobic dick."

Magnus's eyes snapped up to his at that. Alec bit his lip. He'd said enough - maybe too much - at least until he tamped his anger down. To his surprise, a sly grin spread across Magnus's face.

"You're right. We don't need him."

Alec pulled him into a tight hug. He released him when he felt Magnus's body shaking.

"What the hell are you laughing about?" Alec said incredulously.

"Well, first of all, I love when you get so defensive of me. It's really hot." Alec rolled his eyes. "Second, don't you think it's funny that we use words like 'asshole' and 'dick' to describe people we don't like? I mean…" Magnus leaned in conspiratorially and whispered in Alec's ear, "Those are my favorite parts of your body."

"Oh, god," Alec groaned, play-shoving Magnus away from him. "You are too much."

So they'd went home empty-handed, again. Coach found another prospect for them to interview today, and Alec was struggling to keep up the optimism. Magnus was right. All these agents were shady, or at least not the right fit for them. And Magnus had to have an agent. Someone who knew the ins and outs of the business. Someone who would make sure he got what he deserved to get, at least from a financial stand point. He would have a guaranteed contract for 2 years, and his pay in that time would depend on what number he was drafted. But the extras had to be negotiated. And the offer he got in two years was extremely important. They needed someone they could trust to do what's best for Magnus.

They sat in one of the conference rooms the basketball team frequently used. This one was set up like a board meeting room. A large wooden table took up the center of the room and had many cushioned rolling chairs around it. Alec sat next to Magnus. Robert and Coach sat across from them, chatting about things that were likely to be uninteresting to Magnus and Alec. After hearing about the fiasco of the last guy, Mrs. Herondale insisted on joining them, too. She took up residence at the head of the table, watching them all closely.

The conference room door opened and the secretary of the athletic department entered the room, announcing the man behind her. Baxter Monroe. When Alec first heard his name, his thought was _really?_ He assumed the guy would be like one of the other jackasses they'd dealt with already. Seeing the guy threw all that out the window.

This guy looked about as normal as normal could get. He wore khaki's and a button-up shirt with the top buttons open and a white T-shirt underneath. No tie. No formality. He looked to be late forties/early fifties, was neatly groomed but not excessively like the fake guy they interviewed. He had an easy smile and a firm handshake and Alec took to him immediately. He tried not to, not after the last guy that he liked that turned out to be a homophobic prick, but he couldn't help himself.

Baxter broke the ice by engaging them with stories about the Knicks. Robert and Alec, of course, were fans, and it turned out that Coach Whitaker had grown up a Knicks fan as well. Magnus and Momma H didn't have a favorite team, but they listened just as intensely. Baxter had worked for the organization for several years after college. He'd had an entry level position, but had gotten to know many of the people within the franchise. In fact, one of the guys who did a lot of their scouting was responsible for getting him started in being an agent.

He was in the employ of many stars, and a few superstars. From what he was saying, the guy had to be making an assload of money, yet he didn't show up in a designer suit acting like he would be doing them a favor if they hired him. He was confident in his abilities, a smooth talker that put their minds at ease, a real charmer, but not obnoxiously so. He may have leaned a little toward the arrogant side, but he seemed to genuinely want to help Magnus get what he wanted. Alec liked that.

After awhile, Baxter leaned forward on the table, folding his hands in front of him and smiled at them. "I need to know something," he said in that even voice he'd been using all day. "I need to know about the kiss. I'm assuming you were the other party." He glanced at Alec when he said that, and Alec nodded his assent. Baxter returned the nod. "So, what's the story?"

Alec shared a glance with Magnus. He gave him an encouraging look, and squeezed his hand under the table. "Well, Alec is my boyfriend. We've been roommates for the last two years and we fell in love."

"I see," said Baxter, leaning back in his chair.

Alec felt his hackles go up. "Is that a problem?" he demanded.

Baxter looked startled. "Not for me, it isn't. But I don't know if it will be for the two of you."

Alec deflated, the sudden anger dissipating as quickly as it had flared. Baxter passed the test. He wasn't homophobic, and Magnus's being gay wasn't a deal-breaker for him. "Good," Alec muttered.

"Listen, Magnus, I work with a lot of star athletes, not just basketball players," Baxter said. "I have several clients that are gay. I couldn't care less about that. My concerns are more about your performance on the court. You're good. I've watched you play for the last few years. You've improved tremendously, and I think your game will translate to the NBA just fine. Your coach says your work ethic is good and you are willing to be coached. That's good. It will help us when contract negotiations start.

"But I do want to talk about your sexuality for a minute," he continued. "As I said, I don't care. The people involved with my other gay athletes don't care. I'm not so sure about the NBA though. There's not a lot of precedence to go by. There have been some players that came out toward the end of their career, but I don't know of any that were openly gay going in."

"Do you think it will affect my draft position?" Magnus looked worried. Alec squeezed his hand again.

"I told him I didn't think it would be a problem," Coach Whitaker said. "The NBA folks just want to make money, right? Magnus will make them money. He's the real deal. He had the potential to be a superstar one day."

Baxter paused, mediating on that for a moment. "You're right. Making money is the most important thing to them. But I honestly have no idea how homophobic the owners, GM's, team execs, etc. are, and those are the people that make the decision to draft you. I don't think they would be stupid enough to be openly homophobic about it, and I'd like to think if a team needs a good point guard they wouldn't pass on you just because you are gay. But I honestly don't know yet.

"I'll tell you this though, once this meeting was set up, I got in contact with a few of the teams that are likely to be in the lottery. We won't know for sure until the season is over in a few weeks, but there are a few that don't have any hope of making the Play-offs, so I contacted them. I just wanted to get a feel for what they thought about you. I only heard back from three of the teams so far, but what I heard was pretty positive. They like your game."

Alec was encouraged by this announcement. Hearing it from someone other than Coach made him feel much better. It was also a stark contrast to the other agents they'd interviewed. None of them had taken the time to find out what the teams thought of Magnus. Hell, the one asshole hadn't even bothered to find out that Magnus was gay.

"What you need to do is work your ass off at the combine. Do everything they tell you to do. Go above and beyond. Push yourself physically as far as you can. Show them what you can do and that you are willing to put in the work and effort needed to get their team to the Play-offs. Show them you are mentally tough, too. If someone says something that bothers you, don't react, don't let it show. Just keep doing what you do because at the end of the day, you are better than they are. If you do that, they'll have no choice but to draft you high. They'll have no good reason to pass on you. And no one wants to deal with a discrimination suit. They're expensive and pesky and time-consuming."

Alec hadn't thought about it that way. But it made sense. If Magnus gave them no reason to pass on him, there _would be_ no reason to pass on him. Duh.

"You can do that, Magnus. I know you can. I've seen you let things roll off you that would drive other people crazy. I know you can go into your basketball star mode and no one can touch you there. You've got this."

Alec glanced at Baxter and found him nodding in agreement. "You seem like a pretty grounded person, Magnus. I've seen you play. You've got ice in your veins when you're on the court. Your teammates love you and follow your leadership. That's what NBA teams are looking for in a point guard. They want someone with skills and talent, yes, but they also what someone who is confident, who can lead the team and that the team is willing to follow. Be that person, and you're golden."

Magnus nodded. He glanced at his companions, then turned back to Baxter. "What should I do about…Alec?" He said the name softly, like he was afraid of hurting him.

Alec stared at him, maybe just a little hurt. What did he mean by that anyway? He started to ask him, but Baxter spoke first.

"Are you asking me if I think you should hide your relationship?" Baxter folded his hands in front of him on the table as he studied Magnus.

Alec's eyes narrowed. Magnus stared at his hands as he nodded his head. The gesture seemed to cause him pain, and even though Alec was on the verge of speaking his mind, he couldn't quite bring himself to say something that might hurt Magnus more.

"I don't know how to tell you to handle this, Magnus. As I said, there is no precedent. We don't really know how the big wigs will feel about it." Magnus nodded again, looking thoroughly deflated. "But, I don't think you should hide it."

Everyone had been watching Magnus, but at that moment, everyone's head snapped to attention in Baxter's direction. He smiled a knowing smile at them. "Look, if you hide it now, it will _look_ like you're trying to hide something. My recommendation is to just be yourself, work your ass off, and deal with whatever comes. Maybe try to stay out of the tabloids until after the draft? But no, I wouldn't recommend hiding it."

Alec perked up. "You really think so?"

"Yes, I do. He needs to concentrate on basketball right now, let his game speak for itself. Give the press something to talk about with regards to his skills and athleticism, and what an asset he'd be to a pro team. You two should still do the things you normally do. He'll need your support through all this. Maybe lay low on the PDA, but I doubt being seen together is going to hurt him in any way."

"What about the fans? Will they be a problem?" Alec wondered aloud.

Baxter grinned and shook his head. "Nothing you can do about that. Fans will either love you or hate you. That doesn't mean anything to the team or higher-ups of the organization. Don't sweat the fans. Be nice to the ones that are nice to you, and just smile and walk away from the assholes. I'd be telling you that no matter what the potential issue is, by the way. It's not just because you are gay."

After a bit more business talk with Robert, and Momma H had a few questions answered, they said goodbye to Baxter Monroe. As soon as the door closed behind him, five pairs of eyes scanned the faces of the others at the table. No one wanted to be the first to speak, so they just stared at each other until it started to become uncomfortable.

"So…" Coach Whitaker said.

"Him," Magnus said. "I want him."

"He certainly said all the right things," Robert said, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Do you believe him, Dad?"

"I want to. I like that he's already talked to a few of the teams to gauge where they stood with Magnus. I like that he has experience with top talent. I'd like to check him out some more, make sure what he says is true."

"What about you, Momma H?" Alec said, knowing that Magnus would not hire Baxter if Momma H didn't like him, no matter how much he liked the guy.

She took his hand and smiled her gentle smile. "I'd like a few days to think about it. Maybe interview a few more people, just to make sure he's the one. But I do like him. He seems genuine, even if he thinks a little highly of himself."

Magnus shared a look with Alec that showed how excited he was. Alec wanted so badly to believe this was the right guy. He was sick of interviewing the wrong guy. He liked Baxter more than any of the others they'd interviewed, and it wasn't even close.

The meeting adjourned and they went their separate ways. Over the next few days, they each did their own research, making sure everything Baxter Monroe had said rang true. They found nothing that raised a red flag, nothing to make them think he couldn't do everything he claimed he could do.

They met in Coach Whitaker's office four days later to discuss what to do. It was a very short meeting. They were all in agreement. Baxter Monroe was Magnus's new agent.


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: Yay, the review issue is fixed and I was able to see everyone's reviews! So if you were holding out reviewing last chapter because of the problem, you no longer need to worry about that. Also, we are so close to 500 reviews, which is really, really exciting! **

**I also want to welcome pinkprincess06 to the club and say thank you for reviewing several of my stories! **

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Ever notice how time seems to fly when a dreaded event is approaching? That's exactly how Alec felt the last few weeks of the Spring semester.

That Saturday morning in May dawned bright and sunny. An occasional wispy white cloud passed overhead, but otherwise the sky was brilliant blue. The flowering trees were doing their job, making everything pretty, and everyone sneezy. Everyone was happy, excited about the warm weather and summer plans and their futures.

Everyone except Alec. He found himself sitting in an uncomfortable folding chair at the far end of the gymnasium he'd come to know so well, feeling as gloomy as if it were pouring down rain in the dead of winter. He knew he shouldn't. He knew today was a special day. But he just couldn't shake the sadness that had settled on him since he'd taken his last final of the year.

Today was Magnus's and Cammie's graduation day. Today marked the day they would officially enter their adult lives and leave their schooling behind. Today was their last ever day of college. Today was the end of the life Alec had grown to love.

And he wasn't coping very well.

He looked up when he realized someone was trying to move past him down the row of seats. Momma H, Will, and Jem were the newcomers. They each smiled at him as they passed, Momma H softly patting his shoulder. He returned their smiles, but didn't engage in their conversation. He was too wrapped up in his own mind to sort out their words.

Alec stared ahead, eyes unfocused and unseeing, and he was, therefore, surprised when Cammie's face suddenly came into view.

"What's your problem, Lightwood?" she said conversationally.

"My problem?" he said, sounding kind of dazed.

"Yeah, your problem. The sky is blue, birds are singing, your favorite people are graduating…"

Alec lifted one side of his mouth in a wry grin. "I think you just nailed it."

She slid down in the seat in front of him and lowered her voice. For the first time today she sounded annoyed. "Listen to me, Alec. I know you are upset about us graduating. I know you are worried about what's going to happen with you and Magnus in the future, but today is not about you." She pointed behind her to where Magnus was standing, chatting with a group of seniors Alec didn't know. "Today is about him. He needs you…you know, to not be a selfish prick."

That's Cammie. Calling it like she sees it since the day he met her. "I'm not trying to be a selfish prick. I just…know what's coming."

"Really?" She cocked her head to the side like an interested dog. "I was under the impression that you two were waiting until draft day to figure out what was going on. Didn't know you had some insight that the rest of us don't have."

Alec rolled his eyes. "I don't have any insight. I just…know the odds."

"I thought you were being optimistic."

"I was, but…I have to be realistic sometime."

He winced when she smacked him upside the head. "You're not being realistic. You're making assumptions without the facts. Well, here's some facts for you. That man loves you. He wants to be with you. He's trying to stay positive while his life is in limbo. He's been through more than his fair share of hardships, and he's come out on top. He's graduating from college, an accomplishment that many people in his situation, that come from his background, never get to do. The least you could do is be supportive, instead of moping around like your dog just died."

Alec looked away, because he couldn't maintain eye contact and feel the shame she'd made him feel at the same time. She was absolutely right. Today was not about him or his fears or worries. Today was a day to celebrate Magnus and everything he'd accomplished so far. He felt horrible for the way he'd been behaving.

"Go talk to him." Cammie gave him a look that left no room for questions.

He lifted his lip in a half-smile, and patted her arm as he stood. He started up the aisle toward Magnus. When Magnus saw him approaching, he leaned over and said something to his friends, then gave them a little wave and met Alec halfway down the aisle.

"Hey."

"Hey," Alec replied. He didn't know what he was going to say, hadn't thought that far ahead. "Can…can we talk?"

Magnus raised a questioning eyebrow, then gestured with one hand, and placed the other on the small of Alec's back. Alec led him through the big, green double doors of the gymnasium. They closed behind Magnus with a metallic clang.

Magnus leaned against the cool concrete, drawing one leg up and propping his foot against the wall, looking all kinds of casual. Alec wondered how casual, how calm and collected he really was. "What's up?"

"I…I just…I wanted to say…I'm sorry," Alec said to his shoes. He couldn't quite make himself look Magnus in the eye.

"For what?" Magnus's voice sounded curious, like he really didn't know what a basket case Alec was inside right now. Or maybe he just wanted to hear him say it. To make him confess to what a shitty boyfriend he was being today.

"For being so moody." He forced himself to look at Magnus now. "For not being as happy as I should be today. For not being there for you…" His voice trailed off. The look in Magnus's eyes made him want to clarify what he'd said. "The thing is, Magnus, I _am_ happy for you. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished. And I love you so much. I'm just…" He dropped his eyes to the floor again, unable to finish his sentence.

"Just…?" Magnus prompted. He really was going to make him say it.

"I don't want to lose you. And the closer we get to the draft… It just feels like that's it. Like we are counting down the days to the end of…us."

Magnus took his hands and loosely shook them. Alec knew he wanted him to look at him, and it took a monumental effort to do it. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

"Do you really think I'm not just as scared as you are? I've spent my whole life dreaming about playing in the NBA. I didn't know the exact date like we do now, but I've been counting down to June 23, 2016 for as long as I can remember. And now I have to wonder what price I'm going to pay to get there."

He pushed himself off the wall and paced a little. "I don't want to lose you either, Alec. I love you, and I want us to be together. I just -"

"I'm coming with you," Alec interjected, cutting him off in mid-sentence.

Magnus gaped at him, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. It would be comical if the subject wasn't so serious. He seemed to be searching for the right words, or maybe trying to remember how to form them. What he settled on was, "Wh-what?"

"I said I'm coming with you," Alec said with more confidence. He hadn't made that decision until that very moment, though he'd thought about it plenty in the last few weeks. He was suddenly sure that was the right thing for him to do, the only way to keep them together.

"No way," Magnus said, shaking his head. "You can't. Your whole life is here." They were standing barely a foot apart, his eyes searching Alec's like he really couldn't believe his ears.

Alec took his hands again and pulled one up to his mouth, placing a tender kiss on his knuckles. "My life…is with you."

Magnus still wasn't convinced. "What about your family? School? Cheerleading?"

"My family will be fine. Hell, Jace is leaving to play soccer at Wake Forest. Izzy's moving to Paris to study something or other to do with fashion. I have no idea, honestly. Everyone's being scattered on the wind anyway, so my leaving won't make any difference."

"No, Alec, that's all the more reason for you to stay. Do you really think your parents can handle all three of you leaving at the same time?"

"Yes, I do. Look, they've done their job. They raised us. We're adults now and it's time for us to make our own decisions, to figure out what's best for us. Besides," he added with a sheepish grin, "my dad's a multi-millionaire. _You_ are about to be a multi-millionaire. And in September when I turn twenty-one, _I'll_ be a multi-millionaire. I think we can find a way to get together with my parents if we really want to."

"Okay. What about school? There aren't very many Sports Medicine programs in the US. I won't be the reason you give up your dreams so I can follow mine." Magnus looked every bit as stubborn as Alec knew he could be. Was it wrong that he found that sexy?

"I did some research. There are four other cities besides Brooklyn with a pro basketball team _and_ a college with a Sports Med program. If we don't go to one of those, I'll just change my major to Physical Therapy. There are PT schools all over the place." He shrugged like this was no big deal, no sacrifice at all on his part.

"Hell, no! If you don't get the Sports Med degree, you won't ever get hired by the Knicks. How is that fair to you? And if you transfer, you won't get to cheer. What about your scholarship?"

Alec sighed exasperatedly. "First of all, my parents pay for my schooling. I didn't take the scholarship money, so that means nothing. Second, do you really think I give a fuck about cheering if you and Cammie aren't there? You two are what made it fun these last two years. Without you, it means nothing to me."

"Alec -"

The door rattled next to them and a sandy-haired head poked itself into the hall. "Magnus. There you are. They're ready for us to line up now," the head said. Alec had no idea who this guy was.

Magnus glanced in his direction. "Thanks, Tim. Be right there."

Now that their argument had quieted, Alec could hear music that hadn't been playing when they came into the hall. Tim gave Magnus a nod and disappeared back through the door, which clanged again as it closed. Magnus turned back to Alec.

"I have to go," he said, looking for all the world like that was the last thing he wanted to do right now. "Can we talk about this more later?"

Alec looked away. "Whatever," he mumbled. He knew he was being difficult, but everything Magnus had said to him hurt so much.

Magnus caught his hands, tugging them to get Alec to look at him. When their eyes met, Alec could see that Magnus was hurting, too, and suddenly felt like a total ass. "Alec. Baby, I'm not rejecting you. The selfish part of me is screaming at me to shut the fuck up and let you come with me. I'm just scared that would be a mistake, and you'd end up hating me for it down the road."

"What? I could never hate you, Magnus. I love you. Don't you know that?"

The next moment he was buried in Magnus's arms, snug against his chest, breathing him in. Magnus held him tightly, and Alec could just make out his words. "I love you, too. God, I love you so much."

When Magnus finally released him, he said, "I gotta go. I'm sorry. We'll talk later, okay?"

Alec nodded and Magnus kissed him on the lips, then on his forehead before disappearing back into the gymnasium. Alec took a few moments to get himself under control. When he opened the heavy door and started back toward his seat, the band started playing. Alec recognized the brassy notes of 'Pomp and Circumstance' as he found the row where Will and the others were seated. A new someone had joined their group in his absence. Austin looked up and smiled at him as he took his seat.

The smile faded quickly. "What's wrong?" he hissed just loud enough to be heard over the music.

Alec suddenly found himself fighting tears again. He picked at his cuticle as he said, "My boyfriend doesn't want me to go with him if he leaves New York."

"_What?_" Will said, his voice carrying and causing the people around them to stare. He leaned over, lowering his voice, as the first of the graduates entered the gym. "He actually said that to you?"

"Basically. Yeah."

Magnus and Cammie entered. Since his last name started with Ba- and hers with Be-, they were only separated by a few people. They grinned when they saw Alec, Will, and the others, and both waved. They all waved back, Austin shouting a little 'whoop' for Cammie.

Will sat back in his seat. "I'll kill him. I'm gonna beat his fucking ass."

That got Jem's attention, and then Momma H leaned over and told them all to be quiet. Alec dropped his voice and said, "Don't, Will. If he doesn't want me, he doesn't want me." He choked on those words, barely able to get them out.

"He wants you," Austin assured him.

Will nodded. "He does. I don't know what he's thinking…"

Another loud _shhh_ from Momma H effectively ended the conversation.

Alec tuned out the majority of the ceremony. He wasn't in the mood to listen to speeches about accomplishment and having their whole lives ahead of them and what wondrous things the world had in store for the graduates. Those were just reminders that on June 23rd, life as he knew it would end. Yes, he was vaguely aware that his thoughts were nothing more than a self-indulgent pity-party, but he couldn't help it. Magnus said he wanted him to stay in Brooklyn. How else was he supposed to feel?

He did tune in when they started calling the graduates names. At least, for the first part of the alphabet. The part that involved his boyfriend and a woman he thought of as a sister. After that, he zoned out again, crawling into his own mind and wallowing in his misery. Cammie would be pissed at him for not putting on a happy face, but at that moment, he just couldn't do it.

After the ceremony, there was much mingling and congratulating and happy, excited, and sometimes squealing people. Alec was quiet and reserved and let everyone else do the talking. He didn't have much to contribute, anyway. Graduation had come and gone, and there was one less milestone marker between him and whatever June 23rd held in store. He was really beginning to hate that date.

The group apparently decided to go out for dinner. Alec wondered when that conversation took place. He continued his silence, and barely even noticed where they went, how they got there, or what he ate. At some point during, or maybe it was after, dinner, Magnus excused himself to go to the restroom. Cammie slid into his seat.

"I thought you were going to be happy for us," she hissed, looking irritated.

"That was before he told me I can't go with him," Alec whispered back.

"What?" Cammie's eyes were very round with surprise. "He said that?"

Alec nodded, and dropped his eyes. He just couldn't stand the pitying look people gave him when he told them that. That was almost worse than hearing it in the first place.

Alec checked out of the conversation again. He didn't know if Cammie said anything else to him before she went back to her seat. He felt when Magnus sat down next to him again, though.

"Are you okay?" Magnus breathed into his ear. Alec simply nodded, not wanting to get into another argument at the restaurant. They'd have to wait until they got home for that. Or maybe it wasn't worth fighting over. If Magnus didn't want him to go…

Sometime later, Alec found himself at a club, wondering how he'd gotten there. Why didn't he just go home? Say he wasn't feeling well and just leave? Oh, right, because today wasn't about him.

He quietly watched as Magnus, Cammie, Austin, Will, and Jem threw back some shots. He had no idea what they were drinking, just that they were and he was underage and couldn't. Self-medicating appealed to him at the moment, though. When Magnus ordered some kind of fruity cocktail thing, he took the glass from him and downed it in one gulp.

Magnus stared at him, his eyes wide with surprise, but he didn't say anything. "Order another one," Alec demanded, and Magnus did as he was told. Alec knew they could all get in trouble if he was discovered drinking in a club while underage, but he couldn't seem to muster up the ability to give a shit just then. Magnus returned with the drink, and Alec tossed it down his throat just as he had the previous one.

He was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. Two cocktails taken like shots? Yeah, his spirits were starting to lift a little, his whole body feeling warm and fuzzy. He noticed Will and Cammie having a rather animated conversation with Magnus, who kept throwing furtive glances in his direction. They were out of earshot so he couldn't tell what they were saying.

"You feeling okay?" Austin said, and he turned away from Magnus's glances.

"Am now," Alec said with a grin. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a little buzzed."

Austin laughed. "I saw you stealing Magnus's drinks." He tossed his chin in the direction of their significant others. "What do you suppose is going on over there?"

Alec shrugged. "No idea."

At that moment, Magnus broke away from Cammie and Will and marched over to Alec and Austin. That was the only fitting description to the way he moved. He looked irritated, maybe exasperated, as he grabbed Alec's arm and, again, _marched_ him passed Austin's stunned face, out of the club and around the corner into a dimly lit alleyway.

"What the hell is going on?" Magnus demanded.

Alec blinked at him. His fuzzy brain was struggling to keep up while trying to figure out why his boyfriend was angry. "What?"

"I was just read the riot act by Will and Cammie for telling you you can't come with me. What. The. Fuck?"

Alec sobered some with that statement. "Oh. Is that what they were doing?"

"Yeah. Mind telling me why they think I don't want you to come with me?" Magnus sounded seriously pissed off.

Alec slumped against the cool brick of the alley wall. "That's what you said…" he said miserably.

Magnus grabbed his upper arms and shoved him against the wall. It hurt a little, but Alec was much more aware of the dangerous look in Magnus's eyes, and the sweet scent of his breath. "That's not what I said." He shook Alec a little, then abruptly released him. He ran one hand through his hair, the other on his hip as he started to pace. "Shit." He looked at Alec. "Is that really what I said?"

Between the alcohol and Alec's self-pity, he was struggling to remember Magnus's exact words. He finally gave up and said, "That's what I heard."

Magnus gripped his arms again, more gently this time, and pushed him against the wall with his body. "That's not what I meant. That's not how I wanted it to sound. I love you, Alec. I want you with me. I hope like hell I get drafted to one of the New York teams, or even a team that's in the same city as a school with a Sports Med program. I really mean that."

"Then why did you say…?"

"I'm trying not to be selfish here, Alec. Think about it. What happens in five years if we don't make it? If we break up? You've given up your dream to follow me, and you'll have nothing to show for it. It'll just be one more reason for you to hate me."

His eyes held a plea for understanding, but Alec couldn't meet them. He said in a soft whisper, "You don't think we'll make it?"

Magnus cursed and pushed away again. "That's not what I meant. I don't know what the future holds for us, Alec. But there are a lot of couples, couples who love each other just as much as we do, that don't make it. Hell, look at the divorce rate in this country. Things happen. _Life happens._ People change, and sometimes they grow apart. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to stop it."

Alec wondered if he was thinking about his mom and stepdad when he said that. Alec was thinking about his own parents. "Sometime people stay together forever, though."

Magnus's expression softened. "Sometimes they do, and I hope like hell we are in that group. But I'm not willing to risk your future and happiness for hope. As long as you get your degree and have a shot at your dream job, I'm happy. I will find a way to survive without you for two years if that's what it takes. It'll suck and I'll hate it, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice for you."

"So…you're not trying to get rid of me?" Alec truly hated how pathetic he sounded just then, but he needed to know.

Magnus scooped him into his arms, kissing his cheek, his hair, his ear. "God no! I'd wait forever for you."

Alec breathed out a sigh of relief, followed shortly by a laugh, and then the tears fell. Surely he can be forgiven for his moment of weakness. Surely his doubts and worry were understandable. He cried until the tears ran out, and Magnus held him through it all. He felt so much better afterward.

"I really needed to hear that," he said, somewhat embarrassed for the way he'd been acting.

Magnus smiled warmly at him, and brushed a lock of hair out of his face. "Maybe I was wrong in insisting that we wait until after the draft to talk about this. I think I made it worse, but that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to be with you without the pressure and stress of dealing with the future, especially since we don't know what it holds. But I never meant for you to think I didn't want you, or didn't want to be with you. Hell." He chuckled. "I've even thought about not signing a contract and playing in the D-League if they'd let me play here in New York, just so I could be with you."

"Like hell you're going to play in the fucking D-League! That's insane! You're gonna be a star, an NBA All-star. I won't let you trade that to stay in New Fucking York with me!"

Magnus smirked. "See? That's exactly how I feel about you. We have to go where our careers take us. We'll have plenty of time to be together. I promise."

They held each other for a long time, right there in the alleyway. Alec accepted what Magnus was saying. It was the same thing Cammie had said to him weeks ago. He knew they were right, but that didn't make it any easier to think about two long, lonely years without Magnus.

He had a little under two months to hope and pray and wish for the future. For Magnus to get to stay somewhere in New York. For him to go to one of the cities where a Sports Med program existed. Or for him to at least stay on the East Coast where he'd play in and around New York more often.

So many questions. So few answers.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: TattleTales: Alec really was struggling that day, wasn't he? **

* * *

Alec awoke to the scent of Magnus filling his nostrils. He inhaled deeply, sighing with content. His arms were wrapped around that wonderful scent and he squeezed, holding it close to him.

But it was all wrong. What he was squeezing was way too soft to be Magnus. As he shook off the cloudiness that comes with waking up gradually, he remembered what was wrong.

Magnus was at the NBA combine in Chicago. Alec was at his parents' penthouse in Manhattan. Wrong wrong wrong.

He looked at the pillow in his arms. Magnus's pillow. He'd stolen it while they were packing up the dorm. He'd also stolen the shirt off his boyfriend's back and draped it over the pillow so that it would smell even stronger like him. He knew that was pathetic, and he didn't give a shit. Unfortunately, in the nearly four weeks since Magnus had left, his scent was fading rapidly. Alec wondered what Magnus would think if he asked him to send one of his sweaty practice jerseys to him. Pathetic.

He'd moved all of his stuff back to the penthouse because, as far as he was concerned, he would not be living in a dorm next year. He'd either be living with Magnus off-campus, or transferring to another university to finish his education. Magnus hadn't said anything when Alec packed up all his shit right along with him, which Alec was taking as a good sign. Denial? Nope.

He'd kept busy the last few weeks, too. He spent lots of time with his siblings, as much time as possible really. He'd gone shopping with Isabelle, even though he hated it, and had even let her pick out a whole new 'stylish' wardrobe for him. Since her acceptance to whatever this program in Paris was, she'd gotten even more into fashion and had insisted on making sure her brother looked good. She was scary when she insisted. He was quite sure some of the items they bought would get donate to some charitable organization instead of ever adorning his body, but she felt better purchasing them, so who was he to argue.

Then, the whole family had packed up Jace's things and moved him in to his dorm at Wake Forest University in North Carolina. That had been a weird experience for Alec. Sure, he'd gone through it already, but not from this side. He felt a huge sense of loss when they left Jace, even though he knew there was a chance he would be moving halfway across the country himself. Leaving Jace was just…weird. They were still very close, even if they didn't get to spend much time together these days.

After that, he'd preoccupied himself with hanging with his little brother, Max. In Alec's absence, Max had developed quite an artistic ability. He was still very into his comic books and magna stuff, and they spent hours and hours reading and talking about them. Then, one day, they decided to draw their favorite characters. Alec's drawing skills were lacking, to put it nicely, and his character looked much more boxy with sharper angles than it should have. Max's was nearly perfect. After fawning over the drawing, Alec wanted to know if this skill extended past his characters, so he challenged his little brother to draw all sorts of things: cars, dogs, people, whatever. His little brother was amazing!

Then, one day last week, he'd met up with Will and Jem to do some maintenance at Momma H's. He wanted to make sure that gutter he'd noticed at Christmas was fixed properly, and there was plenty of other work that needed to be done. He'd spent the day mostly on his hands and knees weeding, replanting, and mulching the flower beds out front. They'd trimmed tree branches and shrubs, painted the mailbox, and yes, fixed the gutter. The next day, Alec wondered how someone who worked out at a minimum of once a day, could hold a hundred pound girl above his head for two freaking minutes, and could contort his body in all sorts of twists and turns mid-air, could _possibly_ be so freaking sore after gardening!

He was trying to figure out what to do next to keep himself busy and keep his mind off the upcoming draft when he got a text from Devin. There was a Gay Pride event on NYU's campus that Dylan really wanted him to attend. He'd thought about it for only a moment, then decided what the hell. Why not? He was in college, and wasn't that the time in his life he was supposed to experiment and find himself, or whatever all those coming-of-age movies where supposed to be about? So he'd agreed to meet Dylan at the frat house where he'd met him for that party.

He checked the clock, jumped in the shower, and spent a few minutes styling his hair.

A short time later, a cabbie dropped him off as close to frat row as they could get and meandered in the direction of the large brick building he recognized. The street the frat houses lined had been shut down and what appeared to be a huge street festival took the place of cars. He had expected to see people with megaphones and signs, demonstrating for the cause, but evidently this wasn't that kind of event. He didn't know if this was more 'typical' for Gay Pride events, and wondered if maybe this was the difference between 'event' and 'demonstration.'

He walked past the barrier closing off the road and looked around to get his bearings. The street was lined with booths. Some, he noted were informational, containing pamphlets about LGBT groups and causes. Some had amazing art or other types of crafts on display, presumably for sale. There were food vendors, whose offerings wafted on the gentle breeze and made his stomach grumble, even though he'd recently eaten.

Oh, and everything - _everything_ \- was covered in rainbows.

But the thing he found most intriguing were the people. There were people everywhere! He spotted two guys walking together with a little girl between them, holding their hands. Another couple, both buff and attractive men, each had a little boy on his shoulders. A lesbian couple trying on what appeared to be hand-knitted scarves were very affectionate to each other. He saw what he thought might be a guy in wispy sundress holding hands with another guy.

He'd never seen so many same sex couples in one place. He'd never seen so many same sex couples with their relationship on display. And the kids! There were kids everywhere! There were even little carnival rides for them, like a carousel and some other stuff.

How had he grown up in the same city as events like this and known nothing about them? He suddenly felt like he'd missed out on something important in his childhood. He'd been to street festivals before, but not one's like this…

The sun glinting off some metal caught his eye. He found the source: a short girl, her face studded with piercings and body covered in tattoos stood facing him. She wore capri camo pants, a form-fitting black tank, and her dreadlocks were painted or dyed all the colors of the rainbow. Somehow, even though he hadn't seen her in more than a year, and at that time she'd had wavy hair with a pink streak, he recognized her instantly.

"Mo?" he said in surprise.

"Alec? Oh my god!"

She launched herself into his arms and spun him around, much like she had that fateful night at the frat party where they'd met, the night all hell broke loose between him and Magnus.

"You look amazing!" she gushed, then looked as if she wasn't sure if she should say something. Apparently deciding to, she said, "So, what ever happened to you and…um…Magnus Bane?"

He looked stunned for a moment, then remembered that his relationship with Magnus wasn't exactly Top Secret anymore. "Have you been watching the sports news?" he teased.

She shrugged. "Maybe," she said evasively, then, "I can't believe he kissed you like that!"

Alec laughed. "Honestly, neither could I. We've been together for over a year now. Since that weekend I met you, actually. Things are going…good," he hedged.

She quirked a multi-pierced eyebrow. "Spill it."

"He's at the NBA combine in Chicago. I haven't seen him since the Monday after he graduated. I just…miss him. And when he comes home, he'll have a few days before the draft and then…I don't know where he's going or what's going to happen to us."

"You're not going with him?"

"I don't know. I want to, but he wants me to get my degree and there aren't many schools that offer my program."

"Ahhh," she said unhelpfully.

"Enough about me. What's going on with you? I never saw you again after that party."

Her expression grew dim. "Well, I um…dropped out of school," she confessed as she toed the ground with her shoe.

"Dropped out? Why?"

"My parents," she stated darkly. Alec waited for her to continue. "My parents are the snobby, rich Connecticut type with a summer home in Martha's Vineyard and everything."

This information surprised Alec. Mo certainly didn't look the part.

"Anyway, normally when I go home for holidays, I conform to their standards: cocktail parties and no piercings and all that bullshit. That year, I'd just gotten a new tattoo. This one," she said, pointing to a large butterfly on her neck. It looked like one that would be difficult to cover for her socialite parents. "They were pissed, but they just left me home and probably told their friends I was sick or something. Then, on Christmas morning, they tried to force me to go to church. I told them no. Their church is one of those gays-are-the-devil type churches. I said, 'Mom, Dad, I'm a lesbian and one day you're just going to have to deal with that.'"

"How did that go over?"

Mo laughed without humor. "How do you think? They kicked me out. Told me I wasn't welcome in their home and they would no longer financially support me if I was going to continue to, how did they put it? Tarnish their reputation."

"Oh, Mo, I'm so sorry." He pulled her into a hug, because she looked like she really needed one.

"It's okay. I figured they would react like that, so before I did it, I took out a large cash advance on my credit card. I had enough cash to pay my bills for a couple of months, but there wasn't any left over for tuition. So I quit school. I hated it anyway. Had no idea what I was going to do or what degree I was working toward." She shrugged again.

"What did you do?"

"Found a job. As a barmaid." She laughed. "Can you imagine that? Anyway, I guess I did well enough, or maybe I sucked so bad they had to find something else for me to do. So they made me a bartender. Money was better. Tips were decent. And it was enough to keep me from having to live on the streets."

"Anyway, the bar had live bands a couple nights a week. One night, they had this cool punk-y type band called the Flaming Pixies. They were awesome. They needed some help with load-out because their usual guy had to leave unexpectedly, so my boss asked me to help. Right, me? Not the six-four shirtless hunk that was bartending with me that night." She rolled her eyes at this. "Whatever. So I did, and ended up talking to the lead singer. Her name's Christa, and she's gorgeous! We hit it off, and now I'm one of their roadies! They were the opening band for a hot new act called No Fucking Way. Yeah, I know. They're weird, but people seem to like them. Anyway, we just got off the road and here I am."

She looked so much happier at the end of that speech than she had at the beginning. But there was something Alec wanted to know. "So, how well did you and Christa hit it off?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she giggled.

"She's my girlfriend. We've been together for about six months."

"That's great!"

"She's here if you want to meet her. The whole band is."

"Absolutely!"

Mo led him down the street, looking from side to side to make sure they didn't miss the others. Alec could hear a live band in the distance the further down the street they went. Eventually, she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward a group of people sitting around a pile of instrument cases, chatting away with some other people in a booth selling local band cds. Alec saw one for Infernal Devices and smiled.

"Hey, guys, I want to introduce you to someone," Mo said as they approached the group. Everyone turned to face them then, their conversation dying off. "Everyone, this is my friend Alec. We met when I was at Idris University. He's the cheerleader," she added in a stage whisper, and everyone brightened. Apparently, she had mentioned him before. How odd. They'd only met once. Something on his face must have given his thoughts away. "I told them about you rescuing me from that octopus at the frat party, the one who couldn't keep his hands to himself."

Alec laughed, remembering it clearly. "Anyway, Alec here was pretty new to the gay scene back then. I forgot to ask you if that's changed. Do you come to these events often?"

"No, first time. It's a lot different that what I expected."

"Yeah. So I figure he's needs some education. I know you guys are all cool with your sexuality, and that's kind of what this event is supposed to be about, right? So I thought maybe you guys could tell him a bit about yourselves." The band shrugged like it was no big deal. To Alec she said, "They are an interesting bunch of people."

A girl with flaming red hair that was not a natural color, stepped forward, her hand outstretched. "I'm Christa, Mo's girlfriend. I'm a polysexual lesbian."

Huh? Out loud: "A what?"

"Oh, this is going to be _fuuuun_," said someone to Alec's right. He looked at the person, did a double-take, and still wasn't sure if it was a guy or a girl. The person had longish straight blonde hair under a loose-fitting knitted cap, wore a T-shirt with their band logo on it and loose-fitting jeans, had piercings in the lip and eyebrow, and black eyeliner. It was impossible to tell if the person was a male or female. He/she was rubbing his/her hands together like he/she was in for a real treat, and grinning from ear to ear.

Christa laughed. "Polysexual lesbian. Means I'm into chicks. All chicks. Any chicks. As long as they feel like they are a girl, I'm into them."

"How's that different from just a lesbian."

"How indeed." Christa smirked. She leaned in close and stage-whispered. "I can deal with a dick as long as the person that owns it is a girl."

Alec had no idea what to make of that. She cracked up at the look on his face, and he felt the heat coloring his cheeks.

A quiet girl behind her stepped forward. "Don't let her fuck with you, Alec," she said. She had straight, jet black hair with bright blue tips cut just past shoulder length. She had friendly eyes and a soft smile that was currently painted as black as her hair. "I'm Sara, by the way. I'm the lead guitarist. And since we're apparently telling all, I'm a gender-fluid asexual."

"A gender…fluid…wait, what? Asexual? Like, you don't have sex?" he spluttered.

She smiled like a mother humoring a small child. "I do. Occasionally. I just don't need it."

"You don't need sex?" This was probably the most foreign concept Alec had ever heard. He needed sex… like, a lot. He just couldn't fathom the concept of not needing sex.

Sara's smile never faltered. "Tell me, Alec. What about sex is so important to you? Is it just getting your rocks off?"

Alec blushed again. Those words coming from that sweet face was just too much. He somehow managed to compose himself and say, "It's…it's not just…_that_. I mean, that part is amazing, and yes I need it, but…with… with my boyfriend, it's different. It's the… the connection we have… the… the emotions involved. It just…makes me feel closer to him."

Again, that sweet smile. "I don't need sex to feel that connection," Sara said. "I get it from a good back rub, or just snuggle time."

"You… you g-get off…from a back rub?" He knew his face was flaming red now, but he was so curious. He'd never talked to anyone about something like this before.

She made a face. "In a sense, I guess. I don't know. I just know that I don't need sex to feel connected to a guy. But if the mood strikes us, I don't turn it down either. It's just really rare for that to happen."

Alec nodded. "Okay. Wait, what else did you say you were? Gender…something?"

"Gender-fluid. It means that sometimes I feel like a girl, and sometimes I feel like a boy. Today," she made a motion to indicate the short, poofy black skirt she was wearing, along with the black lacy gloves. "Today I feel like a girl."

"Oh. Alright." He totally did not understand her mindset, but who was he to argue with how she felt. He actually thought it was really cool that she was confident enough to be herself.

Sara made a little pouty face. "It does make it terribly hard to find a man though. Can you imagine? I need someone who is okay with me being a guy one day and a girl the next, _and_ okay with only having sex maybe a couple times a year."

Alec's eyebrows went up and he nodded in sympathy. "That does sound like a challenge. I'm sure you'll find him though. You're a really cute girl…and, um, I'm sure a really cute boy, too."

The whole group laughed at his awkwardness. He was starting to get used to that.

He turned to the next band member. He was a guy with short brown hair that was longer on top and tossed back in a skater-boy wave. He had beautiful green eyes, perfect white teeth, and the cutest dimples. He was probably half a foot shorter than Alec, and he needed no introduction with regard to his instrument of choice. The drum sticks in his hands were a dead giveaway.

"Matt," he said with a moderately deep, sexy voice. He twirled his drum sticks. "Drummer. Trans-male."

Alec froze. "Wait. You're… a girl?"

Matt glared at him. Mo backhanded his arm. "No. He's a guy," she said pointedly.

Alec quickly realized his mistake and felt like shit. "Sorry, dude. It's just… shit. You're really fucking hot!"

Matt's rough edges softened. "Thanks, but, you're not my type." Alec tilted his head to the side. "I'm straight," Matt added.

Alec was all kinds of confused now. The look on his face must have showed it. The others were snickering behind their hands at him. Fortunately Matt decided to have pity on him, because he was not about to ask him any more questions. He felt like he'd offended this guy enough.

"I was born with a female body, but it never felt right. I started taking male hormones years ago, but I haven't had the surgery yet. I'm kind of afraid of going under the knife, you know? But I've been trying hard to make everything else about me male. And I appreciate you saying I'm hot."

"So, you've always thought of yourself as a guy?" Alec said, and Matt nodded. Alec blew out a breath. "Thank god. I was starting to question my own sexuality." The others laughed as he shook his head. "So since you are attracted to girls… that makes you straight, right?"

"Now you're catching on!" said Mo happily. Alec felt an inexplicable sense of relief.

"They've saved the best for last," said the person Alec was completely unsure of. Even hearing the voice didn't help. Alec waited with bated breath to see what was in store for him this time. The right side of his/her lips quirked upward in a smirk. "I'm Ronnie The Fabulous Keyboard Player." He/she said this as if it were an actual title. "For the record, I'm an androgynous pansexual."

"Meaning?" Alec asked with curiosity.

"Meaning I reject all preconceived notions about gender… and I love everyone."

Alec remembered hearing the term pansexual before, and he said so. "I've heard the term pansexual before. I'm still confused about the difference between that and bisexual, though."

"Yeah. Well, the main difference is that 'bisexual' was created by people who didn't know what they were talking about. More specifically, by people who see gender as a binary. Either you are male, or you are female," Ronnie added to Alec's questioning look. "Then, people began to realize that gender is in fact _not_ a binary. There are men on one end and women on the other, and many, many points in between. It's a spectrum, you see?"

Alec nodded. He felt he was starting to understand what they were talking about, even if none of it really applied to him personally. Clearly there were people who didn't feel like they were in the right body or that felt differently depending on the day, or something like that. Feeling like he'd conquered something, he said, "So, the androgynous thing? You just don't want people to know if you are a boy or a girl?"

Ronnie snorted. "That's an overly simplistic way to put it. The problem with society is they want to categorize everything. They want there to be a specific way someone acts. That's not just with regard to gender, it's everything. You're supposed to look a certain way, dress a certain way, follow a certain religion. There's a certain age when it's appropriate to date, have sex, get married, have children. And damn it all if you don't follow societal norms!" Ronnie shrugged. "I reject that."

"In a sense, we all do," supplied Mo. "I mean, if we were all doing 'what we were supposed to do.'" She used her fingers to put that phrase in air quotes. "These guys wouldn't be in a band, none of us would have piercings or tattoos, and we sure as hell wouldn't be sleeping with someone that shares our gender."

"What fun would _that _be?" Christa said with a smirk.

Alec couldn't disagree with that. "So how did that all start for you?" He directed this to Ronnie.

Ronnie shrugged. "Well, it started because I didn't have asshole parents that forced me to be something I'm not. If I was good, mom would take me to the toy aisle and let me pick what I wanted. Sometimes I wanted the Barbie doll, sometimes the toy truck. Why the fuck are toys gender-specific anyway? It's stupid. Anyway, I wanted to learn to skateboard, so they let me. I played soccer, which is a sport boys _and_ girls play, and that was part of the appeal to me, but I wasn't challenged playing on the girls team so my mom made them let me play on the boys team." Ronnie stopped short, realizing what she'd just said.

"So you're a girl," Alec stated.

"Damn," Ronnie said, looking bummed. "I usually don't confess that quickly. But yeah, I'm a girl. I don't have a problem with being a girl. Sometimes I even wear dresses. Sometimes I want to play with quote-unquote girly things, sometimes I want to stick my hands in the mud and make a giant mess. I just don't think deciding what you want or like has any bearing on what's in your pants."

"Yeah," Alec said. "Absolutely. I mean, my sister is probably the girliest girly girl I've ever known, but she's a strong woman and she fights dirty so I still wonder if she couldn't kick my ass." They all laughed at that. Seriously, Alec is a big, strong guy. "The one thing I don't get is how what you are saying differs from what Sara said. Gender… fluid, right?"

Sara grinned and nodded. Ronnie grinned, too. "The difference is I don't really _feel_ like a guy. I'm a girl. I know I'm a girl. I just dress and act the way I want to."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense." Alec laughed suddenly.

"What?" said Mo.

"It's just…I never thought I'd feel boring because I'm just gay."

The whole group laughed again. It was kind of funny to think about it that way. "You know, there is something else I don't get," Alec said thoughtfully. "Ronnie, you said that society wants to categorize us, make us different somehow from what they consider normal. But you each have a couple of different labels attached to your sexuality. How's that different?"

"Because," Ronnie said, "as you said, they want to label us to point out our differences. We label ourselves so we can understand ourselves. So we know what we want and how to make ourselves happy. My label doesn't really mean anything, it's just a way for me to let everyone know how I feel about myself, how I feel inside. No one can see _that_ person, the person I am on the inside, so I tell them with labels."

Alec nodded. He started to say something else, but Christa interrupted.

"Come on guys. We gotta get to the stage and get set up."

The others noticed the time and agreed. They grabbed their instrument cases and walked the short distance to the stage. Matt's drums were already there, waiting to be assembled. Alec snacked on Italian sausage with grilled onions and peppers and a funnel cake while the band set up their equipment and did a quick sound check.

The Flaming Pixies were really good. Christa had a great voice and the whole band put on a good show. They were fun and lively and their music was entertaining. A large crowd formed during their performance, so it was no surprise when Alec felt someone bump into him. It actually took him a few moments to realize the person was trying to get his attention.

"Dylan!" he shouted so he could be heard over the music. The song ended, and turned out to be the last one the Flaming Pixies were performing. Alec stepped away from the band and applause to talk to Dylan.

"Hey, man," Dylan said, shaking Alec's hand. "Glad you could make it. Are you having fun?"

Alec nodded enthusiastically. "This is great! Have you met the band? I know their roadie from Idris." He pointed to Mo and her flaming rainbow colored dreadlocks.

"Yeah. I've seen them play before. They've been doing this event for a couple of years." Dylan said. "Listen, Alec, I had an ulterior motive inviting you here."

Alec raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. Look, Idris University has a really pathetic excuse of an LGBT community. They need help. They need someone to take charge and organize events."

Alec couldn't really say if that was true or not. He'd never heard of any Gay Pride events on campus or anything of the sort, but he hadn't gone out of his way to look for them either. He suddenly thought it funny that he'd attended more gay-related events at NYU than his own college. "And?" he said, breaking from his thoughts and addressing Dylan again.

"And I want you to do it. We can help you get started and teach you how to do it. You know NYU has excellent programs…"

Alec held up his hands, taking a few steps back. "That's not my thing, man. I'm not an organizer or planner or anything like that. Besides, I don't even know if I'm going to be at Idris next year."

"What do you mean?"

"Magnus is at the NBA combine right now. I may be going with him depending on where he goes."

"Oh…okay. Well, if you decide to stay, just think about it. I'm sure we can figure something out," Dylan said, looking far more disappointed than Alec thought he should. Whatever.

Alec said a quick goodbye to the band and Mo, promising to see them next time they played in the city. Then, he and Dylan walked back toward the other end of the street. He paused to buy an Infernal Devices cd and got one of the Flaming Pixies, too. He really did like their music. When they got back to the part of the street that wasn't closed off, Alec hailed a cab and said goodbye to Dylan. He promised to think about what Dylan had said, but he really couldn't see himself organizing an LGBT group on campus or setting up something like the event he'd just attended. He would gladly attend more of these events if they were anything like this one, but he didn't think his interest would extend much further than that.

The sun was low in the sky when he flopped onto his bed in the Lightwood penthouse. He stared at the ceiling, mulling over the things he'd learned today, the people he'd met, the offer Dylan made. His cell phone vibrated on his bedside table, pulling him from his thoughts. He smiled when he saw the name lit up on the screen.

"Hey," he said, dropping just a bit of seduction into his tone.

"Hey, baby," Magnus replied back. His body tingled as he imagined his boyfriend's touch, his warm breath on his skin. He missed him so badly. Magnus echoed his thoughts. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. How's the combine?" Though they talked every day, Alec still asked how things were going every day. Wasn't that what good boyfriends were supposed to do? His mind flashed back to today's conversations and he wondered if he should even think the words 'supposed to' anymore.

"Good. I think I impressed some people today. My sprint numbers where pretty good, nearly top of the class. Then, I had to sprint while dribbling the ball and not travel." Magnus chuckled. "That was tough, but I had fewer turnovers than anyone else today, so…"

"That's great, Magnus!" Alec said earnestly. "Not that I'm surprised. You're the best ball-handler I've ever seen play live."

"Shut up. The Knicks have had some great point guards over the years," Magnus said, but Alec could tell he appreciated the compliment. "Anyway, how was your day? Weren't you attending a Gay Pride event or something today? How'd that go?"

Alec's heart swelled as a grin spread across his face. Even as busy as Magnus was, he still remembered Alec was doing something special today, too. The sudden longing in his chest was painful. "Yeah, I did. You won't believe what happened either. I ran into Mo…Yeah, you remember her..."

* * *

**A/N: This is one of those chapters inspired by reviews. You guys seemed to get into the chapters where Alec explores the LGBT world he has so far felt detached from. So thanks for the feedback.**

**These characters were all based on research and testimonials from people who actually identify with some of these descriptions. The research was fascinating, and the people involved are inspiring. It takes a lot of guts to be yourself, especially if you differ from societal norms. If any of you readers want to tell your story, feel free to PM me. I'm a good listener.**

**PS, The University of Kentucky cheerleaders won their 21st national title yesterday. Their routine is online if you want to check it out. I got to see it live at a game. Unbelievable.**


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: I loved the reviews from last chapter! Those chapters are a lot of work to do them justice, but are so much fun, too. I'd love to discuss things more with Heartfield and Wolfie if either/both of you would like to PM me. **

**To the guest who asked: we have a long way to go in this story...**

**TattleTales: How are you ALWAYS the last reviewer for the chapter? Whether you review on Wed or Sun, you are always the last one. It's crazy.**

* * *

"Hey, um, Dad?" Alec said nervously. He ran a hand through his hair, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

Robert Lightwood had just gotten home from work. He sat his brief case down with one hand while loosening his tie with the other. He looked distracted. "Yeah."

"Um, well, Magnus is coming home in a few days."

"Yeah," Robert said.

"Since I'm only twenty and you have to be twenty-five to rent a hotel room by yourself," Alec pressed on, wondering how much his father was hearing him. "I was, um, wondering if you'd rent one for me?"

"Rent… what?" Robert looked up from the stack of papers in his hands. "Magnus is welcome to stay here. You know that."

"Well, we wanted some time alone together…"

"Jace is gone. Izzy's leaving soon. I'll be at work. There's just your mom and Max here." Robert returned to rifling through the papers.

"Yeah, but we haven't seen each other in over a month and we want to be…_alone._" Alec put extra emphasis on the last word, hoping his father would understand him

Robert gave him a quizzical look and Alec wondered why his dad was being so thick.

"Oh, Jesus, Dad. Are you really going to make me say it?" Alec said in frustration. Robert finally set his papers down and focused on what his son was saying. "We want to be _alone_. You…um…you know we…um…" His voice dropped, as did his eyes. "You know we have sex, right?" he said in a rush, as if that would make it less painful. Like ripping off a band-aid, right?

He suddenly wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

Robert's eyes slid closed, his hand coming up to cover his face. "Oh, god, Alec. I'm so sorry. I wasn't even paying attention. Yeah, shit. Of course you want to be alone with…oh, god."

Alec was happy to see his father was just as embarrassed as he was. Okay, maybe not, but at least he was uncomfortable.

"Where do you want me to make the reservation?" Robert said after collecting himself. He was all business now, which calmed Alec considerably.

"The draft is at the Barclay Center in Brooklyn. So a hotel near there would be great." Alec wasn't sure he'd ever spoken quite so rapidly. He just wanted the conversation over as quickly as possible before he literally died of embarrassment.

"Consider it done," Robert said. Alec mumbled a thank you and turned to go. "Oh, and Alec? I really am sorry…about before…"

"Forget about it," Alec replied with a forced grin. _Please god, forget about it. I don't ever want to think about that conversation again._

* * *

Alec nervously paced his hotel room. There weren't any fancy five-star hotels near the Barclay Center, so they ended up at a Holiday Inn. Nothing special, but then, they didn't need much an extravagant setting for what Alec planned. They just needed the basic comforts and each other.

He checked his appearance for the millionth time as he stalked past the mirror…again. His hair was its normal, stubborn self, hanging a little in his eyes. He probably should have gotten it trimmed already. Maybe he would do that later…

He was dressed in a plain blue T-shirt, because he knew Magnus liked that color on him, and a pair of basketball shorts he was pretty sure actually belonged to Magnus. Somehow they'd ended up in with his things and he'd worn them more times than he cared to count while Magnus was away. In fact, since his waist was bigger than Magnus's, they were probably stretched out and too big for his boyfriend now. Maybe he'd just keep them…

He sat down on the edge of the bed, crossed his legs, uncrossed his legs, crossed them again, then gave up and started pacing again…

On the next swipe past the king size bed taking up most of the room, he flopped into the middle of the bed, stretching out his long frame and propping his head on a pillow. He moved the pillow and folded his hands behind his head. He flipped over on his side, bending one knee in a sexy pose. Then he remembered he'd have to open the door when Magnus got there because he wouldn't have a key-card yet…

Back at the mirror, he sniffed his armpits, wondering if he should put on more of his favorite deodorant. Magnus loved the smell of it. Or maybe he should put on some cologne? Would the deodorant and cologne together be overpowering? He didn't want to have to take a shower if it was and take a chance of Magnus showing up while he was in the shower and couldn't hear him. He opted for a little more deodorant. He was a little sweaty waiting for his boyfriend to show up anyway…

Finally, mercifully, there was a knock. Alec moved hastily to answer it, losing his balance and nearly face-planting against the door. He caught himself just before he did, thankfully, but he was sure Magnus heard the thump of his body's off-balance collision before he was able to stop himself. He shook his head and threw open the door.

And there he was. Like an angel in all his splendor and glory. The most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He took all of two seconds to appraise the black T-shirt with the NBA logo on it, the matching basketball shorts, the slightly spiked hair, the goofy half-grin that told him Magnus had indeed heard him bounce off the door, and the twinkle in those gorgeous green-gold eyes, before he grabbed the front of Magnus's shirt and pulled him into the room.

Magnus collided with him and Alec's arms encircled his waist in a flash, holding their bodies close together as Alec breathed in the scent of him, that wondrous smell he'd been jonesing for during the last couple of weeks. Magnus threw his head back, laughing, as Alec sniffed his neck and behind his ear, kissing a trail along his jaw.

Alec had a big 'oh I missed you' speech planned for Magnus's return, but the words were lost in the way he felt. He didn't need words, he just needed Magnus. He pushed him onto the bed, yanking his shorts off as soon as he landed. He couldn't help himself. He buried his face in Magnus's crotch and inhaled deeply. His musky scent was so much stronger there. This was what he'd been missing so badly. This was exactly what he needed.

"I take it you missed me?" Magnus said with a chuckle. He looked down his body, eyes meeting Alec's in a lust-filled gaze.

Alec ran is tongue along the length of Magnus's growing erection in response. Magnus shuddered and moaned at the touch. He twined his fingers in Alec's hair, and the touch alone made Alec's cock go rigid. He bobbed on Magnus's cock, just to hear him made those wonderful noises some more. Each groan, moan, sigh, gasp shot straight through Alec. He was quite sure he was already making a small wet spot in his shorts.

Alec pulled off Magnus and worked his way up that long, lean body. He raised the hem of his shirt inch by inch as he planted kisses every few inches. Magnus raised his hands over his head so Alec could remove and discard his shirt, then quickly relieved him of his own clothing.

And finally, _finally_, their lips met. How they managed such a soft, delicate kiss when their cocks were straining so hard and demanding attention, Alec will never know. He felt like he'd never wanted Magnus more in his life, but then, he felt like that every time they touched. But this, right here, their bodies aligned on the bed, arms holding each other close, lips pressed together, tongues teasing each other, cocks tingling with each brush - this was everything he'd ever wanted. This was simply perfection.

Their bodies moved in unison as they kissed. A growing spot of moisture accumulated on Magnus's belly from their combined leakage. And yet neither of them made a move to do more. They were both horny as all hell, but after so much time apart, they wanted to take their time, get reacquainted, just be in each others arms, lovingly touching and caressing the other's body, and kissing each other until their lips were sore.

At long last, Magnus pulled back, his breathing coming in harsh pants. "I…need you…Alec…" Alec nodded, thinking he couldn't take much more himself. "Condoms?" Magnus said, looking to the table on either side of the big bed.

"Damn it!" Alec cursed. In all his preparations, all his obsessing, he'd forgotten to get the condoms and lube out of his bag. _Dumbass_.

He scrambled off the bed and rooted through his bag until he found what he was looking for. Turning around to face Magnus, he adopted a self-deprecating expression and shrugged. Magnus snickered and Alec leapt face down onto the bed, landing beside him and bouncing slightly. He turned his head enough to look at Magnus.

"How could you forget those?" Magnus teased, and Alec rolled his eyes.

"'Cause I'm an idiot?" Alec said.

Magnus rolled onto his side and Alec recaptured his lips. Their tongues danced together again, and Magnus draped an arm across Alec's back, pulling himself closer. His rigid cock pressed against Alec's hip and it took every bit of self-control Alec possessed not to rock his own erection against the bedcovers. He. Was. So. Fucking. Horny.

"Stop teasing me and get on with it," he growled at Magnus, who grinned slyly before taking the items from Alec's hand and moving behind him.

Alec spread his legs a little wider and raised his ass up off the bed while Magnus sheathed and coated his dick. Then he moved into position, straddling Alec's hips, aligning his tip with Alec's hole. Alec pressed his forehead into his pillow, eyes rolling back in his head, as Magnus slowly worked his way in. God, he'd missed this so much. When Magnus was finally seated as deep as he could go, he lowered his weight against Alec's back, wrapping his arms around his chest and holding him once again.

Feather-light kisses peppered Alec's shoulder and neck, then moved along the edge of his jaw. Alec turned his head enough for Magnus to be able to kiss him again. Their lips met as Magnus started moving inside him and Alec was taken to a whole other plane of ecstasy. This was one of their favorite positions, but their long separation made it so much better somehow.

Magnus took his time, gently rocking his hips so his cock moved ever so slightly within Alec, lightly brushing against that special bundle of nerves each time and setting his nerve endings aflame. He left damp kisses on Alec's cheek, suckled the shell of his ear, nipped at the back of his neck. It all felt so amazingly good, so erotic, so perfect.

Their love-making seemed to last forever, and yet no time at all. Alec felt like days, or even weeks might have passed, or it could have only been minutes. Time stood still for them in that moment, for the two lovers who'd been apart for too long.

Magnus's hand smoothed down Alec's body, coming to rest at his groin. He wrapped his hand around Alec's weeping cock, and the touch of his lover's hand was so much better than the feel of the cotton sheets. Magnus's thrusts became harder, rocking Alec's cock against his boyfriend's hand and creating more friction. His rhythm accelerated, drawing them both closer and closer to the edge. Alec could feel Magnus tightening up, his body tensing as he got closer, even the grip of his hand grew tighter.

Alec rested his head against the pillow, panting into the space it provided. Magnus buried his face against the back of Alec's neck as their sweaty bodies slid smoothly against each other. With one last thrust, he cried out as jets of his fluid filled the condom deep in Alec's ass, and his body twitched with the waves of his orgasm. That was all it took for Alec to lose himself to the bliss as well, and he coated Magnus's hand and the sheets with his own warm, sticky fluid, his body jerking as he came.

Magnus smeared the wetness in his hand into Alec's chest as he crushed their bodies together, his lips once again searching out Alec's. The kisses were messy and disjointed as they fought for breath, but they seemed so damned important that neither was willing to stop to let their breathing settle. Neither did they care about the spectacular mess they were making of Alec's body and chest hairs.

Magnus finally softened to the point where he couldn't remain inside Alec any longer. He withdrew and Alec turned over, wrapping his arms around Magnus's waist and sealing their bodies together with his semen. Their kisses became slow and lazy, occasionally licking at each other just for fun, until they finally recovered completely.

"Oh. My. God." Alec breathed, punctuating his statement with a chaste kiss.

Magnus looked down between them and laughed. "What a fucking mess."

His eyes caught Alec's blue ones. They registered the pun at the same time and that set them to laughing. Some time later, breathless, covered in goo, and so very happy to be with each other again, Magnus kissed him softly then disappeared into the bathroom, returning a moment later with a warm, damp towel to attempt to clean up their mess.

They didn't leave to hotel room for days. Hell, they didn't leave the bed unless they had to use the facilities or answer the door for room service. Hotel food was not the best food they'd ever eaten, but they weren't concentrating much on that. They just needed food to refuel their batteries so they could go another round.

By Wednesday, they were both complaining of being sore. Alec wondered if they'd be able to walk right when they went to the Barclay Center the following day for the draft.

The draft. They'd spent the entire time together, nearly a week in fact, just being together, attempting to quell their insatiable desire for each other. That hadn't really worked but it had kept their minds off the upcoming draft and kept them too exhausted to worry much about it. Alec did wonder a few times how on earth they were supposed to spend extended time apart if they couldn't even handle 6 weeks without fucking each other stupid when they reunited. He didn't know how to answer that question, so he put it on the back burner…again.

But the night before the draft, it seemed impossible to continue to _not talk_ _about the draft_.

"So," Alec began, "June 22nd."

Magnus brought their entwined fingers to his lips and kissed the back of Alec's hand. "Yeah."

Alec suddenly needed to talk about this. He sat up straighter on the bed, folding his legs under him, and put on his serious face. The effect was slightly ruined by the fact they were both still naked. "What's Baxter said about the combine? Are they still predicting you going in the top five?"

Magnus sighed, seemingly giving in to the conversation that he knew was inevitable. He sat up, too, still holding Alec's hand. "Baxter's been talking with teams that have shown interest in me. He said he doesn't see any reason for my draft position to change. No one's said anything to contrary anyway, but I don't know how much that means."

Alec gave him a quizzical look. He let out a somewhat bitter laugh. "If my stock drops because I'm gay, do you really think they'd tell that to my agent?"

Alec grumbled at that. What a stupid reason for a team to pass on him. He leaned over the side of the bed and drew his bag toward him. He reached inside and pulled out a folder with some papers in it.

"What's that?" Magnus asked curiously.

"Well, once they drew the lottery positions, I wanted to see what our options were. So this," he handed papers to Magnus as he spoke, "is the lottery order. These are the major mock drafts, and these are the current personnel on each team, so we can see who is most likely to draft a point guard."

"Alec -"

"I know. Magnus, believe me, I know. I just need to have some idea what were are looking at tomorrow. I need to know the odds of you ending up somewhere where we can be together. Not having any idea is killing me."

Magnus' features softened. "I know. Okay, let's do this."

Alec grinned. "Alright. So, I've been looking at this, and I think every one of these teams could use a point guard." Magnus chuckled at this. "What? I'm serious. Look. The Lakers got the number one pick. They need a point guard."

"They need every position, honestly," Magnus said with a chuckle. "But they're gonna take that kid from LSU. I can't say I blame them. He's the consensus number one and he's fucking awesome."

"The one that's a forward, but plays like a guard, too?" Magnus nodded. "Yeah. Okay. He's pretty good."

Magnus snorted. "He's better than 'pretty good.'"

Alec made a defeated gesture. He knew what Magnus said was true, but he still felt disheartened by it. Los Angeles had a college that offered a Sports Medicine degree. He sighed. "Philadelphia has the second pick. They have a good point guard, but he's young."

He shrugged. Magnus smirked when he said, "They could always play me as the two-guard."

Alec's mouth fell open. "Who in their right fucking mind would play you as a shooting guard and not a point guard? Magnus, seriously, you're one of the best point guards I've ever seen!"

Magnus shrugged. "I'll play wherever they put me."

"Well…yeah, but. Maybe they'd move the other guy to the two, and let you play point. That would make more sense. You're better than him anyway."

"Maybe they'd play two point guards. I've seen a few college teams doing that recently."

Alec snorted. "I can't see that happening. That's just too weird. Besides, point guards are so cocky and attention whores. They need to -"

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off by Magnus's pillow hitting his face. They both laughed a wrestled for a moment before Alec sat up, swatted Magnus's arm and said, "Be serious, you jerk."

"Yeah, yeah," Magnus said with a grin. "Alec, you do know this is only hypothetical, right?"

Alec made a noncommittal gesture. Maybe he was thinking a little too hard on this. "Right. So that's a maybe for Philly. The Suns have the third pick," Alec said after consulting his sheet of paper. Like he didn't already have the entire fourteen team lottery order memorized.

"Yeah, but they're already guard-heavy. They have four guards that played at Kentucky."

"Really?"

Magnus nodded. "And they're all really good."

"That's crazy," Alec said. "So, Phoenix is probably out."

"Unless they take me for a potential trade."

Alec's face fell. Trade? He'd completely forgotten that some teams will already have a trade in the works by now, and they may use their draft picks to sweeten the deal. Shit. What if Magnus got drafted to a team that would work perfectly for them, and then got traded? Fuck fuck fuck. Oh well, there wasn't anything he could do about that, so he pushed it out of his mind for now.

"Right. So, the Knicks got the fourth pick. That would be ideal. They could use a good point guard. And you'd still be in New York."

Magnus nodded. "That would be ideal…"

"But?"

Magnus shrugged. "Baxter says that's one of the teams with a trade in the works. Who knows if it would be approved or not, but he says they are looking to trade their pick for a couple of other players. So even if they pick me, I probably won't be going there."

"Fuck." Alec sat silently for several minutes. He'd been excited about the Knicks having the fourth pick, especially since one of the major mock drafts had Magnus going there. "Fuck," he repeated. He was already beginning to hate NBA politics.

He looked at the sheet again to refocus his mind after that let-down. "Minnesota has the fifth pick. What's Baxter say about them?"

"They're a strange team. Everyone is either at the beginning or the end of their career. They have some really talented young guys and should be pretty good once they pull it all together. It'll just take a few years for that to happen. I don't think they've expressed specific interest in me, but who knows?" He shrugged one shoulder in an off-handed manner.

Alec sighed again. None of the mock drafts had Magnus falling out of the top five. Alec didn't want him to, or at least he hadn't until he found out that the Knicks were considering a trade already. Now? Was it worth the lower salary to stay in New York?

"Denver has the sixth pick, and Brooklyn the seventh. But I'm sure you'll go before that," Alec mumbled, feeling thoroughly dejected.

Magnus ran his hand along Alec's arm. "This is why I didn't want to play this game, Alec. I didn't want to upset you."

Alec looked down at the hand on his arm, and gently nodded his head. "I guess I'm glad I found out about the Knicks trade now. It would have been worse if they took you and I got my hopes up for nothing."

"Hey," Magnus said in a tone that told Alec to look at him. "It's not hopeless, you know? It doesn't matter what the mock drafts say, or what trades are in the works. No one knows what the teams are going to do until they do it. Sometimes they take guys higher than expected, sometimes lower. The only one that's probably a lock is the Lakers taking that LSU guy first. And even that's not a hundred percent until it happens. Don't give up on me, okay?"

"I'll never give up on you, Magnus. You know that. I was just hoping this would make me feel more optimistic about the future, not make me more worried."

"Come here," Magnus said, tugging Alec down into his arms. "It'll all be over tomorrow. Then we can start planning our future."

He kissed Alec softly as Alec's arms snaked around his middle and they held each other close. One more day. One more long, agonizing day and then they would know what was going to happen. Alec felt like everything had been leading up to this day for months. Probably longer if he were honest about it.

Just one more day.

* * *

**A/N: I thought now might be a good time to say the following: I am using the real names of NBA franchises. I am just borrowing them and doing what I want with them, and this story is in no way a reflection on the NBA teams or any of their viewpoints. I am in no way affiliated with any of the teams. All the characters from the NBA you encounter from here on (I think I mentioned LeBron and some others previously) are all fictional and any similarity to actual players is coincidental. Believe it or not, I don't actually know ALL the names of the NBA players, though some of the above team insights are based on real life. Anyway, I just don't want you guys to think I'm using real people for this story! 'Cause I'm not :)**


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: 500 reviews. I'm still letting that sink in. Wow. Thanks you guys! Seriously.**

**So, we are 3 weeks into the Shadowhunters TV series. Thoughts?**

* * *

Alec and Magnus did everything in their power to keep each other distracted the following day. Both were so nervous, which was plainly evident in everything they did. The way their hands shook when their thoughts strayed to that evening's events. The way they kept stealing glances at each other but were unable to hold a real conversation because of their scattered thoughts. The way they stayed so very close to each other throughout the day.

They spent the day picking at forgettable food they couldn't even taste, shopping at forgettable stores and even purchasing things they later wondered why they'd purchased. Alec somehow ended up with a pair of expensive silk boxers that he had no recollection of buying and a pair of pink, fuzzy socks he had no idea what to do with. Magnus found a box of guitar picks in one of his bags and decided to give those to Will since he at least had a use for them. And somehow they'd ended up with some weird chewing gum that tasted horrible, so it got tossed in the trash.

All in all, it was a nerve-wracking day.

As evening approached, Alec joined Magnus in the shower. There really wasn't enough room for them to comfortably be in the shower together, but they just couldn't stand to be separated. They each soaped up a washcloth and took turns washing the other, lingering a little longer than strictly necessary to clean their groins. After the soothing wash down, the silky touches made smoother by the soap, they found they were both rock hard.

"Maybe this will relieve some of the stress," Alec whispered as his hand moved along Magnus's length.

Magnus nodded and pumped Alec a little faster. Alec leaned his head against the wall of the shower as he let himself touch and be touched. And when it was over, he discovered he was right. He did feel more relaxed, less stressed.

If only that feeling could stay.

They ate a hasty dinner, just a little something from room service, enough to settle their nervous stomachs and hopefully not make a sudden reappearance later if their nerves got the best of them…

Alec caught Magnus brushing his teeth for the third time in thirty minutes. "What the hell are you doing?" he said with a chuckle.

"I'm going to be on TV. I want to look perfect. Does my hair look okay?" He said this like it was one word, so fast Alec had to mental slow it down to catch all the words.

"You've been on TV before. Many times," Alec replied. He studied Magnus's hair, which he'd spiked on top. It looked really good.

"Yeah," Magnus said, "but not like this." He was so adorably nervous that, for some reason, he put Alec's nerves at ease…a little.

"You look absolutely gorgeous," Alec said, taking the loose ends of Magnus's tie out of his hands before he made a mess of it like usual. "I'll be fighting all the girls off you later tonight."

One of the few purchases they'd made that day that actually made sense was Alec buying Magnus an expensive suit. He'd actually taken him to be measured for the suit around graduation time, but they'd just picked it up that day. His first tailored suit, and he looked undeniably perfect in it. The suit was dark gray, almost black, and fit him like a glove. He'd decided to represent Idris U with a splash of green in the form of his tie and the little square of fabric in his coat pocket. The green made his unusual eyes look less gold and more green than normal. Alec couldn't tear his eyes away from his boyfriend.

"Shut up," Magnus said, but the grin he tried to hide told Alec he appreciated the compliment. "Earrings or no?" He'd put his silver hoops in and taken them back out at least three times. Alec finally quit counting.

"In."

Magnus's eyes slid sideways in the mirror and landed on Alec's face. "Really? You don't think they're too…"

Alec applied toothpaste to his toothbrush. "I think you looking fucking hot with those earrings in," was all he said before sticking the toothbrush into his mouth.

Magnus gave a small, embarrassed grin, and put the earrings back in. He was also wearing his birthstone ring he wore for special occasions. Well, the NBA Draft definitely counted as a special occasion.

"Are we meeting Momma H and Will there, or are they coming here?" Alec asked after he rinsed the remains of toothpaste from his mouth.

"There. Coach will meet us there, too." Magnus touched up his hair one last time, then turned to Alec. "Do I look like an NBA rookie?"

A grin spread across Alec's face. "You look like a future NBA All-star. Any team will be lucky to have you."

Magnus leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. His lips trembled against Alec's, or maybe both of them were trembling. They pulled away and went out the door, down the elevators to the lobby without another word. They rode to the Barclay Center in one of the Lightwood limos in silence. Both were too nervous to talk.

Coach Whitaker and Baxter Monroe met Alec and Magnus at the door and led them down a long hallway. They took Magnus into the 'green room' which, of course, was not actually green. It was just a room they used to get him ready for TV. Coach stayed with him there while Baxter led Alec to the main event.

They entered a huge auditorium-type room. A stage at one end had a podium with microphone on it. Behind that on the wall was a huge, _huge_, board with the names of each team in the order of their selection. The players' names would be added to the board as they were announced. Alec felt a thrill as he looked at that board and wondered, again, where Magnus was heading. At least they didn't have much longer to wait.

Alec followed Baxter to a circular table midway through the room. Momma H and Will were already seated at the table, but stood to greet him as he arrived.

"This is it!" said Will excitedly. He didn't seem to have the reservations about the night that Alec was feeling. He was hyped-up and ready for the ceremony to get started.

Momma H was a little more reserved. She seemed to understand how Alec was feeling. "How are you doing?" she asked as she hugged him.

"I'm okay," he said in that voice everyone uses when they are not really okay but don't want to get in a long discussion about _why_ they are not okay.

She patted his hand as he took a seat beside her. Will was on the other side looking around the room like a kid in a candy store, completely awed. Alec found this funny, considering he was used to getting on a stage and playing guitar for hundreds and thousands of people on a regular basis.

They sat quietly, nervously twitching their hands, legs, whatever, as the room filled with the families of other draft entrants. There were about fifteen or twenty groups of people there to support their player. Typically only the top players, the ones with a real shot at getting picked in the lottery, are the ones invited to ceremony, with a few extras because no one ever knows _exactly_ who will be selected in the lottery.

Finally, after what seemed like years, Magnus, Coach, and Baxter entered the room. By this time, the fan section had filled and was getting steadily noisier. Alec wondered who the lucky fans were that got to attend. They weren't all Nets fans, so it wasn't just the season ticket holders. He spotted a green and white Boston Celtics jersey, a yellow Pacers jersey, and even a couple of purple and gold Lakers jerseys.

But now his attention was focused on the beautiful, tall, slender man in the deep gray suit walking toward him. God, he looked good. He didn't think they'd done anything to Magnus, no make-up or anything like that. They'd probably just briefed him on how the ceremony works and what he was expected to do. Maybe even what he was expected to say.

Alec stood and pulled Magnus's chair out for him. It was his night, and he was going to treat him like royalty. He still felt bad for bringing the bad vibes on graduation day, and he was determined to make up for that tonight. Besides, the wait was over. There was no reason to be mopey when he was about to find out what the future held for them. He was far too nervous to mope, anyway.

Magnus gave him a nervous smile as he took the seat Alec offered. Alec settled next to him, keeping a respectable distance. Magnus's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion.

Alec leaned in and whispered, "I'm right here if you need me, but I don't want to give them any reason to question their decision to pick you. You can touch me if you want, but I'm not going to instigate anything. I just want to give you the best chance tonight."

Magnus nodded in understanding. Alec hoped he understood at least. He wasn't pulling away, not emotionally anyway, but he was still worried that Magnus's coming out would have a negative impact on his draft stock. No one had eluded to that being an issue, but who really knows what the team leaders think about it? Alec didn't want to take any chances, even though it was killing him. He wanted to hold Magnus's hand under the table or just be close enough that their arms touched, or...something.

At long last, the lights dimmed, and the NBA commissioner strode out onto the stage. He started a speech into the microphone, something about welcoming them all and wishing the players good luck and other bullshit that they always say. Then, he put the Los Angeles Lakers on the clock. Two minutes later, he announced, to the surprise of no one in the country, that the Lakers had chosen the superstar-in-the-making from LSU. Applause and cheers from the Lakers fans in the audience. Hugs and kisses from his family. Shaking hands and receiving a Lakers hat from the commissioner. Blah blah blah.

They went down the list, the name of each man appearing on the large board behind the commissioner. The Philadelphia 76ers selected a guard, but not Magnus. Magnus, Baxter, and Coach seemed unconcerned about this. "They don't need a point guard," Magnus reminded him, and Alec tried to be placated, though his leg was now bouncing at an alarming rate.

Several minutes later, the commissioner announced the guard-heavy Phoenix Suns had selected a seven foot monster of a guy from Lithuania. Alec's head shot up, eyes rounding as they caught Magnus's. That guy wasn't listed in the top five on any of the mock drafts. What would that mean for Magnus? They exchanged a look with Baxter, who shrugged as if to say he didn't know anything about it either. The first draft day surprise. Alec's worry increased.

He held his breath when the commissioner returned to the podium and said, "With the fourth pick in the 2016 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select, with a proposed trade to the Dallas Mavericks…" He seemed to take forever to say the name. Alec was dying. _Just say the fucking name! _he thought.

And when the commissioner finally did, it wasn't Magnus's. Alec blew his breath out harshly. Dallas was not a city with a Sports Med program. They dodged that bullet.

That left the Minnesota Timberwolves. Minnesota. Alec had secretly been hoping Magnus would go to Minnesota, even though they hadn't shown a particular interest in him. Why? Because Minneapolis, Minnesota was the location of the Mayo Clinic Sports Medicine Center, and it was near where the Timberwolves played. That was a top-notch medical program, and Alec felt his hands shake as he thought about the possibility of working there, learning from the best, while Magnus played for a team full of young, up-and-coming stars. He hadn't said anything before, hadn't dared to dream that this could be a real possibility. He didn't want to jinx it, especially since only one mock draft had him going there, and neither Baxter nor Magnus thought it seemed likely. But this was the last top five team available. This had to be it, right?

So when the commissioner announced a different name, Alec's heart plummeted. What had happened? Why had Magnus not been selected?

Everyone at the table seemed to be silently asking the same question. Momma H's eyes were narrowed in concentration. Will looked flat out pissed off. Coach looked confused. Baxter's brows were furrowed and his lips were tight. Magnus was looking down at his hands in his lap, his face stoic, his posture slumped.

Alec wanted to hold him, or at least his hand, to give him some kind of support. What he must be feeling right now. What he must be thinking.

He was so stunned, he missed the announcement of the Denver Nuggets taking another foreign player, and only found out when he glanced up to the giant board. Alec didn't want Magnus going to Denver anyway, but what the fuck? Magnus was supposed to be top five. His anxiety was sky-rocketing, and he could see the stress that Magnus was trying and failing to hide.

The mic turned on again, but Alec was concentrating on Magnus and nearly missed the announcement. "With the seventh pick in the 2016 NBA Draft, the Brooklyn Nets have selected Magnus Bane from Idris University."

The mouths of every single person at their table dropped open. Brooklyn? _Brooklyn?_ After all the stress and worry and everything they'd been through, Magnus was staying in fucking Brooklyn?!

They seemed to all stand as one unit as a camera was shoved in their faces. Magnus shook hands with Coach and Baxter, a completely stunned expression on his face. He turned to Alec and mouthed, "Brooklyn?" then pulled him into a brief hug.

Just feeling Magnus's arms around him brought everything back into focus. Magnus was staying in Brooklyn. _Magnus was staying in Brooklyn! _He felt equal parts elation, shock, and pissed the fuck off. "I told you not to worry," Magnus whispered before releasing him.

As Magnus moved on to hug Momma H and then Will, Alec took a moment to let everything sink in. Magnus was staying in Brooklyn. But why? Why had he dropped from the top five, when no one had predicted he would?

Alec watched him walk up on the stage, shake hands with the commissioner, accept his Nets hat. Brooklyn. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that nothing was going to change. Well, okay, that's not true. Everything was going to change. They were still going to have to find a place to live. He wouldn't be cheering at Magnus's games anymore. He wouldn't be living on campus. Life was going to be different. But they weren't going to be separated. They weren't going to have to move to a new city. They were going to be together.

Alec felt like he could faint. Or maybe cry. And laugh. Or punch somebody. His whole body shook with relief. They were going to be together. Come what may, they would be together. He was so close to tears.

He pulled himself together as he saw Magnus talking to an ESPN reporter and wondered if he'd recovered enough from his shock to give a coherent interview. As he watched, an idea started to take shape in his mind. Alec glanced at Baxter, and caught his eye. "What happened?" he whispered as he leaned across the table.

Baxter held his gaze, his eyes narrowing and a look of irritation spreading across his face. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. The look on his face told Alec what he needed to know, that they were thinking the same thing: Magnus dropped out of the top five because he's gay.

Was that really it, though? They had no proof. No one was going to admit to that. Ever. But what other reason could there be? He'd performed well at the combine. Everyone was still predicting him top five. Baxter hadn't heard anything to the contrary, and neither had Magnus.

He wondered what Magnus would think of that. How would he handle it? Would he be upset? Heartbroken? Pissed off?

Did it even matter? Brooklyn had selected him. He may not have gone as high as they all thought he would, but he'd been selected by his hometown team! Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe this would work out better, because instead of being taken when he should have by a team that had doubts, for whatever reason, he'd been selected by a team that was willing to take a chance on him. Sure, he'd lost money by dropping down to number seven. Alec wasn't even sure how much since he'd only looked at the top five, expecting Magnus to be taken then. He knew the number one pick would earn more than $4.7 million in the first year, and that salary decreased to a little over $3 million by the fifth pick. He didn't know what the seventh pick got, but was certain it was more than $2 million. Perhaps even more than $2.5 million. Still a crazy amount of money to play professional sports.

The group stayed at their table as the rest of the names were called, but Alec wasn't paying much attention to the draft anymore. He wanted to talk to his boyfriend. He wanted to know what he thought, how he felt about all this. He wanted to know Magnus was alright.

At the end of the ceremony, they brought all the selected players that were in attendance back out on the stage. Photos were taken for posterity, smiles all around, much glad-handing, blah blah blah.

Then, finally, Magnus rejoined them and they all stood to take their leave. Alec caught his eye, silently searching him for signs of what he was thinking, but he couldn't get a good read. The corner of Magnus's mouth twitched in a smile, and he addressed Baxter. "What do you think?"

"Let's talk in the car," Baxter replied.

Magnus nodded and they filtered into the long hallway that led to where the Lightwood limo waited. They climbed in silently. Alec and Magnus took the forward facing seat. Momma H and Will had the seat on the left while Coach and Baxter took the seat on the right. Once the car started moving, conversation resumed.

"To answer your question, Magnus, I don't really know what to think," said Baxter. "It seems strange that no one thought you would fall that far, and yet you did."

"But you said anything could happen, that nothing was guaranteed," Alec said to Magnus, playing Devil's Advocate, hoping for some reason other than their relationship to account for why he wasn't selected when everyone thought he would be. He still had an eye on Magnus, studying him, _dying_ to know what was going on in his head.

He was completely surprised when Magnus responded all business. "Tell me the truth, Baxter. Did I drop to seven because I kissed Alec? I mean, I know the controversy has died down, but they talked about it a lot following the kiss, and I never spoke out about it. Is that the problem?"

Alec was floored. "Wait. You knew? You knew about the stories and what people were saying?"

Magnus gave him an impatient look. "Of course I knew."

"But…I never saw you looking at what people were saying. You never talked about it and would change the subject if I brought it up." Alec hated that his voice sounded whiny. He was so shocked that Magnus had known about all that stuff and hadn't talked to him about it.

"I didn't want to talk about it. I don't think my sexuality has anything to do with how well I dribble a basketball, or run an offense. Those two parts of my life are separate and have no bearing on each other."

Alec felt a little sore at that. He didn't think the two were completely separate, because he felt like he was, to an extent, part of _both _aspects of his life, but maybe that's not what Magnus was trying to say. Before he had the chance to ask, Magnus turned back to Baxter.

"Well, what do you think?"

Baxter sighed. "I think we have no choice but to assume that was the problem. Your stats are excellent. Your play, even in your final game, was solid. You have no injuries that could have knocked you down a little. There's just not any other reason that I can think of." Baxter sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. "I didn't even know those two foreign guys were on the radar. I don't know what all that was about."

Magnus swore under his breath, then turned a resolute expression to Baxter. "So, what do we do?"

Baxter's smile was sad. "Well, I can investigate. See if I can get anyone to admit that was the problem. But…it's not going to make any difference. What's done is done. You don't get a 'do-over' in the draft. We can make a fuss about it, but at the end of the day, you'll still be a member of the Brooklyn Nets. The only thing that might come of it is a reputation as a sore loser, or worse, as someone who's going to play the discrimination card. Management doesn't like that."

"But -" Magnus and Alec began to protest at the same time.

Baxter held up his hands. "I know. I know it's not fair. You should feel wronged if that's really the reason you dropped. It's bullshit. But think about it this way: you got picked, you're still going to make about two and half million dollars next year, and we have plenty of room to negotiate your contract, plus outside deals. But the higher-ups don't want to deal with troublemakers, especially not rookie troublemakers. They want you to just put in the work, play the game, and don't make waves. It's up to you what you want me to do, and if it's make waves, that's what I'll do. I just think you're asking for more trouble than it's worth."

Magnus huffed and slid back in his seat. Alec could practically see the wheels turning in his mind.

"Magnus?" Momma H said as she slid from her seat and settled on the floor in front of him. She pulled his hands away from his chest and held them, talking in that calm, motherly voice she sometimes used on him. "My dear boy, do you want to know what I think?"

Magnus stared at her for a moment, then nodded. She smiled at him. "I think that you need to look at what you've gained, not what you've lost. You gave gained the career you've dreamed about your entire life. You've gained a team that is willing to take a chance on you. You get to stay in Brooklyn, with Alec and your family. I know how worried you were about leaving, and now you don't have to. And I think Baxter is right. Now, I don't normally tell you to back down from a fight, but I don't think there is anything to gain from fighting this one. You are going to be on a team that knows you have a boyfriend and picked you anyway. You will have nothing to hide, no reason to be wary of the situation. I don't think you can ask for much more than that, dear."

Magnus's eyes drifted to Alec's. He seemed to be silently asking Alec's opinion. Alec shrugged and glanced briefly at Momma H. Magnus understood.

"Okay. Yeah, you're right. I don't really want to be a martyr anyway. I just want to be me, a basketball player who loves his boyfriend. I don't need to fight this. There's nothing to fight anyway."

"You're making a wise decision," said Baxter, and over his shoulder, Coach nodded his agreement.

"Alright," Magnus said with sudden enthusiasm, "let's go celebrate the newest member of the Brooklyn Nets!"

They all cheered at that. Now that Magnus had made his decision, he seemed to be at peace with it. As Momma H crawled back to her seat in the moving limo, Magnus threw his arms around Alec and drew him close. He rested his forehead against Alec's hair and whispered in his ear.

"Brooklyn. I'm staying in Brooklyn. With you."

Alec had to fight back tears. He was so relieved that everything had worked out. Magnus squeezed his hand as he pulled away to say something to Baxter again.

"What's my schedule look like?"

"Well, we'll need to negotiate your contract, so there will be a couple of meetings. I'd like to ask Robert Lightwood to be there, or maybe one of his attorneys. I'm fully capable of negotiating the contract, that's my job, but since we have access to a successful businessman, I like to use the resources available. If you think he'd be willing, that is."

"I'll ask him, but I'm sure he wants to help Magnus anyway he can," Alec said.

"Good. Other than that, you have to be in Las Vegas in two weeks for the NBA Summer League. That'll last for a few weeks, then you'll be back home and start practices and meetings with your new team."

Magnus nodded. "Alright. Yeah. Well, tomorrow Alec and I are going house hunting."

Alec beamed at him and he returned a toothy grin. House hunting. For their new place. Together.

And the next part of their adventure begins.


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: So, this week is the 1 year anniversary of this story! To celebrate, I think we'll have a bonus post on Thursday! What say you?**

**Alexa: I've loved basketball since I was big enough to hold one in my hands. I love how much people respond to the basketball-related chapters, especially since I know a lot/most of you are not into the sport. **

**Cinkie68: You will find that I reference real life events often. Some things I make up to fit my needs in the story (like the fact that the NBA combine is 5 DAYS not WEEKS), but you are right. There are all sorts of reasons for guys to drop in the draft and who knows why. Hell, I don't even understand why guys who are underperforming in college still go so high based on 'potential' when they clearly need more time to develop. Then again, being good in college does not always translate to being good in pros and vice versa. Look at Michael Jordan. He had a mediocre college career, and look what he did in the pros. Btw, I think Okafor's main reason for not going #1 was Karl-Anthony Towns. Lol. God, I miss KAT. Sometimes I think the team just flipped a coin: heads- KAT, tails- Okafor. Oh, it's heads! But, seriously, they are both amazing big men and their teams are lucky to have them!**

**My opinion on Shadowhunters...Well, that's why I waited until we had several episodes to compare. Here's my thoughts:**

**1\. Obviously the story line is _very __loosely_ based on the books, and that used to bother me a lot, but I'm starting to get over it and realize that our reward for reading the books is knowing what the movie/TV watchers don't! **

**2\. The acting at times is rather cheesy. **

**3\. _Finally_ some Magnus...and our boys met! (I liked Godfrey Gao better as Magnus)**

**4\. I. Love. Alec. Love, love, love him! This guy fits Alec so much better than Kevin Zegers (don't shoot me, I liked Kevin, too). **

**I'm going to keep watching, because I have to. It's a personality flaw. But the jury is still out on how I feel about it.**

* * *

Alec was tired of house hunting. So. Fucking. Tired. In the last week, he and Magnus had looked at so many houses, apartments, townhouses, lofts, whatever, he'd actually lost count. They were starting to blur together now and he couldn't remember which one had the personal gym, or which one had the hideous royal blue carpeting, or which one made them pay additional monthly fees for parking. Gah, he just wanted to pick one and be done with it.

The problem? Magnus. He was being so damn picky! He insisted on finding a place close to campus. He planned to go car shopping when he got back from Las Vegas so he could drive to the practice facility every day. Alec offered to drive or take a cab to school so they could split the difference and live between campus and the practice facility, but Magnus said no. He wanted him close enough he could walk, just in case. In case of what, he wouldn't say. Oh, well, at least he was taking Alec's needs into consideration, even if Alec didn't understand what need he was considering.

Wanting to be so close to campus made their options more limited. Magnus was now, officially, a multi-millionaire. Okay, he didn't have _all_ the money yet, but he'd been given a sizeable portion of his projected earnings once he, Baxter, Robert, and one of Robert's lawyers sat down with the powers-that-be at the Nets and ironed out his contract. He'd actually ended up signing for right at three million for his rookie season, meaning he didn't really take a pay cut by going to the Nets as the seventh pick. Baxter was a good negotiator, apparently.

All that meant that Magnus was not interested in living in a rundown, roach-infested college booze-fest known as an off-campus apartment. He didn't want to deal with college kids who wanted to party all night so he couldn't get any sleep when he'd have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn for practice. He just wanted a nice, reasonable place in a nice neighborhood, close to campus, that they could call their own. No problem, right?

Unfortunately, their realtor heard "NBA player" and saw dollar signs. She was a sharply dressed woman with her hair in a bun so tight Alec wondered if it gave her a headache. He found the clickity-clack of her high-heeled shoes and her ruby-red painted lips really annoying, though he confessed to being annoyed by just about every part of the process by this point.

Anyway, the first place she showed them was a high-rise apartment with every amenity imaginable. And a price tag of more than Magnus would make in several years in the NBA. He gave her a disgusted look and reminded her of what he was looking for and that if she couldn't help him find that he would gladly get a new realtor. The look of shock on her face, and the tooth grin on Alec's, made the situation almost comical. The realtor was much more humble after that.

So that led them on a days-long hunt for just the right place. Magnus said he didn't know what he was looking for but he would know when he found it. How? Seriously.

Well, at least he knew what he couldn't live without. They wanted a two-bedroom, just in case someone came in town and wanted to stay with them, like Cammie. They wanted their own washer and dryer, not sharing with other units. They wanted a gym either in the building or nearby if they bought a house. They wanted a parking spot exclusively for Magnus's car. And they wanted privacy. No homophobes please. Anything else was just a bonus.

The taxi stopped outside a two-story house and Alec grudgingly got out, sizing the place up as he did. The front was fairly boring looking, with beige siding and white painted trim. There was a small porch with a few hanging flower baskets and a couple of rocking chairs. Alec suddenly wondered if the owners were like eighty or something. Rocking chairs? Really? The yard was nicely landscaped, with little to mow, but a lot to trim. There were several large trees on the property that Alec hoped wouldn't need much maintenance. What did he know about maintaining trees? He grew up in a freaking penthouse.

The realtor lady met them in front of the house and explained the situation. "The homeowners live on the first floor. The second floor is what they are renting out. The floors are completely separate and each have their own entrance. Follow me," she said, dangling a key between her fingers.

"What are the homeowners like?" Alec asked as he followed her around to the back of the house. Here he could see a two-car garage and steps leading up to an exterior door on the house.

"They are mid-thirties, maybe forties. Successful business people. No kids or dogs. I think they have a cat. I think they work on Wall Street," she added.

"Wall Street?" Alec asked, surprised.

"Well, in the financial district anyway." She waved her hand around.

"Why are they here then? Why not live in Manhattan if they are so successful?" Alec wondered aloud.

She turned the key in the doorknob and pushed the door open. "It's cheaper to live here."

Alec shrugged. He couldn't deny the truth in that statement. He followed Magnus and the realtor into the second floor apartment. She flicked on an overhead light, and his first thought was 'wow.'

The door opened into a spacious living room. Alec was surprised by this since they'd entered through the back of the house. But the realtor, whose name he'd forgotten and now felt stupid asking since they'd seen each other every day for a week, gave them more information.

"The owners renovated this space a few years ago. They didn't need or want a large home and decided it made more sense to make this a separate living space and rent it out. They added the door back here because they wanted a separate, private entrance, but wanted it to have the layout of a regular house or apartment. So they flipped the floor plan and put the living room at the back of the house."

She gestured around the space, pointing out the selling points. "They hired an interior decorator to make the place look good. It comes fully furnished, but they are willing to let you move your own furniture in and store this if you don't like it," she said as she pointed out the dark brown overstuffed microfiber sofa and two chairs, as well as a glass-top coffee table. "The flat screen TV stays as well." She pointed to the huge TV mounted to the wall. "As does the DVD player and other electronic stuff attached to it."

Alec wanted to laugh at that. _Other electronic stuff?_ Maybe she needed to learn the names of the 'other electronic stuff.' Magnus caught his eye and he could tell he was holding in laughter as well.

They followed her into the kitchen, which was just off the living room. It was also a nice space. Tile floors, new appliances, granite countertop, center island with barstools. There was a small, circular glass-top table with four chairs in a little nook off to the side. A large window sat behind it overlooking the front yard and street below.

So far so good.

She led them past a small bedroom with a twin size bed. It had beige carpet, and was otherwise unremarkable. A small bathroom was next door to that, and contained the usual things bathrooms contained.

Across the short hallway was the master bedroom. She turned on the overhead light and stepped back, letting Magnus and Alec into the room ahead of her. They stopped and took a good look at the room that might potentially be their bedroom.

After several moments, Magnus said, "It's so…white." He turned to look at Alec, who was biting his lip to hold back a grin.

"It's not just white," Alec replied, taking in all the whiteness. It really wasn't that bad. "Look, the carpet is…purple…ish?"

They both fell to laughter at that. The realtor chimed in. "It's mauve."

"Mauve. Right," Alec agreed, then whispered loudly to Magnus, "Aren't you gay? Shouldn't you know that?"

They succumbed to their laughter again, this fit much worse than the first. By the time they recovered, their sides were aching and they had to wipe tears from their eyes. The realtor stood stoically watching them. Alec wondered if she knew how to laugh.

"Anyway," Magnus said, trying to regain some control over the situation. "There really is a lot of white."

This was true. The king size bed that took up a good portion of the room had a white beaded headboard and footboard. Alec had never seen anything like it. It looked like an overgrown child's bed. He was surprised they made such a thing. The bedding was white with a mauve pattern that matched the color of the carpet. The walls were a very, very pale shade of that same mauve, and there were some decorative plants in the room. Otherwise, everything was white. The little tables on either side of the bed were white and matched the headboard. The lamps and lampshades were white. The vases holding the flowers were white. The trim was white. Even the fucking ceiling fan was white!

Alec pushed open a white bi-folding door to reveal a large walk-in closet with white shelves. He ran his finger along the shelving and smiled. "Hey, Magnus, there's plenty of room for all your basketball shorts in here!"

"Ha ha, very funny," Magnus said, peering over his shoulder into the closet. It really was spacious. They shouldn't have any problem with storage.

The other door in the bedroom led to an en suite bathroom. White countertops, tub, toilet. At least the fixtures where chrome. But the towels on the white racks were mauve.

"These people really like their white," Magnus said next to him.

"At least their color scheme is consistent," Alec replied with a snicker.

"Is this going to drive you bat-shit crazy?"

"Psh," Alec said, wrapping his arms around Magnus's waist, "as long as you're here, I don't care what color the place is."

Magnus smiled at him and kissed him gently on the tip of his nose. "You're a sap."

"Just for you."

Magnus kissed him again, this time on the lips. The realtor cleared her throat, presumably to get their attention, and they broke apart.

"Well, what do you think?" she asked. There was a slight color to her cheeks. Had they embarrassed her with their PDA? Jeez.

"What's behind that curtain?" Magnus asked, striding over to where a long pale mauve (of course) curtain hung on a white curtain rod. He pulled back the material to reveal a sliding glass door that opened to a small wooden balcony. "Is it safe?"

"Yes. The homeowners built it when they were doing the renovations."

Magnus and Alec exchanged an excited grin over that. A small private balcony? Sweet! They stepped onto it and noticed there was just enough room for a couple of chairs and a small table. The balcony overlooked the side of the house and part of the small back yard was visible as well. There were several mature trees in that area, giving it a very cozy, secluded feel. Alec liked this very much.

"I think we'll be spending a lot of time out here," Magnus echoed his thoughts.

"So, you like the place?" the realtor pressed.

"Do we get to use the garage?" Alec asked, remember the two-car garage he saw on their way up the stairs.

"Yes. One side is for your car. The homeowners get the other side. There is some additional storage space there as well, so if you have a bike or some other gear that you need a place to store, there is space available."

Alec liked that idea. He didn't currently have a bike, but since this place was a couple blocks away from campus, it might not be a bad idea to get one. He could easily walk of course, but if he ended up with an early class on the other side of campus it might be better to ride a bike instead. Lots to think about.

"What about a washer and dryer?" Magnus said.

She led them back into the kitchen. They hadn't noticed the door on the other side of the kitchen on their previous walk-through. This place not only had a room for a washer and dryer, but actually came with said appliances. Bonus!

"Awesome. I guess the only other question is where is the nearest gym?"

The realtor - Sandy? Mandy? Fuck he couldn't remember - bit her lip. "Well, there's one about six blocks down the street. I know you wanted one in the same building, but -"

"That's no problem," Alec interrupted. "We're only three blocks from the Idris weight room. I'm sure they would welcome their basketball golden child back with open arms. Besides, you can always go with me and you know I can get in there any time I want."

Magnus shrugged. "Six blocks isn't that far either…" He looked thoughtful for a moment, then took Alec's hand in his. "Well, what do you think? Should this be our first off-campus home together?"

Alec met his gaze. He saw the love in his boyfriend's eyes. He didn't care one way or the other where they lived, just as long as they were together. Magnus was all he needed. And after living in a rundown dorm together? This place was next to perfect! Except…

He glanced at the realtor lady again. "Do the homeowners know about us?"

She gave him a questioning look. "You mean, that you two are…um…together?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Yes. Do they know that we are gay? Is that going to be a problem?" He may have been a bit snippy with that comment.

"Oh, no, it won't be a problem. I mean, they know, and they are okay with it."

"How generous," he said dryly under his breath. Then, louder to her, "And they know he's going to be playing for the Nets? Are they okay with that, too? A gay basketball star may attract paparazzi attention. Will that be a problem for them?"

She seemed to flinch every time he said the word 'gay.' After a week of dealing with her he was just finding this out. She wasn't overtly homophobic, but she definitely seemed uncomfortable. He wondered how many more times he could slip the word into conversation. He could be such a shit when he wanted to.

"Well, I don't think that will be a problem. I mean, they know who he is, but I don't know if they are anticipating large numbers of press hanging around all the time…"

Magnus snorted. "I'm not _that_ special. I don't think it will be a big deal, honestly." He blew it off. "So, Alec. What do you say?"

Alec shrugged. "I like it. It has everything we need. It's close to school and, what, about twenty or thirty minutes from the training facility? We haven't found anything that fits our needs better than this, and I'm honestly tired of looking. We only have a week to move in before you have to leave again for a few weeks."

"You could come with me," Magnus said suddenly.

"What?"

"To Vegas," Magnus explained. "You can come with me. It's only for a few weeks and we'll be back before cheer practice starts. Come on. Come with me."

"I thought we were trying to decide where to live?" Alec reeled, his brain overloaded. He wasn't expecting that offer. He'd assumed he'd get their new home situated while Magnus was gone. But Vegas?

"Well, yeah, but we've kind of decided that."

"So you're taking this place?" the realtor interjected.

"Yes." Magnus, not taking his eyes from Alec's face.

"Wait. I think my head just exploded," Alec said, gripping his head and forcing his fingers through his dark hair. "Just stop for a moment."

He took a couple of deep breaths, letting all these words sink in. "Okay. Yes. We are taking this apartment." The realtor looked very excited at that. She quickly withdrew her cell phone and starting making calls, leaving them alone for the time being. He returned his attention to Magnus. "You want me to come to Vegas with you?"

Magnus took his hands again. "You really have to ask that? Of course I want you with me. You won't have class yet, and hopefully I won't be basketball-ing the _whole_ time I'm there. We could have some fun, too."

Alec's face fell. "You do remember I'm only twenty, right? I think most of the fun people have in Vegas requires an age of at least twenty-one."

"Well, yeah. You can't drink or gamble…But we can still find things to do. People take their kids there all the time. We could go to a show or…I don't know. We'll think of something."

Magnus looked so hopeful. Alec had to admit the idea of going to Las Vegas was appealing. He wondered if he would be allowed to attend the games and practices, and if not, what he would do with himself while Magnus was busy. Whatever he did had to be better than sitting home alone for a few weeks, though, right?

"Fine. Alright. Let's do it," he said.

Magnus instantly lit up. He pulled Alec into his arms and kissed him…just as the realtor walked back into the room. They heard an awkward sound behind them and broke apart.

"Sorry," Alec said, "sometimes us gay people can't control ourselves." He took more pleasure than he probably should have at watching her squirm when he said that. He was pretty good at hiding it though.

"I…um, I'll just need you two to sign some forms. I'll give you the keys and you can move in as soon as you wish."

Magnus took Alec's hand. "This is quite a day, huh? We're moving in to our own place, and then going to Vegas. This is so exciting!" He looked like he might burst with excitement. Alec was mildly worried about that.

He smiled at his boyfriend. "Yeah. Very exciting."


	58. Chapter 58

_What the ever-loving fuck was I think coming to Las Vegas in July?_ Alec thought as he melted into a puddle on the sidewalk. It was hot. Really. Fucking. Hot. Like, over a hundred degrees Fahrenheit, melt-you-face-off, desert heat. It took all of a nanosecond to break a sweat. He was a New Yorker, not a desert dweller. He seriously regretted agreeing to come to this hell on earth.

Okay, it wasn't _all_ bad. He was in Vegas! And with the most amazing, hottest boyfriend on the planet!

Magnus had severely underestimated the amount of time he would be putting toward basketball though. He had a game nearly every day. And a short practice. On the few days he was off, he had practice twice. Basketball, basketball, basketball. But that was alright. Alec _loved_ basketball. He loved watching Magnus play basketball even more. His only real concern was the heat and how it would affect Magnus's body.

As it turned out, Alec was allowed to attend the games as a spectator. Which was infinitely better than sitting around a hotel room waiting for Magnus to finish practice, which he was not allowed to attend. He felt sure that if he'd not been allowed into the games, he probably would have died of boredom after a few days, thought he admitted that he might have been melodramatic about it.

Alec and Magnus had chosen to stay at the New York, New York Hotel and Casino, because why not? The games were held on the University of Nevada-Las Vegas (UNLV) campus, which was a very short drive away from the part of The Strip where the hotel was, so it was conveniently located. Plus, they got a kick out of the downsized Statue of Liberty and New York skyline in front of the hotel. Even the interior was designed to look like New York City streets, with brick front buildings and balconies and 'outdoor' eating areas. It was like a little slice of home in this desert oasis.

The first night Magnus just couldn't help himself. He dragged Alec into the casino, plopped down in front of a slot machine and ordered a drink from the first barmaid he saw. She eyed Alec when he said he didn't drink and he didn't know if she was suspicious of him because he wasn't drinking and gambling, or if she suspected he wasn't doing those things because he was too young. Fortunately, she didn't press the issue and let Magnus have his fun while Alec stood over his shoulder and watched him.

_He has the best freaking luck_, Alec thought, as Magnus cashed out over three hundred dollars from his slot machine. He'd only put twenty in to play on. Alec felt certain _he_ would have lost money if he'd been the one playing. But that's just the way it goes for Magnus. Everyone loves him…even Las Vegas.

He had to amend that statement after the first game. The Summer League was made up of players that were in their first or second season in the NBA, were free agents, went undrafted, or were players from the D-League, and they were all vying for a limited number of spots on an NBA roster. Consequently, they were all playing their fucking hearts out. Magnus was playing against the best competition he'd ever battled. He had to learn the rules and plays, which were different from what he'd known the last four years in college, and at the same time play against guys who were just as talented as him.

Poor Magnus was so exhausted after the first game, he barely made it back to the hotel before he passed out. Alec somehow managed to get him into their room and onto the bed while he was still conscious. Alec felt like he was taking care of a child when he had to remove Magnus's socks and shoes for him and tuck him into bed. He didn't even stir when Alec began the post-game rub-down of his legs and feet he'd been doing for the last two years.

Alec didn't let him sleep long though. Between the heat and physical exertion he was worried Magnus would get dehydrated. Dehydration at best meant cramps, and limited playing time. At worst it meant hospitalization and IV fluids, but Alec wasn't about to let it go that far. He woke Magnus when room service arrived and made him eat the steak and veggies he'd ordered to replenish his energy, and over the next few hours, made sure he drink a bottle of Gatorade followed by several cups of water.

Taking care of Magnus was something he thoroughly enjoyed, but right now the guy was pulling heavily on his heartstrings. What, with the pathetic, exhausted look on his face, the boneless appearance of his body, and the incredible bedhead he'd woken with from falling asleep so soon after his post-game shower. He even had an adorable little crease on his face from the pillowcase, and his eyes were so heavy they drooped.

And this was just the first day! He had several more games in the next week or so, then a single-elimination tournament. Then he started practicing with the NBA veterans that made up the majority of his team in Brooklyn. After that he'd have an eighty-two game season, going up against the best of the best in the NBA, if he earned a spot on the roster and playing time. Yeah, this was just the beginning.

"You look exhausted," he said softly.

Magnus nodded. "I didn't expect the heat to get to me this bad. I've got to make sure I drink enough fluids so I don't get dehydrated." He chugged another few gulps of water.

Alec grinned. At least they were on the same page when it came to keeping Magnus healthy. He hadn't really thought that would be a problem, though. Magnus was very in-tune with his body and he knew what he needed to do to keep in shape. Alec was just glad he wouldn't have to fight him over how much fluid he needed to drink or protein he needed to eat.

They retired early that night and were up at the crack of dawn for practice the next day. At least, Magnus was. Alec rolled over and drew the pillow over his head to block out the lights and sounds of Magnus getting ready to leave. He was adjusting to the time zone difference, but he was not, under any circumstance, getting up at six in the morning during the summer when he had no classes and was technically on vacation. Nope. Not happening. Lucky for Magnus, six am in Vegas was nine am in New York, so he wasn't exactly struggling.

Brooklyn's game that day was against New Orleans. It was a tough one. Of course, since these guys hadn't been playing together very long, it was more like a scrimmage than an actual game. Nonetheless, both teams wanted to win, and everyone played hard.

Alec decided to have some fun with these games. He took off his 'basketball enthusiast' hat and replaced it with his 'my boyfriend is an NBA rookie' hat. Meaning, he decided to watch as a fan, as someone who's followed Magnus Bane's college career, and he saw things in a whole new perspective.

He'd been watching college and professional basketball all his life. He'd seen the spectacular plays, the feats of athleticism that were beyond words, and to an extent, those plays became almost routine. They were still spectacular and noteworthy, but the level of competition just kept climbing and guys just kept trying to do more and more things until it was almost a let-down to _not see _a ridiculous play in a game.

So he threw all that aside, and just watched Magnus. He watched Magnus sweat and fight for position and try to remember the new play that his coach called. He found it entrancing, watching the wheels turn in Magnus's mind, the sweat glisten on his body as he exerted himself like never before. He made plenty of mistakes - they all did, being so new to this type of game - but he played hard and gave it his all. Alec was so impressed and proud of his boyfriend.

The Nets ended up winning the game by a last second three from Magnus. Magnus was still grinning when he met up with Alec after the team meeting and showers.

The sun had already set and the temperature dropped to a reasonable seventy-five degrees, and Magnus was bubbling over with post-game energy tonight, so they decided to walk the few blocks back to their hotel. Magnus chatted away about the game as they walked. He sounded so excited, so thrilled to be part of this whole process. Alec found the excitement contagious. He was still adjusting to dating a guy who played in the NBA, and sometimes struggled to believe this was their life.

"So, what are they telling you in the locker room?" Alec asked as they stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change.

"Well, they aren't exactly telling us how well we are doing. They actually focus more on what we are doing wrong, what we need to do to improve individually. But I think that's because they _can't_ tell us anything yet. It's only been a few days. They know how we are playing now won't be how we are playing at the end of the tournament. If they tell me I'm doing great, keep up the good work, well, that would be stupid. And that's not what I want from them anyway."

Alec glanced sidelong at him, his eyebrow slightly raised. "What? It's not," Magnus insisted. "How is feeding my ego going to help me or prepare me for playing with superstar athletes who've been in the league for ten years? It's not. I need to know how I can improve, what I can do to be the best version of myself. I don't want sugar-coated bullshit."

Alec laughed out loud as they crossed The Strip and headed toward their hotel. "No. I expect sugar-coated bullshit would still taste like shit."

"Yep," Magnus agreed.

"Well, you are playing well, and you did hit the game winner, so surely they praised you a little?"

Magnus shrugged. "I got a pat on the back for the game winner. Big deal. Like I'm not playing with a whole bunch of people that can hit a game winner?"

"That's a really mature attitude," Alec noted, impressed.

"Eh, it's basketball. It's my job. If I want to be the best, I've got to be this way. I've got to take it seriously and use the criticism as fuel to make me better."

When they reached their room, Alec said, "So, do you feel up to doing something tonight?"

"Not really. I'm beat," he said, and Alec noticed that the energy had subside during their walk. "But I don't have a game tomorrow, so we can do something after my morning practice."

"Sweet."

Magnus passed out shortly after dinner, and Alec spent a few hours Googling things they could do together tomorrow that didn't involve Alec illegally hanging out in a casino, before turning in himself. He snuggled up to a warm Magnus and let his gentle, rhythmic breathing lull him to sleep.

They spent most of Magnus's day off indoors because it was just too fucking hot to go outside. They started off wandering around their hotel and just checking everything out, getting a little homesick as they saw more things that reminded them of the city. They was no hurry to their meandering, and when they encountered a very long hallway, they paid more attention to the décor than the signs. Therefore, they were surprised when they reached the end and found themselves in a completely different hotel.

The transition into the halls of Excalibur was immediately apparent. With its dark, castle-like walls, suits of armor and medieval décor, they not only knew they weren't in New York anymore, but felt like they'd stepped back in time. They investigated every nook and cranny, took lots of pictures, and even stopped to play a few carnival games when they stumbled across the area known as the Fun Dungeon. They shared a laugh at the name, Magnus waggling his eyebrows suggestively at Alec, but it was not _that_ kind of fun dungeon.

Now aware that some of the Vegas hotels connected, they began searching for signs to the next leg of their adventure, which turned out to be the Egyptian pyramid-shaped hotel known as the Luxor. There they found an interesting exhibit about the human body. Well, Alec being someone entering the medical field thought it was interesting with real bones and muscles and internal organs detailed. Magnus just thought it was gross and said all that was covered with skin for a reason. Then, they spent some time riding the elevators because the building was shaped like a pyramid and the elevators moved diagonally, which was just weird, and cool.

Next, they wound their way through a corridor and into the Mandalay Bay Hotel, which had a spacious open floor and was brightly lit. They explored this place as well, and eventually found the Shark Reef aquarium. This place was a massive, _massive_ underwater world. They completely lost track of time in a tunnel watching all manner of sea life swim past and over them. The gentle movements of fins and water currents, the swaying of underwater vegetation mesmerized them.

Before they knew it, they'd spent hours wandering around and exploring what some of the casinos had to offer beyond just gambling. Alec thought the connections between the hotels was brilliant, and he definitely appreciated not having to melt in the desert heat walking outdoors along The Strip.

They stopped at a restaurant and got some food that could be eaten while they walked, burgers and fries and such. Then, they hit some of the shops on the way back to their hotel, mostly just window shopping. When they got back to New York New York, they went outside to the pool for a little while, but didn't stay long because there were just too many people for it to be enjoyable.

Magnus had his second practice at four. He returned a few hours later and Alec was waiting for him with a whole date night planned. He gave Magnus some space to get ready to go out, but it was all he could do not to rush him.

They hopped on a bus and headed to the area known as "Old Las Vegas." This was the original gambling part of Vegas and still had some of the well-known casinos, like the Golden Nugget. The place was very cool. They wandered down Fremont Street, peeking into casino after casino, watching the people milling around. The street was not open to traffic, so people weaved along the sidewalk and street wherever they felt like going.

Suddenly, loud music started playing, startling them because they weren't expecting it. They looked around for the source, wondering if there was a live band on the street, and noticed everyone they saw had their faces pointed toward the sky. Alec looked up and was stunned by what he saw.

The street was covered high above their heads, and had suddenly turned into a giant screen. There were images of a band and what looked like parts of a music video playing. A light show went along with the rhythm of the music as one song morphed into another. The whole show only lasted a few minutes, but it was very unique.

When it was over, Alec glanced at Magnus, who was wearing a stunned grin to match his own. "That was fucking cool!" Magnus said, and Alec agreed.

They continued down the street, Magnus slipping into one of the casinos and playing a few rounds of black jack, just so he could say he'd done so. Alec stood behind him as inconspicuously as he could. He didn't know what would happen if he got caught in the casino. Would he get arrested even if he wasn't gambling? Would they just kick him out? He didn't want to find out the answer to those questions, so he just tried to blend in and not draw attention to himself.

Magnus won, of course. Luckiest motherfucker on the planet.

Later, they headed back to The Strip where they stopped for a fantastic seafood dinner. They ordered a sampler that contained crab legs, lobster tail, clams, shrimp scampi, and fried flounder. And they stuffed themselves to bursting. Alec licked Magnus's finger when he attempted to wipe away a little butter at the corner of Alec's mouth. Magnus locked eyes with him, his gaze smoldering, and Alec was suddenly tempted to cut the date short and head back to the hotel. Magnus had been too tired to fool around for a couple of days, and the look on his face now made him seriously, _seriously_, consider it.

But he didn't. He kept hold of his rising libido, and forced himself to behave.

Alec checked his watch. They still had a couple hours before they had to be anywhere. The sun was low in the sky letting the temperature drop to a more reasonable level, so he decided they should walk The Strip. They paused for a few moments at Treasure Island to watch the giant pirate ship in front of the building move. Apparently there were actors performing some sort of play or scene, but they were too far away to hear what was going on. It was still pretty cool though.

They continued on, stopping between Treasure Island and the Mirage to have their pictures taken with an enormous bronze statue of the famous Las Vegas performers, Siegfried and Roy. They were depicted with a tiger, which was a main part of their show. Alec laughed at the goofy faces Magnus made, and made sure to take a picture from an angle that looked like Magnus had his head stuck in the tiger's mouth.

They watched gondola rides through the canal at the Venetian, then marveled at the Roman extravagance of Caesars Palace. They were blinded by the sheer, brilliant pink-ness of the Flamingo, and enamored with the half-scale version of the Eiffel Tower at Paris Hotel.

Then, they followed the startlingly green lights into the MGM Grand. They wandered inside the enormous building and found a huge exhibit of live lions. A lioness lay sprawled out on what looked like a rock walkway. They watched as a great maned lion prowled beside her, nudging her with his broad nose in what appeared to be an affectionate gesture. Magnus then won another fifty bucks in the casino before Alec dragged him to their final destination.

The were back at the Luxor. Alec had reserved tickets to see Criss Angel's magic show. He'd watched some of his events on TV and found the man captivating. So when he realized he could see a show _live_, he simply couldn't resist. And he was not disappointed. From start to finish, the show was absolutely astounding. By the look on Magnus's stunned face, he enjoyed it just as much as Alec did.

After the show, they retired to their room since Magnus had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn for practice. They'd had one of those days that they would remember for a very long time. The things they'd seen and done had been so amazing, and they'd only scratched the surface since they'd had to cram it all into one day!

Magnus looked at him with sleepy eyes…but not _that_ sleepy. It had been several days, after all. They had a quick little romp, and even though it was abbreviated, Alec still took very good care of his man, loving him, caressing him, worshipping that beautiful body as it should be while Magnus relaxed and let him. Then they slept like the dead.

* * *

The rest of their time in Las Vegas was devoted to basketball. Alec enjoyed watching Magnus grow more confident as he adjusted to the new style of play the NBA required. By the end of the two weeks, he looked like he belonged in an NBA jersey, playing against the best competition he'd ever encountered. Unfortunately, he'd not yet played against the best competition, and he still had a lot to learn, but he was making progress and that's what this summer league was all about.

The Nets made it all the way to the final game, losing in a revenge game against the New Orleans Pelicans. Apparently those guys didn't appreciate getting beat in their first game of the summer league. Magnus was thoroughly exhausted by the heat and intensity of the games and the crazy schedule that had them playing every single day.

When it was over, he slept for three days in their new bed in their new Brooklyn apartment, while Alec unpacked all their shit and found places for it all to go, once again taking care of the man he loved.


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: Last weekend was NBA All-Star weekend (more on that down the road). Yarnbag pointed out some tweets from Godfrey Gao. Apparently he was in attendance and posted pics with some players, which means MAGNUS BANE WAS LITERALLY AT AN NBA EVENT! Pardon me while I fangirl.**

**Alexa: Ok. You're right. Godfrey is sex on legs (he is soooo beautiful), but Harry does 'fabulous' so much better! I'm loving the Shadowhunter Malec moments!**

**Speaking of, me thinks someone, somewhere is promoting "Malec Moments." The story has had a flurry of new reviews/favs and more than 12,000 views in last few days. So, whoever you are, if you are reading this, THANKS!**

* * *

"Austin!" Alec shouted as he crossed the quad. The grass was dying underfoot in the last August heat and made weird crunching sounds with each step.

Austin beamed at him when he saw who'd hollered his name. He rose from the picnic table where he'd been sitting and met Alec a few steps away, throwing his arms around him and slapping his back in a manly hug. "Hey, man!"

Alec dropped his bag next to the table and they both slumped onto a bench. "So," Alec said, grinning stupidly. It had been so long since he'd seen his friend. "This is what an Olympic bronze medalist looks like."

Austin grinned slyly at him, his tanned cheeks coloring a little. "I guess so," he said, looking proud of his accomplishment. As he should have.

"I wish I could have been there," Alec said, his voice full of remorse. "I actually thought about quitting cheerleading just so I could come to Rio and watch you compete." He meant that, too. He'd given it some serious thought. He didn't _need _cheerleading, per se, but in the end he didn't want to shuck his commitment. "I watched every single event you were in on TV though. You were so great!"

"Thanks. I guess I'm not going to be the next Michael Phelps, though. I didn't win any gold, much less multiple golds."

"Well, I thought you were great," Alec said, resting his head in his hands. "So, tell me all about Rio."

"It was…amazing!" Austin gushed. He spent the next thirty minutes or so giving Alec all the details, from his room in the Olympic Village, to the people he'd met, to the sites they visited, to the actual games and ceremonies. Alec grew wistful as he spoke, wishing he could be involved in something like that. It sounded like Austin had a wonderful time, a once in a lifetime experience.

"That sounds so awesome," he said when Austin finished his story. "You're so lucky to have been part of that."

"I really am," Austin agreed. "And now that I'm an Olympic medalist, I've been offered a job as a swim instructor for a really prestigious school."

"Really? That's awesome!"

"Yeah, and the best part? It's in Boston." The sly grin on Austin's face told Alec how relieved he was that the school was located there. Alec had no trouble reading between the lines.

"So," he said, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth, "things still going well with Cammie, I assume?"

Austin gave him a bashful look. Alec couldn't ever remember seeing him look that way before. Austin leaned across the table and said in a low voice, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Austin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box. He stretched his arms across the table and flipped open the lid of the box, looking up at Alec expectantly.

Alec's mouth dropped open. Inside the box was a shimmering diamond engagement ring with numerous tiny stones along the band. It was breathtaking. Alec's hand moved to cover his gaping mouth as he looked from the ring to Austin and back. "Wow."

"Yeah. I spent many summers stripping tobacco on my grandpa's farm to save up for that. Fortunately, since I started college, I got to skip that part, but I still help out on the farm every summer, and he still pays me well for it. There's a lot of blood, sweat, and tears that earned me the money for that ring." He grinned sheepishly. "And she's worth every penny of it."

"That's -"

"Oh. My. God. I had no idea you two were ready to take this step!"

Alec and Austin simultaneously turned toward the intruding voice in time to see Devin flop down on the bench next to Alec. He covered his heart with his hand and fluttered his eyelashes at them. "I'm just so happy for you," he said in a mocking, high-pitched voice. Then he lowered his voice conspiratorially. "But what will Magnus and Cammie think?" He sucked in a scandalized breath.

Alec looked back at Austin, with his arms outstretched and the ring box perched between his fingers, the sincere expression on his face, and the look of surprise and happiness he knew was on his own, and mentally laughed at the image they presented. He wondered if anyone else had witnessed the scene and actually thought Austin was proposing to him.

Outwardly, though, he smacked Devin on the arm. "Shut up, asshole."

This, of course, set Devin to laughing like a hyena. Alec's blue eyes met Austin's green ones, and the instant they did, both succumbed to laughter themselves.

When they finally settled down, Devin said, "So, you're really gonna ask Cammie to marry you?"

"Yeah, I am."

"That's awesome, man. Really. I hope she says yes."

Austin's eyes flickered to Alec's and back to Devin's uncertainly. "You think she won't say yes?"

"What? No, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying…I mean, I'm sure she will…oh, shit," Devin stammered, completely flustered.

"Relax, Austin," Alec said, attempting to be the voice of reason. "You know her. She loves you. She'll say yes." He wanted to add that Cammie had already told him, months ago at the NCAA tournament, that she would say yes if Austin ever asked, but he didn't feel right about saying it. Cammie hadn't specifically told him _not_ to tell Austin that, but she hadn't said he _could_ either. So he kept his mouth shut.

"Yeah. I know she will. I guess I'm just nervous about it."

"So, when are you going to do it?" Devin said, recovering from his blunder. He propped his chin on one hand, hanging on Austin's every word.

Austin smiled. "I'm going to Boston for Thanksgiving with her family. I thought I might do it then."

Alec and Devin nodded at the same time. "That's perfect," Alec said.

"How are you going to do it?" Devin asked with real interest.

"I...don't know yet..."

"I'm sure you'll think of something really romantic," Dev replied sincerely.

Austin beamed at his friends, then closed the ring box and slid it back into his pocket. "So, how's the new cheer partner?"

Alec shrugged noncommittally. "She's okay."

Austin arched an eyebrow. "Just okay?"

Alec flashed a grin. "She's not Cammie."

"Well, it's not really fair to compare anyone to Cammie."

"That's true," Alec said. He contemplated what to tell them about his new partner. "Well, her name is Tammy," he began.

"Nu-uh," said Devin.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Austin.

Alec shook his head. "Nope. It gets better. She has long blonde hair and basically the same build as Cammie."

The other guys chuckled. "At least her eyes are blue instead of green," Alec continued. "And she's not near as feisty as Cam."

"Well, there you go, Austin," said Devin with a devilish grin on his face. "If Cammie says no, you can have Tammy instead."

Alec burst out laughing when Austin flipped Devin the bird. He was pretty sure he heard Austin call Dev a shithead or something to that effect, just before he started laughing himself. No one could resist when Devin decided to be funny. No one.

"What about you, Dev? You found Mrs. Right yet?" Austin said, a challenging glimmer in his eye.

Devin snorted. "Nope, but I've found plenty of Mrs. Right Now's," he said, and they all laughed again.

Alec's sides were starting to hurt from laughing so much, but he had really missed these guys. It was so good to see them again. The warm familiarity felt so right.

His grin slipped, however, when Austin said, "So, how are things with Magnus and the NBA?"

"Yeah, how is our fearless leader?" Devin agreed.

Alec's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about his answer. How were things with Magnus and the NBA? Where to start?

"Well, he's…struggling a little bit actually."

"Really? I thought he'd hit the ground running and not look back," said Devin, a concerned expression on his face, which was comical really. Devin was always grinning and happy and looking for a laugh. Serious expressions didn't look right on him.

"Well, it's a lot harder than he thought it would be. I noticed that when we were in Vegas for the summer league. He's playing against some of the best athletes he's ever competed with. To hear him talk about it, it's absolutely brutal."

"Well, yeah. That makes sense. I mean, they've narrowed the field down significantly. There are only a few hundred guys in the NBA. Of course the college competition is going to be lesser than the pros, and college was a step up from high school. Makes sense," Devin repeated. shrugging.

"Yeah, but…it's not just that. It's something else."

"What do you mean?" Austin said.

"Well…Look, Magnus is not afraid of competition. He never has been. He told me himself that he was dying to get in there and battle with the pros. He wanted to learn from them. He wanted the criticism. He wanted to do whatever it took to get better."

"And now?"

Alec shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. He's just…sometimes he gets so...grumpy, moody, just...not like himself. I thought he would be happy. He's supposed to be happy! He's playing basketball for a living! Why isn't he happy?"

Austin and Devin had identical perplexed expressions. "Have you tried asking him?" Austin said.

"Of course I've tried asking him. He just says he had a rough day and doesn't want to talk about it."

"Wait," Devin said. "Magnus Bane doesn't want to talk about basketball?"

"Exactly," said Alec. "He just blows me off, saying nothing is wrong, and tells me to drop it."

"Do you think it's just not what he thought it would be?" Devin again. "Like, he thought it would be the end all, be all, and maybe it's just not. Maybe it's just like anything else. You know, work is work, even if you love your job, it's still work."

Alec mulled that over for a moment. "Maybe? I don't know."

"Does he get along with his teammates?" Austin said.

"Well, it's still pretty early. He doesn't know any of them very well. He's a rookie trying to figure out where he fits in, and he said there's been some hazing going on. You know most of his team is made up of veterans, guys that have been in the league for, like, ten years or more. There's not a lot of young guys on his team. There are two other rookies, but he didn't know them coming in."

"Hazing, huh?" Devin said. "Like what?"

"Well, what he's told me was mostly stupid shit, like the guys hiding their clothes when they were in the shower so the rookies had to walk around the practice facility naked to find their missing items."

"Wow, that's mature from thirty year old men," Austin said with an eye roll.

"Yeah, and that wouldn't bother Magnus anyway. You remember how he used to walk around our dorm naked all the time. He's completely comfortable in his own skin. He couldn't care less about that. I think the other two guys were a little embarrassed, but really. We're talking about guys who are used to showering with a bunch of other guys, so I doubt it really fazed any of them."

"True."

"But that's just what he's told me. I'm sure there are plenty of other things he's keeping to himself. I don't know if that's because it's seen as a weakness to complain about hazing stuff, or if he doesn't want to upset me or if it's really just no big deal."

"Do you think it's no big deal? Because if so, why are we talking about this?" Austin said delicately.

"Because I don't think it's no big deal. I think there's something going on that he doesn't want to tell me. I just don't know the reason behind it." Alec scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed.

"What are you going to do?" Devin said. This was the most serious Alec had ever seen the guy, and that thought alone made him wonder how serious this thing with Magnus really was.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I guess keep trying to get him to open up. He's never been able to keep things from me for very long before, so hopefully he'll give in soon."

"Has he given you any clues? Like, is it just how hard he has to work in practice, or are the guys being assholes to him?" Austin said.

"I get the impression that it's both, but I don't know that for sure because he won't tell me. But some of his reactions make me think that it's partly how hard he has to work to prove himself. I know he's working his ass off, too. He's so mentally and physically drained when he gets home from practice he has to take a nap before he can even eat dinner. But I think some of the older guys are giving him a hard time. I just don't know if it's normal rookie stuff or something else."

"You want me to talk to him?" Devin offered.

"Yes!" Alec said, suddenly realizing what a good idea that was. "I think a friendly basketball face is exactly what he needs."

"Alright, I call him later tonight."

"Thanks, Dev," Alec said earnestly.

Devin shrugged. "I wouldn't expect much out of it. If he won't talk to you, I'm sure he won't tell me anything. But I really miss the guy, and was kind of wanting to talk to him anyway. He…um…he was really important to me, you know?"

"I know, Dev. You mean a lot to him, too. That's why I think hearing from you will cheer him up, even if it doesn't get him to open up."

Devin beamed at Alec, and Alec thought maybe Magnus wasn't the only one that would benefit from a conversation with Devin. He thought Devin might get just as much out of it.

"Oh, before I forget," Devin said. "My brother has some meeting set up with some club he wants you to attend. Something about a guest speaker. I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders as if emphasizing his point. "It's in October I think."

"Wow," Alec said as he tried to decipher that message. He turned to Austin. "Hey, I wouldn't let this idiot do your wedding invitations. God only knows when and where people would show up. Or if they would even know they were attending a wedding."

Devin laughed. "Shut up. Dylan had this long message for me to give you. I think I got most of it right."

Alec snorted. "Right. Tell him I'll show up some time, some day, somewhere for some meeting with some club and some speaker, some time in October. Alright?"

Austin's shoulders shook with silent laughter as Alec's words sunk in and Devin's face contorted into an amused grin. "Fine. Maybe I should just give you his number and you can get the information from him."

"Maybe."

* * *

Magnus emerged from their bedroom with a huge grin on his face when Alec shut the front door behind him. He dropped his backpack beside the couch and crossed the room to greet his boyfriend with a hug and a tender kiss.

"You seem to be in a good mood," Alec observed.

"Yeah. I just got off the phone with Devin. He was telling me about the team and how much they miss me as their leader. I think it was good for my soul."

Alec opened the fridge and took out some chicken and some broccoli and carrots. "Grab the rice, will you? I'm in the mood for Chinese tonight."

Magnus did as he was told, a little bounce in his step as he found the right size pan for the rice and set some water to boil. Alec kept one eye on him as he browned the chicken in the skillet. He really did seem happier after talking to Devin.

"I think you're right. Do you miss playing in college?"

Magnus shrugged. "Yeah. It was so much simpler, you know?"

"Yeah," Alec said, though he really didn't know. He wasn't going to give up trying to find out either. "Is this year kind of like when you were a freshman and just getting used to college and a new system and stuff?"

Magnus was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, you heard what Coach said at the Senior Banquet. He was afraid of me because I was a highly touted recruit, and I think some of the upperclassmen were, too. I had to prove I could run the offense and lead the team, but there wasn't really a question as to whether or not I would play. We didn't _have_ another point guard. I was it. So no one really gave me a hard time…" His voice trailed off, and Alec wondered if he thought he'd revealed too much.

He battled himself for a moment. This was the closest they'd come to talking about his current team. Did he let it drop with this tidbit of information? Or should he press for more and risk Magnus closing up again? In the end, his curiosity won.

"Magnus?"

"Hmm?" he replied thoughtfully, distantly.

"Are…are the guys giving you a hard time? On your new team, I mean?"

He said this as casually as he could while the smell of teriyaki sauce filled the air and the juices turned the chicken and vegetables a warm brown color. He didn't dare look at Magnus for fear he would see Alec's curiosity in his eyes and close down.

He saw Magnus shrug from the corner of his eye. "It's nothing I can't handle. They're just being guys. Jocks." He leaned over Alec's shoulder. "That looks amazing. The rice is done. Let's eat."

And just like he had every other time Alec tried to talk to him about his team, he swiftly changed the subject to something else. Alec checked a sigh, knowing that he wasn't going to get anywhere with Magnus tonight. He'd just have to wait until Magnus was ready to talk to him about it. He just hoped things didn't get worse in the meantime.


	60. Chapter 60

"Alec! I'm so glad you could make it!"

Alec thought that greeting might be a tad overenthusiastic, but he'd learned to expect that from Dylan Callahan. At least, whenever Alec showed up to some event with something or other to do with homosexuality. Why the man was so keyed up about Alec and his sexuality, Alec could only guess. Fortunately - or unfortunately depending on the perspective - Dylan kept inviting him to things he was actually interested in checking out.

This event, he'd found out after talking to Dylan since Devin's information of just ridiculous, was some sort of study of the history of homosexuality. They'd apparently invited the author of some book on said subject, one that Alec had never heard of or read, to speak to the group.

Alec found himself increasingly interested in this topic, or actually more in the topic Dylan had said over the phone. He'd talked about society's acceptance of homosexuality throughout history, and Alec wanted to know more about this. He had his reasons, too.

Magnus. He'd grown more and more moody lately. Sometimes, when he first came home from practice or from one of the preseason games, he'd be in such a bad mood he'd shut himself in their bedroom for an hour or so until he calmed down. He would emerge some time later, looking happier, and would suddenly be very clingy to Alec. He wouldn't offer any explanations, and when Alec asked questions, he'd just say it was nothing or he'd handle it or blow him off in some other fashion. Alec did like it, but he was at a loss on what to do about it.

He'd had his suspicions as far back as Draft Day that Magnus was being subjected to some homophobia, but he had no proof, and Magnus wasn't talking about it. He could be completely off base, too. Maybe he really was just struggling adjusting to the game. Maybe he didn't get along with his teammates. Maybe his coach was a prick and being too hard on him. Who knows? The only thing that was clear was that Magnus was stressed out, and that was stressing Alec out, too.

Whatever had been going on since practice started was not the only problem, though. Now, Magnus was adjusting to something he was completely unaccustomed to dealing with: he wasn't playing. He might get in for a few minutes each game, but he wasn't playing near what he was used to, and that was definitely starting to wear on him. Alec told him not to worry. He was a rookie and he had to do the time just like everyone else, but he had a hard time swallowing that himself when the starting point guard for the Nets was in his thirties and well past his prime. Magnus was young, and honestly, much more talented. Hopefully, he would soon prove himself and get more playing time and there would be one less thing for them to worry about.

On a whim one day, Alec had even offered to help him practice. He was much broader and more muscular than Magnus and could bump him around pretty easily. If he could learn to play through fouls and physicality, maybe he would get more playing time faster. Magnus's response? "No offense, cheerleader, but you're not exactly the best defender I've ever played against." Alec couldn't deny that, and couldn't even feel sore about it, no matter how much he wanted to help Magnus.

Basically, all Alec knew was that something was amiss, and it was making Magnus grumpy, and it took him some time each night to decompress before they could have an enjoyable time together. He hated that for Magnus. Seeing Magnus happy was the thing that mattered most to him.

Following the thought loop of his unconfirmed suspicions, Alec was suddenly interested in societies that were accepting of homosexual relationships. That made perfect sense, right?

Alec grabbed a plate of snacks and a cup of some carbonated beverage or another, and followed Dylan around the room. The meeting room was a drab, nondescript room on NYU's campus, with off-white tile floor and metal folding chairs. There was a power point set up with the title "Who Likes Gays?" Alec chuckled to himself. This might be an interesting meeting.

They mingled with a bunch of other NYU students that Dylan knew. Alec didn't catch any of their names, but he was pretty sure he'd seen most of them at the frat party last year. He was having trouble concentrating on their chattering, mostly because it was a large group of people he didn't know, talking about things he didn't know, and they all seemed to be talking at once.

Dylan seemed to realize this eventually and pulled him aside. He introduced him to a short, middle-aged African American woman with a mop of curly black hair held back from her face by a multi-colored ribbon that streamed down her back. She wore a floor length patterned dress and strappy sandals since late-October had not yet turned cool. She had a warm, open face, and rich, chocolate-brown eyes that invited conversation and questions. Unfortunately, the presentation was about to start, so that would have to wait.

Dylan called the room to order and stood at the front with this lovely woman, who he introduced as Malaya Nations, the author and guest speaker. A polite round of applause segued into her talk.

"Who Likes Gays?" she began in a smooth, alluring voice. Just like that she had the attention of everyone in the room. She smiled warmly at the group. "This is the actual title of my book. Clever, no? How many have read it?"

The majority of hands went into the air, and Alec suddenly felt out of place. He remembered how progressive NYU was with regards to not only its LGBT community, but also with its course offerings and degree programs related to sexuality. He should have read the book.

"Great!" Malaya said, clapping her hands together. "That will make this so much more fun! I prefer to have interactive talks, so feel free to ask questions at any point, and if I ask you guys a question, just blurt out the answer. Okay?"

Nodding and murmurs of assent commenced. She clapped her hands again. "Good, good. Alright, let's get a feel for what you guys already know. We'll start with something fairly easy. When was the term 'homosexual' first use?"

A woman to Alec's right and down several seats raised her hand and immediately began speaking. Alec caught less than half of what she said because her voice was soft and she spoke really fast. His eyes darted back to the speaker, wondering if she understood any of this. To his surprise, she was smiling and nodding.

"Okay, breathe," Malaya said with a grin when the girl stopped talking. "Very good. There is some debate over who actually coined the phrase, but most historians agree it was likely Karoly Maria Kertbeny, an Austrian-Hungarian journalist who wrote extensively on the subject of homosexuality. And you are correct, the first time the word was publicly written was in 1869, though he apparently also used it prior to that in a private letter to Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, who was a German gay-rights advocate."

Alec wasn't sure how to feel about that. 1869? Not even one-hundred fifty years ago? What did they call it before that? Apparently he wasn't the only person in the room who didn't know anything about this. A guy a couple rows up asked the question for him.

She smiled serenely at the guy. "Well, for the most part, it wasn't called anything. There were some terms used to describe certain acts, many of those with negative connotations, or pulled from religious beliefs to be sins. An example of that would be sodomy, and the people involved were called sodomites. However, most civilizations did not have terms that correspond to modern terminology. For our purposes, we are going to focus on the positive aspects of the history of homosexuality."

_Alright,_ Alec thought. He wasn't really interested in a religious discussion anyway. He wasn't sure how they would get through the history of homosexuality without discussing religion, though. Maybe they wouldn't. Maybe that just wasn't where Malaya wanted the discussion to go yet?

He realized she was still talking, and that he'd missed some of what she'd said. He chastised himself for not paying attention.

"There are many cultures throughout history where homosexual acts were not only tolerated, but expected. Can anyone give me an example of this?"

Someone behind Alec spoke. "Ancient Greece," said a rather sexy male voice. Alec didn't even turn around to look for fear he would have trouble concentrating on the discussion if the guy's looks came even close to matching his voice.

"Good. There are many examples in Ancient Greek culture, anything from art to literature to every day life, even in philosophical teachings. A common act, especially among the upper classes of society, was pederasty. This is were an older man, usually one who is married to a woman and likely has children, takes a free young man, usually in his late teens, as a sexual partner and becomes a mentor to him. It was a very common practice. In fact, in some societies, this was considered 'normal' and if you didn't do, people wondered what was wrong with you."

That drew a laugh from the audience. Alec mulled it over as Malaya went on do discuss Ancient Rome. Apparently, where in Greece homosexuality was more a status symbol, in Rome it was just how things were. There was little restriction on sexual acts, and essentially no concern about fidelity in a marriage.

Alec thought about that as well. Basically, it sounded like total sexual freedom. Fuck whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want. Really? He wasn't sure how to feel about that. On one hand, it sounded pretty great. No need to worry what others thought about your relationship. He and Magnus would not only be accepted by society, but considered completely normal. Not even something to look twice at. On the other hand, he wasn't sure he would be able to share. In fact, he knew he wouldn't. He'd told Magnus as much when they first started dating.

But why? Is that because of how he was raised? Or society's current position on fidelity? Would he have felt that way if he'd lived a few thousand years ago when Roman thoughts and ideals were completely different? Did Ancient Romans feel the jealousy and hurt that humans today feel when their partner sleeps with someone else? Or since it was just a routine part of living, did they just accept it and do the same thing?

Alec tuned back into what Malaya was saying. "…prior to the Christianity era in Mesopotamia. At times, homosexual male prostitutes were even celebrated, partaking in public events, singing and dancing and having a merry time."

Celebrating prostitutes? Damnit, Alec, pay attention!

"Does anyone know the Native American stance on this subject?"

A woman in the front row with long, wildly curly hair, raised her hand and spoke. "The Natives refer to homosexuals as Two-Spirit."

"Yes, and no," Malaya said. "The term Two-Spirit does not specifically indicate homosexuality, rather it is a reference to a person who has both masculine and feminine characteristics. Using modern terminology, it refers more to people who are androgynous, transgender, or effeminate males and masculine females, regardless of whether or not they participate in homosexual relationships, though many of them did. The really interesting thing about the Two-Spirited people is that they are highly regarded individuals and often looked upon as religious leaders and teachers."

_Wow,_ Alec thought. _Wouldn't that be nice. _He lost himself for several minutes in thoughts of what the world would be like if everyone regarded these 'Two-Spirited' people this way. His personal life would not be drastically affected, since neither him nor Magnus were effeminate by any stretch of the imagination. But to live in a society that highly regarded people like Ronnie, the androgynous keyboard player from the Flaming Pixies? A society where people like that weren't looked down on, weren't stigmatized, but were celebrated and thought to be worthy of teaching the rest of us what was important?

Alec was pulled from his thoughts again as someone asked, "What changed these cultures?"

Malaya gave the questioner - Alec didn't see who it was - a sad smile. "In one word? Christianity."

Muttering and restlessness instantly rippled through the audience. Alec glanced around at his fellow attendees, not knowing anyone to really participate in the small group discussions that were breaking out all over the room. He tried to eavesdrop the various conversations, but there were too many to discern what was being said. He did catch Dylan's eye from where he stood near the door. He supposed, remembering Dylan's tendency to want to appear important, as host of the event he wanted to separate himself from the rest of the group. Dylan raised an eyebrow at him, and Alec smiled at the smirk that appeared on the younger man's face.

Malaya stood quietly at the front of the room, not interrupting the mini-discussions. Alec thought she looked a little smug. He supposed he would too if he'd been able to affect a room with one little word like that. He wondered how long she would let this continue.

Finally, after several minutes, and several voices that were rising and becoming more heated, she cleared her throat. Somehow, as if the whole room waited for her cue, that was all it took to call the room to order.

"I see there are some strong feelings on that particular subject," she said, a grin slowly spreading across her face as she took in the expressions and body language of her audience. "Yes, indeed. First, I want to say that I am _not_ condemning Christianity, and I don't want this to become a religious talk. However, it is impossible to talk about the stigma of disgrace bestowed on the entire LGBT community without talking a little bit about Christianity." She held her thumb and index finger barely and inch apart as she said this, emphasizing the words 'little bit.' Alec grinned.

"You see, Christianity has always been what many believe the moral standard of society. I am _not_ saying that's true," she added hastily, holding up her hands against the beginnings of a few protests. "There are many, many people who do not believe that is true, like pretty much every other religion on the planet." She said this with humor, effectively getting the audience under control again. "But the Christians believe it, and they are numerous and widespread.

"You asked the question what brought that way of thinking to a close, and in most cases, Christianity is the answer. Christian laws and teachings certainly had a profound effect on the relative sexual freedom in Rome, and other parts of the ancient world. When introduced in the Americas, those ideas penetrated the Native American society as well.

"Now, I am not saying that Christians are our enemy. In fact, there are many Christians who stand with the LGBT community. There are many that have realized that the Bible is just a book, and one that has been influenced by the prejudices of its writers and revisers over the course of many centuries. And in places where homosexuality was never embraced and always condemned, Christianity was usually highly influential."

Alec thought on that for a moment. Obviously, that wasn't exactly _news._ Christians were, as far as he could tell, one of the most outspoken anti-gay groups there was. They were generally the ones protesting Gay Pride events, gay marriage laws, gay adoptions.

He'd thought long and hard for many years about the subject of religion. His parents weren't overly religious and he hadn't been raised in a household that went to church on Sundays. He never quite understood the religious zealots. He never understood why people would use benevolent, peaceful religions as a basis to commit acts of terror and hate. He'd always just assumed that since he didn't understand the basics of religions, he wasn't qualified to understand the extremists.

Then, he figured out that those feelings he was having toward other boys meant he was gay. From that moment on, he struggled to figure out where he could possibly fit into _any_ religion. All he knew from experience, from seeing it on the television or the internet, was that religions _hated_ gays. As far as he knew, that included all religions. So he stopped trying to find a place to belong with groups that hated him for being him. He came to terms with his sexuality, embraced it, _enjoyed it_, and didn't think twice about what religious people thought about him. Hell, he wasn't even certain that he believed a God or gods existed.

Then, his junior year of high school, he got to talking to his cheer partner, Miranda Hinkley, about the most random topics. Apparently, Miranda was raised in a Christian household, one where they went to church every single time it was in service. She'd been baptized at a young age. She sang in the choir and her mother played the piano during services. Her father was even the young minister. _That _kind of Christian family.

By that time, Alec's sexuality had become public knowledge. He had a boyfriend and everyone knew it. He didn't care what people thought. But when Miranda started telling him about her family, he started to worry. Was she about to tell him they couldn't be partners anymore? Or worse, that she hated him? He hoped not. He really liked her.

She seemed to somehow know what he was thinking. Maybe it was the expression on his face, or the fear in his eyes, or the stiffness of his spine. He never asked and she never said, but she suddenly slipped her hand into his and squeezed.

"My church accepts gays," she said, and Alec felt the tension rush out of his body. "In fact, our choir director is gay."

She said it so simply, so openly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. This both confused Alec, and made him very happy at the same time. After that, he'd gone to church with her a couple of times, even dragged his boyfriend, Eric, along with him, with much protest on Eric's part. He'd been surprised at how warmly he was welcomed, and how much he learned. And how much he enjoyed it. He'd been afraid for so long that something awful would happen if he stepped foot in a church, that this response was overwhelming.

He still didn't go to church, but it was nice to know that he could if he wanted, that he wasn't automatically condemned by all religions.

And now he'd missed another huge section of whatever Malaya was talking about! Damnit!

To his dismay, Malaya was wrapping up her talk and inviting them to ask questions one on one. He shuffled out of his chair, wishing he'd paid attention to the last bit of her talk. It had been so interesting and informative to him. He'd always assumed being gay wasn't a new concept to the world, but he had no idea how far back in history those ideas were recognized, or how they had been received by the masses.

Lost in his thought, again, he nearly jumped when Dylan placed a hand on his arm to get his attention. Dylan chuckled. "Sorry to startle you. I said your name about a dozen times and you didn't seem to hear me."

Alec's face flushed. "Oh, sorry."

Dylan waved his hand dismissively. "No worries. So what did you think?"

"I thought it was amazing! I didn't know any of the stuff she talked about. But…," he hedged, embarrassed to tell Dylan he hadn't been paying attention. "I kind of missed the last part."

Dylan laughed. "Yeah. I noticed you looked zoned out. Basically, she just went over the Gay Rights movement that started decades ago, but really took hold in the '70s and grew from there. It followed a similar path of the Civil Rights movement. There were protests and demonstrations and some got pretty violent. But I guess that always happens when people decide to no longer accept oppression and stand up for their own rights as humans."

"Wow. I didn't realize that. I mean, I know there's been violence toward gays but I didn't realize that it was like the footage you see from the '50s and '60s Civil Rights protests. I thought it was more…individuals who were singled out."

"Well, they don't exactly show the Gay Rights stuff on TV, do they? They still try to keep that under wraps. Out of sight, out of mind? Like we're still America's dirty little secret." Dylan shook his head disgustedly.

"I guess. Listen, Dylan, this was really interesting. Thank you so much for inviting me." Alec stretched out a hand toward Dylan.

"Yeah. No problem." Dylan took Alec's hand and shook it firmly. "Hey, have you thought any more about my offer?"

He meant the offer to start an LGBT organization at Idris. Truthfully? He hadn't. Much. He'd been so busy with the draft and getting settled in the new apartment with Magnus, starting school, and worrying about Magnus's moodiness. He hadn't had much time for anything else. Dylan seemed to read his thoughts in his eyes.

"I'm serious, Alec. I know you are interested in this. That's why I keep inviting you to these events. Maybe we can just set up something small on Idris's campus and see what kind of turn out we get? Maybe find some people interested in doing the legwork to set up a true LGBT group there, or even a GSA?"

"GSA?" Alec said, confused.

"Gay-Straight Alliance. They are becoming very popular in high schools and gaining ground on college campuses as well. It's a chance to get your straight friends involved. Many of them don't understand how real our struggle is. This is a way to help them see it."

How real our struggle is. How real was his struggle? He'd never felt like he'd struggled at all, really. There were a few months when he was coming to terms with his sexuality, and then the anxiety over telling his family. But that had turned out just fine. Perfectly, really. He'd had the support of his parents and siblings, even his teachers and most of his friends.

Then he'd come to college and fallen in love with Magnus and had to hide their relationship for awhile. Was that a struggle though? Mostly it hadn't _felt_ like a struggle. He'd been working out the relationship as much as Magnus had, and being out of the public eye to do that had not been a hardship. Sure, there were times he'd wanted to be more open about it, and had hated having to hide his feelings, but he still wasn't sure he'd call it a _struggle_.

The most struggle he'd ever felt was wondering if Magnus's draft stock had dropped because he was gay. He still wasn't sure that his boyfriend playing in the NBA and making three million dollars a year qualified under any definition of struggle, though. He was still living his dream, right?

No, there were definitely people who really struggled with their sexuality, their lifestyle, acceptance, their support groups, financially…everything.

Dylan waved his hand in front of Alec's face, breaking him from his thoughts. Alec blushed.

"Where did you go?" Dylan said with a soft snicker.

"I guess…you could say this has been a thought-provoking meeting. I have a lot of information to process, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it. But are you interested in setting up a meeting at Idris?" Dylan pressed.

Was he interested? Were there any downsides?

"What would I need to do?"

"Not much. I'll figure out where and when and all the details. You just need to show up. Maybe hang up some flyers or help me figure out a way to get the information to the students?"

"Alright," Alec said, nodding in agreement. "I can do that." Dylan looked about ready to throw himself at Alec, he was so excited. Alec held up his hands. "But don't expect much from me. I told you I don't do the organizing events stuff. I'll show, but…I don't know how much else I'll do. Okay?"

Dylan beamed at him, reining in his excitement to just below boiling-over level. "Great! That's fine. Perfect. No problem. Oh, I can't wait!"

Alec suddenly wondered what he'd just gotten himself into.

* * *

**A/N: Couple of things. 1) The last time I did a chapter like this (the Gay Pride event Alec attended) I lost about a dozen favs/follows. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about this one...**

**2) Shadowhunters: Alec and Magnus making goo-goo eyes at each other. *happy sigh* I sincerely hope the writers understand that their first kiss CANNOT HAPPEN OFF-SCREEN! **

**3) "Malec Moments" on Tumblr. Wow, that's really cool. Sadly, I don't have a Tumblr or Twitter, but I did search it and people have been very complimentary! I've been enjoying the hell out of that story getting so much attention. It was my first, and I love that people connect to it. Also, I may have to get a Twitter just to follow Matthew Daddario. He. Is. So. Great. I think I'm in love...**


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N: Wow, you guys left some great reviews for the last chapter! I knew I was poking the dragon a bit with that one as well as the Gay Pride chapter, and I love hearing what you all thought about them. Excellent feedback. Thank you. **

**Couple of notes in response:**

**1) I intended for those chapters to be deep/thought-provoking, and to open Alec's eyes to the world around him. I like making Alec think! I know it's not everyone's thing, and I know you guys are dying to know what's going on with Magnus, but I have enjoyed exploring some of these ideas and concepts. I try to keep these little side trips into Alec's college life interesting and not too heavy into history stuff because I know people get bored with history, even if I found this fascinating. Plus, realistically speaking, this was a lecture that happened on a college campus that has an entire degree program on human sexuality, so it _had_ to be kind of intense and thought-provoking, no?**

**2) I did not originally intend for religion to come up in that chapter, but the more I researched, the more it was there. Once I got started on the chapter and too involved to just scrap it, it seemed...wrong? untrue?...not to include it. **

**3) Alexa: Dylan is a bit pretentious, no? He _tries so hard_ to fit in with the upperclassmen and be knowledgeable/important. He drives me crazy sometimes and I'm the one writing him! Lol. **

**4) L'ecureuil: I totally agree about the show! I love the books, but obviously Malec was my favorite or I wouldn't write so much about them and they weren't in there enough. I don't know if that was purposeful because Alec was hiding the relationship, or if CC wasn't sure how it would be received if the gay couple took center stage a lot early on in the series, but I love that the show has no problems putting them front and center. I like the spin these writers/actors have put on the characters and I can't wait to see what happens when everyone finds out about Alec and Magnus and how all that is handled. Re: Twitter/Tumblr and all other social media, I have a HUGE problem with the way people behave on the internet. I typically avoid conversations about politics, religion, sexuality, racism, etc. on the internet (last chapter aside :)). It hurts me that people can be so mean to people they don't even know because they don't agree with how they are living their lives, which is why I had Alec reading the hate about Magnus kissing him. It's awful. I have also seen some of the things sports fans say to players after a loss or a bad game. What the hell gives people the right to tell an 18 year old kid they suck and shouldn't be playing basketball because they had a bad game? Ugh. I love the internet for all the wonderful stories and fanfiction and the GIF edits and connections to fans and support that is given to people who mean something to us individually, I just hate that people who have nothing but negative, hurtful, and _discriminatory _things to say can have such a loud voice. *steps down from soapbox***

**5) *happy dance for recruiting new basketball fans***

* * *

Alec's phone rang as he let himself into the apartment. He closed the door with a soft click, fishing the phone from his pocket. He barely got it out before the last ring. Magnus's face smiled back at him as he pressed the button to answer.

"Hey!" he said a little breathlessly. It was really cold outside and he'd just hiked up an assload of steps. Plus, it was Magnus. God how he missed him.

"Hey," Magnus replied softly. "Merry Christmas."

Alec smiled. Though Magnus couldn't see it, he could probably hear it in his voice. "Merry Christmas to you."

"I really hate being separated on Christmas Day."

Alec tossed his keys on the countertop and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge. "Well, we better get used to it. The NBA stops for no one, right?"

"Ha. It's not the fucking Postal Service!" Magnus chuckled into the phone, such a sweet, sweet sound to Alec's ears. "You know, this is our third Christmas together, and we've only actually been together for one of them. That kind of sucks."

"Moping isn't going to do any good." Alec flopped onto their bed, toeing off his shoes. He propped his arm under his head and stared at the ceiling, seriously thinking about putting the phone on speakerphone so he didn't have to hold it.

"I know," said Magnus. "So, how was your day?"

How was Alec's day? "Busy," he said, turning onto his stomach and pulling a pillow under his chest. "I went to Mom and Dad's this morning. It was really weird not having Izzy there. Jace was able to come though. College life seems to suit him just fine. He looks really good. Oh, and Max loved the art set we got him. He opened it immediately and made a huge mess of the kitchen table." Alec chuckled at the memory. "He's so talented. I could sit and watch him draw for hours."

"He is that. Hope he finds a way to make money at it one day."

"Yeah," Alec agreed. "I stopped by Momma H's on the way home. She told me to give you her love. You probably should call her…"

Magnus laughed again. "I did. I talked to her for a few minutes this morning."

"Good. She really doesn't like you missing Christmas with the family." Alec traced the pattern on his pillowcase with his index finger wondering if Magnus heard what he wasn't saying.

"I know. I'll make it up to both of you when I get home."

"I love you." The words burst from Alec before he registered they were going to.

Magnus's voice softened and Alec could picture the love in his eyes. "I love you, too, baby."

They sat in silence for a few long moments, just letting those words hang in the air between them. Alec was the first to break the spell.

"Guess what else I did on my way home."

"What?" Magnus said, sounding like he'd just come out of a cloud.

"Well, I was walking down the sidewalk past the front door to get to our steps when the door opened. I got to spend a few hours in the living room of our downstairs neighbors."

"Whoa. Really?"

"Yeah, really."

They'd been living in the apartment for about six months now and neither of them had said more than a handful words to their landlords. Mostly, this was because said landlords were never, ever, home.

"It turns out they are both workaholics. Like, they really need a twelve-step program. That's what they are doing all the time, why they are never home. They go in to work before dawn and come home after dark. And on the rare occasion they're not working, they have a little place on Long Island as a getaway. They're strange people, but seemed really nice. They gave me a store-bought fruit cake."

"Yum," Magnus said unenthusiastically.

"Yeah. I wish we had a dog I could feed it to," Alec said, wrinkling his nose at the thought of eating that monstrosity.

"I doubt the dog would eat it," Magnus replied reasonably, making Alec laugh.

"You're probably right. They also said they planned to pull up the shrubs and put out some hostas this year, in case you were interested. Maybe we'll see them a little more if they are going to be doing some landscaping." Alec wasn't entirely sure why he was prattling on about their neighbors, but whatever. "Oh, hey, I talked to Cammie today, too. She was able to get some time off after all. She's taking the company jet and will land around nine tomorrow morning. My dad's limo is picking her up from the airport. I was going to meet her, but Austin wanted to and I didn't want to be a third wheel to that reunion." He shuddered at the thought, remembering the things he and Magnus had done in the privacy of the limo.

Magnus snorted. "Yeah, I think we'll hear enough from those two for the next few days."

_Yeah_, Alec thought. Cammie and Austin were staying in the spare bedroom to have their own Christmas celebration. Alec wondered how loud they would get...Not that it mattered. He was so anxious to see Cammie again, and to see Austin's ring on her finger! She'd said yes, of course, just like Alec knew she would. He replayed part of their conversation in his head, the part that went something like this:

Cammie: "Has it gotten any better?"

Alec: "No."

Cammie: "Wonder why he's acting so weird?"

Alec: "Weren't you the one who said he _is_ weird?"

Cammie: "Yeah, but he's not been weird since he's been with you."

Alec: "Yeah, right."

Actually, what she said was true. Magnus had been a lot better, a lot less closed off since they'd been dating. Until recently that is.

"Did you get to talk to her about anything besides the trip?"

"Yeah, we talked for awhile," he said. "She still likes her job and got promoted last week. She wants me to help her plan the wedding, though she didn't say how that was going to work with her being in Boston and me in Brooklyn. And she's really excited that I don't like my new cheer partner as much as I liked her. She thinks it's funny that I hate cheering without you and her being part of it."

Magnus laughed again. "Well, when you start off so good, it's hard to ever top that."

"Tell me something I don't know," Alec grumbled. He fell silent for a moment, thinking about how he would be much happier just quitting cheerleading. It really wasn't the same without Magnus and Cammie, to the point that it just wasn't much fun anymore. That seemed so weird considering he'd been cheering for years, but only with those two for the last two years. They just made it so much fun that it really was hard to get that magic back now that they were graduated. He felt like he was just going through the motions now.

"Do you have a minute?" Magnus said, breaking Alec from his thoughts. His change in tone instantly put Alec on edge.

"For you? Always," he replied as light-heartedly as he could manage.

"Okay. So, you know how I always room with Dayshawn when we're on the road?"

Alec nodded. Dayshawn was the one guy on his team that Magnus had truly become friends with. They were both rookies, so it made sense that they developed a friendship, both going through the same things. Magnus let it slip once that Dayshawn was the only guy who would willingly room with him because he's gay. When Alec questioned him about it, he laughed it off, saying the others thought he might hit on them or something. Alec wondered if there was more to it than that, but Magnus said it was nothing and wasn't willing to talk about it, so he'd let the subject drop.

Regardless, Dayshawn seemed to be a good friend to have. He was huge! Nearly seven feet tall, about two hundred seventy pounds of muscle. He was an absolute beast on the court, the kind that played aggressively, blocked shots and dared guys to try to get near the rim. He was only a rookie, so like Magnus, was trying to work his way into the rotation for playing time, but Alec and Magnus had watched some of his highlights on YouTube, and Magnus told Alec about his practices. He was not someone most people would want to fuck with.

But, off the court he was really just a big teddy bear. A massive, solid, beastly-looking teddy bear, but a teddy bear nonetheless. He was soft spoken, gentle, kind, and had a habit of making people feel comfortable, once they got past the sheer size of him. In college, he visited children in the hospital just to brighten their day, and might spend hours reading to them. He was quick with a smile, slow to judge, and when he spoke, it was always worth a listen.

"Yeah," Alec said, remembering he needed to answer aloud, stomach still clenched.

"Well, he finally let me listen to the songs on his Ipod. Country. Every last one."

Alec laughed, feeling the tension drain from him. "You know, that should surprise me, but somehow it doesn't."

"Right. Well, he let me listen to this song, and I immediately thought of you. Of us. Do you have your laptop handy?"

He didn't. He climbed out of bed and retrieved it from the kitchen table where he'd left it on charge. He crawled back onto the bed, powering it up and clicking on the YouTube logo he always had handy. "What am I looking for?"

"Kenny Chesney 'You Save Me,'" Magnus said promptly, and Alec typed in the words and hit enter.

He recognized the song when it first started playing, but he hadn't heard in it years and didn't remember the lyrics. To his surprise, Magnus knew them. He sang along, emphasizing the parts he wanted Alec to hear, the parts that meant the most to him.

_"Every now and then I get a little lost_  
_My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed"_

Alec smiled softly. That certainly sounded like his boyfriend. He'd had to help him sort out his feelings on more than one occasion. His grin broadened as Magnus's voice cracked a little. A singer he was not, but that didn't matter to Alec. He loved the sound of his voice, even off-key and ragged.

_"I'm not sure how you know_  
_The perfect thing to say, to save me from myself_  
_You're the angel that believes in me, like nobody else"_

"I'm no angel, Magnus," Alec interrupted.

"Maybe not, but you're _my_ angel," he said softly. Alec's heart clenched. Oh, when Magnus talked like that...

He sang the last bit, belting out the chorus one final time.

_"I know I don't tell you nearly enough_  
_That I couldn't live one day without your love_

_When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves_  
_Up on a high wire that's ready to break_  
_When I've had just about all I can take_  
_Baby, you_  
_Baby, you save me_

_Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun_  
_Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone_  
_Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy_  
_No matter where my reckless soul takes me_  
_Baby, you save me"_

Alec choked up for reasons he didn't completely understand. He thought it might have something to do with the _When I've had just about all I can take _line. He pushed the feelings welling up in him aside and said, "It's been a long time since you ran like a fugitive."

"Because of you." Magnus's voice sounded as emotional as Alec felt. Damn. He hadn't known a song could do that to them.

"No, Magnus. You've done that on your own. I didn't do anything."

"Bullshit," Magnus said, not unkindly. "I used to take off to Will's and let him and Momma help me through my emotions. You changed that. You help me as much as they do now, maybe even more."

Alec's heart tightened again and he felt the sting of tears in his eyes. An image of Magnus coming home from a recent game the Nets had lost badly entered his mind unbidden. He'd been so upset, so angry, mostly because he hadn't even seen the floor in that game. He'd ranted for twenty solid minutes about not getting into a game they lost by thirty points, why that was unfair and bullshit and why the fuck were they paying him so much money to ride the bench? Alec had sat quietly, listening to every word, wishing for something he could do to help. When he'd run out of words, he'd pulled Alec to him and held him tightly for an undetermined length of time, until Alec could feel the rage leak out of him and his body stop shaking with pent up emotion.

Was that what Magnus meant by that song? Was that 'saving him'? Was that what Will and Momma H did for him when he used to disappear to them? Alec didn't know how to ask those questions, so he kept them to himself.

Magnus cleared his throat, swiftly changing the subject. Alec wondered if he thought he'd said too much, and maybe now was embarrassed. "Hey, didn't you have an LGBT meeting at Idris or something?"

Alec laughed. "That was two weeks ago, right after finals."

"Oh. Sorry, I guess I haven't been paying much attention…"

"It's okay. You've been busy, and right now you need to concentrate on your career, not my extracurricular activities," Alec said lightly, but with meaning. He wasn't about to call Magnus out on his preoccupation right now, not after that song.

"Keep those extracurricular activities clean, okay?" Magnus teased.

"Shut up."

Magnus chuckled. "Well, how did the meeting go?"

Alec slid down on the bed, propping his head on a pillow and talking to the ceiling again. "It was just a meet and greet. Dylan wanted to find out how many people were interested in starting an organization on campus. We had a pretty good turn out though. About forty people. A girl, Jenna, I think she's a sophomore, agreed to get involved, and so did this guy named Andrew. I think he only did it because he's got the hots for Dylan, though."

"Oh really?" Magnus said with interest.

"Yeah, he was making goo-goo eyes at him the whole time."

"How did Dylan respond?"

Alec heard a rustling sound through the phone and easily pictured Magnus sitting up, hugging a pillow to his chest as he gossiped. The familiarity was almost painful.

"Well, he got his number, but under the pretense of organizing more meetings." Alec paused for a moment, then said, unable to control the laughter in his voice, "You should have seen Andrew's face when Dev walked in at the end of the meeting. He walked right up to Dylan and hugged him, right there in front of Jenna and Andrew and a few others. Andrew's eyes bugged out and you could see the wheels turning in his mind as he thought, 'Twins?!'"

A loud bark of laughter escaped Magnus, and Alec snickered right along with him. "Poor guy. He doesn't know Dev is straight? He'll have some good wet dreams about that, I bet." They laughed to tears. Alec swiped at his eyes, and heard Magnus doing the same over the phone.

When they finally settled down, Magnus said, "So what happens now? With the group, I mean?"

"Well, this was just a preliminary meeting, just to see what the interest level was. Apparently, we have to get permission from some board or another to actually _form_ the group. Dylan said he and Jenna and Andrew will draw up the proposal. Dylan's got a bunch of friends at NYU that can help and Andrew's pre-law, so he can probably get help as well. Then they pitch the idea to the board and wait for their decision. If it gets approved, they have to find a regular meeting time and place, then figure out what they want to do at the meetings and such. If we want to host any events, that has to get approved, too."

"Sounds like a lot of work. What will your involvement be?"

"Not much really. We'll have to elect the officers: President, VP, Secretary, etc. Those will be the people responsible for organizing everything, once the group gets approved. I have no intention of being an officer. I told them I didn't mind helping get this started, if there was anything I could do, but I just want to be a member and show up for meetings and events and stuff. I don't want in on the planning. Besides, Dylan made it sound like it would be spring before they got approval and anything could happen anyway. In reality, our first real meeting likely won't be until school starts back in the fall, and by then I'll not only have classes, but will be doing clinicals, so I'm not going to have much free time for other things."

Alec felt a surge of excitement when he thought about clinicals. He knew everything was about to get interesting. Next year, he'd spend part of the year working with a physical therapist, getting hands-on experience with rehabbing injuries. Another part of the year would be spent with a personal trainer, learning to construct work-out routines to meet the goals of the individual. He'd work with many different types of athletes as well as individuals who just wanted to get in shape. He'd also be working with trainers and doctors, learning to diagnose common sports-related injuries. He wouldn't be a doctor when he graduated, so there were limits to what he could do, and he needed to know where to draw the line, but he would be the first to evaluate an athlete immediately after an injury and would need to know the difference between something minor where the athlete could reenter the game, and something more serious that needed a workup from the team doctor. He'd learned long ago that you can't trust the athlete to tell you how he or she is feeling, especially if they are playing at a high level. Those guys and girls just want in the game, and have been known to play with broken bones and serious ligament, tendon, or muscle injuries. He would have to determine if it was safe for them to play or not.

He was very much looking forward to clinicals. Less classroom, more hands-on. Who wouldn't want that?

"No, you will be far too busy next year," Magnus agreed. Then, he said in a muffled voice, like maybe he'd taken the phone away from his head. "Oh, hey, Day… Yeah, okay… Alec." Alec realized he was speaking to someone else, and he didn't miss the tenderness in his voice when he said Alec's name.

"Hey, baby, I gotta go. Bus is leaving for the arena. Oh, and Dayshawn says hello."

Alec smiled softly. "Tell him I said hi, too. Get going. Wake me when you get home tonight? I don't care how late it is."

"Yeah. okay." Magnus sounded hesitant when he said, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. Good luck tonight."

"If I get to play."

Alec heard the bitterness in Magnus's tone. "I love you either way."

"I love you, too."

The phone disconnected and Alec sighed. He knew how frustrated Magnus was with his lack of playing time. He didn't understand it himself, really. Magnus was better than the Nets current point guard. Sure, the other guy had more experience being nearly ten years older than Magnus, but he wasn't as skilled. He wasn't as quick.

He thought it likely that Magnus just had to do his time as a rookie, but he knew how hard it was for him to sit by and watch his team flounder. Especially when there were things he could to help, and when there were other rookies tearing it up in their first year. So many of his fellow lottery picks were playing significant minutes and contributing to their teams. Most of the teams were still not having winning seasons, because one guy can't make or break a team, but they were still getting their chance and making the most of it.

_Poor Magnus_, he thought, not for the first time, as he hit replay and listened to "You Save Me" again.


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N: MARCH MADNESS is here! Conference tourneys this week and NCAA starts next week! It's the most wonderful time of the year :)**

**Funny story: That team Idris beat in their first NCAA game, Villanova? Yeah, they'll be a 1 seed not a 3 seed. Oops :) I did see a mock bracket with Kentucky as the 3 seed (doubtful) and Stephen F Austin as the 14. This is similar to what I pictured with the Idris/'Nova matchup, though I wouldn't be rooting for the underdog there. Lol**

**Also, we have a couple of new reviewers, to whom I'd like to say WELCOME!**

**And finally, I'm having surgery tomorrow. Nothing major. I've written and edited a few chapters ahead so there shouldn't be any delays in posting. **

* * *

Alec jumped when the door to his apartment banged open, spilling the essay he'd been writing into a jumbled mess on the floor. He forgot about it quickly as Magnus stormed into the living room, his eyes blazing with anger in a way Alec had never seen before. His hair was disheveled, his chest heaving, every line of his body rigid and tense. Alec felt a thrill course through his body, a mixture of concern, surprise, lust and an underlying hint of fear.

Fear? He'd never, _ever_, been afraid of Magnus. And he wasn't now either, not really. But the emotion was there, under the surface, like a sixth sense. Like when the little hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Like thinking someone unseen was watching him.

A moment later, he understood why. In the blink of an eye, Magnus grabbed him, roughly shoving him against the wall. The back of his head connected with a dull thud. It didn't hurt, but it surprised him, his eyes widening. Magnus kissed him - if it could be called that. More like he bit him, the pressure between their lips firm and unyielding. Alec tasted the faint metallic tang of blood.

Magnus ripped himself away from Alec's mouth and Alec stared into wild eyes that he knew so well, yet barely recognized. The green-gold irises dilated to a thin ring, the black pupils nearly swallowing them whole. There was an angry fire in the depths of that blackness, void of the tenderness he usually saw when Magnus looked at him. What the hell had happened?

Magnus spun him around, folding his arm behind his back and pushing him against the wall again. He felt a hand dip under the waistband of his boxers and yank them down, hear the slither of clothing falling to the floor, then came the stiff, wet probing of Magnus's cock against his ass.

He wanted to say something, he just didn't know what. He was always ready for sex with Magnus, there was no question about that. He didn't even mind when Magnus got rough with him, nor did Magnus mind when Alec did. But he didn't understand what was going on, and that twinge of fear escalated.

Abruptly everything went still. Magnus, still pressed firmly against him, buried his face at the nape of Alec's neck. Alec felt his chest heaving as he fought for control, felt his teeth brush his skin. Then, almost inaudibly, Magnus said, "Please? Alec, please."

Alec leaned his body into Magnus's. Whatever was bothering him, he seemed to need this release, in this way. "Of course," he whispered back, and was rewarded with the sharp pain of Magnus thrusting into him all the way, in one swift motion. He cried out, unable to keep the sound bottled in him, but Magnus showed no mercy.

His hips jerked and pummeled into him relentlessly, fucking him with everything he had. Magnus's arms wound around Alec's chest, fingers hooking over his shoulders, just above his collarbones, holding Alec in place. Alec didn't try to move or get away. He did nothing to stop it or lessen the force, nothing to make it easier on himself. He didn't try to meet his thrusts or touch himself. He didn't do anything but stand there and let Magnus have his way with him, instinctively knowing this was what Magnus needed, even if he didn't know why.

It hurt, he'd be lying if he said it didn't. Even though he was used to having Magnus fuck him, he wasn't used to the force, the speed, the anger behind this.

To his utter surprise, a few minutes into the onslaught, his body began to respond on its own. The pain turned into edginess, the tension he didn't even know he felt began to melt away, replaced by a relaxed, almost floating sensation. He felt _good_. Better than good. Invincible. As the pain eased, his body naturally fell into a state of acceptance.

He braced himself against the wall, realizing that Magnus had released his arm some time ago. He tucked his head into the comfort of his folded arms, his eyes sliding shut as he sank deeper and deeper into the conscious awareness he hadn't previously known he possessed. He was staggered to discover how much his body was enjoying this…this physicality. But it was. There was no denying it. His dick was harder than it had ever been, weeping and straining, begging for him to touch it.

Magnus grunted in his ear, thrusting sharper, and Alec felt the warm jets of his fluids plastering his insides. He responded in turn, releasing against the wall with more force than he'd ever known. Such a strong orgasm, a spontaneous release he hadn't felt build, that occurred simply because Magnus's had, was so intense, so earth-shattering, mind-blowing.

Without warning, Magnus slammed Alec's body against his chest, his arms a kind of stranglehold around his chest, his forehead pressed firmly against the back of Alec's neck, his chest heaving rhythmically with Alec's, and his hot breath sending a shiver through Alec as it flipped the ends of his hair haphazardly. Alec's breathing eventually leveled, and he became aware of his surroundings, of the stiff rod that was still shoved up his aching ass, of the body that held him and trembled, of the wetness deep inside him. It was only then that he realized Magnus hadn't used a condom. They'd always used a condom, no matter what. That, more than anything else, sobered him.

Magnus released him reluctantly, hands slowly gliding down his arms, goosebumps erupting on his skin, before dropping away. He gently moved away from Alec. It took every bit of resolve Alec had to turn around, he was so afraid of what he'd see.

Magnus's head hung low, his hair long enough to fringe his face and conceal his eyes. His hands still shook, though he seemed to have gotten the rest of his body under control. He swiped a hand through his damp hair, and Alec saw the wetness on his face. Tears. His heart broke.

He took Magnus's hand and led him to their bedroom. He settled Magnus on the bed, tucking him under the covers before slipping into the bathroom to clean the mess off his body. He brought another warm, damp washcloth into the bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed and tenderly wiping the salty tracks from Magnus's cheeks.

Their eyes met, and Alec could see the pain in them. Gone was the fiery anger he'd had when he came home. He now looked…defeated. Broken. Alec couldn't take it anymore. He needed physical contact with him, for reasons he couldn't even explain.

He slid under the covers and wrapped Magnus's long, lean frame in his arms, holding him tight against him. He may have rocked him gently as he muttered soothing words, but he couldn't be sure the room itself wasn't spinning, the world falling away. What had happened today? There'd been no hint of this when he left that morning.

Magnus buried his face in Alec's shoulder, his arms snaking around his body and holding on to him for dear life. Alec thought of the song Magnus sang to him on Christmas, "You Save Me," and he knew that's what Magnus was silently asking him to do now. He could feel it in the way he clung to him, as if Alec were the only safe thing he knew. He wanted so badly to ask the questions burning in him, but he also knew Magnus wasn't ready or able to talk yet.

A vey long time later, Alec whispered, in that voice only used in sick rooms, "Are you hungry?"

Magnus's hair tickled his face as he nodded. They crept into the kitchen, not bothering to get dressed or turn on lights, and Alec seated Magnus at the table. He busied himself preparing a pasta dish with penne noodles, spinach, red bell peppers, artichokes, and chicken in a creamy sauce. This was one of Magnus's comfort foods and one of Alec's favorites to make because it was so easy. Magnus offered him a watery smile when he sat the bowl in front of him.

Alec watched him critically as he ate. He looked so haggard, hair rumpled, eyes red and puffy. He ate ravenously, which Alec took as a good sign. He wasn't sure how much longer he could wait to have his questions answered, but he didn't want to push Magnus either.

When Magnus had finished the whole pan of pasta, Alec cleared the dishes away. He filled the sink with hot soapy water and scrubbed everything up quickly, letting the monotonous task distract his mind. He was rinsing the last dish when Magnus appeared behind him, circling his waist with his arms and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

Alec turned in the embrace and smiled sweetly to him. "You don't need to be sorry." He dropped the dish towel on the counter and traced Magnus's cheekbones with his thumb. "I wouldn't mind you telling me why you grudge-fucked me," he said in that same soft, placating tone. "But there's no need to be sorry."

Magnus moved so quickly Alec didn't have time to brace himself before he collided with his boyfriend's shoulder. Magnus held him so tight he could barely breathe. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. I'm so sorry," he muttered against Alec's neck.

"Magnus, please just talk to me," Alec pleaded. "I know something's been bothering you for months. Please just tell me what's wrong."

Magnus's embrace slackened. His hands slid down Alec's arms to his hands. He linked their fingers together, took several deep breaths and seemed to come to a decision. He led Alec back into their bedroom, slid onto the bed and pulled him down next to him.

"Tell me the truth. Did I hurt you?" Magnus said somberly.

"No. I'm fine." The look in Magnus's eyes told him he wasn't buying it. "Alright, I'm a little more sore than usual, but I'm okay. Really. You might have noticed that I got off…?"

Magnus ducked his head, hiding an embarrassed smile. "I didn't mean to, Alec. I'm -"

"Don't you dare say you are sorry again," Alec said forcefully, shaking Magnus's hand. His green-gold eyes flashed up to Alec's.

"I didn't use a condom," he said softly, miserably.

"I noticed. Look, Magnus, I know we haven't talked about that, but we've been together for two years. Neither of us has been with anyone else, and we get tested regularly just to make sure we're clean. I'm not sure I want to just stop using them altogether, but I'm not worried about it this time. Don't beat yourself up, okay? You needed that. I understand, and I don't have any regrets. You shouldn't either."

Magnus didn't respond. They fell silent again, Alec mulling over what he'd just said. Not using condoms was a big step for him. Not quite the marriage proposal Cammie seemed ready for him to take on, but it was still huge. He'd never been with a guy without a condom before. He was glad that first time was with Magnus, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't freak him out just a little. He wondered how Magnus truly felt, if he was telling himself the same things right now.

Apparently not.

"Did you watch the game tonight?" Magnus said softly, looking down at their linked hands instead of directly at Alec.

"No. I only got home about thirty minutes before you. The game was already over. Why? What happened?"

"Colson got hurt. Twisted his ankle and had to come out."

"What?" Alec said, surprised. "But that means…you got to play?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Alec knew. Magnus wouldn't have been in such a foul mood if he'd gotten to play. He didn't need the dark, grim look on Magnus's face to tell him he hadn't.

"No. They moved Phillips to point." The emotion in Magnus's voice cut Alec deeply.

"Wait. Your point guard goes down and instead of playing the super-talented rookie point guard in his place, they move the 2-guard to point? What. The. Actual. Fuck?" Alec was having no trouble seeing why Magnus had been pissed off.

"My thoughts exactly. Phillips only plays point when Colson needs a break. He wasn't prepared to play half the third quarter and all of the fourth. Which was obvious after his fourth turnover in five minutes. He was terrible. And Coach left him in!"

"But, why?" Alec was seriously struggling to wrap his head around this concept. Why not play the guy you are paying three million dollars to play the position when the starter does down?

"I wondered the same thing. It's stupid. It's…" He fell silent, his chest heaving as he struggled to regain control, not for the first time tonight. Alec waited, sensing this wasn't all of the story. "I went to see Coach after the game. He was in his office and I just walked right in. I was so angry and I wanted some answers, you know?" His eyes held a plea for Alec to understand.

"Tell me you didn't just barge in there and demand to know why he didn't play you," Alec said with a low groan. That kind of attitude, especially from a rookie, would not get him far.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "I was pissed, not trying to tank my career." Alec sighed with relief. "I went in there and politely asked if we could talk. Then, I asked him why he didn't play me when Colson got hurt."

"What did he say?"

"He said he can't play me," Magnus said darkly. He visibly swallowed before he went on. "He said that the team has no respect for me, so he can't play me."

Alec blinked. What? How? What? Aloud: "What? I don't understand."

Magnus dropped his eyes back to his hands, which were now playing with the edges of a blanket. "You wouldn't…because I haven't told you."

That sounded ominous. Alec's heart clenched, his stomach rolled. He'd known there was something going on that Magnus was keeping from him. He slid closer to Magnus, close enough to rub large, gentle, comforting circles on his back. He could feel Magnus tremble under his touch.

"It's so stupid. So ridiculous…"

"Just say it, Magnus. Just tell me what's going on. Please." He continued his gentle caress, and eventually Magnus responded to it, relaxing a little against him.

"Shit. I don't know where to start…" He sighed heavily. "On the first day of practice, Coach handed out nicknames. He wanted everyone to have a one-syllable name, said it was easier to communicate that way. Colson he calls Cole. Dayshawn he calls Day. And so on. Well, for whatever reason, he started calling me Mag."

Alec gave him an incredulous look. "Really?"

"Yeah, I know. My fucking last name is one syllable, but whatever." Magnus rolled his eyes in the way that players sometimes do about their coaches, like they are humoring them for whatever reason. "Anyway, you remember when I said some of the older guys were hazing me? Well, it might have been a little more than that…"

Alec waited, his heart racing. What had Magnus been withholding? When Magnus didn't speak up, Alec prompted him. "What happened?"

"Thompson," Magnus said flatly. "He started…Fuck." Magnus looked like he was really struggling to get the words out. "He…Whenever Coach would call me 'Mag' he would say, really quietly so no one but me could hear…he'd change it to 'Fag.'"

Alec's eyes narrowed. He was suddenly pissed off for Magnus. "What did you do?"

"What could I do? Nothing. I ignored him at first, but you know how it is. He was drafted to the Nets when he was twenty. That was twelve years ago, and he's been there the whole time. He's like a permanent fixture. He's been there so long, and made the All-Star team several times when he was younger, they made him Captain a few years ago. Everyone follows his lead. And if they don't, he bullies them. He's got a couple of other older guys that he hangs with and they started calling me 'Fag' too. Then, they got the younger guys in on it. I think they are mostly afraid of him, not truly homophobic, or maybe they just don't want to get on his bad side. Doesn't make a difference. They all call me that now. Everyone except Day."

"They don't pick on Dayshawn for being on your side?"

Magnus snorted, but there was no humor in it. "Day's the biggest guy on the squad. Seven foot, two-seventy? He can do whatever the fuck he wants."

"Have you tried fighting back?"

"You want me to fight Thompson? Are you nuts? You want me to go up against a six-ten, two-hundred-fifty pound power forward who's used to throwing his weight around and has gotten more flagrant fouls for fighting than anyone else in the NBA? I'll get right on that," Magnus sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm not saying _fight _him, fight him, I'm just…oh, forget it."

"It wouldn't do any good anyway. He's got everyone on his side. Even Coach."

"So Coach knows about this blatant homophobia?" Alec spat.

"Yeah, he knows. He heard him say it one day. He ignored it, so naturally it continued. If he'd just said something, put a stop to it, none of this would be happening!"

"You…um, you didn't say that to Coach, did you?"

Magnus looked alarmed at the thought. "Of course not! I want to live!"

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Magnus. It's not fair. It's bullshit actuallactual. I wish you had told me about it sooner though. I've been so worried about you."

"I know you have. I just didn't want to burden you with my problems."

"Stop that bullshit right there.," Alec said emphatically. "Your problems are my problems. We're a team, you and me. I may not be able to help you, but if you'd talk to me, maybe you won't have to blow your top next time."

He pulled Magnus onto his lap, like he was a small child, not a six-five, hundred-eighty pound professional athlete. And Magnus folded himself into Alec's warm embrace, tucking his head under Alec's chin. Alec held him tightly, lovingly, wondering how someone so long could make himself so small. Maybe it was comical for the younger, shorter man to be the one providing the comfort like this, but neither of them thought so.

After a while, Alec released him. He leaned back on the bed, tucking them under the covers and pulling Magnus back against him. "Don't shut me out again, okay?" Alec whispered into Magnus's hair, and received a nod in reply.

They fell asleep in a tangle of limbs.

* * *

Alec was up before Magnus the next morning. He opted to let him sleep after the stressful, emotional night he'd had. He was just about to wake him for breakfast when a very sleep-tousled Magnus appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Bacon. Coffee," Magnus murmured.

Well, that solved that mystery.

Magnus poured himself a cup of coffee and doctored it with something from the fridge. He sat on his usual seat at the small table and Alec brought a plate of bacon and toast and a large Southern-style omelet, plopping it down in front of him. He returned a moment later with his own plate and glass of orange juice, and they picked at their food until it was gone.

"Magnus?" Alec said tentatively. Magnus's eyes snapped up to meet his, questioning the tone. "I've been thinking. I know you think I'm crazy, but I really think you should stand up for yourself."

"How?"

"You've never had trouble commanding a team. It comes naturally to you."

"And?"

"Well…you grew up gay. You know how to deal with bullies, right?"

Magnus snorted. "Um, no. I never had to deal with bullies because no one knew I was gay except my best friend. At least, not until I got beat up by Rick, and I never returned to that school afterward. So, no, I have no idea how to deal with bullies."

"Oh. Well, if you stand up to them, they usually back down."

"So, what? You want me to tell Thompson off? You might want to make me a dentist appointment so he can get me some new teeth after Thompson knocks them out."

Sarcastic Magnus was one of Alec's favorites, and he was unable to refrain from grinning. "I don't mean get in his face. I mean, tell him on the court you're not going to put up with his shit. Tell him to run the fucking play like he's supposed to or you'll pass to someone who will."

Magnus blinked. Twice. "You think that'll work?"

"I have no idea. But if your team doesn't respect you, you have to make them. Stand up for yourself. Let them know you came to play, you have the skill, and you mean business."

"What if it doesn't work?"

"Then we talk to Baxter about getting you a transfer."

A slow grin spread across Magnus's face.


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N: I survived surgery! Yay! And then found out that both "Malec Moments" and "Falling For You" have at least 200 favorites and my heart exploded! This story is closing in on that number too. I love you guys!**

**Also, since basketball in March is always crazy, Villanova lost their conference championship and ended up a 2-seed. Don't forget to fill out your brackets. The Madness is here!**

* * *

Alec stealthily entered the apartment, softly closing the door behind him and toeing off his shoes and dropping his backpack near the door. His sneaking turned out to be in vain, as Magnus was making so much noise in the kitchen he never would have heard him enter anyway. A sudden clatter loud enough to wake the dead sent him barreling into the kitchen on high alert.

He braced his hands on the doorframes as he skidded in his socked feet on the kitchen floor, and surveyed the sight before him. He bit his lips to keep from laughing. It was an effort. He failed.

Magnus stood by the stove, a now mostly empty pan of spaghetti sauce lay on the floor and a large wooden spoon hung limply in his hand. He was covered head to toe in red sauce. It dripped from the fringes on his bangs, his eyelashes, spotted his cheeks and chest and arms. There was a large puddle of sauce on the floor surrounding his bare feet and splatters all over the stove, oven, and cabinets.

And Alec lost it. He laughed so hard his sides hurt. Fortunately it appeared that Magnus had just set the sauce on the stove so it wasn't too hot and didn't burn him. But it made a spectacular mess!

Alec, unable to help himself, strolled casually over to the stove, scooped out some partially cooked noodles and dipped them in the sauce pooling on Magnus's shoulder. He shoved them into his mouth and chewed. "Yummy," he said, then fell to laughing again. This time, Magnus joined him.

Still chuckling, Alec wet a cloth and went to work on Magnus's face and hair first. He kissed him gently when he briefly got his snickering under control, before succumbing to it again.

"I think we just figured out why you don't do the cooking around here," Alec said, and received a corresponding glare from his boyfriend.

"I was trying to do something special for Valentine's Day," Magnus muttered, picking up the sauce pan and dumping it into the sink.

"Oh, well you definitely succeeded there," Alec teased.

"Ha ha. Look who's a comedian."

Alec dropped the cloth on the countertop and wrapped his arms around a very red and sticky Magnus. "Don't be like that. I love how you redecorated."

He laughed again, and Magnus shoved him away. "Ass," he said under his breath, but Alec still heard him.

Alec schooled his features into something more humble. "Why don't you go take a shower. I'll finish cleaning up and order a pizza."

"Pizza? On Valentine's Day?" Magnus whined.

"Do you have a better idea? One that doesn't involve clumping spaghetti noodles and sauce off the floor?" he asked as he poked the noodles with a spoon. Sure enough, they were congealed into a pasta blob.

"No," Magnus said miserably, then headed to the bathroom to rid himself of the tomato-y goop.

Forty minutes later, Alec returned to the kitchen having just paid off the delivery guy. To his surprise, Magnus, now partially dressed in just his favorite basketball shorts, had turned down the lights and lit long taper candles on the kitchen table. Alec sat the pizza box on the countertop, pulled a couple of their best plates from the cabinet and divvied up the slices, then carried the plates to the table and took his seat across from Magnus.

The candlelight glanced off Magnus's warm, honey-brown skin, making him look as if he were glowing. The light danced in his eyes when he looked at Alec, and Alec liked what he saw there. A slowly building desire shone back at him, and his heart fluttered. He never got tired of the way Magnus looked at him, the way he made him feel, especially when he wanted to make him feel special.

They ate their pizza in silence, just staring at each other, not troubling to disguise how much they each wanted the other. Every move they made was suggestive: every bite of pizza, every sip of wine, every lick of their lips.

When Magnus pushed his plate away, Alec thought, _This is it. Finally._ But no. Magnus had other plans. He hit play on the stereo, and music poured from the speakers. Country music.

"What is this?" Alec asked, surprised.

"Dayshawn made a mixed CD of love songs for me. Most of them are from the band, Alabama, I think."

"You have a CD of love songs from an 80's country band?" Alec said, biting his lip and grinning.

"Yep," Magnus said, holding out a hand to Alec. "Will you dance with me?"

Alec placed his hand in Magnus's and let him pull him in close. He slid his arms up around Magnus's neck, while Magnus snaked his around Alec's waist.

"Should I be at all concerned that your teammate gave you a love songs CD?" Alec teased.

"Well, his wife might not appreciate it, but I don't think you have anything to worry about," Magnus replied, winking at him, then kissing the tip of his nose.

Alec grinned and rested his head on Magnus's shoulder as he listened to the music and swayed gently in Magnus's arms.

_"I once thought of love as a prison_  
_A place I didn't want to be_  
_So long ago, I made a decision_  
_To be footloose and fancy-free_

_But you came and I was so tempted_  
_To gamble on love just one time_  
_I never thought, that I would get caught_  
_It seemed like the perfect crime_

_Baby you left me defense-less_  
_I've only got one plea_  
_Lock me away, inside of your love_  
_And throw away the key_  
_I'm guilty...of love in the first degree"_

"That's so true, you know," Magnus said in Alec's ear. "I never would have taken this chance with anyone else. I just couldn't fight what I felt for you."

Alec leaned back far enough to see his face. He turned his mouth up and kissed him solidly on the lips, just to let him know what he thought of that statement. His arms tightened around Magnus's neck, holding him in place as they danced and kissed, their bodies so close together it was impossible to see where one ended and the other began.

Alec had a vague familiarity with most of the songs on the CD, but they weren't ones he'd listened to endlessly like some of the 80's music he knew well.

"Why Alabama?" he asked Magnus.

Magnus shrugged. "Day said they had some of the best love songs he'd ever heard. I can't say I disagree with what I'm hearing so far."

Alec made a gesture of agreement.

_"There's no way I could make it without you_  
_There's no way that I'd even try_  
_If I had to survive without you in my life_  
_I know I wouldn't last a day, oh babe, there's no way_

_And I never knew what you give, what I was missin'_  
_Now you say forever, I find my heart is listenin', yes I'm listenin'"_

Alec's breath caught. He closed his eyes, not wanting Magnus to see how those words had affected him. _Forever_? Did Magnus mean that? Was he really thinking that?

He mentally shook himself. Of course Magnus wasn't thinking that. He wasn't even the one to make the CD in the first place. His friend had given him these songs to make their Valentine's Day special. They were in no way a reflection of what Magnus was thinking or feeling. Well, maybe of what he was feeling. They did love each other, after all…

He opened his eyes and found Magnus watching him. The look he gave Alec was unreadable, even for someone who knew him as well as Alec did. He had no idea how to interpret its meaning. Magnus kissed him roughly, and he could feel the emotion behind it. Had those lyrics affected him, too?

Magnus caught Alec's hand, twining their fingers together. "Come on," he said, tugging his hand. He led Alec past the stereo, where he paused to turn up the volume. He then led him into their bedroom, where they could now easily hear the music from the other room. The song had changed, but the message was still the same.

Magnus lit a few candles on either side of the bed, then returned to Alec. Magnus took his time undressing him, slowly lifting Alec's shirt over his head and discarding it onto the floor. Alec's heart fluttered as his eyes met Magnus's, at the look he was giving him. He found he'd grown used to having Magnus around more in the last few days, with Magnus being on break for All-Star week and not participating in the events. They'd only had to work around Alec's classroom and cheerleading schedule, giving them more free time than they were used to, and they'd made good use of the time. They'd spent most of that time in bed making love, talking about anything and everything or nothing at all, just being together, and without the stress of his job factoring in, Magnus's mood had been so much better than it had been for months. He seemed so much happier.

But this was different. This was Valentine's Day. This was special, and Magnus was doing his best to make it be so.

Alec shivered as Magnus's hands trailed down his body, finding all the sensitive places he knew so well. The soft touch on his collarbone made his breath quicken. The brush of Magnus's thumbs over his nipples sent a thrill up his spine. Magnus's hands resting on his hips, then sliding to the front to undo his fly and dipping a hand inside his jeans made lust boil in his veins.

Magnus sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Alec to him. Alec watched as Magnus freed him from his boxers and took him into his mouth, sucking and licking him, thoroughly wetting his cock, making his intentions undoubtedly known. Alec's head fell back on his shoulders, his hands threading through Magnus's silky hair, his hips gently moving in unison with Magnus's mouth.

Alec brought his head up, looking down and capturing Magnus's eyes as he connected with the words of the song that played.

_"Your body feels so gentle and my passion rises high_  
_You're loving me so easy, you're wish is my command_  
_Just hold me close and love me, tell me it won't end_  
_Mmm feels so right. Feels so right."_

Alec reached some internal limit on his control. He pushed Magnus onto the bed, nodding his head for Magnus to get situated. He tugged Magnus's shorts off, staring intently for a moment at his long, slender, beautiful dick now lying firmly against his abdomen. He ran his tongue the length of it as he crawled up Magnus's body, and his boyfriend quivered from the touch. He dipped his tongue into the shallow navel at the tip of his rigid cock, then kissed a blazing trail over the ridges of Magnus's abdominal muscles, licking a wet circle around his nipples. He planted a firm but gentle kiss on the tattooed angel wings directly over Magnus's heart, and felt the man shiver beneath him.

He lowered himself over Magnus, his arms wrapping around his lean muscled body and holding him close. Their bodies aligned perfectly, even with the slight height disparity. Their sharp, pointed nipples pressed into the other's chest, their cocks twitching as they brushed together and sent waves of passion through their bodies. Magnus's hands tangled in his hair and their lips and tongues danced in an erotic game. Even their ankles locked around the other's.

They kissed until their lips were swollen and sore, and even then neither had a desire to stop.

_"When we make love_  
_Its more to me than just an affair I want you to know how much I care_  
_When we make love_  
_Oh its such a precious time we share our hearts, our souls and our minds"_

Alec broke the kiss, gazing deeply into Magnus's eyes. Magnus smiled his sexy I-want-you smile. "Condoms?" Alec asked. He didn't really want to use them, but they'd only done it that one time without them, and he had to ask. If Magnus wanted to, he would without question or complaint.

"No," Magnus said softly. "I want to feel just you tonight."

That comment shot straight through Alec, searing him. He smiled, knowing exactly how Magnus felt, and lowered his head to kiss him once more. He kissed him long and hard, meaningful, as one hand fumbled with the bottle of lube. A soft click indicated the lid opening, and Alec jerked as he swathed his cock with the cool lube. He aligned himself with Magnus, using every ounce of self-control he possessed to make himself go slow. He wanted him so badly. The struggle was real.

Magnus sank his fingers into Alec's back, moving him, guiding him, encouraging him as he entered. This was so different from anything he'd ever felt before. Who knew a little piece of latex could change the way it felt being inside the warm glove of Magnus's body? It did. It really did. He felt more than he'd ever felt before. The heat was hotter. The velvety smoothness was silkier. The pressure was more intense. When he was finally completely surrounded by Magnus, he had to take a moment to collect himself.

This. Was. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Alec buried his face against Magnus's chest, breathing him in, steadying his impulses. He forgot about the music still softly filling the room. He forgot about the cool ambient temperature touching his skin. He forgot about everything except for Magnus, except how Magnus made him feel, except how much he loved that man.

He started a slow, gentle rhythm with their bodies still pressed so close together there was little room for anything between them. He could feel the occasional jolts and twitches of Magnus's cock where it lay trapped between their bodies. And Magnus's hand occasionally sliding between them to tweak his nipple or ripple over his abs.

Their lips met, over and over again. Deep, slow, lazy kisses that kept time with the rhythm of their movements.

Their fingers and hands held nothing back. Exploring touches and gentle caresses lit Alec's nerves like nothing he'd ever felt before. He really couldn't remember ever feeling so…good. Why this time was different he didn't know. Maybe it had something to do with feeling so much closer to Magnus right here, right now, than he had felt for some months. Maybe right now he felt like they were truly of the same mind and body and soul, truly one. He'd felt that way about Magnus before, but he'd been so weird and distant lately, this felt almost like they were rekindling all the things that had been missing.

He broke away, just enough to look into Magnus's eyes. The candle flickered on the smooth surface of his beautiful, loving eyes and went straight to Alec's heart.

"I love you, Magnus," he breathed.

A slow, knowing grin lifted the corners of Magnus's lips as he held Alec's gaze. He threaded his fingers into Alec's hair, and Alec pressed his cheek against his palm. "I'll always love you, Alec."

Alec crashed his lips against Magnus's again, with a sense of purpose this time. Those words hit him hard. He'd not been prepared for the emotions that overtook him in that moment. The last vestiges of his control slipped away and before he knew it, he cried out his orgasm, holding tightly to Magnus until his body stopped moving, stopped trembling, stopped thrumming.

Several long minutes passed before he came to his senses. He lay there with Magnus, bodies sweaty, chests heaving, breathing in the unmistakable, heady scent of men and sex. At long last, he was finally able to breathe, to see, to hear, to feel the sticky wetness between them that told him he'd at least managed to finish Magnus before he lost his head.

He kissed Magnus briefly, unable to meet his eyes, then peeled off the covers and slipped out of bed. He tidied himself in the bathroom and returned, tossing a damp washcloth to Magnus before leaving the bedroom.

He strolled into the kitchen, where the music was much louder, and poured two glasses of wine from the bottle they'd shared at dinner, downed one and refilled it before returning to Magnus, who was now sprawled out on the bed looking thoroughly happy. He accepted the wine glass as Alec crawled back into bed with him.

They propped themselves on pillows and leaned back, cooling off as they sipped their wine. Alec felt good, really good, yet still…awkward. _I'll always love you, Alec._ Why had those words affected him so…strangely?

He flung the rest of his wine down his throat and settled on the bed, laying on his side facing Magnus. He laced his fingers with Magnus's long, slender ones, gently playing with them as he thought about what had happened.

It seemed so strange that those words would hit him like that. He knew Magnus loved him, deeply. He knew they both wanted to be together, and that that very likely meant for the rest of their lives, even though neither had ever said those words aloud, at least not to each other. When he thought of the future, which he allowed himself to do freely now that he was no longer stressing over the draft, he thought about Magnus. Always. He thought of them building a life together, one that might include marriage one day, possibly even kids. So why had he freaked out like that?

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus said, finishing his wine and setting the glass on the table on his side of the bed. He looked intently at Alec, and Alec felt the blush creeping up his face.

He smiled at Magnus. "I was thinking how gorgeous you look with sex hair."

Magnus chuckled, leaned over and kissed him gently on the tip of his nose. "You are a terrible liar." He held Alec's eyes for a long moment, then "What are you really thinking about?"

Alec looked away, his eyes falling on the steady rise and fall of Magnus's chest. That did not help at all. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes and laying his head down on the pillow, buying time. He realized the CD had restarted and idly wondered how many times it had played all the way through as they made love. He heard the line, _"Now you say forever, I find my heart is listenin', yes I'm listenin'" _again, and found questions forming in his mind.

His eyes slowly traveled back to Magnus's. His voice tremulous when he spoke. "D-did you pick these songs?"

Magnus's eyebrow raised slightly and he tilted his head to one side. "Sort of. I mean, I told him I wanted love songs, and I'd heard all these songs before on Day's IPod…"

Alec wasn't sure if he felt relieved or disappointed. "So the words…I shouldn't take them personally. I shouldn't take them seriously?"

Magnus looked confused. "What are you asking me, Alec?" he said sincerely.

Alec took another deep, steadying breath. "That last song, said something like…talking about forever, and his heart was listening. And you said…you said you'd always love me…"

Magnus's expression softened, the crease between his brows smoothing out as he smiled. "I meant that. I _will_ always love you, I have no doubt about that. I have no idea what the future holds for us, I can't promise we'll be together forever, but I know how I feel. I'll always love you, no matter what happens. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything you're not ready for, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried," he said, too hastily to be believable. "Not really _worried_. I mean, I love you, Magnus. I want us to be together and be happy and…" His voice trailed off. Magnus waited, but he didn't say anything else.

"Look, I was vaguely familiar with all the songs Day put on that CD, but listening to it? Yes, I think a lot of them fit. The one about deciding not to fall in love, but then taking a chance just the one time? That's definitely me. I didn't even want to take the chance then, if you recall. I was terrified of falling in love with you. I'm not scared anymore. I'm far more scared of losing you than I ever was of loving you. And yes, I have thought about forever with you, of making this permanent. How could I not think about it when two of our best friends just got engaged? I know we aren't ready yet. You have to finish school. I have to figure out this shit with my team. But I'm not going anywhere, Alec. Sometimes…sometimes you are the only thing in my life that feels right."

Alec folded himself into Magnus's arms, pressed tightly against him. He buried his face in the crook of Magnus's neck, inhaling his musky scent, licking the salty sweat that had dried on his skin. Magnus giggled when Alec's tongue tickled him. He could only get away with licking him like that in the heat of the moment, not when they were both satisfied and pouring their hearts out to each other over pillow talk. Alec grinned against Magnus's warm flesh, and kissed him once more.

He pulled back. "Alright. Well, at least we're on the same page about this," he said. He sounded relieved, even to his own ears.

"Hang on. Did you think…Valentine's Day…did you think I was going to propose?"

Magnus's eyes were huge and round, and Alec felt certain his looked exactly the same. _Holy shit, was that why I freaked out?_ he thought. He ran the whole evening through his mind again. Now that Magnus said it, it made sense, but he didn't want to admit it aloud. He swiftly changed the subject.

"Hey did I tell you Cammie wants us to be the equivalent of Best Man and Maid of Honor? She even came up with an alternate name for Maid of Honor, since, you know, I'm not a girl. We'll be walking down the aisle together and giving them their rings and everything." He said this so rapidly, so nervously, it came out almost as one word.

Magnus laughed. "First, calm down. Seriously. You're going to hyperventilate." Alec could feel his eyes on him, reading everything Alec had been trying to hide. Magnus took his hand, his voice soft and soothing. "Alec, I know we're not ready for marriage. I also know that those thoughts are bound to come up on Valentine's Day. There's nothing to be embarrassed or nervous about. We'll talk about it when the time is right. Okay?"

Alec's eyes flicked up to Magnus's, reading the sincerity in them. He gently nodded. "Besides, I'm not that uncreative," Magnus added. Alec's head tilted to the side in question. "You have my word that if we ever get to that point, I won't be so cliché as to propose on Valentine's Day. Okay?"

Alec grinned sheepishly. "Deal," he said, snuggling against Magnus again, feeling much better, and wondering if that was truly how he should feel just then.

* * *

**A/N: The songs are indeed all Alabama and are, in order: 1) "Love In the First Degree," 2) "There's No Way," 3) "Feels So Right," and 4) "When We Make Love." There are many, many more Alabama love songs, but this was a good start :)**


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N: dragonbaby: Yes, I agree. I listen to all sorts of music from many genres and decades, but I'm a sucker for '70s and '80s country. You guys would probably get a kick out of my music collection, but some of what I've included in this story and others should give you an idea.**

**Crazynerd: Well, there's a lot left of this story. We've basically had 2 story arcs, the getting-together arc and the getting-Magnus-drafted arc. So we're in the 3rd one now and there's definitely a 4th planned. Essentially it's 4 stories in one, I just didn't want to bust them up and make you guys hunt for the sequels and blah, blah, blah. I honestly have no idea how many chapters we'll end up with other than as many as it takes to tell the story, but I estimate at least 100 chapters and likely more. **

**Shadowhunters TV: Holy AU, Batman. Loved that. Also, someone should start a petition that Matthew Daddario must do all of his scenes shirtless! OMG, it's just not fair to all the other guys out there. *swoons***

**Lastly, if you're not watching the tournament, omg what a crazy tournament it's been, lots of upsets, half court buzzer-beaters, you name it. That's why they call it March Madness!**

* * *

Alec put the finishing touches on dinner. Four days into Spring Break and he was already bored to tears. Cheerleading was over, but Magnus still had games and practice and was drawn away by his busy schedule all too often. He watched everything of interest on YouTube, spent way too much time in the gym, and even resorted to cooking and cleaning everything in their little apartment. What he wanted to do was attend some of Magnus's games now that he had more free time, but Magnus was adamant that Alec would not waste his time at a game when Magnus wasn't even playing. He tried to tell him that it didn't matter, that he wanted to be there for moral support, but Magnus insisted. He couldn't keep him from watching the games on TV, though Alec was sure he would try if he thought he could get away with it.

He sighed as he closed the door to the oven, switching the setting to warm. He'd made one of their favorite comfort foods: baked chicken casserole with broccoli and cheese and rice. Simple and so yummy. He tidied the kitchen, set the stereo to an easy-listening station and turned it down low, lit some candles on the table, checked the wine.

_Come on, Magnus. Get home._ He was so ready for his boyfriend to come home from tonight's game. He looked forward to dinner and some wine, a not-so-gentle and very suggestive post-game massage, and seeing where that might lead. His dick twitched just thinking about the possibilities.

He heard Magnus's little blue sports car pull up in the driveway. A moment later, his footsteps bounding up the stairs. His key in the lock. Alec leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen, a grin on his face as Magnus opened the door…and slammed it so hard he knocked nearby picture frames askew.

Magnus was in quite a state, worse than Alec had ever seen him. Coming home from games and practices angry and irritated was a regular occurrence and Alec completely sympathized with him, but this was something else entirely and Alec felt the tendrils of dread in the pit of his stomach. He watched Magnus's chest heave, his fists clenched at his sides. He paced the living room like a caged lion, fury rolling off him in waves. He was so angry he almost looked like he was on fire.

"What happened?" he said tentatively. He wanted to go to him, to try to calm him, but he didn't dare. Not until he had a firmer grasp on the situation.

The last time Magnus came home even close to this angry his coach had told him his team had no respect for him and that's why he wasn't playing. He'd looked much different then. He'd been angry, yes, but he'd also been hurt and there was a spark in his eye that told Alec a good, hard fucking was what he needed then.

There was no spark in his eye this time. Not that kind of spark anyway. His eyes blazed with rage like Alec had never seen as he rattled off a string of obscenities that Alec sincerely hoped their downstairs neighbors couldn't hear.

"Magnus, what's going on?" he said a little more forcefully, hoping that redirecting his boyfriend's attention would calm him some. It didn't.

"I fucking got fucking SUSPENDED!" he shouted.

"_What_?!" Alec cried in utter disbelief.

"You heard me! That stupid motherfucking bastard suspended me!" Apparently the obscenities were freely rolling off his tongue tonight.

"Why? What happened?"

Magnus stormed around the apartment. Alec wondered if he even saw the objects in his path or if he just knew to step around them after living there for nine months. He artfully dodged the sofa, the coffee table, circled around the little island in the kitchen. Alec watched as he drew energy from his movements, rather than the energy dissipating like it normally would. The storm built, and Alec feared the thunderhead.

He felt completely and utterly powerless to help.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED! THIS! THIS HAPPENED!" He gestured wildly between his chest and Alec where he stood well out of reach across the room.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"I mean," Magnus said snidely, "I'm still not fucking playing! No matter what I do, I'll never play for that fucking bastard! He basically told me that himself today!"

"He said that?" Alec said in disbelief. "But why?"

"Because of you!" Magnus shouted, snarling his upper lip. "I'll never fucking play because I'm fucking you!"

Alec's mouth fell open in shock. Had he just heard that correctly? What. The. Fuck? "Magnus, wait. Calm down and tell me what happened." He bravely tried to grab Magnus's arm, but Magnus ripped it out of his grasp and charged back into the living room.

"I will _not _calm down! This is my fucking _life_ we're talking about!"

"And I'd like to actually _talk_ about it instead of trying to figure out what you are screaming at me!" Alec said back, his voice rising as his own anger started to boil.

"Fine! I went to coach today to see what else I could possibly do to get playing time! I did what you said and told Thompson to stop fucking being a douche and work with me. I told him it didn't fucking matter what I did off the court, that I knew the plays and I could execute them and if he wasn't going to do what I said then I'd leave him out of the play altogether. He didn't like that, but he seemed to be acting better in practice.

"But apparently he decided to go to Coach and tell him I was being a dick and refusing to pass to him," Magnus continued, his voice just under a roar now. "He told Coach that he didn't like me having a boyfriend, that he didn't want a fag running his team, and he didn't want to be part of the team if I was going to be on it! Can you believe that shit?"

No. He truly couldn't. "He told you this?"

"Yeah he fucking told me!"

"What did you say?" Alec said hesitantly. He knew he was making a face that suggested he was afraid of the answer, which he was.

"I told him it was his fucking fault! If he'd stood up for me and not let those homophobic asshats call me a fag and treat me like I didn't deserve to be on the team, then things would be different. I told him he was the reason it had gotten so bad and if he'd had the fucking balls to stand up to those fucktards in the first place, we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"And that's when he suspended you?"

"YES! Can you believe that motherfucker?!"

_Well, actually…_ But Alec wasn't about to say that. Not with Magnus this pissed and still ranting and raving at him.

Magnus didn't wait for a response anyway. "I knew coming out was a mistake! I knew it was going to fucking bite me in the ass at some point! And now my whole fucking life is ruined!"

"Magnus -" he started, but the glare he received closed his mouth quickly.

"I shouldn't have listened to you," Magnus said, his voice terrifyingly angry. "I should have just stayed in the fucking closet." He flung himself down on the couch. His eyes flicked up to Alec's, narrowing. "Oh, right. I couldn't because you wanted me to be out. It was either come out and ruin my life, or lose you."

"Hey," Alec protested.

Magnus continued as if he hadn't spoken. "And now you sit here with not a care in the world, mooching off me while I pay for everything and don't even get to fucking play!"

That was the point Alec's patience failed him. Was this guy serious? "Wait just a fucking second! I offered, several times to pay half the bills, but you won't let me. You said you wanted to take care of your man." He might have sounded a little nasty there. "Do you really want to get into an argument about money? Like I need your fucking money? Your measly three million doesn't come close to what I have!"

"Now you want to make this about money?!"

Alec's mouth fell open and he stared at Magnus in disbelief. "But you -"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MONEY!" Magnus screamed. "I give a fuck about me spending the last eight months of my life being treated like a piece of shit because I'm fucking you! I'm tired of being called a fag every god dam day and having to deal with this bullshit homophobia day in and day out! I'm tired of being fucked with and cussed out and suspended because I kissed _you_! All because of YOU!"

Alec went hot and cold. He balled his hands into fists. He could not have heard that right. Magnus was blaming him for his teammates' homophobia? Seriously?

Part of him knew that Magnus didn't mean any of this, that he was just venting his anger and frustration, but that part was being told in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up while a much larger part of him was reaching boiling point. He glared at Magnus for a moment, willing himself to maintain some vestige of control, to not give Magnus a piece of his mind. He took a deep breath, which helped very little.

"Clearly you want to fight, so I'm going for a walk before we both say anything else we might regret," he said as calmly as he could manage. He turned on his heel and darted out the door before either of them could say anything else.

He flew down the stairs as fast as he could take them, jogged around the side of the house and onto the sidewalk. He picked a direction at random, increasing his speed to burn off as much energy and anger as he could. He tried not to replay the ridiculous shouting match with Magnus, but it was very difficult not to hear Magnus's voice raised in anger bouncing around inside his skull accusingly.

_He was venting._ He kept telling himself this, over and over. He knew it was true. He knew Magnus didn't think those awful things he had said, that he didn't blame him for what had happened. He was angry and lashing out at the one person he knew could take it. The one person that wouldn't hate him in the morning or hold it against him or do something to ruin his life, like not let him play basketball. He'd always known how much basketball meant to Magnus, and how much not playing was getting to him.

He wasn't sure how long he ran. Long enough for his emotions to stabilize, to feel more grounded. He stopped at a street corner and looked around to get his bearings. He recognized the place immediately. He was only about a dozen blocks from home. He must have ran some side streets or circled around because he knew he'd been running far too long to be this close to home.

The late-March night air was cool and the wind chilled his sweaty skin. He hadn't thought this out properly, leaving in anger and not grabbing a jacket. He sighed, knowing the walk or jog back home was going to suck now that his anger subsided and he felt the cold.

Without warning - or maybe there was a warning he just didn't notice - the sky opened up and frigid rain tapped on his head, his shoulders, the pavement. His eyes darted in all directions, searching for a place to wait out the storm as the ice cold drops pelted down on him, running down his face and back in rivulets.

He spotted a gay bar that he and Magnus frequented and quickly slipped inside. He shook the wet from his hair, shivering a little as his body adjusted to the warmth of the bar.

The bar was quiet tonight, just some juke box music playing softly in the overhead speakers, and only about half full. He made his way to the wood bar lining the far wall and slid onto a padded barstool, propping his arms on the bar top and leaning casually against it. He heard a familiar chuckle and looked up.

"What happened to you?" said the bartender as he wiped a glass with a towel.

"Hey, Pete," Alec said, "thought I'd go for a swim." He waved a hand, indicating his stringy hair and the light gray t-shirt that was now dark gray from being wet.

"You look cold," Pete observed. "Want to borrow a jacket? I have a spare one in the back."

Alec sighed with relief. "That would be great," he said as another cold shiver hit his body.

"You want a bourbon to warm you up, too?"

"Sure."

"Pick your poison." Pete gestured to the wall behind him, for Alec to pick what brand bourbon he wanted.

"Surprise me," he replied with a shrug.

"Be right back."

Pete disappeared through a door behind the bar. He was a tall guy, mid-thirties with wavy brown hair. He was big with broad shoulders and the makings of a flabby belly, evidence of the football he'd played when he was younger, but had now gone to seed. Alec and Magnus had developed a friendly rapport with him in the months since Alec had turned twenty-one.

Pete returned, tossing a red and gray zip-up hoodie to Alec. He poured from one of the bourbon bottles as Alec shouldered into the jacket, thankful for anything to take the chill off him.

"So where's Mr. Basketball?" Pete asked, setting the glass in front of Alec.

Alec took it gratefully, taking a sip. He felt the burn immediately, first in his throat, then radiating out to his frozen extremities. Bourbon sure had a way of warming a person up. "At home."

Pete's eyebrows raised. "Trouble in paradise?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "We got in a fight." Like any good bartender, Pete said nothing, waiting for Alec to talk if he wanted. "I may as well tell you. It'll be on every sporting news show tonight anyway. He got suspended."

Pete's eyes widened. "Suspended?"

"For violation of team rules, if I had to guess. Translation: he cussed out his coach and blamed him for all the homophobic shit he's been having to deal with all season."

Pete let out a low whistle, and resumed wiping out glasses. "Well, he's not wrong. It's the coach's job to set the tone for the team, and by letting those guys pull that shit on Magnus, he's set a tone of 'anything goes' and that's no way to run a team. Probably wasn't wise for Magnus to say that point blank to him, but I get where he's coming from."

"Me too." Alec sighed and took another sip of his drink. "He came home in such a terrible mess. Shouting and cussing. I'm surprised he didn't throw anything. Probably would have if I'd stayed to find out."

"So you just left?"

"I thought it would do us both some good to cool off a bit. I know he didn't mean any of the things he said, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I hate fighting with him and I was starting to get pissed off and didn't want it to escalate."

Pete nodded. "Smart choice. So you went for a walk and got caught in a downpour?"

"Yup."

They talked amicably for awhile as Alec nursed his drink, feeling better and better with each passing moment. He meant what he said: he knew Magnus was just blowing off steam, saying the things people say when they are out-of-their-head pissed off. He might not have been so sensitive about it if he hadn't spent all day waiting for him to get home, cooking for him and planning a romantic night in. The corner of his mouth lifted briefly as he thought about the reception he would likely get when he got home. He pictured the hugs and kisses, the I'm-sorry's, eating a little dinner, drinking a little wine, making a little love.

He tossed back the last swallow. The rain had ended, or at least slowed to a drizzle that couldn't be seen through the tinted windows. It was time to go home.

He went to the bathroom to leave some of the bourbon behind before he started his walk home. When he returned to his seat, he said, "Hey, man, I'm going to head home. Magnus needs me. Oh, here's your jacket back," he added as he started extricating himself from the garment.

"No, no. Keep it. It's just an old one I keep around for emergencies. You'll need it out there."

"Thanks, Pete. See you later."

Pete nodded as he went to the other end of the bar to take someone's order. Alec turned around, about to slip off the barstool and head home, when he realized there was a guy sitting beside him. He'd been there since before he left for the bathroom, but Alec hadn't paid much attention to him.

"Hey," the guy said. "I got you a refill." He pushed a glass of bourbon toward Alec, who stared at it, puzzled. "I asked Pete what you were drinking and told him I wanted to buy you a round."

Alec looked closer at the man. He had non-descript short brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin like all Caucasians do in March, unless they cheat and go to the tanning bed. He raised his own glass to Alec, nodding to the one he was offering.

Alec wasn't sure what to do. He didn't really want another drink. He wanted to get home to Magnus. But he felt bad that the guy had already bought him one. He sized the guy up. He was shorter than Alec by several inches. His face was friendly. He seemed harmless. _Surely if Pete had any worries about this guy he would have told me._

Alec smiled his friendliest smile and picked up the glass. "Thanks," he said. "I'm Alec."

"John," the guy said, looking relieved.

Alec clinked their glasses together and took a very large sip of bourbon.

* * *

**A/N: I want to apologize for Magnus's language. I wanted to edit it but he stood over my shoulder and repeatedly commented that he cursed a lot worse than that, and you know, he's tall and gorgeous and he smells really good. What can I say? I'm only human. I told him he got his point across.**


	65. Chapter 65

Alec gradually awoke from the dark depths of unconsciousness. He felt like someone was trying to drive a spike through his head with a sledgehammer, if the pain was any indication. The eerie red glow of the inside of his eyelids told him he most definitely did not want to open his eyes. He lay there, trying to remember what happened last night. Bourbon. Right.

He noticed he was uncomfortable. The best he could tell he was laying on his belly with his right arm bent awkwardly beside him, his left arm shielding his face from the bright sunlight. Had he forgotten to shut the curtains last night?

He heard something a little ways off, some noise he couldn't reconcile with his apartment. Shouting. Footsteps on pavement. What? And why was his bed so _hard_?

A moment later he knew the answer to that one. He wasn't in his bed. He was laying on the hard, cold ground. Soft individual blades of grass tickled his nose and face, but the overall effect was a very uncomfortable place to sleep. Where was he?

He finally made out a voice among all the shouting as the patter of shoes stopped beside him. "Alec? Alec, are you alright?" Devin. He sounded panicked. Then his voice sounded funny, like maybe he'd turned away from Alec's direction. "You! Go get Austin Chambers! If he's not in the common room, check room 404! Now! Go!"

Alec slowly forced himself off the ground, inch by inch, keeping his eyes tightly shut against the sunlight. Fuck, his head hurt. A wave of nausea rolled over him and he struggled to keep his stomach in check. Vomiting was not going to feel very good right now. After several moments, the nausea passed and his eyes slowly and repeatedly blinked until he was finally able to open them.

"Where…am…I?" he said in a dry, raspy, broken voice.

"You're outside the athletic dorm," Devin said, way too loudly and way too rapidly. Alec winced. "Sorry. Maybe you should lie back down? Austin's on his way," Dev added in a much softer, slower tone, which Alec was grateful for.

He shook his head, and instantly regretted that decision as nausea stole over him again. When it passed, he did an inventory of his body, trying to figure out just what had happened to him. He was fully dressed, he noticed, but that was hardly enough to keep him warm outdoors overnight after a rain storm in March. As soon as that realization hit him, he started to shiver with cold. With a shaking hand, he patted down his pockets, front and back, even the jacket pockets.

He looked at Devin with alarm. "I don't have my wallet or phone."

"What happened, Alec?" Dev said, and even as sick as he felt, Alec easily heard the strain in his voice.

Before Alec could answer, Austin appeared, jogging down the sidewalk until he reached them. He squatted down beside Alec. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

Both Austin and Devin stared him down, making him feel even more unsettled. "I…I don't know," he said, running a hand through his hair. He didn't even want to know how bad his hair looked at that moment. He was certain it was epic.

He didn't miss the look Austin and Devin shared just before Austin stood and offered Alec his hand. "Come on. Let's get you inside before you freeze to death." He helped Alec to his feet and steered him inside the dormitory and up to his room. Alec heard him whisper something to Dev, but didn't bother trying to hear what he said. Whatever it was, Dev did not follow them to Austin's dorm room.

Inside the room, the one he'd once briefly shared with Austin that still felt so comfortable to him, Austin guided him to the couch and draped a blanket across his shoulders. Alec sat with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands, trying to figure out what had happened and what he was going to do about it. The more aware he became, the more unnerved he felt.

Austin puttered in the kitchen for a few minutes, then returned with a steaming cup of black coffee, which Alec took from him gratefully. He settled the cup between his hands, sipping it too fast and burning his mouth, but the heat took the edge off the cold numbness and returned some color to his cheeks. Austin watched him for several long moments, just long enough to increase Alec's discomfort, before he gently said, "Tell me what happened."

Alec caught his eye. "I don't know. I can't remember," he said urgently.

"Okay, then let's see if we can figure this out. What's the last thing you do remember?"

Alec thought hard for a moment. The pain in his head was blinding. "Standing outside the bar," he said softly.

"Bar?"

"Yeah, the gay bar a few blocks from here. Magnus and I go there at least once a month just to unwind. Pete, the bartender, has become a friend."

"Okay, but why were you at the bar? Where's Magnus?"

"We…we had a fight. He said some horrible things to me and I left. I didn't want to fight with him…" Alec trailed off, replaying the events in his mind, and Austin didn't interrupt. "It started raining. I was freezing so I went into the bar to wait out the storm." Another pause. "I had a bourbon."

He was quiet for several minutes, until Austin prompted him again. "Then what?"

"A guy…bought me a drink. Said Pete told him I was drinking bourbon." Alec's eyes flashed to Austin's face, alarmed, then looked away hurriedly. "I- I don't remember anything else."

"You don't remember anything else?"

"Well," Alec hedged. "I remember feeling dizzy and going outside to get some fresh air. The rain had stopped, or at least slowed enough I didn't notice it. I don't remember anything after that."

"That doesn't make any sense. I've seen you drink, Alec. Two bourbons wouldn't be enough to make you black out. Maybe if they were each half a bottle, but a bar isn't going to give you that much."

Alec didn't answer verbally. He buried his face in his hands, wanting to scream or cry or punch someone. What the hell had he done? Oh god, what had he done?

Austin sounded much like Alec felt. "What are you not telling me, Alec?"

He said it into his palms, every word tearing him to shreds. "I…I had sex last night."

They could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed that statement. Alec couldn't look at him, didn't want to face anyone again as long as he lived. He'd effectively destroyed everything last night and his whole body hurt, not just his head anymore, not just his heart, everything. He hurt more than he'd ever known it possible to hurt.

"Are you sure?" was Austin's reply.

Alec glanced sharply at him. "You think I don't know what it feels like when I've had a dick in my ass?" His words were biting, an extension of how he felt, and Austin jerked back in response to them. "I'm sorry. I-… Fuck!" He couldn't get much more expressive than that.

Another silence fell on them as Alec stewed and wallowed in his torment. He'd cheated on Magnus. He knew it, and soon Magnus would, too. He wouldn't hide it, he wasn't that kind of person. He'd ruined everything. He'd never experienced so much self-loathing. He knew some people did when they figured out they were gay, but not him. He'd had more trauma trying to figure out how to tell Jace and Izzy and his parents. He'd accepted his sexuality fairly easily in fact. But this? He couldn't hate himself more for what he'd done to Magnus, to their relationship.

Austin pulled him from that bleak line of thinking. "Alec, this doesn't make sense. I know you. You wouldn't cheat on Magnus. You -"

"I did."

"No, listen. Hear me out, okay?" Austin shook him enough to get him to look up. His green eyes were full of concern, and Alec could tell he was giving this a great deal of thought. "I know you wouldn't black out after two drinks. I know you wouldn't."

"It doesn't matter. I did. I accepted the drink from that guy. This is my fault."

"What do you mean?" Austin looked genuinely confused.

"Do you remember Tony, from Miami?" Austin nodded. "Well, he told me that accepting a drink from another man in a gay bar was practically telling him you'd sleep with him. It's some kind of code or something, a way to tell who's interested." Alec sounded as miserable as he felt. "I accepted the drink. I gave him the okay."

"Not if he drugged you," Austin replied.

Alec's snapped his head so quickly in Austin's direction, he tweaked his neck. Rubbing it with one hand to ease the pain, he said, "What are you talking about?"

"Think about. You blacked out after two drinks, don't remember anything that happened after that. What if the reason you blacked out is that guy slipped something in your drink?"

"It didn't taste any different…"

"It wouldn't. Those drugs have no color, odor, or taste. Guys use them on girls all the time. Their called 'date-rape' drugs."

"Rape?" Alec clung to that word. He shook his head. "I wasn't raped. There's not a mark on me. I only know I had sex because I can still feel the after-effects. He wasn't rough or abusive. He didn't hurt me."

"He doesn't have to. If he drugged you, he took away your ability to give consent. By definition, that's rape. Even if you would have given him consent, he took away your choice." Austin moved closer to him on the couch, placing an arm on his back and rubbing gently, soothingly. Alec jumped when his hand made contact. "Alec," he said, his voice infinitely soft and gentle, "we need to go to the hospital."

Alec looked up in alarm. "_What_?! No! No way! Why?"

Austin deserved an award for his patience, his calm. "The evidence won't last long. I don't know how long those drugs stay in your system, but we need to get there soon so we can find out if you were drugged."

"What difference does it make?"

"It might change the way you feel about it. Rape is not the same as cheating. It might save your relationship with Magnus."

Alec shook his head. "Nothing can save my relationship with Magnus. Not now. Not after what I did."

"Don't you think you should give him the option of making that decision for himself? And don't you think he would be better equipped to do that if he had all the facts?"

Alec had no answer to that. Nothing other than, "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"Alec," Austin pressed, "there are other reasons to go to the hospital. What if the guy didn't use a condom? What if he had some disease that you've now been exposed to? We need to find out."

Alec felt sick. He'd been so careful, his whole sexual life, not to expose himself to anything. He'd always used protection, he'd always discussed histories with his partners and he'd been tested regularly. Now one drunken night could have fucked all that up? His self-loathing deepened.

"Come on," Austin said, seeing the defeat on Alec's face. He rose and pulled Alec up by his hand, and called a cab.

* * *

"Hi, Mr. Lightwood. I'm Amy and I'll be your nurse today," said a middle-aged woman with a somber expression but friendly eyes wearing ugly pink scrubs. "The doctor has ordered some bloodwork to test for the presence of mind-altering substances in your blood, and I need to do an exam. I am specially trained to look for evidence of rape and collect samples. Would you like me to explain the details of what I need to do?"

"No. Just do it. I don't want to know," Alec said sharply. He had a good idea what area she needed to examine, and what 'collecting samples' might mean, and he didn't want to hear the gory details. Austin stepped out of the room to give them privacy, and Alec wished like hell he could go with him.

* * *

Alec awoke when a young-ish man in a white lab coat with a blue stethoscope hanging around his neck entered the room. He did know how long he'd been asleep, but apparently Austin had come back into the room at some point and not bothered to wake him. The doctor, who Alec had met when he first arrived but not bothered to remember his name, held a folder with papers in his hand and leaned against the countertop surveying him with steady eyes.

He glanced pointedly at Austin, then back to Alec. "Do you want privacy for your test results."

Alec didn't know what to say to that. Part of him very much wanted to be alone for this, but another part wasn't sure he could face it alone. Austin helped him with the decision. He stepped up beside Alec, slipped his hand into Alec's and linked their fingers together. "I'm his boyfriend. I'd like to stay, if that's okay."

Alec looked at him in surprise, but quickly covered it before the doctor could get suspicious. He nodded and squeezed Austin's hand, so thankful for his friend's support. "He can stay."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Your exam showed evidence of latex and a lubricant. There is no evidence of semen, and there is no DNA we were able to recover. It appears the man used a condom, so it's very unlikely he transmitted any diseases or infections to you. Your preliminary screening was negative for all the sexually transmitted diseases. As a precaution, we would recommend an HIV test in three months, just to be sure, but it's very unlikely."

Alec nodded, unable to say anything in response. The matter-of-fact way the doctor spoke was helpful, but didn't make him feel any less dirty or any more comfortable with the topic of conversation.

"Your tox screen came back positive," the doctor continued, and Alec's eyes flashed to his, then to Austin's, and back. "There were still traces of alcohol in your blood and you tested positive for flunitrazepam, Rohypnol. It's one of the most common date-rape drugs. It's the reason you can't remember what happened to you. It's illegal, and because of it's presence in your bloodstream, any sexual activity you were involved in last night is automatically considered rape. I'm required to report it to the authorities. The police are here to take a statement from you whenever you are ready."

Police? Statement? Oh, fuck, really? Could this get any worse?

"Will I get my memory back?" he asked in a small voice. He didn't know if he cared about the answer or just wanted to delay having to talk to the cops.

"I don't know," the doctor replied. "Some do, some don't. You will probably not ever remember the entire night in detail, but you may get some pieces of your memory over time. They may come in the form of dreams, or something may trigger them, like a place or a sound or a smell. But some never remember anything. I would strongly recommend you seeking professional counseling to help you deal with this."

"What? You want me to see a shrink?"

"I think you would benefit from having someone help you through this."

Alec's heart raced. A shrink? Seriously? He didn't need help. He needed to forget this happened. Just forget about all of it. The gentle pressure from Austin's hand centered him, calmed him. He leaned back on the bed, closing his eyes, letting his mind unfurl.

The click of the door handle told him the doctor had left the room. He opened one eye, peering up at Austin, who still had a firm grip on his hand.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"Anytime."

In spite of everything, he cracked a reluctant grin. "My boyfriend?"

Austin returned the grin and shrugged. "I didn't know if they'd let me stay if I said I was just a friend."

"You've never been just a friend. I'm really lucky to have you." Despite the situation he was currently in, he still recognized the truth in that statement.

The door opened again and in walked two uniformed policemen. They introduced themselves, then asked Austin to wait outside. "Don't go anywhere. We'll have some questions for you next," the burly one said. The tall, skinny one stood behind him at an angle, clearly letting his partner run the show. The hesitant look Austin gave him as he exited the room made his stomach flip over. He didn't want to be alone right now. He didn't want Austin to leave.

His blood ran cold as he recounted the events of the previous night, in as much detail as he could manage. It was hard enough to say those words to Austin, someone he trusted with his life. It had been harder still to say them to the doctor and nurse. Saying them yet again, to these two police officers was almost too much to bear. Especially now. Now that he knew the truth. He'd been drugged. He'd been… He couldn't even think the word. The more he talked, the more withdrawn he became. He felt it, felt himself shutting down and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it.

After what felt like an eternity, the officers left, asking him to call if he remembered any other details. How could he remember? He'd been _drugged_.

He thought that might be the worst part of it all. After all the times he'd talked to Izzy about watching her drink, never leaving it unattended. He knew this happened all the time to high school and college kids. He _knew_! He'd always been so careful, sometimes buying new drinks for his friends or family if they'd let their attention drop for even one second! He knew. He fucking knew better!

He had no recollection of being discharged from the hospital. Paid no attention to the list of psychiatrists the nurse gave him. He didn't notice the cab ride back to Austin's. He was cold, bone-deep cold.

Austin steered him to the couch and settled him on it. He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders again and went to make coffee. Alec had a vague impression that this might be exactly what he'd done for him this morning after he'd found him on the cold, hard ground outside the dormitory. And somewhere even deeper he reflected again how lucky he was to have Austin.

Somewhere, a phone rang, piercing the silence. Each ring drove the spike deeper into his skull, and he flinched with every one.

"It's Magnus," Austin said quietly. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"NO!" he said, maybe shouted. He had no measurement of the pitch of his own voice. He just knew he said it loudly, adamantly. He couldn't talk to Magnus. What would he say? The mere thought of telling Magnus what happened terrified him to his core. He gripped handfuls of his hair to try to stop his hands shaking.

Austin ignored the phone and sat down next to Alec on the couch. He sat the coffee mug on the table and wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulders. It wasn't just his hands that were shaking. His whole body shuddered.

"Alec, we have to tell Magnus you're here and that you're okay. He's bound to be worried sick by now."

"I-I c-can't."

The phone rang again, and Alec jumped. He barely registered the concerned look Austin gave him as he went to answer the phone.

"Hey -" Austin began, but was quickly cut off. Alec could hear Magnus's voice through the phone from the other side of the room. He indeed sounded frantic.

"Magnus…Magnus…Mag -…Magnus, Magnus, MAGNUS! Stop! Just let me talk for a second, okay?"

Another break while Magnus petered out and fell silent.

"He's here. He lost his phone, but he's okay. Physically."

Another shout from Magnus's end.

"Magnus." A warning tone in Austin's voice. "Something happened last night. He's okay, but he's freaked out. He needs some time to work through this, okay? Just, just give him a little space."

Some jumbled muttering from Magnus's end. Austin gave Alec a look he didn't even try to interpret. He was in no state to do that anyway.

"I think it's best if he tells you… No, he doesn't want to talk right now, but he's going to need you. Just wait until he's ready… Yes, I promise to keep you updated. I hope he'll be ready to come home soon. ..Yeah, I'll tell him… Okay, bye."

Austin hung up the phone and took the seat next to Alec again. "He's worried about you. He wanted me to tell you he loves you and he'll be there when you're ready."

Alec knew on some level those words were supposed to be helpful, to reassure him that he wasn't alone, but they didn't. How could they? Magnus didn't even know what he was agreeing to.

_And whose fault is that?_ said a little voice in his head.

_Mine._ he answered back. _It's all my fault. Every last bit of it. I should have stayed and talked Magnus down from his anger. I knew he was just upset and venting and I wasn't there for him. I shouldn't have gone to the bar. I shouldn't have accepted that drink. It's all my fault._

"Alec, are you okay? Really?"

"Honestly? No. No, nothing's okay." Then, before he knew what he was saying, words spilled from him in a rush. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have accepted that stupid drink from a stranger. I know better. It's all my fault. I'd have gone apeshit if I found out Izzy took a drink from a stranger. But I did. I fucking did. It's all my fault."

The next thing he knew Austin was shaking him, gripping both shoulders and physically shaking him, not too gently either. "Stop it! Stop it right now!" Austin demanded.

Alec took no notice. "…It's my fault. I fucked everything up. It's all my fault…"

Then Austin was holding him, making shushing sounds and rocking him. Alec buried his face in his friend's chest, wanting to cry, but no tears would come. His body hitched with sobs, but still no tears. And still Austin held him, rocked him like a small child that was injured or upset.

Alec pushed him away, tugging the blanket around his shoulders protectively. "I'm…I'm okay. I'm fine."

Austin laughed bitterly. "Like hell you are. Alec, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"It is my fault. I know better than that. I took the drink. I as good as cheated on Magnus."

"No. You didn't cheat on him. You didn't have a choice."

"Yes I did. I accepted the drink. I accepted his invitation. I did this!"

"Alec -"

Alec turned away from him. "I want to take a nap," he said pointedly.

Austin sat quietly for a moment, then got up and went to his room without another word. Alec curled into a ball on the couch and stared at the abandoned coffee mug that was now at eye level. He couldn't bring himself to reach for it, couldn't find the energy to care about it.


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N: So I umm...changed my avatar...That kiss...**

**Guys, we hit 100,000 views AND 200 favorites in the same day! Wow! Thanks so much!**

**Tonight is the championship game...featuring Villanova, the team Idris beat. See how hard it is to predict the future in basketball? Lol**

**Btw, I'm not ignoring your reviews. I love reading the theories and comments. I'm letting the chapters speak for themselves right now. This is painful for all of us.**

* * *

Alec woke, and for a moment couldn't remember where he was or why he wasn't in his bed. Then reality hit him full-force and he closed his eyes against it, not wanting to remember, not wanting to feel.

That never works.

He heard Austin puttering around the kitchen and soon smelled the enticing aroma of strong coffee, just the way he liked it. Shame he didn't give a rat's ass about coffee just then.

Austin's footsteps coming closer forced him to abandon his attempt at pretend like everything was fine. He sat up on the couch where he'd spent the night and wrapped the blanket tightly, protectively, around his shoulders. He accepted the cup of coffee Austin offered, taking a sip and relishing in letting it burn the fuck out of his mouth. He deserved the pain.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Austin asked in that sympathetic tone that Alec really didn't want to hear. He didn't want sympathy. He didn't deserve it.

"Like the worst human being on the planet," he said, and he failed to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"This isn't your fault," Austin said firmly.

"I don't see anyone else to blame."

"How about the guy -"

"Don't, Austin." Alec cut him off mid-sentence. "Just don't. It doesn't help."

They sat quietly side-by-side on the couch, drinking their coffees. Alec's mind was in turmoil. He didn't care what Austin said, or what anyone said. This was his fault. He walked out on Magnus. He accepted that stupid drink from a random stranger. Whatever happened after that, he deserved.

And he hated himself for it.

"You need to eat something," Austin said out of the blue. He got up and went back to the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge for a few moments, then came back with a sandwich. Alec looked at it, not in the least bit interested in eating anything. How was he supposed to eat when his stomach, and the rest of him, was already full to the brim with guilt? Guilt guilt guilt.

"Eat," Austin said, and it wasn't suggestion. He stared pointedly at Alec until he finally tore off a bit of the sandwich and ate it without even noticing what he was eating. He choked down the rest of the sandwich under the watchful eye of Austin and had to admit he felt marginally better afterward. Well, at least he could ignore the hunger pangs his stomach had been sending him, even if the rest of him had wanted anything but food.

He attempted to curl up on the couch and go back to sleep then, but Austin stopped him. "You need to talk to Magnus."

Alec shook his head. "I can't." His eyes pleaded with Austin. "I can't. What am I supposed to say to him? 'Hey, baby? I know I said I loved you but I fucked some other guy. Is that a problem?'"

Austin gave him a look of pure exasperation." You didn't _fuck_ another guy. You didn't have an option of -"

"I. Can't," Alec stated firmly. "I can't talk to him right now. I don't know how."

"I get it, but he has the right to know what's going on. I'd want to know if it were Cammie…"

Alec hid his face in his hands. "I know. God, I know." He glanced briefly at Austin, turning away as he said, "I don't know what to do."

"I'll tell him if you want me to. Buy you a little more time to think about it before you have to talk to him."

The earnest look on Austin's face was almost too much for Alec. He nodded slowly, then buried himself under his blanket before Austin tried to engage him any further in conversation. Austin took the hint and left him alone.

Alone. Alec really wasn't handling alone any better than he was handling being around Austin or talking or…anything. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now, but the thought of seeing Magnus's face, of knowing what he'd done and how much Magnus was going to be hurt by it, made his stomach churn unpleasantly. He didn't care how Austin or anyone else looked at it. As far as he was concerned, he was at fault. He knew Magnus wouldn't blame him, any more than he blamed Magnus. And Magnus definitely had the right to know what had happened. Alec could imagine the state he'd worked himself into by now, wondering what was going on, and he didn't want to worry him on top of hurting him.

He felt so damn guilty, so terrible for what had happened. He put himself in that situation. He let himself be vulnerable, and there was nothing he could do about it now. The damage was done.

These thoughts bounced around inside his head as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

He awoke to the shrill sound of a telephone ringing. He heard Austin's bare feet padding across the floor into the kitchen, and then his soft voice in questioned greeting. "Hello?"

He knew who was calling, could tell by the way Austin answered the phone. He kept his eyes closed, pretending he was asleep so there was no chance he'd have to deal with this.

"Hey, Magnus… He's asleep on the couch. Hang on a minute."

More footsteps as Austin apparently went into his room to keep from disturbing Alec. Alec had to strain his ears to hear the conversation, but fortunately, Austin's voice carried into the living room where he was feigning sleep.

"Ok…Yeah, I was planning to call you later… I know you're worried about him. Honestly, so am I. He's not doing well… He's…"

There was a loud sigh and a pause, where Alec assumed Magnus was talking. Alec's heart was racing. He knew Austin was about to tell Magnus what had happened. He probably had less than a few seconds to stop him if he really wanted to. The problem was he couldn't decide if he wanted to. He didn't want Magnus to know, but that was just because it would make it so much more real. Magnus knowing would take away any chance of Alec living in denial, a place he was firmly planted at the moment. Before he could make any kind of decision, Austin began talking again.

"I don't really know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it. The other night, when you and Alec fought, he got caught in the rain and went in that gay bar near campus you guys go to all the time. Someone slipped something into his drink. Rohypnol. You know what that is, right?"

Another long pause while Magnus spoke. Alec could imagine Magnus's end of the conversation.

"No. As I said before, he's okay physically. I took him to the hospital and they did a bunch of tests. The guy used a condom so the doctor thinks he's safe from any diseases. He didn't hurt him physically… I know, the bad thing is that the police say there's little to no evidence. He was wearing an old jacket of the bartender's that had been hanging around the bar for a long time. There was all kinds of trace evidence on it, but who knows how many people have come in contact with that jacket over the years, so basically it just contaminated whatever evidence they might have been able to recover. There was no physical evidence on Alec either, so the police really have nothing to go on." Alec winced when he said that, knowing he meant semen and hating that Magnus had to hear it.

Another pause.

"No, he doesn't remember any of it. His description was a guy with short brown hair and brown eyes, which describes half the men in New York. He couldn't remember anything distinguishing. He wasn't even sure how tall the guy was. The cops were going to question the people at the bar, see if anyone knew the guy, but they said not to get our hopes up. The glass that would have had the Rohypnol in it would've been washed long before we even found Alec, so there's no chance of getting evidence from it. Any evidence they do find would be circumstantial at best and in this kind of case would never hold up in court. It sucks there's nothing we can do to this guy even if we're able to find him."

Those words hit Alec like a gut-punch. He knew all that, of course, he'd been sitting in the hospital room while the doctor and the cops talked about it, but just the thought of having to testify in court… He was nowhere near ready to deal with something like that. It was almost a relief that he wouldn't have to.

"No, he's not doing well. He's barely eating and has slept most of the last two days… Yes, he's blaming himself… I know. I keep telling him it's not his fault… He said you'd blame yourself for what happened. I think that's part of the reason he doesn't want to talk to you yet. He doesn't want to hear you take the blame… I know. I'd blame myself it that happened to Cam, if I wasn't there to protect her, but it's not your fault any more than it's Alec's. It's that motherfucker who slipped him the drugs. He's to blame!"

Austin's voice got very loud, very adamant when he said that.

"Yeah, he said he put himself in that situation, so it's his fault. He said he should have stayed home with you… I know, I told him that. You needed the time apart so you didn't do anything stupid… He doesn't blame you at all. You know he wouldn't blame you. He's not like that.

"Look, Magnus, I would love to let you see him. I think he needs it as much as you do, but I can't let you in here as long as he says no. I think he's had enough forced onto him recently, don't you? He's already not coping well… Well, think about it, Magnus. He has no idea how to handle this. Nothing bad has ever happened to him. Even when he came out to his family and at school, everyone supported him. He's led a very charmed life, and I'm glad that he has, but that has not equipped him to handle something like this… Yeah, I know, you are the perfect person to help him through it, and I think he'll let you eventually, he's just not ready yet."

Alec's mind was reeling. Was that really why he was having such a hard time, why he was placing the blame on himself instead of his…attacker? He choked up on that word. It wasn't a pleasant thought, and wasn't something he wanted to think about.

"I'll keep working on him. Like I said, he needs you. He doesn't even know how much he needs you. He's just so freaked out right now and he doesn't know what to do… Yeah, I'll keep in touch and let you know how he's doing… Alright. Talk to you soon. Bye."

Alec buried his face in his borrowed pillow. This hurt so bad, the one-sided conversation he'd just overheard, not being able to talk to Magnus, everything. Everything hurt.

Austin returned to the living room and sat his phone on the table in plain sight. Alec could sense his eyes on him even if he couldn't see him from the safety of his pillow. Eventually, when it became clear that Austin wasn't going to go away this time, and when he desperately needed air, he emerged from hiding.

"I told him," Austin said softly.

"What did he say?" Alec had no idea why he was asking that. What could Magnus say? He was hurt, angry, maybe even devastated. He wanted to see Alec, talk to him. He already knew that. So before Austin had a chance to speak, he said, "I'm going home."

A look of utter relief passed over Austin's face. "Thank god," he said so earnestly it was painful. "Do you want me to call Magnus back so he can come get you?" Austin reached for the phone as he spoke.

"No. I'm going to the penthouse. I'm going to my parents'."

"What? Alec, no. Don't do that. You don't have to leave. You can stay here as long as you need."

"No, I can't. Your roommate will be home in a few days. He'll wonder why I'm sleeping on your couch. Trust me, it's better this way."

"You have to talk to Magnus, Alec. This is killing him."

"I just need some time. I'm going home to my parents." He said this with such finality that Austin handed him the phone and didn't try to talk him out of it any further.

* * *

Alec stumbled through the door of his parents' penthouse in Manhattan. It was midday and the only ones home were his mother, Max, and the servants. His mother looked up from the kitchen table where she'd been helping Max with some school work, a surprised expression on her face. An expression that quickly morphed into concern for her eldest child.

Alec knew he must look an awful wreck, if he looked anything like how he felt. He had avoided the bathroom mirror on the occasions when natured called, and he still hadn't bathed. Why? He couldn't begin to answer that. He wanted to, as much as he was capable of wanting anything just then, he just hadn't been able to bring himself to do it.

Maryse crossed the room in a flash, placing his small, warm hands on his arm. When he avoided her gaze, she reached up and touched his cheek. The gesture was familiar, a comforting one she'd used on him many times when he'd skinned his knee, or argued with his sister, or any other time he'd needed his mother's comfort. But this time it was too much for him. He recoiled as if she'd slapped him.

"Alec, honey, what happened? What's wrong?" Even her tone of voice, dripping with sympathy and worry, made his skin crawl.

He turned away from her. "I need a place to stay. Magnus and I…broke up." He choked on the words, wondering why he'd said them. They hadn't broken up. Had they? The way he felt at that moment was more like someone, or something that he loved dearly, had died. He sucked down a sob, blinking as if to hold back tears, though his eyes were bone-dry. "I'll be in my room."

He hurried out of his mother's sight as quickly as possible. He threw himself onto his bed, bouncing slightly, and gazed up at the ceiling, not really seeing it. His mind returned to the question that now haunted him. Was he breaking up with Magnus? Was that what it meant when he ran away to mommy and daddy's instead of going home to Magnus? Was it over?

He tried to shut his mind down, to not think about it. This was too painful. He hurt so fucking bad he wondered if he would die from it. He rolled over onto his stomach, tucking his knees under him, burying his face in the blankets on his old bed, pounding his fist and screaming into covers that muffled his cry. He writhed on the bed, trying to let the pain out, to let the monster inside him escape, but it was too busy consuming him. He wanted it out - no, _needed_ it out - of him so maybe, just maybe he could figure out a way to get passed this, to stop hurting, to stop hating himself.

After god only knows how long, he stumbled into his private bathroom. The mirrors here were too large to avoid his reflection. He stared at himself. He'd been right. His appearance was epic. His face was red and splotchy where he'd been sobbing into his bedcovers. His eyes were red like he'd been crying, even though he hadn't shed a single tear. His hair stuck up in every direction, and definitely needed a good washing. His clothes were a mess. _He_ was a mess.

He stripped down and turned on the shower. Steam was rising in clouds by the time he stepped into the shower stall, and the scalding water made him flinch at first. He didn't step away, letting the burn cascade over him, searing every part of his body. He stood there in the spray as it pelted on his face until he struggled to breathe.

Without conscious thought, he grabbed his washcloth and applied liberal amounts of his body soap. Then began the process of scrubbing "John" - if that was even his real name - off his body. He washed every nook and cranny, over and over again, with soap and scalding water, until, when he finally got out of the shower, it was impossible to tell if his pale skin was red because of the heat or how hard he'd scrubbed.

He still felt dirty. No amount of soap and water could wash that feeling away.

* * *

He was dozing when he heard a tap on his door. The room was dark with no lights on and the curtains drawn shut. He could barely make out the outline of his father's tall, broad body and his mother's petite, slender frame as they entered his room. They didn't speak at first, giving the room the feeling of someone's deathbed. It was eerie.

Mindful of Alec's mood or pain or whatever, Robert Lightwood left the bright overhead light off, instead clicking on the dim desk lamp so they could see each other. Alec winced and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light anyway.

"Alec, honey, how are you doing?" his mother said softly from his father's side. Alec didn't answer. He didn't know what to say to that.

"We'd like to talk about what happened," Robert's deep voice said, and Alec looked at him with caution.

"Magnus and I broke up," he said again, his voice holding no emotion, sounding…dead, empty.

"That's not what Magnus says," Maryse replied.

Alec's eyes darted to his mother's, mirror images of each other. "You spoke to Magnus?" he said, accusingly.

"Yes," she said defiantly, holding her chin up a little bit higher. "I wanted to know both sides of the story. And I'm glad I did. He is not under the impression that you broke up. In fact, he very much wants to talk to you. He said he was being bullied by his teammates and took it out on you, something he whole-heartedly regrets. He said you had a fight and left so he could cool off."

"Very mature response," Robert added softly. Alec's eyes flicked from his mother to his father and back again.

"I agree. I would expect nothing less of you," Maryse continued. "He then said you got caught in the rain and went to a bar where you know people and felt safe, but then someone drugged you, and…" She broke off, looking away. Then took a deep breath and tried again. "And… and -"

"Mom, don't say it. Please don't say that word," Alec interjected. His head dropped into his hands, which he noticed were shaking again. If she said that word…

"Oh, honey," she said, perching on the bed next to him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders as his body shook violently. She made nonsense sounds in his ear, trying to console him, to soothe him, but it didn't work. He was beyond that. He sobbed pathetically while she held him, and when he'd finally regained control of himself, he swiped at his eyes, as if brushing away tears that weren't there. How could he hurt this much and not cry?

"Alec, honey, what do you want us to do?" his mother's voice in his ear was not near as comforting as it should be.

"I-I just n-need some t-time."

"Done," Robert said. "I've already spoken with the administrators at your school. They will let you do your work correspondence for at least the next week, longer if you need it."

"What? How did you manage that?" Alec said in surprise.

"Well, you are a good student, and this is an extenuating circumstance," Robert said with a brief smile. "Plus, money talks." Alec gave him a look. "I made a sizeable donation, and they are willing to work with us. That's how the world works, son."

Alec shook his head incredulously. "You… you did all that in, what? A few hours?"

Robert smiled indulgently at his son. "I have connections."

Alec nodded. He knew that was true. His father knew someone everywhere. He was often astounded by his father's connections and network of friends and business associates. "Well, whatever you did, thanks."

"You are our first priority, Alec," Maryse said, squeezing her arms around his shoulders. "But, Alec? You need to talk to Magnus. This is not something you should push him away over. He loves you. Let him be there for you."

"Don't pressure him, Maryse," Robert said, his deep voice quiet, but firm.

"I love him, too." He was surprised by how much pain those words caused him. "I'm just not ready yet. Just give me a little more time, okay?"

"Of course, sweetie. Whatever you need."

Maryse patted him on the arm, kissed the top of his head like she did when he was a little boy, and stood. Robert dropped a heavy hand on Alec's shoulder, his way of showing support for his son. They gave him concerned but genuine smiles, so full of love that Alec had to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. Then they left him alone.

He dropped back on his bed, resuming his position of staring blankly at the ceiling. Magnus's face materialized with that small smirk he liked to use when he thought Alec was being ridiculous about something. It felt like a punch to his gut. Part of him wanted to see Magnus so bad it made his stomach and heart clench, but he just couldn't. Not right now. He needed to get some things sorted out in his mind first. He needed to be able to talk to him about this. He needed…fuck, he didn't even know what he needed. But he knew he couldn't face Magnus yet. It was just too damn hard.


	67. Chapter 67

**A/N: We hit 600 reviews! Wow, I'm so...shocked, amazed, happy! To celebrate, there will be a bonus Thursday post NEXT week. I'm finally getting caught up on all things other than writing and am currently writing like a maniac trying to get ahead so I can't do the post this week, but I promise we'll do it next week. Thank you all so much for your support of this story! Love you bunches!**

* * *

Robert Lightwood returned home the next day with a brand new cell phone, already programmed with Alec's number. Since he'd lost his old phone, or more likely it was stolen by John and discarded somewhere he'd never find it along with his wallet, he didn't have the numerous contacts or pictures he'd taken of his friends and family, or of Magnus. He hated that fact most of all. He'd taken some pretty great pics of Magnus and Cammie and Austin on campus, of Magnus, Will, and Jem at concerts or clubs. He even had some funny ones of Devin giving Magnus a hard time. Fortunately, he'd used an actual camera in Providence, so he still had the photos he'd taken, especially the one of him and Magnus kissing by the river, saved to his computer. He didn't think he could handle losing that.

In the days following his move to his parents' penthouse, Magnus had kindly boxed up some of his possessions, mostly clothes and his laptop, and sent them to him. He'd been respectful and not brought them over himself. Alec still had mixed emotions about that. One on hand, he wanted to see Magnus so bad he ached inside, but on the other, he knew he needed this time alone, time to figure things out without the pressure of his relationship weighing on him.

That had not stopped Magnus from calling. Every single day. From the moment Alec turned on his new phone he'd gotten daily calls from Magnus, Austin, Cammie, Jace, Izzy. Will or Jem or Dev called from time to time to check on him, too. Even Dylan had called him a few times, once to let him know the LGBT group had been approved by the Idris board, and a couple others to invite him to one event or another.

He'd ignored every call.

True to his word, Robert arranged for Alec to finish the semester via correspondence. His professors emailed him assignments and he emailed the work back to them. At least once a week a TA arrived at his door to administer a test, sitting idly at the kitchen table while Alec tried to care enough to recall the correct answers. He ended up passing the semester with a 'C' average, the minimum allowed for him to continue in the Sports Medicine program. At least there was that.

As the weeks went on, and their calls went unanswered, his friends started texting him instead. Just a little note to ask how he was doing or say they were thinking about him. They were difficult to read, a remind that everything was wrong. After awhile, even the texts became fewer and farther between.

Magnus and Austin were the most persistent, though Alec suspected Cammie was just getting her information from Austin and didn't want to bother the Lightwood's more than necessary. Alec started leaving his phone in the kitchen, so his mom or dad would be the one to answer. If he happened to be in the room when one of them called, Maryse would give him a look, one that told him she was not happy that he was ignoring the people that cared about him so much. He wished he could say the look worked, but it didn't. He simply went back to his dark room, made sure the curtains were drawn - they were always drawn - and burrowed back into his bed, closing out the world.

A few days after the end of the semester, Jace arrived home. He barged into Alec's room like he owned the place, pulled his rolling desk chair out and sat on it backward, arms propped on the back for support. He studied Alec in the gloom of his room, then flicked on the desk lamp so he could see him better.

"You look like shit," Jace said matter-of-factly. Despite the way he felt, Alec quirked a very brief smile at his best friend, his brother.

"Thanks."

Jace watched him for a few minutes, then nodded his head, and started talking about himself. He told Alec about going to school at Wake Forest, his dorm, his roommate, his soccer team. He rattled on about the cute little redhead he was seeing and how much he'd fallen for her.

He did not talk about Alec, or more specifically about what had happened to Alec. Alec didn't know if that was because his family had warned him before he came in to his room, or if he knew Alec well enough to know it wasn't a good idea. But he was thankful. Everyone else would start a conversation with something normal - the weather, what's for dinner, school, whatever - but would quickly turn to the _how are you doing_'s and _is there anything I can do for you_'s or something else that reminded him of what he was trying so hard to forget, that reminded him what a pathetic mess he was. As soon as that happened, Alec abruptly stopped the conversation and went to his room to be alone.

Fortunately, Jace was rambling on about things that didn't really need his full attention. He nodded from time to time, encouraging Jace to continue, and giving the illusion he was listening. This was the first conversation he'd had in ages that didn't turn to Magnus, when he would talk to him or see him again.

Alec gasped out loud, unprepared for how deeply that thought hurt him. His gasp was timely. Jace had been explaining in full detail how he'd scored a goal in some game or another, a big game, Alec new that much.

"I know! It was so awesome!" Jace said, taking Alec's gasp to mean he, too, thought Jace's play was awesome. Alec felt like shit that he'd been so self-absorbed that he missed Jace's accomplishment. What a jerk he was.

There was a tap on the door and Robert entered. He gave Jace a friendly smile and turned to Alec. "Can we talk for a moment, son?" he said in his deep, smooth voice.

Alec exchanged a look with Jace, whose eyebrows had disappeared beneath his golden bangs. Robert Lightwood never asked his children if they could talk. If he wanted to talk, he simply sat down and started talking to them. This was unprecedented, and Alec felt distinctly uncomfortable.

"I'll just be leaving then," Jace said, rising from the chair and spinning it around the right way. He left without another word. In fact, no one spoke until he'd closed the door behind him.

Robert took the now-empty chair and pulled it close to the bed. He propped his elbows on his knees, his big hands hanging in front of him. His broad shoulders held dignified, if not a little tense, as he began to talk.

"Alec, I've arranged for you to meet with a therapist," he said in a heavy voice that invited no argument.

Alec argued anyway. "What? You want me to see a shrink?"

"I want you to see a _therapist_, a psychiatrist, someone who can help you."

"I don't need help. I just need a little more time," Alec pleaded.

"No," Robert said in that same finite tone. "No, Alec, you need a hell of a lot more than that. This guy is a friend of mine from college. He specializes in trauma -"

"I'm not traumatized," Alec growled, his eyes narrowing.

"No? What do you call it then? You ignore everyone who cares about you -"

Alec cut him off again. "I was just talking to Jace!"

Robert looked at him with more patience than he thought his father possessed. "Yeah? That goal he was telling you about? What game was that in? What's his girlfriend's name? Who's his roommate?" Robert waited patiently for a reply, but when Alec couldn't offer one, he said, "That's what I thought. For the record, the goal was in the semi-finals. They won, but lost in the championship game. His girlfriend's name is Clary, and his roommate is Randall, though I'm not sure if that's his first name or his last." He chuckled slightly at that.

"Look, Alec, what I'm trying to say is we are all worried about you. I know you don't want to hear it, and we've tried to leave you alone and give you time, but it's been nearly two months. You barely eat, you spend all your time locked away in your room by yourself. You've lost so much weight it's frightening."

"I have?" Alec said softly. He had been avoiding mirrors as much as possible, had really thought about how loose his clothes fit him now.

"Yes. I bet you don't even weigh two hundred pounds anymore."

He thought about that for a moment. At the height of conditioning during cheerleading season, he usually weighed about two-thirty-five. If his dad was right, he lost more than thirty-five pounds in two months. That really was a scary thought.

"Son, I know this has changed you. I'm not expecting you to go back to being the old Alec. I just want to see you _living_. I want to see you leave the house, talk to your friends, eat dinner with your family instead of pushing food around your plate so it looks like you're eating. No, you're not fooling anyone." He gave Alec a small smile in response to his sheepish one. He hadn't realized they knew he wasn't really eating.

"Look, if this thing with Magnus is over -" Alec started to protest, and Robert held up his hand, silencing him. "No, listen to me. I don't understand why you won't talk to him. I imagine it has something to do with how guilty you feel, even though none of this is your fault. So if it really is over, that's fine. I think it's a shame, because you two seem so good together, and I know how happy he made you, but we will support you in this whatever you decide."

Alec forced out the words he'd been trying hard not to think. "How could it not be over now? It's been so long since we've seen each other."

"But he still calls you. Every day. He still wants to talk to you. He has long talks with your mom instead, even though we don't have anything new to tell him. That doesn't sound like someone who's given up on you. So we need to find you a way back to him, don't you think?"

"And you think therapy will do that? Will help me find a way back to Magnus?"

"I think it's the only thing we have left to try. What we are doing isn't working, Alec. If we keep going like this, I'm afraid of what's going to happen to you. I want my son back. I'm okay if you are different from how you used to be, I just can't let you go on being like this. Being a shell of a human. This isn't you. This isn't the happy, energetic, loving guy we raised. I know he's still in there, and I'm desperate to find him."

Those words hit Alec hard. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "So, who is this therapist?" he said, admitting defeat.

Robert smiled, a genuine, heartfelt smile. "His name is Kevin Daniels, though you'll call him Dr. Daniels. We went to college together. He was a therapist even before he got his degree. He helped all of us through one thing or another."

Alec looked quizzically at his dad. "You needed a therapist?"

Robert chuckled. "Don't look so surprised. I needed someone to talk to. We all do at one point or another. He was the one I trusted, and he helped me work out my problem. Maybe you should think of him that way, as just someone to talk to instead of giving him a title like therapist. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable talking that way."

Alec nodded absently, thinking over what his father had said. Maybe he could do this if he thought about it that way. After all, his father did it, and he was the strongest person Alec had ever known. "What time is the appointment?"

Robert smiled triumphantly.

* * *

Alec stood in a long, narrow, carpeted hallway on the seventh floor of an office building in Manhattan. He leaned against one of many doors lining the walls trying to muster enough courage to walk through the door marked with thick gold lettering: Kevin Daniels, with a whole bunch of letters after it signifying the many degrees this guy had. Alec hoped that didn't mean he was book-smart and had no ability to integrate into society. But who the hell was he to judge? He couldn't even talk to his own boyfriend.

He pushed the gold handle down and the door swung open. The lobby was a small, comfortable room with a large TV in one corner and only a couch and a few chairs. Not like any doctor's office he'd ever seen, but then, this _wasn't_ just any doctor's office. He supposed there wasn't often a lot of people waiting to see this kind of doctor. This wasn't the kind of place that tried to treat as many sick or injured people as they could in an hour. No, definitely not.

A thick wooden desk separated him from a sweet-looking older lady that looked the image of someone who could bake well, and thought feeding people was the best therapy. Basically, she looked like someone's grandmother. Not his. No, his grandmother was tough as nails and thin as a rail and not afraid to bop the kids on the back of the head if they got out of line. He smiled to himself at that image.

"You must be Alec?" the lady said politely, a welcoming smile on her face. Alec nodded. "My name is Jean. Let me see if Dr. Daniels is ready for you."

The whole exchange was weird for Alec, who'd only ever been to his family doctor, or the hospital when Jace had his knee surgery. No one had been so friendly and inviting like Jean. He shrugged it off as the only other door in the room opened and he got his first look at Dr. Daniels.

Kevin Daniels was a small man, easily several inches shorter than Alec's six-two frame. He had wavy brown hair and wire-rimmed glasses, and looked every bit the role of book-nerd. This guy had been friends with his father? Alec couldn't imagine what they'd had in common.

Dr. Daniels extended his hand and Alec shook it. He had a firm, confident handshake, which oddly put Alec at ease. "Come on back," he said, then turned and led Alec into a spacious office. One side of the room was taken up by a massive, antique wooden desk with a thick, dark leather chair behind it and an ornate wooden filing cabinet beside it. The other side held a thick, plush, olive green couch and two matching armchairs surrounding a big, wooden coffee table. Tapestry-like curtains hung at either end of a wall of windows overlooking the harbor. The whole scene was peaceful and serene.

Dr. Daniels strode across the room and poured two cups of coffee. Alec stared at the seating arrangement for several moments. Taking the couch just felt too much like…well, like he was seeing a shrink. The idea made him uncomfortable, so he opted for one of the armchairs instead. As he settled himself on the overstuffed chair, Dr. Daniels returned, offering him one of the coffee cups. He took it graciously, but his stomach was too nervous to consider drinking it. He felt he could throw up any minute now.

Dr. Daniels took the other armchair, angling it so they were more or less facing each other. It wasn't hard to imagine they were two friends meeting for some coffee, talking about whatever was on their minds. Not with the décor of the office and just the whole set-up. Unfortunately, Alec didn't know this guy at all, and that made it very difficult to loosen his tongue.

"I spoke a little with Robert about why he wanted you to see me," Dr. Daniels began. Even his voice was comforting. Alec wondered if he'd always been like that or if it just came with years of practicing psychiatry. He supposed some of it must come naturally if he had helped Alec's dad prior to even getting his degree. "He told me about the night you were drugged, and a little about your friends and your boyfriend, Magnus."

Alec felt the prompting this time. "I don't want to talk about Magnus," he said firmly, and noticed the flash of a look cross the doctor's face.

"Alright. I'd like to get a little more information directly from you so I can figure out what we need to work on. Can you tell me how you've been feeling lately?"

Alec didn't answer, partly because he didn't know how to describe how he'd been feeling lately, and partly because it felt too weird to talk about it to this total stranger.

Dr. Daniels gave him a patient look and a soft, brief smile. "Okay. How about we start by me telling you a little about myself?" When Alec didn't protest, or say anything for that matter, the doctor pressed on. "Your dad and I met in college. I had a rather unhealthy crush on him."

Alec's head snapped in Dr. Daniels's direction. Had he heard that right? "Wait, your gay?" he said with less tact than was considered polite.

The doctor simply smiled. "I think that might be part of the reason Robert chose me to talk to you. Yes, I'm gay. And after I got over my embarrassing crush on Robert, we became very good friends."

_No wonder my dad didn't have any trouble accepting me. He'd already had experience with his own friend, _Alec thought.

"Robert helped me through a very difficult time in my life," the doctor continued. "Shortly after I got over him, I found the love of my life. He was a wonderful guy from Georgia. Very cute. He was a little shorter than me, petite and delicate, one of those guys that everyone assumed was gay just by his appearance and mannerisms. By the time we met, he'd stopped being annoyed by that and embraced it, owned who he was and wore the mantle proudly. We dated for several years and he gave me the confidence to be in an open relationship. I was completely in love with him. We had plans to move in together after college. Back then, there was no legal gay marriage, but we planned a commitment ceremony, even though it wouldn't be recognized by the government. Everything was perfect.

"He decided to go home over Spring Break our senior year to tell his family that he wouldn't be returning to Georgia after graduation. He never really intended to once he'd moved to New York and discovered all the city could offer a gay man even then, but his family didn't know that. They were less than happy to learn the truth, especially finding out about me. While he was there, word got out that he was gay, and I'm not even sure what happened next. I don't believe the story that he was in an accident. All I know is that he died, and everything in my world stopped."

He said this with the matter-of-fact tone gained by the passage of time, but there was a distinct sadness that Alec heard, and felt. His father was right. This man understood trauma, understood pain and loneliness and anger and all the other emotions that Alec acutely understood now. If he could make it past what he'd been through and have a successful practice, maybe he really could help.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Alec said softly, his manners kicking in.

Dr. Daniels gave him a sad smile. "It was a very long time ago. I've moved on and found someone else. We got married as soon as the law was changed in New York. I told you my story, Alec, because I want you to know that I do understand. I've helped many people who were in your exact position, and many with far more tragic stories than mine. I want to help you understand that you are not alone, that you have people who love you and will help you through this. You _will_ be okay. I'm going to make sure of it. But I need your help to understand what we are up against."

Alec nodded at his feet, unable to look Dr. Daniels in the eye. What he said sounded great, but how could he ever feel different about what happened? How could he ever forgive himself for such a colossal screw-up? He felt so utterly exhausted and helpless at that moment. He didn't know what to say or do.

"I think you've had enough for today," Dr. Daniels said with an understanding that Alec was grateful for. "Why don't you go home, think things through, and we'll meet again tomorrow?"

Alec nodded again, got to his feet, and escaped as quickly as possible. He had a lot to think about.


	68. Chapter 68

**A/N: Don't forget the Thursday bonus post this week! I know you guys are missing the good times. If only life worked that way, right?**

**I'd like to say a big warm welcome to all our new guys who've been binge reading!**

* * *

Therapy was, in a nutshell, HELL. It was the hardest thing Alec had ever done in his life, and probably the most important. He changed and grew and learned more about himself in those first weeks than he ever thought possible. But god was it painful.

Alec was not exactly a willing participant at first either. It took him several trips to Dr. Daniels's office before he finally began to trust him, and therefore let his guard down enough open up to him. Even after he talked to his father and discovered that he himself had been one of the doctor's first 'patients' before he'd actually gotten his degree, he still struggled to talk to him. Dr. Daniels's own personal story helped him relate, helped him realize just how much this man understood pain and trauma and the emotions that go with it, but still he just couldn't make himself _talk_. It was almost like his brain-to-mouth filter had become a solid, impenetrable wall. He didn't understand the mental block, for surely that's what it had to be. Eventually he managed to get over it, or around it, or whatever, and what followed were some very difficult sessions.

He found quickly that he was completely unprepared for the amount of turmoil he was about to release in his mind. Sometimes, just physically getting the words to the surface was nearly impossible. As a result, it took him weeks to finally relay everything he could remember about the night of the attack to Dr. Daniels. The details were of course limited and sketchy, but Dr. Daniels didn't seem bothered by that. They talked back and forth, Dr. Daniels often asking him probing questions he couldn't answer, which frequently frustrated him.

A good number of his frustrations came from Dr. Daniels asking questions about Magnus. Alec did not want to talk about Magnus. He did not blame Magnus for anything that had happened to him, and did not see the purpose of dragging his name into their discussions. At least, that's what he said to the doctor. He probably felt that on some level, but mostly he just didn't want to talk about Magnus because it hurt too badly. He missed him so much he ached inside, but every time he even thought about talking to him, he froze up and simply couldn't. He could _not_ make himself call him. He was having the same difficulty talking to anyone really, and he hated it, hated himself for this weakness.

Alec figured out pretty quickly that getting frustrated made Dr. Daniels back off and give him a break. He'd get Alec a coffee, let him regroup, then start over on a different train of thought. Alec manipulated this to his benefit, or at least what he thought was his benefit. Anytime Dr. Daniels broached a subject he didn't want to discuss, he'd act frustrated and get a reprieve. This only lasted for so long before Dr. Daniels quit letting him off the hook so easily. The doctor still gave him a break and time to regroup, but he'd come back to the thing that frustrated him in the first place, forcing him to deal with whatever it was he was trying not to deal with before they could move on to another topic. Alec hated that. Absolutely fucking hated it. There were many times his sessions involved shouting, rocking, hair-pulling, Alec acting out and pushing back and fighting Dr. Daniels every step of the way, and Dr. Daniels let him act out all of his frustrations without comment or judgment.

When he wasn't being stubborn, Alec started noticing patterns and mannerisms in his doctor. He began recognizing the facial inflections he made when Alec said something important, something the doctor wanted to focus on at some point in the future. It was a very specific gesture that Alec wasn't sure Dr. Daniels even knew he was making, but usually within a few days, Dr. Daniels would bring that subject to the forefront again. Alec wondered for a time how the doctor remembered all these things. He had other patients, after all, and there was no way he could remember everything of importance he talked about with each of his patients. And Alec never saw him write anything down. That is, until one day when he'd forgotten his jacket and went back into the office. He found Dr. Daniels sitting as his desk meticulously writing in a leather-bound notebook with Alec's full name printed across the front. Alec asked him about it, and he told him he had a journal for each of his patients but he kept it put away until after the sessions because he didn't want his patients to feel like their were talking to a doctor. He said people tended to open up to him faster if they felt like they were talking to a friend instead.

An adverse effect, as far as Alec was concerned, to therapy was the deep-seeded feeling of being vulnerable. The more he told Dr. Daniels, or confessed as he typically thought about it, the more drained, exposed, he felt afterward. As the weeks ploughed on, the more defenseless he felt, and that left him susceptible to dreams. He started having recurring dreams, ones that began with him being intimate with Magnus, holding him, touching him, kissing him. The dreams were comforting at first, luring him in, but then something would change and he would hear an unfamiliar voice in his ear saying things that scared him. He woke in a cold sweat, clutching at his sheets or pillow, no memory of what the voice said to him. Soon, he developed a nagging suspicion that the voice belonged to _him_, to that John guy. His bed became a source of anxiety, making sleep almost impossible until he was too exhausted to fight it anymore...and then he would dream.

One day in mid-July, on a day like any other day, Alec entered Dr. Daniels's multi-story office building and punched the elevator call button. He stepped into the elevator box with three other people, hit the button for the seventh floor and pressed himself into a back corner as inconspicuously as possible. The other people were quiet and none appeared to know each other as none of them were talking or even standing particularly close to one another.

As the doors closed and the elevator jerked into motion, Alec's blood ran cold. His hands shook. He couldn't breathe. His heart hammered in his chest like it was trying to escape as he watched the numbers slowly climb, one-by-one, up to the seventh floor.

He pushed himself through the doors before they'd finished sliding open, gasping for breath as he ran down the hall to Dr. Daniels's office. He didn't bother with a hello or to even acknowledge Jean, the receptionist. He hurtled down the short hallway and into the office he'd grown so familiar with in the last few weeks, slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, doubled over and panting. He was shaking so hard he felt he might come apart at the seams. Maybe that's exactly what he was doing.

A very startled Dr. Daniels rose from his leather chair behind his large wooden desk and hurried to his side. "Alec? What happened? Are you okay?"

Alec vehemently shook his head no. He was most definitely not okay.

It took an embarrassingly long time for Dr. Daniels to coax him to his favorite chair, and even longer for him to force out the words, "Cologne. Smelled…his…cologne…"

Fortunately the doctor was quick on the uptake and pieced together what Alec was struggling to say without much difficulty at all. "You mean…John's cologne?" Alec nodded his head sharply, a wave of nausea rolling over him as he did. "You smelled John's cologne? Where?"

"Elevator." Words were a real effort for him just then.

"Was it him?" Dr. Daniels looked around the office as if expecting to see John materialize out of nowhere. If the situation didn't feel so dire, Alec might have laughed.

"No. I…didn't recognize…anyone."

Dr. Daniels relaxed, which helped Alec relax a little. "Okay. Breathe, Alec. You're safe here. You know you are." He continued these words in a strong, soothing voice, and eventually Alec regained control of himself.

He felt utterly exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally. His sleep-deprivation did not help either. Dr. Daniels brought him a glass of water, which elicited a small flash of a smile from Alec. He'd never been offered anything but coffee in this office, but that wasn't something that would help him in that moment. He took a large gulp, found he really was quite thirsty, and downed the rest of the glass, setting it gingerly on the coffee table in front of him when he was finished.

"Was that your first panic attack?" Dr. Daniels asked in that same gentle voice.

Alec nodded, still not sure he was capable of speech yet.

"Was that the first time you've remembered something about your attacker?"

Alec glanced up sharply at Dr. Daniels, and shook his head. "N-no," he said hesitantly. "I…I've been dreaming about a voice…"

"And you think it's his voice?" Dr. Daniels finished when Alec trailed off. He nodded again. "Can you tell me about it?"

Alec sighed. He'd known this was inevitable. He wasn't even sure why he'd been keeping it from Dr. Daniels in the first place. They'd talked very thoroughly about what happened to him, well as thorough as they could since he couldn't remember anything. He'd made great progress learning to accept the fact that he couldn't remember, and was working on forgiving himself for the mistakes he'd made that night. Dr. Daniels was still trying to get him to believe he had no blame in the incident, but that was a terrible struggle for him, because no matter how he looked at it, _he had made mistakes._ Nothing was going to change the fact that he accepted a drink from a complete stranger, a drink that was tainted and led him down the path his was currently on. So Dr. Daniels changed tactics, determined to make him see that his mistake did not give John the right to drug him and rape him. They were still working on that.

"The dreams start as…intimate moments…with Magnus." It hurt to say his name. He plunged on. "Then something happens and I hear his voice. He's saying something…aggressive? At least, it feels aggressive. I can't ever remember what he says, but I always wake up sweating and afraid. Is it a memory? Of what he did to me?"

Dr. Daniels shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. It could be a suppressed memory trying to surface. Or it could just be a dream. Are you quite sure it's John's voice?"

Alec thought about that. He'd thought about it a million times already, but he wanted to get this right if he was going to put himself through talking about it. "No, I'm not sure. At first I didn't recognize the voice at all. Then I got so I was scared of the dreams, and I don't know if that's because I remember his voice or if I've just convinced myself that I do."

"That happens a lot, Alec. Don't beat yourself up, okay? You're doing great."

"But why did I have such a strong reaction to the smell of that cologne?"

"Well, because we make strong associations with smells. Sounds, too. I should probably warn you now that you are remembering things. If he played any music while you were with him, whatever songs he played could trigger another panic attack."

"Great," Alec deadpanned.

Dr. Daniels gave him an understanding smile. "It's going to be okay, Alec. Now that we know these problems exist, we can work on them. We _will_ work on them. We will get you through this, I promise. You're doing great," he said again.

Alec nodded, though he didn't feel particularly great at the moment, and he wasn't looking forward to working on this new memory or others that might be lurking out there, waiting to launch a surprise attack on him when he least expected it. This really sucked. And then…

"So, you've been dreaming about Magnus?" Dr. Daniels slid in conversationally.

Alec glared at him. "Off limits," he said for the seventeen-millionth time in this office. He knew Dr. Daniels wanted him to talk about Magnus, knew his recovery depended on it, as he'd been told many times before, but he couldn't do it yet. This was the one area the doctor didn't push him.

"Okay, then how about you tell me why you still haven't talked to any of your friends?"

Apparently panic attacks did not preclude continuing with the planned therapy session. Great. He blew his breath out in a huff. His friends. That was another painful subject.

They were all painful subjects here though. In the last two months, he'd talked about nothing but painful subjects. The first one they'd tackled after getting Alec to open up about that night was his family.

He'd been so distant with everyone in his life. His dad had been right, he'd completely checked out of his own life, of his relationships with everyone, including his family. Dr. Daniels helped him see that. They talked about each of his family members, one by one, in painstaking detail, starting with his mother.

He'd told Dr. Daniels everything about his mother, how wonderfully supportive she'd been all his life, how he'd never doubted for a single second of his life that she loved him with all her heart. Through the course of talking, he began to realize how much he needed his mom, and needed to talk to her. That evening, he'd gone home and had a heart-to-heart with her, as much as he could manage anyhow. And he'd felt better afterward.

He'd repeated this process with each member of his family, having the conversations with Jace and Izzy over the phone since they no longer lived in New York. He'd made the effort to repair the relationships he'd damaged by shutting his family out. He was _still_ working on it every day. To the surprise of no one on the planet, his family supported him every step of the way.

But his friends? That was a whole other beast.

Once he'd gotten back on track with his family, Dr. Daniels began coaxing him to reconnect with his friends. The problem was he didn't know how. Getting on track with his family had been easy by comparison. They loved him, would always love him no matter how bad he fucked up. There was no biological law stating his friends had to forgive him…

He'd screwed up badly with Austin and Cammie. He knew it. He hated himself for it. How could they not hate him, too?

The look Dr. Daniels was giving him said he had no intention of letting the question drop this time. "Because I really screwed up with them," he finally admitted aloud.

"With which ones, specifically?"

Dr. Daniels could be infuriatingly patient. "Austin. And Cammie." The doctor was not letting him off the hook. He sighed. "I missed Austin's graduation. And his and Cammie's wedding."

"And you think that's justification for them to no longer want to be your friends?" Dr. Daniels quirked his eyebrow, a gesture now so familiar Alec sighed with exasperation.

"I was supposed to _be in the wedding_," he said, emphasizing the words to make his point.

"And you think _that's_ justification for them to no longer want to be your friends?"

"Yes!" Alec said. "Don't you? I mean, it's the most important day of their lives and I let them down! How could they not be angry with me for it?"

"Because they are your friends and they know what you've been through?" Dr. Daniels suggested.

"Maybe, but you don't know Cammie. You don't know what her wedding day meant to her. She even invented a word for me instead of Maid of Honor. We'd been making plans for months."

"I don't think you are giving your friends much credit, Alec. Besides, how can you know how they feel if you don't talk to them?"

"I just know."

He caught that look in Dr. Daniels's eye again. He knew the man would not let this go. Deep down, he was grateful for that. Very deep down. He didn't want to let it go either. He wanted Cammie and Austin back in his life so much. He knew he had to make the first move and it was so hard to psyche himself up to do it.

"What are you really afraid of with Cammie and Austin?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've told me an awful lot about them. You were all very close friends. One might even use the term 'chosen family' in this case. People like that don't turn their backs on someone who was raped."

Alec still flinched at the word, even months later, but Dr. Daniels had stopped tip-toeing around it a long time ago. He said Alec needed to deal with it, and not using the word only let him continue to _not _deal with it, which was counter-productive in his opinion. Alec still hated it.

"I'll ask you again, what are you really afraid of? Do you really think they'll be angry with you, or is it something else?"

Alec averted his eyes, a favorite habit of his when the good doctor called him out on something. "I don't think they'll be mad at me. I think it more likely they will be overly understanding, and that's going to be even harder to deal with."

Dr. Daniels nodded in a knowing way, which was frustrating, but also somehow helpful. "Alec, you need to talk to your friends."

Alec sighed. "I will. I will."

He didn't.


	69. Chapter 69

**A/N: Bonus post! Thanks so much for all the support for this story!**

* * *

Five months, three weeks, two days, seventeen hours, and twelve minutes. Give or take. I wasn't actually watching the clock when Alec walked out, but I don't think I'm far off in my calculations.

You may be wondering why I'm counting down from the last moment I saw Alec, or why you are getting another post from me at all. Let's just say I had some things I wanted to say, so they decided to let me. Generous, no? Not like I deserve their generosity.

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I? I'm sure you guys are mad at me for the things I said to Alec, for the way I treated him. Trust me, you couldn't hate me any more than I already hate myself. I have no excuse for what I did, no justification. There _is no_ justification. I was completely out of control that night, and Alec got hurt because of it. If I could take it back, I would. You know I would, right? You _know. _You know everything about Alec and me. You know I love him more than words can express. Please tell me that much is obvious.

Look, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I know that. Most of them I own. All I can say about this one is that I really was out of my head. I'd just been suspended from basketball. I've never even been _reprimanded_ in basketball. Okay, that's not true. I've gotten a few technical fouls for mouthing off when things weren't going really badly, or on the rare occasion another player got under my skin. It's basketball. It's a highly emotional sport for anyone who cares about it. You don't get to the level I'm at by not caring, or by being okay with getting your ass handed to you by an opponent. Sometimes my emotions got the better of me, but mostly I'm cool as a cucumber on the court. Things have to really be going wrong to rattle me out there.

So getting suspended was…horrible. The worst thing that ever happened to me in basketball. It wasn't like me at all. But then, nothing that happened last season was normal for me. Not the attitude of my teammates and coach, not the way I handled things, and certainly not the suspension. By the end of the season, I barely recognized myself.

Let me make one thing clear right now. This. Is. My. Fault. I don't know what Alec has been telling you guys, but this is entirely my fault. I'm sure he's taking the blame, because that's what he does and his mom keeps telling me he has horrible guilt about it, but this is in no way any fault of his. Could I have handled it better? Yes. Emphatically yes! I did this. This was MY mistake. So why is Alec paying the price?

The thing is I didn't even mean the things I said to Alec. I wish I could say I don't remember what I said that night, but I remember. Every. Fucking. Word. I was so fucking pissed at my coach. I don't even remember the drive home. I would not have been surprised to find out I ran stop signs and red lights. I wasn't paying any attention to driving at all. I just kept replaying the argument with Coach, over and over.

So by the time I got home, I was wound pretty tight. I was ready for a fight. I should never have gone home to Alec that way. I should've stopped and cooled off and went home when I was in a better mood. Or at least went home and locked myself in the guest room or something so I wouldn't take out my anger and frustrations on him.

Hindsight is 20/20.

You want to know something else that makes me feel like shit? I finally calmed down that night about thirty minutes after he left. Well, I wasn't angry anymore. I started watching the clock, wondering when he'd return, counting the minutes (that's how I know about what time he left). I went into the kitchen looking for something to drink, preferably something strong, and that's when I discovered the romantic dinner he'd made. The wine and candles and soft music, our favorite casserole warming in the oven. I lost it. I slid down the wall to the floor and just cried. He'd worked so hard and I just... I'll regret it forever.

Once I pulled myself together, I did spend some quality time with that bottle of wine and a nice big glass. I swear the hands on the clock above the sink moved so fucking slow. I stared at that thing until I wanted to throw it across the room. I kept expecting him to appear, but after the second hour went by and he still hadn't returned, I started to worry. After the third hour, I debated going looking for him. He wasn't answering his phone, and my calls went straight to voicemail. That was so unlike Alec, no matter how upset he was with me he always answered my calls. I really starting freaking out at that point, but I had no idea where to look and what if he came back while I was gone? I ended up calling the cops to report him missing. They told me they can't do a missing persons report until he'd been gone for twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours? Do you know what can happen to someone in twenty-four hours?

I didn't sleep all night. I dozed a few times, but not very long. I was so terrified something had happened to him. I didn't know what to do. For some reason, it didn't occur to me to call Austin or Alec's parents for help until later the next day. When Austin told me he was there and okay, I...I can't even describe how relieved I was. He was alive, and someone knew where he was, and I would see him again soon, right?

Then I found out what happened to my Alec, and I guess I kind of went ballistic. I've never felt so many conflicting emotions before. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to see him, hold him, apologize for letting anything happen to him, grovel at his feet and let him punish me any way he saw fit until I somehow managed to prove I love him. But I also wanted to punch someone, cry, scream, cuss, break something, get drunk and forget how much pain I had caused and how broken my heart was. What I ended up doing was a combination of things.

First, I went to the bar and confronted Pete. The cops had already been there, so as soon as he saw me walk in the door he immediately started apologizing and took me into the back room so I couldn't make a scene. It was the middle of the day, so I'm not sure who he was worried about witnessing a scene, but whatever. I followed him.

He told me he didn't know who this John guy was and didn't think he'd ever seen him before that night, but he remembered seeing Alec talking to him. He remembered Alec saying he was going home, then stopping to talk to John and having another drink. Then he remembered Alec leaving and a short time later, John left. He didn't really think much of it at the time, assumed that Alec knew the guy.

He apologized profusely. I probably said some things I shouldn't have said, but I wasn't in a good place mentally at that moment, and he seemed to understand.

After that, I did what I always do: I went to Momma H's. She let me cry on her shoulder for hours, holding on to me and speaking soothingly like any good momma would with her distraught son. Will and Jem came over after work that night and we sat around the living room talking. They tried to convince me that everything would work out, that Alec loved me and I just needed to give him some time. It was an uphill battle. How could Alec forgive me for what I'd done, for getting him hurt?

I do get his need for space, though. You know I do. How many times did I run off when things got tough, when it became too much for me at the beginning with Alec? I'd get scared or overwhelmed and take off to Momma's and may be gone for several days or weeks at a time, and I always came back.

I have to believe he'll come back. I'm starting to wonder if I'm delusional. It's been nearly six months.

Alec's birthday is in a couple of weeks.

God this is hard. It's so fucking _hard. _

Anyway, I got a much needed break from my team, first in the form of my suspension, then when we didn't make the Play-offs. My teammates scattered in the wind, everyone going home for a couple of months while the decent teams continued to play.

Then, there was the Summer League in July. Not nearly as much fun without Alec there. In fact, I don't think I left my room other than for practices and games the whole time I was in Vegas. But it felt good to direct my energy toward basketball.

Now we are in the offseason, which runs until the first of October. Some of the guys have already come back and they'll join me for individual workouts and skills practice each day. That douche-bag Thompson is not one of them. It's amazing how much better I get along with my teammates when that asshole isn't around. Everyone has been fine. No that's not true. They've been better than fine. We get along, laugh and joke, and they treat me like an actual human being. A couple of them have even apologized for being such jerks last season. Apparently when I got suspended they realized that it had gone too far. Ya think? I don't know what's going to happen when Thompson comes back. Not even sure I care right now.

Things with Coach are bad. He did not appreciate me calling him out on being the reason the team sucks. He did not appreciate me blaming him for the way my teammates treated me. He does not like me, not one little bit.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. Coaches always like me. I'm talented, and willing to be coached. I'm confident but not arrogant. I've never been in a situation where my coach doesn't like me, and doesn't want to play me. I feel just as helpless with this as I do with Alec. There's not really anything I can do to change the situation, and that really sucks.

So I just do what I can. I work hard. I make myself better by putting in the work that needs to be done. Either they will one day see I am worth their effort, or they'll trade me to someone who will appreciate me. At least I hope that's what will happen.

I talked to Baxter a few times about it. He was pretty angry about it, too. He told me to keep my head up and work hard, which is pretty much what I'm doing so…

Oh, I almost forgot, Cammie and Austin's wedding was beautiful. They got married at her parents' summer home on Martha's Vineyard. She was stunning, of course.

Austin was a nervous wreck. Not cold feet. He was worried about Cam and about Alec. They had a hard time deciding to go through with the wedding without Alec, but I told them not to put their lives on hold. He wouldn't want that.

We had a bachelor party for Austin. Will and Jem came, along with several of Austin's friends from the swim team, and even a few from North Carolina made the trip. We had a lot of fun, but it was really hard to ignore Alec's absence. No one blamed him for not being there. He was going through so much and the wedding was in mid-June, not all that long after…

Okay, god, I'm sorry. This is so hard for me. I miss him so much. I try to go about my life doing all the things I have to do, but it's so damn hard! I wish it was the middle of the season and I was playing so I could focus on something other than the giant Alec-shaped hole in my life. But right now, not even having organized team practice, it's just not enough to distract me. I think about him all the time.

I didn't just lose my boyfriend that night. I lost my best friend, too. I lost the person who knows me better than anyone. Will is like my brother and he knows me so very well, but only Alec ever knew me so intimately. He was my lover and my friend, my confidant, my sounding board, the person who knew everything about me. He was everything to me, and I screwed it up. I pushed him away by not talking to him about my teammates. I know that drove him crazy, too, and I know I should've told him what was going on from the beginning. I didn't want to burden him. I didn't want to seem ungrateful for the chance I'd been given.

How many mistakes can one person make in life? More to the point, how many can a person make before they lose everything important to them and end up lonely and bitter? Have I reached that magic number?

I don't know how to go on without him. I don't know how to stop expecting him to be there when I get home from the practice facility. I don't know how to stop wanting to tell him when something good or funny happens, or just something I think he'd like to hear. I don't know how to get used to sleeping alone again, because even though it's been five months, three weeks and two days, I'm still not used to it.

His pillow doesn't smell like him anymore.

I can't do this. I can't get over him. I can't stop loving him, and I don't want to. I don't even know if he wants me to. I want him back so badly.

And I can't keep writing about it. I'm truly sorry. I thought I could handle this, but…I can't.

I won't give up hope. How can I? I'll love him until the day I die.


	70. Chapter 70

**A/N: They are both struggling right now. Poor babies.**

* * *

Alec settled into what he referred to as his new normal. His new normal was nothing like his old normal. In some ways that was good, but in some…not so much.

Dr. Daniels convinced him back in August to return to school, finish his senior year and get his degree. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to handle returning to campus, but Dr. Daniels was sure, and he was a difficult man to argue with, especially when he was right.

So correspondence courses were over. They wouldn't have worked well this year anyway. Alec had clinicals this year. He had to do them if he wanted to graduate.

Alec bravely went to Brooklyn and found a new place to live. The apartment was a small, one-bedroom efficiency on the second floor of a building on the opposite side of campus from the athletic dorms. He had no reason to be near those dorms now. Magnus was gone. Austin was gone. He'd quit cheerleading, so he had no right to access the athletic dorm anyway. Devin was still there, but Alec was still avoiding his friends, so being on the other side of campus wasn't at all a bad thing.

His schedule was much more interesting this year. He still had classes in the morning two days a week, then he spent his afternoons working, when he didn't have therapy. September through November he was working with Dr. Bryce Campbell, a physical therapist who spent a lot of time working with athletes and their various injuries. Alec found the work fascinating and absorbed the information like a sponge.

Dr. Campbell was a middle aged man with graying hair. He was decently built for a man his age, and was aging well. In other words, he was attractive and Alec reacted to that. That response was the first of it's kind he'd had since… but even it was fairly minor. He stumbled a bit over his introduction and his palm was sweaty when he shook the doctor's hand, all things that could be chalked up to nerves and didn't necessarily point to attraction. Alec was grateful for that, but he was also happy to see his body respond to a good-looking man again. He'd started wondering if that part of him was broken now, if he'd never find another man attractive again. Though untimely and completely inappropriate, it still felt good to know that there wasn't anything irrevocably wrong with him.

Dr. Campbell was also a patient man. Alec was not his first student, and his comfort with instructing was obvious. He took the time to explain what they were doing and why, and Alec learned so much from him.

His evenings were another story altogether. Going home to a tiny, empty apartment was a new concept for him. He'd never lived alone, and at first he found the idea exciting. He could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He could sit on the crappy little futon he'd purchased for a couch and watch TV naked if he wanted. If he didn't want to do the dishes, there was no one making him. If he wanted to leave the trash until it overflowed, he could do that.

The problem was he was a naturally tidy person, so none of those things appealed to him. And he could watch TV naked when he lived with Magnus. He certainly wouldn't have complained about that! All in all, the novelty of living alone quickly morphed into loneliness. He missed the commotion of living at his parents' penthouse. He missed having someone there to talk to whenever he wanted, even if he'd abused that privilege the first couple of months he lived there. He'd worked very hard to get his relationship with his family back on track. He still talked to them almost daily now that he was back in Brooklyn and had dinner with them whenever he was in Manhattan for his therapy sessions with Dr. Daniels, but it wasn't the same as having them right there.

Settling into the old routine he had with Magnus was not an option. "Routine" was not an accurate description of their life, anyway. Nothing about Magnus was routine, certainly not his schedule, nor Alec's for that matter. They'd both been incredibly busy, always on the go, so just finding some time to relax and be together had often been a challenge. And thinking about Magnus was so painful. Trying to imitate their lifestyle? Unbearable.

Nighttime was by far the worst. Sleeping alone in an unfamiliar bed was so hard to do. He felt vulnerable at night, in those minutes as he tried to fall asleep, when the mind wanders and calls up images he'd rather not think about, like the way Magnus used to look at him or the twinkle in his eyes when he smirked at him. His mind was too weak at those moments to shut down those images, and they hurt so damn much.

And then there were the dreams. Talking with Dr. Daniels helped lessen his fear of the dreams, but had not made them go away. It was the same dream, over and over again. Magnus kissing him, touching him, then that strange voice that was no longer unfamiliar after months of dreaming about it, but it was no less sinister. He still didn't remember anything the voice said, still woke in a cold sweat, panting and hating that fucker for making him go through this.

He calmed much quicker than he had in the beginning, and found returning to sleep an actual possibility now, where before he'd just lie awake staring at his ceiling, his mind in overdrive and only able to spin its wheels. Now he could shake it off and within about thirty minutes fall back to sleep. Progress, right?

On his birthday, he'd been sitting in his bedroom in his tiny apartment, ignoring the fact that it was his birthday with his phone turned off and music blaring from the little speakers on his laptop. He'd chosen a rock/metal station to listen to, something hard and angry, because for some reason that day he felt hard and angry. He didn't want birthday wishes or cake or anything happy. He didn't want reminders that he was alone by his own doing, no sappy loves songs to remind him of how he'd pushed Magnus away. He wanted music he could lose himself in, something loud enough to drown out the words of the song and the thoughts in his head.

The station had been cooperating nicely so far, with songs to make his ears bleed by bands like Disturbed, Slipknot, Godsmack, old-school Metallica, Pantera. Pissed off music. Fuck-the-world music. Then the music for Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" started up. Alec's heart stuttered, then raced like it was going to explode. He couldn't breathe, his hands balled into fists, his mind blank except for one thing: That voice from his dreams that he'd know anywhere singing -the bastard was actually _singing-_ _"I want to fuck you like an animal." _

He knew immediately what was happening. This was a memory being triggered by the song, just like Dr. Daniels said might happen. And he was having another panic attack. He was never quite sure how long the panic attack lasted, but he found it considerably harder to come out of it alone than he had in Dr. Daniels's office. When he finally recovered he was completely exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally spent. He crawled into his bed, leaving the lights on, burrowing under his covers, shaking until he finally found sleep.

He'd been working on _that_ ever since.

By early November, he'd made even more progress with his dreams and panic attacks, and had nearly put them behind him. He only occasionally had dreams now. Dr. Daniels was pleased with the work he put into getting better, though not entirely pleased with him.

"When are you going to contact your friends?" Dr. Daniels said as Alec got settled for the day's session.

Alec glanced out the window at the gray November sky, the gloom penetrating him as he said, "I don't know."

"Alec, we've discussed this from every angle possible. I feel like I know Austin and Cammie with everything you've told me about them. You need to talk to them. It's the next step, you need to take it. It's time."

"I…"

"You're stalling. Call them now."

Alec looked at him in alarm. "You want me to call them now? From here?"

"Yes. Then we can talk about what they said. You need to do this. Continuing to ignore them is not helping you get better. I daresay it's making you worse. I see the anxiety every time we talk about calling them. Just do it, get it over with. Like ripping off a band-aid." Dr. Daniels held out his phone to Alec. "Here, you can even use my phone."

Alec stared at the phone, then glanced up at the doctor. "No. I'll…use my phone."

He didn't feel at all confident about this, but in a way he was thankful Dr. Daniels was making him do it. He wasn't sure he'd ever have the balls to make the call on his own.

He pulled up Austin's number, hesitated for a moment, feeling Dr. Daniels watching him. He hit the call button before he could completely chicken out. It only rang twice before he heard the sound of the line connecting.

"Hello?" Austin said, his tone neutral like he didn't know who was calling. Or maybe that was Alec's imagination.

"Hey…Austin…"

Austin immediately perked up. Alec could almost visualize his back straightening, his eyes widening, and the slow grin spreading across his face that he could hear in his friend's voice. "Alec? Oh my god, is it really you?"

"Yeah, it's me." Alec's voice got inversely softer.

He could hear the relief in Austin's voice. "It's so good to hear your voice, man. How are you?"

Austin's relief made him feel that much worse for waiting so long to call him. "I'm…okay…I guess."

Something in his voice must have pulled Austin up short, reminded him why Alec hadn't been speaking to him all this time. His tone was much softer when he replied. "It really is good to hear from you. Your mom said you've been in therapy?"

"Yeah. I'm actually there right now."

"You called me from your therapist's office?"

"Yeah. He's been trying to get me to do it for months. He wouldn't take no for an answer today," Alec said, wryly.

"Well, I'm glad. I've really missed you."

That hurt. So much that Alec opened his mouth and words spilled from him, unfiltered and in rapid succession. "I'm so sorry, Austin. I should have talked to you. It was just so hard. And the more time that passed, the harder it was. I can't believe I missed your graduation. And then your wedding! God, I'm the worst person ever. I'm so sorry."

"Alec! Breathe," Austin said calmly, and Alec listened to him. He found it difficult to breathe, to catch his breath, especially after his cathartic rant. He'd thought it tough to talk to his parents and siblings? Not even close to this hard.

"But you've been there for me every time I've ever needed you, and I can't even get it together and be there for you on the most important days of your life? You deserve so much better than that, Austin." He was near sobbing now, though he noted with some irritation that his eyes were dry.

"Is that what this was all about? You thought you let me down and didn't deserve my friendship?" Alec made a very undignified noise to that, which was all the confirmation Austin needed. "Jesus, Alec. That's not how it works! You're one of my best friends. You're like a brother to me. I love you, don't you know that by now?"

Alec choked on a sob. His thoughts were scattered, and he didn't seem capable of reining them in.

"Alec, I'm not mad at you. Far from it. You were going through something I can't even imagine. None of us are holding a grudge against you, if that's what you are imagining. We just want you to get better, we want you to be happy again. We miss you like crazy, but we all understand you needed time."

Words were hard to form, and even harder to get out. Ripping a band-aid? No, this was more like ripping open a wound that had almost healed and letting it bleed freely. "I…I love you, too, Austin… I wanted to be there… I really did…"

"I know you did. Cam and I talked endlessly about postponing the wedding until you were ready. We just didn't want to wait to get married. We decided to have a huge reception whenever you are ready instead. There's no pressure. We'll wait twenty years for you to be ready, if that's what it takes."

Alec was vaguely aware that his mouth was hanging open, and there may have been a bit of drool on the side of his face. He swiped at his face with his sleeve, smearing the saliva, if that's what it was. He barely noticed. He felt completely wrecked.

"I don't deserve to have a friend like you," he said so softly it was almost inaudible.

"Yes you do!" Austin said vehemently. "You deserve people who love you, you deserve compassion and understanding and friendship. You deserve more than I can give you from Boston, but there's not much I can do about that at the moment. We are all here for you, Alec. And you deserve nothing less than that."

"I'm sorry I've been so distant."

"It's okay, Alec. You know we're all here when you need us." Austin got quiet for a moment, then, "Have you talked to Magnus yet?"

"No. Have you?" He tried to keep the hope of news about Magnus out of his voice. He wasn't sure if he was successful.

"Not for a couple of weeks. He's really hopeful about this year's basketball season. Apparently he's getting along with his teammates a little better now."

_Because I'm not there fucking everything up for him_ was Alec's uncharitable thoughts. He wondered if that thought was true. If he was the reason Magnus hadn't gotten along with his teammates, it stood to reason that him being out of the picture would make those relationships better, right? Maybe them being apart was best for Magnus.

Then the question he'd been pushing away for months surfaced again: Was Magnus over him? Had he moved on? Did he still miss Alec like Austin did? Those thoughts deepened the already gaping wound in him, and it bled even more freely.

"Alec, you really should talk to him," Austin's voice said from what sounded like a very far-off place, like maybe the end of a long tunnel. It was difficult to focus his thoughts on Austin, or on anything at the moment. This was what he hadn't been dealing with all this time. And the pain these thoughts inflicted was the reason he'd not allowed himself to look too closely at them.

"I don't know how…" Alec whispered, sounding for all the world like a little kid being told to apologize by his parents. "I don't know what to say." _I don't even know if he's interested in hearing whatever I say_, he added to himself.

"Did you know what you were going to say to me?" Austin asked pointedly.

Alec got the message. The words weren't important. Making the effort to reconnect with Magnus was the important thing, the only thing that really mattered. But how? He just didn't know if he was strong enough to do it.

More to deflect talk of Magnus than anything, he said, "Is Cammie there?"

"No. She's still at work. She's going to be mad at herself that she missed your call."

"I'll call her soon. I'm going to make an effort to stay in touch with you both from now on."

"We'd really like that. Whenever you are up for a visit, let us know. We can be there in a few hours."

"I will. Maybe around Christmas?"

"Sure thing."

"Well, I better go. Thanks, Austin," he said sincerely.

"Anytime, man. Don't be a stranger."

"I won't."

He hung up the phone and replaced it in his pocket. He glanced at Dr. Daniels, not at all sure what to say. He felt so raw, like every nerve ending was exposed. It had been good to talk to Austin, and he'd realized just how much he missed him, but god had it been painful.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dr. Daniels said quietly, his eyes studying Alec.

Alec flinched, the doctor's words seeming to touch his exposed nerves. "I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Don't know if you want to, or don't know if you can?"

"Both."

* * *

The next day he skipped his morning classes and called in sick to Dr. Campbell's office. He just couldn't face anything. He still felt so tender, vulnerable, and not ready to look the world in the eye just yet.

He slept most of the morning away, waking in time to eat something for lunch. He folded himself onto the futon that served as his couch, threw a blanket over his legs and poked at a bowl of oatmeal that didn't look at all appetizing. Eventually, he set the bowl on the table beside the couch in favor of his steaming cup of coffee. He sipped the coffee slowly, inhaling the aroma and letting it warm him, mind, body and spirit. Coffee was truly the nectar of the gods.

Bored with no one to talk to and sitting alone in his tiny apartment, he picked up the remote to his television and scanned the channels hoping to find a mindless movie to distract him. He landed on an NBA news channel which stopped him dead.

There on the screen was the most beautiful man he'd ever known. Magnus looked different from the last time he'd seen him. He'd sheered a strip on each side of his head above his ears, leaving the hair on top long. He could probably spike it into a Mohawk if he wanted to, but that wasn't how he was wearing it for this interview. The long hair draped over each side of his head, concealing most of the shaved part, but it was still visible.

He also had pierced his right nostril at some point in the last eight months and wore a tiny diamond stud. Alec had to admit he looked really hot like that. The diamond sparkled in the studio lights and contrasted nicely with his deep caramel colored skin. Alec felt his body react to the image without input from his brain.

Magnus smiled broadly for the camera. Alec's blood finally started flowing again, and he turned up the volume to hear what Magnus was saying.

_"Your team didn't do so well last year. Do you think things will be different this year?" said the interviewer._

_"Yeah, I do. We're coming together as a team now," said Magnus._

_"There were rumors of turmoil within the Nets organization last season. Are you saying those rumors are true?"_

_Magnus smiled that fake smile Alec knew so well, his basketball superstar smile. "I wouldn't know about that. I'm just saying the team is getting along well right now."_

_"Are you expecting more playing time?"_

_"Hopefully. I've been working really hard to give myself the best chance I can. I want to help my team make the Play-offs this year."_

_"Do you have a good support system to help you face the challenges of the NBA?"_

_Magnus glanced away briefly. "I had a great support system. It's changed a bit recently, and that's been really hard for me, but I still have my family by my side. So, yeah."_

Alec's breath caught in his throat. Was Magnus talking about him? Of course he was. Who else would he be talking about?

Then other thoughts occurred to him. Did the outside world know what Magnus was hinting at? Did they know about their apparent break-up? Did they even know they'd actually been dating? Once the initial internet insanity died down after Magnus kissed him, there hadn't been much about them. They'd never been hounded by paparazzi, so he wasn't sure they'd ever been on anyone's radar.

The interviewer was speaking again.

_"Let's take some questions from our fans on Facebook and Twitter. First up, a question from MBismylove on Twitter: What is your favorite color, Magnus?"_

_Magnus grinned. "Blue. I love all shades of blue, but my absolute favorite is sapphire blue."_

The precise color of Alec's eyes. Was Magnus trying to tell him something?

_"Alright. How about this one from Bballislife23: What was Magnus Bane like as a kid?"_

_Magnus chuckled softly. "That's a great Twitter handle, by the way. Kid Magnus was a lot like Adult Magnus. He lived for basketball. I've spent my entire life on a basketball court, doing everything I can to make myself the best version I can be. That's why I think I'll be an asset to my team this year. The work never stops. The season never ends if you want to be the best."_

_"Let's take one from Facebook. Shalaina Wilcox asks, "Are the rumors about Magnus Bane and Lexus Dixon true?"_

Alec's heart stopped. Literally stopped. Rumors? What rumors? And who the hell was Lexus Dixon? For his part, Magnus looked surprised, too, at least by the question. Then, to Alec's horror, the screen was filled with an image of Magnus with his arm around a short woman with spiked pink hair and numerous spidery tattoos on her arms. His lips were planted firmly on her cheek. The photo was recent: his hair was shaved and spiked on top and the diamond stud in his nose was clearly visible.

His blood ran cold. A woman? Magnus was dating a woman? _Magnus was dating a woman!?_

He pulled his laptop from under the futon and powered it up. He typed Magnus's name and this Lexus person's name into the search engine and hit enter. Images and stories popped up all over the place. He scanned the articles quickly, then selected one at random to read.

The article he chose was from a popular celebrity gossip TV show, but one that usually did it's homework. Rarely did they relay just a rumor without any confirmation. The same picture of Magnus kissing Lexus's cheek was at the top of the webpage.

_A spokesperson for Magnus Bane and one for Lexus Dixon have confirmed that the NBA player is indeed dating the singer/actress. They've been seen all over Brooklyn and Manhattan, at clubs and restaurants. Magnus was in L.A. prior to the start of the NBA training camps and was spotted backstage at one of Lexus's concerts. The pair left together looking very cozy._

Alec read the words several times through. And then, without warning, a sob erupted from his throat. He doubled over on the couch, letting his laptop slide to the floor with a clatter.

For the first time since everything happened in March, Alec Lightwood cried.


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N: So...last chapter got the second most reviews of any chapter in this story! Wow. We also hit the 300 followers mark last week. AND I managed to write ahead just a little. What does all that mean for you? Thursday Bonus Chapter this week! Thanks again for all the support for this story. Love you guys!**

**P.S. I know this part has been really painful for everyone. It's hard to write, too! I don't want to give away any spoilers, so just remember that sometimes you have to hit rock-bottom before you can dig your way back out...**

* * *

Alec cried for the better part of two days. He was beside himself with grief, and the guilt he'd been feeling for months and months reared its ugly head full-force. He'd lost Magnus…to a girl! He'd screwed up royally and there was no one to blame but himself.

Try as he might, he could not get the image of Magnus kissing Lexus out of his mind. Okay, he wasn't trying that hard. Or at all really. In fact, he was spending a ridiculous amount of time stalking her online. She was a very pretty woman with her honey-brown eyes and fine bone structure. She was very short, easily a foot shorter than Magnus. They looked sickeningly cute together. Her pink spiky hair and eyebrow piercing and spider-thin tattoos on her arms and collarbone and shoulder blades and god-only-knew where else only enhanced her natural beauty.

Alec decided he hated her.

And that made him cry harder. He hated someone he didn't even know? Had never met? A celebrity, for fucks sake! He'd hit the bottom of the barrel now.

He flaked on his responsibilities again, calling in sick and blowing off classes. He didn't care. Couldn't even pretend to care. Somehow, no matter how much time had passed, he still hadn't seen his relationship with Magnus as over.

He did not miss his appointment with Dr. Daniels. He walked straight into the office, tears still streaming down his face, and was greeted by Jean, the receptionist. She offered him a sympathetic smile and put her arm around his shoulders, guiding him down the hall toward Dr. Daniels's office.

Dr. Daniels gave him the _Oh, shit, what happened?_ look as he entered the office and collapsed onto his favorite chair. He was early for his appointment, but there wasn't anyone else there so the doctor took him in and offered him a coffee and some tissues.

Alec had never wanted a hug so badly in his life, but he was not going to ask his therapist for one. _He_ wasn't the guy he wanted a hug from anyway. He pictured Magnus with his arm around Lexus and his heart ached.

How could this be happening? He didn't understand it one bit. He'd just talked to Austin a few days ago, and Austin had encouraged him to call Magnus. Why would he do that if he knew Magnus was dating someone else? The answer was simple. Austin must not know.

Alec took a sip of his coffee as tears continued to stream down his face. Everything he'd been holding back for months and months came pouring out of him. All the pain and anger and helplessness and shame and need and every other emotion he'd locked away purged from his system and spilled down his cheeks. All the times he'd needed to cry but couldn't caught up with him in that office, on the overstuffed armchair he'd claimed as his own so many months ago.

When the tears finally slowed, though not quite stopping, Dr. Daniels said, "Can you talk about it?"

Alec hiccupped, and blinked more tears from his eyes. He wasn't sure if he could talk about it or not. He opened his mouth and forced out some words. "He… has a… girlfriend." He wasn't sure if the words were actually intelligible, but Dr. Daniels apparently figured out what he meant.

"Magnus? Has a girlfriend?"

Alec nodded as more tears spilled over the edge of his eyelids.

"I see."

_I see? What the hell does that mean?_ Alec thought to himself, but couldn't quite voice.

"Alec, I know this is hard for you, but if I'm ever going to understand what's going on, and be able to help you, you have to tell me about Magnus."

He knew that was coming. It had been coming for a very long time, he'd just been avoiding it at all costs. How was he supposed to talk about Magnus? How was he supposed to tell Dr. Daniels everything there was to tell about him? Magnus was so special, so unique, and just thinking about him sent a whole range of emotions coursing through him. He pulled himself together as best he could.

"Magnus is…amazing," Alec began, not really knowing what he was going to say, but just opening him mouth and letting words pour out. "He's been through so much and he's so strong. He's such a great guy…"

He glanced at Dr. Daniels, then let his mind wander, speaking freely. "Magnus had a rough childhood. He had a stepdad that hated him and made things difficult for him. When he started experimenting with other boys, his stepdad found out and nearly beat him to death. Then a few years later, his mother died. They were really close and he loved her very much. He had a really hard time dealing with all that."

"I imagine he would. That's a lot for a young man to go through," Dr. Daniels said sympathetically.

"Yeah. After that, he went straight back into the closet. He started dating girls, mostly as a cover, but also because he really likes sex." Alec grinned sheepishly at that.

"Did he like dating girls?"

Alec thought about that for a moment. "I guess? I mean, he's gay so I don't really think he got a whole lot out of it. He never dated anyone for more than a few weeks."

Dr. Daniels made that Alec-said-something-important face again, but didn't say anything. Alec continued.

"When I first met him, he was… like a rockstar. No, he was a basketball star. He was definitely the BMOC. Everyone knew who he was, even the people who didn't care about basketball. He was the life of every party as soon as he walked in the door. I was kind of in awe of him. Everyone was, really. He's absolutely beautiful. Have you ever seen a picture of him?"

Dr. Daniels said that he hadn't, so Alec pulled out his phone. He'd lost all the pictures on his old phone, but he'd downloaded several off the internet onto his new one. Magnus's caller ID pic was of him in his Idris uniform. He was dribbling a basketball with one hand, the other held up in the air signaling the play he wanted to run. His hair was short in that pic, spiked up just enough to look cool, his eyes were focused and his mouth was slightly open, like he was saying something to his teammates.

The picture had caught Alec's eye immediately when he'd Googled Magnus's name. There were literally dozens, maybe even more than a hundred pictures of Magnus online, many of which were of him in uniform. Some were his high school uniform, some college, and even a few from the NBA, though the only action shots from the NBA were from the Summer League.

He turned the phone around so Dr. Daniels could see the picture straight on, and the doctor let out a low whistle. "He's very handsome." Alec nodded his agreement, scrolling through several more pictures to show him.

"He is that. You can imagine being that good-looking and having the superstar, supremely confident personality… he was very popular at Idris. And he got away with murder. Even the professors were wrapped around his little finger. He could do no wrong."

He smiled at that, and so did Dr. Daniels.

"The thing is, he didn't do wrong anyway. Okay, that's not completely true. He didn't want a roommate so he kind of drove Mrs. Greene crazy with running off anyone who was assigned as his roommate."

"How did he do that?"

Alec chuckled. "He…well, he's very secure in his own skin, as long as you weren't questioning his sexuality, anyway. He's got a great body, and he wasn't afraid to show it off." Dr. Daniels raised an eyebrow curiously. "He walked around his dorm room naked until his roommate got so uncomfortable he begged for a transfer."

Dr. Daniels laughed. "He sounds like quite the character." Alec nodded in agreement. For some reason he wasn't having so much trouble talking about Magnus today. He didn't look too closely at that. "What did you mean about people questioning his sexuality?"

"Well, he was in the closet. No one knew he was gay, and he gave them no reason to suspect it, not with all the girls he dated. He was every jock's hero. He played the part of a straight guy very convincingly. That's what I meant about him being secure in his own skin. As a gay man he was completely insecure."

"Why do you think he was such a good actor?"

Alec shrugged. "He'd had a lot of practice? I don't know. I never thought much about that. On the court he was larger than life. He went into this basketball star mode and it was something amazing to watch. It was like he was born to play basketball. He just…got it. He understood the game like no one else I've ever seen play it.

"I think some of that confidence, that persona, transferred to the straight guy he was imitating. It was really quite remarkable."

"But you didn't believe it?"

"No. I mean, I didn't know for sure at first. But…I remember the first time we met. I nearly ran over him going into the gymnasium on my first day on campus. He was on his way out and we just about collided. Then we just kind of stared at each other for a moment. I've never been so attracted to anyone. I think he felt the same way…"

Alec trailed off, remember that day like it was yesterday. Remembering how his heart sped up, how he couldn't tear his eyes away from Magnus, how didn't _want_ to look away.

"Was it love at first sight?" Dr. Daniels asked, drawing Alec back to the present.

"Love? No, I don't think so. Fatal attraction, maybe," he joked, and the doctor laughed. "No, really, I didn't fall in love with him for a few more months, not until I ended up being assigned as his roommate."

"Oh," Dr. Daniels said. "Did he do the naked thing with you, too?"

Alec chuckled, remembering the first time he saw Magnus naked, prancing through their dorm like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Yeah, he did. That was my downfall. I'd had a crush on him for awhile at that point, but seeing him naked? I'd never wanted anyone so badly in all my life."

"So _then_ you fell in love?"

"Yeah. _I _did, anyway."

"He didn't?"

"He fought it," Alec said, looking off in the distance at some weird houseplant in the corner, remembering the early days of his relationship with Magnus. "He…got spooked pretty easily. The first time we kissed he disappeared for two weeks."

"Where did he go?"

"To his best friend's house. He grew up with Will and Will's mom took over as surrogate mother after his mom died."

Alec really couldn't believe how easily Dr. Daniels was extracting the words from him. He wasn't even thinking about his answers. He knew Magnus so well, he didn't have any trouble answering any of the doctor's questions. His responses were instinctive, requiring little thought as his mind wandered through his relationship. But he didn't understand why today it wasn't so painful to talk about Magnus when it had always been unbearable before. Maybe because he knew he'd already lost him.

That thought shocked him from his reverie. One glance at Dr. Daniels told him he'd read his thoughts on his face. "Tell me more about your relationship, Alec," Dr. Daniels gently prompted.

Alec was quiet for a number of minutes, trying to muster the courage to speak again. He was fine if he didn't think to deeply about Magnus or their situation, but as soon as he thought about losing him? He was such an idiot. It was fucking November! He hadn't spoken to Magnus in eight months! What did he expect to happen? Did he think Magnus would just sit around, pining away for him until the end of time with no encouragement whatsoever from him? What kind of self-centered asshole would he have to be to expect something like that?

"Alec? Come on, talk to me," Dr. Daniels said.

Alec stared blankly out the window. "I lost him. I've never loved anyone like that, never been so happy, and I've lost him." He fell quiet again for a few minutes, then, "Did I tell you he kissed me on national television? He'd just won the conference tournament and been named MVP, and he just walked straight up to me and kissed me. I asked him if he was sure about what he was doing, he said yes, and kissed me."

Alec's eyes slid sideways to see Dr. Daniels's face. The doctor was grinning, his eyes twinkling. "No one knew about us until that point. No one even knew he was gay until then. Well, a couple of his teammates had figured out there was something going on between us, but they'd kept his secret. I was so shocked that he would make such a bold statement like that. It was all over the sporting news and the internet for weeks. He was trying to prepare for the NCAA tournament and dealing with this and he was so brave. I've never been so proud of someone."

He dropped his head into his hands, running his fingers through his black hair that had grown a little too long. "He's my hero, you know? I never told him that, but he is. He's living the dream. He came from nothing, from a poor family in not the greatest part of Brooklyn, and he made a name for himself. He worked his ass off and made it to the NBA! There's not many people who can say they did something like that."

"He sounds like a very special man."

"He is." Alec leaned back in the chair, his hands shielding his face. "I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?"

Alec sat up abruptly. "I don't even know that," he said, sounding defensive. "And it doesn't matter because now he's got a girlfriend." His chest heaved with agitation. This hurt so badly. He felt the tears just under the surface, threatening him again.

"How did you find out about this girlfriend?"

"I...I was watching an interview...with Magnus. A fan asked if he was dating Lexus Dixon." He might have spat the name like it was poison in his mouth. "Then they showed a picture of him with his arm around her, kissing her cheek," he finished, sounding thoroughly miserable.

"How did he respond?"

"What?" Alec looked at Dr. Daniels, confused by the question.

"How did Magnus respond to the question?" Dr. Daniels said very clearly. "What was his answer?"

Alec thought hard on that for a moment, but he couldn't remember ever hearing the answer to the question. How _had_ Magnus responded? He remembered him looking surprised, but he didn't remember what he'd said. "I...I don't know. I didn't hear his reply."

"Alec," Dr. Daniels placated, "you've just told me a great deal about Magnus. I'd like to point out that you've said no less than three times that Magnus is gay, that dating girls didn't do much for him."

"So?"

Dr. Daniels flashed a smile. "So, why would you think that has changed? Why would you think that Magnus is truly involved with Lexus Dixon if you don't believe he is attracted to women?"

Oh. That thought hadn't occurred to him, but now that he thought about it, did he believe Magnus was gay and not bisexual? Magnus had told him as much. He'd gotten very snippy about it at that frat party at NYU. "You…think it's….fake?"

"I don't know," Dr. Daniels said hastily. "You know him better than anyone, but I can tell you this: I've treated many celebrities, having a practice in Manhattan. They have a stressful life, especially the ones who identify as something other than heterosexual. It's very difficult for them to hide who they are dating if they are popular enough to have paparazzi after them. A common complaint was that agents and managers set them up with someone who would be good for their image, even if it was someone they weren't, or couldn't be, attracted to or sexually compatible with."

"So, it could be a setup?" Alec said, his tone a little more hopeful than he'd meant to sound.

"I don't know, but if he's truly not bisexual, and from everything you've said I suspect he's not, a setup would certainly be a good explanation for why he's now dating a woman."

Alec withdrew into his thoughts. Could that really be what's going on with Magnus and this Lexus person? He'd been so upset when he found out about her that he couldn't think objectively. He'd taken it all at face value. But he _knew_ Magnus, probably better than anyone, and something about this was ringing all kinds of alarm bells now that he really thought about it. What Dr. Daniels said made sense. But what did that mean for him? For them?

"Alec? You need to talk to him."

The doctor's voice startled him again, and he looked at him in alarm. Dr. Daniels smiled indulgently. "Not today. You are nowhere near ready to talk to Magnus yet. We have a lot more to discuss, but I want to impress upon you that talking to Magnus is a vital part of your recovery. It will have to be done in the near future."

Alec's palms were sweaty, his heart racing, his mouth dry.

"Alec, breathe. We're going to work on this. It will be fine."

He was on the verge of another panic attack. It took several long, agonizing minutes for Alec to calm down. When he finally did, Dr. Daniels said, "What are you so afraid of?"

Alec drew his legs up to his chest, encircling them with his arms and holding on so tightly his fingers turned white. He took several deep breaths to steady himself before replying. "What if it's over?" he said quietly to his knees.

"Then you need to know that. You owe it to yourself to find out where you stand with Magnus, and if it's over, then we'll deal with it."

He made it sound so easy. Alec supposed it was, if he ignored the fact that just the thought of his relationship with Magnus being over ripped his heart right out of his chest. Even more softly, Alec added, "What if it's not?"

"Then you owe it to yourself to find that out, too. What do you want to happen?"

Alec rocked back and forth in his seat, still with a death-grip on his knees. "I don't know. It's been so long since I let myself think about him, or about how I feel about him. I've pushed those feelings down so many times, I don't even know how I feel anymore. I'm terrified he'll say it's over, but I'm just as terrified that he won't."

They had a lot more to talk about.


	72. Chapter 72

The holidays came and went, and Alec still didn't see Austin and Cammie. He'd planned to over Christmas, but Jace was home and Alec had a couple weeks off from his clinicals, so the Lightwoods chose to visit Isabelle in Paris. He'd had to cancel on Austin and Cam but promised they'd see each other soon…whenever that was.

He'd had a lovely visit with his sister, who was thriving in the epicenter of fashion. She'd taken them to all her favorite places, introduced them to her new friends and her mentor. Seeing her in person really helped Alec come to terms with some of the things he was still working on. Being surrounded by all of his family helped him so much more than he'd ever thought possible. Talking on the phone with Iz and Jace was not the same as being able to see them. And having his parents and Max there? Priceless. He still had dinner with them whenever he made the trip to Manhattan for this therapy sessions, but having his whole family with him for two solid weeks was more than he'd hoped for.

Izzy and Jace spent some time trying to convince him to see Magnus. This was the one drawback of seeing them. He couldn't escape, couldn't pretend he had to go somewhere or had homework to do or whatever excuse came to mind when they started in on him at home. Here he was a captive audience, forced to listen to all their reasons he should not be staying away from Magnus. Arguing with Izzy and Jace was an exercise in futility, he'd learned that many, many years ago. So he listened, and he told them about Lexus and therapy and how he just didn't know the right thing to do at this point. And when the tears began rolling down his cheeks, they hugged him and supported him and made one last push for him to talk to Magnus before dropping the subject altogether.

That had been a couple of weeks ago. He was home, back to his normal routine, on his way to Dr. Daniels's office. Still trying to figure out how he felt about things.

He'd decided several months ago that he needed to do something to get his body back in shape. His eating habits had improved quite a bit, but he was still very thin for his height and his old clothes didn't fit him at all anymore. He had gained a little muscle tone when he worked with Dr. Campbell, but that part of his schooling ended in November, and he found working with a surgeon wasn't nearly as physical as working with a physical therapist. Since he didn't have access to the athlete's gym anymore, and he didn't like the idea of working out alone, his exercise opportunities were limited.

He'd compromised by having his driver or the cabbie drop him off at least ten blocks away from Dr. Daniels's office so he could power-walk. That at least made him feel better about himself, endorphins and all that.

Today was a particularly harsh winter day in New York, so shortly after the cab dropped him off, he darted into what had become his favorite coffee shop on this end of the city. The place was packed and the line was long, but he finally placed his order, then stepped off to the side to wait while they made his coffee. His mind drifted to thoughts of his upcoming therapy session, knowing what the topic would be: Magnus. That's what they'd been stuck on for months now. He was making progress, but he still wasn't brave enough to put himself out there, to make contact with Magnus.

"Alec?" said a voice he hadn't heard in a very, very long time.

Alec's eyes darted upward to a familiar face. "Eric?" he said in utter surprise. He hadn't seen Eric since graduation, nearly four years ago. He had changed a lot. His curly brown hair was shorter than he'd worn it in high school. He wore a suit and tie instead of a t-shirt with something video game related printed on it. He looked mature…and really good. His chocolate-brown eyes that Alec used to spend hours staring at (not into, because that would require Eric to look away from his video games) were still just as dreamy.

A slow grin spread across Eric's face, slightly crooked on the right side, his teeth whiter than Alec ever remembered them being. "How the hell are you?" he said in a voice so welcoming Alec wanted to crawl into it. "I haven't seen you in so long."

"I'm…" How did he answer _that_ question? "Good," he said evasively. "How are you? You look great!"

Eric's grin widened. "I am great. Life has been very good to me recently. Are you back in Manhattan?"

Of course Eric knew he'd moved to Brooklyn, even though they hadn't spoken their senior year, not after the break-up.

"No. I'm still in school in Brooklyn, but I'm here frequently." He didn't go into detail why he was in Manhattan all the time.

They were interrupted by the barista calling first Alec's name, then Eric's. They got their coffees and Eric gave him a sad look. "I'm sorry, Alec. I'm in a hurry right now, but I'd love to catch up with you. Are you free for dinner tonight?"

Alec didn't even think about his answer. He took one last look into those extraordinary eyes and said, "Yes."

"Great. Is your number still the same?"

"Yes. I have a new phone and lost most of my contacts, but the number's the same as it was in high school."

"Excellent. I'll text you the address to a restaurant I frequent. It's kind of fancy, but they'll let you in as long as you're with me," Eric said, eying the jeans and sneakers and thick winter coat Alec was wearing. He certainly didn't look dressed to go to a fancy restaurant, but he knew that people with connections and money could do just about anything they wanted. For proof, he needed to look no further than his own father.

"Ok. Sounds good," Alec said, and Eric gave him a little wave before heading out into the cold. Alec stood there for a moment kind of dazed about the whole exchange. Then he, too, left.

There was a spring in his step when he walked into Dr. Daniels's office. "Good afternoon, Jean!" he called to the receptionist. She gave him a funny look as she waved to him. He strutted through the door and into Dr. Daniels's office. "Good afternoon," he repeated to the doctor, who looked up from his desk, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, you seem chipper today," Dr. Daniels prompted, sounding amused.

Alec took his usual seat, wiggling his butt until he was comfortable, and said, "I have a date."

Dr. Daniels momentarily paused midway between the desk and chairs, a kind of stutter-step, then quickly took his seat. "Oh? Do tell."

_That's so like Dr. Daniels_, Alec thought. He never makes assumptions, always phrasing his words to guide people to tell him what he wants to know. He had a distinctly interested look on his face. Alec grinned.

"Eric."

That look changed to surprise. "Your ex-boyfriend Eric?" he said for clarification.

"Yeah. We ran into each other at the coffee shop and he asked me to dinner so we could catch up."

"Oh." Dr. Daniels looked like he was choosing his words carefully. "I'm curious why you agreed to go out with him. From everything you've told me, the relationship was pretty one-sided."

Alec shrugged. "Maybe he's changed? He looks different, more respectable. He was dressed in a business suit, and sounded like he was late for a meeting or something."

"Didn't he cheat on you, several times?"

"We were both young and stupid."

Dr. Daniels paused again. "Alec," he said slowly, "I'm not sure this is the best idea…"

Alec narrowed his eyes irritably. "Weren't you the one encouraging me to go out and do stuff?"

"Yes! Call your friend, Dylan, and go to an LGBT meeting. Go to a basketball game. Form a study group. Go to a concert. You need to get out of the house and interact with your friends, but I don't think going out with your toxic ex-boyfriend is going to help your recovery."

"Toxic ex-boyfriend? You don't even know him!" Alec complained.

"You've told me enough to know that the relationship was bad for you. This could set your therapy back."

Alec leapt to his feet and paced the room. "Why are you doing this? Are you supposed to be telling me what to do?"

Dr. Daniels responded calmly. "I'm not telling you what to do. But I am concerned. Have you told your family about this? I'd be willing to bet they wouldn't approve."

Alec looked abashed. He shook his head. "I ran into him right before I got here. I haven't had a chance to tell them."

"Are you planning to tell them?"

He couldn't honestly say that he was. So he didn't say anything at all. Dr. Daniels picked up the cue.

"I didn't think so. I'm curious why you agreed to go out with Eric, but still won't contact Magnus."

Alec threw himself onto the couch, folding his arms across his chest, looking thoroughly mutinous. And refusing to answer Dr. Daniels.

"Have you thought about the reason?" Dr. Daniels persisted.

Alec shook his head. He didn't want to talk about Magnus. He tucked a pillow against his chest and pulled his knees up, folding himself into a ball. "You know, I was in a good mood when I got here…" he grumbled.

"Answer the question."

Alec's eyes shot up to meet Dr. Daniels's. He glared at him. "I don't know the answer."

"Would you like to hear my theory?" Dr. Daniels offered. Alec was pretty sure the question was rhetorical.

"Aren't you supposed to let me come to these conclusions on my own?"

Dr. Daniels ignored him. "I think that this is pretty simple really. You are willing to go out with Eric because you don't have any feelings for him. You loved him once, but you are over that. Where with Magnus you have all kinds of baggage to sort through, and that's much harder." He paused, looking Alec directly in the eye, not in the least bothered by the death-glare Alec was giving him. "In other words, Eric hurt you, but it's far easier to deal with the person who hurt you than to deal with the person you hurt."

Alec threw the pillow he'd been holding across the room with an unintelligible growl. It struck the window covering with a loud thud and fell to the floor. He leapt to his feet, angrier than he'd been in a long time. "I don't have to listen to this!" he shouted, storming to the door.

"Alec?" Dr. Daniels called. Alec paused with his hand on the doorknob. He was pretty sure he didn't want to hear whatever Dr. Daniels had to say, yet he paused to listen anyway. He did not turn around. "Alec, before you leave, please keep in mind that I don't trust this Eric guy, neither does your family, and I don't think you do either. In fact, this sounds an awful lot like a booty-call."

"_What?!_" Alec said in exasperation, leaning his forehead against the door and closing his eyes. This was madness.

"Think about it, Alec," the doctor said, and he dropped a hand on Alec's shoulder. Alec flinched. He hadn't heard Dr. Daniels move and didn't know he was right behind him. "You two have a history together, a sexual history, and a lot of bad blood from it. Does it not seem strange to you that he suddenly wants to have dinner with you? What do you think he is expecting?"

Alec shrugged the hand from his shoulder. "I don't know, maybe to catch up, like he said?" His voice was harsh and full of anger now. He yanked the door open and Dr. Daniels's voice stopped him again.

"I'll be working late tonight. I'll be here until ten, if you need to talk."

Alec bolted from the room.

"Be careful," Dr. Daniels called to his retreating figure.

Alec escaped into the hallway, leaning against the wall, his chest heaving. What the fuck had that been about? He'd been in such a good mood. He had a date! And Dr. Daniels had ruined it for him. He should have encouraged him to go out with Eric, not pointed out all the things that could go wrong. What was that? Honestly.

He pushed off the wall and strode down the hall to the elevators. _I'll show him,_ he thought as he called the elevator to his floor.

* * *

An hour later, Alec stood outside the restaurant where Eric had arranged for them to meet. It was definitely a fancy, upscale place. He'd been standing there for about twenty minutes, watching numerous people dressed very nicely come and go, trying to get up the courage to go inside. Dr. Daniels's words rattled in his brain. He'd been thinking about them non-stop since he left the office.

Was Dr. Daniels correct? Was Eric just looking for a hook-up? He didn't think that was the case. Eric seemed genuine about wanting to catch up with him, but they'd only spoken for a few minutes, so how could he be sure? Did it even matter what Eric wanted? Was he really only going on this date to avoid dealing with Magnus? So. Many. Questions.

One thing was certain, though: Alec Lightwood was _not_ sleeping with Eric Hawthorn tonight. Or any time in the near future. That's not what this date was about for him. If that's what Eric wanted, well, that was Eric's problem.

He'd nearly made up his mind to walk away, stand Eric up and forget about this whole mess, when he spotted Eric walking through the glass front doors of the restaurant and straight toward him. Alec sighed. _Looks like the date's still on, then._

"Hey," Eric said, sounding friendly and sweet and not at all predatory. Alec felt the tension in him easy slightly. Dr. Daniels had gotten him worked up over nothing.

"Hey," Alec said, regaining his enthusiasm.

Eric slipped his arm around Alec's shoulders and guided him into the restaurant. They were seated in the far back, which helped Alec feel a little less out of place wearing his jeans and sneakers instead of the fancy suits other men were wearing.

Eric already had a glass of red wine, and Alec wondered how long he'd been sitting there waiting for him. On reflection, in the twenty minutes he'd sat outside staring at the entrance, he never saw Eric walk in. Hmmm.

Eric poured him a glass of wine. "So, how have you been?" he asked, setting the glass in front of Alec.

Alec smiled at him, wondering how he was supposed to truthfully answer that question. He hadn't seen this guy in four years, opening with 'well, I was recently raped and lost the love of my life' was not going to happen. No way. "Good," he said vaguely. "I'm in my last semester of college."

"Right. What are you studying again?"

"Sports Medicine." Alec took a long drink of his wine, emptying half the glass.

Eric didn't seem to notice. "I graduated last year," he said. Alec's eyebrows went up. They were the same age. He couldn't believe Eric had graduated early from college. "I've been doing an internship with a very prestigious company since graduation. I'm not at liberty to talk about it the company, though. It's all very hush-hush, you know? Well, of course you don't know, you're not out there yet, but you will…"

_And there's the Eric I was hoping to avoid. _He sighed heavily as Eric droned on about his job that he wasn't allowed to talk about yet seemed to talk endlessly about anyway. It had been the same when they dated. Eric asking Alec a question about himself, then turning the conversation toward Eric instead. Maybe this wasn't so bad, though. At least he didn't have to talk about the things the didn't want to talk about, right?

"…I'm surprised you didn't go to work for your father's company," Eric was saying. "He's a brilliant man, Robert Lightwood. You could learn so much from him." Eric shook his head like he didn't approve of Alec's career choice and thought he was making a big mistake. Alec thought that was a little rich coming from someone who didn't even know him anymore.

"What do you know about my father's company? We rarely hung out at my place when we dated."

"Of course not, you didn't have any good video games." Eric waved his hand dismissively, and Alec had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Video games were all Eric cared about when he was a kid. Now it seemed he'd transferred that obsession to business? "And I studied your father's company for several years in college. He started a company from scratch and built it into a highly successful empire."

Eric wasn't the first person to tell him he'd studied Robert Lightwood, and all the Lightwoods, in college. Tony from Miami had also said that to him. He wondered how Tony was doing these days…

Alec tuned back into the conversation just long enough to realize Eric was on another rant about business something or other that made absolutely no sense to him. He couldn't care less about his father's business, and his father had made it perfectly clear that he was okay with that. So why wasn't Eric okay with it? Why did he care if Alec followed in his father's footsteps?

"…Do you think I could talk with your dad sometime, about business?" Eric said, overly enthusiastically.

Ah. Now the pieces were falling into place. Was that the only reason Eric wanted to meet with Alec, to get an inside connection to Alec's father? Alec mentally shook his head at himself. Eric hadn't changed. Not at all. He dressed nicer, talked smoother, but he was the same self-absorbed prick that Alec had been naïve enough to fall for and get his heart broken. Stupid stupid stupid.

"Alec? Are you even listening to me?" Eric demanded.

"What? Oh, sorry." He realized something then. He was not remotely interested in this guy. In fact, he didn't even _like_ him. A thought occurred to him, and he quickly set the plan into motion. He pulled his phone from his pocket and pretended to check a text message. "Shit. I completely forgot I was supposed to meet a friend to work on a project for school. Now I'm late."

"So cancel," Eric said, offhanded, like Alec's responsibilities didn't matter nearly as much as Eric getting what he wanted.

Alec blinked, trying to hide his dismay and irritation with himself for agreeing to this 'date' in the first place. "I can't do that. She's depending on me and I need this grade to graduate. I'm sorry, Eric, but I have to go."

Alec started to rise and Eric grabbed his hand. "Alec, wait. Can't we…ummm…go somewhere private before you run off to your little study group?"

He couldn't believe his ears. Was Eric really asking him that? Un-fucking-believable.

"Eric, I'm not going to sleep with you, if that's what you're implying."

Eric's fingers traced the lines of Alec's hand, slowly and sensually. "Come on, Alec. We were so good together. And it's been such a long time for us…" He turned those chocolate-brown eyes on Alec, the ones that used to make him bend over backwards to do whatever Eric wanted. "Please?"

Alec smiled. Those eyes did absolutely nothing to him this time. Eric's smile fell when Alec pulled his hand away and said, "No. I'm not interested. Have a nice day."

With that, he turned on his heel and marched straight out of the restaurant. He was in a cab, urging it onward, by the time Eric appeared on the sidewalk, looking first left then right for Alec. Alec laughed out loud, then shuddered and wiped his hand on his jeans. Ugh. That guy was a creep. How he'd gotten Alec to fall in love with him was still unbelievable to him.

The cab driver gave him an expectant look in the mirror. He needed to make a decision on where he was going. He hadn't been in the restaurant all that long before he'd had enough of Eric. He could still go to Dr. Daniels's office and talk to him if he wanted. His stomach knotted at the thought of the I-told-you-so look he knew he deserved from his doctor. He also knew he wouldn't get that look. Dr. Daniels had only meant to warn him, to make him think about what he was about to do, he knew that now. He'd learned that the hard way.

He gave the address of his parents' penthouse instead, then settled back and let his mind wander for the drive. He'd been stupid, he knew that. Eric Hawthorn? Really? That guy hadn't changed a bit. He didn't care about anything but himself. He'd never cared about Alec, that's for sure. He used people to get what he wanted then threw them out when he was done. Why had he let his charm and good looks sway him again?

The answer was simple. Dr. Daniels had already given it to him. Eric was easier to deal with than Magnus. If he saw Magnus, he'd have to acknowledge the fact that he'd hurt him, that he'd pushed him away. He'd have to deal with the feelings that were forcing their way back, demanding to be recognized, no matter how much he tried to ignore them. He'd have to ask and answer the question that haunted him at night: Was their relationship over? He wouldn't have anywhere left to hide.

The cab pulled up outside his parents' home and he got out, paid the driver and closed the door. This option had seemed better when he'd made the decision, but now he wasn't so sure.

The doorman held open the door for him. "Good evening, Mr. Lightwood," he said, and Alec nodded in reply. He hurried to the elevator before he could lose his nerve, stuck the key in and turned it, then hit the button for the penthouse floor.

His mind was scattered the whole ride up to the thirtieth floor. That was a long ride, lots of time to think about what he was going to say to his parents, how he felt, what he wanted to do. What did he want to do? Was he going to tell them about Eric?

That long ride becomes so much shorter when the ending is dreaded. He'd learned that at a fairly young age.

The doors slid open, exposing his parents' living room. His mother looked up from the sofa where Max was reading to her. "Alec? What are you doing here?"

He'd canceled dinner with his parents when he'd accepted Eric's dinner offer, so the surprise on her face was genuine. His father appeared from the doorway of his at-home office, looking taken aback as well.

"Alec!" Max shouted, ran to his brother, and threw his arms around his waist. Max had grown quite a bit, and now at age twelve easily reached Alec's chest. He still thought his older brother hung the moon and was always happy to see him.

"Hi everyone. Sorry to drop in unannounced. My plans got changed."

"That's alright, honey. Have you eaten?" said his mom.

Alec smiled. It was nice to see some things never changed. Maryse pulled some leftovers from the fridge and fed Alec while Max finished his reading. When Alec was done eating, he escaped to his bedroom on the pretense of needing to use the bathroom. He collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to corral his thoughts into something remotely coherent.

He heard a knock on the door, then his father's head appeared, followed closely by the rest of him. Alec curled up his legs to give his dad room to sit on the end of the bed.

"Tell me," Robert said simply, no preamble, no fuss.

"I saw Eric today," Alec began, just like he had countless times before with his father. This was familiar and a great comfort after the emotions of the day. "He asked me out to dinner, that's why I cancelled with you and mom and Max. I…felt something, an attraction that I haven't felt for a really long time…"

"But?" Robert prompted when Alec fell silent.

"But, he's still Eric. I don't like him. I don't want him."

"What do you want, Alec?"

"Everyone keeps asking me that! I don't know what I want. I just…want this all resolved. I want it to go away! I'm tired of feeling like this."

"How do you feel?"

"Like I'm stuck in limbo. I can't go forward, I can't go back, I'm just stuck. I don't feel like me at all anymore. I keep running and hiding instead of facing my problems and it's really starting to piss me off!"

Robert dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "First of all, you have faced quite a few of your problems and dealt with them, so stop acting like you haven't done anything useful."

Alec met his eyes, wide-eyed and touched by his dad's sentiments. Then he shook his head. "I haven't faced the hardest one yet, and I don't know how."

"Well, that was going to be my 'second of all' but since you beat me to it, yes. That's what's holding you in limbo. You have to talk to Magnus. That's the only way through this, son."

"He has a girlfriend, dad," Alec whined. "What am I supposed to do? I should just be moving on, trying to forget him and get my life back. Why can't I just do that?"

"Because deep down you know that something is off about that. Look, Alec, I know Magnus loved you, I know it as surely as I know that I love your mom. He's bound to be hurt by all of this, just like you are. The only difference is that _you_ can actually do something about it. You are the _only _one who can do something. Magnus has stayed away, respecting the fact that you didn't want to talk to him. If it had been under any other circumstance, he wouldn't have. But he feels guilty for what happened to you, and he's not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do or are not ready to do."

They'd had this conversation before, many, many times. In fact, he'd had some variation of this conversation with his mom, Izzy, Jace, Austin, Cammie, and Dr. Daniels, repeatedly. He knew the score. He knew what they wanted him to do. But knowing and having the balls to face almost certain rejection or anger or, god-forbid, the broken Magnus that he would only ever let Alec see, were two completely different things. He didn't think he could handle seeing Magnus like that.

"Alec?" Robert said, drawing Alec back to the conversation. He placed a brightly colored flyer in front on Alec, tapping it with his index finger. "NBA All-Star week is in two weeks. Magnus has scheduled an autograph signing for that Thursday. On Idris's campus."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "You think I should go? Confront him in front of hundreds of people?" he said, looking at his father liked he'd lost his damn mind.

Robert laughed. "No. I think you should go, wait until it's over and talk to him. You know where he's going to be, it's the perfect chance for you to see him, talk to him, figure out what's going on. And if it doesn't work out, you're on neutral turf. No pressure."

Alec snorted at that. No pressure talking to Magnus? Yeah, right. "I'm scared," he said quietly. That was an understatement.

"I know you are, but this has gone on far too long. Go see him."

Alec hated when his dad used that authoritative voice. He'd never once been able to go against it.


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N: Night Changer: After being with a guy like Magnus, it would be hard for Alec to _not_ realize Eric's a jackass creep, right? **

* * *

Alec was a dutiful son. Obedient. Loyal. Kind. Respectful... Stupid. Why had he listened to his dad? Why?

He stood in the gymnasium at Idris University, hidden behind a long line of people snaking through the gym to get Magnus's autograph. He'd told the security guard that he wanted to be the last person through the line and the burly man had promised to let Alec know when the time came. He then retreated to an area that was partially hidden by bleachers and leaned against the wall, quietly observing.

This had disaster written all over it. He just hoped there was a way to limit the collateral damage.

Alec passed the time by pretending to do some homework that he was in no mind frame to comprehend, and after reading the same sentence several times without absorbing a single word, gave up completely and put it away. He pulled his headphones out of his backpack and listened to music on his phone instead. He couldn't remember a single song he heard.

His heart beat at a steady, fast rate, which made Alec wonder idly if that might be bad for his health. His palms were sweaty, his thoughts scattered. Adrenaline was not his friend at the moment. He was definitely having a fight or flight response, and he hoped the line would clear out soon before his body made the decision of flight. He'd come this far, may as well see it through now…even if it ended in disaster and he regretted the decision for the rest of his life. Ugh.

Finally, after what felt like millennia, the security guard caught his eye and motioned for him to join the queue. He hastily threw his backpack over his shoulder, took a deep breath and moved to the end of the line. There was still about twenty people in line ahead of him. He put his headphones and phone away, fiddled with the zipper on his backpack, straightened his shirt. Nervous energy sucks…

Alec stood a few feet away from the table as Magnus signed a poster of himself for the little girl and her mom in front of him. Magnus looked up at the girl, smiled his beautiful, toothy grin, and handed her the poster. He could hear the mom saying something excitedly to the girl, and thought it likely that the mom liked Magnus even more than the little girl did. Magnus saw them off with a little wave, then held out his hand for the next object to sign.

His eyes followed his hand as Alec stepped in front of him. Magnus did a double-take, his eyes so wide Alec was afraid they might pop out of his head. Magnus blinked rapidly and Alec saw all sorts of unnamed emotions flitter across his face.

This was such a bad idea.

"Hello, Magnus," he said softly, and Magnus gasped.

Then, just like flipping a switch, he transformed his features into the nice, polite basketball star he'd been showing to every other person he'd talked to today. That hurt. A lot.

"Hey," he said, as jovially as he would to any other random stranger. "Are you really here for my autograph?"

Alec flashed a smile that he didn't really feel. "No. I have plenty of those already." With a pang, he thought about the lease he still had to the apartment they'd shared, the numerous little notes Magnus had written him over the years, the paper where Magnus had practiced his signature to make sure it looked cool enough. He wasn't sure why Magnus had sent some of those documents to him when it became clear he wasn't coming home any time soon, but he had, and Alec had kept them all.

"So, why are you here?"

"I…was wondering if you'd like to…go somewhere and talk?" Alec forced the words out, thinking it shouldn't be this hard to talk to Magnus. It's Magnus, for fuck's sake!

"Oh," he said, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. He looked so good. The sides of his head were still shaved and Alec's fingers twitched like they wanted to touch the soft stubble that was beginning to grow there. "Yeah, sure. Um, just let my tell Carolyn?"

"Who's Carolyn?" Alec asked curiously.

Magnus smiled. "She's the one who set this up. She works for Baxter Monroe." He turned his head and the light glinted off the tiny diamond stud in his right nostril. He _really_ looked good. "I'll just be a minute."

Magnus jogged to one of the heavy green metal doors that had once been very familiar to Alec. He disappeared through it and Alec stood there wondering what to do next. Seeing Magnus, close enough to touch, close enough to smell his cologne, had brought back so many feelings, including a very important one that was threatening to embarrass him at the moment. Alec shifted his backpack to cover his groin. God, Magnus looked good. How could he look so damn good when Alec felt so shitty. Alec was still underweight, though he'd put a few pounds back on his thin frame. But Magnus…?

Twenty minutes later, Magnus still hadn't returned, by which time Alec was seriously starting to think this was a mistake. How long was he supposed to wait? What if he'd just freaked Magnus out so badly he was hiding until Alec left? What if he didn't want to see him?

Alec had nearly convinced himself to leave when Magnus reappeared through that same door. He was all apologetic for taking so long, claiming he had trouble finding Carolyn and even more trouble convincing her that he wasn't running off to join the circus and that a talk with Alec was just what he needed. That lifted Alec's spirits a bit, and was almost believable, if not for the fact that his hair was slightly disheveled like someone had run their fingers through it, or maybe pulled it, he was breathing harder than was natural for him, and he had a slightly haunted look to his eyes that hurt Alec's soul.

"Do you want to ride with me or take a separate cab?" Magnus asked as they walked toward the parking lot behind the gym. Magnus's electric blue sports car stood out like a beacon, even from this distance.

"I'll ride with you," Alec said, before he had a chance to take the easy way out and get a separate cab.

"Great!" Magnus said, a little too loudly, too enthusiastically. "Where are we going?" he added as they reached his car and he unlocked it with the remote device. He tossed his jacket in the back along with Alec's backpack, and held the door open for Alec.

Alec looked up at him from his seat. "I don't know. Are you hungry?"

Magnus leaned on the passenger door. "You didn't think this through did you? You don't have a plan?" That smirk. Oh, god that smirk had always been his downfall.

"I wasn't sure you'd agree to talk to me," he said softly, avoiding looking at Magnus's face. He failed.

He saw the smirk fall right off Magnus's face and wanted to kick himself for saying that. "Come on. I know somewhere we can talk privately." Magnus's demeanor changed again, back to that fake stuff that cut Alec to the core knowing he was using it on him. Magnus shut the car door and walked around to the driver's side. He slid into the driver's seat, snapped on his seatbelt, started the car and took off without another word.

They drove in silence, the rumble of the engine and the low volume on the stereo the only sounds. It was not a comfortable silence from years of knowing and loving each other. It was a heartbreakingly painful silence between two people who didn't quite know what to say to each other. When Magnus parallel parked the car across the street from the restaurant, the relief of being out of that car was nearly palpable.

Magnus led him into a small, dark building with lots of dark-stained wood and low lighting. The hostess seemed to recognize him, flashed him a friendly smile and led them to a secluded table far in the back of the restaurant. White linen covered the table, and a server dressed in white shirt and black pants brought them some bread and wine without asking. Alec didn't know if that was Magnus's 'usual' or if they did that for everyone. He didn't care enough to find out.

Magnus pulled off a piece of bread and dipped it in olive oil with some kind of seasoning. The awkward silence from the car had apparently followed them into the restaurant and neither seemed to know how to break it. Finally, after half the bread loaf was gone, Magnus spoke.

"You…wanted to talk…to me?"

The uncertainty in his voice was like a dagger to Alec's heart. He'd done this. He'd driven this wedge between them so deeply they didn't even know how to talk to one another anymore. He blinked, forcing down the emotions that threatened to rise.

"Yeah. I…" he began with no idea what to say. "My therapist said I need to talk to you." He cringed. _Really, Alec? That's what you went with? Dumbass._

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, what did he want us to talk about?"

Alec sighed. This was so painful. Talking to Magnus shouldn't be this damn hard! He looked up, met Magnus's eyes. "How are you?"

Magnus flashed that fake smile. "I'm good. I've been playing more this year."

Basketball. The safe subject. "Yeah. I've seen a couple of games." Lie. He'd watched nearly ALL of Magnus's games. "You've been playing well."

Magnus snorted. "I'm just the late-second-quarter/early-third-quarter clean-up guy. They play me to give Colson a rest."

"But they play you."

"Yeah. I think they want to show off my skills so I'm more valuable in a trade." Magnus casually took a sip of his wine.

Alec's ears perked up. "They're going to trade you?"

Magnus shrugged. "Don't know. There hasn't been any rumors or trade talk about me yet, but my coach hates me, so I'm assuming they'll want to trade me at some point." Another sip of wine.

Alec felt inexplicably relieved. He supposed the idea of Magnus not being in Brooklyn was a tough one to handle. For lack of anything better to say, he said, "So how is everyone else doing?"

"You mean, like our friends?" Magnus said, then shrugged. "Cam and Austin are great. You should see their loft. High ceilings and exposed brick. Cam's put her touches on everything. It's beautiful. And Austin loves being a swim instructor. Working with little kids every day. I bet they start a family in the next couple years." He paused and grinned at that thought. Then, very softly, "We missed you at the wedding."

"I know. I'm so sorry. I've already apologized to Austin and Cammie a million times. I wish I hadn't missed it."

"No one blames you, Alec."

Alec's eyes flashed up to Magnus's, and he saw, just for a moment, the depth of concern he'd been hiding. He saw the truth in Magnus's statement. Even though Austin and Cammie had both told him the same thing, over and over again, he didn't really believe it until now. Until he saw it in Magnus's eyes.

They broke the gaze at the same time, each looking in another direction. Magnus cleared his throat. "Umm, Will and Jem got married, too. In October. It was really beautiful. The first gay wedding I've been to."

"That's great. Wow." He'd missed another important life event for people he truly cared about. He had no words to express how he felt about that. He didn't _know_ how he felt about it.

"They are doing great, too. Jem has been promoted again in his father's finance company. He's a junior CEO assistant or something like that. I don't really understand it other than he's being well prepped to take over for his dad when he retires. Oh, and Will's sold a few songs!"

"He has? What about the band?" Alec's voice sounded detached even to his own ears.

"They still play out about once a month, just for fun. But Will got that job he was trying for at that New York music school. I forget the name of it. Too long and complicated." Magnus waved a dismissive hand like names of places weren't important anyhow. The gesture was so achingly familiar, it hit Alec like a gut-punch. "He's teaching music writing."

"Composition," Alec corrected. He didn't know why he'd said that, was barely even aware that he had.

"Right. Sorry. Anyway, he's sold three songs to this record producer -"

Alec stood abruptly, nearly knocking over his chair. "I…I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so, so sorry," he said, then darted for the door.

He raced past the pretty hostess, bursting through the doors into the failing afternoon light. The clouds that had been threatening all day opened up and rain started to fall on his head, shoulders, body. He didn't notice. He looked right, then left, not seeing anything in either direction. Then he ran.

He didn't make it far before his racing heart and rapid breathing and scrambled emotions brought him up short. He stopped right there on the sidewalk, tilted his head back and let the rain pelt him in the face. His body shook as he tried to contain the emotions welling up in him.

He heard his name three or four times before it finally registered someone was calling to him. He met Magnus's eyes at the same time as Magnus's hand coming down on his shoulder. The touch was warm, and somehow comforting, and made him realize he was soaking wet and very cold.

He must have looked awful. "Not here, Alec," Magnus said softly. "Not here on the sidewalk. Come on. My car's right there." He pointed across the street; apparently he hadn't made it far at all. "I'll take you wherever you want to go, just don't do this here."

He let Magnus lead him to the car, settle him in, secure his seatbelt like he was a little kid. A catatonic little kid that had no ability to care for himself. He stared unseeing out the windshield as rain hit the glass and ran in rivulets. Plop plop plop. The sight was soothing and mesmerizing and let him not think, not feel.

Magnus got in the car and started it up. "Do you want me to take you home?"

Alec tensed. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be alone, but he didn't know how to be with Magnus. He didn't know what he wanted. When he didn't answer, Magnus said, "I'll take you to my place," put the car in gear and took off.

Magnus stopped the car outside a tall building. He hopped out and ran around the car to open the door for Alec. He dropped his keys in the hand of a uniformed man who said, "Good evening, Mr. Bane."

Alec stared at Magnus. "You moved?" Somehow he couldn't comprehend this. It was too much. His eyes welled up with tears as Magnus took his hand and led him through the huge glass doors into an overly bright lobby, up to the sixth floor.

He heard the beep as Magnus's keycard allowed them entrance into his apartment. He followed Magnus through a small foyer which opened into a large living space with a combination kitchen/dining/living area. Magnus gentle pushed him onto the plush sofa. "Hang on. I'll bring you a towel," he said, and disappeared down a hallway. He returned a moment later and tossed a thick, fluffy towel onto his lap.

Alec toweled his hair, then when he saw Magnus appear again with one of his NBA warm-up suits, he stripped down to his boxers and dried his body. He hadn't even realized he'd left his jacket at the restaurant until Magnus laid it over the back of the couch beside him. He shouldered into it once he was dressed and the warmth felt amazing.

He was coming to his senses again, and suddenly felt embarrassed that he'd panicked and run out on Magnus. "I'm sorry, Magnus."

"It's ok -"

"No, it's not!" Alec said sharply, cutting Magnus off mid-sentence. He buried his face in his hands. "What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this?"

Magnus folded his leg under him and he sat down next to Alec on the couch. He hesitated only a moment before reaching out and rubbing soothing circles on Alec's back. Alec involuntarily flinched at the contact, but Magnus didn't stop and Alec didn't pull away. He found the touch comforting after a few moments, and kind of nice, familiar.

"It's going to be okay, Alec," Magnus said, and that was the final straw.

Tears spilled over and down Alec's cheeks. This was too much. Magnus looking so damn good. Magnus being so understanding. Magnus _apologizing_. Alec couldn't take it. He hadn't known what to expect, but this wasn't it. Maybe he thought Magnus would be angry or something. Magnus _should_ be angry with him. He should hate him, rage at him, something. Not _comfort him!_ He didn't deserve Magnus's _sympathy_!

When the tears dried up, he took several deep gulps of air, steadying his nerves. He was a complete wreck, and afraid of what Magnus must think of him. When he met Magnus's gaze again, all he saw was concern in those beautiful eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus. I didn't mean to unload this on you. I honestly thought I was ready, that I could handle it."

"It really is okay, Alec," he replied, continuing his soothing hand on Alec's back. Alec could see the sincerity in his eyes, and it hurt so much. "What did you expect to happen?"

"I don't know," Alec said miserably, and then words spilled from him in a torrent. "Dr. Daniels and my mom and dad and Izzy and _everyone _kept telling me I need to talk to you, I need to get it all out and tell you how sorry I am for pushing you away and find out if there's anything still between us or if it's…" He choked on the word. He couldn't say 'over.' He looked at Magnus, his eyes pleading. "And I thought I'd know. I thought if I saw you, I'd know. But I'm just as confused as I ever was. There are so many emotions right now, I don't know how to sort through them. I don't know what I want or how I feel or if you even still want-" An image of Lexus Dixon came to mind and he stopped short.

Fuck. Magnus had a girlfriend. He didn't want to hear any of this. He didn't want to be Alec's shoulder to cry on or deal with his insecurities and all the baggage he had. He'd moved on. Alec was the one stuck in the past.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I shouldn't be dropping this on you." He tried to stand as if to leave, but Magnus gripped his shoulder tightly, holding him on the couch.

"Hang on a minute. Don't I get a say in this, too?"

"What?" Alec asked, genuinely perplexed.

"All I've wanted this whole time was to see you, to talk to you. I know I screwed up that night and I'll never be able to explain how sorry I am that you got hurt. I don't want you to walk back out of my life. I can handle this. I _want_ to handle this. I want to be there for you, Alec. And I'm not going to pressure you. Maybe we can just be friends for now, see where that goes?" The plea on Magnus's face nearly broke him again.

"Friends?" he said after a moment of letting Magnus's words sink in.

"Yes," Magnus said earnestly. "You know me better than anyone, Alec. I've never opened up to anyone the way I did with you. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever done, losing your friendship was even harder."

"Friends." Alec whispered the word this time. He nodded slowly. "I'd like that."

"Me, too."

They sat in a much more comfortable silence for awhile, shoulder to shoulder, taking comfort from just being near each other again. As friends. With no pressure.

"I should probably go," Alec said. He didn't want to leave necessarily, but his body was done. He couldn't take anything else that night. He needed to think, to process everything that had happened.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Magnus offered.

Alec looked at him, really looked. He could see he was as exhausted as Alec was. He didn't feel right asking him to drive him across town, then back home. He shook his head. "No. I'll take a cab. You need to get some sleep." He smiled as warmly as he could, not wanting Magnus to feel rejected again.

Magnus nodded. "When will I see you again? I-I mean, I have a couple away games next week, but I'll be home Saturday night…if you're free?" He looked so hopeful, so beautiful.

Alec felt the tug on his heartstrings. "Saturday sounds great."

Magnus beamed at him, and he knew he'd said the right thing, made the right decision. Friends. He sincerely hoped this worked out. He knew it would be tough trying to figure out new boundaries and how to interact with each other. And Lexus Dixon. He sighed.

Magnus called a cab for him and insisted on waiting with him in the lobby until it arrived. They said a friendly goodbye, complete with silly little waves as Alec got into the car.

He was still wearing Magnus's clothes. He breathed the scent deep into his lungs as the car started to move.


	74. Chapter 74

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Prince Rogers Nelson, a man who has no idea how much he influenced this little girl. He was an insanely talented man, one of the most prolific songwriters ever, but he was so much more than a musician. He was a man, not unlike canon Magnus Bane, who refused to be categorized, refused to follow societal norms, refused to let anyone control him. He crossed racial barriers, sexuality barriers, music industry barriers. He taught me that I can be anything I want to be, I just have to believe in myself. I was devastated to hear he'd died, and am thankful I found a way to honor him. For those of you not familiar with his music, I have to say that "Purple Rain" was one of the best songs ever written. You should look it up. RIP Prince. I'll love you forever.**

* * *

Alec met Magnus on Saturday night at a different restaurant. This one was brighter and more open and much more trendy. Each table linen was a different lively color. The centerpieces on the tables were all weird shapes and colors that contrasted the linens. And the ambient music? The best of the best, of course: Prince, Bowie, Madonna, Michael Jackson. Names and songs easily recognized by the patrons, with the volume low enough to carry on a conversation.

Alec, with wine in hand as was apparently the norm now, glanced around the odd little restaurant and smiled. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was difficult not to when the atmosphere was so upbeat.

"So," Magnus said lightly, setting his glass on the hot pink linen. Their centerpiece was a very artistic interpretation of a female dancer, her back arched so that her hand held her foot and formed a circle. There were numerous spiky and swirly thingies sticking out in all directions and the whole thing was painted in gold and purple. It was weird and distracting, but for some reason, Alec liked it.

"So?" he replied.

"So…" Magnus said again. They looked at each other awkwardly, and suddenly started laughing.

"This is ridiculous," Alec said, wiping a tear from his eye and trying to subdue his giggles.

"It is, isn't it? I'm not sure how to start a conversation with you." He shook his head like he just couldn't believe they were having this trouble.

"I know. What do friends talk about?"

Magnus snorted. "You do have friends, you know?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but it's not like I've been a very good friend lately. I don't know how to talk to them either." An awkward silence fell as Alec twirled his nearly empty wine glass between his fingers. "Maybe I should start by telling you how sorry I am. I made a lot of mistakes that night, and I've made so many more since."

"It wasn't your fault, Alec."

Alec did this little laugh-shrug type thing. "That's what my therapist keeps telling me. It wasn't my fault, don't blame myself."

Magnus chuckled. "Mine tells me the same thing."

Alec glanced up at that. "You're in therapy?"

"Yeah. I went back to the guy I saw in high school. He knew my history so I didn't have to go into all that again."

"Oh." Somehow knowing Magnus had been going to therapy made him feel worse.

"Alec, what happened to you didn't happen in a vacuum. We were all affected by it. But your therapist is right. It's not your fault."

"I made so many mistakes though. No one made those decisions for me. I took that drink and drank the stupid thing. I shouldn't have even talked to him. Hell, I should have never left our apartment! And then I pushed you and Cammie and Austin and everyone away when I should have been talking to you guys. Whose fault is that."

"That asshole who drugged you," Magnus said quietly but firmly.

Alec stared at him liked he'd never quite seen anything like Magnus before. For some reason, those words coming from Magnus meant more to him than they had coming from anyone else. He nodded, his lip twitching up in a half-grin. "Yeah. Maybe we should put the blame there, instead of on ourselves."

"Yeah, I think maybe you're right," Magnus agreed.

The very distinctive beginning of "Purple Rain" filled the calm following that statement. Prince's sorrowful voice sang to them, for them alone.

"_I never meant to cause you any sorrow  
I never meant to cause you any pain  
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing  
I only wanted to see you  
Laughing in the purple rain"_

They stared at each other, nodding their head along with the music, and in agreement with the lyrics. There was so much history between them. They both knew they'd never have intentionally hurt the other. They were trying not to hurt each other now.

The waiter, wearing the standard blank slacks and a very much not standard brilliant purple frilly button-up shirt, reappeared with their appetizer, breaking the spell. He sat a large white platter in front of them that held eight small bowls, each a different color, that contained some sort of dip or spread. Alec recognized the orangy-tan of hummus, and something he suspected was French Onion. There was guacamole in a pink bowl and salsa in blue. Then something with sun-dried tomatoes and bacon and who knew what else.

The waiter then placed an assortment of things to dip: tortilla chips, carrot sticks, sliced bell peppers in green, red, yellow, orange, and purple, pita chips and several different types of bread. Alec enjoyed every single thing he ate, which was everything. It was all fantastic.

"So how are classes going?" Magnus asked as he picked at a piece of marble rye he'd dipped in a pink sauce they didn't recognize, but was very delicious.

"Good. I'm currently working with a surgeon, learning how to tell the difference between a sprained or torn ligament, what can be taped up so the athlete can finish the game, what needs to be iced immediately, what requires immediate intervention by the doctor. I'll be the first to assess an injury, and I have to be able to tell what's wrong. If I screw up, the injury could get worse. It's really interesting stuff and I can't wait to put it to practical use. I only have a few more weeks of this clinical left, then I start working with a personal trainer. Should be interesting."

"Sounds like it. I'm glad you're enjoying school."

"What about you?" Alec said, popping a hummus-covered red pepper into his mouth. "You played really well this week."

Magnus tried to shrug that off, but Alec wouldn't let him. "I mean it! You only played, what, about fifteen minutes last night and had twelve points and three assists. That's awesome, Magnus. You're really starting to make a name for yourself in the NBA."

Again Magnus tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. That was strange. He usually loved to talk about basketball. Alec hated that the NBA had taken that from him. He hoped he'd get back to that one day.

"Seriously, Magnus. I saw that interview you did a few months ago. I think it was some getting-to-know-the-players kind of thing. People were asking you questions about your childhood and your favorite color and -" He suddenly realized where his rambling was leading and his mouth snapped shut. The look on Magnus's face said he also knew what else had been part of that interview.

Lexus Dixon.

"A-anyway, all I'm saying is you're getting really popular." Alec looked away, dropping the carrot stick he was about to dip, his appetite suddenly gone.

"Alec?" Magnus said hesitantly. "You know about Lexus?"

Alec nodded, gently fingering the weird centerpiece on the table, refusing to look at Magnus.

Magnus was apparently having no part of that. "Hey, look at me," he commanded, and Alec inexplicably responded without question. Their eyes met, and he saw Magnus reading his face. "What do you think is going on between me and Lexus?"

He wanted to look away, desperately wanted to, but Magnus's gaze was so intense, those beautiful green-gold irises mesmerizing. He couldn't break away, he simply couldn't. "She's your girlfriend. You have a girlfriend."

Magnus looked away this time. The relief of being released from that stare was unbelievably strong. "Wow," Magnus said, throwing his pita chip onto his plate. Alec started. Magnus was pissed. He hadn't expected that. "Just fucking _wow_! I can't believe you, Alec."

Alec was completely lost. What the hell was Magnus going on about? "What? I saw the interview. I saw the pictures of you two together. There was article after article on the internet saying a spokesperson for the two of you said it was true!" Alec's voice rose at the end as he felt the need to defend himself.

Magnus's voice dropped, low and deadly. "You," he said, pointing his finger straight at Alec's chest. "You were supposed to know me better than that." The hurt was crystal clear on Magnus's face, his eyes sparkling in the bright lighting.

Caught off guard, Alec stuttered, "Wh-what? I-I don't understand."

"I'm gay, Alec," Magnus hissed. "You know that. You of all people fucking _know_ that."

"I-I _do_ know that."

"Then I'll ask you again: What do you think is going on between me and Lexus?" Magnus annunciated each word very clearly.

"I-I don't know."

Magnus shook his head. "I really thought you would get it, that you would understand, even if no one else knew. It's a publicity stunt, Alec. Her manager knows Baxter, or someone that works for him. They cooked up this little scheme to improve our images. Baxter thought if the guys on my team thought I was at least partially into women, maybe it would relieve some of the pressure and we could work together. It worked, too. Even that Thompson prick has backed off some."

"Really? She's not your girlfriend?"

Magnus laughed at that, his mood lightening as Alec's belief in him grew. "Only in the media. We've grown very close and I love her dearly, but we're kind of…not compatible."

Alec quirked an eyebrow at him, which made Magnus laugh harder. Then his characteristic smirk was there, and Alec melted just a little. "We don't have the right anatomy to be compatible," Magnus clarified.

"She's…?"

"Into girls? Yeah. And I'm not, so…" He picked up his discarded pita chip and tossed it into his mouth, crunching it triumphantly.

"Oh. _Oh_. My god, I'm such an idiot."

"Hang on. Tell me that's not what kept you away so long. Please tell me it's not."

"No?" Alec said reluctantly. "I did kind of meltdown when I saw that interview though. I mean, you were talking about your support system changing, and I figured you meant me. And then you said your favorite color was sapphire blue, the same as my eyes. And then…her."

"Well, my support system did change, and yes, I meant you. And your eye color is my favorite color. I'm sorry you thought I was actually dating Lexus. I only agreed to do it because there were so many rumors about her being a lesbian and she was worried it was affecting her acting career. I thought you would understand that it wasn't real. I really did. If I'd thought for a second it would hurt you, I'd never have agreed to do it."

Alec gave him a very fragile smile. "I wasn't really thinking clearly. It had been so long since we'd seen each other, and I know that's my fault."

"Tsk. It's _his_ fault," Magnus corrected, and Alec gave a true smile that time.

"Right," he said, and chuckled. "Anyway, I guess I thought you'd moved on, that she meant the end of our relationship. And then I got mad at myself for even thinking you'd still be waiting for me. What kind of self-centered ass was I to think something like that, anyway?"

"You were right," Magnus said softly.

Alec blinked. "What?"

Magnus reached across the table and very cautiously, very gently, took Alec's hand. "It was never over for me, Alec. I know this isn't something friends are supposed to say to each other, but I have to. Forgive me, but I have to say it. I'm still in love with you, Alec. From the moment I met you there's never been anyone else for me, no matter how hard I tried to fight it in the beginning. You are it for me. I've been faithful to you since the day you told me I couldn't see anyone else if I was going to be with you. Since we've been apart, I've still been true to you. I haven't been with anyone else, haven't dated, haven't even kissed anyone else, except Lexus on the cheek."

Alec was stunned. His eyes fell on his hand warmly encased in Magnus's. That felt so good, so right, and he focused on that because he had no earthly idea how to handle the emotions Magnus's words had whipped up inside him.

Abruptly, he pulled his hand free of Magnus's, pushed his chair back, and stood. He stared at the tablecloth with it's crazy pink brightness, chest heaving, hands shaking. "I…I'll…be right back," he said and spun around, eyes searching for a way out. He found the restroom sign and made a beeline for it.

Once inside the solitude of the men's room, he lost his shit. Magnus still loved him? Was still in love with him? He didn't have a girlfriend? He still considered them together? He'd been faithful to him the whole time? How was that even possible? What kind of man held on like that?

How was he supposed to deal with this? How did he _want_ to deal with it? He had no fucking clue.

Magnus. Just thinking his name brought an image to his mind: Those beautiful eyes, that heart-stopping smile, that devilish smirk.

Memories flooded him. The feel of Magnus's arms around him, holding him close, making him feel secure and loved and wanted. Kissing him, and that wonderful feeling of floating, the butterflies in his stomach, the racing of his heart. Touching him, hard as steel, he'd never craved anyone like he had Magnus. Laughing with him at the silliest little things, making jokes, especially inappropriate ones, just to make the other smile. Loving him with every fiber of his being, so intensely it sometimes hurt, gaining strength from that love, feeling like he could do anything with Magnus beside him.

Was he still in love with Magnus? He didn't know. He honestly didn't know. To figure it out required him to make himself do something he'd been avoiding for eleven very long months. He had to examine his feelings. He had to let himself _feel_ them. He had to break down the walls he'd build around them and let them free, let them hurt him, let them consume him…possibly even destroy him.

He didn't know if he was brave enough to do that.

He splashed cold water on his face and dried it with a paper towel. He caught sight of his reflection and paused. His hair was a mess, and the only explanation was he had run his hands through it without even realizing it. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated, he looked scared. He _felt_ scared- no, terrified. He had no idea what he was doing or what he should be doing, what he felt or should be feeling, what he wanted or should be wanting.

The bathroom door opened and Alec spun round. Magnus stood there, framed in the doorway as the door closed behind him. Alec's brain froze, he couldn't think, couldn't process. He was not in control of his own body, and therefore could not be held accountable for what happened next, right?

He grabbed Magnus by his shirt with both fists and shoved him bodily into the large, wheelchair-accessible stall. He locked the door behind them.

"Alec?" Magnus said, clearly stunned and with no idea what was happening.

Alec held his index finger against Magnus's lips. "Shhh." Then his hands fell to Magnus's belt buckle. This was one of the few times Alec had ever seen him in dress pants and a button-up shirt instead of basketball shorts or other gear. He licked his lips as the belt fell free and Magnus's pants hung open. He tentatively slid them down, just far enough.

"Alec, what are you doing?"

"Shhh," he said again. "Don't talk."

Alec sank to his knees without further comment. He slid a finger beneath the waistband of Magnus's underwear and freed his cock. He didn't even hesitate, didn't pause to let his brain re-engage. He took Magnus into his mouth and went to work on him, like no time had passed, like this was something they did every day.

He glanced up at Magnus, whose eyes were half-lidded, his mouth slack with soft moans escaping. He could tell Magnus was trying to be quiet, trying to contain the emotions he was feeling. His breathing was heavy and the little gasps he emitted when Alec hit just the right spot…

Magnus's hands tangled in his hair, fingers clinching then releasing. He pulled Alec's hair, then seemed to realize he was doing so and let him go, but the more he tried to remain in control of himself, the harder he pulled before releasing.

Alec didn't care. He was high as a kite. Magnus's hands in his hair, dick in his mouth, and that musky scent that was so much stronger in his pubic region. He was in heaven. And when Magnus tensed up and exploded in his mouth, murmuring Alec's name over and over, he decided it was completely worth it.

"Oh. My. God," Magnus whispered as Alec tucked his dick back into his pants and stood up, wiping his face on the back of his hand. Magnus's pupils were blown and he looked like…well, like he'd just had sex. It took a few moments for him to focus on Alec, and when he did, he said, "You?" and nodded toward the bulge in Alec's pants.

Alec froze. "Um, no. I'm alright," he said, taking a step back away from Magnus.

"No, you're not. Can I?" Magnus said, reaching for Alec.

"No," Alec said more forcefully. "It's okay. Really."

He turned away from Magnus and realized there was a sink in the stall. That was convenient. He washed his hands and face with cold water, taking his time so he could get his emotions and reactions under control again. What the fuck had he just done? And why? Why would he do that? _After eleven months of no contact, Magnus says he's still in love with me and I blow him in the bathroom of a restaurant? _What. The. Actual. Fuck.

And then he started to laugh. He tried to stifle it but failed miserably.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. "What are you laughing about?"

Alec choked back another chuckle. "All these years, ever since we met Tony, I've been trying to catch someone having sex in a public bathroom. Did you ever think the first people we'd find would be us?" he said, and let the laughter free again.

This time Magnus joined him. "No," he said when he paused to catch his breath.

Eventually the laughter died. Magnus gave him a look. "You know you didn't have to do that. I wasn't expecting you to or anything. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You looked pretty upset when you took off," Magnus said as he adjusted his belt and unlocked the stall door. He looked around as they emerged, but the restroom appeared to be empty.

"I was just…overwhelmed," Alec said as Magnus held the door open for him and they reappeared in the dining area. "I'm sorry I took off again."

"Oh, you made up for it," Magnus said slyly.

Alec bit his lip, trying and failing to hide his grin. "At least I didn't leave the restaurant this time," he said with a shrug. Magnus gestured his agreement.

They sat back down at their table and had a nice, enjoyable dinner of delicious weird shit in equally weird presentations. They talked about nice, normal things, like who was going to win the NBA Championship this year and when they wanted to get together again, what they wanted to do. Alec found it pleasant, as long as he didn't look too closely at what they'd done in the bathroom, or let his emotions get too close to the surface.

They decided to meet again next Saturday and maybe go see a movie.

Alec knew he had a lot of things to think about, he knew that he had to come to terms with the emotional onslaught he was facing, and he needed to finally face it, to deal with it, to figure out what the hell he wanted. He knew it would be difficult and painful and he had no idea what the outcome would be.

He was both anticipating and dreading Monday's therapy session.

* * *

**A/N: Well, we have reached 2 huge milestones. This chapter pushes us over 300,000 words! Also, last week, we hit 700 reviews. So, I owe you guys TWO bonus chapters! For the next two weeks we will have a Monday and Thursday post. Guess I better get writing! Thanks everyone!**


	75. Chapter 75

"Alec?…Alec?"

Alec awoke with a start and found himself looking into the bemused face of Magnus.

"What are you doing asleep outside my apartment?" Magnus said, trying to hide his grin.

"What? Oh, I um, wanted to talk to you," Alec said. He shook his head, hoping that would help him wake up. "I can't believe I fell asleep."

Magnus chuckled. "How long have you been waiting?" he asked as he slid his keycard into the reader and opened the door to his apartment. He stepped back, letting Alec in first.

"What time is it?" Alec said, consulting his phone. Ten fifteen p.m. Oh. "I've been here about two hours."

Magnus shook his head in disbelief. "Can I get you something to drink? Eat?"

"Water's fine," Alec replied, taking a seat on the couch as Magnus rummaged in the fridge and produced a couple of water bottles. He handed one to Alec and sat at the other end of the couch. A nice, friendly distance.

He leaned back into the sofa, tenting one leg and draping his arm over it. "So, what brings you here?" Magnus said, taking a swig from his water bottle, looking for all the world like he was casual. Alec knew better. They weren't supposed to meet again until Saturday. It was only Thursday. Their friendship felt so precarious as it was, especially after their last meeting. This wasn't rocket science.

"I, um, wanted to talk to you before Saturday," Alec replied, sipping his water in turn. His mouth was suddenly dry, and no amount of water was fixing that.

"Alright." Magnus still maintained his casual air, but Alec could see the façade cracking. He was worried. Alec didn't know if he was going to help that…or make it worse.

"I've…had a really rough week," he began. Magnus waited. "I've been to therapy every day this week. I…after what you said Saturday, I knew I had a lot of stuff to work through. It's been so hard. And I wanted to talk to you about it. I've made some decisions."

"Alec, wait," Magnus interrupted. "I want you to talk to me about whatever's going on, but I'm going to need you to start at the beginning, because I have no idea what you're talking about."

Alec smiled sheepishly, and nodded. "Yeah, okay. Sorry. The beginning? Well, I guess the beginning would be…that night last March."

"Oh," Magnus said, his eyes wide and round.

"Yeah." Alec took a long, deep breath and slowly let it out. "I'm sorry for how I treated you, Magnus."

"You've already apologized for that. Besides, if anyone should be apologizing for how they treated the other, it's me."

"No. I haven't apologized, and you were just blowing off steam." Magnus tried to interrupt, but Alec held up his hand. "Just let me talk, okay. I've got to say this, and if you keep interrupting me, I'll never be able to." Magnus nodded his head in agreement, and Alec took a deep, steadying breath, releasing it slowly. "When I woke up outside the athletic dorm that morning, everything had changed for me. I'd had sex with someone else, and I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help feeling guilty about it. I was so angry with myself for getting into the situation, for letting him do that to me. I felt like I'd cheated on you, and I couldn't face you. It hurt like hell to stay away from you, but I just couldn't face you.

"So I took those feelings I had for you, the love and friendship and security and everything else you offered me, and built a wall around them, contained them so I didn't have to feel them, didn't have to think about them. It didn't work all that well- I was an absolute wreck, actually- but I managed to find a way to get through the day, one day at a time, you know?

"Therapy did not help with that wall or box or whatever you want to call it. Therapy forced me to deal with things I didn't want to deal with, but with some creative refusal, I managed to put off dealing with my feelings for you…well, until I saw that interview and found out about Lexus. I had a pretty good meltdown after that, and was no longer allowed to _not_ talk about you in therapy.

"But even then I didn't have to face my feelings for you. I'd convinced myself that our relationship was over, or at least I tried to, and I was able to look at it more objectively. I didn't have to address my feelings because you had moved on.

"When you told me you still love me, all that changed again. I guess I'm proud of myself in a way because I went to Dr. Daniels's office Monday morning and ripped the lid off my own personal Pandora's box. I released all my demons, all the pain and anger and bitterness and despair over throwing what we had away...I forced myself to do it because I had to. I had to know."

Magnus's throat moved as he swallowed. His eyes searched Alec's face as he spoke, but he silently listened to what Alec had to say.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you how fucking painful that was." Magnus shook his head. He understood. Alec knew he would. "I'll spare you the gory details. It wasn't a pretty sight. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, actually. Harder than walking away because I knew how badly this was going to hurt. Harder than coming back because I now know how you feel about me and I didn't want to let you down. It sucked, but it helped me figure some things out."

"Yeah?" Magnus's voice was a complicated mixture of hope and fear and hesitation and probably some other things Alec couldn't name.

"Yeah," Alec said. "I dug deep into my soul, and I figured out that... this isn't going to work for me."

Magnus's face fell. He looked dangerously close to tears. Alec realized what he'd said and backtracked.

"Wait, that's not how I meant that to sound," he said hastily. "I just meant…Magnus, I can't just be friends with you. That's not going to work for me…because…because I'm still in love with you, too. I can't just sit here and be your friend and pretend like I don't want more, because I do. I want more."

"You do?" Magnus said, that emotional mixture sounding even stronger, but leaning more heavily on the hopeful part.

"I do," Alec confirmed, and Magnus grinned. "But." There was always a 'but,' right? Magnus's grin slipped, and Alec hated himself for what he was about to say. "But, I'm not sure I can handle that. It's only been a few days, and trust me, they've been very, _very_ difficult days. The inside of my head is such a fucking mess right now, and I have so much that I need to work out. But I know what I want. I want to be with you, I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. And I know I can't be just friends. I can't be close to you and not be with you. What if you started dating someone else? I know I couldn't watch that, it would tear me apart."

"That's not going to happen," Magnus said adamantly. He leaned over and slid his hands around Alec's, gently cupping them. "What are you saying, Alec?"

"I guess I'm saying this is kind of an all or nothing situation. I love you and I want to try to make it work, but if I can't handle it, I'll have to stay away from you, because I can't just be your friend. Do you understand?"

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, I do." He was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. "I'm willing to accept those terms. No one can make more of a promise than that, anyway. No one knows how much time they'll have together. Loving each other doesn't mean it's going to work out, or that something won't happen to end it. We know that better than anyone. No on can predict the future. We could have a long, happy life together, or a meteor could hit New York tomorrow and we both die, or…" He paused, grinning, like he realized he was heading down a ridiculous path. "All I'm saying is that no couple is promised forever. I'm willing to take the chance for you. Even if today is the last time I ever see you, it's worth it to have seen you at all. And if the day comes when you can't handle it or don't want to, just say the word, and I'll…I'll walk away."

With that, Magnus's hands slipped away from Alec's. He seemed to fold in on himself, drawing his knees up to his chest, his long brown arms encircling them. He buried his face against his legs, rocking ever so slightly. It took Alec a moment to realize the reason Magnus was shaking was because he was silently crying.

Something in Alec broke when he saw that. He'd known he hurt Magnus by keeping his distance, he just hadn't realize how deep that scar ran. He had an idea now.

He scooted along the couch until he was next to Magnus, and draped his arms around him. Magnus didn't move away, or flinch, or react to Alec's touch at all. He appeared to be expelling his own demons, completely absorbed in his own pain. Alec held him.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus," he repeated over and over again, a soft, whispered mantra meant to soothe both of them, but he wasn't sure if it helped.

Eventually, Magnus turned to him and wrapped his arms around Alec and they clung to each other and cried. And cried and cried and cried, until they were both cried out and looked like hell. Alec didn't know how long it took, maybe minutes, maybe hours, maybe centuries. Finally, Magnus pulled away enough to look into Alec's eyes. He wiped the tear tracks away with his thumb and Alec leaned his cheek against his palm.

"You still love me?" Magnus said softly, his red-rimmed eyes holding so much hope and love. It was painful to look directly into them.

"I still love you."

Magnus's eyes fluttered closed and he pressed his forehead to Alec's. "I've waited so long to hear you say that," he said, his voice barely audible.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Magnus gently shook his head, his arms still around Alec's shoulders. "No more apologies. It doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is you are here now, and you love me, and we're going to try to make it work."

They sat like that for awhile, with their foreheads leaning against the other, hands locked behind the other's neck, neither in a hurry to move away. Alec breathed him in, his scent so achingly familiar, as their conversation swirled around in his head. They were going to try to make it work. Magnus was all in. This was worth the endless hours he'd spent in Dr. Daniels's office, pouring his heart out and crying and screaming and wishing he didn't have to go through this and hating the bastard that made him have to. This was the end result. Magnus was his prize for all his hard work.

He hoped with all his heart he could handle being with Magnus again. They still had a lot of things they needed to talk about, and he had no illusions that it would be easy. In fact, he thought this was just the beginning of them crying together as they navigated their way through this new relationship.

But this was a good start. Being close to him, talking to him, touching him and having his own heart touched by him. It was a good start, indeed.

Magnus sighed heavily as he released Alec and leaned back against the couch. He ran his hands over the tear tracks drying on his face as Alec did the same. Then he left the room and returned with a big wad of toilet paper.

"I don't have any tissues," he said sheepishly, and Alec grinned. He took some of the paper and swiped at his face and nose, thinking it would make more sense to just go clean up in the bathroom, but not wanting to leave Magnus's company long enough to do it.

After they'd made themselves a little more presentable and leaned back into the couch, side by side, shoulders touching, fingers laced together, sitting quietly in their own thoughts, Alec glanced at the clock. It was well after midnight now, and he felt it. He was physically tired and emotionally drained.

"I should probably go," he said. His voice sounded unnaturally loud after the silence.

"Alright," Magnus said reluctantly. He stood and pulled Alec to his feet by his hand. Alec understood how he felt, he didn't really want to leave either, but he knew he was not ready for what staying would imply, bathroom blow jobs aside. That had been impulsive, and he'd had to work through the underlying emotions of it for days afterward. He didn't regret it, but he wasn't ready for a repeat by any stretch of the imagination.

"How did you get here?" Magnus asked as he walked Alec to the door.

"Cab," he replied, then hastily added, "and that's how I'm getting home. It's late and you need your sleep. You have a game tomorrow. I'll see you on Saturday. For our date."

Magnus gave him that smirk that made him go weak in the knees, then nodded. "I like the sound of that. Okay. See you Saturday."

Alec disappeared through the door on very shaky legs.

* * *

Saturday night rolled around and, as planned, they went to see a movie. Alec hadn't been to the movies in a very long time. It felt like such a normal thing for a twenty-two year old college guy to do, going on a date to the movies, but he felt anything but normal. He was so nervous his palms were sweaty.

Magnus had already purchased the tickets through some app on his phone which allowed them to skip the ticket line, but they had to stand in line for concessions. They got a large popcorn dripping in butter because that is the only correct way to watch a movie in the theaters, and a couple of cherry flavor ICEEs because they are the shit. Alec followed Magnus to the ticket-taker guy, who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than at work taking tickets from mostly teenage kids on a Saturday night. He scanned the tickets on Magnus's phone and let them through.

Magnus chose seats in the far back of the theater, off to one side to give them a modicum of privacy. They were watching some action movie that had been released a few weeks ago, so there wasn't the rush of a newly released movie, but the theater still filled up pretty quickly.

If Magnus was bothered by the number of people in the theater, he didn't show it. Alec, on the other hand, was starting to feel a little anxious. He hadn't been around this many people in a long time. His classes at Idris weren't that large, and he hadn't been to a basketball or football game in a year. He'd certainly not been in a crowd this size _on a date_.

Magnus offered him the popcorn, and he noticed with no small amount of irritation that his hand was shaking as he took a handful. "Relax," Magnus whispered to him as the lights began to dim, "it's just a movie."

At that moment, the girl in front of them turned around and openly stared at them. She'd been whispering to the group of kids surrounding her for several minutes, and occasionally casting covert glances in their direction. Apparently she'd finally gotten the courage to say something.

"You're Magnus Bane, aren't you?" she stage-whispered so she could be heard over the introductory video that was playing, the one that reminds everyone to turn off their cell phones and such. She clearly did not get the memo about turning off her phone. Instead, she flashed it in Magnus's direction and quickly snapped a picture of him.

"Hey!" Alec said, feeling slightly put-out. What was that all about?

"It's okay, Alec," Magnus whispered in his ear. "Happens all the time now."

Oh. He hadn't realized that. He turned back to the girl and her friends who were huddled together and whispering again. The first movie trailer started up, so Alec couldn't hear what they were saying. Then, suddenly, one of the boys turned toward them.

"You played awesome last night!" he said, then whipped back around and sank into his seat, clearly embarrassed he'd spoken to them.

Magnus chuckled. Alec couldn't help snickering a little himself. Magnus was probably the kid's idol, and he probably couldn't believe he'd actually seen him and spoken to him. The murmuring from the group was even louder than before.

Everyone seemed to settle down as the movie started. At least there were fewer glances from the kids in front of them, especially once the action got underway. They were watching some Marvel Comics movie. Alec wasn't a die-hard fan or anything, but the movie was pretty good. Action-packed and a decent plot. Entertaining.

Well, Alec thought it was entertaining, but he found it very difficult to concentrate on the movie after they finished the popcorn and Magnus spent the rest of the time with Alec's fingers threaded through his. At that point the nerves were back, and he was certain that Magnus would be able to feel his sweaty palms, even with the slippery butter that still lingered on his fingers.

At the end of the movie, when the lights came up and people started filtering out, Magnus still held his hand, waiting patiently for the place to clear out before they left. Alec had nearly forgotten about the kids in front of them, that is until the girl who'd taken Magnus's picture turned back around to face them.

With the lights back up, Alec noticed a few of her features. She had curly brown hair, and big brown eyes. She was cute, but still in that slightly awkward phase all teenagers go through as they morph from childhood to adulthood. She had all the makings of becoming a very beautiful woman in the next few years.

He didn't miss her glancing at his hand in Magnus's.

"So," she said, chewing gum rather loudly, which he was pretty sure wasn't allowed with her braces, but whatever. "Magnus Bane." She jerked her chin in the direction of their entwined hands. "Does this mean you're no longer with Lexus Dixon?"

Alec tensed. This was all very uncomfortable for him. But Magnus took the question in stride. "Lexus and I are friends," he replied mildly.

"But your people said you were dating her?" the girl pressed. Alec glanced at Magnus. He wasn't sure how important it was for Magnus and Lexus to keep up the façade of dating. What would it mean for his team? For her career? "Are you saying you broke up?"

"I'm saying Lexus is my dear friend," he said, still as calmly as before. "Alec and I are still trying to figure things out." He looked sidelong at Alec and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Alec?" the girl said, eyes wide with surprise. "Alec Lightwood? The one you kissed on TV?"

_Oh shit_, Alec thought. _She knows who I am._

Magnus seemed unfazed by this, too. "The one and only."

The girl beamed at him. "Oh, you two are so cute!"

The boy who'd complimented Magnus's game earlier piped up, clearly tired of the girl monopolizing the conversation. He peeked his head over the back of the seat and said, "Can I get your autograph?"

Even in the dim movie theater lighting it was easy to tell he was blushing. His friends thought this was an excellent idea, and talked excitedly en masse over each other so that it was nearly impossible to tell what any of them were saying. Alec chanced another glance at Magnus, who was leaned back casually in his seat, his head propped on the hand not holding Alec's, grinning.

"Does anyone have something to write with?" Magnus said over the teenagers' increasingly louder voices.

They stopped short, eyes darting around the group, waiting for someone to say they did have a pen or marker or something. Magnus continued to grin like this was exactly what he expected.

"Shit," the girl said. "Maybe we can get something from one of the employees?" She swung her mass of brown hair behind her shoulder. "Come on."

And that's how they ended up spending thirty minutes hunting down the only movie theater employee who had a key to the office where the only writing implements lived. They found a thick black Sharpie and Magnus scrawled his name on the boy's red hoodie with the name of his high school on it. The brunette girl had him sign her phone case, which Alec thought was odd, but he wasn't sure why.

After that, they spent another thirty minutes filling up the girl's phone with pictures of Magnus alone, then Magnus and Alec, then Magnus with each of her friends individually, then group pictures, etc. Magnus didn't seem at all put-out by this attention, and he didn't seem to have any qualms about the girl sharing the pictures on her social media pages.

Alec, on the other hand, was a bit more reserved. He was worried that the balance Magnus now had with his teammates would be upset if they found out Magnus was dating him again. He was worried about what would happen with Magnus's and Lexus's careers, even though he didn't know Lexus and had, up until very recently, been jealous enough of her to intensely dislike her.

When they left the kids at the theater and were alone in Magnus's car, he voiced these concerns. "Are you worried about the fall-out of those pictures of us?"

Magnus took his eyes off the road for a second to glance at him. "No. Are you?"

Alec shrugged, though Magnus had turned back to the road so he wasn't sure he saw it. "I don't know. What if your teammates find out we are dating again and don't like it?"

Magnus was quiet for a several minutes, and Alec wasn't sure if he was just thinking about his answer or if he'd somehow managed to piss Magnus off. In fact, Magnus didn't say anything else until they'd parked outside Alec's tiny apartment and he'd turned off the car.

Magnus turned sideways in his seat so he was facing Alec. He looked uncomfortable, but Alec thought that likely due to him having such long legs and trying to fold himself up in a sports car than the topic of conversation. He had a determined expression on his face, at any rate.

"Alec," he said, taking Alec's hand and caressing the back of it with his thumb. His voice was soothing, slow and easy. "I don't give a flying fuck what my teammates think. I lost you once because I let them get under my skin and affect my relationship with you. That won't happen again. I promise you that."

Alec bit his lip, music played softly in the background. "What about her? Lexus? The arrangement you had?"

"Lexus is my friend," he repeated. "The relationship hoax was fine when you weren't in the picture, but you are now."

He paused. The song on the radio seemed much louder in the silence.

"_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_"

It was Magnus's turn to bite his lip. Alec could feel his hands tremble, he thought with restraint by the look in his eyes. Magnus's eyes flicked to Alec's lips and back up, and Alec could see what he wanted but was too afraid to ask.

_He won't force you to do anything you aren't ready to do. _Alec had heard those words from his father and several other people over the last few months. He believed them. Magnus had stayed away because Alec had wanted him to. He'd left him alone to come to terms with what happened to him, even though doing so had torn him to pieces, too.

Alec leaned closer to Magnus, inch by inch, until, for the first time in nearly a year, their lips _finally_ met. The kiss was innocent, like a teenager's first kiss, but the emotions it pulled from Alec were fierce and deep and powerful. He brought his free hand up and cupped Magnus's cheek, brushing his thumb across Magnus's cheekbone, which was damp.

He pulled back, looking deep into Magnus's bright eyes. He saw everything there, all the love and hurt and longing and desire he'd been restraining these last few weeks. Months, really. His own emotion compelled him and before he knew what he was doing, he'd slid his hand behind Magnus's head and crashed their lips together again.

This kiss was more intense than their first one. Alec found himself practically nibbling Magnus's lips between powerful presses and tasting Magnus for the first time in way-too-many months. His fingers tangled in the longer hairs at the base of Magnus's neck as he lost himself to the kiss, letting all those pent up feelings flow from him to Magnus through their joined lips and their entwined fingers.

When finally he needed air, Alec broke away. He pressed his forehead to Magnus's, their noses touching, sharing each other's breaths. His fingers wandered to the smoothly shaven skin above Magnus's ear, and, with his eyes still closed, he let his other senses absorb all of Magnus. He inhaled Magnus's scent, breathing deeply to catch as much as he could. He licked his lips where the taste of him lingered. He traced shapes on the back of Magnus's right hand, while his own played with his silky hair.

This was Magnus. _His _Magnus. The man he'd wanted and loved for more than three years. The man who'd made his college life what it was, who'd been there for nearly every college memory he had.

God, it felt good to kiss him, to be so close to him, to be able to love him again.

He was having no difficulty accepting their bond at the moment. Maybe he'd freak out later, or maybe, just maybe, being with him was _right._ Maybe he could handle this after all. He wanted so badly for that to be true.

There was no sound except for their breathing, and the radio, which had continued to play while they were engrossed with each other.

"_There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say  
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain, baby  
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny  
Won't you tell me is it healthy, babe?"_

He smiled, and Magnus matched it. He gently kissed Magnus's cheek, then that shaved area by his ear. Then he pulled away. There was nothing more to say. No words were needed. The kiss had said it all.

He let his fingers slide from Magnus's hair, and slip between his fingers as he got out of the car. He hurried into his apartment, closed the door, and leaned against it, his eyes closed as his mind recreated that kiss over and over again.

* * *

**A/N: The songs are 1) "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by Elvis Presley, and 2) "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal.**


	76. Chapter 76

**A/N: Okay, so it's been awhile since we talked about the future of this story. We are nearing the end of what I'm now calling Part 3. Probably will get that wrapped up in the next 7-8 chapters. It's taken a little longer than I thought it would to tell this part of their story. I haven't entirely mapped out how the next part is going to go, but I think we're actually looking at a Part 4 and Part 5, each their own story, so guestimate 25 chapter or so each? Yeah, we have a long way to go...**

* * *

Alec's phone vibrated, a loud buzzing sound on the floor of his locker.

_Hey. Are you busy tonight? _was the text from Magnus.

He smiled and tossed his gym bag over his shoulder.

_Nope. Last appointment cancelled. Daria's sending me home early, _he replied back.

_Wanna come over?_

Alec's smile widened. He thanked his lucky stars that the new client had cancelled. He liked working with Daria Cissell, the personal trainer he was assigned to for the final three months of his senior year clinicals, but an evening with Magnus? He much preferred that to an evening of helping Daria come up with a plan to get Mrs. Emily Fletcher in shape. Much, much preferred.

_Yes. I'm in gym clothes. Is that a problem?_

He combed his fingers through his hair, still damp after his shower. Now that he was going to Magnus's, he really wished he'd remembered to pack a brush in his gym bag. At least he'd remembered a clean change of clothes.

_Not at all. See you soon._

He left the locker room and said a quick goodbye to Daria. She was a short woman, late twenties with a severely short haircut. He reminded him of every movie he'd ever seen with a military drill sergeant when she talked to her clients. She didn't take any bullshit from them, and pushed them past their limits as often as possible. She was very successful at getting people in shape, which was why she had so many celebrity clients.

Alec knew another side of her though. When it was just the two of them working out, for she demanded he be in shape, she was funny and very willing to help him reach his goals, both physically and academically. They'd designed a work-out program for him on day one, and he'd stuck to it with no prompting from her, which might be why she liked him so much.

He climbed into the cab pulled up at the curb and gave the driver Magnus's address. He hadn't expected to see Magnus tonight. They'd only seen each other during the week that one time last week when Alec had shown up to Magnus's uninvited and told him they couldn't be friends because he was still in love with Magnus, too. That had been so scary for him to say, but he was so glad he'd done it. Their date Saturday night, and that kiss? So worth it.

He didn't think he'd see Magnus again until Saturday, but he was not complaining about the quick turnaround. He just wasn't sure _why_.

He greeted the doorman at Magnus's apartment and rode the elevator up to the sixth floor. He knocked once before Magnus jerked the door open, a wide smile splitting his face.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," Magnus said, taking Alec's hand and leading him into his apartment.

Alec took a look around the apartment. He'd been there a couple of times now, but the previous times had been so emotional, he'd been so out of his mind with grief and worry and fear of rejection, he'd never really paid any attention to the actual place.

Magnus had the huge flat screen TV mounted to the far wall of the living room on a basketball game with the sound turned off. A quick glance told him the Boston Celtics were playing the Miami Heat, and losing pretty spectacularly.

He followed Magnus into the kitchen, which was open to the living room and only separated by a large island with a dark, shiny countertop. A small sink filled the middle of the island and when Alec agreed that he did indeed want a glass of wine, Magnus reached below the sink to pull out a chilled bottle and a couple of glasses from the cabinet.

The flooring was some kind of dark, shiny surface as well. Alec couldn't name it, but there were a lot of home décor things he didn't know the names of, so he wasn't troubled by that.

He followed Magnus to the couch, which he'd somehow managed not to notice was a dark brown overstuffed, ridiculously huge and soft mass of furniture. Seriously. It looked like Magnus could stretch his entire six-foot-five frame out and still have room on either end. The perks of being an NBA millionaire.

Magnus sat the wine glasses on the polished wood coffee table. The old apartment had come furnished, which is why Alec didn't recognize any of the furniture here. A flicker of light in the corner of the room caught his attention, and he realized Magnus had lit a gas fireplace. He glanced around the apartment again. The entire place had a distinctly masculine feel to it. If he'd been in his right mind at all the first time he came here, he might have noticed there were no feminine touches, nothing to suggest that Magnus had a girlfriend of several months.

"So, why do I get to see you tonight?" Alec said, taking a drink of his wine and setting the glass back on the table.

Magnus smirked. "I don't have a game tonight, and felt like staying in. Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. This is nice."

Magnus glanced sidelong at him. "I really just wanted to see you."

Alec couldn't help the shy grin at those words. "I-"

He was cut off by the sound of the front door slamming hard. "MAGNUS FUCKING BANE!" shouted a high, feminine voice that Alec didn't recognize.

Magnus tried not to smile. He really did. Alec could see the corners of his mouth twitching as he stood and turned toward the foyer. Alec rose, too, and stood a little behind him because of the position of the couch. He did not have a direct line of sight for the doorway and therefore had no idea who was shouting and cussing at Magnus, but his curiosity was piqued even further when he heard high heeled shoes clicking across Magnus's floor.

He suddenly got a great mental image of a nicely dressed, sassy woman with her hand on her hip when he heard the voice say, "Oh. So you _are_ here," with sarcasm and accusation.

"Lexus, dear, you know my schedule," Magnus said calmly. That explained a lot.

Lexus huffed. "Everyone in the damn free world knows your schedule. If I hadn't seen you on TV I would have already called the cops by now. I've been trying to get in touch with you for two weeks. Mind telling me where the fuck you've been and why you aren't returning my calls or texts?"

Alec wasn't sure if it was a jolt of jealousy or curiosity or what that made him move, but he stepped up beside Magnus and slid his hand into Magnus's warm one. "That's probably my fault," he said.

His eyes fell on a petite woman with bright pink hair, who was indeed standing with her hand on her hip and glaring at Magnus. Her eyes flashed to Alec and her expression changed into astonishment as her eyes widened and her mouth formed a perfect O.

"Alec?" she said in awe. Her honey-brown eyes flashed back to Magnus, who was grinning stupidly now. "Is that really him?"

Magnus nodded. Lexus squealed, then without warning, threw her arms around Alec's neck and hugged him. She was a lot stronger than she looked, and she was making it very difficult for Alec to breathe.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you're here!" She turned to Magnus. "I can't believe he's here!"

Magnus pulled Alec to him by their entwined hands and kissed his temple. "I can't either," he said softly.

"Oh my god! This is so great!" She looked close to tears. Alec stared at her incredulously. He felt a pang, knowing that only a few weeks ago he'd intensely disliked her for 'dating' Magnus. Her eyes landed on the coffee table, and the glasses of wine. "Oh shit! I'm interrupting! I'll just be going now."

She gave Magnus a pointed look, which clearly meant for him to walk her to the door, which he did. He flashed Alec a quick smile and mouthed _Be right back _before following Lexus. When they got to the door, Alec could no longer see them, but their brief conversation carried. He didn't think she meant for him to overhear them, but she was just so excited she couldn't keep her voice down.

"Don't you fuck it up this time, Magnus Bane," she said, her voice no longer the high-pitched version he'd heard before.

Magnus chuckled softly from the doorway. "I'm trying my best not to."

Alec heard what sounded like a smack to Magnus's arm, and Magnus letting out a quiet yelp.

"I mean it, Magnus. You fight for him this time. You do whatever it takes. Do _not_ let him get away again. Okay?"

Alec could hear the smile in Magnus's voice. "I won't. Thanks, Lex. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"You damn well better."

It sounded like she kissed Magnus on the cheek, then said, "Love you," before he heard the door squeak open.

"Love you, too," Magnus replied. Then the door closed softly.

Magnus reappeared, chewing his bottom lip nervously. He resumed his seat on the couch next to Alec. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright." Alec took an ill-advised large gulp of his wine, and spluttered afterward. "Is she always like that?" he asked when he'd regained the ability to breathe.

"You mean loud and bubbly?" Magnus shook his head. "No. Well, she can be loud. But I've never seen her so…" He broke off, apparently not sure how to describe what they'd just witnessed. "She's just excited. She's been pulling for us for a long time. She told me she 'ships' us."

"Ships us?" Alec said, unfamiliar with the term.

"Yeah. Apparently it's a term for people who you want to be together, like fictional characters and celebrities and stuff." Magnus shrugged. "Don't let all the pink hair and tattoos and craziness fool you. She has a Bad Girl image, but she's a book-nerd underneath it all."

"Really?" Alec said, surprised.

"Oh, yeah. You should see her apartment in L.A. One whole room is full of books. She reads everything. She's even tracked down some classics that are really hard to find. That's what she spends her fortune on. Books."

Magnus chuckled, and Alec did, too. He would never have pegged Lexus Dixon as the type to have a library in her home. _One day I'll learn not to stereotype people. _He also couldn't believe she wanted him and Magnus together so much. That thought made him feel even worse about the mental ugliness he'd spewed in her direction. He felt he owed her an apology, and probably should get to know her a little better. Then he remembered she'd said the L-word to Magnus, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"She has a key," he said quietly.

Magnus nodded. "Sometimes she stays with me when she's in town. That's probably why she was trying to get in touch with me." He looked earnestly at Alec. "Does that bother you?"

Alec thought about that for a moment. Was he really bothered by Lexus having a key to Magnus's? "I don't think so?"

"You don't sound very sure," Magnus observed. "There isn't anything going on between me and Lexus. She's like my version of Cammie. I love her like a sister."

Alec could understand that.

"If it bothers you..." Magnus paused. "Hang on, maybe this will help."

Magnus walked into the kitchen and pulled open one of the drawers on the island. When he returned to the couch, he slipped a black and gold card into Alec's hand. Alec recognized it from the couple of times he'd seen Magnus use one. His eyes met Magnus's, and Magnus smiled.

"Now you have a key, too."

Alec stared at the key card in his hand. Magnus was giving him a key to his apartment? Had they been back together long enough for that? He wasn't sure. But then, Magnus never considered them broken up, so this was probably a natural step for him. He didn't know if he was ready to take that step, but he pocketed the card nonetheless.

"You really think of her like I do of Cammie?" he asked. Magnus nodded and Alec resolved to accept his relationship with Lexus at face value. "Then, I'm glad you had her to talk to while I was… away…"

Magnus glanced at him from the corner of his eye. _Yeah, I know. Away doesn't quite cover it._

"So you are okay with this?" Magnus asked. "You seemed kind of jealous of her at first."

"Oh," Alec said, and laughed. "I was. I -" He paused, then shook his head. "We don't need to go into this again. You know I was a wreck when I found out about you and Lexus. But I was wrong. I really am glad you had someone to talk to when I couldn't be that person."

Magnus reached over and took his hand. "Alec, I wish… You know if I could go back and change everything I would. Right? I mean, you know I would do it differently, make sure you didn't get hurt."

Alec squeezed Magnus's hand. "I know. So would I. There's so much I wish I could do over. Mostly, I wish I hadn't waited so long to talk to you."

"Yeah. Me, too," Magnus said offhandedly. Then he blinked like he was surprised he'd said that. "Shit, Alec, don't take that wrong. I don't blame you for staying away. You had so much you had to sort through."

"Yeah."

"I…I remember what it was like after I got out of the hospital because of my stepdad. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. My mom was the only one I really talked to. I came around to Will quickly enough, a few weeks or so, I think. But it was different for me. I changed schools, changed my name. No one knew who I was or what had happened to me. I didn't talk to any of my old teammates or friends after that, except for Will. I pretty much started my life over.

"But you? You had to figure out how to talk to your parents and your siblings, Austin and Cammie… and me. That's got to be so much harder."

"I don't know, maybe?" Alec said, uncomfortable with Magnus's praise.

"It is. You didn't hide. You didn't change your whole identity."

"I didn't _hide_? Are you serious? Magnus, that's all I've been doing. I pushed away all the people who loved me so I didn't have to face anything. I pushed you away, the one person in my life who actually knew what it was like to feel helpless and afraid and… used. I was a complete idiot."

"You were," Magnus agreed, but when Alec looked at him he could tell Magnus was joking. "I would have given anything to help you through that, but I understand why you didn't want me there."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I was horrible to you. If I hadn't picked a fight with you that night, you wouldn't have left, and none of that would have happened."

"Magnus -"

"I know you don't blame me for it," Magnus continued as if Alec hadn't spoken. "But maybe subconsciously you did. Deep down you knew I was at least partly to blame."

"No," Alec said firmly, shaking Magnus's hand in his own. "No. That has nothing to do with it. It wasn't like that."

The pained look in Magnus's eyes was heartbreaking. "Then… why?"

Now he'd done it. How was he supposed to explain this to Magnus when he didn't really understand it himself? "At first," he began, just letting his mind say what it wanted. He really wasn't sure what would come out. "I was…just so fucked up about it, about being…raped." He felt Magnus tense at the word. It was the first time he'd said it to him and he wondered if he shouldn't have said it differently. "I was mad, at the circumstances, not at you. I was mad at me. I was mad that I'd let myself be so vulnerable, that I'd been so stupid. But it was more than that."

He paused to collect his thoughts, but that didn't really work. This wasn't something he could talk about in a logical, planned manner. This was something that had to come from his heart, his soul. Something he just had to say, not find the proper words, just…say it.

"I… I didn't want anyone around me at first. I wouldn't talk to anyone, pushed everyone away. I didn't eat, I barely slept. I stayed in my room all the time, closed off from everyone and everything. I can't really say I liked it that way, but it was…comfortable, maybe? I don't know. It just…was. It was how life was at that time. I couldn't change it, and probably wouldn't have if I could.

"Then my dad made me start going to Dr. Daniels. I'd wondered a few times, when I could be bothered to think about it, if maybe I was depressed or something. I kind of thought when I started seeing a shrink that he would tell me I was and give me some pills to take. But Dr. Daniels isn't like that. He never attached a label to anything I was feeling, or when I refused to feel anything at all, for that matter. I asked him about it once, and he said that giving a person a diagnosis sometimes made things worse. Like, instead of trying to sort through the problem, they just wanted medication to fix them. He said he would give me medication if I needed it, but only on a short-term basis because what I really needed was to talk, to get through my feelings and get back to my life as best I could."

"Did you take the medication?"

"No. Dr. Daniels said I didn't need it. Some people do, some don't. I didn't, so I wasn't going to take it. And he was right. It was so hard to deal with my feelings, especially not remembering what had happened to me, but my problem wasn't a mental illness, wasn't messed up brain chemistry. The medications might have helped cheer me up, but they weren't going to fix my problems."

"No," Magnus said softly.

"My biggest problem, I think, was guilt. I felt so damn guilty about…everything. I'd accepted that tainted drink, so in my mind, I'd basically cheated on you. I couldn't talk to you, I couldn't look you in the eye knowing I'd cheated on you."

"That's ridiculous, Alec. You didn't cheat. It wasn't your fault."

"I know. But my head was so screwed up, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't stop spinning my wheels about it either. I got in this circular thinking where I kept looping back to it all being my fault. I cheated on you, my fault. I pushed you away, my fault. It took Dr. Daniels _months_ to convince me that I hadn't cheated, that it wasn't my fault. And I still sometimes struggle with that. I made mistakes that night. I can't be innocent, because I made mistakes."

"I get that," Magnus said. Alec looked at him hopefully. "I really do, Alec. I feel the same way about the mistakes I made."

"Yeah. You know, after awhile, so much time had passed that I started feeling guilty for letting so much time pass. Talk about a destructive way of thinking. I beat myself up a lot over everything. Over hurting you, and pushing you away, over Austin and Cammie and missing their wedding and not being a good enough friend to call them.

"But I finally got through it, I think. I mean, I'm not going to stop seeing Dr. Daniels, but… Seeing you has really helped me, Magnus. I wasn't sure if it would, at first. I thought it might break me completely, to be honest. I thought I'd lost you, and I was terrified to actually hear those words, to have to acknowledge that fact, because then what? What was I supposed to do next if there really was no hope for us?"

His sapphire blue eyes locked on Magnus's green-gold ones. Thoughts and emotions swam in the depths of those eyes, many of them he couldn't clearly define, but he knew his own mirrored Magnus's.

"I can't believe you held on like that," Alec continued. "I can't believe you waited for me to get my shit together."

"Then you must not know how much I love you," Magnus said softly.

Alec kissed him. He couldn't think of anything else more poignant to say or do than just kiss him. He caught Magnus off-guard, and it took him a moment to respond, but when he did there was no mistaking what was going on between them. They were on the same page, they were in love, they didn't want anyone else. They were ready to fight for their relationship.

And Alec wanted him. He was hard as steel when he broke the kiss.

"There's…something you should know," he said tentatively. He'd been working himself up to this for some time.

"What?"

"I've had some... panic attacks…about _him_," Alec confessed. "They were triggered by a sound or smell…or a dream. I've had many dreams about him, and I don't know if they are memories trying to surface or if they are just dreams. I haven't had one in awhile, the dreams or the panic attacks, but I never know when something will trigger them."

Magnus's expression grew dark, angry.

"I'll understand if this is a deal-breaker for you," Alec continued. "The attacks are…scary as fuck. I hate them."

"Deal-breaker?" Magnus said. "No way. I said I can handle this, and I will. I'll be there for you."

Relief flooded Alec. He'd been so nervous about confessing this secret to Magnus, to anyone. He usually just dealt with the panic alone, except that one time in Dr. Daniels's office, when he'd had the first one. He hadn't told his parents about them, didn't think they even suspected. They were a sign of weakness to him, a time when he had no control of his own body. He truly hated them.

"I… I don't know if…being with you will make me have one." He could feel the heat in his face.

"You mean…sexually?" Magnus said.

Alec nodded. "I want you, Magnus. I want you so badly." As if to make his point, he reached down to adjust himself. He was getting rather uncomfortable. "But, I don't know…" The memory of him going down on Magnus in the bathroom of that restaurant flashed before his eyes, and he looked away.

"Alec?" Magnus said, shaking his hands to get him to look at him. "It's okay. We're in no hurry. We're not on anyone's schedule. We'll take our time, do things as we are comfortable. It's not a big deal."

Alec sighed. "I haven't…done _anything_ since that night." _And I really want you to touch me right now_, he finished in his head.

"Oh. Not even…by yourself?" Magnus said. "Oh. No wonder you've been a wreck if you haven't got off in a year."

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to do something about that?" Magnus asked, giving a nod toward Alec's obvious erection.

"I don't know." Alec put his head in his hands. "I mean, yes, I want you to, but I don't want to freak out on you and make you think something's wrong with me!"

Magnus gently brushed Alec's hair from his face, tucking it neatly behind his ear. His hand lingered a little longer on Alec's cheek, and Alec looked at him. "You have nothing to worry about," he said, his voice as gentle as his touch. He pulled Alec's face to his and kissed him again, while letting his other hand drift down to palm Alec's dick through his sweatpants. Alec startled at the contact, then rocked his hips against Magnus's hand. A thrill went through his body, and when Magnus slipped a hand into his pants, he decided to concentrate on the kiss and let Magnus work his magic.

He didn't last long. Magnus touching him like that for the first time in almost a year? No, not long at all. In fact, he was a little embarrassed by how quickly he finished, but Magnus didn't seem bothered by it at all. He kissed him through the whole thing, start to finish, and Alec didn't panic, and he felt like a fucking king afterward.

When he'd finally came back to his senses, he realized his arms were wrapped around Magnus's shoulders and holding him so close he could almost feel his heartbeat. He kissed Magnus briefly on the lips and muttered, "Thank you," in a content voice.

Magnus made the mess disappear. Then, he grabbed Alec's hand and said, "Come on. I'm starving. Let's make dinner."

He dragged Alec into the kitchen where they stood side by side at the stove and made a quick chicken and pasta dish. They ate while leaned against the kitchen island with one of Magnus's feet hooked around Alec's. Then they cleaned up the dishes, Alec washing and Magnus drying. This, more than anything else they'd done since reconnecting, felt like old times. When they did things together. Like it should be.

It felt really, really good.


	77. Chapter 77

**A/N: Kemsy: I think Lexus is like a lot of us. :)**

**Me Myself I: If you log in, I can reply privately (not that I do that often...). New chapters go up every Monday around 8am Eastern Standard Time. We occasionally do Thursday chapters, like this one, for milestones like record # of reviews for a chapter (currently at 31) or, like this one, for hitting 700 reviews, or last week for hitting 300,000 words. Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any non-spoiler-y questions :)**

* * *

"Magnus! Magnus!" Alec shouted as he let himself into Magnus's apartment for the first time. It felt weird, but kind of good at the same time. He supposed the weirdness was because he'd never had to let himself into _Magnus's_ apartment before. They'd always shared a living space- the dorm and then their apartment- until recently.

Magnus came hurtling around the corner from his bedroom and almost flattened Alec as he stepped into the living room. Alec chuckled as Magnus overbalanced and Alec caught him before he hit the floor. It was so much like when they'd first met, when Alec had almost ran over Magnus leaving the gym. He had a strange sense of deja vu, and hoped it was an omen of good things to come.

"What are you shouting about?" Magnus said as he steadied himself. He looked at Alec like he was a puzzle he couldn't figure out.

Alec beamed. "I got it! I just got the call from the Knicks! I got the job!"

"_What_?" Magnus said, flabbergasted.

Alec tilted his head and wrinkled his brow. "Did I not tell you about that?"

_"NO_!" Magnus said, still obviously shocked.

Alec laughed. "Oops." He grabbed Magnus's hand and led him over to the couch. Once they were seated, he started from the beginning. "My dad. He's friends with the GM for the Knicks. Their trainer is getting on in years, so dad called his friend and told him I'm about to graduate with a Sports Medicine degree and would love to work for them. They just called and said they would hire me as a favor to him. I would have liked to get the job on my own, but still. _IT'S THE FUCKING KNICKS_!"

He was breathing pretty hard when he finished this statement. Magnus's eyes were wide with excitement. "Hell yeah it's the fucking Knicks!" he said, and nearly knocked Alec to the ground as he threw his arms around him, hugging him tightly. "That's awesome, Alec. Your dream job!"

"Yeah. I still have to work hard and prove I can do the job or they won't keep me around, but…" He sighed. "Getting your foot in the door is the hardest part."

Magnus kissed him, a sweet celebratory kiss. Alec could tell that was all he meant by it, but as soon as their lips touched, everything shifted. It was like the kiss added to the high he was already on from landing his dream job, and he soared even higher. He didn't exactly stop to think about what he was doing, he just did it.

His hand slid between their bodies, palming Magnus's dick through his pants, feeling it grow as he did. He kissed Magnus deeper, with more enthusiasm as his own cock started to grow. He hadn't planned this at all- in fact, he thought they'd probably go out and celebrate- but now that he was doing it, he didn't want to stop.

He pushed Magnus into his bedroom, sloughing clothes as they went. He never knew who threw what where, and he never cared. Magnus's knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell backward, Alec landing on top of him. They never broke the kiss.

They scrambled onto the bed properly, on their sides, arms and legs a tangled mess. The kiss was so passionate it had all of Alec's juices flowing, and he thought fleetingly, _Yes, finally!_ He kissed Magnus with pure emotion, pure desire and need. It had been so long. So. Fucking. Long.

Magnus rolled on top of him, wrapping his arms around Alec. Alec's head fell back, exposing his throat where Magnus peppered kisses and nips and licks up and down the sinewy length. The head of Magnus's cock bumped his hole, and Alec trembled with anticipation. This was really going to happen.

Like the flip of a switch, he heard in the recesses of his mind, "_I want to fuck you like an animal._"

Alec gasped, suddenly aware of everything, every place Magnus touched him, every kiss, every nip. And everything was wrong. He smelled wrong. He felt wrong. He _was_ wrong.

"No," he whimpered softly. "No no no no _NO_!"

Alec pushed Magnus off with all his might. He drew his legs up to his chest, shaking all over. "No…no…no…" he repeated over and over again, not even fully aware he was speaking. He buried his face against his knees, sucking in air like he'd been underwater too long. His heart hammered in his chest. He felt he might vomit.

"No, no," he said. He threw his head back and screamed, "Goddammit NO!"

The cry tore from him in a guttural, animalistic way. He wasn't even aware of Magnus anymore, had no idea where he was or if he was still in the room. He was barely aware that he sat naked on Magnus's soft bed. His whole body trembled with panic and cold and rage.

"NO!" he cried once more, then buried his head in the crooks of his elbows and sobbed. "No, no, no," he muttered quietly into his arms, as he finally started to get himself under control again.

He sat there, heaving and moaning and trying to keep his stomach from flipping over, and hating himself for freaking out on Magnus. Magnus. He finally remembered he was there. He glanced up from the safety of his arms and saw Magnus perched on the farthest corner of the bed. His eyes were wide and he was pale and shaking, and that combination pierced Alec like a hot sword, straight to his core.

Several more minutes passed before Alec regained enough control to speak coherently. The first thing he said was, "I'm sorry, Magnus. Are you okay?"

"Am…_I…_okay?" Magnus said. "Are _you_ okay? Wh- what happened?"

Alec buried his face in his arms again, embarrassed. "Panic attack. I'm so sorry." He felt so ashamed that he had a stupid panic attack during such an intimate moment with Magnus. This was the ultimate humiliation for him.

He felt the bed dip as Magnus moved and looked up again. Magnus had inched just slightly more onto the bed. His long, slender fingers played with a frayed thread on the comforter. His expression was full of concern for Alec, and uncertainty about what he should do next. He reached a couple of fingers toward Alec, but stopped several feet away. The meaning was clear: he wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know how and was afraid of freaking him out more.

"I'm okay now," Alec said as his heart slowed back to an almost normal rhythm. _Okay except for my humiliation._ Why had his mind conjured _that_ particular line at _that_ particular moment? How long was this bullshit going to fuck with him?

Magnus moved up to the head of the bed, sitting next to Alec but not touching him. He drew his legs up, too, and hugged them against his chest. "So that's what your panic attacks look like," he whispered, like he was afraid of startling Alec and making him have another attack.

"Yeah," Alec replied. "I told you they were scary as fuck. Do you still think you can handle this?" He somehow kept his voice even, though the words and their implications, felt like a gut-punch.

"I…I didn't know what to do." Magnus stared straight ahead, a bewildered expression on his face. "I didn't know what to do," he said again, dropping his chin onto his knees.

"I know. I didn't at first either. You and Dr. Daniels are the only ones that know about this, the only ones who have seen me have one. I usually get myself through them on my own. I'm so sorry you had to see that." Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. "Magnus?" he said, and Magnus turned his head to look at him. "Would you come to therapy with me?"

"What?"

"Would you come to therapy with me? I know Dr. Daniels wants to meet you. Maybe he can help us figure out how to deal with this…"

"You really think I should do that?"

"I don't know what else to do," Alec said, twisting to face Magnus. "I love you, and I want to try to make this work. I can't be freaking out every time you touch me. Fuck," he said, exasperated. "I'd like to be able to have sex with you again one day."

Sex had been an important part of their relationship, not just bonding and expressing their love, but also because they _liked_ it, they_ wanted_ it. They might even argue they _needed _it. They enjoyed having sex, making each other feel good. That wasn't all of their relationship by any means, but if Alec couldn't be part of that any longer, he feared it would become the elephant in the room, that it would drive a wedge between them. Even more to the point, he didn't want to abstain for the rest of his life. He was twenty-two years old, not some sixty-year-old with junk that didn't work! His equipment worked perfectly fine, thank-you-very-much.

Unfortunately, this wasn't even something he could talk to Magnus about. If he asked him if he'd be okay with being together but not ever having sex, he would say yes. Alec knew he would. But put to the test? He knew it would weigh on Magnus as much as it weighed on him. He had to find a way to fix this.

"I'll go with you," Magnus said. "If you think it'll help, I'll go."

"You will?"

"Of course." Magnus shrugged. "I'm no stranger to shrinks. I can handle it. Besides, I'd do anything for you."

Alec felt the same way. He was willing to do whatever it took to make their relationship work. He'd already scheduled extra sessions with Dr. Daniels, just so he could talk if he got freaked out about anything. So far, so good. They'd been dating for about three weeks and so far his fear that he couldn't handle it had been for nothing, until now. He really hoped this panic attack was just a minor setback, not something that would continuously repeat.

He glanced down, realized he was still naked and his libido had fled like a scent on the breeze. A quick glance at Magnus told him he was no longer interested in trying either. He suddenly felt very exposed.

"Let's get dressed," he suggested.

Magnus smirked and crawled off the bed. It took a moment to locate all their clothing, which they'd scattered about the apartment in their haste to get naked. Magnus turned away, shyly, as he slipped his boxers back on.

It was then that Alec noticed his new tattoo. The thick black lines resembled a large, embellished capital 'A' covering his left shoulder blade. "You got a new tattoo?" Alec asked, apparently turning into Captain Obvious in his sex-less, post-panic attack state.

Magnus whirled around, blushing. _Blushing?_ "Um, yeah. I did."

Alec, now covered enough to feel more comfortable talking, sat back down on the bed, laying the covers over his lap. "What is it? It looks kind of like an A…"

Magnus got back under the covers, too, sitting sideways, not exactly facing Alec, and shielding the tattoo from his view. He didn't answer right away, and Alec started to feel weird, like he'd hit a nerve or something.

"Is it? An A, I mean?"

"Sort of," Magnus hedged. Then he sighed. "Remember how I told you about Lexus's library at her apartment in Los Angeles? Well, she literally has thousands of books, all different kinds of books. Biographies and novels and science books, geography, religion, languages. You name it."

"Sounds interesting."

"It is. She really got into this one book about languages. The languages were all ancient, and most of them were dead. This one in particular was very…I don't know how to describe it. It just…spoke to me. I got this symbol for a couple of reasons. One, because it does look like an A. We were apart, and you were always on my mind, and when I saw it, I immediately liked it. And then I found out that it means love. I had to have it. It didn't matter to me that we weren't together then. I knew I'd always love you, no matter what."

A single, silent tear rolled down Alec's cheek. He'd been so stupid pushing Magnus away. Part of him had always known that, but hearing Magnus talk like this, knowing he got a tattoo that essentially represented him, forever inked onto his skin? He'd been a damn fool. He needed Magnus as much as Magnus needed him. He wasn't going to apologize again, though. Magnus kept telling him to quit, and he didn't think it would help either of them anyway.

He watched Magnus trying to keep his emotions in check. He hadn't put a shirt on, and for the first time in nearly a year, Alec had the opportunity to let his eyes drink their fill of him. Magnus's dark honey-brown skin that was so soft and smooth against his fingers, the tattoo of angel wings over his heart that represented his mother, the shapes and lines that were so familiar and yet so different. "Have you filled out? You look bigger than you used to," Alec quietly observed. He hadn't realized it until seeing Magnus's bare chest, but now that he did, the changes were obvious. Magnus's upper body was broader and more muscled than before. He was no longer stick thin. He was still thin, but his body looked more…mature than he had a year ago.

Magnus chuckled. "I did. I'm right at two hundred pounds now."

Alec grinned. "Shit, you weigh more than I do!" he said. A strange look crossed Magnus's face, and Alec realized what he'd said. "I've gained some of the weight I lost back. I'm working on it."

"You look beautiful to me," Magnus said.

"No, Magnus, you're the beautiful one. You always were. You just look even better now."

"Alec? Will you stay with me tonight? I swear I'll stay on my side of the bed. We can even put a line of pillows down the middle and I promise I won't cross them."

Alec bit his lip, offering a small smile. "I used to do that with Jace and Izzy when we were kids. Especially when we went camping."

Magnus grinned. "Will and I used to do that, too. What do you say? Will you stay?"

"Yes," Alec said before he had a chance to think about it and come up with reasons not to. "I'll stay. But the pillow line isn't necessary. I kind of like the idea of feeling you next to me."

Magnus didn't say anything, held his expression as neutral as he could. But Alec could tell he was pleased. Probably more than pleased, really.

Magnus slid out of bed and came around to Alec's side. He pulled the covers back so Alec could get settled, tucked him in, and turned out the light. Then he crawled back onto his side of the bed and under the covers. They lay facing each other, fingers entwined, foreheads leaned gently together. Alec could smell the sweet, familiar scent of Magnus's breath as he drifted off to sleep.

He slept better that night than he had in a year.

* * *

Several moments passed before Alec realized where he was when he woke the next morning. The bed he was in was softer than the one in his crappy little apartment. The room was brighter, the sun filtering in past the curtains that no one bothered closing last night. And the room itself smelled better than his apartment.

The biggest difference, though, was the arm draped across his waist, and the long, slender, brown fingers laced between his own much paler ones. Magnus's nose was pressed against the back of his neck, ruffling his hair with every breath. His body was warm and solid against Alec's back, and Alec felt safe and wanted and loved.

And then there was the firmness of Magnus's morning wood tucked between the cheeks of Alec's ass. He bit his lip, not entirely sure why he wasn't panicking about this when just last night he'd had a panic attack over having sex with Magnus. He wasn't going to complain though. He felt too damn good right now.

Maybe it was the fact that Magnus was still so obviously unconscious? He didn't know, because he didn't really understand what had triggered the panic attack in the first place.

He shifted slightly, partially to see the clock to figure out what time it was, but also because he really needed to pee. Magnus rolled onto his back but didn't wake, and Alec sat up. The clock read 8:15. He had plenty of time before his class began. He slipped out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom.

He felt a little awkward making himself at home with Magnus's toiletries. Did he have the right to do that yet? It couldn't be helped. He had class and he needed to shower and shave first.

A thought occurred to him as he wrapped his towel around his waist and headed back into Magnus's bedroom: He didn't have clean clothes to wear. Magnus was awake now and sitting up, looking disheveled from sleep and absolutely gorgeous. He rubbed his bleary eyes and smiled at Alec.

"I could get used to waking up to this," Magnus said, glancing down Alec's lean, nearly naked body.

Alec blushed. "Can I borrow something clean to wear?" he said, ignoring Magnus's gaze. He'd always had trouble thinking clearly when Magnus looked at him that way.

"Sure," Magnus said, getting out of bed and strolling over to a sleek, dark dresser. "Shorts or pants?"

"Um, it's March. Only you wear shorts in March."

Magnus chuckled and tossed Alec a pair of jeans. Alec caught them awkwardly, and his towel slipped to the floor. "Hey, are these mine?" Alec said, assessing the jeans. "They are. You kept my jeans?"

Magnus shrugged. "I thought I sent all your clothes to your parents' place. Sorry."

"It's okay." Alec took the boxers Magnus offered him and pulled them on. They fit. He'd always been so much broader than Magnus he could never fit into his clothes. This was too weird. He pulled on the pants. "I think I'm going to need a belt," he said. His waist was no longer big enough to keep his old jeans in place.

Magnus was bent over, rooting through some shirts for one Alec might find acceptable to wear. Alec had a clear view of the tattoo that now adorned his left shoulder blade, right over his heart. _His _tattoo. The one Magnus had gotten to symbolize his love for him.

He found himself reaching out and gently tracing the smooth, curly lines that resembled an A. Magnus froze in place, goosebumps erupting over his skin at Alec's touch. He thought he heard a soft moan. He withdrew his hand as Magnus stood, clutching a t-shirt to his chest. Magnus didn't say anything, but Alec could see the emotion in his eyes.

"Here you go," Magnus said, handing him the shirt. It was navy blue with a swirly, artistic design on the front and no writing.

Alec's fingers brushed Magnus's as he took the shirt, sending electricity up his arm and straight to his heart. "Thanks," he said, turning away quickly and dragging the shirt over his head.

When he turned back around, Magnus was dressed and waiting for him in the doorway. They went into the kitchen where there was already hot coffee in the pot waiting for them. They shared some toast with strawberry jam and a banana and each had multiple cups of coffee, Magnus's with his weird sweetener he liked, and Alec's black.

"I have a therapy session Tuesday at three. Can you come to that one?" Alec said as he finished the last of his coffee.

Magnus appeared thoughtful for a moment, probably scanning a mental image of his schedule to see if he was free. "That should work."

"Great. I'll let Dr. Daniels know."

Magnus rinsed the cups and set them in the dishwasher. Alec chuckled to himself, thinking he'd have to go through nearly all his dishes to have enough dirty ones to run the dishwasher.

"So, are we still on for Saturday night?" Magnus asked, leaning against the countertop and crossing his arms over his chest.

Saturday night had become their date night. Magnus didn't often have a game that night, and Alec was usually free. Alec looked forward to Saturdays, knowing he would see Magnus. "Yeah."

"Good. Um, Infernal Devices has a show that night. Do you want to go, or should we do something else?"

Will and Jem. He hadn't seen them in a year. He suddenly felt nervous. "Are they mad at me?" he said in a small voice.

"Mad? Why would they be mad at you?"

Alec gave him a look. "Because…I hurt you."

Magnus pushed himself off the countertop and crossed the space to Alec. "No. One. Is. Mad. At. You. Alec." He sounded a little exasperated. "We all get it. We wanted to be there for you, but we all understand that it was something you had to do on your own, in your own way. You're back now. I'd like to help you reconnect with everyone else, if you're ready."

"I need to see Cammie and Austin," Alec said. "I was supposed to see them over Christmas but that didn't work out." He talked to them every Sunday on the phone, but he still hadn't seen them, and he really wanted to.

"So invite them to your graduation," Magnus suggested. "We'll have a killer party afterward."

Alec smiled, nodding his head. "That sounds great. And yes, I'd like to go to the show Saturday night." He shouldered into his jacket. "Hey," he added as a thought occurred to him, "maybe you should invite Lexus to join us, if she's still in town."

"She is. She's leaving on Monday." Magnus gave him a curious look. "Why do you want to invite her?"

"Well, she's important to you. I may as well get to know her, right? Besides, if she's with us, then you can pretend like you're still dating her."

"What?" Magnus said. Anger flared in his eyes, but he quickly extinguished it. So quickly Alec wasn't entirely sure he'd actually seen it. "Why would I want to pretend to still be dating Lexus if we are dating?"

"For the same reason you were pretending in the first place. Your careers."

"No, Alec." Magnus shook his head, sighing. "I'm not hiding who I am anymore."

"But you've been pretending to date her for months…"

"For her. Because they asked me to."

"But you said it's helped with your team, too."

"I don't give a fuck what my team thinks!" Magnus said, his expression so earnest Alec couldn't help believing him. "I don't care. Not since the day you walked out our door and never came back. I'll never let them come between us again. I'll never let them make me feel bad or inferior or whatever because they don't approve of my lifestyle. I love you, and that's what matters to me. I'm proud to be with you. It means everything to me. I won't hide. Never again."

Alec didn't know what to say. He'd wanted all along for Magnus to feel comfortable with their relationship being public. And he had been for a time, until his NBA teammates started giving him so much shit and making him feel bad for being himself.

"If you want to get to know Lexus," Magnus continued, "I'll invite her, but I'm not pretending like I'm dating her anymore. I've already talked to her about it and she's fine with 'ending our relationship.'" He actually made air-quotes with his fingers. Alec smiled. Magnus took his hands. "I'm yours, Alec Lightwood. I always have been."

Magnus kissed him gently, the sweet taste of his coffee still on his lips. Alec absolutely hated tearing himself away from the kiss.

"I really have to go," he said sadly. "I've got class in twenty minutes. I'll be lucky to make it there on time."

"I know."

Magnus walked him to the door, holding hands with him. He opened the door with his free hand and Alec stepped through. Magnus kissed him one last time, a soft, lingering kiss that told how much he didn't want to let Alec go.

"See you Saturday," Alec said as his fingers slipped free of Magnus's.

He strode down the hall with more confidence than he'd felt in a really long time.


	78. Chapter 78

Alec arrived at Magnus's Saturday night to find Lexus Dixon already there. She was sprawled out on the couch drinking wine straight from the bottle. Her brilliant pink hair was spiked on top tonight and she wore a short, slinky black dress with silver belt around the waist and very tall, painful-looking, spiky silver shoes. Alec's feet hurt looking at them. He couldn't imagine wearing such a thing. He was suddenly very glad he was a guy and didn't have to.

She grinned maniacally when he walked in the door. "Hey!" she said, though not as frighteningly bubbly as she had the first time they'd met. She sounded genuinely happy to see him, but not weirdly so. Alec was relieved about that.

Magnus was nowhere to be found by a brief glance around the apartment, so he sat down on the other end of the couch. Lexus held the bottle out toward him, and after a moment's hesitation, he took it and drank a long swig. "He's getting dressed," Lexus informed him as he handed the bottle back to her.

Her words were unnecessary. A moment later, Magnus appeared in the doorway looking ten kinds of gorgeous. He wore slim, black jeans with a black button-up shirt open to reveal a snug white t-shirt underneath. Black boots finished off the outfit. His hair was styled in front and he wore a black knit hat over the back of his head.

"Dammit," said Lexus, who was also staring at Magnus. "Why do we both have to be gay?"

"So he can be mine," Alec said, getting to his feet and striding proudly over to Magnus. He kissed him squarely on the lips, because he had to. He looked too damn good not to.

Lexus giggled behind him. Alec broke away and grinned up into Magnus's face. "You look…yummy."

Magnus's lip quivered, then broke into a grin. "Yummy?"

"Yep. Like 'good enough to eat.'" Alec felt the heat in his face at those words, but he couldn't help it. Just looking at Magnus had his mouth watering. He tried to shake off the lust boiling through his veins. "When did you start dressing like this?" he asked, stepping a few paces away from Magnus.

"Oh, that would by my fault," Lexus said, leaning backward over the couch to look at them upside-down. "He looks good like that."

"He does," Alec agreed. "I'm just not used to seeing him in anything but basketball gear."

"Oh, he still wears that all the time. I just made him get some things he could wear when we went out."

Thinking back, Alec remembered that he'd seen Magnus in slacks and jeans in the last few weeks, things he'd never really worn before. He'd had a nice suit to wear for special occasions, but other than that, it really was basketball shorts, warm-ups, or nothing. Magnus didn't do dressy. He never had. Alec was surprised Lexus had managed to get him to buy something else.

Magnus must have read something of his thoughts on his face. "She caught me in a moment of weakness," he whispered in Alec's ear. "I didn't really care how I looked, but she insisted. If it bothers you, I can change."

"What?" Alec said, surprised. "No, it doesn't bother me. You look really good. I'm just surprised is all. You never wore stuff like this before."

Magnus grinned and kissed Alec lightly on the forehead. "You never made me."

Ah. That was true. Alec had never cared what Magnus wore. He looked good no matter what he wore anyway.

They caught a cab to a little club in Brooklyn Alec hadn't been to before. There was a small stage set up along the back wall, not much more than knee height. A smattering of tables filled the main part of the bar. No dance floor. Alec eyed the room skeptically. Infernal Devices shows usually had more people in attendance than would ever fit in such a small space. He wondered if management knew what they were in for.

Lexus picked a table in the middle of the room and immediately instructed Magnus to go to the bar and get them drinks. "Something fruity," she said with a giggle.

Alec followed Magnus with his eyes to the crowded bar, knowing he'd be there for awhile. He glanced back at Lexus. "I assume you sent him there so you could talk to me alone."

"You're very perceptive, Alec Lightwood," she said with a grin. "Don't worry. I don't bite. I just wanted to say that I'm really glad you're back in his life. He loves you, and I can tell you love him, too."

"You can tell that by talking to me twice?" Alec said skeptically.

"No, I can tell that because you came back. If you didn't love him, there would have been no reason to come back in his life and possibly upset him."

Alec leaned back in his chair, thinking about that. He wasn't sure he could take the credit she was offering. He'd been a total mess when he'd left Magnus a year ago, and he hadn't been much better when he returned. He couldn't honestly say, on that day, that he still loved Magnus, so how could she?

"I know what you're thinking. I've talked to Magnus several times about this already. I know you'd suppressed your feelings for him, but in the end, you had to know if there was still something there. You wouldn't have felt that way if you didn't love him. Trust me."

"I really don't know what to say," Alec said, "but I'm really glad he had you as a friend when I wasn't around. I never wanted to hurt him."

"We all know that. Even me, who didn't know you before. He told me so much about you, I felt like I knew you."

"Alec?" said a voice from the past.

Alec got to his feet and within moments had a strong pair of arms around him. "Will!" Alec said happily. "Jem!" he added when Will released him. Jem, being a little less demonstrative than Will, simply grinned and shook Alec's hand.

"We didn't know you were coming!" Will said.

"He just invited me a few days ago," said Alec. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a streak of hot pink and remembered Lexus was with him. "Oh, sorry. Lexus Dixon, meet Jem Carstairs and Will Herondale."

Lexus stuck out her hand and shook Jem's first, then Will's. "Nice to meet you," she said politely. "Wait. Did you say Will _Herondale_?"

Will's eyes widened. "Have we met before? Wait, Lexus Dixon?"

"Yes!"

"Oh hell!"

"What's going on here?" said Magnus, joining the group. He carried three colorful glasses, which Alec helped him place on the table. "Sorry guys, I didn't know you'd be here or I would have brought you drinks, too," he added to Will and Jem.

"No problem," said Jem distractedly. "How do you two know each other?" he addressed to Will and Lexus.

"I just got a song from my record producer that Will wrote," Lexus said.

"Yeah, he called me last week and said he thought you'd be perfect for it," Will said. "What did you think about it?"

"I love it! I've been playing around with the vocals for the last few days, trying to see how I want to do it," Lexus said excitedly. "I told my manager to get the ball rolling. I want to record it."

"Yes!" Will said, punching the air and doing a silly little dance. Alec chuckled at the sight.

"Will, they're calling for us," Jem said.

Will glanced over his shoulder to see their drummer waving his drumsticks over his head to get their attention. He chuckled. "So, Lexus, since you're here, you want to do the song on stage?"

"What? I've only been playing with it for a couple of days! I'm nowhere near ready to perform it! And we've never practiced it." She looked at him like he was crazy.

Jem laughed. "Never mind my insane husband," he said. "But if you'd like to do a couple of songs with us, that would be great. We do a bunch of cover songs that you'll probably know."

Lexus, still looking a little stunned about being asked to perform a song she barely knew on stage, broke into a slow smile. "Now that sounds like fun!"

"Great," said Will. "Meet us backstage after the first set!" Then he and Jem disappeared into the crowd.

Alec, Magnus, and Lexus took their seats and then very large drinks from their frozen, fruity cocktails. Alec immediately regretted it when he got a brain-freeze. He decided to suck on the huge chunk of pineapple and leave the drink alone for a minute.

"I didn't know your Will was Will Herondale," she said to Magnus. "That's so cool. I can't wait for you to hear his song. It's beautiful. He's a really talented songwriter."

"That he is," Magnus said, clearly not surprised by the praise for his best friend. "He wrote most of Infernal Devices original songs. He's been doing it his whole life. I'm glad he's finally starting to make money at it." He swiped at a bead of sweat running down the side of his glass.

The electric sounds of a guitar drew their attention to the stage. Jem, as usual, wore his billowing silvery shirt to match his flowing silvery hair and stricking silvery eyes. Alec had nearly forgotten how stunningly beautiful he was.

"Hello, Brooklyn!" he said into the microphone. "Are you ready to rock?"

Cheers went up from the crowd that had steadily grown since they'd arrived. Every inch of floor space was now occupied by someone. Alec was glad they had seats, but it was difficult to see the stage from a seated position.

Infernal Devices launched into their usual mixture of original and cover songs. All of their music was rock, some heavy metal songs combined with heart-pumping rock tunes, and even a few power ballads. Jem had quite a voice and Will knew how to make the guitar sing.

They'd finished their drinks by the end of the first set when Lexus gave them a little wave and disappeared to the backstage area. Magnus ordered refills for him and Alec, saying Lexus could get whatever she wanted backstage. The bars usually took good care of their talent.

When the band came back on stage, the first thing Alec noticed was how good Jem and Lexus looked onstage together. Lexus's black dress with silver belt and shoes were the perfect compliment to Jem's silver shirt and black pants. The bright pink of her hair added a splash of color that made it look like they'd planned this from the beginning.

"We have a special surprise tonight," Jem said, holding his hand out toward Lexus. "Ladies and gentlemen, Lexus Dixon!"

Lexus waved and said a few words of greeting, then Will hit a guitar riff and the group launched into the music. They'd chosen some classic rock songs that had women vocalists, ones that were popular and that most musicians would know well enough to perform on the spur of the moment. Songs like Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain." Lexus's voice was much smoother than Stevie Nicks's, and Jem's deeper voice made it a perfect duet for the two. They did a few other songs together, then ended with Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee." The crowd went wild over that one, singing along because everyone knows that song, right?

After another short break, the band returned to do most of their last set. Lexus must have stayed in the wings backstage, because she didn't return to the table. The crowd, though small because of the venue, was very good that night. They were into the music and the addition of Lexus to the set sent them over the moon. When she returned to finish out the last few songs, they were nearly at fever pitch.

Lexus and Jem sang very well together. Her higher pitch accompanied his tenor very nicely. Even singing songs with male vocalists worked out well for them. Alec was impressed, and their rendition of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" nearly brought the roof down.

Then, Alec saw Will exchange a look with Lexus, who rolled her eyes in what appeared to be an incredulous manner. He grinned, then said something to a guy standing beside the stage. Jem and the rest of the band left the stage as the guy, who Alec assumed was a roadie or something, brought two tall barstools onto the stage, then disappeared.

Will grabbed a microphone and sat down on one stool as Lexus did the same on the other. "Would you guys like to hear a song that hasn't even been recorded yet?" Loud cheering ensued. "This is a song called 'Gone.' I wrote it, and Lexus is going to record it. We've never practiced it, so bear with us."

They situated themselves facing each other. Will started a beautiful guitar riff, the melody flowing freely from his fingers. If he made any mistakes, Alec couldn't tell, and he didn't think anyone else could either. Lexus came in, her voice strong and sultry. She sang of words of lost love, of mistakes and regrets.

It was like someone cast a spell over the audience. People swayed to the music, lifting their cell phones and lighters above their heads, a small sea of stars in the dimness of the room. Lexus's performance was so heartfelt, Alec could hear her pain as she clenched her fists to her chest, dropped her eyelids closed, and belted out the words of the song. Breathtakingly beautiful.

The applause and cheers at the end of the song were deafening. Alec could barely hear Will's "Thank you. Goodnight," and barely see them leave the stage through the crowd.

Alec glanced at Magnus and found him staring at him, an odd expression on his face. He was clearly as moved by the song as Alec was. Alec reached over and took his hand, putting all his emotions into the gesture. Magnus smiled at him, grateful for the affection, his touch, his love.

Lexus, Will, and Jem joined them a short time later. Magnus had ordered another round of cocktails for everyone but Will, who he knew would prefer a bourbon and coke instead.

"That was…"Alec began as the others dropped into their seats.

"Amazing," Magnus finished for him.

Alec and Jem nodded in agreement. "Simply beautiful," Jem said.

"Will?" said Lexus. "Would you consider recording that song with me? Just like that. Just you and me and your guitar, semi-acoustic."

"Really?" Will said, eyes wide with surprise.

"Yes. They're right. That was amazing. Magical. And it's your song. You deserve more than songwriting royalties for it."

"You mean I can be on a real album?"

Alec gave him a look. "Wait. I have an Infernal Devices album. I bought it two years ago at a Pride event with Dylan."

Will grinned. "Yes, but that was just for fun. Jem rented the recording studio, and I don't think we even made enough copies to cover the production costs. We took them everywhere that sold local music in New York, but as far as I know it never made it past the city limits. Lexus's album would be national, maybe even global!"

Lexus shrugged. "Depends on how well it sells in the US, but yeah. You'll get a lot more exposure than just New York."

"Won't your band be upset if Will's playing on one of the songs?" Alec asked. He didn't know shit about the music industry, but it seemed like a reasonable possibility.

Lexus shook her head. "I don't have a band. I hire people when I go in the studio. I try to get the same ones each time, but they're not always available. I usually have different musicians with me when I tour, ones that _want_ to travel. I don't think anyone will get their feelings hurt if Will does this song with me."

Alec's eyes instinctively went to Jem. He wondered how Jem felt about Lexus and Will recording the song together. But Jem was smiling, and the look in his eyes when he looked at Will showed nothing but love and pride. He was okay with it.

"So, it's settled." Will pulled a business card from his wallet and gave it to Lexus, who slipped it into her bra. She wasn't carrying a purse. "Have your people call…well, me."

They all laughed at that. Then, Will and Jem begged off to go help the rest of the band pack up the gear and find the bar manager so they could get paid. Magnus, Lexus, and Alec finished their drinks, paid the bartender, and went out into the chilly night air to catch a cab.

When the cab pulled up outside Lexus's hotel, she told Alec she'd had a great time and thanked him for the invitation. They all agreed they should do it again the next time she was in town. Then Magnus walked her to the door of the hotel, hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. Alec felt no jealousy whatsoever about that.

"So?" Magnus said when the cab started moving again, this time in the direction of his apartment. He slipped his hand into Alec's.

"I like her," Alec said definitively. And it was true. She had a great personality, someone easy to get along with. Everyone seemed to like her. And damn did she have a set of pipes! That girl could sing.

"So you're okay with her hanging out with us?" Magnus's eyes looked very bright in the dim car.

"I'm more than okay with it. I want her to."

Magnus pulled him into a hug. Alec noticed the cabbie's eyes drift to the rearview mirror as Magnus whispered, "Thank you. I love you." He didn't see any hostility there, just curiosity. He smiled as he told Magnus he loved him, too.

Alec followed Magnus into his building, up the elevator and into the dark apartment. Magnus flicked on the electric fireplace, casting a soft glow on their faces. He wrapped them in a blanket, sitting side by side on the couch, fingers and ankles entwined.

After a time being wrapped up in each other, silently enjoying the quiet of Magnus's apartment, Alec said, "Lexus has a sad story, doesn't she." It wasn't exactly a question. He just had a feeling.

"Yes," Magnus said softly. "She's had a broken heart."

"I thought so. She put too much feeling into that song, like she understood it."

"She does. She was very much in love with her last girlfriend. She thought everything was great, until the day Mandy told her she didn't want to be in a relationship with someone famous. She said she couldn't handle the reporters and cameras and everyone always being in her business. There wasn't much Lex could do about it. Her career is taking off. She's getting more and more acting jobs. This album will be her third, and that song Will wrote? I'd be surprised if it didn't hit #1 in the charts. She's going to be a star. So, yeah, she knows loss, and she knows having to move on with her career even when her world is falling apart."

"Is that why you were willing to pretend you were dating her?"

"What? Because I felt sorry for her, or because we were in the same situation?"

Alec flinched. "Both, I guess," he said softly.

"Yes. I understood where she was coming from. She wanted to be left alone, and having a boyfriend helped with that to an extent. We bonded over our shared grief and heartache." Magnus kissed his temple, rubbing his nose gently against Alec's hair.

"And that's why she's so happy that I'm back in your life? Because she wishes she could have her girlfriend back, too?"

Magnus's hair tickled Alec's face as he shook his head. "No. She's genuinely happy that we are back together. It has nothing to do with her own loss."

They let those words hang in the air for a bit, then Alec said, "How did Will and Lexus not already know each other?"

"That's my fault. I kept them apart, mostly because I didn't know how much Lex was going to mean to me or how long she'd be around. It was time they met though. Thanks for suggesting it."

Alec snuggled against him, absorbing the warmth of his body, relaxing with the aide of several cocktails, feeling...content. They'd had a wonderful night. Will and Jem had acted like they'd last seen him a few weeks ago, not more than a year. They hadn't been mad at him. Maybe some day he would let that lesson sink in. And he genuinely liked Lexus. He thought they had a real chance at being good friends.

And Magnus. Magnus was amazing. Magnus was perfect.

He had no trouble agreeing to stay the night again.

* * *

**A/N: There are a few songs here I'd add to the list of 'greatest songs ever written' (you know, along with "Purple Rain"). Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" is one of my all-time favorite songs. Also "Me and Bobby McGee" is awesome. Pink did a cover of it. It's on YouTube (what isn't on YouTube?). While you're looking stuff up on YouTube, Velvet Revolver did a cover of "Wish You Were Here" that was really, really good. Cheers to great music!**


	79. Chapter 79

**A/N: Sabiduria: You know, sometimes I feel like the chapters are too short and sometimes like they go on forever! Lol. **

**To everyone who's commented about Lexus: I, too, love her, a lot more than I thought I would. She's kind of stealing the show. **

**I swear this story is writing itself. Some of the chapters are ending up in a completely different place than I thought they were going to when I started writing them...**

* * *

Alec stood leaned against the brick siding of the building that contained Dr. Daniels's office. It was a warm day for late March, the kind where the radiant sun made jackets unnecessary, the kind that heated the bricks and made them comfortable to lean against. He felt the sun on his face, the gentle breeze fluffing his hair. If not for the uncomfortable therapy session he was about to be the focus of, the day would be perfect. He felt good, like everything was finally starting to go right…except for the one little problem he was going to have to discuss.

His pulled his vibrating phone from his pocket. He couldn't see the screen in the bright sunlight, so he ducked inside the building. It was Magnus.

_Hey. Sorry. Practice ran over. I'm leaving now. Be there in twenty minutes?_

Alec snorted. No way in hell would he get there so quickly. He hit the call button and listened to it ring several times before Magnus picked up.

"Hey."

Magnus's voice went straight through him. Every. Damn. Time. "Hey. Um, don't get yourself killed trying to get here in twenty minutes."

Magnus chuckled. "I'm fine."

"I know you are," Alec said, and heard a corresponding snicker from Magnus. Asshole. "You know what I mean. Just because you have a fancy sports car doesn't mean you need to drive like a maniac."

"I don't want to be late. I don't want you to think that meeting with your therapist isn't important to me. Because it is."

Alec smiled to himself. "I know. You can't help it if your coach keeps you late. I don't mind you being late, actually. I wanted to talk to Dr. Daniels for a moment alone anyway."

"Oh, okay."

Alec could hear the anxiety or stress or whatever it was seep out of Magnus's voice. "Be careful. I'll see you soon enough. Okay?"

"Yeah. See you soon."

Alec ended the call and checked the time. He still had about fifteen minutes before his appointment time, so he decided to walk a couple blocks and get a coffee to kill time. The sun warmed his skin as he made the quick trip and back.

He stared at the brick veneer, and sighed. He was not looking forward to this therapy session, even if Magnus would be there with him. He hated his panic attacks, and hated talking about them. And he feared that wouldn't be nearly as uncomfortable as talking about his sex life with Dr. Daniels while Magnus was sitting right there!

But he wanted to work this out, so he yanked open the door and made the very familiar trek up to Dr. Daniels's office. He dropped his empty coffee cup into the trash can just inside the waiting room door. "Hello, Jean!" he called. The sweet lady that acted as Dr. Daniels's receptionist came over and gave him a swift hug. He'd grown to really like her. She had a comforting, motherly air about her that nearly always put him at ease.

Today, it didn't help that much. 'Motherly' and 'sex talk' are not concepts he ever wanted to put together, thank-you-very-much.

"Let me see if he's ready for you," she said, and disappeared. Alec always got the sense that she knew when she was making him uncomfortable. He felt bad. He didn't want to feel uncomfortable around her, and it certainly wasn't _her_ fault that he was feeling that way. It was just circumstances, like it so often seemed to be for him these days.

She motioned him toward Dr. Daniels's office and left him to find his own way. He found Dr. Daniels sitting behind his desk with what Alec assumed was his own leather-bound notebook open, reading and making notes. Dr. Daniels looked up and smiled when he saw Alec.

Dr. Daniels got them both a cup of coffee -Alec wasn't sure he needed another one. He was already nervous enough as it was, but he accepted it nonetheless. They settled into their usual seats and started with the usual small talk niceties.

After a few moments of silence, Alec blurted out, "You knew, didn't you?"

Dr. Daniels's eyebrows rose. "Sorry?" he said, setting his cup on the coffee table.

Alec wondered if his tone had been threatening or defensive or something. He started over. "You knew, when you kept pushing me to see Magnus, you knew I still loved him, didn't you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"We went out with Magnus's friend, Lexus Dixon, Saturday night. She said something…she said she knew I still loved him because I came back."

"And that bothered you?"

"Well, yeah. How can she know that? _I _didn't know how I felt when I went to see Magnus that day. _I _didn't know I still loved him. I didn't know if he wanted to see me or if me showing up was going to make everything worse. I didn't know he still loved me and I don't even know why I went there in the first place, except that you and my dad and everyone else kept saying I needed to talk to him!"

Alec's chest heaved after that rant. His emotions jumbled inside him to the point he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. He wished he didn't have to feel everything so damn acutely.

"How could you know I loved him if I didn't even know?" he said, leaning back in his seat, defeated.

"Alec, I didn't _know_ that you still loved him," Dr. Daniels said, but Alec had trouble believing him. He felt like an idiot, not even knowing his own heart. "I suspected you did, with everything you'd told me I knew there were still some deep feelings that you needed to work through. But I didn't know for sure that you'd still be in love with him, and I certainly didn't know he'd still be in love with you."

"He said if I didn't know he'd wait for me, then I didn't know how much he loved me. Do you think that's true? Do you think his love was stronger than I ever knew?" Alec flicked his eyes up to Dr. Daniels's. "How is that possible? I knew he loved me. And I was so wrong about him and Lexus. I jumped to conclusions instead of trusting that I knew him."

"Alec, you were projecting your fears," Dr. Daniels said gently.

"I got everything wrong. I messed up so badly and got everything wrong!"

"You're making amends now."

"Why do I deserve another chance?"

Dr. Daniels's brows furrowed. "Where is this coming from? Has something happened? Did you and Magnus have a fight?"

Alec shook his head. "No, it's not that." He put his head in his hands. "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, bringing Magnus back into this madness."

"Alec, stop," Dr. Daniels said forcefully. "If something has happened, we can talk about it. If you are feeling insecure with the relationship, we can talk about it. But you cannot sit here in your own little pity-party without telling me what's going on."

Alec looked up at that. He didn't know how Dr. Daniels did it, but he always seemed to know when Alec needed him to be gentle, and when he needed a strong hand. He was right, of course. Alec knew he would be. He knew as soon as he sat in his chair he was going to fall apart over this stupid panic attack. He sighed deeply.

"Magnus is on his way."

"He is?" Dr. Daniels seemed surprised, but not displeased. In fact, he appeared very happy that Magnus was finally going to join one of their sessions.

"Yes. His practice ran a little long." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "He should be here soon."

There was a knock on the door, and Magnus peeked his head into the room. Dr. Daniels gestured for him to come in and sit down. He closed the door softly behind him, then looked from Alec, sitting in his armchair, to the couch, the only remaining available seat. He shrugged and sat down on the couch, then introduced himself to Dr. Daniels.

"Pleasure to meet you," Dr. Daniels said.

"Likewise," said Magnus. "Thank you for taking good care of him." He nodded his head toward Alec.

Alec sat there, staring at Magnus, and at that couch. He'd successfully avoided sitting on the stupid thing for a year. He didn't like it. It made him _feel_ like he was in therapy, like there was something wrong with him. But there was something fundamentally wrong with Magnus sitting on that couch by himself during Alec's therapy session. He swallowed the lump in his throat, slid out of his chair and onto the couch next to Magnus.

Dr. Daniels gave a flicker of surprise, which quickly morphed into what could be pride or satisfaction or something along those lines. Alec felt a little proud of himself for taking the step, even if his reluctance was ridiculous in the first place. It was a mini-victory of sorts. Now to see if he can talk from the couch…

He looked at the other two, wondering where to start. Magnus twined their fingers together, giving them a squeeze, and giving Alec an injection of courage.

"We, um, we wanted to talk to you about something," Alec began, mentally kicking himself for such a lame opening line. His skin crawled with anxiety.

"I can see you are stressing, Alec," said Dr. Daniels. "You know how to do this. Just say it."

Alec nodded. He did know. He'd been doing this for a year, spitting out words that were hard to say, feelings that were hard to deal with. This was different, but it was also the same.

"I had a panic attack." Alec said this to his hand, the one surrounded by Magnus warm, brown one. He looked Dr. Daniels in the eye, somehow, and forced himself to say, "During sex."

Dr. Daniels's eyes widened in understanding.

"Well, it wasn't exactly _during_ sex," Magnus amended. "We were just getting started…" Magnus broke off. Alec felt the shiver run through his body, and remembered Magnus's expression when he'd had the attack. He was as frightened as Alec had been.

"I see," said Dr. Daniels. "Was Magnus on top?"

Alec and Magnus shared a look. "Yes," they said together.

"And how exactly did it happen?"

Alec blushed. He was familiar with Dr. Daniels's techniques. He knew he had to talk about this, not just so Dr. Daniels could help him, but because he _needed_ to talk about it.

"I found out I got the job with the Knicks," he said. "I went to Magnus's to tell him. I thought we might go out to celebrate or something, but he kissed me. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed."

"When did the panic attack start?"

Alec saw the scene in his mind, just like he had so many other times talking to Dr. Daniels. "He was on top of me, holding me, kissing me. I felt him…" He paused, steeling himself to say the words. "I felt him…ready to enter me…" He couldn't say the rest. He just couldn't do it.

"He started panicking then," Magnus said, taking over for him. Alec gave him a grateful look, and he smiled reassuringly. "He couldn't breathe. He started saying 'no' over and over and pushing me away. I was so scared I'd done something to hurt him…"

"No, Magnus," Alec said. He hadn't realized Magnus felt that way, and it pained him that Magnus had been thinking that. "No, you didn't hurt me. I don't know why I had a panic attack then, but you didn't hurt me."

"You don't know why you had the attack?" Dr. Daniels said. "Think about it."

Alec did. He had, many times already. He just didn't like the conclusion he'd come to. "I think…it's because…I felt really vulnerable." That wasn't exactly what he thought, but it was the best he could do at the moment.

"Which makes sense," said Dr. Daniels. "Alec, you weren't on top when John raped you. Even if you can't remember what happened, somewhere in your subconscious, you know. He was on top. You couldn't get away because you were drugged and he could easily hold you down."

Magnus's face blanched. "H-he thought I was going to…to r-rape him?"

"What? No!" Alec protested. "No, I didn't think that!"

"Not consciously, no," Dr. Daniels said, "but I think your body recognized the action as a potential threat, and reacted. Think of it like intuition. The little hairs on the back of your neck that stand up when something is wrong, even if you don't consciously realize something is wrong until the moment they stand up."

"So I'll never be able to have sex with him again without having a panic attack?" Alec said miserably, no longer caring how uncomfortable he felt about the conversation. He just wanted to be normal again. He just wanted to be able to love Magnus, and be with him, and have sex with him. He fucking hated John!

"I didn't say that," Dr. Daniels said. Alec stared at him, clinging to his words and the hope they inspired. "It's something we'll have to work on. Just like everything else we've had to work on. But there are some things you two can do until we get this problem resolved."

"Like what?"

"Well, Alec, you told me you are both versatile in bed." Alec blushed deeply at having him say that so baldly in front of Magnus. Magnus seemed unfazed, however, and Alec suddenly wondered what Magnus's own therapist knew about him, about them. "Maybe you would react differently if you were the one on top?"

Alec felt like a giant cosmic hand had just face-palmed him. What an obvious answer to their problem. "What if...what if it doesn't work?" he said, still kind of dazed and feeling more than a little stupid.

"Then we'll know that sex itself is the problem, and we'll figure out a way to address it, just like we always do. In the meantime, I'm sure you can find ways other than penetration to be together sexually."

Damn, doctors sure knew how to make a point. Alec still felt uncomfortable, but at least Dr. Daniels had offered them some things to try to see what he could do without freaking out. Magnus smiled awkwardly at him, and he wondered what he was thinking.

To Alec's relief, they spent the last few minutes of the session talking about Magnus's career. Dr. Daniels was unsurprisingly a big fan of basketball, having been close friends with Robert Lightwood in college. No one could resist the charm of basketball with Robert around.

Afterward, Magnus drove Alec back to his apartment. The ride was long and tedious now that it was rush hour and everyone and their brother was trying to get home from work. But it wasn't tedious in a bad way, not for Alec anyway. He was too worried about what Magnus thought about the therapy session and Dr. Daniels and Alec's issues and sex and everything!

"It's going to be okay, Alec," Magnus said, giving a signal to merge into the inside lane on the interstate. "We'll figure this out. We'll get through it."

"Do you really think so?" Alec asked. "You're still willing to try?"

"Do I have to keep answering this question?" Magnus said, but he didn't look mad or upset. He just glanced briefly at Alec from the corner of his eye. "I said I'm here for you, and I mean it. I love you. I don't care how long it takes or what it takes, I will make this up to you."

_I will make this up to you_? "Wait. Tell me you're not agreeing to help me fix this because you feel guilty."

Magnus rolled his eyes and hit the brake as traffic slowed in front of him again. They'd enjoyed a very short stretch of moderately swift traffic movement, but that appeared to be over for now. "Yes, I want to help you. Yes, I feel guilty for what happened to you. Those two things are unrelated. I waited almost a year for you to come back to me. I would have waited twenty. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Got it?"

Alec grinned. "Yeah, I got it. I just don't want you to feel obligated."

"You were never an obligation to me. Being with you is not something I'm _required_ to do, it's something I _want_ to do."

Alec looped their fingers together and smiled. "Thanks for coming with me today. Dr. Daniels really wanted to meet you. You helped me a lot."

"I hope so. I'm glad I went."

They spent the rest of the ride deciding what to do about dinner and what they wanted to do that night. Both felt tired after the intense therapy session, so they decided to have Chinese food delivered and watch some basketball. Magnus thought there should be some good late-season games on. Pity it wasn't later in the week so they could watch some of the NCAA tournament together.

When they got inside Magnus's apartment, however, Alec didn't feel so much like watching basketball. He'd been mulling over what Dr. Daniels had said. If his issue was really just being the bottom, well, he didn't have to be. He'd topped Magnus plenty of times before. He hoped he could find a way to bottom again, because he really liked it. He wanted that feeling again. It was almost a desperate need for him, and he wasn't sure why, but he knew he would do whatever it took to be able to do it again one day soon. Today was not that day, however. But today? Today, he could fuck Magnus.

The problem was he didn't know how to ask Magnus for what he wanted.

He sat nervously on the couch while Magnus ordered dinner. He watched Magnus, his tall, slender frame slightly slouched in a way that made him look cool, relaxed, sexy as all hell. He poured them each a glass of ice water as he spoke into the phone, his hair hanging a little into his face, the perfect shape of his mouth forming the words that were currently meaningless to Alec, the timbre of his voice shooting straight through him.

Magnus got off the phone and scooped up the waters, bringing them into the living room where Alec sat waiting. "Food will be here in twenty minutes."

Whatever fears or worries or unsettled feelings he'd been having crumbled. He grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and pushed him back on the overlong couch, climbing on top of him. Alec kissed him greedily, hungrily, like he'd lost all control of himself. He wasn't honestly sure that he hadn't. He wanted Magnus, wanted to see if he could have him. This was an experiment he was very much willing to try.

Magnus was startled, and took a moment to catch up before he kissed Alec back. When he did, when Alec felt him responding, he went to a whole new level. His fingers found the hem of Magnus's shirt and dived beneath it, searching for Magnus's skin. Magnus felt warm and inviting and Alec wanted the barriers between them gone. Now.

He pushed Magnus's shirt up higher and higher until Magnus finally figured out what he wanted and stretched his arms up. Alec yanked the shirt off of him, then pulled his own over his head and discarded them onto the floor. He kissed Magnus fiercely, his soft lips, the sharp line of his jaw, the sinewy cords of his neck. He wrapped his arms around Magnus, fingers seeking the familiar places they knew so well, the places that would get Magnus worked up into a frenzy.

He pressed their bare chests together and sighed into Magnus's mouth at the contact, warm flesh against warm flesh, soft brown against pale white. They were a study in contrast, if he were so inclined to study. In that moment he was not. In that moment, he simply needed to feel the firm muscles of Magnus's chest pressed against his own, the sharp point of Magnus's nipple standing erect from the coolness of the living room air and the heat of their bodies.

Alec's hips moved on their own as his cock decided to join the party, seeking out it's own attention in it's desperate need to be touched. He ground his pelvis into Magnus's over and over, reveling in the feel of Magnus's dick growing with the contact. He reached a hand down and grasped Magnus's cock through his shorts. God he wanted this.

Magnus gasped. "Alec? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to fuck you senseless," Alec said, and even in his lust-filled state he sounded…weird.

"Alec, wait," Magnus said, pushing him back gently and sitting up straighter. "What's this all about?"

Alec gave him a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's been a really long time since you attacked me like this. Are you okay?"

"I was," Alec huffed, "until you pushed me away." He sank into the couch, folding his arms in front of his bare chest, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"Come on, don't be like that," Magnus said. "I'm not rejecting you. It just seemed…weird."

There was that word again. Why was it weird for him to want Magnus? He always wanted Magnus before and it was never a problem.

"Alec, look, we had a really stressful therapy session. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this."

"I don't feel that way," he said petulantly. It was a lie. He absolutely felt like he needed to do this. Right now. He needed to know if he could.

"Alec. Please look at me." When Alec did, Magnus smiled. "Thank you. What's going on?"

Alec really _really_ didn't want to answer that question, but he knew he had to. Magnus wouldn't let it go, and he wouldn't have sex with him until he understood. "I need to know I can do this."

Magnus sighed. "That's what I thought." He took Alec's hands and pulled him against his chest. "I want to have sex with you, too, Alec. You know I do." He kissed his temple, fluffing Alec's hair with his breath. "This isn't right. This feels forced, and I don't want it to be like that between us. I can wait until you're ready."

"I can't." Alec pushed himself back and away from Magnus. He looked him dead in the eye. "I can't. I need to know. I need to fix this."

"Forcing it won't fix it. You know it won't. Let's give it a little more time. We'll know when the moment's right. And you won't feel like this."

"Like what?"

"Like you're coming apart at the seams. When it's right, we'll know."

All the air went out of the room and Alec sagged. Magnus was right about how he felt. Of course he was. Magnus knew him so well. This wasn't the right time, not after a grueling therapy session, not when he felt so off-kilter. He still needed to do this, needed to know that he could be normal and have a healthy sexual relationship with Magnus, but not like this. Not when he felt like this. Magnus was right. Forcing the issue would not make him feel like he'd accomplished anything. _When it's right, we'll know._

God, he hoped so.


	80. Chapter 80

**A/N: Sabiduria: Harry's tweets were AWESOME! And dead on. The Warriors slaughtered the Cavs in that game!**

* * *

Alec flopped back onto Magnus's bed, breathing hard, his skin tingling after receiving a world-class blow job. Dr. Daniels was right. There were all kinds of things they could do to each other that didn't involve actual sexual intercourse. And those things felt pretty damn good, indeed.

He turned his head as Magnus settled on the bed beside him, smiling his Cheshire Cat grin. He seemed happy. He _was _happy. They both were.

He drew Magnus to him and kissed him gently on the lips, tasting himself there. There was something about that combination of flavors, of his own spunk and Magnus's sweetness. It was addicting, something Alec didn't think he'd ever get enough of.

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes, and Alec's heart fluttered. "I love you," he said, and kissed Alec briefly again.

"I love you, too."

"Will you go out with me?"

Alec chuckled. "I thought we were already going out. Did I miss something?"

"No. I'm trying to trick you into saying you'll go somewhere so when I tell you where I want you to go you can't back out."

Alec tried to follow that logic but his brain was too high on his sexual release to manage it. "What?"

"My last game of the season is Friday night. We're not going to make the Playoffs even if we win." Magnus paused. "Will you go with me?"

Alec sat up abruptly, nearly knocking heads with Magnus. "You want me to go to a game?"

"Yes."

"As your friend?" He had no idea why he said that. He knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say. Magnus's face showed a flash of irritation that was gone in an instant. But this time Alec saw it. He knew he wasn't mistaken.

"I thought we'd been over this. We can't be friends, remember? We're supposed to be more than that." His tone didn't give away his agitation, but Alec could feel it.

"Oh, right. I didn't mean it like that. So I'm going as your…boyfriend?"

They hadn't attached any labels to this new relationship, so Alec wasn't sure boyfriend was the correct term. He didn't want to make any assumptions either. Magnus didn't seem to have that same reservation.

"Yes. I want you to go as my boyfriend."

A warmth spread through Alec that had nothing whatsoever to do with his recent orgasm. His lower lip slipped between his teeth as a smile broke across his face. "Yes, Magnus. I would love to go watch you play, as your boyfriend." That was a gross understatement. He hadn't seen Magnus play in person in two years. His insides were bouncing around like supercharged atoms.

* * *

Magnus met Alec at a service entrance at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, bypassing the large crowds and ticket-takers. He already had his uniform on with a warm-up shirt over top of it. His face lit up when he saw Alec and he took Alec's hand and led him down a long corridor. He pointed out things as they walked: the conference room where the team met before and after games, the door to the locker rooms, a media room where the team did interviews. All state-of-the-art, of course. The building was only a few years old.

Magnus led him through the tunnel the team would use to enter the arena. He could feel the anticipation growing in him. He'd forgotten how much the electric atmosphere surrounding a basketball game affected him. He felt like _he_ was the one that would be performing, not Magnus.

Before they exited the tunnel, Magnus pulled him close and kissed him briefly on the lips. Alec grinned. "Good luck," Alec said, and Magnus dragged him into the brightly lit arena. They were still holding hands. Alec felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation at that. He glanced around the seats nearest them and caught the eye of a few people watching them, openly noticing their entwined hands. He ignored them. If they had a problem with him and Magnus, that was their problem, not his, not Magnus's.

Magnus took him to a seat a few rows behind the home team's bench. This was where the families and friends of the players, coaches, and others associated with the program sat. There was no short supply of celebrities in Alec's vicinity, he noted as he watched Magnus head back toward the locker rooms. He'd grown up in Manhattan, though, so celebrity sightings weren't a huge deal to him.

As the arena filled up, the excitement became almost palpable. The last game of the season had a celebratory atmosphere, even if the team wasn't good enough to make the Playoffs. It was a closing of one season, and a looking-ahead to the next, to what the draft and trades and retirements would bring in the fall. Alec felt that, let it seep into his skin and get his heart racing and palms clammy.

When Magnus and his team took the court for a brief pre-game warm-up, the cheers were deafening. When the opponents, the Boston Celtics took the court shortly afterward, the boos were just as loud. Alec couldn't help drawing even more energy from the crowd. This was a whole new experience for him. He'd been to plenty of Knicks games as a spectator, and he'd been on the sidelines as a cheerleader for many of Magnus's college games, but he'd never been a spectator for one of Magnus's games. Words could not describe how excited he was.

He caught Magnus's eye as a famous pop singer sang the Star-Spangled Banner. Magnus winked as he mouthed the words to the song, and Alec remembered how he'd once told him that was his favorite song because he associated it with basketball and it always got him pumped up and ready for the game. Alec smiled at him in turn.

Some of Alec's excitement diminished during the first quarter. Magnus didn't play the first quarter. He never did. Colson, the starting point guard for the Nets, was about as boring of a point guard as Alec had ever seen. He was good, no doubt, but he didn't have any of Magnus's flare. He didn't make the game more exciting. He didn't seem to have any flashy moves. He was just a solid guard. Boring.

The game itself was entertaining, though. By the end of the first quarter, neither team had lead by more than three points. It was back-and-forth all the way, the Nets matching the Celtics basket for basket.

At the end of the quarter, Magnus caught Alec's eye and smiled at him during a team huddle. It was just a fleeting grin before he turned back to his coach and team, but Alec couldn't wipe the silly grin off his face for several long minutes afterward.

Finally, about midway through the second quarter, the Nets took a more substantial lead. Up by ten with five and half minutes left of the quarter, Colson finally got an extended break. This meant Magnus would finally see some action.

Magnus tossed a glance at Alec as he adjusted his uniform, making sure it was tucked in and fit right. He stood about ten feet off the sideline while the other players milled around and the refs conferred about something at center court. If he was nervous at all, it didn't show. Alec was plenty nervous enough for both of them, though.

The ref huddle broke up and they took their places. One blew his whistle, then bounced the ball to one of Magnus's teammates on the sidelines, who inbounded it to Magnus and play resumed.

Alec didn't know any of the Nets plays, having not been privy to that information. He supposed that was good since he'd soon be working for the Knicks. He didn't need to have to worry about the Knicks coaches and GM's wanting him to give them Nets secrets. He wanted no part of that at all.

Magnus signaled whatever play they were going to run and the players scattered, weaving in and out of the defense in seemingly random patterns. None of it was random, of course. There was a point and purpose to every step the guys took, and the main purpose was to crack open the defense, get the defender out of position and get a player open for a shot. Twenty-four seconds was not a lot of time to make that happen.

Alec had missed this so much. The atmosphere of being at a game. The excitement and energy and just awesomeness of being in a crowd of people that were ready at any moment to unleash a whole new level of mania.

He saw the play just before it happened. Thompson shook free of his man and made a move toward the basket. Magnus's eyes made contact with him just before he passed the ball. He pushed the ball into the air, high above the rim. Thompson leapt up, caught the ball, and slammed it one-handed through the rim for a spectacular alley-oop!

Suddenly, that harnessed energy that had been just below the surface of the crowd erupted into deafening cheers. Alec felt it to his core. He was moved by an unseen force to his feet, punching the air and screaming along with thousands and thousands of fellow fans. God it was awesome!

Magnus played his usual fifteen-ish minutes at the end of the second quarter and the first part of the third quarter. He was great, absolutely brilliant. He played a clean, solid game with few errors, and his plays were the most exciting ones of the game. He even stole the ball and got a slam dunk on a run-out! Alec started to wonder if he really could fly.

Then he started to wonder why Magnus's coach was being such a stubborn prick and not playing him more. He'd watched many of Magnus's games all season. What he was seeing was the norm. Magnus played well, had a high basketball IQ, an obvious love and feel for the game, knew what to do and when and he always delivered. And he was the one who got the crowd involved! The cheering was so much louder when Magnus was in the game. He even heard a few people chanting Magnus's name!

Was the coach so thin-skinned he couldn't see what was happening around him and make the call that needed to be made. Magnus should be playing over Colson. He was better, faster, more dynamic. The crowd wanted it. Magnus wanted it. Hell, Alec thought the team even wanted it. They seemed more into the game when Magnus was on the court. Even that Thompson jackass.

Alec had all these thoughts after the final buzzer sounded. The Nets won by fourteen points in their final game of the season, but the fourth quarter was boring compared to the second and third, and Alec was sure he wasn't the only one who thought so. Was he biased? Sure. But not any worse than the coach who refused to play the more exciting and equally skilled player because that player had once challenged him. What a load of bullshit!

Alec stayed in his seat as the rest of the crowd filed out of the arena. He wanted to just sit there and watch the guys tearing down the goals and winding up the wires. He wanted to relive the feeling of being in a basketball arena again, let all the sights and smells and sounds permeate his body. Also, he had no idea where Magnus wanted to meet him, so he figured sitting right where he was would be the easiest way not to get lost.

The arena was pretty much empty except for the guys from the TV crews and arena workers when Magnus reappeared. His hair was damp and he had an exhilarated, flushed look on his face. He took Alec's breath away. When he caught sight of Alec, his face lit up even more, and the butterflies in Alec's stomach fought for release.

Magnus stalked toward him with purpose, his grin getting wider and wider with each step. He climbed over the seats that separated them instead of walking up the aisle way like a normal person. And when he finally reached Alec, he slipped his hand to the back of Alec's neck and pulled him into a brief, but enthusiastic kiss. There was no hesitancy in Magnus's move, in his hand, or his lips.

The butterflies were multiplying and now in a frenzy to escape!

When Magnus pulled back, he still wore that huge smile on his face. His cheeks were more rosy and his eyes danced with glee. Alec had a feeling his own expression mirrored Magnus's, and sincerely hoped he didn't look like the lovesick fool he felt like at the moment.

Magnus took his hand and led him down the steps and out of the arena. They winded down a series of hallways until they got to the exit where Magnus had parked. Magnus flashed a grin and leaned against the door, pushing it open with his rear and still gripping Alec's hand.

Alec was suddenly blinded by the flash of a camera and heard the click-click-click as the shutter closed repeatedly. He threw a hand up to shield his eyes. There were several voices shouting at once, but he couldn't even make out the words.

To his surprise, Magnus just grinned and tugged Alec along behind him. He didn't say anything to the reporters, but then again, he didn't have to, did he? It was pretty obvious what was going on. They were holding hands, leaving the building through the exit that led to the players parking lot, and climbing into Magnus's car together. Not so subtle.

Alec's hands were shaking when he strapped himself in to the refuge of Magnus's car. He glanced out the window nervously, but the reports hadn't followed them. They were alone. Nothing horrible had happened. So why was he so freaked out?

His eyes drifted to Magnus's, and found a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

Alec nodded. He was. _Nothing_ happened. He was fine. Just a little shaken.

Magnus nodded in reply, put the car in gear and sped off. Alec didn't even admonish him for driving recklessly. He didn't even notice, really.

When he'd calmed down a little, he said, "Does that happen often?"

Magnus took his eyes off the road just long enough to glance at Alec. "What? The reporters? Yeah. They're always hanging around the arena looking for a story. I guess I should have warned you…?"

His voice sounded funny to Alec. "No, no it's okay. I mean, you did warn me. You said people were taking your picture all the time when we saw those kids at the movie theater. I guess I just didn't…didn't…"

"Didn't expect to be caught up in it? Or didn't realize that it is happening more frequently? Or that it would happen there?"

"Yeah," Alec said. "All of the above."

"Does it bother you?" There was an edge to Magnus's voice and Alec suddenly heard different words. _She thought everything was great, until the day Mandy told her she didn't want to be in a relationship with someone famous. _That's what Magnus had said about Lexus and her ex-girlfriend. Was he worried Alec would say the same thing?

"No!" Alec said forcefully. "No. I just wasn't expecting it. It's fine. Really."

Magnus took one hand off the wheel to squeeze Alec's knee. The gesture warmed Alec to the core.

"Does it bother you?" Alec asked. There was a time Magnus would have been the one freaking out over the reporters.

"Not anymore. I'm getting used to it."

"Why hasn't it happened before now when we were out?" Alec said, curiosity overcoming his unsettled feelings.

"Well," Magnus said, glancing over his shoulder to see if the lane was clear to merge, "I'm not that important. They don't go to much trouble to get pictures of me. At least, not until I started dating Lexus. Then all of a sudden they were up my ass at every turn, hoping to get a pic of her. I wonder what they'll do now that they saw me with you again…"

He didn't sound worried, more thoughtful and curious than anything. "So, you are okay with pictures of us being all over the internet?" Alec said, raising an eyebrow in question.

Magnus nodded. "I told you, I'm not hiding anymore. I don't care who knows about us. No. That's not right. I _want_ people to know about us. I want them to know that I love you, and you make me happy." He hit the steering wheel with his palm, causing the car to swerve a little. "Oops." He grinned sheepishly and paid more attention to the road instead of talking.

A few minutes later, he pulled the car to a stop outside his apartment building and gave the valet his keys. They were silent in the elevator, and didn't speak again until they were locked behind Magnus's front door. Magnus pulled Alec into his arms and said, "I really hope the cameras and attention don't bother you. There's not much of anything I can do about it."

"I'm okay," Alec reiterated. "I just wasn't expecting it. I guess I thought when you said you get recognized all the time, you meant by fans. I mean, I know we talked about reporters and paparazzi tailing you when we first moved in together, but then nothing ever happened, so I guess I thought it wouldn't? Stupid, right?"

Magnus kissed his forehead. "No, not stupid. Unforeseen circumstances have led to me being a bigger story than I was then."

"Yeah, and the more playing time you get, the more of a story you'll be. You were fantastic tonight!"

Magnus smiled a crooked smile. "I had inspiration tonight."

The look in his eyes left no doubt what he meant. Still, Alec said, "Me?" in an awed voice.

"Yes, you. I've kept you away from watching me play professionally for far too long. I wanted to give you a good show."

Alec lightly smacked his arm. "Bullshit. You always give a good performance."

"Maybe, but this one was special…"

"Because it's that last one of the season?"

"Mmhmm," Magnus said. His arms tightened around Alec's waist and he lifted him an inch of so off the ground, something he never would have been able to do before. "Now I get to spend as much time with you as I want."

"Um, I still have school…"

Magnus sat him back down, still within the circle of his arms. "Okay," he said thoughtfully. "You're all mine in a few weeks then."

Alec's knees buckled at that statement. All Magnus's? He hadn't even thought about what happens when he graduates and Magnus was finished with basketball for the season. Neither technically had to report to their respective teams until October 1st. That was a long time together with no work distractions, no breaks from each other. Of course, Alec would have to move away from Brooklyn so he could be closer to where the Knicks practice…

"Hey," Magnus said, "Where'd you go?"

"Just thinking," Alec said. He was slightly horrified at the dreamy quality to his voice. "I'm…looking forward to spending the summer with you."

"Yeah? Me, too." Magnus said, and kissed him.

As soon as Magnus's lips touched his, with all the thoughts of spending lazy summer nights together rattling around in his head, Alec gave himself to Magnus. Fully. Completely. It was like a switch flipped in his mind. Where he was once worried and reserved about being able to handle the relationship, he now knew he didn't need to be. He loved Magnus and Magnus loved him. The thought of spending more time together was not scary, was not worrisome. It was intoxicating. It was something he wanted very much. That feeling just didn't go with a relationship that was unstable. It just didn't.

He put his feelings into that kiss, wanting Magnus to know even if he couldn't articulate it yet, that he loved him and wanted to be with him. He wanted him. In every manner possible.

Their bodies were pressed close together, arms wrapped tightly around the other, as their lips met over and over again. Alec barely even noticed that they were moving, and he had no idea in what direction, until Magnus flicked on the light in his bedroom and they broke apart.

There was the bed, looking warm and inviting, holding so many expectations. He was ready, but also a little afraid of it. His dick and his nerves warred with each other, each demanding their needs be met. He looked at Magnus and knew without the need for words that he would agree to whatever Alec wanted tonight. His expression was soft, yet hungry. He wanted Alec, but he would let him choose, he wouldn't force the issue.

It had been nearly three weeks since they'd gone to Dr. Daniels's office together. They'd done a slew of sexual things together since then without any issues at all. But they still hadn't fucked. And god did they want to!

Magnus climbed onto the bed, taking Alec's hand and tugging him forward. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. His eyes said it all for him.

Magnus stripped off his clothes as he moved further up the bed, just basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and his boxer briefs. They'd already shed their shoes by the front door. Alec took his cue and tugged his shirt over his head, unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs, then lost his boxers as well. He crawled on all fours up to the head of the bed where Magnus was stretched out beneath him. They were both hard as steel, ready.

Magnus had been right. This felt right. There was no anxiety now, only longing and desire and lust. They'd put some time and distance between that therapy session and this, what was happening right here and now. Alec felt confident. This was the right time. Finally.

He lowered himself onto Magnus and immediately felt Magnus's arms snake around his waist, holding him close. They were pressed together at every conceivable point. Alec felt tendrils of lust lick up his sides and course through his body just from the contact with Magnus. Full-body contact. But so much more than that. He kissed Magnus, and the tendrils flared in his heart, his stomach, all the way to his fingertips where they caressed the silky strands of Magnus's hair and brushed the soft skin over his shoulder. He was there, he was ready, he wanted this. So much.

He heard Magnus fumbling with the drawer beside his bed from what seemed like a very long distance. He was too absorbed in the feel of Magnus's soft lips against his, in the taste of him as their tongues danced together, in the soft moans and gasps that escaped him.

Magnus gave him a little push and he fell back on his heels. Then Alec felt the tight grip of a condom as Magnus rolled one onto his cock. They hadn't been using them toward…the end…last year, but this was a small comfort, something tangible he could cling to so that he felt grounded. Alec groaned when Magnus slathered him with lube, pumping up and down a few times. He was thankful they'd been getting off together for several weeks now, or else he would have shot his load already into those nimble, beautiful fingers.

They got back in position, with Magnus on his back, knees pulled up and around Alec. Alec lined himself up with Magnus and gently started pushing in. Only then did he remember how long it had been since they'd done this. "Stop me if I hurt you?"

Magnus just kissed him. Alec went with the flow, caught up in the moment. Magnus didn't seem bothered with the idea. On the contrary, he seemed a little impatient as Alec entered him very, very slowly. In fact, at one point he growled, "Damn it, fuck me," into Alec's ear. Alec chuckled, licked the inside of Magnus's mouth, and pushed the rest of the way in.

Magnus gasped, a surprised, delighted, lust-filled gasp. His eyes were half closed when he looked into Alec's and said, "Yeah," in a low, uneven voice.

Alec had thought sex with Magnus felt good before, but this went way beyond that. This was some otherworldly phenomenon that couldn't be described in mere human words. This was the culmination of everything they'd worked for to get back to each other, to be together. And Alec felt it with his whole body, heart and mind and soul. Felt it with each thrust, each kiss, each little touch that was like a jolt of electricity.

Alec focused on Magnus's gorgeous, long, lean body laid out beneath him. The sight alone made him stumble. Then, his eyes followed Magnus's hand as it slid down his body and gripped his cock, tugging lazily on it. He didn't think he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight.

Alec paced the pumping of Magnus's fist, slow and steady at first, then gradually picking up speed as they got closer and closer to their release. When Magnus erupted, Alec went all in, seeking his own release, and finding it moments later.

A rush of emotion ripped from his body with each pulse from his cock. He buried his face in Magnus's neck, his body shuddering, coming apart like it never had before. Magnus's arms surrounded him and he heard a soft whisper from his lips. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay." Magnus's fingers traced shapes along his arms and shoulders and back as Alec tried desperately to pull himself back together.

He moved so that his forehead pressed against the crook of Magnus's neck, just enough so he could gulp in fresh air. Warm tears spilled from his eyes and into Magnus's hair, and he was powerless to stop them. He held so tightly to Magnus he wondered if the man could breathe at all, and loosened his grip slightly, but didn't let go. He couldn't let go. He couldn't move away, or remove himself from Magnus. He just couldn't.

Then, finally, after an eternity, he got himself a little better under control and glided off the smooth, sweaty skin of his lover. He buried his face in a pillow instead, lying face down, head turned away from Magnus. He did a quick assessment and found that, even though he'd opened one hell of an emotional floodgate, the one thing he wasn't feeling was panic. He'd made love to Magnus, and not panicked. The thought helped him regain a bit more control.

"Are you okay?" Magnus said tentatively. He sounded worried.

Alec nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak. He sincerely hoped he wasn't wiping snot on Magnus's pillow. That thought made him bark out a laugh, and let him get a handle on himself. He turned toward Magnus, sniffing in a most undignified way. "I'm alright."

Magnus pushed the sweaty hair away from Alec's face with the gentlest of touches. Alec caught his eyes, saw the red-rimmed lids, and knew. He knew that had been as emotional for Magnus as it was for him. He felt their bond strength just a little bit more.

He reached up, no longer caring what a mess his face had to be, and pulled Magnus to him. He kissed him, solid and firm and messy. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

"I love you, Magnus."

"I love you, too, Alec."

They made a half-hearted attempt to clean up their various messes by wiping their faces and bodies with Magnus's shirt, then settled under the covers together, bodies tangled around each other in a jumble of limbs. Magnus brushed his lips against Alec's temple, his hair, his forehead, and Alec did the same to Magnus's chest. Neither spoke, but it was a comfortable silence, one where their actions did the talking for them.

Alec felt himself drifting off to sleep. He opened his mouth to say goodnight to Magnus, but what came out was, "I think we should go away together this summer."

Magnus nodded his head. Alec wasn't sure if he was agreeing or nodding off to sleep. He didn't have the strength to find out.


	81. Chapter 81

**A/N: So, me thinks we will hit 800 reviews with this chapter, which means...BONUS Thursday chapter (if we get there)! Yay!**

**Also, I changed the summary of the story to outline the chapters of each story arc. Let me know if that's helpful.**

* * *

Alec sat bolt upright in bed. His body trembled and he panted like he'd just run a marathon. He tried and tried to remember what the damn dream had been about, it was right on the edges of his memory, but the details slipped away from him. He could only catch snippets, not enough to piece it together.

"Fuck!" he said in a shaky voice, running a hand through his already tousled hair.

He scrambled out of bed and paced around his tiny bedroom. He felt…caged? Was that it? Or maybe just unsettled? He felt…he felt like he needed comfort.

His mind made the decision subconsciously, and he quickly threw on some sweatpants, a t-shirt, and his jacket. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand as he slipped on his shoes: 3:18 a.m. Jesus. He had a fleeting second thought, but cast it away as he shouldered into his backpack and dashed out of his apartment.

The nice thing about living near a college campus in Brooklyn, New York, was that cabs were always plentiful. Even at three in the morning. No, _especially_ at three in the morning when all the drunk students were heading back to campus. He didn't even have time to call for a cab before one pulled up to the curb for him.

His destination was only about fifteen minutes away during normal traffic. Three a.m. traffic let them make it in twelve. He tossed some money to the cabbie, with a generous tip, and climbed out.

As he stared at the front of the building, he had another pang of _what-the-fuck-are-you-doing?_, but he pushed it down and entered. The elevator ride was another brief moment for second thoughts, but he soldiered on.

His hand trembled as he positioned that black and gold card at the reader. He stared at it. _Should I? Will he be mad?_ He shook those thoughts aside and let himself into the apartment that was becoming as familiar as his own.

He dropped his backpack by the couch and kicked off his shoes. Then he tiptoed as quietly as he could into Magnus's bedroom using his cell phone screen for dim lighting so he wouldn't step on anything or knock into furniture. He didn't want to wake Magnus if he could keep from it.

He stripped off his shirt, jacket, and sweats and climbed under the covers. He instantly felt better. Being in Magnus's bed, with the scent of Magnus filling his nose? Best remedy in the world!

He scooted closer to Magnus until they were touching. He was so warm. Maybe too warm, or Alec was too cold, because Magnus stirred and rolled over, eyes wide with surprise.

"Alec? What are you doing here?" His voice was husky with sleep. "You're so cold…"

"I…had a bad dream," he admitted, feeling distinctly like a five-year-old crawling into his parents' bed.

Magnus said no more. He just wrapped his arms around Alec and pulled him close. He slung one leg over Alec's and made a pleased sound in Alec's ear as he fell back asleep.

Snuggled against his boyfriend's warm body, Alec had no trouble getting back to sleep either.

* * *

When Alec woke, Magnus was still wrapped around him protectively. Alec turned in his arms so they were facing each other and burrowed his head into Magnus's chest. He inhaled deeply. God Magnus smelled so good when he was all toasty warm and sleepy. He licked Magnus's collarbone, because he had to.

Magnus chuckled, which made Alec grin and plant a kiss on the angel wings above Magnus's heart. He really, really loved this man.

"Feeling better?" Magnus said against Alec's hair.

Alec nodded and pressed his cheek to Magnus's chest. He could hear his heart beating slow and steady.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Alec shrugged. "I just…had a bad dream…"

Magnus's arms tightened around him. "And you decided to come here?"

Alec nodded again. "I feel safe here," he admitted so quietly he wondered if Magnus could actually hear his words.

Magnus smashed him against his chest. He could feel Magnus's body thrumming with emotion. Magnus held him so tight that when he finally let up, Alec had to catch his breath. But whatever he'd been feeling, he didn't say.

Magnus stretched and looked at the clock on the stand behind Alec. "What time is your final?"

"Shit. It's an early one." Alec sat up, very reluctantly. He'd like nothing more than to remain encompassed in Magnus's arms all day. Or maybe for a week…or a year… He sighed. Life just didn't work like that.

They did the usual morning routine, the one they'd adopted since Alec started spending the night a few nights a week. They showered together, enjoying soaping each other up, paying particular attention to certain parts of the other's anatomy until the soap wasn't the only white stuff in their hands. Alec always felt so languid after these showers. He really didn't want to leave, and he certainly didn't want to take a final exam! He just wanted to crawl back into Magnus's bed and spent the day there, getting each other off whenever the urge struck.

They dressed in companionable silence. Alec had his own drawer in Magnus's dresser now. He kept a couple changes of clothes there for times like this. Not that he really needed it. He was about the same size as Magnus now, so he could always borrow some of his clothes if necessary, and he loved wearing Magnus's clothing. But there was something about having his own drawer, and his own toothbrush, and his own coffee cup at Magnus's. Something that just felt right.

Magnus passed him his coffee cup, an IU Sports Medicine cup with the Idris logo and an outline of a person running. Magnus had surprised him with it last week, an early graduation present, but it felt more like a this-is-your-space-too gesture since he wanted Alec to keep the cup here instead of taking it to his own apartment. Alec was fine with that. He really did feel comfortable at Magnus's, and he cherished every night he got to spend there.

"So what's the schedule like for the rest of the week?" Magnus said, as he put strawberry jam on some toast.

They'd been over this a couple times already, but he didn't exactly expect Magnus to remember his finals schedule. "One this morning, and one tomorrow, and that's it. I'm done."

That thought smacked him across the face, hard. Two more final exams and he was finished with college. Graduation was scheduled for Sunday afternoon, then they'd have his graduation party, and then college would be over, a thing of the past. He'd no longer be a student. Ever again.

"Are you alright?" Magnus said skeptically, raising an eyebrow in concern.

Alec may have been hyperventilating. He forced himself under control. "Yeah. I just…I'm about to graduate from college. I'm…going to be…a grown-up!"

Magnus laughed out loud. Alec narrowed his eyes at him, which only made Magnus laugh harder. "What?" Magnus said when he regained some measure of control. "I'm sorry, but that was funny. Mostly because you were the most mature college freshman I've ever met, and now you're worried about having to be an adult?"

Alec conceded defeat. Magnus was right, of course. Alec had been an adult for a good number of years. So why was the idea of graduating freaking him out all of a sudden?

"I haven't felt like an adult for awhile," he admitted. Magnus sobered completely at that.

"No, I suppose you haven't," he said softly. Then he walked around the corner of the island and drew Alec into a hug. "You're doing great, though. You know you are, right?" he whispered against Alec's temple.

"Then why am I having this dream again?"

Magnus pulled back. "Is it the same as before?"

Alec nodded. "Yeah. We're together, and then suddenly everything is wrong. It just feels…wrong. I can't explain it, and I can't remember the details, just the way it makes me feel. Like I'm a scared little boy or something. I haven't dreamed this in months. Why am I dreaming it again?"

Magnus kissed his forehead, which made Alec feel infinitely better, safe and secure. "Maybe it's just the stress of finals and graduation? Maybe you're subconscious really is worried about being out there in the real world?"

Alec hugged him. "Maybe that's it. Hopefully it will go away once graduation is over."

Magnus returned to his side of the island, draining the last of his coffee. "Speaking of, are you sure you're okay with this graduation party?"

Alec nodded. "I really want to see Cam and Austin. It's been too long."

"Yeah, but we don't have to have a party to see them. Are you okay with the other guests?"

"Yes. They are our friends. I know they'll want to be there to celebrate with me. I'll be okay. I promise."

Magnus did a little one-shoulder shrug, leaving the decision for Alec to make. It felt good to be trusted that way, like he wasn't fragile or incapable of knowing what he could and couldn't handle. He just hoped he was right…

"So, have you thought any more about this trip you want to take?" Magnus asked.

"Um, how do you feel about camping?"

"Camping?" Magnus said. "Like sleeping in the woods, camping?"

Alec chuckled. "Yeah. My dad used to take Jace and me camping all the time when we were kids. Izzy wouldn't go because she didn't like bugs."

"I don't like bugs."

"Oh, don't be a baby about bugs. Camping is fun. I take it you've never been."

"Oh, yeah, loads of times. Will and I used to camp in the wilds of Brooklyn."

"Smartass," Alec muttered. Magnus grinned.

"So, camping? Really?"

"Yes. It's so much fun!"

"I'm allergic to mosquitoes."

"Everyone is allergic to mosquitoes. That's why their bites itch."

"No, I mean deathly allergic. Like I get hives and anaphylaxis shock and -"

"You got mosquito bites when we were in Miami and you didn't die," Alec countered, interrupting what was sure to be an amazingly creative rant.

Magnus looked put-out. "Fine. I'm afraid of spiders and snakes."

"Then it's time to face your fears," Alec said, retrieving his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. He kissed Magnus lightly on the lips. "Come on, camping is fun. Please?" He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

"You're lucky I love you…" Magnus said moodily.

Alec beamed. "I know. I love you, too. Wish me luck on my final."

Magnus kissed him, a deep and long and languid kiss. You know, for luck.

* * *

Alec sat in an uncomfortable seat, swelteringly hot underneath his green and white cap and gown. His palms were sweaty, and he didn't think it had anything to do with the heat. He was graduating. From college. How the fuck had this happened so fast? Surely it was just yesterday that he _started_ college. In many ways, that seemed true, but then he'd been through so much in the last four years. There's no way to fit all of that into a short period of time, at least, not without going bat-shit crazy!

His mind wandered back to Magnus's graduation. He'd been so torn up about it, thinking that he and Magnus would break up if Magnus ended up moving far away. After everything that happened, that seemed like a silly, insignificant worry. There were much worse things than distance that could thoroughly wreck a relationship.

He smiled half-heartedly to himself. It had certainly been an interesting four years at Idris University. He'd met Cammie and Austin, two of his best friends in the world. He'd learned some things about gay culture and the LGBT community. He'd met a motley collection of people that he considered friends: Tony, Will and Jem, Devin, Dylan, Mo, Lexus. And he was dating an NBA player that he loved more than life itself. That was a pretty fantastic journey through college.

For obvious reasons, he didn't want to put the rape in that same category. The one blemish on his time at Idris, one that had very nearly destroyed everything he held dear. But he knew he'd never forget what happened to him, that it would always be there when he looked back on his college years. And he didn't want to forget it, per se. He'd learned a lot from that event. And more importantly, he'd grown a lot. He'd discovered that he was a hell of a lot stronger than he'd ever known. He'd always known he was physically strong, but the mental toughness he'd had to show to get through all those therapy sessions, to overcome the things that he feared and that haunted him and to try to put them to rest, to find his way back to Magnus. That showed more grit that he'd thought he had. That showed who he truly was.

Life's about the journey, not the destination.

He thought about the previous night. Cammie and Austin flew in to JFK last night. He and Magnus had picked them up in one of the Lightwood limos and taken them out to dinner. It had taken a solid five minutes to pry Cammie off him. She'd clung to him like Velcro, and he'd loved every second of it, if he were being honest. She was perfect, the same Cammie that she'd always been, yet more mature. She looked great, like being important in the business world was working quite nicely for her.

Austin had shaken his hand, thumped him hard on the back, then broken down and full-on hugged him. He wasn't as clingy as Cammie, but he did hold on for longer than Alec would have ever expected him to. He looked close to tears when he finally released him, and Alec felt a surge of affection for the guy.

He wasn't really surprised that Austin and Cam showed him so much affection. He loved them and knew they loved him. He talked to them every Sunday, and sometimes during the week if they were able to connect with their various busy schedules. He knew how excited they were to be coming back for his graduation. But still. Actually seeing them, touching them, and having them react so strongly to seeing him? It meant the world to him.

He glanced up at the podium as the university president climbed the stairs to the stage. They were in the basketball gymnasium, a place that held more happy memories for him than he could even count. He loved this place, or at least he had the first two years of his college life. He'd loved cheering with Cammie and for Magnus. He'd enjoyed testing his limits with Cammie. She was such a great flyer. She made him look good, and made it seem effortless. He couldn't have asked for a better cheer partner. How he'd lucked into that he'd never know.

And Magnus. He'd caught Magnus's eye that first day on campus. Sometimes he still couldn't believe that he'd been the one to free Magnus from that stupid closet, to get him to fall in love and be in a relationship when no one else had even come close. He'd taken Magnus places he'd never been, and they'd learned how to love together.

And he was going to teach Magnus about camping, damn it!

He cracked a smile at that. His eyes drifted to the only beacon that he knew: Magnus. His boyfriend smiled at him encouragingly. He mouthed something that Alec couldn't decipher, but it didn't matter the words. He knew it was something either about love or something to give him the strength to climb those steps and accept the diploma from the school's president. And even without knowing exactly what he said, the words worked. He felt stronger. He felt ready to take this step.

He knew that very shortly, everything was going to change for them again. Perhaps that was the root of his fear of graduation? He felt pretty confident about his degree and the job he would be performing, but still. The Knicks? Oh, god what a pressure situation! He was starting to wonder if he should have started with a slightly less stressful job. But then, it didn't really matter if he was working on high school kids or multi-million dollar athletes. He had to get it right either way. He didn't want to fuck up some kid's leg any more than he wanted to fuck up an NBA star's.

Someone was giving a speech about making their way in the world and taking advantage of opportunities. Alec supposed she was right. This was an unbelievable opportunity for him. His dream job. One that he didn't think he'd ever have a chance at getting, especially not as a new grad.

But the future was still a little uncertain. He'd done a lot of thinking and planning since he got the Knicks job. He knew where the Knicks played: Madison Square Garden! He'd been there many times with his dad. The arena was iconic and full of history. He could almost feel the ghosts of historic games, NBA finals and rivalries, college tournament games, high school tournaments, and all the concerts and shows and so much more that had happened inside those walls. Hell, Godzilla even destroyed the place in that 1990's movie!

MSG was only about a forty-five minute drive from Magnus's. He'd thought he could get an apartment in Manhattan with easy access to Brooklyn, maybe somewhere in Greenwich Village. He'd still be close enough to see Magnus regularly, or get to his place if he had a bad dream. They could at least keep things going the way they were now.

What he had not considered was where the Knicks' practice facility was located. A Google search told him the location was Tarrytown, New York. Approximately twenty-five miles north of Madison Square Garden. In another city, that might be a thirty minute drive. In New York, one of the most congested places on Earth? It would take Alec more than an hour to get from the Village to Tarrytown. And nearly two hours from Magnus's apartment. This was turning into a logistical nightmare.

He knew the uncertainty was weighing heavily on him, but he didn't have to make any decisions right away. He wasn't starting his new position for the Knicks until October when the new season began, so he still had plenty of time to figure out how to make this work. He just didn't have any real ideas. No matter how he looked at it, he would either have to be far away from the practice facility that he would be going to almost daily, or far away from Magnus, which he didn't want to be at all.

Why did everything always have to be so fucking hard?

The people around him suddenly rose to their feet. It was his turn to walk up on that stage and shake the President's hand and accept his diploma. The time had come. In just a few minutes, he would be a college graduate.

He followed the tall, leggy brunette in front of him toward the stage. Her green gown swung side to side as she walked, and for some reason, Alec was mesmerized. All thoughts left his head except watching the hem of this nameless woman's graduation gown sway, and hoping like hell he didn't fall flat on his face when he attempted the steps up to the stage. That was it.

He didn't fall. He also didn't feel. His body went numb and everything seemed so surreal. He barely noticed shaking anyone's hand or taking his diploma. It was like the whole experience was happening to someone else.

And then he was back in his seat. And multitudes of other people followed his footsteps and shook hands and took papers. Then someone said congratulations or something and that was it. It was over. He had graduated.

He felt a letdown of sorts, like he'd build up this whole process in his head and thought surely -_ surely_ \- he would feel different than he had before. Surely something inside him would have changed with that diploma. But no. He felt exactly the same, well, other than a little spacey.

He was still in a daze when he found Magnus and the others, or rather, when they found him. He wasn't sure he'd made it very far at all, actually. Whatever disconnect was happening in him seemed to lessen a little when Magnus put his arm around Alec's shoulders and kissed him solidly on the side of his head. He leaned into the touch and the kiss, as if they were a beacon that would pull him from this haze. He looked up into Magnus's eyes, the familiar green-gold stabilizing him. He folded himself into Magnus's arms, tucking up against him, wanting to be as close to him as he could possibly get.

After a few minutes of this, his family had other ideas. His mother extricated him from Magnus's embrace, to a very indignant sound from Alec.

"I don't care," Maryse Lightwood said, her voice very throaty and broken. "My baby boy just graduated from college and I'm going to hug him."

Alec let his mother have her way, relaxing into her arms like he had so many times in his life. He recalled scraped knees and black eyes, the time he broke his arm when he missed the ring on the parallel bars and landed funny, and when he'd cried in her arms after Eric had broken his heart. And last year, when he'd come home and finally had to tell his parents what happened to him. She'd held him just like this then, too.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," she whispered against his shoulder, and he had to fight back tears.

She released him, and his father did a manly one-arm hug and back-slap. Then Izzy launched herself into his arms. She looked good. Paris was treating her well. Then Jace and Max and Austin and, finally, Cammie.

Cam was as bad as Maryse. She held onto him, hugging his neck so tightly he could barely breathe. She didn't quite hang on as long as she had last night, but it was close.

When she let him go, there were tears in her eyes. He looked at the crowd of people he held dearest, from one to the next . Each wore an expression of love and pride and respect for him. It was clear that each was thinking of all the things he'd overcome to get to this day. He wouldn't have wanted to share this day with anyone else. He loved every single one of these people more than he could ever possibly express.

He didn't remember being involved in the planning, but apparently his family decided they would all go out to eat before he and Magnus begged off to go put the finishing touches on Alec's graduation party.

It was going to be a long, and hopefully wonderful, night.

_To be continued..._


	82. Chapter 82

**A/N: Yaoilover: I don't think I ever said how old Max is. He's about twelve years younger than Alec, so he's currently ten.**

**Guest: Magnus isn't really afraid of spiders, he was just being a little shit. :)**

**Night Changer: I can't believe how quickly it's gone by either. Time flies when you're having fun?**

**Alexa: That was me at all my graduations as well. Not much of a challenge to write ;)**

**Jasper's Singer: Good question...that I can't answer right now as that would be kind of spoiler-y.**

**Sophie and Annabeth: Welcome! And feel free to review as often as you want!**

**Kemsy: You made me spit water on my computer screen! Lol**

**Today is June 23, 2016: NBA Draft day (the one Magnus was in)! ESPN 8pm EST if anyone wants to check it out.**

* * *

Alec sat on the rough concrete floor of the balcony of Magnus's apartment, his legs threaded through the metal bars and his forehead leaned against them. The metal was cool where it touched his hands and face and thighs. He swung his feet carelessly and inhaled the city night air.

Behind him was a roaring party. In his honor. With his friends and family in attendance. He was glad to see them, he really was. He just needed a break from it all.

Cammie and Austin were the first to arrive since they were staying in a hotel near the apartment and rode with Alec and Magnus wherever they went. They recruited their friends to help them set up for the graduation party. Alec felt pretty stupid helping Austin hang the 'Congratulations Alec' banner that Magnus had purchased, but obediently moved his corner "up just a little" then "no, down just a little" until Cammie finally said, "Perfect!" and clapped her hands triumphantly. He was only slightly annoyed by this, but he didn't let it show. He loved Cam too much too hurt her feelings.

Jace and Iz arrived shortly after everything was set up, and Alec wasn't fooled at all into thinking that wasn't planned. Rotten little shits. But he loved them anyway. Jace went straight for the beer cooler, and Alec turned a blind eye to his underage drinking. Izzy informed him, while sipping a wine cooler, that at age twenty, she was well beyond the legal drinking age in Paris and he could stop harassing her about it right that instant. She had her hand on her hip in a very Izzy-like way, and he'd missed her so much he decided to back off on the overprotective big brother routine and let her have some fun.

Will and Jem arrived around the time music started emitting from the stereo, and Alec knew for a fact that wasn't a coincidence. The couple brought a huge stack of cds with them and Will took over as DJ as soon as he got there.

The party was in full swing when Lexus arrived and made her grand entrance. She looked adorable as ever tonight in a slinky little dress that left nothing to the imagination. Alec saw Devin's mouth fall open when he saw her and chuckled to himself. Devin's chick-magnet skills weren't going to have any luck with that one.

Speaking of Devin, he and Dylan arrived together. Dev's hair had grown out and he looked even more like his twin than he had before. Their hairstyles were different, since Dylan tried to look like a put-together executive and Devin…well, didn't. But they were much more difficult to tell apart now.

Devin threw his arms around Alec as soon as he saw him. Alec was taken aback by that. He liked Dev just fine, considered him a friend and all, but he'd never thought they were _that_ close. Not the touchy-feely kind of friendship. Then he remembered that Dev was the one who'd found him the morning after, and he hugged him right back. Devin's quick thinking had kept Alec out of the public eye when he was the most vulnerable he'd ever been. He'd sent someone to get Austin right away, and for that Alec would always be grateful.

Dylan was a little more reserved, offering a handshake and looking distinctly uncomfortable at first. Then, he started talking about the LGBT club at Idris, the one Alec had helped get started before… Apparently, the club had voted Jenna as president and Andrew as vice president. Dylan was there as advisor and event coordinator, though not in any official capacity because he wasn't an Idris student. Also, he'd started dating Andrew, which was no surprise to anyone who'd ever seen the two men together. Dylan had hearts in his eyes when he looked over at Andrew talking to Lexus at the drinks coolers.

Thinking about all the people dancing in Magnus's living room made Alec realize how truly lucky he was. He'd been through hell and came out the other side without losing anyone. Every single person he'd cared about before was here to celebrate with him. None of them held a grudge for him pushing them away. All of them stood behind him in one manner or another. How could he ask for more than that?

He heard the pitter-patter of feet behind him and looked up to see a smiling Cammie staring down at him. Her blonde hair haloed around her face in the moonlight. She really was breathtaking.

"There you are," she said, taking a seat next to him. She slipped her loose-fitting sandals off her feet before sliding her legs through the bars like Alec's. "You okay?"

Alec nodded. "Overwhelmed."

Cammie squeezed his leg, reassuring him. She got it. She understood how he felt, well, the best she could anyway.

"I'm not hiding," he said, and had no idea why. Cammie wasn't accusing him of anything. "I just…can't believe I still have all my friends. All these people that I have barely talked to, if at all, in the last year, they all showed up for me tonight."

"I'd say that means you pick good friends," Cam mused.

Alec chuckled. "Yeah, you would say that." He knocked his shoulder into hers and they smiled at each other.

"Well, I did set the bar high. After you found me, you couldn't possibly pick shitty friends."

"Hey, I think _you_ were the one that found _me, _if I recall."

Her grin widened. "I did. God I'm glad Coach Reiners partnered us together. Everything great in my life came from that one decision. You, Austin, becoming friends with Magnus."

"Fate," he replied philosophically.

"Hmm?"

He turned his head, resting it on his shoulder as he looked at her. "It was fate that brought us all together."

"Yeah, and love that kept us together." She looped her arm through his and leaned against him.

They stared at the sky in silence. Brooklyn was too bright to see many stars, at least where Magnus lived, but the moon was full and shining down on them. There was a warm, orangey glow over the rooftops from all the street lights, the murmur of people walking down the sidewalks, the sounds of car engines and honking horns.

"You said 'everything great' in your life came from us meeting," Alec said quietly. "Is everything okay with work?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's fine. I'm, um, handling bigger accounts and managing people now."

Alec knew Cammie's father was grooming her, much like Jem's was grooming him, to take over the company when he retired. He also knew that Cam's dad was older than his dad, and wondered if maybe that day was coming sooner than they all thought.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. It's just…overwhelming sometimes," Cam said, glancing up at him. Her green eyes were piercing in the night. "I'm only twenty-four," she finally admitted. "I'm not ready to be CEO of my daddy's company."

"When is he retiring?"

"He's almost retired now!" she said in exasperation. "He only comes in the office a few times a week. I don't have the CEO title, but he's expecting me to learn the job with his VP, and it's scary as shit. Just the other day, we had a board meeting, and they presented the budget for the rest of the year. They wanted _me_ to figure out where to make cuts! I don't know how to do that!"

Alec wrapped his arms around her, and let her calm down. "Have you talked to your dad about this?"

"No. He's too busy playing golf," she said miserably.

"Oh, Cam."

She stayed in his arms for several long minutes, then sighed deeply. "This is not where I thought this conversation would go. I didn't mean to dump my problems on you. This is your night. Come on, let's go get drunk!"

She scrambled to her feet and stuck out a hand to help him up. He snickered and let her. Then, eying her dress and realizing the skirt was loose enough, he put his hands on her waist and counted off. It was like old times, cheering together. She bounced twice and was straddling his shoulders like they'd done a thousand times at basketball and football games. Two years seemed no time at all in that moment.

She laughed heartily, her shoes dangling from her fingertips as Alec ducked through the open glass doors back into the party. Champagne was freely flowing as they entered the room. Green Solo cups were filled and passed around, and Will lowered the music to a dull roar. Magnus and Austin laughed when they saw Cam on Alec's shoulders, then Austin crossed the room to help her down.

Magnus stretched a hand out to Alec, and he took it readily. "A toast," Magnus said, raising is green glass high. "To the most beautiful, wonderful, sweet, sexy -" (cheers and whistles rang out at this point) "honest and brave man I've ever known. I love you, Alec Lightwood. Congratulations!" He leaned over and kissed Alec's cheek, inciting quite a blush by this, as all his friends cheered or congratulated him or whatever. Alec's warm-fuzzies had warm-fuzzies.

Will turned the music back up and Cammie stole Magnus to dance with her. Alec meandered around the large open space, and ended up near the front door. He heard a knock and went to open it. His mouth dropped open when he saw Mo framed in the doorway.

She'd changed a lot since the last time he'd seen her, at the Pride event where he met the band, The Flaming Pixie's. That seemed so long ago now. Then, she'd had dreadlocks dyed in a rainbow pattern and was dating the band's singer, Christa. Now her hair was severely short, like she'd shaved it off and it had only grown out a few inches. The back stuck up in a stylized manner and was a deep purple color, while the rest of her hair was a bronzy brown. He couldn't be sure, but he thought she might have a new, or maybe a couple new, facial piercings.

She threw her arms around his neck and said something in his ear that he couldn't hear. The music was too loud here; he was surprised he'd heard her knocking. He took her hand and moved her to the kitchen where, even though the kitchen and living room were one open room, it was somehow not as loud.

"What?" he said when he thought he could hear her easier.

"I said, sorry I'm late. I just got off work."

"Did the band have a gig tonight?" Look at him throwing out band lingo.

Mo shook her head. "I'm working at the bar again."

Alec's radar pinged at that. "What's going on?"

Mo looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Christa and I broke up about six months ago. The band wanted me to stay on, but it got so bad between us that I finally just left. I've been back at the bar for a couple of months now."

"Oh, Mo, I'm sorry. You two seemed happy when I met her."

"We were. Or at least _I _was, until I found out she was fucking Ronnie the whole time without even mentioning it to me. I guess that's life with a rock star."

"It doesn't have to be. She should have at least talked to you first."

Lexus breezed into the kitchen and fished a wine cooler out of one of the coolers on the floor. Then she leaned against the counter, twisting off the top and watching Alec.

"Hey, Lex," Alec called. "Having fun?"

Mo turned and followed his line of sight. Alec didn't miss the look on her face when she saw who he was talking to. He suppressed a grin with great effort.

"Lexus Dixon?" Mo said, sounding slightly awed.

Lexus thrust her hand toward Mo, a grin spreading across her pretty face. "Hey," she said as Mo slid her hand into Lexus's. They shook hands for much longer than necessary, their eyes locked together as their hands slowly pumped. Alec wondered if they even knew he was still there.

He couldn't resist messing with them. He cleared his throat to draw their attention and they quickly released each other's hands. Mo slid her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth from the balls to the heels of her feet. Lexus tucked her lower lip between her teeth, the corner of her lips twitching.

"Clearly you know who Lexus is," he said to Mo, who to his utter disbelief blushed furiously. He didn't know Mo was capable of blushing. "Lexus, this is my friend Melissa, but everyone calls her Mo. We met at a frat party where Magnus was being an ass and trying to pretend he liked girls and I fended off a creepy guy that wouldn't take 'I'm a lesbian' for an answer."

Mo's eyes widened in surprise, but he could see Lexus's interest go up a few notches. "I didn't know you were a hero, Alec. Maybe I'll take you out with me more often so you can protect me, too. I hate when guys won't leave me alone."

Mo's eyes flicked to Lexus, then back to Alec. "No problem. I love saving damsels in distress," Alec joked. "I didn't really have to save Mo, though. She's a tough girl. She was a roadie for The Flaming Pixies. Have you heard of them?"

Mo stiffened beside him, but Lexus's face brightened. "Yeah. I love their music. I've seen them live a couple times. They're really good."

"I enjoyed working for them," Mo said quietly.

Lexus addressed Mo now that she'd joined the conversation. "Did I hear Alec say 'was'? As in you did work for them but don't anymore?"

Mo nodded. "Yeah. I had a…falling out with the lead singer."

Lexus quirked an eyebrow, clearly interested. "I wasn't her only girl," Mo added.

Lexus's face fell. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said earnestly. "You know not all of us are like that, right?" Lexus casually reached out and touched Mo's arm. Mo's reaction was priceless, a visible shiver running down her spine. Lexus's hand slid down Mo's arm and she looped a single finger around one of Mo's. To Alec's surprise, Will started up a slow song in the living room. Will rarely played slow songs. "Ooh, I love this song. Dance with me?" Lexus said. Mo grinned and nodded. Lexus led her to the middle of the living room and they slipped their arms around each other, swaying gently to the music.

Alec watched them with a feeling of satisfaction. Lexus leaned her head close to Mo's and he could see their lips moving as they continued their conversation. Then a pair of long, slender arms encircled his waist from behind and he felt the weight of Magnus's head on his shoulder.

"Whatcha doin'?" Magnus sing-songed in his ear. His breath on Alec's skin made his own breath catch. He leaned back into Magnus's arms, nuzzling his face against Magnus's head. He jerked his chin in the direction of Lexus and Mo. "Playing matchmaker?"

"Something like that," Alec said. He turned in the circle of Magnus's arms, and reached a hand up to smooth out a lock of his hair. Their eyes met and held, and Alec suddenly wished they were alone.

"I can kick everyone out if you want me to," Magnus offered, clearly feeling the same way Alec did.

Alec grinned. "It's okay. I can wait."

Magnus buried his nose against Alec's throat and inhaled deeply. "I'm not sure I can. We could sneak off like high schoolers?"

Alec laughed. "On the day of my college graduation?" he said in a scandalized tone.

Magnus kissed the hollow beneath his ear and whispered, "Growing up is for losers."

Alec chuckled and Magnus pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. He kissed Magnus softly, just a brief peck so Magnus wouldn't get the wrong idea. As tempting as it sounded, he was not leaving his own graduation party to empty his balls.

Magnus's eyes searched his face. "You're doing okay?" he said. Alec could hear the concern in his voice and knew that's why he'd sought him out.

"I'm fine."

"I saw you on the balcony with Cammie."

"I just needed a break. It was…a little overwhelming." He saw the sympathy in Magnus's eyes. "I mean, I'm glad we did this. I've enjoyed seeing everyone, it was just…"

"Too much at once?" Magnus supplied when Alec trailed off.

"No. Not really." Alec shook his head, trying to figure out how to explain what he was feeling to Magnus. "It's just…I care about everyone here. But I haven't seen some of them in so long, and I think…I think I built it up to be a much bigger deal than it was." He looked at Magnus, hoping that somehow made some sense.

"You still expect someone to be mad at you, don't you?"

Alec nodded. "I can't believe no one was. I disappear for a year and refuse to talk to anyone, and then when I come back, it's like… like nothing ever happened. Like I saw them last week."

"I keep telling you no one is mad."

"I know."

"You don't believe me?"

"It's not that. It's just…unsettling. How can _no one_ be mad at me? _Someone_ should be mad at me. _You _should be mad at me."

Magnus's expression softened. "Of all the things I felt when you were gone, _mad at you_ was not one of them. Not ever."

Alec sighed, deflated really. He rested his forehead against Magnus's. "Sometimes I can't believe you are real," he whispered.

"I'm familiar with that feeling," Magnus replied. Suddenly his entire demeanor changed. "Alexander Lightwood, you are entirely too sober for your own graduation party," he said, bursting with energy. "We're going to get drunk, we're going to dance and have fun with our friends, and then you are going to fuck my brains out when they all leave. Deal?"

"Deal," Alec replied, gripping Magnus's hand and shaking it, thinking Magnus just might be bat-shit crazy, but he loved him all the same.

Magnus popped the cork on a bottle of wine and grabbed Alec's hand. He led Alec into the living room holding the bottle above his head and doing a funny dance step instead of walking like a normal person. Alec couldn't help but laugh. This was the Magnus he'd met when he started college, the one who was always the life of every party.

"Let's PARTY!" Magnus shouted, catching Will's eye as everyone else cheered.

Will seemed to know what Magnus wanted, and the next thing Alec knew, he heard the words "Everybody dance now!" come through the speakers at full volume. He knew the song. Even now, nearly thirty years after it's release, the song was still played a parties and weddings and places that people liked to get drunk and dance until they drop. It was literally impossible not to dance when the song came on.

Magnus turned the wine bottle up and drank steadily from it while Alec watched is throat work, hoping like hell he could control his hormones at the sight. Then he passed it to Alec, who did the same. They emptied the bottle right then. Chugging a half a bottle of wine makes the effects hit so much faster. He felt a little light-headed as he watched Magnus take the bottle from him and set it by the couch. His body was already moving when Magnus returned his attention to him.

They danced to that song, and many more afterward. Alec wasn't certain how many bottles of wine Magnus had bought, but by the end of the night, the floor was littered with empties. Magnus started something with that first bottle, and before long bottles were passing from hand to hand and no one was paying any attention to who was drinking what and when or who had passed them the bottle in the first place.

Eventually, everyone's blood turned to alcohol and the party started winding down. Magnus's apartment, although open and spacious, did not have a lot of extra room for guests to sleep over, unless they wanted to crash on the floor. Magnus, somehow still having enough wits about him to manage it, called for several cabs. He poured Devin, Dylan and Andrew into one, Will and Jem into another, and sent Cammie and Austin back to their hotel. Jace and Izzy passed out on either end of Magnus's couch. Alec hid a grin when Mo sneaked into the guest room that served as Lexus's room when she stayed with Magnus.

Then he had no more time to worry about anyone else. He followed Magnus into his bedroom and closed the door. The soft click of the lock engaging was loud in the sudden silence. When he turned around, there was Magnus, staring at him with the look of someone who was equal measures of lust and intoxication. His eyes were half-lidded, his pupils blown, his dick hard, the outline clearly visible through his pants. He reached for Alec, and Alec went to him without hesitation.

Their hands touched moments before their lips, and Magnus wasted no time relieving him of his button-up shirt. His warm hands slid under the edges of shirt, over his shoulders and down his arms, leaving a tingling sensation in their wake.

Magnus came up for air. "How drunk are you?" he said before attacking Alec's neck with his hot mouth.

"Enough that we should be quick about this," he moaned in reply.

Magnus got the message loud and clear. He stepped away and they quickly rid themselves of their remaining clothing. Magnus grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand and quickly sheathed and coated Alec's cock. Alec had to breathe through the process to keep from coming in Magnus's hand. He was so turned on from the drink and watching Magnus's body undulate all night and the emotional rush of the day.

Magnus kissed him once, a bruising clash of lips that left Alec reeling enough it took a moment for him to realize Magnus was bent over the side of the bed, ass in the air, ready for him. When he saw that, he sucked in a breath, and wasted no more time.

He entered Magnus as quickly as he could without hurting him, short jabbing strokes doing the trick nicely. Magnus opened for him easily enough. He was more than ready and willing, pushing back against Alec when he thought he was taking too long. His eagerness was such a turn-on for Alec. He snapped his hips, pushing the rest of the way in and groaning with the sensation of being wrapped completely in the man he loved.

Instinct took over from there. Alec grabbed Magnus's hips, thrusting in long slow strokes until Magnus was loose enough. Then it was a race to the finish, Alec slamming into Magnus, who met him thrust for thrust. Their grunts and moans and heavy breathing filled the air, a crescendo of sounds that reached a climax at the same time Magnus and Alec did. Alec draped over Magnus's back, holding him around the waist, pumping every last drop into the condom.

Alec pressed his lips to the runic tattoo on Magnus's left shoulder blade, and Magnus shivered. They made a cursory attempt at clean-up before falling into bed, barely wriggling under the covers before they fell asleep.

Alec had a fleeting thought as sleep overtook him. He knew he should drink some water, and maybe take some ibuprofen before he fell asleep. But he was too exhausted now to put in the effort, even though he knew he would regret it in the morning.

Wine hangovers were a bitch.

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**A/N: The song Will played is "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C &amp; C Music Factory. It's fun to dance to :)**


	83. Chapter 83

**A/N: Gem: Well, we are wrapping up Part 3, so it should feel like the end, right? Then we have Part 4 and Part 5 to go...**

**Alec-cuddles and LittleFrenchie: Welcome! **

**Cheers to the Lexus and Mo shippers. They really are cute together, yes? Anyone want to try a combo name? I can't come up with a good one.**

* * *

Alec let himself into Magnus's apartment with trepidation. He didn't know what to expect. All Magnus's text had said was to come over ASAP. He'd hastily thrown on some clothes, not even bothering to make sure they matched, grabbed his keys and wallet and darted out of his apartment. He'd flagged down a taxi and rushed over, his mind whirling through the possibilities of what might be so urgent.

None of those possibilities were remotely close to the scene he walked in on. The apartment was dim, all the lighting turned off. The only light came from the blazing electric fireplace, and the thousands of tealight candles covering every surface of the living room and kitchen.

Alec paused in the doorway, startled, and closed the door behind him. He gaped at the room, the soft glow of the candles, the romantic music emitting from the stereo, the bottle of wine and the two place settings on the coffee table. Magnus had placed thick pillows on the floor at each plate. There was a pallet of blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace.

Then his eyes found Magnus. How he'd missed him before he didn't know. He leaned against the kitchen island, his ankles and arms crossed in front of him. His was dressed casually, but Magnus could make casual look sexier than anyone Alec had ever known. He looked good, so good that Alec couldn't resist being drawn to him, wanting to touch every inch of him.

Magnus uncrossed his limbs, holding his hands out to Alec invitingly and spreading his legs wide enough for Alec to fit between them when he reached him. They snuggled together, kissing lightly in greeting.

"What did you do?" Alec said, still in awe.

"I thought we could have a romantic dinner at home," Magnus said, pressing his lips to Alec's forehead.

"You couldn't have just _said_ that?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh, it was a surprise," Alec muttered to himself as Magnus slipped free.

He went around the island and grabbed the containers laid out on the countertop. The aroma of tomatoes and garlic reached Alec. His stomach rumbled embarrassingly.

"What's for dinner?" he asked, forgetting his indignation about being worried something disastrous had happened the whole ride to Magnus's.

"Italian. I thought we could do the Lady and the Tramp thing with the spaghetti," Magnus said, his lip twitching.

"Um, no," Alec replied.

Magnus broke into a grin then. "You're no fun," he said, kissing the tip of Alec's nose as he passed him carrying the containers into the living room. "But that's okay. I didn't order spaghetti anyway."

Alec followed him to the table and took the pillow-seat opposite him. Magnus opened the container with as much of a flourish as it would allow, which wasn't much but was pretty comical anyway. He'd ordered manicotti, which looked heavenly, some grilled vegetables, and salad. Alec's mouth watered just looking at it.

They ate in comfortable silence, sometimes glancing coyly at each other, and sometimes outright staring. Magnus topped off their wine glasses at regular intervals, then produced an enormous slice of tiramisu, the Dessert of the Gods, for them to share. If Alec hadn't already been in love with the man, that would have done it right there. He was certain when people refer to food being 'better than sex' they were referring to tiramisu. It was positively orgasmic.

Music played in the background as they ate, a series of love songs. Magnus must have had the satellite radio on a romantic ballad station. Alec didn't mind. The sweet tunes added to the ambiance.

When the food was gone, Magnus stood and offered Alec his hand. Alec accepted and let Magnus pull him into his arms, where they danced a slow sway. Alec was completely absorbed in the moment, in Magnus's embrace, in the touch of his forehead resting against Magnus's neck, in the soft brush of Magnus's lips against his hair, as words of love filled the room. He felt them, every last word, as if they were tangible objects that touched his soul, his heart. He was so stupidly in love with Magnus, and he fell deeper and deeper every time they were together.

Alec wasn't paying close attention to the words of the song they were currently listening to, so he was surprised when Magnus suddenly stiffened and stopped moving.

"Hang on. Let me change the station," he said abruptly and pulled away from Alec.

Alec stared at him, baffled, and caught a few lines of the song. "Wait, Magnus."

Magnus turned back to him. "Alec…?"

"It's okay, Magnus. I like this song."

"But, they just said something about losing someone. We don't need to listen to that."

"But that's not what the song is about," Alec argued. "Listen," he added as the second verse started.

"_In the blink of an eye  
Just a whisper of smoke  
You could lose everything  
The truth is you never know_

_So I'll kiss you longer baby_  
_Any chance that I get_  
_I'll make the most of the minutes_  
_And love with no regrets_

_Let's take our time to say what we want_  
_Here's what we got before it's all gone_  
_'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow_

_So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you_  
_I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye_  
_Wherever we're standing_  
_I won't take you for granted_  
_'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time_

_So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you_  
_I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you_"

"It's talking about loving with everything you have, not taking each other for granted…and…and saying what's on your mind…" Alec trailed off, dropping his eyes, collecting his thoughts. He was quiet for several minutes while the song finished. Then his eyes flicked up to Magnus's again.

Magnus seemed to be holding his breath, waiting. "I…" Alec began, but he wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say. "I…damn it. I feel like you're holding back, Magnus."

Magnus's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it feels like…like you're holding back," he repeated, frustrated. He couldn't think of a better way to say it. "I've seen it. I've seen the flash of anger in your eyes when I said or did something that irritated you, but then it's gone and you just go on like nothing happened."

"So?"

"So, when we were together before, you never hesitated to tell me how you felt about something. If I made you mad, you let me know."

"I'm trying to be a better person," Magnus said weakly.

"By holding it all in until you explode? You know that's what will happen…"

Their eyes locked when Alec said that, and he knew that Magnus's mind had gone to the same moment in time as his own, the moment when Magnus unleashed his fury, got suspended, and set into motion the events that led to Alec getting raped. Magnus looked away, but Alec caught the glimpse of shame and pain in his eyes before he did. It wasn't there when he looked back at Alec.

"See? That's what I mean. What I said hurt you. You have a right to feel and express your emotions, Magnus. I _want_ you to. If you don't, this relationship isn't real."

"But…you said you weren't sure you could handle it…"

"I know what I said. I was wrong, or maybe things have changed. I don't know. I just know that I love you, and I want to be with you, but not a shell of you, not someone who's afraid to show me how he really feels."

"What do you want me to do?" Magnus choked out, his voice full of emotion.

Alec barked a laugh. "Well, if you're angry or irritated or frustrated, I want you to tell me. You never had a problem getting in my shit before when I did something to piss you off. It's one of the things I love and respect about you. So tell me, yell at me, lose your fucking shit all over the place if you need to!" Magnus laughed reluctantly at that. Alec was on a roll. "And while were at it, I want to feel your other emotions, too. If you're happy or find something funny, I want you to laugh until tears squirt out your eyes. And if you're horny, I want you to fuck me into the mattress!"

Magnus gasped. "I-…but-… your panic attacks?"

"I know," Alec said, frustrated again. "I know. I've been working on it. That stupid song barely affects me anymore, and you've managed to get a finger into me a couple of times without me freaking out. I... I want to try again."

"Alec-"

"Magnus," he interrupted, "think about…" He cast his mind for a reasonable comparison. "Think about it like this: there are several ways to get into a cool swimming pool, right? You can wade in gradually, inch by inch, absorbing the little shocks as cold water touched a new part of your body. It takes much longer for your whole body to adjust to the temperature that way, and you run the risk of losing your nerve and never getting to actually swim."

"That's what we've been doing," Magnus said, catching on quickly.

"Yes, and if we keep doing that, we may never get to the point where I get to bottom again. I want that so much. So, an alternative would be to dive in. Get up on the diving board and just dive in head first. The cold water shocks your system for a moment, but by the time you surface, you're ready to swim."

"And that's what you want to do? Just dive in? Sink or swim?"

Alec shook his head. "When you dive, you risk a belly-flop if you do it wrong. So, no, I don't want to dive. Magnus, I want to cannonball. I want to take off running, draw up my legs and make the biggest splash I possibly can!"

The confused expression on Magnus's face was comical. "You lost me."

Alec grinned. "Well, for starters, I want you to fuck me. I want to just do it and get it over with."

"What if you have a panic attack?" There was fear in Magnus's eyes.

"Hold me through it. Help me come out of it."

Magnus was already shaking his head. "I…I can't do that." He backed away, his eyes widening, his hands shaking.

"Magnus-"

"NO! Alec, you don't understand. Your panic attack wasn't just scary, it was one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. And I was nearly beaten to death, so do have a frame of reference here. I can't. There's no way. If you told me no like you did last time, there's no way…"

Realization dawned on him, finally. "Oh, Magnus," he said, squeezing Magnus's biceps to get his attention. "I wasn't saying no to you. When I had that attack, I was saying no to the attack, to _him_, not to you. I wanted the panic attack to stop." He pulled Magnus into his arms, muttering nonsense words of comfort to him as Magnus shuddered and warm tears spilled down his cheeks.

Alec hadn't realized how deep an effect his panic attack had on Magnus. He knew it had frightened him, and Magnus had admitted he thought he'd hurt Alec, but they'd never talked about it more than that. Alec had apparently wrongly assumed Magnus was okay now. He should have talked to him. He knew that now. No wonder Magnus was holding back.

He let Magnus get himself under control again, kissing the salty tears from his cheek as he held him. His heart ached for Magnus right then. He didn't want to make him feel like this ever again.

When Magnus pulled away, Alec said, "I know this is hard, Magnus. Everything has been hard. Trying to figure out where we stand with each other and get back to some kind of normal rhythm. But it's been two months since that panic attack, and we've made so much progress. We've been having sex for weeks, and we're comfortable with each other again. It's just this one little hang-up."

Magnus snorted. "Little hang-up?" He brushed a hand across his cheeks, wiping the drying tear tracks.

Alec grinned. "Yeah. Look, I don't know if it will work, but I have to try. You do realize that the last person that was inside my body was _him_, don't you? I think about that all the time. It's like the one thing that's keeping me from truly moving past this, from truly having my life back. I'm tired of that bastard having control over me. I'm so tired of it, I just want it over. I want it to end. And you are the only person that can help with this."

Magnus nodded his understanding. "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know yet. I'm not sure what triggered the panic attack, or if it was just a combination of things happening at the same time that made me react. You were about to put it in, and you were on top of me, and that fucking song popped into my head, and I panicked. Maybe if we control some of those variables, we can be successful this time."

"You want to make this a science experiment?" Magnus teased. Alec back-handed his arm.

"Yeah. Don't make fun of me." He was smiling so Magnus would know he wasn't offended. "I think I've gotten the song issue under control, and you can finger me while you suck my dick, so that really just leaves two possible problems. One: you being physically on top of me was what freaked me out. Or two: your dick trying to enter me was the trigger. We can work with this, right?"

"Your hot when your nerdy," Magnus replied, and laughed when Alec gave him a quelling look. "I'm sorry. Your right. We'll pick it apart and figure it out. I…I didn't realize how much _he_ still gets to you. I don't want you to feel that way."

Magnus's arms slithered around Alec's waist. "And I don't want you to be hurt by it either. I just want us to be together. I want it to be like it used to be." He caught the look on Magnus's face and hastily added, "I know it can't be _exactly _like that again. We're both different people than we were then." He rested his head on Magnus's shoulder and kissed it gently. "I just want to feel normal again. I don't want _him_ haunting me for the rest of my life."

That was the truth of it all. John still haunted him. He'd made so much progress, but until he could let Magnus fuck him, John still won, still owned him and _he_ didn't even know it. _He_ had probably moved on to his next victim and forgotten all about Alec. Alec was the one holding on. He still couldn't remember any details about the guy or anything distinguishing about his appearance, but he was still stuck. He still occasionally had nightmares, and he was certain there was only one way to make them stop. He needed Magnus to help him get over it. No one else could do what he needed Magnus to do. He would never feel safe with anyone but Magnus. He could never trust anyone but Magnus, and he'd never let anyone else fuck him.

He cleared his throat, drawing Magnus's attention away from wherever his mind had gone. "That's not all I want," Alec said.

Magnus raised an eyebrow in question. "Okay," he said warily.

"Well, I mean, if we're going to cannonball into the pool… I, um, I want us to move back in together."

Again, that astonished look on Magnus's face. "What?"

"You heard me. I want us to have sex, with me bottoming, and I want us to live together."

This was apparently news Magnus was willing to accept eagerly. "When can you move in?"

Alec laughed. "My lease is up at the end of July, but I don't really care about breaking it. It's not like either of us are hurting for money."

"My lease is up in July, also," Magnus said. "Do you want to wait until then and look for our own place together, or move in here now?"

"I don't know. We…we really need to talk about it."

Alec took his hand and drew him toward the couch. They sank onto it together, twisting so they were facing each other, holding hands. Magnus seemed very excited about the idea of living together, which was odd considering they'd both been without work or school for several weeks and they still didn't see each other every day. One more example of how Magnus had been holding back.

"Magnus, do you know where the Knicks practice facility is?"

Magnus's brow furrowed. "No, I guess I've never thought about it. I didn't know where the Nets practiced until I got drafted." He shrugged like it wasn't something he'd ever worried about.

"Tarrytown," Alec said flatly.

"But that's like…?" Magnus looked like he was trying to figure out where Tarrytown actual was located.

"About forty miles away from here," Alec supplied. "With traffic it'll take me nearly two hours to get there. I can move in here until I start my job, but I don't want to commute that far every day."

"No, that's insane. Shit, that's got to be an hour away from The Garden, too."

"Yeah. It's not very convenient, for sure."

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Well, I was hoping you'd consider moving somewhere centrally located for both of us?" His voice rose up at the end in hopeful question.

"Yes," Magnus said at once.

"You don't want to think about it first?" Alec said as a grin stretched across his face.

"No. I don't need to think about it. I want to live with you again. I want you here, or wherever, with me all the time."

"I was hoping you would say that." Alec threw his arms around Magnus's neck and held him tightly, relief flooding through him.

"Did you really doubt I would?" Magnus said softly against Alec's ear. His breath fluttered Alec's hair and tickled his skin. He didn't answer.

Alec pulled away. "So we're going to cannonball?"

"Yeah," Magnus agreed, "but not tonight. I…I need a little more time. I won't drag this out forever, I promise. We'll do this, by the end of summer, we'll be living together and…and we'll have at least tried. Okay?"

Alec nodded. He could accept that compromise. "I'll consider this the run-up to the cannonball." Magnus took a shaky breath, and Alec could see how hard this was for him. "Thank you, Magnus. I love you."

"I love you, too."

They embraced again, swaying slightly to the music that was still playing in the background as if the upper half of their bodies were dancing even though they were seated. Alec kissed him, a sweet, innocent, thank-you-for-being-you kiss that went on for some time. Alec hoped Magnus knew what it meant to him that he was willing to take these steps. He hoped that Magnus knew he knew it wasn't easy for him, and that he took his fears to heart. Magnus had been so patient with him, and he wouldn't rush Magnus now, no matter how eager he was to be done with the ghost of John. He would deal with it a little longer, for Magnus. It was the least he could do considering Magnus had waited nearly a year for him.

They kissed so leisurely, oxygen wasn't really an issue. So the kiss went on and on as their lips grew sore. Neither cared. They just needed to be together, needed the closeness. The crazy urgency to fuck that used to be in the forefront of everything they did had waned a little with all that happened between them. Two years ago they would never have been able to kiss this long without tearing into each other, but now they were able to kiss like this with only a half-hearted response from their cocks. Alec wasn't concerned though. They were still dealing with all the emotions left over from the rape and the fallout. They'd been seeing each other again for about three months now, but there was still so much they needed to work through. After their conversation tonight, he felt like they were on more stable ground. He felt more confident than ever that they would work through their problems, that they would be okay.

Alec stared at Magnus when he suddenly broke away. "I am _not_ listening to this song," he said definitively. He got up and turned off the radio, then fell back into Alec's waiting arms.

Alec had to agree. Adele's "Someone Like You" just wasn't what they needed to hear at that moment.

* * *

**A/N: The song is "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" by Meghan Trainor featuring John Legend.**


	84. Chapter 84

**A/N: It appears that Lexo is the most popular combo name. I love it! :)**

**MarionElizabeth: Thank you for breaking radio silence for me! *blushes* And welcome to our world. Hang on tight, we've got a lot more to come!**

* * *

"I can't believe you brought me camping," Magnus said. He'd repeated the line every morning for the last four days. Alec ignored him and set to work building the fire so they could have coffee. He was willing to rough it, but he wasn't willing to go without coffee. He had standards.

Their camping trip started with Alec picking Magnus up in his father's Hummer. The look on Magnus's face when he saw the huge, black, shiny vehicle was priceless. Alec didn't think Magnus even knew Robert had a Hummer. He should probably show Magnus his father's garage one day, he thought idly as Magnus tossed his bag in the back and gaped at this particular vehicle. Robert had spared no expense on the Hummer. It had all the bells and whistles, every upgrade possible, including windows tinted so dark they probably weren't legal, bulletproof glass and armored construction. He could probably drive it off a cliff and live to tell the tale.

Magnus's awe didn't fade until they actually got to he campsite. His trepidation took over at that point. Why he was so reluctant to go camping was beyond Alec's comprehension, but Alec was taking the high road and not giving him too much shit about it.

Their campsite belonged to a Lightwood family friend and was located several hours away from the city in the middle of several hundred acres. Alec had camped here for two weeks every summer since he was six years old. It had always been a 'guys only' trip, originally just Alec, Robert, and Robert's dad, Andrew. Then Jace and his dad had joined the group until his dad's death. That first trip after Jace's dad died was a difficult one, full of bittersweet memories and lots of tears. Alec remembered it well. Max joined them when he was old enough, but since Alec had not participated since he started college, he'd only gotten to go once with Max. He realized the moment he pulled the Hummer up to edge of the river that he'd missed the yearly camping trips terribly.

They spent more than an hour setting up the camp. The terror on Magnus's face as he fought with the tent poles and lost was priceless. He sat Indian-style on the ground, a pile of fabric and poles in his lap, looking utterly defeated. He looked up at Alec and said, "Is this really worth it?"

Alec laughed. "Yes. Here, let me take care of the tent. You go down by the river and collect some rocks." He showed Magnus the size rocks he wanted to make a border around the campfire, warned him not to fall into the river, and sent him on his way. He couldn't help chuckling as he watched Magnus pick his way through the tall-ish grass and weeds to get to the riverbank.

Magnus made several trips to and from the river carrying rocks. Alec was positive he'd never done anything like this before, and the fact that he was doing it now, for Alec, was pretty humbling. He gave Magnus a quick kiss of appreciation as he went to find firewood. When he returned for the third time with his arms loaded down with wood, he saw that Magnus had taken the liberty to arrange the rocks he'd collected into a circle. Alec dropped the wood onto the pile he'd started and surveyed Magnus's handiwork.

"Looks good," he said brightly, and Magnus grinned sheepishly, like he wasn't sure if Alec was serious or if he was just saying that to humor him. "I mean it. Thanks for doing that." He bent and kissed Magnus again. "Come on. That's enough work for now. Let's do something fun."

Magnus's eyebrows rose, disappearing under his bangs. Alec took his hand and led him over to the river. There was a trail that ran down the side of the riverbank. The owner of the property kept it cleared of brush and overgrowth. They walked for quite a ways, Magnus observing the scenery and the babble of the river, and Alec observing Magnus.

Magnus was a city-boy, through and through. Alec couldn't really say he wasn't one as well, but he'd at least been to this place a dozen or so times, and spent weeks at a time learning how to make do with what nature provided. Magnus had never experienced anything like this, and it was obvious by the sheer awe on his face.

"Everything is so…green," he said, glancing from tree to weed, bush to vine. "And so…quiet."

They stopped walking at that moment, the only sounds the splash of a fish in the river, a bird call overhead, the buzz of a bee. Alec caught a whiff of a wonderfully sweet aroma. "Honeysuckle!" He saw the plant just a few feet off the trail. He grabbed Magnus's hand and led him to it.

The plant was covered in white and yellow blooms and smelled delicious. Alec picked a white bloom, holding the base in one hand and the petals in the other, and tugged. The petals separated, leaving just the base of the bloom and the pistil with a drop of dew clinging to it. Alec stuck out his tongue and let the dewdrop fall onto his tongue. It tasted heavenly sweet.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Magnus said with a look that suggested Alec had lost his fucking mind.

Alec grabbed another bloom, yellow this time, and told Magnus to hold out his tongue. Magnus's expression became even more wary, but Alec gave him a just-do-it look, and so he did. Alec placed the sweet liquid on Magnus's tongue and grinned when Magnus's eyes widened in delighted surprise.

"They should bottle that stuff!" he said, reaching for another bloom. Alec showed him how to do it without dropping that precious bit of honey. Magnus looked like a kid in a candy store.

After that, they continued following the trail until they found a shallow part of the riverbank strewn with rocks. "Have you ever skipped rocks?" Alec asked Magnus, knowing the answer.

Magnus shook his head and Alec led him to the edge of the river. He showed Magnus how to find the right stone to throw. "You want a rock that's flat and small enough to fit in your hand, but not too light. If it doesn't have enough weight behind it, it won't skip." He took a moment to select the perfect stone, bent over, drew his arm back and released the rock. It hit the water and skipped twice before falling into the river.

Magnus sucked in a delighted breath and clapped. He actually clapped, which for some reason tickled Alec and he giggled. "You try it," Alec said, helping Magnus pick the right stone. Magnus mimicked what Alec had done, and the rock hit the water with a 'plunk' and disappeared. Magnus's brows furrowed, which made Alec burst out laughing. "It's not as easy as it looks," he said as he tried to catch his breath.

Alec laughing at him seemed to spark a determination in Magnus. He threw rock after rock until he finally got one to skip all the way across the river and hit the opposite bank. Alec's jaw dropped. "How'd you do that? I never get more than a couple of skips out of mine!"

Magnus shrugged like it was no big deal, but he looked pleased. "How did _you_ learn how to do this?"

"My Granddad," Alec said simply.

They made their way back to camp when Magnus's stomach gave an empty growl. Alec expertly lit the fire. "How do you know how to light a fire?" Magnus asked, and received the same answer.

"My Granddad."

Alec fished out a package of hotdogs and a bag of marshmallows. There were Hershey's bars and graham crackers, too. They dined on hotdogs and s'mores and it may not have been the healthiest meal they'd ever eaten, but it was fucking good. Alec was happy to see Magnus had at least eaten s'mores before, thanks to Momma H.

After dinner, Magnus said, "So what's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"Fishing."

"Fishing? Like with worms and hooks and…fish?" Magnus wrinkled up his nose.

Alec laughed. "Yeah. We'll have to get up early and find some worms to use as bait. I've got poles and tackle in the back of the Hummer. You've never been fishing before, have you?"

Magnus shook his head, still looking a bit disgusted at the idea.

"Don't you have any hobbies?"

Magnus leveled his gaze at Alec. "I think you are seriously underestimating how much time I spent on the basketball court. There wasn't time for anything else. After the first few years when I played football and baseball, too, I literally did nothing but basketball. I always had one in my hand, everywhere I went."

"Why? I mean, I know you love the game, but don't you have any other interests?"

Magnus shrugged. "I was a weird kid. Everyone liked me and I had no shortage of people who wanted to be my friend, but inside I was a loner, and wanted to be alone most of the time. No one knew I was gay for many years, and I didn't want to out myself, so it was easier to keep to myself. Basketball was one thing I could do completely on my own. I could practice shooting on my own, dribbling, running drills.

"The one thing I couldn't do was pass." He gave a weird laugh-shrug. "About the only decent thing Rick ever did for me was figure out a way for me to practice passing on my own. He got a couple of 55-gallon barrels and put sand in the bottom so they wouldn't fall over if the ball hit them. They were the perfect height. I could practice passing by figuring out the angle I needed to get the ball to bounce into the barrel. Once I got pretty good at it and started learning actual plays, I'd move the barrels around the court, positioning them like I was passing for a three or a dunk. I had plenty of scenarios going," he finished with a chuckle.

Alec pictured a young Magnus in too-large basketball shorts running around a homemade basketball court, passing the ball to non-descript barrels and cheering like he'd just won the championship. He quirked a smile at his boyfriend.

"What about Will? Didn't you guys do stuff together?"

Magnus shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, we did the normal kid stuff like ride bikes and hang out, but he was as into his guitar as I was basketball, so most of the time, he watched me practice and I got a guitar serenade in the process."

"Well, I think you're going to love fishing. It's very relaxing." Alec cringed a little as he said this. 'Relaxing' was not typically Magnus's MO. Hopefully he wouldn't completely hate fishing.

"I don't care what we do, as long as I'm with you."

Alec blushed, but thought the fire and rapidly failing daylight probably hid the evidence.

They sat around the campfire until it had died down enough that they started to feel cool. Alec kicked dirt over the remains of the fire and once he was satisfied the fire was out, they made their way to the tent.

Magnus eyed the tent skeptically. "So, tell me this thing is bigger on the inside than it looks."

The tent Alec had constructed earlier was just a basic two-three person tent. Nothing fancy. Alec smirked at him. "This isn't Harry Potter. There's no spell to magically enlarge the interior."

"So, we're actually going to sleep on the ground?"

"Yep. Come on, it'll be fun."

"I've heard that somewhere before," Magnus muttered under his breath.

The next morning, Alec awoke early and had the fire going and coffee on before Magnus ventured out of the tent. When he finally appeared, hair disheveled and looking like he hadn't slept very well, his first words were, "Coffee? We have coffee? I love you!"

Alec chuckled. "Of course we have coffee, silly." He'd also made a pot of oatmeal from the supply in the back of the Hummer. "Hurry up and eat. I want to see if the fish are biting." He didn't miss Magnus's grimace.

They cleaned up breakfast, washing the pans with some water they'd brought with them. They weren't taking chances on how clean the river water was. Then Alec dragged Magnus along the riverbank, turning up rocks and dead leaves and grass until they'd found a bunch of earthworms to use as bait.

This was the part that Alec, being a mostly-city-boy, always had trouble with. Earthworms were kind of gross feeling wriggling around in his hands. And actually sticking a hook through them? He felt a stab of guilt every time. Magnus made the most humorously disgusted face and Alec knew he would be stuck baiting the hooks every time.

He showed Magnus how to cast the hook into the water, and they stood there watching the float bob in the current until Magnus's went under completely. Alec told him to pull back and reel the line in. Magnus fought against the current and the fish, trying not to break the line, as Alec kept reminding him, and finally pulled in his prize. On the end of his line was a small-mouth bass about six inches long, way too small to keep, but the triumphant look on Magnus's face was worth the effort. Alec showed him how to take the fish off the hook without hurting either of them, and release it back into the water. Magnus gave a little wave when the fish swam away. Alec wondered what he would do if they actually caught ones big enough to eat.

After a few more hours of this and nothing to show for it, Magnus's little fish being the only catch of the day, they decided to give up and go swimming instead. They stripped down to their underwear and jumped into the river. It wasn't terribly deep at this location, maybe four or five feet, depending on where they stood, but it was enough to swim and goof around and have a blast.

It was late in the afternoon when the rumbling of their stomachs was no longer something they could ignore. They climbed up on the bank, toweling off, and walking the short distance back to their campsite.

"Was the fish supposed to be dinner?" Magnus said, sounding somewhat worried.

"Yeah, but that's okay, we have plenty of food."

"We do?"

Alec gave him a look. "Do you really think _my_ mother would have sent us out here without enough food?"

Alec could see the memory of dozens of cookies arriving at their dorm every week, special delivery from Maryse Lightwood, play across Magnus's face. No, food was not an issue.

"Aren't you worried about…bears? With all that food?" Magnus said as Alec finally let him see what all he had stashed in the back of the Hummer. His mother had apparently packed as if half of Manhattan were going on the trip.

"Not particularly."

"What about mountain lions?"

"I don't think there are mountain lions in New York." Alec pulled a couple steaks from the cooler. They had to eat the cold food by the following day if they wanted to ensure their safety. The cooler was only guaranteed to hold ice for 72 hours. Then it would be dry or canned foods, unless they managed to catch some fish. He handed Magnus a few ears of corn, a couple potatoes, and some aluminum foil.

They ate like kings that night on seared steak, and potatoes and corn on the cob that had been wrapped in foil and cooked in the embers. Delicious.

Day three they decided to try fishing again, and were marginally more successful. They headed upstream as they had destroyed the fishing hole near the campsite when they'd spent the day swimming. They found a nice deep hole of water at the mouth of a tributary and quickly caught enough bluegill for lunch. Alec saw Magnus gag a few times as he killed and cleaned the fish, stripping them of the meat on either side of their bodies. He tossed the remains back into the water, which served the dual purpose of feeding the other creatures that inhabited the river and cleaning up the campsite so they wouldn't attract things like bears. Not that Alec had ever seen a bear while camping…and he didn't want to!

"How did you learn to do that?" Magnus asked, in equal measures awe of Alec's skill and horror of what he'd just witnessed.

"My Granddad." Magnus stared at him until he finally said, "What?"

"It's just…your family is a bunch of multi-millionaires. You can buy the best of everything. You have servants that cook and clean for you, drive you around, do whatever you want. And it's been like that for generations. Yet your Granddad taught you how to skip rocks and fish and clean fish?"

Alec chuckled. "My Granddad is a special man. You probably could guess that by the fact that he continued the tradition of letting his son be who he wanted to be instead of forcing him to take over his wildly successful business." Magnus nodded. "Well, he was born during the Great Depression. He, of course, wasn't financially affected by the Depression, but he saw what other people went through. He saw people going hungry and not having a place to live. And he understood that his family had been lucky. They'd had money for generations and were able to survive that period of time relatively unscathed.

"But it had a serious emotional effect on him. He wanted to make sure that his family could survive if something like that happened again. So he learned how to hunt and fish and live off the land. He's not a survival expert or anything. He really just does it for fun, but he thought it was important, and he passed that knowledge on to his son, and then to me and Jace and Max."

"You hunt?" Magnus asked in disbelief.

"I shot a rabbit once. I was twelve and it completely devastated me. I couldn't even look at a gun for months after that. I still don't like them. I guess I could force myself to use one if I had to, and I could probably teach a course on gun safety thanks to my dad and granddad, but I don't like them."

"Aww, baby," Magnus said sympathetically.

"It's fine. I'm over it. I have no wish to go hunting again though…"

"But what you just did with the fish is okay? It doesn't bother you?"

Alec paused. He'd already gotten the fire going to cook the fish he'd just cleaned and had a cast-iron skillet in hand. He sat the skillet over the fire to warm.

"I guess…I guess it feels different. I don't know why. Maybe because fishing isn't as violent as shooting something with a gun? Maybe it's just that fish are not as cute and cuddly as a rabbit? Or maybe just that fish tastes so much better than rabbit? I don't know, but I've never really had a problem with fishing. I don't particularly like using live worms, and it's hard when I have to kill the fish, but…" He trailed off, losing the ability to put words together to explain the situation.

When the pan was warm, he tossed the fish filets into the skillet and listened to them sizzle. Lunch was really good. There was nothing quite like the taste of fresh bluegill cooked over an open fire. Magnus appeared to agree with him, judging by the way he devoured his filets and the little moans that he made that were music to any cook's ears.

After lunch they did some hiking, using the river as their guide. They ventured a little off the path, up into the woods and the small hills that formed the base of the nearby mountain range. They kept the river on their left as they walked and didn't venture past the point where they could no longer hear the moving water. Alec's grandfather had taught him long ago that he couldn't get lost if he had a river to guide him. That advise hadn't failed him yet.

Again, they saw all sorts of things that Alec knew Magnus had never seen before. He pointed out the few species of birds he could recognize on sight: a cardinal, a blue jay, a pair of doves nestled together in a dead tree, a red-winged blackbird. They even heard a woodpecker doing his thing somewhere in the woods, the rap-tap-tap of his bill on the tree echoing loudly.

Alec caught a lizard with a blue tail that was attached to the side of a big oak tree. Magnus looked skeptically at him when he said he could touch it. He stuck out a hesitant finger and gently touched the lizard's back, swiping his finger down to the tip of it's tail. His eyes widened. "It's not slimy!" he said, sounding surprised.

Alec laughed. "No. Snakes aren't either, but I'm not catching one of those for you."

Magnus visibly shivered. "That's okay. I don't want you to."

They continued on, seeing all manner of small furry creatures: rabbits and squirrels predominantly, but also an occasional mouse or shrew. They saw a raccoon lumbering away from them as quickly as it could. When they saw a deer and her two little spotted fawns following clumsily behind her, Alec glanced at Magnus to see his expression. He was in total awe of the little family.

Alec decided right then that bringing Magnus camping was the best idea he'd had in a while. Seeing baby deer in a zoo was nothing compared to seeing them walking through the woods with their mother. This was their turf, their home, not some man-made construction they were forced to live in so humans could ogle them at will. This was something special, especially for a city-boy.

When they returned to the campsite hours later, they stripped down and went for a swim. They were hot and sweaty from their walk, and the water was the perfect way to cool them down. They splashed and played and dunked each other's head underwater. When they got tired of fighting the current, they climbed out and cleaned up with some of the extra water Alec's mother had packed. As he watched Magnus clean his most important parts - a true bath was not possible, but they could at least not smell and feel disgusting - he was hit with a wave of desire so strong he couldn't control it.

They'd been together, alone, for three days and two nights. They'd spent every moment together for the first time in such a very long time. Even though they were no longer as busy as they were when they first starting dating again, they still weren't spending every single day together, and Alec still spent an occasional night in his own apartment. These last few days together reminded Alec how much he longed to live with Magnus again. Soon. Very soon.

Magnus looked up from rinsing the soap off his dick and caught Alec staring at him. He gave Alec an insecure smile, but stood there in all his glory, letting Alec look his fill. Alec couldn't peel his eyes off Magnus. Sleeping next to him every night with only handjobs to show for it was wearing on his resolve, especially considering the lube and condoms he had at the bottom of his sleeping bag, just in case. And now that they were relatively clean?

He crossed the distance in a few short strides and before he knew what was happening, he kissed Magnus for all he was worth. The passion consumed them in record time, and Alec found himself dragging Magnus toward the tent. They stumbled a bit in their haste and fell through the tent flaps, which fortunately were not zipped closed, onto the sleeping bags in a pile of limbs.

Alec took the moment to dig out the condoms and lube and make sure that Magnus had no doubts about what he wanted. He wanted Magnus to fuck him, right now. He'd waited and waited, and he didn't want to wait any longer. He tossed the condom to Magnus, whose eyes grew wide with realization, then turned over on his hands and knees and lubed himself up. He'd been thinking about this a lot recently, about how he'd panicked when Magnus was on top of him face-to-face. He didn't know if that position would still have a negative effect on him, so he wanted to try something else instead.

He looked back at Magnus, all but begging him with his eyes. He saw fear, and concern, and doubt. He saw hesitation on Magnus's part. "Please," he said breathlessly.

Magnus stared into his eyes, reading his face, and finally gave a short nod. He rolled the condom on and slathered it with lube, then lined himself up with Alec, ready and (mostly) willing to give this another try, just like he said he would.

As soon as Magnus moved in behind him, Alec felt like a hand was squeezing his heart. He breathed through it like Dr. Daniels taught him, concentrating on how much he wanted Magnus. When Magnus started to push in, Alec's concentration faltered. The sensations his body felt, good and bad, lust and fear and a little bit of pain, started to overcome his ability to focus on his breathing, on how good this would feel if he'd just relax and let Magnus fuck him.

Magnus pushed a little further in and Alec's heart squeezed tighter. His vision blurred as panic crept up his spine, leaving nothing but a cold, numb feeling in it's wake. Then Magnus made a critical mistake; he leaned over Alec's back and kissed his shoulder blades, and Alec lost it completely.

"I can't. I can't. Magnus, stop! I can't!" he cried out.

Almost instantly, Magnus pulled away, and Alec crumpled onto the sleeping bag, holding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth, trying to keep the panic at bay. He was angry with himself for being so weak, and he was so thoroughly disappointed that he had failed this test again. Damn it, why did this keep happening to him?

In his blind, near-panic state, he barely noticed Magnus lay down beside him and pull him against his body. Magnus's strong, slender arms wrapped around him, and he kissed Alec's forehead and hair, pressing his cheek against Alec's head in a calm, I'm-here-for-you way. He whispered soothing words that held no meaning for Alec in that moment, but the meaning wasn't the point anyway. Magnus's serene voice and his tranquil demeanor kept Alec from going into a full-blown panic attack. Within minutes, he was coming back to himself, and fully aware that Magnus was there and holding him and calming him down.

It was several more minutes before Alec regained the ability to converse. He looked up into Magnus's eyes, surprised that his own face was dry, and that Magnus didn't look nearly as freaked out as he had the first time. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

Magnus shushed him and tucked Alec's head back under his chin. Alec pressed his face against Magnus's chest and let the warmth of his body soothe him even more. Magnus held him and continued to pacify him any way he knew how. Alec was profoundly grateful.

Eventually, he said, very softly against Magnus's chest, "I'm okay now."

Magnus released the tight hold he had on Alec, and they moved enough to see each other. Alec searched Magnus's face, surprised that he was still so calm and in control.

"When did you learn to handle my panic attacks?"

"This one wasn't so bad," Magnus hedged.

"True, because of you. You pulled me through it. You kept me from freaking out. How did you know what to do?"

Magnus swallowed. "When…when you said you wanted to try bottoming again…I made an appointment with my therapist. He talked me through it, told me things I could try to help you."

Alec blinked. "You…you made a therapy appointment just to learn how to help me with my panic attacks?"

Magnus gave him a small smile. "I told you I'd do anything to help you get through this. A therapy appointment was hardly the worst thing in the world."

"You are the most amazing boyfriend on the planet," Alec said, snuggling against Magnus and letting go of the tormented feelings he couldn't yet control.

That was day three of the five day camping trip.

And now it's day four...

_To be continued._


	85. Chapter 85

Magnus accepted the coffee Alec offered him with a grateful smile. He looked sleepy, like sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere for several days was starting to wear on him. Or maybe he was still upset about Alec's mini-panic attack last night. Or maybe he was stressed about something else entirely.

When Alec decided to take Magnus on a camping trip with very little input from Magnus, he'd decided in the name of fairness to at least let Magnus choose when they would go...

_"When do you want to go camping?" Alec asked, rolling over in bed to kiss Magnus's sweaty shoulder. He looked so good, laying there on his back, chest heaving from the spectacular orgasm Alec has just given him, eyes glazed with spent lust. He was still drifting, Alec knew, which made this both an unfair and quite opportune moment to ambush him with their camping trip plans._

_"Huh?" Magnus replied, pulling the covers over him as the cool ambient air made goosebumps erupt along his heated skin._

_"The camping trip," Alec said again, "I want to figure out when we are going so I can make the necessary arrangements."_

_"You really want to do this?"_

_"I do," Alec said, "and I think you will too once we get there. We'll be in the middle of five hundred acres of private land, with woods and meadows and a river. It's beautiful, and very, very secluded…" He let that thought hang in the air as he ran a finger down Magnus's chest. Magnus shivered in response._

_"Alright. Fine. We'll go camping. Will we have cell service or internet access?"_

_Alec snorted. "Um, no. I have spotty service out there. Enough to get a call through to 911 if there is an emergency, but I don't actually plan to have my cell on me, and I'm not even bringing my laptop."_

_"Great. Then I want to go the last week of June."_

_Alec arched an eyebrow at him, wondering why he wanted to go at that specific time, or if he was just trying to put it off for a few more weeks hoping Alec would forget. Then it hit him. "That's the week of the NBA Draft, isn't it?"_

_Magnus gave a noncommittal shrug, then said, "Yeah, it is."_

_"Why do you want to miss the draft?"_

_Magnus sighed and sat up in bed. "Because, the Nets gave away their only first round pick last year in a trade deal. And it wouldn't matter anyway. They couldn't make a good decision if it walked up, slapped them in the face, and said 'hey, I'm a good decision!'"_

_Alec bit back a laugh. Magnus was dead-on in his assessment of the Nets management, if his own playing time was any kind of measurement._

_"The idiots select talented players then never fucking play them!" he continued, bitterness and frustration coloring his words. _

_Alec understood where he was coming from. He was annoyed with the coach, at minimum, for not playing Magnus. He was also annoyed with the higher-ups for not realizing what a mistake the coach was making and doing something about it. They were the bosses in this scenario. Why couldn't they do something to make the coach play Magnus? Why were they content to let the organization continue to fall into irrelevance because they continued to play the same tired, aging players and not inject any of the new blood they kept drafting into the mix?_

_But still, Magnus wanted to miss the draft altogether? "Are you sure you want to miss the draft?"_

_"Yes. It's just an annoying process that doesn't lead to any changes with my team. If I'm in the middle of nowhere, I won't have to deal with texts and other messages wanting me to tell them why the Nets are idiots. Trust me, it's better this way."_

_"Okay. The last week of June it is." Alec kissed him gently on his kiss-swollen lips, and tucked himself against Magnus, ready for sleep._

Alec had a sneaking suspicion that it being Thursday, aka Draft Day, was playing a big role in Magnus's drawn appearance and quite mood. Regardless of his adamance that he did not want to be reachable for the draft, Alec knew it still meant a lot to Magnus. He was just frustrated that his team didn't seem to take advantage of the opportunities it was given. Who could blame him for that?

Alec made another pot of oatmeal over the open fire and studied Magnus as they ate. He indeed looked drained. Alec wanted to do something to take his mind off of the draft, and off of Alec's freak-out from the previous night that ended in neither of them getting their rocks off. Alec still felt frustrated himself, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Not yet, at least.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Magnus asked when the coffee had finally made him human again.

Alec simply pointed to the Hummer. Magnus gave him a questioning look and Alec realized he thought he was pointing _at _the Hummer. "We're finally going to use the canoe," Alec said, motioning toward the canoe strapped to the top of the vehicle.

Magnus's eyes widened. "You…? I don't -" he spluttered.

Alec stifled a laugh. "Did you think we brought it for decoration?"

Magnus tripped over his words some more before finally getting out, "I don't know how to canoe!"

Cottoning on to Magnus's minor freak-out, Alec said, "It's not difficult. You're plenty athletic enough to handle it. Don't worry. It'll be fun."

Magnus gave him a look that clearly said he'd heard that one before. Alec gave him a defiant look in return. He knew Magnus was having fun, even if he didn't want to admit how much fun he was having. He was just being difficult.

In the end, Magnus helped Alec untie the canoe and retrieve the paddles from the back of the Hummer without complaint. They launched the canoe from the bank of the river where they'd been swimming the last few days. There was a shallow point there giving them easier access to the river than the higher bank directly in front of their campsite.

Alec was in the front of the canoe, Magnus in the back. They spent several minutes rowing in circles and ricocheting from one bank to the other while Magnus got the hang of working as a team to propel the craft forward. It was relatively smooth sailing after that.

The view they'd had of the river and wilderness as they walked the path on the first day was stunning. It didn't hold a candle to the view _from_ the river. There was beauty in the muddy banks, sculpted by eons of water flowing and swirling, carving out its path and changing its mind over time. Huge trees lined the banks and clung precariously to the dirt as they stretched out over the water's edge, vying for the sunlight. In some places where the river narrowed, the tree branches formed a canopy overhead, blocking out the heat from the sun's rays.

Downstream they found several birds Alec didn't know the name of but was pretty sure they were some type of heron or other long-legged waterfowl. They stretched their long, arcing necks, dipping their heads into the water, presumably in search of food. As the canoe approached, they took flight, their heavy wings beating against the air current as they lifted higher into the air before landing on the bank. If it could be said that birds gave a contemptuous look, Alec felt these birds did. They were clearly unhappy about being interrupted, at any rate.

They moved past a fallen tree partially protruding from the water. It had been there long enough to be stripped of leaves, just a thick trunk remaining. Lined up along it, bathing in the sun, were several turtles. They one-by-one slipped back into the water as the canoe glided past, little ripples the only indication they'd been there. Alec caught Magnus's eye, and the smile on his face, and grinned himself.

They cruised downriver, watching small birds dive-bomb the water and fish breach the surface with a splash. The sun was warm, and the rowing a marvelous endorphin release. Everything was peaceful and serene, a far cry from their every day lives in the city. Alec felt the calm radiate from his core, and yet…

There was something wrong. He'd nearly had a panic attack again last night, and no matter how lovely his current surroundings, he just couldn't completely shake that unsettled feeling. He pushed it away as he dipped the paddle into the water again and again, letting the soothing rhythm of the stroke wash over him. This was a happy place, not to be disturbed by unwanted feelings.

Sometime later, they found a low spot in the bank and pulled the canoe out. Alec glanced around, getting his bearings. His eyes met Magnus's, and he could see his boyfriend working out the problem at hand.

"Um, how are we getting the canoe back to camp?" Magnus said, one eyebrow high on his forehead.

Alec flashed him a smile, having already worked out the answer before they ever left. He hooked his hand under the lip of one end of the canoe and said, "You get the other end."

Magnus stared at him like he'd lost his fucking mind. "You want us to carry this thing, what, five miles or so back to camp?"

Alec chuckled. "No. I want us to carry this thing to the edge of the woods so we can walk back to camp and drive the Hummer over and pick it up."

Magnus visibly sighed with relief. Alec couldn't blame him. He had no desire to carry the canoe either, and definitely not for five miles, which he estimated to be about how far downriver they'd come.

They set a leisurely pace back to camp, easily picking up the trail they'd used on their first day. There was something about hiking in the woods that just settled one's soul, put minds at rest. Maybe it was the calm way creatures went about their lives, hunting for food and shelter. Maybe it was the lack of noise pollution that bombarded them when they were at home in the city. Maybe it was knowing they were the only two people in those woods, secluded from the multitude of others they saw on a daily basis. Maybe it was all of the above.

When they reached the camp a few hours later, hot and sticky from the heat, Alec had half a mind to jump right in the river and go after the canoe later. But then he'd have to worry about getting the Hummer's interior wet and making it smell like river water, and decided he better do things the right way or he wouldn't get to use his dad's vehicle again. A quick trip downstream later, they strapped the canoe to the top of the Hummer, and then hurried back to camp.

They did swim for awhile, cooling off in the water, then Alec opened a few cans of baked beans and corn and warmed them over the open fire. The ice had melted in the coolers, and they'd already eaten the frozen meats they'd brought, so they tore into the beef jerky. Night was falling by the time they'd finished cleaning up dinner and themselves.

There was a clear sky overhead, the three-quarter moon shining brightly down on them. Magnus had learned by day four how to add wood to the fire to keep it going, but not enough to make it blaze up too high. Alec hadn't realized he was being quiet and how long he'd been staring into the fire until Magnus tossed a couple logs the size of his arm onto the top of the pile. The flames flared up as the new wood caught, and Alec blinked. Magnus sat down beside him.

"What's on your mind?" he said softly, watching the flames dance before them, the crackle and pop of the logs releasing air.

"Will you get the sleeping bags out of the tent?" Alec said, not answering the question. He had something on his mind that was taking up his full attention.

"What?"

"I want to sleep under the stars tonight," Alec said, gazing up into the night sky.

Magnus gave him a look Alec had no difficulty interpreting, but he got to his feet and pulled the sleeping bags out of the tent without question.

"What if it rains?" Magnus asked as he handed the sleeping bags to Alec.

"It's not going to rain."

Magnus cracked a grin. "What, are you Kent Logsdon now?"

Kent Logsdon was the super hot meteorologist on one of the local Brooklyn new channels that they watched regularly, because the channel had a super hot meteorologist. Alec had wondered on more than one occasion if Kent Logsdon was gay, and admitted to occasionally fantasizing about him. He was tall and slim and tanned, one of those guys that had a put-together, successful look about him, yet still managed to look liked he'd be at home on a surfboard. H-O-T.

"No, but I checked the forecast before we left and it's not supposed to rain until tomorrow or Saturday. Besides, the sky is cloudless, so stop worrying."

Alec unzipped the sleeping bags. "Have you ever put two sleeping bags together to make one big enough for two people?" he said. His voice sounded distracted, even to himself.

"No."

Alec showed him how to zip the two bags together, then laid them out on the ground, gesturing at his handiwork.

"Um, Alec? I haven't slept in the sleeping bag all week."

Of course he hadn't. Magnus was the guy wearing basketball shorts in January with snow on the ground. It took a lot to make him cold. But that wasn't why Alec wanted the sleeping bags.

"I think you'll want cover for what I have planned," Alec said suggestively.

Magnus got it. He pulled one corner of the combined sleeping bags down and climbed inside. Alec slid in next to him. He didn't pull the top over them yet, because it really was hot. Besides, they were alone. There was no real need for modesty.

Alec tugged Magnus into a kiss and wasted no time sliding his hand into Magnus's shorts. He'd been thinking about this all day. He gave Magnus's dick a squeeze, and it jumped to life in his hand. Magnus's hand came up to cup Alec's cheek, giving him leverage to make the kiss deeper.

Alec pulled away and looked into Magnus's eyes. He saw a steady patience that told him Magnus was content to let him take the lead. He saw a slow-burning desire in the depths of those eyes, and a love so deep it was bottomless. Alec wasted no time relieving them of their clothes.

They settled back into position, Magnus on his back, Alec leaning on one arm beside him. Alec took charge again, initiating a fiery kiss that had them both panting and gasping for air before long. Alec rolled on top of Magnus, straddling his abdomen and rubbing his cock against Magnus's firm abs. He wanted this so badly, especially after the failure of last night.

His hands roamed down Magnus's body, distracting him by finding all his sensitive places Alec knew so well. He kissed him long and deep and passionately, befuddling their senses and brains alike. There was so much heat between them, so much unbridled passion, so much need, there was no question where this was leading.

Until Alec put the condom on Magnus's cock.

Magnus snapped to attention, the glorious lust-induced haze evaporating in an instant. "What are you doing?"

"Please, Magnus. I have an idea. Please let me try this." Alec's voice cracked with need and fear that Magnus would refuse him.

"You almost had a panic attack _last night_," he said forcefully, incredulous that Alec was trying again so quickly.

"I know. I've been thinking about it all day. And I need to try this. I need to know why."

"What do you mean?"

"Both times I've panicked you were on top of me, _over_ top of me. I need to know if that's what's making me panic, or if it's your dick trying to fuck me. Please, Magnus. Please let me try this." He was begging. Not exactly how he'd hoped this would go, but he'd had no illusions that Magnus would give in without a protest the day after he'd nearly panicked.

"Alec…" Magnus touched both sides of Alec's face, pulling him down for a brief, heartfelt kiss. "Maybe we should give it a little more time, no?"

Alec shook his head. "I don't want to give it more time. I need to know now." He reached down and wrapped his fingers around Magnus's flagging cock. He gave it a couple of quick strokes, bringing it right back to life. Magnus's eyes rolled back in his head, his moan low and gravelly. "I swear," Alec whispered, his mouth merely an inch from Magnus's ear. He licked the lobe and Magnus shuddered. "If this doesn't work, I won't try again for awhile."

Between the pressure on his dick and the kisses Alec pressed along his jaw, Magnus's resolve was crumbling rapidly. Alec knew what buttons to press with his boyfriend, and he wasn't afraid to do so when he needed so desperately to get his way on this. Magnus, now reduced to a blithering mess, simply nodded his head and moaned as Alec thumbed his nipple with his free hand.

Alec reached behind him, transferring Magnus's cock to his other hand, and lined himself up with it. He had a brief moment of hesitation, a panic-check, but he pushed the rising emotion down. Magnus didn't miss his hesitation either.

"Alec, you don't have to -" His voice was heavy with lust.

Alec lowered himself, the head of Magnus's cock breaching his rim. Magnus swallowed his words and moaned loudly. There was pain, more than he'd expected. Magnus had pushed a finger or two inside him over the last few months when he was sucking him off, but other than that, there had been nothing inside him since… He forced that thought away, and squashed the anxiety that was rising up in him.

He bounced slowly up and down on Magnus's cock, inching it further into his body until he felt the warmth of Magnus's groin against the cheeks of his ass. He'd done it. Magnus was inside him. His heart was racing, and he knew it wasn't just from the exhilaration of Magnus's penetration. But he was keeping the panic at bay. He was okay. He could do this.

He leaned forward and kissed Magnus firmly on the lips, his tongue darting out to lick at him and distract him from his low-level fear. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's body in a way that was more comfort than anything. Alec could see the moonlight reflecting in Magnus's eyes. The desire and love and patience he'd seen earlier was now joined by pride. Magnus was proud of him for making it this far. That bolstered his confidence more than anything else possibly could, and he leaned in for another kiss to thank him.

Then he started moving. He'd fucked Magnus in this position before, and it usually meant a fairly rough, fast-paced session that ended quickly. Something they reserved for when they didn't have a lot of time to spend exploring each other's body. Alec knew he didn't have a lot of time tonight either. The longer they delayed, the more likely his panic would get the better of him.

But he didn't want it rough. Not tonight. He slid languidly up and down, drawing out the sensations as his body enveloped and clung to Magnus's. He watched the emotions play across Magnus's face, and fell a little more in love with him. Magnus did this for him, just like he said he would. He could never have imagined having someone like Magnus, someone who would put his own fears aside to help Alec conquer his. Someone who loved him more than he loved himself, for that was the take-home message here, right? Magnus was willing to sacrifice his own needs for Alec's. Sure, he was getting something out of this as well, evidenced by the pleasure etched on every inch of his body, but he hadn't wanted to do this. He'd only done it this way for Alec. That said more about their relationship than any words ever could.

The further they got into their lovemaking, the less effort it took for Alec to fight his fears. The feeling of finally having Magnus inside him again trumped everything else. His body was a whirlwind of emotions again, but the most important one in that moment was love. He loved Magnus with everything he had, emotionally and physically, and that feeling swelled as he continued to fuck himself on Magnus's cock, their bond growing stronger and stronger with each passing moment.

He locked eyes with Magnus and watched as his boyfriend reached between them to stroke Alec's cock. His head fell back when Magnus's hot, nimble fingers touched him, pulling and tugging, bringing Alec closer to the edge. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, his leg muscles starting to burn from exertion as he picked up speed. And when he toppled over the edge of ecstasy, he screamed in triumph.

He fell onto Magnus, completely spent in every aspect of the word. Magnus dug in his heels and rapidly thrust into Alec until he, too, found his release. He held Alec close as he pumped into him, then later as he drifted on his cloud of euphoria, until they finally recovered their senses.

Alec raised his head from where he'd buried it against Magnus's neck. He knew he must look a mess, with tears of victory streaming down his cheeks and the widest, stupidest grin splitting his face in two. He'd done it. He'd actually done it! He'd won.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked, brushing the tears away from Alec's cheeks.

"Yes," Alec said confidently as more tears spilled from his eyes. "Yes."

"No panic?"

"Minimal." He leaned down and kissed Magnus solidly on the lips. "I did it. We did it." He couldn't keep the note of pride from his voice, and he didn't really want to. He felt, of all the things he'd accomplished in the last year, _this_ was the ultimate success. This meant he could have a normal life, he could be with Magnus how he wanted to be with him. He would figure out a way for Magnus to cover him again. He knew he could do it now. He had the confidence to make it happen.

Because he had won. He hadn't let John defeat him. He hadn't given up. He was the stronger man, and he'd just proven it to himself. He. Had. Won.

* * *

As it turned out, a storm did move in overnight, chasing them back inside their tent. When they woke in the morning, they realized the rain had set in and had no intention of letting up. In the interest of staying warm and dry, they spent their last day camping in the tent, venturing out for bathroom breaks and food in the brief moments the rain slowed.

The day wasn't a total loss though. In between handjobs and blowjobs, they spent a significant amount of time discussing their future, something they'd been putting off for awhile. In one such moment, Alec said, "Magnus? Can we talk about something?"

Magnus looked up at him sleepily. Sitting around in a tent all day was rather boring for guys that are used to being active, and having multiple orgasms did nothing to alleviate their tiredness. He propped himself up on one elbow. "What's on your mind?"

Alec picked at a thread on his sleeping bag. They'd left the bags zipped together, even though it was too warm to sleep that close under covers. "I…Well, I wanted to talk more about moving in together."

"Oh," Magnus said, sitting up with interest. This was important to both of them. "Have you thought more about it then?"

"Yeah. I've done a little research. It looks like Harlem and surrounding areas are centrally located to both of our practice facilities. We would both commute about an hour each way. I'm leaning towards Washington Heights. It seems to have a diverse population and negligible crime rate. I know it's not ideal having to drive so far but I don't see any way around that if we are going to live together and you are working for the Nets and I'm working for the Knicks." He didn't even take a breath as he word-vomited all over Magnus. He was so worried that they wouldn't be able to come to a compromise on this situation and would not get to live together, and that came through as he tried to tell Magnus what he knew.

Magnus smiled patiently, looking a little stunned by Alec's rush of information. He lightly stroked Alec's knee in a soothing caress. "It's okay, Alec. Breathe. We'll figure this out."

"I know. I just…It's not an ideal situation, both of us having to travel so far. I understand if you don't want to live together. We can see each other on our off days and maybe spend the night together then…" His heart clenched as he said the words. Even though they weren't living together now, and only spent a few nights a week in the same bed, he felt like something had shifted on this camping trip. He wanted to live with Magnus again, now more than ever.

"We're going to find a place together, Alec. I want it as much as you do."

Alec's eyes flicked up to meet Magnus's. "Really?"

"Yes, really. When we get back to civilization and working computers, we'll start looking. We'll find something that works for both of us. I'm sure of it. Okay?"

Slumping in relief, Alec snuggled against Magnus and let him hold him, feeling like maybe, just maybe, this would all work out.

* * *

They packed up the tent early the next morning, then spent an hour or so returning the site to normal. Alec had been taught at a young age to leave things as he found them, and other than a small burned area where they'd had the fire, there was no trace of them when they left. The rain the previous day had helped a lot with that as well.

The drive back to Brooklyn was long, and Alec felt the anticipation of returning home. Well, they were going to Magnus's, but that was close enough to home. He wanted to start looking for a place for them to live together. Their leases would be up in a little over a month, so time was of the essence.

The relief Alec felt just walking into Magnus's apartment surprised him. He had enjoyed the trip immensely, but there was something about being home. He followed Magnus into the bedroom where Magnus prompted dumped the contents of his bag into the dirty laundry hamper. The cleaning lady would deal with that on Monday. Then both plugged their dead cell phones into their chargers and powered on, wondering if anyone had tried to reach them while they were gone.

Magnus's phone went off like a roman candle. His forehead crinkled. "Fourteen missed calls?"

Alec's ears perked up at that. Who would be trying to get in touch with Magnus so badly?

"They're all from Baxter," Magnus supplied as he hit the call button, ignoring the multitude of voicemails. Alec could hear the phone ringing from his side of the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, wondering what Baxter wanted. "Hey, Baxter. It's Magnus… Yeah, sorry, I was camping and had terrible service. What's up?… No, why?… What?… Are you serious?… Yeah, okay. So what do I do now?… Alright, alright. I'll take care of it. Thanks, Baxter."

Magnus hung up the phone, staring at it for several long moments. Then he slowly turned to face Alec. His expression was unreadable, which immediately sent chills up Alec's spine.

"I…um…I've been traded," Magnus said in disbelief. His eyes lifted to meet Alec's. Alec felt the trepidation from the look alone. "To the Knicks."

Alec sucked in a shocked breath, then crumpled. Magnus traded to the Knicks? What the fuck? He shook his head incredulously. This couldn't be happening. It was too much. They were planning to move in together, and now they'd be working together, too? They'd literally be together twenty-four-seven. Could he handle that? Could their relationship? Could they even work together like they needed to in order to keep Magnus healthy?

Fuck. This had the potential to be so very bad.

**End Part 3. **


	86. Chapter 86

**Begin Part 4**

**A/N: Desliaw: Welcome!**

**You guys are getting good at predicting what's going to happen...**

* * *

Magnus hesitantly lowered himself onto the couch next to Alec. Alec was barely aware of his presence. He was lost in the turmoil inside his own mind and he couldn't seem to break free of it. Magnus's hand landed lightly on his shoulder, making small circles in what should be a comforting way, but Alec took little comfort from the gesture.

How had this happened? Magnus was being traded to the Knicks? At the worst possible moment for them. They hadn't managed to spend more than five consecutive days together in the four months they'd been back together. Now, if they went forward with their plans to live together, they'd be in each other's company literally twenty-four hours a day. He was reeling, unmoored, adrift on a sea of anxiety and stress and he didn't know what to do with it or how to get back to the solid land he had been standing on just moments ago.

"Alec? I'm sorry. I had no idea this was going to happen…" Magnus's voice sounded far away, dim and tinny.

Alec looked up at him, for the first time really seeing him. He seemed as upset as Alec was about this whole situation, and for some reason, that helped Alec calm down. "How did this happen?" he asked softly, placing a hand on Magnus's arm. Magnus melted into the touch.

"Apparently the Nets had a trade deal lined up for draft day with the Knicks and the Rockets. I wasn't in the original deal so no one bothered to tell Baxter or me anything about it. The Knicks felt like they weren't getting enough for what they were offering, so they were talking about backing out of the deal, so at the last minute the Nets offered me in the trade and they accepted it."

"Wow," Alec said, not really sure what else to say to something like that. It didn't seem fair that Magnus could be traded away without any input of his own. Alec had always known that was a possibility, but somehow he'd thought Magnus would at least get some say in it. This was just too weird.

"Yeah," Magnus said, still looking stunned. "I guess I should be thankful they're not shipping me off to Houston," he added with a shaky laugh.

That hit home, more than anything else. Alec had to agree with him. He had no interest in living in Houston, Texas, home of the Rockets organization. And heat. Lots and lots of heat. And the Knicks weren't there, so he would have had to get another job. He suddenly realized how much worse their situation could be.

"Maybe this won't be so bad," he mumbled, and Magnus perked up immediately.

"Really?" Magnus said, his tone full of hope. "I just feel like I'm forcing myself on you with this trade. You working for the Knicks was supposed to be a fresh start, a way to challenge yourself with your new career, but now that I'm going to be there, I feel like I'm in your way."

"Well, that might be true if you had some control over where you played. You didn't ask for this. You didn't know it was going to happen. And there are some positive things about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. For one thing, we won't have to live an hour away from work now. We can live wherever we want."

"True."

"And we don't have to worry about our schedules matching up," Alec continued, on a roll now. "I mean, we were going to live together, but with being a part of different teams, our schedules would be even worse than they were before. We could have gone weeks without even seeing each other depending on who had an away game and when."

"Yeah. You know, a lot of guys in the league don't even have a permanent residence. They just live in hotels because we travel so much. You're right, we might not have seen each other for weeks at a time." Magnus was clearly feeling better about the idea as they talked. Then his face fell. "But, what if it's too much?"

Alec shrugged. "The way I see it," he said, his thoughts falling into place, "is we really only have a few options. Option one: You can't choose who you play for, so if you don't want to play for the Knicks, you can quit the NBA and play in the D-League or overseas."

Magnus's face was a mask of shock.

"That's not going to happen," Alec continued firmly. "You are not playing overseas or in the D-League. You are going to play for the Knicks and you are going to be an All-Star one day soon. You've worked your whole life for that, and it's going to happen."

Magnus nodded his head as Alec laid down the law. "Yeah, okay."

"Option two: I can quit my dream job before I even start it and go work somewhere else. I have plenty of options open to me. I don't have to work for the Knicks."

"Yes you do," Magnus said adamantly. "Like you said, it's your dream job. There's no way I'm standing in the way of that. If you quit, I quit." He crossed his arms petulantly in front of his chest. Alec smirked.

"That would defeat the whole purpose," he said. "But you're right. I'm not quitting the Knicks. This opportunity won't come around again. I have to do this." Magnus gave a firm nod of his head, glad that Alec could see reason. "That leaves option three: We don't live together."

His heart actually hurt just saying the words. He was so looking forward to living with Magnus. He wanted it so bad, but if that was the only way they could make it work, he'd be willing to make the sacrifice.

Magnus was apparently not feeling so generous. He was shaking his head, his jaw clenched and his face set resolutely. "No. Working together is what we need to do for our careers, so we'll do it. Living together is what we need to do for us, for our relationship."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I still want to live with you. The thing is, one day I'm going to retire from the NBA. That part of my life will be over and I'll be happy about it when the time comes." He took Alec's hands, staring into his eyes, unblinking. "I'll never want to retire from our relationship. I want to put us first, but as you pointed out, I'm limited in the ways I can do that. Living with you is my way of putting us first. I'm in if you are."

Alec let his lower lip slide through his teeth. "This is going to be really hard…"

Magnus scoffed. "You think I'm afraid of hard work?" His lips twitched in the corner, only breaking into a grin when Alec's did. "What do you say?"

Alec nodded. "Let's do it."

Magnus kissed him squarely on the lips. Alec had some worried about how this would all play out, and whether or not they were capable of working together and living together. It would be tough on any couple, but one who's relationship had been tested so thoroughly not so long ago? He had doubts, but there wasn't much they could do about it, not without giving up something too important to give up.

When the kiss ended, Magnus said, "I, um, I have to go to the training facility and meet with my…_former_ coach." He stressed the word former, an unreadable expression crossing his face. "I have some exit paperwork I have to fill out, and I need to clear out my locker."

He stood as if to leave. "What, _now_?" Alec said, as if that were a completely unreasonable thing for him to have to do.

Magnus smirked. "Well, I can put it off for a few more hours I suppose, but I think everyone wants to get this over with as soon as possible."

"Oh, yeah, okay," Alec said, wondering if he sounded as dejected as he felt. They'd just gotten back from their trip and then hit with quite an announcement. He wasn't ready to let Magnus out of his sight just yet.

"Alec?" Alec's eyes flicked up to Magnus's and saw an understanding smile on his handsome face. "Will you go with me?"

"What? You want me to go to the Nets practice facility and meet with your coach?"

"Well, Coach and some of the powers-that-be," Magnus said. Alec was fairly sure his face blanched. "I'm kidding. I wouldn't subject you to those assholes. You can wait in the hall until my meeting is over, then you can help me clear out my locker. There probably won't be any of my teammates around, so it shouldn't be an issue."

"Oh, well, in that case… Yeah, I'll go with you."

Alec really would have liked to have a shower before they went, but Magnus was already getting his keys from the kitchen drawer where he'd left them while they were camping. He looked eager to get this done, and Alec didn't feel right delaying him so he could be clean. They could shower later, maybe even together… He really liked showering with Magnus.

A whistle broke him from his naughty thoughts. "Earth to Alec. Where'd you go?" Magnus said, now standing beside him, grinning knowingly.

Alec, in an attempt to see if Magnus did actually know what he was thinking, said, "I was in the shower, soaping you up, lazily sliding my hand -"

"Alright, that's enough!" Magnus said, hastily adjusting the front of his shorts. "You are." He shook his head, apparently unable to vocalize what, exactly, Alec was.

Alec grinned, and followed Magnus out of his apartment.

The twenty minute ride to the practice facility was a quiet one. Alec had so many thoughts bouncing around his head, and no idea how to speak any of them, or whether he _should _speak them. He was concerned about what this trade would mean for their relationship, but as he said to Magnus, at least this way they'd be on the same schedule. In many ways, this trade relieved some of his concerns, especially about where they'd live and how far they'd have to drive to get to work.

But still. Living together _and_ working together was something a lot of couples couldn't handle. They'd be working the same shifts every day. Alec would have to be there for every workout, every practice, every game to make sure the guys were doing what they were supposed to do and evaluate injuries as they occurred. They'd even travel together every time the team had an away game. Then they'd come home to the same house. There wouldn't be the _how-was-your-day? _routine with them, because they'd mostly already know how the other's day went, and what they didn't know, they wouldn't want to know. Magnus, Alec was sure, wouldn't care to hear about how one of the other guys' workout had gone, or what he needed to work on to improve his body. Boring.

He didn't know how they would separate work and home life, but he knew they'd have to try or they would drive each other crazy. How did other couples do that? Was it even possible? Basketball was Magnus's life, even if he was trying to put Alec and their relationship first. It meant everything to him, and Alec knew that, had always known that. Of course Magnus would want to talk about basketball, and Alec wanted him to. He loved the sport nearly as much as Magnus did. He just feared their relationship would become monotonous.

But why? It didn't have to become monotonous, did it? They could find a way to talk about basketball and the NBA and games and such, just like they always had, couldn't they? They could figure out a way to do that and still work together without driving each other mad, right?

"We have to make personal time for us, time away from basketball."

Alec was so absorbed in his thoughts, he hadn't realized he said those words aloud, not until Magnus said, "Huh?"

Alec glanced at him, startled. "Oh, um, I was just thinking about…"

Magnus's hand slid into his and he smiled that knowing smile again. Brave bastard, especially after Alec nailed him on it earlier. "We'll make this work, Alec. I know we will. You're right, we just have to make time for us. We can do that, can't we?"

_God I hope so_, Alec thought, but simply nodded his head when Magnus looked at him.

When they parked outside the Nets practice facility and Magnus shut off the car, he gave Alec a look. He had a resolve about him that Alec couldn't help admiring. Alec suddenly became aware of the enormous step Magnus was about to make. This was even bigger than bringing him to a game. This wasn't an arena full of tens of thousands of people where he could nearly disappear into the crowd. This was bringing him to a personal space for the athletes and coaches and personnel of the Nets' staff.

He watched Magnus get out of the car and walk around to his side. He opened the door for Alec and held out his hand to help him out. The gesture was symbolic, and Alec followed Magnus's lead. This was Magnus's show, and Alec wasn't going to do anything to ruin it for him. No matter how worried he was.

Magnus closed the car door and Alec looked around the parking lot. There were maybe fifteen or twenty cars parked there. Magnus's former coach and whatever staff he was about to meet with would surely be several of those cars. Then there would a few trainers, other support staff, administrators. The rest would be players. How many players were they likely to run into in the off-season in the middle of the day?

Magnus didn't release Alec's hand as he led him through the big glass doors into the training facility. Alec had never been here before, obviously. He'd seen pictures of the building but the images didn't do the place justice. The building was enormous, several stories high, and covered in glass windows. Alec felt the twinges of trepidation as he followed Magnus down a series of hallways until they were outside his former coach's office.

Alec could see there were several men already waiting for Magnus inside the office. The coach was talking somewhat animatedly, gesturing to the others, and they appeared to be hanging on his every word. Alec realized with a sudden jolt that this was the man responsible for making Magnus's life hell for the last two years. In a time that Magnus should have been enjoying himself, celebrating the realization of a life-long dream, and working to make himself the best basketball player he could be, he'd needed guidance and acceptance and _coaching_, and all this asshole had offered were snide remarks and allowed homophobia to run rampant in his club.

Alec hated that man with a sudden intensity so fierce he wondered if the man could feel his eyes boring into him.

Magnus caught the look on Alec's face and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. That grounded Alec, the love and devotion he felt for Magnus chasing the anger and hatred for his coach away. He leaned against the wall as Magnus entered the office and shook hands with the men inside.

The meeting took a little over thirty minutes. Why? Alec had no idea. But eventually Magnus signed all the papers, stood, and shook hands with the men again. Then he was back in the hallway with Alec, looking the worse for wear.

"You okay?"

Magnus only nodded. His eyes had a kind of vacant glaze to them that Alec did not like one bit. He knew this must be so hard for Magnus, to come in and sign away his rights to be a part of the Brooklyn Nets. They'd both wanted him to have a home in Brooklyn, to feel like he belonged in the organization, but it hadn't played out that way, and now it was over. Even the thought of being on the Knicks wasn't wholly comforting. They had no idea how he would be received there. Yet.

Magnus took his hand again and led him to the locker room. He had one more thing to do before his time in Brooklyn was complete. He pushed open the heavy wooden door, revealing tall wooden cabinets lining the walls. The Nets' logo was emblazoned on the carpet covering the floor, and there were several plush rolling chairs stationed around the room for the players' use.

There was only one other guy in the locker room at the time, a guy named Miller who played about as many minutes as Magnus. Alec couldn't remember his first name, or how long he'd been with the organization. He seemed friendly enough, or at least Magnus didn't tense up at the sight of him.

"Hey, Miller," Magnus said as he approached his own cabinet. There was a duffle bag with the Nets' logo on it, several changes of practice attire, a pair of shoes, and a water bottle. Alec wondered if these items were really important enough for Magnus to subject himself to potentially seeing some of his teammates. Surely he could have just bought new gear, right?

"Hey, Mag," Miller replied. Alec tensed, remembering how some of his teammates had changed "Mag" to "Fag" and hoping they weren't about to have to deal with that again. "I heard about the trade. How you doing?"

Magnus shrugged. "I was shocked at first. I guess I shouldn't be though, not with how much Coach hates me. But this guy is making it easier." He reached for Alec and looped their hands together. "Jerome Miller, this is my boyfriend, Alec Lightwood."

Miller's eyes got a little bigger, but that was the only surprise response Alec noted. Miller cracked a grin, exposing a row of very white teeth against his chocolate-y skin. His hand jutted out and shook Alec's. "Nice to meet you, Alec. This guy never quits talking about you."

Alec's eyes darted to Magnus's, surprised to hear one of his former teammates say that about him. Magnus talked about him? Since when? An echo of Magnus's voice in his head said _I'm not hiding who I am anymore… Not since the day you walked out our door and never came back. _Alec believed him when he said that, but he never thought those words would extend to talking about him with his teammates.

Magnus read his thoughts on his face and smiled. "Miller and I became friends last year. He's helped me a lot in dealing with…things."

"My girlfriend took off with my best friend," Miller said, shrugged. "I could sympathize with Mag's loss."

Alec cringed a little at the nickname, and that he was the cause of bringing them together over their shared pain. He still hated himself for hurting Magnus like that. He was about to reply when the doors on the other end of the room, the ones that led to the showers and weight rooms (according to Magnus) opened and in walked a beast of a man that Alec would recognize anywhere. Thompson. Alec snarled at the sight of him, even though Magnus said they'd been getting along better recently. He remembered how Thompson was the jackass that started the team calling Magnus "Fag" and how he'd been instrumental in making Magnus's life hell, right along with their stupid coach. He hated this guy.

"Well, well, well," Thompson sneered. Alec wanted to punch him, and he wasn't a particularly violent person. Who the fuck actually says _well, well, well_ anyway? Pretentious prick.

Magnus, for his part, seemed to be trying to ignore Thompson. He began shoving his belongings into the duffle bag, his rigid shoulders the only give-away that he was distressed.

"You just had to go acting like a faggot again, didn't you?" Thompson said. "You just couldn't continue acting normal, could you?"

Alec tensed as well as Magnus. The mood in the room darkened, and even Miller looked uncomfortable. A few other guys from the team came in, saw the scene and retreated through the door back to the shower/weight room area. Alec had a fleeting thought that maybe Thompson had been talking shit about Magnus during their workout, and the other guys knew to avoid this setup altogether. But he didn't have time to dwell on that.

Magnus turned around slowly to face Thompson. "You know, Thompson, I'm not acting. I actually am a faggot." He spit the word at Thompson like it left a bad taste in his mouth. It left one in Alec's, too. He detested the word, and he knew Magnus did, too. He suddenly remember the conversation they'd had when Magnus finally admitted he was having trouble with his team and Alec had told him to fight back, to not let Thompson bully him.

Fear swept through his body as he realized that's exactly what Magnus was doing. Thompson was five inches taller than Magnus and outweighed him by about fifty pounds, even though Magnus had filled out. Thompson had a temper, as evidenced by the number of fights he got into on the court, and probably off it, too, honestly. Alec didn't like this situation one bit.

Thompson leered at him. "If you'd been able to keep your dick out of his ass, you might still be on the team." He raised his lip in disgust.

"Oh, well, I prefer to have _his_ dick in _my_ ass, actually. Maybe I should go talk to Coach and let him know so I can stick around here with you," Magnus retorted.

Alec had no idea why Magnus was provoking Thompson, or what his end-game was. Had he lost his fucking head, saying these things to this beast of a man? Or was he finally just standing up to the asshole after everything he'd put Magnus through?

"Figures, you fucking little queen. Should've known you'd be the girl, you're such a fucking pussy anyway." Thompson glared at them like they were something nasty he'd stepped in.

"That's what you want though, isn't it?" Magnus said, baiting him. "I've seen you looking at my ass. You want it, too, don't you, big guy? You want to fuck me, right?"

Alec stared at Magnus. Was any of that true?

"What?! No, you fucking faggot! You're the cocksucker, not me!" Thompson spat, fumbling his words. Magnus had rattled him, no doubt.

"You know, Thompson," Magnus said, "they say that most homophobes have latent homosexual desires. That's why they talk tough and act out against gays. They don't want people to know they're queer. Is that why you act like this? Because you secretly are gay and want to fuck my ass?"

Alec had never heard Magnus talk like this before, and he was shocked to say the least. But another part of him was trying to hold in his laughter at the outraged look on Thompson's face. Alec himself was starting to question Thompson's sexuality now, wondering if Magnus had picked up on something in the last two years about the big man. He had an even harder time controlling himself when he noticed the two guys from earlier had reappeared in the locker room and were hovering by the door, watching the proceedings.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Thompson lunge at Magnus from across the room. Without even stopping to think about it, Alec stepped in front of Magnus, shielding him and pushing him out of the way. It was stupid to do, he knew. He was even shorter than Magnus and weighed slightly less, but he didn't care. Magnus was _not_ getting in a fight with this asshole, he was _not_ getting suspended to start the season with his new team. Not if Alec could help it anyway.

Alec drew back his fist, ready to punch Thompson as soon as he was close enough. One more step should do it. But then, as if by magic, they all became aware of a new presence in the room. A seven-foot-tall, two-hundred-seventy pound presence. And they all stopped dead in their tracks, turning to look as Dayshawn, Magnus's friend, cleared his throat.

This mountain of a man stood in the doorway from the showers, buck naked, his arms folded in front of his chest and one eyebrow raised in query. Everyone, even Thompson, looked like schoolboys caught fighting by the teacher. _Day's the biggest guy on the squad. He can do whatever the fuck he wants._ Alec heard the words Magnus had spoken to him echo in his head. He couldn't deny them either. Dayshawn wasn't just big, his entire body was ripped, every muscle sharply defined and bulging, biceps made to look even bigger by his current pose.

He silently strolled across the room like he hadn't just interrupted a fight, and came to stand next to Alec, between Magnus and Thompson. He turned to Magnus, ignoring the other man. "Magnus," Day said in a deep James Earl Jones-type voice, "heard about the trade."

Alec watched as Thompson slinked off to his locker, dressed hastily, and left the room after throwing one more scathing glance at Magnus. Alec turned back just as Magnus introduced him to Dayshawn. He felt slightly awkward shaking hands with a very nice-looking, very naked man, but Day seemed perfectly at home in his own skin. His broad smile was warm and friendly, exactly as Alec thought he would be from everything Magnus had told him about Dayshawn.

Magnus and Dayshawn talked for a bit. Alec was relieved when the man finally went to his locker and put on some clothes. Before they parted, Dayshawn pulled Magnus into what looked like a painful, backslapping bear-hug and told him he would miss being teammates with him. Miller and the other two guys, who'd hung around after Thompson left, shook Magnus's hand and told him to keep in touch. Magnus said he would, but Alec doubted that was true. The Knicks was a fresh start for Magnus, a chance for him to find a home in the NBA that worked for him, where he fit in. Alec doubted he would want the reminder of the people who helped make his time with the Nets so miserable. Who knows? Maybe some time and perspective would let him remember them fondly. Memories had a way of doing that.

When they got back into Magnus's car, his duffle bag full of non-essential items that Alec would rather have repurchased than let Magnus subject himself to Thompson again, Alec realized that the reason Magnus needed to go in that locker room was to say goodbye to those he did care about. He had no way of knowing which teammates would be there, but it was plain to see by the look on Magnus's face that saying goodbye to Dayshawn had held significant meaning for him. Maybe even the other guys as well.

It was several long minutes before Magnus finally put the car in gear, tore his eyes away from the building that was no longer his home away from home - for he often spent more hours there than in his apartment - and drove away. Magnus was subdued the entire ride back to his apartment. When he let them in, he dropped the duffle bag near his bedroom door and didn't look at it again for several days. Even then, he only moved it to the bottom of his closet and ignored it. There were memories inside that bag, some good, some bad, but above all, it represented the first two years of Magnus's professional life, and letting that go was hard for him to do.

Alec would give him a day to mourn his loss. Then, they were looking for a new place to live. Together.


	87. Chapter 87

Alec was older and wiser when it came to house hunting the second time around. Or maybe it's just that he knew what he wanted this time. They also had new requirements that helped narrow the search. As a result, they were successful much more quickly with much less stress involved. Thank god!

The main new requirement was security. When they'd looked for an apartment before, Magnus was new to the NBA game and wasn't recognized as easily as he was now. They'd had jokingly talked about paparazzi finding out where they lived and setting up surveillance or something, but hadn't taken the security risk seriously then. Nothing had happened anyway, but still, now that people knew Magnus and recognized him as a professional athlete, they wanted a little more privacy and security.

Alec found a couple of places that met their requirements. They still wanted an on-sight gym, enough space to put Magnus's enormous, custom-made bed, at least two bedrooms, and a place to park Magnus's car. Alec still didn't have a car and didn't really feel he needed one. If he and Magnus would really have the same schedule, they could just ride together, otherwise he could get a cab or borrow a car or even a driver from his father.

They looked at three properties in one day, saving Alec's favorite for last. He wanted to make sure that his favorite really was the one they wanted before they made the decision, and he was afraid if he went there first he would never go to the others and therefore would always wonder if he'd made the right choice. He was well aware of his propensity to over-think things.

As it turned out, the first two properties were very nice, and he did actually give them consideration. Until he got to the third. Magnus drove his car, following closely behind the realtor. This time the realtor was a man, tall and slim with gray beginning to show at his temples. He was friendly and understanding of their situation, given that he was gay, too. He told them so nearly as soon as they met, wanting to reassure them that he would put them in a neighborhood that was safe for them. Alec liked this guy a million times better than the weird lady that helped them find their first apartment.

They stopped at the gate to the third property while the realtor talked to the security guard. The guard then motioned them through and they followed the realtor down several streets in a somewhat complicated pattern until he pulled up to a row of newly constructed townhouses. Alec had fallen in love with the looks of the building when researching online, but seeing it in person was so much better.

The builder had spared no expense to make the townhouses look like they were built over a hundred years ago. They had a rough, gray stone exterior with dark mortar between the stones giving it an aged look. There were wrought-iron hand rails and light fixtures and the front door was made of solid wood with wrought-iron handles and hinges and a little window at eye level, hidden by a piece of wood, like a miniature door. The landscaping was gorgeous, with black rocks instead of mulch and bushes and flowers. There was so much charm in the outside of the townhouse, Alec couldn't wait to see the inside.

They entered the two-story townhouse through a small foyer that opened into a spacious living room/kitchen/dining area. There was a bathroom and laundry room on the wall with the staircase leading to the bedrooms upstairs. How they made everything look state-of-the-art yet still antique, Alec didn't know, but he fell in love with the place instantly. The kitchen looked like it could be in a magazine with gleaming granite countertops and bamboo flooring and stainless steel appliances, but all the fixtures looked antique, elaborate and curvy and detailed.

A thick, plush carpet covered the staircase and the upstairs floors. The handrail was wooden with wrought-iron railings. The master bedroom was on the left, which since they were looking at the unit on the end of the building meant they would have the post privacy a townhouse could provide. No neighbors on that side. Alec liked the thought of that, just in case he and Magnus got loud from time to time…

Unlike their previous apartment, this townhouse didn't come furnished, and the décor was all neutral shades of brown. The realtor said they could easily be painted to Alec and Magnus's taste, but Alec didn't really care what color the walls were. He'd talk to Magnus about it later and see if he had a preference.

The master bedroom and bath and walk-in closet made up the entire left side of the upstairs. The area was open and spacious and had a balcony, a beautiful wrought-iron construction accessed through French doors in the bedroom. The second bedroom and bathroom made up the right side of the floor and would be perfect for Lexus and Mo, if they decided to stay this far out from the city, or Cammie and Austin when they came to visit.

The realtor went over the HOA fees, which were reasonable and gave them access to the private clubhouse on the property. There were indoor and outdoor swimming pools, a full-stocked gym, a banquet hall that could be reserved for large parties, and tennis and basketball courts. Magnus's ears perked up at the word basketball, of course, and Alec could see the twinkle in his eyes.

This was their place. Alec didn't have a single doubt, and judging by the look on Magnus's face, he completely agreed. A brief conversation, some signed paperwork, and a large sum of money later, and Magnus and Alec were the proud owners of a brand new townhouse.

The best part was they were only a twenty minute drive to the Knicks practice facility. The worst part was they were an hour away from Madison Square Garden, and Manhattan, and all the things they knew and loved about the big city. This was the New York City version of suburbia, still highly populated with a few clubs and movie theaters and restaurants, but little else. They had both lived their entire lives with easy access to any and every type of entertainment a big metropolis could offer. This was going to be quite an adjustment for them.

But maybe not, Alec thought to himself. They were going to be so busy living the life of professional sports figures, traveling all over the country from October to at least April, possibly June if the team played well enough to make the Playoffs and advance. The off-season would be the only time they would have to entertain themselves. Surely they could handle that. Right?

* * *

On August first, they moved all their belongings from Magnus's apartment into their new townhouse. Alec had moved his stuff into Magnus's a few weeks before and let his apartment go. That transition had been smooth and the following two weeks were so much like old times living in the dorm together. They'd fallen into their old patterns of sleeping and making coffee together in the mornings, taking turns making meals, the usual couple-y type things.

Alec was surprised, then, when he woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and trembling, his heart racing after another bad dream the night before the big move. Magnus sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes and flicked on the light beside his bed.

"Dream?" he said, his voice husky and raw with sleep.

Alec nodded. Magnus wrapped his arms around him and drew him close. Alec tried to protest, he was all sweaty and gross, but Magnus paid no attention to him. He held him, Alec's back to his chest with Magnus's arms around him and one leg slung over Alec's. Magnus buried his nose in the back of Alec's neck, his breath warm on Alec's cold skin. Alec squeezed his arm, thankful for the solid presence and safety that Magnus provided.

He was asleep faster than he'd ever been after one of his nightmares.

* * *

A few days after they moved into the townhouse, Maryse showed up and snatched Alec away to take him shopping. Magnus, Momma H, and Will were busy reconstructing Magnus's bed frame as he and Alec were already tired of sleeping on the mattresses on the floor. They'd been so busy moving and finding new homes for their belongings, they hadn't had time to put the bed together completely yet.

Maryse spent a little time roaming through the townhouse making notes on all the things they needed to purchase. Unfortunately, that was a pretty long list. They'd brought Magnus's custom-made bedroom furniture, his stereo and other personal items, but the other furniture was on lease from a Brooklyn furniture store, and they'd decided to terminate the lease. Since they were buying their first home together, they wanted to buy furniture, too, not lease it. Maryse had jumped on this idea as soon as she heard it and offered to go shopping with Alec.

They drove halfway back to Manhattan to Maryse's favorite furniture store. She'd been using Sutton's for years, every time she redecorated the penthouse. The place was expensive, but custom work usually was, and everything was made with the best materials, finest craftsmen, and would hold up for years. Maryse always donated her used furniture to a charity auction, and most people thought it was brand new when it was usually four or five years old.

Maryse introduced Alec to a tiny old man with glasses and wild, bushy white hair on his head. He stooped a little from years of fine work and intricate details. He smiled warmly to them. Alec remembered Mr. Sutton from when he was a little boy and Maryse would drag him along with her when she shopped. He'd never been formally introduced though.

Mr. Sutton seemed a bit irritable for the small talk portion of the conversation, but as soon as the talk turned to furniture, he was all smiles. He talked animatedly with them as he showed Alec the kinds of furniture they had made in the past and discussed exactly what Alec, or well, Maryse wanted. Alec and Magnus weren't particular about their furniture, as long as it was comfortable and functional. Their only requirement was that it fit the old-fashioned theme of the townhouse. They didn't want the modern chrome furniture or whatever his mother had at the penthouse. That just wouldn't look right in Alec's living room and kitchen.

In the end, they selected a thick wooden table with spindled chairs for the kitchen/dining area. They ordered it long enough to seat both Alec's and Magnus's families at the same time. Or several of their friends. Then they picked out a living room suite that was a mix of antique and modern looks, with curved wooden legs and plush cushions that were very comfortable. They made it extra-long so Magnus could stretch out fully on it, at least that's what Alec told his mother. He was thinking about _both_ of them stretching out on the couch, together, snuggled against each other with the gas fireplace on, and…

And he was in a furniture store with his mother.

He then picked out a queen size bed for the spare bedroom, a matching nightstand and dresser that all had that same antiqued look. Overall, he was pretty happy with his purchases. They didn't get anything decorative, but Alec and Magnus both leaned toward the sparse side of the decorating scale.

Alec signed the papers and insisted on paying for the purchase himself. Maryse put up a good fight, but Alec refused to let her win. This was his first home, something he actually owned, and he wanted to buy his own furniture. It was a milestone for him, even if he was paying for it with his trust fund that his parents had given him.

When they were finished, Maryse asked him to call the car around while she snuck off into a back room with Mr. Sutton. They were back in about ten minutes, just about the time the car pulled around. When they reemerged from the back, Maryse was wearing a very pleased smile, and Alec wondered what that had been all about. When he'd asked her, she simply said, "You'll see."

The driver then took them to the restaurant Maryse had always visited when she did furniture shopping. She said it was her favorite Italian place in New York. Alec had the distinct feeling of deja-vu as the waiter set the plate of lasagna in front of him. That had been his favorite dish since he was a little boy. He was also fairly certain they were in the same booth where they'd always sat. Maryse confirmed this as she started on her eggplant parmesan.

Halfway through his meal, Alec realized Maryse was staring at him. "What?"

He could tell she was studying him, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable somehow. Maybe it was the way her lips curled into a smile when she said, "You look good."

Alec smiled back, cutting another bite from his lasagna. "I am good, Mom. Really good."

"No, I mean, you look well. Mentally and physically."

"I am," he confirmed. He had a stab of guilt that he hadn't seen his parents in several weeks. He'd been so busy getting things packed up, storing his stuff from his apartment in Magnus's spare bedroom, buying and moving into the townhouse. There hadn't been much extra time. Plus he cut his therapy sessions to once a week after the camping trip. He'd been feeling so good most of the time that he didn't need to go two or three times a week anymore.

"You're happy?"

"Yes, mom."

"Are you still going to see Dr. Daniels now that you've moved?" she asked, then ate a bite of her eggplant while she waited for Alec's answer.

"No," he said softly. "I'm going to see how it goes without seeing him. Last week was my last session."

He still didn't know how he felt about it either. He was glad he felt confident to take this step, even though it was scary. He'd been seeing Dr. Daniels for more than a year. Therapy was such a part of his life, his routine now, it would be very weird not going anymore. He would also miss Dr. Daniels terribly. After all this time, he was as much a friend of Alec's as a therapist. He knew everything there was to know about Alec. Alec could tell him anything. And then the nightmare happened right before the move and Alec wondered if he was being hasty stopping his sessions so soon.

But then he thought about what he had. When he'd started seeing Dr. Daniels, he felt alone, like there was nobody in the world he could talk to. It had taken weeks of therapy before he'd even talk, and months before he really started opening up to the doctor. That was then, and much had changed. Now he knew he still has his family and Cammie and Austin. He'd grown closer to Lexus and Mo, and talked to them often.

Most importantly, he had Magnus.

He'd been a fool before, but he wasn't going to make that mistake again. He knew he could talk to Magnus about anything. He knew Magnus would listen to him, would help him any way he could. Hell, he'd even set up a therapy session to learn how to help Alec. He thought they could handle anything as long as they talked about it. He just hoped that wouldn't change when they were working together all the time.

"Alec?" Maryse was saying, and she looked like she'd said it a few times already. She had a funny smirk on her face, like she was highly amused with her son spacing out on her.

Alec blushed. "Sorry, I was just thinking. What were you saying?"

"I asked you if you thought it was wise to stop therapy now," Maryse said indulgently.

"Oh, well, Magnus and I have talked about it. I think it will be okay. I can always start them back if I need to."

"Oh," Maryse said, looking disappointed. "I was hoping we could still have dinner together sometimes."

"We will, Mom. I promise. Magnus and I will be really busy during the basketball season, but there will still be plenty of weeks we can see you and Dad and Max. We'll want to get together with Momma H and Will and Jem sometimes, too. We just might not get to do it as often as we have been. But in the off-season, we'll have so much free time, you guys will probably get sick of seeing us!"

Maryse smiled. "Never."

They finished their meals and ordered dessert. While they were waiting for it to arrive, Maryse asked about Magnus and the Knicks.

"Well," Alec began, taking a quick sip of his wine, "he went in for a meeting two weeks ago with Baxter and the Knicks executives. They negotiated his contract. His rookie contract expired this month, so he would've had to do that anyway. Baxter got him a five-year contract worth twenty-five million dollars. Baxter said he would've gotten a lot more than that if the stupid Nets had actually given him playing time, but it wasn't a bad deal for being on a new team he hadn't even had a formal practice with yet." Alec shrugged.

"Twenty-five million sounds pretty good," Maryse agreed. "Nowhere near what a max contract would be for him though. If he proves himself over the next couple of years, he could find himself with double that amount. Does he have any endorsements yet?"

Alec grinned. He loved that his mom was as knowledgeable about basketball as the rest of the family, and that she could have a conversation like this with him. "Not yet. He's meeting with Nike in a few weeks. And Under Armor after that. They seem interested. He's still reeling from signing the Knicks contract, I don't know what he'll do if he gets an endorsement, too."

"He should meet with someone about investing his money. Too many athletes end up broke and filing bankruptcy. He wants to be smart about this."

"You sound just like Dad. And Jem. I think between the two of them they'll keep Magnus out of trouble."

Maryse smiled. "Yes, I'm sure they will. When do you meet with your bosses?"

"In a couple of weeks. We have to get our ID cards made so we have access to the training facility when I sign the contract. Then we'll really be employed by the freaking New York Knicks!"

"I can see you're really excited about this."

"Yes! I really am. We both are. We just hope it's the fresh start we are looking for."

"It will be," Maryse said confidently.

Dessert came, tiramisu of course, and they ate in silence. They made some small talk on the way back to the townhouse. Alec felt good. Spending time with his mom, furniture shopping for his new home, talking freely about ending his therapy and having his mother onboard with that all made him feel a sense of accomplishment.

Maryse came into the townhouse with him. Magnus, Momma H and Will had finished putting together the bed and had gotten everything in their bedroom put in its proper place. Then Momma H had made dinner and they were just cleaning up and getting ready to leave when Alec and Maryse arrived. They did their small talk then said their goodbyes, and Maryse left with them. Alec and Magnus walked them out to their cars and there were hugs and kisses to go around.

Before Alec shut the door to his mother's car, she said, "Call when the furniture is delivered and I'll come help you arrange everything."

Alec agreed, and they were gone. Alec and Magnus went back into the house, which was still mostly empty until the furniture arrived, but it was home. It was Alec's and Magnus's own place. Even though this was only their third night in the house, it already felt like home. Alec had a strange pull to this place. He couldn't explain it, but he'd known from the moment he saw it that he wanted it. He'd loved it instantly, and it felt more and more…right, every day.

Magnus pulled him close and he buried his nose against his boyfriend's neck. He breathed in the warm, inviting scent of Magnus and he was suddenly putty in Magnus's hands. Being so close to him, surrounded by his arms, his lips against his hair, warm breath in his ear just melted him. Everything else he'd been feeling faded in insignificance.

"Did you have fun shopping with your mom?" Magnus whispered in his ear.

"Yes."

"And you got all the furniture purchased?"

"Mmmhmm," Alec muttered against Magnus's throat, where he then planted a light kiss. "Should be delivered in a couple of weeks."

He felt Magnus's lips against his temple and held him tighter. "You'll love what we picked out. Goes great with the house."

Magnus's hands slid up and down his back soothingly. "I trust you."

Alec barked out a laugh. "It's my mother we should be worried about." Magnus pulled back enough to see Alec's face. "She was upset that I didn't let her pay for anything. Then she snuck off in the back room with Mr. Sutton for a few minutes and came back smiling. I have no idea what she bought."

"You think she was buying something?"

"Oh, yes. Nothing makes my mother smile like that except for buying something. Usually something very expensive and one-of-a-kind." He laughed lightly, though he was a little nervous about what Maryse had purchased, and why she wouldn't tell him what it was. "Enough talk about my mother though…"

Magnus pulled them close again. "Yes. I believe we have a whole townhouse to christen."

"Mmmm, where do you want to start?" Alec nibbled Magnus's collarbone, loving the moan that escaped his boyfriend.

"Well, we have a perfectly good bed that was just assembled…" Magnus suggested as his hands slid down Alec's back to cup his butt. He squeezed, pulling Alec's groin against his. They'd been so busy since moving into the townhouse, they had fallen onto the mattress on the floor each night, asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

"Bed sounds like a good place to start," Alec agreed, kissing Magnus's jaw line. Magnus stretched his neck to give Alec better access as he groped his ass some more.

Then Magnus's lips were on his and his tongue poking into Alec's mouth, and he forgot everything else. They somehow made it to the bedroom, losing clothes along the way. When Magnus's knees hit the edge of the bed, they toppled onto it, Alec releasing him so he wouldn't fall painfully on top of him. Then, Magnus scooted into the center of the bed and beckoned Alec with his arms wide open.

Alec slid into place between Magnus's bent knees, his erection demanding as it ground against Magnus's. They kissed frantically, bodies full of tension and need and desire. Soon the sounds of heavy breathing and moaning and the slight squeak of the bed filled the air and the temperature of the room was warm and toasty. Alec broke away after leaving a well-placed mark on Magnus's shoulder. He looked into Magnus's eyes, his pupils blown so just a small rim of his green-gold irises showed.

"Make love to me, Alec," Magnus whispered in a husky, desperate voice. Alec wanted to be appalled by the cheesy statement, but he wasn't. Those words shot straight to his cock, making it strain to fulfill Magnus's request. He reached for the drawer beside the bed, the one where the condoms and lube were kept, but Magnus caught his hand. "Not tonight. I want to feel you tonight."

Alec stared at him, mouth hanging open. They hadn't talked about this since they'd been back together. Not really. He wasn't sure how to feel or what to say, but 'no' was not in the list of options readily available to him.

"We're starting a new life, in a new home, together. I'm committed to you, and I think you are committed to me. I don't think we need condoms anymore, if you are okay with that," Magnus continued.

Alec thought his heart might have stopped for a moment. He was overwhelmed with emotion, and he poured it all into kissing Magnus. Magnus was right. This was a new beginning for them, and he was completely committed to his boyfriend. After everything they'd been through, there would never be anyone for him but Magnus. He was sure of that. Magnus had his heart, and maybe more importantly, his trust. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Magnus.

He found the lube without breaking the kiss, and set about making sure Magnus enjoyed himself. He slicked up a few fingers and teased him, played with him, had him panting and writhing and begging for Alec's cock. Alec peppered him with kisses, soft and sweet, rough and bruising, passionate and needy. He kissed and touched him all over, even breezing past his tickle spots. Magnus giggling with his pupils blown and Alec's hand slowly jacking him was a sight to behold. The giggles didn't last long. He was way too turned on for that.

Finally, after playing all he could stand, Alec smeared copious amounts of lube on his dick and eased himself into Magnus. Any residual traces of humor disappeared immediately. Magnus's eyes rolled back and his body went limp as Alec bottomed out in him. Then Magnus found a bit of energy and wrapped his arms around Alec's neck and kissed him hard.

Alec settled into a rhythm and enfolded Magnus in his arms. They moved together perfectly, like they were made for each other. Alec thought possibly they were. He couldn't imagine anyone else that could ever mean so much to him. There wasn't anyone he would ever trust like he does Magnus. He couldn't even imagine being tempted by anyone else. From the moment he first laid eyes on Magnus, he'd wanted him. He hadn't wanted anyone else since.

Alec loved being with Magnus like this, face to face so they could kiss and touch, so he could see the full range of expressions of passion on his lover's features. Magnus made some very expressive faces when they made love. He was unguarded and open to Alec in a way he wasn't always in their every day life. Magnus didn't often let his guard down around people. He let Alec in more than anyone else, but in those moments when they were together like this, Alec could read him like a book. And he felt closer to him in those moments, when they were joined together in a way no one else would ever be.

"I love you, Magnus," he said as his feelings and desires got the better of him. He pushed Magnus's legs up, changing the angle so he could hit the spot that made Magnus's toes curl. God it felt good, like a warm, soft, clinging glove sliding along his dick.

He pinned Magnus against his body and drove into him to soft cries of "harder, faster, yes!" Alec's mouth clamped onto Magnus's shoulder and he bit down. Magnus was essentially immobilized under Alec, all but his hands which dug into Alec's shoulders, clinching and releasing along with Alec's thrusts. Alec felt the power he had over Magnus in that moment, with Magnus beneath him. He controlled Magnus's pleasure as well as his own, and it was a heady feeling. So much that it only took a few more minutes for him to reach his climax and shudder as he pumped his fluid into Magnus.

Somehow he found the wherewithal to raise up and latch onto Magnus's cock. He gave it a few rough tugs as he finished spending himself within his boyfriend, and then his hand was coated in Magnus's fluids and Magnus was moaning and panting and clearly in another world.

Alec gave him a moment to return to Earth, gently stroking his arm with his non-spunk-covered hand, and softly kissing his throat and jaw and ear. When he finally recovered, he skimmed the backs of his knuckles across Alec's cheek and smiled that heart-stopping smile and said, "You never cease to amaze me."

Alec grinned, though he didn't exactly feel that was a true statement. He wasn't going to argue with Magnus, not the way he felt just then. He felt like he was on top of the world, like anything was possible.

Hopefully, that was true.


	88. Chapter 88

**A/N: Couple of housekeeping things: 1) There was apparently a glitch or something with last week's chapter. Some of you had trouble seeing it. That seems to have resolved itself, but if you missed it, make sure you read chapter 87 before this one. **

**2) We will likely reach 900 reviews this week! OMG, I can't even wrap my head around that! I'm sure you all know what that means: BONUS chapter! Unfortunately, I've been out of town a lot this month, and at the funeral home way too much, and am so behind in writing, I'm barely keeping up week to week (sorry if there's been more typos than usual). I will do my best to get an extra chapter for you next week, but if I can't it will definitely be the following week, even if I have to isolate myself from the world for an entire weekend to get it done! Anyway, thanks so much for the continued support for this story! Love you all!**

* * *

Two weeks after moving into the townhouse, the furniture Alec and Maryse had purchased arrived. Like a dutiful son, Alec phoned his mother and she arrived as the men were unloading the last piece from the truck.

"Put that over here," she said, looking at bit harried, but pleased all the same.

The piece she referred to was a very large, flat, rectangular shape covered in brown paper. Alec didn't remember buying anything like that, so he assumed this must be what his mother had spoken privately to Mr. Sutton about. Judging by the gleam in her eyes, he was correct.

The furniture guys used their dollies to move everything to the precise location Maryse had pictured when deciding what furniture they needed to buy. Alec and Magnus stood back and let her do her thing, since this clearly meant a lot to her and they didn't particularly have their hearts set on where the furniture went. By unspoken agreement, they decided they could always move stuff around after Maryse left if they didn't like where she put it. Best to let her do what she wants for now.

Once the furniture was in its appropriate spot and the guys from the store were gone, Alec's curiosity started to get the better of him. He was pretty sure by the shape of the piece that it was some form of framed artwork. He wasn't an art connoisseur, but his mother had impeccable taste and he'd always liked the art she hung on their walls at the penthouse. Surely this would be no different, right?

Wrong. It was not some random, abstract painting or a picturesque scene.

Maryse had Alec and Magnus carry the piece into the master bedroom. It was quite heavy. Somehow, when they weren't paying attention, she'd gotten someone to place picture frame hangers into the blank wall by the door, the one that was directly across from the bed. Alec had a fleeting thought that he really hoped they liked this surprise, since it would be spending every night with them.

Maryse stepped back and instructed Alec to tear the brown paper away. He did, and what he saw took his breath away. His mother had had someone paint a replica of the picture Cammie had taken of Alec and Magnus kissing by the river when they were in Providence. The painting was stunningly beautiful and accurate. He had no idea when she had done this, or how she even knew about the picture. He was completely speechless.

Magnus slid in behind Alec and wrapped his arms around Alec's waist. Alec leaned into him as he stared at the beautiful present his mother had given them. "How…when?" he muttered, not sure which question to ask first.

Maryse smiled indulgently, like she so often did with her children. "You remember Randall Lewis, my friend from college?" Alec nodded. Randall Lewis was a famous painter that specialized in portraits. He had been friends with Maryse for decades, and had even painted a Lightwood family portrait when Alec was in high school which hung in the living room at the penthouse. "I had him paint this a few months ago, when you and Magnus started talking again." She gave him a knowing look, like she'd always known they'd end up back together.

"Wait, but how did you know about the picture?" Alec was certain he'd never shown that one to his mother. He'd kept that one private, because it was personal.

"I talked to your friends, dear, even when you weren't."

Alec felt ashamed by that, but he didn't think his mom meant for him to. She was just stating a fact, right? He had stopped speaking to his friends. "But… when did you get the picture?" He remembered downloading the pictures from that trip onto his laptop when he got home, and he had made a copy of them in case his computer crashed.

Maryse blushed. Alec didn't think he'd ever seen her blush before. It was disconcerting. Worse was the way she stumbled over her words before finally spitting out, "I found the copies you made."

Alec blushed, too, at that. There wasn't anything embarrassing on the CD, but the way his mom was acting, and knowing she'd gotten into his personal effects without permission, made him blush all the same. She had always been good about his privacy, never forcing him to show her his text messages or emails or whatever. This invasion was strange.

"Why?"

"Why did I have Randall paint it? Or why did I look through your personal items?" she hedged.

"Both!"

"Well, Cammie said the picture was beautiful, and I wanted to do something special for you and Magnus. I didn't want you to know I was doing it. I wanted it to be a surprise." She looked at him worriedly, like she was afraid he was going to be mad.

His expression softened immediately. "Thanks, Mom. I love it. I don't mind that you looked at my pictures."

She crossed the room and hugged him tightly, and the whole time he was thankful that he hadn't taken any risqué pictures of Magnus. He would have been completely mortified if his mom had found a nudie pic of Magnus in his possession. He had no illusions that she didn't know they were sleeping together, they slept in the same bed after all, but that was different from actually seeing naked pictures of them.

Maryse left a short time later, and Alec found himself back in the bedroom, staring at the painting. It was a truly beautiful painting and he was touched that his mom would do something like this for him and Magnus. Magnus put his arms around Alec's waist, again, and Alec leaned into him. This was becoming a familiar pose for them, and he loved the way it made him feel: safe and secure and loved.

"I can't believe she did this," Magnus said in Alec's ear.

"Me either. I always wanted to do something with that picture, but I never thought of this."

"Is this what she was doing in the back room with Mr. Sutton?"

Alec nodded. "He makes custom frames. I'm sure that's what they were doing."

"I love your family."

"They love you, too."

Magnus tightened his arms around Alec's waist.

* * *

Two days later, Alec found himself staring at his closet. He had nothing to wear. Nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. How was that even possible?

Okay. He had clothes. Of course he had clothes. He just didn't have anything to wear to the meeting. What does one wear to meet with the executives and trainers of a professional sports team? A suit seemed too overdressed, but athletic wear seemed too underdressed. He didn't know what to do!

He thought about what Magnus wore for his meetings. But he was Magnus, a professional athlete, and he could get away with anything. No one ever said anything to him about his attire. Alec had to make more of an impression than Magnus did, too. The Knicks had actually traded to get him. They wanted him. They were just doing Alec's dad a favor in hiring Alec.

He heard a chuckle behind him, and turned to see Magnus standing in the doorway to their bedroom with an amused smile on his face.

Alec suddenly realized he was very naked where he stood in front of his closet. He blushed, more because he'd been caught caring about what he wore than being caught naked by his live-in boyfriend, and turned away. Magnus laughed louder behind him.

A moment later, Magnus's footsteps, muffled by the carpeting, came up behind him. "For fuck's sake, Alec, it's not that big of a deal." He rummaged in the closet for a moment and pulled out a pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. "Here. Not too dressy, not too casual. Okay, maybe it's still too dressy for the people you are going to meet, but it will do."

Alec took the clothes from him and dressed hastily. He was so nervous, which was plainly obvious, and he didn't like it. Magnus was right, this wasn't a big deal. He was going to sign some papers and meet with the training staff. It wasn't an actual interview. He already had the job. Yet his hands were slightly shaking as he buttoned up his shirt.

He turned to Magnus, who straightened his collar, and smiled at him reassuringly. "It's going to be fine. Let's go."

Alec was a jumble of nerves as he walked into the Knicks training facility twenty minutes later. The Knicks. The Fucking Knicks! He was going to sign paperwork to work for the Knicks! This was a dream come true. He caught his reflection in the glass doors and automatically tried to flatten his hair, wondering if he was dressed okay.

This facility was not nearly as impressive, or new, as the Nets' facility had been. There were much fewer windows and it had a distinctly old-school gymnasium feel to it. But that meant nothing to Alec. He wasn't working there for the flash and show. He was just excited to be there.

And so freaking nervous.

Magnus led the way to the offices where he'd been several weeks ago to sign his own paperwork. Alec's palms were sweating when Magnus opened the door for him, and he discreetly wiped them on his jeans. Magnus gave him a nod of encouragement. Alec flashed a weak smile and entered the office.

He was greeted by three men, who ended their jovial conversation when he entered the room.

"Alec Lightwood," said a middle-aged man who was slightly shorter than Alec. He thrust his hand forward, and shook Alec's like they were long-lost friends. "Mark Ketchum," the man said, and Alec then recognized him. He was the General Manager of the Knicks and an old friend of Alec's dad's. He was the reason Alec got this job.

"Hello, Mr. Ketchum. How have you been?" Alec said with a warm smile.

Mr. Ketchum put Alec at ease almost instantly with small talk. This was a man that knew his father, had been to some of Alec's middle school basketball games, before he became GM and was too busy for things like that. Alec hadn't seen him in many years, and he was a little grayer and a little pudgy around the middle now, but after talking to him for a bit, Alec realized he had some vague, childhood memories of him.

After catching up with Alec, Mr. Ketchum introduced him to Magnus's coach, Bruce Hollings. Coach was a tall black man with gray around his temples. He had a friendly smile, and dark, intelligent eyes that Alec was certain didn't miss a thing. He also had a firm handshake that let Alec know he was the boss, even if that technically wasn't true. The head coach had a lot of responsibilities, and much of what happened on and off the court was attributed to him, but he didn't sign paychecks, and Alec would not be answering to him.

No, that privilege went to the third guy in the room. "Curtis Knightly," said a short, stock man who appeared to be the oldest man in the room. He had a deep tan and deeper wrinkles. He gave a quick, reluctant handshake with Alec and sat back down in his seat with a grunt. He looked like the type of guy Alec didn't want to cross, a take-no-prisoners kind of guy.

"So," Mr. Ketchum began in a friendly voice, "we've got a contract to sign. First, I want to go over a few things." He paused and Alec nodded. "Good. Alright. Your position here, Alec, is an entry level position. At first, your degree will be irrelevant."

Alec assumed as much. No one graduates college and starts out doing what they want to do with an organization like the New York Knicks.

"You will essentially be a glorified ball-boy. You'll set up the equipment for practice, and clean and put everything away when it's over. You'll clean and put away items used in the weight room as well. You'll make sure the guys have water or whatever they prefer to drink during practices and games. You'll set up the tubs for the guys to soak after practices and games and clean the equipment afterward. You will not be responsible for routine cleaning. We have a cleaning service for that, but we don't want them touching the equipment since they don't know how to handle it and the weights are heavy, which becomes a liability issue."

Alec nodded. He was a little disappointed that he wouldn't be doing _anything_ related to his degree, but he understood it was a process.

"All the while you are performing these duties," Mr. Ketchum continued, "you will also be observing Mr. Knightly and assisting him in any way he needs you to. You will be his gopher, and his student. You will learn how the team operates, and especially how we do our workouts and practices. You will answer to him unconditionally, even if you think his request is unorthodox. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Alec said immediately, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"Good, because if you show a good work ethic and willingness to work as a team, you will be given more responsibilities. We know you can handle much more than what we are asking of you, but you will be expected to prove yourself before we let you have more hands-on work with our athletes. Our athletes are our biggest investment and we have to take care of our investment."

Alec wasn't sure how he felt listening to Magnus and the others referred to like property. Actually, he was sure how he felt. He didn't like it. They were people, not property. He thought the executives of the organization would do better to remember that, but he wasn't about to say anything, especially when he hadn't even signed his contract yet.

"Do you have any questions?" Ketchum asked.

"No, sir."

Ketchum turned to the other two men. "Do you have anything to add?"

Coach Hollings exchanged a look with Ketchum, but shook his head no. Knightly merely grunted.

Ketchum handed Alec a piece of paper, and one glance told him it was a schedule. "You will be expected to be at all practices and games. Your schedule is essentially the same as the team's except you will be needed here a half hour before practice to set up, and will stay until everything is put back in its place, however long that takes. You will travel with the team and assist in shoot-around and make sure the athletes have whatever they need to perform well. In addition to that, there will be training staff meetings that do not involve the team. Those are highlighted on your schedule."

Alec glanced at the schedule again, noting the yellow highlighter marks. The meetings appeared to occur every week initially, then taper off to once a month as the season wore on. They were scheduled to be a half hour each. Not too bad really. He wondered if he should get his own transportation for those days though, so Magnus wouldn't have to wait around to drive him home.

"Sometimes one of the guys wants to practice on his own," Knightly said in his gruff voice. Alec's eyes snapped to him instantly, listening closely to everything he said. "Someone from the training staff has to be there when this happens."

"Yes, sir?" Alec said, his voice going up in question.

"You'll be on call. Eventually."

Oh. He hadn't thought about that. He could be called to the facility at two in the morning if someone decided they wanted to work out. He was definitely going to need his own car.

"Yes, sir."

"Good," said Ketchum. "Now, there's one other thing we wanted to discuss with you." The other two men shifted uncomfortably, and Alec felt a sudden rush of trepidation. What now? "We are aware of your relationship with Magnus Bane."

Oh. Shit. He hadn't thought about them already knowing about his relationship. He'd been trying to figure out how he was going to tell them, because he and Magnus had discussed it and they weren't going to hide it. They didn't really think they could, not working together every single day. Surely someone would pick up on something soon enough, like them riding to work together, or the intimacy between them. Try as they might, they were too comfortable with each other to completely eliminate their intimate touches or words. Those things came naturally to them, especially now that they were living together again. They often didn't even realize they were touching each other's arms, or that they were standing so close their shoulders were touching. Hiding was not an option.

"Yes, sir," he said, and cringed when his voice broke unexpectedly. Damn it. He had nothing to be ashamed of, no reason to feel uncomfortable about his relationship.

"I have talked with Coach Hollings," Ketchum continued, gesturing toward the man, "and Mr. Knightly." His other hand indicated the other man. "We have no problems with your relationship, but we want to make sure there won't be any problems."

"Problems, sir?"

Mr. Ketchum smiled indulgently, like he thought Alec was missing the point. "Problems with your working together. Problems with the team chemistry. And most importantly, no favoritism."

Favoritism? What? Aloud, he repeated, "What?"

Ketchum sighed. "We want to know that, if and when you become a full trainer, you will be able to treat Magnus as you would any other man on this team. Will you be able to assess any injuries and give an unbiased report on his condition?"

Oh. "Yes, sir," he answered automatically. "I don't want anything to jeopardize Magnus's career."

"Good," Ketchum said. "An eighty-two game season is long and intense. Magnus has not had near the playing time in the past that we expect him to have here. There will undoubtedly be minor aches and pains and injuries. We need a clear, level-headed person to make sure he doesn't play if he needs to sit out, but we also need to make sure he does play if he can. Your knowledge and skills will be invaluable, but you'll have to be hardnosed about it or the team will walk all over you, and that's not good for any of us."

"Eventually," muttered Knightly, like Alec needed reminding that these responsibilities wouldn't be his for some time to come.

He thought about what Mr. Ketchum said. He felt he could do this job, and do it well, but now he was wondering how much his supposed authority would be tested. He sighed. "Yes, sir. I will be as honest as I can be when I assess the athletes."

Ketchum smiled. "Good, good. One more thing I want to make clear. When we are on the road, there will be assigned sleeping arrangements. We do not allow the players to sleep in the same room as the trainers or other staff members. You will have an assigned roommate, unless Mr. Knightly feels like letting you choose."

Mr. Knightly grunted noncommittally. Alec internally rolled his eyes.

"Magnus will have one of his teammates as a roommate. Again, that person will be assigned unless Coach Hollings allows them to choose."

Hollings didn't respond. Neither did Alec. He wasn't sure what Ketchum was getting at, or how he felt about sleeping in a different room than Magnus. Didn't it make more sense to let them room together, when they already lived together? Team politics was frustrating.

"We want to know," Mr. Ketchum continued, "that the sleeping arrangements won't lead to any jealousy, which in turn could lead to ill feelings and discontent among the team."

Ah, that's what he was getting at. How the hell was Alec supposed to predict that? "Well, sir, Magnus and I have a pretty solid relationship," he began, and smiled to himself when he realized those words were true. "We've never had any jealousy issues. I don't see any reason for that to start now."

"Good," Ketchum said, "because, Alec, I need you to understand how important Magnus is to our team. He is the athlete, one that will hopefully increase ticket sales and make us a lot of money. You are here to make sure he stays healthy so he can do just that. He is indispensable. If there is a problem, it will fall on you to correct, or we will have to replace you. Do you understand?"

Oh, wow. So basically he had to keep his feelings to himself if there were any issues, run around getting whatever the players wanted or needed, and at the same time be forceful enough to make sure the athletes followed his directions. He was basically the boss and the worker bee at the same time. That sounded nearly impossible.

"Yes, sir. I understand." He did. He just wondered if what they were asking was possible.

"Great!" Ketchum said, more enthusiastically than he'd spoken so far. "Now, we just need to sign the contract."

Ketchum pulled out a folder full of several sheets of paper. Alec read over the contract, looking for all the things his father had told him to look for: pay, benefits, what he was expected to do, what would get him reprimanded, etc. The pay they offered was below the average at only thirty-five thousand per year, but he wasn't starting out as a full trainer. He knew that pay would increase when he made that status. Besides, he was already a multimillionaire. He wasn't exactly doing this job for the pay. Hell, he wanted the job so badly, he'd do it for free, but he wasn't going to tell them that, not if they were offering him some compensation.

Still, the contrast between his measly salary and Magnus's five million per year was pretty astounding. It just reinforced who the important one was to the organization.

Alec didn't see anything in the contract that sent up a warning flag, so he signed it and handed it back to Mr. Ketchum. Ketchum and the others put their names on the paper as witnesses, and the meeting adjourned. Alec shook all their hands again and went out into the hall, where Magnus was waiting patiently for him, absently bouncing a basketball off the hallway wall. Alec saw Coach Hollings face quirk into a smile at the sight of his new point guard with a ball in his hands outside of practice time.

"First meeting's next week," Knightly grunted at him, then headed down the hall.

"Hello, Magnus," Ketchum said, and Magnus greeted him with a smile. "You both need to get your ID cards made. I'll show you to the office where they'll take care of you."

The followed Ketchum down the hall in the opposite direction Knightly had gone. They went first into an office with a secretary sitting behind a large wooden desk. She smiled warmly at them and listened to Ketchum's instructions. Then she led them to another room, one much smaller than the others they'd been in. There was a camera set up and aimed at a wall with a blue background. On the other side of the room was a small desk with a computer.

She set everything up, took their pictures, and a few minutes later handed them their ID cards. Why did they always take the pictures at such a weird angle? Alec felt like the view was straight up his nose. Not the most flattering picture he'd ever taken.

That feeling went away the moment the secretary led them to the front door so they could make sure their cards worked. They did, and in that moment, Alec realized he was actually a part of the fucking New York Knicks and now had unlimited access to their training facility!

That thought carried him home. He barely remembered the drive or answering Magnus's questions about the meeting. He was so happy, he couldn't even think straight.

When they got home, he realized the nervous energy he'd been feeling all day was still pretty high in his system. So he and Magnus decided to go for a run to burn off steam. They quickly changed from their meeting/picture clothes into running shorts and shoes. It was August and the weather was still warm, even as evening was setting in, so they opted out of wearing shirts. They did their stretches and were out the door in no time.

They'd been so busy since moving in that they hadn't spent much time exploring their new surroundings. They started jogging down the sidewalk in front of their townhouse, making a left when they got to the end of the street. They continued on past a few more streets of townhouses, each with a different look to the exterior, and eventually found a wooded area with a paved trail around it.

They weren't sure how long the trail was, but they were both in good shape, and Magnus had been working on his conditioning, so they knew they could easily run several miles without too much stress to their system.

The trail wound through the trees, park benches and picnic tables popping up here and there. Most of those were empty, but they did pass a few of their neighbors who greeted them with friendly waves. The path curved around the better part of a small lake, and eventually ended at the clubhouse.

They'd not visited the clubhouse yet, though Alec had seen plenty of pictures of it online. The clubhouse was massive, a Federal style building with red brick and white columns in front. This was where the tennis and basketball courts were located, partly visible behind the building. There was a large fenced area where a good number of people were swimming or sunbathing. The noisy chatter reached them all the way at the front of the building.

There were several cars parked outside, and Alec had a moment's hesitation about being sweaty and gross before he pulled the door handle and they entered the air conditioned building. The décor was clearly expensive, with a huge reception area, chandeliers, potted plants, and thick, plush furniture.

Alec walked up to the desk and was greeted by a tall, thin woman in her late-twenties. She was friendly and helpful when he asked about the gym and the pool and the hours of operation. She even showed them where to find everything and gave them a brochure they could reference once they got back home.

They spent a good amount of time checking out the weight room. There were several different types of machines, many of which were ones that Magnus would use when he worked out with the Knicks. Alec was pleased that they would have access to this in the off-season so they wouldn't have to drive to the practice facility every day to work out. When they'd looked their fill, they both downed a cup of water and went back out into the heat to finish their run.

Alec couldn't help thinking that everything was falling into place. He had a job with an organization he'd only ever dreamed of working for, he had a home that he loved with everything he could possibly need right there, and he had a man that made him happier than he ever thought possible.

Life was good.


	89. Chapter 89

**A/N: Lol, I never made the Pokémon connection. I literally didn't know what those guys names were going to be until I had to name them, then Mark Ketchum just flowed into the sentence and I went with it. Too funny.**

* * *

Alec looked up when he heard the door open. His eyes met Magnus's, whose face immediately transformed into disappointment.

"Damn it. I was hoping to get back before you guys got here," Magnus said to the room at large as he entered the kitchen and set several heavy bags down on the counter with a loud clink.

"Maybe if you'd thought about making the beer run _before_ the party started, you'd have been here on time," replied Will, dipping a chip into some dip and plopping it into his mouth with an audible crunch and a smirk.

"It wasn't a beer run," Magnus replied, unloading the bags. "It was wine."

"Mr. Sophisticated," Will shot back and Magnus threw the wadded-up bag at him. Will laughed as he batted it away.

Alec ran his hand along Magnus's arm, kissing him briefly before taking the wine bottles, one by one, and placing them in the wine refrigerator. They'd removed a base cabinet to make room for the fridge in their new townhouse. Alec loved the addition.

"Maybe it's time for you to grow up and drink what the adults drink," Magnus said haughtily, handing Alec another bottle.

"Hey!" Will said with indignation. "Adults drink beer, too!"

Alec pulled open the door of their full-size refrigerator and handed Will another beer. "We have plenty for you. Don't worry."

Will looked smug, which for some reason made Jem and Lexus laugh. Alec set out wine glasses and poured some for everyone but Will. Magnus helped distribute them to their friends, kissing Lexus on the cheek as he took a seat next to her.

"Where's Mo?" he asked. "I thought she was coming with you."

"She did," Lexus said. "She's busy snooping through your stuff."

Mo thundered down the stairs a moment later, grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, hey, Magnus," she said when she spotted him. Magnus jumped up and gave her a hug. She then slid into the seat on the other side of Lexus and said, "I love this place! It's perfect!"

Magnus beamed. "We can thank Alec for that. He picked it out."

"You liked it, too," Alec said, embarrassed by the praise, but also a little pleased.

Alec started carrying the trays and platters of food to the table, arranging everything within easy reach of all his friends. He and Magnus had decided on finger foods for their house-warming party. The menu was easy and people could roam around while they ate instead of having to sit for a full-course meal. The doorbell rang as he set the last plate on the table.

He threw the door open to reveal a travel-worn Austin and Cammie. True to her cheerleader mindset, she found the energy to squeal and throw herself into Alec's arms, hugging him tightly. Alec laughed as his arms went around her, too. Just having Cammie there instantly made everything better. He missed her so much.

Alec shook hands and exchanged back-pats with Austin, who handed him a box with bright green wrapping. "I thought we said no presents," Alec said. Austin shrugged and nodded his head in Cammie's direction.

Cammie, hands on her hips, said, "I do what I want, Alec Lightwood," in her sassiest voice.

Austin dropped a hand on his shoulder and gave him an I-told-you-so look. Alec laughed and led them into the kitchen to join everyone else.

"Where's Isabelle and Jace?" Cammie asked as she took a seat next to Jem, Austin selecting the one on her other side.

"School," Alec said, feeling a little pang of sadness. He really missed his siblings and wished they could've been there. "Slave to the grind."

"Yeah, we know what that's like," Austin said. "I'm just lucky I could get the weekend off and have access to a private jet." He grinned at Cammie.

"What's in the box, Alec?" Magnus asked, moving to stand behind him, his hand on Alec's shoulder.

Alec shrugged. "Cammie thought she'd break the No Presents rule, because she apparently does what she wants," he said and was rewarded with Cammie sticking her tongue out at him.

"Open it!" Lexus said, bouncing a little in her seat. Cheers of agreement went around the table.

Alec sighed and pulled the big silver bow off the top. He stuck it to the top of Magnus's head, where it bobbled whenever he moved. He ripped off the wrapping paper and spent a few minutes trying to break into the box that was apparently sealed up better than Fort Knox. When he finally got to the good stuff, he discovered Cammie had gotten them some weird looking contraption that claimed to be a juicer. He gave her the raised-eyebrow look.

"Oh, shut up," she said. "I knew you wouldn't have something like this. You can put literally anything you want in it and make the best, and most healthy, drinks. You'll love it, I promise!" When he raised his eyebrow more skeptically higher, she added, "You can put alcohol in it, too, and make awesome cocktails." She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and they all laughed.

"Well, in that case, let's try this baby out!" Will said, reaching across Alec to grab the juicer and taking it over to the counter. He then started rummaging in the refrigerator for items to put in the juicer, coming out with a collection of fruits and vegetables that Alec didn't think belonged together, much less in a cocktail. "Where's your liquor cabinet?" he asked without turning around as he arranged the food into piles of things he thought might go together.

"Um, we don't have one," Alec said. He actually felt disappointed that they didn't have anything to put in the juicer, other than wine and beer, which just sounded wrong.

Mo laughed. "Uh, yeah you do!" she said cheerfully and skipped over to where she'd left her and Lexus's bags. She returned a moment later with several bottles, including rum, tequila, vodka, and bourbon. Alec groaned at the presence of another gift. "Did you really think we wouldn't get you anything?"

"Well, I thought we all agreed…" he muttered as everyone else gathered around to inspect the bottles Lexus and Mo brought.

"Nope," Lexus said. "_You_ said you didn't want any gifts. _We _thought you were being stupid and brought you some anyway."

"At least Will and Jem -" Alec began, but stopped short when Jem produced a small, brightly colored box and handed it to Magnus. "Et tu, Brute?"

Jem shrugged and everyone else burst into laughter at the look on Alec's face. He couldn't really say for sure why he didn't want his friends giving them gifts, other than he and Magnus had more money than they knew what to do with, and exchanging gifts just seemed silly to him. He'd just wanted his friends to come over and celebrate their new home with him and Magnus.

Alec opened the package and found a set of stainless steel cocktail shakers and glass tumblers in a very classy cobalt blue color. The set was beautiful and he was already thinking of a good place to display them when he realized the theme to all of their gifts.

He glanced up at his friends. "You are making us look like a pair of lushes," he said, and chuckled along with everyone else.

"What were you saying about being an adult, Magnus?" Will commented flippantly, just before he hit a button on the juicer, making a horrendous noise as it gobbled up whatever he'd put in it.

Alec took the shakers and tumblers to the sink for a quick wash-up, just in case someone wanted to use them tonight. They had plenty of wine glasses and juice glasses that could double as bourbon tumblers, but the cobalt blue was just gorgeous to look at. By the time he was finished, Will was already waiting at the table with the others. He handed the glasses to Will, who promptly divvied up the cocktails and passed them around.

"What exactly is in this?" Jem said, skeptically eyeballing his glass. It was a weird green color that didn't exactly look appetizing, but actually had a nice, fresh aroma, which was partially disguised by the hint of alcohol.

"Rum," Will said. "That's all you need to know."

Alec held up his glass, wondering just what his friend had gotten him into. "Cheers!" he said.

"To friendship!" said Cammie.

"And love!" said Lexus.

"Bottoms up!" said Will, and they all tossed the concoction down their throats.

Alec was pleasantly surprised that the gross-looking green shit wasn't disgusting. He could taste apples, and maybe carrots, and most definitely rum. He had no idea what made it green until he overheard Will say he'd put fresh spinach in there. He just shrugged. As long as it tasted good, he didn't care what was in it.

When the first pitcher was gone, Cammie and Austin took over making the second batch. They played around with different ingredients just to show Alec what all could be done with his new juicer. Alec left them to it and made his way back to the table.

He sat down next to Lexus, who was engrossed in a discussion with Will. "Oh, I agree," she was saying. "So, who's your favorite rock guitarist?"

"Eddie Van Halen," Will said without hesitation.

Lexus's eyebrow went up. "You don't even have to think about it?"

"No."

"Really?" Lexus pressed. "I mean, there are so many great rock guitarists. What about Eric Clapton? David Gilmour? Jimmy Page? Stevie Ray Vaughan? Hendrix?" Alec was amused that Lexus's voice went a little higher with each guy she mentioned.

He was even more amused that Will was already shaking his head. "Those guys are great, no doubt. But I have four words for you." He held up a finger, ticking off each word as he said it. "'You Got Me Now.'" The corner of Lexus's mouth twitched. "Seriously, the guitar solo intro to that song is so fucking awesome it has it's own name! 'Eruption.'"

Will pulled his phone out and, faster than should be possible, started said guitar solo. Alec, not being a guitar player, but still a lover of music, had always loved that solo. It was fucking badass!

When it was finished, Lexus conceded that he was right. Eddie Van Halen was the ultimate guitar god. "How did you get that song to pull up on your phone so fast?" she asked.

"Are you kidding?" Jem chimed in. "That's his ringtone, and he has the video on every electronic device he owns. If you hand him a guitar in his sleep, he'll play it then, too."

"Shut up," Will said as Lexus and Alec burst out laughing. "It's better than the stupid ass games you play on your phone."

"Wait, so you can play it?" Lexus asked, perking up with real interest.

"Yeah. It's a bitch to get it right, but I can do it."

"That's awesome! I wish I'd stuck with the guitar. I miss playing."

"You play guitar?" Will leaned forward on one elbow, clearly interested. Alec took that as his cue to leave the conversation. He'd been around when Will got to talking guitar, and knew he could go on all night.

He spotted Mo pouring some of Cammie's cocktail mixture into her glass, and made a beeline to her. She grinned when she saw him and refilled his glass, too. He wasn't sure what Cam had put in her mixture, but it was really good. He definitely tasted pineapple and tequila.

"So, how are things going?" he said to Mo, pulling her eyes away from staring at Lexus. They'd arrived shortly after Will and Jem, so they hadn't had an opportunity to talk alone yet.

Mo grinned. "Great. Really, really great."

"Yeah?" Alec said, fishing for details. He talked to Lexus and Mo from time to time, but had not seen them face to face since his graduation party. He knew they'd been in L.A. a lot recently to promote Lexus's new album, the one with Will's song on it.

"Yeah." Mo suddenly blushed, and Alec was very intrigued. "We, um, well, I'm moving into her apartment in L.A."

Alec's eyes widened, and a grin spread across his face. "That's great!" he said enthusiastically, probably much louder than he normally would have due to the alcohol in his bloodstream.

"I know!" Mo said, and suddenly word-vomited all over him. "I'm so excited. Alec, I can't believe how well things are going. Lexus is amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I mean, I guess you could say I loved Christa, but not like this. I think I always knew there was something not right with that relationship, but everything just feels so…perfect with Lexus. She makes me feel so safe and wanted and loved."

Alec smiled and tried to say "I know how you feel," but Mo wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise.

"It's so strange, you know? I never would have looked to be in the spotlight. I don't care about fame or fortune or any of that stuff. But with Lexus, I don't mind it. I don't mind that she gets recognized everywhere we go or that there are pictures of us all over the internet now. It was kind of funny when the papers were trying to figure out who I was. Other than that, it doesn't really matter. As long as I'm with her, I don't care about the rest of it."

"I know exactly how you feel," Alec said. "You just described exactly how I feel about Magnus."

Mo looked at him strangely, like she was studying him or something. "Yeah. I guess you do know how it feels. How did we get so lucky?"

"That I don't know."

"Well, I owe it all to you," Mo said, smacking him lightly on the arm.

"What? I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did!" Mo insisted. "I would never have met Lexus if not for you. You invited me to your graduation party, then made it possible for me to meet Lex."

"I didn't know you were single when I invited you to my party," Alec said. "That was just a happy coincidence."

"Still, you changed my life. I've never been so happy, and content, so accepted. Thank you, Alec."

"But -" he started, and was interrupted.

"He never would just accept gratitude," Cammie said, grinning up at him.

"What? I -"

"Save it. Whatever you are going to say, just save it. You know I'm right. I've been thanking you for years for introducing me to Austin, and you still act like you didn't do anything."

"But -"

"He really is bad about that, isn't he?" Mo agreed. Alec felt distinctly like they were ganging up on him. "He has no idea how important he is to us, and how thankful we are to have him in our lives."

That stopped Alec short. He stared from Mo to Cammie and back. "But…I do know that…"

The girls held their serious expressions for a moment longer before bursting out laughing. "We're just teasing you, Alec," Cammie said, hugging his waist. Mo hugged him, too and he slipped his arms around them, chuckling at their behavior. He really loved those two.

When they released him, Mo caught Lexus's eye and excused herself to go to her girlfriend. Alec watched her go before looking down at Cammie's mischievous face and saying, "You are rotten, you know that?"

Cammie giggled and grinned. She took his hand and said, "Come on. I want to see the painting."

She dragged him up the stairs and quickly found the master bedroom. Alec led her inside and her jaw dropped when she saw the painting.

"Oh, Alec, it's beautiful!" she said, covering her mouth with her hand.

"It is. Thank you for telling my mother about the picture."

She looked slyly out of the corner of her eye. "You're not mad?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not mad."

"I know it was an invasion of your privacy, but when she called me and said she wanted to do something really special for you, well, I just knew you'd love this! You always wanted to do something special with that picture, and this sounded like the perfect thing to do."

"It was," Alec reassured her. "I'm not mad, I swear."

Cammie hugged him and he rested his chin on the top of her head, hugging her back. She felt good in his arms.

Cammie turned back to the painting and Alec said, "How are things with the company?"

"Oh, much better," she said, looking relieved. "I talked to my dad about him giving me more responsibility than I'm ready to handle. I gave him specific examples and he listened to me. He agreed that he was being unfair, expecting me to just _know_ how to run the company. He's now on speed dial, and actually answers the phone instead of letting it go to voicemail while he plays golf or whatever. It's such a relief to not have to have all the answers right now."

"Good. I was worried about you after my graduation party. You seemed really stressed."

"I was. I mean, my dad's a good guy and he's been running the company for thirty-something years. I understand why he wants to get out. He just needed to understand I wasn't ready to be the full-time boss yet."

"Well, while we are negotiating with your dad, there's something very important he needs to do for the future of the company."

Cammie's brow furrowed. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. He needs to move the company to New York," Alec whined. "I miss you so much. Seeing you a few times a year is just not enough."

Cammie grinned. "Oh, I wish we could do that! That would be so great. But you know, now that you are with the Knicks, you'll be in Boston a few times this season, right?"

Alec thought about the schedule. He couldn't remember how many times they were playing in Boston, but they'd have to be there at least a couple times.

"Yeah. Maybe we could meet for dinner or something when we're in Boston," Alec said. Then, "I wonder if they'll let us go out the night before or after the game? I have no idea how that stuff works yet."

"When we were in college they were pretty strict about where we were allowed to go, remember? We had to do everything as a group. But this isn't college, Alec. You two are grown adults. Surely they'll let you have a little time on your own if you want it?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know, but I'll find out and let you know. It would be really good to see you more often."

Cammie gave him a sympathetic look. "I know. You let me know when you're in town and I'll make sure I have some time to see you. Maybe Austin and I will go to a game."

Alec grinned. He felt lighter after the conversation with Cammie. Knowing she wanted to see him as badly as he wanted to see her lifted his spirits, which were already soaring from the combination of the new life he and Magnus were starting and his friends being in his new home, not to mention the couple of cocktails he'd consumed. It seemed that everywhere he looked, things were getting better. All the fear and heartache and anxiety that he'd lived with last year was slowly fading away into a distant memory.

After that, Alec and Cammie made their way back downstairs. When they'd left, everyone was broken up into small groups and chatting. As they descended the stairs, a loud wall of noise hit them full-on. They rounded the corner just in time to see the juicer explode in Magnus's face and all their friends gathered around him in a circle with identical stunned expressions.

Alec froze, staring as a mostly red mixture of liquidy goop dripped from Magnus's hair down his face, arms, and chest. More of the stuff was sliding down the cabinet doors and pooling on the floor. Lexus, frozen in place with one arm extended and her mouth open, was also covered in the stuff.

The air seemed to have been removed from the room for a split second while everyone processed what had happened, then erupted with shrill, hysterical laughter. Realizing the worst that happened was a huge mess, Alec's body reanimated and he walked into the kitchen. He still felt a little shocked by the sight, but the laughter was infectious, and he, too, gave in.

"I tried to stop him!" Lexus got out between gales of laughter. "He didn't have the lid on!"

Alec, still laughing uncontrollably, made his way through the mess until he was right in front of Magnus. Magnus's eyes met his and he had a very pitiful look on his face, like a kicked puppy. Alec reached up a hand and wiped a bit of the concoction off Magnus's cheek, then licked the stuff off his finger. He made a face. "Oh, god, that's awful!" he said, spitting the stuff out. "What the fuck did you put in that?"

Magnus's face looked even more forlorn, if possible. He actually pouted a little. "I don't know. They said I could put anything in there, so I just grabbed a bunch of stuff."

Alec laughed at that. Seriously? He thought it was okay to just put _anything_ in his mixture? "Well, that settles it," Alec said, trying to contain his humor since Magnus was looking more and more dejected as the minutes wore on. "You are not allowed to touch the juicer ever again."

More laughter ensued. Someone close to the sink wet some towels and handed them out. With everyone cleaning up, it didn't take long to get the mess under control, and thankfully, nothing was stained by whatever Magnus had put in the mix.

Alec set about rinsing Magnus's hair in the sink to get all the chunks of stuff out of it. There wasn't anything he could easily identify to figure out what Magnus had used, but the taste in his mouth was lingering and very unpleasant. Something bitter, maybe? Whatever it was, it was disgusting.

When Magnus was clean and presentable again, he gave Alec a sheepish look, his face slightly colored with embarrassment over the mess he'd made. Alec was just thankful it hadn't been worse, that nothing had been permanently discolored or broken and no one was injured.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked, brushing a strand of damp hair from Magnus's face as a bead of water ran down his boyfriend's cheek. Magnus was embarrassed, but his eyes were still full of mirth, and his lip twitched as he resisted a smile.

"Keep him away from the juicer!" Cammie called from behind them. Alec chuckled. He'd thought he said that soft enough for no one else to hear, but leave it to Cammie to butt in.

"Seriously, what did you put in there?" Alec said.

Magnus shrugged. "Nothing too weird. At least I didn't think it was weird. Will put carrots in his!" Magnus sounded defensive, leading Alec to think he was not exactly being truthful.

"Magnus, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I just put some strawberries and an orange and vodka and pepper and…"

"Wait. Pepper? Like bell peppers?"

Magnus shifted, looking uncomfortable. "No, black pepper, and a little salt."

"What? Why?"

"Well, someone said the last batch needed more flavor. Salt and pepper seemed reasonable."

Alec tried to hold in his laughter, and at least managed not to roll his eyes. "Okay. What else? Oranges and strawberries?"

"Yeah."

"Magnus?" Cammie said, coming up behind them. "Did you peel the orange first?"

"No. No one told me to do that."

Alec and Cammie fell together laughing again. The indignant expression on Magnus's face made them laugh even harder. Alec's ribs hurt to breathe.

"Do you let this guy cook?" Cammie somehow managed to say between gasps and giggles.

"Not much," Alec admitted, forcing himself under control.

"Hey! I can cook!" Magnus protested.

"Of course you can," Alec said, patting Magnus's arm to placate him. It was true. Magnus did his share of the cooking, but he always cooked from a recipe. After this, Alec didn't want him to cook from scratch. God only knows what mess he'd come up with.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. They left the drink-mixing to people who had an idea what they were doing. Cammie told Alec she'd written down several recipes they could use that would be healthy and delicious, so there wouldn't be a repeat of what she was calling "The Incident."

When it became obvious everyone was wilting, whether from alcohol or just the late hour, Alec had a minor freak out about where everyone was going to stay. How he had managed not to think of this before was a mystery, but he hadn't. He and Magnus only had one spare room, which was designated Cammie's when she was in town, and Lexus's when she was there. He hadn't thought about what to do when they were _both_ in New York! His muddled, drunk brain was chastising him for his mistake, and he was struggling to keep up with the internal narrative.

Finally, he voiced his concern. "Where is everyone sleeping?"

With all eyes on him, he had the distinct impression that they would be giving him a whole lot of shit if any of them were sober enough to do so. But they weren't, so he got a reprieve.

Jem clicked off his phone and tucked it away in his pocket. "I've just called our driver. He's bringing the car around and we're heading back to the city."

Relief flooded Alec. He didn't want any of them to leave, but with Will and Jem gone, they could probably manage the others. Someone would have to sleep on the couch though, and he didn't want to be the one deciding who.

Lexus saved the day. She slipped her hand into Mo's and said, "We'll come with you, if that's okay?"

"Great!" Will slurred with enthusiasm.

"Are you sure?" Alec said. He was a little surprised that Magnus's friend was volunteering to go to Will and Jem's apartment in Manhattan.

"Hell yeah," Lexus said, grinning widely. "No offense, but I'd rather stay in Manhattan that out here in the middle of nowhere!"

Alec laughed at that. Only a true city-dweller would think of their townhouse as the middle of nowhere. In truth, there were quite a few entertaining things to do where they lived, but not near what Manhattan had to offer. Not even close. He glanced at Mo, who was looking at Lexus like she didn't care where they were as long as they were together. Lexus must have felt the burn of her gaze and leaned in for a long, lingering kiss. Alec averted his eyes on the private moment.

"Austin and I can take the guest room," Cammie said. "We kind of like the idea of being out of the city. It's so much more peaceful and quiet out here."

Alec had to agree, even if where they lived was still densely populated with plenty of large buildings. It was nowhere near like living in Manhattan or Brooklyn, or Boston.

They made plans to meet in the city for dinner the next day, and maybe do some clubbing or something afterward. Alec felt a sense of peace having his best friends with him, even if it was just for a long weekend. There's nothing quite like true friends.

* * *

**A/N: If you are unfamiliar with the Van Halen song mentioned and are even remotely impressed with talented guitar players, go look up "Eruption/You Got Me Now" on youtube right this second! It is arguably the best guitar solo in history. Makes my knees weak every time I hear it. **

**Also, if you don't know, the rock stars mentioned are: **

**1) Eddie Van Halen: guitarist for Van Halen. He's so fucking amazing, and easy on the eyes :)**

**2) Eric Clapton: Mostly known for solo work, but he was in several bands, especially early on in his career. "Cocaine" has some pretty awesome guitar work (as an example).**

**3) Jimmy Page: Best known as guitarist for Led Zepplin. Need I say more?**

**4) David Gilmour: Best known as guitarist for Pink Floyd. I've mentioned some Floyd songs before in this fic ("Wish You Were Here" for sure). I love all things Pink Floyd so I may be a little biased, but this man has some truly amazing solos. **

**5) Stevie Ray Vaughan: He was highly influential to the rock-blues scene in the 80s. His life was cut tragically short by a helicopter crash in 1990. He was 35. **

**6) Jimi Hendrix: He was just fucking awesome. One of the best guitarists ever. Period. Who knows what he might have done if he hadn't died at age 27 of drug-related causes in 1970. (Yes, you read that right. A black man took the rock world by storm in the racially volatile 60s and is still heralded today for his amazing work!)**

**BTW, I had so much fun writing this chapter. Laughed my damn ass off at their shenanigans. Hope you guys enjoyed it, too.**

**Also, we passed 900 reviews, and I managed to get an extra-long Magnus POV chapter written for Thursday! Yay!**


	90. Chapter 90

**A/N: Guest: That was by no means a comprehensive list of guitar gods! Those were some of my favorites and the ones that came to mind first. The video with Yngwie Malmsteen and Steve Vai is phenomenal. They are both amazing guitarists! But Eddie's always been my favorite. :) Considering the truth of that statement, you would think I would've gotten the song title right, but no. It's "You Really Got Me" not "You Got Me Now." Fail.**

**arnangela: Thank you. Music is life...well, music and basketball ;)**

* * *

Hey, all! It's Magnus. Long time, no talk, eh? I just wanted to check in with you guys and let you know how things are going.

In one word: Great! Things are going great! Where to start…?

How about with a question: Have you ever been in love? Have you ever lost that love? Have you ever had that love come back to you and build something that was even better than what it was originally?

Think about it. Alec and I have been through hell. There were times I wondered if I would make it through. Losing him was horrible. I don't think there is a way to determine what was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but I can assure you that losing Alec was just as terrible as losing my mom. And both of those were worse than what Rick did to me. Much worse.

Anyway, enough with that. He's back in my life and I've never been happier. We've had some interesting times recently, but everything keeps moving forward and I'm really happy about that.

Alec and I have been in the townhouse for about four months now. We have settled into a routine that is working pretty well for us. More on that in a moment. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Once we got our ID cards and had full access to the Knicks training facility, we started going there a few times a week. We wanted to familiarize ourselves with the building and staff, meet some of my teammates, and just get comfortable with our new lives. Alec didn't officially start working there until October 1st, which was the first official practice of the season for the team. Until then, I had strength and conditioning workouts and he came along to observe or assist me or whatever, as long as the team didn't have an official practice.

So we'd go in and work out together. Alec had meetings with the training staff every week, getting to know his coworkers and being trained to use the equipment correctly. He knew how to do that already; he was no stranger to working out or to any of the equipment we used. But protocol is protocol.

One thing that was totally unexpected was the Knicks people knowing about Alec and me from day one. We didn't run into any problems when we were going in to train together. I wasn't sure how to feel about that because those times weren't exactly representative of what it would be like to be on the Knicks team. There were maybe two or three other guys there working out each time we went, and I'd already seen how differently people could act as individuals versus a pack mentality. I was still on guard, no matter how friendly the guys were being to me.

On September 30th, the eve of the new season beginning, Alec and I spent a lot of time talking about the team and our worries and fears for our new jobs. I was worried I'd have to deal with more homophobia and another team that wouldn't accept me. Alec tried to ease my fears, but there wasn't much he could do. He said all the right things, but it was up to my teammates to decide how they were going to treat me, and up to me to decide how I was going to respond. One thing I was sure of was that I would not be a doormat for my new team to walk on. I'd eventually stood up for myself, and Alec, with Thompson, and that felt really good. I had no intention of letting this team treat me so badly.

Alec said he was worried about screwing up. It was hard not to laugh about that. Alec had a fairly mindless job, at least until he started truly working with the players, and he knew what he was doing. He knew how to handle the equipment, so his fears were unfounded really. It took me awhile to get him to admit his real fear was not living up to expectations and either getting fired or never getting to actually do any training. I thought I settled his mind when I reminded him that he knew what he was doing and he had a strong work ethic, so there was no reason for his fears to ever come to life.

I _thought_ I'd settled him, but that night he had another nightmare. He woke suddenly, crying out and sweating and trembling. I held him like usual and did my best to soothe him until he fell back to sleep.

I was heartbroken, though. I hate when he has those nightmares. I hate that I can't do anything about them. And I had a really hard time getting back to sleep that night. My mind was restless, thinking about all the things that had happened to him and how it wasn't fair that he still had to deal with this shit. He'd come so far, and I was so proud of him for getting this far, but he still wasn't able to completely put it behind him.

I wondered if part of the problem was that he had no resolution to the attack. We were no closer to finding out who that John fucktard was than we were in the beginning. The police had moved on to more potentially solvable crimes, ones that had more evidence. Unless they were someday able to catch him doing it again, Alec would never get his day in court. He doesn't want that anyway- he's told me a millions times he doesn't want to face that guy- but it might help him feel better, you know?

Anyway, I laid there holding him with my mind running in circles, and it occurred to me that every time Alec had a bad dream, there was something major happening in his life. His graduation. Moving into our townhouse. Starting a new job. Those were all stressful events, even if they were happy ones, too. I began to wonder if maybe stress was bringing on the nightmares.

The following morning, I talked to him about it. The look on his sleepy face as he sipped his coffee and thought about what I'd said was priceless.

"I don't know, Magnus," he said after several long minutes of deliberation. "Maybe so, but why are the dreams about _him_?"

I shrugged. "Tell me more about the dreams."

"Like what?"

"Anything you can remember."

He sighed and set his coffee cup on the table. "I don't remember much, honestly." He didn't speak for a few minutes, and I watched as his brows furrowed in concentration. He had a funny look on his face. "It always starts off with you and me being…intimate in some way." His cheeks flushed when he said this and I had to hide my smile. He was so adorable I just wanted to kiss him. "Then something changes; I never know what happens to change the mood. All of a sudden, I'm scared. Something feels…wrong, like I'm in danger or something." He looked frustrated, like he always does when he can't remember the dreams. He shook his head. "That's all I remember, Magnus. I'm sorry."

I took his hand in mine. "Don't be sorry. I don't think you are supposed to know what's happening in the dream." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Think about it, Alec," I encouraged him. I didn't want to tell him what I thought, at least not until he had a chance to work it out for himself. I don't think he'd spent a lot of time analyzing the dreams, because they scared him, and he just wanted them to go away. But I didn't want to put ideas into his head, any more than I already had, at least. He needed to work this out on his own.

He sipped his coffee some more. I could see the wheels turning in his mind as he thought about the dream. His hands trembled and he set the coffee cup down again before it could spill. I saw the emotions on his face, and I couldn't take it any more.

"Talk to me, Alec. What are you thinking?"

His eyes snapped up to mine with a slightly glazed look, like he'd almost forgotten I was there. He gave me a watery smile. "I…haven't really thought too deeply about the dreams. Dr. Daniels and I talked about them, but he didn't press too hard since I couldn't remember much about them anyway…"

He broke off, and I kept quiet. I didn't want to interrupt his thought process. He was just collecting his thoughts and didn't need me to butt in.

"I've never done any dream analysis, but what if…what if the whole thing is…symbolic? I mean, I always thought the fear part was _him_, but what if it's not?"

_Yes, exactly!_ I thought, but kept my expression neutral. He continued.

"What if the reason I couldn't figure out what the fear was is that it wasn't _anything_? What if it's just some abstract thing that I'm afraid of and don't even know it?" Then, like a light bulb clicked on in his mind, "What if it's just fear itself? What if it's fear of the unknown or something like that?" His whole face lit up when he said this, and I couldn't hold back my smile that time. His eyes searched my face. "You think that's it, don't you?"

I shrugged noncommittally while my insides screamed _YES!_ "Doesn't matter what I think," I said softly. "It's your dream."

Alec waved an impatient hand at me. "Your opinion matters," he said offhandedly. He appeared to be slipping into his own little thought bubble again. At least he was telling me his thoughts this time. "I think that's it, though. Think about it. I've been having this dream for over a year. It started shortly after I was raped. I was in a bad place at that time, and I wouldn't even let myself think about you. So the dream starts as you and me being together. My mind was forcing me to think about you in my sleep, even if I wouldn't let it when I was awake. Maybe even _because _I wouldn't let it when I was awake." He shrugged again.

"So, symbolically, I have this thing that makes me feel good, and happy, and safe, but then I don't. I don't know if you are still there when the atmosphere turns scary, and I'm not sure that matters. I think the whole dream is a culmination of what frightens me. Being with you is scary, but so is being without you. I didn't know if I'd ruined our chance to be together, and when I found out that I hadn't, the dreams nearly went away. Then, I had them again, like you said, at times of stress." He shook his head. "That's not all of it though. They weren't just times of stress, they were times of uncertainty, times when something unknown was about to happen. Just like the scary part is unknown. I don't know what causes it, I just know it scares me! I made the assumption a long time ago that it was John, but there's no evidence that it ever was!"

He was nearly panting and shaking when he finished all that. I was so proud of him. I knew how afraid of those dreams he was, and he faced that fear to get to the bottom of it, even if it was a long, rambling trail to the bottom.

"My god, Magnus. All this time I thought I was having bad dreams about the guy who raped me, but it was just my mind recognizing fear and manifesting it in a familiar pattern. It was never about _him_, it was about fear. _He_ doesn't hold anything over me anymore!" Alec chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I should have know that. I would have if I'd let myself think about it. Dreams are never that specific, especially not recurring dreams. I'm such an idiot."

"No, you are not an idiot," I said adamantly. "You had a fear, and a legitimate cause of one. Your rationale made as much sense then as it does now. Dream interpretation is not a science, Alec, and things mean something different to each individual. You latched on to the easiest interpretation of your dream because you were afraid of it and didn't want to look too closely at it, especially not when…the rape was so fresh and the dreams were so common. Give yourself some credit. You've come a long way."

I shuddered when I said the word rape. I was still not comfortable with it, even though my therapist and Alec's told me to use the word. I didn't like it and didn't want it to be a reminder, but they said not using it was like not acknowledging what Alec had been through, and didn't give his feelings about it the validity that he deserved. They said it was still there, every day, even if we didn't talk about it, even if we didn't use the correct term for it, and that using the correct term would desensitize him, or something like that. I don't know. I just know they told me for his mental health and his best chance to put it behind him, that we should use the word rape when referring to that incident, and I'd do anything for him, so I pushed down my own feelings and did what was best for my Alec.

He blushed again. God he was beautiful when he blushed. "Thanks, Magnus," he whispered. "Do you think I'll eventually stop having the dream?"

"If you're asking if I think you will eventually have no fears, then my answer is no. But I think knowing the cause of your fear and working it out and talking about it instead of suffering in silence will help. You just decided your brain is trying to show you your fears, so if we talk about them, they shouldn't have a hold over you anymore."

Alec smiled. "That makes sense." He refilled his coffee and took a sip. "Okay, so, I'm afraid I'm going to fail at my job with the Knicks," he said resolutely.

My face cracked into a grin. "I'm afraid I'm going to fail at my job with the Knicks, too," I said, and we laughed. "How about we make a pact to talk about it and help each other out as much as we can?" I suggested.

"Yeah. Let's do that."

He got up, pushed my chair back, and slid into my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck, and just that close contact had my dick filling already. Then he kissed me, and I was putty in his hands.

"I love you, Magnus Bane," he said against my lips. I nipped at his bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth. He kissed me again. Then, "Thank you for being there and helping me through this."

I squeezed my arms where they rested around his waist. "I'll always be there for you, Alec. I love you."

He kissed me once more and slipped out of my lap. I groaned. I wanted him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. Then, with a brief kiss, he said, "I don't think being late on our first day will help our fear of failure."

We weren't late, but I'm pretty sure we arrived with blue balls.

* * *

That was five weeks ago. In that time, we've both begun to realize the reality of life with the Knicks, and put a lot of our fears to rest. The thing that helped Alec the most was Mr. Knightly's weekly training meetings. He gave Alec a list of things to know about each player, including name, picture, jersey number, specific likes and dislikes. That is invaluable information. I remember that prick Thompson once ripping into a guy for giving him the red Gatorade instead of the purple. Seriously. I don't yet know if any of the guys on the Knicks would've treated him that way, and because to Knightly's foresight, Alec won't have to worry about that.

Something interesting happened on the first day, though. Alec and I were in the locker room waiting for practice to start when one of my teammates came up to us. He introduced himself as TJ, which I later found out stood for Trey Jackson. I introduced myself, and he got a sly look and said, "I know who you are, bro." Then he leaned in conspiratorially and added, "So is it true? About you two?" His eyes shifted between Alec and me and his meaning was clear.

I was trying to decide how to answer when Alec stepped between us, an angry glare in his eyes. The image was comically really, or at least it would've been if I wasn't so worried about Alec's safety. Alec was the shortest of the three of us, and even though he'd picked up weight since we got back together and he'd been working out with me, he was still small compared to how he used to look. And especially compared to TJ.

Anyway, Alec growled out, "What about us?" and TJ took a step back, startled.

"I was just wondering if the rumors were true, man," he said defensively.

"What rumors?" Alec demanded. Ballsy move, but it set a precedence for us, you know?

"The rumors that you and Magnus are a couple."

"Yes, we are," Alec replied haughtily. "Is that a problem?" I think he might have had his hand on his hip at that point.

"Naw, man. Relax. You're not gonna have any problems here. I just wanted to know if it's true. I like to get both sides of a story, if you know what I mean. I don't wanna just believe what the tabloids say, you know?"

Lesson #1: Our team was not made up of homophobic assholes.

There were a couple of guys that were a little…standoffish, maybe? I don't know if that's the right word or why they were so quiet around us in the beginning. Maybe they had never been around a gay couple and were therefore unsure how to act? Maybe they just took awhile to warm up to strangers? Even now they weren't completely warmed up to us, but they hadn't given me a hard time or ugly glares or snide remarks. They communicated just fine on the court, which was the only place I gave a fuck what they thought. The rest was a huge improvement from what I dealt with working for the Nets, so I was golden.

Okay, maybe that sounded worse than it really was. Basically, there were about three or four guys that looked uncomfortable when Alec and I were together, and were quiet around me any other time, except on the court. In practice, they performed like I would expect anyone to perform. They listened to me as their point guard and did what I wanted them to do.

I can't say I expected them to accept me with open arms, not even in a basketball sense. I had to earn my way onto the team. Handouts in professional sports don't exist. And they shouldn't. I was being paid a shitload of money to do a job, and I needed to make everyone there believe I could do it. Including myself. My history of playing for fifteen minutes a game was nothing compared to playing forty plus minutes. I needed to prove I could handle that kind of responsibility. Period.

As the weeks wore on, I think I accomplished that goal. I worked my ass off in the weight room, coming in early with Alec and staying late, too. He occasionally fussed at me for getting the equipment sweaty after he'd already cleaned it, so I started being more mindful of _his_ job. But I managed to prove I was strong and my stamina was good enough to carry me through a game.

The drills and skills practices were a place I could shine. The Knicks had a point guard, Welcher, that was similar to Colson in that he'd been there for eons and was pretty boring to watch. I don't know if he was just done with playing professional basketball and didn't care anymore, or if he truly wasn't that great, but I showed him up in every capacity. I wanted to play. I was gunning for the starting point guard spot and I wasn't going to go at things half-assed so that the guy who currently held the position could keep it. That's just dumb, and if he thought I'd do something like that, he was nuts, too.

He figured it out quickly enough, though. I outstripped him on everything: speed, accuracy, talent, skills. And that was just in one-on-one challenges.

When Coach Hollings split us into teams for scrimmages, things got really interesting. My team beat his team every time. It didn't matter what combination of players Coach gave me. I figured out pretty quickly what my teammates were capable of doing, and what plays worked best with each player, and I played to their strengths. I didn't make the guy who never made dunks take one. Welcher did, and fell flat. Maybe a good teammate would point out this mistake, but I figured he'd been there long enough to know better, and if he didn't, well that wasn't my problem.

Over the weeks, I earned the trust and respect of my teammates, and whatever weirdness they might have felt about my being gay faded away. They knew I wasn't a ball-hog. They knew I'd do whatever I could to make them look good and help the team win. We grew closer as teammates and developed friendships. I finally started to feel like I belonged. I was cautiously optimistic that feeling would last.

Alec's training coworkers were a little different from the athletes. They accepted his being gay without any problems. In fact, one of the other guys was gay, and another one had a gay cousin. There were no issues there. I was thankful for that. I didn't want him to have to go through what I went through with the Nets.

The only discrimination he had to deal with came in the form of his job. He was low man on the totem pole, so to speak, and had to do all the shit jobs. The other guys ribbed him a little about it, but Alec said it was all in good fun and he didn't take any of it personally. They all knew he had a degree and was working his way up to a trainer position. Many of them were assistants to the trainers, and weren't eligible to be promoted as high as Alec could go. So he took his lumps with grace, of course, and did his job.

His only real issue was with Curtis Knightly, his boss. The man was the grumpiest grump I'd ever met. It almost felt like an accomplishment to get him to say more than two words at a time. That went for us players, too. He didn't discriminate in his grouchiness.

One day I asked Alec about him, just wondering how he felt. He had to deal with him a little more intimately than I did, because he had to follow the man around and listen to him bark orders all day. I just had to deal with him when whatever trainer I was working with did something wrong or he saw me do something wrong and made me correct it. Like one day when I was using the weight machine and didn't have my feet at the right angle or distance apart or something. He came up and adjusted my feet and grumbled the whole time. I got it; I could have injured myself if I didn't have the proper stance. I was thankful he corrected me. It was just more fun when the guys smiled at me instead of calling me an idiot.

Anyway, I asked Alec how they were getting along. He didn't answer my question. Instead, he told me Knightly was an ex-Marine. He'd been in the Vietnam War and had gotten injured. He'd climbed the ranks fairly quickly due to his decision-making skills and ability to give orders, so the Marine Corps had tried to make a place for him, but he'd opted out of service and had done some odd jobs until finally landing on training as a career.

Knightly's gruffness and demeanor bothered me. Mostly because I thought Alec should be treated nicely. He didn't bother Alec though. Alec actually responded very well to him, so I asked him about that, too.

Alec said, "He treats me like he treats everyone else. I respect that."

How could I argue with that?

As the weeks went by, Coach Hollings seemed to be impressed with me. He pulled me aside after practice on several occasions to tell me so, and even said I was earning the starting point guard position. I smiled and tucked that away. I'd heard it before, namely from the Nets, and it never happened. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed, so I took it with a grain of salt. Coaches had a way of building you up, but when push came to shove, going with what they know instead of what they don't know. They knew Welcher. They knew what to expect from him, even if it wasn't the greatest results. They didn't know me. I'd never been giving the opportunity to run an NBA team for a full game. I was the wildcard.

When we had our first preseason game, which is essentially just a scrimmage and didn't count for anything in the record books, I went back and forth between _surprise_ that I was the starting point guard and _expecting to be_ the starting point guard. I tried to temper the expectation because really, the Knicks didn't owe me anything. Maybe that's why I was surprised?

Anyway, we won the game, defeating the Philly 76ers 96-85 at Madison Square Garden. The game was great. I played all but about ten minutes of it, and had a really good, solid game. TJ and I connected for five alley-oops, which brought the sold-out crowd to their feet. The noise was deafening. Coach was grinning ear to ear at the end of the game, and just as importantly, so was Mr. Ketchum.

After that performance, ticket sales for upcoming games rose. I think the energy and excitement those plays brought made the fans more willing to spend their money to see us. The players had more fun, the fans had more fun, and the execs made more money. Win-win for everyone!

Still, I knew better than to get cocky about the starting position. Sure, I started all the preseason games, but starting games that don't count doesn't mean much. The true test for me was what would happen when the regular season began. If I started against the good teams, then I knew the coaching staff and execs had faith in me. Until then, I just worked my ass off to prove myself. Really, after everything I'd been through with the Nets, even getting the opportunity to prove myself was a step up. I would never be satisfied with just the opportunity, but I was thankful to have it.

I know you guys are all dying to know if I got the starting job, but first there's one more thing I wanted to share with you. It's about Alec, of course.

One night after a preseason win, we went back to our townhouse to celebrate. Things were going so well, not just in the basketball sense, but with everything. I was enjoying my job and my teammates tremendously. Alec was fitting in well with his coworkers and already starting to get more responsibility due to his outstanding work ethic, willingness to listen and learn, and his ability to not act like an entitled punk-ass kid. Seriously, how does someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth be so down-to-earth. He's a great guy, and his coworkers, and more importantly Mr. Knightly, picked up on that very quickly. Also, things between us were going really well. I'd never been happier.

Anyway, we got home and Alec popped the cork on a bottle of champagne. We drank until our heads started to feel a little fuzzy, from all the bubbles, you know? Then we went to our room. At that point, we'd already christened our bedroom, our shower, the guest room and the new couch. We still had some work to do, but that night we were in the mood to stretch out in our bed.

We laid there kissing and touching, turning each other on. He was on top of me, but I had a sudden urge to fuck him. We'd only done that a few times since our successful camping adventure, one of those being with him sitting in my lap while we christened the couch. I don't really know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol that fucked up my brain a little, or maybe it was just my need for him, but I flipped us over and I was suddenly on top of him.

He stiffened right away, his whole body rigid, which was my first warning sign that I'd fucked up. I froze, which was probably the dumbest response. My brain was yelling at me, once it recognized the situation, to get the hell off of him before he had a panic attack, but my body wouldn't move. His eyes were wide and his breathing rapid, and finally my ass kicked into gear and I started to slide off of him.

His hand caught me on the arm. My eyes flashed to his. They were wide, yes, but there was something besides fear there. He wasn't panicking. "Wait, Magnus," he said, his voice breaking over the words like a boy who'd just hit puberty.

I held still, waiting to see what he wanted me to do. His breathing was still too fast, but he clutched at me, pulling me back up to him. "Alec?" I questioned. I didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for and I felt bad that I was the one to start this.

"It's okay, Magnus," he said, voice still unsteady. "I'm not panicking. I'm okay. Let's just try this."

I was reluctant as all hell, but I had been every time he'd bottomed since he had that first panic attack. Those fucking things scared me half to death. I don't ever want to see him like that again. But I also don't want him to think I don't believe in him. He's so strong, and I have full faith in him.

So I lowered myself enough I could kiss him. I propped my body on my hands so I wouldn't press against him, and kissed him thoroughly, until he couldn't breathe. When I pulled away, his eyes were still wide, but his pupils were blown with lust, and I knew half the battle was won.

I kissed down his throat and chest, pressing against him as I got lower. He didn't freak out when I held him close around the waist, just around the chest, so when I got low enough to suck his dick, I knew it was safe to hold him tightly. And I did. He was so hard and the tip of his cock was leaking. I love that. He tastes so good. He smells amazing, too. I was in sensory overload as I sucked him down my throat and felt his hands clench in appreciation on my shoulders.

It wasn't enough though. I mean, I could get him off the way we were going, but it wasn't what either of us wanted. My dick was straining to get inside him, and I knew he wanted that as much as I did. So I climbed back up him, careful not to enclose him, slathered us up and worked my way inside him.

I know I don't have a point of comparison when it comes to fucking other guys, but he feels amazing. Much better than it ever felt with a girl. Sometimes it was difficult not to come immediately upon entering him. This was not one of those times though. I was concentrating too hard on not doing something wrong and making him panic. I took my time, I watched my body positioning, I made sure he seemed comfortable, or as comfortable as possible with me on top of him like that. I had to keep reminding myself this is what he wanted.

Somewhere along the way, he grabbed my ass and thrust me into him. I looked into his eyes and found a hungry desire there that told me he was doing just fine and I better quick fucking around and get to it. So I did. You know me, I'd do anything he wanted me to do. Anything.

I fucked him. Hard and fast, just the way he wanted it. His head burrowed into the pillow, his black hair fanning out like a halo around his beautiful face. He panted and moaned and gripped me to him so tightly I knew he was leaving bruises. I didn't care. He was lost in ecstasy, and when I finally got that through my thick skull, I joined him. I gave in, I quit holding back and worrying and just gave him all the pleasure he could stand.

When it was over and my body finished the aftershocks that spilled a little more of my come into him with each uncontrolled jerk, something unprecedented happened. I came to my senses and realized I had my arms wrapped around him, that I'd held his body to my chest as mine came apart. That wasn't new. His not panicking was though. He was breathing hard and he looked a bit stressed by the position he was in, but he wasn't panicking.

That was the first time I knew- _I knew_\- he was going to beat this. That he would one day not have any problems being held like this, with me on top of him, snug against my body. I knew he'd do it.

As I said, he was so strong and determined. I had no doubts in him.

I didn't want to push him though, so I slid off of him and let him curl against my body. He had no trouble at all being close to me and resting against my chest. I felt his breathing even out, his heart rate slow, as he calmed down. I kissed the top of his head and told him I loved him and that he was amazing. Because he is.

Oh, by the way, you've been talking to the New York Knicks starting point guard.


	91. Chapter 91

**A/N: Aww, you guys! Thanks for the sweet reviews. I have to say that I totally agree with those of you who said they like the first person POV. My biggest regret with this story is that I didn't write the whole thing in first person. None of my stories are written that way, but I've found in writing Magnus's chapters that I really like it. Oh, well, live and learn, right?**

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_How did I not realize how busy we would be?_ Alec thought as the airplane flew the team from New York to Boston. As usual, he ran through the list of things he had to do once they landed. The list was massive. He had to make sure everyone got on the bus and all the gear was transferred, including everyone's personal effects. He had help to do that part of course, but as some sort of test, Mr. Knightly had made Alec in charge of seeing to it that everything was done correctly. He was thankful his coworkers were good people and wanted to see him succeed or else he would have had one hell of a time doing it all by himself.

Once they got to the hotel, he would help make sure everyone's stuff was in the proper rooms, all the players had their keycards to get into their rooms, and they had whatever snacks or drinks they each individually requested. No fuckups allowed. (That was Alec's rule as much as the training staff's.)

Once everyone was settled in, he would (again) confirm practice times, dinner reservations, taxi cabs for the guys who wanted to go out on the town after they were released for the night. He felt like a fucking secretary more than an athletic trainer, but he was willing to do whatever he was assigned, and do it well, to prove that he was a team player and work his way up the ranks. He got all the shit jobs right now, but those jobs were still important, and he had decent organizational skills, so it wasn't too big of a deal. For now.

That was just the beginning of what he had to do on this trip. There was still setting up and tearing down the gym for practice, making sure the uniforms were ready to go for the game and collected for washing afterward (fortunately he wasn't responsible for actually washing them). Then he'd have to do the reverse procedure to get everything back home. Plus, there were all the procedures and evaluations and documentation that had to be done for every single injury, no matter how minor. He was busy, busy, busy.

He'd expected most of that, though. The thing he hadn't expected, and he wasn't sure why it had slipped by him, was how often all this happened. Apparently, sitting at home waiting for Magnus to return from a trip wasn't as demanding on him as traveling with Magnus. Some weeks they had two away games. But even when they played at home, he still had to do most of that because Madison Square Garden was about an hour away from the training facility, and it was used for so many other things than just Knicks basketball games that they weren't able to leave their belongings there. No, everything had to travel with the team, every single time.

It was exhausting trying to keep up with everything, but Alec found it exhilarating, too. To some, he may be just an equipment manager and gopher with some clerical responsibilities, and he may not yet be doing what he wanted to do, but he was doing it for the Knicks! The upside was he got to travel with a well known, storied program riddled with major NBA names. He would gladly live in a constant state of motion, worried he would forget something, to be associated with such a program.

The plane landed and Alec nudged Magnus awake. They made eye contact, unspoken words saying they would see each other later. Alec had duties to perform, and Magnus would be riding the team bus while Alec rode the one for staff. Then, Alec hurried away while Magnus joked around with some of his teammates and lazily gathered his carry-on bag.

Alec had a checklist of items that he had to use and turn in to Mr. Knightly. Follow the paper trail, and all. But he didn't really need the list anymore. He knew what was packed, since he did most of the packing, and where every item was located. He knew what he was doing, but for a multi-billion dollar franchise, all the i's must be dotted and t's must be crossed. He got that.

Once everything was transferred from the plane to the buses, he did a head-count to make sure all the _people_ were also transferred. Check. Then he climbed onto his own bus and told Mr. Knightly all was well, and the buses drove the short drive to the hotel. The hotel was also very close to the arena where the game would be held.

Alec, Mr. Knightly, and a few others went into the nicely decorated lobby and checked the team in to the hotel. Knightly handed Alec a stack of key cards and he went work matching the room numbers to the chart he had on his clipboard. The team filed in carrying their backpacks full of personal items and Alec distributed the cards. He smiled warmly when Magnus's fingers brushed his. He still didn't like not getting to sleep with Magnus when they were on the road. He missed him terribly. Beds were very cold without him in them.

Fortunately, the initial room assignments for the team and staff had produced no issues over the last few months, so everyone knew who their roommate was and got in line to get their keycards in pairs. Things ran so much smoother now than they had the first few times, and the whole process, including getting the bus unpacked, was practically down to a science. Within minutes, Alec was tossing his bag, the last one to be delivered to its room since he was the one delivering them, onto the floor beside his bed.

Scott, his roommate and fellow training staff peon, grinned at him when he closed the door and flopped face first onto his bed. "Don't get to comfortable. We have practice in an hour," Scott said cheerfully. Alec flipped him off, and Scott laughed.

Alec actually liked Scott very much. He had been with the team for two years and knew exactly what Alec was going through. Before Alec, Scott had been the guy who had to prove himself and bust his balls to be rewarded with more responsibility. Scott was a certified personal trainer and had about six years experience before starting with the Knicks. He now worked more with the strength and conditioning coach and helped make sure the athletes were in tip-top shape.

He was invaluable to Alec though. He knew what it was like to have to do the job Alec was doing, and even though Alec would be doing a completely different job than Scott once he passed his initiation phase, he was always there to help Alec if he needed it. He was also the other gay man associated with the team, and helped put Alec's mind at ease when he'd first started with the Knicks. Scott hadn't had any problems as the token gay man. He'd been accepted into the fold and the players worked well with him, giving Alec hope that they would work just as well with _him_ when it came time for him to evaluate their injuries. He could hope, right?

Scott didn't look his thirty years of age. He barely looked older than Magnus. He had soft waves in his shoulder-length light brown hair, and his eyes were a clear blue. He had dimples in both cheeks whenever he smiled, which was quite often, that were likely responsible for him looking younger than his actual age. As a personal trainer working for a professional sports team, he also kept his body in very good shape. In other words, he was a nice looking man. Alec didn't know if he had a significant other. One had never come up in conversation, and Alec had the feeling the guy liked to play the field. Something about him screamed 'play-boy' to Alec. Maybe it was the way he was always shirtless?

Alec fell asleep for about thirty minutes, then got up and started the process of getting everything ready to go to the arena for practice. Scott and one of the equipment managers, Toby, helped him get everything sorted out and ready to go. Toby was the one who normally had to do the crap Alec was doing, and he would be taking that job back once Alec proved his right to work with the athletes. He was a cool guy, always quick with a smile or joke, and was the only black guy on the training staff. He got a kick out of making Alec do his job, just like he apparently had enjoyed making Scott do it a few years ago, but he also hovered a lot to make sure Alec didn't screw anything up. He took a lot of pride in his job and he didn't want anything going wrong because he had to leave it in the hands of a newbie.

The team practiced for about an hour and a half. For the most part, the training staff observed practice. They weren't needed much outside of setting up and tearing down the racks of balls, the goals, etc. They did assist some in warm-ups, helping the players stretch properly, applying supports to injury-prone joints, chasing down missed shots, and the like. Alec took the time to observe the players. He learned how each one moved, his mind running through potential injury scenarios and doing risk assessments based on position and the individual player's motions. For example, TJ was a big guy who ran pretty well. Magnus liked to find him for alley-oops and dunks. Alec assessed that landing wrong and twisting his ankle was a potential injury waiting to happen. That was why Hoffman, one of the trainers, taped his ankles prior to practices and games.

Alec knew he had a long way to go before he got to do anything fun like that. He thought that observing each player's movements would help him spot when someone was trying to cover up a limp or something. It could be very useful information, and he wasn't doing anything else at the moment anyway.

Magnus, as usual, had a great practice. He was one of the few people Alec had ever known that enjoyed practice as much as games. He just loved basketball so much, he didn't care what the reason was that he was playing it, just as long as he had a ball in his hand. That's what mattered to him, and it showed in the cheesy grin he gave Alec at the end of practice. His sweaty hair was plastered to his face along his temples, and he had sweat beading up all over him. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Alec had to restrain himself from licking the sweat right off his neck. He sighed internally. Thoughts like that would only get him a good teasing from the other trainers. Erections were easily spotted in his track suit uniform.

The team headed back to the hotel to get showered while the training staff stuck around to get the equipment stored back in the cargo areas underneath the bus. By the time Alec got back to the hotel, Magnus was clean and waiting outside Alec's room for him. They were given a free pass for the rest of the evening. The players didn't have a curfew, per se, but they did have a practice scheduled for eight a.m. and knew better than to show up unable to perform. They were professionals, and most athletes took that seriously, although there were a few notorious ones on other teams that liked to get their names in the tabloids from time to time for doing outrageous things. Alec wondered what happened within the organization when they ran across a 'bad boy.' He hoped he wouldn't find out.

Alec and Magnus caught a cab and headed across town to a restaurant of Cammie's choosing. She and Austin had made sure they were free, just like they'd promised to do when Alec and Magnus were in town. The cab stopped in front of a quaint little restaurant and the hostess helped them find their friends. The inside of the restaurant was dimly lit and Cammie and Austin were in a private booth in the back. They'd already ordered appetizers, which came shortly after Cammie had finally released Alec and they'd all taken their seats.

The entire evening was perfect. They sat in their booth for hours, ordering whatever struck their fancy. Cammie told their waiter he would receive an ungodly amount of money if he provided them with good service and let them sit there as long as they wanted. He'd taken that to heart, making sure they always had a fresh drink, but not making a nuisance of himself by hanging around their table too much. Alec noticed how the guy's eyes kept sliding sideways to Magnus, and wondered if he had figured out who Magnus was. Apparently, he had. At the end of the night as Cammie was paying the bill, the waiter asked Magnus for his autograph, which of course, Magnus happily obliged.

When they got back to their hotel, Magnus walked Alec to his door. There were four rooms separating them, much to Alec's displeasure. This was the part of the evening he always disliked when they were on the road. The part where he had to say goodnight to Magnus. He slipped his keycard into the slot and opened his door. A quick look around the room told him Scott wasn't back from whatever he'd chosen to do that night.

Alec grabbed Magnus's hand and pulled him into his room. The door barely had time to click shut behind him before Alec had Magnus pressed against it, kissing him hard. He remembered wanting to lick the sweat off Magnus's face, and his dick twitched to life. Magnus's hands found Alec's ass and squeezed, rubbing their growing erections together, and Alec let out a wanton moan.

He had no idea when Scott would be back, but he knew he didn't want to get caught fucking Magnus in the hotel room. He knew the score. They were in separate rooms for a reason and he didn't want to cross any lines. But…he was suddenly so horny he couldn't just let Magnus leave without something.

Magnus must have read his mind, for a second later, he'd whipped out his cock and was undoing the fly on Alec's jeans to release him as well. Magnus wrapped his big, slender hand around both of them, smashing their hard cocks together in a way that sent shivers through Alec's body. Alec reached down and wrapped his hand around the other side, his fingers overlapping Magnus's.

Their hands and hips moved in unison as their tongues and lips found each other's again. It felt so good. Not as good as fucking, but the fact that this was prohibited made it that much better. They didn't linger though, moving their hands with purpose, knowing exactly what to do to get them off. They knew each other so well, it wasn't difficult.

Alec was already nearing his climax, and he could tell Magnus was too when he broke his lips away and his head fell back against the door, his eyes rolling back and his chest heaving. So close. God he was beautiful when he was about to orgasm, the unguarded expression on his face always took Alec's breath away.

Just as they were about to explode, there was the sound of a keycard granting permission on the other side of the door. Alec tore himself away from Magnus in an instant, turning his back to the door as the lock clicked and the door swung open. He did up his fly as fast as he could without catching his throbbing cock in his zipper and willed his heart to quit racing and his flushed face to return to normal.

"Hey," Scott said casually. Too casually.

Alec closed his eyes to steady himself and turned back around. He caught sight of the tent in Magnus's shorts and knew his shirt wasn't enough to cover his own. Scott's eyes slid from Magnus's guilty-looking face to Alec's and he smiled at them.

"I…um…I'll see you tomorrow, Alec," Magnus muttered. "'Night," he added to Scott as he slipped out the door.

Alec wouldn't have minded if the floor opened up and swallowed him whole, but there wasn't anything he could do about his embarrassment at being caught. There was a pressing issue he needed to do something about, however.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said to Scott, and hastily gathered his things, including his cell phone, and went to hide in the bathroom.

"Better make it a cold one!" Scott called through the door, and Alec heard him chuckle.

_Fuck._ Oh, well. There wasn't anything he could do, and he didn't really think it would be a big deal. Scott was cool. He wasn't going to say anything to anyone about what he'd walked in on. Alec stripped and climbed into the shower, his dick still hard and begging for attention. He wrapped his hand around it as he called Magnus.

Magnus picked up on the first ring. "Hey." He sounded breathless.

"What are you doing?" Alec said, holding back a moan at hearing Magnus's sexy voice while he touched himself.

"Jerking the hell out of my cock in the shower. You?"

Alec chuckled. "Same." He let the warm water cascade over his hand, using it as lubrication. "Talk to me," he breathed. "I want to hear your voice when I come."

Magnus's moan was magnified by the confines of the shower. "Say that again and it'll be all over for me," he groaned.

"Make me come, Magnus." Alec didn't know where this was coming from. They rarely did the dirty talk thing, and had only occasionally had phone sex when Magnus was out of town. He supposed they were just so desperately horny after getting so close, their inhibitions were gone.

"That's not your hand touching your dick. It's mine. Can you feel it, Alec? Can you feel my fingers caressing you, teasing you just the way you like it? Can you feel my thumb swiping the pre-come from your slit? Or maybe I'm using my tongue…"

That did it. Alec moved his hand exactly how Magnus described, and he could feel Magnus touching him, could feel the pad of his thumb brush over his head, and then more gently, his tongue. He erupted in his hand saying, "Oh, god. Oh, fuck."

He could tell my the way Magnus was panting in his ear that he'd finished as well. He rinsed his hand under the spray and watched the white clumps sift down the drain. His breathing and heart rate returned to normal, and he finally managed to speak again.

"That was…" Well, he sort of managed to speak again.

"Yeah…" Magnus agreed.

Alec took a moment to get himself together, then said, "I should probably finish my shower before Scott figures out what I'm doing in here."

Magnus snorted. "I'd bet my salary he already knows what you're doing."

"Ugh. You're probably right." Alec leaned his head against the shower tiles. "I wish I was spending the night with you."

"Me too, babe." Magnus's voice sounded wistful. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Goodnight."

"See you in my dreams."

"God you're corny," Alec said with as much love and adoration as his voice could hold. Magnus chuckled as he hung up the phone.

Alec finished his shower as quickly as possible, still clinging to the hope that Scott didn't _know_ he'd been talking to Magnus while jerking off in the shower. He emerged in a cloud of steam wearing boxers and a pair of basketball shorts- Magnus had finally converted him to wearing them now that he was a member of the Knicks- and found Scott lying on his bed with a lazy smirk on his face.

Scott sat up when Alec flopped onto his own bed. He was tired and frustrated for having to get himself off instead of finishing with Magnus, and he wanted more than anything to snuggle up beside his boyfriend and fall asleep. Scott, however, apparently wanted to talk.

"So," Scott said with fake casualness, "you really are dating a player."

The way he said player made it sound more like he meant someone who played the field versus an actual athlete. Alec raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know I was dating Magnus?"

Scott shrugged. "I'd heard something to that effect, but I didn't know for sure. I can't believe I haven't caught you two before now."

Alec gave him a half-smile. "We're usually a lot more careful."

"Yeah." Scott turned to face Alec, folding his legs under him. Great. Alec wasn't really in the mood for a long talk, but when he asked his question, Alec couldn't help feeling intrigued. "Why?" was all he said, but he looked expectantly at Alec.

"Why am I dating Magnus?" Alec confirmed, and Scott nodded his head. "Have you seen him? Why wouldn't I be attracted to him?"

"So it's just attraction?"

"No. I'm in love with him. He's a great guy. Seriously, have you ever talked to him?"

"He's a jock. They're all cocky motherfuckers and usually don't give people like us the time of day." There was an awful lot of bitterness in that statement. Alec could sniff it a mile away.

"Magnus isn't like that. He's very down to earth." Scott scoffed at that. "He is. We met in college. We were roommates in the athletics dorm."

"Wait. You're a jock, too?"

Alec laughed. "I was a gymnast for many years, then changed to cheerleading in high school and college."

Scott's face split into a grin. "Cheerleader?" He eyed Alec appraisingly. "I don't see it."

Alec averted his eyes. "I was a lot bigger then. But there was no need to keep up those muscles when I'm not holding a girl above my head."

Scott nodded. "Alright. So you think this Magnus guy is different, huh?"

Alec's eyes flashed back to Scott's. "He is. He's a really great guy. I couldn't ask for better." Scott looked down at his hands for a moment, prompting Alec to say, "If you don't mind me asking, you seem kind of bitter toward athletes. Did something happen?"

Scott didn't look at him, just shrugged his shoulders and didn't answer for several long moments. Alec had almost given up when he said, "You could say that. When I was in college, I dated a basketball player. Let's just say he wasn't so great as your Magnus."

"I'm sorry, Scott," Alec said, and he meant it. "They aren't all that way, you know. Magnus treats me really well, better than I deserve sometimes. He's patient, and he's always been there for me, even when I pushed him away."

Scott looked up at him then. "Good. You're a great guy, too, Alec. You deserve to be treated well."

Alec smiled at him. "You'll find Mr. Right. I know you will. He's out there somewhere. Who knows, maybe he'll be an athlete?" Scott gave him a skeptical look. "Or maybe he's an accountant…?"

Scott laughed at that, and Alec felt a little lighter. He burrowed under the covers and reached to turn off the light beside his bed.

"Goodnight, Scott."

"'Night, Alec," Scott answered, very softly.


	92. Chapter 92

**A/N: Gosh, guys, all the suspicion! One bad little thing happens and now everyone thinks the worst is coming! Okay, _maybe_ I deserve that... Anyway, I'm just telling the story like it happened****, and I don't want to give away any spoilers so you'll just have to stick with me ;-)**

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As luck would have it, the team was in Miami for a showdown with the Heat right around Magnus's twenty-fifth birthday. Alec liked this idea, especially since it meant they got to enjoy seventy-five degree temperatures instead of the mid-forties they dealt with in New York at that time of year. This was even further enhanced by coming off a trip to Minneapolis to play the Timberwolves. Their flight had been delayed for the return trip due to snow, and Alec had been concerned he might actually freeze his balls off. Okay, that's not true. _He _knew how to dress for cold weather. Magnus, on the other hand…

The season was progressing well. Magnus had so far shown himself plenty capable of leading his team to victory. The Knicks were suffering from a long drought in regards to winning seasons. They'd had a few bright spots here and there, where they actually made the Playoffs, but overall had been disappointing for many, many years. Magnus's charisma and dynamic style of play injected life into the ailing program. The team responded well to him, trusting him to make the right choices and give them the best chance to make a good play. The fans were rallying around the team and enthusiasm for the program was increasing daily. Magnus's face appeared on sports radio shows and in the sports column of local and national newspapers on a regular basis.

Being in Miami gave Alec an idea. He arranged for them to meet Tony for dinner, and was waiting in the hall for Magnus to get showered and ready to go when his roommate, Scott, appeared.

"Hey, Alec. What's up?" Scott bounced over to where Alec stood, a smile splitting his face.

"Nothing much. Just getting ready to meet an old friend for dinner." A thought occurred to him, and he said, "We're meeting at a gay club, maybe doing some dancing later. Want to come?"

Scott's face brightened momentarily, but before he could answer, Magnus appeared. Alec caught him sauntering over to them from the corner of his eye, and couldn't help grinning when Magnus leaned over and kissed his cheek. Magnus usually refrained from PDA around the team- things were going so well he didn't want to press the issue. But given that Scott was gay, too, and therefore shouldn't be uncomfortable with two men showing a little affection, he often did little things like kissing Alec's cheek or holding his hand or slipping his arm around his shoulders in Scott's presence.

"Hey, Scott," Magnus said.

Scott jerked his chin at Magnus in greeting. "Well? Are you coming? It's Magnus' birthday? " Alec asked again, since he hadn't gotten an answer the first time.

Scott shook his head, tossing his light brown hair from side to side. "Nah. You guys go ahead. Happy birthday, Magnus," he said. He turned and took off hastily down the hallway. Alec's brows furrowed as he watched him go. He'd been sure Scott was interested in going out with them tonight.

When he turned back to Magnus, his boyfriend had an eyebrow raised and was studying Alec. "You two getting along okay?"

Alec glanced back down the hall, but Scott had already disappeared to wherever he was going. He shrugged off the weird feeling and took Magnus's hand. "Yeah. Far as I know everything is fine. Come on. Tony's waiting!"

He felt an inexplicable excitement at seeing Tony again. They'd kind of kept in touch over the years, texting or emailing from time to time when something reminded one of the other. He hadn't talked to him at all last year, of course, not during his self-imposed exile from everyone in his life. And he hadn't seen Tony except for the month he and Magnus spent in Miami more than three years ago.

They quickly found a cab at the front of the hotel and ended up at one of the clubs they'd gone to during that vacation. It was a strange place that kind of did the sit-down-dinner thing during the week at times when people normally at dinner, then they cleared out space for a dance floor later in the evening so their patrons didn't have to go elsewhere for entertainment. Alec hadn't seen anything like it before, but he'd only been nineteen and had limited experience with bars and clubs. Now that he was the ripe old age of twenty-three, he still had never seen another place like it.

They spotted Tony almost immediately upon arrival. He was standing outside snuffing out a cigarette as they neared the door. Alec gave him a look. "Nasty fucking habit," Tony said, and Alec's insides melted a little. He had forgotten how much he'd liked Tony when they met, and hearing his voice brought it all back.

"When did you start smoking?" Alec asked as he grabbed Tony's hand and pulled him in for a backslap hug.

"Couple years ago," Tony replied vaguely, thumping Alec on the back.

"Well, you stink," Alec teased as he pulled away.

Tony chuckled. "Yeah. Probably why I'm still single," he said as he shook hands and hugged Magnus, too.

"Single?" Alec said, trying to remember back to the month they'd spent in Miami and who all he'd met then. "Didn't you have a boyfriend when we met?"

Tony looked thoughtful. "Hmm, when was that? 2016?"

Alec laughed. "No, I think it was 2015."

"Oh, right. I've had a few since then. That probably would've been…Chad? No, Mark. You're thinking of Mark the Playboy."

"Yeah, that sounds right. Mark the Playboy," Alec agreed.

"I think that guy hit on me," Magnus added with a far-off look in this eye.

Alec and Tony laughed. "Bet your ass he did," Tony said. He tossed his arm in the general area of Magnus's shoulders- he wasn't tall enough to actually get there. "You and everybody else with a dick. Come on. I'm starving," he added as he led them into the club.

The hostess sat them at a table and handed them menus. Alec browsed his menu and settled on a seafood sampler platter, knowing the best place to eat seafood is in a coastal city. They all ordered beers after Tony reminded them of the excellent locally-brewed selection this particular place had. When the waiter returned with their drinks, Tony got a funny look on his face, like he was remembering something.

"You weren't old enough to drink when we met, were you?"

Alec shook his head, chuckling. "Nope. I was the baby of the group."

Tony smirked at that. "Welcome to adulthood. I had my thirtieth birthday this year. Guess I'm officially old."

Alec eyed him. He may be thirty, but he was still gorgeous. His body was still as solid as any twenty-year-old's. "You look great," he said, taking a swig of his beer. He savored the taste of the microbrew on his tongue. They'd been drinking wine so much lately, he'd nearly forgotten how much he loved beer. "Age is just a number, anyway."

"Yeah," Tony said, but Alec wasn't sure if that was sarcasm or if he was actually agreeing. "So, what have you two been up to?"

"You mean besides basketball?" Magnus said.

Tony shrugged. "I saw you got traded to the Knicks this season."

"I did," Magnus agreed. "Best thing that ever happened to me."

"Yeah? Inner turmoil with the Nets?"

The conversation continued on like that for awhile, Magnus telling Tony all about working for the Knicks compared to the Nets. Alec drifted in and out of the conversation. He was lost in his own thoughts, trying to decide how much, if anything, he wanted to tell Tony about his ordeal last year. On one hand, he really liked Tony, and even though they didn't talk regularly, Tony had introduced him to parts of gay culture no one had ever told him about. He trusted Tony, and thought of him as a friend. On the other hand, though, they were just in Miami for the one night, and hadn't seen him for three years. And talking about his rape would certainly plummet the atmosphere somewhere he didn't really want it to go.

He suddenly felt annoyed with himself. He'd come so far to put the past behind him, yet here he was with a friend he rarely got to see trying to decide if he should dredge up the worst time of his life and put it on display? Why? What would that accomplish?

_Nothing, _he told himself. _It would accomplish nothing at all._ He'd put it behind him, had even figured out how to put his nightmares to rest. Was thinking about it right now proof that maybe he hadn't completely put it to rest, that it still haunted him and was still on his mind when people asked what he'd been doing?

_Even if that is true, it doesn't mean you have to give in to those thoughts,_ he told himself firmly. _Thinking about it and talking about it are two different things._ He hadn't mentioned the rape to Magnus for a month or more. He thought that was proof he was getting over it. He didn't feel threatened anymore, didn't let it affect him like it used to. He barely even got anxious when Magnus was on top of him in bed now.

But was he truly getting over it? Or was he just choosing to ignore it? Was there a difference and if so, did that difference mean anything?

He shook his head in aggravation. He focused back on Magnus and Tony's conversation and wondered what he'd missed. Usually someone caught him daydreaming, but they were still engrossed in talking hoops and probably forgot he was even there.

"Starting point guard for the Knicks. Doesn't get much sweeter than that," Tony said, sounding like he was agreeing with whatever Magnus had said. Magnus beamed at Tony's statement, as he should. He'd climbed to the top of his career ladder as a player.

"Yeah, now if I can just get us into the Playoffs and maybe win something," Magnus said.

"You will, Magnus," Alec chimed in, and the others turned to him with identical surprised looks on their faces. Evidently they _had_ forgotten he was there. Alec pressed on. "I know you will. You are too good not to lead the team to the Playoffs."

"I agree," said Tony. "Even the veterans are playing better under your direction. You guys are on point to get there this year."

Magnus grinned. "I really hope so. I've dreamed of that my whole life. I know we won't make it far this year. We still have too many missing pieces and need more time playing together to win our division. I'd be happy just making the Playoffs this year. We can reach for the sky next year." He winked at Alec when he said that, and Alec inexplicably blushed.

"Well, I'll be watching from Miami and cheering you on," Tony said, and raised his beer to Magnus. They clinked the necks of their bottles together in some show of solidarity or something. Alec grinned. It was fun to have a basketball friend outside of the team, someone he and Magnus could talk to and who understood the love of the game.

Magnus excused himself with the pretense of needing to break the seal on his bladder. He offered to get them all a refill on his way back to the table, and they agreed appreciatively. As soon as he was out of sight, Tony said, "So, how's everything going for you?"

Alec, who'd been watching Magnus walk away, turned back to Tony and said, "Amazing. I never in my life thought I'd actually be lucky enough to be in the position I'm in right now."

Tony's eyebrow went up curiously. "I'm gonna need details."

Alec chuckled. "Well, you know how much I love the Knicks, right?" Tony nodded. Alec was surprised he'd remember something like that about him. "I'm working for the Knicks. Magnus is on the same team. My coworkers are fantastic and Magnus has bonded well with his teammates. I have amazing friends, even if I don't get to see them as often as I'd like…"

"And?" Tony said, sniffing out something missing from what Alec said.

"And Magnus," Alec said. "He's the best thing that ever happened to me. We bought a townhouse near the training facility and have been living together for several months. I…don't think I've ever been this happy."

"No problems working together?" Tony asked, touching a nerve.

Alec grimaced. "Not so far, but I haven't really been working with the players yet." He dropped his voice conspiratorially, leaned close to Tony and made his confession. "I'm still so worried it's all going to fall apart once I start actually doing the job I was hired to do."

"You think Magnus will be a problem, or the other guys on the team?"

"I don't _think_ anyone will be a problem, but I'm worried that someone will. Does that make any sense? I mean, they're all good guys, and they seem to listen to the trainers and trust their judgment, but will they trust me?"

"Because you're new?" Alec nodded. Tony shrugged. "I guess that's just part of the job, right? I mean, it's something everyone has to go through when they first start a new career. I wouldn't worry about it too much, though, Alec. I doubt they'll let you make decisions by yourself until they know you know what you're talking about. That would be foolish and reckless on their part, wouldn't it?"

Alec thought about that, and decided what Tony said made sense. He'd pretty much been told that by Mr. Ketchum when he'd signed his contract, but that still didn't alleviate his concerns. Unfortunately, only time would help on that front. Time and experience.

"Why the serious faces?" Magnus said as he rejoined them. He set beer bottles in front of each of them, catching Alec's eye as he leaned close. Alec could see the concern in his boyfriend's eyes, and he smiled to let him know he was okay.

"Just talking about my future with the Knicks," Alec said as lightly as he could. Magnus gave an understanding nod of his head and took a long pull on his beer.

"I keep telling him not to worry," Magnus said to Tony. Alec caught the look the two exchanged, one that said they both thought the same thing.

"You know, I think I need some cheese fries," Alec said, trying to get the heat off him. He flagged down a waiter, a cute little thing with spiky blonde hair, painted on jeans and a skin-tight shirt that left nothing to the imagination. He wore an apron that hid the bulge in the front of his pants, and Alec wasn't sure if he liked that or was disappointed. He quickly placed his order, watching the guy swing his hips side to side as he walked away. When he returned to the conversation, it was back on basketball. Shocking, but at least they weren't talking about him anymore.

Magnus was telling Tony about a new play he'd drawn up with his coaches, one that ended with TJ making a baseline cut to the basket for a dunk. Tony was intrigued, and not just by the play.

"Wait, let me get this straight. The New York Knicks coaching staff is drawing up plays with you, their new point guard?" Tony said, and the disbelief was clear in his voice.

Magnus nodded. "Yeah. Well, I mentioned it to them. TJ is crazy athletic. We could be using him so much more effectively if we designed more plays for him. The coaches agreed."

"Why weren't they using him more before you came along?"

Magnus snorted. "Because their point guard wasn't good enough to run the play. Or he didn't want to. I don't know. What I do know is that Welcher was perfectly happy to just bring the ball up the court and pass it to Jasper and let him create his own shot."

Antoine Jasper was the one superstar that played for the Knicks. He was a four-time All-Star and played on Team USA in the 2012 and 2016 Olympics. He was a great shooter, could hit from anywhere on the floor, and could create his own shot with ease. But basketball was a team sport, and relying on one person to do the majority of the scoring was why the Knicks hadn't been to the Playoffs in many years.

"So he's too lazy to try to get the other guys involved," Tony deduced automatically.

"Basically," Magnus agreed. "Fine by me if it means I get more minutes," he added with a grin.

"I bet the coaching staff is loving you, then."

Magnus shrugged. "You could say that. They know I want to win and want it to be a team win. I'm not in it for my own glory, I just want my team to do well, and I want a chance to win it all. I think we can if we can get the right pieces in place and everyone has the mindset to do it."

"I wouldn't bet against you," Tony said, and Magnus smiled demurely at him.

By that time, Alec had already eaten his cheese fries, the gooey goodness restoring his mood. He turned to Magnus. "Dance with me?" he said and gave him his best puppy-dog pleading face. Magnus chuckled and nodded, offering Alec his hand.

They spent an hour or so dancing, Tony joining them for a group dance with a couple of ladies and two people with flaming red hair and such outrageous outfits Alec wasn't sure if they were male or female. Eventually, they had to call it a night so they would be fresh for morning shoot-around. They said goodbye to Tony with promises to see him at the end of January when they'd be back to play the Heat again. Tony also mentioned meeting them in Orlando when they played the Magic, if time permitted. Alec was really starting to like this traveling-with-the-team thing, especially if it meant he got to see his friends more often.

Magnus walked Alec to his hotel room door like the gentleman he was. Alec leaned against the wall beside the door, looking up into Magnus's eyes. He was standing close, but they'd already decided not to chance Scott catching them again, so they'd say goodnight in the hall instead. Magnus looked left, then right. The hallway was empty.

He leaned in, sliding his hand up to cup Alec's cheek, his long fingers reaching the nape of Alec's neck. Alec's eyes slid closed as Magnus's lips pressed against his. His arms wound around Magnus's neck of their own accord, and he was lost in the kiss. They were no longer standing in the hallway of some Miami hotel, they were floating somewhere in their own little universe, a place where nothing mattered but them, being together, kissing, loving each other.

The ding of the elevator brought them crashing back to earth. They pulled apart as Toby, the equipment manager, stepped off the elevator. He gave Alec a wink as he passed by, and nodded his head at Magnus. Alec, flushed from the kiss as much as at being caught again, gave Magnus a chaste kiss and said goodnight before slipping into his room.

He'd showered off the bar smell and was lounging on his bed when he heard the keycard in the door and the lock disengage. Scott stumbled into the room, nearly losing his balance and falling down. He caught himself on the edge of his bed and dragged himself on top of it. He was face down with his feet hanging off the edge of the bed. He kicked his shoes off and they landed on the floor with a loud thump-thump.

Alec's eyebrows rose as he watched this display. He'd seen Scott come back buzzed, but never like this. "Scott?" he said tentatively. Scott made some kind of noise that was muffled by the bedcovers and Alec took it as a sign he was coherent, at least. "Are you alright, man?"

Scott rolled over onto his back and put his hands over his eyes, like the one lamp in the room made it too bright or something. "Jose Cuervo is the devil," Scott muttered, and Alec chuckled.

"Yes he is," he agreed. "You should come over some time and we'll drink top shelf tequila." Scott gave him a strange look. "Why'd you drink so much, anyway?"

"Self-medicating?" Scott said, but it sounded more like a question.

"Why are you self-medicating? Something wrong?"

Scott sat up suddenly, then looked like that was a terrible idea. He put his head in his hands to steady himself and didn't answer.

After what seemed like forever, Alec said, "Why didn't you come out with Magnus and me tonight?"

Scott groaned. Alec moved back in case that groan was a precursor to something gross. But no, apparently it was a groan of some other kind. He slowly shook his head, looking like he was undergoing a mighty internal struggle. Alec hoped he wasn't fighting to keep his dinner down. He didn't answer that question either.

"I'm gonna be alone forever. You know that?" he slurred. "All the good guys are taken."

Alec bit his lip to keep from smiling. "That's not true. You just haven't found the right one yet."

Scott continued like he hadn't heard Alec. "The only ones left are jerks. They jus' wanna fuck me, then fuck me over." He giggled like what he said was hilarious. When the giggles died, he said more seriously, "Is there something wrong with me, Alec? Why can't I find someone? Everybody's jus' lookin' to get laid. Nobody wants a relationship anymore."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Scott. You're a great guy. Anyone who can't see that is a fool." Alec wondered if Scott could even understand what he was saying. He was really drunk.

"You're a great guy, too, Alec. Really great. Like, the best. Why can't I find someone like you? You were the last good single guy…"

Scott slumped over and Alec shot up out of bed, alarmed. He maneuvered Scott so he could get him under his covers. He debated taking his jeans off, wondering if that was crossing some kind of line. In the end, he decided he wouldn't want to sleep in his jeans, so he stripped them off and laid them over a chair. Then he covered Scott with his blankets, tucking him in. Scott never stirred. He was passed out cold. Alec rolled him onto his side so if he did vomit he wouldn't choke on it.

Alec went to the bathroom and got the trash can. He sat it beside Scott's bed in case he woke up in the middle of the night and needed to throw up. Then he sat on the edge of his bed, watching Scott sleep. His mouth was hanging open a little and Alec could smell the tequila on his breath from where he sat. He shook his head.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" he said softly. He knew Scott was going to regret this decision in the morning when he had a hangover and had to listen to basketballs bouncing off the polished wood floor and sneakers squeaking as the players ran. Those sounds would be a million times louder with a hangover.

Alec had a restless night, worrying about Scott being too drunk to help himself if he got into trouble. Every move he made woke Alec up and he'd check on him. All of it was for nothing since Scott did not throw up, and he at least managed to sleep soundly all night long.

In the morning, however, Scott was a strung-out mess. His face was pale, his brows scrunched up in pain. He didn't ask about his pants, and Alec didn't know if he didn't remember that he'd passed out with them on, or if he just didn't want to talk about it. He accepted Alec's offer of ibuprofen and Gatorade, but he didn't drink as much fluid as he needed to for his dehydration, no matter how many times Alec said he needed to drink more.

Scott got in the shower and stayed there for a very long time. Eventually, Alec knocked on the door. "Are you okay in there?" he shouted.

"Still trying to drown myself, but it's not working…" Scott called back. Alec could almost picture the wince when his voice echoed off the shower tiles.

"Fifteen minutes til the bus pulls out," Alec said. Scott didn't answer, but the shower shut off and a minute later Scott eased himself onto his bed, still looking like shit but at least he now had some color to his face.

"You're an idiot," Alec said, half teasing, half reprimand.

"I know. What the fuck was I thinking?" Scott covered his eyes with his arm, looking about as miserable as Alec had ever seen him.

"Apparently, you threw a pity-party because you are single and didn't invite anyone to join," Alec supplied, chipper enough to earn a quelling look from Scott.

Then Scott's expression changed. "I didn't say anything…stupid…did I?"

"No," Alec said and there was relief on Scott's face. "But we do need to find you a man."

"Tell me something I don't know," Scott said. With an effort, he pried himself off the bed and got dressed. Alec watched him. His movements were a little stiff, but not as bad as before. Hopefully, the pain reliever was kicking in.

They made it to the bus just in time. Alec was thankful it was already loaded, so he wouldn't get in trouble. He covered for Scott as much as he could during practice, then they had most of the afternoon to get him feeling better before game time. It all worked out in the end, but Alec decided then and there not to ever drink that much the night before a game. It just wasn't worth it.


	93. Chapter 93

The Knicks had a game on Christmas Day. Alec felt terrible about missing Christmas dinner with his family, so they changed dinner to Christmas Eve instead. After the festivities, Jace took off to spend the night at his girlfriend's house and Isabelle went to sleep, still dealing with jetlag from her flight from Paris and the time difference. The rest of the family had plans for Christmas Day, so Magnus and Alec invited Alec's little brother, Max, to spend the night at their townhouse and go to the game with them. Max was over the moon excited about this idea. So excited, in fact, he had trouble getting to sleep that night.

The next morning, Max was up at the crack of dawn, ready to hang out at the Knicks training facility. As a result, Magnus and Alec went in a little earlier than planned, which was saying something since Alec already had to go in earlier than everyone else.

They spent a little time showing Max around the facility, the locker rooms, weight room, practice court. His eyes were so big they looked like they might pop out of his head. And the smile on his face was one Alec would remember for the rest of his life. Max had always looked up to him, being his cool big brother and all, but this was an experience the kid would never forget and Alec was the one to give it to him. He felt a surge of emotion at that thought.

Magnus, as usual, was the epitome of cool as he showed off a little for Max. Max was the artsy type, never really one to play sports, but like the rest of the Lightwoods, he'd learned to love watching basketball. Magnus let Max direct him around the court, taking shot after shot from wherever Max wanted him to be. He made most of them, of course, so the challenge became Max trying to find a place that Magnus couldn't hit. The problem was that Magnus could hit any shot anywhere if he wasn't being guarded, if he actually had the luxury of time to shoot.

When Magnus hit a three-quarter court shot, Max's chin dropped open. He couldn't believe it. Magnus chuckled and ruffled the kid's hair. "We practice those, you know?" he said.

"You do?" Max said, in awe.

"Of course. Everyone wants to hit the Hail Mary game-winner!" Max shrugged, like he hadn't thought of that. "We practice all kinds of situational plays: last-second shots, half-court shots, scoring off an inbounds pass. You never know when one of those plays might win you the game."

Max nodded enthusiastically. "That makes sense. Can you do some of those?"

Magnus chuckled. "We probably will later when the team gets here. We're playing the Cleveland Cavaliers. With any luck, it'll go down to the wire and we'll actually have a chance at winning the game."

"Of course you have a chance," Max said, looking at him like he was being silly. "You're the best player in the world!"

Magnus ruffled Max's hair again. "Thanks, Max. I'm not the best, but I'm trying to be."

Max looked liked Magnus had said something stupid. Magnus glanced up at Alec, whose face resembled his brother's and grinned at him. Magnus had seen that same look on Alec's face many times, and he clearly thought it funny that Max could make it, too.

The team filed in as Alec finished setting things up for practice. The plan on game days was usually to get the guys loosened up by shooting a bunch of shots, then they'd do some minor scrimmaging, and then, like Magnus said, practice some situational plays specific to what they expected to see in the upcoming game. For instance, the Cavs had some really great players that were capable of doing unearthly things. Each man had to know what players needed to be double-teamed so they could do that whenever that man got the ball. They also had to know which players weren't great shooters, to know who could leave their man to help with the double-team without it resulting in automatic points for the other team. Plus, the Cavs like to dunk. They had one of the best players in basketball history on their team, and containing him would be a challenge.

Alec and Max sat in chairs on the sidelines watching practice progress. Scott rolled in a few minutes after practice started and Alec introduced him to his brother. Max politely said hello but quickly turned his attention back to the practice. That was what he was interested in, not meeting Alec's friends.

"Cute kid," Scott said, taking a seat beside Alec. "He looks just like you."

"Yeah. He does," Alec agreed.

"Is this is Christmas present? Hanging out with big bro and watching a Knicks practice?"

Alec chuckled. "Something like that. He's coming to the game tonight, too."

"You're his hero, aren't you?"

Alec shrugged. "Actually, I think Magnus is. I used to be, but how can I compete with…_that_?" He said the last bit as Magnus made a perfect pass for an alley-oop with TJ. Beside him, Max started to clap his hands, but quit pretty fast when he remembered they were only practicing. Still, the awed look on his face told everyone exactly how the kid felt.

Scott made a gesture of agreement and they settled in to watch practice progress. About midway through, coach split the team into groups. There were four goals on the practice court, so each of the assistant coaches took a small group to one basket and ran specific drills for them. This was the point when the training staff got to assist the coaches. Alec went to a group of four guys working on blocking out to prevent the other team from getting rebounds. Alec's job was to securely fasten a lid on the goal, preventing the ball from going through the hoop, therefore creating a missed shot needing to be rebounded. He was also the shooter.

Alec launched shot after shot, watching as the guys wrestled to keep the other guys from getting the ball. This, of course, had to be done without creating a foul, or else the other team would get the ball anyway. He enjoyed every second of watching these incredible athletes work hard to improve their game. He was so engrossed in what his group was doing, he almost missed Mr. Knightly calling his name.

"Lightwood," Knightly barked.

Alec jerked his head sharply in the direction of the command. He saw Mr. Knightly on the sidelines motioning him over. Alec jogged over without hesitation. Beside Knightly was Welcher, the former starting point guard, and he was holding his left knee, a grimace of pain on his face.

Alec's eyes darted to Knightly in question. _What happened? _was the main question he wanted answered, but also _What do you want me to do?_

"Examine him," Knightly said gruffly.

Alec's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting to be ordered to examine a player this season. He'd thought for sure he would have to be on the staff at least a year or two before they'd let him do anything. He jumped at the impatient look on Knightly's face, kicking his ass into gear and squatting down in front of Welcher.

For his part, Welcher looked uncomfortable letting Alec touch him. Alec thought his discomfort was more likely due to him dating Welcher's replacement than anything else. He doubted the guy trusted his opinion at all, especially if Alec's assessment meant Welcher couldn't play. He was currently only playing a handful of minutes each game, whenever Magnus needed a breather. He probably didn't want any excuse not to play.

"What happened?" he finally voiced. History was an important part of any examination.

"I think I twisted my knee going after the ball," Welcher said, sounding miserable.

Alec nodded and started his exam. Even though the pain was in Welcher's knee, Alec started his exam at his foot. He'd been taught to examine the entire leg to make sure he didn't miss anything. Sometimes knee pain originated in the ankle or hip pain stemmed from the knee, or there may be more than one injury that wouldn't be noticed if a thorough examination wasn't performed.

During the exam, Alec ran his training through his mind. He'd been studying his textbooks almost daily, and practicing his techniques on Magnus. His boyfriend got leg, back, and shoulder massages every day, keeping him limber and pain-free. But doing those procedures on Magnus in the privacy of their home was completely different from doing them on an injured player in front of his boss. Alec was thankful he was required to wear exam gloves as part of his personal protection equipment. Hopefully, Welcher wasn't able to feel his clammy palms through the latex, and if he noticed the slight tremor in Alec's hands, he didn't say.

Alec put the limb through a series of flexes and extensions, moving each joint in various directions and palpating every muscle, tendon, and ligament. He found no evidence of pain, swelling, or laxity in Welcher's foot or ankle. His Achilles tendon appeared to be intact. He had no pain, swelling, or knots in the muscles of his leg. His hip appeared normal. The only abnormality Alec found was the medial ligament of his knee was slightly swollen and painful to touch. Welcher winced when Alec ran his fingers along the ligament.

"Well?" demanded Knightly.

Alec tried to speak, but there was a lump in his throat. He was so nervous. He'd never been that way in school, but then, he'd been lucky enough to work with very patient, understanding people. He didn't know what Knightly expected of him. What if he got it wrong? Would he ruin his chances of getting to work with the players again? Would they leave him a permanent ball-boy?

He cleared his throat, and looked up at Knightly's impatient features. "I-I think he sprained his medial ligament." Alec shuddered internally at how his voice lilted up as if in question.

"You think? You don't sound confident." Knightly grunted.

Alec's eyes flicked to Welcher. Why couldn't it have been someone he was on more friendly terms with, someone who might actually give him an encouraging nod or a smile or something? No, he gets the stony-faced guy who seems to wish he were doing anything other than this.

Alec took a deep, calming breath. His mind cleared. He knew what he had found. He knew what he was talking about. He looked back at Knightly, and in a clear, confident voice said, "Welcher has a minor sprain of his medial ligament."

Knightly's expression gave nothing whatsoever away. "What is your recommendation?" he said sharply.

Alec ran his options through his mind. The treatment for this type of injury was rest, ice, anti-inflammatories. That's what would happen with anyone else. But Welcher wasn't anyone else. He was a professional athlete. They were expected to play through pain if possible. He weighed the risks of letting Welcher play.

He looked Welcher in the eye. "Are you able to bear weight?" he asked.

Welcher got to his feet. He gingerly put pressure on his leg, and found that he could stand. He took a few tentative steps, limping a little, then sat back down in his chair.

Alec looked at Knightly. "I think he could play, if we tape it up or he wears a brace. Ice it now and whenever he's on the bench, and get him some anti-inflammotories. It'll be sore, but I think he can do it if we need him to."

"You don't want an MRI?" Knightly said, one eyebrow raising.

Alec's heart sank. MRI. Shit. He should've thought about that. He should've suggested it as a way to make sure there wasn't anything worse than just a sprain. Fuck fuck fuck.

But wait. Was an MRI necessary to diagnose this minor sprain? Was it worth the thousands of dollars it would cost to have Welcher put through the machine? It was a minor sprain. He didn't suspect anything worse based on his exam findings. Was that enough though?

Alec shook his head. "I don't think it's necessary for this. The problem seems clear cut, as does the treatment."

Alec was rewarded with a rare smile from Mr. Curtis Knightly. Well, a sort of smile. One corner of his mouth raised ever so slightly, but it was enough to make Alec's heart soar!

"That's my assessment, too," Knightly said, and Alec broke into a true smile. "Nice work."

With that, Knightly retreated to Coach Hollings' side, presumably to explain the plan. Alec's shoulders sagged with relief. He'd passed his first challenge! He'd said exactly what Knightly wanted him to say, recommend exactly what Knightly would've said. No matter how gruff and difficult the man could be, Alec found he desperately wanted to make a good impression on the man. After that little bit of praise, which for Knightly was practically gushing, Alec craved to hear it again. He truly admired and respected that man, and wanted to please him.

When practice ended, Magnus and the rest of the team hit the showers. Scott stuck around to help Alec tear everything down and get it all cleaned up. He had a stupid, lopsided grin on his face and his eyes twinkled.

"So…"

"So, what?" Alec said, loading the basketballs onto the rack they could wheel into the storage room.

"So, Knightly was impressed with you."

Alec paused, his eyes flashing up to Scott's. "Really? What did you hear?"

Scott shrugged nonchalantly, but Alec could tell it was fake. "Toby said Knightly told Coach you said Welcher could play if we needed him."

Alec sorted through that twisted statement. It didn't strike him as a big deal at first. Everything Knightly said was true. But then he realized that Knightly had given _him_ credit!

"Oh, shit! He really said that?" Alec said, bursting with pride and happiness.

Scott nodded. "He did."

Magnus returned, hair damp from his shower with a towel around his neck. He saw the two guys talking excitedly and asked Alec what was going on.

"Knightly let me evaluated Welcher's injury," Alec babbled. "He said 'nice work' to me and then told Coach _I'd_ said Welcher could play!"

Magnus hugged him, congratulating him and telling him how proud he was of him. Alec felt like he was on top of the world! He was so damn happy!

"We should celebrate this!" Magnus said.

Alec gave him a reality check. "We have a game tonight. And it's Christmas."

"It's Christmas in New York City," Magnus reminded him, meaning there would be plenty of options for going out after the game, even on a holiday.

Alec heard a noise behind him and turned to see what it was. Max was getting antsy sitting in his chair waiting for them to leave. "And we have my brother."

"Right," Magnus said, crestfallen. "Okay, another day?"

"We have a game on Thursday and Saturday, then we don't play again until New Year's Day on Tuesday. Maybe Sunday or Monday?" Alec suggested.

"New Year's Eve? Hell yeah!" Magnus said. He looked meaningfully at Scott. "You're coming with us."

"What?" Scott said. Alec had the impression he wasn't fully listening.

"I said, we're going out on New Year's Eve, a trip to the city, and you are coming with us," Magnus reiterated.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Scott said.

"Why not?" said Alec. He thought it was a great idea.

Scott shrugged. "I already have plans anyway. But you should definitely celebrate. Getting praise from Knightly is quite an accomplishment."

After that, Scott left. Alec made sure everything was packed and ready to go for the drive to Manhattan later that day. Then, he and Magnus and Max went out for lunch. Max chattered on from the back seat of Magnus's blue sports car, engaging Magnus in conversation about practice and all the great things Magnus would do in the game that evening.

This gave Alec time to let his mind wander. He was so thrilled about how things had gone today in practice. He'd gotten a chance to show he knew what he was doing, and he'd impressed his boss. There was no greater feeling with regards to his career than being given a test and passing it with flying colors. He was one step closer to becoming an actual trainer for the Knicks, to being entrusted to care for the players. This was so great.

He had no illusions that this meant he was done being the ball-boy. He knew he still had a lot to prove. He'd been given a fairly minor injury to assess. He still had to deal with the major stuff before they'd give him any real responsibility. But this was a great start. Like getting his foot in the door. It was a huge hurdle, and he'd cleared it.

The only thing bothering him was Scott. He and Magnus had invited him out several times now, and he always said no. Alec didn't understand why. He knew Scott was lonely. He was from Ohio, and he didn't have many friends in New York. He wasn't dating anyone either. As far as Alec knew, he lived alone. So why did he continuously shun their invitations?

Was it Magnus? Did he really still think all jocks were jerks? Surely not. He'd talked to Magnus many times now. No one could get to know Magnus and not love him.

Wait, was that the problem? Did Scott like Magnus? Or worse, did he love him? Oh, shit. He hoped that wasn't the problem. But even as he thought it, it didn't ring true to him. He'd never given Alec any indication that he had feelings for Magnus. He was a nice guy and friendly with all the players, but Alec didn't think he was attracted to any of them. Maybe that player that had hurt him years ago had done a thorough enough job on him. Maybe he really just didn't want to associate with athletes outside of work. Alec could sympathize with that. They were together so much at work, maybe he just wanted his personal time to be void of coworkers.

Yes, that must be it. Alec convinced himself that was the case as they pulled into Magnus's parking space. He'd been so absorbed in his thoughts, he'd missed the entire ride home.

Alec, Magnus, and Max enjoyed a leisurely afternoon waiting for game time. They left the house about three hours prior to the game and drove to Madison Square Garden. They could take the bus if they wanted; many of the players and staff did. But they'd decided to drive themselves since they had Max with them. They didn't think he would be allowed on the team bus. They'd already made special arrangements for him to attend practice and Mr. Knightly, Mr. Ketchum, and Coach Hollings had agreed he could sit with Alec during the game. They didn't want to press the issue with asking for him to ride the bus as well.

Magnus went off to the locker rooms to meet up with the team when they arrived at MSG. Max followed Alec to the bus to unload the equipment. It was freezing cold outside, and Alec was thankful the bus was parked inside. Just the walk from Magnus's car to the building was enough to freeze his nose and fingers and make his lungs hurt.

Alec set up each locker with the player's uniform so they could get dressed as soon as their meeting adjourned. Then, Scott and Toby joined Alec setting up the balls and carts at the visitor's end of the court so the team could have a warm-up practice prior to game time. Max sat on the visiting team's bench watching in awe. Alec felt a little thrill that his baby brother was so excited about all this. He suddenly realized how exciting his life was to other people. When you're living it, it doesn't always feel exciting. It can feel exhausting and monotonous just like any other job. He resolved to remember that look on Max's face if ever he found himself unenthused by his life.

The game was a never-ending series of outstanding plays. The Cavaliers were one of the most dynamic teams in the league with one of the best players in NBA history and a good supporting cast for him. The Knicks had a home-court advantage, and were starting to gel. It was a nail-biter from beginning to end.

Max sat between Alec and Scott in the row behind the players. Watching him was almost as fun as watching the game. He spent more time on his feet than sitting down. He leapt up, punched the air, screamed, clapped, cheered. Alec thought he likely wouldn't have a voice left by the end of the game. The glee on his small features, ones that resembled Alec's very strongly, made Alec so happy. He was really glad they'd decided to bring Max along.

The Knicks played a really good game. Their game plan was spot-on, and the team executed it to the best of its ability. Unfortunately, they were overpowered by the well-oiled machine that was the Cavaliers. The Knicks were down by five in the last minute, and Coach Hollings decided to start fouling, hoping to give his team a chance to win. The Cavs hit all their free throws, though, so the strategy didn't work. In the end, the Knicks lost by twelve.

It was a hard fought game, but it was also one the Knicks were expected to lose. That took the sting out of losing just a little bit. It also proved that Magnus was right; the Knicks still needed more time and experience, and maybe a few additional players, if they really wanted to compete at the highest level. They did their best, but fell short of winning.

Magnus was quiet after the post-game meeting. He hated losing, and always took it hard. He was the point guard, and much of the team's failures, and successes, fell on his shoulders. His and Coach Hollings. The other players were accountable, of course, but it was essentially his team, so he felt responsible.

Alec had tried to cheer him up after losses before, reminding him that he'd only been part of this team for a few months. He was still getting to know his teammates and how they played. He was still learning his coach and the plays and what was expected of him. As he'd said before, time and experience of playing together is what they needed most. But Alec's pep talks never really comforted him, even though he knew what Alec said was true.

This night, however, was a different story. They had Max with them for the ride back home. Even a loss couldn't dampen the spirits of the eleven-year-old boy. He chattered on and on, complimenting everything Magnus had done in the game, until Magnus couldn't resist a smile any longer. Just a few minutes into the drive, Max had Magnus enthusiastically talking about the game and this play and that play. Alec sat back and absorbed it all, happy to see Magnus's gloomy mood disappear. Who knew an excited kid was all Magnus needed to make him feel better?

Max fell asleep early that night. Between the energy he expended during the practice and game, and the lack of sleep he got the night before, he was worn out. Alec and Magnus both tucked him in and made sure he was settled before going to their own bedroom across the hall.

Alec shut the door behind him with a relieved sigh. "What?" Magnus said, watching him from across the room.

Alec shook his head. "I'd forgotten how exhausting kids were. In a good way," he added hastily.

Magnus seemed to know what he meant. He beckoned Alec by crooking his index finger, and Alec met him at the foot of their bed. They'd stayed up late last night entertaining Max, and by the time they'd gone to bed, were too tired to fool around. They were tired tonight, too, but they weren't skipping making love two nights in a row.

Magnus's arms encircled Alec's waist as their lips met. He pulled Alec close, mashing their bodies together, and Alec melted against him. Magnus's hands slipped beneath Alec's shirt hem, finding his warm skin. The touch heated Alec's skin even more, and Alec ground against Magnus, searching for more contact. His hands held Magnus's head still while he kissed him thoroughly, his thumbs gently pressed against Magnus's throat were he could feel his bounding pulse against them. Magnus's hands slid up Alec's back, and Alec shuddered, desperately wanting more.

Alec threw his head back, baring his throat to Magnus, who took advantage of the situation. Magnus licked and sucked on Alec's neck, careful not to leave marks they'd have to explain later, but hard enough to send Alec into orbit. He gripped Magnus's shoulders firmly, his body aching with need.

"We…" he stuttered, "have…to be…quiet…"

He felt Magnus's hair tickle him as he nodded his head, not letting up on his neck for one moment. He even timed it perfectly when he removed Alec's shirt, not missing a beat. Where Magnus was careful with Alec's exposed neck, he didn't bother when it came to his chest, knowing that would be covered completely when they were around other people. Magnus left large, purple bruises on Alec's pectorals, sucking his nipples into harsh little peaks. Alec moaned and writhed from the sensations that stormed through his body as Magnus's tongue flicked over each hard nipple in turn.

Magnus all but threw Alec onto the bed, stripping him of his remaining clothing. Alec scooted up on the bed, watching Magnus with fascination and lust as he peeled his own clothes from his body, slowly revealing little bits of himself at a time. God he was gorgeous. Every muscle of his body well defined and toned, his smooth, honey skin darker in the low light, the angel wings over his heart and the basketball on his arm barely visible. The glint in Magnus's eyes as he crawled up the bed toward Alec, eyes locked together, went straight through him. As soon as Magnus was within reach Alec clashed their mouths together and pulled him down on top of him.

They kissed heatedly, groping at each other, and wasted no time getting Magnus inside him. Alec wasn't sure why they were so frenzied that night. Maybe there was a bit of urgency because Max was in the next room, a bit of edge because they had to be quiet, because of the possibility of getting caught. Whatever it was calmed for a moment once Magnus was fully seated.

Magnus, still propping himself on his arms, panted above Alec while Alec's fingers dug into his hips. When he'd caught his breath, Magnus dove down for another breathtaking kiss, and started thrusting. He used long, slow strokes at first, teasing Alec, and also mindful of the noise. He moved with intent, aiming for Alec's prostate, but not giving him enough to get off. Alec reached for his cock, but Magnus smacked his hand away with a smirk.

_Not yet,_ said his eyes at he held Alec's gaze. Very little of his green-gold irises was visible.

There was something indescribable about have Magnus stare into his eyes - into his _soul _\- while they made love. A primal connection. Something that joined them together as firmly as their bodies were joined. The love between them surrounded them, creating a wonderful little world of pleasure and happiness and tenderness and passion. He was so focused on that, he barely noticed Magnus's rhythm increase until he was _right there_, toppling over the edge of his orgasm. Magnus fell with him, the ecstatic feeling of release carrying them onto a whole new level.

They drifted slow back down together, holding each other close. When they were somewhat coherent, they rearranged themselves so Magnus was on his back, Alec curled against him, head on his chest where he could hear his heartbeat.

They were quiet for some time while Alec outlined the muscles along Magnus's stomach, avoiding the places that tickled him. Magnus traced imaginary shapes on Alec's shoulder and arm.

Finally, Magnus said, "Do you think he heard us?"

Alec was taken aback for a moment. He'd forgotten Max was there, sleeping in the other room. He buried his face against Magnus's side, embarrassed that he'd forgotten his little brother so easily, lost in his own pleasure. "God, I hope not…"

"I wonder if he'd know what was going on," Magnus mused softly.

"Magnus!" Alec hissed.

"What?" Magnus seemed genuinely surprised by Alec's self-consciousness.

"Is that how you'd be if he was our kid? Just not caring if he heard us having sex?"

It seemed to take a minute for Alec's implication to sink in for both of them. Then, their eyes widened, and they both swallowed the lump in their throats.

Alec couldn't believe he'd said that. What was he thinking? They were nowhere near ready to have a kid. They were just getting started in this phase of their journey.

"I-I d-didn't mean that how it sounded," he backtracked. "It just slipped out. I mean -"

Magnus put a finger across Alec's lips, silencing him. Alec tucked his lips between his teeth, looking Magnus in the eye, wondering what he was going to say.

"It's okay, Alec. Don't hurt yourself," he said with a chuckle. He tucked Alec's head under his chin and just held him while they settled back down. Then, "Do you want to have kids one day?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's something I think about from time to time," he admitted. "But we're not even close to ready yet. We don't have to talk about it right now."

He could feel Magnus's smile against his head. "We can talk about it any time you want, Alec. In fact, talking about it will probably help us figure out when we _are_ ready. Don't you think?"

Alec hadn't thought about it like that before, but it made sense. "Okay, so, yeah. I think having a kid one day is something I'm interested in. We can at least look into it, right? One day…"

"One day. Maybe when I'm retired?"

"Yeah," Alec agreed. "We're so busy right now. There's no way we could raise a kid with both of us working for the Knicks. We'd never be around. Hell I don't even feel comfortable getting a pet right now."

Magnus's chest shook with silent laughter. "We'd need a pet sitter more often than we'd be home to look after it."

"No kidding. How do the other guys do it? I know there are some who have a wife and kids at home."

"Yeah, they have a wife and kids _at home_. They probably also have a nanny or something. But with you and me both working for the Knicks, I don't think it's possible."

Alec twisted to look at Magnus's face. "Do you want me to stay at home and raise your children, Magnus Bane?" he said, voice pitched high, fluttering his eyelashes at him.

Magnus snorted. "No. I want you on the road with me. I want to know you are there, even if you are in another room. I want you to be the one to take care of me if I get injured. I just want you there."

"Really? It's not bothering you that we spend so much time together?"

"Is it bothering you?" Magnus sat up a little straighter.

"No! Not at all," he said, quickly nipping that thought in the bud. "I love how things are going right now. My life is amazing!"

Magnus visibly relaxed. He kissed Alec's hair and squeezed him. "It is pretty amazing, isn't it? Like all the pieces are falling into place, just where we want them."

Alec nodded his head against Magnus's chest. "I love you, Magnus."

"I love you, too, baby."

Alec didn't even bristle at the pet name. He felt too damn good just then.

The following day, after a leisurely breakfast, then dropped Max off at Alec's parents' penthouse on the way to Momma H's for a late-Christmas dinner. Max chattered the whole way home, and was clearly disappointed that he couldn't stay with Alec and Magnus forever. Alec chuckled as he kissed his mom goodbye, and told Max he could come back any time he wanted. He and Magnus liked having the kid around.


	94. Chapter 94

**Yaoilover2873: *********Insert 'names have been changed to protect individuals' quote here* Lol. I'm using the actual names of the franchises, but not the people involved, because you know, I don't really want to get sued. But sometimes it's _so hard_! Especially for the guys on Magnus's team! It's probably not too difficult to figure out who I'm referring to if you are at all into basketball, though. **

**MALECLOVESME1188: Agree. 100%.**

**Bluriel and Guest: Alec really is an adorable little lamb, no? Or maybe that's ostrich...with his head in the sand...**

* * *

The Knicks had a practice New Year's Eve. Then everyone was off to get into whatever shenanigans they had planned for the evening. The game on New Year's Day was scheduled for six pm, and Coach was playing nice. He didn't schedule a practice for the morning, just a shoot-around warm-up practice at two. That meant staying up late was not an issue.

Alec tried again to get Scott to come out with them, but he refused. Ultimately, Alec and Magnus ended up going to a small club in their town, dancing for a few hours, and heading home early. They didn't really know anyone at the club, just a few people in their neighborhood they'd seen in passing. They were so busy, and on the road so much, they hadn't had time to meet many of their neighbors.

A night at home actually sounded really good, once they got past feeling lame for not partying all night when they were only in their mid-twenties. Magnus teased Alec that they wouldn't have any good stories to tell their grandkids if they didn't party now. This statement created another _Oh-my-god!_ moment between them. Grandkids? Alec had never thought that far ahead!

Once they were home, they quickly changed out of their dance clothes and into basketball shorts, the new standard dress code of leisure in their home. They didn't bother with shirts, even though it was cold outside. The little fireplace in their living room would keep the house plenty warm, and they had body heat if that wasn't enough.

Alec set about making cocktails from the juicer and the supply of alcohol Lex and Mo had given them. He was pleased that they hadn't had to refill anything yet, since their friends apparently thought they drank all the time. He shook his head. He knew they didn't really think that. They just gave them those items because they knew Alec and Magnus wouldn't have thought of them on their own.

Alec brought the drinks to the couch, where Magnus was already snuggled in with a large blanket, a fire lit and the television remote controller in his hand. He lifted the blanket when Alec appeared and Alec nestled in next to him. They gradually nursed their cocktails, while Magnus hunted for a New Year's Eve special on the TV.

"Are we really this old already?" Alec said as Magnus landed on a sports year-in-review special. The show was currently talking about a world-famous boxer that had passed away in 2018.

"Why would you say that?"

"It's New Year's Eve and we're sitting at home like an old married couple…"

He flushed scarlet as the words left his mouth. Magnus grinned and planted a kiss on his temple. "You worry too much, Alec. It's not like we didn't have somewhere to go, we just chose to stay in and have a quite night together. Nothing wrong with that."

Alec hid behind his glass, his blush growing deeper, not saying anything.

"We are away from home often enough, don't you think? With all the traveling we do. It's nice to spend a night at home, just the two of us."

Alec nodded, still weirded-out by what he'd said. And had Magnus just changed the subject? Well, skirted around it, really, but yes, he had. Why? He was willing to talk about kids, even if the subject was uncomfortable for them right now, but he'd completely ignored the 'married couple' slip-up. That made Alec feel even more uncomfortable about it.

Magnus turned his attention to the TV, which was now talking about the death of a beloved sportscaster. Alec frowned. Pretty morbid topics for a New Year's Eve celebration, even if they were just going over the events from the last year. Magnus seemed interested in the show, which gave Alec a chance to watch him surreptitiously.

He couldn't shake the feeling that Magnus didn't want to talk about marriage. Or at least, the _why_ he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't think they were ready for that kind of step yet, but still, it wasn't a topic he would refuse to talk about. It would be nice to know where they stood on that subject as well as the kids issue.

Maybe not talking about it was a clear indication of where Magnus stood on the topic. Maybe it meant he wasn't interested. Maybe… maybe Magnus was looking right at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Why are you staring at me, Alec?"

Alec looked away quickly, face flushing again.

"And why do you keep blushing?"

Alec didn't look at him. Not until Magnus reached out a long, slender finger and turned his chin to face him. "What's up, Alec?"

"Nothing…I just…I just mentioned…"

"The 'old married couple' thing has you all messed up, doesn't it?" Alec nodded. "Do you want to talk about marriage?"

Alec shook his head. "No, it's not that. It's just…"

"I'm not following you. It's just what?"

"I said that comment and you didn't say anything, so I thought…"

"You thought I wasn't interested in marrying you?" Magnus supplied. Alec nodded again. "It's not that I'm not interested, Alec. I'm just not ready, and neither are you."

"I know that. But you were willing to talk about kids…"

"That's different."

"How?"

Magnus looked distinctly uncomfortable. "We were just talking about whether or not we might want kids one day. An abstract concept right now. Marriage is completely different."

"Yes, but is it something you are interested in doing one day? It's the natural progression of a relationship, don't you think? What's the point of being in a relationship if you don't think you'll ever want to marry the other person?"

Magnus shoved the blanket off of him and got to his feet. He walked several paces away, running a hand repeatedly through his hair, looking ruffled. "I really don't want to talk about this right now. I… It's different… I'm not ready…"

Alec got up and went to him, pulling him into an embrace so he'd stop yanking on his hair. He hadn't seen Magnus like this in a really long time, not since the early days of their relationship when he was fighting his feelings and inner demons. He didn't know why this was getting to Magnus so much, but he was perfectly willing to drop the subject if it was going to make him so agitated.

"Shhh, it's okay, Magnus," Alec said, tugging him back toward the couch. The fact that Magnus let him was a good sign.

He folded Magnus into the blanket again, into his arms, continuing to whisper soothing words to him until he finally calmed down. He buried his face in Alec's neck and said, "I love you, Alec. I'm just not ready to talk about this. I just can't."

That made no sense to Alec whatsoever, but he let it go. He'd bring it up again some other time, or maybe let Magnus bring it up next time. That might be a better idea…

They spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch watching the recap of all the championships that were won, all the records that were broken, all the sports figures that died. They only consumed the one pitcher of cocktails, and were therefore warm and lightly buzzed, feeling good but not drunk. They even watched the ball drop in Times Square at midnight. Magnus grabbed Alec by the shoulders and drew him in for a very heartfelt kiss. Alec tasted a hint of apology in that kiss, a tinge of self-consciousness, like maybe he thought he'd overreacted. Or maybe that was Alec's wishful thinking.

They went up to bed shortly after midnight, stripping each other bare. Magnus had that look in his eye, the one that said he wanted Alec, but there was something else there as well. Something Alec couldn't name.

Magnus's hand glided over Alec's shoulder and chest and ribs, circling back to graze his growing erection. He kissed him gently, lovingly, on the lips and jaw and neck, suckling lightly on his ear. He was positioned slightly to Alec's right, hovering over top of his side. Alec shuffled so that he could reach Magnus with his free arm, the other one pinned beneath his boyfriend, hand on his ass. He reached down and took hold of Magnus's dick, pumping it to full hardness. Magnus made a gorgeous feral rumble deep in his chest from the contact.

Alec rolled out from under him, leaving Magnus face down on the mattress. He slicked himself up, grabbed Magnus's hips and positioned him just so. He slowly entered him, Magnus's gasps and moans of pleasure undoing him completely. Alec buried his face in Magnus's neck, breathing in his heady scent, Magnus's hair tickling his face. He kissed Magnus's neck and shoulder as he fucked him, nice and slow.

Alec reached between Magnus and the mattress to wrap his hand around Magnus's cock. Magnus arched his body, throwing his head back, resting it on Alec's shoulder. Alec took the opportunity to kiss him breathless. His rhythm never faltered, picking up speed as he stroked Magnus's cock, as they got closer and closer to the end when maintaining the kiss became too much for Alec and he had to break away. He bit down gently on Magnus's shoulder instead, running his tongue along the basketball tattoo before biting the sensitive part of his neck a little harder. Magnus's cock tightened in his hand, and they released simultaneously, crying out each other's names in the heat of the moment.

Sated and sleepy, they did a cursory clean-up before tucking under the covers, settling in for sleep. Alec kissed him once more, and they exchanged I-love-you's. Everything got quiet, that absolute quiet just before falling asleep, and Alec was nearly taken under when he heard Magnus's voice.

"It's not you, Alec," Magnus said, almost inaudibly. Alec wasn't sure if he was meant to hear these words, or if Magnus was saying them because he thought he was already asleep. "It's me. I hope you know that. I love you with all my heart."

Alec feigned sleep. Magnus snuggled up against him, and was asleep momentarily. Alec's mind whirled, wondering what Magnus meant by that, but too afraid to ask him.

* * *

The New Year's Day game against the San Antonio Spurs had quite an atmosphere. The Spurs had been perennial powerhouses for awhile, and the Knicks fans were excited to see how their new team performed against them. The game was a measuring-stick of sorts, a gauge to see where the team was and how much further it needed to go to be a title contender. Okay, in all honesty, the fans were probably just trying to figure out if the Knicks could be competitive enough to make the Playoffs. But a title was something all fans hoped for, and hanging with, or beating the Spurs would give hope that the team was heading in the right direction.

The game was competitive for the first half, with the Knicks taking a five point lead into the locker room. As Coach Hollings addressed the team, Alec made the rounds with the other trainers. He worked out a cramp in TJ's calf muscle, delivered drinks to each player, helped Toby refill water and Gatorade bottles, made sure all the guys had their warm-up suits as the conference rooms could get quite chilly and the temperature contrasts could result in more muscle cramps.

Then the team made its way back out to the court. They did a brief warm-up to get back in the rhythm of shooting after their short break. Buzzers sounded, whistles blew, cheers went up, and the action began again.

Midway through the third quarter, things started to get ugly. The Knicks were having a difficult time scoring and Magnus had a pass intercepted. That very rarely happened to him, even on the professional level. He was known for his low numbers of turnovers, and usually when they did happen, it was because the guy he was passing to was out of position. Not this time. This one was Magnus's error. Alec could see the frustration on his face as he ran down the court trying to get to the other guy and stop him from scoring. The Spurs player was too far ahead, though, and Magnus only succeeded in fouling the guy.

That was so unlike Magnus. Alec's brow crinkled a little as he watched his boyfriend compound his mistake with another one. He should've just let the guy go, knowing he couldn't catch him. Now the guy had a chance for three points instead of two.

To make matters even worse, Coach subbed Magnus with Welcher. Alec overheard the little chat one of the assistant coaches had with Magnus while he fumed on the bench. The coach basically told him to get his shit together, he was smarter than that and that Coach was pissed he'd made such a stupid mistake.

Alec offered him a water bottle and a smile, neither of which he accepted. He dropped a hand on Magnus's shoulder as he moved off to attend to his next duty, and he could feel Magnus vibrating. He was well and thoroughly pissed off.

Being on the sidelines gave Alec a unique perspective on the games, one he'd never had before, even as a cheerleader. He was right there on the team's bench, or in the row behind it. He could hear what the coaches told the guys, and much of what happened between the players and refs on the court when they were on their end.

Even with that, though, he had no idea what had Magnus so pissed. Sure, he'd made a mistake and got pulled out because of it. Magnus didn't like to sit the bench but that didn't account for his current attitude. He'd sat the bench plenty of times before and not been this upset.

After a few minutes rest, Coach put Magnus back in the game. He had that determined look in his eyes that Alec had seen on many occasions. He was out to prove he could handle this team, and he wasn't taking bullshit from anyone. Alec loved watching Magnus when he was like this, like a drill sergeant directing his team. He gave the signal for the play he wanted to run, waved Jasper into position, made eye contact with TJ. He faked a pass to Jasper, then turned and passed to the wing where a waiting TJ caught it. Then, Magnus cut to the basket, outstripping his defender. TJ faked a shot, dribbled, stepped forward, and passed the ball to Magnus.

The Spurs weren't expecting that, and were out of position to defend Magnus's move. Magnus caught the ball and went up for the dunk as three guys surrounded him to try to stop him. But Magnus wasn't stoppable and slammed the ball through the hoop with finesse. He made it look so easy.

Cheers erupted around the stands as Knicks fans leapt to their feet. The scene was a little chaotic for a moment, as the Spurs hurriedly inbounded the ball and the players took off to the other end of the court. Magnus shuffled his feet, trailing behind them. That was weird. When he looked up, Alec saw the problem.

"Coach Hollings!" Alec shouted from the other end of the bench. The coach turned and Alec pointed at Magnus. "Magnus is bleeding!"

Like a bunch of hunting dogs scenting their prey, the entire bench turned as one to locate Magnus. Sure enough, he had a hand covering his face with streams of blood on it. Coach got an official's attention, and play was stopped. Magnus staggered to the bench and Alec helped him sit down, afraid he might fall. The officials went to the monitor to see if a flagrant foul had occurred while Alec looked at Magnus with alarm.

"Lightwood," Knightly barked. "Take care of your boyfriend."

Alec looked at him in surprise, then jumped to attention. He ran to the end of the bench to get the first aid kit and was back by Magnus's side in a matter of moments. He felt a little stupid putting on latex gloves to take care of his boyfriend when he'd had his unsheathed dick in his ass the night before, but he was a professional and did what he was supposed to do.

He peeled Magnus's blood-stained hand away from his face and saw that the blood was coming from his nose. Alec reached into the kit and pulled out the little cotton rolls that looked like miniature tampons and gently shoved them into Magnus's nostrils to stop the bleeding.

His training kicked in then. "Are you okay?" he asked as he fished in the kit for the little pen light. Magnus made a noise and Alec looked back at him, warning bells ringing in his head. "Magnus?"

Magnus's eyes were a little glazed, unfocused. Alec shined the light in them one at a time as he'd been trained to do. Checking pupils was difficult courtside with all the bright lights around, but he made do. Magnus's pupils were equal sized and responded appropriately to light. Alec let out a sigh of relief.

Alec gently pressed his fingers over the bones in Magnus's face and along his nose. He found no fractures. He checked Magnus's mouth, no wounds or blood there either. It looked like he just got hit in the nose.

"Got your bell rung, did you?" he said. To his relief, Magnus seemed to be focusing on him a little better now and his eyes didn't look nearly as glazed.

"You could say that."

"What happened?"

"I think I got hit with an elbow going up for the dunk."

Alec winced, but smiled with pride. "And you still made it? You're amazing, you know that?"

Magnus returned the smile. He seemed in better spirits. "Are you okay now?" Alec asked. He pulled the cotton from Magnus's nose and noticed the bleeding had stopped. He discarded the cotton in the little red biohazard bag, then set about cleaning the blood off Magnus's hands. He used a stain-remover pen to get the droplets of blood off his uniform and make him presentable.

By this time, the refs had decided the contact was incidental, so no foul shots for Magnus, much to his chagrin. "Of fucking course not," Magnus grumbled.

"What's going on, Magnus?" Alec asked as he finished cleaning up the mess.

"They've figured me out," Magnus said. "They figured out how to keep me from doing what I do. It's frustrating."

"So do something different." That seemed like a reasonable response, right?

Magnus smirked at him. "I did, and now I'm sitting here with you getting blood cleaned off my face."

"Oh," Alec said. "Well, you have plenty of other moves in your arsenal. You can do this. I have faith in you." He stripped the gloves off his hands and discarded them in the red bag as well.

"And I love you for that."

"Lightwood," Coach Hollings said, moving beside Alec. Alec stood up, facing the tall man. "Can he play?" the coach demanded.

"Yes. He's fine," Alec said. "No concussion, no fractures. The bleeding has stopped and he's cleaned up. He's ready to play again."

"Great," said Hollings. He turned to Magnus. "You're in on the next time out." Magnus nodded, and Coach went back to the coaching box at the end of the bench.

Alec heard a deep, harsh sound behind him and turned to see Knightly looking up at him through narrowed eyes. Oh, fuck. "Who do you report to, Lightwood?" he said in his gruff voice.

Fuck fuck fuck. He'd royally fucked up this time. He'd given Coach Hollings his report instead of Mr. Knightly. He knew better, he'd just gotten so caught up in Magnus's injury and then Coach had asked him point blank. He was dead. Dead.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "You, sir."

"Do I look like a tall black man to you?"

Alec kept from smiling only by the gravity of his situation. Knightly was easily six inches or more shorter than Alec and now that winter had set in firmly, his tanned, wrinkled skin had faded to pale, wrinkled skin. He was by no stretch of the imagination a 'tall black man.'

"No, sir. I'm sorry. I should have reported to you first. Coach Hollings asked me how Magnus was doing and I told him. I made a mistake. I'm sorry."

The angry look never faded from Knightly's face. Alec actually wondered if it was a permanent fixture, if he could even smile after all these years of looking grumpy. A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and Knightly said, "Your assessment was good. Don't fuck up again." Then he turned and shuffled off to his seat at the far end of the bench.

Alec gathered the first aid kit and trash, exchanging a quick look with Magnus as he was inserted back into the game. He disposed of the waste in its proper place and returned the kit to the end of the bench. Then he resumed his seat next to Scott.

Alec nearly lost it at the look on Scott's face. His eyes were wide, but there was a grin tugging the edges of his mouth. "That was ballsy," Scott said when he was seated.

"I didn't mean to do it," Alec protested. "Hollings asked how Magnus was and I told him. Stupid stupid stupid. I'll be surprised if I don't get fired."

Scott nudged him with his shoulder. "You're not going to get fired. You were right. Magnus is fine. Just maybe follow the pecking order a little closer next time."

Before Alec could reply, Toby sat down next to him, having just delivered fresh drinks to the team. "Niiiiice," he drawled.

"What?" Alec said, really wanting to say 'what now?' instead.

"You just got praise from Knightly," Toby said as if that explained something.

"What? No I didn't. I just got in trouble."

Toby shook his head, the beads on the ends of his cornrows making little clanking noises as they hit each other. "Naw, man. The hand on the shoulder? That means you done good."

"Really?" Alec asked, surprised. "He's not going to fire me?"

Toby laughed loudly, slapping his knee like Alec had just told the funniest joke he'd ever heard. "No way, man! You made the right diagnosis. You did good. Believe it," Toby said earnestly.

_Huh_, Alec thought. He wasn't sure what to think of that. All he could really think was that Toby had been with the Knicks for ten years. He knew Knightly and everyone else better than Alec, or even Scott, did. If Toby said he was okay, maybe he should just believe it. Well, and make sure he reported to Knightly from now on. He doubted his fortune would be so lucky if he skipped rank again.

After that, he settled in to watch the rest of the game. Magnus was right. The Spurs had definitely figured out his signature moves and were blocking him every chance they got. Three months into the season, Magnus had played enough for the opposing coaches to have plenty of tape of him to study. They'd devised moves to counteract a lot of what Magnus had shown them so far. There were some plays they couldn't do anything about. If a player could hit a fade-away jump shot with a huge defender's hand in his face, there simply wasn't anything they could do about it. And Magnus could hit those. At will.

Alec had been right as well. The Spurs may have figured out what to do against what he'd already shown them, but there were many, _many_ things he could do that he hadn't shown the NBA people yet. Well, his coaches had an inkling of what he could do, but the other teams had no idea.

So Magnus put his team on his back and charged through, setting up plays they'd worked on in practice but hadn't yet shown in games. He directed his team and made the plays they needed to make to get back in the game. Alec even overheard him during a time-out huddle telling TJ to steal the ball if he got the chance. He even told him the most likely player he could steal from. Magnus's plan worked, too, and TJ got a nice dunk after the steal.

The team played its heart out, but came up short. The Knicks lost by three. The game was a nail-biter all the way to the end, and Alec was pleased to see the crowd was in it the whole time. The adjustments made against Magnus frustrated him for a bit, but he and the coaches made adjustments of their own to get the team back in the game. And their efforts were appreciated, even if the loss still stung. Alec reminded himself it was a process. Magnus was essentially a rookie point guard, even though this was his third season. They had many young, inexperienced players, but the team was coming together. They just weren't there yet. They were playing against the best players in the world. It would take time.

Fortunately, they had time. Plenty of it. Magnus was only twenty-five. He could easily have another ten years to hone his skills and let the Knicks acquire the right personal to make a good team great. The team had good chemistry and got along well. They just had to keep their goals in mind. They'd set a realistic goal of making the Playoffs this year. So far, they'd won all the games they were supposed to win, and stolen a few that the so-called experts thought they should lose. They were on track at this point in the season to make the Playoffs, if everything continued the way it was going.

Alec had his headphones in while he was cleaning up the equipment after the game. He was listening to the sporting news and couldn't hide his smile when the news anchor said that Magnus had been an impressive force against the Spurs. He couldn't agree more. He was so proud of Magnus and how hard he was working for his team, and for himself.

He told Magnus as much on the ride back to their townhouse. He was pleasantly surprised to find Magnus in a decent mood instead of all broody because of the loss. He had nothing whatsoever to be down about. He'd played his ass off and given his team the best chance at winning. He should be proud.

Alec was glad to see he was.


	95. Chapter 95

**A/N: So, I had a request to post a bonus chapter this week, and since we were going to hit 400,000 words with this post and have a bonus next week, it seemed like an easy request to fulfill. So have an extra chapter this week instead of next week :)**

**soulelvi: Do it! Basketball is so much fun. It's not hard to pick up the basic rules of the sport. The nuances can be a little more difficult, but you can enjoy the sport without understanding everything about it. We're about 6 weeks away from the first official practices, so it's a good time to get started!**

**Bluriel: The other team figuring out how to handle Magnus is just good coaching. In many ways, sports like basketball and football are just giant chess matches. You go in with a game plan, if that doesn't work, you improvise. Good coaching can win games even with a less talented team.**

**nenastarprincess: I run all non-English reviews through a translator so I can read them. Thanks for the review and feel free to do more!**

**And in housekeeping news...: I was looking through my notes on Part 4. There is way too much to cram into one part, so I'm going to split it up. Which means we will have a Part 6 as well! Plus an epilogue, except that it might not be a normal epilogue because I'm not sure I can fit everything into one chapter... Sigh. This story has taken on a life of it's own. Guess we'll be seeing lots of each other!**

* * *

Alec shouldered into his coat at the conclusion of the training staff meeting. He was anxious to get home. They had the following day off and he and Magnus were driving to Manhattan to see Infernal Devices play. The band had nearly quit performing live since Jem got so busy with his father's company, and Will starting selling songs and played on Lexus's album. They had a gig tonight and there was no way Alec and Magnus were going to miss it!

The training staff wandered into the hallway, dividing up into small groups as they headed toward the exit. Scott was walking next to Alec, and they were the last ones left in the building. Alec grabbed Scott's arm, making one last attempt to get him to go out with them. "Hey, want to come to Manhattan with Magnus and me tonight. We're going to see our friends' band play. They're really good…"

Scott's face fell, and Alec's heart sank. He couldn't figure out why Scott kept refusing to go out with him and Magnus. He'd declined every invitation they'd offered, but he never gave a reason. Alec really wanted Scott to join their circle of friends. He was such a good guy, and they got on really well. He just knew his friends would like Scott as much as he did, if Scott would just give them a chance.

"I can't," Scott said and turned his back to Alec, heading toward the door.

Alec tugged on his arm. "Scott, wait. Why not? Look, we're off tomorrow so we don't have to be home early. My dad is sending a driver so we can drink and don't have to worry about how we're getting home." Scott's eyebrows went up at the word driver. Alec forgot he hadn't told any of his coworkers that he's filthy rich. Oops. Oh well, that was a conversation for another time. "Do you already have plans or something?"

Alec could see the war going on inside Scott, but he couldn't tell which side was winning, or what the sides were for that matter. Finally, he said, "No, I don't have any plans." He sounded resigned, and Alec didn't like it. He also didn't like that Scott didn't have a good reason not to go out with them.

"Then what's the problem?" Alec said. His voice sounded wounded even to his own ears. "We're friends, right?"

"Yes, Alec, we're friends."

"Then go out with us," Alec pleaded. "That's what friends do, you know?" Alec was almost certain that Scott didn't have many friends around here. He was from Ohio, or something like that, and he'd moved here for the Knicks job. Being a part of the team didn't lend much time to make friends, and if he never went out, how would he ever make any?

"I know…it's just…"

"Just what, Scott? I want you to meet my friends. They are great people and I know you'll like them and they'll like you. Please?"

Scott pulled his arm away like he'd just realized Alec was still touching him. Alec was just as surprised that he'd still been touching him. "Alec, I can't."

"Why not?" Alec wasn't sure why he was pressing the issue so much this time. He'd always dropped it before when Scott said no. It must have been bothering him more than he thought for him to badger Scott like that.

"Just drop it, Alec."

"No. You're my friend and if something is wrong I want to know what it is. Does…does it have something to do with Magnus?" Alec cringed inwardly at the thought. He still held in the back of his mind that maybe the problem was that Scott didn't like Magnus, or maybe liked him too much.

"What? Magnus? No, Alec, it doesn't have anything to do with Magnus."

"Then what's the problem?" Alec had a vague thought that maybe the problem was money. Trainers didn't make a lot of money and living in New York was expensive.

"It's you, Alec," Scott blurted out. The stunned look on his face told Alec he hadn't meant to say it, but there was no taking it back now. Alec stared at him in disbelief that _he _was the cause of whatever was going on with Scott. "It's how I feel about you, okay? Fuck!" Scott whirled around and started pacing like a caged animal. If that was his attempt at damage control, Alec thought he'd failed. "Fuck fuck fuck. I didn't want to tell you that. Fuck!"

"Um…" Alec was dumbfounded. Of all the reasons he'd tossed around in his mind, _that_ was never one of them. He felt blind-sided, and lost as to what to do.

His noise stopped Scott cold. He turned to face Alec, his expression full of self-disgust. "I'm sorry, Alec. Fuck. I didn't mean for this to happen. You're such a great guy and a great friend. Fuck."

Alec had no idea what to say. He was so shocked by this revelation. "Um…" he said again.

The next thing he knew, Scott was standing directly in front of him with his hands on Alec's shoulders. Scott caught his gaze and said, very softly, "It's just a stupid crush, Alec. It happens all the time. I'll get over it. I will. I have to. I don't want to lose your friendship over this."

"I…don't want to lose you either," Alec said, his voice sounding sad. "You're friendship, I mean," he quickly corrected when he realized how that sounded. "You're friendship means a lot to me, Scott. You've helped me so much in this job. I'd be lost without you."

"No you wouldn't. You'd be just fine without me, but I know what you mean."

"I don't know what to do," Alec said, feeling completely disoriented. "I don't want to cause trouble with the team. I don't want you to get hurt, or Magnus. Oh, god, Magnus! This is a disaster. We haven't even been back together for a year and now this. What will he think? What will he do? Oh god!"

He was rambling, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. Scott shook him a little. "Alec, calm down. It's okay. This isn't your problem, it's mine. It's just a crush. I'll be fine. It doesn't have to be a big deal unless we make it one, so don't worry about it okay."

"I love him. Magnus, I mean. I'm in love with him. Nothing can ever happen here."

"I know, Alec. Believe me, I know. I'm not going to cause problems for you and Magnus. I swear."

Alec looked him in the eye, trying to feel his words. "What do we do?"

Scott chuckled. "Well, first of all, I need to get laid. That should calm the beast a little. Then I need to find a man and everything will be fine."

Alec bit his lip, returning to his senses from his near panic state. "Get laid. Find a man. That's it? That'll make you get over me?"

Scott grinned his characteristic smile and Alec felt a little more at ease. "Yeah, that's it."

"Then you need to go to Manhattan with Magnus and me," he said, feeling like he'd somehow won the argument.

"No, I don't. Going out with you isn't going to help. I need to do this on my own."

Alec couldn't help feeling disappointed, but maybe Scott was right. Maybe he should wait for a bit to let Scott get over his feelings before he invited him out again. He sighed.

"Fine. But do it fast. You are important to me, you know?"

Scott smiled. "I know. I'm really sorry, Alec."

"I know." He did. He could feel how unhappy his friend was by making this confession.

They walked out to their cars together and drove off in different directions. Alec's head was still a whirl of thoughts, all jumbled up and difficult to separate. He really didn't know what he could do about this situation. He was worried about it though, despite what he said to Scott. He really didn't want anyone to get hurt. And he saw plenty of potential for that to happen.

He barely noticed the ride home. He barely noticed parking the car or walking up to the door or that a dark car was parked in front of his townhouse, waiting to take him and Magnus to Manhattan. He was quiet while he put on the clothes Magnus had laid on the bed for him (when did he start doing that?) and didn't say much as they sipped wine in the back seat of the Lincoln on the way to the city.

Alec hardly spoke throughout the evening, in fact. He was lost in his own head most of the night. He remembered some mindless chatter with Will and Jem, which he largely ignored. He remembered a couple of the songs from their set, mostly that one that Will had written and recorded with Lexus. The song had gone to #4 in the charts and was Will's pride and joy. Will had sold a lot of songs since that one became so popular and was becoming well known in record producing circles. Alec's mind went on a little tangent about that while Will was talking about it, but then went right back to Scott and his current dilemma.

When Alec and Magnus returned home, Magnus decided to take a shower. Alec made himself an Irish coffee and went to sit on the balcony adjoining their bedroom. He couldn't shake the feeling that Scott's crush was going to lead to some kind of problem, no matter what his friend said. People got hurt over crushes, too. Even if not the earth-shattering unrequited love kind of hurt, it still hurt on some level to like someone in a way that wasn't reciprocated. He didn't want that for his friend. He didn't know how Magnus would respond to this, and he most certainly didn't want to hurt _him._ It seemed so unfair to put Magnus through even more stuff than he'd already put him through.

Alec sighed heavily. He wasn't sure if the sigh covered the sounds of Magnus's approach, or if he was just so lost in his own mind that he didn't hear him, but either way he was startled to find Magnus standing next to him, looking at him with concern in his eyes.

"You've been quiet," he said, taking the other chair on the balcony.

Alec seemed to come to from a haze. He realized at some point he'd sat his coffee on the little glass table and had drawn his knees up, circling them with his arms. He turned in what felt like slow-motion toward the sound of Magnus's voice. He loved that voice, and everything else about the man. Sometimes that voice was the only thing that kept him grounded, like now when he was in danger of floating off into his own unsettled mind.

"I know." He hugged his knees tighter, resting his chin on them.

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

Alec sighed again. He'd already made the decision to tell Magnus. Actually, there hadn't been a decision to make. Their relationship wasn't conducive to secrets, and he didn't want to have any anyway. He just wasn't sure how to say it, to soften the blow, to make sure Magnus knew that he loved him and wasn't going to let this be a problem. At least, he hoped he had control over that…

Magnus was patient as always. He waited for Alec to collect his thoughts, but in the end, it all just spilled from him in a heap. "Scott has a crush on me. He said it's not a big deal and he won't act on it. He just wants to be friends."

"Ah" Magnus said. "I take it he told you this today? When you asked him to join us tonight?"

"Yes," Alec said softly. "He didn't want to tell me, but I kind of wouldn't take no for an answer."

"That's why he won't go out with us?" Alec made a noise of assent. "And you had no idea?"

"No! None."

Magnus smirked at that. Then, "You're still worried about it? Even though he said it wasn't a big deal?" Alec nodded. "I see."

Magnus was quiet for some time while Alec fretted over his reaction. _I see_? What did that mean? He was so worried about what was going to happen now he could barely think straight. When Magnus still showed no signs of responding further, Alec couldn't take it anymore. "Magnus, say something. Please?"

Magnus glanced at him. "Sorry, Alec. I was just trying to get my thoughts together."

"Well, what are your thoughts?"

"Honestly? I see where he's coming from."

Alec's mouth fell open. "What?"

The corner of Magnus's mouth went up. "I get it. I've been there. You are an easy guy to fall for, you know?"

"What?" he repeated.

"I had a ridiculous crush on you when we first met. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. I fell head over heels in love with you, and that hasn't changed one bit. I understand how he feels. I don't like it, but I get it."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"Well, no. I also think it's typical that you wouldn't notice someone has a crush on you."

"Huh?"

"You have no idea how desirable you are, do you? Why did you think Scott didn't want to go out with us?"

"Because..." Oh, he really didn't want the conversation to go there. "Because..." Magnus raised an eyebrow, waiting for Alec's reply. "Fine. He has an ex that played basketball and he seemed to think all basketball players are arrogant and unreliable."

Magnus bit his lip. Alec could see the corners of his mouth twitching. "So, you thought he didn't want to hang around us because he didn't like me? Is that even true? Does he not like me?"

"Or maybe that he liked you too much..." Alec's face flushed scarlet at this admission.

Magnus, for his part, burst with laughter. "You thought he had a crush on me? Oh, Alec."

"What?" Alec demanded. "Like that's so unheard of? Look at you, Magnus. You're gorgeous, and talented, and you're not the creepy, egocentric jackass that a lot of celebrities are. Why would it be outside the realm of possibility for him to have a crush on you?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Magnus countered. "I just think it's hilarious that you never even considered you were the object of his affection. No, I take that back. It's not hilarious, it's sad. It's like you don't even realize how amazing you really are."

That knocked Alec for a loop. He had no idea how to respond to that. "That's really all you have to say about this? You understand why he has a crush and think I should have seen it coming but couldn't because I don't know that I'm awesome?" That sounded ridiculous to Alec, and he didn't miss Magnus's shoulders move in silent humor.

"What do you want me to say? Us being together doesn't mean no one else can develop feelings for you. That's a crazy idea, and completely unrealistic. Have you been on the internet recently? You have almost as many admirers as I do. The only reason my numbers are higher is I'm the athlete. Every time a photo surfaces of us, all the girls, and some guys, are talking about how cute you are and how sweet you are. And those are people who don't even know you. Imagine how much harder it is for someone who does know you to keep their feelings in check."

Alec stared at him incredulously. This conversation wasn't going at all like he'd unexpected.

"What exactly has you all worried, Alec?" Magnus continued. "Did you think I'd be mad? Or are you afraid you'll lose Scott's friendship? Or that someone will get hurt? Or there will be a problem with work?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, and yes! I'm afraid of all of those things, and more!"

"Well, I can't speak for Scott, so I don't know how this will affect your friendship, but I can tell you that I'm not mad."

"You're not? Really?"

Magnus shook his head. "I'm not. Do you want me to be? I can go into a jealous fit and beat him up if you want." He smirked at Alec, making Alec laugh.

"I'd rather this didn't end in violence if it's all the same to you. Besides, I'm not sure you can beat him up. He studies martial arts, you know? He's a badass. And I don't want you two fighting anyway. I'm not worth fighting over."

"Aw, see, that's where you are wrong. I'd fight to the death over you."

He took Alec's hand and planted a kiss on the back of it, sounding all knights-at-the-round-table. Alec let him, thinking the man sure knew how to make him feel better. But his worry was still there.

"You know I could lose my job over this, right? Mr. Ketchum told me when I signed my contract that any jealousy issues would fall on me to resolve. You are the important one for the team, not me. I'm replaceable."

"Nonsense," Magnus said. "You are most certainly irreplaceable. But seriously, I'm not jealous. At least, I'm not while I'm sitting here with you trying to figure out how to get you naked. I don't know how I'll feel when we're on the road and you're sharing a room with him."

How had Alec not thought of that? Fuck. "Shit, Magnus. Do you want me to ask to change roommates?"

Magnus looked at him, thoughtful for a long moment. "Let me ask you something. Are you tempted by Scott?"

"What? NO!" Alec said hastily.

Magnus held up a hand to silence him. "Think about it. I don't want your knee-jerk response just to make me happy. I want the truth: are you tempted by Scott?"

"I don't have to think about it. No, Magnus, I'm not."

"Are you sure? He's a good-looking man. You two have a lot in common and get along well. You are good friends and you've told me how you stay up late talking sometimes when we're on the road."

"But I love you, Magnus. Scott and I are just friends."

"I know you love me. I'm not worried about that. If you say you are not attracted to him, I'll believe you."

"I mean," Alec began. Why did Magnus have to put it that way? "He is an attractive man. But we're just friends. I don't think about him that way."

"You didn't think about him that way before, but will you now? Will things change now that it's been brought to your attention?"

"How am I supposed to answer that? I'm not interested in Scott as anything other than a friend, but I do care about him. Shit this sucks."

Magnus squeezed Alec's hand. "It's okay, Alec. We'll figure out a way to deal with this."

Alec laughed humorlessly. "How? He said he'll get over it, he just needs to find a man of his own. I just don't want to wreck our friendship or for someone to get hurt in the meantime. What do I do?"

"Talk to him about it."

"I did. He said it's his problem, not mine, but that's not true. It's my problem now. I have to make sure no one gets hurt because of me."

"Uh uh. Scott's right. This is his problem. You don't owe anyone anything."

"But -"

"No, buts. You are not the problem here. He knows there's no chance with you, right?"

"Yes, he knows that. He knows we love each other, and he said he wouldn't do anything to cause us problems."

"Good. Then just keep talking to him, and to me. Make sure we are all on the same page as far as how this is going to go. I'm not giving you up without a fight. He needs to know that."

"He does. He knows I'm committed to you. I'm so sorry about this, Magnus. I don't want any of this. I just want it to go away."

"Well, I can't make it go away permanently, but I can make you forget all about it for a little while."

With that, Magnus climbed onto Alec's lap, straddling his thighs, his long legs hanging off the sides of the chair. He wrapped his arms around Alec's neck and kissed him, tangling one hand in his hair. Magnus rocked his hips against Alec's crotch, and Alec's dick took notice. He was half-hard in a matter of moments, his body responding to Magnus like it always did.

Alec's hands gripped Magnus's ass cheeks and squeezed. They were firm in his hands and Alec thrust his hips up against Magnus. His lips parted in a silent moan and Magnus slid his tongue in his mouth. The kiss was passionate, a release of all the pent-up anxiety Alec had felt all day. He poured himself, his love, into touching, breathing, being with Magnus.

Magnus paused, looking deep into Alec's eyes. "I haven't forgotten who you are, you know?" Alec could only look at him in question, his brain to frazzled by the shocking news and lust coursing through his veins to articulate a response. "You are the guy who came back to me. You are the one I love, and the one who loves me."

Magnus pulled Alec's face to his and kissed him hard, passionately, possessively. His hands then slid down to Alec's waist, pulling his pants down just enough to expose his straining cock. The cold January air hitting his heated skin made him erupt with goosebumps, and a shiver run through his body, which was not entirely from the cold. Magnus broke the kiss as he stood up and shimmied out of his pants.

"Magnus," Alec said, his voice barely recognizable as his own. "What are you doing?" The sight of Magnus's rock-hard dick jutting straight up in the chilly air had Alec's mouth watering and his own dick throbbing.

Magnus licked his hand, soaking his fingers in his mouth for several long moments. Alec felt that all the way to his toes. Then, Magnus reached behind him and slid a finger in his ass. His eyes rolled back as he added a second finger and pushed it in and out. His hips moved as he fucked himself on his own fingers. Alec had never seen anything so erotic, and couldn't resist stroking his own cock as he watched. Magnus moaned, his cock starting to leak a little as his fingers thrust more purposefully inside him. Alec reached out and grabbed Magnus's hips, pulling him forward and swallowing his beautiful cock.

What was it about sucking dick that turned him on so much? He didn't know, but it did, every time. Within moments Magnus was panting and moaning and Alec completely forgot they were sitting on their balcony, blocked from view by a small wooden fence on either side. There was nothing to block the view of the backyard and woods behind their townhouse, and that meant they could be seen if anyone happened to be there to see them. At that moment, he didn't care. Let them see. Let the whole fucking world see that Magnus Bane was his, and he was Magnus's!

He felt Magnus tighten up, his moans becoming desperate, and he looked up into his boyfriend's eyes. "Stop," Magnus somehow managed to force out, with a little tug of Alec's hair. How he had the wherewithal to do it, Alec had no idea. "I want you to fuck me," he added when Alec released his dick.

"Here? On the balcony?"

Magnus nodded, a predatory look in his eye. Fucking Magnus in public was playing to that old exhibitionism that he used to display when they'd first become roommates, and to many others prior to Alec. Alec had always been a more private person, but he had to admit the idea of having sex on their balcony at three in the morning was something he very much wanted to do.

Alec smeared some of his own spit on his cock and guided Magnus down onto him. Magnus was much tighter than normal with only saliva for lubrication, and Alec could see that it was not entirely a comfortable fit for him. His face scrunched up a little as he lowered himself inch by inch onto Alec's dick. For Alec's part, he was in heaven. It felt amazing to be surrounded by so much warmth, such a tight constriction, a strong contrast to the icy ambient air.

Magnus worked through the pain quickly, and before long was bouncing on Alec's lap, taking him over and over again as he stroked his own cock. Alec watched the scene play out, hardly believing that he was lucky enough to be part of something so overtly sensual. He was mesmerized by the openness of Magnus's face, the beauty, the way he knew no inhibitions in that moment.

Magnus leaned over and kissed him, harsh and desperate, almost biting. But Alec didn't care. He gave as good as he got. He kissed down Magnus's throat to his chest. He bit down hard, latching on and sucking a livid bruise on Magnus's chest, just above his heart but avoiding his tattoo. Magnus sucked just as firmly on Alec's shoulder, and the combined sensations of fucking him and sucking a mark onto his skin sent them both over the edge. They cried out their orgasms, not caring what the neighbors thought or heard.

It was several moments before Alec realized they had cried out the same word…

Mine.


	96. Chapter 96

**A/N: We had a surprise bonus chapter last Thursday, so if you don't get notifications for this story, make sure you read Chapter 95 first! **

* * *

The weeks following Scott's admission were strained. He seemed to be embarrassed or something, which translated to him avoiding Magnus and Alec. At least, it felt like he was avoiding Alec. He was certainly avoiding Magnus. He made sure he wasn't involved in any of Magnus's training, electing to work with one of the other athletes instead. Once or twice he seemed to forget something when he entered a room that Magnus was in alone, and then made a hasty retreat. He didn't make a scene and wasn't obvious about what he was doing, he just made sure he didn't work closely with Magnus.

He was more subtle with Alec, though. They were both on the training staff, which made it much harder for him to avoid Alec like he did Magnus. What he did was stick to Toby or one of the other trainers like glue, which meant he never had to be alone with Alec. He'd make sure someone was sitting between them at games or meetings. Occasionally, he ducked out of a room when Alec entered, leaving Alec staring dumbstruck at the spot where he'd just been. This strategy worked pretty well for Scott the first week, when the Knicks had a rare travel-free week so Alec and Scott didn't have to room together.

Alec absolutely hated it. Scott was his friend. He missed how close they'd become. Scott was someone he could talk to about almost anything. He'd carefully avoided telling him about the rape, but other than that, he was an open book. He'd meant it when he said that Scott was important to him, and he didn't want to lose his friendship. Alec was miserable, and found himself worrying if one of the bosses would figure out something was wrong and he'd be in trouble. He tried to get Scott alone to talk to him, but an opportunity never presented itself.

Magnus wasn't exactly being helpful either. For all his talk about understanding Scott and not being mad or jealous about Scott's crush, his actions made Alec wonder if that was not entirely true. Since he'd found out about the crush, Magnus had become much more affectionate with Alec in public. He held Alec's hand when they entered and exited the training facility, put his arm over the back of Alec's chair during meetings, even occasionally touched him in some manner when he was taking a break during games, or at the very least made eye contact with him when he should've been listening to his coach.

At first, Alec was flattered by all the attention. He'd never been an overly affectionate guy in public, not needing or wanting Magnus to be all over him or anything like that. But he'd always gotten a little thrill whenever Magnus acknowledged their relationship where other people could see. It had always sparked a possessiveness that he found both exhilarating and scary. He loved Magnus with every fiber of his being, and to have Magnus feel comfortable enough to let other people see that, especially after he'd had to practically drag him out of the closet kicking and screaming, was a very heady experience.

However, it didn't take long to see what Magnus was really doing. He was marking his territory. Alec wondered if he should be glad he hadn't decided to mark him with urine like a wild animal. He didn't even think Magnus was aware he was doing it. Magnus had grown more affectionate with him when they went out, holding his hand and dancing with him, nearly always touching him, making it clear their relationship was not 'just friends.' But this was different. This was at work, a place they'd always been more reserved, more careful. They still touched, because they were intimately familiar with each other, and often didn't realize they were doing it, but they weren't overtly affectionate at work.

What Magnus was doing became obvious to Alec one day outside the weight room. Having had enough of the bullshit, Alec had finally cornered Scott and was about to speak his mind when Magnus appeared out of nowhere. He walked straight up to Alec, cupped his face in his big hands and kissed him full on the mouth. The kiss was rough, possessive, and Alec had no doubts about the reason behind it. Alec kept his eyes open because it wasn't that kind of kiss, and from the corner of his eye saw Scott look away. Alec was filled with a sense of unease, both by the kiss and by having an audience for it. Then, just as abruptly, Magnus released him, said, "Scott" in some sort of greeting, turned and entered the weight room.

Alec watched him go, frowning at his back. Then, he slowly turned to see Scott toeing the floor in front of him, not looking at Alec.

"You told him," Scott said to the floor. It wasn't a question.

"Of course I told him. He's my boyfriend."

Scott looked up finally. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"What?" Alec waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about Magnus. That's all for show."

A humorless laugh erupted from Scott. "He looked like he was ready to kick my ass. Your boyfriend is big and scary when he wants to be."

"Magnus is a softy. He hates violence and he wouldn't hurt a fly. Seriously, I have to catch flies and set them free instead of killing them when they get in the house." His fleeting irritation with his boyfriend vanished as he said this.

Scott cracked the first smile Alec had seen on his face in days. Alec's heart lifted. He hated being the cause of distress for the people he cared about. Scott dropped the smile quickly enough though. "You could've given me a little time before you told him though. Or maybe some warning."

"Sorry, but I wasn't going to keep this from him and take the chance of him finding out from someone else. Magnus and I don't keep secrets from each other. You know that. I've told you before."

"I know. It's fine, I just wasn't expect him to be so…"

"Aggressive?" Alec supplied. "Yeah, me either." His brow furrowed again and he cast a glance over his shoulder at the weight room doors.

"He knows I'm not going to cause problems for you, right?" Scott said hesitantly.

Alec turned back to him. "Yeah. I told him that. But honestly, you avoiding us is not helping the situation."

"I'm not avoiding -" Scott began, but Alec cut him off.

"Don't even try that shit with me. You know damn well you've been avoiding us, and that just makes things worse. It makes him feel like you are going to cause trouble for us." _And makes me feel like shit,_ he added in his head.

"Shit. I was just trying to give you guys some space. I didn't mean to upset him."

Alec gave a lazy half-smile. "You upset us both when you act like we're not friends anymore."

"Alec…"

Sensing Scott's guilt about making things worse, Alec pounced. "If you want to make it up to me, I know how you can."

Scott gave him a leery, but resigned look. "How?"

"We'll be in Miami in two days. Magnus and I have friends there and we have plans to go out. I want you to come with us."

"What? Alec, no -"

"Tsk," Alec reprimanded. "You said you couldn't go out with us because you have a crush on me. Then you said you just needed to get laid and find a man of your own. Well, we're going to a gay club. There will be plenty of single men there. No excuses this time. You're going out with us, and that's final."

"I didn't realize you were so demanding, Lightwood," Scott said, leaning back against the wall and folding his arms in front of his chest. He hadn't said no, yet, and Alec took that as a good sign.

"I'm usually not. But when my friend refuses to loosen up and have some fun, I feel I have to put my foot down."

"Are you sure he's okay with this?" Scott said, jerking his chin in the direction of the weight room, clearly meaning Magnus.

Alec grinned. "It was his idea." Scott's eyes grew wide with surprise at that. "He loves me. He doesn't like to see me hurting. Not having you as my friend hurts me. He's good at coming up with solutions to my problems sometimes."

"But, he seems so angry with me."

"He is, apparently. But he won't be if we figure out a way through this problem. Trust me."

"You know what, Alec? I couldn't make a bigger mess of this than I already have. Why not go out with you two? Maybe I'll decide you're not so great after all."

"That's the spirit!" Alec said, pulling Scott into a hug and patting him on the back. He wasn't exactly sure what had happened just then, but he knew that Scott was going out with them, and that made him happy.

* * *

Alec and Magnus talked heavily about Magnus's peacocking around the training facility over the next couple of days. Magnus insisted he was okay with Alec and Scott being friends, and that he wasn't jealous. Alec told him his actions didn't agree with his words. Alec started giving him a look whenever he was strutting, and Magnus soon realized how he was acting.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to Alec during the flight to Miami. They were seated next to each other and everyone around had headphones on, so their conversation should be private. "I didn't mean to make things worse."

"You didn't," Alec assured him. "I don't mind you being affectionate to me in public, within reason. You don't have to claim me though, or get into some kind of pissing contest. He's not going to fight you for me, you know?" Alec avoid Scott's name just in case someone was listening in to their conversation. No need to let the whole damn team and staff know what was going on.

They had their heads leaned together, and Magnus gently kissed him on the cheek. Alec's heart soared. This was the kind of PDA that Alec enjoyed, where he felt special and treasured by Magnus, not some sort of conquest or prize to be won. This was his Magnus, and that made him very happy.

"I don't know what got into me," Magnus said. "I just…I don't know."

"It's okay, Magnus. You felt threatened. We all get that way sometimes." He kissed the tips of Magnus fingers, then settled their entwined hands on his thigh.

"Is that what it was? I felt threatened? I never thought he was a threat to us, though…"

"Not on a conscious level, maybe, but I think deep down you felt threatened by him. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. You know we're just friends."

"I do know that. That's why I'm having trouble figuring out why I acted that way."

"You're okay with him still being my roommate?" Alec said. He'd asked this question at least a dozen times since telling Magnus about Scott's feelings. Magnus always said he was fine with it, but this was the first time that would be tested, their first away game since everything broke loose. Alec wasn't really sure what to expect.

"I'm fine, Alec," he answered, and kissed him softly again. "I love you, and I trust you."

Alec sighed. He really hoped it would be that easy.

* * *

The plane landed and Alec went into scramble mode, rushing around, getting everything organized for the team to disembark, attending to the fine details that made sure their trip went smoothly. He didn't have time to think or worry about what was about to happen.

Everything happened fast once they hit the ground. After checking into the hotel, they had a bit of downtime to recover from the flight before it was time for practice. Alec felt a twinge of apprehension as he let himself into his and Scott's room, wondering if it would be awkward. One glance told him Scott was not in the room, though, and he took the opportunity to get a short nap before practice started.

Practice was practice. Nothing too exciting happened, which was good considering excitement for Alec would mean someone got injured. Alec was happy when Scott sat down beside him, but he was careful not to make a big deal of it. He didn't want to scare Scott off, not when he was planning to make him follow through with his agreement to go out with him and Magnus tonight.

Practice was over quickly. It was getting late enough in the season now that all they really did was some warm-ups and situational plays specific to the Miami Heat. Then they returned to the hotel where they were released for the night.

Alec was almost afraid to take a shower, worried that Scott would conveniently disappear while he was in there, but he had no choice. He was not going out smelling like airplane and basketball practice grime. Yuck. He was very much relieved when Scott was still there and hurried into the bathroom for his own shower as soon as Alec vacated it.

Thirty minutes later, Magnus knocked on the door and Alec and Scott emerged. Alec stared at his boyfriend with open fervor. He'd taken the time to spike his hair, leaving just enough bangs to make him look mysterious. At some point, he must have purchased a new eyebrow ring because the one he was sporting tonight was black with electric blue balls on the ends. He also had a black onyx stud in his nostril. He'd spend a little more time on his outfit, too, choosing one of the skin-tight black jeans Lexus made him buy and adding a form-fitting blue shirt with the sleeves pushed a little way up his arm. The shirt matched his eyebrow ring and the little blue hoops in his ears. His feet were stuffed into short black boots with a slight heel, as if he needed the height.

Alec's mouth watered just looking at him. Damn that man was hot. He wondered if he could convince Magnus to get a tattoo on his forearm so it would show when he wore long sleeves and pushed them up.

He really needed to stop those thoughts if they were going to go out.

Magnus had his hands tucked into his back pockets. Alec wondered how they fit there, his pants were so tight. He could see part of the outline of his resting dick where his shirt wasn't quite long enough to completely cover it.

Alec suddenly felt alive. His whole body thrummed with energy as Magnus reached out a hand and slipped it into his. The simple touch lit Alec's nerves on fire. His half-hard dick filled a little more, and it took everything he had not to call off the outing, drag Magnus into his room and fuck his brains out.

Scott cleared his throat uncomfortably. Apparently, Alec had been gaping at his boyfriend a little longer than considered publicly acceptable, or maybe a little too lustfully. Oops. Magnus grinned and said a polite hello to Scott, then tugged Alec's hand. They went down to the waiting cab, where Alec sat in the middle between his favorite people associated with the Knicks.

"So, who all's going to be there?" Scott asked casually. "You said you were meeting friends, right?"

"Yes, we are. Our friend Tony will be there. He's bringing Jason, another friend, and Jason's cousin, Brett. All three of them were dating someone when we met them three years ago, but now they are all single."

"So, what's supposed to happen here?" Scott said, and Alec could hear the reserve in his voice. "I'm just supposed to hook up with one of them, or what?"

Alec laughed. "No! Scott, this isn't a set up. They are our friends, and you are our friend. I just wanted you to go out with us, and this seemed like a good time to make it happen."

"So you won't be upset if I don't get laid tonight?"

Alec snorted. He exchanged a look with Magnus, whose eyes were twinkling. "Your sex life is up to you, Scott," Alec said. "There's no pressure here. Just a bunch of guys going out to a club to have some fun. I'm sorry if you thought I had expectations for you tonight. That's not what I meant when I invited you."

Scott looked infinitely more relaxed after that. Alec wondered if he would be able to get out of his own way long enough to enjoy himself. After Scott said he needed to get laid and find a man to get over his crush, Alec had thought several times how nice it would be for that to happen. But this reaction made him wonder if that was even true. Either way, he wasn't going to push Scott to do something he didn't want to do. He didn't even know what Scott's hang-ups were, much less how to help him get past them, and pressuring people wasn't Alec's style anyway.

The cab let them out in front of the same place they'd gone last time they were in Miami. Tony wasn't waiting for them outside this time. They entered the club/restaurant and took a moment to spot their entourage. Tony must have been watching for them; he was standing up and waving like a lunatic, a huge smile on his face.

Introductions took a little longer than expected. Jason and Brett both felt the need to hug each of them like they were long-lost relatives or something. Alec was amused by this. He'd liked Jason and Brett when he'd met them, but he'd spent more time with Tony than anyone else and felt a much deeper connection to him than any of the others.

They finally sat down and placed drink and appetizer orders. Alec found he was deeply curious about the guys that Jason and Brett had been dating before, but he didn't know how to bring up the topic without potentially causing an issue. What if things had ended badly and he just tore open a healing wound? What if they couldn't stand the other guys anymore? Best to keep his curiosity in check than to make the evening awkward.

Scott sat between Alec and Tony. He was uncharacteristically quiet for much of the night. He slowly nursed a couple of drinks and participated in the conversation when he was addressed. Being the 'new guy,' everyone wanted to know all about him, but they seemed to sense his uncertainty and didn't rapid-fire questions at him. Thankfully.

Scott gave the usual information when asked. He told them he was from a small town outside Cleveland, Ohio, had three sisters, all younger. He hadn't been in a relationship for more than three years, and his last one had ended very badly. Alec was still waiting to hear the full story on that one.

The upside of Scott's past relationship talk was it got Jason and Brett talking about their past boyfriends. Alec vaguely remembered Jason's ex, Dean. He couldn't remember what he looked like. Apparently the relationship had ended amicably, and the guys still occasionally hooked up for a booty-call when they were both single.

Brett had been dating a guy named Ian. Alec remembered Ian as the one he competed against in the tumbling bet. Ian had been a professional gymnast or something like that. He'd moved on when he decided to focus on gymnastics more than his relationship with Brett. Brett didn't seem too torn up about it, but maybe it had been long enough for the hurt to go away. A lot can happen in three years.

After awhile, the conversations broke into smaller groups. Then, Brett and Jason decided to go mingle. Alec took that to mean they were looking for a hookup. He glanced at Scott and noticed he and Tony had their heads leaned together, talking softly between them. Scott was grinning at something Tony had said, then they both laughed quietly together.

Alec bit his lip, barely able to contain his smile. He dragged Magnus onto the dance floor as a slow-ish song started up. Magnus pulled him in close and Alec got a strong whiff of his natural scent. He leaned against Magnus, inhaling more of him, and feeling more love than he could put into words.

As they danced, Magnus must have caught sight of Scott and Tony. Alec felt his body shift, then shake with laughter. "You set that up didn't you?" he asked, pulling away enough to see Alec's reaction.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alec said, playing dumb.

"Oh, yes you do." Magnus jerked his chin in the general direction of Scott and Tony. "You planned this. You couldn't resist it, could you?"

"I didn't _plan _anything. I just brought my friend along to meet my other friends. I can't help it if they started talking to each other."

"Bullshit," Magnus said, his lips twitching up into a grin. "You love playing match-maker. Admit it. First Austin and Cammie. Then Lex and Mo. Now Scott and Tony."

Alec took over leading the dance since Magnus was too busy grilling him to continue doing it himself. "First of all, _Austin_ approached _me _about Cammie. I just set up the date. Second, I simply introduced Lex and Mo."

"Nice try," Magnus interrupted. "You told Lexus about Mo's history of working with live bands and made sure she knew Mo was gay. You purposefully spiked the punch on that one and you know it."

"Okay, fine. Maybe I did offer more information than was strictly necessary when I introduced them. But I swear I wasn't planning on anything with Scott and Tony."

Tony chose that moment to catch Alec's eye, wink, and give him a thumbs-up sign that Scott couldn't see. Magnus leaned in close and chuckled in Alec's ear, sending erotic shivers down his spine.

"I don't think that's true." Magnus's voice was deep and husky in his ear. Alec could almost faint from how quickly his blood rushed south of the border. He smacked Magnus's arm, because Magnus knew _precisely_ what he was doing to Alec.

"Just dance, would you?" Alec practically begged. He shook Magnus's arms, which made him stop pressing his body so damn close to Alec's. Alec's brain cleared enough for him to continue the conversation. "Okay, so maybe I told Tony what was going on with Scott, but I wasn't trying to set them up. I brought Scott along so he could have some fun. Why would I set them up when they live a thousand miles apart?"

"I think it's more like twelve-hundred miles."

Alec rolled his eyes. "You get my point, though. They both have good jobs but not good enough to fly _twelve hundred miles_ to see each other all the time."

"And this is our last game in Miami unless we make the Playoffs and meet them there."

Alec was nodding in agreement. "Yes. We have that game in Orlando toward the end of February, but other than that, I think a relationship between Tony and Scott would be dead in the water. It just doesn't seem realistic to me."

Magnus looked over Alec's head as they danced, quiet for a moment. Then a smile split his face.

"What?" Alec said, as Magnus nudged him.

"Well, I don't think Scott and Tony have the same reservations as you." He made a gesture for Alec to look behind him. Alec turned and saw Tony leading Scott by the hand out the door. He raked his lower lip through his teeth, and grinned.

"Well, that just happened."

Magnus laughed, pulled him close, and tipped him backward into some weird dance dip or something. When he pulled him back up, Alec's face was flushed and he laughed hard. Magnus kissed him lightly on the lips. He felt lighter than he had in weeks.

* * *

Alec woke the next morning to find himself alone in his room. Scott's bed appeared untouched. His eyebrows furrowed, his mind flashing back to the time he had disappeared all night long. He felt a stab of panic course through him, hoping Scott was alright. He'd never stayed out all night, and he was in an unfamiliar city.

Alec grabbed his phone to see if he had any missed calls or texts. None. He was just about to call Scott when he heard the keycard in the door. Relief flooded Alec when Scott appeared, framed in the doorway, looking distinctly disheveled, but not at all in a bad way. His hair looked like he'd combed in roughly with his fingers, and his clothes were wrinkled.

"Hey," Scott said, with a failed attempt at sounding casual.

"Hey," Alec replied. Scott entered the room slowly. "Walk of Shame?" Scott ignored him and made straight for his own bed. "Your shirt is buttoned wrong," Alec observed, doing his best to keep the humor out of his voice. Now that he knew Scott was okay, he thought he'd have some fun with him.

"Is it?" Scott said. He turned and slowly fell backward onto his bed, bouncing slightly when he landed. He stared up at the ceiling.

"It is." Alec was enjoying himself. "Were you limping?"

Scott threw a pillow at him. "Shut up. It's been awhile, okay?"

Alec lost it then. He laughed until he couldn't catch his breath. Scott was propped up on his elbows by then, looking at him, and laughing, too.

"I'm glad my sex life is so funny to you," Scott said, but there was no heat behind it. He was still chuckling.

"No, it's not funny. I'm just glad you had a good time." He leveled his gaze at Scott. "You were safe, right?"

"Yes, mom," Scott shot back.

Alec snickered at that. "Come on," he said, glancing at the clock on the nightstand, "bus rolls in an hour and we've got to get you cleaned up." He held out his hand to Scott and helped him up off the bed.

Scott winced. "Fuck, I'm sore."

"How many times did you let him fuck you?" he said, then bit his lip. He hadn't meant to actually say that, and wondered if he'd crossed a line.

Scott seemed unfazed. "I lost count," he said as a blush crept up his neck and face.

Alec pushed him gently toward the bathroom. "Maybe you should've traded places, then."

"We did!"

Alec blinked. "Um, okay. Just go take your shower. Maybe that'll loosen you up." He meant loosen up his muscles, but in the context of the conversation, that sounded so wrong. "I-I mean…um…"

Scott laughed so hard he almost fell over. Alec pushed him into the bathroom and shut the door on his embarrassment.

* * *

Scott emerged a short time later looking refreshed. He pulled clothes on over the underwear he'd been wearing beneath his towel and appeared to be prepared for what their day had in store. He had a thoughtful expression, and Alec waited for him to say what was on his mind.

"Thank you, Alec," he said, and held up a hand when Alec tried to speak. "I know what you did. Tony told me. I just wanted you to know I appreciate it."

"I don't know what Tony told you, but I didn't do much. I just thought he could help…somehow."

"He did. He's a great guy. He's easy to talk to, and not judgmental at all."

Alec quirked an eyebrow at that. He had no idea what Scott had done to fear judgment. Scott ignored his questioning glance.

"Anyway, you're a special guy, and I'm lucky to have you as a friend. I don't know how you always know the right thing to say and do, or how you can call people on their bullshit without making them feel bad about themselves, but you do. So, thanks."

"You are giving me way too much credit, Scott. I don't have all the answers. Far from it!"

Scott was already shaking his head. "You could've let this whole crush thing get out of hand. I was avoiding you at work, and you could've just let that go, but you didn't. You confronted me and told me to get over myself. Not many people would do that. Most would just want me to go away."

"You are my friend, Scott. I care about you. I wasn't sure how to handle this crush, but I didn't want to lose you as a friend, and I didn't want you to get hurt. And look, now Phase One is complete." Scott gave him a quizzical look. "You got laid. Now we just have to find you a permanent man."

Alec winked at him, and Scott chuckled. "You really are one of a kind, Alec." Scott pulled him into a hug. "Thank you."

Alec patted his back. "Come on, we've got a bus to catch."


	97. Chapter 97

**A/N: You may have noticed we hit 1000 reviews on Saturday?! Oh. My. God. I can't even process this yet, other than to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You may have also noticed we are quickly approaching 100 chapters?! Well, I've been trying to decide what to do for this monumental occasion. Nenastarprincess suggested we have an entire month of twice a week posts (our actually 1000th review writer, known as Guest ;), requested 3 weeks, but I'm sure would be OK with 4 instead). I have to say I LOVE this idea. BUT, I'm nowhere near ready to start that. I'm currently working on chapter 100, and have very limited time to write at the moment. **

**So, my proposal is this: Monday/Thursday posts the entire month of October. This will give me a chance to write ahead a little bit so I don't get behind (I hope). What say you? Are you willing to put off the celebration for a couple of weeks to get 4 weeks of double posts? Or does anyone have other suggestions?**

* * *

Things felt more normal after the trip to Miami. Alec wasn't sure if having sex with Tony was enough to quell Scott's crush on him, but the weirdness between them had dissipated. Alec was thoroughly relieved by that. Scott was his friend and coworker, and Alec needed them to get along.

January gave way to an icy February. It was so cold even Magnus was bundling up to protect himself from the biting wind. His sports car wasn't exactly safe in that kind of weather, so Alec borrowed the Hummer from his dad again.

One day, they arrived at the training center for practice, and Magnus slipped getting out of the Hummer. His foot must have landed on some ice and his ankle twisted. Alec heard him cry out as he fell and rushed to his side, almost falling down himself on the slippery ice. When he helped Magnus up, he realized he couldn't put any weight on his right leg without pain. He had to support him as he hobbled into the building.

There was nothing quite like the stricken look on everyone's face when they saw Magnus limping. Their point guard, their leader, the guy they relied on, the guy who was making their team good, _limping_? Alec hadn't had time to process what that meant for the team, he was too focused on Magnus himself.

Alec peeled Magnus's shoe and sock from his right foot. It never even occurred to him that he needed permission to examine Magnus. Magnus was his boyfriend, and currently his only concern, and he was going to find out what exactly the man had done to himself. His face fell when he saw the ankle was already swelling. Alec performed the exam as his training had taught him. Magnus winced in all the right - wrong- places. Fortunately, the injury seemed to be isolated to his right ankle. Unfortunately, Alec didn't like what he saw.

Without even thinking about where he was or who he was supposed to answer to, Alec looked up into Magnus's pained expression and said, "You've sprained your ankle." He was so worried he couldn't even get more technical than that. He looked over his shoulder and his eyes met Mr. Knightly's. Again, without thinking he said, "He needs an MRI."

"Now hang on just a second," Knightly said, pushing is way through the crowd that had gathered around Magnus.

"No," Alec demanded. "It could be a high ankle sprain. This could be really bad."

"Alec, I just rolled it. It's not that bad."

"You're a player. We can't trust what you tell us," Alec said dismissively.

"Step away from the patient, Lightwood." Curtis Knightly's gruff voice grated on Alec's nerves. He snapped.

Alec turned, using his body to block Magnus from Knightly. "He's hurt! He needs an MRI and ice and anti-inflammatories, maybe even some pain killers. He has to stay off the leg for a least a couple of weeks."

To his horror, Magnus stood up and pulled him into a stifling hug. He whispered into his ear, and as he did so, Alec began to calm down. He noticed the other players moving away from them, giving them some space. Finally, Magnus's words reached him.

"I'm okay, Alec. I'm okay." Alec felt him motion for something or someone, but couldn't tell what was going on with his face buried against Magnus's chest. "Alec, Scott has a chair for you to sit in," Magnus said in a soothing voice. "I want you to sit with Scott and let Mr. Knightly look at my ankle. Okay?"

Fear gripped Alec even tighter at the thought of walking away from Magnus, but he nodded and let Scott lead him over to the chair. He watched in horrified fascination as Knightly examined Magnus's ankle and determined it was just a minor sprain.

"But he needs an MRI," Alec tried one more time.

"No, he doesn't," Knightly's rough voice countered. "No practice today. Go home, stay off it, apply ice. Twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off. Take some ibuprofen. Rest. Come in tomorrow and we'll see if you can go for the game."

"But -"

"Alec," Magnus said sharply. Alec put his face in his hands while Scott gently rubbed circles on his back, trying to calm him down.

"It's just a sprain, Alec. He's okay," Scott said softly.

"But what if it's worse. High ankle sprains are misdiagnosed all the time. They warned us about it in school."

"Mr. Knightly knows what he's doing. He wouldn't put Magnus at risk if he wasn't sure. Trust him."

Alec looked up when Knightly cleared his throat. He was standing in front of Alec, a calculating look in his eyes. "Take him home. Stay with him. Get him whatever he needs." With that, Knightly walked away, rejoining the team about to start practice.

Alec felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him. He was being sent home? Of course he was being sent home, the smidgen of his rational brain that was still functioning told him. He'd just lost his shit over a minor injury in front of the whole team and training staff. He felt like he'd lost his grip on reality, too.

Alec met Scott's eyes and saw the sympathy there. "Well, I guess it's safe to say that you shouldn't be assessing Magnus's injuries."

Scott's face broke into a slow grin, and Alec had to laugh at himself. "Fuck. What just happened here?"

"You lost your damn mind," said Magnus. He'd gingerly walked the few steps over to them, giving Alec a bemused shake of his head. "What happened?" He looked from Alec to Scott and back as if hoping someone could tell him what was going on with Alec.

"Well, that's why doctors aren't supposed to treat their immediate family. Sometimes you can't be objective when the person that's hurt or sick is someone you love."

Alec gave Scott a grateful smile. He was embarrassed that he'd behaved so uncharacteristically bad. Putting a little distance between his initial panic and Knightly's assessment, he realized how much he'd overreacted. He'd even yelled at his boss. He cringed internally. Knightly wasn't the type of guy that would appreciate that very much.

Alec and Scott helped Magnus back into the Hummer and Alec drove them home. He was quiet the whole drive, thoughts whirling in his head about the scene he'd just caused at his and Magnus's job. Everyone must think him a complete idiot after that. He wondered if Knightly would ever let him touch a patient again. He'd probably fucked his career before it really even got started.

"Alec, please calm down," Magnus said from the passenger seat, interrupting his internal scolding.

Alec glanced at him. "I am calm," he said, then wondered if that was true.

"Then maybe you could tell that to your foot," Magnus said. "I'd like to make it home in one piece."

He looked at the speedometer and realized he was driving way too fast. If he wrecked at that speed, they'd have a lot more to worry about than just a sprained ankle. He eased off the accelerator. His pulse slowed with the speed of the car.

When they got home, Alec helped Magnus into the townhouse. For the first time ever, he regretted that their bedroom was on the second floor. He didn't want to make Magnus walk up the stairs, and then back down again tomorrow. No matter how much Magnus insisted he was fine, Alec planned to baby him today.

He set Magnus up on the couch, retrieving every available pillow to make sure he was comfortable. He placed some behind Magnus's back and propped his entire right leg up as high as he could get it. Magnus's ankle was too swollen to put his shoe back on before they'd left practice, so Alec only had to apply the cold pack and set the timer. Then, he fetched a glass of water and several ibuprofen and told Magnus to relax.

He spent the rest of the day waiting on him, hand and foot. Whatever Magnus needed, he was quick to get for him. Magnus was a good sport, and patient, even though it was obviously killing him not to be practicing with his team. He did draw the line, however, when Alec tried to get him to piss in a plastic container instead of the toilet. A small disagreement took place in which Magnus flat refused to use the container, saying he'd let his bladder rupture first. Alec finally caved and helped him to the bathroom.

Magnus reluctantly agreed to sleep on the couch that night. Alec could tell he wanted to fight him on it, but there was no way Alec was going to let him win. The stairs were too much, no matter how 'fine' Magnus insisted his ankle was. There was still some swelling and Alec wasn't taking any chances. In fact, just to make sure Magnus didn't get any wild ideas overnight, and so he'd be available if Magnus needed anything, Alec slept on a pile of blankets in the floor in front of the couch.

When they woke in the morning, Magnus's hand was still wrapped in Alec's protectively. How they'd managed to sleep all night long like that without letting go was a mystery.

Alec helped Magnus into the downstairs tub, making him take a bath instead of a shower. Alec helped him wash and rinse his hair. He could tell that Magnus's patience with being handled with kid gloves was wearing thin, but he needed to take care of him.

The swelling in his ankle had mostly resolved, and Magnus had no trouble getting his shoe on today. Alec was relieved that he was improving but still worried as he helped Magnus get bundled up and into the Hummer. He barely even noticed the exasperated sigh as he closed the door on his boyfriend. They reported to the training facility for a followed-up exam by Knightly. Alec's insistence that Magnus required help to get into the training facility earned him a glare and a few choice words.

They were standing in the hallway outside the locker room, when Magnus's resolve broke. "Alec, I'm fine. Will you stop babying me?" he snapped.

"You are not fine. You have a sprained ankle and you need to stay off it," Alec replied, still lamenting that Magnus refused crutches. Was he determined to hurt himself more?

"It's not that bad. If you'd back off and let me walk, you'd see it's _fine_."

"Or I'd see you fall on your face when you can't put any weight on it. No way."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "You gave Welcher the green light to play when he sprained his knee. What's the difference. Look!" He took a few steps away from Alec. There was a limp if you looked closely. "You saw it yourself this morning. The swelling is almost completely gone. It's fine."

"Welcher was different. His knee wasn't very swollen and only mildly uncomfortable."

"So is mine! But you won't fucking listen to me!"

"I can't fucking listen to you! If I make the wrong decision here and permanently fuck up your ankle and you can't play anymore, you'll hate me. Just let me do my fucking job!"

"You did your job! Now let me fucking do mine!"

Alec realized they were shouting at each other when he heard voices on the other side of the locker room door. He looked at Magnus, pleading with his eyes. "I'm so worried about you. Please, just sit out this game. Next week is All-Star week and you can rest it, then you'll be fine when we start back. Please."

Magnus also lowered his voice. "Alec, you know I can't afford to miss a game. I can't let Welcher have more playing time. What if they decide to start him instead of me? Then what do I do?"

"If you can't walk, you won't be able to play anyway," Alec hissed.

"Just let Knightly look at it. Okay? Let him make the decision."

"His interest lies with the team. He will want you to play even if you aren't ready."

Magnus's eyes widened. "You can't believe that. Why are you even here if you think all he cares about is the team winning? You know as well as I do that he will pull a guy if he thinks they shouldn't play."

"I just don't want you to be a casualty of the game. Magnus, please."

"Ah, just the guys I was looking for!" Alec and Magnus turned to see Coach Hollings approaching them from the direction of his office. Alec glanced sidelong at Magnus, noticing he looked as guilty as Alec felt. They shouldn't have been arguing at the training facility where anyone could overhear. He wondered if Coach had heard what they said, and then he felt a pang of guilt about Knightly. He did not, in fact, believe that Knightly only cared about the team winning. He knew in his heart Knightly did whatever he could to make sure the guys were healthy before giving his okay for them to play. He trusted the man. He was just a little too close to this one to be objective.

"Hey, Coach," Magnus said, and Alec nodded his greeting.

"So," Coach said, "how's the ankle? Are you good to play?"

Magnus stared into Alec's eyes, pleading with him to let him play. Alec was torn. He was so scared something horrible would happen to Magnus if he played, but he also didn't want to fight with Magnus about it if he said no. He settled for a cop-out. "We haven't seen Knightly yet."

Something flickered in Coach's expression. Alec couldn't place it, and it was gone so quickly he wondered if he'd imagined it. "That's okay, Lightwood. I want to know what you think."

Alec felt like the two of them were pinning him against the wall with their eyes. They both wanted an answer, and he wasn't sure which one to give them. He dropped his eyes to the floor and said, "If we tape it up, he should be able to play tonight. He can rest it next week during the All-Star game, and he should be fine when we come back from break." He hoped with all his heart he was making the right decision.

He glanced up and caught Magnus's eyes. He saw so much love and gratitude there, it was overwhelming.

"Great!" Coach said. "But you're not going to be resting next week, Magnus. One of the players in the Rising Stars Challenge tore his ACL and is out for the season. They want you to take his place. I just got the call this morning."

Alec's mouth dropped open. His eyes were drawn to Magnus, whose wide eyes and huge grin showed a mixture of astonishment and excitement and disbelief. Magnus was going to be part of the NBA All-Stars!

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Magnus said, then seemed to remember who he was talking to, and stuttered over his words as he tried to backtrack.

Coach Hollings chuckled, plopping a big, heavy hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Magnus. It's not every day you become an NBA All-Star." Magnus looked demurely at his Coach. "I'll see you in the gym." He gave a nod to Alec and continued down the hall. They could hear the sounds of basketballs pounding on the hardwood floor of the court, and Alec momentarily wondered who'd set everything up, since he'd been fighting with Magnus instead of doing his job.

"NBA Rising Stars! Alec, I can't fucking believe it!" Magnus practically launched himself into Alec's arms. Alec held him tightly. He was so excited and happy for Magnus. He knew this was a dream come true for his boyfriend. "Thank you, Alec. Thank you so much!" Magnus whispered into his ear, and Alec prayed that he'd made the right decision, that this wouldn't come back and bite them in the ass.

* * *

Magnus had a good practice. Prior to practice, Knightly had stood over Alec's shoulder, instructing him on how to tape Magnus's ankle for the most support without cutting off circulation. It was a fine skill, one that Alec was keen to hone, especially if Magnus was going to need him to do it on a regular basis. As he taped the ankle, his subconscious mind yelled at him, forcing him to notice what he'd been too stubborn and scared to notice before: Magnus's ankle looked really good. The swelling was almost completely gone. There wasn't even any bruising. He'd totally blown the whole thing out of proportion.

When he sent Magnus on his way to the court, he realized he was left alone with Knightly. The old man stood rigid as usual, watching Magnus walk perfectly normally to join his team, and not looking at Alec. Alec suddenly felt very insecure, thinking about how he'd behaved the day before, and wondering what Knightly thought of him for it.

He steeled himself and cleared his throat to get past the lump that had formed. "Mr. Knightly, um…I just wanted to say…I'm sorry…for overreacting yesterday. I don't know what came over me."

Knightly stared straight ahead for several long moments, making Alec wonder if he'd heard what he'd said. Then, he turned to him. "Lightwood. Alec," he said calmly, drawing Alec's undivided attention. He'd never heard the man speak so softly, so kindly, before. "This is why we asked you when you signed your contract if you could handle making these decisions about Magnus. We knew it was a potential problem. Yesterday, you failed. Today, you passed."

Alec stared at him. "What do you mean I passed today?"

Knightly chuckled gruffly, back to his usual voice, and clapped a thick hand to the nape of Alec's neck. "He's playing isn't it?" He gave Alec a rough pat on the back and wandered off to watch the team practice, shuffling his feet and chuckling to himself the whole way.

Alec was flabbergasted. Did Knightly mean what Alec thought he meant. His mind flashed back to the look on Coach's face when he said they hadn't talked to Knightly yet. Was that some sort of test? Had Knightly and Coach discussed Magnus's ankle before they'd talked to him and Magnus about it? Had they already decided Magnus would play today, no matter what Alec said? That made sense, really. Alec had no authority with the team. He was in training, and maybe one day when Knightly retired he would take over and would be the one to make the decisions. Until then, he answered to Knightly. So why had Coach Hollings insisted Alec give him the answer to his question? Why not insist instead that they let Knightly evaluated him?

Because Knightly knew yesterday that Magnus was fine, or that he would be by today. That was the only explanation, the only reason he hadn't demanded to examine him again today. He knew Magnus would be fine to play. He was just giving Alec the chance to come to terms with his emotions about Magnus's injury, so that he could see that Magnus was okay. That had to be it. Didn't it?

Alec felt even more like an ass than he had before. He'd blown up and acted like a crazy person because Magnus slipped on some ice and twisted his ankle. He wondered if anyone on the team would trust his judgment now. He wondered if _he_ would trust himself.

He felt an arm slide around his shoulders, and a familiar voice in his ear. "Stop it. Everything's fine."

Alec looked up into Scott's eyes, and offered a weak smile. "That obvious, huh?"

Scott shrugged, and removed his arm before the gesture looked more than friendly. "I couldn't say if people who don't know you could tell you're beating yourself up, but it was obvious to me. And I think Toby." He pointed to Toby sitting across the gym on a chair. Toby waved and drew the corners of his mouth up into a smile using his fingertips. Alec smiled on command.

"How am I not supposed to beat myself up over this?" Alec said. "I screwed up pretty badly yesterday. Knightly even told me I failed."

"Yeah?" Scott said. "Well, you did kind of do the Chicken Little routine. _The sky is falling. The sky is falling_," he added in a high-pitched voice, waving his hands around.

Alec chuckled. "Stop it. I was worried about him. What if he'd really fucked up his ankle? What if he'd ended his career yesterday?"

"_The sky is falling!_" Scott said again. "Relax, will you? Even if Magnus had fucked up his ankle, it's rarely career ending. He would've gotten over it and lived to play another day. You worry too much, my friend."

Alec shrugged. "I just know how he is about basketball. He'd be devastated if something happened and he couldn't play."

"So would every single one of those guys," Scott said, motioning toward the players on the court. "Basketball is their life. They wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't."

Alec couldn't disagree there. And he knew what Scott was getting at. He couldn't be more worried about one player than another. That was a recipe for disaster. That would mean that Magnus's career was more important than anyone else's, and that wasn't true. Any way he looked at it, that wasn't true. Sure, he had more personally invested in Magnus's career, because he was more personally invested in _Magnus_, but he couldn't show favoritism when it came to his job. That was wrong on so many levels.

"Just try to keep your head next time he gets hurt," Scott was saying.

"Next time?" Alec said thoughtfully.

"Yes, Alec. He's a professional athlete. Those guys put their bodies through ungodly amounts of stress and strain. They work out too much, they have no fucking body fat, they are absolutely perfect specimens of male physique. Then they take those bodies and put them through an eighty-two game season, plus more if they make the Playoffs. They run, jump, land hard, get pushed around. People say basketball isn't a contact sport, but that's bullshit and you know it. Every one of those guys gets roughed up in a game. They need ice packs and tub soaks and massages just to make it through the season. That's why you and I have a job."

"True…"

"He _will_ get hurt again. Hopefully it will be minor, like this time. But either way, you have to keep your wits when you examine him. If you can't be objective, you need to let someone else do it and you can be the supportive boyfriend while they do."

"I know. You're right, Scott. I need to get my shit together." Alec glanced into Scott's eyes. "Thanks, man."

"That's what I'm here for… to talk you off the ledge." Scott nudged him with his elbow and chuckled.

A few minutes later, Knightly called to Alec. If he'd thought his freak-out yesterday would preclude Knightly from letting him examine another player, he'd been very much wrong. One of the subs, Terence Hill, was complaining about his shoulder. Alec remembered how he liked to block shots, sometimes swinging his arm wide to get to the ball. He did his exam and determined the guy had an injury to his deltoid muscle, but he couldn't tell if the muscle was just strained or if the injury was worse. He recommended an MRI, and Knightly agreed. Knightly patted Alec on the shoulder, a sign Alec had come to realize was high praise for the old veteran.

He received a congratulatory grin from Magnus, Scott, and Toby, and couldn't resist patting himself on the back…just a little.


	98. Chapter 98

The 2019 NBA All-Stars festivities were taking place in Orlando, Florida. Those not participating had an entire week off to do whatever the hell they wanted. A lot of the guys were spending the week at home, wherever that may be. Alec knew that TJ was going to his parents' house in a suburb of Chicago. Toby was taking his wife and their four-year-old son to visit his family in Alabama.

Alec was just thrilled they'd get a week break from the icy weather in New York. Hopefully that shit would be gone before they got back.

He'd called Tony as soon as they found out Magnus was participating in the Rising Stars Challenge. Tony had said he'd try to meet them in Orlando when they played the Magic around the middle of March, but that was four weeks away, and Alec wanted to let him know they'd be there sooner if he was available to come. He even had a sweet offer for him. Since this was the All-Star game, Alec and Magnus didn't have to stay in a specific hotel, and didn't have assigned rooms. They planned to rent a condo with several bedrooms, so Tony would have a free place to stay if he could get away from work for the week.

Tony's first question: "Is Scott coming?"

Alec's answer: "Only if you make him…" This was followed by a snicker.

"Jesus, Alec. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Why? All my friends are there with me."

"Touché."

So that put Alec on a mission to convince Scott to spend the week with them in Orlando. At first, Scott was hesitant to go, saying he didn't want to mooch off Alec and Magnus. It was apparently one thing to have the team pay for his travels, but his friends were something else altogether. Then, Alec said the magic words: "Tony will be there."

Scott worked his lip between his teeth, an internal battle clearly making him indecisive. Finally, he said, "Fine. I'll go."

Alec grinned from ear to ear. Scott pushed him and told him to shut up.

A minor problem arose when they told Cammie and Austin, Will and Jem, and Lexus and Mo about the trip. They all wanted to go, too. He wasn't sure how they'd all arrange to have the week off, but that wasn't his problem. His problem was he suddenly had to scramble to find a bigger condo with more bedrooms. Unfortunately, with such short notice, he was having a very difficult time doing so. So he did what he'd always done with faced with a problem he didn't know how to solve: he called his dad.

Robert Lightwood let Alec ramble on about his problem for several long minutes, after they'd taken care of the niceties of course, then chuckled softly into the phone. "Alec, you know your Granddad has a house in Orlando, right?"

"Huh? He does?"

Robert laughed harder. "Yes, he does. That's where we used to stay when we'd go to Disney World when you and Izzy were little."

Alec had completely forgotten about that. Now that his dad said it, though, he remembered going to Orlando for gymnastics, and then cheerleading competitions as well. He remembered a huge mansion, similar to the one they'd stayed in when they went to Miami. How could he have forgotten that?

"Call your Granddad. I'm sure he'll be happy to let you use it. I think he's in the Bahamas right now anyway, so it should be empty."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"Love you, too, son."

Alec dialed his Granddad's number, and had a lovely chat with him. He felt a pang of regret that he didn't talk to his Granddad as much as he used to. He'd been so busy lately, he hadn't even seen his own parents but maybe once or twice a month. He needed to make a better effort of keeping up with his family. Being busy and living so far away wasn't a very good excuse. He had to do better.

Anyway, Granddad was indeed in the Bahamas, and more than happy to let Alec and his friends use the house. He gave them the name and number of the housekeeping service who took care of the place, and the realtor who had a spare key he could use. Alec thanked his Granddad and promised to get together with him sometime after the season was over and they had more free time. His Granddad had liked Magnus when he first met him, but they hadn't seen each other in more than two years, since before the rape.

Alec then set about calling the housekeeping service to let them know someone would be in the house so they could get everything ready for the visit. He apologized profusely for the short notice, since he and Magnus planned to fly down in two days, but they said it was no problem. Then he arranged for the Lightwood jet to be ready on Saturday. Once he had a flight plan, he phoned the realtor, who agreed to meet them at the house so they had a way in. When he was finished, he thoroughly understood why people who could afford it used travel agents. He wanted a nap, and maybe a glass of wine!

All that went away as soon as they landed in Orlando. The sun shone brightly and warmed their skin. They shed their winter coats and soaked up the mild temperatures. Seventy degrees felt so much better than wind chills in the teens and ice. He had a fleeting thought that maybe they should move to Florida when they retired, like so many people on the east coast did. He doubted they would go anywhere as long as his parents and Momma H lived in New York, even if they didn't see them as regularly as they would like right now.

Alec, Magnus, Scott, Will, and Jem climbed into the waiting limo while the driver and flight crew made sure all the luggage was loaded into the trunk. They'd had a nice flight, which mostly consisted of champagne and Will and Jem getting to know Scott. Alec had the impression that they liked his new friend just fine. He didn't think Magnus had mentioned anything about Scott's crush on Alec to his best friend, and he didn't think it mattered anymore. Scott was obviously looking forward to seeing Tony again, so much so that he kept wiping his palms on his jeans during the ride to the house. He wasn't even sure Scott still _had _a crush on him.

The limo pulled up outside a sprawling estate. A gate with a key pad blocked their entry, and Alec frowned at it. He hadn't remembered that, and he hoped that the realtor knew he didn't have the code to get in. He looked around and spotted a grey sedan pulling in behind the limo. A tall man about Robert's age got out of the car. He checked Alec's ID to make sure he was who he said he was, and gave Alec the code to get through the gate, and another code to get into the house. He also had a key that he lent to Alec for the duration of their stay. Then he got back in his car and left.

Alec punched in the code and climbed back in the car as the huge wrought iron gates parted, allowing them entry. The limo drove over a cobblestone path that curved past a huge granite fountain with a statue of a naked man and woman embracing each other. They all chuckled at that. Alec thought that had to be new. Surely he would've remembered _that _as a kid.

The driveway split an enormous flower garden in two. Even this time of year the flowers were in bloom, yellow and white and red and pink all mingled together for a stunning view. Then they drove through a little grove of trees that opened to reveal the house itself. Alec was pretty sure they could fit twenty of his and Magnus's townhouses in the mansion that stood before them.

"Holy fuck, Alec! How rich is your Granddad?" Scott said, his mouth hanging open in awe.

Alec shrugged. "I never asked him." That was the truth. They didn't talk much about the family wealth. He knew how much money he had, and how much his father planned to leave each of his kids, including Jace. He had no idea how much his Granddad planned to pass on though.

The mansion had a dark brick façade with strategically placed stone-work that added to its beauty. They entered through twelve foot high solid mahogany doors and were greeted by an expansive two-story foyer and grand, sweeping staircase. A hallway led off each side of the foyer to what could only be referred to as the east and west wings of the house. Everything was impeccably decorated, marble flooring and golden wall sconces and granite statues. Even Alec was in awe, and he'd grown up around ridiculous amounts of money.

"I think Granddad might have redecorated. I don't remember any of this." He ran his hand along the wooden handrail of the staircase. It was smooth, and cool to the touch.

"This place is unbelievable," Will said, and Scott nodded his head in agreement.

"We get to stay here for a whole week?" Scott said, his voice higher than usual.

"Yeah."

A buzz sounded that seemed to come from the walls themselves, and everyone looked around for the source. Alec spotted a small computer monitor in a little nook hidden by the staircase. He could clearly see Tony's face on the screen. It took a minute for him to find the button that would open the gate for Tony. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Scott cried. Alec smirked.

Scott opened the door and just stood there staring at Tony for a long moment. Alec could hear some words exchanged, but he was too busy exploring with the others to pay attention. At any rate, he wanted to give Scott and Tony a little privacy. They hadn't seen each other since they met a couple of weeks ago. He glanced over when he heard the door close, and saw Tony pull Scott to him and give him a brief, but passionate kiss. He couldn't help grinning.

They had some time before the others were due in, so the rest of them took the opportunity to claim their bedrooms. Alec and Magnus took the east wing and found multiple bedrooms, a media room with an enormous projection television, a play room that included a billiards table and several arcade games, and a library that many small towns would drool over.

The bedroom they chose was the epitome of elegance. A custom-made four-poster bed stood as the centerpiece of the room, with matching dressers and other furniture completing the look. Floor to ceiling drapes covered the windows, and were currently pulled back to let in the sunlight. The view from the window was of the flower garden they'd passed on the way in. Alec noticed that every room they'd been in seemed to have extra high ceilings. He was almost certain every room had an en suite bathroom. Theirs was as big and elegant as the rest of the house with it's Jacuzzi tub and shower big enough for four people and huge double vanity sinks.

This was the very definition of the lap of luxury.

It got even better when Magnus came up behind him and slid his arms around Alec's waist. Alec leaned back against his boyfriend, gazing out at the flowers and the palm trees behind them. He smiled. He was so freaking excited about this week, set in a warm climate, in an amazing mansion, surrounded by his best friends, in the arms of the man he loved more than life. Seriously, could it get any better than that?

Oh, yeah, said boyfriend was playing in the Rising Stars Challenge of the NBA All-Stars weekend!

"You really don't remember any of this?" Magnus said against Alec's neck, just before planting a kiss there.

"No. I remember coming down here for gymnastics competitions when I was little, then cheerleading a few years in high school, but I don't remember the house looking like this at all."

"When was the last time you were here?"

Alec thought for a moment. "I guess my junior year of high school. I know we didn't get to go my senior year. So what, about six years ago." He turned suddenly in Magnus's arms. "Has it really been that long?"

Magnus smiled knowingly. "Yeah, it has. We've been together for four years. Well, if you don't count the year we were apart."

Alec kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth. "Let's not count that year. We were together in our hearts anyway, right?"

"We were," Magnus whispered, and kissed him so tenderly, Alec's heart broke a little, and he felt it all the way to his toes. A silent tear escaped his eye.

The kiss broke, and so did the moment. Alec collected himself and dragged Magnus to the doorway. Scott and Tony were across the hall, huddled together in conversation. Alec didn't want to interrupt them, but they couldn't retreat back into the room without drawing attention to themselves. So they silently observed the conversation.

"You claim that room," Tony said in a low voice, "and I'll take this one. That way you can have your space if you want it."

"Or if you do," Scott countered.

"Are you kidding? I've been trying to figure out how I'd get you back down here for weeks. I don't want to let you out of my sight."

Scott blushed, and grinned shyly. "You barely know me. How do you know I won't get on your nerves?"

Tony stroked his cheek with his thumb, and Scott's eyes slid closed. "I know enough. We've been talking on the phone every day for three weeks. I'm interested, Scott."

Scott's eyes flew open. "I am, too. I…don't think I'll need my own room…"

The buzz from the front gate echoed down the hall. Scott and Tony broke apart, looking around liked they were naughty children getting caught. Alec tried to make it look like he and Magnus hadn't been standing there intruding on their private moment, but he wasn't sure he was successful. He kind of felt floored that Scott had been talking to Tony every day and hadn't mentioned it to him. Maybe he didn't need to worry about this crush anymore, and that was a good thing.

Alec pulled Magnus down the hall to the monitor that showed who was at the gate. Cammie and Austin were there, smiling into the camera. Before he could buzz them in, another cab pulled up. Alec was pretty sure that was Lexus and Mo, though he couldn't see them in the backseat of the car. He hit the button to open the gates and watched the small caravan of cars enter the property.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Alec threw it open expectantly. God he missed these people! As usual, Cammie leapt into his arms and hugged him tightly. Everything about her felt so right, like a missing piece of him had come home. He sat her down, grabbed her hand, and tugged her into the foyer.

"Camille Belcourt! What did you do to your hair!" The words slipped out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about them, or how they sounded. His eyes flashed up to Austin, who was making a gesture that indicated he better make her feel good about it.

Cammie ran a hand through her hair self-consciously. Her usual long, blonde locks were now short and dyed a chocolate-y brown color. She still looked good, Alec was just surprised. She'd never mentioned anything about changing her hair. She'd had different hair styles throughout the years he'd known her, but it had always been some variation of long and blonde.

"I thought maybe the board would take me more seriously if I had darker hair. Sometimes I get the feeling they think I'm a dumb blonde or something," Cammie said, and Alec's blood boiled.

"That's bullshit. You're definitely not dumb. Fucking stupid stereotypes," Alec grumbled.

Cammie smiled. "Well, you know how it is. I'm a tiny, blonde, former-cheerleader. I couldn't possibly be smart enough to run the company. My daddy surely just gave me the job to pacify me or my mom."

Alec was pretty sure he actually growled. He opened his mouth to say something else in defense of her, but she held up her hand to stop him. "It's okay, Alec. Sometimes you have to play the game. Don't you like my hair? Are you telling me you don't think I'm beautiful anymore?" She pouted her bottom lip. Alec wasn't sure if she was just fishing for compliments or if she was really that insecure about it.

"Oh, Cam, you're beauty was never in your hair. Your beauty is in those green eyes that see right through people, that are hard and demanding when needed, but soften when you look at someone you love." Her eyes softened as Alec spoke. "Or when someone says the right thing." Her expression softened, too. "Your beauty is in that smile that can light up the room. And in the pint-sized body that is so full of kindness and love. I don't know how it holds all of that."

Cammie almost knocked him down with her hug this time. He held her against him, kissed the top of her head. She was grinning, her eyes watery, when she pulled away.

Austin grabbed his hand and pulled him into a back-slap hug. "Thanks for making me look bad, bro," he said with a chuckle.

Everyone laughed at the stunned look on Alec's face. He hadn't meant to make anyone look bad. Cammie backhanded Austin's arm and said, "Yeah, Austin, why don't you say things like that to me?"

Magnus cleared his throat, apparently unable to resist taking his turn. "He doesn't say that kind of thing to me either."

Cammie put a hand on her hip. "Austin better not be saying those kinds of things to you, Magnus Bane."

The whole room lost it. The conversation had gotten pretty ridiculous by then anyway. The sound of laughter bouncing off the marble must have gotten Scott and Tony's attention. They appeared a moment later with bemused looks on their faces. They were standing about a foot apart, and both looked a little wind-swept.

"It's good to know you can be so charming, my love," Magnus said in a fake British accent, that set everyone giggling again.

"Oh, and it's Camille Belcourt-_Chambers_, thank you very much," Cammie said, tucking herself against Austin's side.

"Yeah, don't forget the Chambers part," Austin agreed.

"My bad," Alec laughed, holding up his hands in surrender.

Lexus and Mo made their way to the front of the line, then. Magnus leaned over to hug Lexus and kiss her on top of the head. She smiled up at him and said, "Who are the hunks?" She jerked her head toward Scott and Tony, a wicked grin on her face. She didn't wait for an introduction, instead sidling over to the pair and thrusting her hand out to grab Tony's. "Hi. I'm Lexus Dixon. And you are?"

Tony's eyebrows were lost in the dark brown fringes on his forehead. "Wait." He glanced at Alec, his mouth slightly parted, looking for confirmation. "_The_ Lexus Dixon?"

Lexus beamed. "The one and only. I think." She shrugged like it didn't matter.

"Holy shit! I saw you last year at the American Airlines Arena. That was one of the best concerts I've ever seen!"

Lexus's grinned broadened. "Thanks!"

"I love your latest single. I can't believe it only went to #3 on the charts. That was a #1 hit if I've ever heard one!" Tony gushed.

Lexus reached behind her and grabbed Will by the arm. "This is the guy that wrote the song and played guitar on the album. I'm still trying to convince him to tour with me." She looked pointedly at Will.

"You should do it," Tony said without hesitation. "I would if I knew how to play anything other than the stereo."

Will laughed at that. "I'm considering it. She hasn't made me an offer I can't refuse yet."

While the tennis match continued to volley between Lexus and Will, Alec greeted Mo with a hug. Her appearance had changed again. He was getting used to her looking different every time he saw her. This time her hair was a deep auburn and flipped to the left side with a black streak in front. The right side was shorn very short and also dyed black. Magnus and Jem also moved to greet Cammie and Austin.

"Did you guys find a bedroom in the west wing?" Alec asked Jem.

"Yeah. Come on, I'll show you what's left."

Jem threw Cammie's bag over his shoulder, Alec took Mo's, and Magnus took Lexus's. Austin wheeled their large suitcase behind him. Jem led them past another game room, this one had air hockey and every video game console on the market. There was a gym about half the size of the one the Knicks used, and a spa area complete with massage tables and a tub for a mud bath. There was a door on far end.

"Is there a sauna in there?" Alec asked.

"Yeah. This place is unbelievable, Alec."

"No shit." He stared in awe, still unable to believe he'd ever been here before. He was more and more certain all the time that he hadn't. Maybe his Granddad had bought a new place in the last six years?

There were three more bedrooms at the end of the hall. Just as Alec had thought, each had an en suite bathroom. Each was as elegantly decorated as his and Magnus's room, though they were all slightly different. Jem pointed out the one he and Will had chosen. It was the darkest, most masculine of the three rooms.

"Looks like we have the perfect number of bedrooms," Austin said.

Jem laughed. "You haven't been upstairs yet."

Alec gaped at him. He'd completely forgotten about upstairs, even after standing in the foyer with the magnificent staircase that looked like it belonged on a movie set. "What's upstairs?"

"Let's check it out," Cammie said excitedly.

Alec turned to lead them back down the hallway, but Jem stopped him. "There's a staircase right here," he said, pointing to the wall at the end of the hall. The stairs were hidden by the shape of the wall, but they were definitely there. Alec hadn't even noticed if the east wing had the same thing, but given the similarities in the layout, he thought it probably did. This house was just full of surprises.

By the time they'd dumped the luggage in each of the bedrooms Lexus, Will, Tony, and Scott had caught up with them. They made their way up the stairs to the second floor, which was just as stunning as the first. The long hallway was covered in plush carpet that muffled their footsteps. It was a dark, hunter green color. There were gold wall sconces set at intervals and windows with the similar long drapes as were in the bedrooms.

They found another seven bedrooms, again each with their own bathrooms, on the upper floor. There was a study with a massive oak desk and filing cabinets, some of which were locked. Will found a safe behind a larger-than-life-size portrait of Alec's Granddad, which was too funny and so cliché. They found an art room full of paints and canvases, all manner of colored pencils and pastels. The lighting was amazing in that room, with several large windows letting in as much natural light as possible. There was also a music room with a grand piano, among many other instruments. Alec wondered how on earth they got that piano up to the second floor, and was thoroughly thankful he didn't have to move it.

There was a wide opening at the staircase. When they took that path, they realized there was a whole section of the first floor they'd missed, unless this part was unsupported by a first floor, which was an insane thought. Apparently none of them had ventured behind the grand staircase in the foyer to see what lay beyond. They were able to tell one thing though, there was an indoor pool. At the end of that hall was a wall of glass overlooking an Olympic-size pool, complete with diving board and two slides. There was a door to one side that led to stairs down to the pool.

"Where the hell was _this _when I was a kid!" Alec said indignantly.

Austin let out a whoop of excitement. "Hell yeah! I can't wait to go swimming!"

Alec grinned. Austin was always more graceful in the water than out, not that he wasn't graceful out of the water. He was just a natural swimmer.

"We need to check out the part we missed downstairs," Alec said, pulling Austin away from the view of the pool.

"Bet I know what we missed," said Will. He paused for effect. His stomach growled as he smirked and said, "The kitchen."

It appeared to be feeding time. They descended the grand staircase, feeling like Miss America contestants walking out onto the stage. That staircase was the most over-the-top thing in the mansion, and that was saying something. The group split in half, one group going left, the other right, when they got to the bottom of the stairs. They met at a small hallway that led in both directions with several doors on each side. Front and center behind the stairs was a set of mahogany double doors that matched the ones at the entrance. Alec shrugged and pushed them open to find a gorgeous ballroom on the other side.

The ballroom had intricate oak paneling on the walls. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling at intervals. Numerous round tables, all draped in white linen, were scattered throughout the room. There was a stage to one side where one could set up a band…or wedding party. Alec nearly choked on that thought. He wasn't about to mention it though, not after Magnus's minor flip-out a few weeks ago.

Alec led them through the ballroom toward another set of mahogany doors at the rear of the room. Through there was a short hall that led off to the right. Alec pushed through a set of stainless steel doors that swung in both directions and revealed a kitchen any chef would drool over. Top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances and workstations gleamed when Alec flipped on the lights. It strongly resembled a kitchen in an upscale restaurant, one that easily had room for an entire crew of people to work.

The other door led to a formal dining room. There was a wooden table that appeared to be hand-carved, with matching chairs. Twenty chairs to be exact. A massive stone fireplace fit into one wall, and beautiful buffet tables and china cabinets lined another. An elaborate chandelier hung from the ceiling, lending low light to the table.

"Guess this is where we eat," Jem said. Alec exchanged glances with him. He was another one that came from a very wealthy family. Even he looked shell-shocked by this place.

They went through the door at the other end of the dining room which circled them back to the hallway behind the grand staircase. Walking past the ballroom doors led to two doors. The first was a stately sitting room with the most comfortable furniture Alec had ever sat on. The room was decorated in earth tones and calming blues. Expensive artwork adorned the walls and there was a stone fireplace in one corner.

The other door was the entrance to the pool. It looked even bigger down here. Along one wall were a couple of showers to hose off after a swim. There were several storage rooms that contained just about anything one could imagine putting in a swimming pool. There were beach balls of every size and color, noodles, rafts of all shapes and sizes. There was a net to play the water version of volleyball, and other nets to play water polo. There were even goggles and swimming caps, fins and floating devices. Someone had paid a lot of attention to detail when setting this place up.

"Do we even dare to walk the grounds?" Magnus said nervously. It was clear to Alec that Magnus was way out of his element. He'd never been exposed to anything like this before. Not even close. And he'd totally felt out of place at the Lightwood penthouse, which was elegant but not to this extreme. He'd settled in pretty well in his apartment he'd had when Alec was being distant, but even that hadn't been anywhere close to this luxurious.

"Maybe we should call the realtor and find out how big the estate is first," Alec suggested, a little apprehensive about roaming the grounds. What if this place was hundreds of acres, like the land his Granddad's friend owned in New York, the place they'd gone camping last summer. He didn't know this place like he did that one. He didn't want to get his friends lost and wandering around central Florida until the end of time. What if there were alligators? Alec shivered at the thought.

They ended up back in the kitchen. Will investigated one of the refrigerators, and found it fully stocked with anything and everything they could possibly want to eat.

"Alright. Who's the chef?" he said. Looks were exchanged. Nobody volunteered. "Great. We're going to starve," he added dramatically.

"No one's going to starve," Alec said, exasperated. Will shot him a smirk, which Alec ignored. He dislodged Will from in front of the fridge and peered at it's contents. Within a few minutes, he had a pasta dish started.

He was amused to find that each couple seemed to have one that could at least somewhat cook, and one that burned water. The cooking crew consisted of Alec, Tony, Cammie, Jem, and Mo. The others got clean-up detail. After dinner, they took a couple bottles of wine, and a few beers for Will, and settled into the sitting room. Will found a deck of cards and they played rummy and poker, chatting idly about nothing, and everything.

Tony was the first to stretch his long limbs and yawn. "I'm going to take a shower. I still feel gross from traveling." Alec saw him nudge Scott's leg with his knuckles as he stood.

"I'm, um, going to go…read or…something," Scott stammered when Tony was out of sight. He said goodnight and followed Tony down the hall to their rooms. Alec watched them go, hiding a smile.

"How long have they been together?" Will asked. He missed nothing, and nothing was sacred ground. If he was curious about something, he'd ask.

"I didn't know they were," Alec answered honestly. "They just met a few weeks ago."

"Hmm," Lexus said, touching her bottom lip with her index finger, "and I'll bet _you_ had something to do with that, didn't you, Alec?"

"Me?" He attempted to look surprised, but no one bought it. "I might have introduced them…"

"You should start a dating service," said Cammie, leaning back and sipping her wine. "You're really good at it."

Alec scoffed at this. "Come on, guys. I didn't do anything but introduce my friends to each other. You are the ones who took things to the next level. You give me too much credit."

"Always so modest," said Mo, sounding like she was humoring him.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

A short time later, the party dispersed. Alec noticed both Tony's and Scott's bedroom doors were closed when he and Magnus made their way to their room. He wondered if they were sleeping separately, or if Scott was in Tony's room. He stared at the door for a moment, tempted to walk over and listen for sounds that would satisfy is curiosity, but Magnus tugged on his hand and led him into their room instead.

"You are too noisy sometimes," Magnus said when their bedroom door was closed. He kissed Alec to soften his words. "You're also a very good friend." Magnus kissed him again, more heatedly, pulling him toward the bed.

Sex that night was quick. They'd had a busy day and were really tired, so they settled for trading blow jobs. Less mess and effort, even if it did make their jaws sore afterward. When they were finished, Alec curled against Magnus, absently kissing his chest and shoulder while Magnus gently caressed his back.

"How's your ankle?" Alec said softly between kisses.

"It's fine, Alec. Stop worrying about it," Magnus replied. He didn't seem irritated by the question, but Alec could tell his patience with the subject was wearing thin.

"Good," Alec said, planting another kiss on Magnus's neck. "I was thinking about taking everyone to Disney World tomorrow, but I didn't want to stress your ankle if you needed to rest it for the game."

"No, it's perfect. I've never been to Disney."

"I know. Goodnight, Magnus. I love you."

"I love you, too, babe."


	99. Chapter 99

**A/N: Welcome to October! The month of cooler temperatures (in the US), pumpkin flavored everything, Halloween...and TWICE A WEEK UPDATES! Yay! Thanks again for all the support. Love you guys!**

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Alec woke early in the morning, which was odd for him. Normally he slept in on his days off, but he was on vacation and who wants to spend their vacation sleeping? So he slipped out of bed as quietly as he could so he wouldn't disturb Magnus, found a pair of basketball shorts on the floor in the dark, and silently let himself out of the bedroom. He padded softly along the marble hallway, into the elaborate foyer, around the stairs and into the kitchen.

He started coffee percolating and went to peek out a window. It was still dark outside. He should've looked to see what time it was. Before sunrise. He didn't know the last time he was up before dawn, on purpose after having slept. Staying up until sunrise was something he was much better at doing, even though he didn't do that too often anymore.

The enticing aroma of coffee brought him back into the kitchen. He poured a cup and held it in his hands, letting the warmth seep through him before he even took a sip. He wasn't particularly cold, but there was nothing quite like that feeling. He was about to take his cup somewhere he could watch the sun come up, when the kitchen door opened again and Tony walked through.

"Hey," Tony said. He looked ruffled and sleepy, his hair standing up at odd angles like he, or someone, had run fingers through it repeatedly.

"Hey yourself," Alec said, pulling down another cup and filling it for Tony. He accepted it gratefully. "Sleep well?" He didn't quite manage to hide the grin threatening at the corners of his mouth.

"As a matter of fact, I did," Tony replied, not taking the bait. Now that it was morning, Alec _really_ wanted to know if Scott slept in Tony's room last night. "You're up early?"

"Yeah, thought I'd catch the sunrise. Want to join me?" Alec said. Tony made a gesture of assent and followed him into the pool room.

The water was calm with the filter off. Calm and quiet. There was a slight smell of salt in the air, and Alec realized that it was a salt water pool. They walked over to the large bank of windows facing east and sat at a white wrought iron table and chairs. Alec turned the little hand crank to open a window. A cool breeze filtered in, ever so slightly disturbing the water in the pool.

"I'm glad you could make it," Alec said to Tony. The warmth of the coffee was a sharp contrast to the chilly air. It was only in the mid-fifties this time of morning, and Alec was only wearing basketball shorts. He hadn't even put on a shirt.

"Me, too," Tony said, and Alec had the feeling he was going to make him ask what he wanted to know. Except that seemed kind of rude, didn't it? _Hey, Tony, did you sleep with Scott last night?_ Yeah, no. But he was having difficulty restraining his curiosity.

"Scott seems happy that you're here."

"Mmmm," Tony said, supremely unhelpfully, as he took a drink of his coffee. Alec noticed the sky was lightening as he stared at the horizon, trying to figure out what to ask next.

"Somehow I didn't wake Magnus up when I left our room…"

Tony blew on his coffee and took another sip. After a moment of Alec internally warring with his need for information, Tony started laughing.

"Why don't you just ask me what you want to know, Alec?"

Alec's eyes shifted to Tony's for a moment. Suddenly, Tony's face took on an orange-y hue and they both sat up straighter, watching the sun make it's first appearance of the day. The sky lit up with orange and yellow, then pink and purple, and finally to several shades of blue as the orange globe smoothly ascended. What a breathtaking sight. As far as they could see were open grasslands and meadows, clusters of trees interspersed throughout, and the sunrise. Alec wondered again how far the grounds went. He'd make an effort to find out from someone tomorrow so they could go exploring.

The moment passed and the sky took on it's usual blue tones. Alec finally said, "What's going on with you and Scott?"

Tony sat his cup down. "I'm…not sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure? You're not just messing around with him, are you?"

Tony looked at him curiously. "What if I am? What if that's all either of us wants?"

Alec shifted in his seat, turning to face Tony more fully. "But it's not. You both told me you were looking for someone, for something more than just a fling."

Tony's eyebrow went up. "And yet you introduced us, knowing we live twelve hundred miles away from each other? If Scott and I are just fucking and that bothers you, why did you introduce us?"

"Because I thought you might like each other," was Alec's knee-jerk response. "Because you are both my friends and I wanted him to go out and have some fun. And because he needed to get laid in the worst way and I figured he'd find someone there that night for stress relief. I didn't know you two would hit it off, and I didn't think you would talk to each other afterward if you did. I didn't think you'd be calling each other every day!"

"I _knew_ you were eavesdropping!" Tony said triumphantly, and Alec blushed.

"I didn't mean to overhear you. I was a little surprised, though, by what I heard."

"Scott's a nice guy, Alec. I enjoyed spending time with him, and yes, spending the night with him. I thought we could be friends, so we exchanged numbers and started talking." He shrugged as if to say 'simple as that.'

"And now? What, do you like him or something?"

"Something like that. Look, Alec, I don't know what's going on between us, yet. We've literally seen each other twice. We have a lot to figure out, not least of which is how we handle a long-distance relationship, if we're even interested in trying."

"Where could it go, though? You live in Miami, he lives in New York. He's in Florida maybe a half dozen times a year? Have you ever even been to New York?"

"Yes, I've been to New York on business a few times. Not every often though. Are you actually upset that Scott and I are talking? That we're considering a relationship?"

"What? No, I'm not upset about it!" His tone didn't quite represent his words, though, and Tony was smart enough to pick up on that.

"What's the problem, Alec?"

Alec stared into the dregs of his coffee for several long minutes, trying to collect his thoughts and say this in a manner that wouldn't make him sound…whatever.

"I just…don't want to see anyone get hurt, I guess. Scott's…" He didn't know quite how to say that he was worried because of Scott's past, because of whatever happened between him and his ex. The problem was Alec didn't know what had happened. Scott had never confided that, and he'd never had the balls to ask.

"Scott's what, exactly?" Tony said.

"He's…he's been hurt before. You know?"

"We all have."

"Has he told you what happened?"

"Has he told you?" Tony challenged back.

"No," Alec admitted. It felt like admitting defeat, though he didn't know why.

"Me either."

"Really?"

"Really. Alec, as I said before, we've seen each other twice. Sure, we've talked on the phone, and we're getting to know each other, but it's only been a few weeks. Are you really upset about the idea of Scott and me dating?"

Alec took another moment to analyze his feelings about that before he answered. "No, I'm not upset about it. I think you two would make a good couple. I'm just worried about the logistics. I hear long-distance relationships are hard. What if you fall in love but hardly ever get to be together?"

"Well, before you start planning the wedding, maybe you should give us a chance to see if there's actually something there besides great sex. This thing might burn itself out by the end of the week. Who knows?"

Oh. Well that made sense. "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. I just…care about both of you and don't want to see either of you get hurt."

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. "That's one of the reasons we love you, Alec."

A loud clanging sound broke the moment. Alec and Tony exchanged looks then went in search of the noise. The culprit was not hard to find. Apparently, while Alec and Tony were talking and watching the sun move across the sky, everyone else had woken up and were milling around the kitchen. Someone had dropped a skillet on the floor. Fortunately, it was empty.

Over breakfast of blueberry pancakes and bacon, Alec announced his plan to go to Disney World that day. Everyone was up for the adventure, and ate hurriedly to get ready to go. Alec called for the limo. He felt somewhat pretentious arriving at Disney in a limo. The feeling intensified when they entered through a private gate, even though he'd made the arrangements.

"Wow, Alec, is this your Granddad's doing, too?" someone asked as the gates closed behind the limo.

It appeared to be some sort of VIP entrance. They were behind the scenes, workers scurrying around like ants. Some were dressed in blue costumes, some in white, some had a top hat or other props. They were met by a small Asian woman, who quickly ushered them through what must have been a staging area, and into the park. She offered to guide them around, show them more behind-the-scenes type things, but after a quick discussion, they all wanted to just tour the park like regular people. It was only then that Alec realized he was in the company of several celebrities. It was a fact he knew, but didn't pay much attention most of the time.

The woman gave them a map of the grounds and her cell phone number, in case they needed anything. Yes, this was all Granddad's doing. He'd given Alec the numbers to call, but he must have told them to treat his grandson like royalty or something. It's amazing what people will do for money.

They spent the day touring Magic Kingdom, just like thousands of other tourists and visitors. It was the most normal Alec had felt in a while. He got to hang out with some of his favorite people, see and do things that other people saw and did. They ate fatty amusement park foods, and rode roller coasters. They watched a little theater production, then sought out a live band in the evening. Things that normal people did.

It struck Alec at one point that none of them led normal lives. Well, maybe Tony. His life didn't sound as crazy as sleeping in a hotel room in different cities at least a couple nights a week, or living on a tour bus, writing songs for a living, or running multi-billion dollar corporations. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more strange it all seemed.

Alec had grown up in a loving home. His parents, and now Alec himself, were wealthy, and some of the others had grown up like that too (Cammie, Jem, and Mo), but other than that they'd essentially all been regular college kids only a few years ago. They'd been normal people, going to classes and trying to find their way in the world, discovering interests and partying and figuring out how the world works. Now they were out there making their own way, and those ways had so far led them down some very interesting and unique paths.

He thought back to cheering in college at basketball and football games. His blossoming friendship with Cammie that he could never have predicted would be part of the foundation of his adult life. Now he couldn't imagine how he'd get along without her, even if they don't see each other as much as they'd like.

He thought about his short stint as Austin's roommate and the friendship that had come from that. It would've been easy for them to go their separate ways once they were no longer roommates. They had only known each other for a few months at the time, but there had been something there, and they'd stayed close, and Austin had been there for him in his darkest hour. They were lifelong friends now. Nothing could separate them after that.

Gradually over the years, he'd acquired each one of the people he was spending this week with in Florida. He'd grown close to Will and Jem through Magnus, collected Mo and Tony on a couple of chance meetings, and brought Lexus into the mix due to some weird happenstances involving events Alec would just as soon forget.

Thinking back on it, Lexus and Scott are the two that he probably never would have met if his and Magnus's lives hadn't involved a sort of celebrity status. They were so important to him now, he felt their absence would leave a huge hole in his life. But if they'd never met? If Magnus hadn't been good enough at basketball to get drafted to the NBA? If things had worked out with his former team? If Alec had never been raped? He felt like there would be a Lexus and Scott shaped hole in his life that couldn't be filled. Logically, he knew he couldn't miss what he'd never known, but in his heart he felt there would be something missing.

That line of thinking set him on another tangent. Were there other people he'd only met in passing or never met at all that _should_ be in his life? What about the people from the band The Flaming Pixies that Mo used to work for? What about the LGBT group he helped start at Idris? He hadn't seen Devin or Dylan or Andrew since his graduation party last year. He missed Dr. Daniels, too. He felt more mentally and physically healthy right now than he had in a long time, and no longer needed therapy, but Dr. Daniels had been an important part of his life throughout the darkness that consumed him, and he missed having that connection.

Then he thought about the long line of people he'd met or known throughout his life. His high school cheerleading coach and squad mates. His gymnastics coach and teammates. The couple of guys he'd dated (excluding his ex-boyfriend Eric, who he already knew he didn't need or want in his life). Brandon, the Mascot, his freshman year at Idris. The hundreds and thousands of people he'd attended school with, seen on a busy New York City street, ridden the subway with, and on and on and on.

So. Many. People.

He wondered what their stories were. All of them. The people he'd never met and would never meet. The people he'd met in passing. The people he'd engaged in conversation or had actually spent some time with but didn't stick around for whatever reason.

There are so many people in the world. Most of them will be little more than a blip on the radar in his life, but to someone else, they are the whole world. Every single person has a story, a journey they must take through life, choices they will have to make, consequences they'll have to deal with.

Then he realized something: That's the whole point! The incredible journey of life, the twists and turns, the ups and downs, the happiness and heartache.

Alec wasn't sure why his mind had traveled this particular path on this particular day. But it left him feeling…connected, maybe? Like even though there are billions of people he will never know anything about, they are all still part of the same living organism: humanity. They may have vastly different life experiences, but they are all still human. They all still have the same basic needs: food, shelter, safety, love. And yet are complex enough creatures to want different things.

He thought maybe the setting was having an effect on him. Magic Kingdom. Disney World, The Happiest Place On Earth. Here he was surrounded by people he loved and was having a truly magical day being with his friends and having this experience. But, looking around, he realized he was also surrounded by thousands of strangers of all nationalities, all skin colors, all sexualities, all religions. This was a hodgepodge of people from all walks of life, come together to enjoy a beautiful sunny day in Florida, making memories that will last a lifetime. And tomorrow, or sometimes soon, they'll all return to their normal lives where there is a completely different kind of magic. The magic of love, and of the little day to day details that make Alec's story a little different from Magnus's, and from that lady wearing the hijab, and from the woman with tattoos chasing her young children all over the park, and from the large group of people wearing the same shirts and speaking rapid-fire Spanish, and from the boy whose eyes lit up when he saw Mickey Mouse.

By this time, night had fallen. The group had made it's way back to the castle where the fireworks were just beginning. Magnus slipped his hand into Alec's and smiled at him. Alec instantly knew he'd probably been quiet long enough that Magnus had figured out he was lost inside his own head again. The smile he received was calm and loving, though. There was no trace of concern or irritation, so Alec must not have done anything to set the alarm bells ringing. Thankfully.

Magnus pulled him into a loose embrace, his mouth resting against Alec's hair. "Where have you been?" he whispered softly.

"Just thinking." Magnus was silent while Alec tried to decide what to tell him. He finally settled on, "Our lives are weird."

He felt Magnus shake with silent laughter, then press his lips more firmly to Alec's head. Alec turned in the embrace so he could put his arms around Magnus, too. Magnus leaned his forehead against Alec's, completing the illusion that they were in a world of their own making. Alec could see the flicker of lights dance across his face as the fireworks exploded.

"Seriously. Think about it. Think about all the decisions you made to get us to this point," Alec said where only Magnus could hear him. "If you had chosen to go to Kentucky or Kansas or Duke, we never would've met. I wouldn't know Will or Jem. We wouldn't know Tony or Lexus. You may still be in the closet and dating women. Maybe you got drafted somewhere else and ended up Rookie of the Year your first year, or maybe you would've gotten along better with the Nets. Maybe you would've ended up drafted by the Knicks and _you_ would be dating Scott now."

"Stop it, Alec," Magnus said, squeezing him a little with his arms. "Where is all this coming from? Is something bothering you?"

Alec gently shook his head so he wouldn't dislodge his connection with Magnus. "No, I was just thinking about how funny life is. How even the smallest decisions can have a huge impact on our lives. Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone's story is unique. It all comes down to the choices we make, or don't make. What if I was too scared to kiss you that day in our dorm room? What if you had told me to fuck off and I'd had to find another roommate? What if…what if you hadn't waited for me…after…?"

Magnus kissed him then. He wasn't upset, necessarily, but he felt a little overwhelmed about how many things could have prevented them from being here today with each other.

"We would've met, Alec," Magnus said in his deep, soothing, bedroom voice. "Somehow, we would've met."

Alec tightened his grip on Magnus then. He let the love Magnus was sending him wash over him, and he felt peaceful. He let the 'what-ifs' go, because they didn't matter. He _was_ here with Magnus, in his arms, loving him with his whole heart. No matter what path they'd taken to get here, they were here. That's what mattered. And they still had a long journey ahead of them, together.

"You know what this week is, right?" Magnus said softly in his ear.

Alec looked into his eyes, searching. He didn't know what triggered the memory, but it suddenly came to him, and he smiled. "You were signing autographs at Idris last year during All-Star week."

Magnus nodded. "And suddenly, you were there. After all that time, you were there."

"And you went into Basketball Star Mode," Alec remembered. "I thought you hated me."

Magnus reached up and brushed a lock of hair off Alec's face, tucking it behind his ear. "That's not even possible. I'm sorry if I hurt you, though."

Alec gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding? I'd been pushing you away for months. I think I deserved the cold shoulder, don't you?"

"I wasn't trying to give you the cold shoulder. I was just…protecting myself. I didn't know why you were there, and I was afraid to get my hopes up."

"That's understandable. Especially considering how I flaked on you at the restaurant."

Magnus kissed him softly. The fireworks were ending now, and the crowd began dissipating. "We've been through a lot together. I love you, Alec. I'll always love you."

Someone cleared their throat, forcing Alec and Magnus out of their private little bubble. Cammie caught Alec's eye first, her grin unmistakable.

"Come on, lovebirds," Will said, and Alec blushed. Then he realized he and Magnus weren't the only couple Will could've been talking about. Scott and Tony were looking pretty cozy off to one side of the group. In fact, all the couples were standing extra-close together, touching, gazing doe-eyed at each other. Alec's skin tingled. He wasn't the only one affected by the magic of Disney.

They made their way to the private gate and found their limo parked outside. The ride back to the mansion was quick and quiet. Everyone seemed to be absorbed in their own thoughts or whispering softly with their significant other. The hush was peaceful, serene, a perfect ending to a perfect day. They went their separate ways when they got back home, Alec unable to resist glancing over his shoulder to see Scott follow Tony into his room. Even his worry about what would happen when they returned to New York couldn't dampen his spirit tonight. Tonight, he was completely happy for his friends.

Magnus closed the door behind him, and they calmly, slowly stripped down. When Alec got to his underwear, he glanced at Magnus, wondering if his boyfriend was in the mood or if he was too tired. Magnus flung his boxers across the room, a wicked grin spreading across his face. Alec followed suit, sidling over to Magnus until they were close enough to touch.

The words that came out of his mouth were these: "How's your ankle?"

Magnus rolled his eyes, chuckled, and pulled him into his arms. "I'm. Fine." He accented the words with a little nip of Alec's ear, making Alec laugh.

Magnus took the lead, backing Alec to the bed until his knees gave out and he fell across the mattress. He landed sprawled out, his legs spread, his dick hard and waiting. Magnus descended on him, kissing a fiery trail along his jaw and down his throat. He paused to give Alec's nipples some attention, Alec's hands clenching in the bedcovers. He worked his way down Alec's body, eventually reaching his dick. He played mercilessly with the head, teasing Alec until he finally twined both hands in Magnus's hair and gave a sharp tug. For some reason, that set both of them off, their need for each other suddenly frenetic. Alec lost track of the finer details as Magnus sucked him down his throat and bobbed a few times before pouncing on him and kissing him breathless. He didn't know whose hands were where or what was happening, but he knew when Magnus's cock penetrated him, and someone's hand began stroking him, though he wasn't coherent enough to know if it was his or Magnus's.

They didn't break the kiss, not even when Magnus pounded him hard. Nor when they were so close and the kiss was so sloppy that lips were on cheeks and chins more often than not. And not even when Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec, holding him so tight he could barely breathe, his body shuddering with each pulse of his orgasm. When Magnus's release triggered Alec's, and their bodies glued together with sweat and spunk, they were still kissing then, too.

Magnus kissed him one last time as they recovered and realized the cooling sweat was making them chilly. He pulled the covers over them, and nestled his face in the crook of Alec's neck, and Alec held him as he smoothed unseen shapes into his skin.

"Your first practice is tomorrow," Alec said absently. Magnus made a noise of assent. "Are you excited?"

"Yeah. I can't believe I'm going to be part of All-Star week." Magnus's voice sounded dazed, and Alec didn't think it was all from sex.

"I have no trouble believing it. You deserve it. You should've been on the team anyway, instead of subbing for an injured player."

Magnus kissed Alec's throat. "You may be biased on that one."

"Mmm, maybe," Alec agreed as Magnus licked the sweat off his neck. "No, wait. I'm not being biased. You are the best young point guard in the league."

Magnus snorted. "I'm not, but I'm working on it."

Alec twisted a little so he could see Magnus's face. "You're joking right? Name someone better?"

"Um, how about the guy I'm replacing?"

Alec made a noise of derision. "You are way better than him. He just has a better supporting cast." He rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the dark ceiling, his mind wandering through the events of the day, through the events of his past.

They'd come a long way from those two young guys forced to be roommates in college. He couldn't ask for a better person to share his life with.


	100. Chapter 100

Hey, all! Magnus here. This is the ONE HUNDREDTH CHAPTER of Alec's and my story. Can you believe it? Can you wrap your head around that? I can't. I mean, obviously there is a lot of the boring day-to-day details we've left out of the story, so in that sense it's hard to believe the story isn't a million chapters long. But still, a hundred chapters is a lot. And we're not even close to done!

Anyway, our trip to Disney was pretty epic. Alec was pretty introspective that day, but I love that he gave you an extended look into his mind. He is a brilliant man, and there is a lot that goes on in that gorgeous head of his. A lot of it he doesn't share with anyone, not even me, so it's pretty amazing he gave you guys such an in-depth look. I've learned over the years that the wheels in his mind are always turning, always learning and processing stuff.

So, All-Star week, huh? Unbelievable. I don't know if you guys understand what this means to me. I'll try to explain, but words may not do it justice. Here goes.

Imagine you found something as a small child that you loved to do. Whatever that activity might be, for me it's basketball. I. Love. It. So I practiced every day. I walked around my house dribbling a basketball until I could do it without bouncing it off my foot and making it roll away, until the action became second nature to me, until I could do it with precision every time. Wait, that makes it sound like I quit practicing on my own after that, which is not the case. Well, I guess at some point in college I stopped dribbling the ball constantly around the dorm room, but I still carried it with me often, and dribbled it on the way to classes and stuff. So, yeah.

I also spent ridiculous amounts of time practicing my shot. Hours and hours on end. Sometimes in the summer I would practice all day long until my arms felt like jelly and I couldn't get the shot off anymore. But the repetitive action creates muscle memory, and makes it easier to shoot accurately when you have a defender in your face. There was a college guy several years ago that claimed he shot three-hundred three-pointers every day since he was in middle school or something. I'll admit I wasn't quite that bad, but that's only because I practiced all kinds of shots, not just threes. He was (is?) an outstanding three-point shooter, but he was also a shooting guard, so his job was to catch and shoot. My job as point guard is to find guys like him so they can shoot, and take the open shot when it's available. See the difference?

That was my life as a kid. Practice, practice, practice. Basketball, basketball, basketball.

I had natural athletic ability, which is a plus if you want to make it to the next level, whatever that level might be. I wanted to go all the way to the top. The National Basketball Association.

Okay, let me just say something here. I'm an American, so I feel it's okay for me to point out how egocentric we are as a whole. We focus on us, our problems, our achievements, etc. I don't know if that's true of citizens in other countries, but I've seen it play out over and over again here.

That said, the NBA has to have some of the most obnoxiously egocentric wording ever. For fuck's sake, we call our champions World Champions. _World _Champions. Do we let other countries participate in our championship? No. So how the fuck are they World Champions?

Enough about that, though. What I really want to tell you about is how fucking happy I am right now! Things with Alec have never been better. Not when we first started dating and everything was still new. Not when we got comfortable with each other and were open and honest. Sometimes I felt like he could read me like a book, you know? And not even when I came out to the world and we could finally have the open relationship he'd always wanted.

Why is so much better now, you ask? Well, the answer is because we know what it's like to be apart, and we are doing everything in our power to prevent that happening again. We do our best to make sure the other knows how much he is loved. I would do anything for Alec. I truly would. Living without him was hell, and I have no wish to do that again.

I was scared about working with him at first. We both were. I think it weighed more heavily on his mind than mine, though. But you know what? It's been amazing. So far, our fears have been unfounded. We get along well with our coworkers. After my experience with the Nets, I have a new appreciation for non-judgmental people. These guys make me feel welcome every day. They respect me. I don't know how they feel about Alec and me together, and I don't care, as long as they keep treating us the way they have been so far.

And now I'm playing on NBA All-Star weekend! I don't think that's really sunk in yet. All-Freaking-Stars! I mean, I'm not playing in the All-Star game, but to be invited to play in the Rising Stars game is pretty awesome. Alec was…annoyed that I wasn't invited until someone else was injured. He thought I should've been on the original squad. I'll confess: I was disappointed that I was overlooked the first time around. I can't help wondering if my time with the Nets had anything to do with it. Maybe that delayed any recognition because of them not playing me? I don't know. It doesn't matter now anyway.

My first practice with the other Rising Stars was today. I was actually nervous. Can you believe that? It's an All-Star game! It doesn't count for anything, other than having your name mentioned with the best of the best in the league. But when I arrived at the practice arena, my hands were shaking and my palms were sweaty. Part of it was just adrenaline and excitement, but some of it was nerves, too.

Practice itself ended up being a lot of fun. Everyone knew the stakes were pretty low for this game, so unlike regular practice, we all just went out to have a good time. Let's face it, there's not a lot of defense being played in an All-Star game. Most of the time, we don't even _try_ to stop a play. At all. It's all about an offensive show. Who can make the most spectacular dunks? No-look passes? Most three point shots? The final score of these games usually ends up around the one-fifty mark and that's what the fans want to see for a game like this.

So that's what we practiced. There were about twenty-five of us. They divided us into two teams and we basically practiced stunts. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Stunts. It was all about the wow factor. What could we do to make the audience get excited and cheer?

I mean, we do that every day anyway, right? That's what sells tickets. That's what gets people to buy our merchandise and come see us play. That's what gets people talking about you as an individual player. If I've learned one thing from playing for the Knicks, it's that. Welcher is a good point guard, but he's not exciting. He's not dynamic. He's not a good showman. I am. People like that. Apparently.

Anyway, we practiced for a few hours. Then we spent some time just shooting the shit and getting to know our teammates a little better. As it turned out, I was the oldest player there. I'm only twenty-five, so let that sink in for a moment. Most of the guys in the Rising Stars game were in their early twenties. (Nineteen is the youngest a player can be to join the NBA). Most of them had only been in the league a year or two. Most of them were very high draft picks. We had a lot of things in common that way, even if I was the old guy.

I think the coolest thing about it was I was getting a glimpse at the future of the NBA. These guys were the next generation. Some of them would win a championship one day. Some would end up in the Hall of Fame. Some would be, or already were, on posters hanging on little kids' walls, someone to emulate when you're a kid showing off for your friends.

I tried to figure out who those guys were, but it's really difficult at that age. It takes years to develop into a top-notch NBA player. Even the guys that are highly-touted coming out of college usually take some time to adapted to the NBA game. It's taken me three years to find a place where I belong, and I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn if I ever want to be considered among the best.

But this Rising Stars game is a damn good start.

After the meet-and-greet part, we had a little meeting were we discussed how this thing was going to play out. They were planning to try a couple of different line-ups because they wanted us to be as evenly matched offensively as possible. People didn't want to watch a blow-out, especially not in an All-Star game. They also told us we were invited to the Slam Dunk competition and the Skills Challenge. There was also an "after party" the night of the All-Star game. They were going all out here. This would be the time of our lives…or so they said.

Don't tell Alec, because I want it to be a surprise, but they pulled me aside after the meeting to give me instructions about the Skills Challenge. I must have had a confused look on my face -why were they telling me this?- because they laughed pretty heartily at my expense before telling me I was _participating. _I don't know if they didn't tell my coach or if he somehow forgot to tell me, but the guy I'm replacing was supposed to be in the Skills Challenge, and now they need another guy to do it, so I GET TO DO IT! Alec's going to shit when I tell him. _I _nearly shit when they told me!

I returned to the mansion several hours later (that mansion. Seriously, wow). Everyone was sitting at the dining table eating dinner and talking loudly. I slipped in quietly and took a seat next to Alec, listening to their conversation. It took several minutes to figure out what they'd been doing while I was gone.

Apparently, Alec had talked to one of the housekeepers that morning. Her name was Rosa and she was a plump little woman who's native tongue was Spanish but also spoke fluent English. She was in charge of the entire housekeeping crew and ran a tight ship, according to Alec. He took the opportunity to ask someone who was familiar with the house about the grounds.

Interestingly, she told him about a groom who lived in the stables. His name was Kaden and he was responsible for the upkeep on the horses that belonged to the estate. So Alec took the others to the stables and they went horseback riding.

"Wait," I said, dismayed. "Do any of you know how to ride a horse?"

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that all the rich kids raised their hands. Well, so did Austin, but he'd grown up working on his grandfather's farm in North Carolina so that wasn't too much of a surprise either. Only Lexus, Will, Scott, and Tony had never been on a horse before today. I guess it's good they had some experienced riders. I was a little surprised that my city-boy, Alec, was comfortable on a horse, until I remembered we were staying at his Granddad's mansion. Funny how after all this time he can still surprise me.

So they'd been out riding horses while I was practicing basketball. I'll be honest, I'd rather be practicing basketball than on the back of an enormous animal that could kill me if it wanted to. I prefer to ride on things that can't think for themselves, you know?

We talked a bit about the schedule for the rest of the week. The Rising Stars game was Friday night, Slam Dunk and Skills Challenge were Saturday night, and the All-Star game was Sunday night. I had practice for at least a couple of hours each day, but I would be free to hang out and do whatever the rest of the time. We made some tentative plans (that didn't involve horses) and then the clean-up crew had to get busy with the kitchen. That would be me and the other non-cooks, in case you forgot.

Somehow I ended up with dishes-duty. I didn't mind it, necessarily, but at one point I realized I was completely alone in the kitchen. I had no idea where everyone else had gotten to, or if I was the only one left working.

I let my mind wander, thinking about the upcoming games and the people I'd met today. Some of them I'd known from NBA Draft combine or from the AAU circuit. They weren't all strangers. But there were some I didn't know. They all seemed to be good guys. I'd immensely enjoyed practice and talking to them. I was so thankful to be part of this event. It was a dream come true for me. I can't even put into words how happy it made me.

What I can put into words is how I felt when suddenly there was a very hard body pressed against my back, and an even harder pole nestled in the crack of my ass. It felt good. So. Damn. Good. I gasped, and the pan in my hand slipped between my fingers, making a little soapy splash into the sink. I melted against that body, knowing it could only be my Alec. I'd know that scent anywhere.

"I can't tell you how much it turns me on to see you doing something so…domestic," Alec breathed into my ear. His voice was low and husky. He accented his words with a quick thrust of his pelvis, and I shuddered.

"I've d-done dishes before," I stammered. Why I don't know. All I can say is I was putty in his hands.

"Mmmm," he agreed with a low rumble, "but this is different. There's something about you in an apron, elbow deep in soapy water." He thrust against me again, pushing my erection against the cabinets and sink. He pinned me there with his body. I couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to. And I didn't want to.

Alec nipped at my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I turned around and kissed him, throwing my arms around his neck, my soapy hands dripping down his back. The kiss was electric, leaving me feeling like I had one hand in the water and the other attached to an electric current. I think my hair stood on end, but that might have been Alec running his fingers through it.

I hooked one leg around Alec's and pulled him even closer. Our hard-ons brushed together and we both involuntarily moaned. He felt so good in my arms, his body against mine. Maybe there was something with the domestic role-play thing, or maybe it was just how much we loved and needed each other. I don't know, but that feeling was so intense, I pulled him against me again and again just to keep feeling it.

The sound of a throat being cleared froze us, mid-kiss. I imagined we looked like cartoon characters with our limbs immobilized in strange positions, our bodies pressed together, and surprised/embarrassed looks on our faces. That feeling was even worse when we realize our entire entourage was standing in the kitchen doorway watching us. There were varying degrees of amusement, surprise, and maybe a few were turned on by walking in on Alec and me. We separated reluctantly, and after a few minutes, everything returned to normal.

We ended up in the game room that night. Alec and I played a game of billiards against Tony and Scott, and lost spectacularly. Alec accidentally pocketed the eight ball, which made Tony and Scott do a stupid dance and laugh heartily. I'm very competitive and hate to lose at anything, but the look on Alec's face when that eight ball fell was too funny not to laugh.

We moved to the dart board attached to the wall and let Will and Jem face off against Lexus and Mo at pool. I glanced over there a few times and I'm pretty sure Lex and Mo were kicking the guys' asses. Those two ladies were something else, but together they were a force to be reckoned.

I heard Lex challenge Will when they started their second game. The stakes were as follows: If Lexus and Mo win, Will had to go on tour with them. If Will and Jem won, Lexus would stop badgering him about it for a whole month. I didn't know when this tour was supposed to take place, or why Will continued to decline the offer. I'll have to talk to him about it alone sometime to get the whole story.

Alec and I didn't fare much better with darts and eventually decided to play some video games. There was a basketball game which of course was selected immediately. By me. The others groaned, but I can be stubborn when I want to. Let me just say that video game basketball is NOTHING like playing actual basketball. Tony and Scott were apparently decent gamers, and took great joy in beating my ass. I thought that was complete bullshit. They are both thirty years old! How can they be better at video games? Oh, right, I don't play video games.

A little bit later, everyone decided it was time to go to their rooms. It was still fairly early, so something tells me they were not going there to sleep yet. I happened to think that was an excellent idea, and followed Alec willingly to our room, hoping to pick up where we'd been interrupted in the kitchen. I closed the door behind us and turned to see him standing next to the bed with a wicked smile on his face. Both my blood pressure and my cock took notice.

"You look really good in an apron, Magnus Bane," Alec said in a low, sultry voice. He reached behind him and then dangled the apron I'd wore doing dishes from his index finger. My mouth went dry and I had a hard time swallowing. He made a step in my direction, looked me up and down like he was undressing me with his eyes. "Strip."

I don't know if you've ever had your lover command you to strip. I hadn't. Sex with Alec was usually mutual need to be as close as possible to each other, and to get our rocks off. I'd never seen him like this. It was the most erotic thing I'd ever witnessed, and being on the receiving end of that command made my spine tingle. I shed my clothing, but I took my time doing it. If he was going to turn me on this much, I was going to give him a show for his efforts.

When I was naked and my dick was standing up like a flagpole, I put my hands behind my back, awaiting his next command. My heart was racing. I wanted him so badly. His eyes roved my body appraisingly. I could feel them on my skin, almost like a caress. He licked his lip, and I couldn't tell if it was because he liked what he saw, or if he wasn't quite sure what to do next. Alec had been a confident man when I met him, but still young and naïve. He'd grown and changed a lot, and because of some of his experiences, he'd had that confidence shaken. He was getting closer to the man he used to be, but that man was not exactly a dominant one. This was as new to him as it was to me. Part of the excitement was I wasn't sure how far he planned to take it, and I don't think he knew either.

The flicker of doubt I'd witnessed a moment before disappeared. He slipped the apron over my head and tied it behind my back. There was an obvious tent at the front, and the rough material added friction against my dick, but not enough. A small wet spot spread across the material from my leaking dick. I wanted to thrust against the roughness, but something told me to wait.

I felt Alec's breath against the back of my neck. "I want to see you work."

He pushed me into the bathroom and filled the sink with warm, soapy water. Behind the sink was a huge mirror, so I could see everything he did. Seeing it wasn't as important as what I felt though, it just added another dimension. His hands guided mine into the water. He tossed a cloth in there. I assumed I was supposed to mime washing dishes, so that's what I did. I caught his reaction in the mirror. His nostrils flared and his pupils dilated. Why me washing dishes was turning him on so much, I have no idea, but I went with it.

He pressed his body against my back again. I wished he was naked. The zipper on his jeans was digging into my ass and it wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it still made me that much harder. I pushed back against him, and he smacked my ass with his open palm. Ouch. I held still after that, waiting for his next instruction.

He turned me around facing him. Soap ran down my arms and dripped onto the floor from my elbows. It felt weird, but I was waiting for him to tell me what he wanted.

"Undress me."

Alec's face was so close to mine I could feel his breath on my skin. My soapy fingers trembled with anticipation as I found the hem of his shirt and slowly lifted it over his head. My hands were still damp when I unfastened the clasp on his jeans and tugged on the zipper. Each individual sound of the zipper's teeth disengaging felt like electric bolts shooting through my body. My entire being was on high alert and every sound, every feeling, every smell was amplified.

I slid my fingers under the waistband of his jeans and boxers and slipped them off at the same time. He wasn't wearing shoes, but I crouched down to remove his legs from his pants and his socks, too, while I was there. When I was finished, I looked up into his intense blue eyes, so full of approval, and waited to see what he wanted next from me.

He beckoned me with one finger, which surprised me. I expected he'd want his dick sucked since I was already in position to do it, but no. He wanted me standing in front of him. Finally, he kissed me. He was rough and passionate about it, possessive would be a good word. He put one arm behind my back and thrust his pelvis toward me. We were now only separated by the rough material of my apron, and the firmness of his cock against mine with that apron between us was overwhelming. That feeling only heightened when he thrust his tongue into my mouth.

I have to confess, I really liked this game Alec was playing. I don't think I'd want it all the time, but this was so fucking good, so different from anything we'd done before.

Alec ripped his mouth away from mine, and stood there panting like he'd just run a marathon. I could barely make out a ring of blue around his blown pupils.

"Bend over," he commanded. "Hold onto the sink. I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before."

I'm not sure how I stayed standing. My legs shook with anticipation. I bent over and felt a cool, lubed finger slide into my ass. He hit my prostate on the first go, and I crumbled. If not for the sink, I probably would've been a puddle on the floor.

"Stand." He wasn't playing around.

I did my best to stay in the position he wanted me in, but when he replaced his fingers with his dick, all bets were off. I was so horny I could've shot off right then, but I held onto it. Instinct told me Alec wouldn't want me to finish yet, even if it was his fault I was so close already.

When he said he was going to fuck me like I'd never been fucked before, he meant it. Remember when we were apart our first summer together? Remember how we didn't even make it to the bedroom when he came back to the dorm, instead he fucked me right there on the floor? He was so desperate, so needy then that it was almost like he was out of control with desire.

This was something like that in that he fucked me hard and rough, except that he was not just a primal ball of lust this time. He was in complete control of everything he did, I could see that in his eyes reflected in the mirror, even if his movements were erratic and unpredictable. It felt similar to the rutting he gave me that day, but it was different because his mind was focusing through his lust. He assaulted my prostate, and nerve endings in general, creating a sensory overload. I was the one out of my fucking mind this time. I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything but feel. And what I felt was fucking amazing!

When I came, it was intense, almost painful. My release exploded from the end of my dick and plastered everything in sight: the sink, the mirror, my chest. I cried out in pleasure, and shuddered with aftershocks while I attempted to calm my racing heart and shallow breaths.

When he pulled out of me, he was still hard. I gave him a quizzical look. Had he not finished? I was so into my own orgasm I hadn't notice.

"Put your hand in the soapy water," he said in response to my unasked question. I did as he said, suds covering my hand when I turned back to him. He guided my hand to his straining cock. "Finish me."

Oh. I get it now. Alec had always liked a soapy handjob in the shower. I worked him slowly at first. When he started grunting and grumbling under his breath, and I knew he was getting close, I went to my knees and stroked him as hard and as fast as he'd just fucked me. My arm was beginning to tremble with exertion when he erupted. He dug his fingers into my shoulders, threw his head back, and released a guttural sound from deep in his chest. A triumphant roar, I realized some time later, after I was coated in his spunk and his dick had stopped pulsing. Every muscle in his body was taut, and his fingers would leave bruised where he gripped so tight.

He looked like a statue of a Greek God. So exquisitely beautiful, there are just no words to describe him. His eyes fluttered open and met mine, and all I could think was that I loved him. He is mine, and I love him. I don't know what had gotten into him, or why he chose that particular night to act that way, and it didn't matter. That was some of the best sex I'd ever had and I would gladly do it again.

We got in the shower after that to clean up the mess we'd made of me. He washed me, and I washed him. We didn't talk about what we'd just done, but we didn't have any regrets either. It was fantastic, and we were both satisfied and content.

We cleaned up the sink and mirror before climbing into bed together, still a little damp from the shower. I snuggled against him, sniffing the clean scent of his skin, feeling the warmth radiating from his body, hearing his heartbeat as I pressed my cheek to his chest. This is home to me. Alec is home. As long as he is there, I am happy and at ease.

"How was practice?" Alec asked me while we lay there together.

"One of the coolest things I've ever done," I answered honestly. "It was tough because all those guys are really, really good. But at the same time, we won't be playing much more than cursory defense, so it wasn't nearly as tough as it could be. They are all good guys. I'm really glad I got to do this."

Alec kissed the top of my head where my hair was a disheveled mess. Have you ever had someone do that to you? Kiss you like that? It's such a pleasant feeling. Gives me warm-fuzzies and makes me feel like I belong. To him. Which I do.

"You deserve this, Magnus. You really do. I'm so damn proud of you for making it this far, and I know I'm going to feel like that every time you reach a new milestone in your career."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just kissed him instead. Then, I laid my head back down on his chest. After a little while, he started to talk again.

"Are you okay with what I did tonight?"

Gone was the confidence man who'd commanded me to strip. He sounded very unsure of himself at that moment. That wouldn't do. Not at all.

I met his eyes and smiled. "I loved every second of it," I said earnestly. "Where did you get the idea to do it?"

"I don't know. It just…felt right, I guess."

"Well, it felt really good, that's for sure. Is it something you've wanted to do before?"

Alec shook his head. "Not really. I don't know what came over me, honestly. I just wanted to see you naked with that apron on, and you seemed to respond to my commands, so…"

"I'm yours, Alec. Yours to do with whatever you want. Am I right to assume the same from you?"

Alec nodded enthusiastically, his hair falling into his face. I brushed it away. "Yes. I mean, I think if we were going to go beyond what we did tonight, we need to have a serious discussion about it first. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with true dom/sub stuff, or being tied up, or whatever. I don't feel like we need that to spice up our sex life either. Everything is perfect the way it is. I…"

I smiled at him, because he was rambling and getting himself worked up, and my smile always eases him. "If you ever want to do something different, we can talk about it. Find our boundaries and such. If you have any fantasies you want to act out…"

Alec dragged his lower lip between his teeth. I could see the wheels turning in his mind as he thought about what I'd said. I meant it, too. I'd like to know Alec's fantasies. Maybe one day he'll share them with me.

For now, everything was as close to perfect as we mere mortals can get.


	101. Chapter 101

**A/N: I'm traveling this week, so I'm posting this early in case I over sleep. **

* * *

Everyone slept in the following day, everyone except Alec and Magnus. Magnus had practice, and his rustling around woke Alec. He glanced at the clock as his stomach rumbled, and decided he'd slept long enough.

Alec made a quick breakfast of blueberry pancakes for him and Magnus, then spent a little time making out with his boyfriend in the big, empty kitchen before sending him on his way to practice. He even walked Magnus to the limo waiting outside the mansion, and snuck one more kiss before he closed the door between them. He waved lazily until Magnus was out of sight.

He spent the next hour or so dicking around the house. He didn't want to wake everyone up, even if he was bored out of his skull. He fleetingly thought about going for a swim, but he knew that wasn't safe to do by himself.

He pattered around the second floor for a bit. No one was sleeping up there so he didn't have to worry about waking them, unless he tread too heavily and they heard him through the ceiling. Once that thought struck, he was more cautious about roaming the halls, and ended up in his Granddad's study. He sat in the overstuffed leather chair behind the desk, and looked around the room. His mind wandered.

He imagined his Granddad, sitting in this exact spot, conducting business. There was a phone on the desk, an old-fashioned thing with a rotary dial that could only be for looks in this day and age. He picked up the receiver, and pretended to talk into it. There was no dial tone, just dead silence, but his imagination let him talk to world leaders and CEOs and all sorts of other important individuals.

He slid the chair over to one of the unlocked filing cabinets and rooted around in there for a bit. There were documents inside, so he didn't feel right actually snooping through his Granddad's personal effects. Most of the documents seemed to be general information, bills and such, so he didn't think his Granddad would mind too much, but he still didn't feel right about it, so he closed the drawer and searched for something else a supremely successful businessman would do in his study.

He ended up at the window overlooking a large part of the estate. Rosa had told him yesterday that there was close to three hundred acres associated with the mansion. All of it was fenced for privacy and security. The main gates were the only ones accessible to the public. There was a separate gate on the east side of the property that was hidden from view of the general public. Alec wondered how hard it would be to find it now that he knew it was there.

A movement to his right caught his eye. A halo of fiery red hair atop a short, skinny frame was moving about the stables, turning the horses loose for their morning run. Alec made a snap decision, and a moment later was thundering down the stairs and out the door next to the pool into the misty morning air. The sun was up long ago, but still hadn't burned off the dew, and Alec's shoes were soon soaked as he made his way to the paddock.

Kaden saw him approaching, but didn't pause in his work. He was giving each horse a once-over to make sure there was no evidence of injury or illness before he turned them out into the pasture to graze. Even from a distance, Alec could see how well he took care of the horses, and how much they trusted him. He wished he'd stopped by the kitchen to get them an apple or carrot on his way out.

"Morning," Alec said as he reached the wooden railing boundary of the paddock.

Kaden looked up from picking at a horse's foot and waved. A few moments later, he opened the gate and stood back as the horses pushed their way through. Once the paddock was empty, Alec climbed the fence and dropped down inside. He was familiar with horses, enough to not be afraid of them, but these animals didn't know him and he didn't want to spook them, especially not in such a small area.

"They trust you," he said, nodding his head toward the horses that were now spreading out into the pasture. Heads dropped to the ground to get what they could forage of the mid-February grass.

"Yeah. They've known me for a while," Kaden agreed.

Now that Alec was alone with Kaden, he got a chance to really look at him. He was a short guy with a young, friendly face completely covered in freckles. He had brilliant green eyes to match his bright red hair. His was skinny, but lightly muscled from working with the horses all the time. At least, Alec presumed he worked with them all the time. Rosa had said Kaden was the groom, after all.

Alec suddenly wanted to know more about this guy. Yesterday, he'd been too busy getting the horses saddled up for Alec and his friends to really have much of a conversation, but today it was just the two of them. He followed Kaden into the stables where the shorter guy grabbed a pitchfork and went into the first stall. Alec stood well out of the way so he wouldn't get hit with flying horse debris and bedding.

"So, what's your story, Kaden?"

Kaden paused, the pitchfork hanging from his hands as he turned to look at Alec. "My story?"

"Yeah. How did you end up working on my granddad's estate?"

Kaden gave him a funny look and Alec wondered what he didn't know. Kaden clearly seemed to think Alec should know who he was. "You may know my mother, Amelia?"

Amelia? Was that name supposed to mean something to Alec? He thought hard for several long moments before Kaden put him out of his misery. "She's dating your granddad." Oh. Shit, he'd forgotten the woman's name. "Or, she was. Now she's married to him."

Whoa. What? "Back up a little. What?" Alec stared at Kaden in surprise.

Kaden snickered and returned to cleaning the stall. "My mother and Andrew, um, your granddad, have been dating for about six years. I can't believe you didn't know that."

"I knew he was dating someone, I just forgot her name," Alec said defensively. He wasn't even sure he'd ever known the woman's name. No one had ever told him she was important enough to marry, so he hadn't bothered to keep up with their relationship. He hadn't even brought her to Christmas dinner or anything. But now he wondered what else he'd missed, besides her son?

Kaden made a noise that Alec took to mean he wasn't impressed with Alec's lack of knowledge about this situation, no matter what the reason. Oh, well. There wasn't much he could do about that now.

"When did they get married?" he asked, feeling stupid for not knowing.

Kaden shrugged. "About a month ago. They took off to the Bahamas and got married there. They're still on their honeymoon, I guess."

Alec and Kaden both shuddered at the implications of those words. "So wait, why didn't you go to the wedding?"

"Why didn't you?" Kaden shot back.

"I didn't even know about it!"

"I didn't care."

Oh. That was a giant bag of worms Alec wasn't entirely sure he wanted to open. On the other hand, his curiosity about this guy and his mother was driving him crazy. He wanted to know what was going on here.

"So, you've been living here for six years? As a groom?" Alec wondered how that dynamic worked. Why wasn't he staying in the house instead of out here in the stables?

Kaden stopped working again and stabbed the ground with the pitchfork. He leaned against it and said, "You sure ask a lot of questions. If I tell you what you want to know, will you let me get back to work in peace?"

"Uh, sure," Alec said, feeling distinctly like he'd been reprimanded. By a total stranger. That was likely younger than he was.

"Fine. My mom met Andrew six years ago. She was hired to be his personal assistant, and I guess she took that job a little too seriously. The next thing I know, we are moving into the mansion. I was fourteen, and pissed the fuck off about it. I threatened to go live with my dad, but mom knew that wasn't going to happen since I hadn't even heard from him since my eleventh birthday. I was stuck, and a very angry red-headed teenager. It sucked.

"I didn't much care for your granddad or the way he looked at my mom. He was old and her boss, though I probably didn't realize then how gross that was. Mostly he was just old. When I realized they'd started dating, I wanted out. That stupid fancy-ass mansion is not my style. I hate it and wanted to get away from them as much as I could. But I wasn't even sixteen yet and there wasn't much I could do about it.

"Andrew bought me a horse for my sixteenth birthday, and a car I might add." Kaden rolled his eyes, clearly not appreciative of the money Andrew Lightwood threw his way. He pointed out to the pasture to a beautiful bay mare. "That one. Her name is Mercedes, because I'd rather have her than the stupid Mercedes car he bought me.

"Anyway, they started getting all lovey-dovey and I wanted to vomit every time I saw them, so I started spending most of my free time out here with Mercedes. She's a great companion and friend. I love her more than most humans."

"Didn't you have any friends?"

Kaden eyed him. "Oops, I must've skipped that part. We moved here from Louisiana. I didn't bring any friends with me. And before you ask, I was homeschooled. So, no, I don't have any friends, unless you want to count my tutor. I just have the horses, and that's the way I like it."

Alec felt incredibly saddened by this. His friends meant the world to him. He knew from the time he pushed everyone away what it felt like to be alone. He'd hated it. Kaden said he didn't want friends, but Alec wondered if that was bravado for his sake, or some coping mechanism, or if he truly felt that way. How could anyone want to be alone all the time?

He didn't know how to ask that, and didn't think Kaden would appreciate it if he did, so instead he said, "Were the other horses here already?"

"No. Andrew saw how much I loved Mercedes and started buying them, one right after another. When I turned eighteen, they converted the loft of the barn into an apartment and I've been living there since. Andrew pays me to keep up the horses, feed them and take care of them, make sure they get exercise and training. As long as I don't have to watch them be newlyweds, I'm okay with it."

Yeah, Alec couldn't imagine watching Granddad with a new wife. Yuck. But he was able to appreciate how lonely this mansion must have been since Granny died, and he was glad that Granddad found someone to make him happy.

"If you're worried about the inheritance," Kaden said when Alec had been quiet for a few minutes, "don't. Andrew made her sign a pre-nup. That's a pre-nuptial agreement, in case you didn't know."

"I know what a pre-nup is," Alec said irritably. "Why did he make her sign it if he wanted to marry her?"

Kaden snorted. Mercedes raised her head in the pasture and snorted in reply. "There's a difference between love and stupidity, and Andrew knows it. He wasn't going to let someone come in here and take everything from him, just in case my mother wasn't being honest about her feelings. I don't blame the old guy. I wouldn't trust anyone if I had that kind of money either."

Alec didn't know how to respond to that either. He hadn't been worried about his grandfather's finances or his inheritance. He wasn't sure how he felt about Kaden either. He really seemed like he just wanted Alec to go away, and that bothered Alec, too. He wanted to reach out to the guy, let him know he didn't have to be alone if he didn't want to be.

"Well, we'll be here for the rest of the week. If you want to come up to the house and hang out with us, feel free. We're an easy-going group, and we always welcome new people."

Kaden looked distinctly uninterested in that idea. He went back to mucking the stall, turning his back completely on Alec. Fine. Alec conceded defeat. If Kaden didn't want to be friendly, Alec wasn't going to dwell on it. He'd just have to let it go. He let himself out of the barn and made his way back to the house.

He found several of the others in the pool when he returned. He slipped past them, not feeling like swimming at the moment. He really just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Granddad was married? Did his Dad know about this? If so, why hadn't anyone told him? It was all very strange.

He wandered the house again, and ended up in the library. The room was cavernous and dark with the window coverings closed. He was lost in his own mind and didn't notice the room wasn't empty until he flipped the light switch.

Mo was sitting on an overstuffed white leather couch in the middle of the room. Lexus was straddling her lap, her arms around Mo's neck, and by the state of disarray of their clothes and hair, they appeared to have been making out for quite some time. When the lights came on, they sprang apart, grinning sheepishly.

"Oh, shit!" Alec said, startled. He'd thought the library would be empty. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I'll…" He backed out the door, but before he could close it, Lexus hollered his name. Feeling embarrassed on top of his unsettled feelings about Granddad and Amelia and Kaden, he didn't really want to stay and be a third wheel to Lexus and Mo, but Lexus called his name again, beckoning him to return, and he felt it would be rude not to.

"I'm really sorry, guys. I didn't mean to interrupt you," he said again as he reentered the room. He took the couch across from them as Lexus slid out of Mo's lap.

"It's alright, sweetie," Lexus said, glancing at Mo. "We can do this whenever we want. We haven't gotten to talk to you alone in months, though. How are you doing?"

"Yeah, how's the job?" Mo seconded.

Alec sighed. "It's going…okay."

"Uh oh," Lexus said. She moved to one side of Alec, while Mo moved to the other. They sat close enough to touch him, curling up on either side of him and each taking one of his hands in theirs. "What happened?"

"I…kind of lost my shit at practice the other day." Alec stared at his big hands wrapped in their small ones. "I yelled at my boss."

"Oh. Bet that went over well," said Mo, cringing.

Alec laughed. "Well, not as badly as you'd expect."

"What made you flip out?" Lexus asked.

"Magnus. He twisted his ankle on some ice. I don't know. I just lost my head. All I could think about was what if it was a severe injury? What if he couldn't play anymore?"

"Are ankle injuries usually that bad for basketball players? I thought it was a fairly common injury."

"It is. And his wasn't bad at all, but I just kept thinking how awful it would be for him if he couldn't play. I couldn't get past it. I needed to know he wasn't seriously injured. They all knew he was fine, so it was just me making an ass of myself, insisting he needed an MRI. Stupid."

Lexus squeezed his hand. "You weren't being stupid. You love him. We all get a little crazy when the person we love is injured. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure that's why you didn't get into trouble for yelling at your boss."

"Yeah. Probably. 'Look at the crazy guy who can't work on his own boyfriend without freaking out.'"

"Stop it. You did fine when his nose was bleeding. Magnus told me all about how you took care of him then."

"I nearly fucked that one up, too, though. I told Coach he was ready to go back in before I talked to Mr. Knightly about it."

"And that was weeks ago and you're still working and treating the athletes, right?"

Alec nodded reluctantly. He wasn't sure why he was indulging in this pity party. Maybe because he never talked about it after the incident? They'd gotten so wrapped up in the All-Stars event and planning the trip to Florida and getting all their friends together. He'd stuffed down whatever residual feelings he had about Magnus's injury and what happened with Knightly. Apparently, it was resurfacing now.

"Yeah, I'm still working. They even asked my opinion of Magnus's injury the next day, whether I thought he could play or not. But that was just a test to see if I was going to spaz-out again."

"Alec," Mo said, rather forcefully. Her tone surprised him and he nearly wrenched his neck he turned so quickly to look at her. "You are doing fine. Everyone has growing pains when they start a new job. So quit acting like you're some-"

"What my darling Mo is trying to say," Lexus interrupted with a quelling look at her girlfriend, "is that you need to give yourself a break. Relax. Breathe. You are still learning. Give yourself some time."

Alec's eyes flashed between the two girls like he was following a tennis match. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Lexus and Mo both nodded.

"Yeah."

"Look at it this way, Alec," Lexus said. "They are giving you the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them. Have you gotten in trouble for anything else?"

"No. I haven't gotten into trouble for anything else. I didn't really get into trouble for those two big mistakes I made."

"Maybe that's because you are the only one who thinks they were _big_ mistakes. Maybe you're boss expected something like that to happen."

Alec thought about that for a moment. Was that the reason Knightly hadn't busted his balls about jumping rank or freaking out about Magnus? He'd said they'd all been worried he couldn't handle working on Magnus. Does that mean he _expected_ him to not think clearly when Magnus got hurt, or just that there was the potential for that to happen? Did it make a difference one way or the other? He'd proved them right, regardless.

"Alec, honey." That was Mo. Her voice was much softer now. "Just let yourself learn from the mistakes you make. Do you think Lex or I never make any mistakes on the job? What about Magnus? Surely he's made the wrong decision on the court from time to time. And Cammie and Jem running huge corporations? They don't always know the right thing to do in every circumstance."

"Experience is the best teacher," Lexus added.

Alec cracked a smile. "Are you being poetic on me now?"

"Ha. I think I'll have Will put that in the next song he writes for me."

They all laughed at that. When the laughter died, Lexus said, "Is that all that's bothering you?" She eyed him critically, and Alec knew he couldn't lie to her.

"No. Actually, I just had a conversation with Kaden."

"The horse guy?"

"Yeah. Apparently, he's my…step-uncle or something."

"What?"

"His mother just married my Granddad in the Bahamas."

"Whoa. What?" Mo said. Her mouth hung open a little in surprise.

"Yeah. I didn't know anything about it either. I mean, I know I haven't seen my Granddad much lately. I've been so busy with school and now work, and I spent all that time avoiding everyone." He blushed a little as he said that last part. The girls didn't comment on it though. "But honestly, I didn't even know he was seriously dating. My dad never mentioned it, which makes me wonder if _he_ even knew about it. If not, why is my Granddad hiding this? And why didn't they at least take Kaden with them for the wedding?"

"And why is he living in the freaking barn?" Lexus asked. Her eyebrows were scrunched up in the middle, which looked funny on her.

"Oh, that I can answer. He apparently was an angry child and didn't want to move to Florida or be accepting of his mother's relationship. He moved into the stable as soon as he turned eighteen and now works for the estate. I invited him to the house for dinner, but he wasn't interested."

"That's strange…" said Lex.

"Not really," said Mo. "It makes perfect sense to me. He doesn't want to be involved with whatever his mother is doing. Probably angry that she's not with his father or something. But he can't afford to be out on his own." She shrugged.

"I guess. I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to live in the house and take advantage of it's luxury, especially with his mom and Granddad out of the picture for a while."

Lexus squeezed his hand. "Oh, Alec. You have no idea how overwhelming all this-" She waved her hand around, indicating the mansion and all its contents. "-can be for someone who didn't grow up in this environment."

"Huh?" Alec didn't understand how having everything one could ever want or need could be overwhelming. Shouldn't it be the opposite of overwhelming to not have to worry about money and financial troubles?

"What she's saying is your white privilege is showing," Mo stage-whispered into his ear.

"Wait. What? What do you mean by that?"

"She means that not everyone grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth. Not everyone trusts rich people, because some of us have been shit on pretty hard by rich white guys." Lexus said this with nonchalance that Alec wasn't buying for a second.

"But you guys are white, too. And Mo, you came from a rich family. And Lex is doing pretty well for herself, too." He really didn't know where they were going with this, or why he suddenly felt like the bad guy.

"Making money for what you do is not the same as being born into generations of money," Lexus pointed out. "Have you ever asked Magnus about his childhood? About what it was like to grow up half-black, half-Asian in Brooklyn?"

"No?" He racked his brain trying to remember if Magnus had ever mentioned having difficulty as a child over his heritage or skin color. He couldn't remember anything other than the grief he got from his stepdad because he was so clearly not his child. Had he been missing something with Magnus all these years?

"Let's just put it this way," Lexus said. "In America, when you aren't a rich white guy, you have to work twice as hard to get what you want. Money talks, and people still respect men more than women."

"But that's not fair!" Alec protested, to which Lex and Mo both agreed.

"It's not, but that's how it is. Even though Will didn't come from money, he would have less difficulty as a white guy making it in the music business as I do as a white woman," Lexus said. "Especially doing rock and roll. I love rock, but there aren't many women willing to break into that market because everyone thinks it should be men doing it. And that's what sells, so it's even tougher for a woman to do it. That's why I have mostly pop songs and throw in some rock to make me happy."

"And Magnus would have an even more difficult time if he wanted to do rock music. People have stereotypes and they expect you to fit into those stereotypes. When you don't, they can't figure out what to do with you, and so sometimes they choose not to deal with you at all," Mo said.

"Or worse," Lexus added. "Sometimes they try to ruin you. Talk shit about you, make up lies, whatever it takes."

"Did something happen with your album, Lex?"

"No, honey," Lexus said, patting his arm, "we're just trying to show you that your experiences are not necessarily the same as other's experiences. This guy, Kaden? Maybe he had some rough times with some rich people."

"Or maybe he just doesn't fit in with what society expects of him," Mo added.

"And don't even get me started on the gay thing!" Lexus said. "People act like we're weirdos or something, like they've never known a queer person in their life!"

"Which is total bullshit. _Everyone _knows _someone_ who's gay, even if they don't know it!" Mo said.

Alec's head was spinning trying to keep up with the conversation. "Hold on a minute. What does this have to do with…what the hell were we even talking about?"

Lexus and Mo chuckled and patted his arm like he was a small child whose head they were talking over. "All we are saying, Alec, is Kaden's experiences have likely not been the same as yours. So you need to let him deal with things his own way."

"Even if his choices don't make sense to you," Mo added. "You still have to acknowledge that his life is different from yours, that _he _is different from you. And his response is just as valid as yours."

"Okay, yeah. I understand that. I just… I guess now that I know he's family, I want a chance to get to know him."

"So, give him your phone number and let him contact you if he wants to. Don't push things. You can't force people to be in your life if they don't want to be."

"Yeah, okay. I guess I'm just reeling from all this stuff I didn't know about my own Granddad."

"And from the stuff that's been going on at work," Lexus said.

"And from Magnus playing in All-Star week," added Mo. "It's been an eventful week."

"It'll settle back down soon. Trust me."

Alec smiled at them. He hoped they were right. He liked having an exciting life, but the last week had been more than he'd bargained for.


	102. Chapter 102

Alec found Will in the music room at the mansion. He was seated on the grand piano bench with a guitar in his lap, intermittently strumming and jotting down something in a notebook. Alec vaguely recognized the melody of the song, but couldn't place it.

He spent several minutes watching Will work. Will had to be writing a song with all the pencil scratching and erasing he was doing. Alec was completely fascinated by this. Songwriting was something Alec knew nothing about. He didn't play an instrument or sing, so it hadn't ever been on his radar as something to learn. He did, however, love music, and he'd always been awed by the sheer numbers of different songs that existed.

It didn't take long for Will to realize he was being observed. He glanced up at Alec and smiled. "Come on in." He gestured toward a chair in the corner and Alec pulled it up closer to the piano. Will picked out a bit more of the song, then sighed in frustration.

"What are you working on?"

"I'm trying to write a song, but I keep getting stuck at this one part. Every time I get there my fingers start playing something else."

Alec gave him a confused look. "How do you know your playing something else and not the song you are trying to write?"

Will chuckled. "Because the song I end up playing already exists."

Oh. Will started up the familiar melody again. It was a bluesy-Southern rock number that Alec instantly liked, he just couldn't figure out what it was. Then Will started to sing.

"_Train roll on, on down the line  
Please take me far away  
Now I feel the wind blow outside my door  
Means I'm leaving my woman at home  
Tuesday's gone with the wind  
Well my baby's gone with the wind_"

Will was not the singer that Jem or Lexus was, but he wasn't bad. Alec found himself swaying along to the rhythm and nodding his head. Will let the song fade out and gave Alec a lopsided grin.

"You like Lynyrd Skynyrd?"

"Is that who that is?" Alec replied. "I'm pretty good with 80s music, but that's 70s, right?"

Will nodded. "That it is."

"What's it called? I really like it."

"'Tuesday's Gone.' It's a great song, but right now it's fucking with _my_ song, and that's pissing me off." Will laughed, so Alec knew he wasn't really mad, just frustrated. "Hey, maybe you can help."

"Me? Will, if you need help writing a song, I promise you I'm the last person you want doing it."

"No, just listen." Will played a riff from _Tuesday's Gone_. "That's the part that keeps sneaking into my song. I've been playing that song my whole life - it's one of my favorites - so my fingers keep trying to make me play it even though I don't want to right now." He started a different song. It had a similar sound to it, but the melody was different, even Alec's untrained ears could hear that. Then he got to a certain part and started playing _Tuesday's Gone_ again. "See? It keeps sneaking up on me."

"What do you want me to do?" Alec was certain he would be of no help to his friend, but Will seemed like he wanted him to try, so why not?

"When I get to this part…" Will played the part where he kept transitioning to _Tuesday's Gone_ again. "Do something."

"Do something?"

"Yeah. The problem is I get so into the song I'm writing that I don't realize when my stupid fingers take over and play something else. It's like… like I'm a record with a scratch and I can't skip over it to get to the next part."

Alec was thankful his parents were into 80s music and he'd grown up with a record player in their penthouse, or he would have no idea what the hell Will was talking about. Records and record players had been obsolete for decades! "Okay, so what do you want me to do?" he asked again.

"Say something? Sing? Hum? Whatever, I just need a small distraction to get me past that part." He picked at the guitar strings again. Alec knew nothing about guitars, but this was a pretty silver and black one that shined brightly in the light. He liked it, though he wondered if it was Will's or something he found here in the music room. Will glanced back up at him. "At least, I hope that works." He shrugged and started playing again.

Alec could easily see why he had trouble. The song he was writing had a good flow and it was easy to get lost in the melody. In fact, the first time through, he _did_ get lost in it and didn't realize it until Will said, "Damnit!" and started the song over again.

It took a few tries, but eventually Will managed to figure out what he wanted to do with the song. Alec wasn't sure he was much help, but he had a lot of fun trying. Will kept stopping to scratch out some words, then he'd sing them so low the guitar almost drown them out. Alec strained his ears to catch the words, and found that he really liked the song.

When Will stopped playing, Alec told him so. "That's a great song. Is it for Lexus?"

Will shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe. I think it would work well with her voice. It would definitely sound good with Jem's, but he's not interested in recording an album."

Will played around a little more with the song, adding a flourish here or there, making adjustments to the lyrics. When he'd finished and was just goofing off with some random tunes, Alec said, "So why don't you want to go on tour with Lexus?"

Will placed his hand over the guitar strings to stop the vibration, and looked up at Alec. "What makes you think I don't want to tour with her?"

Alec was surprised by that question. "Well, Lex has been trying to get you to commit to touring for a while now and you keep telling her no."

Will narrowed his eyes. "Did Magnus put you up to this?"

"What?" Alec replied.

"Did Magnus put you up to what?" Magnus said as he entered the music room, leaving the door cracked open behind him. He pulled up a chair beside Alec and leaned down to give him a kiss that lingered too long to be called brief. It left Alec's lips tingling and he couldn't resist touching them with his fingers as Magnus took his seat.

"Practice is over already?"

"Yeah," Magnus said with a sly grin that Alec was stating the obvious. His hair was still damn from his post-practice shower and it hung in his eyes. He ran his fingers through it to get it out of his face.

"Everything go okay? Your ankle is still fine?"

Magnus sighed deeply in exasperation. "Yes, dear. Everything is fine. But you two were talking about something I put you up to?" he said, conveniently changing the subject. Alec knew he was tired of being questioned about his ankle, but he couldn't help that he worried about his boyfriend. He resolved to stop pestering him about it unless he noticed an issue, like a limp or swelling.

"Yeah, did you put him up to asking me about touring with Lexus?" Will demanded.

"What? No. I mean, I was going to ask you about it myself whenever I got a chance, but I didn't put Alec up to asking you. What's the deal anyway?"

Will eyed them both in turn, then blew out a breath. "I don't know. I just…Jem…"

Alec and Magnus exchanged glances, then shrugs. Will was Magnus's best friend, he could ask the question. "Jem, what?" Magnus said after some silent prodding from Alec.

Will sighed heavily again. "Don't you think it'll be…weird…me touring with Lexus, instead of my husband?"

"But Jem doesn't want to tour. He's too busy running corporations and shit."

Will smirked. "Yeah, but…it feels wrong to do it without him."

"Have you talked to Jem about it?"

"Not really. I know he'll tell me to go if that's what I want to do. It's just…we're talking, like, two or three months on the road without him."

Magnus nodded. "I get it." He slipped his hand into Alec's. "It was hard being away from Alec a few nights a week while he was finishing school and I was with the Nets. It still sucks that we can't share a room when we travel with the Knicks. But, Will, this is your dream. You've always wanted to be in a band and write songs and play live music. This is your chance. Lex loves you. She wants you to be in her band and tour with her. She loves the song you wrote for her and wants you to write more. This is a chance to really make a name for yourself as a musician and songwriter. How can you pass that up?"

"Yes, Will, how can you pass that up?" Jem said from the doorway. They all turned to see him leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed, watching them. He pushed off the wall and slowly walked toward his husband. He knelt in front of him, his silvery eyes probing Will's blue ones. "I love you, Will. It will be hard to be away from you, but I think Magnus is right. You need to do this for yourself. You will regret it if you don't."

"And if it becomes a permanent gig? If they end up wanting me in LA all the time to record albums and all that? What about us? Do you think for one second I would trade you for my career?" The look in Will's eyes was so intense, Alec suddenly felt uncomfortable, like he was intruding on a private moment.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Jem said. "I don't want to stand in the way of your career. You know I'll be here waiting for you when you get back."

Will closed the distance between them and kissed Jem. Alec looked away, that feeling of intrusion escalating. Magnus squeezed his hand and Alec looked into his eyes and felt a connection as strong as the one he'd just witnessed between his friends. He stared at Magnus until he heard more voices coming from the doorway.

"There you guys are," said Lexus's high voice. "What's going on in here?"

Will and Jem broke apart. Alec and Magnus watched her walk into the room, followed closely by everyone else. They found seats wherever they could, mostly on the floor. Lexus sat beside Will on the piano bench.

"I'm writing a song," Will informed her.

"Must've been an emotional one. I could feel the tension from the door."

"Will and I were discussing him touring with you," Jem said. Will shot him a look that he completely ignored. "I think he should do it."

"So do I," Magnus said, receiving a similar narrow-eyed glance from Will. "What? You should do it. It's a great opportunity."

"Why don't you want to, Will?" Lexus asked him. She'd turned her body facing him, blocking out everyone else but the two of them.

"I do want to. It's just not that simple. I have a husband I don't really want to leave."

"I understand. I'm glad Mo gets to come with me on the road. Look, I've been talking to my manager. What if we just did a short tour, maybe four to six weeks? You can see if you like it, and we can go from there."

Will was looking at his hands when he said, "I'll like it. That's the problem. I'll want to keep doing it, and then…? I can't lose Jem."

"You won't lose me," Jem said, taking Will's hand. "We'll work it out. I promise."

"You're sure?" Will asked, and Jem nodded. They stared hard into each other's eyes for a long time, silently communicating as only people who really knew and loved each other could. "Okay, fine. I'll do it," Will said without breaking eye contact with Jem.

A small celebration ensued. Hugs were passed around to everyone, even those who had no vested interest in Will touring with Lexus. Then, a jam session started up. As it turned out, Scott had played a little drums in middle and high school, and Mo trained on the piano. Lexus found a few microphones in a cabinet and took one for herself and one for Jem.

Will played song after song that most everyone knew, some of Infernal Devices music, some of Lexus's, some classic rock songs that even the one's without a mic knew the words to and were singing along. This went on for hours, until the singers decided their voices needed a break.

"I think you should have Mo playing keyboards instead of being a roadie," Will suggested as Lexus was putting the mics away. "She's good."

"She's not that good," Mo countered. She closed the lid to the piano and pushed herself off the bench. "She just likes to play around. Lex is the musician between the two of us."

"You are good, and I might just take Will's advice on that. Maybe I'll get him to write a song with a piano or keyboard part next time."

"Um, I don't usually write the other instruments' parts. That's for the musicians to figure out for themselves," Will said, skeptically.

Lexus waved a dismissive hand at him. "You can write anything you want, and you know it. We'll see what we come up with on the road." She clapped her hands together suddenly, rocking from the balls to the heels of her feet. "I'm so happy you're coming with us, Will. This is going to be so great!"

"Hmm, you know, maybe we should get you brushed up on playing the guitar. We can add that to some of the songs on the tour. The crowd will love it!" Will suggested.

That started a guitar lesson, one for which Alec and Magnus excused themselves. Alec was fairly certain some of the others followed suit, but he didn't pay them any attention as he and Magnus made their way back down the stairs. He had Magnus's hand and led him down the west wing to the room with the massage tables and sauna.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he pushed open the door. Magnus wandered in, looking a little confused as to why they were going in there.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Because I think you need a massage." Alec locked the door behind them. "We haven't been keeping up with your massage therapy since we've been here." He threw a towel at Magnus, who caught it deftly. "You'll want to take off your clothes."

Magnus's face split into a grin. Alec went to prepare the work area, one of those cushy tables that had a whole for the person's face to rest comfortably. He found some massage oil in the cabinet beneath the table and set about cleaning off the table and setting out the bottles. He took off his shirt so he wouldn't get any oil on it, but left the shorts he'd been lounging in on.

Magnus climbed onto the table, face up, watching Alec. He had the towel draped over his lap. Goosebumps erupted on his skin as Alec worked the oil between his hands, then started on Magnus's legs. He slowly worked his way up each leg, working the oil into Magnus's skin, releasing the tension from his overworked muscles. He had a few knots in his calves and quads, and Alec worked extra-long there. His ankle looked perfectly fine, Alec noted with relief. By the time he made it to Magnus's chest, shoulders, arms, the towel was tented over Magnus's groin, and Alec's shorts were beginning to feel constrictive.

He kissed Magnus softly on the lips, then told him to turn over so he could get the rest of his body. Magnus did as he was told, the towel falling off as he moved, revealing his stone-hard erection. Alec licked his lips, but didn't comment.

"Your back muscles are so tense. We really should do better at relieving your stress." Alec worked his fingers into the firm muscles on Magnus's back. "You've really filled out a lot since you joined the Knicks. Your shoulders are broader, your muscles more toned." Magnus was still thin and lithe, but his strappy muscles were thicker than they'd ever been before.

Magnus let out a moan of pleasure as Alec worked on his lower back and the area of his sciatic nerve. That moan shot straight to Alec's dick, making him even harder than he already was. He leaned over and kissed the tattoo on Magnus's shoulder blade, his tattoo, because he wanted to and he could. Magnus moaned again at the touch of Alec's warm mouth pressed against his skin.

Alec's fingers moved lower, kneading his ass cheeks between his strong fingers. Each motion spread Magnus's cheeks apart, giving Alec a view of his little pucker. He was so turned on by this massage, his shorts were getting so uncomfortable, he finally reached down and slipped them over his cock, letting them fall to the floor.

"Alec?" Magnus moaned his name, barely audible. "I need you."

Alec couldn't resist any longer. He climbed on top of the massage table, thoroughly appreciative that it was wide enough to hold them both. He slid a well-oiled finger between Magnus's cheeks, playing with his hole for a few moments, teasing him. Magnus pushed back against him, and he slid the finger inside.

"Ahhh," Magnus groaned in delight. "Yessss."

Alec worked him for a minute, loosening him up. Then he poured more oil on his dick and pushed into Magnus.

"Oh, god. Fuck. Yes." Magnus stammered out.

Alec pushed in further, short strokes until he was fully seated inside Magnus. He wrapped his arms around Magnus's chest, buried his face in the crook of Magnus's neck where the massage oil was sill damp and smelled strong. He held on tightly to Magnus, kissing his neck and the indention behind his ear, licking his ear lobe and his jaw line while he fucked him long and deep. Magnus turned his head, capturing Alec's lips with his own and sucking on his tongue.

This felt so fucking good. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold out very long, not after the sensual foreplay had him ready to burst before he even got inside Magnus. No, they were not destined for a long love-making session, but it didn't have to be long to be mind-blowing.

Alec reached down and wrapped one hand around Magnus's dick. He couldn't stroke him from this position, but he could offer an oiled hand instead of a padded table for Magnus to rub against. This was apparently the right thing to do, if Magnus's eyes rolling back in his head and his breath coming out in little gasps was the judge.

"Oh, god, Alec. Fuck. Yes. Harder." Words were not working well for Magnus at that moment. He hips ground against Alec's hand as Alec did as he asked and fucked him harder.

"Oh, fuck, Magnus. I'm coming!" Alec shouted into the nape of Magnus's neck. He punctuated each spurt with a jerk of his body and guttural moan. He kept thrusting, even when he knew he was empty, because it felt so good he didn't ever want to let Magnus go. He never wanted to be separated from him again, not his mind, nor his body, nor his soul.

He finally stopped moving as his brain started to reengage. Magnus was breathing hard underneath him, his head turned to one side as he gulped in air. Alec's hand was sticky between Magnus and the table. He gave it a little squeeze and Magnus groaned. Alec kissed his cheek and ear and neck, licking the sweat from the edge of his hairline. He gave one last push and withdrew, causing Magnus to groan at the loss. Alec knew how he felt. He didn't want to pull out either, but he was finally getting soft and didn't have much choice in the matter.

He grabbed Magnus's discarded towel and wiped up the mess. Magnus grinned at him and he leaned over to kiss him again. "We need one of these tables at the townhouse," Alec said when he drew away.

"Mmm, yes, we do. That was amazing."

"You are amazing," Alec said, kissing Magnus again because he could, because he needed to. "I don't think I tell you nearly enough how much I love you." He suddenly got serious. He ran his fingers through Magnus's sweaty hair and continued. "I love you more every single day, Magnus. This life that we are building together? It means everything to me. You mean everything to me. I don't know where I'd be without you."

Magnus sat up and drew Alec to him. He was a few extra inches taller than Alec sitting on the table, and he buried Alec's face against his chest, kissing him on top of the head. "I don't know where I'd be without you either." He laughed humorlessly. "That's not true. I know exactly where I'd be. I'd be sitting in some apartment forcing myself through each day, pining away for you. I'd be going through the motions of life. I know this, because that's what I did when you weren't there. I struggled to get out of bed every day, to face the world, to do my job."

Alec looked up at that. "You struggled to play basketball because of me?"

Magnus shrugged. "It didn't hold the same joy it once had when you weren't there. Maybe part of that was because of my teammates and how miserable I was with the Nets anyway, but part of it was you. I longed for you. It was hard to sleep at night, no matter how exhausted I was. It was…rough."

"I'm so sorry I put you through that." Alec rubbed his face against Magnus's neck like a cat. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Hey," Magnus said softly, countering the anxiety building in Alec. "I'm not telling you this to upset you. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. I love you, Alec. I'd do anything for you. I hope you know that."

Alec had a fleeting thought about bringing up marriage again, but he shook it away. He didn't want to ruin the moment, and he wasn't sure what he'd say about it anyway. He wasn't ready. He knew that much, but he was still bothered by Magnus's freak-out a few weeks ago, and wanted to know what was going on in his boyfriend's mind. He let it go though. Now was not the time.

"I love you, too, Magnus. I'll never let anything come between us again. I've learned that lesson. I need you."

"I need you, too."


	103. Chapter 103

**A/N: I want to apologize if this chapter sucks. I didn't get a chance to do much editing because I was out of town last week and came home just in time to attend my cousin's funeral. I'm kind of a wreck right now and can't focus on this at all. I have Thursday's chapter written but not edited, and nothing after that. Hopefully I'll be able to write soon and keep up with the bonus postings I promised. **

**P.S. Hug the people you love and tell them how you feel.**

* * *

The Rising Stars game approached quickly. Much to Alec's surprise, Magnus was a nervous wreck the day of the game. He'd never seen Magnus so nervous about a game before. The idea was unfathomable to Alec. He'd seen Magnus show his stuff in the NCAA Tournament when they were in college, and watched him handle the entire NBA season to date without much in the way of nerves. This game didn't even count in the record books. So why was Magnus so freaked out?

Alec watched Magnus nearly burn himself on a cup of coffee because his hands were shaking so hard he couldn't hold it steady. Then he almost cut his hand trying to slice a bagel. At that point, Alec took over, for fear Magnus would end up in the hospital instead of playing the game if he kept going like this.

"What's got you so messed up, Magnus?" Alec asked as he handed the plate with a bagel and cream cheese to Magnus. Magnus accepted it gratefully, and ate half of it before he answered.

"I'm not sure." His hand was still shaking when he brought his coffee cup to his lips. Alec couldn't stand it. He rounded the corner of one of the workstations in the kitchen and put his hands on Magnus's shoulders, gently massaging to work out the tension.

"You are a ball of tension, Magnus. We've got to do something to get you to relax." He leaned over and kissed Magnus's neck.

"Uh uh. You know the rule about no sex on game day."

Alec kneaded Magnus shoulders a little harder. "That rule exists to keep players from over-exerting themselves, so they can save their energy for the court. But if you are wound this tight, you'll have trouble focusing in the game. Let me help?"

Alec's fingers were already turning Magnus into a very compliant puddle. He didn't quite understand what had come over him since he'd been in the mansion, but his libido was high and his inhibitions were almost nil. Consequently, he didn't think twice about turning Magnus around and dropping to his knees right there in the kitchen. If he had been thinking clearly, he would've worried someone might walk in on them. But he wasn't. He was completely free in that moment.

He slipped Magnus's basketball shorts down to his knees. He wasn't wearing any underwear, and his dick jumped to life when it was freed. Alec grasped it, running his fingers along the firm, velvety shaft. He licked his lips, and without hesitation, took Magnus into his mouth.

He was so intimately familiar with Magnus by now that it didn't take long to finish him. He knew exactly the amount of pressure Magnus liked, he knew how deeply he could take him, and how fast he needed to go. In the end, Magnus's hands threaded through Alec's hair, gripping to the point of pulling as he emptied himself in Alec's mouth.

Alec cleaned him off with his tongue and tucked him back into his shorts. The jitters were gone, and Magnus's hands were steady as usual. He tugged Alec to his feet, wrapped his arms around his neck, and kissed him, a clear appreciation for Alec's efforts.

Alec smiled into the kiss, chuckling softly when Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's. He was so utterly happy he couldn't express it other than to just laugh. The laughter took hold of him, and quickly spread to Magnus, and before long they were both doubled over, clutching their bellies and leaning against each other as they let it all out.

Eventually, the laughter died, and they came together again for a heartfelt kiss. "I love you so much, Magnus."

"I love you, too. Come on, I better get ready to go."

Magnus had a full day scheduled. It started with a televised practice. Then he had to sit through media torture for a few hours. Then there was the inevitable down-time that came with events like this. Alec and the others wouldn't be there until the evening, and ended up goofing off most of the day until it was time to go.

The atmosphere at the arena was about what Alec expected for an event like this. People paid a lot of money to attend, and expected a lot of entertainment for it. They were usually not disappointed. The evening started with a celebrity all-star game, which was always fun to watch. The celebrities consisted of a bunch of people who liked basketball, none of which were particularly _good_ at the sport. The game was fun to watch, and was a good lead-up to the Rising Stars Challenge.

When time finally came for Magnus to take the floor, Alec was suddenly the one with the jitters. He kept reminding himself that this game didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. While it was just for fun, it was still a great honor for the players to get selected to participate. It was the chance for the individuals to show off and have some fun on the court, without really having to worry about the score. That said, these guys were so competitive they were always worried about the score, no matter the stakes.

Magnus earned the starting point guard spot for his team. When the announcer called his name, he jumped up and high-fived his team members. He wore a huge grin on his face. Alec got a little thrill from seeing Magnus look so happy. He deserved it so much, especially after all he'd been through in the NBA. He deserved this opportunity, maybe even more than the rest of the guys playing. But Alec could be biased on that one.

Magnus's team one the tip, and Alec felt a sudden rush of excitement as Magnus trotted down the court dribbling the ball and making a hand signal to call the play. Alec was getting pretty good at reading the signals Magnus called for the Knicks, but this was different. He didn't know this coach and he didn't know these plays. The not-knowing added a whole new dimension to the game, and a different kind of fervor.

Magnus made eye contact with one of the forwards and the next thing Alec knew, Magnus's team started off their point tally with a spectacular alley-oop! Alec leapt to his feet, cheering loudly and punching the air. He was not at all surprised to see that each of their friends had done the same thing. Cammie was doing her best cheerleader impression, and everyone else was cheering right along with them. Alec suddenly felt like he was back in college, surrounded by his favorite people, cheering at a basketball game while Magnus played. Those were some of his favorite memories.

Before he had the chance to dip into a melancholy mood, one of the guys on Magnus's team stole the ball and passed it ahead to him. Magnus was all alone in the backcourt with no one even close to catching him. He took a few extra seconds play to the crowd, and ended up doing a three-hundred-sixty-degree spin and dunk! Alec had seen him practice that before, but it was all for show. He'd said it was in case he was ever asked to be in the Slam-dunk Competition. Alec never thought he'd actually do it in a game! Not even one that didn't count!

The crowd went berserk over the three-sixty, and Magnus hammed it up for them. He waved to the stands, then flapped his arms in a motion to tell the spectators to get loud. They seemed happy to oblige. Within seconds, nearly everyone was on their feet, clapping and screaming and stomping. The volume was deafening and Alec loved every fucking minute of it!

Being All-Stars, the other team wasn't sitting around watching Magnus's team run up the score. They had plenty of awesome plays themselves, including a windmill dunk that nearly brought the roof down. The teams traded baskets, each trying to outdo the other in not just points, but performance, style. This was a chance for the best young guys in the league to show off what they could do without having to worry about what their coach would say or losing playing time if they screwed up. That was probably more important than anything else to these guys: playing time.

Magnus hit four three-pointers back-to-back. When they came down the court for the next play, the crowd waited with bated breath to see if he'd do it again. But the other team decided to play a bit of defense on him, so he passed the ball to one of the other guards and let him take the shot instead. The ball hit nearly every single bit of the rim before finally falling through. The look of relieve on the blond guy's face was priceless.

All in all, Alec had the time of his life. He could tell Magnus was having a ball, too. And all his friends seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely. The game might not have counted for anything in the regular season books, but it was such an honor for Magnus to be part of All-Star weekend, a way for him to get his foot in the door, get the recognition he deserved for his skills on the court. The big, stupid grin he wore on his face made it that much better.

In the end, Magnus's team won by seven. Final score: 159-152. The score was much higher than a regular game, but that was because they'd selected some of the best scorers in the league to participate. Magnus finished with eight threes and a total of thirty-six points. He'd gotten those points in just about every manner possible, but the coolest one was when he again found himself in front of the pack, and bounced the ball off the backboard to himself for a slam-dunk. He could be a showman when he wanted to, and tonight, he wanted to. The crowd was appreciative of his efforts, and at the end of the game, he was named MVP. He got another trophy to add to his collection, and Alec couldn't have been prouder of him.

Magnus had some post-game interviews to do, and then shower before he met up with everyone else. Alec and the others spent that time chattering on about the game and all of the stunts Magnus had done. Tony was the only one who'd ever played organized basketball, and he was unsurprisingly in awe of Magnus's talent.

"Watching him play live, even in an event like this, is so much better than on TV!" Tony exclaimed. "I mean, I knew he was fast, but damn, he's even faster than I thought. And his leadership and decision making skills are phenomenal. Just…wow."

Tony gushed on about Magnus while they waited for him, and Alec grinned and let him. He was right. No matter how good Magnus looked on television, he was that much better live, when he could watch him and his facial expressions and how he handled the team and made decisions. Magnus was brilliant on the court, and Alec was glad the NBA was finally realizing that. He had a fleetingly thought, wondering if the Nets were regretting how they handled him yet. Part of him certainly hoped so.

Magnus appeared, his hair damp and hanging limply in his face. He hugged Alec and the exchanged cheek kisses.

"Mr. M. V. P!" Will said, shaking Magnus's hand and pulling him in for a back-slap hug. "We should celebrate!"

"Lead the way, my friend!" Magnus answered enthusiastically. He was all smiles, clutching his trophy to his chest protectively.

They had a moment of _where-the-hell-do-we-go?_ because they hadn't been going out at night in Orlando and none of them knew the area. Tony to the rescue. "Let me make a call," he said, then paused and turned to Cammie and Austin. "Are you two okay with going to a gay club?"

It was the first time Alec had really thought about Cammie and Austin being the _only_ heterosexual couple in his group. He'd known it, of course, but it wasn't something he really thought about until it was laid so openly in front of him. He was unsurprised when Cammie and Austin both said they were fine with it. They'd always tagged along with Alec and Magnus before and had a great time.

So Tony went to find better reception on his cell phone inside the arena and call someone. Meanwhile, Magnus phone started ringing non-stop. The first call was from Momma H congratulating him on his performance and being named MVP. They chatted for a few minutes, then Magnus agreed to visit as soon as they had a chance.

As soon as he hung up with Momma H, the phone rang again. This time it was Devin Callahan, Magnus's former teammate from Idris. They hadn't seen much of him lately, being too busy to make the trip to Brooklyn, and Dev being too busy to visit them all the way up near Tarrytown. Alec wasn't even certain he had a car if he'd wanted to visit anyway.

Magnus's eyes lit up while he talked shop with Devin. Alec felt a pang of loss that they hadn't seen Devin in so long. Or his brother Dylan, who Alec had become friends with while discovering some things about LGBT culture in New York City. He mused for a moment about people coming into his life and then fading out of it, and wondered if there was a way to not let life get in the way and actually hang on to the people he cared about. He supposed there was no way to keep _everyone_ in his life, especially not people he knew in high school and college when they were on different career paths and would maybe end up living in different parts of the world.

Magnus hung up with Devin before Alec's train of thought could spiral to a sad place. His phone rang again. Something about the look on Magnus's face when he checked the name displayed made Alec want to know who was calling. Magnus answered his question when he answered the call.

"Dayshawn!" Magnus talked with his old teammate from the Nets for several minutes, and when he finally hung up, he had a look of mixed longing and regret on his face. Alec questioned him with his eyes, but Magnus just smiled and whispered in his ear, "It was really good talking to him." Reading between the lines, Alec understood what Magnus was saying. He missed his friend, and wished things had been different on his former team. No matter how much better his life was now that part was over, it was still hard for him to let go.

By that time, Tony had returned with directions to a club. It wasn't strictly a gay club, but was gay friendly, a place they could be themselves without having to worry about some asshole giving them a hard time for it. It was called Tribute and was one of the strangest places Alec had ever been. At one end was a stage, presumably for live music. There was a dance floor made of wood, like you'd find in a honky-tonk bar for line-dancing and such. There was a disco ball hanging from the ceiling and an array of multicolored lights that flashed, intermittently dousing them in various colors. The tables and chairs were metal, covered in chrome so they shone brightly, especially when the weird lighting hit them.

And the bar. It was also chrome and looked like something from outer space. The went there first to get drinks from one of the three bartenders. It took all of two second to realize the bartender waiting on them was a twink. A shirtless twink. With spiky blue hair, a charismatic smile, nipple rings, skin-tight black pants, and a sultry look in his eyes that made Alec blush. He winked at him when he offered to get him a drink, and Alec's blush deepened. Alec ordered a cocktail and the guy smirked before turning away to make his drink. He swung his hips suggestively the whole time.

"This place looks like someone couldn't make up their mind what kind of bar they wanted to have," Austin said loudly over the music playing through the speakers.

Alec couldn't disagree. The bartender brought him his drink and blew a kiss at him. Magnus leaned over and said, directing into his ear, "I can't take you anywhere." Alec could tell he was joking, but replied with, "He's just looking for a big tip."

Magnus chuckled, then tilted Alec's head and kissed him solidly on the mouth. There may have been tongue involved. Alec was flushed when Magnus released him, and this time it had nothing to do with embarrassment. His head felt light, and his dick felt heavy. That feeling intensified when Magnus said, "Gotta make sure he knows you're taken," and kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose.

By then Magnus had a drink in hand as well, and they moved to let the others place their orders. The club was packed, and as he and Magnus made their way through it, Alec spent some time checking out the other patrons. The mix of people was as eclectic as the furnishings. There were nearly as many same-sex couples as heterosexual ones. There were large groups of people that it was impossible to tell if any of them were actually _with_ anyone else or just all there as friends. There was hair dyed every color under the sun. There were people in leather and others in cowboy boots, girls dressed in short skirts for dancing and others that wouldn't look out of place at a Halloween costume party. There were blacks and whites and Latinos. Alec was reminded of the mix of people he saw at Magic Kingdom, and he smiled.

The dance floor was a solid mass of writhing people that got even wilder when a Beyoncé song started up. Alec wasn't familiar with it, but it was definitely a good dance number. He almost spilled his drink when someone who was dancing erratically ran into him.

They found a table by the grace of God, and got lucky enough for it to have six chairs around it. Most of the tables only had four. That still wasn't enough for their entire entourage, but it was better than nothing, and they could always take turns sitting if they wanted to.

Will arrived a few moments later. He turned a chair around backwards and leaned against it, resting his arms on the table in front of him. "This place does karaoke," he said, taking a long drink from his beer mug. "Can you believe that?"

Actually, Alec found that very easy to believe. Karaoke? Why not? This place catered to everyone apparently. "Tonight?" he asked.

Will nodded. "I'm dragging Lex and Jem up there when it starts. You should join us."

Alec laughed. "Oh, yes. I'd love to embarrass myself singing karaoke with professional musicians."

Will laughed. "It's going to be epic." He gulped the rest of his beer down, and Alec wondered how much it would take to get Will drunk. Then he wondered what a truly drunk Will would be like. _Probably even more direct_, he thought, and wondered if that was even possible. Will already spoke his mind whenever he felt like it. An uninhibited Will couldn't be much worse, could he?

"What's going to be epic?" Tony said, joining them and pulling a chair out for Scott. Scott's eyes flashed between the chair and Tony a few times before he wordlessly sat down.

"Karaoke," Will said as the rest of the group finally arrived. "We're all going to do it," he announced. Then, just because he was an asshole, "Alec volunteered you all."

Alec spluttered into his drink, a mouthful of which ended up running down his chin. He swiped it away with the back of his hand. "I did not!" he said indignantly, but everyone else was too busy laughing at him to pay attention to his protests. He shot Will a scathing look, but Will just winked at him, unfazed.

In the end, they all did do karaoke. Will, Lexus, and Jem promised to go last so the others wouldn't feel self-conscious about having to follow them. Alec still felt weird about it. He wasn't not a singer but any definition, and could hardly carry a tune in a bucket. He also thought it weird to be singing karaoke in front of such a large crowd on a Friday night at this very strange club. But the powers-that-be at Tribute knew what they were doing. They only let a couple of patrons sing before they turned the music back on for the people who wanted to dance. The overhead lights were busy the whole time, and many people continued dancing while karaoke was happening.

Alec ended up singing a song with Scott, who's voice didn't suck like Alec's did. Actually, he sounded pretty good. He let Scott pick the song, and to his surprise, he picked "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones. Alec didn't know all the words to it, but he didn't have to. It was karaoke, after all.

After Alec and Scott finished their song, Austin and Mo got up on stage and sang "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot. The entire thing was hysterically funny, and Alec and the others laughed until their ribs hurt. Well, Alec was almost certain he saw Cammie and Lexus flip them the bird, but later they were laughing just as hard as everyone else.

Cammie, not having a shy bone in her body, chose Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." She didn't take her eyes off Austin the entire time. Alec finally leaned over to Austin and said, "What'd you do, man?"

Austin laughed it off. "She just likes to remind me who I belong to."

Alec smiled at that. He understood the idea perfectly. He had just been passionately kissed by Magnus because the bartender flirted with him.

There was an intermission of sorts while the club played some recorded music and the dance floor was hopping again. A waitress came by and brought everyone refills of their drinks. Alec took the opportunity to make sure there wasn't anything going on that prompted Cammie's song. He whispered privately into her ear, "Everything okay?"

She gave him a funny look, then realization dawned on her and she giggled. "Oh, yeah, everything is fine. I love that song. Besides." She smacked Alec's arm. "Do you really think Austin would cheat on me?"

No, he really didn't. He told her so, and she beamed at him. Austin leaned over at that moment and said, "Told ya so."

After that, they pushed their way onto the dance floor and worked up a sweat for about an hour. Then it was time for more singing. The group knew they were saving the best for last, as far as vocals go, anyway. Who knew what songs they would actually pick to sing, but Lexus and Jem had voices smooth as silk, and Will had a very nice back-up singer voice. But first, Magnus and Tony decided to do a song together. They chose "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. Neither man was a singer, but Alec still had a lump in his throat when they finished the song. He glanced at Scott, who was obviously moved as well.

Alec's hands were trembling when Magnus sat back down beside him. He wrapped his arms around Magnus and kissed him breathless, not caring if anyone else was watching them. He loved that man, and that song struck a nerve. When they came up for air, they both whispered _I love you_. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Alec saw Tony and Scott huddled together, whispering to each other, too.

Then Jem took the stage. The song he selected was "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. He sang it while staring directly at Will, and Alec knew he'd chosen it to encourage Will to go on tour with Lexus, to let him know he supported the decision. That might have been putting his own twist on the meaning of the lyrics, but his interpretation worked, and by the look on Will's face, he got the message loud and clear.

Finally, Lexus and Will did their song. They selected "Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John. It's a song about not fitting in with the rich and famous, and making one's own way in the world. Their rendition was beautiful, and brought the fucking house down! It also confirmed Jem's point about the pair touring together. They were dynamic and their music styles complemented each other well. They'd both come from similar backgrounds, and worked their way into the spotlight. They both lived outside mainstream ideals in their same-sex relationships. They were good friends and would be a great support system to deal with the trials of touring with a band. Alec had a sudden feeling that things were going to work out, not just for him and Magnus, but for all of their friends.

Afterward, they hit the dance floor again. They danced as a huge group for a while, then broke off into smaller groups. Alec and Magnus ended up dancing with a couple of women who seemed to enjoy rubbing their bodies against the guys. Alec found the sensation weird, as he was used to Magnus tall, lanky, firm body, not the softer curves of the women. Then, he and Magnus dance a slow number together before admitting dehydration was defeating them and ending up back at their table sipping more cocktails.

They closed the bar down that night since, for the first time in a very long time, Magnus didn't have basketball practice or a game or anything he had to do the next day. Or at least, that's what Alec thought. In the limo on the way back to the mansion, however, Magnus dropped another bomb on his friends.

"So," he said, letting the word linger for a few long moments. They were each in various stages of intoxication, so the pause let them all catch up to him. "Guess who was invited to play in the Skills Challenge tomorrow, I mean, tonight." It was well past midnight, Alec noticed after Magnus corrected himself.

As soon as that thought hit him, his mind caught up to what Magnus was saying. "What? You?" Magnus nodded and the back of the limo erupted in an unintelligible chorus of congratulations and cheers and excitement. When it called down, Alec said, "Why did you tell us sooner?"

Magnus shrugged. "I wanted to go out and have fun with you guys. Which we did. I can focus on the Skills Challenge when I wake up."

"Yeah. We need to get you to bed. It's after two in the morning. You need sleep."

There were some giggles and whispers at that statement, but Alec ignored them. Magnus pulled him close and kissed him. Then, with his mouth against Alec's ear, he said, "I'll be fine. I'm not too tired for…" Alec felt Magnus's hand stroke his crotch in the darkness, and his dick leapt to life.

Magnus always knew what buttons to push.


	104. Chapter 104

They all slept late on Saturday, eventually meeting up in the kitchen for a breakfast so late it should really be called lunch. Except by the time Alec and Magnus arrived, Cammie and Tony were serving omelets and toast with an array of fruit, orange juice and coffee. Alec's mouth watered as soon as the aroma of coffee and onions and peppers hit his nose. He inhaled appreciatively, and thanked Cammie when she sat a plate in front of him.

The conversation was slow going until everyone had been fully caffeinated. Once they were all awake, a discussion began as to what they would do until it was time to go to the arena that night. At the mention of horseback riding, Magnus gave a firm and resounding no.

"I'm not getting on an animal that could kill me," he said while simultaneously and vigorously shaking his head. "Ain't happening."

Alec bit his lower lip, trying to keep from smiling. Magnus was too adorable on any given day, but when he was still half asleep, his hair shaggy and untamed and sweeping from one side of his head to the other as he refused to get on a horse, well, that was cuteness overload.

"Let's go swimming," suggested, of course, Austin.

Magnus and the others jumped on this idea. Alec was the one who thought this was a bad idea. "You've got to play tonight, Magnus. Swimming will tire you out. I don't think it's a good idea."

"Alec, I'm not _playing_," he replied, putting air quotes around the word playing. "I'm participating in a skills challenge. A _timed_ skills challenge, I might add. I'll have a basketball in my hand for, like, two minutes at a time, or something. I can go swimming, and if I get too tired, I can take a nap." He waggled his eyebrows when he said the last bit, causing Alec to blush and their friends to wolf-whistle.

"Fine. Whatever," Alec said, hiding his face until the redness went away.

They split up to go change into their swimsuits and met back at the pool a short time later. For some reason, more than any other time before, Alec was struck by how good-looking and well-built his group of friends were. Bikinis and swimming trunks don't leave much to the imagination when it comes to hiding or showing off one's physique. They were a group of twenty-somethings, except for Tony and Scott who were both thirty, and they were all active people. He hadn't thought about it much before, but now, with everyone in swimsuits, it was difficult not to notice.

Austin was the first one in the pool, of course, diving in like he was returning home. He surfaced and shook the water from his hair like a dog, spraying everyone nearby. Cammie jumped in after him, making the biggest splash her tiny body would allow. He pulled her up for air and then wrapped his arms around her waist and held onto her. She was too short to touch the bottom where they were standing, but Austin had no problem at all.

Everyone else got in a little less dramatically. Alec and Magnus were last. Alec took Magnus's hand, and they grinned at each other in silent communication, then took off running and cannonballed into the deepest part of the pool. The gesture was symbolic, referencing Alec's swimming analogy when he talked about them moving back in together. It was an inside joke that only the two of them understood, but it was meaningful to them.

Of all the things Alec had done with his friends over the years, nothing made him feel more like a kid again than swimming in the pool. They played beach ball volleyball with a net strung across the shallow end of the pool so they wouldn't have to worry if the water was too high for the girls. Then they played a game of Marco Polo, until it turned into nothing more than a make-out session for each of the couples, and Lexus, who was "Marco" at the time, thought it was bullshit that she was the only one _not_ getting to make-out with her significant other.

After that, the pool party broke up and everyone found their own things to do. Will and Lexus went up to the music room to work on Will's latest song, with Jem and Mo tagging along. Austin and Cammie grabbed a picnic basket from the kitchen and went for a walk on the grounds accompanied by a large blanket. Alec didn't see where Tony and Scott wandered off to.

Alec and Magnus ended up making sandwiches and heading back to their bedroom so Magnus could have his nap. Alec was pretty sure that was code for sex, but he didn't want to be presumptive since Magnus was playing basketball that night and he'd always strictly followed the 'no sex before a game' rule. Magnus was quick to point out, again, that he was not playing in a _game _that night.

"True, but you still need to be sharp and focused if you want to try to win the Skills Challenge," Alec said as he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor. "I mean this is a great opportunity to show people what you can do. If you are named MVP _and _win this challenge, they'll all see that you should have been selected for this in the first place instead of being someone else's backup."

Magnus smirked. "Are you still hung up about that?" He crawled under the covers, buck naked, and patted the mattress beside him for Alec to join. "I told you, it's just politics. It's not a big deal. There are plenty of guys deserving of a spot on the Rising Stars team. Just like there are plenty of guys deserving to be on the All-Stars team. There's not enough spaces for everyone. I'm just thankful I got to do this, no matter if I win anything for it."

That was a very mature attitude for Magnus to have. Alec wasn't completely buying it either. "So, you're saying you're okay with playing back-up?"

Magnus snorted. "I'm not playing back-up, and I'm not going to let something stupid, like being upset about _why_ I'm here, ruin the good time I've been having here. Now, shut your mouth or I'm going to stick my dick in it." Magnus did the eyebrow shrug, and Alec climbed onto the bed, pulling Magnus down with him.

"Which do you want? Me to shut my mouth, or me sucking you off?" he said, nipping at Magnus's ear. Magnus made a low groan of desire, cupped the back of Alec's neck and guided him downward.

Alec sucked and licked and teased Magnus's cock as fingers laced through his hair. When Alec got particularly playful, Magnus pulled his hair and thrust his pelvis, demanding more. Alec grinned and went to work with more purpose. A short time later, he was licking the remnants of Magnus's euphoria off his lips.

"Now what?" he said, his own dick the demanding one now.

"Well, I need to get some rest before I have to play basketball tonight," Magnus said sorrowfully. He almost pulled it off, but the hint of a grin surfaced in response to the dismayed look on Alec's face, and Alec leapt at him, tackling him and situating him underneath his body. Alec kissed him, well, it was supposed to be a kiss but came out more of a bite. Magnus cried out and Alec laughed triumphantly.

"You're gonna get it now," Alec said, thrusting and forcing his erection between Magnus's butt cheeks.

Magnus's eyes rolled back in his head. His cock was flaccid now, after already coming, but he was still visibly aroused by Alec's play. Alec thrust again, just to watch him squirm, and he was not disappointed. One of the great things about Magnus was how responsive he was to Alec's advances.

Alec wasted no time getting situated inside Magnus. He was too turned on to tease anymore, too needy to take his time. He searched for his own release and found it quickly in the warm glove of his boyfriend. He was only mildly surprised to discover Magnus had come again, but he pretended to be shocked.

"Damn! Are you a nympho or what?" he teased, to which Magnus gave him a devilish look that sent a tingle down his spine. He kissed Magnus and rolled off of him, grabbing a towel and cleaning him up. He climbed back in bed and tugged Magnus to him. Magnus was about as pliant as a dishrag after two orgasms so close together, and Alec suddenly wondered if they'd made a mistake.

"Quit worrying," Magnus said, and Alec wondered if he'd actually said his thoughts out loud without realizing it. "I know you," Magnus added.

"Okay, that's creepy. Can you hear my fucking thoughts or something?"

Magnus chuckled. "You are very easy to read sometimes," he said, and kissed Alec gently on the lips. "Especially when you just got off. You're like an open book."

Alec tried to push Magnus away, but with no real effort. Magnus was holding him too tightly anyway, and he let himself melt against his boyfriend, snuggling close and breathing in his scent. He kissed Magnus's neck, and the sharp edge of his jaw, and little hollow beneath his ear.

Another great thing about Magnus? He can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Alec pulled away when he noticed Magnus's breathing was too steady and even. Sure enough, Magnus was sound asleep. Alec pulled the covers over them, and joined him in slumber.

* * *

They slept for several hours and woke with that weird feeling of not knowing where they were because they'd slept so long in the middle of the afternoon. Alec's eyes fluttered open and it looked like Magnus had just opened his as well. Their eyes met and held and they slowly smiled at each other. Something unspoken passed between them, something felt instead of heard, something mere words could not explain. Their gazes held, and Alec felt consumed by it, by Magnus and his love, by being with someone so incredible. The feeling was overwhelming.

He suddenly had to kiss Magnus. He could no longer _not _kiss him. He lied to himself, internally denying his need to break the spell he was under and regain his composure. The truth was the moment had grown too intense, and he needed to step back, even if he wouldn't admit it. The slow, languid kisses he shared with Magnus helped center him. When he felt more stable, he pulled away and smiled sheepishly at Magnus.

If Magnus felt the same way, he didn't comment. Instead, he pulled Alec with him into the shower. They soaped each other and played around a little, touching and teasing, but both still felt satisfied enough that their dicks only partially took notice.

When the shower was over, they did normal couple-y things like brush their teeth standing side-by-side at the sink, and picking out each other's clothes for the night. They helped each other style their hair, and Alec helped Magnus pick out what jewelry he was going to wear. Since he wasn't playing in a game and there wouldn't be contact in the Skills Challenge, Magnus could safely wear his nose ring, and eyebrow piercing, and several small hoops in his ears. They settled on silver as that would twinkle brighter in the spotlights, and shine on TV.

They met the others in the foyer. The excitement level from their friends was palpable, even more so than it had been for the actual Rising Stars game last night. Alec didn't know why, but he felt it, too. There was something about this particular part of All-Star weekend that he'd always loved, and having Magnus participating made it that much better.

When the limo arrived outside the arena and the driver opened the door, they were assaulted with thousands of camera flashes. Click click click click click. From every direction. Questions were hurled at them in quick succession, none of them intelligible. The arena security hustled them inside, and even the echoing noises coming from the court rang loudly when the door shut out the reporters.

Alec glanced at his friends. He and Magnus had dealt with reporters before, on many occasions. He knew that Lexus was no stranger to the paparazzi either, and Austin had likely dealt with a similar problem at the Olympics in Rio at least once. The others, though, looked shell-shocked.

'Why weren't they like that last night?" Cammie said in a strained voice.

"Because there weren't as many celebrities here last night? Or maybe because the collective interest level is higher for this than it was for the Rising Stars?" Magnus said, leading them down a hallway and through a door to their seats. He shrugged. "I don't know. I got here so early yesterday I missed them if they were here."

The seats were amazing. Not courtside, but damn near at only a few rows back. Alec had read online that the tickets were selling for astronomical prices, so he was grateful that as Magnus's entourage they were allowed seats so close.

Magnus disappeared to the locker rooms to change into his warm-ups. A short time later, he reappeared with a group of NBA guys and went through their warmup exercises as the arena steadily filled with people. That flair of excitement Alec had felt at the mansion intensified here. The chattering grew louder and louder and he felt like his body was thrumming as he waited for the show to begin. Alec had never been to an All-Star event until last night. It was something he'd always wanted to do, but for some reason never had. This was beyond his wildest expectations.

Finally, the lights went low. Spotlights cast bright circles on the polished hardwood floor. The announcer called the names of all the participants for the Skills Challenge. The Challenge was essentially an obstacle course. There were challenges set up where contestants had to show their skills at ball handling, passing, and shooting the ball. The challenge was traditionally for point guards, since those were all skills they needed to do their job effectively, but in recent years, it was opened up to the big men as well, making the competition that much better. In fact, the first year power forwards/centers were allowed to compete, one took home the trophy.

There were eight competitors, four guards versus four big men. The course went as follows: grab the ball off its stand, weave through some figures while dribbling and pass through a loop, then dribble to the other end of the court and make a layup, then dribble back and make a three-point shot. The first one to complete the course moves on to the next round where the challenge is repeated until only one man remains.

Magnus was one of the first competitors. He completed the course quickly, only needing two chances to hit his target on the pass and the three-point shot. Alec remembered his story about using barrels and such to learn how to pass, and knew that had to help him in this part of the course. He wondered if Magnus was feeling nervous or having an adrenaline spike when it took him two chances to hit the target. Regardless, he advanced to the next round with ease.

Whatever had given him the jitters on the first round faded away as he fell into a rhythm in the competition. He hit the pass target and the three-point shot on the first try to advance to the final round. He didn't slow down at all in the finals. Alec saw no sign of apprehension or hesitation as Magnus sailed down the court and nailed the three-point shot, sealing the victory!

The other guards in the Skills Challenge tackled him at center court, ruffling his hair and cheering along with the crowd. When the NBA commissioner handed him his trophy, Magnus's eyes searched out Alec, and the smile he wore was devastatingly brilliant. Alec bit his lip and let out a "whoop" in response. Magnus won! MVP _and_ Skills Champion! What a fucking weekend!

There was a short intermission while the Skills Challenge course was torn down and the Three-Point Contest was set up. Magnus tugged his warmups back on and went to join Alec and the others. He was done for the night, for the weekend actually. The rest of their time in Orlando was completely theirs to do whatever they wanted. Alec liked the sound of that. Free time was becoming something of a novelty for them.

There were now five racks of balls stationed at intervals around the three-point arc on both ends of the court. Each rack held four orange balls and a white "money ball." The way this challenge worked was each player would start on the weak side wing (left side in the corner) of their basket. Each orange ball was worth one point while each money ball was worth two. The players had sixty seconds to hit as many three-point shots as possible, trying to get enough points to advance to the next round.

The contest was exciting. They each picked their favorite player and cheered loudly for him. Will suggested whoever's player won got to decide where they would go afterward or what they did tomorrow or some other such reward. When his guy and Lex's guy ended up being the same guy, and ended up winning the competition, the two bickered off and on the rest of the night about what they wanted as their reward. Alec couldn't imagine a more perfect ending to that contest.

The final competition of the night was the ultimate competition: The Slam-Dunk Contest. This was what everyone had been waiting for. Sure, the other two competitions were awesome and so much fun to watch, but there was nothing quite like the unbelievable athletic feats on display during the Slam-Dunk Contest.

There was a panel of celebrity judges. Some were former NBA players, some were extraordinary athletes in another sport, some were just high-profile stars who loved the game of basketball. Alec had a fleeting thought as they were introduced that maybe one day it would be Magnus and Lexus or Will sitting in those judges' seats. He chuckled softly to himself at the thought.

The roar in the arena grew louder and louder with each dunk. People were jumping up, punching the air, screaming triumphantly in disbelief and amazement at the spectacle they were seeing. The atmosphere was unlike anything Alec had ever seen. If he had a bucket list, he could now cross another thing off of it. He hoped he'd get the opportunity to go again next year, and for many years to come. As Magnus's personal trainer, he would make it his duty to make sure his client was here year after year.

All of their friends were into the competition as much as the rest of the crowd. After each dunk, they'd shout out their score and see if the judges agreed with them. They seemed to be having as much fun disagreeing with the judges as watching the dunks.

When it was over, Magnus and Tony got into a heated debate about the best style of dunking. Of the final two contestants, one had a more traditional style and the other used a lot of props. Magnus apparently preferred the traditional guy to the guy with the props, while Tony thought the props were too cool. Incidentally, the judges agreed with Magnus.

The conversation continued as they made their way out of the building. It broke up briefly when the photographers figured out who all was in the group and started snapping photos of them at an alarming rate. Security again helped them into their limo and shut the door on the noise of the crowd, much to everyone's relief.

Once the limo was moving, Will said, "Why don't you like the dunks with props, Magnus?"

Magnus's nose twitched while he thought about his answer. "I guess because all the true greats in basketball didn't use them. They did these crazy stunts, showing off how athletic they were with three-sixty spins and behind-the-back dunks and windmills and shit. They didn't need mascots and cars to jump over. Why should I?"

"Because jumping over a fucking mascot's head is ridiculously athletic!" Tony said, not for the first time.

"I have to agree with Tony, Magnus," said Lexus. "That dunk was fantastic!"

Magnus looked scandalized. Lexus gave him a shrug in reply. The others put in their two cents and when it was over, they were evenly split. Jem, Cammie, Austin, and Alec agreed with Magnus, and the others agreed with Tony.

"How are we going to settle this?" Will asked, looking from one person to the next for ideas.

A slow smile spread across Magnus's face. "A competition?"

Tony's eyes grew wide. Alec flashed back to the tumbling competition and basketball game they had the first time they'd come to Miami, when they'd met Tony and his friends. By the look on his face, Tony was remembering it, too. "What do you have in mind?"

"You and me."

"Dunk competition?"

Magnus smirked. "Can you still dunk, old man?"

A loud 'ooooh' resounded in the back of the limo. Tony did not look afraid. "Bet your ass I can."

Will knocked on the divider and the driver lowered the screen. "We need a basketball court. Stat." He appeared to be enjoying the throw-down.

It took a bit of orchestrating, but eventually they had a basketball in hand and the limo was parked beside a lighted outdoor court. Tony had picked up a pair of shorts when they got the basketball since he had not dressed to play. Magnus had his uniform in his bag. They both uninhibitedly stripped down to their underwear and pulled on their shorts.

Magnus passed Tony the ball. "Ladies first."

"Fuck you," Tony replied.

"Not happening."

"Cut the bullshit," said Will. "What's the rules?"

"There's no rules in street ball," said Tony. "Where the fuck did you get this guy?" he said to Magnus. Magnus chuckled at the indignant look on Will's face, and Tony took advantage of the two seconds he wasn't paying attention to slip past him, dribble up to the basket, leap into the air and slam the ball through the rim with both hands. He turned around and shot Magnus a smirk. "Told you I could dunk, motherfucker."

Tony batted the ball to Magnus, who was shaking his head at himself for getting beat. He slowly dribbled the ball, making fake moves at Tony just to get him off-balance until it finally worked. Then he did a full three-sixty spin and dunked the ball one-handed. "So can I, motherfucker."

The competition continued like that. Alec lost track of how much time passed as Magnus and Tony traded dunks and smack-talk, occasionally saying something so outrageous neither could do anything except laugh. He also lost track of what they were trying to prove by this competition. They hadn't really planned ahead enough to get any props for Tony to use, and there was no way he was going to jump over the limo. Eventually, he recruited Scott to help him. He placed Scott at the edge of the court and had him pass him the ball as he ran past. He scooped it up as he left his feet and dunked the ball with both hands. He then trotted over to Scott and gave him a celebratory kiss. Scott looked star-struck when he pulled away.

Not to be outdone, Magnus dragged Alec onto the court and placed him between the three-point arc and the free-throw line. He held the ball in one and while he kissed Alec, a deep, sensual kiss that had Alec's toes curling and his face flushing because they were in front of all their friends. Not that he was embarrassed to kiss Magnus in front of their friends, this kiss was just a little too hot for an audience. Magnus broke away, caught Alec's eyes briefly, turned and took one giant step before leaping from nearly flat-footed to dunk with one hand.

Alec chin dropped open in utter disbelief. Magnus was tall, but taller guys than him had a hard time jumping high enough from a flat stance to dunk the ball. No running start. Nothing. Just pure, unbridled athleticism. Unbelievable.

"Maybe you're right about the props," Magnus said to Tony, then grabbed Alec for another, less inflammatory kiss. It was still hot, just not the kind that needed a warning label.

Their friends were all in agreement that Magnus's final dunk was the best one they'd seen tonight, aside from the actual competition. This decision settled nothing since Magnus won the contest, but Tony won the style. They shook hands and grinned at each other as Magnus said, "How many times did you call me motherfucker?"

Tony laughed. "As many times as you needed it."

They walked back to the limo with their arms around each other's shoulders, laughing and chatting about all the dunks they'd seen and done that night. Scott fell in beside Alec, who by force of habit now had stayed behind to make sure they didn't leave anything.

"They're fucking crazy. You know that?" Scott said.

Alec laughed and patted Scott on the shoulder. "Yes," he said, matter-of-factly.

* * *

**A/N: Lots of basketball-y stuff in this one. If you want to see some awesome videos that will likely help you understand what I'm talking about, google or youtube any of the contest names. There will be a plethora of videos going back several years. Enjoy!**


	105. Chapter 105

The NBA All-Star game was everything Alec thought it would be and more. With each event the atmosphere in the arena had gotten better, louder, more frenetic, all culminating into the main event: The All-Star Game. The best part was getting to watch it _with_ Magnus sitting in the seat next to him. Magnus's enthusiasm was tangible, seeping from him, making him practically vibrate with energy. His love of the game, and especially of watching the best athletes in America play it, was painfully obvious, and contagious.

Alec found himself watching Magnus almost as much as he watched the game. He'd always loved basketball, too, of course, but Magnus was like a kid on Christmas Eve who knew he was going to get everything he wanted and more. And Magnus didn't hold back at all. Every fast-break dunk, every stolen ball, every alley-oop had Magnus on his feet cheering so enthusiastically Alec wondered if he'd lose his voice. Watching Magnus watch the game added a whole new dimension Alec had never even considered.

When it was over and the stands were emptying, someone started a what-should-we-do-now conversation. Magnus looked like he might hurt himself restraining what he wanted to say, and Alec had a good idea what that was. Alec knew all about the after-party, and he knew that Magnus wanted to go.

"Well, there's an after-party…" Alec casually mentioned.

Magnus's eyes widened. "Alec," he said sharply under his breath. He tugged on Alec's arm, trying to get him away from their friends so they could talk privately, but Alec wouldn't budge. He knew what he was doing.

"Magnus," he said back, in hushed tones.

Magnus narrowed his eyes, then slid them sideways, indicating their friends. "What are you doing?" he hissed. "That party is exclusive."

"What are you two whispering about?" Will demanded. "What's going on?"

Alec turned a bright smile on Will. "Oh, Magnus is freaking out because he thinks I just invited you all to an exclusive party you can't get into."

"Why can't we get in?" Will asked, sounding intrigued.

"Because it's exclusive," Magnus said, rolling his eyes.

"Then why'd you invite us?" Will said to Alec.

"Because I'm pretty sure we can all get in."

"How?" Magnus said, quirking an eyebrow. "It's celebrity only."

"Ah, but that's not entirely true." Alec looked around the group. He had their attention, and he was pretty sure no one was breathing as they waited for him to speak. He kept them in suspense for a moment longer, just for fun. "You have to be celebrity, _or_ connected to basketball." He folded his arms across his chest and smirked, waiting for that to sink in.

The wheels were definitely turning in his friends' minds. They glanced around the group, calculating how this was going to work out. Finally, when they seemed unable to get to the right answer, Alec added, "Did I mention each person can bring a guest?"

Lexus was the first to attempt it. "Okay, so you, Magnus, and Scott can get in because you are part of the Knicks?" she said, and Alec nodded. "And I assume my celebrity is strong enough to get me in?" Alec nodded again. "And we can each bring a guest?"

"Yep," Alec agreed.

"So you and Magnus, Scott and Tony, and Lexus and Mo can go. What about the rest of us?" Will asked.

Alec shook his head despairingly, though he was really enjoying this. "Or, Magnus and I could each bring one of you, instead of going together…"

"Yeah, but that still only counts for eight of us," Jem said.

"Except you are all forgetting our other celebrity," Alec said, turning his eyes on Austin. "We have an Olympic bronze medalist in our midst."

"Shit, that's right," Will said. "Sorry, man, I forgot."

"Is my bronze medal enough to get me and Cam in?" Austin asked.

"Yeah. I already checked with security. We'll be required to show ID, but it shouldn't be a problem." Alec knew he looked smug, but he just couldn't help it. "So, do you all want to go?"

"Well, hell yeah we want to go!" Will exclaimed. Alec grinned, and in the back of his mind he realized that very soon, Will will be counted among the celebrities in their group. Maybe Jem and Cammie will, too, if they make names for themselves as business leaders in their fathers' companies.

They piled into the back of the limo, dodging photographers again. The limo driver had already been given the directions to the party, and was speeding down the street as soon as the door was closed. Alec struggled to tell if the excited chattering in the limo was greater than it had been for the game itself. None of them knew what to expect at this party. None of them had been to something like this before. The closest any of them had come was when Lexus was invited to a music industry thing. She spent much of the ride telling them about the crazy shenanigans that happened, not least of which included people snorting lines of cocaine off a model's bare ass and groups of people fucking in the bathrooms. Alec wasn't sure what he would do if half a dozen people stumbled out of the bathroom all looking freshly fucked while he waited to take a piss.

They arrived at a non-descript warehouse-type building behind a long line of limos. People spilled from the cars in couples and small groups. None of the groups were as large as theirs, and Alec felt a twinge of apprehension as he wondered if that was going to be a problem. He shook it off, though. He'd cleared their large group with security. There was no reason to think it would be a problem.

At the door, a couple of burly security guards hovered behind a thin, plain-looking man with a clipboard. The smaller guy was checking IDs and matching name to the list of people cleared to attend the party. The whole process was thrilling, realizing they were about to be in the company of a very exclusive crowd. It was more than a little surprising that he and his friends warranted that kind of invitation, that there was enough celebrity in his group to get them all into the party.

They'd had a brief discussion in the car about whether it was smart, or safe, for their plus-ones to be of the same sex. A ripple of tension had passed around the limo at the thought. But there really wasn't much they could do about it. There were only three women and seven men in their group, and only one heterosexual couple. As such, they'd decided to play it cool, pretend they were all just friends until or unless they felt safe acting any other way. Judging by the number of cars and people and the size of the building they were about to enter, playing it cool was the right way to go, at least for now.

Alec had a brief concern that so many people in the industry already knew about Magnus's sexuality, and many probably knew about their relationship, but he decided not to worry about it. No one knew about the others, as far as Alec knew, so if anything bad were going to happen, at least it would only be him and Magnus that had to deal with it.

Sometimes Alec could be so naïve.

They passed through the security checkpoint without a problem, and entered through a set of metal double doors. Alec was not prepared for what he found inside. From the outside, the warehouse was just an enormous brick building with windows high up the sides. The windows had appeared dark from outdoors and nothing but road noise sounded. When they entered the warehouse, they ran smack into a wall of light and music. A loud dance beat permeated the interior of the building, which was one large open room. There were no interior walls, just the four walls that made up the frame of the building. Lights flashed from all corners of the room, and there were people everywhere. Everywhere.

There had to be hundreds of people at the party. Many were dancing. Some stood around tables on the fringes of the dance floor, talking and drinking from long stem glasses. There was an assortment of food along the back wall, and an open bar where champagne and cocktails flowed freely.

The scene was not unlike some of the clubs they'd been to over the years, except the exorbitant number of celebrities. There were A-listers everywhere they looked, some big names in Hollywood including actors and directors, musicians and comedians. Alec tried to take it all in, just in case he was ever in a position to name-drop, though he couldn't think of why he would ever need to do that. Especially since one of his closest friends was well on her way to becoming an A-list celebrity.

Alec looked at each of his friends. They wore various expressions of excitement and apprehension, perhaps feeling out of their league, or just not knowing where to start in this environment. He pretty much felt the same way.

They made their way through the crowd, trying and failing at not ogling the movie stars. One of Alec's earliest celebrity crushes was standing in a group of six or seven people, his light brown hair wavy on top, his piercing blue eyes catching sight of Alec's entourage as they walked by. Alec was almost certain the guy smiled at him, and he felt himself swoon.

Alec almost ran into Magnus, who had stopped walking when an NBA executive summoned him. Alec had been too busy staring at Mr. Dreamy to realize what the rest of his friends were doing. Fortunately, Magnus was being congratulated on his work during All-Star weekend and hadn't noticed what Alec was doing. The girls, on the other hand, were smirking and hiding smiles.

Cammie sidled up to him and said, "Tsk. Tsk. Paying more attention to the pretty boy than your boyfriend."

He nudged her and said, "Hush, you."

Cammie fell in beside Lexus and Mo, cackling at him. He rolled his eyes. He knew Magnus wouldn't care, and the girls were just giving him a hard time for their own amusement.

To Alec's surprise, the next thing he knew was Magnus pulling him out of their group and introducing him to the guy he'd been talking to. "This is my boyfriend, Alec Lightwood," Magnus was saying.

Alec's chin dropped. Hadn't they just discussed keeping a low profile on the gay thing? And the first thing Magnus does is introduce him as his boyfriend?

"Alec, this is Clyde Augustine," Magnus continued. "He's the owner of the Knicks."

Oh, shit! This guy was the top of the food chain at their organization! He'd never had a chance to meet him, and Magnus had just introduced him as his boyfriend? Oh, shit!

He must have looked flustered, or more accurately, like he was freaking the fuck out. Mr. Augustine laughed gently and stuck out his hand. Alec was embarrassed that his hand was clammy from his nerves, but he slid it into Augustine's anyway. Augustine leaned over and spoke softly where only Alec could hear.

"I know everything that goes on in my organization, Alec. There's no need for concern."

Alec immediately felt more at ease. So the story of his and Magnus's relationship went all the way to the top. And apparently the top had no problems with it. What a relief.

Lexus, Mo, Will, and Jem snuck off to meet with some music-looking types. Alec wasn't sure what made him think they were musicians, but he was almost certain he was right. Maybe it was just the group of people that did the sneaking, and the fact that Lexus seemed to be holding an animated conversation with an older guy who had a short ponytail at the base of his neck, and was repeatedly gesturing toward Will. A few minutes later, they returned and Alec discovered the guy with the ponytail worked for Lexus's record company and she was informing him that Will was going on tour. Will still had an uneasy look about the idea of touring, but he looked excited about it at the same time.

Magnus finished his conversation with Augustine, and they headed toward the bar. They made it a few steps closer before one of the biggest stars in NBA history called out Magnus. D.J. Olson was a retired Hall of Famer, a former Knicks player from the 1990's. He'd been a big part of the success the Knicks had enjoyed in that time period. He spent a small chunk of time talking shop with Magnus and congratulating him on his MVP and Skills Challenge trophies. He'd won a few of those in his time as well. Alec could tell by the look on Magnus's face how much he was enjoying talking to Olson. Alec wasn't sure what to do with himself, though, not wanting to butt in on the conversation, because that didn't seem like something a friend would do. He stayed a few paces behind Magnus as he talked, trying to stay out of the way.

Once again, Magnus grabbed his hand and introduced him as his boyfriend. Alec wasn't sure what to think of that. Their low-profile was being trashed all over the place each time Magnus did this, but he couldn't muster any real angst about it. He and Magnus had not been keeping their relationship a secret for a while now, not in their real lives, not in interviews, not with the media. Did it make any sense to try to do that here at this party? Or was the thought behind it foolish from the beginning? He didn't know the answer. All he knew was they were at an exclusive party, and he didn't particularly want to use that situation as an equality platform.

Anyway, D.J. Olson didn't seem fazed by the use of the term boyfriend. They had a nice basketball-centric conversation, and Alec walked away from it wondering if he was making a bigger deal out of things than needed to be.

They finally made it to the bar to get drinks. The bartender handed them glasses of champagne and then they scanned the crowd to see where their friends had run off to. Only Tony and Scott had stuck with them while they talked to Olson, and that's just because they were huge basketball fans and in awe of the fact that they were meeting one of the greats of their lifetime.

"Hey, fag!" someone cried from somewhere to their right. Magnus's back stiffened instinctively, and Alec felt the hairs on his neck bristle. They glanced in the direction of the speaker, who was now saying something else in a quieter voice and shaking hands with another guy.

Alec and Magnus exchanged looks with Tony and Scott. The insult hadn't been aimed at any of them, and judging by the looks of things, hadn't been meant in the strict meaning of the term anyway. That had no bearing on how it made the four of them feel, however. Alec could tell by the looks on his friends' faces that they were just as insulted and worried as he and Magnus were. And just like that, Alec knew he hadn't been making too big of a deal about keeping their relationships to themselves. Sure, there were people here who didn't care, but how many of them were there? How many of those people would stand up for them if something nasty happened? They didn't know these people, and many of them were jocks or former jocks, strong, athletic types that could do plenty of damage if they chose to. They were not safe being out here.

They instinctively moved a few steps away from each other. Alec realized this as they put some distance between themselves and the guys they'd just heard talking. He wasn't sure anyone else noticed, but they were all walking a more friendly and less intimate distance from each other. That thought hurt his soul. It shouldn't be that way, shouldn't _have to_ be that way.

As they caught up with their friends, Alec realized how lucky he and Magnus and Scott were to be working for the Knicks. They'd dealt with little in the way of homophobia lately, so little in fact they'd started taking it for granted. Well, at least Alec had. He felt completely at ease within the organization and by extension within the league. He'd become complacent. Maybe that's why this stark reminder was hitting him so hard, like a punch in the gut.

The ladies wanted to dance, so they all hit the dance floor. Alec was still kind of reeling from the comments, and he evidently wasn't doing a very good job hiding it.

"Are you okay?" Magnus said in his ear then shuffled away. He glanced back at Alec while he danced with Lexus, exchanging a look that clearly meant he wanted an answer to his question. Alec gave him one sharp nod as he, Scott, and Jem danced in a little group. That may not be true at the moment, but he would be fine. He was just shaken.

Dancing chased the blues away. In no time Alec had all but forgotten the incident. He enjoyed being with his friends and occasionally dancing with his boyfriend in a friendly way. Okay, maybe he hadn't forgotten as much as he like to believe, but he still managed to have a good time. So did everyone else.

They left the dance floor and got some more drinks. Lexus led them to a group of actors mingling in one corner. She'd worked with one of the actors on a movie last year. Her part had been small, but the guy remembered her and they had a cute superficial chat while the others sipped from their glasses.

After that, Magnus got snagged by a group of basketball players. Alec found himself caught up in a conversation about who was going to end up in the Playoffs this year. There was only two months left of the regular season and the Knicks were in a position to make the Playoffs if they continued on their current path. One of the guys ribbed Magnus about whether he would be able to get his team there.

"Count on it," Magnus replied with complete confidence. Alec saw no hint of bravado, and he couldn't help smiling.

Hours later, exhaustion set in and Alec's group looked ready to go. As they climbed into the limo, he reflected on the fact that he never saw anything too wild, no cocaine on a model's body or orgies in the bathroom. He was patently thankful for that.

A short time later, Magnus closed the door to their bedroom and gave Alec a droopy-eyed expression that clearly stated how tired he was. Alec didn't miss the glint in his eyes that told him he was also horny. Alec beckoned him by crooking his finger. He climbed onto the bed, walking on his knees to the Magnus's side and pulling his boyfriend into a kiss.

Whatever weariness he'd been feeling went up in flames with each press from Magnus's lips, and each flick of their tongues. Magnus broke the kiss, just enough to whisper, "Can I fuck you?"

"Absolutely," Alec breathed in response. He ripped his shirt over his head while Magnus did the same. They hastily shed their pants, and Alec tugged Magnus against his body, falling back onto the mattress. Magnus wasted no time preparing himself and pressing himself into Alec.

Alec welcomed him, greedily accepting every inch of his length. His kissed Magnus's lips and jaw, trailing down his throat to the crook of his neck. His hands squeezed Magnus's ass, encouraging him with every thrust of his pelvis.

Magnus's shaggy hair hung in his face, tickling Alec's face as he leaned down and groaned in Alec's ear. "God, you feel so good," he panted. His breath was warm against Alec's heated skin, and Alec felt it all the way to the tips of his toes.

He kissed Magnus harder, sucking on his neck and leaving a livid bruise. Magnus moaned and moved faster, hips slapping against Alec's body, the sound of skin on skin ringing throughout the room. Alec grunted as he drew closer to his release, and his hand slipped down to grasp his cock. He was so right there, a few rough tugs on his dick sending him over the edge into oblivion. He felt Magnus pounding him almost as if from a distance as his body thrummed and floated in its own sensual haze. Magnus buried his face against Alec's neck, breathing hard as his body twitched and trembled with his orgasm. Magnus's arms held him tightly as he shuddered, and as Alec regained his senses, he lovingly caressed his boyfriend's shoulders and back.

They fell asleep together moments later, clinging to each other.

* * *

Their time in Orlando had drawn to a close. Alec had had the time of his life hanging out with his friends and partaking in all that NBA All-Star weekend had to offer. He was so proud of Magnus and all of his accomplishments, thrilled for what those accomplishments meant for his boyfriend's career. Magnus had definitely caught some eyes this weekend, people were going to be taking even more notice of him now than they had before.

The sad part was now it was over. Now they had to return to New York. Now they had to say goodbye to their friends.

Alec hugged Cammie for a very long time. He didn't want to say goodbye to her, to any of them really, but especially Cam. He didn't know when he'd see her again. Not for several months at least.

Cammie and Austin shared a cab to the airport with Lexus and Mo. Will and Jem went back to their room to finish packing their things, leaving Alec and Magnus in the foyer with Scott and Tony. They said their goodbyes to Tony, then noticing the looks on Scott and Tony's faces, the made their own retreat. Alec glanced back before they were out of sight, and saw Tony press his forehead to Scott's. They spoke in hushed voices, very intimately. When Tony captured Scott's lips in a quiet, longing kiss, Alec finally turned away and followed Magnus back to their bedroom. A short time later, he heard the front door close and Tony's car start up and drive off.

"You okay?" Magnus said, tilting Alec's face up to meet his own.

"Yeah. A little worried about Scott and Tony."

"Yeah. I can see why. They seem to really like each other."

Alec kissed him briefly on the lips. "If one of them gets hurt, it'll be my fault."

"Hush. You didn't tell them to start up a long-distance relationship. You simply introduced them as friends of ours."

Alec sighed. "I guess. I just…want them to be happy."

"Yeah." Magnus sat down on the bed and looked up at Alec. "So, where'd you run off to this morning?"

Alec blushed. He'd snuck off early in the morning, and then got back in bed before he was missed. At least, he thought he had. Apparently, Magnus knew he had left.

"I…went to see Kaden." Magnus cocked an eyebrow at him. "I know. He doesn't want to talk to me. I had to try though, didn't I?"

Magnus chuckled. "No doubt you did. What did he say when you found him?"

Alec toed the floor with the tip of his shoe. "I didn't find him. Or he didn't answer when I called out to him. Likely the latter, honestly." He sighed heavily again.

"What did you do?"

Magnus knew him too well. "I left my phone number on a piece of paper attached to a fence post by the barn. I figured if he changed his mind, he could call me if he wanted to."

Magnus slid his arms around Alec's waist and hugged him. "You have a good soul, Alec Lightwood."

Alec's arms draped across Magnus's shoulders. "I try. He's family now. I couldn't just leave it alone. You know?"

Magnus kissed his midriff. "That's one of the many reasons I love you so damn much."

Alec leaned over and kissed the top of Magnus's head, his dark hair tickling Alec's face. "I love you, too."

They stayed like that for several minutes, drawing on each other's strength and love. Then they gathered their things and met the others in the foyer. Scott had a pinched expression on his face, and was quiet the whole way home. Alec hoped he would be alright.

When they arrived home, they napped for several hours. Vacations are fun, but exhausting, and this was their last day off before starting back to work.

Back to reality.


	106. Chapter 106

In the weeks since Magnus's triumphs at the NBA All-Star games, nearly everything about their lives had changed. Alec had somewhat expected this, but not quite to the extent it was happening. Sometimes it took him completely by surprise.

The first changes occurred within the Knicks team itself. The guys had always respected and supported Magnus, but this was ridiculous. Now, buoyed by Magnus's MVP and Skills Challenge trophies, the guys were treating him almost reverently. They practically worshipped him. It was almost like he'd gone away just a teammate and returned as a god. The acted like Magnus was going to lead them to the promised land: The Playoffs.

Consequently, the team redoubled its efforts, were more focused and determined in this final stretch of the season than they had been so far. There were so many guys wanting to put in extra workouts and practices that Alec was spending even more time at the training facility than he had been already. Mr. Knightly gave Alec more responsibility, partly because there weren't enough trainers to work with everybody at all hours of the night, but also because he was trusting him more and more as time went on. He still didn't let Alec work with the athletes unsupervised, of course.

The result of all the extra time and hard work was that the team was winning more games, and even stealing some of the ones they were supposed to lose. They were nowhere near ready to beat the teams at the top of the conference, but they were playing well, beating the teams in the middle and the slaughtering the teams at the bottom of the pack. Now, instead of just hoping to make the Playoffs, it appeared they might secure their place in the Playoffs in the next couple of games.

Another change that had occurred was the media suddenly became much more interested in Magnus. He'd done interview after interview after interview in the weeks following the All-Star games. He'd met with just about every news organization that covered sports. He'd been on local and national television shows, and in every newspaper Alec could think of. He'd even been on the cover of several sports magazines. He was being touted as one of the best young players in the league! Alec had expected more recognition for Magnus, but not to this extent.

The downside of Magnus's new popularity was that the media had taken notice to where Magnus lived. Fortunately, their townhouse was in a gated community so the reporters couldn't stake out their home and completely invade their privacy, but when they arrived home after the trip to Orlando, there were many, many reporters and cameramen waiting outside the gate. In the weeks since they'd returned, the number of reporters had dwindled, but there was still always a couple of people waiting, hoping to get an interview or at least a picture.

Alec and Magnus started taking precautions to avoid the paparazzi as much as possible. This didn't really happen until they were out for a run in their neighborhood and ended up spotting a cameraman in a tree just outside the fence rapidly snapping photos of them. Alec didn't really understand the interest in watching him and Magnus running, covered in sweat. They were wearing shorts and t-shirts, so they weren't exactly dressed to impress, or shirtless, or anything would be considered sexy. Whatever.

Some of their neighbors were complaining about the intrusion, too. There had even been a meeting at the clubhouse to discuss what to do about it. Nothing was accomplished other than venting because the media was on public property as long as they stayed outside of the fence/gate, allowed the residence entry, and didn't do anything illegal. They did decide to increase security, though, just as a precaution.

Alec completely understood his neighbors' objections. He felt the intrusion as well. He felt like there was no part of his life that was private anymore, especially since the media were also hanging outside the training facility. They couldn't even go to work without being harassed by reporters.

There were even several stories printed about his relationship with Magnus, that they were a couple and living together. He'd thought the interest in that had gone away when he and Magnus hadn't made a big deal of their relationship, treating it just as a heterosexual couple would treat theirs. There'd been stories in the beginning, especially after Magnus kissed him on the court when they were in college, but those had faded. Then, when they got back together, Magnus had been more affectionate in public, holding Alec's hand or putting his arm around him, and there had been a little spike in interest then. Now that Magnus was so popular, though, everyone wanted to know about his personal life, too. Some LGBT websites and newspapers were claiming him, and highlighting their relationship often. Alec found this both exhilarating and frustrating. He loved Magnus, and loved having people know how crazy he was about his boyfriend, but at point he started wanting the attention to go away, to live his life in peace.

Probably the most frustrating thing that happened upon their return was Scott. He'd become more withdrawn with each passing week. He stopped talking to Alec after a couple of weeks, and to everyone else as time went on. Alec being Alec, tried to talk to him on many occasions. All that got him was Scott avoiding him. Every time Alec saw him, which was nearly every day, Scott looked more and more miserable. Alec felt the loss of his friend acutely, and that on top of everything else, was weighing heavily on him.

Having his roommate on road trips not speaking to him made things very awkward. Scott would stay out late and get up early so that he didn't have to spend any time alone with Alec in the hotel room. Alec had hoped things would improve when they went back to Orlando in early March for a game against the Magic, but that was not the case. Scott did his usual disappearing act, and Alec assumed he was off with Tony, but his attitude didn't change. If anything, he was even more surly when they returned to New York.

He wasn't the only one feeling the strain. Magnus was having just as much trouble with it as Alec was, but as proof that he was the best boyfriend that ever existed, Magnus's main concern was Alec. He let Alec complain to him whenever he needed to get something off his chest. He was supportive and sympathetic, offering comfort as only he could. Mostly that meant taking Alec's mind off of things by taking hold of his dick and letting him drift in the oblivion of orgasm. Alec had no complaints about that whatsoever. He needed the stress relief as much as Magnus did, and it was great to feel loved and wanted, even if other parts of their life seemed to be going to shit.

After one such endeavor, Alec lay next to Magnus, covered in sweat and breathing hard with Magnus gently outlining the muscles on his chest. "I think you need to talk to Scott," Magnus said softly, landing a kiss on one of Alec's nipples.

Alec shivered, not from cold. "I've tried," he whined. "He won't talk to me. He just keeps avoiding me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Well," Magnus said, as he traced a ring around the peak he'd created of Alec's nipple, "you've been in this situation before, and you managed to make him talk to you. I can help you set it up if you want."

Alec shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe I should leave him alone."

Magnus sat up, leaning on one elbow. "Are you afraid to talk to him?"

"Psh, no. I'm not afraid to talk to him." His voice sounded false even to himself. Apparently, it sounded wrong to Magnus, too. He raised an eyebrow skeptically. "I'm not…"

"What are you afraid of, Alec? Come on, talk to me." He took Alec's hand in his.

"It's just…I'm worried that…that I'm the problem." Magnus gave a look of encouragement, and Alec continued. "I think he's mad at me."

"Why would he be mad at you?"

Alec shrugged. "Maybe something happened between him and Tony and he blames me for it? I don't know. What else could it be though? He's been like this ever since we got back from Florida, and it's gotten worse as time goes on."

"That's why you need to talk to him."

"I know," Alec conceded. "I know. I just…wish I knew I wasn't to blame for whatever is bothering him."

Magnus kissed him on the temple. "Talk to him."

* * *

As luck would have it, Alec finally got the opportunity to talk to Scott a few weeks later. He found him sitting outside on a cool early Spring afternoon with his head in his hands. He didn't notice Alec approaching until it was too late to politely sneak away. He looked up, locking eyes with Alec, his expression absolutely miserable.

Alec sat down next to him on the cold concrete. They sat in silence for several minutes while Alec tried to think of something to say. There were so many things he wanted to say to Scott now that he had the chance, he just didn't know where to start. He kept opening his mouth, but no words would come out. Everything that ran through his mind sounded stupid or accusatory or just plain wrong. What was wrong with him? This was what he'd been wanting for weeks.

"Stop beating yourself up, Alec," Scott said quietly.

He shouldn't have been surprised that his friend knew him so well. "I…Will you talk to me?" he said, because that's really what he wanted. It didn't need to be any more complicated than that, did it?

"I'm sorry I've been so…" Scott trailed off.

"You don't have to apologize. I just want to know what's going on."

Scott glanced sidelong at him, then stared straight ahead. "I did something really stupid." Alec waited, barely daring to breathe for fear Scott would bottle it up again and quit talking. "I fell in love with him."

"With Tony? But that's great! Isn't it?"

Scott laughed humorlessly. "Sure. If you don't count the fact that we live twelve hundred miles away from each other."

"Yeah, but… I mean, you could… Fuck." Alec ran his fingers through his hair. "This is all my fault."

Scott gave him a funny look. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, you haven't spoken to me in over a month. You must blame me. Right?"

"Alec," Scott said with barely disguised irritation, "not everything is about you."

"What?" Alec yelped. "That's not what I meant!"

Scott blew out a breath. "No, I know it isn't. I just… I can't deal with your guilty feelings on top of what I'm feeling right now. Okay?"

"What are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling like I've fucked up my life…again."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I couldn't make a good relationship decision to save my fucking life."

Alec didn't know what he meant by that. He assumed he was speaking about his past as well as whatever was going on with Tony, but he didn't know the story. Scott had never told him. On impulse, he reached over and took Scott's hand between his, hoping to encourage his friend to talk to him.

Scott looked up at him, wide-eyed, then gave him a brief, appreciative smile. "I know I never told you about my ex. I don't like talking about him, but I guess if you are going to understand how much I suck at this, I need to tell you."

Alec squeezed his hand encouragingly, but said nothing. He was too focused on what Scott was saying and didn't want to interrupt him.

"When I met Chris I was still buried pretty deep in the closet. Well, that's not exactly accurate. My family had found out about me, and promptly kicked me out of the family. They told me I was dead to them unless I decided to stop this foolishness and act like a normal person."

Alec could hear the pain in his voice when he said that. His heart went out to his friend, and he squeezed his hand again in comfort. He wasn't sure if Scott even felt it though. His eyes were distant, and Alec had a good idea where his mind was.

"I was a freshman in college then. Fortunately, I was there on scholarship so I wasn't relying on my parents' support to get my education. They had been helping me with my personal expenses though, so I had to get a job to take care of myself.

"After my family's reaction, I was too scared to tell anyone else about me. If my own family could disown me so easily, what would strangers do? Would I lose my scholarship? How would the guys in my dorm react? I was afraid I'd be shunned, or beat up, or something even worse. I didn't know what to expect, so I kept my mouth shut. I went to class. Went to work. Didn't socialize. I became the quiet kid that no one knew and no one really talked to, but I felt safe."

Alec understood that, at least to some extent. He'd never really felt threatened, and hadn't stayed in the closet very long once he figured things out, but Scott was hardly the first person he knew that had had a bad experience after coming out. His was just another story that made him forever grateful for his own family's unconditional support.

"Then, in my junior year of college, I met Chris. He was a grad student and ended up tutoring me. He was so smart and handsome, and I found myself struggling to suppress my desire for him. It didn't matter anyway. He could read me like a book. He knew I wanted him, and he knew how to play me.

"At first, he seemed like a great guy. He was okay with keeping our relationship quiet, sympathetic of my fears about coming out. We met in secret, and used my tutoring as an excuse to see each other often. It worked, too. No one suspected there was anything more going on, that I know of anyway. I don't think anyone paid enough attention to me to realize I was falling in love with him, and he was a pro at hiding his feelings in public.

"We dated through part of my junior year and all through my senior year. I moved in with him after graduation. I thought I was the luckiest guy on the planet to have someone like him loving me. I thought everything was perfect. It wasn't, but I was too stupid to realize it at the time.

"I started working as a personal trainer a few weeks after I graduated from college. At first Chris was supportive of my new job, but when I started to make friends he started to change. He started whining that I wasn't spending much time with him anymore. If I made plans with some of the people from work, he'd pout and give me the cold shoulder when I got home. He would make me feel bad until I apologized for upsetting him, and eventually it just became so uncomfortable at home when I went out, I quit accepting my coworkers' offers to keep the peace at home."

"Why did you stay with him?" Alec asked, perplexed.

Scott gave him a wry smile. "I loved him. if Magnus didn't want you to do something, what would you do?"

He hadn't thought about it like that. He didn't think Magnus would ever tell him who he could hang out with. That wasn't like Magnus at all. He'd even encouraged Alec to spend time with and talk to Scott when he knew Scott at a crush on him. But if he suddenly didn't want him to be around someone, what would he do? How could he choose between someone like Cammie and the man he loved? He was so thankful Magnus didn't put him in those kinds of situations.

"I didn't know the people from work all that well yet, but I knew Chris. I knew he loved me and I loved him, and if he didn't want me to hang out with them outside of work, he must have his reasons, right? Even if he didn't share them with me, I didn't want to upset him, so I did as he asked. I quit seeing my friends.

"Before long, that wasn't enough. He grew jealous of me just going to work. I found another job, and this time I kept to myself. I didn't talk to the people I worked with unless they asked me a direct question. I didn't socialize. I didn't do anything that might upset Chris."

"You must have been lonely," Alec said.

Scott shrugged. "I probably was, but I didn't think about it that way. I didn't realize then that there was anything wrong with my relationship. I lived with Chris. I loved him. He was my whole world. That seemed like a reasonable thing to expect from such an important relationship.

"It wasn't. Chris grew more and more surly. He was jealous of anyone and everyone in my life. He cussed out the guy at the coffee shop who made my coffee every morning because he smiled at me when he handed me the cup. He showed up at my work just to make sure I wasn't being friendly with anyone there. He glared at my coworkers until they were uncomfortable around him. One night my car broke down and I couldn't reach Chris to come get me. It was late, and one of the guys I worked with offered me a ride home. I was reluctant to accept, knowing Chris wouldn't like it, but he basically insisted and I didn't know when Chris would be available, so I accepted. The next day, the guy's tire was slashed when we went to leave work. After that, no one bothered to be friendly to me anymore. They warned me that my boyfriend was crazy, that they were worried about what he might do, but when I defended him, they backed off permanently.

"By then, I was about as isolated as a guy could get. And that's when Chris became violent. He kept making up scenarios that I was cheating on him, or that I wanted to leave him, or whatever. He was paranoid and turned violent.

"The first time he hit me was actually the night my car broke down. I didn't tell anyone about it, of course. He punched me in the stomach and told me I should've waited for him to come get me. I apologized and told him I'd tried to call but couldn't reach him. He apologized for hitting me, said I'd made him so mad he couldn't control it anymore. Said he'd never do it again. We forgave each other and that was that."

Scott looked at Alec then, his eyes sorrowful and full of self-disgust. "Stop me if you've heard this before. It's a tale as old as time. What makes it worse is I _knew_ the story. I knew it because my cousin had been through a similar thing with her husband. Somehow I didn't grasp that the same thing was happening to me. I stupidly thought it was something that happened to women. It never occurred to me that men could be victims of domestic violence, too." He shook his head, and Alec felt his hand tremble in his own. He wanted to do something to console Scott, but there wasn't much he could do but listen.

"It's funny, you know? Even the support groups are all for women victims. I had no idea what to do, had no friends to turn to. I'd alienated myself at work because of him. We started the typical cycle. He'd hit me, usually somewhere I could hide it easily, we'd make up, he'd be the sweet man I fell in love with for a while, rinse, repeat."

"Why didn't you leave?" Alec asked. "I mean, if he was hurting you…"

"Because I loved him. Because he always said it wouldn't happen again and then he was a perfect gentleman for a while. Have you ever dated a manipulator?"

He had. Eric. Eric who always managed to get whatever he wanted, while Alec paid the price. He suddenly felt grateful his price wasn't violence.

"They know exactly what buttons to push to keep you coming back for more," Scott said, reading the truth on Alec's face. Alec nodded.

"How did you get away from him?"

"Well, he lost control one day and beat me up pretty badly. I had to call in to work for several days until the swelling and bruising on my face subsided. I told them I'd had an accident, but I don't think they believed me. There wasn't anything they could do about it anyway, even if they'd wanted to.

"I ended up running a few errands one of the days I was off and ran into my sister. She didn't even recognize me at first, and I ducked behind a display at the grocery store to hide from her. We ended up crossing paths at the checkout, and she followed me to my car. She demanded point blank to know what happened to me and didn't believe my story about an accident. She and my cousin that was abused were very close. She knew the signs. I was so shocked she was even talking to me, much less upset I was hurt, I ended up blurting out the whole story right there in the parking lot.

"She may not have supported my decision to live as a gay man, but she wasn't about to let her little brother be used as a punching bag by someone who was supposed to love him. She took me home with her and helped me retrieve my belongings from Chris's house. She brought a bunch of her friends with us, so Chris had to behave himself if he didn't want to get beat up himself.

"I lived with my sister for a couple of months, but Chris harassed me continuously at work. He even followed me to my sister's and harassed me there. I finally talked to my boss about a transfer. I worked for a gym that was part of a large nationwide chain, and they transferred me to New York. Chris finally gave up after that. I worked at the gym for about a year before I got the job with the Knicks."

"Have you been in any relationships since? I mean, you said you needed to get laid and then find a man to get over your crush on me."

Scott laughed. "Yeah. I've been in a bunch of short term relationships, the kind where we basically just fuck each other's brains out until someone starts to develop feelings, then we get out. I won't end up in that situation again, but I haven't really figured out how to protect myself except to not get emotionally involved."

"Enter Tony."

"Yeah."

"Are you afraid of Tony?"

Scott looked thoughtful for a moment. "No. No, I'm not."

"But he lives twelve hundred miles away. How would you feel if he lived closer?"

Scott gave a half smile. "You see my dilemma. And I have no way of solving the problem."

"The way I see it is you have three options. One: you can move to Miami to be with him."

Scott's eyes widened with fear. "I can't. What if I'm wrong about Tony? What if he is like Chris and I just don't know it yet? Chris was really sweet and caring at first, or I never would have gotten involved with him. Then he changed. If I moved to Miami, Tony will have me completely isolated from everyone I know. I'll have no one. I can't go through that again."

"You won't be isolated," Alec said adamantly. "You think I'd let you go down there and never see you or talk to you again? Magnus and I will be there several times throughout the season, and we can visit in the offseason. Lex and Mo and Will will have tour dates in Miami, I'm sure." He didn't really know if that was true, but it seemed plausible. "We would never let you feel alone, Scott. You're one of us now, and we love you."

Scott did the half smile again. "I know. I just don't want to take that chance."

"Okay. Option two: You continue the long-distance thing. Or option three: He moves here."

Scott snorted. "The long-distance thing is driving me insane, but Tony has always lived in Miami. His entire winter wardrobe consists of some long pants and a hoodie. He's used to living and playing on a beach in Florida. Why would he want to move here?"

"Because he loves you, too?"

Scott's eyes widened again. "Did he say that?"

"What? Oh, no, he hasn't said anything specific about his feelings for you. I know he likes you a lot and you two looked like you were getting pretty close in Florida. Have you talked to him about how you feel?"

Scott shook his head. "No. I…didn't see the point."

"Well, what did he say when you saw him a few weeks ago in Orlando?"

"I didn't see him," Scott said quietly to his hands, avoiding Alec's gaze. "I told him not to come, and I haven't talked to him since."

"Oh, Scott." Alec pulled him close and wrapped his strong arms around him. He held Scott for a long time, until he stopped trembling. When Scott pulled away, his eyes were dry but he looked incredibly sad. "You need to talk to Tony. You need to tell him how you feel, and find out how he feels about you. Let him make his own decisions about if it's worth moving, or worth continuing the relationship. You can't make his choices for him. That's not fair to either of you."

"I don't want to make things worse than they already are. How is it fair for me to ask him to move here when I'm not willing to move there?"

"There you guys are," Magnus said, rounding the corner of the training facility. Alec wondered if he'd really just found them, or if he'd been listening to their conversation and was pretending.

Regardless, his conversation with Scott ended. They headed toward their cars and before Scott could get in his car and drive away, Alec pulled him into another hug. When he released Scott, he locked eyes with him and said, "Talk to Tony. Go home and relax and figure out what you want to say, and then talk to him. Okay?"

Scott nodded and left. Magnus had an eyebrow quirked when Alec looked at him, a clear _what happened?_ expression on his face. Alec promised to tell him the whole story when they got home. He knew that Scott would expect him to. Scott knew as well as any of their friends that Alec told Magnus everything.

He fished his phone out of his pocket, hit a few buttons and put the phone to his head. After a few rings, a deep, melancholy voice answered. "Yeah?"

"We need to talk."


	107. Chapter 107

Alec didn't get a chance to corner Scott about Tony for a couple of days. The Knicks were busy preparing to host the San Antonio Spurs, a team that was always good and tough to beat. Training was focused and intense, and personal matters were not as important from the team's perspective as preparing for that game.

Plus, Scott snuck off as quickly as he could at the end of practice.

There was one place Scott couldn't avoid him, though. The game. Not that he didn't try. Scott clung to Toby as much as he could, but when Knightly asked Toby to go back into the locker rooms and get something for him, Alec found himself alone with Scott.

This was not the ideal time to have a conversation, but it looked like the only opportunity Alec was going to get for now, so he took it. Amidst the crowd cheering and the team leaping off the bench to celebrate a spectacular dunk, Alec got Scott's attention and said, "Did you talk to Tony?"

Scott, who had been looking if possible even more miserable in the last couple of days, replied, "Yes."

So, Alec was going to have to drag it out of him. Fine. He could do that. "Well, what did you say?"

Scott sighed and quit pretending to ignore Alec. He turned to him with a desperate look and said, "I ended it. I told him not to call me again."

Alec's mouth fell open in surprise. _That was not what I meant when I said tell him how you feel, dumbass_, he thought with a bit of irritation. There was no reason to ask why. That was obvious given all Scott had told him a few days ago. He personally would be irritated if his friend asked such a stupid question. He composed his features and asked the following instead: "What did Tony say?"

"I didn't exactly give him a chance to talk. I told him it was over and we both needed to move on with our lives. We needed a clean break. Then, I hung up on him."

_Idiot. _Alec sighed. That didn't fit very well with the conversation _he'd _had with Tony, but Scott didn't know about that. "Has he tried to call you?"

Scott hung his head and shook it no. Which looked strange with the rest of the arena cheering another fabulous play by the Knicks. That barely registered with Alec though. He was too focused on his friend's misery. Here was not the place to hug him though, and he wasn't sure Scott would want a hug from him anyway.

Scott collected himself and looked up, just as TJ came limping over to the bench. No more time for personal talk. Alec and Scott went to assess the problem and see what they needed to do. TJ's problem turned out to be a severe leg cramp, so Alec and Scott took him off to the side to work it out. They exchanged glances a few times as they worked, both knowing and questioning looks, but they didn't have any more time to talk the rest of the game.

* * *

Scott was sitting on Alec's bed and Alec was sitting on Scott's. He had no idea why. Alec always had the bed by the door and Scott always took the one by the bathroom, and they had this time, too. But for whatever reason, they were perched on each other's beds and staring at nothing.

"Have you heard from Tony?" Alec said.

"Have you heard from Kaden?" Scott countered.

Thrown for a loop, Alec stumbled. "What? Um...I…asked you first," he replied lamely.

"He's called a few times," Scott said to the hands folded in his lap.

A few weeks had passed since Scott ended things with Tony. He looked utterly miserable.

"Did you talk to him?"

"No." Scott shook his head. His light brown wavy hair was in need of a trim, but Alec thought Scott probably appreciated how it was hiding his face at that moment.

"Scott…"

"There's no point, Alec. I can't have him, not like I want him, anyway. I won't ask him to give up his life in Miami for me, I won't move there, and I can't do the long-distance thing. It's too hard and it hurts too much to be apart all the time. I can't afford to go see him unless the Knicks are paying for it, and he can't afford to come here very often either. We're better off making a clean break now before we got too much deeper into it."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

Scott looked sharply at him. "It doesn't matter. I've made up my mind. Okay?"

_Not okay_, Alec thought, but didn't say any more on the subject.

"I haven't heard from Kaden," he said instead. He wondered if his voice sounded as dejected as he felt when he talked about his newest family member. Probably so. "I did talk to my dad about Grandad and the whole thing, though."

Scott's ears pricked. Alec wasn't sure if he was truly interested or just thankful to get the subject off of his failed relationship with Tony, but he certainly looked less unhappy than he had a moment ago. "What did your dad say?"

"Well, he didn't know anything about the wedding either. Apparently, the whole operation was done by stealth. Dad called Grandad to find out what the hell was going on and he just laughed. Said he was old enough to do whatever the hell he wanted, and he wanted to marry Amelia, so he did." Alec chuckled. "Dad thinks he needs to have his head examined, but I think it's sweet. It gives me hope, you know?"

"How's that?"

"Well, if Grandad can be so spontaneous at his age, maybe I can, too. One day."

"Alec, I hate to break it to you, but you're not the most spontaneous person in the world _right now_. What makes you think that will change when you are an old man?"

Alec threw his pillow at Scott, who knocked it away just before it hit him in the face. They both laughed, which felt really good. He'd almost forgotten how handsome Scott was when he smiled and laughed, it had been so long since he'd seen it.

When the laughter died, Scott said, "So, where do you think we'll end up?"

He was referring to the Playoffs, of course. The Knicks had their final regular season game in a few hours, against the 76-ers. They should win it handily. "Once we win, it'll be up to Boston and Toronto to decide. If Boston beats the Clippers in their final game, and Toronto loses to Milwaukee, then we'll end up playing Boston. If Boston loses and Toronto wins, we'll end up playing Toronto."

"What happens in they both win or both lose?"

Alec knew Scott knew the answer to his question. They'd all been going through the possible scenarios for the last week, even the scenario where the Knicks lose to Philly tonight, which wasn't going to happen, Alec was sure of it. He couldn't help answering the question anyway.

"Well, then Boston and Toronto end up with the same record and it will be down to who won the head-to-head matchups. That was Toronto, right? Yeah, I know it was. Toronto beat Boston three out of four times. So…" He trailed off at the stupid grin on Scott's face, realizing he was rattling on about stuff that didn't really matter. "Anyway, most likely we'll end up playing Boston. They'll be the three seed and we'll be the six."

"Yeah. I think that's how it looks, too. Have you ever considered a career in sports news? You'd make a great analyst."

"No. I don't have the right degree for that. Magnus has a degree in communications, so when he retires he might do something like that, but not me."

Scott shrugged. "Just wondering."

* * *

As it turned out, Alec was right. The Knicks beat Philadelphia by twenty-seven points as they put on a basketball clinic for the spectators. They played so well that their game was nearly perfect, finishing with only four turnovers for the entire game. Magnus played absolutely brilliantly, showing why he won the MVP and Skill Challenge awards.

He was also right about the team the Knicks would be facing. They had a date with the Boston Celtics beginning in a few days, but no one was thinking about that tonight. Tonight was for celebrating the Knicks first Playoffs berth in more than a decade!

The noise level in the locker room was alarming. Everyone was cheering and back-patting and hugging each other. Several bottles of champagne were uncorked with a loud pop and ruckus applause. The bubbly liquid showered the players, flowing freely from the bottles before someone produced some glasses to catch it. The cups were passed around and clinked together in celebration.

When they quieted to a dull roar, Coach Hollings, grinning uncontrollably, addressed them. "This season has been truly remarkable. The best season I've had since I've been with the Knicks."

Cheers and cries of "here, here" interrupted him momentarily. Hollings's smile broadened further somehow.

"We have been fighting hard for many years, and finally found the missing pieces of our team. The new faces we acquired this year injected life into our program, and gave us the ability to do what we've been trying to do for years. The most important piece of that puzzle is our Rising Stars MVP and Skills Challenge Champion, Magnus Bane!"

Alec whooped loudly in response and several of the players jumped on Magnus, roughing his hair and play-punching or wrestling with him, dumping champagne over his head. Magnus laughed and pushed the guys off of him, but Alec could tell how pleased he was that his teammates were showing him so much love. Playing basketball was everything to Magnus, and feeling like he was truly part of his team, being heralded for his efforts to take the team where it wanted to go, clearly brought him more joy than words could express.

When the team settled again, Hollings continued. "We're not done, though. This is just a stepping stone to get us where we want to go. I don't think any of us will be satisfied until we are World Champions!" Another deafening cheer rose.

"But tonight, we celebrate! We're staying in Philly another night. There is a party set up in the ballroom at the hotel, and we've rented extra rooms. No sharing tonight! Have fun and be safe! The plane leaves at ten am sharp."

Alec and Magnus exchanged looks. Were they serious? They'd each have their own room? Alec hadn't been told anything about this, and he was the one who usually gave out the keycards!

It turned out that Hollings was very serious about the new room assignments. Hollings's personal assistant appeared to be the one to set everything up. She winked at Magnus when she gave him his new room key and, with a sideways glance at Alec said, "I assume you two will want to share?" Alec may have blushed, but only a little as he and Magnus both nodded emphatically.

They loaded into the bus for the short ride back to the hotel. It was already after eleven, and most of the game traffic had cleared by now. The team was just as rowdy on the bus, and when the driver dropped them off, they spilled into the ballroom like they were taking over the world.

Alec's first impression was that the Knicks staff had gone all-out for this party. The entire room was covered in the orange and blue and white of the Knicks colors. There were tables so burdened with food they looked like they might break. There were three bar stations set up around the room, so no one had to wait long for a drink. They'd even hired a live band, and one that was really good.

As soon as they finished surveying the room, the doors opened and dozens of fans poured into the ballroom. Alec knew they'd all be screened by security, but he was still fascinated watching the proceedings. The players immediately started selecting girls to chat with or leading them to the dance floor. They weren't all just selecting one woman, either. Some had two or three prospects.

Alec turned to Magnus then. "Is this some kind of…I don't know, _thing_ where these girls are just brought in to fuck the guys? Like a backstage party at a rock concert or something?"

Magnus laughed. "Looks that way, doesn't it?"

"That's…disturbing."

"Well, you know how we get with our performance high? This is about as high was it gets unless we actually win something." Magnus's eyes scanned the crowd. "I don't think any of them are complaining, either. These are our version of music groupies. I've seen some of these women before. They follow us around game to game."

"It's still weird and I'm not sure how I feel about it," Alec insisted.

"Well," Magnus said, scooping him in his arms and kissing his cheek. "It's a good thing you're with me then, isn't it?"

Alec looked up at him and smiled. "Yes, it is."

Alec and Magnus danced and drank more champagne. They watched the mating rituals taking place on the dance floor. Magnus was right, the women seemed to be enjoying themselves. No one seemed to have any objections to this but Alec. _Heterosexuals are weird, _he thought to himself with a small laugh. He had to amend that thought moments later when Scott snuck out of the ballroom, dragging one of the male waiters by the hand.

Alec watched them go, unsure how to feel about what was happening. Scott fucking some other guy would certainly throw a monkey wrench into Alec's plans. On the other hand, Scott was so miserable, maybe he needed a night of recklessness. Maybe meaningless sex with a stranger was just the thing to make him realize how much he wanted Tony and how he was _not_ getting over him, no matter how much he wanted to pretend he was.

With that, Alec let it go, and by extension, let himself go, too. He put Scott and Tony out of his mind. He danced with his boyfriend in a fun, safe place with people he knew would have their backs if anything untoward should happen. Not that he was worried about something bad happening. Everyone was having a great time celebrating tonight, and he didn't feel like he and Magnus were even getting that many looks from people. The looks they were getting were mostly from women, and contained no small amount of _aww-they're-so-cute! _

When it became obvious that Alec and Magnus had had enough to drink a few glasses ago, they made their way up to their room. Alec got confused for a moment and went to his old room. He stopped short of trying to open the door when he realized what the sounds on the other side must mean. Scott was definitely fucking someone, or he was into so new workout routine he'd neglected to tell Alec about.

Alec had another moment of _shit-shit-shit_, where he almost banged on the door to stop Scott from making a horrible mistake. He stopped himself before _he_ made a horrible mistake by telling himself the mistake had already been made, may as well let them finish. All he could hope for was that irreparable damage was done.

Magnus dragged him down the hall to their room. Once inside, with the heavy door between them and the rest of the crazy world, Magnus wrapped him in his arms, holding him close and kissing his temple. Alec relaxed into Magnus's arms. He was home. He was the one place he always felt safe and secure. The one place he didn't have to worry about all the bad things that happened in the world because when he was with Magnus, he was okay and nothing else mattered.

Magnus pulled away, just far enough to kiss Alec. He could taste the champagne on Magnus's lips, and flicked his tongue out for more. That was all it took for the sweet, loving, comforting kiss to catch fire. Magnus kissed him harder, his hand coming up to hold Alec's head still, his tongue playing in Alec's mouth.

Alec pressed himself firmly against Magnus's leg, the friction stimulating him to full hardness in an instant. Magnus broke the kiss, panting against Alec's lips.

"How do you want it?" Alec breathed. He was intoxicated by the drink, but not as drunk as he was on Magnus.

"I feel like I'm King of the World right now," Magnus said with a heady grin.

"And you want me to be your Queen?" Alec replied, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, no, no. I want you to be my slave." Alec's eyes opened wide. "My sex slave," Magnus amended, but Alec still gave him the round-eyed look of surprise. "Do you think you can do that?"

Alec wet his lips, because they were suddenly very dry. "Wh-what do you w-want me to do?"

Magnus studied him very seriously for a moment. He didn't want to do anything Alec couldn't handle, especially not sexually. Alec knew that. He also knew that they'd had a lot of fun when he'd commanded Magnus at the mansion in Orlando.

Magnus ripped the sheet off the bed and wadded it in his hands. "I want to…bind your hands. Are you okay with that, or is it too much?"

Alec thought for a moment. That didn't sound too bad. He nodded. "I can handle it."

Magnus moved beside him, Alec's shoulder digging between his pectorals. He stripped off Alec's shirt, tossing it out of sight. He ran his hand along the smooth skin of Alec's neck and chest, tweaking his nipple as his mouth latched onto Alec's ear. A thrill went through Alec like nothing he'd ever felt before, the anticipation building as Magnus's hand slid down his arm to grasp his wrist.

"D-do I n-need a s-safeword?" Alec said, his voice barely a whisper.

"How do you know about safewords?" Magnus breathed into his ear, and Alec shuddered. Magnus trailed his fingertips down his other arm, and gently wound the sheet around his wrists. The material was too big to be a good restraint, but it would work in a pinch.

"I r-read some books Cammie r-recommended."

Magnus chuckled softly. Alec felt the laughter more than heard it. "Well, you won't need a safeword with me." With Alec's hands secured behind him, Magnus reappeared in Alec's view. He looked deep into Alec's eyes, his voice suddenly solemn and sincere. "If you don't like what I'm doing, you simply say no. I'll always stop if you want me to. You know that, right?"

Alec nodded. He did know that. He trusted Magnus completely. He was nervous, but he wasn't scared. In fact, he was harder than he'd ever been right now. Magnus seemed to want verbal confirmation though. "I trust you, Magnus."

Satisfied, Magnus removed the rest of Alec's clothing, leaving him bare, with his erection curving up toward his abdomen, begging for attention. Magnus stepped back and surveyed his new slave. His eyes dragged up and down Alec's body, a visible wave of desire washing over him as he gazed at Alec's dick. He licked his lips, and Alec wondered how much of this he could stand. He wanted Magnus so badly, and so far, all he'd done was _look _at him.

Magnus's features transformed into those of the mighty slave-owner. He stared at Alec with undisguised lust burning in his eyes. Alec opened his mouth to speak, but Magnus silenced him. "Shhh. You are only to speak if spoken to, unless you are employing your safeword, 'no.'" He walked behind Alec, and even though he couldn't see him, he could still feel his gaze. "You are to do everything I tell you to do. And…you are not to come. Not until I say so."

Alec's eyes widened at that. He'd never purposefully tried to stop himself from coming. He didn't even know if he _could._ He was about to find out.

Magnus appeared again, and this time he was naked. He must have stripped while out of sight without Alec hearing him. Alec's mouth drooled at the sight of his boyfriend, all six-foot-five of him, his slender form, with perfectly defined muscles, and only a smattering of hair around his groin. His dark hair and shining eyes entranced Alec. He was the most beautiful man Alec had ever seen. He was a work of art. He was a god.

Magnus's hand dropped onto Alec's shoulder. The implication was clear. Alec lowered himself to his knees and willingly opened his mouth. Magnus smiled down on him with approval, and for some reason, Alec really liked it. He wanted to make him do that again and again.

Magnus grasped his cock in the hand that wasn't on Alec's shoulder and tapped Alec's lower lip with its thick head. Alec's tongue darted out to taste the clear fluid already leaking from its slit. Magnus pushed inside, inch by inch as Alec relaxed his throat so he could take all of him. Their eyes were locked the whole time, and Alec could sense Magnus monitoring his expressions, making sure he was enjoying it. Alec could tell Magnus was being extra cautious with him.

Magnus laced his fingers through Alec's hair, gripping a little rougher than usual as he began pumping his hips and fucking Alec's mouth. Alec concentrated on keeping his throat relaxed, taking all that Magnus offered. "You are so beautiful," Magnus purred. "Taking my cock all the way into your throat. You are the perfect slave boy. Just perfect."

Magnus's words made Alec want to perform at an even higher standard. He wasn't sure how he could do that, unless he could manage to get a good suction while Magnus fucked his mouth like that…

"Ah. Oh, fuck, Alec!" Magnus yanked on Alec's hair, ripping his cock out of his mouth. He stood there trembling, his dick throbbing, as he gathered himself. Magnus dropped to his knees and kissed Alec forcefully on the mouth. "That gorgeous mouth. You almost made me come. I'm not ready to yet."

Alec grinned inwardly, trying his best not to show Magnus how pleased he was by his words. A good slave wasn't supposed to do that. At least, he didn't think they were. But what did he know, right?

Magnus pulled him to his feet. "Lean over the side of the bed," he commanded. Alec did as he was told. Then, he felt a sharp jerk on his hips. "No touching. There will be no friction against your cock unless I say so."

Alec moved so that only his head was touching the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable position he'd ever been in, but he didn't care. He was so horny and he couldn't wait to see what Magnus was going to do next. He felt cold lube and Magnus's finger teasing his hole. Alec shivered and pushed back against Magnus's hand, receiving a firm smack on his ass for his efforts. He remembered smacking Magnus's ass at the mansion and wondered if he liked it as much as Alec had just then. He was almost tempted to push back again, just to feel that sharp sting and slow burn. Then he remembered he was the slave, and he was supposed to do whatever he could to make his master happy.

Alec bit down on the bed to keep from crying out when Magnus pressed his finger inside. Oh, did he love that feeling. Magnus worked him good, tapping his prostate and making him moan before pulling out completely, applying more lube, and going back in. He repeated this over and over until Alec was _right there_, seconds away from coming. He groaned when Magnus removed his fingers again, and pushed back once more, receiving another sharp whack on his ass. He sighed in appreciation.

Magnus didn't touch him again until the urge to come had passed. Then he restarted his play, fingering Alec's hole until he was on the edge again, then stopping. He repeated this over and over until Alec was getting frustrated. He _needed_ to come and Magnus wouldn't let him!

He couldn't turn around to see what Magnus was doing, besides torturing him, so he crooked his neck until he could see part of his boyfriend between his legs. What he saw nearly brought him to his knees. Magnus was squatting behind Alec, teasing and playing with him with one hand, and gracefully stroking his own cock with the other. Magnus was hard as steel, his long, slender dick sliding between his lubed fingers. Alec wanted that in him, and he wanted it yesterday!

"Magnus," he groaned, and Magnus swatted his ass again, harder this time, making him cry out.

"No talking," Magnus reminded him. He rose to his feet and Alec couldn't see him anymore. He felt the head of his dick nudge at his hole and he sighed. Finally, _finally_, Magnus was going to fuck him. "Don't. Come." The strict command sent a wave of desire through Alec that he couldn't account for.

With one sudden thrust, Magnus entered him. Alec cried out from the combination of pain and pleasure, and without warning, he came. He didn't even have a chance to try to stop himself. Seeing Alec's fluid all over the floor and dripping down his legs, Magnus hissed his displeasure.

"I'm sorry, Mag-" Alec tried to say, but Magnus quieted him again.

"Hush, slave!" Magnus said, adding another hard smack on his ass, making Alec's back arch with pleasure. "You weren't supposed to come until I said so. Here is your punishment."

Alec barely heard the words through his orgasmic haze, but he felt the punishment. Magnus fucked him hard and fast, abusing his prostate with each thrust. Alec's nerve endings lit and his whole body tingled while Magnus searched for his release. A few moments later, he felt Magnus's body tighten up and they cried out together as Magnus came.

Magnus slumped over Alec's back, breathing hard and twitching for several long moments. Then, he hastily unbound Alec's hands and turned him so they were face to face. "Are you okay?" Magnus asked, his commanding tone now replaced with a note of concern.

Alec thought for a moment. His ass felt like it was on fire, inside and out. He'd had one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever had, given to him by the man he loved more than life. The role play had been extremely erotic. "Yes," he answered definitively.

Magnus drew him into his arms. "Oh my god, you were amazing."

"I'm sorry I couldn't hold out any longer. I've never tried to stop myself from coming before. I'm not sure how to do it."

Magnus chuckled and rocked him a little. "Maybe we could practice again sometime. If you want to, I mean."

Alec kissed him tenderly. "Yes. I think I'd like that very much."

As they cleaned up a little and got dressed, Alec's mind drifted somewhere he didn't expect. Scott. He was again worried about his friend.

"Are you sure you're okay with what we did?" Magnus's voice brought him back from his thoughts.

"What? Oh, yes."

Magnus smiled indulgently. "You know, if I was more insecure in our relationship, I might be upset that you're thinking about another man right now…" He closed the space between them, and hugged Alec again. "Go talk to him."

Alec looked at him, startled. "What? You want me to interrupt them? No thanks."

"Come on. You know he's not going to let that guy stay the night."

"I don't know that. I don't know anything about what Scott normally does after sex. But I think I'll feel better if I at least check on him." He kissed Magnus again. "Thank you…for being you. I love you."

Luck must have been on Alec's side. When he left his room, the waiter was leaving Scott's. Alec watched him until he got on the elevator, then went and knocked on Scott's door. At first there was no answer. Alec knocked again.

"Scott? It's me. Open up."

A few moments later, the door cracked open. Before Alec had time to enter and close the door behind him, Scott was already sitting on the bed, folded in on himself.

"Scott?"

Scott wouldn't look at him. He buried his face against his knees. "I fucked up so bad, Alec."

Alec could hear the pain in his voice and wanted to comfort him. He went to his side and put his arm around Scott's shoulders. "No, Scott. It'll be okay."

Scott looked up sharply. His eyes were wet and his face streaked with tears. "I just fucked another guy. Tony will never forgive me."

"Scott, you broke up with Tony. He'll understand."

"Would you understand? If you and Magnus broke up and he had sex with someone else, would you forgive him for that?"

Alec smiled patiently. "First of all, Magnus and I did break up. Two years ago. I was surprised that he didn't sleep with anyone else. Second of all, that's not a fair comparison. You and Tony are just getting started. Were. You broke up. You don't owe him any fidelity. But if it's bothering you this much, maybe you should reconsider the breakup. If you love him enough to beat yourself up over something you were completely at liberty to do, maybe you need to find a way to make this work."

Scott collapsed into Alec's arms, sobbing. "I don't know what to do, Alec. I shouldn't be this attached to him already. I haven't known him that long. What do I do?"

Alec patted down Scott's hair in an effort to soothe him. "Talk to him. Just talk about it. See if there is any way to make it work."

He couldn't say any more without saying something he shouldn't. Too much was still up in the air right now. Instead, he sat with his friend, holding him until he cried out all his tears. Then he tucked Scott into bed, and went back to his boyfriend, into the arms that made _him_ feel better.

* * *

**A/N: We're back to once a week posts now. Thanks again for all the support for this story. Happy Halloween!**


	108. Chapter 108

tThe first game of Playoffs series between the Boston Celtics and the New York Knicks occurred in Boston since it was the higher seeded team. It was a Saturday in mid-April and it was cold. Boston was a bit farther north than New York, but the weather wasn't all that different. New York was still pretty chilly, too, especially at night.

Magnus and Alec met Cammie and Austin for dinner the night before the game. Alec wanted to get everyone together, but Will, Lexus, and Mo were busy preparing for the tour. Their first show was in a week in Seattle, on the other side of the continent. They couldn't take the time to fly to Boston, not even for this. Tony was stuck in Miami, and Scott declined the offer to go out. Hopefully, things would work out better for the next game in New York.

They had a lovely dinner, catching up on what was going on in everyone's lives. Not much had changed with their friends. Cammie was still learning the ropes of leading her father's company, and getting more confident every day. Austin was still training kids how to swim competitively.

Magnus was nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. He would soon be playing in his first NBA Playoffs game. This was the culmination of a lifetime of hard work. Everyone at that table was so proud and happy for him.

Later, Alec let himself into his hotel room after giving Magnus a thorough goodnight kiss in the hallway, and he didn't care who saw. The room appeared to be empty at first, then he heard a noise from the bathroom.

He knocked on the door. "Scotty? Are you in there?"

"Yeah," Scott called through the door, opening it a moment later. He gave Alec a look. "Scotty?" he said while trying to hide a grin. He pushed past Alec and flopped onto his own bed.

"What? Oh, I don't know why I said that." Alec chuckled. He really wasn't sure why he'd used a nickname just then.

"Everyone called me Scotty when I was a kid," Scott said quietly.

"Oh, I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I like it, and I don't mind if you want to call me that." Scott rolled to one side, propping his head up on his hand. "How's Austin and Cammie?"

"They're good. Wish you would've come to dinner with us. You would've had fun."

"Or I would've ruined your fun." Scott laid back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Scott," Alec began, then changed tactics. "Scotty." Scott's eyes slid sideways to Alec. "Have you talked to him yet?"

No sense pretending what Alec wanted to talk about. "No."

"Scooooottttttt," Alec whined, drawing out his friend's name.

"What am I supposed to say to him? It's over. I can't make it work, no matter how many ways I try to rearrange it in my head. Even if I could figure out how to see him often enough that it won't drive me batshit crazy, I already messed it up. He's never going to forgive me for fucking that waiter."

"Now you're just being stubborn." Alec crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Scott snorted. "I learned it from you."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just call Tony, will ya?"

"No, I won't. It's better this way. Trust me. I just need to make a clean break and find a way to get over him."

"Scott."

Scott cut him off. "Alec." He gave him a pointed look. Then his expression softened. "You are my best friend. Hell, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have any friends. I know you want to see it work out between Tony and me, but I just don't see how it's possible, and calling him is just going to tear that wound back open again. Please, just drop it, okay?"

What could he say to that? There was so much he wanted to say, but in truth, he didn't know what was going on either. This might not be the time to push Scott to talk to Tony. He decided to give it a few days and see how things played out.

"Fine. I'll drop it for now." Alec stripped off his shirt and climbed under his covers. "For the record, what I want more than anything is to see you happy."

He caught the tender look in Scott's eyes as he clicked off the lamp beside his bed. He hoped his words would give Scott some food for thought.

* * *

The game the following day turned out to be a nail-biter. Both teams knew the stakes. This was the Playoffs, something they'd been working for all season long.

The players for both teams were a little jittery when they took the court. Alec was reminded of a boxing match, where each side seemed to be feeling out the other to see what their weaknesses were. He thought it amusing considering they'd already played each other three times over the course of the season. The teams already knew each other.

Magnus was the first to strike. After toying with his defender for half of the shot clock, an uncharacteristic grin split his face as he stepped back, and shot a mid-range jumpshot. He nailed it, scoring the first points of the game for either team.

From there, the teams traded jabs all night long. The largest lead by either team at any point was only five. Alec was so into the game, he forgot to worry about Scott. When he did think about his friend, he was pleased to see him enjoying the game. For the first time in a long time, he had the illusion that things were normal, like they had been when he had first started working for the Knicks. Only better, because now he felt more comfortable in his role on the team.

The Knicks ended up winning Game 1 with a crazy final play. Magnus drove the ball to the basket and was surrounded by defenders. He passed it to TJ, who shot but missed. Magnus leapt in the air for the rebound along with two Celtics players and managed to tip the ball in as the buzzer sounded. Chaos ensued as the team celebrated mid-court, jumping on Magnus and tackling him to the floor. The refs checked the monitors to make sure he indeed got the shot off in time while the Celtics fans stood around in disbelief that their team had lost Game 1 on its home court. The refs signaled the shot was good, and Alec was fairly certain that nothing could have calmed the Knicks team or fans. Even Scott was cheering like a maniac.

Scott's behavior gave Alec pause, but only briefly. He momentarily wondered if his friend was better off trying to put his relationship with Tony behind him and move on with his life. He internally shrugged. There wasn't anything to do about it now. Things were already in motion.

* * *

Game 2 was at Madison Square Garden in Manhattan on Monday. Alec was hoping to get everyone together for dinner then, but Tony was still dealing with things in Miami, and Austin and Cammie couldn't get away from Boston. Then, Magnus and Alec had an issue getting into Manhattan Sunday night for dinner, and had to cancel with Will, Jem, Lexus, and Mo anyway.

The Celtics made some game plan adjustments which resulted in a hefty loss for the Knicks. Magnus was solid as ever, but the Celtics overwhelmed them, and the rest of the team shot poorly. Magnus was dejected on the ride back to the training center. At least it was a best of seven series, so they had plenty more chances to win the series and advance to the next round.

* * *

They were back in Boston for Game 3 on Wednesday. Cammie had a late meeting and Austin's kids had a swim meet. Alec and Magnus managed to drag Scott out to a restaurant for dinner. After chatting with the concierge at the hotel, Alec found a restaurant not too far from where they were staying that was owned by a gay couple and came highly recommended.

They walked the few blocks to the restaurant and found a small unassuming building. They were greeted and shown to a table inside the chic, modern establishment. Alec was reminded a bit of the restaurant he and Magnus had gone to with the crazy, bright color scheme, even though this was nothing like that. This was a very classy, high-end restaurant where presentation was everything, and the food was almost too beautiful to eat. Almost. As luck would have it, the food was also orgasmically delicious.

That night, Alec tried to talk to Scott about Tony again. He received a death glare that made him quickly change the subject.

The Knicks had an improved game plan this time around. The team's adjustments almost worked, too. But it came up short, losing by four points, and the guys went home with their tails tucked between their legs.

* * *

The next two games were in Manhattan due to scheduling conflicts. The Knicks lost both games, ending the series 4-1 in favor of the Boston Celtics. The upset was not to be this year, at least, not for the Knicks. There were a few other teams that still had a chance to upset the higher seeded team.

For the Knicks, that meant the season was over. The players would have a little time to themselves before workouts and conditioning started back up in the summer. The staff would have a few more weeks of paperwork and equipment maintenance and other mundane tasks to complete before they were given some time over the summer as well. Then there would be the draft, and getting to know the new faces and skill sets added to the program.

Knightly called Alec into his office the following week to let him know that he was being given more responsibility. He was no longer considered an intern (he wasn't aware that he was EVER considered an intern, but whatever), and that as an official member of the training staff, he would be on-call to assist with any workouts the players wanted to do over the summer. By himself. He would not be assisting another trainer. Knightly gave him the schedule, which was a rotation for each of the trainers. He was on-call Mondays and Thursdays starting July 1st. Alec was elated by this news! He'd proven himself to his boss. The grumpy old man liked him and trusted him to keep the players safe!

But before all of that happened, Alec finally succeeded in getting his friends together for dinner in Manhattan. Cammie all but begged to go out for pizza. Even though she was a native Bostonian, four years living in New York had taught her the best place to get pizza.

"Even the New York style pizza places in Boston don't compare to the real thing!" she said enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Alec chuckled, but he had to agree. He'd had pizza in plenty of other places, and there was no comparison. Unfortunately, they were on too tight of a schedule to make the trip to Brooklyn to their favorite pizza place, the one they'd frequented in college. The one where Alec had introduced Cammie and Austin to each other. He felt a wave of nostalgia, wanting to go back to those times, to his freshman year of college, when everything was so new and fresh. He loved his life now, but there was something about those days that would always hold a special place in his heart.

They found a neat little hole-in-the-wall place with graffiti covering the walls. There were a variety of colored permanent markers on each table, and patrons were encouraged to add their own artwork to the walls and furniture. Loud music, mostly hard rock/metal type music, filled the small eating area. For some reason, this made Cammie even more bouncy.

They were seated at a large C-shaped booth. Magnus, Alec, and Scott slid into one side, while Lexus, Mo, Cammie, Austin, Will and Jem scooted around the circle on the other side. Conversation started up almost instantly upon them being seated. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Alec noticed Scott was keeping up with the chatter, and even participating from time to time.

Alec was fairly certain that Scott and Tony's breakup was on a need-to-know basis. Meaning most of their friends did not know anything about it. No one was giving him any strange looks or watching him like they suspected anything was wrong, at least not that Alec could tell. He, of course, was watching Scott like a hawk, worried about his friend.

The pizza was served, and as the waiter walked away, Lexus shouted, "TONY!"

Alec's head shot up and his eyes landed on Tony. The loud music must have drowned out his approach, because no one seemed to know he was there until he was standing beside the table with a smirk on his face. His eyes locked with Jem's briefly, then floated around the circle of their friends. He gave a short nod as he skimmed Alec, then he finally landed on Scott.

Alec also stared at Scott. His back was ramrod straight, tense, and Alec could detect a slight quiver of his muscles. He was staring right back at Tony, neither of them saying anything.

The atmosphere at the table changed quickly once everyone caught sight of Scott's posture. It was obvious now that something had happened, but no one else really knew what, and no one seemed to dare to ask.

Tony eventually broke Scott's gaze. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat down in the open space between Scott and Jem. "Hey," he said as brightly as someone could with his ex-boyfriend glaring at him.

Will, undeterred by pretty much anything, picked up another slice of pizza and crammed it into his mouth. "This is great. Have some." He waved his slice in Tony's direction.

Tony grinned a little uncomfortably and reached for his own slice and a plate. Scott followed his every move with his eyes. "When do you guys leave for the tour?" Tony said to Will, in an attempt at normalcy. "Alec said it was soon."

At the mention of Alec's name, Scott shot him a look. Alec held his ground, though his communication was nonverbal. _Yes, I invited Tony. He's my friend, too._

"Yeah. We actually leave tomorrow for Seattle. I've never been there."

"Sounds great," Tony said, but Scott's eyes were back to boring holes into him, and Alec heard the strain in his voice. He wasn't sure Tony even heard Will's response.

The girls broke into their own conversation, though each kept an eye on Scott and Tony. It was clear they wanted to know what was going on. This was not the same Scott and Tony they'd spent time with in Orlando.

Offhandedly, Tony said, "Hey, boss?" He was looking at Jem, who gave him a brief nod of encouragement. Scott's eyes narrowed, but no one else seemed to think anything of it. "I might need a place to stay for a few weeks while I look for a place. Don't you have a spare bedroom?"

"I do, if Lex -"

He was cut off mid-sentence by Scott. "What are you talking about?" Scott demanded. His voice was loud enough to halt all the other conversations. Magnus squeezed Alec's sweaty hand under the table.

Tony turned slowly to look at Scott. "I am going to work in Jem's finance company. He had a position open up, and -"

Scott didn't let him finish. He rounded on Alec, eyes narrowed. "What did you do?" he spat. Scott's head swiveled between Tony and Alec for a moment, then he pushed himself to his feet. "Fuck you both," he said, and stormed out of the restaurant.

"That went well," Jem said, as Tony and Alec scrambled out of their seats to chase after Scott. They could hear the girls asking what was going on in the background as they hurried away.

They caught up to Scott on the sidewalk. He was pacing around, eyes round and wild, like he had no idea where to go or what to do. He probably didn't. As far as Alec knew, Scott wasn't all that familiar with Manhattan.

They approached him cautiously, like they would a frightened animal. As soon as he realized they were there, he grew still and calm, glaring at them with anger. No, not _them. _Him. Alec. He was pissed at Alec. "How could you?" he spat.

"Scott –"

"How could you, Alec? What did you tell him?"

"What do you mean, what did I tell him?"

"That stuff I told you was in confidence. I knew you'd tell Magnus, but…"

Alec grabbed Scott's shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "Scott, I didn't tell him anything."

Scott studied him for a moment, reading his face, searching for the truth and, Alec thought, wanting to believe him. "You didn't?" Scott's eyes darted briefly to Tony. "You didn't tell him…what I said…about…how I feel?"

Alec released him, surprised. "Fuck no! That's not my place, man. I would never do that."

Scott was visibly relieved by that. He looked back at Tony, who stepped forward, his eyes holding Scott's. "Will you let me explain?"

Scott didn't seem to know how to respond. Finally, he nodded. Tony smiled at him and he half-smiled back.

"Alec called me a few weeks ago. He asked me how I felt about you. I told him the truth." Tony reached for Scott's hand, and Scott let him take it. He drew it up to his chest and cupped it between his own. "I'm in love with you, Scott. I wasn't sure what was going to happen at first, but after spending that week with you in Orlando, I knew I was falling pretty hard for you. When you left, and all I had were pictures and phone calls and texts… I couldn't get you out of my mind, and I didn't want to. I knew then that I loved you, and it was driving me crazy being away from you."

Scott looked like he understood those feelings well. Alec thought he might tell Tony how he felt, too, but instead he said, "What did Alec say?"

"He asked me if I'd be willing to move to New York. I said I would and he hung up."

"I called Jem then," Alec said. "He had a position opening up because someone was retiring, and he agreed to interview Tony."

Tony grinned. "Jem was hiring for someone with my exact qualifications. I'll be doing the same job I'm doing in Miami, only with bigger and better accounts."

"But you'll have to move away from your home, the place you grew up," Scott said.

"I'll make more money and have a better opportunity to advance my career. Jem's company is huge. I've gone as far as I can at my job in Miami, but Jem is offering me so much more. And… I'll be closer to you."

Scott's eyes widened at that. "I don't want you to move here just for me."

Tony smiled. "Did you not just here what I said? This is the best thing for my career. This is the best thing for me. I'm not putting any pressure on you, Scott. If you don't want to be with me, that's your decision and I'll respect it. I don't know how it will work with our group of friends, but we'll make it work somehow. But regardless of what happens between us, I'm moving to New York."

"You're serious, aren't you?" Scott said in awe. "You're really going to move here, no matter what?"

Tony cupped Scott's cheeks in his hands. "Yes. I'm serious about all of it. I'm moving here. It's an offer I would be stupid to pass up. And… I'm serious about being in love with you."

Scott sucked in a breath, his body shaking. "I love you, too."

The look of relief on Tony's face was heartwarming. He enveloped Scott in his arms and kissed his forehead. He held him for a long time, right there on the sidewalk with people passing by. Some looked, but most didn't pay them any attention. Alec fell back into the shadows of the building, watching his friends. He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't needed here, but he didn't want to just disappear. He decided to give them a few more minutes and if he still felt like he was intruding, he'd go back into the restaurant and wait for them there.

Scott and Tony finally broke apart, but still held onto each other. Tony kissed him again, just a gentle press of his lips to Scott's forehead, and Scott's eyes fluttered closed. "We'll figure this out. It'll be okay." Scott nodded gently against Tony's lips.

Alec wondered how much difficulty they would have with this new relationship. Scott's past trauma would not be easy to overcome. He wondered how much Tony even knew about it. Would Scott tell him the whole story, if he hadn't already? If Tony got a place in Manhattan, and Scott stayed where he was near Tarrytown, they'd still be an hour away from each other. What challenges would that present? Or would it be better, at least in the beginning? So many questions, but at least they were going to get a chance to figure it out.

Tony pulled away again. "Will you have cold pizza with me?" he asked with complete sincerity.

Scott chuckled. "Yes. I'd like that."

Tony took his hand and led him back into the restaurant. Alec shook his head. They'd completely forgotten about him. and that was okay.

**End Part 4.**

* * *

**A/N: For those of you over 18 in the US, you know what tomorrow is. Election Day. GO VOTE! Also, if you are a pro-Hillary, anti-Trump-er like me, google "Holy Shit You've Got To Vote" and watch the video. I promise you won't regret it. **

**For those that asked: I update every Monday, except for special occasions where I update on Thursday also. I have several other stories as well. Just click on my name and you'll see them. If I can ever get ahead again, I have a couple more stories planned...**


	109. Chapter 109

**A/N: Sorry I couldn't get this chapter out on time last week. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that the US election didn't exactly go my way. Honestly, I was completely floored by the results and I spent the week talking to my many non-straight, non-white, non-Christian friends who, like me, were terrified of what these results might mean for our future as a society. As a result, I simply didn't have time to write the chapter, and when I finally sat down to do it, I couldn't figure out how I wanted to do it. **

**But, finally, here it is. I should be able to get back on track this week, except we are about to hit 1,100 reviews and I doubt I'll get TWO chapters written this week. I'm sorry. I suck, I know. **

**I do want to say one thing, though. Be kind to each other. If you have friends that are worried or hurting right now, be kind. Be there. Love them. Love will always win!**

* * *

Alec and Magnus took some time off at the end of the season. They were both worn down from the constant traveling they'd done for the last seven months. Alec could see the fatigue in every part of Magnus, but especially his eyes and the way his shoulders slumped. He'd enjoyed the work, of that Alec was certain, but the frenetic pace and overexertion of his body put a real strain on him. Alec was exhausted, too, but at least he hadn't had to perform at the level Magnus did day in and day out.

They talked about going away somewhere, like a spa or retreat, but as good as that sounded, what they really wanted was to spend some quiet time at home. They were out of touch with their families and desperately wanted to reconnect with them, too. So the plan was set.

They spent much of the first week in bed. They slept until nature called in one fashion or another, then they'd piddle around the townhouse until they fell back into bed. There they would look into each other's eyes and realize they had no one to answer to but themselves. They would kiss and touch and make love, the speed of which depended on how much they wanted a nap at that moment. Sometimes they took it slow and sensual, sometimes it was just a quick fuck, a means to an end. Every time was something special.

After that first week, they started getting visitors. Momma H spent two weeks with them at the townhouse. Alec and Magnus let her fuss over them, mostly because it made her happy. Alec could see how much it meant to Magnus to have his second mom around, especially when she convinced him to let her cut his hair with minimal argument. If anything, he appeared to enjoy the attention from her. Alec felt a twinge of sadness, wondering what Magnus's life would be like if his mother were still alive.

Then, Alec's parents brought Max and stayed for a week. Robert did conference calls from the spare bedroom during the day while Maryse ordered a bunch of stuff to decorate the townhouse. They didn't need a bunch of stuff to decorate the townhouse, but that's how Maryse was. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and much like Momma H fussing over Magnus, decorating made Alec's mom just as happy. During this time, Alec and Magnus took Max to the community pool or jogged through the neighborhood or took turns playing basketball with him.

Jace and Izzy even managed to find a week or so to hang out at the townhouse. Jace didn't have long because he had to get back to North Carolina. He was starting his senior year at Wake Forest and was now captain of the soccer team. Izzy was only in The States for a couple of weeks. Her class had a huge fashion show to attend in Milan, then they were spending some time in London before heading back to Paris so she could finish school as well. She enthusiastically informed them of the internship she had with some designer that would likely mean a lot more to Lexus and Cammie than it did to Alec and Magnus, but they were happy she was happy, even if they had no idea what she was talking about.

Speaking of Lexus, she and Mo, Will and Jem visited a couple of times after the tour concluded. As predicted, Will was bitten by the music tour bug and there was no stopping the storm now. Lexus offered him a permanent position in her band, and he accepted. Then, she dropped the bombshell they'd all been hoping for.

"Mo and I are moving to Manhattan!" Lexus announced in Alec and Magnus's living room. The party that ensued was one for the ages, and left a whole lot of people feeling like shit the next day.

The summer flew by in a flash, and before they knew it, they had to report to the training center again. Magnus had slacked a little on his training during the off-season, but not so much that he couldn't get back to playing shape quickly. He was at Alec's level of fitness, which was in great shape for the average human, but not the perfect physique he needed to endure a long, intense basketball season.

The training center gave Alec a chance to reconnect with Scott. As it turned out, Scott was doing pretty well. Tony had only recently moved to New York, because it had taken him longer than he'd thought it would to sell his house in Miami. He couldn't afford to keep up both places, so he'd had to wait. He'd been in his new apartment in Manhattan for about three weeks. Scott had spent much of that time with him, helping him unpack and arrange his new space.

"Everything with Tony is great," Scott commented while they were cleaning up the training facility after workouts. "It's great to just…be with him. I don't have to worry about when I'll see him again."

"He's only an hour away," Alec agreed. Scott's face lit up.

Alec remembered when he and Magnus were trying to figure out if they could live together and work for separate teams. He hadn't been so excited to think of Magnus being an hour away, the idea had gotten him thoroughly down, in fact. But Scott seemed overjoyed by his and Tony's situation. Alec supposed an hour was infinitely better than twelve hundred miles. Perspective.

Alec discovered the wear and tear on his body from the grueling NBA schedule was significantly worse the second season. The new had worn off, and that must have been what kept him from feeling it last year. All he knew was that by mid-March, he was eagerly awaiting the end of the season. He was even marking off the days on his calendar with a red permanent marker.

The season itself was outstanding, though. The Knicks picked up a couple of new guys in the off-season. One was a first-round draft pick, a power forward named Silas Matthews. He was a tall, lanky guy who could shoot mid-range jump shots and block shots pretty well. He needed some bulk to be effective in the NBA, but that would come with time and conditioning. The other guy came from a trade with the L.A. Clippers. He was a shooting guard in his fifth season in the NBA, and Magnus was practically drooling over having him as a teammate. Good shooters make good point guards look even better.

The new additions gave the team a burst of life. The brought a whole different skill set that the team didn't have last year. It took some time for them to come together and gel as a unit, but gel they did. By All-Star week in mid-February, there was little doubt that the Knicks were Playoff contenders. In fact, it was more likely that they would end up with a three or four seed this year, if everything kept going in the direction it was going.

Magnus had the extra benefit of being selected for the All-Star team this year. Apparently his MVP and Skills Challenge trophies from the previous year had gotten plenty of notice. So had his play this year. Magnus was well on his way to becoming a superstar in the NBA, something that few people ever got to do. He was no longer just an NBA player. He wasn't going to be a guy who's name was forgotten when he took off his jersey for the last time. He was gaining a following. His posters were already hanging on the walls of young basketball players who hoped to one day be as great as Magnus. His name was being tossed around with some of the NBA greats, and comparisons of their games were being made.

Now all he needed was to win a championship and get a ring!

A couple of great but unexpected things happened during All-Star week. Just like last year, the whole gang met up in San Antonio, Texas to support Magnus. Alec's family didn't have a house in San Antonio, so they had to rent hotel rooms like everyone else this time. It worked out fine, though, since Magnus and his NBA status gave them a suite where they could all hang out, and the others had rooms nearby.

On the first night, they went out for dinner at a ritzy Italian restaurant and ordered a couple of bottles of wine. When Alec tried to pour Cammie a glass, she put her hand over the opening, declining the offer. Alec stared at her in question. He'd known Cammie for six years and he had never once seen her say no to wine. She bit her bottom lip as the corners of her mouth turned upward, and Alec knew for certain something was going on.

Cammie turned to the rest of the group. "Well, I guess it's time to make the announcement." Austin slipped his hand in hers and smiled at her. "Austin and I are having a baby."

Alec squealed like a schoolgirl and pushed his chair away from the table. He grabbed Cammie and scooped her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Then, he suddenly froze and set her down, brushing away non-existent dirt from her clothes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't squeeze you so tight in your condition."

Cammie rolled her eyes. "Alec, please. You can't hurt me by hugging me. It's fine."

Alec had no idea if that was true. He hadn't spent much time around pregnant woman. "Are you sure?" he asked Cammie, who nodded. Then, without thinking, he looked over Cammie's head and caught Austin's eye. "Are you sure?" he repeated to Austin.

It took all of two seconds to realize he'd made a mistake. The look on Austin's face said it all. He looked simultaneously amused and like he was about to witness his friend's murder. Alec's eyes flashed to Cammie, just in time to see her land a solid punch on his bicep.

"Ouch!" he said, rubbing his arm.

"Austin is not in charge of my healthcare," Cam said, crossing her arms in front of her.

Alec couldn't help grinning. She was so tiny and so sassy and he loved her so much. He scooped her up again and hugged her, pleased when her body softened and her arms went around his neck. "I so happy for you," he whispered in her ear, making a mental note to let her be the judge of what she could and couldn't do. She might me small but she could hit really hard.

They set back down at the table to congratulations from the rest of their friends. Everyone was thrilled for Austin and Cammie, and told them so. As they settled into the meal, Alec thought about this news. Cammie and Austin were having a baby. It occurred to him that they were the only straight couple in their group. This wasn't likely to be common occurrence with his friends. The others could adopt, of course. He and Magnus had even talked about doing that one day. Money wasn't an issue for most of the couples, but how many were likely to start a family?

Lexus and Mo were busy making Lex famous. Will was just starting out in his music career now that he joined Lexus's band and would be just as busy. Tony and Scott were still living an hour away from each other, and Scott's schedule was as crazy as Alec's and Magnus's. No, none of their other friends were likely to be starting a family any time soon.

Alec enjoyed the rest of the night with his friends and boyfriend, and put the thought of kids out of his mind for the evening. When they got back to the hotel, Magnus fucked him good against the wall of the shower, the hot water making their skin slippery as their bodies collided and they made each other feel so damn good. And afterward, while lying in bed holding each other and lazily kissing, Alec's mind wandered back to the subject.

He wanted kids. He'd always wanted kids. Magnus had said he wanted kids, too. One day. Now was not the time, of course. They were both too busy focusing on their own careers and trying to make a name for themselves in their chosen fields. He had no idea when the opportunity might arrive for them, but at least they didn't have to worry about ticking biological clocks and shit. There would always be children that needed to be adopted, even if they had to go to another country to get one.

The one thing he did know was that he wanted to be married before he they adopted a child. He didn't give a shit what society or anyone else thought about having a child without being married. That wasn't the problem. He just wanted that commitment from his partner before they brought a kid into the mix.

And there was the problem, right? Magnus had completely freaked out the last time he'd brought up getting married. In fact, he hadn't mentioned it again _because_ of how Magnus had reacted. And Magnus had never explained what he was thinking or feeling, just that he wasn't ready.

Alec snuggled against Magnus and felt his boyfriend's head press against the nape of his neck. His breath was warm against Alec's skin and he thought he could stay like that forever. Forever. That's what he wanted with Magnus. He just wasn't sure how to get it.

He fell asleep feeling content in his lover's arms, yet uncertain about the future.

* * *

The next important they that happened in San Antonio came a couple days later. The group gathered in the suite after eating dinner. They were watching an entertainment show that mentioned Lexus and the band finishing a new album and planning a tour for the summer. Excited chattering filled the room as everyone asked about the new songs and where they were planning to go this year.

Will got out his guitar and picked out some of the new material while Lexus sang along. Jem joined in as back-up. He'd been around for some of the studio recording and he knew his husband's songs well enough to add his input. Alec thought he sounded really good accompanying Lexus and secretly wished he would consider touring with the band. His vocal skills were really impressive.

Mo happened to have a keyboard with her, and played her parts along with the others. Lexus and Will finally convinced her to do those parts on the album, and now Mo was no longer Lexus's roadie. She was a full-fledged member of the band! This meant a significant pay increase, plus more prestige and artist license than she'd had before. She still seemed nervous about it to Alec, but he was confident she'd do just fine.

Alec noticed Scott tapping out a drum beat as the others played for them. He knew Scott had no real interest in playing music professionally, but he was glad to see him participating in the fun. He was still the quietest one in the group and sometimes was more a wallflower, observing but not interacting with the others. Knowing what he knew about Scott's history, he wasn't at all surprised by this. Scott had been a loner for a long time.

The jam session ended eventually, mostly because it was getting late and they didn't want anyone complaining about the noise. Mo and Will put their instruments away in a careful, loving manner, being sure not to damage their equipment. Small groups conversed during this process while everyone gathered their things to head back to their rooms.

Mo unintentionally caught Alec's eye. She appeared to have pulled something from the keyboard case and made a sweeping motion toward Lexus. Alec watched with fascination as Mo took Lexus's hand and turned her to face her. The gesture was a bit dramatic, and had the effect of silence the room and getting everyone's attention.

Mo never took her eyes off Lexus. If she was aware they were being watched, she didn't let if faze her. "Lex," she began, smiling softly at her girlfriend. "I think I fell in love with you the moment we met. You've been the one for me ever since that day. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love our life. I loved it in L.A. and I love it even more in Manhattan where we are so close to the people we love."

Lexus smiled at her, and she took a moment to glance around the room, taking in each one of them in turn. "These people are our family. Alec and Magnus, Will and Jem, Cammie and Austin, Tony and Scott. We are so lucky to have them, and even luckier to have each other. I love you, Lex, and I always will. So with our family as our witnesses, I want to ask you the most important question of our lives." Mo dropped to one knee, pulled out a small black jewelry box, and said, "Lexus Dixon, will you marry me?"

The room gave a collective gasp right along with Lexus. Apparently Lex hadn't even expected Mo to propose. Mo opened the top of the ring box to reveal a beautiful diamond surrounded by a literal rainbow of small gemstones. Alec bit his lip to hold back his emotions. That ring was perfect for them. Exquisite, delicate, and expensive. A one of a kind ring for a one of a kind woman.

Lexus's emotions were not so controlled. Tears spilled down her cheeks as Mo placed the ring at the tip of her finger, waiting for Lex to answer the question. But Lexus was too overcome with emotion to speak, and all she could do was nod. Her hand trembled as Mo slid the ring on her finger, then stood and pulled her into her arms and kissed her.

Applause erupted from the circle of friends and they collapsed onto the happy, newly-engaged couple, offering their congratulations. Hugs and cheek kisses spread through the group, and Alec was pretty sure he ended up hugging Mo twice, but who cares? He was overjoyed for Lexus and Mo. And that ring was really something special.

Alec caught Magnus's eye at some point in all the commotion. He appeared thoughtful, if not a little distant. He gave Alec a small smile and Alec went to him. Magnus engulfed him in his arms and kissed him. They were both moved by the scene that just played out, and needed to be close to each other right then.

Their friends, of course, were assholes. Alec didn't know who said it, but he distinctly heard, "Well, I guess that's our cue to leave before these two start going at it." Alec thought it was Will, but who knows? He was too busy kissing Magnus.

He did have the presence of mind to hear the door close. As soon as he heard that click, he stripped his shirt over his head, and watched as Magnus did the same. He felt that flutter in his chest, the one he still felt every time Magnus looked at him that way. He was so stupidly in love with that man. There was nothing he wouldn't do for him, nothing he wouldn't do to see him smile, or to see that hungry look of desire in his eyes.

Alec didn't know what was different about tonight, if it was watching their friends get engaged, or if that was just the icing on the cake of all the great things that had been happening with their friends, but tonight felt different. There was a deeper connection between them, somehow. Or at least, it felt that way to Alec. But no, there was something different with Magnus was well. When they came together after ridding their bodies of their clothes, Magnus was so gentle and caring and…different. Alec couldn't think of any other way to explain it.

Magnus's right hand caressed Alec's waist, while his left thumbed the ridge of his cheekbone. His eyes held Alec's, bore into him like they were reaching for his soul. Alec's breath hitched at the intensity of Magnus's gaze, but instead of feeling withering, it felt empowering. Like Magnus was encouraging him to take the lead. So he did.

He leaned in and kissed Magnus, drawing him closer until their bodies were pressed together. He poured everything he had into that kiss, making sure with each press of his lips and flick of his tongue that Magnus knew exactly how he felt about him, exactly what he meant to Alec.

He pushed him bodily toward the couch in the suite, and when he felt backward, Alec climbed on top. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so desperate to have Magnus inside him. Probably when they first got back together and he was trying to prove he could do it. Maybe not even then.

He rushed the process a little, but it was okay. He knew he could handle it. He just needed Magnus so much at that moment, he couldn't take any unnecessary extra time. And once Magnus was where Alec wanted him to be, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck and rocked his hips, stimulating all of his most sensitive places with the gentlest of touches.

And he kissed Magnus. He kissed him until his lips were sore and swollen. He kissed him until the emotion in him welled up and he couldn't take any more.

"Let's switch positions," he whispered in Magnus's ear, not trusting his voice to not betray him. Magnus tried to look into his eyes again, but Alec slid off his lap and draped himself over the back of the couch. He waggled his ass at Magnus, and Magnus took the bait.

He slid his dick back into Alec as Alec buried his face in his arms and tears spilled down his cheeks. He wasn't sure how well he was hiding his emotional outpouring, and was even more uncertain when Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's chest and pulled him up so his back was against Magnus's chest as he slowly pushed in and out of him. Magnus warm breath and soft lips touched his skin and Alec melted into him.

Magnus held him up with one arm while they made love, the other hand gently stroking Alec's dick and slowly bringing him to his climax. When it was all over and Alec's body shuddered against Magnus's, Magnus continued to hold him and pepper his neck and shoulders with sweet kisses. And Alec fell a little bit more in love with him.

Magnus led him over to the bed and tucked him under the covers. He climbed over Alec instead of walking to the other side, and burrowed under the blankets with him. Then one long, slender finger turned Alec's chin to his.

"What's wrong? Talk to me."

The look in his eyes was so earnest. Alec felt like shit that Magnus thought there was actually something wrong. "Nothing is wrong, baby. Don't think that. I love you more than life."

Alec saw a flash of emotion in Magnus's eyes. His thumb brushed at the remnants of Alec's tears. "Then what's with the tears?"

Alec shook his head. He didn't know what to say. Was this the time to bring up marriage again? He didn't want to fight with Magnus and he didn't want to upset him, especially not about marriage. But god he wanted it so much. He wanted that stupid piece of paper and the ring and all of it. He wanted a symbol that said he was Magnus's and Magnus was his, forever. He wanted it so much that a tear slipped down his cheek onto Magnus's hand.

"I'm just…really happy for Lexus and Mo," Alec said. "And Austin and Cammie. Hell, all of our friends are doing something great right now. It's great…really great."

"Is it? Great, I mean?"

He knew Magnus was messing with him about his pathetic vocabulary, but still he nodded in response. "It is. I'm happy for them. All of them."

"Alec…"

Alec was suddenly gripped with fear. He didn't think he could handle hearing Magnus tell him he still didn't want to marry him, not right now. Maybe not ever. Those words hurt so much. So to shut him up, Alec kissed him, and he didn't stop until they were both lightheaded with lack of oxygen. They drifted off to sleep without saying another word.

* * *

The final amazing thing that happened in San Antonio, was that Magnus performed so well in the All-Star game he was selected for Team USA in the upcoming Olympic games! He and a bunch of other All-Stars would be heading to Tokyo for the 2020 Olympics this summer. There wasn't much that could top that…except maybe winning an NBA championship.


	110. Chapter 110

The NBA season drew to a close, and the Knicks ended up in third place in the Eastern Conference. That was the best regular season finish for the Knicks in nearly a decade. The whole team was ecstatic, and Magnus was nearly impossible to live with. Okay, he wasn't obnoxious about it, but he was so proud and excited he couldn't seem to talk about anything but basketball. He was driving Alec a little bit crazy, but Alec was so happy for him, he didn't say anything.

The Knicks' first Playoff series of the 2020 season was against the Charlotte Hornets. Austin used the first game as an excuse to visit his family in North Carolina. He invited Alec, Magnus and Scott to dinner with his mom, dad, and sisters. It was an interesting night. Austin rarely had much of a southern accent, but his family sure did. They were very sweet people, and Alec was glad to meet them. He was glad that Austin had such a loving family.

The Knicks won the first series by a margin of four to one. The victory set up a rematch with the Boston Celtics. This meant Alec, Magnus, and Scott once again had the opportunity to hang out with Cammie and Austin. They hadn't seen Cammie for nearly three months. Her pregnancy was more apparent now. She was still tiny and thin, but her belly stuck out in an obvious baby bump now that she was halfway through her pregnancy. Alec smile when she hugged him. It felt different than usual, and she was practically glowing.

The series with the Celtics was a tougher challenge for the Knicks. They had a history, since the Celtics were the team that knocked the Knicks out of the Playoffs the previous year. The Knicks had something to prove. They had motivation from last year, and they were the higher seeded team this year. They wanted it badly.

It took the full seven games to determine a winner of the Eastern Conference Semi-finals. The Knicks won the first game, and after that, the teams traded wins. They entered the seventh game with three wins each.

Magnus stole a moment in the hallway before entering the arena for the last game. He caught Alec by his hand and pulled him close. His lips trembled as he pressed them to Alec's, but Alec barely noticed. He was shocked by the display of affection in this location. Magnus was often affectionate in public, he was just more reserved around his team and especially where potentially hundreds, if not thousands, of people could see them.

"You've got this," Alec said when Magnus pulled away.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Alec never knew if that kiss or his words of confidence helped Magnus. All he knew was that Magnus had the game of his life. He shot well, made great decisions and few errors. He walked away with a triple double: 32 points, 11 rebounds, and 12 assists. And the win. The Knicks defeated the Celtics 105-92 to move on to the Eastern Conference finals!

To celebrate, Alec let Magnus tie him to the bed and have his way with him. In the months since they'd first tried this, they'd done it a few more times, usually on special occasions, like Magnus's birthday. Alec still couldn't believe how much it turned him on to be completely at Magnus's mercy, to give himself over to his boyfriend. They'd talked about it on several occasions. Both felt the same way, that their lives were so stressful and full of important decisions that sometimes it was nice to not be in charge, to not have to make the choices, to surrender everything to the other. They trusted each other unfailingly. This new part of their sex life proved that, and strengthened their bond.

* * *

The conference finals series was against the Cleveland Cavaliers. That team had been dominant for a number of years, owing to the fact that they had one of the best players to ever play the game. That guy was reaching the end of his career in 2020, but he was still really good, and the team had plenty of other star-quality athletes. The Knicks were easily the most improved team in the conference this year, but winning the series against the Cavs was a tall order.

The Cavs led the series 2-1 and the next two games were to be played in New York, giving the Knicks a slight advantage of playing on their home court. At least, it would have given them the advantage if Magnus had started acting very strange before Game 4. He was edgy and jumpy and irritable. He snapped at his teammates, and even at Alec. Alec tried to talk to him, but he kept insisting it was just nerves, that everything was fine.

Game 4 wasn't too bad. Magnus didn't play well, and made several mistakes. His focus was shit which led to a bunch of turnovers. Then, he'd get frustrated with the mistake and take it out on the guy he was passing to, even when it was his own error. The Knicks lost, which did nothing to improve Magnus's mood.

Game 5 was a total nightmare. Magnus acted like an asshole to everyone. Midway through the third quarter, he got called for a foul and snapped at the ref. The ref immediately gave him a technical foul, which pushed Magnus over the edge. Alec heard exactly what Magnus said to the ref, and he felt confident that Coach Hollings and probably everyone in the first few rows of spectators heard it, too. Magnus's hands balled into fists as he told the ref to fuck off. He was then called for his second technical foul, which meant he was ejected from the game.

At that point, he turned into a wild animal in fight or flight mode. He screamed unintelligibly at the ref as his teammates pushed him bodily off the court. Alec started toward him, but Scott put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You can't go out there." He knew Scott was right, but he was beside himself with worry for Magnus. What the hell was going on with him?

Magnus jerked himself free of his teammates once he was escorted off the court, and Alec made his way toward the tunnel leading to the locker room. Mr. Knightly stopped him, a solemn expression on his face. "Stay with him" was all he said. Alec wasn't sure what he meant, but he sure as hell wasn't leaving Magnus alone just then.

Alec nodded and hurried off to the locker room. It was empty and Magnus's things were gone. He rushed out of the building toward the parking lot. Magnus had driven to the game, not wanting to be stuck on the team bus in his foul mood. Alec found the car as Magnus started it up and the headlights came on. Alec pounded on the door, demanding Magnus unlock it and let him in. He was close to panic mode at that point. Was Magnus really going to leave him in Manhattan?

The door lock clicked and Alec hastily climbed into the car. Magnus squealed tires as he pulled out of the parking lot, forcing Alec against the door as he struggled to put on his seatbelt. Alec was at a complete loss of what to say or do. He'd never seen Magnus like this. He knew he was pissed off about being ejected from the game, and Alec was afraid to confront him while he was driving.

As Magnus sped down the highway, weaving in and out of traffic, Alec felt he could no longer keep quiet. If Magnus kept driving like this, they might not even make it home.

"Please, Magnus," Alec said in a small voice, "please slow down."

Magnus startled like he'd forgotten Alec was even in the car. He didn't say anything, but he did slow down and drive a little more rationally. Alec let out a slow breath, relieved he'd at least reached his boyfriend about his driving. How was he supposed to talk to him about the other stuff, though?

Magnus parked the car and stormed into the house. He stomped up the stairs and slammed the door to their bedroom. Alec stared after him, flabbergasted. Magnus was like a completely different person from the man he'd known and loved all these years. His hands trembled as he fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Yeah."

"Will, hey. I need your help." Alec hated how desperate his voice sounded.

"What's up?"

Alec sighed. "Magnus got ejected from the game tonight." He knew the band had practice tonight; that's why Will and the others hadn't been at the game.

"What?!" At least Will's response was appropriate.

"I don't know what's going on with him. Can you come over and talk to him? Tomorrow. I think we should let him cool off some first."

"Yeah. Yeah, no problem. What the fuck…?"

"Thanks, Will."

* * *

Alec was scrubbing the kitchen. The cleaning service had been there two days ago, and Alec and Magnus hadn't been home long enough to make a mess, but that didn't matter. He was taking his frustrations out on the countertop and sink. Dirt was not necessary to accomplish that.

He heard the doorbell ring and pulled off his rubber gloves, tossing them idly into the sink. He rinsed his hands and dried them on a towel before making his way toward the door. Before he could reach it, Magnus thundered down the stairs. His sudden appearance took Alec by surprise, and he stopped to stare at his boyfriend.

Magnus's eyes were wide, his hair in disarray. He looked half insane. Alec felt a thrill of fear shoot through him, and that was before he realized the entire picture.

"Who's there?!" Magnus shouted maniacally. He waved his hand, and only then did Alec realize that he was holding something. It took him a few more seconds to realize what that something was. A gun. Magnus was holding a gun and aiming it shakily at the door.

"Magnus, what the fuck are you doing?" Alec said shrilly. He might have been a little hysterical himself.

Magnus's whole body turned in the direction of Alec's voice, and Alec found himself staring down the barrel of a handgun. Instinctively, his hands shot up in the air in surrender. His mouth went dry and his palms were sweaty. He couldn't speak, but it didn't matter. He had no idea what to say.

The doorbell rang again and Magnus shifted back to facing it. "WHO'S THERE?!" he shouted again.

"Magnus, it's Will!" Alec said, desperately hoping Magnus could hear him and understand what he was saying through his panic.

Magnus's hand shook, and the gun discharged. The blast of the gunshot was deafening and rang throughout the townhouse. Then several things happened in quick succession. Magnus's hands trembled so badly, Alec thought he might drop the gun. Afraid it would fire again if dropped, he made a split decision and launched himself at Magnus, taking the gun away. At the same time, he registered the sound of something breaking and the jingle of keys in the lock as Will pounded on the door and screamed something he couldn't understand. A moment later, Will was throwing open the door and surveying the scene.

Alec clicked the safety to the ON position and set the gun on the table. Then, he engulfed Magnus in his arms. Magnus was shaking so hard he was practically vibrating. Alec made nonsense noises as he tried to soothe him, and caught Will's wide eyes. Now that the adrenaline was ebbing, he glanced around to see what had broken.

Magnus pulled himself together enough to search for the damage, too. "I killed the vase?" he said in a small, childlike tone.

Alec gave a bark of laughter, a released of pent-up emotion. "Actually, I think it's an umbrella stand. My mother bought it, so who knows, really."

Magnus approached the broken ceramic pieces cautiously, dropping to his knees and picking up a large jagged piece. His body shook hard again as he looked up at Alec with tearful, sorrowful eyes. "I'm so sorry, Alec."

Alec knelt down beside him. "I'm not worried about the furniture. All I care about is you. Please talk to me, Magnus."

Will came closer, standing over them and studying Magnus as tears ran down his beautiful brown cheeks. "It's Rick, isn't it?" Will demanded rather harshly, Alec thought.

Then the words sank in. Rick? He hadn't thought about Magnus's stepdad in a long time. He quickly did the math in his head and remembered that Rick's ten-year sentence for nearly beating Magnus to death was up this year. How could he have forgotten that?

"Magnus? Was your stepdad released from prison?" Alec said quietly.

Magnus nodded. "My attorney called this week. He was just released and thought I would want to know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alec asked, a mixture of disbelief and aggravation that Magnus had kept something so important from him.

"I didn't want to worry you," Magnus replied with a shrug, his tears finally stopping.

"Ha," Alec said humorlessly. "Newflash: When you don't talk to me, get thrown out of a game, then come flying down the stairs wielding a gun that shoots a harmless, if not ugly, piece of furniture, I get worried. And scared. You scared the hell out of me, Magnus!"

"I'm sorry," Magnus said earnestly. "I just wanted to protect us. He's not going to hurt me again."

"You're not sixteen anymore, Magnus," said Will, his voice calm and even. He seemed to be the only one not freaking out, though Alec was pretty sure it was mostly an act. He knew how much Will loved Magnus, and how much he'd been worried about his best friend.

"No, I'm not. But I need to be able to protect myself." Magnus took Alec's hands in his. "I won't ever let anyone hurt you again either."

Alec was touched that Magnus wanted to protect him. But. "A gun is not the answer, babe. Have you ever even fired one before today?" Magnus had that guilty look that answered for him. "I didn't think so."

Alec rose to his feet and dragged Magnus with him. He led his boyfriend to the couch where they sat down, Will on the other side of Magnus, sandwiching him between them. "Look, if you are afraid, there are things we can do, but you can't just buy a gun you don't know how to use and point it at people. What if it had shot through the door and hit Will?"

Magnus's eyes widened with fear and surprise. "Can it do that?"

"I don't know. Depends on what kind of gun it is, but that's just one of the many things you need to know before you start waving it around in our home. I'd almost guarantee it could've taken me out if it had gone off when you were pointing it at me."

"He pointed that damn thing at you?!" Will said, alarmed.

"I'd never hurt you!" Magnus shouted at the same time.

Alec shook Magnus's hands a little to get him to focus. "I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me, but you brought a loaded gun into our home at a time when you feel vulnerable and afraid, and you didn't even tell me about it. You put me in danger, but we're going to work this out. Okay?"

Magnus nodded, the shame etched deeply on his face. "We're going to figure out how to safely use this thing," Alec continued, casting a glance at the gun lying benignly on the table with its safety on. "We can go to the land where we went camping, take some targets, and practice. We'll learn about care and safety of the gun you bought. We'll get a professional to teach us how to properly use it. If that's what it takes to make you feel safer, we can do this.

"But I still don't think a gun is the answer to dealing with your stepdad," Alec continued. "This isn't you, Magnus. Not at all. You are a sweet, loving man who wouldn't hurt a fly normally. I don't think you could purposefully shoot someone, and if you did, I don't think you could handle the consequences. There are other things we can do so you can protect yourself."

"Like what?" Magnus said, his green-gold eyes full of hope.

"We can take self-defense classes," Alec suggested.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Aren't those for girls?"

Alec playfully smacked his arm. "Stop with the gender-role bullshit. Everyone should know how to defend themselves. We can even learn Martial Arts if you want. Chances are you'll never need them, but knowing how to defend yourself is a huge confidence booster, and that's the important thing here."

Magnus nodded again. "That sounds interesting."

"Yeah, something we can do together that isn't basketball related." They both chuckled at that. Then, Alec got serious again. "I want you to see your therapist again. No arguments. You need someone to talk to about this. You can always talk to me, of course, but I think you need a professional, too. Your job may depend on that," Alec finished ominously.

Magnus looked terrified now. "They won't cut me from the team for getting ejected… will they?"

"No, I don't think so. I talked to Mr. Knightly last night after we got home. I wanted to let him know that we'd left and made it home okay. He said Coach and Mr. Ketchum had already talked and they want you in the office Monday morning for a disciplinary hearing."

Alec was afraid Magnus's eyes would pop out of his head if they got any bigger. He shook his head, his hair flying back and forth across his face. "Disciplinary hearing? Oh fuck! I'm screwed!"

"Shhh, listen to me," Alec soothed until Magnus finally calmed down enough to hear him. "I got the impression it was more to find out what's going on with you than anything, but they have to call it that because you got ejected from the game. They are worried about you. We all are. You've not been yourself this week, and now that I know why, I completely understand, but they don't know anything. You are going to have to tell them what's going on."

Magnus's face fell. "But…that's really personal. I don't exactly want my employers to know what happened to me."

"Yeah, that's bullshit!" Will chimed in. "He's got a right to keep stuff like that to himself."

"You don't have to tell them everything. Just the basic facts. Tell them your stepdad got released from prison and you were the reason he was sent there so you are afraid of retaliation. If they ask for more information, which I don't think they will, tell them that's all you can say. Be humble, and don't worry too much. They love you. Everyone on that team loves you. We wouldn't have made it to the conference finals without you. You'll probably get a fine from the NBA, but that won't matter. We'll pay it and move on. This will be okay, but I think if you tell them you are seeing your therapist again, it will blow over faster. It will show them you are aware there is a problem and taking steps to fix it."

"Or it will show them that I can't handle my own life and am too much of a risk for them to keep around."

"That's bullshit and you know it. Now, I'm going to call my dad. He had a friend that's a private investigator. We'll find out where Rick is and what he's up to."

Magnus's eyes widened again. "You can do that?"

Alec smiled. "I can and I will. Now, no more hiding important things from me. We are a team. We handle things together, good or bad. Got it?"

Magnus nodded and pulled Alec into a hug. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Always will. And I'll always have your back, so just trust me. Okay?"

"Okay."

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Will stayed most of the day. They cooked a delicious chicken and veggies and pasta meal, and sat around talking about anything and everything. Will and Magnus googled information about Magnus's gun, just to educate themselves on what type of weapon he'd purchased. Alec listened to their conversation as he cleaned up the kitchen after their meal. He didn't mind giving them some time alone. They hardly ever got to spend time together without Alec or Jem or everyone else in their gang hanging around.

Shortly before nightfall, Alec's phone rang. "Hello?" he said hesitantly when he didn't recognize the number.

"Alec Lightwood?" said a gruff voice on the other end.

"Yes?" Alec replied, still unsure of who the caller was.

"This is Aaron Westerly, the P.I." Oh! "I found your guy."

Alec hung up the phone a short time later and joined Magnus and Will in the living room. Magnus stared at him expectantly. He and Will had been listening to Alec's phone conversation and had probably drawn conclusions as to what the subject was.

"The P.I. found your stepdad," Alec announced.

Magnus's mouth fell open. "That was fast," Will said, sounding impressed.

"Well, he'd not exactly trying to hide anything, apparently. He bought a bus ticket when he was released and went to Idaho. He has some family there and appears to be staying with them. Aaron says it's too soon to see what he's planning to do, but he'll keep watching him and let us know if anything suspicious happens, or if he leaves Idaho."

Relief flooded Magnus's face, and he hugged Alec tightly. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't you know I'd do anything for you?"


	111. Chapter 111

**A/N: We reached 300 favorites and 1100 reviews last week! I don't have a bonus chapter ready for this week. I just haven't had time to write like I want to, but I'll try to get one to you guys soon. Thanks so much for your continued support! 3**

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Hey, everybody! It's Magnus! I feel like it's been forever since I wrote a chapter. Alec and Boss Lady agree, and think this is the perfect chapter for me to do. So here I am.

I guess you could say I lost my head a little bit about my stepdad. Ha. That's an understatement… I know what I did was stupid. I made a bunch of mistakes there, but I never expected the news of his release to affect me like it did. That happened so long ago, and my life is so different now. I thought I was over it, or at least as 'over it' as one can be, but I guess all the safety and security I felt was because he was behind bars. I _was_ safe then.

I don't know what I was thinking buying a gun. Alec was right. I could never shoot someone. I could never hurt anyone. It's kind of a interesting thing to have, I suppose. It looks benign and malevolent at the same time, and holding it makes me feel simultaneously powerful and powerless. It's weird, I know.

I also don't know what I was thinking by not telling Alec what was happening. Did I really believe I could hide something like that from him? If so, I'm a complete dumbass. I just wanted to protect him, to show him that I could handle this and keep him safe. I'm a man, damnit. I should be able to protect my family!

There I go again with the "gender-role bullshit," as Alec calls it. Still, I feel like I should be able to protect him, regardless of gender. Alec says that's my stepdad talking. He says that I am a victim of an unhealthy masculinity ideal. I think he may be right, but whatever else my stepdad was, he always took care of my mom. Ugh, I need to talk to my therapist about this, don't I?

Anyway, true to his word, Alec signed us up for self-defense classes. It's supposed to be an eight week course, but I'll have to miss the last few weeks because of the Olympics. So far it's really good though. We've learned some interesting techniques to protect ourselves. There are about thirty people in the class, and for the record, I was right. It's mostly women. There are four guys in the class, including Alec and me. But it's good. Really good, and I feel more empowered than I ever felt holding that gun.

There is nothing new to report about Rick. The PI says he's still in Idaho. He has a job there. Nothing in transport since he lost his trucking license and his rig while he was in prison. I hope he stays there and leaves us alone. I hope I never see him again.

There is still the question of whether or not he would even know who I am. I changed my name _after_ he went to prison. The only people who know that Magnus Bane isn't my birth name are Momma H, Will, and Alec…and my mom, but I know she didn't tell him before she died. Maybe he won't figure it out.

On a happier note, training for the Olympics is a dream come true. Actually, I never dreamed about being part of the Olympics. I'm not sure why, it just wasn't something I thought about until it happened, and then I wanted it more than just about anything. I'm so excited to be representing my country in Tokyo in a few weeks.

Practices are amazing. I mean, this is literally the best of the best of basketball. We are a group of highly-talented, super-athletic, extremely skilled basketball players. I thought playing in the NBA was the height of competition for me, but this is like a super-team, individual athletes hand-selected to make up the best team in the world. Like superheroes of basketball. Haha.

Alright, I may be getting ahead of myself. We haven't actually _won_ anything yet, but the practices alone are the most intense and difficult practices I've ever been part of. And yet everyone is having a blast! You don't get to the point where you are selected for the Olympic team without having unfailing dedication, and an intense love of the sport. I just don't think it's possible. From what I've seen, I'm right. Practices are hard, but so much fun and so rewarding.

It is a little weird to not have Alec around during practice, though. I've grown so used to seeing him during breaks. His smile energizes me when I'm starting to fatigue on the court. I like that. I like having him there. I miss him when he's not around.

At least there is a familiar face from the training staff there. Mr. Knightly was selected to oversee the trainers. I guess that means he's one of the best in his field, too. For some reason, I'm proud of the fact that he works for my team. We have someone training us and taking care of our injuries that is good enough to do that same job for the country's Olympic team. Let that sink in for a moment.

It also means that he knows how to push my buttons. He knows what I can do and he can recognize if I'm slacking off and not giving my full effort. Not that I really do that. Basketball is what I love to do, it's my life. I can't imagine not giving it my full effort.

I will say that I was worried at first about whether or not I'd get to be on the Olympic team. After my reaction to the news about Rick, and my subsequent behavior, I was afraid they'd kick me off the team and use a backup instead. Those first few days after I got ejected from the game and caused my team to lose their chance at the NBA Finals, I was a nervous wreck.

I had the meeting with Coach Hollings, Mr. Ketchum, and Mr. Knightly the Monday after, as planned. Alec drove me to the training facility because he didn't think I'd get there in one piece if I drove myself. You guys know I can pull myself together in front of people - most of the time - and seem like I don't give a shit about anything. I've been doing that my whole life. Alec calls it my Basketball Star persona, and it's gotten me through a lot of tough situations, like pretending I wasn't gay.

Well, that persona doesn't work on Alec. He can see right through me now. He knows how I'm really feeling, and he knew how scared I was, even though he kept telling me everything would be okay. So he chose to drive me to the facility and held my trembling hand the whole way.

The meeting turned out to be exactly like Alec predicted. I told them the basics about my relationship with my stepdad, and that I was afraid of retaliation since he'd been released from prison. They told me they understood, and that I wasn't the only guy who'd had to deal with something like this. Being a public figure makes you more of a target, especially for crazed fans, stalkers and the like. I told them I was in therapy again, and they were pleased about that. I apologized profusely, and promised not to be so stupid if something like that happens in the future. They were great, and promised to talk to the team on my behalf. They also said my teammates were more worried about what was going on with me than losing the two games I cost us. My heart filled with love for my brothers when they said that. I knew how much those guys meant to me, I just never knew I meant so much to them.

I was fined twenty-five thousand dollars for my behavior and getting ejected. I knew it was coming, and I still feel like the punishment was fair. Actually, I feel like I deserve worse.

So, now that you're caught up on what's been happening, I have one last thing to tell you about before we are off to Tokyo. Lexus and Mo's wedding.

Lexus called Alec one day back in March to see if they could use the mansion in Orlando for the wedding. She loved the ballroom, and thought that was a perfect location. Alec called his Granddad, who immediately and enthusiastically said yes. Working around the band's schedule and my schedule was a bit of a challenge, but eventually we got a date set where we could all attend. We didn't have the spare time to hang out for a week, though. Our lives are just too hectic.

The Lightwood jet is pretty full this time, now that Lex and Mo and Tony all lived to Manhattan. The only ones who didn't fly with us were Cammie and Austin. We met up with them at the mansion.

Cammie's belly is so big now. She's seven months pregnant, and they found out that they are having a boy. She looks like she's carrying a basketball under her shirt, but she also looks so happy. I've known Cam for a long time, even slept with her once when we were young and dumb and I was buried deep in the closet. I'm so glad we didn't let that one stupid night get in the way of our friendship. Our group wouldn't be the same without her.

I still can't believe she's having a baby. I mean, I can believe it, it just seems like such a grown-up thing to do. She's only twenty-six. Who the fuck is grown-up at twenty-six? Just because I'm a multi-million dollar athlete who owns his own place and a sports car doesn't mean I'm adult enough to have a child. Sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of myself, much less a baby.

But Cammie and Austin are more mature than I am. They both are so happy about having a kid. So I'm happy for them.

We had a rehearsal the night before the wedding, just to make sure everyone know what they were doing. I couldn't keep my eyes off Austin and Cammie. When it was over and I'd taken Alec back to our room - yes, the same room we'd shared previously - I stripped him down and made love to him for what seemed like hours. I don't know how long it actually took, but the connection between us was so strong that night. I just needed to hold him and be as close to him as I could be, so I dragged it out as long as possible.

When we finished, he asked me if I was alright. I said I was, but I wonder if that's true. I don't think it really is, but I don't know what would make me think that.

The wedding was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Lexus must have been the one to plan it, unless she hired someone to do it. I doubt it though. She has phenomenal taste, and I doubt anyone could live up to her standards. Not even a professional.

Lexus transformed the ballroom at the mansion. You'll remember that the ballroom had wood paneled walls, huge chandeliers, and tables covered in white linen. You may also recall that Lex's engagement ring has a rainbow of stones around a central diamond, and that her and Mo frequently dye their hair a multitude of colors. This may not have come across in the story, because Alec doesn't always focus on things like that, but those two girls love color, and the rainbow is very important to them.

So, of course, their wedding was rainbow themed. The white linens were replaced with pale rainbow colors. The chandeliers were each a different color of the rainbow. Don't ask me how they did that, but money is not an issue for them, so they could pretty much do whatever the fuck they want. They also hung pale rainbow colored drapes along the walls. The effect was beautiful, and their Pride showed through.

Every single one of us were in the wedding. Naturally. We each had a different rainbow color to wear. Alec's color was sapphire blue, like his eyes. Mine was green. Cammie wore a violet dress and looked stunning as usual.

There were people at the wedding that I didn't know. Most were somehow related to Lexus's band, her manager and publicist, people like that. There were photographers, but not from the press. The ceremony was a small, private affair, and they somehow managed to keep it secret, at least for the day. Mo had some friends from the old band she used to travel with, The Flaming Pixies. Her ex-girlfriend, Christa, was not among them.

There was a definite lack of parental figures at the wedding. Mo hasn't spoken to her parents since they kicked her out of the family several years ago. Lexus's father is dead and her mother only calls to mooch money off of her. She doesn't support Lexus's lifestyle or her relationship with Mo, so she wasn't invited. That got me thinking about all the parents who don't support their children because they are some form of not-straight. Did you know that about forty percent of the homeless youth in America identify as LGBTQ? Forty percent! They're just kids! I don't recall where Alec read that statistic, but I think we held each other and cried for about an hour when we heard it.

Sorry for the tangent. Back to the wedding.

Lexus wore a stunning white gown that came to about her knees. She's not a floor-length dress kind of girl. The dress had a rainbow striped sash (I think that's what they are called. I'm not into fashion. Don't tell the queer police, okay?) around the waist. The sash matched the rainbow colored flowers she carried. Her hair was put up in some intricate pattern with a few strands dyed in different rainbow colors. Her thin, spidery tattoos on her arms and back showed artfully in that dress.

Mo did not wear a dress. Is anyone surprised by that? 'Cause you shouldn't be. I think Lex was just happy she didn't try to wear her camo shorts! No, she wore a tux that matched ours, accept her tie and cummerbund were rainbow. I have no idea where she got it. Probably had it specially made for her. Her hair had grown out since the last time she cut it short and was about mid-way down her back now. She had rainbow highlights running through what I believe is her natural brown.

Listen to me. I think I figured out why Alec had me write this chapter. He's even more allergic to describing women's outfits and hair than I am...

The ceremony was perfectly Lexus and Mo. They exchanged personal vows, which had all of us in tears. Then they exchanged rings, some kind of metal bands encrusted with the same rainbow of gemstones on Lexus's engagement ring. They kissed and we wolf-whistled, and it was just perfect.

Will and Jem were assigned to music duty. They played mostly Lexus's songs, which was a really cool touch. Lex got some big name chef to cater for her and the food was fantastic. Unbelievably fantastic. I-think-I-should-hire-a-personal-chef fantastic. The cake, as you could probably imagine, was big enough to feed ten times the number of people at the wedding, and was done in rainbow colors. Each tier was a different color. It was gorgeous.

So we laughed and we ate and we drank wine and champagne. And we danced. Oh, did we dance. I pulled Alec onto the dance floor while Will played that first song he wrote for Lexus, the one that could stop a heart because it was so beautiful. That song still hits me hard, every time I hear it.

I held Alec close, leaned my forehead against his and looked into his eyes. We were barely even moving, just kind of swaying in place. You know that song is about lost love and how painful it is. I kept thinking about when I lost Alec and how empty I felt without him. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

We stayed like that most of the night. Even through the fast songs we danced slow, my arms around his waist, his around my neck. Occasionally, I'd kiss him softly on his lips or cheek or the corner of his mouth, just to remind him that I love him.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was even more beautiful than usual that night. His blue eyes shone bright and his smile never fell from his face all evening. He stared at me, his gaze so warm and inviting, and I let myself by consumed by it. Everything else fell away. There was nothing but me and Alec Lightwood, holding each other close, gently swaying to music that reached us from a great distance. No one else was there. Nothing else mattered.

I know that sounds selfish considering we were attending the wedding of two of our best friends, but that's how it felt. I am so incredibly in love with him that for those couple of hours nothing else existed but us. There was no NBA, no insane schedules, no scary stepdad.

I love that feeling. Have you ever experienced it? Do you know what it feels like to be so completely absorbed in someone that you forget there is anything else in the world? Do you know what it's like to love someone so deeply you'd do anything to keep that smile on his face? Or hers, whichever works for you.

Maybe it was the magic of our friends' wedding that made our love shine so brightly that night. I don't know, but it felt like it was a living, breathing thing, alive and well for all the world to see. Or for the few of us that were there, but whatever. It was an experience like nothing I'd ever had before. At one point, I glanced at Lexus and Mo, and I realized the looks on their faces mirrored the way Alec was looking at me. I can only assume my face had the same expression on it, given how I was feeling.

My eyes drifted back to Alec's and I finally recognized what had been evading me all night, probably even longer. I was finally able to read the longing deep in his eyes, and understand what it meant. You know what I saw, don't you? I know you do. You all are so much smarter than I am. I know you figured this out long before I did. It took me seeing it on my friends' faces to be able to see it on my boyfriend's.

Alec wants to get married.

I know that's not a ground-breaking development. We've talked about it a few times, always in the distant-future sense. But that's not what I am seeing now. He doesn't want to get married _some day._ He wants to get married _now._

I wonder how long he's felt that way, how long I've been missing something that is now so obvious.

At first I wondered why he hadn't said anything. Then I remembered how I behaved the last time he brought it up. I was a jerk. No wonder he didn't want to mention marriage to me. It wasn't the right time, then. I wasn't ready, and neither was he.

But, you know what? I think I might be ready now. It's a huge step, but not so huge if you really think about it. I mean, I love Alec more than anything. I want to spend my life with him. I've wanted that since I met him six years ago. I can't imagine my life without him, and I don't want to. So the next logical step is to get married, to make the commitment to be with him for the rest of my life. Right?

Okay, yeah, that's... oh my god! Wow. Okay. Yeah. Fuck, now I am repeating myself! Okay. I'm going to do this. I am. I just have to figure out when and how.

Tonight is not the right time. This is Lexus and Mo's night. I don't want to do anything to interfere with that. And as soon as I drop the others in New York, I'll be flying out to Las Vegas for Olympics practice, then off to Tokyo. Alec will be going with me to Japan, but my schedule will be so hectic, I don't know how much time we'll get to spend together. And I want to do this right. If I'm going to propose, I have to think of the right way to do it.

This is going to take some thought...


	112. Chapter 112

**A/N: I'm super pissed off. The original version of this chapter was so, SO much better, but my stupid laptop decided to update on it's own (fuck you Windows 10) and I hadn't saved it yet. I tried to recreate it, but the words just didn't come as easily as they did the first time and I ended up with writer's block trying to make it happen and now I'm mad at this chapter. All the parts are the same, just the wording is different and I liked the first one better...:(**

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Alec knew Magnus was going to be busy in Tokyo. He remembered how Austin had described his trip to Rio de Janeiro, how he'd been so busy doing Olympic things that he'd barely gotten to see Cammie while they were there. Knowing it and living it were two very different things, though. This was even worse than when Magnus played in the Summer League or in the All-Star games.

For starters, Team USA took every available opportunity to practice, which sometimes meant multiple practices in a day. Then, there were all the other things the athletes had to do: photoshoots and press conferences and interviews. Even when the reporters only wanted to interview a few of the athletes, they all had to be there for support or solidarity or just in case they were needed. The Olympic committee also scheduled charity events and bonding events for the athletes. After all, the whole point of the Olympic games was to meet people from other countries, to learn about other cultures, to build friendships and encourage peace.

Also, Magnus had a room in the Olympic Village where he was supposed to spend his nights. This meant lonely nights for Alec.

Fortunately, he'd brought friends along. Momma H, Will and Jem refused to miss their family member playing in the Olympic games. They flew to Japan with Magnus and Alec on the Lightwood jet, and kept Alec company while Magnus was so busy.

The others were unable to attend, however. Cammie was too far along in her pregnancy to risk the flight. Plus, they would be in Japan for more than a month, and Cammie had no intention of having her baby in another country. Alec felt bad that they would miss the birth, but Cammie told him not to worry about it. The baby would be ready for them to visit when they got home.

Lexus and Mo were still on their honeymoon in the Caribbean when Alec and Magnus left for Tokyo. They were spending a month island-hopping before Lexus had to be in Los Angeles to film a movie. They talked about coming to Japan for a few days, but Magnus insisted they enjoy their honeymoon and not worry about him.

Scott and Tony were in the midst of an experiment. Scott told Alec at the end of the season that he was going to spend the summer at Tony's apartment in Manhattan. He was nervous about it, but Tony seemed to be assuaging his fears one day at a time. Alec had gone into the city to visit them on several occasions, and Scott was settling in pretty well. He looked good at Lexus and Mo's wedding, too. They decided it was more important for their relationship to stay home and spend time together, and Alec and Magnus agreed with them.

While Magnus was off doing Olympic things, Alec and the others did some sightseeing. Being native New Yorkers, they had to visit the Tokyo version of the Statue of Liberty. The statue overlooked Tokyo Bay and had an excellent view of several other attractions, including the Tokyo Tower and the Rainbow Bridge. They were fortunate enough to see the bridge when it was lit with rainbow colors. They took lots of pictures and sent some to Lexus and Mo, rainbows being their thing and all.

The Opening Ceremony of the 2020 Olympics was amazing, as usual. The Japanese were excellent hosts and the entire ceremony spoke of the ancient traditions and customs of their people, the magnificent architecture and art unique to their culture. Alec's favorite part was when a large group of people wearing brightly colored kimonos performed a spectacular dance. From the stands, the dancers appeared to move as one entity, transforming into a flower or a dragon or a warrior. The choreography was outstanding, and the music that accompanied the dancers was perfect.

Then, the day before the first game, Alec received a text message from Magnus saying he had a few hours off. Will must have read the look on Alec's face; he quickly suggested he, Jem and Momma H go out to lunch and gave Alec a knowing wink before he closed the door to his hotel room. Maybe the others figured out what was going on, too, because none of them insisted that Alec come along.

Within a few minutes, Magnus knocked on Alec's door. Alec pulled him into the room by his shoulders and kicked the door closed, pressing their lips together before the click sounded. He felt like ages had passed since the last time they'd touched or kissed or had a moment alone. He breathed Magnus in as his hand slid down Magnus's front and gripped his dick through his shorts. Magnus moaned into his mouth, and thrust against his hand. He was already growing hard.

Alec's hands slid around to grab Magnus's ass and squeeze, smashing their groins together. Magnus's tongue licked at Alec's lips, diving into his mouth and playing with Alec's. Alec didn't realize just how lonely he'd felt since they got to Japan until that moment, until he was grinding against his boyfriend and inhaling his scent and tasting his lips. God, he'd missed him so much.

They stripped out of their shirts and were back together in barely a blink of the eye. Magnus's hands were all over him, every touch searing hot and sending a jolt of electricity through Alec's body. He expertly slipped Magnus's shorts off and caught hold of his dick, slowly stroking it as Magnus attacked his neck with kisses and nips.

"Who's fucking who?" Alec said in an urgent, shaky voice.

Magnus released his neck and looked into his eyes. "Fuck me, baby," he said in a tone that made Alec's toes curl.

Alec pushed him bodily toward the bed. Magnus landed sprawled out with his long cock lying hard against his body. Alec wet his lips. Just the sight of him like that on the bed made Alec's flesh burn and his dick stone-hard. He shed his shorts and underwear, and Magnus grasped his hips, sucking his cock into his mouth.

He locked eyes with Magnus as his boyfriend took him deep. His warm mouth felt so good, so inviting. His tongue surrounded Alec's dick like a glove, wetting him more each time he bobbed his head. Magnus drew him closer and closer to his climax until Alec finally had to stop him with a gentle tap on his cheek. Magnus pulled off with a soft pop, and climbed further onto the bed, Alec crawling over top of him.

Alec kissed Magnus's lips again, jabbing his tongue in and out of Magnus's mouth like he was fucking him. He ground their cocks together again and Magnus groaned with need. Magnus thrust up against him desperately, searching for more friction.

Alec broke away from his mouth and trailed kisses down his neck and body. He paused to lick rings around Magnus's nipples and watch his heated flesh break out in chills. He continued his trek, touching and kissing every inch of Magnus's chest and abdomen. He ran his tongue up the length of Magnus's shaft, his saliva making it glisten in the low light. He sucked Magnus's balls into his mouth, gently licking at them each in turn. Then, he bent Magnus's legs, pushing them up to give him access as he repeatedly shoved his wet tongue into Magnus's hole.

Magnus's hands tangled in the covers. "Ah. God. Fuck, Alec," Magnus panted, his head jammed into the pillow, his cock leaking fluid.

Alec lined himself up, and using just the combination of his spit in Magnus's hole and Magnus's on his cock, he pushed inside. He was so fucking horny it was hard to restrain himself, but he didn't want to hurt Magnus, knowing they hadn't used much in the way of lubrication. Magnus didn't seem to mind. He pulled Alec down on top of him, wrapped his legs around his waist and nudged him with his foot to encourage him deeper.

Alec captured his mouth again as they moved together. He kissed him breathless, until they were so lost in their need for each other that the kiss was messy and uncoordinated. Alec reached down between them, giving Magnus's dick a few brisk strokes, which had him erupting all over his abdomen and chest. His body twitched with each spasm of his cock.

Magnus's orgasm made him clamp down on Alec's dick, tightening and relaxing with each wave of pleasure. Alec thrust harder, seeking his own release, and quickly finding it. He gave in to the sensations washing over him, and held tight to Magnus as he pulsed every drop of his fluid into him.

When he came back to his senses, he realized Magnus was having a difficult time breathing. His breaths were shallow and rapid. Alec released him, and he gasped in a lungful of air. Alec gently slid out of him and off to the side.

"Sorry," Alec said, kissing Magnus's chest and looking into his beautiful green-gold eyes.

"Mmmm, don't be," Magnus moaned, and kissed his lips. "That was fantastic."

Alec smiled. "Yeah. It was."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

They stared into each other's eyes for an unknown length of time. Time wasn't important just then. At that moment, they had all the time in the world.

The longer he looked, the more Alec had the feeling Magnus wanted to say something. He seemed to be warring with himself. Alec could see the internal struggle, but had no idea what was on Magnus's mind. Then, when it looked like he might finally say whatever he was thinking, he averted his eyes and remained silent.

Alec tipped his chin so they were facing each other again. The expression in Magnus's eyes was gone. The moment had passed. He kissed Magnus tenderly, and leaned their foreheads together, and they stayed like that while they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Alec never realized how much people outside of the USA enjoyed basketball until the first game of the Olympics. There were people from a dozen or more countries in attendance and they were cheering just as loud as the Americans, waving their country's flags high and proud. The atmosphere in the arena was just as electric and lively as any college or NBA game he'd ever attended.

The first few games were a single-elimination tournament. This meant if Team USA wanted to make it to the medal games, they had to survive and advance. So that's what they did.

Magnus was not a starter for the team. He had known going in that he wouldn't be starting. The starting point guard had a long history of accomplishments, including NBA Finals MVP, Player of the Year, and others. He was a champion, and someone Magnus admired. He had no problem playing backup to that guy.

Even with that, Magnus did play significant minutes. Their first game ended up being a fifty point blowout win, and Magnus played about fifteen minutes. Coach didn't want to work his starters too hard or risk injury for a game that was completely in hand. So he gave Magnus and some of the other subs a chance to play on a global stage.

Magnus performed brilliantly. He had twelve points, five assists, and zero turnovers. Not bad for the limited number of minutes he played. He was so excited about getting to play in an Olympic game, too. Alec was worried he might make some mistakes because of nerves, but he didn't. He was just as solid as he always was. The best part about that was now his coaches knew they could trust him to sub for their starting point guard. Subbing Magnus in wouldn't be a risk. He could handle it.

* * *

The next day, Magnus had some free time, so the group decided to see some of the other events. The watched some of the men's diving competition, because why not? Well-built, mostly naked men worked perfectly for everyone in their group, including Momma H.

Next, they peeked in on the men's gymnastics competition. Alec felt a sense of deja-vu when he stepped into the gym. He had never been a spectator in the sport, so sitting in the stands felt really weird to him, but watching the men compete took him back many years ago.

After a while, a feeling of melancholy set it. He suddenly longed to be out there tumbling and vaulting. Even that damn pummel horse looked inviting, and he hated that thing. He could almost feel the tape on his wrists and the powder on his hands. He hadn't thought about any of that in years. He'd quit cheerleading after he was raped, and it had quit being fun long before that, when he lost Cammie as a partner. He hadn't thought about it since. That part of his life was in the past, and he hadn't looked back. Until that moment, sitting in the gym, watching the gymnasts compete. He had a few what-if moments. What if he'd stuck with gymnastics instead of switching to cheerleading. Would he have been able to compete in an Olympic games? Had he been good enough? What if he hadn't quit cheerleading? He had always known that gymnastics and cheerleading were not things he planned to pursue once he left school. But still, what if?

His face must have shown some of what he was feeling and thinking. Magnus reached over, took his hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Alec squeezed back, so incredibly thankful to have a man who loved him and understood him. He didn't even have to know what was going on in Alec's head to know he needed him.

* * *

The other single elimination games went very well. Team USA won each of them handily. Magnus saw extended minutes in each game and did what he does best. He balled. He played his damn heart out. He was magnificent.

After the elimination games, Alec, Magnus, Will, Jem, and Momma H went to dinner. A local had told Jem about a restaurant they _had_ to visit. They were greeted by a tiny Japanese woman wearing a red and gold kimono who led them to the table they had reserved. Each table sat low to the floor and was surrounded by wood and paper dividers with a variety of Japanese symbols, all affording the patrons a measure of privacy.

They sat on the cushions on the floor around the table. Low hanging candles illuminated the area, casting flickering shadows on everyone's face. The effect was entrancing, and Alec couldn't help staring at his boyfriend, watching the light dance in his eyes. He was even more beautiful by candlelight.

There were no menus at this restaurant. Instead, a group of people brought the dishes that were being offered that day. After serving the food and drink, the workers demonstrated the proper technique for holding the cups and bowls, the precise way to eat and drink the offerings. The whole thing felt ceremonial, from the exact dance-like movements of the servers to the perfect placement of each item on the table. They felt like they were observing and participating in an ancient custom. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and Alec would treasure those memories for the rest of his life.

* * *

Team USA's quarter final game was against Lithuania. Alec thought he remembered a guy from Lithuania being selected ahead of Magnus in his NBA draft, but he could be mistaken. A lot had happened since then. But if he was right, that guy was likely playing for his country in this very game. Moments like that made him realize how small the world actually was.

The arena was hopping that night. A buzz of excitement permeated the crowd and Alec felt it deep in his soul. He was alive and these people, these fellow basketball fans, were anticipating a great game. The names were called and people cheered. The players got ready. The ball was tipped. Showtime.

The game was face-paced and Lithuania kept the score close. Alec kept glancing at Magnus, watching his reaction. He knew Magnus understood why he wasn't starting, and if the game stayed close, his coach might not play him as many minutes as he'd been enjoying during these games. None of that made a difference to how Magnus _felt_ though. Alec knew it was killing him to sit on the sidelines and watch others play in this kind of game. Magnus thrived in fast-paced games. He loved the added pressure of a close game. He reveled in breaking down a good defender and showing that he was better. This was Magnus's favorite kind of game.

Magnus's eagerness was apparent every time he was subbed into the game. He bounded more than walked onto the court. He bounced on his heels while he awaited the inbounds pass. Every movement, every gesture was as animated as Alec had ever seen him.

And he played spectacularly. He wasn't settling for just the solid passes. He went for the grand plays, and he pulled them off. The crowd erupted every time he made an amazing pass for a thundering dunk, or hit a three with a defender's hand in his face. Okay, maybe they would've done that no matter who was playing, but it was Magnus and he was giving them a show and Alec was over-the-moon happy for him.

As the third quarter was drawing to a close, Magnus saw an opportunity for yet another outstanding play. He passed to a teammate in the corner for a three-point shot. The guy missed the shot. Alec could see in Magnus's eyes that he knew the shot wasn't going in. Magnus ran to toward the basket, leapt into the air, grabbed the rebound, and slammed the ball through the rim in one fluid motion.

People leapt to their feet, cheering and shouting and punching the air. Magnus hung on the rim for a split-second then dropped to the floor.

Then he disappeared.

Alec couldn't see him through the players standing around the rim, or his teammates on the bench, or the people in the stands. He craned his neck, but he couldn't see where Magnus was...not until silence fell in the arena when everyone realized Magnus was on the floor.

Magnus was holding his leg and writhing in pain. Alec gasped and instinctually tried to get to him. He couldn't. He was trapped in the middle of a row of people, several rows back from the bench where he was so used to sitting so he had easy access to the players when they needed him. He saw Mr. Knightly and the head coach walk onto the court with a couple other trainers. They knelt down beside Magnus, shielding him from view.

Alec was all but panicking by that time. He forced his way down the row of spectators and to the edge of the court, where he was stopped by security. He was vaguely aware of the presence of Will and Jem and Momma H behind him as he tried to argue with the security guards that he needed to get onto the court and check on Magnus. He told them he was a trainer for the Knicks and he had a degree in Sports Medicine and he was the best person to help Magnus right now. Magnus _needed_ him right now! Damnit!

He may as well have been talking to a sign post, for all the attention he was paid. The security guard was not going to let him onto the court, no matter how he begged or pleaded. He didn't have clearance and it wasn't going to happen.

He finally stopped arguing when he saw a stretcher wheel by where he was standing, with Magnus strapped to it. "MAGNUS!" he shouted. "MAGNUS! MAGNUS!"

He didn't know if Magnus couldn't hear him or didn't hear him in time or what, but he didn't acknowledge him calling out. The medical staff wheeled him out of the arena and as soon as he disappeared from sight, Alec lost his mind. He started screaming and trying to fight his way through the growing crowd of security guards. He had to get to Magnus. Didn't they understand that? He had to find out if he was okay. _He had to!_

Will and Jem grabbed his arms and held him back so he wouldn't end up getting arrested. That didn't stop him from screaming Magnus's name and struggling against his friends. He needed to get to Magnus. Why couldn't anybody get that?

The panic ebbed a little and he stopped struggling. He stood there, defeated, his eyes stinging, staring at the place where his boyfriend had disappeared, longing to get to him. Then, as if he'd willed it to happen, Mr. Knightly reappeared. He spoke to the security guards for a moment, then nodded to Alec.

Alec had no idea what was going on, but he stepped forward. Knightly attached a visitor's pass to this shirt and motioned for him to follow. Alec cast a wary glance at the guards, but they just stared, stony-faced, and let him pass. He followed Knightly into a brightly lit corridor and eventually into a plain white room. Magnus was still on the stretcher in the middle of the room, surrounded by trainers and presumably a doctor or two who were all talking rapidly about Magnus's injury.

Alec ignored them all and went straight to Magnus's side. Magnus had a pained, determined look on his face, and he was staring straight ahead, unblinking. He actually looked a little pissed off. "What happened?" Alec whispered. "All I saw was the dunk and then you were on the ground."

Magnus's eyes slowly shifted to Alec's face. "I landed on the ball." His voice sounded hollow. "How the fuck does that even happen?"

Alec had no idea. That had to be the freakiest of freak accidents to happen on a basketball court. It's a ball. It rolls. How could it end up under Magnus at the exact moment he landed? Crazy.

"I don't know." Alec's eyes roved Magnus's face. "Is it your ankle?"

Magnus nodded, and Alec spend several long seconds blaming himself. Was this his fault for not insisting Magnus have his ankle more thoroughly examined when he'd hurt it last year? Was this some residual to that injury? Had that injury made things worse?

"If you are blaming yourself, stop that shit right now," Magnus said. He sounded irritated. Alec understood. "This had nothing to do with me falling on the stupid ice."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

The deep timbre of Mr. Knightly's voice caught Alec's attention. They were arranging to have Magnus transported to a local hospital to have an MRI done on his ankle. They needed to assess the damage so they could make a plan for treatment.

For the first time, Alec glanced down at Magnus's ankle. There was a large bag of ice covering it, but even so, the swelling and bruising was apparent. His ankle was huge and purple and looked really painful.

This looked bad. This looked very bad.


	113. Chapter 113

Alec was no more allowed in the hospital room with Magnus in Japan than he would've been in America. They were not married, and boyfriends do not count as next of kin. He didn't even know if that would matter here. Did Japan recognize same-sex marriages?

Regardless, he found himself sitting in an uncomfortable chair in a somber waiting room doing just that, waiting. He was going a little stir crazy, too. He might have been driving the others crazy as well. He wished he cared enough to ask.

Finally, after what felt like a million years, a small man appeared at the doorway of the waiting room and called out Magnus's name. Alec, Will, Jem, and Momma H leapt to their feet, surrounding the man in a matter of moments. His English was a little broken and his accent was thick, but he easily made them understand they were to follow him.

He led them down a well-lit corridor to a room on the far end. There was a tall man standing guard outside the room. He barely acknowledged them as they entered.

Alec's eyes fell instantly on Magnus. He was sitting up in a hospital bed wearing a ridiculous gown, and he didn't look happy. His left foot was now in some kind of splint-like contraption. He stared out the window, his chin resting on the back of his hand. He was gorgeous, in that tortured artist kind of way.

Alec went to his side, ignoring the other people in the room. Magnus slowly turned to face him. "What did the doctors say?" Alec asked softly as fear gripped his heart.

Magnus didn't answer. He stared stonily at Alec. "Magnus? What's going on?"

When Magnus finally spoke, even his voice sounded dead. "I need surgery."

Alec's heart sank. Surgery. For an ankle injury, that must mean he'd actually torn some of the tendons or ligaments. They didn't do surgery for sprains. Or he could have broken a bone that needed surgical repair. Whatever it was, Magnus didn't look like he was going to provide any further answers.

Alec turned to the other people in the room. There were two doctors speaking to Mr. Knightly in the corner. Knightly didn't ride with them to the hospital. That must mean the game was over. Alec idly wondered if Team USA won. He caught Knightly's eye, and received a nod from the old man. He excused himself and shuffled over to Alec. Alec stood to meet him.

"What did the doctors say?" Alec asked urgently.

"He dislocated his tarsal joint and completely tore all of his flexor tendons," Knightly replied gravely.

"What? Wow." Alec was too stunned to think of anything more intelligent to say.

"They've reduced the dislocation, but he'll need surgery to repair the tendons." Knightly ran a hand through his silvery hair and shook his head. Alec had never seen him look so upset before. "If he hadn't landed on the damn ball…" Knightly mumbled.

"The ball made it worse?"

"Yes. If he'd landed on the floor, he most likely gets a sprain. His foot hitting the ball let his ankle bend further than it would have against the floor. That's why he dislocated the ankle and tore all the tendons."

Alec was certain he'd never heard Knightly use so many words at one time. He must really be upset about Magnus's injury. Alec was too. He turned back to Magnus, who still had that dead look in his eyes. He pulled over a chair and sat next to Magnus. He remembered Will, Jem, and Momma H were with him when they appeared in his line of vision, surrounding Magnus's bed.

Momma H took Magnus's right hand at the same time Alec took his left. He didn't appear to be remotely comforted by their gestures. Alec thought he was trying to produce his Basketball Star persona, but was failing miserably at it. He squeezed Magnus's hand, trying to get him to look at him, but it was futile.

Alec caught Knightly's eye again. "When does he have surgery?"

"We're flying back to New York in the morning. He'll have surgery by the Knicks' surgeon in a couple of days. They are scheduling it now," Knightly replied.

Couple of days. Alec was running time tables through his mind. He assumed Magnus would be laid up for six to eight weeks, then start physical therapy. That meant he likely wouldn't even be starting PT until mid-October. He had no idea how long rehab would take for something like this. Could be a few months, maybe up to a year. ACL injuries usually took nine to twelve months to rehab. Was this as bad as an ACL? Better? Worse? He didn't know. It was an unusual injury.

The doctors left. Knightly followed shortly after, presumably to inform the Team USA coaches and players what was going on with Magnus, or check on the surgery schedule, or any number of other things the old man did. Momma H tried to comfort Magnus the best she could, but he didn't respond. He wasn't overtly rude to her, he would never be like that to Momma. He loved her very much and respected her, he was just hurting too badly to accept her words.

Eventually, Alec convinced Momma H and Will and Jem to go back to the hotel. He was staying the night at the hospital with Magnus, but there was no reason for them all to stay and be uncomfortable. Momma H kissed Magnus's forehead, Will hugged him, and Jem shook his hand. Then they repeated the sequence on Alec, and left.

Once they were gone, Alec resumed his seat beside Magnus and took his hand again. Magnus showed some life for the first time since the accident. He dropped his mask and squeezed Alec's hand, hard.

"I'm so fucking pissed right now, Alec," Magnus growled. Alec had no trouble believing his words, especially if the death grip on his fingers was any indication. He thought they might go numb any minute.

"I know, Magnus. This sucks –"

"It _fucking sucks_!" he yelled. "I can't believe this happened! Goddamnit!"

Alec glanced behind him. The door was closed, and they were in a private room. He felt fairly confident no one would hear him, so he let Magnus scream out his frustrations. He knew how hard this was for Magnus. His team was playing without him. He would likely miss a big chunk of next season, if not all of it. He needed to vent his feelings and Alec was strong enough to take it.

So, he let Magnus rage at him, knowing his anger was not personal. He didn't take it as such, either. He just took it. When Magnus yelled himself hoarse and finally quieted down, Alec held him and let him cry.

A nurse came in a short while later and gave him a pain pill. He was asleep in no time after that. Alec pushed his cot up against Magnus's bed and watched him sleep until, in the small hours of the morning, sleep finally claimed him, too.

* * *

They took a special medic plane back to New York the following morning. The plane was equipped with all sorts of medical gear that was completely unnecessary for Magnus's injury, but Alec enjoyed perusing it anyway. All Magnus needed was a place to rest his foot so it remained elevated, but regular airplanes were too cramped for that. Even the Lightwood jet wouldn't allow him to fully prop up his leg.

The problem with taking this airplane was that there wasn't enough room for Momma H, Will, and Jem to ride along. Alec told them to stay and enjoy the rest of the games if they wanted. They'd already paid for the rooms and had passes to get into all the remaining basketball games, and some of the other events as well. They could do more sightseeing and go to the Closing Ceremony when the games were finished.

Momma H was firmly against staying. She wanted to be there for Magnus's surgery and help him afterward if he needed her. Alec assured her he would do whatever Magnus needed and she could visit when she got back from Japan, if she wanted to stay. He could tell there was a part of her that did want to stay. She'd never had money and as far as Alec knew, this was her first trip outside of the United States, though she had let Will and Jem take her on a few vacations.

In the end, since there were only a few days left of the Olympics, the others decided to stay. Momma H still had mixed feelings about it, but Magnus promised her everything would be fine and told her he would rather her stay and have fun than sit at his place or the hospital and worry.

The flight was long. So very long. Alec remembered thinking it was long on the way to Japan, but on the way home was worse. Instead of anticipating the amazing adventure they were about to undertake, now he was stressing over Magnus's injury and his future and what was going to happen.

He spent part of the flight running through possible scenarios in his head. Ankle injuries were extremely common for basketball players, and rarely resulted in ending one's career. Severe ankle injuries could be persistent and nagging and were prone to re-injury, especially if not taken care of properly from the start or if the athlete went back on the court too quickly. He would not let that happen. He would not let the franchise higher-ups force Magnus to play before he was ready. He would not let _Magnus_ force Magnus to play before he was ready. This was not negotiable.

The problem was that Magnus's injury was unique. Basketball players didn't usually dislocate their freaking ankle and shred all the flexor tendons. They didn't usually require surgery for an ankle injury. He felt at a disadvantage about knowing when Magnus would be ready to play again. He would have to rely on the training staff and doctors and physical therapists to help him make that decision. He didn't like that. That meant giving up some of the control.

Fortunately, the doctor that would do his surgery also treated other types of athletes. Alec knew that football players suffered from a wide variety of injuries due to the physicality of their sport. Surely the doctor had seen things like this before and would know what advice to give them. Right?

The plane finally landed and Magnus was loaded into an ambulance to go to the hospital. Alec got to ride along. He'd never been inside an ambulance before. Medical stuff fascinated him, and he was almost disappointed when they arrived at the hospital so quickly.

Magnus's surgery was scheduled for the following morning. They spent another restless night in the hospital. Magnus was given more pain medication periodically throughout the day, but he was stubbornly refusing to tell them when he needed more.

"I don't like that stuff," he said to Alec after the nurse brought him his final dose of the night. "It makes me feel funny."

Alec smiled indulgently. "Be glad you have it. Your ankle would hurt a million times worse without it."

Magnus huffed and crossed his arms against his chest like a stubborn child, until thirty minutes later when he was knocked out cold. Alec again watched him sleep. He couldn't tear his eyes away from him. Magnus was having surgery in the morning. He'd be going under anesthesia, and sometimes people didn't wake up from anesthesia. Sometimes things went wrong and people died during surgery.

He had to stop that line of thinking before he had a panic attack. Everything would be fine. He could not and would not lose Magnus. Magnus was a perfect physical human specimen. He had no medical conditions other than a currently fucked up ankle. Everything would be fine. He told himself this over and over until he fell asleep.

* * *

Alec had a weird dream that night. Magnus went in to have surgery and Alec was invited to watch. He stood next to the doctor - who incidentally was dressed like a clown and was terrifying – and handed him overly large plastic tools, like saws and shovels. When the doctor announced he was finished, Magnus sat up and the doctor handed him his foot. Magnus thanked him for his help and waved the foot at Alec's face and said, "See, he fixed it!" He looked really proud of himself.

Alec woke with a start and was happy to discover Magnus's foot was still attached to his body and the doctors that had just entered the room were in fact _not_ wearing clown suits. He shook off the dream as best he could and listened to the doctor describe what he planned to do.

Magnus's face grew paler as his doctor spoke. Alec could sympathize. Hearing the word surgery brings out a lot of different emotions in people, but it's not until the moment they are ready to wheel the person to the operating room that it really hits home what is about to happen. Magnus was having surgery. Now. This man was about to cut him and put his broken pieces back together.

The hospital staff gave Magnus a few minutes alone with Alec before they took him back. Alec laced their fingers together and watched Magnus stare at their hands. He gave a little squeeze and Magnus met his eyes. He could see a slight edge of fear in the depths, fear and uncertainty. There wasn't much to say, though. Any words would sound hollow. So, they just gazed into each other's eyes, and Alec saw the fear wither away to be replaced by love. So much love it was almost painful to look at. Then, Alec kissed him, just a soft, loving, lingering kiss that conveyed all the unspoken emotions between them. When the kiss ended, Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's and they stayed that way until the orderly came to take Magnus away.

Alec thought he would go stir-crazy sitting in the room waiting for Magnus to return, so he took a walk. He went down to the cafeteria and got some disgusting coffee and a stale bagel. He went to the little courtyard beside the cafeteria and found an empty table. Early morning in August was a comfortable time in New York, before the heat of the day set in. He had to force himself to eat the bagel, but his body was so upset with worry he didn't even taste it.

He stopped by the gift shop and bought Magnus a plush basketball with a Knicks emblem on it. He couldn't resist it. What a corny thing to have in a hospital gift shop, but at least it gave him something to do. Hopefully, it would one day be a reminder of all the things Magnus overcame to be the superstar he was destined to be.

When he returned to Magnus's room, Robert, Maryse, and Max were there. Alec hadn't expected to see his family, and he immediately felt some of the tension release when his mother hugged him. They were such a source of strength for him. He loved them and appreciated them being there more than words could say.

They didn't talk much in the three hours it took for the nurses to return Magnus to the room. Alec told them a little about the Olympics and Japan, which his parents had been to more than once. But as soon as the door opened and he saw the end of Magnus's bed, he fell silent and rose to his feet.

Magnus was still groggy but he was awake. He was alive, and that was all Alec truly cared about! Anything else he could handle, they could work through. He hadn't realized how truly scared he was of losing Magnus under the knife until he saw that stoned look in his boyfriend's eyes and knew he was going to be okay. He felt the prickle of tears and forced the emotions down.

Magnus became more coherent as the nurses settled him. They jostled him around, fluffing pillows and making sure he was comfortable. All the movement stimulated him, and as the rest of the anesthesia wore off, he caught Alec's eye and offered a small, brief smile.

The doctor came in a short time later with a report. He greeted Alec's family and asked if it was okay to talk in front of them. Magnus said it was. "Good," he said in a deep voice as he checked the bandage on Magnus's foot. The bandage was huge, making his foot appear three times bigger than his other one.

"The surgery went well, I think," he continued. That drew some raised eyebrows. He _thinks_ the surgery went well? "As you know, all your flexor tendons were damaged. Well, once we got in there, we realized the damage was worse than the MRI showed. There were some pieces of the tendon that didn't hold the sutures. We repaired it the best we could, but only time will tell if that is going to be good enough."

Alec glanced at Magnus, whose face fell at those words. He asked the question that was on everyone's mind. "Will he be able to play again?"

"I think so," the doctor answered. Magnus perked up. They all did, really. "I'm requiring you to wear a special boot to immobilize your ankle for eight weeks. You are not to take it off except to bathe, and then put it right back on. I don't want you to move your foot if you can help it. I don't even want you to tighten your leg muscles more than necessary. Any tension you put on those tendons could lead to them not healing properly. Do you understand?"

Magnus nodded vigorously. "Yes, doctor."

The doctor made eye contact with Alec and he nodded yes as well. He would do everything and anything he could for Magnus. Whatever it takes for him to heal.

"Good. I'm going to keep you here for a couple of days while the swelling subsides, then I'll release you to go home. Do you have someone who can take care of you?"

"I can," Alec immediately volunteered. The doctor sized him up, so Alec added. "I have a degree in Sports Medicine. I'm a trainer for the Knicks. I can handle it."

The doctor smiled approvingly, then turned back to Magnus. "I'll be in to check on you later. If you need anything, press the call button." Then, he left.

Alec's family didn't stay long after that. They understood Magnus's need to rest and Maryse told Alec he needed to as well while she hugged him goodbye. Robert and Max hugged both Alec and Magnus, too. They were right. Alec was exhausted. He and Magnus fell asleep shortly after they left.

* * *

Magnus was released from the hospital a few days later. Equipped with a long boot that went up to his knee and was held on by Velcro straps and a pair of crutches, Alec helped him get situated in the back of a Lightwood limo for the journey home.

Momma H, Will, and Jem were due in that evening and were planning to visit the next day. Alec was glad they had a little time to settle in before they arrived. He built Magnus a fort of pillows on the couch downstairs. He was not letting Magnus chance the stairs, not when he could make him perfectly comfortable in their living room. He'd considered getting a hospital bed but Magnus said he didn't want one, that the couch would be fine.

Alec fussed over him so much he had a suspicion that he was driving Magnus a bit crazy. He couldn't help it though. He understood the words immobilize and tension and healing. He wasn't going to compromise on that.

Magnus was a surprisingly good patient. The first few weeks, he didn't even try to do anything. He let Alec help him adjust his body when he got uncomfortable. He even played it up whenever he had visitors, which was often. Sometimes Alec felt they had a constant stream of visitors, in fact. All their friends had been by to see Magnus at least once, most multiple times. Momma H had stayed the first week and assisted Alec pampering Magnus. Lex had stayed a couple days. The only ones who hadn't been able to come were Cammie and Austin, who were learning how to be parents to a tiny little boy.

Then, there was Magnus's teammates. Many of them came to see how he was doing. Coach Hollings, Mr. Ketchum, and Mr. Knightly stopped by to talk about his recovery. Alec could tell they were upset that Magnus had gotten hurt and were worried about his recovery. They might have been a little perturbed that the injury occurred when he was playing for someone other than the Knicks, but no one said it, so Alec could have been wrong.

During the visit, Mr. Knightly agreed to let Alec stay home and continue taking care of Magnus until he was healed. His job would still be safe with the organization and he could return when they were both ready. Alec was relieved, to say the least. He wasn't worried about losing his income if he lost his job, like most Americans would be. He was worried about losing the experience and his connection to an organization that meant so much to him. He was grateful they saw the big picture, that Magnus needed him at home and that they would both return as soon as possible.

As time went on, though, Alec could see the frustration building in Magnus. He was not a person who normally sat around idly. He was always doing something. Lying on the couch bored out of his skull was not something he was used to doing, and by the second month of his incarceration, as he called it, the novelty had worn off.

He started trying to get Alec to let him do stuff. Nothing major, but Alec wasn't having any part of Magnus moving around. Not until his doctor said it was alright. He did relent a little once Magnus proved he had mastered his crutches and demanded he be allowed to use the downstairs bathroom unassisted. He only had two weeks left of his sentence, and Alec knew when to pick his battles. Besides, it was October by that point, and Magnus's surliness was at least partly due to the official start of the basketball season, the season in which he was not participating, so far.

There was also a significant amount of sexual frustration causing Magnus's annoyance. The boot on his foot was too large and cumbersome for them to engage in any real sexual activity, and Magnus couldn't stand, so that limited what they could do. Alec had been too scared to hurt Magnus's leg to straddle him. He knew Magnus wouldn't be able to resist thrusting into him if he did, and that could break down the healing tendons in his ankle. They'd flirted with the idea of blow jobs, but Alec was too worried that Magnus might tense up without thinking about it when he got close to orgasm.

But now they were so close to the finish line, and Magnus was grouchy and desperately needed some relief. Alec made sure he was comfortable on the couch, amid a significant amount of grumbling, and sat beside him. He pushed Magnus's hair behind his ear. He desperately needed a trim. The touch was enough to get Magnus's attention and he raised his eyes to meet Alec's.

A mixture of emotions stared back at Alec: frustration and desire and impatience and love. Alec leaned in and kissed him, gently at first, then coaxing Magnus's mouth open with his tongue. Magnus melted against him, giving Alec all access and he sighed against Alec's lips.

"Please don't tease me," Magnus said hoarsely.

"I'm not," Alec assured him.

"Thank god!"

Magnus returned the kiss with fervor now that he knew something was going to happen. Alec kissed him breathless, and when he broke away for oxygen, Magnus said, "I want you so bad."

Magnus's eyes were half closed, and he sighed when Alec's hand reached down and stroked him. Alec could feel him tensing, wanting to thrust to gain more friction. "Uh uh. Relax or this stops now," Alec said, and Magnus obeyed.

"Please, Alec."

Alec slipped Magnus's shorts down enough to expose his rock-hard dick. His mouth watered at the sight. He didn't waste any time, knowing what Magnus needed. He descended on Magnus's cock and took it in his mouth. He slid up and down with his mouth and hand, bringing Magnus close to the edge of ecstasy. He had to stop a couple times and remind him not to tense up, and marveled how quickly the tension left Magnus's body with his words.

He wet his finger before taking him in again and slipped it into Magnus's shorts. He circled his hole, playing with him as he sucked his dick. He slid his finger inside and Magnus made the most beautiful, wanton sound as he came harder than Alec had seen him in a long time. Alec could barely keep up with his pulsing and lost a few drops onto Magnus's groin, but he didn't care. Now that his work was done, he was concentrating on preventing Magnus from re-injuring his ankle while he was incoherently getting off.

When Magnus was finished, Alec cleaned him up. "Are you okay?" he asked, trying not to sound like a worrywart, but he was, so what was he to do?

Magnus nodded. He didn't appear capable of words just yet.

"Is your ankle okay?" Alec specified.

"Hm? Oh, yes. Feels fine."

Alec grinned. He loved that he had that effect on his boyfriend, that he could put him into orbit with just his mouth and a finger. He loved Magnus, every bit of him. He told him so.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Magnus replied. "I need to reciprocate," he added, trying and failing to sit up.

"I don't think that's possible right now," Alec said, with chuckle as he helped Magnus get situated. "When you're better, okay?"

"But?"

Alec kissed his forehead. "I'll take care of it."

Magnus looked up at him with wide, child-like eyes. Then a hint of devilishness crept in. "Can I watch?"

Alec grinned. He reached into his shorts and pulled out his cock, stroking it. He aimed it at Magnus's face, fantasizing about sticking it in his mouth, or up his ass where he really wanted it to be. It didn't take him long, especially not when Magnus said, "Can I taste you?"

He shot off like a fountain on Magnus's face and bare chest. Magnus licked as much as he could from his lips and cheeks and Alec felt an odd, primal satisfaction watching him do it. He was Magnus's, and Magnus was his.


	114. Chapter 114

The eight weeks of hell were finally over. Alec and Magnus sat in the exam room at the surgeon's office, waiting to see if Magnus had healed enough and had the green light to start physical therapy. Magnus looked cool as a cucumber. Alec hoped he wouldn't have to shake hands with the doctor and embarrass himself because his palms were so sweaty. He was so anxious to find out the results of the MRI they'd just performed on Magnus's ankle.

The door opened and in walked some faces Alec and Magnus had grown familiar with in the last two months. Magnus's doctor came in first, followed by a couple other doctors that had been part of Magnus's surgery team. The last person was someone Alec knew very well. Dr. Bryce Campbell, the physical therapist Alec had worked with his senior year of college, the first man he'd felt attracted to after he was raped. He didn't think Dr. Campbell had ever found out about Alec's sexuality or his attraction to him, and he couldn't help feeling a little awkward about it now.

Despite his sudden discomfort, Alec relaxed knowing who would be responsible for Magnus's recovery. Dr. Campbell was an excellent physical therapist. Alec had learned everything he knew from that man, and he knew Magnus was in good hands. For the first time in months, Alec could breathe.

The doctors gathered around Magnus's bed. "Great news, Magnus," said Dr. Ansel, Magnus's primary surgeon. "The MRI shows your ankle has healed. The tendons appear to be mended."

All the tension flooded from Magnus's body as he sank into the chair in relief. Alec thought his reaction was likely pretty similar. Magnus was healed! Their painstaking hard work had paid off. He was going to be okay!

"Our next step is to start physical therapy," Dr. Ansel continued. "You've lost some muscle mass from being immobile. We need to build up the strength in your muscles before we start any real training."

Alec and Magnus nodded their understanding. Dr. Ansel knelt and looked Magnus directly in the eyes. "I want to be certain that you understand me. It is critical that you take your physical therapy slow. Do not try to rush this. I do not want to have to do surgery on your ankle again. Got it?"

"Yes, doctor. I'll do whatever it takes to get back on the court." Magnus looked so earnest it was impossible not to believe him.

"Good." Dr. Ansel stood. "This is Dr. Campbell. He'll be overseeing your physical therapy. You will do whatever he tells you to do. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Yes, doctor," Magnus said again. Alec restrained a smile. Magnus was always polite, but this was way more than he usually did.

The other doctors left the room, leaving only Alec, Magnus, and Dr. Campbell. Alec met Dr. Campbell's eyes and saw recognition spark. He didn't know how many students Dr. Campbell taught over the years, and wondered if he would remember Alec.

"Alec Lightwood," Dr. Campbell said, stretching out a hand to shake Alec's before he even formally met his patient. Apparently, he did remember Alec. That awkward feeling returned when Alec's hand touched Dr. Campbell's. That mild attraction he'd had when he was Dr. Campbell's student intensified.

Alec cleared his throat and pulled his hand away, looking anywhere but at the two men in the room with him. What the fuck was wrong with him? This guy was his former teacher, and his boyfriend was sitting _right next to him_! And Dr. Campbell was like _fifty_ or something! What the hell? He didn't exactly _want_ the doctor, but he couldn't deny the intense physical attraction he had to the man.

And what was that all about? Sure, he'd been attracted to him when he was Dr. Campbell's student, but not like this. His freaking dick was hard! Oh god, his freaking dick was hard! Alec's eyes flashed to Dr. Campbell's crotch to see if he was hard, too.

He ripped his eyes away before he could even tell anything. _What the fuck is wrong with you, Lightwood? _he chastised himself. What, indeed.

Someone cleared their throat, drawing Alec from his musings. Magnus was staring at him, one eyebrow disappearing underneath his bangs and a quirky smile on his lips. He seemed to be amused by something, and Alec suddenly wondered how long he'd been lost in his thoughts. Again.

"Well," Dr. Campbell said, bringing their attention back to him. His expression was more bemused than anything, and Alec _knew_ he'd made nothing into something with his strange behavior. Great. They had a long way to go in Magnus's rehab. They didn't need Alec making things awkward because his dick had a mind of its own.

"We are going to start with some basic tension exercises," Dr. Campbell continued. He now had Alec's full attention, dick be damned. This was too important for him to fuck up. "Here," Campbell said, tossing a green stretchy band at Magnus.

Campbell proceeded to show Magnus how to do the stretching exercises. He set Magnus the very easy task of ten reps, three times a day. At least, they should be easy, but since Magnus's leg had been immobile for two months, he was straining a little to stretch the band. Alec could see the frustration on his face. But he knew how determined Magnus was to get back on the court. Frustration was the price he had to pay.

Campbell gave him a few other exercises he wanted Magnus to do. None of them were weight-bearing. He was supposed to sit down for all of them and move only his ankle.

"I want you on crutches if you are to walk anywhere," Dr. Campbell said sternly. "Do not use your ankle except for these exercises. Ten reps, three times a day, each exercise. Got it?"

With an irritable growl, Magnus nodded. When he'd finished his first set of repetitions, Dr. Campbell let them go. Alec gathered up all the 'equipment' Magnus would be using and handed him his crutches. Magnus glared at the metal crutches. Alec knew he hated the things, but honestly, what did he expect? Did he think he'd get the all-clear and be allowed to walk out of the hospital on his own and go back to practice?

Alec drove them home in Magnus's little blue sports car. Magnus sulked the whole way. He helped Magnus into the house, by opening the door. He was certain Magnus would've killed him if he actually tried to help him physically into the townhouse.

Alec tossed the PT supplies next to the couch and started arranging Magnus's pillows. "No," Magnus said flatly. Alec looked up at him, wondering what on Earth he was talking about. "I want to rest in my own fucking bed!"

Alec suppressed a grin. That was fair enough. Alec hadn't let Magnus upstairs since his accident. He could imagine how much the man wanted to lie down in his own bed. He knew he would want that as soon as he had the okay from his doctor.

Alec followed Magnus up the stairs. It was a slow process since Magnus could only use one leg and his crutches, or the handrail, to climb the stairs. He eventually managed it, and looked so relieved when he flopped onto their bed, spread-eagle. Alec stared at him for a long moment before running downstairs to grab an icepack for his ankle.

"Thanks, babe," Magnus said when Alec placed the pack on his sore ankle. Alec noted with a thrill that Magnus had discarded his clothing while he was downstairs.

"How bad was it?"

Magnus gave him a wry grin. "Hurt like a motherfucker. But I'll live." Magnus situated himself where he was comfortable, resting against his pillow with his hands behind his head, his cock lying semi-hard against his body. His eyes raked Alec's body.

"You want to?" Alec said, stripping his shirt over his head, not waiting for an answer.

"Yeah," Magnus replied, his voice heavy with desire. "You'll have to do me though. I'm still not allowed to stand up."

Alec slipped out of his pants. "I could ride you?" he offered.

Magnus reached for him, pulling him on top and drawing their lips barely a breath away. "Or, you could just fuck me," he muttered just before kissing Alec.

That seemed like a reasonable course of action to Alec, too. He reached for the bottle of lube they always kept by the bed and found it without breaking the kiss. He was getting good at this.

He flipped the top open and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers, warming it slightly before touching it to Magnus's skin. Magnus hissed as the cool lube met his warmth and dug his fingernails into Alec's shoulders. He looked up at Alec with so much love and lust. Alec's heart beat faster, and he captured Magnus's lips again as he slid a finger into him.

They were a little awkward getting started. It had been a long time and Alec insisted on keeping the icepack on Magnus's ankle. That meant their positioning was weird, but the second Alec penetrated Magnus, he no longer gave a flying fuck about their position. All he could think about was how he felt like he'd returned home after a really long trip. Magnus's arms were around his waist, Alec propped himself on his forearms, and they held each other's gaze for a long, long time.

This was home for Alec. Being with Magnus in the most intimate way possible. Being held by him while he slowly moved deep within him. That exquisite feeling of being surrounded, encapsulated by the man he loved more than life itself. There was nothing, ever, that would compare to that feeling, that moment.

"I love you, Magnus," he said, because he had to, he couldn't _not_ say it.

Magnus smiled up at him. "I love you, too."

Alec kissed him then and let instinct take over. He made love to Magnus for a respectable amount of time, keeping his sore ankle at the back of his mind the whole way. It felt so good to have that connection with Magnus again, to have his long, warm fingers caressing his back and shoulders and arms. He wanted to stay like that forever, but he didn't want to hurt Magnus, so when the moment occurred when he was so very close to coming, he didn't stop it. He reached between them and gave Magnus's dick the friction he needed and moments later, they were both finished and lying exhausted in each other's arms.

"I'll never get used to that," Alec said against Magnus's throat.

"Hmmm?"

"The feeling of you coming while I'm inside you. God…" Alec shuddered through an aftershock, and Magnus chuckled, pressing his lips to Alec's temple.

Alec somehow found the strength to check Magnus's icepack before covering them up and drifting off to sleep. Home. In bed with Magnus where they belonged. Magnus was healed, and ready to start physical therapy.

Life was almost too good for words.

* * *

"_Goddammit, fuck!"_ Magnus screamed.

"Okay, okay. Let's take a break."

Magnus glared at Alec. Alec moved a foot or so further away. He wasn't out of the line of fire should Magnus decide to kick him or something, but he thought – hope – that Magnus was adult enough not to retaliate.

"Physical therapy sucks!" Magnus grouched. Alec tried to hide his grin, but the corners of his mouth gave him away. Magnus narrowed his eyes. "Are you some kind of sadist or something? You actually like this shit, don't you? How did I never know that you were a sadist?"

Alec lost his battle and chuckled out loud at that statement. Magnus narrowed his eyes. Alec laughed harder. Magnus struggled to his feet, well foot. He leaned on his crutches. "Fine. Keep laughing, asshole," Magnus said bitterly as he started toward the door. They were in the floor of their bedroom. Where he thought he was going, Alec had no idea.

Alec scrambled to his feet. "Wait, Magnus," he said, easily catching up to him. He dropped a hand on Magnus's shoulder and gently turned him back around. "I'm sorry. Come on, let's finish your therapy. I promise to be good."

Magnus sighed heavily. He'd been pretty good about doing his exercises, but Alec knew how difficult they were for him. His ankle was stiff and sore, and though the exercises weren't difficult, they were painful, and would continue to be until his ankle healed completely.

He seated Magnus back on the floor. "There, that's better," he said encouragingly, making a mental note to work on his bedside manner. He could get away with more with Magnus than he would be able to do with another patient.

Magnus grudgingly resumed his exercises. His face was red and sweaty by the time he was finished, and he looked angry. But he was making progress. That was the important thing. Alec decided to point that out to him.

"Look how much better you are doing, Magnus," Alec said. He received another death glare and decided to stop there. Magnus had clearly had enough for one day.

* * *

The weeks went by. Magnus had an appointment with Dr. Campbell once a week. The doctor would check his progress and assign more, increasingly difficult exercises for him to master. Alec still felt a pull of attraction whenever he they had a meeting with Campbell, and he wished it would stop. Seriously, what was wrong with him?

Magnus noticed this at some point. On their third trip to see the doctor, he said, as Alec was driving him home, "You want him, don't you?"

Alec nearly wrecked the car, correcting the wheel just before he ran off the road. He pulled into a parking lot and shut off the car, breathing steadily to collect himself. "What?" he stammered. He couldn't believe Magnus had said that.

To his surprise, Magnus chuckled. "Are you okay?" Magnus asked. "Because you seem to be trying to kill us."

Alec blew out an exasperated breath. "I'm not trying to kill us. I just…was surprised, is all."

"You're surprised? What, that I noticed you want to hump my physical therapist?"

Alec backhanded Magnus's arm. "I don't want to hump your physical therapist," Alec grumbled irritably, wondering if that was true. No. It was definitely true. He did _not_ want to fuck Bryce Campbell. "He was my PT clinicals instructor. That's all."

Magnus gave him that you're-protesting-too-much look. "That's all? I don't think so," Magnus said in a manner that told Alec he was thoroughly enjoying his discomfort.

"Magnus…"

"What? All I said was you are interested in the good doctor. It's not a big deal, Alec, not unless you make it one."

Alec turned to look at him then. "It's not? I mean, you don't care that I find Dr. Campbell attractive?"

Magnus burst with laughter. "No! He's an attractive man. Like I told you when Scott had a crush on you, our relationship does not mean that other people can't have feelings for you, and it doesn't mean you can't be attracted to other guys."

"But…I don't want to be with anyone but you," Alec protested. "You are everything to me. I don't need or want anyone else."

Magnus took his hand. "Good. I don't want you to need or want anyone else. You can be attracted to people without acting on it, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Alec stared at his boyfriend for a moment. "You are a truly remarkable man, you know that?"

Magnus rolled his eyes. "No, I'm just secure in my relationship with you. I know you love me. I know you wouldn't hurt me by screwing around on me. I trust you, Alec. You've never given me a reason not to."

"I trust you, too. And I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

Alec, significantly calmer now, straightened his shirt, tucked his hair behind his ears, and put the car into reverse. He started backing out of the parking space and stopped suddenly when Magnus said, "Besides, if you are attracted to someone else, we can roleplay."

Alec groaned.

* * *

Magnus attended the first game of the Knicks season. He wore his warmups, because unlike some of the other guys who had gotten injured and weren't allowed to dress for the game, Magnus didn't wear suits unless he was required to do so. He sat on the end of the bench with his crutches nearby in case he had to move suddenly. Alec sat behind him, dressed for work, and ready to jump in should Knightly need him to.

Alec could tell how much it was driving Magnus crazy to sit on the bench unable to play. He kept tapping his good foot on the floor, anxious the whole time. Fortunately, the Knicks won the game, so Magnus didn't have to beat himself up about not playing. There would be plenty of time for that later.

Alec gave Knightly a progress report after the game. That wasn't really necessary since Dr. Campbell and Dr. Ansel were keeping the team well informed about what was happening with Magnus's physical therapy, but he found it nice to talk to the old man. He was surprised to discover he missed him and his gruff exterior and harsh voice and heart of gold. He couldn't ask for a better mentor, really.

In the following weeks, Magnus grew stronger by the day. He'd shed his crutches and, by his six-week checkup, was walking normally. At that point, he was granted permission to start training again. He'd been putting in the work exactly as prescribed by Dr. Campbell. Alec had overseen all his PT, and was so proud of his effort. It hadn't been easy for him, not at all. He'd struggled and cussed and thrown things in frustration. Alec was reminded of his therapy sessions, the ones where Dr. Daniels had dug deep and made him talk about things that hurt like hell. It was a different kind of pain, but Alec could still empathize with Magnus, and he felt that made it easier for him to understand what he was going through.

So, they worked as a team, each doing their part to help Magnus recover from his injury. Magnus did a remarkable job keeping the end goal in sight. He wanted to play. That mattered to him more than just about anything else, so he put in the work to achieve his goal. Alec would've been disappointed if he didn't, knowing Magnus the way he did.

The first day back at the training center was more difficult than either of them had predicted. Magnus's teammates were excited to see him, chatting animatedly about all the things he'd missed in the last couple of months. Alec could see that was weighing on his boyfriend, but he could also tell Magnus wanted to be there, talking to those guys, even if the conversation made him feel bad.

When it came time for the actual workout, Magnus struggled not being able to do what he was used to doing, what his teammates were doing. Alec very carefully limited the amount of weight and pressure and exercise he did with his bad leg. Even when Magnus grumbled about it. He didn't like feeling weak and especially didn't like showing weakness to his teammates. He wanted to do the same things they were doing, but he wasn't even close to ready.

As a result, Magnus overdid it on his upper body workout. He took all his frustrations about his injury out on the weights and machines. Alec kept trying to make him slow down, but he wouldn't listen. The only time Alec got him to show moderation was when working on his injured leg, and that was only because Alec flat refused to let him ignore him. As for the rest of his body, if he wanted to be a stubborn asshole, fine. He'd have to deal with that pain later. As long as he didn't do anything dangerous that could result in injury, Alec was willing to let him act like an ass.

At the end of the workout, Magnus soaked for a long time in the hot tub. Alec was certain he did this because his arms and chest and shoulders were aching, even though Magnus wouldn't admit to the pain. Alec didn't bother hiding his grin as Magnus tried to get out of the hot tub and visibly winced when he had to use his arms to get to his feet. In fact, he wore a rather haughty expression as he gathered their gear and led Magnus toward the car.

"Oh, shut up," Magnus grumbled as he slammed the car door closed.

That was about all Alec could take. Laughter erupted from him uncontrollably. He couldn't see through the tears, so they sat in the parking lot while the rest of the team filed out of the building, and Magnus with his arms crossed, looking grumpy, and trying not to laugh. He eventually couldn't resist any longer and started laughing, too.

"I told you so," Alec said, ribbing him a little as he wiped the tears away.

Magnus chucked his arm. "I said shut up," he replied with absolutely no heat. He knew he had acted stupid, trying to keep up with the other guys when he was nowhere near ready. He knew Alec had been right, and had tried to warn him, and he had just continued to be stubborn. His soreness was his own damn fault.

When they got home, Magnus crawled into bed, moaning every time he had to move his arms. Alec crawled in after him, feeling sorry for him, even if he was a stubborn ass. He started a gentle massage, working Magnus's muscles in a soothing way. He moved his way up Magnus's arms, paying special attention to his neck and shoulders.

Before long, he was turned on and rocking his pelvis against Magnus's ass. He didn't ask for anything, just kept massaging until Magnus pushed back against him. Alec slid off him, stripping his shorts off as he went. He grabbed the lube and climbed back on to finish the massage, with his dick planted inside his man.

It was much more difficult than Alec thought it would be. He focused his concentration on Magnus's muscles and the therapy they needed, which was more important to everyone except Alec's dick. His need grew more demanding as time went by, until he finally couldn't take it anymore. Alec gripped Magnus's hips and pushed all the way in, holding tight and breathing steadily to control his desire. He was so close to coming.

"Magnus…" he said when he gained a measure of control.

"Finish it," Magnus replied.

Magnus's permission was all he needed. His fingers dug into Magnus's hips as he chased his orgasm. He found it quickly enough, and gathered Magnus against him, burying his face in the nape of his neck as his body shuddered. He slid a hand down Magnus's chest and around his cock. He was still hard, and Magnus thrust into his hand. Alec pulled out of him and laid him back on the bed. He kissed Magnus once, roughly, then sucked him until he finished. Magnus threaded his fingers in Alec's hair and yanked hard as he came.

Alec crawled up next to Magnus, and held him as their breathing regulated to normal. He kissed Magnus's jaw and throat, and whispered, "Are you still sore?"

Magnus chuckled. "All I feel is tingly right now. Get back to me later," he added as he lay there limply, accepting Alec's warm kisses and gently caresses.

"How about you don't overdo it tomorrow?" Alec suggested as his finger outlined a muscle in Magnus's arm. He'd lost some of his build during his eight weeks of immobilization. He hadn't even worked out his upper body during that time for fear of tightening his leg and messing up in surgical site. He'd been gaining that muscle tone back over the last six weeks. Alec loved the shape of his arms, and couldn't resist running his tongue along the bulge of his biceps.

"Hmmm, when you reward my bad behavior like this, I don't have much incentive to behave," Magnus said, finding enough energy to kiss the top of Alec's head.

Alec looked at him. "What if I go on a sex strike until you prove you can be a good boy?" he challenged.

Magnus barked out a laugh. "You don't handle that any better than I do. Eight weeks without sex nearly drove you mad."

"Is that a challenge?" Alec said, cocking an eyebrow at Magnus.

Magnus chuckled. "No, no, no." He threw his leg over Alec's waist and pulled him close. "Let's not be stupid." He kissed Alec's lips and Alec melted into him. "What if I do what you say at work, and you promise to take good care of me when we get home?"

Alec grinned against Magnus's lips and nodded. "That sounds like a plan I can live with."

He kissed Magnus again, sweeping his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth. "Me, too," Magnus agreed and captured Alec's lips again, this time not letting him go for quite a long while.


	115. Chapter 115

Magnus continued to improve every day. The stronger he got, the more he was allowed to do. His doctors were particularly pleased with his progress, and frequently told him he was ahead of schedule with his recovery. They gave him more challenging exercises designed to increase his mobility and strengthen his injured ankle.

Magnus dedicated himself one hundred percent toward his recovery. Alec expected nothing less from him. He had always been that way with basketball, and Alec knew how much he wanted to get back on the court. He'd even started listening to Alec when he cautioned him about overworking himself. Alec felt a sense of pride that Magnus believed in him and trusted him to do what was best for him and his injury.

In mid-January, Cammie and Austin finally felt things had settled down enough to bring their little man for a visit. For the first time ever, Alec wasn't greeted by Cammie leaping into his arms. She couldn't. She had her arms full of baby, and Austin had his full of luggage and baby accessories. That was the moment Alec realized that everything had changed. Permanently. He knew things would be different now that Cammie and Austin had a child, but it hadn't really sunk in just _how_ different. He supposed it should have, since before the baby, Cammie and Austin would have likely gone to Tokyo with them, and definitely would have visited Magnus while he was recovering from surgery. He sighed to himself. They were growing up, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He kissed Cammie's cheek as she entered his home, and took some of the bags Austin was carrying. He and Austin took the luggage upstairs and dropped it off in the spare bedroom. Alec paused a moment to get a good look at Austin before they went back downstairs. He had a more unkempt appearance than Alec had ever seen on him, including in college. He was still dressed nicely, but his hair was ragged and in need of a trim, he had dark rings under his eyes, and a permanently exhausted expression on his face.

"When was the last time you slept all night?"

Austin chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even remember what that means, my friend."

Alec's heart sank. He wondered if the baby would keep him and Magnus up all night. He shook his concerns away. It didn't matter if he lost some sleep. Two of his favorite people were staying in his home and he was thrilled to have them. He patted Austin on the shoulder and they exchanged looks, the silent you-are-important-to-me kind of looks, and smiled.

They heard the cries at the top of the stairs. By the time they made it down to the living room, Cammie and the baby were partially hidden under a blanket. Alec had an awkward moment then. He hadn't thought about Cammie breastfeeding and how weird that would make him feel. He shook those feelings away, too, when Cammie smiled uncertainly at him. _She's feeding her kid, asshole. It's perfectly natural. Don't be a prick._ He smiled warmly at her, and saw her relax. That's better.

Magnus popped his head around the corner from the kitchen. "Can I get you guys anything?"

"I'd love a glass of water," Cammie said.

"I'll help," offered Austin, but Alec held up his hands.

"No. You two should relax. Sit down with Cammie and we'll get whatever you need."

Austin gave him a grateful, tired smile, and requested a cup of coffee.

"Make it Irish," Cammie called, to protests from Austin. "You need to relax, Austin. Have a drink with our friends."

"But you can't drink while your nursing. How is that fair?" Austin argued.

Cammie smiled at him with a twinkle in her eyes. "You'll just have to make it up to me in a few months when he's eating solid food."

Austin grinned and kissed her cheek. He nodded to Alec, and Alec and Magnus set about making drinks for everyone. They put out a tray of veggies and dip, and cheese and crackers, too. When they were seated in the living room, talk turned to Magnus's injury.

"You look great, Magnus," Cammie said. "Alec kept saying you were doing so well, but I still pictured the worst."

Magnus slipped his hand into Alec's. "I couldn't have done it without this guy. He's been my rock and he's taken excellent care of me."

Alec blushed at the compliment. His whole body felt warm all of a sudden. Magnus had thanked him several times for his help in his recovery, but somehow, him saying that to Cammie and Austin was a million times better.

"I'm not surprised," said Cam. "Alec has always been great at taking care of the people he loves."

"Yeah, he's a special guy," added Austin.

"Alright, you guys, cut it out. I did what any of you would've done. I just have the degree to know what needed to be done. I'm not a hero or a saint or anything," Alec protested.

"You never were good at taking a compliment," Cammie said as she moved the baby onto her shoulder and patted his little back.

"How's everything going with little Benji?" Alec asked, mostly to take the heat off himself. Cammie and Austin had named their son Benjamin after her father and shortened it to Benji because her dad went by Ben. Alec thought it sounded like a dog's name, but he wasn't going to say that to them. The boy's middle name was Gregory, after Austin's grandfather, the man who'd helped him learn the value of hard work on his farm, and helped pay for his swimming lessons. Benjamin Gregory Chambers was a cute little thing with a round face and pudgy little body. Alec couldn't help grinning when he laid eyes on the boy.

"Great," Cammie said, her eyes lighting with love as she looked down at her baby now sleeping soundly in her arms. "I can't believe what a perfect little guy he is."

"He'd be even more perfect if he'd learn to sleep all night long," Austin said, and Cammie gave him a look that was simultaneously quelling and sympathetic. "Do you want me to take him?"

"Actually, if you'll set up his playpen, I'll put him down for a nap," Cammie said.

Austin hopped up and darted up the stairs. He returned a few moments later with a folded contraption Alec had recognized when they took everything up to the bedroom. He watched in fascination as Austin expertly unfolded the rectangular pen, then took Benji from his mom and placed him on the little pad without waking him. There was so much Alec would have to learn if he were ever going to be a father. He was amazed at what Cammie and Austin were able to do, and wondered if he would ever master such things.

Cammie must have read the look on his face. "It's not rocket science, Alec. You quickly get used to doing these things when you become a parent."

Alec wondered if that was true. He had very little experience with babies, or children in general. Mostly just his little brother, Max. The idea of being responsible for such a tiny, vulnerable creature dependent upon his parents for everything was suddenly overwhelming.

Fortunately, no one seemed to notice his minor freak-out. He followed the others into the kitchen and started gathering ingredients for dinner. Magnus put the veggie and cheese tray in the center of the table and they all snacked while taking turns chopping vegetables to put in the stew Alec was making. Magnus popped the cork on a bottle of wine, which Cammie refused since she was nursing Benji. Alec was again struck by how things had changed and how strange it all felt.

They had a pleasant dinner, catching up on each other's lives. Cammie was planning to go back to work next month, and they'd already found a nanny for Benji.

"I'm nervous about leaving him with someone else," she admitted while sampling a bit of the chocolate cake Alec had made for dessert. "I don't want him to forget me."

Austin patted her arm. "He won't. You're his mommy," he reassured her, while Alec tried to figure out if it was actually possibly for a baby to forget his mother. That seemed so unlikely, but what did he know?

"Okay, I'm not worried he'll _forget_ me, forget me, I'm worried he won't know who I am. Or that he'll think the nanny is his mommy. She'll be with him all the time."

Cammie looked distressed about this idea, and Alec's heart went out to her. He reached over and squeezed her hand. She glanced at him with watery eyes.

"I don't want my son to resent me for working," she said. Alec understood. He had a very busy father, just like Cammie did.

"I know what you are getting at, Cam. You know my dad was just as busy as yours growing up, but he always made time for us kids. He always made sure he was there for the important things, like my gymnastics and cheerleading competitions, or Izzy's fashion shows, or Jace's soccer games. He makes time to take Max to comic book conventions and they have a weekly date to do something together, usually something art related since that is what Max loves."

"But how? I'm so busy with the company. We were in the middle of a merger when I left for maternity leave. I was working so hard on that."

"You were working too hard," Austin chimed in.

"Who's running the company while you are on maternity leave?" Magnus asked.

Cammie laughed darkly. "My father. Mom made him come out of retirement so I could have more time with Benji."

"Oh," said Alec, "I guess he won't work as a delegate for some of your responsibilities."

"Ha. No," agreed Cammie. "In fact, if Austin and I decide to have another baby one day, I don't know what I'll do then. My dad is not going to cover for me again. It's my company now and I've got to figure out how to run it without him."

They were all quiet and thoughtful for a moment. Then, Alec said, "What about this merger. Who are you merging with? How well do you know them?"

A strange look passed over Cammie's face. "That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about."

Alec and Magnus exchanged a raised-eyebrow look and turned their full attention to Cammie. Alec nodded encouragingly.

"Well, the other company is a small corporation in Manhattan. It's small but has plenty of room to grow, and it's in a great location. The meeting space for clients is a million times better than what we currently have in Boston. And did I mention it's in Manhattan?! There is so much to offer potential clients in the way of entertainment while they are visiting."

Alec's eyes grew wide. "What are you saying, Cam?" he said, eyes darting between the wide-eyed expression on Cammie's face and the huge grin on Austin's.

"I'm thinking about relocating the company headquarters to New York!" Cammie blurted.

"What?!" Alec and Magnus exclaimed at the same time.

"I know!" Cammie cried back. "We put the merger on hold while I've been home with Benji, but I've kept in touch with my contact there and they are still interested. In fact, this is partially a business trip. I have a meeting with them on Friday."

"But- What are you saying? You're what, moving back to New York?" Alec stammered out. He could hardly believe the words he'd just spoken and desperately needed confirmation of their truth.

Cammie nodded. "Yes. If everything goes according to plan, we are moving back to New York. We are keeping the office in Boston for certain operations, but this place in Manhattan will be our main office, and I'll be running it."

Alec leapt out of his seat so fast he knocked his chair over. He paid no attention to it. He pulled Cammie out of her chair and hugged her so tightly he wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't breathe. Cammie was coming home? Well, to his home anyway. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he inhaled the scent of her hair and felt her warm little body against his. He loved her so much, and with his own sister, Isabelle, now permanently residing in France, and Jace now playing for a professional soccer team in Spain, this news was the best thing that could have happened to him. Cammie was his other sister, in every way that counted.

Unfortunately, the noise of Alec knocking over his chair woke up Benji. The baby started crying and Cammie stiffened in Alec's arms. Alec pulled himself together and released her so she could tend to her baby. Austin had already gone into the living room to get him and passed him to his mommy upon his return.

Alec couldn't stop grinning. This was the best news he'd gotten since the doctor said Magnus's injury was healed. He'd been so happy when Lexus and Mo announced they were moving to New York, and then Tony moved here and his relationship with Scott took off. They were now looking for a place on the outskirts of Manhattan, a little closer to Tarrytown so they could live together without Scott having to travel so far every day.

And now this. Cammie and Austin moving back to the city. His circle of friends, his chosen family, would be complete! He had never dared to dream of this possibility, because he didn't want the disappointment. Cammie was CEO of a company in Boston. There was no way she'd be moving to New York. And now, miraculously, she was. He was so happy he was lightheaded.

Cammie bounced Benji on her lap. He quit crying fairly quickly, and she smiled at Alec. He nodded, knowing they were thinking the same thing, that he was overjoyed with the news of the Chambers family coming to New York.

"Do you want to hold him?" Cammie asked, seemingly out of the blue. She had that look on her face again, and Alec wondered what she was up to.

He also wasn't certain that he did want to hold the baby. Since they arrived, he'd felt distinctly out of his element with everything concerning Benji. But he didn't want to let her down, especially not after she'd given him such great news.

He held out his arms and Cammie gently placed Benji there. The little guy was heavier than he appeared. Alec rocked him and shook him like he'd seen Cammie do, but felt like he wasn't doing it right. He turned the baby where he was lying longways against Alec's legs and bounced his legs, jostling the little guy. Benji made a cooing sound and smiled, drool running down the side of his mouth. Alec found that amusing and grabbed his little toes, gently squeezing them and moving the baby's legs like he was kicking. Benji responded with a real kick of his own.

"Well!" Alec said, surprised, and they all laughed.

He spent several more minutes playing with the baby, ticking his belly and pinching his fat little legs. Then, suddenly, he felt compelled to pick him up and hug him close to his chest. He inhaled the sweet scent of baby, and discovered that he loved that smell very much. Benji didn't seem to mind being held this way either. In fact, he made a giggling noise and grabbed a handful of Alec's hair. Alec chuckled and disentangled himself, placing the baby on his legs again.

He glanced up and noticed Cammie watching him with adoration. He smiled at her and handed Benji back to her. She sat him on her lap, bouncing him again like it was second nature now. Then she looked back at Alec.

"I, um…I had something else I wanted to talk to you about," she said.

"What is it?" Alec asked, hoping whatever it was, it would be as great as the other thing she'd said. He stared at her in anticipation.

"Would you…be Benji's godfather?"

Alec's jaw dropped open. Godfather? Was she serious? He had to ask. "Are you serious? You want me to, what, raise him if something happens to you and Austin?"

She smiled indulgently. "Well, yes, I suppose that is the commitment. But I don't plan on anything happening to me or Austin. Mostly I just want him to know that he has someone outside of our family that he can talk to. Someone that will love him and be there for him no matter what. Can you do that for my son?"

Her green eyes penetrated Alec's soul, and all he could think was that he couldn't let Cammie down. Or her son. "Yes. I can do that," he said, and he hoped like hell he could. He could try, at least. That was something, right?

She leaned over, grabbed his arm and pulled him to her for a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Alec. I knew you would be the perfect person to help Benji if he has a problem he doesn't feel comfortable talking to us about."

Alec thought about possible scenarios for that statement, and suddenly felt supremely unqualified to fill this role in this kid's life. What did he know about solving problems for other people? Especially kids. He started to panic a little, then forced himself to calm down. If he was ever needed for this job, it would be years from now. He would have plenty of time to get to know Benji, especially if they were living in New York. There was no need to freak out right now.

"So, will he have a godmother?" Magnus said.

Austin grinned. "My sister, Erin."

"The attorney?" Alec said, and Austin nodded. He wondered what sort of battle he'd be undertaking if something were to actually happen to Cammie and Austin. He shuddered internally at the thought.

Later that evening as he and Magnus were getting ready for bed, Magnus drew him close and hugged him. He planted a soft kiss to Alec's forehead and Alec rested against him. It had been a long day. A wonderful day full of surprises, but still long and tiring.

"How do you really feel about being Benji's godfather?"

Alec sighed. "Honestly? Overwhelmed. How am I supposed to know what he'll need if he has a problem he can't talk to his parents about? I don't know anything about kids."

Magnus pulled back just enough to get Alec to look him in the eyes. "Hey, don't stress over that. I mean, what kind of problems is he likely to have that he can't talk to Austin or Cammie about? They are clearly okay if he turns out to be gay or something. Cammie would knock the socks off a kid that was bullying him. I just can't think of anything that they wouldn't be completely open to hearing. You know them. They will listen to whatever he says and help him through it. I think they just wanted to give you a title so that Benji knows how important you are to them. So he'll know how much you love him and that he always has you."

Magnus pulled him close again. "Don't worry, Alec. We are going to be in this kid's life. He's going to know us, and know that we love him. If he wants to talk to you about something, you'll know what to say."

Alec squeezed him tight. "Thanks, Magnus. You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better."

"That's because I know you, and I love you. Just like you will know and love your godson."

"Godson…" Alec whispered, feeling the weight of that word. The concept was so foreign to him. He didn't have a godfather. He'd had an open relationship with his parents, for the most part. The only thing he'd ever been reluctant to talk to them about was his sexuality, and that had been a transient worry. He'd come clean after a few months and everything had gone back to normal. Well, he'd also hidden the full extent of what a manipulative asshole Eric had been, but that was just to keep his family from knowing what an awful decision he'd made.

"Wait. Aren't you Momma H's godson?" Alec said, looking up into Magnus's beautiful eyes.

"Yes. She is my godmother, and you know how close we are."

"Hmm, yes. You have a wonderful relationship with her." He paused, thinking. "She also had to be the full extent of that word for you, didn't she? She took you in, after your mother…"

His eyes flickered back to Magnus's. He hoped he hadn't said too much. They didn't talk much about his mother, only when Magnus was feeling particularly vulnerable, or was desperately missing her.

Magnus kissed his forehead again. "It's okay, Alec. I… I don't mind talking about her right now. But Momma H didn't exactly have to take me in after my mom died. I was already in college and living in the dorm eleven months out of the year. I only stayed with the Herondales during the short summer break I had between the end of the semester and the start of summer basketball workouts."

"Oh. Right."

"But she's been there for me in other ways. She loved me like a mother, and she took care of me and my mom while mom was sick. I love her almost as much as I love my mom. I couldn't imagine my life without her."

Alec nodded. "And you think I can be that for Benji?"

"Absolutely. I saw how you looked at him. You're already falling for the little guy."

"He is pretty special," Alec agreed. Magnus was right. That kid stole his heart the moment he held him.

"He is. He's going to love you so much. You'll see."

"Yeah. I just don't want to let him down. Him or his parents."

Magnus chuckled. "You do realize this is you we're talking about. Since when do you let anyone down?"

"Well, there was that one time…a few years ago…when I quit talking to everyone."

"Stop it, Alec." Magnus dropped his arm and took Alec's hand in his, leading him to the bed. "You are going to be the best godfather ever. Benji is one lucky kid. Now, I'm tired of talking about kids and really want to get my rocks off. Okay?"

Alec laughed out loud. "Yeah. That sounds like the perfect end to the day. Except I'm too exhausted to give much effort."

Magnus stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed. Alec followed his lead. He scooted up to Magnus and kissed his lips. Magnus's hand slid down and wrapped around Alec's dick, gently tugging it hard.

"What if we just…?" Magnus said against Alec's lips.

Alec paused, wondering what Magnus meant. His brain was already losing focus from all the blood rushing to his cock. Magnus found his hand and placed it against his own dick, thrusting against it. Oh. Alec got the picture.

They kissed lovingly, their tongues dancing and playing together while they jerked each other off. When they were finished, they snuggled close and fell asleep holding on to one another.

Around four in the morning, Benji woke up wailing. Alec sighed, wondering if he could handle having a baby in the house all the time.


	116. Chapter 116

A few days later, Austin, Cammie and Benji went to Manhattan. Cammie planned to have her meeting with the board of the company in the merger while Austin took Benji for a stroll in Central Park. It was an unseasonably warm day, so Cammie didn't throw a fit about the baby being outdoors.

Alec and Magnus had more workouts to do. Magnus was doing so well that Dr. Campbell and Dr. Ansel agreed he was ready to start side-to-side motion training. The first exercise Alec had him do was an obstacle course where he had to weave in and out of objects. This lateral movement resembled how he would go against a defender on the court. He did very well with that exercise. Alec examined his foot afterward to look for any signs of pain or swelling and was pleased to found none.

They moved on to the next exercise. Alec caught Magnus looking longingly at his teammates, who were doing regular basketball drills. Alec cleared his throat to draw his attention back to the task at hand. He then placed a contraption that bore a strong resemblance to the planet Saturn in front of him. It was a large red ball with a thick blue ring around it, and its objective was to strengthen Magnus's balance and work different muscles in his legs, and whole body, really. The ball was commonly used to rehab torn ACLs and other leg injuries.

Magnus eyed the thing warily. "Go on. It won't bite," Alec teased.

Magnus made a face at him, then stepped onto the rings. It took a few tries for Magnus to be able to balance on the ball, but he finally managed it. When he did, he looked at Alec with a huge grin on his face. Magnus had always had excellent balance and grace, and knowing he was regaining that was a big step for him.

The ball, being a ball, rolled a little from side to side. Magnus had to counter those moves to remain upright. It wasn't easy at all. Even for a man with impeccable balance. Especially for a man who hadn't been able to do anything close to this for a long time. He didn't even manage to stay on it for a full thirty seconds.

Alec could see the frustration when Magnus lost his balance and stepped off. He let him try it a few more times before they moved on to his regular workout. He lasted a little longer each time, but he still wasn't happy with his time when Alec made him quit for the day.

The ball quickly became an obsession of Magnus's. He asked Alec if they could take it home so he could practice more with it. He, like Alec and his doctors, felt this was something he needed to master before he could return to the court. Unlike Alec and his doctors, though, Magnus seemed to think practicing on the damn thing every minute of every day was the way to accomplish that goal.

"Magnus, we cannot take Knicks equipment home with us. It's against the rules," Alec said as he cleaned off the weight benches and made sure the weights were in proper order. "Do you want us to get in trouble?"

"Fine, then. Let's order one to keep at the house. Then I can practice on it all I want."

"It doesn't work that way. You can overdo it with that just like any other piece of equipment here. You don't want that, do you?"

Magnus sighed with exasperation. "No. Of course not. I just want to play again!"

Alec's face softened. "I know you do. I want that, too. We just have to do it the right way."

"Can I have one more go on it before we leave? Please? Just one."

Alec's face split into a reluctant grin, and Magnus knew he'd won. "Yes!" Magnus cried and hurried over to get the ball.

He sat it down and stepped onto the rings again. Alec marveled at the look of concentration on his face. He was determined to stay on that thing as long as he could. Alec was reminded of him and Cammie during cheerleading when he tried to hold her above his head for a full two minutes. This was a lot like that. In fact, Alec wondered if this ball would be a good training tool for flyers to learn balance during lifts.

Alec played through the many ways a cheerleader could use that ball, not paying full attention to Magnus. The next thing he knew, Magnus cried out and fell off the ball, landing hard on his side. He had Alec's full attention then. He was holding his ankle, the same ankle he'd just had surgery on.

"What happened?" Alec demanded. His voice sounded panicked even to himself.

Magnus cried out again. "Fuck! Ow! Fuck!"

Alec relied on his training to help him assess the situation. He reached for Magnus's ankle and gently pulled off his shoe and sock. The ankle was already swelling and Magnus screamed when Alec touched it. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What do I do?" He felt a surge of panic, and tamped it down. "Do you want me to call an ambulance or do you want me to take you in the car?"

Alec thought about his words for a moment while Magnus writhed on the floor screaming obscenities. "Ambulance. Definitely ambulance." There was no way he was getting Magnus into and out of the car by himself anyway.

He called for an ambulance and went down the hall to get Magnus an ice pack. He ran into Mr. Knightly on the way back. The old man glanced at what Alec was holding and his face fell.

"He's hurt again." There was no inflection of his tone, no question, but Alec nodded anyway.

"I've called an ambulance. I need to get back to him."

Knightly followed Alec down the hall and into the training room. Magnus was still lying flat on the floor, holding his ankle. Alec rushed to him and coaxed him to let go of his leg so he could apply the ice. He heard Knightly curse under his breath and move near the door where he made a series of phone calls, presumably to inform everyone about Magnus's new injury.

Alec's eyes locked with Magnus's. He could read the truth there. "It's bad, isn't it?" he said as he secured the ice pack to his ankle and Magnus hissed in pain. He didn't need an answer. He could tell by Magnus's expression and what he found on his exam. And Knightly's muttered curse. Fuck.

* * *

Magnus lay in the hospital bed, partially sedated from the pain medication. His ankle was braced again. Knightly stood in the corner unobtrusively, but it didn't matter. Alec barely noticed anything. He was too absorbed in his own guilt. Guilt for letting Magnus get on that goddamned ball again. He tried to reason with himself that it could have happened at any time. Maybe tomorrow when he practiced on it. Maybe the next day. But it didn't make him feel any better, because it hadn't happened tomorrow or the next day. It had happened after Alec had said he was done for the day, and backtracked, letting him do it just once more. And to top it all off, he hadn't even been giving Magnus his full attention when he got hurt.

There was a knock on the door and Dr. Ansel entered. The look on his face was grim. "You've completely torn the tendons again. Your ankle is not dislocated at this time, but I can't rule out that it dislocated and then reduced on its own, and that led to the injury to the tendons."

"So, more surgery?" Magnus said, rather aggressively for someone so sedated.

"I'm afraid so," Dr. Ansel said. "Look, Magnus, I'm going to be frank with you. Your ankle was a mess the first time we went in there. It looks just as bad, if not worse, on MRI as it did then. I was worried it wouldn't heal well, then, and now we have a second injury to the same tendons. I don't know how well you will heal this time around."

Magnus's face look stricken. "Is there something we can do besides surgery?"

"You don't want to have surgery?"

"No, I'm not saying that. I mean, is there something in addition to surgery that will help my tendons heal right? I want to play again."

"I'm not sure what –"

"Like fake ligaments," Magnus interrupted. "You use fake ligaments in ACL tears, don't you? Isn't there something like that for this kind of injury?"

"There is a difference between ligaments and tendons. Ligaments attach bone to bone. Tendons come from muscle and attach to bone. The fake ligaments don't work as fake tendons because of the way the muscles pull. That's not an option."

Magnus looked thoroughly dejected. "But there are some other things we can try," Dr. Ansel continued, and Magnus perked up slightly. "There's some research being done with stem cells, but it's in the early phases. I don't know if it will work, but I promise you, if there is something I can do to get you back on the court, I will do it."

Magnus nodded and muttered a thank you. Knightly followed the doctor into the hallway where their low murmurings could be heard, but indistinctly. Alec turned to Magnus.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus."

He pleaded with his eyes, but Magnus just rolled his. "I can't deal with your guilt right now, Alec. It wasn't your fault anyway," he said dismissively.

"But I should have told you no. I should have been paying attention to you. It _is_ my fault."

Magnus snarled. "What do you want me to say? That it's your fault and I hate you and get out of my room?" he shouted.

Alec recoiled. "No, I –"

"Then shut up and let me sulk. I'm not mad at you, and I don't want to be."

Alec was quite for a long time after that.

* * *

Magnus had surgery the next day. Cammie stayed at the townhouse with the baby while Austin sat in the hospital with Alec, waiting. Alec was glad to have his friend there, but he wished Cammie could be there, too. He understood they couldn't bring the baby to the hospital, and he wouldn't want to do that to his godson anyway. He also understood Cammie had to be available to feed him when it was time, so logically she had to stay home with Benji. But that didn't stop him wanting her there.

Alec was sadly getting used to the drill. Dr. Ansel came in once Magnus was returned to the room awake and gave a surgery report.

"The tendons looked worse than last time. There were some pieces I couldn't get to stretch far enough to reconnect them. Other places wouldn't hold suture. And there was evidence that your ankle had indeed dislocated again, which is what caused the tendons to tear again." He went on to explain some technique he'd done that was way over Alec's level of comprehension. It didn't sound good anyway. Alec did hear the words 'stem cell' but they weren't accompanied by anything that sounded like confidence. Basically, Magnus's ankle was fucked up and the doctors weren't sure it would heal correctly, or at least not well enough for him to play.

He was required to wear that stupid boot again, for twelve weeks this time. The doctors wanted to make sure he didn't return to use too soon. They were going to repeat the same shit they'd just been through a few months ago, except this time it was worse. This time, they were offering less optimism than they had before.

* * *

When they arrived home a few days later, Cammie and Austin were already packed. They were supposed to stay for a few more days, but given the circumstances, they didn't think Magnus needed the extra stress of having a baby in the house. Austin and Cammie hugged Alec, and told him to call with updates. Cammie kissed Magnus's cheek and Austin shook his hand, while Magnus stared grimly at a spot on the wall. Alec took a few minutes with his godson. He whispered 'I love you' in the boy's ear, and promised to see him soon before handing him back to Cammie. Magnus had been right. He'd fallen for that little boy as easily as if he were his own child.

When the Chambers family left, they took the light and hope in the townhouse with them. The months that followed were much more difficult than the first time around. The first time, they hadn't known what to expect. Each day had been new and they'd counted them down until Magnus was healed, knowing what they had to look forward to, optimistic that Magnus would play basketball again soon.

This time, each day was strained, and tense. The optimism was gone, replaced with fear and uncertainty that the ankle wouldn't heal properly. As a result, Alec and Magnus were on edge most of the time. Magnus snapped at Alec often. Alec tried to let it slide, but sometimes it was more than he could take, and he found himself biting Magnus's head off, too.

As time went on, the slightest things would set Magnus off. Alec found himself frequently wanting to leave, to go for a walk and cool off, but he couldn't. He had to take care of Magnus. This was his fault for not paying attention to what was happening. He couldn't leave Magnus for a second for fear he would try to do something on his own and mess up his ankle even more.

Tempers ran high, probably more than they would've been if Alec could leave Magnus alone for a bit. One day, some time after the eight-week mark, Alec lost it. Magnus was being difficult about nothing and Alec just lost it. He started screaming right back at Magnus.

"I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry! I know it's all my fault and you have every right to hate me! Fuck, I hate me!"

Tears sprang to his eyes uncontrolled and he sank to his knees near the couch. The release of pent up tension was cathartic, and made even more so when Magnus said, "Come here. Damnit, come here." Alec moved toward him and Magnus pulled him to his chest. He let Alec cry it out, and even cried with him a little. He petted Alec's hair and kissed the top of his head.

As Alec calmed down, he heard Magnus say, "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I'm sorry I've been such an ass. It's not your fault, baby." He kissed Alec's head a few more times, then pressed his cheek there, and Alec melted against him. He hadn't even realized how much he missed the intimacy with Magnus, how much he needed it. He loved him so much, and feeling disconnected from him was possibly the worst feeling he'd ever felt, including the guilt.

After that, they were kinder to each other. The tension and uncertainty were still there, but the connection they'd made as Alec cried and admitted his fears kept them from being outright mean to each other.

Then, finally, mercifully, the twelve weeks ended. Magnus was put through a series of tests, including an MRI and an ultrasound and some other things Alec didn't understand. He was once again pronounced healed, and permitted to start physical therapy. PT would be much longer and slower going this time, however. The doctors were afraid that he might have gone too fast last time, resulting in his second injury.

As soon as Magnus got the verdict, his spirits improved. He was more agreeable and willing to do whatever the doctors said to get him back on the court. By this time, April had arrived. The Knicks regular season had ended, and they had just barely made the Playoffs. Without Magnus, they hadn't done nearly as well. Magnus felt the weight of their disappointment, even though no one had said anything of the sort to him. He was also getting a little stir crazy sitting in the house.

Alec decided to take him for a walk one day when the weather was especially nice. They didn't stay out long because it was incredibly uncomfortable for Magnus to walk long distances on crutches, but the fresh air did him a world of good.

Therapy was a slow, tedious process. Magnus easily got bored and frustrated. So did Alec, if he were being honest. He was ready to see the man he loved running and jumping and dunking the basketball again. It had been far too long since he'd been able to do those things.

It was more than a month of therapy before Magnus was given permission to even bear weight on his injured leg. More than two months before he could do it without crutches. By August, a year from his original injury, he was finally able to start with weight training.

Alec put a very small amount of weight on the machine. Just ten pounds. His ankle should be able to handle that if it was able to carry his ass around. He even confirmed the choice with Mr. Knightly, not wanting to do anything to set Magnus's recovery back. Again.

On his third repetition, Magnus screamed. Alec was paying attention this time. He heard the pop. He saw Magnus go for his ankle. His heart sank.

They went back to the fucking hospital. Alec was really beginning to loathe hospitals. Magnus went through the same battery of tests as usual. They waited. Dr. Ansel finally arrived, looking even more grim than usual.

"The surgery failed again. There doesn't appear to be much left of your flexor tendons. We'll schedule you for surgery in the morning and do whatever we can, but Magnus? There is a good a chance we won't be able to fix this. We may have to perform a procedure called arthrodesis."

"What does that mean?" Magnus said.

"Arthrodesis means fusing the bones in your ankle together to stabilize it. It will prevent your ankle from dislocating again, and your leg won't have to rely on the flexor tendons to keep your ankle in place."

"Why haven't we already done that then?"

"Because, Magnus, fusing your ankle decreases your range of motion. You won't be able to bend it like you can now, or could before the injury I should say. You won't be able to run or jump like you are used to doing. You won't have speed or lateral movements like you are used to."

"But will I still be able to play basketball?"

The look on Dr. Ansel's face said it all. "No."

Magnus's chest heaved. He looked like he might throw up. Or scream. Or throw something. He looked like he might panic.

"We'll do everything we can, but it doesn't look good."

"Do whatever you have to do to fix it. I want to play. Please."

"We will try our best."

* * *

Magnus underwent surgery for the third time in a year. Alec sat in the waiting room with Momma H and Will. Nobody spoke. They all knew the gravity of the situation. Momma H did some kind of knitting or something to pass the time. Will hummed to himself or watched TV. Alec stared at the same stain on the carpet for hours.

But his mind was working overtime. He ran through scenarios of what was going on in the operating room. And what would happen afterward. His hands shook every time he thought about Magnus not playing again. Then, he berated himself for not thinking positive thoughts. Magnus didn't need negativity right now. He needed Alec to stay positive and strong. So he tried, with all his heart he tried. It didn't work.

The doctor came out a few hours later and gave them an update. Magnus was out of surgery. They had to perform the arthrodesis. There wasn't enough tissue to save his ankle.

Magnus would never play basketball again.

Alec felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. His heart broke for Magnus. He wanted to cry, to scream, to hit something. And if he felt that bad, he could only imagine how bad Magnus was feeling.

They hesitantly entered Magnus's room. He was still groggy from the anesthesia and pain killers, but one look at his face told Alec all he needed to know. Magnus was well aware of what happened in the OR. He knew his playing days were over. He knew that life as he knew it was over.

Magnus's green-gold eyes, usually so bright and lively, were dead, lifeless. He turned away from the others as Dr. Ansel entered the room behind them.

"What happens now?" Momma H quietly asked the doctor.

Dr. Ansel said, "The recovery time for this type of surgery is shorter. He'll need about six weeks to heal from surgery, then he'll start physical therapy."

"What's the point?" said Magnus, angrily. He still had his back turned to everyone else.

"The point," Dr. Ansel replied, "is so you can walk. You have a lot of muscle atrophy and you need to strengthen your leg so you can walk. You want that, don't you?"

"Who fucking cares?" Magnus snarled.

"I care," Alec said, reaching for Magnus's arm. Magnus jerked away from him. That stung Alec, but he tried not to let it show. This wasn't about him or his feelings, it was about Magnus.

"Just leave me alone," Magnus said, tucking his pillow and blankets up around him. He looked so thoroughly miserable that Alec's heart broke all over again. He had no idea what to do for Magnus now.

Momma H, not being one to let Magnus or anyone else get away with anything, approached his bed and knelt down where he had no choice but to see her. "Magnus. Honey, I know you are hurting right now, and I know you want to be alone. We will leave if that's what you want, but we will not stay gone. We love you, and we will be here for you."

She kissed him on the forehead and stood. She clasped Alec's hand in hers as she walked past him, gave him a brief, sad smile, and left the room.

Will took her spot. He ruffled Magnus's hair, which made Magnus shake his head like he was bothered by a pesky fly. Will, a man who always had something to say, appeared to be at a loss for words. He squeezed Magnus's shoulder, then followed his mother out of the room.

Alec looked around. Dr. Ansel must have followed Momma H, too, for he and Magnus were alone now. He squatted down beside Magnus's bed, right in his boyfriend's face. He saw the expression of complete devastation and pain in his eyes. He waited for Magnus to throw him out, too. But to his surprise, Magnus reached for him, put his hand behind Alec's head and pulled him close. Alec had no choice to but follow - not that it occurred to him to take any other path - when Magnus applied firm pressure to the back of his neck.

Magnus forced Alec's head against his chest and held him there. The next thing Alec knew, Magnus was sobbing into his hair, against his shoulder, clinging to him like a frightened child. Alec's arms when around Magnus and they cried together, mourning the loss of a career cut short in its prime. Magnus would never be an NBA Champion. He would never lead his team to the NBA Finals. He would never finish his dream the way he'd always wanted.

They cried for a long time, holding each other, letting the grief out. Alec knew this wasn't the end of it. This was just the beginning. They were about to start a new journey together.

And Alec had no idea where to begin.


	117. Chapter 117

In the months following Magnus's final ankle surgery, everything fell apart.

Magnus rested his leg as he was supposed to for the six-week healing process. He seemed perfectly fine laying around doing nothing at all. Alec let it go, because in reality, Magnus couldn't do anything until his surgery site healed, but it bothered him that Magnus was putting up no argument whatsoever.

As the weeks drew on, Alec's concern grew deeper as Magnus became more withdrawn. From the moment he found out his career was over, after he'd held Alec and cried, Magnus's spirits had dimmed. He hardly spoke to anyone, and might give a short answer if Alec or one of the doctors asked him a direct question. Maybe. But as time went on, he spoke less and less, until finally, he wasn't speaking to Alec at all. Again, Alec let it go, trying to give him the space he needed to come to terms with what had happened.

Magnus started sleeping on his side, with his back toward Alec. It felt like a clear message that Magnus was shutting him out. Alec didn't like it, and the distance was frustrating for him. They'd been so close, shared everything with each other, including their pain. But Magnus was not sharing anything now, and their bed felt very cold, even with Magnus in it.

When it came to rehab, things were much different than they'd been after the first two surgeries. Gone was the compliant patient who did whatever Alec and the doctors wanted him to do. Oftentimes, Magnus refused physical therapy completely. Alec did everything he could think of to get him to try, but nothing he said seemed to matter one bit. They frequently fought about it, Alec trying to encourage him, then running out of patience and demanding he just do the fucking exercises. Magnus would occasionally go through the motions then, but more often than not, he'd become petulant and leave the room.

Then one day, around the middle of October when the NBA preseason was getting started, he told Alec off. "Just leave me the fuck alone! I don't care about this shit. None of it. Leave me alone." The fight went out of him as quickly as it flared. Alec was honestly happy to see him scream or show some kind of emotion. It was better than the dead look in his eyes and the silent treatment he'd been getting for weeks. But when the flame died so quickly, Alec's heart broke.

By mid-November, Alec really started to worry about Magnus. He didn't know what to do to reach Magnus. He still tried to talk to him, sometimes rambling on and on about nothing in particular, just to hear some kind of noise cutting the impenetrable silence. It began to weigh on him. He started having trouble sleeping, instead lying in bed watching Magnus's back move with his breathing as he slept. He longed for physical contact, for a touch to show that Magnus knew he was there, or wanted him there. He felt more alone than he'd felt since his self-imposed isolation three years ago.

Then, one day he entered their bedroom with a fresh stack of clean laundry, and found Magnus standing at the foot of the bed. He was mobile by then, but he walked with an exaggerated limp since he wouldn't do his physical therapy properly. In the moment, however, he was just Magnus, the man that he loved. He had his back turned to Alec, wearing nothing but his basketball shorts that were riding low on his hips.

Alec felt a sudden flare of desire as he stared at the slender shape of Magnus's back, the gentle curves and honey skin. On impulse, he crossed the room in two steps and stood directly behind his boyfriend, only a breath away from him, close enough to inhale his scent. Alec wasn't sure when he'd last bathed, but thought likely not for a day or two. His musky scent was stronger than usual, but not unpleasant. In fact, it was more an aphrodisiac than anything Alec could think of.

Without warning, Alec lost whatever logic prevented him touching Magnus. He snaked his arms around Magnus's chest and pulled him back against his own. He could feel the heat of Magnus's body through the thin shirt Alec was wearing. His skin tingling and came alive. He stuck his nose in the nape of Magnus's neck and inhaled deeply the pheromones that spoke to his soul. He flicked his tongue to taste Magnus, and he was suddenly harder than he'd been in months.

And somewhere during this brief process, Magnus's whole body went rigid. Alec only subconsciously registered the change, his body too absorbed in his desire for the thought to make it to the surface. "Magnus," he breathed against his boyfriend's skin. He pressed his dick against Magnus's ass and kissed his neck, the contact causing a little moan to escape him. At that point, Magnus would normally melt into his arms and press back against him to show his interest.

Not this time. Magnus remained ramrod straight, and leaned slightly away from Alec's touch. And this time, Alec noticed his reaction. Magnus pulled further away, and Alec sadly, reluctantly, let him slip from his arms. It took everything he had to restrain his emotions. Magnus's rejection hurt him deeply.

He looked up at Magnus, but Magnus wouldn't meet his eyes. Alec's face flushed with embarrassment. When was the last time he'd been embarrassed with Magnus? He couldn't remember. He stared a Magnus, silently pleading with him to look at up, to speak to him, to show him he was still the same man and that he still loved him, wanted him, needed him. But Magnus didn't do any of those things. He stared resolutely at the corner of the bed, not moving, not blinking, hardly breathing.

Alec couldn't take it. He turned and left the room. He stood in the hallway for a long moment, trying to get his breathing and his emotions under control. He jumped when he heard the bedroom door close behind him, and the lock engage. Magnus had just locked him out of their bedroom. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes, but refused to let them fall.

He was at a complete loss of what to do, where to go next.

* * *

Alec startled when the doorbell rang, even though he was expecting it. He had been on edge a lot recently, and his mind wandered distractedly so often, he easily lost track of time. He pulled the door open and sighed in relief when he saw Will's face.

"Sorry it took so long," Will said as he shrugged off his coat and looped it over the arm of the couch. They had hooks on the wall and a closet to hang coats in, but Will always did things Will's way. Alec found he really didn't mind. Just his presence made Alec feel a little better.

"It's okay. I'm glad you're here."

They sank onto the couch together. Alec could feel Will's eyes on him, waiting for him to tell him what was going on. He'd texted Will almost a week ago for help with Magnus, but Will had been in the middle of recording another album with Lexus and couldn't be get away until now.

"How is he?"

"I don't really know." Alec ran a hand through his dark hair as he faced Will. "He locked me out of our bedroom a couple weeks ago and I haven't seen him since. I put food by the door and some of it disappears. I hope that means Magnus is eating and not that we have mice." He attempted to laugh at his pitiful joke, but his heart wasn't in it.

To Alec's utter surprise, Will leapt off the couch and darted up the stairs. Alec was right on his heels. He reached the top of the stairs as Will started pounding on the bedroom door.

"Magnus! Open the goddamned door!" Will shouted, fist punctuating each word.

"Will, stop!" Alec said, attempting to grab Will's arm, but Will jerked it out of his hand and hit the door again.

"I'll kick the fucking door in!" Will yelled at the wood frame. "You know I'll fucking do it, too!" There was a note of history in those words, and Alec wondered if maybe Will had done just that at some point when he and Magnus were growing up.

Apparently, Magnus believed his threat. The door creaked open, and Alec got his first look at Magnus in weeks, even if he was mostly hidden in the shadows. He looked gaunt, his eyes sunken and deadened. His hair was a spectacular mess of tangles, and he didn't smell very good. Thinking back, Alec couldn't remember the last time he heard Magnus's shower run.

"What?" Magnus croaked, his voice rusty from disuse.

Will stared at him, eyes drifting over his body. "You look like shit," he said in that Will sort of way. Magnus didn't reply. "Come out here and talk to us. Alec is worried sick about you."

Alec blushed, though he wasn't surprised. He knew Will had sized him up, and he knew what he would have seen. Alec was a mess. He wasn't sleeping very well, and his appetite was pretty much shit now, too. He was so stressed and worried over this business with Magnus, and it was taking a toll on him physically as well as emotionally. He probably didn't look much better than Magnus did, though he was at least clean.

"Leave me alone," Magnus said, and shut the door in their faces.

Will raised his hand to bang on the door again, but this time Alec managed to stop him. "Come on," he said, tugging on Will's arm and leading him back downstairs. Will followed reluctantly, looking over his shoulder at the closed door several times.

They sat down on the couch again in silent thought. Finally, Will said, "What's going on, Alec?"

Alec mustered every ounce of courage he had and said, "I'm losing him, Will." He almost broke down in tears. "I may have already lost him."

"No way. He loves you."

"I'm not sure that matters anymore." Alec turned his watery eyes to Will. "I don't want to lose him." His breath hitched as the words crossed his lips.

"Come here," Will said and pulled Alec to him. It was the first human contact Alec had had in weeks, months really. He clung to Will, desperately needing to feel a comforting, friendly touch. He'd been so lonely with Magnus being withdrawn and distant. With Will petting his hair, he could finally breathe, just a little.

Will was saying something, but Alec only caught the last few words. "…I know he loves you."

Alec squeezed him tighter. The words were so hard to get out. "It's like living with a ghost. I can still feel him, I know he's there, but… You saw what it's like. He won't talk to me. He won't even let me get clothes out of our bedroom. All I have to wear is what was in the laundry that day he kicked me out. What he said to you is the first sounds he's uttered in weeks."

Will, the guy who knew Magnus as well as Alec did, the guy who always had something to say, even if no one wanted to hear it, said nothing. He just stared straight ahead, a worried furrow between his brows. Several long minutes passed with Will deep in thought and Alec clinging to the only human connection he had at the moment. God, he wished it was Magnus holding him.

Finally, Will said, "You need to move."

Alec startled and pushed himself away from Will, thinking the intimacy had crossed a line or something. He was suddenly rather embarrassed that he'd been holding on to his boyfriend's best friend. "I…I'm sorry…I didn't…"

"What?" Will said, quirking an eyebrow at him. Realization suddenly dawned on him, and he half-laughed. "No, Alec. That's not what I meant. You weren't bothering me or anything. I meant I think you should move…to Manhattan."

"What?" Alec echoed, surprised.

"Think about it. Your family and friends live in Manhattan. The only one who doesn't live there is Momma, and that's just because she won't leave my dad's house."

_And Jace and Izzy,_ Alec thought, but Will made a fair point. They would be closer to the people they loved in Manhattan. Maybe he would find a way to reach Magnus there.

"You've already quit the Knicks, right?" Will continued, and Alec nodded.

He'd continued on a leave of absence for a while but once Magnus couldn't go back, he'd quit, too. He knew it would kill Magnus if Alec was off living their dream, traveling with the team, while Magnus was no longer able to do so. It had been the easiest decision he'd ever made, even if he was giving up his dream job. He loved Magnus too much to cause that kind of hurt for him.

"So, there's nothing holding you here," Will added. "This house can't be helping Magnus's mood. Everything here is centered around the life you were building with the Knicks. There's nothing but memories of what he lost here. I think you should sell the place and everything in it and move where we can all be closer."

"You think that would help?" Alec asked skeptically.

"It's got to be better than this. You can start over, make new memories. He can get a job as a sportscaster or reporter with his degree in communications. There are plenty of opportunities for that in Manhattan."

What Will said made since, and Alec found himself wanting so badly to take the bait. But…

"I think he's depressed," Alec said, finally admitting to someone the suspicions he'd had for a while now.

Will had an answer for that. "Well, yeah! He's going to be upset that his career is over and he can't play basketball anymore." He said this like it was obvious, which of course, it was.

But Alec shook his head. "No, I don't mean it in layman's terms. I mean like, clinically depressed. Like he needs medications. I thought he was just grieving at first, but it's much worse than that. I've been doing some research, and I think it's depression."

"Like depression, depression?"

Despite the seriousness of their conversation, Alec chuckled at Will's eloquence, and nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, but he has a lot of the symptoms of depression." He was quiet for a moment, gathering the courage to ask his next question. "What was he like as a kid?"

Will gave him a funny look. "What do you mean 'what was he like as a kid'? Hasn't he told you about his past?"

"Yeah. He's told me his stories, ones about you and his mom and Rick. But, I mean, was he a happy kid?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, he was a weird kid, didn't really fit in at school, but who wasn't? He was kind of scrawny until high school and he got bullied a lot.  
Sometimes kids picked on him for being biracial. He struggled pretty hard with being gay for a long time, too. Then, one day he was suddenly six-five and the star of the basketball team. He became popular and the bullies backed off and things got a lot better for him. Then, Rick happened and his mom got sick and… You know all this, Alec."

"Yeah, then he went right back in the closet and created a fake persona to deal with reality," Alec said. "Sorry, Will, but that doesn't sound like a happy kid to me."

"But he was. In between the bad times and whenever he was on the basketball court, he was happy."

"Are you sure?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Well, from what I've read, the symptoms of depression can start early, but often go unrecognized because people don't know what to look for. People think the kids are just being difficult or maybe just having normal growing pains, when really they are suffering from depression. I think Magnus had the signs and I think they were either mild or he was able to overcome it, in a way, because of all his success with basketball. And now that basketball is gone…"

"He has no compensation," Will finished for him. Alec nodded grimly. "You know he was on medication for a while after you… well, you know…"

Alec's eyes widened. Magnus had been on antidepressants after Alec's rape? Alec had no idea. He'd never said anything to him about it.

Will must have read the truth on Alec's face. "Yeah, he weaned off them after you came back. Come to think of it, he might have been on them after Rick tried to kill him… and maybe after his mom died. I'm not sure. He didn't talk about it much, but I do remember him acting differently after he started seeing his therapist..."

"How have I never heard about this before?" Alec said incredulously.

Will shrugged. "I assumed he'd told you. He never took the meds for very long, just long enough to get his head back on straight, then he'd stop them."

Alec ran his hands through his hair, suddenly convinced that he was right. Magnus suffered from depression that he only treated when things got too bad for him to handle. Like now. Like when his world crumbled around him and he was left floundering with nothing to moor himself to. He needed help, and come hell or high water, Alec was going to make sure he got it.

"Thanks, Will. I think you're right. We need to move to Manhattan. There's nothing left here for us but painful memories of the life we used to have. I… need to go talk to Magnus…"

It took a moment for Will to understand what he was saying. Then, "Oh, yeah. I'll just let myself out." He stood and grabbed his coat.

Before he made it to the door, Alec caught his arm and spun him around. He pulled him into a hug that lasted much longer than necessary to say goodbye. "I mean it, Will. Thank you so much for your help today," Alec said as he released Will. "I haven't felt this optimistic in months. At least now I have a plan."

Will smiled and patted Alec's shoulder before he left.

Alec made sure the door was secured, then darted upstairs. He banged on Magnus's – _their_ – bedroom door as Will had earlier. As expected, Magnus didn't respond, but Alec knew what to do now.

"Open the door or I'll kick it in!" he threatened.

Still no response. Apparently, Magnus knew Alec didn't really want to kick in the door, and was calling his bluff.

"Fine. I have some ideas that involve our lives and where we live," Alec called through the door. "If you don't want to participate in the decision-making process, I don't give a damn. I'll do it all myself. Just don't be pissed at me if you don't like the choices I make."

Alec almost fell into Magnus when the door opened. He was caught off-guard, but managed to cling to the doorframe before he faceplanted. He was almost as stunned that Magnus had actually opened the door for him.

"What are you talking about?" Magnus said, sounding completely disinterested.

Alec's heart soared. He actually spoke to him! Then he felt pathetic that having Magnus speak to him could make him feel so good.

He righted himself, and cleared his throat. "Can I come in? Or will you come out and talk to me?" He scolded himself for sounding so desperate. But he was. Desperate to talk to his boyfriend, to get him help so they could hopefully find a way back to each other. It was the best shot he had anyway.

Magnus sighed and pushed the door open. Alec entered their bedroom for the first time in weeks. It was completely trashed. The bed was a wreck of sheets and blankets and pillows in disarray. Clothes were strewn all over the floor and in a semi-trail into the bathroom. Cups and bowls and plates were stacked on every surface and some on the floor, too. Apparently, Alec had done a shitty job of counting how many dishes were disappearing off the trays of food he left outside the door.

This mess was not Magnus. He was always tidy. This was another symptom of his depression, Alec was certain. He glanced at his boyfriend, but couldn't look too long. It hurt to see him like this. He looked away, at something, _anything_, else.

His eyes landed on the most disheartening thing he'd seen yet, besides Magnus himself. The painting of the two of them kissing that usually hung on the wall opposite their bed was now leaned against the wall, backward. Magnus had taken it down so he didn't have to look at them, happy and in love. Alec's heart broke again.

He cleared his throat, to get Magnus's attention as well as remove the lump that had formed there. "I think we should move to Manhattan," he said without preamble. Magnus barely showed a reaction. Alec pressed on. "There is nothing for us here anymore. We don't have jobs here. Our family and friends live in Manhattan and Brooklyn. I want to sell the townhouse and move to the city."

Magnus's face remained stoic.

"Do you have an opinion?" Alec said.

"Fine," Magnus said, and flopped onto the bed.

Expecting Magnus to put up a fight or something, Alec was surprised when he didn't. "Oh, okay. Great, then. I'll start looking for a place for us."

Still nothing from Magnus. He wanted to do something. Maybe grab him and kiss him and tell him he loved him. Maybe shake him until he reacted in some way. Maybe plead with him to talk and tell him that he was still loved, because damn it, he didn't feel loved. Maybe _clean_.

He did none of those things. He'd gotten Magnus to agree to move, and that was a start. He didn't want to push him further away. So, he turned and left the bedroom that had once been his, too. His eyes fell on the back of the painting again as he went, and that stab to his heart occurred again. It took his breath away for a moment, and he stood there with his hand on the doorknob, trying to steady his breathing. Wishing beyond sanity that Magnus would ask him to stay.

He didn't. Alec collected himself, went through the doorway, and closed the door behind him. A moment later, he heard the lock slide into place again.

With tears in his eyes, he went downstairs to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. Then, he set about finding them a new place to live in Manhattan.

_Please let this be the new start we need._


	118. Chapter 118

The townhouse was silent except for the click-click-click of Alec's fingers on the keys of his laptop. The moment Magnus agreed to move to Manhattan, he'd poured himself a glass of wine, powered up his laptop, and gone to work. Now, several hours and a nearly empty wine bottle later, he had a list of places he wanted to visit.

He spent the next hour arranging appointments with a real estate broker, then kicked back to finish his bottle. He felt a little better now that he'd activated his plan. And of course, the wine didn't hurt. He felt a little tingly, which was infinitely better than lonely.

He ran through the list of places he planned to visit as he sat there on the couch. There were four in total that met his criteria. He knew a thing or two about living in Manhattan, and knew the area where he wanted to live. All four of the apartments were within walking distance to his parents' penthouse, Will's condo, and Lexus's apartment. Cammie and Austin were a little further away because of the location of Cam's new business, but still just a short cab ride. Tony and Scott were living just outside the city to be a little closer to the Knicks training facility, but were more accessible from Manhattan than they had been from Tarrytown.

Alec was really looking forward to moving. Just thinking about being so close to the people he loved most put his mind at ease, and made him feel more at peace than he had in a while. Living more than an hour away from his family and friends had posed some challenges. Today was a prime example. If they'd lived five minutes from Will's instead of over an hour away, Will probably could have gotten out to see Magnus a lot sooner. At least, that's what Alec was counting on.

Besides being centrally located to their family and friends, all four of the apartments Alec wanted to see had proper security measures in place, which was still important to them. He didn't know how Magnus's fans were taking the news of his 'retirement' (as the Knicks PR people were calling it). The last thing they needed was some crazed super-fan stalking Magnus or being angry that he quit playing basketball. At least if that did happen they had several security measures to get through to get to him.

Two of the apartments had in-building access to a gym, which appealed to Alec in that they wouldn't have to go anywhere to work out, but given Magnus's current refusal to do his exercises, not having a gym was by no means a deal-breaker. Hopefully, Magnus would soon realize the only person he was hurting by not doing his PT was himself. And Alec, because he knew how important the PT was. Alec resolved to at least keep himself in shape, even if Magnus wasn't going to do the same.

The feature that appealed most to Alec was the close proximity to both Alec's and Magnus's therapists. He hadn't told Magnus yet that he planned to get them both back in therapy as soon as they were moved. He was afraid to do anything that could turn Magnus against the idea of moving. Just a little bit longer, and he hoped things would get better for both of them. Personally, he couldn't wait to see Dr. Daniels again. He wasn't sure if Magnus would feel the same way about Dr. Tichenor, though. He mostly avoided talking about his time in therapy.

Alec's thoughts drifted to food, wondering what, if anything, Magnus would be willing to eat tonight. He sighed. Getting Magnus to eat these days was like performing magic, and he didn't have a magic wand. He was also buzzed enough from the wine to not feel like putting much effort into dinner, so he made a couple of turkey sandwiches, ate his, and carried Magnus's upstairs on a tray that had seen more use in the last few months than ever in its life.

He knocked on the door, knowing Magnus wouldn't answer. He never did. But now Alec had a trick up his sleeve that he didn't have before. Thank you, Will. He gave Magnus enough time to answer, then knocked again.

"Magnus. Open up. We need to talk."

Silence.

"Magnus. Don't make me be the bad guy," he said. Threatening his boyfriend wasn't really high on his list of things he enjoyed doing, and he was spectacularly bad at it. But when Magnus still didn't answer, he added, "Open the fucking door or I'll kick it in."

He wondered if the threat would work three times in one day. Then, he heard the soft sound of the lock disengaging, saw the doorknob turn, and Magnus magically appeared in front of him. Alec's heart lifted then dropped, and he didn't know how to feel. He was happy to see him, but sad he had to threaten to kick the door in to make it happen. And he wanted so badly to reach out and touch Magnus, to hold him and be held by him, to kiss him and do a bunch of unspeakable things to him. But in this moment, he'd settle for just speaking with him.

He shoved the tray toward Magnus. "Dinner," he said as cheerfully as he could muster.

Magnus glanced down at the sandwich and back up at Alec. His expression didn't change. Alec's courage faltered, but he forced himself to say what he wanted to say.

"I set up a meeting with a realtor tomorrow. I'm going to look at four apartments in Manhattan." He paused, gathering his courage and trying to temper his expectations. After all, Magnus would likely say no. "I'd really like it if you came with me. I want your input on where we are going to live."

Magnus averted his eyes, and despite his little internal pep-talk, Alec felt the crushing weight of disappointment. He didn't know what to do to reach Magnus, to get him to interact with him, to do something with him. God, he missed him.

"Fine. I'll just pick the one I like the best then." He set the tray on the floor in front of the door, trying not to let his emotions show. "Enjoy your sandwich."

He turned his back on Magnus and went to the spare bedroom – his room now – and closed the door behind him. He didn't want Magnus to see how upset he was, because he didn't think that would help anything. He hurt so much, but he knew Magnus was hurting, too and he didn't want to add to his burden. He wished they were able to lean on each other, to go through this difficult time together, instead of being separated by both invisible and physical walls. He managed to hold back his tears, but just barely.

_Must be the wine making me so emotional_, he reasoned.

Then, he pulled himself together and reminded himself that things were bound to change once they moved.

* * *

Maryse, Cammie, and Lexus all agreed to meet Alec and tour the apartments with him. He was undeniably grateful for their support. While he'd rather have Magnus with him, helping him decide on their new place, he knew these three women would get the job done just fine. In fact, they would probably do a better job than he and Magnus would've done alone.

They'd chosen a little coffee shop that was centrally located to all the apartments as a meeting place. When Maryse entered, she hugged Alec and kissed his cheek. He smiled at his mother and kissed her in greeting as well. He was so happy to see her. Maryse eyed him critically, and he knew she could tell he hadn't been sleeping well and that he'd lost weight from all the stress of dealing with Magnus. Thankfully, she chose not to comment on Alec's state. There wasn't anything he could do about it, not until they moved anyway.

"Cammie and Lexus should be here any minute," Alec said. "I've already ordered coffees for us." He knew how everyone took their coffees. It was his super-power.

The ladies walked in together a few moments later. Maryse went to get the coffees from the barista while Alec greeted his friends. He hugged them both, lingering longer than he normally would have. He couldn't help it. At this point, any human contact felt so good he didn't ever want to let it go, and he loved Cammie and Lexus like they were family.

"How are you?" Cammie asked, studying him hard enough she probably didn't need an answer.

"Have you gotten Magnus into therapy yet?" Lexus added.

Alec glanced between the two women, two of his best friends. He didn't know how to answer Cammie's question. Lexus's was simpler.

"Not yet," he said. "I'm waiting until we move to spring therapy on him again. I don't think he likes it very much."

Lex shook her head. "No, he doesn't, but he needs it. It helped him a lot when you…" She trailed off, giving him a sheepish look, like maybe she wasn't supposed to bring up that topic.

"It's okay, Lex. You can talk about it. And you can say the word: rape."

Maryse picked that moment to return to the table, and almost dropped the coffees when she heard Alec say rape. Her eyes searched her son frantically.

Alec, startled at first by his mom's clumsiness then realizing what had her so flustered, helped her set the cups down. "It's okay," he repeated. "I'm okay." He stood and pulled a chair out for his mother, then resumed his seat. "Look, guys, it's something I live with, but it doesn't control me. I can talk about it now. I've put it behind me…as much as anyone can put something like that behind them."

Maryse took hold of one of his hands, and Cammie the other.

"Even though they never caught the guy?" Lexus asked, and received a withering look from Maryse.

"It's okay, Mom. I mean it." Maryse nodded to Alec and he then addressed Lexus. "Yes. I know it sounds weird. Everyone wants justice, right? But the truth is, I have no idea who attacked me. I barely remember what he looks like. I doubt I could identify him if the police did catch him. I've made peace with it."

"And you don't mind talking about it?" Lexus said.

"No. I really don't. It played a part in who I am today." He paused, took a long sip of his coffee, black, the only way to drink it, in his opinion. "Because of being raped…well, actually because of the aftermath, I have the strength to fight for my relationship with Magnus. I know what it's like to be without him. I don't want to go through that again. No matter how bad it gets, I _will _fight to be with him."

"How bad has it gotten?"

"Bad," Alec replied. "Really bad. It's like living with a ghost. I hear him moving around from time to time, but the whole house seems cold and empty without his company. He won't talk to me, won't even let me in our bedroom. I miss him so much."

"Oh, Alec," Cammie said, and squeezed his hand in hers.

"None of that," Alec said. "I don't need your sympathy. I need your help. The sooner I get him to Manhattan, the sooner I get him into therapy, and the sooner our lives can get back to something resembling normal."

He sounded so much more optimistic than he actually felt, like all he had to do was get Magnus into a different place and things would magically be better. He knew that wasn't true. There would be a lot more to it than just a change of scenery. Getting Magnus back on his feet would take time and dedication and therapy and understanding and so many other things Alec wasn't sure about yet. But first things first: they had to move.

The door to the coffee shop opened and in walked a woman in an expensive blue suit and high stiletto heels. That fit the description of more than half the women in the coffee shop, but even with her oversized, dark sunglasses on, Alec still recognized her from the crappy picture on the internet. The realtor had arrived.

Alec waved her over, and introduced himself. She shook hands with everyone, then sat down and pulled out an enormous tablet. She pulled up the listings that Alec had requested to visit, then placed it in the middle of the table where everyone could see.

"This is the closest apartment," she said, tapping a long, shiny red nail on the screen. "We can start there if you'd like?"

"Yes," Alec agreed.

"Alright. Let me just grab a quick coffee and we'll be on our way."

A few minutes later, they were walking down a street that was very familiar to Alec. His old high school was on the other end of this street, several blocks away, but he'd spent plenty of time hanging out on this street and all the ones surrounding it. Memories flooded him as one well-known landmark after another came into view.

When Jace was thirteen and Alec fifteen, Jace had kicked a soccer ball at the brownstone building on the left of the street. He had broken a couple flower pots on the stoop, and they'd run like the devil was after them to keep from getting caught.

When Izzy was fifteen, they were walking home from school when she had found a kitten in the bushes near the building they were passing now. She'd taken it home and tried to hide it in her bedroom. That had worked for a few days while she snuck pieces of meat from her dinner and bowls of milk into the room. But one day, little Max, who was only about five at the time, heard the kitten making a noise and opened Izzy's door. The kitten dashed out into the living room and she'd gotten caught. Robert was deathly allergic to cats, and Izzy was forced to find it a home. Her best friend took the kitten, but Izzy was heartbroken to have to give it up.

And on that street corner, Alec had leaned against the side of that red brick building the first time Eric kissed him. He sank into his own mind and for a moment, he could almost feel his racing pulse, his desperate wish for Eric, the coolest guy he knew, to deliver that first kiss. He could feel Eric's warm, slightly dry lips on his. Even though it had been eight years, and he now knew that Eric was indeed _not_ the coolest guy he'd ever known, he remembered the moment like it had just happened.

"We're here," the realtor announced in an irritating sing-song voice.

Alec almost didn't bother going in. This was not going to be his and Magnus's home. Not with the memories of Eric lingering on the other side of the street. He didn't need anything else to deal with while he was trying to put Magnus back together.

But he didn't stop her. He toured the perfectly nice apartment. He had no complaints with the unit itself. But the ghost that lived outside was enough for him to reject it categorically.

Unfortunately, the apartment was practically perfect. Though it was an older building, it had everything he wanted. The security was exactly what he needed, and the apartment itself had recently been remodeled. He loved it. He just didn't think he could live in it.

They left that apartment and went to the next. And the next. And the next. Since they were all roughly in the same area, they all held special childhood memories for Alec. Or, at least, the neighborhoods did. In a way, it was like going home. Even if his parents lived a couple blocks away, he'd grown up prowling these streets, and he felt comfortable here. More than anywhere else he'd lived since he left for college seven years ago, he felt completely at ease here.

That thought struck a sudden worry in him. Magnus had never lived in Manhattan. He would not have the same level of comfort here that Alec was currently experiencing. Was he making a mistake moving them here instead of Brooklyn? Should he be looking for a place closer to Momma H.?

_No_, he told himself firmly. Even Will had said they should move to Manhattan. Almost everyone they knew and loved was right here. They would have more support here than they could possibly have anywhere else. Manhattan was the place they should be.

They made their way back to the coffee house. It was a chilly day in the middle of November, and even bundled up as they were, they were all ready for the warmth and aroma of coffee. The realtor was nice enough to buy them all a drink and even stand in line to get their order. They took the opportunity to talk privately while she wasn't around.

"So, what did you all think?" Alec asked, rubbing his hands together to try to create some heat.

"Honestly, Alec, I liked them all," said Cammie, completely unhelpfully.

Alec gave her a look, that quickly morphed into a smile. He loved her so much, unhelpful or not. She shrugged as if to say, "What? I do," and he chuckled.

"Okay, anyone have a helpful comment? I have to make a decision about this as quickly as possible." He winked at Cammie and she stuck her tongue out at him. He was immediately transported back to college and their silly antics. It had been funny then when Cammie stuck her tongue out at him, but now, when she was twenty-seven and he was twenty-five, it was absolutely hilarious. Knowing that some things didn't change put him at ease.

"I got a bad vibe from the first place," Lexus said, and Alec looked at her in astonishment.

"Yes," Maryse agreed. "Wasn't that where Jace broke some flower pots?"

Alec chuckled. "That was a few buildings down the street, actually."

"Oh, right," Maryse said, and Alec laughed even harder. He laughed so hard he had tears rolling down his cheeks. He had no idea why he couldn't control himself, what exactly he found so damn funny, but once the laughter started, he was powerless. And it felt good. For the first time in months, he laughed until his belly ached and the other patrons started staring at him. And he didn't give a shit what they thought!

When he finally calmed down, everyone at his table was giving him strange looks, but all were smiling. Alec got the sense that they all knew how much he'd needed that release.

"Sorry. Okay, so what about the other places?"

"My favorite was the second one," Lexus said brightly. "It had that beautiful balcony overlooking the courtyard. The master bedroom was amazing. There was plenty of room to have us all over." She gave him a look then, one that he interpreted to mean 'once Magnus gets better and feels like partying.' "And the best part is that it's right between my place and Will's."

He hadn't actually thought about that, but he understood the implication. Will was practically Magnus's brother, and Lexus was as close to a sister as he'd ever known. It was an invitation, an offer to help Alec deal with Magnus's problems. Alec's heart swelled, and he wanted to hug Lexus.

"Mom? What do you think?"

Maryse thought for a moment. "My favorite was the third one, but that's just because it was closer to our house. I liked the second one a lot, too. I think it's perfect for you and Magnus. Lexus and Will will be able to help you more than your father and I could because Magnus trusts them more than anyone else."

Alec smiled at his mother, thankful for her support. She and his dad had always been there for Alec, had always been his rock when his world was shaky. He wouldn't know what to do without them.

"Cam?" he said, turning to his own surrogate sister. Even though she'd said she liked all the apartments, he wanted her approval before he made his decision.

"I agree with them, Alec. That place is perfect for you and Magnus. That balcony will give you some privacy and a bit of an oasis in the middle of a bustling city. And having Lexus and Will so close will help Magnus tremendously. I just know it will."

Alec clapped his hands together. "It's settled then," he said brightly, just as the realtor reappeared with a tray full of coffees.

"What's settled?" she asked eagerly as she handed the cups to the appropriate people.

"We'll take the second apartment," Alec announced.

"Hopewell?" the realtor confirmed.

"What?" Alec said in surprise.

"Hopewell. That's the name of the apartments. Didn't I tell you that?"

Alec didn't know if she did and he just hadn't been listening, or if she'd forgotten to, but he took it as a sign. He and Magnus were moving to start a new life together. They needed something to believe in, and a place called Hopewell sounded perfect for that.

"Yes, I want the Hopewell apartment," Alec said, feeling a little dazed.

He'd done it. He'd found a place in Manhattan for them to restart their lives. Alec's therapist was a short cab ride north. Magnus's was about the same distance east. Will and Jem were a street away to the north. Lexus and Mo were just west of Hopewell. Cammie and Austin were a little ways south. His parents just a bit farther north. Scott and Tony and Momma H were closer than they'd been in a while.

He suddenly felt wrapped in a cocoon of love. Like his family and friends were embracing him and keeping him and Magnus safe from the world. He felt their love and support, and for the first time in months, he felt hope. Hope that Hopewell would be the new beginning he and Magnus needed to turn this horrible situation into something good.

* * *

**A/N: We've officially reached more than 1200 reviews and more than 500,000 words! Oh. My. God! Thanks so much for sticking with me this long. We have a long way left to go! **

**Unfortunately, I suck and still can't get caught up to get you guys a bonus chapter. Sorry :(**


	119. Chapter 119

**Ash: Might you be the reason for the recent flurry of favorites/follows to my stories? If so, THANKS! :)**

* * *

Things happened rapidly once Alec signed the lease to his and Magnus's new apartment. Since the apartment was already empty, they could take immediate occupancy. Alec had not been prepared for that, but he was thrilled. The sooner they got back to the city, the sooner he could get Magnus in therapy, and hopefully things would start to improve.

The only problem was that he had no intention of moving any of their furniture. Will had recommended they sell the townhouse furnished and buy new furniture for their new place. "Make a clean start," he'd said. Well, that took time.

Alec signed the lease sitting at the coffee house with the realtor, his mother, Cammie, and Lexus. He wrote his name so many times he thought he might get a cramp, but that didn't matter to him. When he'd finished, the realtor handed him a couple sets of keys, and left. Just like that, he had a new apartment. He felt a bit of disappointment that Magnus's name wouldn't be on the lease, but Magnus had chosen not to come with him. The realtor said they could probably get it amended once they moved in, but Alec didn't know if he'd be able to get Magnus to cooperate with that either.

Once the realtor was gone, Alec turned his attention back to his companions. To his surprise, they were all huddled around Cammie, staring at her tablet and making appreciative noises.

"What are you up to, Camille Bel- er, Chambers?" Alec said, raising an eyebrow at the ladies.

"We're finding furniture for your new apartment," Cammie said airily.

"What?" Alec said, scrambling to his feet and standing behind Cammie, looking over her shoulder.

"We like this one," Lexus said, pointing at an overstuffed sofa and loveseat combo.

"It's purple," Alec said skeptically.

"It's eggplant," replied Lexus.

Alec rolled his eyes. "It's purple." All three women gave him a look. "Fine, it's eggplant."

The women turned back to Cammie's tablet and scrolled through a couple more pages, oohing and aahing over various living room sets before starting on bedroom furniture.

"Oh, Alec, you're getting this one!" Cammie said, ogling a gorgeous mahogany bedroom suite with a four-poster bed and antique-looking accents. The others nodded their heads in approval and Cammie reached to press the button to add it to the shopping cart when Alec stopped her.

"Wait." He placed his hand in front on the screen. The women looked at him like he was crazy, which was a bit intimidating, if he were being honest. "I…Don't you think we should…look at the furniture first?"

Maryse grinned indulgently. "Oh, sure, honey. Let's go."

"What, now?" Alec said in disbelief.

"Do you have other plans?"

Alec thought for a moment. He'd been gone from the townhouse for several hours already. He wanted to check on Magnus, and he doubted Magnus would answer his phone. On the other hand, if they went furniture shopping now, he wouldn't have to do it later and he would be that much closer to moving to the city.

"Okay. Let's go now. Just… one second…"

He couldn't resist. Even though he knew it was futile, he took out his phone and sent Magnus a text.

_Found an apartment. Going furniture shopping with Mom, Cam, and Lex. Ok?_

He didn't know why he added the 'Ok?' He didn't need permission. Maybe he subconsciously hoped the question would entice Magnus to respond? He slipped the phone back into his pocket, but before he could withdraw his hand, it vibrated. He pulled it back out, and found a text from Magnus.

_Ok _

Just one word. But it was enough to send his heart soaring. Magnus had responded to him. He stared at the message for several long moments, barely noticing the women shrugging into their coats and gathering their belongings, until one spoke to him.

"Are you alright, Alec?" Maryse asked, putting an arm around his shoulder.

He looked up at his mother. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He tucked the phone back into this pocket. "I'm fine," he repeated, because for the first time in a while, he was.

* * *

They spent the next few hours going from furniture store to furniture store. Alec didn't have a lot of preference for his furniture, as far as looks went. What he mostly cared about was its functionality. He did not want to sit on a lumpy couch, or sleep on an uncomfortable mattress. He also had to find a bed that could accommodate Magnus's six-foot-five frame.

Lexus pulled up the apartment listing on her tablet, and Cammie had the furniture sites on hers. They combined their knowledge to make sure Alec got everything he needed. Alec was essentially along as the credit card dispenser, and to give the final okay on all purchases. He thoroughly enjoyed sitting back and watching the girls have fun shopping for him.

In the end, they got the purple – eggplant – living room set because Cammie and Lexus insisted it would fit perfectly in the apartment's living room and would look so good there. Alec was still skeptical, but after sitting on the couch, and realizing it was long enough for him to stretch out comfortably, and was so freaking soft he almost fell asleep in the store while his mother and Cammie negotiated with the salesperson, he agreed to purchase it and the loveseat and tables that went with it.

The mahogany bedroom suite was in another store, so they caught a cab to that location. Unfortunately, it didn't come in an extended size and a regular king-size wasn't long enough for Magnus to fit comfortably. They abandoned that idea, and found instead a simple wooden headboard and matching dresser and nightstands. Alec actually liked this one better. It didn't feel as cumbersome as the four-poster, even if it wasn't nearly as elegant. He was not exactly an elegant person anyway, and neither was Magnus.

They also found a dining table and chairs that would fit the space well, and some bar stools for the kitchen island that had a seating area on the far side. Then, Alec spent some time finding the perfect bed for the spare bedroom. He wanted to make sure he loved it, since he would likely be sleeping on it until Magnus got his shit together and let him back into their bedroom. The thought of continuing to sleep alone after they moved made his heart hurt, and he sighed heavily. He wanted things to be good between Magnus and him again.

With all the purchases made and the delivery dates set for the following week, there wasn't much else to do. Alec had a quick dinner with the ladies, knowing that if he waited until he got home, he'd just be eating alone anyway. Then, he said his goodbyes and got back into Magnus's car.

New York City traffic sucked. Always. So, it was slow going in the beginning, but once he hit open road, or as open as it got even outside the city, he raced home as quickly as he felt comfortable. He hadn't spent this much time away from Magnus in… Well, since before his injury when they were in Tokyo. And that had been because he had no choice. Magnus had been busy with his Olympics obligations. Since his injury, though, he'd always been around, even if Magnus wouldn't have anything to do with him.

Being away for this long made Alec antsy. What if Magnus needed something and he wasn't there? Alec scoffed at himself over that one. The only thing Magnus needed him for these days was food. Food that he didn't even eat most of the time. And he had replied to Alec's text. That had been hours ago, but still. He tried to shake the uneasy feeling he'd had all day. He'd been able to ignore it while he was with his mother, Cammie and Lexus, but now, on his hour-long drive home, he couldn't shake the unsettled feelings.

He pulled into the driveway and barely remembered to put the car in park before he darted to the door of the townhouse. He threw it open and barreled up the stairs shouting, "Magnus! Magnus!" He'd worked himself up on the drive home and had an inexplicable need to see his boyfriend. "Magnus!" he yelled again, pounding his fist on Magnus's bedroom door.

A moment later, Magnus yanked open the door and gave Alec a wary look. "What?"

Alec heaved a sigh of relief, and was instantly embarrassed that he'd overreacted. "I… Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Magnus leaned against the doorframe. "I'm fine."

"Of course. Right. Well, do you…need anything? Food, or…. anything?"

"I'm fine," Magnus repeated.

"Oh, okay. Good." He tried not to sound disappointed that Magnus didn't need him, but he felt he likely failed. "Well, I found us an apartment. It's close to Will's and Lexus's. I got all the new furniture ordered today. It should arrive next week, then we can move in."

If Alec expected Magnus to show some emotion about this news, he was disappointed. Magnus simply nodded his head, then glanced wearily over his shoulder at his bed. Alec could take a hint.

"Get some rest. I'll let you know how things are progressing," he said quietly. He wondered if the sadness in his heart was readable in his eyes. Or if Magnus would notice it there if it was. Magnus started to slip away, and before Alec could stop himself, he called his name. Magnus turned back around and Alec whispered, "I love you."

He stood there, feeling completely exposed, waiting for whatever was about to happen. He didn't know what to expect. He hadn't said those words aloud to Magnus in weeks, and Magnus hadn't said them to him in even longer.

Magnus's expression was unreadable. He simply said, "I love you, too," and closed and locked the door.

Alec leaned his head against the door, pressing his palm flat to it. He was a jumble of emotions, and had no idea how to sort them out. Magnus had said it back to him. He'd said he loved him. The fact that Alec was happy about that brought to the front how worried he'd been that Magnus _didn't_ love him anymore. He knew better. Magnus's problems were mostly the depression talking. Somewhere in there was the man he'd fallen in love with. He just had to find him and bring him back.

* * *

Alec spent the next week boxing up their personal effects. Those would be going with them in the move. Their clothing and pictures, his old cheerleading stuff, Magnus's basketball memorabilia. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut as he removed the trophies from the shelves in the living room, one by one. Magnus's MVP trophy from the conference championship at Idris University. His Skills Challenge trophy from NBA All-Star weekend. His Olympic gold medal that he never even got to enjoy because he'd gotten injured and didn't get to finish the tournament.

That had been a sore point for Magnus. Mr. Knightley had personally delivered the gold medal, and surreptitiously used the opportunity to check up on Magnus's injury. Alec and Knightly had both been surprised when Magnus refused to even _look_ at the medal. He'd said he didn't want it, that he wasn't involved in winning it and he didn't deserve to have it. Alec and Knightly had tried to reason with him, saying that basketball was a team sport and every member was important and blah blah blah. Magnus wouldn't have any part of it. So, what should have been one of Magnus's most prized possessions had been tucked away on the top shelf where it wasn't readily visible unless one really looked for it.

That was the days when Magnus was still optimistic about playing again. Alec didn't want to think about how he would react if he saw it now. He put it into the box with the other trophies and closed the lid.

Once everything downstairs was boxed up, he had no choice but to go upstairs and pack up Magnus's room. He'd already taken care of the spare bedroom where he was staying, so there was nothing left to do. No more excuses to delay. Like it or not, he had to remove the items they were taking with them from the bedroom. Magnus was just going to have to deal with him.

He knocked on the door. "Magnus. Open up. I need to pack."

To his surprise, Magnus opened the door without any threats of violence or begging. Alec hadn't even raised his voice. He felt a spark of hope in his chest. First, Magnus said he loved him. Now, he was letting him into the room? Maybe things were looking up already.

"Hey," Alec said. Magnus nodded in response, then turned his back to Alec and went back to bed. He burrowed so deep in the covers that Alec could only see dark tufts of hair against his light-colored pillow. He shrugged. He hadn't expected Magnus to help, and wasn't bothered much by the fact that he wasn't.

He scanned the room, wondering where would be the place to start. The room was a little bit straighter than it had been a week ago when Alec had demanded to come in and talk about moving. At least the dirty dishes were stacked up semi-neatly now, and the dirty clothes were more in a pile than just strewn about the room. That was a start, right? Alec decided it was.

He grabbed one of the boxes he'd brought and decided to tackle the closet first. He probably should have folded everything neatly, but he wanted to get the packing done as quickly as possible in case Magnus had a change of heart and threw him out of the room. He didn't know what the likelihood of that happening was, and he didn't want to find out.

He made fairly quick work of the bedroom and felt a sense of accomplishment when it was finished. He'd already borrowed his dad's Hummer, knowing they would need the extra space to haul everything. He carried the boxes downstairs and loaded them into the back of the vehicle. He shut the door with satisfaction. This was it. They were moving. To Manhattan.

He went back upstairs and found Magnus still on the bed. "Hey," he said as casually as he could muster. He felt so awkward talking to Magnus these days. "Everything is ready to go," he added pointedly.

Magnus sat up and looked at him. The room may have been a tad cleaner, but Magnus still looked rough. Alec wondered if it was possible to brush that hair or if it would have to be shaved. Or maybe he was doing a poor job of growing dreds?

"How are we getting there?"

"Well, I have my dad's Hummer loaded with all our stuff. It's just waiting for us."

Magnus nodded. "What about my car?"

"I had Will and Jem come get it a few days ago. It is already waiting for us at the new apartment."

"Ok."

Magnus got out of bed and started toward the door wearing nothing but his basketball shorts. "Um, Magnus?" Alec said, and Magnus paused. "It's December. You'll freeze wearing that."

"It is?" Magnus said, bewildered.

"Yeah. And it's cold. Here, put these on." Alec handed him the basketball warm-ups he'd left out when packing. Magnus slid them on without comment, likely without even noticing what they were. Then, Alec handed him a winter coat. He might have been able to withstand the cold before, when he was in excellent shape, but he was skin and bones now. No way he could handle the frigid temperatures. Magnus eyed the coat skeptically, then shouldered into it without a word.

Alec ushered Magnus out of the townhouse, then locked the door behind them. He helped Magnus into the passenger seat of the Hummer and closed the door. Then, he took one last look at the townhouse.

He'd fallen in love at first sight with the gray stone exterior of the building and the black wrought iron fixtures. The little lawn and flower beds that the complex maintained were always so charming, even in the dead of winter. They'd had so many good times in this place. Parties with all their friends. Having Max spend the night. Christening every damn room in the house, including the laundry room, where Magnus had fucked him against the washer while it was on spin cycle. _That_ had been a unique experience for sure.

He loved everything about this townhouse. It was the first place they'd bought together, as adults venturing out into the real world together. They were so hopeful and optimistic about their futures with the Knicks when they bought this place. The had everything going for them. Magnus was a rising star in the professional basketball world. Alec was learning the ropes of training major athletes. They were on top of the world.

And then they'd fallen. So very hard.

Alec mentally shook himself. It was over now. The cleaning service would be there in the next couple days getting everything ready to put the house up for sale. Then, a realtor would put it on the market. He wouldn't have anything to do with the process except to sign the paperwork when it sold. He was done here.

He sighed heavily, and said a silent goodbye to the home he'd loved, to the _life_ he'd loved, really. Then, he climbed into the driver's side of the Hummer and drove away. He did his best to leave his feelings about the townhouse behind him. It was hard, but he felt it was also essential to starting a new life with Magnus in Manhattan.

They hadn't made it very far when Magnus said, "What day is it?"

Alec was taken aback, more by the fact that Magnus was asking questions than him not knowing the date. He recovered quickly, though. "It's December ninth."

"It is?" Magnus replied incredulously. "I'll be twenty-eight in a few days…"

Alec glanced sidelong at him. "Yeah. You will. Do you want to do something for the occasion?"

"Like what? A party?" Magnus said the words with clear distaste.

"Well, I mean, we could have a few friends over. Will… and Lex…"

Magnus was already shaking his head. "I don't think I'm up for that. I wouldn't be very good company."

Alec stopped at a red light and turned to his boyfriend. "Magnus, they miss you. They want to see you."

Magnus shook his head again. "I can't, Alec. I just can't."

Alec withheld his sigh, but only just. He desperately wanted Magnus to reengage in life, to see his friends, to be Alec's boyfriend again. But Magnus's refusal was, in Alec's mind, further proof of his depression. Magnus would normally jump at the chance to entertain their friends, especially Will and Lexus. His birthday would be the perfect excuse for a party.

They spent the rest of the drive in silence. Alec wished he could say it was a comfortable silence, but it wasn't. It was just quiet, except for the roar of the Hummer's engine, the thud of the tires on the pavement, the sounds of city life growing louder and louder as the sky scrapers came into view.

Alec's heart leapt. He loved Manhattan. It was his home, the place he'd grown up. He was returning, and this time with the man he loved. He was putting all his eggs in this basket, this move to a new location to start over. He hoped like hell it would work.

* * *

A short time later, they pulled up outside the apartment building. They somehow got lucky enough to find a spot almost right in front of the door. That would make it easier on Alec as he unloaded all their belongings and carried them up the stairs to their new apartment.

Alec led Magnus up the stairs first. He would go back after the boxes in a few minutes. He wanted to be there when Magnus saw the place for the first time.

He unlocked the dark green door to the apartment and swung it open. The apartment had an open floor plan, which meant it had been renovated because the building itself was old and wouldn't have originally had such a design. Alec had given a key spare key to Will and Jem when they came to pick up Magnus's car, and the guys had kindly been present to receive the furniture when it was delivered yesterday. Judging by the fact that everything was in its correct place, including their new purple – _eggplant_ – couch, Lexus and Cammie must have been there, too. Alec made a mental note to thank his friends for everything they'd done to help them move.

Alec showed Magnus to their bedroom, or at least what he hoped would be _their _bedroom one day. The apartment did have a second bedroom for Alec until that day came. There was only one bathroom, which thankfully was not in the master bedroom or else Alec wasn't sure what would happen. He noted, with even more adoration for their friends, that the beds were also set up, complete with the new bed coverings he'd bought. There was really nothing he had to do but unload the Hummer and find new homes for their personal belongings. What a fucking relief!

Alec left Magnus to examine his new bed on his own and made his way back down to the car. He unloaded the boxes and carried them up to the apartment as quickly as he could. He was too tired to sort through everything tonight. The unpacking could wait until morning.

He went into the kitchen and discovered a bottle of his favorite wine with a red bow attached to the bottle. A little card dangled from the neck of the bottle. Alec read it.

"To new beginnings and happy endings. With love, Everyone."

Beside the bottle sat a corkscrew and two dark green wine glasses. His friends had gotten them yet another housewarming gift, and once again, it was alcohol related. He grinned as he popped the cork on the wine bottle and poured some in the glasses. _To new beginnings and happy endings. _He could certainly drink to that.

He carried the glasses down the hall toward the bedrooms. Magnus was sitting on his bed, staring at the opposite wall. The door was still open and he was smoothing the new covers absently with one hand. Alec stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him.

Magnus noticed him standing there, his eyes slowly drifting to Alec's. "Where…where's the painting?"

Alec shifted. "I…um… I put it in my bedroom."

"Why?" Magnus had a curious expression on his face.

"Well, you had taken it down. I didn't think you wanted it in here."

Magnus's eyes fell to his hands. "I… I still want it…"

Alec's heart did funny things. How can a heart simultaneously feel lighter and heavier? He didn't want Magnus to hurt, yet he was happy that his boyfriend still wanted the painting of them. And suddenly, standing all the way across the room wasn't working for him anymore.

"Can I come in?" he asked. God, when had it come to this, to him asking to enter the bedroom they should be sharing?

Magnus nodded, and Alec wasted no time crossing the room. He knelt down beside Magnus and offered him the extra glass of wine. Magnus gave him a small smile in return as he took the glass and sipped it.

Alec longed to touch him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to offer Magnus comfort, or needed it for himself. Maybe both. Probably both. He just…wanted things to be right between them again.

Magnus patted the bed beside him, and Alec's eyes widened. He tried to play it cool, to not let him know how excited he was for this invitation. He almost certainly failed, but Magnus didn't comment on it. Alec climbed onto the bed and sat next to Magnus. There was maybe a foot of space between them, too much from Alec's perspective, but he didn't want to push things.

They sat quietly, sipping their wine for several long minutes. It again was not a comfortable silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. It just…was. They hadn't been this close to each other in a long time.

When they'd finished their drinks, Alec sat them on the nightstand on his side of the bed. He was reluctant to leave now that he was finally spending some time with Magnus, even if it wasn't exactly what he wanted to be doing. He'd like to be talking and figuring out a way to work through their problems. He'd like to see Magnus looking happy. He'd give anything to kiss him… or make love to him. Anything.

He had to get rid of those thoughts before they embarrassed him and made things awkward, or at least more awkward than they already were. "Want to watch a movie?" He said the first thing that came to mind.

Magnus glanced at him. "Sure," he said, and Alec gaped at him in surprise.

He got up to get his laptop. Even with all the money they had, they'd never bothered much with TV or cable. He returned as quickly as possible, before Magnus had a chance to change his mind. But he found Magnus sitting up in bed, for the first time in ages looking mildly interested in something. It was a start, and Alec would take it!

He climbed back on the bed and set the laptop down. "What do you want to watch? A rom-com? Or just a comedy? Or a horror movie?" He laughed a little at that. Neither of them were really into horror movies.

"One of your 80s movies," Magnus answered softly. Alec bit his lip as his heart stuttered.

"Okay. What about… Pretty Woman?"

Magnus shrugged. "What's that one about?"

Alec stared in disbelief. "You've never heard of… Oh my god. We're definitely watching it then." He hit the button to play the movie. "It's about a rich guy who falls in love with a hooker."

"Oh. Okay," Magnus said as the movie started. He slid down and laid his head in Alec's lap to watch the movie.

Alec's fingers involuntarily went to Magnus's hair. He twined them through the shaggy, dark locks, gently untangling the knots until the strands slid easily through Alec's fingers. He couldn't take his eyes off Magnus.

At some point in the movie, Magnus fell asleep. Alec waited until the movie ended, then quietly slipped out of the bedroom and across the hall to his own room. As he got ready for bed, he wondered if he should have taken advantage of the situation and stayed the night in bed with Magnus. He wanted to, oh god did he want to. But he felt they'd made some progress just sitting together and watching a movie, with Magnus's head in his lap, and he didn't want to do anything to hurt that progress. He was willing to take baby steps to get their relationship back on track.

He was willing to do anything.


	120. Chapter 120

Alec woke earlier than usual the morning after moving into their new apartment. He wasn't entirely sure why. His sleep schedule had taken a hit when he and Magnus became unemployed and he often woke up late in the morning after a turbulent night's sleep, but today he woke up feeling good, which was far out of the norm lately. It took him a moment to figure out why he was feeling so good. Then he remembered: Magnus. Magnus had fallen asleep with his head in Alec's lap the night before while they watched a movie on Alec's laptop. That had been the most boyfriend-y thing they'd done in months.

He smiled and hugged his pillow to his chest. Maybe this move was exactly what they needed. Maybe Magnus would start feeling better now that they had some distance between them and their painful memories. He could only hope that would be true.

He made his way into the kitchen. It felt weird to no longer need to go down stairs to get to the kitchen, like something was wrong, but right at the same time. Like this was the place they were supposed to be, it was just going to take some time to get used to it.

When he rounded the corner of the short hallway into the kitchen, he froze. Magnus was there, looking through the cabinets. Magnus closed the door he was holding open and looked at Alec with a quirked eyebrow.

"Hey."

Alec had to kick himself into gear. He was so stunned to find Magnus out of the bedroom, and snooping, and…out of the bedroom…? What? "Hey," he said as nonchalantly as he could, which he suspected was anything but nonchalant.

"I was going to make us coffee, but there's nothing here." Magnus leaned against the countertop and shrugged.

"Yeah," Alec said, "I need to go to the grocery." To be honest, he hadn't put a lot of thought into getting groceries since neither of them ate much these days. "There's a little coffee shop around the corner. I could go get us something if you want."

Magnus nodded. "Sounds good. Mind if I come, too?"

Alec gaped. He corrected himself as quickly as possible, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't expected anything like this. It was almost like magic. Like moving into the Hopewell apartment had somehow magicked Magnus back to his old self. "Yeah. I'd like that," he said as soon as he could speak.

"Great. I'll get changed."

Magnus disappeared into his bedroom and Alec was helpless to do anything but stare after him. After a few moments, though, he reengaged and went to his room to put on some clothes. It was still December and he had no business going out in shorts and no shirt, no matter how warm Magnus's good mood made him feel.

They headed down the street at a slower pace than they usually walked. Magnus's ankle slowed them down considerably. Not only did it not bend correctly because of the surgery, but it was stiff from not doing his exercises. Alec wasn't pressing the issue today, though. Magnus was out of the house with no prodding from him, and he planned to make it as pleasant as possible.

In the length of time it took to get to the coffee shop, Alec's cheeks and nose were frozen. His skin was pale enough that he was certain his nose was glowing red. He glanced at Magnus, whose skin was dark enough he was mostly resistant to the effects of blushing, but even his cheeks were brighter than usual. Alec smiled. This was the liveliest Magnus had looked in ages.

They got in line and ordered coffees, Alec's black and Magnus's with some weird shit in it. Alec didn't even know what all his boyfriend put in there this time. Could've been anything. He didn't care, at least he was getting something he enjoyed. He selected a bagel with some kind of honey glaze on it and a berry cream cheese, while Magnus opted for a blueberry muffin that was almost as big as his head. _No way he eats all that_, Alec thought, but it didn't matter. He could probably finish off the muffin if Magnus needed him to, or they could carry it home and eat the leftovers later.

They chose a table in the corner away from the door so they would be a little warmer. Breakfast was nice and quiet and comfortable, and to Alec's surprise, Magnus ate every last bite of his muffin. They didn't talk much but Alec got the impression that just being there together was enough for both of them.

On the way back to the apartment, Alec made small talk while they walked side by side, their shoulders occasionally brushing. Alec felt more hope with each touch, and he wondered if maybe the move was really what they needed. Could it be that simple?

They were quiet as they climbed the steps to the apartment. Magnus's ankle made the stairs a little awkward, a little slow going, but Alec followed quietly behind him, giving him space. Alec unlocked the door and let them in, then paused, wondering what they would do next.

He glanced at Magnus, who looked tired. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Magnus said. "I'm just going to rest." He pointed down the hall toward his bedroom, and Alec's eyes followed.

He was disappointed, but he understood. "Yeah, of course," he said, and led Magnus toward his room. "I, um, guess I'll get some groceries. And I need to start unpacking our things."

Magnus nodded. "Yeah. Sounds good." He leaned against the doorframe, looking somewhere just south of Alec's chin. He had that fatigued look that made Alec think he'd overdone it. He hadn't been out of the house in months, except to ride in the car from Tarrytown to Manhattan. The short walk had taken all his energy.

Alec's heart broke at that thought. Magnus, the most vibrant person he'd ever known, the guy who could run up and down the court playing basketball for hours, couldn't even walk a couple blocks for breakfast without tiring out?

But he couldn't dwell on that. "Is there anything special you want from the grocery store?" he said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Magnus shrugged. "No. Just coffee." Magnus took a step backward into the bedroom. "Oh, and maybe some more blueberry muffins."

Alec grinned. "Sure thing."

Magnus smiled back and closed the door. He didn't lock it.

Alec practically skipped down the hallway.

* * *

Alec ran his errands. He bought enough food to last them for years! Well, not quite years, but as he was hauling all the bags up to the apartment, it certainly felt like enough to last for years. Fortunately for him, he discovered he could get the groceries delivered in the future. He was going to love living in Manhattan.

Once he finally got all the food put away, he started working on unpacking some boxes. The boxes were full of their personal effects, years of things they'd accumulated, and he needed to find a place to put them all. He'd save the clothing for later, once Magnus was up. He didn't want to disturb him if he was still sleeping.

The unboxing took a surprisingly short amount of time. And once it was done, he had no more reason to avoid Magnus's room. Well, he could put his own clothing away, but he didn't want to put it in the spare bedroom. Not yet, anyway.

He knocked on Magnus's bedroom door. A moment later, the door opened to reveal a disheveled, sleepy-looking Magnus. He was shirtless and had a crease across his chest from the blankets. He'd obviously just woken up. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up at odd angles. Even looking a mess, he was gorgeous, and Alec cracked a smile, which Magnus returned.

"Hey."

"Hey," Magnus replied.

"I finished putting everything away downstairs. Can I come in and put the clothes away?"

Magnus shrugged and pulled the door open wider. Alec picked up one of the boxes that was stacked outside the door and followed him into the room. Magnus sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He tucked a pillow to his chest and watched as Alec unpacked a couple of boxes and put all of Magnus's clothes away.

When he was finished, Alec gave Magnus a small, uncertain smile. "Guess I'm done."

"What about your clothes?"

Alec wondered if Magnus had read his mind. What about his clothes, indeed. He wanted to put them in this bedroom next to Magnus's things. He wanted this to be his bedroom, too. He wanted them to be a couple again. But he was afraid to push things. This was only the first day after the move, and Magnus had already talked to him more and done more things with him in the last twenty-four hours than he had in months.

Best not to press the issue. "I'm going to put them in my room. For now, anyway."

Magnus nodded like that was a sensible idea. Alec's heart sank. Even though he knew it was for the best right now, he still wished Magnus would invite him to share the room with him. But he knew they still had so much to work out, and he wasn't going to pretend that one decent day meant the worst was behind them.

It was getting late, and Alec was tired after all the unpacking. "Do you need anything before I go to bed?" he asked, with one hand on the doorknob.

Magnus shook his head no, and Alec turned to leave. "Alec?" He paused and looked back over his shoulder. Magnus looked like he was battling himself for a moment, then he said, "Why did you leave last night?"

Alec closed the door and leaned against it, watching Magnus watch him. "I didn't want to overstay my welcome," he said honestly.

Magnus thought about that for a moment. "Do… you want to stay?"

Was that a note of hope Alec heard? Did Magnus really want him to stay? He knew his answer without having to think about it, but was it a good idea? He didn't know if it was or not, but he wasn't about to pass up the chance to sleep in Magnus's bed if his boyfriend was offering!

"Yes."

Magnus patted the bed next to him and Alec's heart leapt. He wasted no time stripping off his shirt and climbing into the bed. Magnus turned off the light and burrowed under the covers. Alec felt him snuggle against his side in the dark.

And just like that, a spark ignited in him. His libido had been shit lately, what with all the stress he'd been under and his concern for Magnus's health and his fear that he was losing the love of his life. He hadn't even jerked off in a couple weeks. Feeling his boyfriend's warm body pressed against his, even if just a small portion of him and he was so thin now that it felt weird, made him want Magnus as much as he ever had.

Magnus was close enough to smell his scent, and the arousing aroma grew even stronger when Magnus snaked an arm across Alec's chest and nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck. His hair tickled Alec's cheek, and Alec suddenly wondered if maybe Magnus was horny, too.

_Surely not_, he reasoned. Magnus was suffering from depression, Alec was certain of it. He hadn't wanted Alec to touch him in months. And was that his nose nudging Alec's throat? Alec was almost scared to believe it. His dick had no such problem. He was hard and silently begging Magnus to make a definite move.

Magnus pressed his warm lips to the hollow beneath Alec's ear, and Alec's eyes fluttered closed. He needed to find out if Magnus was serious, because if he wasn't, if he didn't want him, Alec needed to stop this. Now.

"Magnus?" he said, turning his face and puckering his lips to kiss the top of Magnus's head. But Magnus had other ideas. He took the opportunity given and kissed Alec full on the lips. The hand that had been on Alec's chest slid up to cup his jaw, and Alec found his lips parting and his tongue gliding across Magnus's lips and slipping into his mouth.

Kissing Magnus was like returning home after a long time apart. It felt so good, so right, like this was where he belonged. Of course it was where he belonged. That had been true since the moment he met Magnus, no matter how many twists and turns they'd taken to get there.

Alec held Magnus's head still while he kissed him breathless. Their tongues danced and played together like old friends that hadn't seen each other in ages, but were so very happy to be together again. And somewhere in the midst of it all, Alec felt Magnus's hard cock press against his groin. He rocked his hips against Magnus's dick and shuddered, pausing the kiss to look into Magnus's eyes.

Magnus's pupils were dilated fully and his eyes looked glazed. Alec thought he probably had the same expression on his own face. He kissed Magnus again, sweeping his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth. His leg moved to drape over Magnus's bony body, hooking around his hip, and drawing them even closer together.

Magnus broke the kiss, panting to catch his breath. "Alec?" he groaned as his hand hesitantly slid down Alec's body and connected with his erection. Alec heard him swallow, and felt his long, slender fingers wrap tentatively around his cock.

Alec sighed with pleasure and his eyes fell closed. "Please. Don't stop."

Magnus kissed him again, and swiftly moved his hand up and down Alec's dick. God, it felt good having Magnus touch him like this again. He reached for Magnus's cock and they fell into a rhythm together, stroking each other as their lips and tongues met again and again.

It was over too quickly. They'd both been deprived of sexual activity for so long that within minutes they were shooting off like fountains. Their soft groans filled the air and their kisses slowed to a languid pace, then stopped altogether.

Alec pulled Magnus against him, smearing their mess between them, but not caring one damn bit. He wrapped Magnus in his arms and Magnus tucked his head under Alec's chin, listening to his heartbeat slow to normal. They laid there, holding on to one another and feeling closer than they had in months. At least, Alec felt that way. He couldn't speak for Magnus, and it didn't appear Magnus could speak at all just yet.

Eventually, Alec heard the even breathing he associated with Magnus's sleep. He continued to hold him as his mind wandered. He still had some things he needed to talk to Magnus about, namely therapy, but things were going so well right now and he was afraid the conversation might ruin that. Well, Magnus was already asleep, so he'd managed to avoid the topic for one more day.

He drifted off to sleep with questions in his mind, and Magnus still in his arms.

* * *

Alec woke mid-morning feeling more rested and content than he had in months. He lay in bed getting his bearings, wondering where he was at first. Then, he heard the soft sounds of Magnus's breathing next to him.

He turned and saw that Magnus had moved away from him at some point during the night. He was sleeping with his back to Alec and burrowed under the covers with just a few strands of his dark hair sticking out. Alec could see the shape of his back rising and falling with each breath and he remembered what it had felt like to hold that beautiful, slender body against his.

He was careful not to wake Magnus as he tip-toed out of the room and across the hall to his own bedroom. He found a change of clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. He stepped under the steamy hot water and instantly realized how disgusting he was. Their dried jizz had crusted on his chest and was now a gross mess as he attempted to wash it off. As nasty as the mess was, though, he couldn't help smiling when he thought about what had happened last night. He regretted nothing and wouldn't change a thing about last night if given the chance.

He stayed in the shower much longer than usual, absorbing the warmth and strength of the water. When he finally got out, he felt better than he had in quite a while. He felt refreshed, and that the damaged part of his heart and soul was starting to mend. He felt hopeful.

He went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He didn't care what time of day it was, whenever he got up was coffee time. Besides, it was still morning, if just barely. As the coffee percolated, and the aroma struck his nose, he realized how hungry he was. He didn't feel like making a big breakfast, though, so he settled for a bagel and cream cheese, which was ready about the time the coffee was.

He sat on one of the bar stools to eat his meal, wondering when Magnus would wake up, or if maybe he should go check on him. Perhaps he was already awake and was hungry, too. But before he'd made up his mind to go to Magnus, he heard the shower start up. So, Magnus was up, and bathing.

Alec let his mind wander into dangerous areas for a minute. He thought about Magnus in the shower, with steamy water rolling down his body, his soapy washcloth covering every inch of him. He grew hard as his mind saw Magnus with his morning wood, gently stroking himself, his hand covered in suds for lubrication. Then suddenly, he caught a movement from the corner of his eye, and saw his boyfriend leaning casually against the wall leading into the kitchen, his hair still damp.

"Um, hi," Alec said, startled by Magnus's sudden appearance, and a little embarrassed at being caught fantasizing about him.

"Hi."

"Want some coffee?" Alec offered, standing to get Magnus a cup, and completely ignoring his partial boner. "Maybe a muffin?" he added, remembering that Magnus had specifically requested blueberry muffins from the grocery.

"Sure," Magnus replied, sitting on the bar stool next to Alec's.

Alec smiled as he made breakfast for Magnus. Just like a real couple. Just one more thing that made him feel like they were finally getting back on track.

He sat the muffin and coffee, all sugared up like Magnus liked it, in front of Magnus and refilled his own cup as he watched Magnus eat. Was it his imagination or did Magnus have more color in his cheeks today? No, color wasn't the right word, but he definitely looked brighter. His skin didn't have that dull look it had recently acquired. He looked healthier, a little bit, anyway.

When Magnus had finished eating, Alec took his plate and cup, rinsed them out and put them in the dishwasher. Somehow, the domesticity of it all made him feel better. He dried his hands on a towel that he didn't remember buying, green and gold, like Magnus's eyes. And suddenly he realized that it perfectly matched the décor in the kitchen. He wondered if that had played a role in helping his subconscious mind pick this apartment.

"You got everything unpacked?" Magnus asked, snapping Alec out of his thoughts.

"Um, yeah. Everything is put away."

Magnus nodded. "So, what's on the agenda today?"

Alec felt uneasy. His answer was important. He knew that. He was just afraid of the consequences.

"Well…I was thinking about checking out the gym," he began. "There's supposed to be a nice one in the basement of the building. I haven't been down there yet so I don't know what kind of equipment they have but it's been a long time since I worked out and I really want to get back in shape."

Shit. He was rambling. Rambling wasn't helpful.

The corner of Magnus's lip curled up. "You want me to go with you, don't you?"

Alec blew out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Yes," he said in utter relief. "Yes, Magnus, I really want you to restart your physical therapy. I noticed how much you were limping yesterday when we walked to the coffee shop and I know I can help you. I don't want you to limp like that forever."

More rambling. _Get your shit together, Lightwood_, he said to himself.

"Easy, Alec," Magnus said. "It's okay. I realized yesterday that I need to work on my ankle if I ever want to do normal things again. I'll go with you."

Alec wanted to cry tears of joy! This was the most Magnus-like his boyfriend had been in forever! He realized there was a problem and he wanted to do something about it. Alec was thrilled.

"Great! That sounds great!"

He might have been a little overenthusiastic. Magnus gave him a look.

"What else?" Magnus said.

Oops.

"Well…" Alec really had no idea how to broach this subject. Bringing up physical therapy had been hard enough, but this? No comparison. He took in a deep breath and somehow found the strength he needed. "I have an appointment with Dr. Daniels this afternoon," he said.

_Chicken shit._

"Oh," Magnus said, looking somehow disinterested and wary at the same time.

_He knows you so well._

"Yeah. I need to talk to him. I mean, there's just so much going on and I need to…I need him."

"Okayyyy," Magnus replied, drawing out the word and lacing it with skepticism.

Alec gulped. _Here goes nothing._

"I made an appointment for you with Dr. Clark, too."

Silence. Magnus stared at him.

"I'm not going."

"Magnus- "

"No. I said I'm not going. I don't want to talk to my therapist."

"Why not? I'm worried about you?"

Magnus narrowed his eyes. "I'm fine."

Ha.

Alec started to say something, though he didn't know what, but Magnus interrupted him. "Look, Alec, I know I've been…." He didn't finish that thought. "That house was really bringing me down. It was so full of memories of the life I… we…." He sighed. "I feel a lot better here. Can't you see that?"

Alec crossed the room and gripped Magnus's shoulders gently. "Oh, Magnus. Yes, of course I can see how much better you are doing here. And I appreciate the effort you are making. You have made me so happy since we moved." _Even if it's only been a few days_, he added silently. He didn't think pointing that out would be helpful. "It's just…"

Alec paused. He guided Magnus to their new purple couch and sat them both down on it. The couch really was comfortable, and helped him say the things he needed to say.

"It's just that I was so worried about you. I honestly thought I was losing you, and I don't want that. I don't know how to handle losing you again. I'm scared that…that maybe you need medicine, and I don't want to wait until it's too late to get that for you."

"Alec," Magnus argued, "I'm doing better. I feel better. Just…let me handle this on my own. Okay?"

What the hell could he say to that? If he said no, he was undermining the progress Magnus had already made. If he said yes, was he endangering Magnus's mental health? But if he argued that Magnus had to see his therapist, would it do any good? Would he even talk to Dr. Clark if he was there because Alec forced him to go? That might do more harm than good.

"Okay," Alec agreed, thinking that at least he was getting him to do some PT today. That was a start. "I'll cancel the appointment for you and drop the subject for now." Magnus looked relieved. "But," Alec added, and received Magnus's full attention again. "If you quit doing PT, or you stop talking to me again, I will make that appointment and take you there myself."

Magnus gave him a brief smile. "Deal," he said, and Alec felt relief flood his system.

"Okay. I'm still going to see Dr. Daniels this afternoon, so if we want to get our workout in first, we better get going."

Magnus followed him to their bedrooms. They both pulled on a shirt to be presentable, since they didn't know any of the people in the building yet, and some socks and shoes. A few minutes later, they were heading down the stairs for their first workout in a long time.

Alec had a spring in his step. He wondered if Magnus did, too.


	121. Chapter 121

**A/N: You guys! Malec sex on Shadowhunters tonight?! OMG! If there isn't a chapter next week it's because I died and am in Malec heaven!**

**Also, somehow our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY slipped past me...Wow! I can't believe how quickly that happened. Thanks so much for all the support and love for this story. It means more to me than I can express in mere words. :)**

**And last but not least, bonus chapters. Ugh, I know, I know. So, here are the problems: 1. My bff is FINALLY coming for a visit, and I have to get some projects done before he gets here, otherwise he will have no place to sleep and that's not cool. 2. As I'm sure you are all aware, America just elected a moronic man-child as president, and I have been very busy with activism to opposed, well, pretty much everything he and his administration want to do. 3. I have to get my stupid taxes done. Blah. And 4. I work a full time job... Because of all that, I'm barely getting the weekly chapters done and have zero time to work on bonus chapters. Please forgive me, but right now i just have too much to do and not enough hours. Thank you for your patience with me. **

* * *

Magnus was sleeping when Alec returned from his appointment with Dr. Daniels. Just as well. He had a lot to think about after talking to his therapist. And thinking was done best while preparing dinner.

He shuffled into the kitchen, shedding his coat and hanging it in the hall closet on the way. He dug out a couple pans and started to work. There was chicken in the fridge that needed to be used, and some spinach and peppers and… He had no idea what he was making, but it would likely end up dumped over some pasta.

As he chopped veggies, he recalled the workout he'd had with Magnus earlier. He was so proud of Magnus's effort. That was the first time Magnus had willingly done his exercises since before the arthrodesis surgery.

They were both sadly out of shape. Neither could do anything close to what they used to do. They didn't have the strength or stamina they once had. Alec had started them both on light weights for their upper body workout, and added a few pounds to his own when he realized he could handle more. Magnus, however, barely managed to finish the set. He was so bony, and his muscles had atrophied from lack of use. Alec had lost a lot of weight and strength from not working out, but he hadn't been lying in bed for the last year doing nothing like Magnus had.

Once they moved on to the lower body exercises, Magnus had an even harder time. Alec gave Magnus a brief massage and stretched his legs to keep him from injuring himself. His ankle was so stiff he could hardly move it at all. Alec could see the effort Magnus was giving by the pained expression on his face, the sweat beading on his forehead and dampening his hair. He didn't let him do much for fear of overdoing it and causing unnecessary pain and swelling. But even stopping those exercises early, Magnus still limping back up the stairs to their apartment.

Alec had wondered if living in an apartment with so many stairs was a good idea. Now he was having second thoughts about his decision, but he hoped in the end it would be a good thing.

When they got back to the apartment, Alec drew Magnus a hot bath with Epsom salts. He let Magnus soak in the tub until the water turned cool, sitting on the toilet seat next to him and talking about how the workout had gone. Magnus was clearly exhausted and having difficulty keeping his eyes open, so Alec did the majority of the talking. He didn't mind. As long as he was with Magnus, that was all that mattered.

After the bath, Alec helped Magnus into bed and climbed in with him. He spent the next hour massaging every inch of Magnus's body. He was already relaxed from the bath, and the massage was the icing on the cake. Magnus was out cold and lightly snoring before Alec finished half the massage. He kept going though, because Magnus's relaxation was not the purpose of the massage. He was simply tending to Magnus's sore muscles.

When he was finished, Alec got in the shower to get ready for his therapy appointment. He turned the water up as high as he could stand and let it wash over him. Since _he_ didn't have a masseuse, he relied on the water to ease his aching muscles. The shower was heavenly, and he felt good when it was over.

Alec arrived a little before his scheduled appointment time and had a lovely chat with Jean, the receptionist. He hadn't set foot in this office in more than two years. The décor had changed: fresh paint, a new plant in the corner, some new artwork. But something about being there felt right, like he had returned home or something. Well, maybe not home, but to a meaningful place, at least. This was the place that had heard his stories, handled his demons, guided him back to the people he loved. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel returning here, but he felt as ease.

Dr. Daniels hadn't changed one damn bit. He was the same nerdy guy with wavy brown hair, small in stature, but big-hearted, with the widest, most welcoming grin Alec could imagine. Alec stuck out his hand, but Dr. Daniels ignored it and pulled him into a hug instead.

"How have you been, Alec?" Dr. Daniels asked, taking his customary seat.

Alec looked at the couch, the thing he had avoided at all costs while he was Dr. Daniels's patient the first time. It didn't seem so formidable now. He smiled briefly as he took a seat on it, the plush olive-green upholstery sighing in welcome. Alec took that as a good sign.

"I'm doing pretty well."

Dr. Daniels studied him for a moment. "I must say, I'm glad to see you again, but seeing your name on the appointment schedule had me worried. What's brought you here today?"

Alec took a deep breath. He remembered what a difficult time he'd had opening up to Dr. Daniels after his rape. By comparison, this wasn't so bad. "Magnus," he said simply.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You remember my boyfriend, Magnus, right?" Dr. Daniels gave him a don't-be-stupid look, which Alec took as a yes. "Well, have you heard about his injury?"

Dr. Daniels nodded. "I have. Such a shame, too. He was poised to dominate the basketball world when it happened."

Alec smiled. He loved that his doctor understood his love of basketball. "Yeah. Rising Stars MVP, Skills Challenge winner, Olympic gold medalist. He was on his way to the top. And he wanted it so badly."

"How's he taking it?"

"Terribly," Alec said. "He… well, I think he might be depressed. He sleeps all the time, and he wasn't eating or doing his exercises. He quit talking to me and even locked me out of our bedroom."

"Wasn't?" Dr. Daniels said. Alec had forgotten how good he was at picking up on little words like that.

"Yes. We moved to Manhattan a few days ago and things are already looking better. He's talking to me some now, and we worked out together today. He…" Alec felt his face flush, but he continued anyway. "He even let me spend the night with him."

"Well, that sounds like a good start."

"Yes. I thought so, too…"

"But…?"

"Well, he won't go to therapy. I scheduled him an appointment with his therapist and he refused to go. Said he felt better being in the new apartment and he didn't need to see a shrink."

"And you don't think that's the right decision?"

"I don't know," Alec said. "He _is_ doing better. He slept really well last night when I was with him. He's eating a little better. He did his exercises without complaint. But is that enough?"

"Well, as I said, it's a good start. What makes you think it's not enough?"

Alec shrugged. "I guess I'm just worried. He still sleeps a lot. What if he's still depressed and I'm missing it?"

"Alec," Dr. Daniels said, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His glasses were slightly askew and his expression understanding. "I don't think you will miss the warning signs. You seem to have a good handle on what's going on with Magnus right now."

"Warning signs?"

"Yes. I think you are right and that Magnus is likely suffering from depression. He probably does need to be on medication, but I can't tell for sure without seeing him."

"I wish you could see him…" Alec grumbled.

Dr. Daniels smiled sadly. "I know. But it would be a conflict of interest for me to see both of you. As I was saying, though, I think you are recognizing the signs of his depression well, and if he falls back into those patterns, you'll be able to get him help."

Alec looked up, surprised. "You don't think I should make him see his therapist now?"

"I would love for him to go, but if he is refusing, forcing him could do more harm than good. It might be best to wait and see if he backslides."

Alec sighed with relief. "That's basically the deal I made him. I feel so much better hearing you say it's okay to do that. I'm still worried about him, and I felt like I was letting him down by not making him go."

"You are not letting him down. You are doing the best you can for him in the situation. What you've done so far, by moving him here, has already started to help him. Just be prepared in case the day comes when that's not enough."

Alec nodded. "I will. Thanks."

"Sure. Now, we've talked about Magnus. I think it's time we talk about you."

Alec spent the next half hour filling Dr. Daniels in on everything that had been going on since last they met. A lot had happening in the last two years. There had been a lot of emotions between him and Magnus in that time, and laying it all out for Dr. Daniels helped him see what a roller coaster ride they'd been on.

"So, your relationship had been going well before the accident?"

"Yes. I am so in love with him. I just…." Alec trailed off. He wasn't sure if he should articulate the words, even here where it was safe.

"Just what?" Dr. Daniels pressed, as usual.

"I… want to marry him."

Dr. Daniels smiled broadly. "That's wonderful. Does he know?"

"I don't know. I tried to talk to him once about it, but he freaked out and said he wasn't ready. I haven't brought it up since."

"When was that?"

"I don't know, maybe six months or so after we got back together."

The doctor had a strange look on his face that Alec couldn't read. He wanted to ask what was going on in that brilliant mind, but he was almost afraid of the answer. Instead, he said, "And now we're dealing with all of this, so there's no way I can bring it up again. Not until things get back on track with us."

Dr. Daniels gave him a knowing look. "No, best not to mention marriage right now. All the more reason to get him into therapy, though."

Alec laughed. "Yes. I can see it now. 'Magnus, I need you to go to therapy because I'd like to get married before I'm eighty!'"

Alec laughed so hard, then, that his sides hurt and he doubled over, clutching his gut. When he finally recovered, he saw Dr. Daniels wiping tears from his own eyes.

"It's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, Alec."

* * *

The water was boiling nicely, ready for Alec to add the noodles. He chose penne, because it was his favorite and everything went well with it. Seriously, why did they even make other types of pasta? After dumping the noodles into the water, his mind drifted back to that afternoon.

Alec had left Dr. Daniels's a short time later, feeling much better than he had in a long time. It was good to see his therapist again, a man he considered a friend at this point. Talking to Dr. Daniels was as easy as talking to Cammie. Well, maybe easier in some ways. Dr. Daniels knew all his deepest, darkest secrets, even the things he hadn't shared with his friends. He would tell Cammie and the others if they asked - he didn't have a problem talking about his past anymore - but he didn't think it would do any good. He thought more than likely it would just make them feel… Well, he didn't really know how it would make them feel, but he didn't want to burden them with the finer details if they didn't want to know. Besides, the rape was old news. He was over it, and he was a different person now. He would never forget about it, but he had put it behind him.

Alec drained the penne and separated it onto two plates. He topped it with the cheesy chicken and vegetable mixture he'd concocted and grabbed a couple forks. Then, on a stroke of inspiration, he poured a couple glasses of wine from the bottle their friends had left for them. He could hardly believe they actually had leftover wine. He didn't think that had ever happened with them before, but that's the way life was going right now.

He somehow juggled the plates and glasses and had to use his foot to knock on Magnus's bedroom door. Magnus answered quickly, looking disheveled. Alec had no doubt he'd just woken his boyfriend.

"I brought dinner," he said cheerily, raising the wine glasses in one hand and nodding toward the steamy pasta in the other.

Magnus inhaled deeply and grinned. "That looks amazing," he said, and took a plate and glass from Alec's hand.

They sat down on the their usual sides of the bed, Magnus folding his legs and using them as a makeshift table and Alec just holding his plate. They ate without conversation, except for the happy noises Magnus made while he enjoyed his food. Alec thought again how normal this felt. How _good_ it felt to just be with Magnus. He was _not _thinking about his conversation with Dr. Daniels, or how he thought Magnus really needed to be in therapy. He was taking his doctor's advice and appreciating the good times. He'd keep an eye on Magnus, and worry about the rest later.

When they were finished eating, neither of them clearing their plates, Alec noticed Magnus had a bit of cheesy sauce on his face. He reached up without thinking and swiped it away with his index finger. How had he forgotten napkins? He stared at his finger, wondering if he should get up and clean it off in the bathroom or… He stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked the sauce off it, his eyes locking with Magnus's as his tongue licked his finger clean.

He hadn't completely thought it through how the gesture would be taken. That is, not until he saw Magnus's pupils dilate and his nostrils flare. Alec wasn't entirely sure how everything happened next, but suddenly, Magnus was kissing him and tangling his hand in Alec's shaggy hair. Alec felt fingernails on his scalp as Magnus's fist clinched and pulled his hair. Alec's head fell back, exposing his neck, and Magnus descended, lips and teeth clamping down on Alec's neck. Alec was certain he would see livid bruises next time he looked in the mirror.

He leaned back, and wasn't sure if he just naturally fell backward, or if Magnus's body pushed him as he climbed on top of Alec. They shuffled somewhat awkwardly into position, the kiss growing deeper and more heated. Alec reached up, his fingers sliding past the hem of Magnus's shirt to the warm flesh beneath. He gripped Magnus's sides and pulled him down against him, arching his pelvis up and finding Magnus just as hard as he was.

He abandoned thinking and reasoning and wondering if this was a good idea. After all, Magnus started it. If he didn't want to fuck Alec, why would he tackle him like that? With no more thought than that in his mind, he let his body take over and do whatever it wanted.

Hands removed clothes, and Alec didn't know or care whose did what. They didn't even bother getting under the covers, even though it was December and cold and the old building was a little drafty. The contrast of chilly air on his heated skin made goosebumps erupt all over him, and turned him on even more.

Magnus's kisses became sloppy as he ground against Alec, sometimes hitting the corner of his mouth, or missing it altogether. Alec didn't care. He turned his head so Magnus could suck on his neck some more while his hand slid down and grasped their bare cocks. He felt Magnus's teeth, and hot puffs of breath against his flesh as Magnus thrust into his hand and their cocks rubbed together. They were both leaking already, and Magnus had a strained expression on his face as he tried to hold off his orgasm.

"Alec," Magnus panted somewhere near Alec's ear. "I want to fuck you."

Alec wanted that, too. Very much so. And he didn't have the patience to hunt down a bottle of lube. Normally one lived in the stand beside the bed (on each side, actually), but between the move and the decline of their relationship, Alec couldn't be certain he would find a bottle there. And under no circumstance was he climbing out from underneath Magnus, well, unless Magnus wanted to swap positions...

Spit and precum were the magic lube this time around. He smeared the mixture in and around his hole and guided Magnus there. Magnus went slowly, but Alec thought that was as much so he wouldn't prematurely blow his load as it was for Alec's benefit, if the look of pained ecstasy on his boyfriend's face was any judge of the situation.

Once Magnus was in and had taken a moment to adjust – because Magnus needed time to adjust as much as Alec did, given how long it had been for them – he leaned down and kissed Alec, slowly, sensually. Alec's lips tingled wherever Magnus's tongue touched them. And when Magnus finally moved, Alec felt his insides ignite. His whole body came alive, his skin suddenly sensitive to the barest touch. Magnus's lips on his neck, the caress of his thumb against Alec's shoulder, the brush of his hips to Alec's thighs. And Magnus's cock moving deep within him, striking his prostate, filling him up, and sending waves of pleasure throughout his body.

Alec was a mindless mess, no longer capable of thought, only feel. And god, what he was feeling was so, so good.

His fingers somehow found Magnus's arms, taut and straining as he held himself up. His skin was silky smooth, damp with sweat, the muscles beneath firm, and Alec suddenly wanted to taste him. He raised his head just enough to lick and nibble at Magnus's arm. He tasted salty, and musky, and he groaned aloud as Alec licked him again.

Magnus grunted out Alec's name, and Alec knew exactly what that meant. He leaned back against the pillows, and reached between his legs. His cock, which he'd purposefully ignored up to that moment no matter how demanding it was, was just as sensitive as the rest of his body. His hips gave an involuntary jerk as soon as his hand encircled his dick, which changed Magnus's angle and felt really fucking good!

"Oh, god, Magnus. Fuck!" Alec groaned as he stroked his cock.

"Yeah?" Magnus somehow got out between thrusts. He was pounding Alec hard and Alec knew he couldn't take much more before he exploded. "You. Like. That?"

"Fuck. Magnus." Each thrust jarred Alec's body. making words difficult. He gave one more tug on his cock and with a loud, "Fuuuuuck!" shot off all over himself. He saw stars as wave after wave of pleasure flooded his senses, and he tingled from head to toe.

He had no idea what happened next, how long it took Magnus to finish or if they'd finished simultaneously or what. He didn't know how long he laid there, chest heaving, mind fucking blown to bits, but when he finally became aware of his surroundings again, the first thing he noticed was that he was cold. He'd been out of it long enough that his body had cooled and the ambient temperature was no longer comfortable.

The next thing he noticed was that Magnus's cold, sweaty body was pinning him down, and Magnus was immobile. Alec covered them with a blanket and suddenly felt better, then attempted to rouse Magnus. He shook his boyfriend just a little, then realized with a jolt that he was still lodged inside Alec's ass. Aftershocks hit Alec hard, and he held still until they subsided.

He gently eased Magnus out and off him, and laid him on the bed beside him. Magnus barely stirred. His eyelids fluttered and he gave a soft moan, and fell still. Alec had a brief moment of panic that maybe he wasn't okay, that maybe something had happened to him while Alec was out of his mind in ecstasy.

He shook Magnus again, and his eyes opened. They were unfocused and dazed, but open. "Are you okay?" Magnus didn't answer, and Alec nudged him again. "Magnus? Are you okay?"

"Mmmmm," Magnus hummed, and Alec truly felt alarmed now.

"Magnus! Just tell me you are okay!"

Magnus's lips moved, but Alec couldn't hear what he said. He leaned down, and felt the puff of warm breath against his cheek as Magnus said, "Mind. Blown."

Alec grinned in relief. He understood that feeling for sure. He snuggled up beside Magnus, and placed a hand on his chest. His hand rose and fell with each of Magnus's breaths, and that was the most reassuring thing in the world to Alec.

* * *

Alec snuck off to the coffee shop first thing in the morning, and he returned before Magnus woke. He slipped back into bed, his cold feet in the warm sanctuary of their covers enough to wake Magnus from his dreams. He shuffled around and looked up at Alec, bleary-eyed and beautiful.

"Happy birthday," Alec said, producing some insane mixture of sweet stuff with a little bit of coffee added and Magnus's new favorite blueberry muffin. The barista had placed a single candle on top and Alec struck a match to light it. He sang 'Happy Birthday to You' to Magnus, who looked simultaneously amused and embarrassed. He blew out the candle without prompting and happily tore into the muffin.

Magnus's eyes lit up when Alec produced a second blueberry muffin. "Did you get yourself one, too?"

Alec nodded. "Thought I'd see what all the fuss was about."

He had to admit after one bite that the muffin was pretty fucking fantastic. After they'd eaten and finished their coffees, Alec asked Magnus what he wanted to do for his birthday. Magnus simply shrugged, but Alec wasn't going to let him get away with that. "Come on, Magnus, you only turn twenty-eight once."

Magnus looked away. He still appeared tired, if Alec were being honest. "You said you didn't want a party, so I haven't invited anyone over. But we can't just sit here and look at each other all day…"

"We can't?" Magnus said innocently, and Alec laughed.

When Magnus still didn't offer any suggestions, Alec said, "Fine. How about we get in a workout. Then, maybe a massage? And then you can choose where we have dinner?" Nice and quiet, nothing over-stimulating, a peaceful day together. Sounded perfect to Alec.

Magnus nodded. "I'd like that."

And they did just that. The workout was the perfect thing to get their blood flowing. Magnus put effort into it, even when he struggled with his bad ankle. He didn't get annoyed or act out, and he didn't quit. He did as Alec instructed, and in the end, although Magnus was sore, they both felt better.

Alec took Magnus back up to their apartment and they got in the shower together. They played around a bit, soaping and fondling each other, just a bit of foreplay as they rinsed away the grime from the workout. Then, Alec toweled himself before wrapping the other towel around Magnus. He slowly dried the water from Magnus's hair, then made his way down the lean body, sucking water droplets off Magnus's skin before following with the towel. When he got to Magnus's groin, he took his cock into his mouth, and gave it a quick tongue bath before leading a very malleable Magnus to bed.

Once Magnus was situated, Alec started to work on his massage. The birthday boy was going to get whatever he wanted today, Alec would see to that. He started at Magnus's head, neck, and shoulders, kneading the muscles between his hands. He worked Magnus's upper body, then moved to his feet and started upward.

By the time Alec reached Magnus's midsection, his dick was mostly hard, and his body was as pliable as putty. Then, Alec set about giving Magnus a world-class blowjob. As Alec bobbed on his cock, he gently massaged his balls, and Magnus softly moaned his approval. Magnus's body was so relaxed from the workout and the shower and the massage, he was powerless to move, but he could vocalize just fine. Alec grinned as he released Magnus's cock and heard his boyfriend whimper.

He parted Magnus's legs a little wider, and moved down to suck his balls into his mouth, one at a time. Magnus moaned happily again, and Alec moved further down. He flicked his tongue over Magnus's hole and felt his boyfriend quake at the sensation. He did it again, and Magnus sighed. Yeah, he liked that. Alec's tongue darted inside, breaching the tight ring of muscles, then alternating between licks and jabs until Magnus loosened up for him and Alec noticed the wet spot from Magnus's leaking cock.

Alec moved back and took Magnus's dick in his mouth again, sliding up and down while his finger took the place of his tongue playing around Magnus's hole. Magnus breathed hard, soft moans escaping him. As he drew closer to his release, Alec took him all the way in, and slid the tip of his finger into Magnus's ass, and Magnus released as if on command. Maybe it was. Alec felt like he'd commanded that release, anyway.

Magnus was now completely spent and incapable of even the slightest movements. He was relaxed and sprawled out on the bed, offered up like a gift for Alec's birthday instead of the other way around. Alec's hand closed around his own cock, furiously stroking as his eyes feasted on the most beautiful man he'd ever known. He thought about how it felt to have Magnus's cock in his mouth, how Magnus had tasted as he licked his ass, and then caught all his spunk in his release. And before he knew it, he was coming, the hot jets of his fluid landing in artistic streaks on Magnus's torso.

Alec hastily cleaned up his mess, and climbed into bed with Magnus. He was asleep in no time.

* * *

Magnus was still so languid when he woke that he didn't want to go anywhere for his birthday dinner. Instead, Alec ordered Chinese food and had it delivered. They ate in comfortable silence, then Magnus went back to sleep.

Alec was disappointed, but he knew it would take time for Magnus to rebuild his stamina. He knew that Magnus had been suffering from sleep deprivation as much as he had before they moved. Letting him sleep a little extra sounded reasonable.

Unfortunately, Alec wasn't tired at all. Which meant he had to leave the bedroom unless he wanted to stare at the ceiling, bored to tears. Which he didn't. He went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of wine, and decided to see what trouble he could get into on the internet. He briefly thought about calling Cammie, but he didn't want to take a chance on waking the baby.

He'd just pulled up an article on the Knicks's new starting point guard when he heard keys jingling at the front door. A waft of cold air hit him as he turned to find Will Herondale standing by his front door.

"Will? What are you doing here?" he said, surprised. He'd already told Will that Magnus didn't want any company on his birthday. Will had been disappointed, but he seemed to be okay with it.

"Where is he?" Will demanded.

"He's sleeping."

Will let out a frustrated noise. "He's always sleeping! Every time I call, every time I come over. I'm getting sick of this!"

Will's voice rose and Alec quickly pulled him into the kitchen to give a small buffer between them and Magnus. He didn't want to wake his boyfriend.

"Look, Will –"

"Is he in therapy yet?" Will demanded, cutting off whatever Alec had planned to say.

Alec took a deep breath and looked Will firmly in the eyes, holding his ground. "No. He's not."

"Why the fuck not?!"

"If you'd stop yelling at me, I'd tell you!" Alec shot back, irritated.

Will seemed taken aback. Alec supposed shouting at him could have that effect, but he wasn't sure since he'd never actually shouted at Will before.

"Fine," Will huffed. "Will you tell me why Magnus isn't in therapy yet? Please," he added, with mock sincerity, but at least he wasn't yelling now.

"He's doing better, Will," Alec began, and Will gave him a supremely unimpressed look. Alec continued. "He is. He's even been letting me sleep in his bedroom."

Will's eyes narrowed. "You didn't make him go to therapy because you're getting your rocks off?!"

"What? No! That's not why!" Alec could feel his face blushing, and hated it. "Look, Will, he's been doing his PT. He even walked to the coffee shop with me a few days ago. He's eating better. And yes, we've _made love_," (Alec stressed the words), "but that's not the only reason I think he's doing better. I even talked to Dr. Daniels –"

"Wait. You've been to _your_ therapist, but you aren't making Magnus go to his?" Will threw up his hands in exasperation. "Un-fucking-believable!"

"Will, if you'd just listen –"

"No, Alec, I think it's time _you_ listened," Will interrupted again. "Magnus has been my best friend since the day he was born. I love him like a brother. I've been there every time his life has fallen apart, and I'm not going to sit back and watch it from a distance this time."

The implication was clear. Will had been there for Magnus, again and again. Alec had not. Alec had been the cause of Magnus's life falling apart last time, and Will had helped him pick up the pieces then, too. Well, him and his developing friendship with Lexus.

"I get what you are saying, Will," Alec said as neutrally as he could. He was hurt by Will's words, but he needed to explain what was happening to him. "I'm not trying to cause Magnus any trouble or pain or whatever. He has been doing better, and he is so far refusing to go to therapy –"

"Of course he is. He hates therapy," Will grumbled.

"I know he does. That's why I agreed to give him a little more time, as long as he continues to talk to me and eat and do his exercises."

"And fuck you?"

Alec rolled his eyes. Petulance was not his favorite attribute. "Whatever, Will. Dr. Daniels agrees with me that forcing Magnus to go to therapy when he is making an effort to improve would be undermining that effort, and I'm not going to set him up for failure. If he is trying, then I will help him the best I can."

"But he's still sleeping all the time," Will countered.

"He didn't sleep for three months! Maybe he's just tired."

"You didn't sleep for three months, either, and yet, here you are fighting with me while Magnus sleeps," Will pointed out.

Alec hated when Will was right. "Look, I'm not saying he is perfect or healed or whatever. I'm just saying he's improving and I want to give him a chance. If he pulls himself out of this, great. If he doesn't, I'll take him to therapy myself. I promise, Will, I'm watching him closely. I won't let him down. I know I wasn't there before, when I pushed him away after I was raped. I didn't mean to hurt him then. I just needed the time to heal myself. I will do what's best for him this time. I swear."

Will studied him, long and hard. Then, "Alright. I'll take your word for it. But keep me in the loop on how he's doing, okay? I worry about him, too."

"I know you do. I promise I'll keep you informed."

Will stuck around for a few more minutes. Alec felt guilty for a moment that Will had stayed such a short time, but then he remembered Will was now only a few minutes walk away. Will paused at the door before leaving.

"I've never missed his birthday before," Will lamented, and nostalgic expression on his face.

"And you're not missing it this time," Alec said. "You're here. Even if you didn't see him, you're still here."

Will gave a small smile and left, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts, and the echoes of the argument bouncing around his head.


	122. Chapter 122

The pattern continued that first week or so in the new apartment. Magnus got up and ate breakfast with Alec. They went to the basement gym and put in a thorough workout, including physical therapy for Magnus's ankle. Then, they spent quality time together, which was a euphemism for getting each other off in one way or another. Then, Magnus would sleep the rest of the day, sometimes waking up to eat dinner with Alec, if he felt like it.

Alec tried not to let this discourage him. After all, he was having some form of sexual activity with Magnus every day, and Magnus was doing his PT and letting Alec sleep in his bed. Those were all improvements. Magnus's ankle was less stiff and beginning to bear weight better. His limp was not so exaggerated anymore. Progress.

But Alec still felt so lonely, to the depths of his soul he was lonely. He tried to pretend that he didn't feel that way, but deep down where he couldn't lie to himself, he knew how he felt. The days were long when the person he loved spent most of his time sleeping. Alec wanted to talk. He wanted to see how Magnus was feeling. He wanted an actual conversation. He wanted the connection that he'd always had with Magnus.

_That's not fair_, he told himself. Magnus was trying. He was making an effort to participate and be Alec's boyfriend again and do the work needed to mend his ankle. Alec was being selfish for wanting more than that. He needed to give Magnus more time. After all, Magnus didn't get in this shape in just a week or two. He would need time to get out of it, too.

So, Alec enjoyed the morning routine, and trudged through the afternoons and evenings. He went to see Dr. Daniels at least once a week, sometimes more if the doctor had free time. He learned some new recipes from some cooking videos on the internet. He shopped online for Christmas gifts for all the people he loved. He passed the time however he could, until the next morning when he got to spend time with Magnus again.

One night, after they'd been in the apartment for a couple weeks, Cammie brought Benji for a visit. Austin was busy at a swim meet out of town. Cammie didn't like to take the baby on the away trips because their schedule got so messed up and he would get fussy. Besides, Austin had his hands full with ten teenage swimmers and barely had time to notice if his wife and child were there during the meets.

Alec took Benji from her the moment she walked in the door. Then he scooped her into his other arm and hugged her tightly. She smelled like Cammie always smelled, sweet with a hint of floral scent. Only now she had an undertone of baby powder, too. He supposed that was only natural when the person you spent most of your time with was four months old.

Cammie squeezed him hard and kissed his cheek. Benji looked up at him like he was disturbing the baby's sleep. Alec couldn't help chuckling at the indignant expression on his little face. He reached up with his little fist and bopped Alec on the chin. Then his eyes opened wide and took in his surroundings. At least, Alec thought he was taking in his surroundings. He wasn't sure a four-month-old baby could do that, though.

"Hey!" Alec said as he stared at little Benji. "Are his eyes changing colors?"

Cammie grinned and nodded. "I think he's going to have green eyes, just like Austin and me."

The look she gave her son at that moment took Alec's breath away. There was so much love and pride rolled into that one gaze, it was almost palpable.

"He's starting to look more like Austin," Alec observed, and Cammie nodded again. It was true. The baby's nose was broader than Cammie's delicate one, resembling Austin's more than it had when Alec first met him. Benji smiled and Alec said, "Look, he's got Austin's dimples!" Again, Cammie nodded. Then, Benji's little eyes fluttered closed. Alec glanced at Cam. "He's got your eyes, though."

"He's a perfect blend of Austin and me. I couldn't be happier."

She took Benji then, and laid him on Alec's _eggplant_ sofa, mounding pillows and blankets up around him so he couldn't roll off. Then she sat down beside him and patted the cushion next to her. Alec took his place, sitting so close to Cammie they were touching. He leaned over and rested his chin on her shoulder. They both watched Benji.

"I miss you," Alec said abruptly. He hadn't meant to actually say the words. They just slipped out of him in a moment of weakness.

She smiled sadly at him. "I know. I miss you, too, honey. How is everything going with Magnus?"

Alec shrugged. He didn't know how to answer that. He wanted to be optimistic and say things were going well, but the loneliness in his soul was having no part of it. "I miss him, too."

Cammie's brows furrowed with concern. "What do you mean? He's here, right?"

"Oh, yeah. He's here. Physically." Alec sighed. Once the words were out, there was no taking them back, and Cammie wasn't one to let him off the hook. He knew he was about to spill his guts to one of the best friends he'd ever had. "He doesn't ever talk to me. We do our workouts in the morning, and eat breakfast together, then he's shut up in his bedroom the rest of the day. I just want to talk to him."

Alec dropped his head into his hands as Cammie rubbed his shoulder. "Oh, Alec. This must be so hard for you. I know how much you love him. Maybe he just needs a little more time?"

"I don't know. I mean, yeah. That's what I'm trying to do, give him time to deal with everything. It's just… When we first moved here, it seemed like everything was turning around. We started working out together, he offered to go to the coffee shop with me. We started having sex again. It was great."

"And now you're not doing those things?"

Her hand on his back gave him much needed comfort and strength. "No, we are still doing those things, but that's all. It hasn't progressed at all from the first few days after we moved."

"Wait, I don't understand? You're still spending time together and even having sex, but what? That's not enough for you?"

Put like that, Alec felt even worse for feeling so alone. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Magnus was doing just fine and Alec needed to quit rushing him. He glanced sideways at Cam and offered a half-smile.

"You're right. It should be enough for me. Magnus is trying and I'm being too pushy, wanting him to do more than he's ready to do. Thanks, Cam," he said, and hugged her.

"It's okay to feel lonely, Alec. Just give him a little more time. He's had a run of bad luck lately. That's got to be hard for him to handle."

"It is. I just needed some perspective. Thank you."

They had a perfect visit after that, talking about all the fun stuff Austin had planned for his swim team, and when Cammie will be going back to work. She hired a live-in nanny named Alissa to care for Benji. They had grown very close in the last few months and Cammie was excited not only to have a new friend, but also to have an adult to talk to instead of speaking exclusively to an infant like most new mothers. She had started going to meetings at the company already, and planned to return full time after the first of the year.

"I'm going to miss spending time with him, but I need to be back in the boardroom. I miss my job, too."

That was plain to see by the look on Cammie's face. She clearly loved her work, and had blossomed into quite the businesswoman. Alec was proud of her. Considering how much trouble she'd had getting her bearings when she first started at the company nearly six years ago, she'd really come a long way. She was amazing, and he told her that.

Cammie and Benji left a few hours later. Cam wanted to get home and get Benji in bed before Austin returned from his trip. He would undoubtedly be tired and she wanted to do something special for him. Alec didn't ask for details, just gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she left.

* * *

Lexus and Will were frequent visitors now that Alec and Magnus lived so close to them. They stopped by at least once a week, checking up on Magnus and seeing if Alec needed any help. They were still recording their latest album and spent most of their time in the studio. Alec had the feeling they would come over every night if their schedule permitted.

Lexus's visits were usually calm and pleasant, similar to Cammie's except that Alec didn't confide his continued lonely feelings to Lexus. His feelings had only made him feel like as ass when he talked to Cammie. He didn't think things would be any different with Lexus, someone who was Magnus's friend first, someone who helped see him through Alec's disappearance years ago.

Once, she commented that Alec looked tired. He told her he hadn't been sleeping very well. As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized they were true. Even though he was still sleeping in Magnus's bed, the distance between them was keeping him up at night. He hadn't even realized it until that moment. He didn't have a job anymore, so he wasn't on a schedule anymore, which made it easier to overlook his sleep deprivation. And really, what did it matter if they worked out at ten in the morning instead of nine? But now that he thought about it, it was getting closer to ten thirty than ten. Like they were getting up later and later every day.

Will's visits were completely different than Lexus's or Cammie's. Unless he came with Lexus, and then he was more reasonable and less loud. Will just wasn't one to sit back and watch his best friend suffer. He was vocal about wanting Magnus in therapy. Alec appreciated his concern, but he'd made a promise to Magnus, and so far, Magnus was still upholding his end of the deal. Alec wasn't going back on his word as long as Magnus was doing what they agreed upon.

"Really?" Will challenged one night. "When was the last time he talked to you?"

"This morning," Alec answered promptly. It was true. He and Magnus had discussed what they wanted to eat for breakfast and what exercises they wanted to do that day. Just like they did every morning. It wasn't much, but it was all he had and he wasn't complaining about it.

"Bullshit!" Will said, calling his bluff. "I've had enough of this."

Will marched down the hall and banged on Magnus's bedroom door. "Open up!"

Alec was a step behind him. "You don't have to shout and hammer the door," he said irritably. "It's not locked."

Alec twisted the doorknob and the door swung open. The room was dark, and Magnus shifted in bed, sitting up and blinking his eyes at the bright light from the hallway. Alec crossed the room to him in an instant and sank onto the bed beside him.

"I'm sorry we woke you, Magnus. How are you feeling?"

"I'm…okay…" Magnus said quietly.

"Good." Alec kissed his forehead. "Can I get you anything? Something to drink, maybe?"

Magnus still only ate breakfast, and maybe a little for dinner if he was in the mood. He agreed to a glass of water, and Alec went to get it. For some reason, this enraged Will.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck!" Will shouted. "What is going on here?"

"I'm going to get my boyfriend a glass of water," Alec said defiantly. "And if you are going to continue to scream, you might as well leave. You've seen him. He's okay. What else do you want?"

Alec had had enough of Will's attitude. He was exhausted and on edge because of Magnus and wanted things to be normal again, and Will wasn't helping.

"Alec, wait!" Will demanded. "What are you doing? He's not a child. He's not ill. There's nothing wrong with him other than he needs to be on medication for his depression. He needs to be in therapy!"

Alec narrowed his eyes at Will. Will flicked on the bedroom light and turned to Magnus. "What are you doing? Get your ass up out of bed and take care of yourself! You have him treating you like some invalid or something. You are perfectly capable of getting your own fucking water!"

In the brightness, Alec could see how red Will's face was. He was truly angry, not just acting out.

"Alec likes taking care of me," Magnus said, shielding his eyes from the light. "I see nothing wrong with that."

Alec felt vindicated somehow. But Will was just further incensed. "Nothing wrong?! You've got to fucking be kidding me! Everything is wrong with this! You shouldn't be lying in bed at seven o'clock at night! He shouldn't be treating you like a little kid! You –"

The rest of Will's words were drowned out as Alec forced him bodily from Magnus's bedroom. He continued pushing him down the hall, saying god-only-knows-what over top of whatever Will was saying. He knew he said something about Will's behavior being unacceptable and not helpful, but the actual words were lost in the shuffle as he basically told Will to leave.

When Will heard those words, he stopped in his tracks. "You're throwing me out?" he said incredulously. "What the fuck, Alec?"

"You being here is not helping the situation. If you are going to act like that, you need to leave." Alec crossed his arms in front of him, standing his ground.

Will gaped at him. "Unbelievable." He turned to go, then stopped and leveled his gaze at Alec, his piercing blue eyes boring into Alec's. "You know what, Alec. _You_ are the one not helping. Coddling him is not going to make him better. Letting him avoid therapy is not going to help him, you know it as well as I do. This –" he flung his arm out, pointing down the hall toward Magnus's room, "is not normal! And you –" he backhanded Alec's chest, "are just enabling him!"

Then, Will threw open the door, stomped out and slammed it closed behind him. Alec stared after him for several long minutes, then shook it off. He was doing the best he could under the circumstances. He knew that. He was trying, and so was Magnus. Will was wrong. He just needed more time. Cammie and Dr. Daniels agreed.

He went to the kitchen to get Magnus that glass of water, then tapped lightly on the bedroom door before entering. The room was dark again, and Magnus was only visible by the large lump under the covers. Alec crossed the room and knelt beside him, turning on the lamp by the bed and pulling the blanket back so he could see Magnus's face.

Magnus was visibly shaken, his features distressed and his eyes red. "Magnus, are you okay?"

Alec could kick himself for saying that. Of course Magnus wasn't okay! He was clearly distraught after the encounter with Will. _Damn you, Will Herondale! How dare you upset him like this!_ Alec was so angry he could hardly think straight.

To his surprise, Magnus answered the question. "No. I'm not."

Alec sat the water on the table and climbed into bed with Magnus. He drew him close, petting his hair and whispering words of comfort to him. Magnus clung to him and nuzzled his head against Alec's chest.

"Try not to think about it," Alec said, kissing the top of Magnus's head. Magnus didn't answer. Alec began kneading Magnus's shoulders and arms, and before long they were in the midst of a body massage for Magnus. Alec was fine with that, especially when the tension started draining from his boyfriend's body.

"Feel better?" he asked, and Magnus nodded languidly. Alec was working Magnus's thighs, just a breath away from his cock, and his body took notice. He slid his palm over Magnus's groin, giving his cock a gentle squeeze. "Want me to take care of that for you?" he asked, and didn't wait for an answer.

Alec slipped Magnus's shorts off, noticing he wasn't wearing underwear. His long, slender dick was mostly at rest when Alec descended on it, taking it into his mouth. Magnus was always quick to respond when Alec gave him head, his cock quickly filling to full hardness. Not this time. Alec worked and worked, using his lips and tongue, and even his hand, but he couldn't get Magnus interested.

He finally stopped trying and caught Magnus's gaze, attempting to read his expression and failing miserably. He tried not to let on how concerned he was, but he thought he probably failed at that, too. Magnus had never, _ever_, been unable to get it up when Alec fondled him. Never. This was a first, and it rattled Alec.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, sounding defeated. "I guess I'm just not in the mood."

Alec crawled up Magnus's body, laid down beside him, and cradled him in his arms. "It's okay, baby. You've had a stressful day."

He held Magnus until he fell asleep. Alec slept fitfully at best.

* * *

The following morning, Alec was up early. He had more trouble than usually sleeping, and decided to get up and start his day. He made some coffee and tossed around the idea of cooking an omelet or something. He ordered a necklace for his mom for Christmas, and then did the one thing he had promised himself he wouldn't do. He searched the internet for engagement rings and wedding bands. He'd been tempted to do this on numerous occasions lately, as he sat alone in the living room or kitchen, wishing he was talking to Magnus. But he'd always convinced himself not to do it. What was the point as long as their relationship was in limbo? He was only hurting himself by looking.

This time, though, he couldn't stop himself. He browsed through page after page of rings, from sleek gold bands to engraved titanium, inset gems to raised diamonds that were unmistakably men's engagement rings. His heart raced as he thought about what it would feel like to have one of those rings on his finger. He looked over his shoulder every few minutes, half expecting Magnus to catch him and wondering how he would explain what he was doing, considering the last time they talked about getting married was when Magnus freaked out on him. He certainly didn't want a repeat of that scene.

But Magnus never appeared. Finally, he glanced down at the clock on his screen and realized it was well after eleven. They were almost always up before now, but Magnus had made no noise, no sign he was awake or even planning to be. Now concerned, Alec went to Magnus's bedroom door, tapped on it, and let himself in.

Magnus wasn't asleep. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," Alec said softly, like someone would in a sick room.

Magnus's eyes found Alec, but he didn't move. Alec squatted next to him. "Good morning," he said, and again, Magnus didn't speak. What the hell was going on? Was he still upset about Will? Alec thought about his options, and decided to try for normalcy. "Are you ready for breakfast? Then we can work out."

"I'm not hungry," Magnus said, his voice sounding weak.

"Okayyyyy," Alec replied. "Want to work out, then?"

Magnus shook his head. "My ankle hurts."

Panic rushed through Alec's system. _Not again_, he thought as he lifted the covers to inspect the ankle in question, thinking he'd let Magnus overdo it during their workout yesterday. He did a thorough exam, just like he was taught in school and by Curtis Knightly at the Knicks. There was no swelling or bruising. The tendons and ligaments felt normal. The ankle was less stiff than it had been when they first started PT on it. He couldn't find anything wrong.

_Maybe it's residual pain from the surgeries_, Alec concluded as he laid Magnus's leg back onto the mattress.

"You should probably rest it today if it hurts," Alec suggested. "Do you want some ice, or some medicine for the pain?"

Magnus shrugged, which Alec took as an affirmative. There wasn't much else he could do and this at least let him feel like he was doing something productive. As he collected the items he needed, he was already wondering what the hell he was going to do today, now that his usual interactions with Magnus weren't going to happen.

After applying the ice pack and giving Magnus his pills, Alec settled down in the bed next to Magnus. He wanted to keep watch on the ice pack and make sure Magnus used it correctly. Too much cold was worse than none at all.

Magnus was asleep before the treatment was finished. He slept most of the day.

* * *

The next couple of days went much the same way. Magnus continued to complain about his ankle hurting. He only ate when Alec made him, and slept the rest of the time. And his interest in sex disappeared completely.

Alec turned his anger in the rightful direction: Will. Everything had been going well until Will showed up and made a scene. Since then, Alec couldn't get Magnus to do anything. He was so pissed at Will. He wanted to call him up and cuss him out, but he knew that Will would just end up coming over and starting more trouble, and he didn't want to deal with that. Even more than that, he didn't want Magnus to have to deal with that. So, he just stewed in his own anger.

He went to the basement each day and worked out his frustrations on the machines and weights in the gym. He was beginning to get his shape and tone back to where it was when he worked for the Knicks. Still not anywhere close to how he looked in college when he was cheering, but he was pleased with the progress he was making.

He also went to see Dr. Daniels again. Having Magnus backslide bothered him, and he needed someone to vent to about Will. He couldn't very well talk to Magnus about Will, and Cammie had been sympathetic when he called her, but unhelpful on what to do about it.

His conversation with Dr. Daniels didn't go as planned either. Instead of giving him advice on dealing with Will, Dr. Daniels turned it around on Magnus.

"Alec, he's reverting back to his old ways," Dr. Daniels said. "It's time to get him into therapy."

No matter how much Alec argued that Magnus was doing fine before Will did what he did, and that he just needed time because his ankle was hurting, Dr. Daniels insisted that Magnus needed to see his therapist. He was no help either.

So, when Alec got home from his frustrating therapy session, and Will called right as he was pouring himself a glass of wine, Alec was not in the mood to be cordial.

"What do you want?" he said when he answered the phone.

Will took it in stride. "I want to know how Magnus is doing."

"Terribly. Thanks to you!" Alec spat, and took a satisfied sip of wine.

"Is he in therapy yet?" Will demanded.

"No, he's not in fucking therapy! I can't even get him out of bed now that you came over here and acted like an asshole! And his fucking ankle hurts."

"I'm coming over."

"The hell you are!" Alec shouted. "You've done enough damage, Will Herondale. Give him some time to heal and we'll see how he's doing. But you better stay the hell away from him. Don't you dare use your key to our apartment or I swear to god I'll take it back!"

He ended the call. His heart damn near beating out of his chest. His hands shook with adrenaline and anger, and he had to set down his wine glass before he spilled the contents everywhere. He couldn't believe he'd had another fight with Will. The nerve of that guy! He acted like he was the only one who knew what Magnus needed. Well, he didn't live with Magnus. He didn't know Magnus the way Alec did. Alec was right. Alec was doing the best thing for Magnus. Will and Lexus and Dr. Daniels were all wrong.

So, why didn't he feel better? And why were Will's words still echoing in his head?


	123. Chapter 123

Nothing much changed over the next couple days. Magnus continued to withdrawal from daily activities, blaming his ankle pain for his inability to do physical therapy. Alec examined the ankle again and again but couldn't find anything wrong. There were no outward signs of damage, no swelling or bruising. He didn't know what was wrong, or why the ankle was suddenly bothering him again, and he worried that he'd hurt Magnus by insisting he do his PT.

Worse was the way Alec felt about…well, everything. Magnus still let him sleep in his bed, but he didn't feel welcomed. He thought Magnus blamed him for his current pain, and understood why he slept with his back to Alec and refused any attempt Alec made to connect with him. The loneliness in Alec grew deeper and all-encompassing. He couldn't sleep, instead lying awake at night thinking about how much he missed Magnus and the life they'd shared, how happy they'd been in college and when they'd worked for the Knicks.

And he was constantly waiting for the next outburst from Will. The fact that he'd heard nothing from Magnus's best friend for days only made his anxiety about the situation worse. He knew it was coming. Will was not one to be ignored, and he had to be pissed that Alec told him off. Alec expected retaliation, he just didn't know what form it would take.

He was also still a little miffed at Dr. Daniels for taking Will's side on the issue with Magnus. He was Alec's doctor, he knew the situation better than most people because Alec told him everything there was to tell, and yet he'd sided against Alec. Against Magnus! Magnus's wishes meant nothing to anyone but Alec, apparently. He couldn't go there again yet; he was just too angry with the doctor for a session to do him any good.

Alec didn't really know where to go from here. He daydreamed about taking Magnus and going somewhere secluded, somewhere no one would ever find them. He wanted to remove all the terrible things that were happening to them, and let them be, just _be_. Was that too much to ask? For them to be happy and in love and not have to deal with all the outside influences that disagreed with them?

He sighed. He hadn't slept in almost three days, and his mind was running in circles. He poured a glass of wine, hoping that would relax him enough that he could get some sleep. He downed it in one swallow and refilled the glass. He powered on his laptop, thinking maybe he'd watch some mindless videos or something, anything to decrease his stress and help him sleep.

He heard the jingle of keys in the door, and whatever warm feelings he'd started having from the wine evaporated on the spot. Will. Who else could it be? Well, a lot of people, actually. He'd given keys to all his friends and his parents and Momma H. But who else _would _it be? Will was the main one giving him a hard time lately.

He pushed his chair back and started toward the door as Will entered the apartment. "What the fuck, Will? I thought I told you –"

"I know what you said," Will interrupted. "And I'm not listening to it anymore. I need to talk to Magnus."

"Like hell," Alec said, and threw himself at the entrance of the hallway, blocking Will's passage to the bedrooms beyond, where Magnus lay sleeping. He was ready to fight if needed, to stand his ground. Will was not going to cause Magnus any more pain. "You made him so much worse! He was doing better before you came over here acting like an asshole!"

A movement by the door caught his eye. Up to that point, he'd been so focused on Will, he hadn't noticed the door was still open or that there were other people there. Now, he realized that Jem was standing near Alec's stupid fucking eggplant-colored couch, and beside him was…

"_Mom_?! What are you doing here?" Alec asked, incredulous. What the ever-loving hell was his mother doing here with Will Herondale?

Maryse moved further into the apartment. "Alec, honey, we're worried about you. And about Magnus." Her voice was one he remembered from his childhood, from whenever he'd been hurt, from shortly after his rape. Why was she using that voice? He wasn't hurt. He was _fine_.

"Alec," came another familiar voice. Cammie stood in the doorway with Austin behind her, his hand resting on her shoulder. Her eyes looked worried. Why was she looking at him like that?

They entered the apartment and leaned against the wall, watching Alec. He had no idea what to say or do, or why they were even there. Then, Lexus and Mo entered and headed straight toward him where he was still standing guard to the entrance of the hallway.

"What's going on here?" he demanded, finally finding his voice. He wanted some answers, and he wanted them now.

"We're here to help," Lexus said, reaching out to touch his arm. But he was no longer paying attention to her. He was distracted by the appearance of Scott and Tony. Scott looked incredibly uncomfortable, his eyes darting around the group of people. Scott had always been a little weird around their friends. Even after he'd gotten to know them and liked them, he was still reserved around them. Plus, shouldn't he be with the Knicks right now? What on Earth was he doing here?

Suddenly, realization dawned on him. "Is this some kind of… intervention?" he said. He knew it was true the moment he said it. "What the fuck do you all think you are doing?" he shouted, anger bursting from him at this intrusion.

"Alec Lightwood." He heard the reprimand, but it didn't come from the source he thought it would. Momma H appeared at the back of the crowd, giving him a stern look that, even though she was a tiny woman, made him wither. "We are here to see you and Magnus. We are worried. That is no way to talk to us."

"I'm sorry, Momma H," Alec said, and somehow, between his surprise and shame, he allowed himself to be led by Lexus and Mo to the couch.

They sat on either side of him, and Cammie sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close. She made soothing noises that sounded like something she'd do with Benji, and Alec had no idea what to do. He felt Austin's big, heavy hand on his shoulder, and was immediately grateful for the support.

"I don't understand what's happening," Alec said, bewildered.

Cammie pulled away, and looked into his eyes. "We are worried about you and Magnus. Will said he wasn't doing his exercises, and was sleeping all the time. He said you looked rough, too."

"I'm okay," Alec said, though the words sounded hollow even to him.

"No, you aren't, honey," Maryse said, kneeling down next to him. "When was the last time you slept?"

Alec shrugged. "It's… been a few days…," he answered vaguely.

He received knowing looks from all the women in the room. "It hasn't been that bad, I swear," Alec said. "Magnus was doing so good. He was doing his PT and eating some and we were… we were enjoying each other's company. We were going back to how things used to be. Then, Will came over and upset Magnus and…"

It was at that moment he realized Will and Momma H were missing from the room. He tried to push Cammie off his lap, saying something mostly incoherent about Will being around Magnus and needing to get to them, but Austin's other hand dropped onto his shoulder and he squeezed hard. Austin had the clear advantage. He was tall and strong, he was standing while Alec was sitting, and he probably hadn't guzzled two glasses of wine in an attempt to make himself sleep, like Alec had. He stopped struggling, but he didn't stop fighting.

"GET OUT OF HIS ROOM!" Alec shouted in the direction of the hallway. "STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!"

He was angry, but he was no match for Austin, Cammie, Lexus, and Mo, and when Jem, Tony, and Scott came into view, he knew he had no choice but to let Will do whatever he was going to do. That's why they were all there, to hold Alec down while Will tortured Magnus! What the fuck?! How could they do that? Didn't they understand how much worse Will had made everything?

Something inside Alec broke. He felt defeated and helpless, and he burst into tears. He latched on to the closest person, Cammie, who was still sitting in his lap, holding him there while Will did whatever he came to do. Alec sobbed against Cammie's shoulder, clutching her to him like she would somehow make this all go away.

Eventually, he got himself under control, and looked into Cammie's green eyes. "Cam, I need to go back there. I need to know what's going on with Magnus," he pleaded.

"Alec, sweetie, you need to let them talk," Cammie said. "They've been friends their entire lives. You may not believe this, but Will really does have Magnus's best interests at heart. He's worried. He and Momma H are his family. Just let them talk."

Lexus and Mo each squeezed one of his arms. He felt their support through their gestures. Cammie's words echoed in his head. He wanted to be strong enough to let Magnus talk with Will and Momma H, but he felt like he was abandoning his boyfriend to whatever they were saying to him. Magnus was not in good shape. He needed Alec to defend him, to stand up to them if need be.

A little while later, the door to the bedroom opened. Everyone turned to see what was going on, and in that brief moment no one was paying attention to him, Alec leapt to his feet, dislodging Cammie in the process. He raced to the hallway. "What did you –" He stopped dead. His blood ran cold. Will, Momma H, and Magnus were walking toward him. "Magnus? What's going on?"

Magnus stopped in front of Alec, the expression on his face unreadable. "I need to go," he said, his voice flat.

"Go? What do you mean 'go'?" Magnus didn't respond. Alec turned to Will, who wore a smirk that Alec really wanted to wipe off his face. "What did you say to him?! What did you do?" Alec might have sounded on the verge of hysteria.

Will started to say something, but Momma H cut him off. "You two stop it right now!" she demanded. She looked fierce and determined, and for the first time, Alec completely understood what Magnus and Will had always said about Momma H. He had absolutely no inclination to argue with her. "Now, Alec, we didn't do anything to Magnus. We talked and he agreed to go to therapy."

Relief flooded Alec briefly, followed closely by the crushing wait of failure. Alec had failed Magnus. He had not been the boyfriend Magnus needed him to be. The proof of that was in the relief he felt that Magnus was going to therapy. The proof was that Will and Momma H had been able to do in thirty minutes what Alec couldn't do in three weeks.

Alec took a step back. "But what about your ankle?" Then, to Momma H, "His ankle is hurting him."

"Alec…"

"What, Magnus?"

Magnus still looked somber, and sad. "I… I lied to you." He didn't meet Alec's eyes. "My ankle is fine. It doesn't hurt."

Alec took another step backward. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Magnus had lied to him? And he'd fallen for it. He'd failed Magnus even worse than he thought.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, his voice quivering.

Alec threw his arms around him, because if he didn't, he was going to burst into tears again. He held onto Magnus until he got his emotions under control. "No, Magnus. I'm sorry. I failed you. This is my fault."

Magnus tangled his fist in Alec's shirt and pressed his forehead to Alec's. "No. You did what you thought was right. You did the best you could. I love you."

A warm tear trickled down Alec's cheek. "I love you, too, Magnus," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Magnus kissed him. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

The word hit Alec like a punch to the gut. "Go? Where are you going? What's the plan now?"

His eyes darted between Will and Momma H, searching for answers. "We're taking him to Dr. Clark," Will said.

"Now? His doctor isn't going to see him at…" He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Seven o'clock at night!"

"We've set up an emergency meeting with Dr. Clark. We're lucky she has agreed to see Magnus so late, but she understands the circumstances."

"Oh," Alec replied. "Can I come with you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Alec," Momma H said kindly, but Alec's heart still sank. He'd expected as much, after how badly he'd messed things up, but it still hurt.

"Oh, okay." Alec sounded dejected, even to his own ears. "When will he be back?"

Momma H touched his arm and Alec involuntarily flinched. She didn't comment on that. "I don't know, honey. We'll have to see what she thinks, but she may want to admit him."

"What?!" Alec said, alarmed. "He's not that bad! He was doing better!"

He didn't know why he was fighting this so much. Maybe because if Magnus was bad enough to need hospitalization, then he really, truly had failed him completely. There was no denying that.

"Alec, let's just see what the doctor says." That was Maryse. Alec turned and flung himself into his mother's arms like a child. He needed her so much right now, even if he was nearly a foot taller than her and this position probably looked incredibly awkward. She was still his mom, and he was her baby.

And he was falling apart.

He let her lead him back to the couch where he resumed his seat between Lexus and Mo. Cammie sat at his feet on the floor. Austin rested his hands on Alec's shoulders, massaging gently. Tony and Scott stood nearby. Alec drew strength from them as he watched Jem and Will lead the way, as Magnus walked behind them, his hands together in front of him as if he were a handcuffed prisoner. His features resembled those of a prisoner as well.

Emotion welled up in Alec as Momma H closed the door behind them. He almost went after them. He wanted to. God did he want to. But he'd done enough damage. This was the price he had to pay for his stupidity, for letting his boyfriend suffer, for not advocating for him when he should have.

He'd thought that's what he was doing. He'd thought he was doing what Magnus needed, what Magnus wanted. But he wasn't. He had been wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. He had failed Magnus. He had failed to see what was best for him. He was a failure and a terrible boyfriend.

He sat on the couch in a daze. He stared at the wall, the floor, his hands, whatever. Maryse, Cammie and Tony went to the kitchen to make dinner for everyone that stayed. Alec couldn't say what they made or if he even ate any of it. He suspected they made his comfort foods, but he really didn't know. He kept replaying the arguments with Will over and over in his mind. Will had tried to tell him this wasn't normal. He'd done everything he could to make Alec see what he was saying.

And when did Alec become so blind to what was going on? He'd been so smart and savvy when they still lived outside the city, researching and figuring out that Magnus had depression. He'd been on top of everything then. He'd moved them to be closer to the people they loved so he had help recognizing what was going on with Magnus and so they could assist him in getting Magnus help. When had that changed?

When Magnus lied to him? Was that the turning point? Or was it before that, when Magnus started acting like his boyfriend again? Or had he just been fooling himself all along, thinking he knew what Magnus was going through and knew how to help him? He didn't know. All he knew was that he'd failed.

And now Magnus was with his family and his doctor, and Alec was sitting at home worried sick about what was happening. Had he really fucked up so badly that Magnus needed hospitalization? If he couldn't be trusted to recognize how badly Magnus was decompensating, how could he be trusted with anything? Magnus deserved better than that.

All this went through Alec's mind as he waited to hear from Magnus or Momma H or Will. The wait was long and agonizing. How much time passed? An hour? Two? More? Alec was almost certain it was more. He felt it was an eternity. When his phone finally rang, he fumbled with it so much he nearly accidentally hung up on the caller.

All eyes were on him as he said, "Will?"

"Yeah, it's me," Will answered.

"What's going on?" Alec didn't even care how desperate he sounded. "Please, Will. What's happening?"

"They're keeping him," Will said.

"What do you mean they are keeping him? They're putting him in the hospital?"

"Yes. Dr. Clark thinks, under the circumstances, that would be best." Will's voice sounded formal. Alec wasn't used to that and it made him feel even worse.

"Because of me?" Alec demanded, his voice rising in panic. "They're keeping him because they don't trust me to take care of him, aren't they?!"

More words were exchanged, heated tones between Alec and Will but Alec couldn't remember exactly what was said. He blamed himself, and he thought Will might blame him as well, but he couldn't be sure because the adrenaline and panic rushing through his veins shut off all comprehension. The only thing he knew, the only thing he understood, was that Magnus was being hospitalized. Finally, mercifully, he heard Momma H's voice, calm and soothing.

"Alec," she said, and had Alec's full attention. Somehow. "They are keeping Magnus for observation. They are starting him on medication and they want to monitor him for a couple of days to see if they have the dose correct."

"Oh," he said. "So, it's not that you don't trust me?" He sounded so small and weak and pathetic, but his heart was breaking and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"No, honey. We love you. We know you were trying to do your best for Magnus. He'll be home soon."

"Can…" He had to choke down the lump forming in his throat so he could speak. Even so, his voice was barely a whisper. He suddenly became aware of his mother's hand on his shoulder, and his friends all gathered around him. "Can I talk to him?"

"No. You won't be able to talk to him."

"What?" Panic flared in him again. He couldn't talk to Magnus? "But… you said…"

"Alec –"

"But you'll be able to see him? Just not me?" His eyes darted between his friends, not taking any of them in. This couldn't be real. He had a fleeting, pitiful thought that if he and Magnus were married, _he _would be the one making decisions, not Momma H and Will. _He _would have more rights to Magnus's healthcare and they wouldn't be able to keep him away.

"Alec, listen to me!" Momma H said, and Alec did. "We are not keeping you away from Magnus. He is being hospitalized and not allowed to have any visitors. We would never do that to you, you have to believe that."

Alec deflated. "Oh. Okay… How long will he be in the hospital?"

"Probably a couple of day."

"A couple of days?" He said this like it was a long, unreasonable amount of time. In his world, a couple days without Magnus _was_ a long, unreasonable amount of time. How would he cope without Magnus there when his entire world had revolved around his boyfriend for months?

"Yes. The hospital promised to call and give us updates. I'll call you whenever they do, okay?"

Alec nodded, then realized Momma H couldn't see him and said, "Okay. Can… can I talk to him now, before you hang up?"

He could almost hear the sad smile in her voice. "Sure, honey. Hang on."

There was some shuffling sounds and unintelligible words. Then, "Hey."

Alec's heart melted when he heard Magnus's voice. There was so much he wanted to say to him, so much he needed to tell him, but in that moment, he couldn't think of any of it. "I'm sorry."

"Alec, don't. This is not your fault."

He wholeheartedly disagreed with that, but he didn't want to argue with Magnus, especially since he wouldn't get to talk to him for a few days. "I love you."

Magnus sighed. "I love you, too, Alec. I'll see you in a few days. Okay?"

"Okay."

The phone went dead and Alec stared at the screen until it went dark. That was it. Magnus was gone. He felt so empty inside.

"Alec?"

Alec looked up and found everyone staring at him. It appeared his mother had been the one to speak. "He's going to be in the hospital for a couple days. I can't talk to him or see him."

Maryse pulled him to her and hugged him like she'd done when he was a child. He felt comfort in her embrace, but his heart hurt so much. He wasn't at all surprised to find his face wet when he pulled away.

"You need to get some rest, darling," Maryse said.

"I can't. I haven't slept in days." He had that hazy feeling, like everything was happening in slow motion and he was powerless to do anything about any of it. He felt himself shutting down, mentally and emotionally. He couldn't remember ever being so utterly exhausted.

"I'll go to the store and get you some sleeping pills," Maryse offered. She kissed him on the forehead and was gone before he had a chance to reply.

Cammie's face came into view. She looked concerned. "I have to go home and feed Benji, but I can bring him over and stay with you, if you want."

Alec shook his head. "No, this is no place for a baby right now. Go home and be with your family. You, too, Austin. You need to take care of your swim kids."

Cammie hugged the life out of him. "I'll call every day. When you feel up to visitors, you let me know. Okay?" Alec nodded. "I love you," she added, and kissed his cheek. Austin gave him a one-armed hug, and the couple left.

He caught the look on Scott's face. "No," he said immediately. "One of us needs to keep his job with the Knicks. Go take care of the guys for me."

Scott grinned halfheartedly. "We all miss you and Magnus," he said.

"We miss you all, too. Thanks for being here." He tried to convey with his eyes how much Scott and Tony being there meant to him. He now recognized the true reason they'd all shown up. He hated that so many people saw his failures, and his breakdowns, but these people were his friends, his extended family, really. He was glad they were there for him, and humbled that they were willing to stay with him during this time.

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Scott said.

"It's okay, Scott," said Lexus. "Mo and I are going to stay."

"What?" Alec said.

Lex shrugged. "We can't do anything without Will. I'll call the studio and tell them we had a family emergency. Which is true. They'll book another group in there and we'll get back at it once we get all this squared away with Magnus."

Her argument was solid, but Alec still felt guilty. "But, Will can't see Magnus either. Maybe he'll want to record the album."

His argument was lame as fuck and he knew it as soon as the words left his mouth. Will would be as messed up as Alec was right now. Music might be the place he would turn to take his mind off things, but recording an album was not going to be on the agenda.

Lexus smacked his arm playfully. "You know better." He did, and he felt guilty about his previous anger with Will.

"I'll go pack a bag and be back in a minute," Mo said. She stood, kissed Lexus, and left with Scott and Tony.

Alec and Lexus sat quietly, waiting for Maryse and Mo to return. He didn't know how much time passed. Maryse made it back a few minutes before Mo. She got Alec a glass of water and gave him one of the sleeping pills. He took it, like every other medication she'd given him in his lifetime.

A short while later, his head grew heavy and a warm feeling spread throughout his body. He hardly noticed Maryse and Mo help him to Magnus's bed, or when they tucked him in and turned off the lights. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Alec awoke the next morning feeling rested, and very warm. It took several moments for him to get his bearings and remember what had happened the night before. When he finally did, he discovered the reason he was so warm.

Lexus and Mo were snuggled against him, one on each side. They'd stayed the night with him. He felt their love and support, even in their slumber.

He hoped they would be enough for him to get through the next few days.

* * *

**A/N: I might have accidentally referred to Magnus's doctor as a male in a recent chapter. I haven't found it yet to correct it, if I did. Dr. Clark is definitely a women, though. ;)**


	124. Chapter 124

Alec barely remembered the days – was it three? – Magnus was in the hospital. All he knew was that they seemed endless. He spent them worrying about Magnus, and how his refusal to see what was in front of his face might have damaged his boyfriend. He wondered how Magnus's therapy was going and how he would be when he returned home. And he was scared that Magnus would figure out what a fraud Alec was, what a terrible boyfriend he'd been. What would Magnus do with that information? Would he break up with Alec? Would he hate him and never want to see him again? Would he insist that it wasn't Alec's fault, which everyone knew it was?

His mind was in a tailspin, and his heart and body hurt from the unknown and the separation from Magnus. He wondered if this was how it had been for him when Alec disappeared for nearly a year. He had a whole new perspective on that now, and he felt even worse for having done that to Magnus. How had he survived it? Alec wasn't sure he would make it through a few days, much less weeks or months.

Lexus and Mo stayed with him the entire time. He knew they were there, and he appreciated their support more than words could say. They didn't pressure him to talk or interact with them. They were just there, making sure he ate something and giving him his sleeping pills before bedtime. They slept in Magnus's bed with him each night. He felt bad that they were taking time out of their lives and their relationship to babysit him, but he didn't want to be alone so he didn't tell them they could leave. Knowing Lex and Mo like he did, they wouldn't have listen to him anyway. They were two stubborn, feisty women, and he was lucky to have them as friends.

Cammie called each day to check on him. Unfortunately, Benji developed a cold or something and was very fussy, so she couldn't come visit him. She didn't think a crying baby would help, and she didn't want to take him out in the cold. Alec understood, and honestly was so consumed by his inner turmoil over Magnus he probably wouldn't have noticed her there anyway.

His mother also called to check on him daily. Most importantly, she got Dr. Daniels to rearrange his schedule and get Alec in on short notice.

"You look like hell" was Dr. Daniels's greeting. Alec assumed he was right. He didn't know. He hadn't actually looked in a mirror. By the way he felt, the statement was accurate.

"I suppose my mother told you what's going on?" Alec said, taking his seat on the couch. He remembered coming here a few weeks ago, and how comfortable he had felt talking to Dr. Daniels. Now, he just felt stupid. He felt like a failure.

Dr. Daniels read it on his face. "This is not your fault, Alec."

"How can you say that?" Alec demanded. "I messed up everything. You tried to tell me Magnus wasn't right. Will tried to tell me. Lexus tried to tell me. I didn't listen. I failed him. Everything is worse because of me. He's in the hospital because of me."

Dr. Daniels gave Alec a few minutes to calm down before he spoke. "Alec, Magnus is in the hospital because he has depression and needs to get his medications regulated." His voice was soothing and direct, and Alec let it wash over him. "You may have delayed his treatment, but not by much. He may not have needed the hospitalization when he was acting more like himself, but he refused treatment then. You are not to blame."

"Magnus isn't to blame either!" Alec said, rising to the defense of his boyfriend.

"Of course not," Dr. Daniels agreed. "There is no blame in this situation. Magnus has a mental health disorder. He needs treatment. There is no blame. So stop blaming yourself."

Alec sighed. "I don't know how…"

Dr. Daniels smiled his crooked smile. "That's why you are here," he said joyfully, and Alec laughed in spite of himself.

They had a good session after that. Alec got a lot of things off his chest and Dr. Daniels helped prepare him for what to expect when Magnus got out of the hospital. There were still variables, of course, like whether or not Magnus would be angry with Alec or if he would still want to be with him, and these were things Dr. Daniels couldn't answer. For the record, he thought Alec and Magnus would be fine once Magnus got on medications and started talking to his therapist on a regular basis, but Alec was too scared to be as optimistic as his doctor.

Before Alec left the office, Dr. Daniels gave him a prescription for sleeping pills. He said the prescription would work better than what his mom bought at the store, and wouldn't leave him feeling groggy in the morning. He accepted the script gratefully, and set up an appointment for later in the week, once Magnus was back home. He would need to talk then so he didn't mess up Magnus's recovery, too.

* * *

Momma H called each day with an update on Magnus's hospitalization. She always sounded cheery, though Alec thought he heard a note of strain in her voice. She told him each day that Magnus was doing okay, getting better each day. Alec wanted to feel relieved by this, but he knew he wouldn't until he saw it with his own eyes. People were too prone to sugar-coating things that were unpleasant, or trying to make someone feel better instead of holding them responsible for their mistakes. He appreciated that no one was blaming him, but that didn't absolve him of his errors.

He didn't hear from Will at all. Not a single word the entire time Magnus was in the hospital. He didn't know how to take that. Was Will avoiding him because he was the only one who actually did blame Alec? Was he still angry with him for obstructing him in getting Magnus into treatment? Did he hate Alec for letting Magnus hurt like he did, even though it was unintentional? Alec tried not to think about it. His emotions were too wrapped up in Magnus at the moment, anyway. He didn't have enough reserves to worry about Will, too.

Then, the day finally came for Magnus to come home. Alec borrowed his dad's limo so Magnus could have some privacy when he left the hospital. The driver picked Alec and Will up, then went to Momma H's before stopping at the treatment facility in Brooklyn. This meant Alec and Will had to ride in the back of the limo alone together for about thirty minutes. Will still didn't speak to him, and Alec didn't feel like starting a conversation either, so the ride was in complete, awkward silence. Alec wondered if Will would ever forgive him, or if he'd burned that bridge when he stood between Will and Magnus. He didn't have the energy to worry about it right now.

When they got to the hospital, Magnus was dressed in street clothes and waiting in his room. Alec wondered what he had been wearing the whole time he was here, but he didn't feel comfortable asking. If they'd made Magnus wear a hospital gown or something, he was sure his boyfriend would've been unhappy about that. Then, he noticed Magnus's old Idris U. bag sitting beside the bed. He hadn't realized Magnus had brought a bag with him. That had not been his focus when Magnus left.

Momma H was the first to approach Magnus. His face lit up when he saw her and he grinned. He stooped so she could hug him around the neck and kiss his cheek. They shared a whispered conversation that Alec couldn't hear from where he was hiding. Okay, he wasn't _hiding_, hiding, but he was in the shadows by the door, unobtrusive. His anxiety was through the roof. He didn't know how he would be received by Magnus and he was terrified to find out.

Will shook Magnus's hand and pulled him into a one-armed, back-slap hug. They chatted softly for a moment, then Will went to stand by his mother against the wall, and it was officially Alec's turn.

He mustered all his courage and stepped toward Magnus. Magnus's features gave nothing whatsoever away, and Alec was afraid to get too close. He stopped a few feet away from him, his eyes searching Magnus, for what he did not know. Maybe a clue as to how to proceed?

"H-how are you feeling?" he said, wondering if that was the right way to start. He felt stupid.

"Better," Magnus said, remaining stoic.

The tension between them rose until Alec couldn't take it anymore. He reached for Magnus, hesitantly but unmistakably. He stood there with his hand outstretched, waiting for Magnus's response. Magnus stared at his hand for what seemed like forever, then took it and tugged Alec to him. Magnus's arms went around his shoulders as his encircled Magnus's waist.

He smelled funny. He had been using different products while in the hospital and there was an underlying hospital sterility scent, but Alec didn't care. He buried his face against Magnus's throat, felt the warmth surround him, and he melted against his boyfriend.

"I missed you," he whispered, not sure he was loud enough to be heard.

"I missed you, too, Alec," Magnus said against his ear. He could feel the sound vibrate through Magnus's neck and chest, punctuating his words, and Alec believed him. He squeezed Magnus hard, holding on to him like he never planned to let go.

They were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and the click-click-click of heels on the tile floor. Magnus let one arm slip off Alec's shoulder, but held tighter with the other as he moved to stand beside Alec and face the intruder. Alec kept his arm around Magnus's waist, and his head tilted against his shoulder. Maybe that was inappropriate for a hospital setting, but he couldn't help it. He needed to feel close to Magnus right then, he needed that connection, and show of love and support.

"You must be Alec," said the newcomer. She was a tall, slender, brown-skinned woman with an open, smiling face. With her heels, she was nearly as tall as Alec. "I'm Dr. Yvonne Clark. Nice to finally meet you, Alec. I've heard a lot about you."

As she shook his hand, he glanced up at Magnus. Was it his imagination, or was Magnus blushing? It was hard to tell for sure, but he certainly looked bashful. "I bet you have," Alec said cordially, turning back to the doctor.

"Well, I'm glad you are all here. I wanted to talk about Magnus's care, especially over the next few weeks." She peered at each of them in turn. "Where will you be staying, Magnus?"

Alec stared at him, alarmed. He hadn't considered the possibility of Magnus not coming home. He'd thought about Magnus being angry with him, not wanting to see him, maybe breaking up with him. But not returning to their apartment at all? That had never crossed his mind.

Magnus's eyes drifted to Alec's. "I'm going home with Alec," he said quietly, but distinctly.

Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. "Even though I messed up?"

"You didn't mess up, Alec. I manipulated you. It's not your fault."

"But I should have recognized what was happening. I should've known better. I should've gotten you help weeks ago."

"Alec –"

Dr. Clark cleared her throat, interrupting them. "How about we stop assigning blame, and discuss how to help Magnus now?" she said firmly. She was right. Arguing over who did what before wasn't going to change the situation they were in now.

"I'm sorry," Alec said.

"No need for that." Dr. Clark then addressed them all. "I started Magnus on a new medication. It's different from the one I have put him on in the past. It's newer and it works faster than the older ones. It also appears to have fewer side effects."

Alec liked the sound of this new medication so far.

"Magnus has agreed to let me follow up with you all on how he is doing so that we can see if this medication is working for him. I expect honest observations from each of you. In addition, we will have a session daily for the first week. We will make futures plans depending on how this first week goes. Any questions?"

"Yes," Alec said immediately. "What should I expect to see?"

Dr. Clark looked at Magnus. Magnus shifted uncomfortably. "You should expect to see me acting like my old self," he said.

"In the first week?" Alec asked incredulously.

"Well, not entirely," said Dr. Clark, "but he should be moving toward that goal. He should be doing more of his normal routine each day." She gave Magnus a stern look. "And not sleeping all the time."

"That sounds great, but… what is Magnus's normal routine? I mean, we haven't had a normal routine since he got injured. We never really got to establish a new normal for us."

Magnus squeezed Alec's hand. "We'll have to figure it out."

"But that's not good enough!" Alec said. "If I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for, how will I know if I don't see it?"

"Alec, don't put too much stress on yourself about this," suggested Dr. Clark.

Alec gaped at her. "I have to! I missed it the first time. Will saw it. Lexus saw it. Even my therapist knew Magnus was getting in trouble, but I didn't see it!"

"Yes, you did," said Will, uttering the first words he'd said to Alec in days. "You're the one that told me you thought he had depression. You were the one that figured that out, you just… lost your way…"

Alec stared at him. "Lost my way?"

"Yes," Will said firmly. "You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I get that. I've done it, too. It's just, well, we've been through this with Magnus before. You've seen it now. You'll recognize it if it happens again."

"I thought you hated me," Alec said softly. "I thought you were mad at me for not taking care of Magnus."

"Don't be an idiot. I was mad because I knew Magnus was manipulating you, and you were falling for it. He needed help, and he got it. I don't hate you, Alec."

Alec didn't know what to think. "But, you wouldn't talk to me…"

Will quirked an eyebrow. "What? In the limo?" Alec nodded. "Well, I said some harsh things to you. I thought you might be angry with me."

"Seriously?" Alec said in disbelief.

"Alec, no one is mad at you," Magnus said.

"I thought you might break up with me…" He didn't know why he was verbalizing his thoughts and fears. Perhaps he was so stunned that no one was mad at him that his mouth was working without input from his brain.

"What?"

"I couldn't tell how you felt when you first saw me here…"

Magnus smiled. "I was afraid you would think less of me, for the depression, or for manipulating you, or for being too weak to seek help."

"You're not weak, Magnus. You're anything but weak." And they were embracing again, holding each other tightly.

"I'm glad you all have worked this out," interrupted Dr. Clark. Alec and Magnus broke apart, but still clung to each other as they listened to the doctor talk. "And I'm glad Magnus has such a solid support team. Dealing with depression is never easy. Even on medications and with therapy sessions, Magnus will likely have some bad days. It's important that you all learn to recognize the difference between a bad day, and one that requires my attention."

They all nodded their heads in agreement.

"And it's important that we all work together to help Magnus get through this. That means communicating with each other about what each of you observes in his behavior, and listening to each other." The doctor's eyes landed on Alec with those last words, and he felt his face flush. Nothing like being called out by his boyfriend's therapist for the mistakes he'd made.

She seemed to realize how that gesture looked. "No one is blaming you, Alec. I just want to make sure we are all on the same page, for Magnus's sake."

Alec nodded. "I'll do whatever it takes to help him get better," he assured her. He glanced up at Magnus, who was looking at him with a gentle expression on his face. He gave a small smile, which Magnus returned.

"Good," said Dr. Clark. "Now, Magnus, our first session is tomorrow at ten a.m. Your homework is to take your medication, establish a new routine that involves exercise and eating normally." She gave Magnus a knowing look. "And most importantly, talk to Alec and your family. Talk to them, and tell them how you feel and what you think. Let them be part of your life."

Alec could hug her for saying that. That was the thing he wanted most, to feel like he was part of Magnus's life again and that they were in love. Because he was. No matter how difficult things got, he was still so completely, desperately in love with Magnus.

"I will," Magnus promised.

Alec would do whatever it took to hold him to that promise.

* * *

On the way back to Manhattan, it was decided that Momma H would spend a few days at Will and Jem's place. She wanted to be close to Magnus so she could easily visit each day and see how he was doing. Will wanted the same thing. They both assured Alec that this had nothing to do with not trusting him to look after Magnus, and everything to do with thinking he needed help getting started. After all, they had been through something like this with him before. The extent of that, Alec didn't fully know.

Will and Momma H came home with Magnus and Alec that first night. Momma H went to work in the kitchen, preparing a meal big enough to feed their entire clan of friends, even though there were only four people dining tonight. She shrugged and said this way they would have leftovers the next day.

Alec found the presence of Momma H and Will to be a comfort to him, far from the uncertainty and fear he'd had the last time they were in his home. The mood was fairly light, considering the circumstances, as they helped get Magnus settled, then retired to the living room for a bit before going to Will's.

Alec offered everyone a glass of wine. Momma H gratefully accepted. Will gave him a look, and Alec apologized for not having any beer.

"That's okay," he said, patting Magnus's knee. "I'll join my best friend in not drinking."

Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus. "Not drinking?"

Magnus wrinkled up his nose. Alec didn't think he'd ever seen that expression on his boyfriend's face before, but damn was it cute. "I can't drink alcohol on this medication. At least not until I get adjusted to it. I might be able to try in a few months or so."

"Oh." Alec hadn't realized Magnus wouldn't be able to drink. "Maybe I should skip the wine, too, then…"

"No," said Magnus. "Don't do that, Alec. You've had a rough day, and the wine will help you unwind. Besides, I think Momma could really use a glass."

"Momma could, indeed," said Momma H, giving Alec a wink and making everyone chuckle.

"You're sure you don't mind?" Alec said to Magnus, still hesitant.

"Christ, Alec, you need the wine!" said Will. He had such a way with words.

Alec was done feeling guilty about it. Magnus was right; he really could use the mellow feeling he got after having a couple glasses of wine. He was wound tighter than a drum. So, he escaped into the kitchen and poured him and Momma H a glass and brought the bottle with him. She was thankful when Alec offered her a glass, and they settled into a loose circle around Magnus. Alec realized they were all looking at Magnus expectantly, and wondered if that was making his boyfriend feel uncomfortable.

He needn't have worried. After a moment, Alec realized this was a sort of routine for the others. He was the only one who didn't know what to expect. Magnus smiled at each of them in turn, then started to speak.

"I know I'm supposed to tell you all about my feelings and such," he began. "It's part of my homework Dr. Clark assigned me, right?"

Momma H reached out and patted his knee encouragingly. Magnus took a deep breath and continued. "It's just, well, you all know how I feel. Right? I mean, you three know me better than anyone, except maybe Lexus should be added to the group."

He paused and shrugged. He was looking at his hands, fingers absently picking at his cuticles. Alec wanted to reach out to him, but Magnus was talking for the first time in months, really talking about his feelings, and Alec didn't want to do anything to distract him. Instead, he slid his knee an inch or so to the left, brushing against Magnus's. Magnus glanced up briefly at him, and smiled. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm a basketball player. I always have been. I don't know what else to do with my life now that I can't play basketball."

"You got your degree in communications," said Will. "You can do all kinds of things with that. You can be a sports reporter, or analyst, or write for a newspaper. You have a lot of options, Magnus."

Alec saw the muscles in Magnus's jaw flex and his hands clench. "You want me to report on other people playing basketball? You want me to just sit there and watch them and not get to play myself?"

"It's an option," Will insisted, though not as confidently.

"It's not," Magnus argued. "I'm twenty-eight years old. I should still be playing. I should have years left to play! I can't do that, Will. I just can't!"

Alec did reach out that time. He couldn't stand not touching Magnus any longer, not when he was getting so upset. He took one of Magnus's hands in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's okay, Magnus," he said softly. "We'll figure something out for you to do." He hoped like hell that was true. He didn't know what that something would be, though, if he was outright rejecting anything basketball related. "Getting you a job is not the important thing right now, anyway. We need to get you healthy first."

Magnus averted his eyes again. "Yeah." He was quiet for a couple minutes. "It's just… I'm a failure. I never won anything. I'm a complete failure."

"What?!" Alec said in mixed surprise and alarm. "How do you figure that? You were an NBA player, an All-Star, an Olympian. So few people ever make it to be one of those things, and you were all three! How is that a failure?"

"I never won anything," Magnus repeated.

"You won your conference championship in college and took your team to the NCAA tournament. You won the Rising Stars MVP. You won the NBA Skills Challenge. You won a fucking Olympic gold medal! How is that not winning anything?"

Magnus glared at him. Alec withered slightly. He was glad Magnus was finally talking, but damn. _This_ was what he'd been keeping bottled up all this time? It was ridiculous!

"I never won a championship. I didn't win a championship in college and I didn't win one in the NBA," Magnus said adamantly. Alec opened his mouth to refute those claims, but Magnus interrupted. "And don't even say I won my conference championship, because that doesn't even fucking count! And neither does that stupid gold medal because I wasn't even there to play in those games!"

"But – "

"They don't fucking count!" Magnus bellowed. "They don't count!" He dropped his head into his hands, breathing deeply to calm himself. It was several minutes before he continued.

"All my life I've been told how good I was at basketball." Alec winced at the use of the past tense. Even though Magnus's career was over, it was difficult to hear him talk about it like that. "'You're going to win a NCAA title,' they'd say. 'You'll be a great pro.' 'Wonder how many rings you'll end up winning.'" He looked Alec directly in the eye. "Well, now we know the answer. Zero. I'll never get a ring for winning a championship. It's over. I've missed my chance. I'm a failure."

Alec didn't know what to say. He wanted to comfort Magnus, but how? There weren't words to fix this. And so far, Magnus hadn't been receptive to Alec's counter-arguments.

Alec looked to Momma H and Will for guidance. After all, they'd been his family all his life. But they seemed to be just as lost as to what to do for Magnus as Alec was. The wine was doing nothing to settle Alec down, either. Alec felt trapped. He wanted to change the subject or do something – anything – but he didn't know what to do.

Magnus put his head in his hands again. He ran his long slender fingers through his shaggy hair, and looked up at the people who loved him. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you all what to deal with."

"No!" Alec said, his protest louder than Momma H's or Will's. "This is exactly what we want to deal with. Magnus," he said, turning sideways on the couch so he was facing his boyfriend full-on. Magnus mirrored him, and for a moment, everyone else disappeared. "All I've wanted lately was for you to talk to me, to tell me what you were thinking and feeling. Yes, it's difficult to hear this, but only because I don't know what to do to help you. None of this is unexpected, though. I knew you would struggle with your career ending, especially since it wasn't on your terms. But I can't help, I can't be there for you if you won't talk to me. So, no matter how hard it is to hear, I'm willing to listen to anything you have to say, and do whatever it takes to help you through this."

There were tears in his eyes by the time he finished his little speech. He meant every last word of it, too. He would gladly take on as much pain as it took to ease Magnus's load.

Magnus leaned forward until his forehead rested against Alec's. Their hands were clutched between them, and Alec wasn't sure when that had happened. The intimate gesture took his breath away. They didn't say anything, just sat there together, breathing each other's air, and holding on to one another.

Some unknown amount of time later, Will cleared his throat, and Magnus and Alec broke apart. Well, not exactly 'broke apart.' Alec tucked himself against Magnus, their bodies seamlessly touching.

"I think it's time for Will and I to head home," Momma H said, giving Magnus and Alec a sweet smile.

They stood and walked to the door, hugging and saying their goodbyes. Will and Momma H promised to come over tomorrow night for dinner again, and instructed them to call if they needed anything before that. Momma H reminded Magnus of his ten-a.m. appointment with Dr. Clark, and Alec promised to get him there on time.

When they were gone, Alec followed Magnus back to his bedroom. He hesitated at the doorway. Magnus was almost to the bed when he realized Alec hadn't followed him. He turned back and said, "Will you sleep in here with me tonight?"

"Yes!" Alec said enthusiastically, and hurried into the room, closing the door behind him.

They did their usual routine getting ready for bed. Or at least, their old usual routine. There hadn't been much routine lately, with Magnus sleeping all the damn time. It felt wholly normal to stand beside Magnus at the bathroom sink, brushing their teeth. Alec would gladly take the boring, mundane, normal domesticity of life over just about anything else right now.

"You take your medication in the morning, correct?" Alec said as he filled a cup in the bathroom with water and fished his sleeping pills out of the drawer.

"Yeah," Magnus agreed. He cocked his head to the side when Alec popped a pill into his mouth and downed it with the water. "What's that?"

"I haven't been sleeping very well," Alec admitted, a blush creeping up his face. "Dr. Daniels prescribed me some sleeping pills. They really help."

"Oh, okay," Magnus said, giving Alec a strange look, but not commenting further. Alec didn't want to talk about it either, so he led the way back into the bedroom.

They climbed into the bed, and as soon as Magnus was settled, Alec turned off the lamp on his side of the bed. He laid on his side, facing Magnus, and Magnus mirrored him again. He could feel the warm puffs of Magnus's breath on his face, and smell the minty toothpaste, and he felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

The sleeping pill was starting to kick in, and a warm fuzziness spread throughout Alec's body. He was drifting off to sleep when Magnus said, "Why does my pillow smell like Lexus?"

Alec chuckled dreamily. "Because she and Mo stayed with me while you were in the hospital."

"And slept in my bed?"

"Mmmhmmm," Alec murmured. "Jealous?"

He heard Magnus snicker, and it sounded like he was a distance away, or maybe laughing through clouds. "Hardly," he said.

If he said anything else, Alec didn't know. Sleep claimed him.


	125. Chapter 125

Alec woke from a deep sleep and a dream he couldn't remember. He had that dissociative sense that often occurs in moments like that, where he wasn't sure where he was or what was happening. He slowly peeled his eyes open and the first thing he saw was Magnus's beautiful face. His eyes were closed, his long, dark lashes curving up from his cheekbones. His head was pillowed by his hands, and his hair hung lazily across his forehead. The gentle rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed touched Alec's soul, and gave him an inexplicable sense of peace and wellbeing.

_How can just watching him breathe make me feel so good?_ he wondered. He didn't know, but it was true, nonetheless.

Magnus must have felt Alec's eyes on him. A moment later, those long lashes fluttered open and his unique amber eyes found Alec's blue ones, and held his gaze. Alec's heart thumped harder. He had no idea what to expect today. He was completely out of his element with their situation.

"What time is it?" Magnus asked, his voice deep with sleep. He sat up, scrubbing his eyes with his hands as Alec turned to look at the clock on his side of the bed.

"Almost nine," Alec answered, and felt a sudden pang of urgency. He rolled out of bed. "We better hurry if we want to make your ten o'clock appointment with Dr. Clark. I'll make breakfast. You get in the shower."

Magnus gave him a little salute, grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom. Alec grinned as he watched him go. Magnus seemed to be in good spirits this morning. Hopefully that would mean good things for the day.

As it turned out, the day was pretty good. They had a quick breakfast of English muffins and coffee, which reminded Alec of breakfasts in their dorm at Idris U. That had been a simpler time for them in some regards, even in the beginning of their relationship when they were just starting to figure things out and Alec worried that Magnus would never agree to the open relationship he wanted them to have. Now here they were, not hiding from anyone, their relationship on display for anyone who was paying attention. But the challenges they were facing today were much harder.

Magnus's therapist was only a few blocks away, but it was cool and drizzling rain so they decided to catch a cab. Alec went up to the office with Magnus. He knew he wouldn't be invited into the session, but he didn't know if Dr. Clark would want to talk to him about how the first night went.

Dr. Clark's office was on the fourth floor of an old, brown brick office building. Everything inside was a drab gray, and Alec wondered if that was the best color for a doctor that was treating depression and other mental disorders. As they passed some of the other doors on the way to her office, he realized the other rooms contained a hodgepodge of businesses. There was a laboratory where people could have blood drawn and tests run. Another was an accountant's office. Several were dedicated to insurance billing and claims. Alec thought it was strange, but then, he didn't really know what all was in Dr. Daniels's building. Dr. Daniels's office was right off the elevator, where Dr. Clark's was at the opposite end of the hallway.

Stepping inside Dr. Clark's office was like stepping into another world. Where Dr. Daniels's office had a classic elegance to its design and décor, Dr. Clark's was vibrant and beautiful. The walls were brightly colored with abstract designs and, as far as Alec could tell, all the paintings and statues and figurines were African themed.

Dr. Clark noticed him staring at the one of the paintings. "I went to Africa with Doctors Without Borders several times after medical school. These are all pieces I collected on my trips."

"Cool," Alec said, tearing his attention away from the painting. He wasn't a connoisseur of art, or even someone who paid much attention to it normally, but something about the painting caught his eye. It appeared to be some sort of god, dark skinned and well built, wearing nothing but a leather thong, and for some reason he reminded Alec of Magnus.

Once she had Alec's full attention, she led them back to the private room where she saw patients. The African theme continued here. There were floor-to-ceiling bookshelves made of a dark wood and separated by floor-to-ceiling windows with sheer drapes. Everything else was brightly colored. The couch was a red leather with vibrant animal print accent pillows in unique colors – the zebra striped one was pink, purple, and black, for example. There were more statues and figurines in here, some appeared to be made of wood, others of materials Alec wasn't sure he could name.

Alec couldn't help comparing this office to Dr. Daniels's. The places were completely different, and he wondered how he would feel if this were the place he was going to bare is soul. He'd taken a long while to feel comfortable in Dr. Daniels's office. Would he have felt the same here? Would it have been more difficult? Take him a longer or shorter amount of time? There was no way to answer those questions, of course, but Dr. Daniels's office reminded him to an extent of his parents' penthouse, and he wondered if that played a role in him eventually opening up. Or maybe this place, being so vastly different from anywhere he'd ever been, would have been easier?

He realized he had gotten lost in his mind again, and Dr. Clark was talking to him. He grinned sheepishly at her, and she smiled indulgently.

"Magnus told me you like to go AWOL during conversations," she said, still smiling.

Alec looked at Magnus, wondering if he really had told her everything. Unfortunately, he couldn't refute the claim, so he simple shrugged. Dr. Clark and Magnus laughed.

"I was asking how last night went," Dr. Clark said, getting them back on track. "You seemed very worried about it when you all left the hospital."

"I was," Alec admitted, "but it was good. We talked about basketball and how he feels about not playing. It was tough to hear him say it, but it helped me know how he feels." He reached over and took Magnus's hand. "I hope it helped him, too."

"It did," Magnus confirmed. "Definitely. I mean, I still feel that way, but it helped to say the words, to get it off my chest. I feel a little better than I did before when I was just beating myself up about it."

Alec squeezed the hand he was holding, and Magnus squeezed back.

"He also ate dinner and breakfast," Alec continued. "Not as much as he used to, but he ate. We're trying to establish a routine. I think both of us need it." He paused for a moment. "It felt good standing side-by-side brushing our teeth. Like a real couple-y thing to do. You know?"

Magnus nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, good," said Dr. Clark. "I'm glad the first night went well. I think it's time to start your session now, Magnus."

That was Alec's cue to leave. He kissed Magnus's forehead and promised to meet him when the session was over. Then, he made his way back out of the building and to his new favorite coffee shop, the one just a few blocks from their apartment. He didn't have any plans and probably could've just gone home, but he wanted to be close by for Magnus, and the coffee shop was basically just across the street from Dr. Clark's office, so decided to kill some time there. He ordered some coffee and surfed the web on his phone. An hour later, he met Magnus at the entrance to his therapist's building and they went home in a cab.

Magnus looked wrung out after his therapy session. There was a furrow between his brows so deep Alec was afraid it might become permanent.

"Is your head hurting?" he asked Magnus as he let them into the apartment. Magnus nodded and rubbing his forehead. "Go get comfortable. I'll bring you some ibuprofen and you can take a nap while I heat up the leftovers from last night."

"But I'm not supposed to be sleeping all day," Magnus objected.

"And you won't," Alec said, gently pushing him toward the hallway. "I'll wake you up when lunch is ready. Hopefully, your headache will be gone and we can hit the gym or something. Now, go." He gestured like he was shooing something away from him. Magnus grinned and kissed his cheek.

Alec let Magnus sleep for about an hour before he woke him. Magnus's eyes fluttered open and looked up at him in wonder. "Food's ready. How do you feel?"

Magnus pushed himself into a sitting position, thinking. "Better. Headache is gone."

Alec kissed him gently on the lips. "Good. Let's eat." He offered Magnus his hand and helped him out of bed. He didn't let go of the hand until Magnus decided to take a detour into the bathroom before eating.

As he set out the plates, which he'd waited to do until he knew for sure Magnus was going to get up, he thought about how things were going so far. Magnus was certainly making an effort to do what he needed to do. It had only been a day, and there was still so much they needed to do, but he was trying, and Alec didn't think he was being manipulated so far. Alec still felt like he was walking on eggshells right now, but hopefully that feeling would go away as they settled into a routine.

Magnus's appetite had definitely returned. Alec wondered if it was a side effect of his medication, or just his therapy, in general. He was quiet, but seemed to be in a decent mood.

When they were finished eating, Alec cleared away the mess. When the kitchen was back in order, he sat back down at the table and took one of Magnus's hands. "Can I ask you something?" he said tentatively. Magnus looked at him. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"What's on your mind, Alec?"

"What…" He turned Magnus's hand over and traced the lines on his palm as he gathered the courage and tried to find the words to ask his question. "Did you really think I would think less of you because of your depression?"

"Oh."

Magnus was quiet for a moment, and Alec thought he'd said the wrong thing. "Forget I asked. That was too personal. I'm sorry."

"No, Alec, nothing is too personal for you to ask. You're my partner. I love you, and I want you to know everything about me. I should've told you about my tendency for depression a long time ago, but I didn't know how you would react, and I thought I had it under control."

"You hid it very well," Alec agreed.

"I wasn't hiding it, per se. When we met, I'd had two episodes of depression that required medication: when my stepdad nearly killed me, and when my mom died. Those were isolated events, and something completely justifiable as far as I was concerned. Dr. Clark tried to tell me then that I might need to be on medication all the time, but I didn't believe her. I stopped going to therapy and I stopped taking the medication because I felt fine. I was playing basketball and the center of attention. I was fine."

Alec nodded. He understood Magnus's thought process.

"I saw her again and started back on meds after you… after you were raped. I felt so alone, and so damn guilty about everything that happened to you. And I missed you so much I could barely stand it."

Alec thought that was the first time Magnus had been so open about how he felt when Alec had left. He remembered how he'd felt when Magnus was in the hospital and had another pang of regret and guilt about hurting him that way.

"That time, Dr. Clark convinced me that I needed to be on medication all the time. She said if I had been taking my meds and going to therapy, I might have found better ways to handle my situation, and the outcome might have been different."

"Wait. She blamed my getting raped on _you_?!" Alec said in outrage and indignation. "What the fuck?!"

"No, that's not what she said. That's not what she meant. You have to admit I was completely out of control that night. I came home screaming at you and blaming you because my teammates treated me like shit for being queer. If I'd been talking to someone about it instead of internalizing all my anger and pain, maybe things would've been different."

"Still, Magnus, what happened to me wasn't your fault. It was that guy's fault, no one else's." _That guy, whose face I can't remember and whose name I don't know. _Sometimes he still thought about it, but mostly he chose to ignore whoever-he-was.

"I know, but it was enough to convince me to stay on my meds that time."

"But you haven't been taking them. I never even knew you were on them."

Magnus looked down at his hands. "That's because I quit taking them when you came back."

"But, why? If you needed them, and they made you feel better…"

"Because I didn't know how you would react," Magnus said, glancing briefly at Alec before looking away again. "Then you said your doctor didn't put you on any medications because you didn't need them, and I thought, 'Wow, Magnus. He was raped and you were the one who needed meds for it?' I thought I was weak, and I didn't want you to think that, too."

"Oh my god, Magnus! Are you kidding? That's not how it works. Your brain chemistry is messed up. You need medication to fix that. It's like if…" He searched for some comparison, gesturing at the air to help him find the words. "If you were diabetic. Your body doesn't make enough insulin and you need medication to make it better. For you, your brain doesn't make the right amounts of chemicals, so you need medication to fix that. You are not weak. In fact, you might be the strongest person I've ever known."

Magnus looked up at him then. "I didn't know how you would feel about it," he said again. "I didn't know if you would understand. _I _didn't understand it very well, but what you are saying is what Dr. Clark has been saying, and it makes sense."

"Honestly, Magnus, I probably wouldn't have known all this before. I only started learning about depression when I thought you might have it. But if you'd told me then, I'd like to think I would've done the research to understand it better. I love you, and I would do anything for you. I'm not going to shame you for having a disease you can't control."

A tear rolled down Magnus's cheek. "A lot of people would."

"I know." Alec scooted his chair closer to Magnus's so he could touch him. "I know. People don't understand mental illness. They don't understand it, and don't take the time to learn about it. And just like with so many things, they fear what they don't understand. Ignorance is the enemy, and the ignorant have put such a stigma on mental health problems that people are afraid to admit when they have it, or to seek help for it. Magnus, I don't want you to ever feel that way. I love you, and I support you, no matter what. You are the most important thing in my life, and you can always talk to me. No more hiding this. Okay?"

Magnus gave a lopsided half-grin. "I don't think that's possible anymore. All our friends and your family know about it now. I'm pretty much an open book, I guess."

Alec could feel Magnus's hand tremble in his. "It's okay, Magnus. All those people were here to support us that night. They kept me occupied so Momma H and Will could get you help. None of them are judging us. They all still love us."

Magnus flung his arms around Alec and collapsed against him. Alec could feel the shuddering sobs escape his body. He wasn't sure when he'd figured out his friends' motives, but he knew he was right. He felt gratitude and relief that his friends were standing by them after discovering Magnus's deepest, darkest secret. He could only imagine how much more intense that feeling had to be for Magnus.

When Magnus finally got himself under control again, he said, "I'm sorry I didn't trust you more with this. I should have told you sooner. I thought about it a million times. But things were going so well with us, and the Knicks, and my career was taking off. I thought I had it under control, like I did when we first met. After my injury, I was just so angry, and I didn't want to go back to therapy."

"I'm surprised Will didn't say something before. When you got hurt, I mean." It was something that had been nagging at him for a while. Will said they'd been through this before with Magnus, so why didn't he warn Alec that it could happen again?

"Will didn't know. The first two times I was on medication, he didn't know. Or at least, he didn't know what I was on medication for. Momma H and I kept it from him. So, when he saw me go into a tailspin after you were raped, that was the first time he really knew what was happening. He was right, though. Once you see it, you'll recognize it from now on. Don't worry about that."

Alec still worried a little, though. He couldn't help it. He still felt like he'd let Magnus down.

"I'm surprised Momma H didn't mention something to me, then," Alec said, thinking out loud.

Magnus gave him a sad smile. "That's my fault. I lied to her. She thought I was still on my meds and still going to therapy. Whenever she called, I pretended to be fine. Honestly, if I was a good son and saw her as often as I should, she would've known in two seconds flat that there was something wrong with me. She thought I was coping, because that's what I wanted her to believe."

"I never realized you were such a good liar, Magnus Bane."

"It's a gift," he replied with a chuckle. "I'm sorry, though. I never should've lied to you. I should've told you I was in trouble instead of manipulating you. It's just so hard to say it."

"I imagine it is," Alec said. "What did Will and Momma H say to get you to agree to go with them?"

Magnus laughed. "I think Will said something about throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me out if I didn't agree to go. That would be a sight, wouldn't it?"

Alec chuckled. "Yeah, it would." Will wasn't even six foot tall. Alec could just imagine him carrying Magnus's long, lanky form over his shoulder, out their door, down their steps. He saw a look flash across Magnus's face, and suddenly wondered if that was really what they'd said to him. He decided he'd pressed Magnus enough for one day, though. If Magnus wasn't ready to tell him what really happened, he could wait.

Or maybe that was what really happened and Alec was reading that look wrong. He thought that might be the case when he caught the next expression on his boyfriend's face. Magnus looked tired. Bone-weary, in fact. He'd had a stressful day.

"Do you need to lie down again?" he asked. "You look exhausted."

"I am pretty tired," Magnus replied, "but I'm not sleepy. You want to lie down with me?"

Alec wasn't in the habit of resting during the day, but he wasn't about to pass on that offer. "Absolutely."

They went back to the bedroom and stripped down to their boxers before climbing into bed. Magnus slid his hand into Alec's and twined their fingers together. He rested his head on Alec's shoulder.

They talked about nothing in particular. Alec mentioned repainting the bedroom a brighter color and they went off on a tangent of potential colors, which then morphed into a conversation about Dr. Clark's office.

At one point, Magnus dozed off, and Alec let his mind wander. He knew he needed to figure out something for them to do with their lives. As much as he liked spending all his time with Magnus and living off the millions they had in the bank, he still wanted to be a productive member of society. And he really thought finding something for Magnus to do with his time would help his mental status. Boredom for a couple days, or even weeks or months, was one thing. But for twenty years? Thirty? That couldn't be healthy. They both needed something to do with their time. Maybe a job. Maybe even charity work. He didn't know, but something had to happen, as soon as Magnus was up to it.

When he woke later, neither of them felt like putting in a full workout, so they skipped the gym. Magnus did request Alec help him with his physical therapy, though, which made Alec do a little internal happy dance. They didn't need the gym machines for that, opting to do range-of-motion exercises instead, something Alec had all the needed equipment for right there in the apartment.

Will and Momma H came over that evening and spent a few hours with them. The company was nice, but even more importantly, they seemed to be pleased with Magnus's attitude. He didn't go into anything personal with them that night, but when Magnus went to the bathroom, Alec assured them they'd had a good long talk earlier about his history with depression, and they were satisfied with that.

* * *

The week progressed in much the same way. They developed a routine of meals and therapy visits and entertaining Will and Momma H in the evenings. They either went to the downstairs gym to work out or did Magnus's PT in their living room.

And they did something together, every day. Some days they talked about therapy or whatever was on their minds. Some days they talked about inconsequential things that still made their relationship special. One day, Magnus decided he wanted to cut his hair. Alec agreed because it had grown long and shaggy, and unless he kept it pulled back, Alec couldn't see his eyes.

"I want a mohawk," Magnus announced.

Alec's eyebrows went up. "You what now?" He'd never seen Magnus with a mohawk, and wasn't sure how he felt about the idea.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Magnus said, tugging on Alec's hand like a little kid does when trying to talk his parents into doing something.

"Okay, okay," Alec said. "If it'll make you happy."

Magnus shouted "Yes!" and punched the air, while Alec made him an appointment to get his hair cut.

When it was over, Alec had to admit Magnus looked really good. The lady at the salon left the top long enough for it to almost cover the shaved sides of his head if he left it down. And if he spiked it up, he had an impressive mohawk. Alec was charged with keeping the sides trimmed, something he could easily do with their electric razors they used to shave their faces.

The best part was when they got back to the apartment. Alec ran his hands over the shaved sides of Magnus's head for the millionth time, then trailed his fingers through the silky long locks on top, letting them slide through his hands. The touch was sensual. Alec's eyes fell on Magnus's, and watched as his pupils dilated. Magnus was getting turned on by Alec's touch.

They hadn't done anything for a while now, but the look on Magnus's face was enough to make Alec's dick fill. He felt Magnus's hands on his ass, and a moment later, his boyfriend pulled him close and ground their pelvises together. Alec shuddered, his fingers clinching in Magnus's hair, tugging it by the roots. Magnus moaned his approval, and thrust against him again.

Magnus fumbled with Alec's clothes, then his own, growling whenever Alec released his hair. What was it about his hair? Alec decided to ask.

Magnus nipped at Alec's neck and said, "It feels so much different now that it's shaved."

Alec suddenly wondered if he should shave his hair, too. That thought was interrupted when his now-naked boyfriend pulled him onto the couch. Alec straddled Magnus, massaging his scalp and roughly tugging his hair again. Magnus involuntarily thrust his pelvis, his cock pressing between Alec's ass cheeks. Magnus stuck his fingers in Alec's mouth and Alec nearly sucked the skin off them. Magnus's nostrils flared with lust. He pulled his fingers out of Alec's mouth and inserted them into his ass instead.

The sensation was amazing after so long. Alec had always loved getting fuck by Magnus, and having him touch him so intimately sent Alec off the charts. He pushed back against Magnus's hand as he finger-fucked him, loosening him up and getting him ready. Alec kissed him hard and passionately, tasting him, licking his mouth, biting his bottom lip, fingering his scalp the whole time.

They were both so hot and horny, every touch igniting nerve endings and setting them on fire. When Magnus finally penetrated him, Alec threw his head back and let out the most wanton scream he'd ever made. Magnus attacked his neck, leaving marks all over it. His arms held Alec in place while he thrust up into him. Alec rolled his hips, meeting Magnus's thrusts, and god it felt so good!

Alec kissed him again, sloppy and wet, missing his mouth half the time and not fucking caring one bit. His hands never left Magnus's head, but Magnus's were all over him, touching, caressing, fingers digging into his flesh. Every touch made Alec hotter, and he bounced on Magnus's cock, driving it deeper into him. Finally, between their love and passion, the assault on his prostate and the slap of his cock on Magnus's torso, the sensation of his fingers in Magnus's hair and Magnus's mouth on his neck and chest and nipples, Alec exploded. He clamped down on Magnus's dick, yanked his hair, and bit his neck, and Magnus painted his insides as he came.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus's neck, resting his head against his sweaty skin. He inhaled the scent of sweat and sex and before he knew what he was doing, he licking the saltiness off Magnus's cheek. Magnus giggled, which made his cock move within Alec and brush against his still-sensitive prostate. They both moaned as the aftershocks swept through their bodies, and continued holding onto one another, panting as their bodies recovered.

Eventually, Alec pulled away enough to see Magnus's face. His hair was a spectacular mess, and his eyes still looked dazed. His lips were puffy from all the rough kissing, but he was smiling. He looked beautiful.

"I am so fucking in love with you," Alec said in a strange, dreamy voice that didn't sound like his.

"Right back at ya," Magnus said, stretching up to kiss Alec again.

Magnus's cock grew soft, which was Alec's cue to get up. He slid off Magnus's lap and stood. He was sore, but in the best possible way. "Oh my god, I'm not going to walk right for a week," he said as he stretched out his stiff muscles and felt a stab of pain in his ass.

"Longer than that if I have anything to say about it," Magnus said, giving him a come-hither look.

"Keep your hands to yourself, Bane," Alec joked, as Magnus grabbed him around the waist and jerked him to him. Alec pretended to try to get away, but he was laughing too hard, and so was Magnus. He finally gave in and turned in Magnus's arms, circling his neck and kissing him full on the mouth.

He looked into Magnus's eyes and thought, for the first time in a long time, _We're going to be okay._


	126. Chapter 126

Alec knocked on the door and waited, nervously fidgeting. He'd never been inside a recording studio and didn't know what to expect. The fact that he knew most of the band on a personal level didn't assuage his anxiety any. Neither did the reason he was there in the first place.

He stood outside the brick building for several minutes with nothing happening. Then he finally noticed a buzzer and pressed the button. The sound it made was rather obnoxious, but it did the trick. A moment later, a guy with long, shaggy hair popped his head through the doorway.

"You Alec?" he said with a thick Brooklyn accent.

"Yeah."

The guy stepped back and let Alec enter. He led Alec down a long, dark hallway toward some banging sounds. The sounds grew louder, as did the voices, as they approached the sliver of light emitting through the open door at the end of the hall.

"Alec!" Will said as soon as he entered the room. He tossed up a hand in greeting and was bombarded by a hug from Lexus. "Thanks, Mick," he called to the long-haired guy who'd let Alec in, and received a grunt and head nod in reply.

Will was disassembling a microphone stand while Mo packed away her keyboard. The guy, Mick, went to the drum set and began loudly taking it apart. Alec didn't pay them much attention, as he was busy solidly squeezing Lexus, who looked up at him with big, worried eyes.

"Everything okay, hon?"

"That's what I'm here to talk to Will about," Alec said vaguely.

"Mind if I stick around?"

"Of course not," Alec said, smiling down at her. She was like a sister to Magnus. He actually welcomed her opinion. "So, are you guys done recording?" he asked, changing the subject for the time being.

She released him and looked over her shoulder. "Yeah. We just finished. Now we have to do all the editing and stuff, but we got enough good stuff to make the album."

"I noticed you're the only one not packing up," he teased.

She beamed up at him. "Perks of being the singer. My instrument is already packed," she said, giggling and pointing to her throat. Alec chuckled, too. "Actually, I do need to get something from the sound booth. Be right back, okay?"

Alec nodded and watched her flit off through an open doorway. There was a huge window where he could see all sorts of fancy equipment and Lexus moving around like a butterfly in the wind. He smiled to himself. She was such a cute, tiny, charismatic person, and she was a great friend. The amount of love and luck he had in his life was not lost on him.

Fifteen minutes later, the band was finished packing up and saying their goodbyes. Apparently, they had people that would come by tomorrow and take the equipment to their usual rehearsal studio. When only Will, Lexus, and Mo remained, they pulled up chairs and sat in a loose circle with Alec.

"So, what's up?" Will said, giving Alec a pointed look.

The band had been busy finishing their album for the last two weeks, so Will and Lexus had not been coming around the apartment as much as they were before. Magnus had been doing so well, it didn't seem to be an issue.

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. He started acting strange again."

"Strange how?"

"Well, you know, the first few weeks he was doing great. It was almost like having my boyfriend back. We were working out, he was eating like he used to, and most importantly, he was talking to me. I mean, really talking to me. He told me everything, just like he used to. How he was feeling, what he was thinking…" _When he was horny_. He didn't share that bit of information, just smiled to himself and said, "Everything."

"And now?" Will said, breaking Alec from his train of thought.

Alec looked at his hands, a tear welling up in his eye. "I just asked him if he wanted me to leave."

"What?!" Will bellowed.

"Will, he's angry. All the time." Alec pleaded with his eyes for Will to understand. "At first I didn't think much of it. It was little things, you know? He'd get mad about something silly and yell at me, or stomp off and slam his bedroom door."

"_His_ bedroom door?" Will said. "You're still not sleeping with him?"

Alec looked startled. "No! We're sleeping together. I just haven't moved my stuff into his bedroom."

"And you're referring to it as his bedroom. What does he think about that?"

Alec thought about it for a moment, and shrugged. "I don't know. That's just the way it's been since he first kicked me out of our bedroom. I don't want to pressure him, and honestly, if he kicks me out again, I want to have access to my things. It's not fun to only have a couple changes of clothes and none of your shoes to wear, you know?"

Will sighed exasperatedly. "Yeah, Alec I get that, but did you ever think how it looks to Magnus? What if he thinks you are expecting him to fail?"

In truth, Alec hadn't thought about that. At all. "Shit."

Alec met Will's gaze. "Okay, well, what else has been going on?"

Alec sighed. "He's gotten… kind of… violent, lately."

"Violent?" Lexus said, giving Alec a look that clearly said he had to be mistaken.

"I know," Alec said. "He normally wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I know," Lex agreed. "He's made me let them out the window before," she added with a soft chuckle. "What do you think that's all about?" She gave Will a quizzical look.

"I don't know," Will answered. "He's never, ever, been a violent person. What do you mean by that, anyway, Alec?"

"Well, like I said, he's angry all the time. At first it was like a little temper tantrum. Something didn't go right or made him mad or whatever, and he'd stomp off and slam his door. Then, a few days ago, he punched the wall in the hallway and now there's a big hole in the drywall. Yesterday, he threw his plate on the floor and broke it."

Will's brow was furrowed. Lexus looked concerned, too. Mo bit her lip.

"I should mention he once got… aggressive with me."

"What do you mean?" Will demanded.

"Well, it was back when he was struggling with the Nets and wouldn't tell me what was going on. He came home and threw me against the wall and…" He trailed off, embarrassed to talk about this with Magnus's closest friends. "He… fucked me really hard. It wasn't exactly fun at first, and I was a little afraid of him…"

"Are you saying Magnus raped you?" Will said slowly and distinctly.

"What?! Oh god no! He asked permission first, but it was incredibly rough and scary and out of character for him. He was out of control then, and that kind of reminds me of how he's acting now… without taking it out on me sexually…"

"Are you two still having sex?" Will asked, like he was asking about the weather, not an extremely personal question.

"Well…um… we haven't for a few days," Alec stammered, surprised by Will's question. Sure, he'd just been talking about an isolated sexual incident, but the question still unnerved him. Enough for him to spill even more personal information. "The last time we tried, he couldn't… you know… get it up…"

Will's brows furrowed again. "Magnus couldn't get an erection? Has that ever happened before?"

Alec shook his head. "No. It's never been a problem before."

Will looked pensive, his head rested on his hand, his finger stroking his chin.

"What are you thinking?" Alec said after Will was quiet for a few minutes. He couldn't take the suspense any longer.

"I'm wondering if he's having side effects to his new medication."

"Oh," Alec said. He hadn't thought of that. "Has he had problems like that with his meds before?"

"Well, I wouldn't know if he's had problems getting it up, but he's never mentioned it," Will said, winking at Alec and making him blush. He knew better than to talk to Will about his sex life. Nothing was sacred with that man. "He's never had issues with aggression or anger, though, but Dr. Clark said this was a new medication he'd never been on before. Maybe it's a new side effect, too."

Alec nodded. "Yeah, could be. That's a relief, actually. I've been a little worried that maybe he was getting tired of me, or something."

Will looked at Alec like he'd just remembered something. "You said you asked him if he wanted you to leave?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you even say that?" There was a sharpness to Will's voice that made Alec feel bad.

Alec hung his head. "I just… I remember what it was like after I was raped. I couldn't have dealt with that and been Magnus's boyfriend at the same time. I just couldn't. I can't explain why, I just needed to do that alone." He picked at his cuticle, working up the nerve to finish talking.

"It's like… The way Magnus is behaving, how angry he is. It started off just a little incident and I brushed it off. But it has escalated to where he's mad all the time. And, I don't know, if it's his medicine, that's one thing. But he seems like he's mad at me. like I'm the source of what's bothering him. Maybe he's just taking out his frustrations on me, and if that's the case, I can handle it. But if he doesn't want me around…"

He nearly choked on those words. Just the thought of walking away from Magnus, however temporary it might be, broke his heart in a million little pieces. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and looked Will directly in the eyes.

"If he needs time to himself, who am I to say he can't have it?"

Mo and Lexus scooted their chairs closer to him and took his hands in theirs, patting his hands supportively. Alec was still holding Will's gaze, but his peripheral vision told him the girls were glaring at Will. He appreciated their support, but he didn't want to be a source of conflict for the band or their friendship.

After several long moments, Will said, "What was Magnus's response?"

_"__Fuck it! I'm sick of this!" Magnus shouted and stomped off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him hard enough to shift the picture frames hanging on the wall in the hallway. Alec wasn't even sure what set him off this time. They were eating lunch and he suddenly got pissed off about something, knocked his plate into the floor, and stormed away._

_Alec stared at the plate and the food littering the kitchen floor. This was the third time that morning Magnus had gotten angry and yelled about something. Alec's nerves were shot, his hands shaking as he picked up the broken ceramic pieces and deposited them in the trash can. He cleared up the mess while thought after thought chased themselves around his brain._

_'__What are you doing?' 'What is wrong with him?' 'What is wrong with you?' 'How long will this continue before something really bad happens?' _

_He had no answers. Only more questions. Every time this happened, he felt more distance build between him and Magnus, and that wasn't acceptable. _

_He'd called Will last night when Magnus refused to talk to him. It was the first time that had happened in the month since he got out of the hospital. Even through his anger, he'd still talked to Alec about things. No matter how many times Alec asked, though, Magnus couldn't tell him why he was so angry, but at least he was still talking. When that stopped, Alec got worried and called Will, who told him to meet him at the recording studio the following day._

_But things had gotten worse even since last night. Breaking a plate was just so out of character for him. All his violent outbursts were out of character. Alec couldn't help thinking he was the problem._

_He went down the hall and knocked on Magnus's bedroom door. He didn't know if the door was locked and something made him hesitate to try it. What if it was? What if they were back to Magnus locking him out of the bedroom again? He wasn't sure he could handle that._

_Magnus answered the door while Alec was thinking and he didn't notice if the door was locked or not. He shrugged it off. The look on Magnus's face gave him pause. There was still anger etched there, but it seemed to be abating. _

_"__Magnus, I… I just wanted to check on you…"_

_"__I'm fine, Alec," Magnus said shortly, like he was irritated at the interruption of whatever he planned to do._

_"__Oh, okay… I just…" He sighed. This wasn't going well, he knew it. "Are you mad at me?" _

_He felt like a little kid saying it like that, so bald and child-like, but the words escaped him before he found a way to make them sound more eloquent._

_Magnus sighed. Alec thought it sounded more like exasperation than anything else. "No, Alec. I'm not mad at you."_

_Before his brain-to-mouth filter kicked in, he said, "Do you want me to leave?"_

_"__What?! No, Alec, I don't want you to leave."_

_Alec met his eyes, which were blazing as they stared back at him. Alec struggled to believe Magnus's words. "Are you sure? It seems like maybe I'm the problem. If you need time to yourself, without me hovering, I can go stay with my parents or something. Maybe get Will or Momma H to stay here with you?"_

_Magnus's eyes narrowed. "You seem to have it all figured out."_

_"__No, Magnus. I don't have anything figured out. Nothing at all. I just remember what it felt like to need space and time to myself to get better."_

_"__Well, I'm not you, am I?"_

_Ouch. Magnus's words stung. He was right, though, they were different people. "I'm just trying to help. I'll do whatever you need to get better."_

_"__Get better?" Magnus said, the words like acid. "What, so I can play basketball again? There is no getting better, Alec. This is who I am now. Nothing. I am nothing."_

_"__Don't say that! It's not true!" Alec protested, but Magnus shut the door in his face. And this time, Alec heard the lock engage. He pounded on the door. "Magnus, don't think like that. You are not nothing! You are everything to me!"_

_Magnus didn't respond. After a few minutes, Alec gave up. He went into the kitchen and realized he needed to leave soon to get to the studio to meet Will. He finished cleaning up from lunch, put on his shoes and coat, and left._

When Alec finished telling his story, Will said, "I think I need to come home with you and have a little talk with Magnus."

Alec nodded in relief. He felt overwhelmed, and wanted desperately for someone to help him with this situation. He was thankful Will was finally finished with the album so he could be more hands-on with Magnus's recovery. Lexus, too.

"When was the last time he went to therapy?" Will asked, rising and grabbing his coat. He walked toward the doorway, ushering everyone out before flicking off the lights.

"Last Friday. He's been doing so well, Dr. Clark cut him down to once a week sessions this week."

"And that's when all the problems started?"

Alec thought about that for a moment. "Yes and no. I mean, he had a couple outbursts last week, but they were minor and didn't really register as an issue. He's allowed to get mad sometimes. His medication isn't going to keep him from every feeling upset or overwhelmed or angry. So, I took those incidents at face-value, and I didn't say anything to Dr. Clark about it."

"Alec…" Will said as he locked up the studio behind them. Alec followed Will to his car. He'd taken a cab to get there and planned to ride home with Will. Lexus and Mo were right behind them. Evidently, Will was playing chauffeur today.

"What? Will, I didn't think anything weird was happening. I certainly didn't think it would escalate like it has. If I had known, I would've said something to his therapist. I swear I wasn't trying to keep things from her."

"Alec, I know that. I know you have his best interests at heart. But you are supposed to report any strange behavior to Dr. Clark."

"I didn't think it was strange behavior!" Alec insisted. "Not until this week when things started getting bad."

"Okay, okay. I think we need to call Dr. Clark and get a meeting set up before Friday, though. if he's acting this weird, waiting two more days is a bad idea."

"I agree," Alec said, and relaxed into his seat for the short drive home.

Will dropped Lexus and Mo off at their condo. They both wanted to go to Alec's but Will convinced them to let him and Alec handle things tonight. They promised to call the girls and let them know what the plan was. Now that the band members had some free time, they planned to redouble their efforts to get Magnus healthy again. Alec was thankful he'd have their support more often now.

Will parked the car and they bounded up the stairs to Alec and Magnus's apartment. As soon as they entered, Alec felt something was wrong. He had an unexplained chill, and sense of unease.

Will followed him to Magnus's bedroom. Alec tried the handle but it was locked. He pounded on the door, shouting Magnus's name, but there was no answer. Finally, after a couple of tries, Will pushed Alec out of the way, drew up his leg and kicked the door in. The wood frame cracked and splintered. The door dangled from its broken hinges.

But none of that mattered. The only thing Alec saw was Magnus lying still on the bed. He crossed the room, his heart racing frantically for reasons he couldn't explain. He shook Magnus, shouting his name, but there was no response.

Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Alec tried to rouse Magnus again, but still nothing happened. He saw Will pick up his phone, hit three numbers and put it on speakerphone.

"9-1-1. What is your emergency?" said an unfamiliar voice. Alec shot a look at Will, who wasn't paying him any attention.

"My friend is unconscious," Alec heard Will say to the operator.

At the word unconscious, Alec lost his grip on reality. He felt like he was in a fog or a cloud. He could barely make out the words Will was saying. All he could do was stare at Magnus's lifeless body. What the fuck had happened while he was gone?

He somehow heard Will say the name of a medication and perked up. "Those are my sleeping pills," he said to Will. He took the bottle from Will's hand and read the label. Sure enough, those were his pills he kept in the bathroom. It was then that he noticed the bottle of whiskey and the bottle of Magnus's medication sitting open on the bedside table.

His eyes grew wide and his heart beat a rapid tattoo against his chest. What had Magnus done? Oh, god, what had he done?

"Alec, I need you to concentrate!" Will yelled at him. He got the feeling Will had said his name more than once.

"What?"

"Is. He. Breathing?" Will annunciated each word clearly.

Alec stared at Magnus's chest. After a few moments, he said, "Yes. He's breathing, but it's very slow."

"Check his pulse," Will ordered.

Again in slow motion, Alec reached down and picked up Magnus's wrist. He knew where the pulse point was from his schooling, and he placed his fingers there to check Magnus's pulse.

"It's weak," he reported. Will said something else that didn't reach him as he watched Magnus's chest slowly rise and fall, and his blood ran cold thinking about the implications.

"ALEC!" Will screamed. "I need you to get your shit together and help me take care of Magnus! Or you can take the phone and I'll take care of him!"

Alec snapped out of his headspace at that, and let his training take over. He was not a doctor or paramedic or anything like that, but he'd been trained both in school and by the Knicks on proper first aid and emergency assessment. He counted Magnus's heartbeats and respirations and reported them to Will, who relayed it to the lady on phone.

"There are paramedics en route," Will advised him. "Just keep watching him."

"Will," Alec said, his voice shrill. "He's not breathing. Oh fuck, Will, he's not breathing!"

Will dropped the phone in his haste to get to Magnus. They could hear the lady on the phone talking them through CPR. Will tilted Magnus's head and gave him a couple of breaths while Alec continued to monitor his pulse. It was weak. So weak. But still present, and that's what mattered at the moment.

There was a banging on the door, and Will dashed out of the room. He returned a moment later followed by two paramedics and a stretcher. One of the men climbed onto the bed with a heavy bag. He took over assessing Magnus. He put a clear plastic cone over Magnus's nose and pumped a bag. Alec saw Magnus's chest rise with each pump.

The other paramedic started an IV line in Magnus's arm. This one was more talkative. He asked Alec and Will for information, most of which they didn't know. What had Magnus taken and how much? How long had he been like this? When did he stop breathing on his own?

Alec answered the best he could. There couldn't have been more than a few of Magnus's pills in the bottle. It had been almost a month since he started taking them and Alec had already called in the prescription refill, he just hadn't picked it up yet. Alec had been sleeping better recently and had stopped taking his sleeping pills. There were four left in the bottle now, so he likely hadn't take but one or two of them. Alec had purchased the whiskey recently, for Will, but he didn't know how much was in the bottle before. It was half empty now.

Alec told them he'd only been gone a couple of hours. Between the ride to the studio, the talk, and the ride home, he didn't think it could be much longer than that.

As the paramedics treated Magnus and charted everything Alec told them, Alec felt numb, cold, like his blood had stopped flowing. He stared at his boyfriend, lying there on his bed, pale and lifeless and hooked up to machines and lines. Never in a million years did he think he would see something like this. Never had he thought Magnus's strange behavior could lead to this.

Magnus's words about being nothing suddenly sounded so ominous. Had Alec missed yet another sign that Magnus was in trouble? Maybe the most important sign of all.

_Don't die. Don't die. Don't die._ The mantra that repeated on loop in ALec's head. He couldn't lose Magnus. He just couldn't. Not like this.

He became aware of the paramedics loading Magnus onto the stretcher. "Can I ride with you?" he said hastily. He wasn't letting Magnus out of his sight if he could keep from it.

"Sure," answered one of the medics. Alec followed them to the ambulance waiting outside the building.

He lost sight of Will for a moment as they loaded Magnus into the back of the ambulance. Then, he suddenly reappeared.

"You ride with them," Will instructed. "I'll meet you there as soon as I can. I've got to go pick up Momma."

Shit. Momma H. Alec hadn't even thought about her. He nodded to Will and climbed into the back of the ambulance with Magnus and one of the paramedics.

The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Alec just wanted to get there. For some reason, he felt that being at the hospital meant everything was going to be okay. It was a completely irrational line of thinking, but that's how he felt.

What he didn't realize until he got there was that as soon as Magnus was unloaded from the ambulance, he was whisked away to an area where Alec couldn't follow. Instead, Alec was taken into a waiting area, given a number and told to take a seat. He sat there, barely aware of his surroundings, until someone called his number. He gave the woman Magnus's personal information. Fortunately, he knew most of it, even though they weren't married.

Once that was finished, he asked if he could see Magnus now. The woman told him to go back to his seat and she would find out what was going on. What felt like years later, she returned and said that the doctors were still working on him.

Will, Jem, and Momma H arrived some time later. Time wasn't something Alec was capable of tracking just then. It didn't matter, other than as a measurement for how long it had been since he'd seen Magnus. Alec gave them the update of "I don't know what's going on" as they sat down next to him. Momma H held Alec's hand and leaned her head against his arm. Alec barely noticed.

What felt like an eternity later, a doctor wearing blue scrubs and a white coat came out to talk to them. He eyed them all, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. None of them looked remotely like Magnus. Will and Alec could probably pass as brothers, with their dark hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. Will had enough of his mother's features to be recognizable as her son. Magnus looked completely different from all of them.

Fortunately, he didn't ask them if they were related to Magnus, didn't press the issue. Alec vaguely wondered if the doctor could get in trouble for that. Anyway, he said that Magnus was stable, but still unconscious. They didn't know if or when he would wake up. They didn't know if or how badly his brain had been damaged from the overdose. "Only time would tell," he said.

He led them down a long, sterile hallway. Alec wondered if he'd be able to find his way back on his own. Then, he decided that didn't matter, because he wasn't leaving Magnus's side until he was ready to come home.

Magnus was in room 1124. Alec steeled himself as the doctor pushed open the door and stepped back to allow them to enter. His heart stuttered when he saw Magnus lying in the hospital bed hooked up to beeping machines and several bags of fluids running into the IV in his arm. He crossed to the far side of the bed, pulled up a chair and watched his lifeless boyfriend breathe slowly, in and out. There was tubing attached to his face and a cannula inserted into his nostrils, giving him oxygen.

He took Magnus's hand in his. It was cool to the touch. He wrapped it in both hands and drew it to his lips, kissing his knuckles, one by one. Then, he rested his forehead against those knuckles, breathing in as deeply as he could through the pain in his chest. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. His eyes were bone-dry and scratchy. His body was numb and his mind was reeling.

All he could do was wait.

_To be continued…_


	127. Chapter 127

Alec lost track of the days as he sat by Magnus's hospital bed, holding his hand. His body was stiff and sore from sitting in the same position for days on end, but he hardly noticed. The monitors beeped. The IV pump pulsed. And Magnus laid there, unconscious.

There was a steady stream of visitors. Momma H and Will were there often and only left when someone made them. Most of the time that someone was Jem. He popped in daily after work to check on everyone and convinced Will and Momma H to go home with him. Then, they would return in the morning and sit with Alec. They would sometimes talk to each other, or even try to engage Alec in conversation, but he didn't take the bait. He might have answered their direct questions, he couldn't remember, but he ignored their conversations.

Lexus and Mo came by often as well. They usually stayed for a few hours. Alec thought Lex wanted to stay with them, but having four people in the room all the time was too much, especially when others came to visit. Magnus had a private room, but it was still a small hospital room.

Cammie and Austin visited a couple of times. At least, Alec thought it was a couple of times. With the days running together, it was difficult to tell who was there and when. Cammie, as always, tried to cheer Alec up, and it worked a little bit. He did remember smiling a few times while she was there. She told stories about what his godson was doing. He could now roll over and was learning to crawl. Austin was his usual tall, quiet, comforting self, and Alec appreciated his calming presence.

Tony and Scott could only make the trip into the city once, but they called every day to check on Alec and Magnus. They were willing to drop everything to come there if needed, but Alec told them not to come. He didn't want them rearranging their lives for him and there wasn't anything they could do for Alec or Magnus at the moment, anyway.

Alec's parents and Max came by a couple times as well. He was almost certain his mother tried to have a serious conversation with him, but he wasn't able to participate. He simply wasn't able to focus on anything but Magnus. He did remember asking about Jace and Izzy. Maryse reminded him that Jace's soccer league was about to start, and that he was in training camp at the time and couldn't get away. Izzy was preparing for a huge fashion show and making gowns for all the award ceremonies. If either of them still lived in the US, maybe they could take a break and visit, but with both of them living in Europe, it just wasn't possible. Alec understood, and was glad they were busy and enjoying their lives.

The doctors checked on Magnus daily, sometimes as a group, including his primary hospital doctor and Dr. Clark, and sometimes separately. They were coordinating their efforts to get Magnus well as soon as possible, but there really wasn't much else they could do. It was up to him to wake up now.

Alec prayed. He wasn't much into religion and wasn't even sure he believed that a god or gods existed, but sitting there in that hospital room watching the man he loved fight for his life, he prayed. He prayed to anyone and everyone who might listen. He bargained, offering up anything and everything to just make Magnus wake up and be okay.

But mostly, he thought. He thought about where and how everything had gone so terribly wrong. He thought about what signs Magnus may have given him and how he could've missed them. Even after several days of thinking, he still had no clue. Maybe his clue was Magnus saying he was nothing. Maybe his clue was the weird anger reactions Magnus had been having. If so, he had failed his boyfriend once again. He didn't deserve to have a guy like Magnus, and he certainly didn't seem capable of giving Magnus what he needed.

The thing he really beat himself up about was asking Magnus if he wanted him to leave. Had that been the final straw that pushed Magnus over the edge? Did he think Alec wanted out of their relationship, that he had lost Alec? Is that what made him want to end his life?

_That wasn't what I meant, Magnus. Not at all_, he silently pleaded whenever this thought invaded his mind. _I wouldn't leave you. I love you so much_. But that's the thing, wasn't it? He had offered to leave. And Magnus had been upset about it and tried to die while Alec was out of the house. Alec's mind looped back around to this being all his fault, every single time.

Alec didn't sleep much in the hospital. He kept coming back to Magnus taking his sleeping pill. Why would he do that? His anti-depressants and alcohol were enough to do the job. Maybe. Maybe he didn't have enough of his medication left and that's why he chose to use Alec's, too? Or maybe he was trying to send Alec a message. Maybe by using Alec's sleeping pills, he was telling Alec he blamed him, too? But then, why only take one or two. He couldn't have taken more than that. He'd left four pills in the bottle. Why didn't he take those, too? And god, what if he had? He was barely alive after what he had taken. If he'd taken the other four pills, he probably would've been dead before Alec even got home.

His mind was spiraling, and he had no answers.

Alec dozed, his head resting on Magnus's bed while he held Magnus's hand and clutched Magnus's arm against his chest. There was something about holding that cool arm to him that felt right. He felt a connection to his boyfriend that way, and he needed that right now.

Something woke him. He wasn't sure what. He looked around and noticed Maryse and Momma H sitting together and quietly talking in one corner of the room. Will was laid out like trash, one leg hanging over the edge of the chair he was lounging in, and he was fast asleep. His eyes traveled back to Magnus, and he was startled to see his eyes slightly open.

"Magnus?" he croaked, his voice rusty with disuse.

Magnus blinked, and something inside Alec broke. The tears he'd held at bay for who knows how many days, dislodged and his eyes filled up. He heard rustling in the room, where presumably the others noticed that Magnus was awake, but he paid them no mind. His entire focus was on Magnus, and the release of pain and overwhelming relief he felt to see him awake.

Disregarding everything attached to his boyfriend, Alec climbed onto the bed, straddling Magnus. He scooped his thin frame into his arms and held his limp body to him. He rocked Magnus back and forth as he tears spilled down his cheeks and all that pent-up emotion flooded out of him.

Words escaped his lips, and he never knew exactly what he said. Something along the lines of this: "Magnus, you son-of-a-bitch. I thought I lost you. I thought you were gone. I hate you… I love you… I hate you…"

He was incoherently mumbling, and possibly more upset and angry about what had happened than he realized. He'd been so focused on whether or not Magnus would live and the why of it all, he hadn't taken a moment to analyze how he felt. Other than his guilt. He was well in tune with his guilt.

Someone touched his shoulder and he heard footsteps rushing from a distance. There was a beeping sound that eventually penetrated his haze. He felt hands pulling him off Magnus and someone said his name.

The next thing he knew, Will was holding him up as he watched the nurses fuss over Magnus's tubes and wires, adjusting his pillows and getting him settled. It didn't appear he had done any damage climbing onto Magnus's bed, but he had messed up some of the monitoring equipment, and earned a scathing look and a reprimand from one of the nurses.

Maryse put her arm around him and tears continued to roll down his face. Magnus looked completely worn out and disoriented when his eyes drifted to Alec's. They locked and held, and Alec saw him mouth his name.

The nurses stopped fretting and told them the doctor would be in shortly to check on Magnus now that he was awake. They gave Alec one last warning not to bother Magnus's lines, but Alec disregarded them. He only had eyes for Magnus and didn't give a fuck about anything else. Alec went to Magnus, unable to stay away any longer. He was surprised he made it as long as he did, when he really wanted to push the nurses out of the way and stay with him.

Ignoring the warnings, Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus again, and held him close. He was careful not to mess with anything, but he wasn't about to stay away from Magnus, or even keep him at an arm's distance. He kissed Magnus's temple and pressed his face to his own chest.

"Wh…" Magnus cleared his throat. Alec released him and got him a drink of water. "What happened?" he said when the glass was empty.

"Well, I was kind of hoping you could tell us that," Alec said, brushing the tear tracks off his face.

"I… don't know…" Magnus said, rubbing his head with his hand, his IV line dangling from his arm.

"You don't remember?" Alec looked at the others in alarm. Was this possible? He had never considered the idea that Magnus wouldn't remember taking all those medications and alcohol.

"I… I remember…" Magnus met Alec's eyes, fear etched on his features. "I remember fighting with you. You said you were going to leave. And I…" Magnus covered his gaping mouth with his hands. A tear trickled down his cheek. "Oh, god, what did I do?"

"You drank a half bottle of whiskey, took a bunch of your anti-depressants and a couple of my sleeping pills."

Realization dawned on Magnus's face. Alec watched him connect the dots and come up with the results. Magnus's composure crumbled, and he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. It took all of two seconds for Alec's cheeks to be soaked again, too. Still sitting on the edge of Magnus's bed, he pulled him close again and let him cry.

"I'm sorry…" Magnus mumbled into Alec's chest. "I'm so sorry, Alec." He cried harder, the spot on Alec's shirt soaking up his tears as Magnus clung to him, sinking his fingers into Alec's flesh. "I'm so sorry. You must hate me."

Alec made hushing noises, patting down Magnus's hair and kissing his head. "No, baby. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I love you. I love you so much." He repeated the words over and over as he held Magnus and let him cry.

When Magnus finally pulled himself together and released his death-grip on Alec, Alec helped him lie back down comfortably. "You should rest," he said. It didn't matter that Magnus had been unconscious for several days. He looked beat. Magnus nodded in agreement, and curled into a ball on his bed.

Alec didn't think he was actually sleeping, though. He decided to pretend like he was, and moved closer to his mother, Will, and Momma H.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Maryse said, placing a hand on Alec's arm.

He didn't know how to answer that. He had no idea how he felt at that moment. He was a jumble of emotions: relieved, scared, worried, anxious, probably others he couldn't name. He let them comfort him while his mind spun out of control.

The clicking of heels on the tile floor preceded the entrance of Dr. Clark. She gave them a brief smile then turned to her patient.

"Magnus? How are you doing?" she said in a quiet tone.

Magnus sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily. Momma H tugged Alec's arm and he followed her out into the hall.

"We should let them talk in private," she said once they were out of earshot. Alec didn't like the idea of leaving Magnus alone, but at least he was with someone he trusted. They walked down to the cafeteria and got some coffee, all the while his mind was still in Magnus's room. He didn't enter the conversation his companions were holding as they drank their coffee. He didn't much care about anything but what was happening with his boyfriend.

They didn't stay gone long, but when they got back to the room, the conversation between Magnus and Dr. Clark appeared to be winding down. Dr. Clark turned to them and said, "I'm starting Magnus on a new medication as soon as he feels a little stronger."

"No," Alec said instinctively. Dr. Clark raised an eyebrow at him. "No new medications. He's been on something before and didn't have these… side effects." He felt like he was downplaying what had happened by saying that, but he didn't know how else to phrase it just yet. Like after Alec was raped and no one wanted to use the word 'rape' around him. "I think he should go back on his original medication."

Dr. Clark nodded at him. "That was actually what I had in mind. He'll be in the hospital for a few days at least. We will start the new meds as soon as the ER doctors think it is safe."

Alec nodded. That was what he had expected. He'd love to get Magnus home as soon as possible, but he wanted to make sure it was safe first. He'd failed Magnus twice now, not recognized the signs that he was in trouble, and this last time had nearly resulted in his death. He couldn't take any more chances with Magnus's health. He was terrified that something worse was going to happen to him.

He knew he couldn't handle losing Magnus. He would do whatever it took to make him better.

* * *

The next few days in the hospital were almost as bad as the first few. The only thing that made them better was that Magnus was awake and talking. He didn't seem to have any residual effects from being unconscious and not breathing, or from the quantity of drugs he'd had in his system. He remembered everything that had happened, and his motor skills were fine. He'd gotten lucky. Again.

His attitude was another story altogether. He was being very hard on himself. So much so that Alec worried it would be detrimental to his recovery. During one episode of extreme self-deprecation, Alec said, "What's done is done. We need to focus on where to go from here. Okay?"

Magnus looked at him like he couldn't understand how he could say such a thing. Clearly, he thought he needed to be punished for what he'd done. Alec didn't agree. He was hurt and angry and all sorts of other emotions, but he had no interest in punishing Magnus for what he'd done. That, in his opinion, was counter-productive, and would lead to more harm for Magnus. He didn't want that. Ever.

For all his understanding and empathy, Alec was still struggling with the why. He didn't know how to ask the question. _Hey, babe, why did you try to off yourself?_ Yeah, no. That was not going to happen. He would be the supportive boyfriend and let Magnus talk about it when he was ready.

But that was getting harder and harder to do. Magnus told them he remembered what happened, but he wasn't exactly sharing that information. Alec wasn't sure how much longer he could wait for Magnus to tell him what he needed to know.

On the third day after Magnus woke, Alec found them alone in the hospital room together. Momma H and Will had gone to the cafeteria, and no one else was there at the moment. He took Magnus's hand in his and looked him in the eye.

"You want to know what happened, don't you?" Magnus said.

Alec sighed in relief. He had no idea how to start the conversation, and Magnus had just made it easier for him. "Yes. Just, help me understand. I'm so afraid of losing you, and I don't understand how this happened. I don't know how to help you."

"Alec, it's not your fault, if that's what you are thinking," Magnus began. He was off his IV fluids now and they were waiting for Dr. Clark and the hospital doctors to come in. There was a good chance Magnus would be discharged today. He'd started back on his original medication yesterday, so they were hopeful.

"It's hard not to think I failed you. Again. Explain it to me so I'll understand. Please?"

"I think you were right. I think it was a reaction to the medicine. Sometimes I just felt so angry. And it hit me out of nowhere. I'd be feeling fine, then all of a sudden, BAM! I'm pissed as hell and cussing and throwing something. I didn't know what was happening. At first, I got over it pretty quickly, but the more time that passed the worse it got."

That fit well with how Alec remembered things. He nodded and Magnus continued.

"That night, though, I started having thoughts. Bad thoughts. It was like someone kept telling me I was a failure. Remember all the things I told you about basketball? About not ever winning anything? Well, it was like that, only worse. I felt guilty about being an ass to you. I blamed myself because you got raped. It was like every single thing I'd ever done wrong came crashing down on me that day.

"I wanted it to stop. I thought about my pills. They'd made me feel better when I first started taking them, so I got this stupid idea to take a couple more and see if that would help. It didn't. So, I got the bottle of whiskey, thinking I could drown out those thoughts. Didn't work. At that point, I was pretty drunk, and I just wanted to sleep, so I took some of your sleeping pills."

"What are you saying, Magnus? That you weren't trying to… to kill yourself?" The words were like a dagger to Alec's heart.

"No, Alec, I'm not saying that. I'm saying I don't know. There were some very dark thoughts going through my mind. I honestly wondered if you would all be better off without me. I felt like a burden to you and Will and Momma H. Even Lex. I don't know if I was actually suicidal or if I was just so determined to bury those thoughts… Doesn't matter. The outcome was the same…"

Alec didn't agree with that. The intention behind his acts meant a lot to Alec. An accidental overdose was entirely different than attempted suicide in Alec's mind. Did it matter to his hospitalization? No. But it mattered to how Alec felt about it. He didn't want to argue with Magnus, though.

"Are you feeling better now?" Alec asked. He held his breath, partly dreading the answer.

"Yes," Magnus said. "I feel a lot better. I'm not angry now, well, not any more than I am about not being able to play basketball. I don't feel like a piece of shit right now, anyway. I'm ready to go home."

Alec leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He was ready for that, too. He hated hospitals, and he'd spent entirely too much time in one recently.

Their chat was interrupted by the return of Will and Momma H. They brought Magnus a cup of soup and some coffee, because the coffee in the cafeteria was infinitely better than the coffee they served the patients, and Magnus was addicted to the shit. Alec was already formulating a plan to stop by the coffee shop near their apartment when they finally sprang him from the hospital. He knew that would make Magnus happy.

Before Momma H and Will had a chance to get settled, Dr. Clark entered the room. She made brief, polite greetings, then dropped a bomb that exploded right there in front of them all. "Magnus, I'm admitting you into a mental health treatment facility."

They all gaped at her. "What?" Will. Of course.

"It's very close to the hospital, so you won't have far to travel," she added as if no one had said anything.

"How long?" Magnus said, his tone sharper than he usually used. Alec could tell he was agitated. They both were.

"Thirty days."

Magnus was already shaking his head no. "Why?" Alec demanded. "He's doing better. Why can't he go home?"

Magnus gave him a grateful look. Then his eyes flicked back to Dr. Clark. He looked smug, like he'd just won something.

"I think he needs more treatment than he can get at home," Dr. Clark said. She turned her gaze to Alec. Her eyes were sharp, intelligent, and Alec got the feeling this topic was non-negotiable. "Can I speak to you in private?" she added to Alec.

Alec's heart sank as he squeezed Magnus's hand and gave him a quick smile. He followed Dr. Clark out into the hallway, feeling like he was facing the school principal and he'd done something terribly wrong.

"Alec," Dr. Clark began, "I really need you to be on board with this. Magnus needs to be in the hospital right now."

"But he's doing so much better," Alec repeated.

"He is," Dr. Clark agreed, "and I want that to continue. Look, I made a mistake last time. I should have kept him in the hospital longer. I should have made him continue group therapy. I should have kept seeing him daily. But, like you said, he was doing so much better. I thought he was recovering, so I let him do that on his own too quickly, and it almost cost him his life. I don't want to make that mistake again."

He appreciated her honesty and her culpability, but he knew Magnus wasn't going to accept this plan. "I get it, but can't we try the other things you just said? Can't we have him go to regular group therapy sessions and have daily sessions with you? He wants to go home."

"I know he does, but right now, I think this is the best course of action for him. Alec, you understand he tried to commit suicide, right? I want to observe him in a safe environment while he adjusts to the new medication. I'm worried about him."

Alec was too. And he certainly didn't want to risk ending up in the same situation again. He didn't know if his heart could take it. "He'll kill me if I agree to this."

Dr. Clark pursed her lips together and leveled her gaze at him. He felt like he was under a microscope as she surveyed him. "This isn't about you, Alec. I know he will be upset. I know he won't like this at all. But this is about making him better, and making sure he doesn't have any adverse effects from the medication this time. You understand that?"

Alec sighed. "Yeah. I get it." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "I just… This might be the end of my relationship with Magnus. If I side with you, knowing how much he wants to go home, he might never forgive me."

"At least he'll be alive."

Alec nodded. Yeah. At least there was that.

He followed Dr. Clark back into Magnus's room. Magnus saw the defeated look on Alec's face in exactly one second. "No. No, no, no. I'm not staying in the fucking hospital! NO!" he said before either of them had a chance to talk.

"Magnus –"

"No, Alec! What the fuck? How could you agree to this? I thought you wanted me home."

Tears sprang to Alec's eyes, but he managed to keep them from falling. He went to Magnus and tried to take his hand, but Magnus jerked it away and tucked it under his arm. That stung, but Alec had known he was going to be mad.

"Magnus, she just wants to make sure you don't have any side effects from your new medication."

The glare he received was world-class, and burned him to ashes. "I've taken this fucking medication before. We know how it affects me. I. Want. To. Go. Home."

"Magnus, it's only for a month." Momma H stepped up and Magnus's head whipped in her direction. The look on his face made it clear he felt betrayed. Momma H persisted. "You'll be home before you know it. I know you don't want to do this, but honey, we don't want to see you back in here, or worse. We don't want to lose you."

Everyone looked at Will, like he was somehow the deciding factor. Unabashed as usual, he said, "I think you should do it, bro."

Magnus looked like he could spit fire. "Fine. What the fuck ever." He folded his arms across his chest and refused to make eye contact with anyone, not even when they each kissed him and hugged him and told him goodbye.

Alec had a bad feeling that Magnus wasn't going to forgive them very easily. He hoped he'd made the right decision. Even having Momma H and Will back him up didn't make him feel better, though.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who expressed concern for my wellbeing. I know the subject matter is dark right now, but I want to assure you all that I am in no danger. I am familiar with depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts on a personal level, but not ME specifically. Look out for your friends and loved ones who may need you. **


	128. Chapter 128

Alec found out quickly just how hard it is to spend a month without the man he loves. Within the first twenty-four hours, he convinced himself that Magnus would never forgive him for siding with Dr. Clark and leaving him at the hospital. He couldn't even blame him for it. He had betrayed Magnus and he deserved every bit of wrath Magnus threw at him.

Alec's days consisted of worrying about Magnus, wondering what he was doing, wondering if he hated him, wishing he could talk to him, hating himself. It was a vicious cycle of emotions that didn't seem to have an end. If only he could talk to Magnus, then maybe he would know how he felt and could ease some of his concerns, but Dr. Clark said no contact. She wanted Magnus focused on his recovery, and not distracted by outside influences. It felt like some sort of torture or punishment or something, and he hated every minute of it. He knew, though, that whatever he was feeling had to be a million times worse for Magnus.

His friends and family came through for him again. He was unsurprised that they would. He got calls or texts or visits from nearly all his friends, nearly every day. He was thankful for their support, but seeing the constant parade of people through his doorway made him feel even worse about Magnus being locked up in some hospital by himself. How was it fair that Alec got to receive comfort from the people he loved but Magnus didn't?

Momma H moved into Alec's spare bedroom for the duration. She refused to go back to her house until Magnus was home. Alec was grateful for her presence, especially since she was an excellent cook and used cooking as her own form of therapy. He wondered how much weight he would gain being fed so well. Not that he had much of an appetite.

Alec had never been good at staying out of his own mind. Especially not when he was upset about something. So, in news that surprised no one, he was lost in thought much of the time, and it took a great effort to get him to participate in conversations.

He, of course, didn't realize this. He thought he was hiding his pain rather well, in fact.

The visitor that shocked him the most was Scott. He realized as soon as he saw that sandy blonde mop of hair and smiling face that it was already mid-February. All-Star week. There was no other explanation for him being available to show up like that. Alec remembered the hectic NBA schedule all too well. He remembered long trips to multiple cities in one week. He remembered red-eye flights and sleepless nights. He remembered wondering if he would ever sleep in his own bed again. He missed it.

Scott sat on the couch next to Alec and put one arm around his shoulders. That was the moment Alec broke. He'd done so well with everyone else. He'd hidden his sadness and worry and fear. He'd done the best he could and he hadn't broken down once. Not even at night when he was alone.

But something about Scott made it happen. Something about the knowing way he hugged Alec to him and whispered that everything was going to be okay was too much for Alec to handle. Scott was a good sport, letting Alec cry it out, even though he soaked the shoulder of Scott's shirt.

When he finally recovered, he gave Scott a watery smile. He felt better, like holding all that in had weighed him down more than he knew, and releasing it was cathartic.

Scott smiled back. "So, how have you been?" He gave Alec a lop-sided grin and despite everything, Alec laughed. At that moment, he realized just how much he missed Scott, and being on the road with him, late night chats, going to games, and living the dream. He missed all of it, and that reminded him of Magnus. If he was missing their old life so badly, how must Magnus be feeling?

"As good as can be expected, I guess?" Alec said. His response sounded lame, even to himself.

"He'll be home soon, yeah?"

Alec nodded. "Next week. Dr. Clark called to set up a pick-up time. She wants to meet with me and Will and Momma H and go over a few things before he is released. Formality, she said."

"Have you talked to him?"

Alec shook his head. "She decided to not allow contact. She says he's doing well, though. I guess I have to take her word for it." He ran a hand through his hair. "I miss him so much. I'm so afraid that he's going to hate me, though."

He could feel the one-arched-eyebrow look he knew Scott was giving him. He turned his head and saw that he was correct, and chuckled. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because that man loves you more than anything. There is no way he hates you for agreeing that he needed to be hospitalized."

"I don't know…"

"Well, I do. Alec, he loves you. Believe it. Everything is going to be okay. Okay?" He winked at Alec and Alec shook his head, grinning a little at Scott's silliness.

They had a great visit after that. Scott filled him in on all the goings-on with the Knicks. He loved hearing all the stories and gossip from his former team, but it did make the nostalgic feelings even stronger. By the time Scott left, Alec was almost ready to drive up to Tarrytown and hang out with the guys.

He spent the last week before Magnus was due to come home going to what felt like endless therapy sessions with Dr. Daniels. He had avoided therapy at first. He knew what was bothering him, and he didn't think talking about it would make him feel that much better. At least, not talking about it with his therapist. The only way to make it better was to see Magnus and talk to him. He hoped that would make it all better, anyway.

However, he decided that Dr. Daniels was the only person who could tell him what to expect when Magnus returned home. Dr. Daniels was surely familiar with people who had been hospitalized for mental disorders and attempted suicide. Right? Right. So, he scheduled several sessions with him in the week leading up to Magnus's return.

Dr. Daniels was helpful in a generalized way. He couldn't give specifics on how Magnus would be feeling, but he said that if Dr. Clark thought Magnus was doing well, then Alec should believe her. Her lying to them would serve no purpose, and could actually be detrimental to Magnus's recovery. Alec felt a little better after talking to Dr. Daniels, but the incessant pain and fear of the unknown didn't go away.

When the day finally came, Alec borrowed the limo from his dad again. He had a sense of déjà vu, though he wasn't sure if that was technically right since he _had actually been_ in this situation before. He pondered that for a few minutes to keep from dealing with either Will or Momma H. He'd grown quite fond of Momma H while she lived with him, and he loved Will like an extension of his family, but he still felt uneasy during the ride to the hospital. At least he didn't think Will hated him this time…

Will was not having any part of Alec's silence, though. "Alec, he's going to be fine," he said with an arrogance that only someone who truly believed his words could muster.

Alec simply nodded and continued staring out the window. He felt Momma H's hand on his knee a moment later and turned to see what she wanted.

"Alec, he's not going to be mad at you," she said softly, for the millionth time since Magnus was hospitalized. It was an ongoing thing with them. Alec would express his concern about Magnus feeling betrayed, and Momma H would say that wasn't going to happen. He never did believe her.

"He's going to be mad at me for siding with Dr. Clark," Alec said adamantly.

"Then he'll be mad at all of us," Will said, as he had numerous times. One would think they would tire of having the same conversation and just agree to disagree, but no. "We all sided with Clark."

"It's not the same, Will!" Alec said, exasperated. "He had just told me he was tired of being in the hospital and wanted to go home. I had just said I wanted him to go home, too. And then, Dr. Clark walks in and I backtracked completely. I'm supposed to have his back. I'm supposed to side with him no matter what."

"No, you are not," said Momma H. She had that gleam in her eye that told Alec she meant business. "You did what was best for him. You made a tough choice, and you did it out of love. Magnus is a smart man. He will see that. He. Will. Not. Be. Mad."

Alec lifted one corner of his mouth in a half-smile. He wanted to believe her. He just couldn't. He was afraid that if he did and he was wrong, he would be worse off than if he went in thinking that Magnus would hate him. In his mind that made sense. But did it really?

They met Dr. Clark before going in to see Magnus. She briefed them on his recovery, and said he'd done excellent. No side effects from the medication. He'd participated in the group discussions and seemed to be in a much better mind frame than when he was admitted. Her one big concern was Magnus having too much idle time. She strongly encouraged Alec to help Magnus find something to do with his free time. Alec couldn't agree more. He'd been thinking a lot about that in the last month, between worrying about whether or not he still had a relationship.

Dr. Clark led them to Magnus's room. The room was painted in soothing earth tones with splashes of pastel colors. Alec supposed that was better than the white sterility of a regular hospital, and he hoped the color palette made Magnus feel better.

He snuck into the room behind Will and Momma H, which was ridiculous since he was taller than either of them. He hesitated before glancing at Magnus, then quickly looked away, avoiding eye contact. No matter what anyone said, he was terrified he would see anger in Magnus's eyes when he looked at him. His heart beat hard in his chest, making it difficult to breathe properly, and his palms were sweaty. He wanted to get this over. He wanted to talk privately with Magnus. He was just so damn frightened to do it.

Dr. Clark said a few parting words, not least of which was booking Magnus's calendar with therapy sessions. Then, she left, and they were all alone. Alec held his breath as Magnus greeted his family with hugs and smiles. When he turned to Alec, he didn't miss a beat. He pulled him into a strong hug that mashed their bodies together. Alec blew out his breath and deflated as relief washed over him. He melted against Magnus, all the angst he'd been building for the last four weeks seeping out of him. He held Magnus tightly, clinging to him for a long, long time and letting all his senses absorb this man that he loved so damn much.

When they finally released each other, Magnus said, "Let's go home."

Alec once again had the feeling that things would be alright.

* * *

The next few days were, in a word, weird. Magnus was acting normal. Just normal. Like nothing had happened. At least, that's how it seemed to Alec. He was in a decent mood. No angry outbursts. No hiding and sleeping all the time. He seemed a bit restless, but he was an active guy with nothing to do, so that made sense, really.

But Alec? He was a fucking basket case. He did the things he was required to do, like eat, but he just couldn't go back to business-as-usual status. Too much had happened to just pick up where they left off. He had so many questions and concerns, but no idea how to bring up the topics.

And he still felt guilty. No matter how hard he tried not to, he still did. His emotions were all whipped up in a frenzy, but he did his best to hide them. Magnus's recovery was the most important thing right now. He didn't want to add to his burden, even if he seemed to be handling things okay at the moment. Alec thought he was handling things okay before, and then he started acting weird and ended up nearly dead by his own hand.

So, he tried to be the good boyfriend. He put his own needs aside and took care of Magnus.

"Your hair grew out while you were in the hospital," he observed as they were brushing their teeth and looking in the mirror. The shaved parts of Magnus's hair were nearly an inch long now.

"Yeah, I need a trim. Want to?"

"Sure." Alec shrugged his shoulders and dug in the drawer for the clippers. Magnus knelt on the floor as he plugged them in. Alec ran his fingers through Magnus's hair, feeling the soft, spiky hairs under his fingertips. "Did you shave at all while you were gone?" Alec quipped as he turned the clippers on.

Magnus raised an eyebrow as Alec stuck the trimmers to his head and made a swipe on his scalp. "Surprisingly, the hospital doesn't let people on suicide watch have razors," he said. His tone was jovial, and he cracked a smile, but Alec's blood ran cold. He nearly dropped the buzzing clippers in his hand. He quickly turned them off and sat them on the counter. He propped himself on his shaking forearms and willed his emotions to be checked.

Magnus rose. "Alec?" he said and put a hand on Alec's back. Alec tensed, but somehow managed to not shake him off. "I'm sorry. It was just a stupid joke. I didn't mean to upset you."

And now Magnus was comforting him? Because he was the weak one who couldn't handle anything. If Magnus could joke about something so serious, why was _he_ so messed up about it?

He pulled himself together and said, "It's fine. I'm fine." The buzzing of the trimmers filled the little bathroom again. "Let's do this."

"Alec –"

"On your knees, Bane."

Magnus quirked a smile. "As you wish."

He dropped to his knees again, and Alec shaved his hair and face.

And they pretended like nothing was wrong.

* * *

After a few days of pretending, Alec was growing weary. He discovered how difficult it is to pretend all the time. He had a newfound respect for Magnus's ability to pretend like nothing bothered him, to wear his Basketball Star Persona, and to act like he was straight. He had always marveled at the way he could put on a front in public, but he never realized how fucking draining it is. After only a few days, he was ready to crack.

He had never been good at hiding his emotions. So, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him that Magnus could tell something was wrong. But somehow it was.

They were lying in bed side by side but not touching. He felt the bed shake as Magnus moved. He felt a hand on his side, and the next thing he knew, Magnus had dragged his body to the middle of the bed and was hovering over him. Magnus straddled his hips and pinned his shoulders between his arms. The lights were off, but enough moonlight filtered in through the windows for Alec to see a glint in Magnus's eyes.

"What's going on in your head?" Magnus whispered in the still night.

Alec's eyes widened. "Nothing. I'm fine," he muttered unconvincingly.

"No, you're not. I can tell you're hiding something from me."

"Magnus, this isn't about me. I just want you to feel better."

"How am I supposed to feel better when the man I love is having a hard time and won't talk to me? You remember when you first came back, and you got upset that I was treating you differently, that I wouldn't show my emotions? Well, that's how I feel now. I'm not fragile, Alec. I can take it. Talk to me."

"Magnus, I –"

"Don't shut me out, Cheerleader."

Maybe it was the use of his old pet name, or maybe he just couldn't hold it in any longer, not with Magnus on top of him, asking to be let in. "I'm angry!" he blurted out, surprising even himself. But once the words escaped, he couldn't stop the flood. "I'm angry that you tried to kill yourself. And I'm hurt and I'm scared that you'll do it again."

Tears slid from his eyes and pooled in his ear lobes. He hated that feeling, but Magnus had him pinned well enough he couldn't do anything about it.

"I love you, Magnus. I almost lost you. Forever. If Will and I had been ten minutes longer…" He choked on the words. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath as Magnus kissed his cheek.

"I know," Magnus said softly.

"I don't think you do," Alec countered. "I go to recruit Will to help me figure out what's going on with you, and come home to find you barely breathing. You end up in the hospital for a month and I have no idea what's going on with you. Then, you come home and pretend like nothing ever happened. How can you do that? I'm so confused and I don't know what to do, and _this isn't about me_! It's about _you_, and making sure you are okay, and I don't know how to do this!"

He was nearing hysterics by the end of his little speech, and sobbing uncontrollably. Magnus's arms encircled his body and held him close. He heard some nonsense gibberish spilling from Magnus's lips and couldn't help thinking this was so wrong. _Magnus_ shouldn't be comforting him. _He _should be comforting Magnus. He should be tending to Magnus's needs and be the stable force Magnus needs to recovery. But instead, he was falling apart.

Once the cathartic release was over, Alec felt much better. Magnus kissed his temple and forehead, and loosened his grip. Alec looked up into his eyes. "I'm trying to be a good boyfriend. I just don't know how."

Magnus smiled. "You _are_ a good boyfriend. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else."

"Then why did you try to leave me," Alec said in a pathetically small voice. Another tear slipped from his eye.

"Alec, that wasn't about you. At all. Look, something you have to understand is that depression can make you feel utterly worthless. Then, there were my feelings about not being able to play anymore. Add that to what we think was a reaction to my new medication, and it was a recipe for disaster."

"So, Dr. Clark thinks it was the medication?"

"Yeah. I've never had suicidal thoughts before."

"But you've always had basketball," Alec pointed out.

"Yeah. She thinks the medication was the tipping point, though."

"And how are you feeling now?" Alec asked, wondering why he hadn't asked him that yet. He'd been so out of sorts he couldn't even ask the basic questions?

"I feel good, Alec. The medication is working. My therapy is working." He nuzzled Alec's neck. "Being home with you with working. No more anger… Well, I mean, no unexplained anger. I'm still pissed as hell that my career is over, but there's nothing much I can do about that."

"Dr. Clark wants me to help you find something to do. I've been wracking my brain, but I just don't know what to do other than you getting a job as a sportscaster. Which you've already said no to," he added hastily. Even in the dim light he could tell that those words weren't something Magnus wanted to hear.

Magnus sighed. "I know. I don't know what I want to do, honestly. But I know I can't continue doing what I've been doing. Something has to change or I'll really go crazy."

Alec nodded. "We both need something to do. We'll figure something out," he said vaguely, as the beginnings of an idea began forming in his mind.

Magnus noticed the change. How? Alec had no idea, but he did. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know yet. It's like… like a seed has been planted and now I have to wait for it to germinate and grow so I know what kind of plant it will be. You know?"

Magnus kissed him briefly. "You are so weird," he said with a smile.

Alec grinned, too. "I know. I'm going to fix this, Magnus. I swear. Somehow I'll fix this."

"Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Like you said, just let that little seed do its thing. We'll be okay."

_As long as we don't have any more suicide attempts_, Alec thought. Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face.

"I'm okay, Alec. All that just caught me off guard. I'd never felt that way before and my thoughts just kept getting darker and darker. I know what it is now, and so do you. It won't happen again, because we won't let it."

"I've heard that before. Everyone said I would recognize when you were really in trouble, and instead, you almost died."

"But you _did _recognize it. You knew there was a problem and you went to Will for help."

"But I was almost too late!"

Magnus kissed him again. "But you weren't. I'm okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay. Please believe me."

Alec desperately wanted to believe him. And he was tired of arguing, so he let Magnus's words seep into his skin and fill him with hope. He kissed Magnus, not in the sweet chaste way he'd done several times that night, but a real, loving, lingering kiss. Magnus responded, and took the kiss to another level, licking Alec's lips until he opened for him.

He felt Magnus's hand on his cheek, softly stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. Magnus's tongue played in Alec's mouth, dancing a familiar dance with Alec's. Alec's hands found Magnus's hips and dipped under the waistband of his boxers. He could feel the tightness in the front of Magnus's underwear, and felt his own cock filling.

Was this a good idea? He was emotionally spent from their talk and from everything that had happened in the last month. He knew sex would make him feel good temporarily, but it wasn't going to fix the problems between them. Even Magnus's insistence that he was fine wouldn't do that. It felt like sex was a crutch he was using to limp on through until things were resolved.

But then, he realized he needed this. He needed the connection with Magnus. They'd been distant for so long, with intermittent bursts of closeness. Maybe getting their sex life back on track would help the rest of the pieces fall into place? Maybe he was rationalizing because he wanted Magnus so badly.

Either way, he slipped Magnus's boxers over his hips, taking handfuls of his ass and squeezing. He felt different than what Alec was used to. His body used to be hard, not an ounce of fat. Now, he was skinny and his ass was soft and pliable. Not bad, just different. He massaged Magnus's ass cheeks, and the motion made Magnus rub against his steely, boxer-clad dick. Alec moaned into Magnus's mouth, and Magnus swallowed his sounds.

Eventually, Magnus broke away. "Are you sure you want this?"

Throwing caution to the wind, Alec said, "Oh, fuck yes. I want you, Magnus."

Magnus didn't waste any time. He yanked Alec's boxers off hastily and found the lube on the bedside stand. As soon as his cool, slippery fingers entered Alec, he felt a warm peace spread over his body. Like just having that connection was enough to right the ship.

Alec gripped Magnus's shoulders, urging him to continue. As Magnus's fingers slid in and out of him, the peace flared into desire and need. He ran his hands along Magnus's torso as he raised up to capture his lips. He grasped Magnus's cock, gave it a couple of tugs, and whispered against Magnus's lips, "I need you. Now."

He felt the emptiness when Magnus withdrew his fingers, but only for a moment before he replaced them with his cock. Magnus slowly pushed into Alec, and leaned down to kiss him. There was something special about being kissed while getting fucked, something that made Alec feel like everything could be okay again. Alec loved having any kind of sex with Magnus, but when he really needed him, he needed him like this. When his soul was what ached for this man, this was the only remedy.

Magnus set a slow, steady pace, which was perfect. Even as out of shape as they were, they could keep up this rhythm for a while. And Alec wanted that very much. He wanted to keep the connection for as long as he possibly could. This pace had the added benefit of allowing them to kiss deeply and passionately.

Magnus moved to Alec's neck and Alec said, "I love you, Magnus."

"I love you, too," Magnus said, briefly looking into his eyes before attacking Alec's neck again.

His toes curled with delight as his fingers dug into Magnus's hips. This was absolutely the best thing he could've done for them. He felt parts of him healing as Magnus made love to him and left marks on his neck. He let go of the doubts and the worry that Magnus was mad at him for agreeing to the hospitalization. Only then did he realize he had still been holding on to that concern. His soul felt lighter, freer, and he felt the love between them stronger than he had in a very long time.

It's funny how that happens. The love was always there between them, but when they were dealing with all the terrible things that kept happening to them, at times they had difficulty feeling it. In that moment, with Magnus buried deep inside Alec and kissing his lips like that was the only way for him to survive, Alec felt that love, clear as day.

"I'm getting close," Magnus whispered into his ear. Alec caught his gaze and nodded.

He reached between them and found his cock. Magnus increased his speed to match Alec's hand, and that extra force against his prostate sent Alec over the edge. Magnus followed moments later.

As the rush of his orgasm ebbed, exhaustion set in. Alec couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. He was emotional drained, and now physically spent as well. He snuggled up to Magnus, feeling the warmth of his body and the slick of his sweat, the pounding of his heart and his gasping breaths as he recovered as well. Magnus tugged Alec closer to him, fitting their bodies together perfectly.

One last kiss, and they were both fast asleep.


	129. Chapter 129

In the coming days, Alec became adept at reading Magnus's moods. He wasn't sure how when he'd failed so miserably at it in the last few months. There were subtleties that he learned to detect, inflections in his voice and mild changes to his expressions that told Alec what was going on with Magnus. These were things he hadn't picked up on previously, but he was learning fast now. He had to. He wasn't about to let Magnus end up in the hospital again.

He also learned to be more forthcoming with his own emotions. Magnus was right; bottling up his feelings to spare Magnus was not helping either of them. He needed to be honest with Magnus as much as Magnus needed to be honest with him. He wasn't sure where they'd gone wrong, because honesty had always been an important part of their relationship, but they had, and they needed to work through that.

He found it easier to tell Magnus his feelings after that initial outpouring. Magnus had been so receptive, and Alec really appreciated that. He was still angry with Magnus for a lot of things, but telling him how he felt really seemed to help those feelings begin to fade. He loved Magnus, and he was willing to work on their relationship. He could forgive the manipulation, and learn to deal with the other feelings. What choice did he have if he wanted to remain part of Magnus's life?

The inkling of an idea he'd experience just before making love with Magnus began to take shape in the following days. It was a strange occurrence. The idea didn't come to him all at once, but in small clues, threads of thought that Alec had to collect and weave together to form the blanket. He felt like some giant cosmic entity was fucking with him, having a great time dangling nuggets of information before him and watching him put the pieces together. Asshole.

When the pieces fell into place, Alec still wasn't sure what to do with them. It was a huge undertaking. Huge! Something he'd never thought about doing before. He wasn't sure where to begin. So, he began where everyone begins these days. Google. He searched his idea until he came up with various possibilities that could actually work for them. He searched during his free time: the three days a week when Magnus had therapy but Alec didn't (they always scheduled their therapy sessions at the same time), when Magnus was taking a bath or sleeping, or when he became interested in a TV show or movie that Alec wasn't. He wasn't ready to tell Magnus anything, not until he knew his idea was doable.

Once he'd gathered information, he knew the next thing to do was tell Magnus. And talk to his father. He couldn't decide which one was a scarier prospect. Either could say no. Hell, _both_ could say no. And then where would he be? Back at square one.

Magnus was in the bedroom when Alec finally worked up the courage to say something. He stood in the doorway, watching Magnus strip down to his boxers as he got ready for bed. He had toned his body a bit in the last few weeks as they worked out dutifully every day. His shoulders had some definition to them that had been missing since Magnus's final surgery six months ago. The arc of his spine as he bent over to pull off his socks was so graceful, and Alec's eyes were drawing to the A-shaped tattoo over Magnus's left shoulder blade. His tattoo. It contrasted nicely with his skin and called to Alec. He was once again reminded what an extraordinarily beautiful man Magnus was.

"What are you staring at, Cheerleader?" Magnus said.

Alec couldn't help smiling at the continued use of his old pet name. He hadn't been a cheerleader for nearly five years, but the nickname still made him feel special for some reason. Must be the guy who gave it to him.

"You."

"Why?"

Here it was. Showtime. Alec cleared his throat and entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Magnus climbed onto the bed and Alec more or less tackled him. "I have an idea," he said before he could change his mind.

Magnus was underneath him, much like Alec had been under Magnus when he'd forced him to talk about his feelings. Alec liked being in control better.

Magnus looked into his eyes, a wicked smile spreading across his face. "I hope that idea involves you sticking your dick in my ass," he said seductively.

All thought of ideas and plans flitted right out of Alec's brain. "It does now," he murmured, and captured Magnus's lips. He reached between them and found Magnus's dick was already growing. He stroked him and caught the moans and whimpers Magnus made as he thrust into Alec's hand.

After a moment, Alec's cock was full and he wrapped his hand around both of them, stroking to a sensual rhythm that was driving them both mad. He broke the kiss and said, "Flip over." Magnus obliged without comment.

Alec sat on his heels while Magnus turned his back to him. He grabbed his boyfriend's hips and pulled him up onto his hands and knees. Well, elbows and knees really, but who's counting? He spread Magnus's ass cheeks and stared at his gorgeous little hole. Without hesitation, he stuck his tongue to Magnus's pucker.

He still tasted like soap from his recent shower, but that quickly faded as Alec fucked him with his tongue, leaving just the smooth, clean taste of Magnus's skin. Magnus moaned and writhed, bucking against him, begging for more. He loved getting rimmed almost as much as Alec loved rimming him. It was the perfect setup, really.

Magnus's dick was impossibly hard and leaking, and Alec saw him reach for it. "Uh uh," he said, swatting Magnus's hand away. He wet a couple fingers and played some more in Magnus's ass, stretching him out. It had been a while since Magnus had received him, and he didn't want to hurt him.

Perhaps he played too long, if Magnus's muttered, "Goddamn it, Alec, fuck me!" was the judge.

"Are your knees okay?" Alec asked as he slicked up his dick.

"I'm twenty-eight years old! My fucking knees are fine!" Magnus grumbled as he pushed his ass toward Alec, searching for his cock.

Alec chuckled and drove into him. "Ahhhhh! Fuuuck! Yessss!" Magnus moaned as Alec filled him. "Oh, fuck, Alec!" he continued as Alec pumped in and out of him. Magnus pressed his face into the mattress, his hands fisting the sheets as Alec draped himself over Magnus's back and rose to his feet for better leverage. He twined their fingers together and bit down on Magnus's shoulder and fucked him senseless. And when he came, white lights popped behind his closed eyelids.

It took about a million years for Alec to return from orbit. When he did, he realized he was still draped across Magnus's back and they were both still gasping for breath. He pushed himself off Magnus, eliciting a low groan from his boyfriend as he slipped out of him. Magnus rolled toward him, a dazed grin on his face, and Alec realized he had no idea if he'd gotten Magnus off. He glanced down to Magnus's groin, and noticed his dick was softening, curving a little to the right, and he had smeared white fluid all over his belly. Alec licked it off and Magnus's skin rippled from the sensation.

He kissed Magnus tenderly until their lips grew sore. Then, Magnus looked at him and smiled. "That was the best idea you've ever had," he whispered and kissed him briefly again.

At the word 'idea,' Alec suddenly felt a twinge of unease. He needed to talk to Magnus about what he was thinking, but now just didn't feel like the right time, not after that amazing sex. Now he just wanted to lie there with his boyfriend and be happy. He didn't want to risk upsetting Magnus if Magnus didn't like the idea.

He convinced himself he should talk to his father first. After all, what good would it do to tell Magnus if his father disagreed with him and wasn't okay with him using the money he needed to fund his idea? While it was true he planned to use his own money, he trusted his dad's opinion, and if Robert thought Alec's idea sucked, he would have to think of something else.

* * *

Alec was in the bedroom getting dressed when he heard a knock on the door. Magnus emerged from the closet, skin still slightly damp from his shower, wearing nothing but a towel and a confused expression.

"Wonder who that is?" he said, and tugged a t-shirt over his head.

"Will," Alec said, and darted out of the room before Magnus had a chance to ask him more. The truth was he was afraid to know what Magnus was going to say about Will being there. So, he sped to the door to let Will in, and left Magnus wondering what was going on.

He greeted Will just as Magnus came out of their bedroom. Magnus exchanged a handshake and back-pat hug with his best friend. "What's up?" he asked, looking between Alec and Will.

The moment of truth had arrived. Alec had put off telling Magnus what he was up to for as long as he could. "I…" he began. Then, "Have a meeting with my dad." He internally shook his head at himself. He had chickened out again.

"Okaayyyy?" Magnus said, one eyebrow lifted in question. "So, what are you doing here?" he asked Will.

Alec caught the look in Will's eyes. He clearly thought Alec would have already told Magnus what he was doing there, and was not happy about being put in the middle of things.

"He's going to sit with you while I'm gone," Alec said hastily. Too hastily. So hastily, in fact, that he didn't even think about how his words sounded. Not until Magnus's expression grew dark.

"You had Will come over to _babysit me_?!" he spat.

Alec yelped. "What? No! He's just going to keep you company while I'm gone." Alec grabbed his coat and shouldered into it.

"That's what babysitting is, Alec," Magnus said through clenched teeth.

Alec paused searching his pockets for his keys. "Magnus, it's not a big deal. I need to go meet my dad, and Will agreed to come over and keep you company while I'm gone. That's all."

"Is this some sort of punishment?" Magnus demanded.

"No, Magnus. I'm not punishing you," Alec said.

"And thanks for that," Will chimed in. "I feel so welcome."

They both ignored him. "Is this how it's going to be from now on? Are you going to hire a babysitter for me every time you have to leave? How long do you plan to do this?"

Alec suddenly lost his cool demeanor. "Maybe until I don't see you lying in our bed not breathing every time I close my eyes!" he blurted out.

Magnus gave him a wide-eyed expression, and he instantly felt bad for his outburst. "I'm sorry, Magnus. It's just… I almost lost you. I'm working through it and trying to move past it all, but it's just… too soon. I can't handle the idea of leaving you home alone. Not right now. Just the thought almost gave me a panic attack, and I haven't had one of those in years."

Magnus's eyes softened, and he pulled Alec into his warm embrace. "I get it. It's okay," he said softly against Alec's ear.

"It's not," Alec whispered back. "I know I should trust you, and I do. I believe that you are feeling better and everything, I just…"

"It's too much," Magnus supplied. Alec nodded against his shoulder. "I understand, Alec. I'm sorry. You're right. I know this has been as hard for you as it has been for me, and I was being selfish. If having Will or Lex or someone come sit with me when you are gone will help you get through this, I won't complain about it."

"Good, you asshole," Will said. "It's pretty bad when you complain about having your best friends visit you."

Magnus shot Will a look, and Alec grinned. "He's got a point," Alec said. Magnus narrowed his eyes at him and his grin widened briefly before falling away. "Thanks for understanding. I just need a little more time. Okay?"

Magnus kissed him. "Of course." Magnus hugged and kissed him again, and Alec felt the anxiety fade. Alec moved toward the door, and Magnus stopped him. "Hey, that's why you've been scheduling all our therapy sessions at the same time, isn't it?"

Alec leveled his gaze and simply said, "Yes." Then, he opened the door and left Will and Magnus to get into trouble together. He hoped the apartment was still in one piece when he got back.

* * *

As Alec waited outside his father's office for their meeting, he marveled that he still hadn't told Magnus any of his idea. He was a little surprised he'd made it out the door without an interrogation, but then, his little near anxiety attack was enough for Magnus to focus on in that moment.

The door to Robert Lightwood's office opened and the man himself motioned Alec inside. Robert's office was one of those typical Manhattan buildings: walls made of glass, lots and lots of fine woodworking and oversized furniture, gold fixtures. Everything about the office screamed MONEY! Sometimes, Alec wondered how he grew up in this family and didn't inherit any of the desires to have _stuff_.

"Have a seat, son," Robert said as he reclaimed the rich leather chair behind his desk. He motioned for Alec to sit on one of the huge brown leather chairs across from his desk. "So, what brings you here today?"

"I have an idea, and I want your opinion about it," Alec said, scooting the seat closer to the desk. He took out his tablet, thumbed through a few pages until he found what he was looking for. He leaned across the desk, and Robert met him halfway.

He spent the next twenty minutes or so outlining his plan. He was encouraged that Robert didn't outright say no. And even more heartened when Robert seemed to like the idea. He couldn't stop grinning as his dad nodded along with what he was saying.

"Do you have an idea on cost?" Robert asked.

"A vague one," Alec offered. "I don't really know anything about this kind of thing, so I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing several million when it's all said and done. I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone about it yet. I wanted your opinion first."

Robert nodded again. "Well, I don't know anything about this specifically, but I do know a guy who can help you figure out what you need to do."

Alec's heart soared. Not only was his dad into his idea, but he was willing to help him make it happen! He felt so relieved.

"Let me call my friend, Larry. I'll put him in touch with you, and the two of you can get the ball rolling on this project. If you need my help any more, I'll be happy to give it. I think you have something good here, and I'll do what I can to help you succeed."

Robert left his desk chair and walked around to the other chair on Alec's side. He sat down, turning sideways to face Alec. "Now, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing okay, I guess," Alec said. Robert gave him a look, and Alec suddenly wanted to tell him everything. "I had to get Will to sit with Magnus so I could come here. Something deep inside me is terrified that if I don't do that, I'll come home and find him… I don't know, dead or something. I feel… so weak that I can't handle this better."

"Alec, you've been through a lot, son. Magnus wasn't the only one in that hospital. He isn't the only one dealing with what is going on between you. Don't be too hard on yourself, kid. I think you are handling things just fine."

"Thanks, Dad."

Robert smiled at him. "Are you still seeing Kevin Daniels regularly?"

Alec was thrown off guard for a moment. He never heard anyone use Dr. Daniels's first name. He had forgotten that Dr. Daniels and Robert were close friends in college, and beyond.

"Yeah, Dad, I am. Magnus is still having daily therapy sessions with Dr. Clark. I think they plan to cut it down to every other day next week. I've been seeing Dr. Daniels a couple times a week."

"How is Magnus doing?"

"Really well. He still has some moodiness from time to time, but that's to be expected. He's feeling so much better, though. It's as different as night and day. Things have been rough for so long, I almost forgot what it was like when it was good. But, I finally feel like we are on the right track. And this… project is just what we need. At least, I hope it is."

"Have faith, son. It's a good idea."

Alec hugged his father goodbye, and headed home to Magnus.

* * *

A few days later, Alec got a call from someone named Lawrence Grayson. Larry. His dad's friend. It went something like this:

Larry: "Hey, Alec. I got the numbers your dad requested."

Alec: "Yeah? What do you think?"

Larry: "Looks solid. I think your idea is a good one."

Alec: "Yes!" He sighed with relief.

Larry: "I'll email them to you for review. If you're happy with what I've got, we can proceed. If not, I can help you figure out what needs to be changed."

Alec: "Thank you so much, Larry!"

A short time later, Alec had the figures in hand. He looked them over carefully, not having the slightest fucking clue what he was looking at. But he trusted his father, and he trusted his father's judgment to find the right person to help him. Therefore, he trusted Larry's opinion and his numbers. Plus, the final numbers were in the ballpark of what he'd been thinking. He made a decision.

It was time to talk to Magnus.

* * *

Will and Jem entered the apartment as Alec finished putting away the dishes from lunch. Magnus had washed while Alec dried and put away. It felt so good to be doing domestic chores with Magnus by his side again. Alec enjoyed every second of it, which was weird considering they were doing dishes, a thoroughly disgusting chore. None of that matter, though, not when it was Magnus by his side getting gross with him. (Okay, it was just a couple of sandwich plates, but really, dishes in soapy water is gross.)

As soon as Magnus saw his best friend standing in their living room, his eyes slid sideways to Alec's. "You called the babysitter again? And this time he brought a friend?"

Will smacked him on the arm. "What the fuck, man? Can't we just come over and hang out with you? Do you have to be such an asshole?"

Magnus seemed about to say something, then remembered he'd told Alec he would give him time to come to terms with his residual feelings, and pressed his lips together. They practically disappeared into a tiny line, which would be comical except that Alec really needed him to be in a good mood and on board with what he had planned.

"Magnus," he began, taking his boyfriend's hand and leading him over to the couch. He sat down and tugged Magnus down with him. "It's not like that. Will and Jem aren't here to sit with you while I go do something else."

Magnus looked confused. "Then why are they here?"

"They're here because… Well, because I need their advice, and maybe their help."

The confused expression deepened. "Alec, what's going on?"

Alec took both of Magnus's hands in his and held them to his chest for a moment. He was so scared to tell Magnus his idea. He needed to. He had no choice in the matter, really. But it was still scary because he didn't know how Magnus would react. And he so wanted this to work!

"I… I found… I…"

"Alec? What's going on?" The bemused expression became wary. "Just spit it out."

"I have an idea for our future. It's big. Huge. It's… And I don't know…"

"You don't know what I'll think of it?" Magnus supplied. Alec nodded. "Well, we're not going to know until you tell me your idea."

Magnus sounded so reasonable it gave Alec a boost of courage.

"Yeah, okay. You're right." Alec said. He glanced up at Will and Jem, then back to Magnus. His voice was a steady as he could muster. "I want the three of you to go somewhere with me. It would be easier to show you my idea than to tell you." He questioned the validity of that statement. He could easily describe what he wanted, but maybe they could see it better if he just showed it to them. Maybe. Who the fuck knew?

"Go where?" Magnus said, looking from Alec to Will and back.

Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. "Brooklyn."

_To be continued…_


	130. Chapter 130

The Lightwood limo pulled up to the curb and stopped. Alec didn't wait for the driver to get out and open the door. Instead, he hopped out of the car and held the door open for the others. He took in his surroundings: the looming brick buildings, the dirty street, the constant sounds of traffic and people. However, the sounds that caught his attention most were the ones coming from across the street.

There was a group of kids, mostly teenagers, crowded behind a broken down chain-link fence. The area was paved and had basketball goals on either end. The goals were rusty and neither had any netting on them. They looked as if a solid dunk might rip them right off the backboard.

But the kids were having fun. It was an unseasonably warm day for early March, which allowed the kids to play a game of Shirts and Skins, with half the guys wearing t-shirts, and the other half shirtless. It only took Alec a few moments to identify a clear leader of the pack. He was a small-ish Hispanic kid, and he seemed to be telling everyone else what to do. And they were listening. During a break in the action, he glanced over at the limo and made eye contact with Alec.

The glare on the kid's face was unmistakable, even from across the street. His lip curled into a sneer and he broke eye contact just as Will said, "Alec? What are we doing in front of a warehouse in Brooklyn?"

The kid turned back to his team, and Alec dragged his eyes away from the ball players. He felt unnerved for some reason. Why? The guy is just a kid and he didn't know Alec from Adam, so what did it matter that he glared at Alec? He had a sudden thought that bringing the limo was maybe not the best idea.

"You know this isn't the best part of town, right?" Will said, looking cagily over his shoulder.

"Momma H just lives a few blocks from here," Alec replied, shaking off the unsettled feeling. He did take a brief moment to tell Samuel, the driver, to take the car for a drive until he called him to pick them up. He didn't feel leaving a limo parked on the street was such a good idea.

"Yeah, well, if she'd listen to me, she wouldn't." Will huddled close behind him as he jiggled the key in the lock. "There is gang activity around here, you know?"

"Gangs?" Alec scoffed. "Did you not see the group of kids playing basketball across the street? How bad can it be?"

"Well," Will hedged. "Okay, it's mostly just vandalism and burglaries you have to worry about, but still."

Will shut the door after everyone had entered the warehouse, throwing them into brief darkness. As their eyes adjusted from bright sunlight to the dimness inside the warehouse, they were able to make out their surroundings. The building was enormous and cavernous, and completely gutted. There were a few barrels lining one wall. Alec didn't know what the warehouse was used for in the past, so no telling what those barrels were harboring.

Will flicked the light switch on the wall but nothing happened. Fortunately, the sun streaming through the numerous windows lining the walls was bright enough to light up the space. Alec noted with some apprehension that many of the windows were broken.

"So, are you going to tell us what we are doing here?" Magnus said. He was close enough behind Alec to startle him, and he jumped before turning around to answer.

"Okay, I want you all to hear me out on this," he said, holding his hands up defensively. The state of the warehouse and the mention of gang activity made him even more reluctant to tell them his idea. They all nodded and he continued. "Imagine this place as a gym."

"What kind of gym?" Magnus asked sharply. "Like a gymnasium?"

"Well… Listen, this place is huge. It doesn't have to be any one thing. There's plenty of room for all kinds of things here." Alec was rambling from nerves and he knew it. He just didn't seem to be able to stop.

He gestured toward the open space in front of the door. "Here is where I see the office being. And here," he moved a little deeper into the dimly-lit building, "is where the gym equipment can go. Weight machines and treadmills and ellipticals. You get the idea."

The others nodded and, though they looked skeptical, followed him deeper into the warehouse. Alec talked as he went. "I could do some personal training, and we could sell gym memberships. And over here, I could set up some gymnastics equipment and teach that if I needed extra income or until the personal trainer thing took off."

Magnus cleared his throat. "What do you plan for me to do?" he asked. He knew Alec so well. This was about both of them. Of course it was. It had always been about them both.

Here it was. The moment of truth. No more opportunity to hide from his idea. "Well, this back corner here." He gestured toward the space. "I was thinking we could build a practice gym… for basketball… And you could coach a little league team."

There it was. He waited for the explosion after the bomb dropped. He wondered if his face was actually scrunched up, or if that was just his imagination.

The explosion never came. "You… want me to coach? Kids?"

"I mean, it's an idea," Alec said hastily "If you don't like it we can think of something else. You can help me with running the gym… We know the best equipment to use from our time with the Knicks, and we know how to properly clean and maintain it. We can teach people how to use the equipment and you can help me with personal training... or we can figure something else out… if you don't want to do any of that..."

His hands were sweating and shaking slightly. He was so nervous about Magnus's reaction. Magnus's face was stoic, giving nothing whatsoever away.

"What do you think, Magnus?" Alec said, practically pleading as he took a step closer to his boyfriend. "What do all of you think? Is this idea crazy?"

Magnus, Will, and Jem exchanged looks. Alec thought that was unfair, like they were communicating silently and leaving him out of the conversation. He was dying over here and wanted to know what they thought.

Will shrugged. "I think it's brilliant."

"So do I," Jem agreed.

Magnus held Alec's gaze, steadily staring at him. "Coach? You really think I could coach?"

_That _was Magnus's response? Alec closed the space between them. "My god, YES! I think you would be an excellent coach!"

"But… kids? I don't know anything about kids."

"You don't have to. We'll figure out what age group you want to work with. Maybe it's little kids. Maybe teenagers." Alec shrugged as an image of the Hispanic kid from across the street flashed in his mind. He almost laughed. Yeah. Not _that_ kid. That kid seemed like he'd give Magnus more trouble than anything else.

"How would we even go about doing something like this?"

Fair question. "Well, I've already done some of the legwork," Alec said. "I talked to a friend of my dad who ran some numbers for me: purchase price, renovations, equipment purchase, utilities, potential income, etc. He thinks it's doable. He thinks it's a solid idea and could make us a decent amount of money. Especially if we sell private lessons with a personal trainer or with gymnastics or something. Gyms are really popular these days... I don't know if it will ever make us the millions you were used to making, but it should be much better than my measly salary with the Knicks."

"I don't even care about the money," Magnus said, and Alec knew he meant it. He had invested a portion of his earnings from the Nets and the Knicks, and they were smart enough to be able to live off that indefinitely. Plus, they had Alec's trust fund, and whatever he inherited from his father later on in life. They had never had a need for extravagance, with the exception of Magnus's sports car, which was now several years old.

Magnus and the others wandered around the space for a while. Alec made his way back to the door. He could hear them talking in low voices and wanted to give them the chance to discuss his idea privately. He would answer whatever questions they had to the best of his ability. Not that that meant very much. He didn't really know what he was doing, after all. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to do this. He thought this was a great opportunity for them, and the fact that Magnus wasn't balking made him think he was right.

As expected, they had questions. "So, how is this going to work? Are we going to drive here from Manhattan every day? What if people want to work out at night after we've left? How do we make the whole coaching thing happen?"

To Alec utter relief, Magnus seemed genuinely interested in coaching. He'd been so worried that he would respond to that idea the way he responded to sports reporting, but so far so good.

"Well, there are still a lot of details we'll have to work out," Alec answered. "I'm not sure how to go about organizing a basketball team. I don't know how to get other teams for them to play against. What age groups will be involved? If the kids are older, can we get them recognition with college scouts if they are any good? Can we get in an AAU league? Would that be the best way to go?"

Magnus looked impressed. "You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

Alec nodded. "I have. I wanted to give you the best chance to be happy. I think coaching kids will let you stay close to basketball, even if you can't play. You can pass on your knowledge and skills to the next generation. But I don't know the best way to do it."

Magnus smiled. "Well, like you said, we have time to figure that out."

"How long will the renovations take?" asked Jem.

Alec shrugged. "My estimate is about three or four months, but I don't know for sure. I'll need to talk to a contractor before I can get a real idea of what we are looking at."

"What about the other questions?" Will said. "Are you planning to stay in Manhattan?"

Alec knew what he was getting at. He knew Will liked having Magnus living so close. "Actually, I was thinking…" He looked up from where he stood near the door. "The gym area doesn't need a three-story high ceiling. We could build an enormous apartment above it, and still have plenty of room for the basketball court and gymnastics area."

He looked back at his boyfriend and their friends. They each wore different expressions, ranging from skepticism to concern to interest. Fortunately, Magnus was the one showing interest. That was a huge hurdle to leap, and it looked like Alec had cleared it just fine.

"You want to move back to Brooklyn?" Magnus said, his eyes searching Alec's face.

"Yes. I do."

"Were you not listening when I was talking about the gangs?" Will demanded. He looked concerned, but also a bit upset, or maybe that was angry. Anyway, he didn't appear to be supportive of the idea.

"I did, Will," Alec placated. "I know you are worried about Magnus, but I think this is the right move for us."

"I thought you wanted him to be close to his friends, and his therapist."

"I did," Alec said. "I do," he amended. "Look, Will, we won't be that far away. We're only a few blocks from Momma H's, and you visit her all the time. You know you are always welcome to visit us here, too."

Will shook his head. "I can't believe Mr. Manhattan wants to live in Brooklyn."

Alec's brows furrowed. Just what was Will trying to say? Mr. Manhattan? Since when was Alec Mr. Manhattan? "I've lived in Brooklyn before."

"Not here, you haven't!" Will shouted. Alec finally saw just how upset Will actually was. "You lived on a college campus, Alec. Where it was nice and safe. You have no idea what you are getting into here."

"Yeah, well I got raped on that nice, safe campus. So, excuse me if I'm willing to take my chances here."

Will opened his mouth to say something else, but Jem grabbed his arm. "Will," he said in a manner than left no room for argument. Will turned to his husband and let him lead him away, back into the depths of the warehouse.

Alec watched them go, wondering why Will was being such an ass. Magnus got his attention, and he tried to focus on him instead of the argument he'd just had.

"I think it's a good idea, Alec," Magnus said, and Alec felt relief wash over him.

"You do?"

"Yeah," Magnus said. "I mean, I'm a little freaked out about the idea of coaching. I have no idea what I'm doing there, and I don't know anything about kids. I keep thinking about all the fantastic coaches I've played for over the years, and I don't know that I'll ever be as good as any of them."

Alec smiled. "But those fantastic coaches are the reason I believe _you_ can be a fantastic coach, too. You learned from some of the best coaches in the business, and you were an amazing point guard. Practically a floor coach yourself."

He caught the past-tense reference to Magnus's playing career, and he thought Magnus did, too, but neither of them commented on it. It was true, no matter how much it hurt to hear the words.

"I just… don't know if me coaching basketball will ever contribute to our household income," Magnus said, voicing his concerns. "It's a lot of money to spend to renovate this warehouse. What if we never get a return on our investment?"

Alec took Magnus's hands in his. "Magnus, stop right there. When I came up with this idea, my thought was your coaching would be sort of… charity work. You donate your time to help kids." He saw Will and Jem return in his peripheral vision. "The reason I want to do it here is because… well, this is where you grew up. Any one of these kids could've been you, if you hadn't had a fantastic basketball coach give you a chance to be something better than what the streets of Brooklyn wanted to make you."

Magnus bit his lip. "Well, my momma would've kicked my ass if I tried to be some street thug or something."

Alec saw Will snicker behind his hand, but he pressed on anyway. "Well, there are a lot of kids that don't have that mom to keep them in line. They need help. They need someone. And you have skills that could help them." Unbidden again, the image of the kid across the street entered his mind. He cast it away.

"That's true of kids all over the country," Will interjected. "Why here?"

Alec turned to Will. "Why not here? Why do you want us anywhere but here? What's the problem, Will?" He was growing tired of Will's objections, and may have been a little more snippy than usual.

"Will's just cranky because he really wants to get Momma to move away from here, and he knows that Magnus moving here will only give her reason to stay," Jem said. Will glared at him like he'd just sold his deepest, darkest secret to the tabloids.

Alec still didn't get what the big deal was. Then he suddenly realized Jem's critique of the situation was only partly true.

"Momma is only part of my concern!" Will said angrily. "I'm also worried about Magnus!"

The pieces fell into place. "Will," Alec said as reassuringly as he could, "it will be months before this place is ready. There will be plenty of time for us to be sure he is okay before we move. Manhattan is not that far. I will make sure he continues his therapy. And if we have a problem, you know I will call you."

"Yeah? Well, what if I had been thirty minutes away when he… What if I hadn't been with you? You were barely functional! How can I be sure you'll be able to handle it next time? Or even be able to call for help?"

Alec was floored. "I was in shock when I saw him! I never imagined walking in and finding him like that. But I eventually got it together and helped him!"

"There's not going to be a next time," Magnus said, but Will talked over him.

"What if you take too long next time and he dies?!" Will's pupils were dilated, and not just from the dim light. He looked half-manic.

"That's not going to happen!" Alec insisted.

Will laughed humorlessly. "Whatever. That's not the only thing I'm worried about. Magnus hasn't lived in this area in a long time. He had some serious traumas happen here. What if he can't handle it? What if that makes his depression worse?"

"Then, we'll –" Alec began, but Magnus interrupted.

"WOULD YOU TWO STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE?!" he shouted.

Will and Alec froze in their tracks. Alec reluctantly realized he had his arm extended, pointing at Will as he argued with him. Will's hands were balled into fists. They both looked ridiculous, and Magnus made a show of pointing that out.

"You two are pissing me off. Stop acting like you make my decisions for me! I'm fucking twenty-eight years old and capable of deciding what's best for me on my own, thank you very much!"

Alec dropped his hand to his side, and Will unclenched his hands. "Sorry," they both mumbled like scolded children. Alec was pretty sure Jem was restraining a grin.

"Look, both of you. I know I've made some mistakes, but I trust Alec to help me when I need it. I trust him, Will, and I need you to trust him, too. He can do this. He loves me, as much as Jem loves you."

"Yeah, but I'm not suicidal," Will protested.

"Neither am I. Not anymore. I'm doing better, Will, but I really, _really_ need something to do with my time. I don't know if I can do this, but I'm willing to give it a try."

Alec gaped as Will's eyes filled with tears. He reached for Magnus, pulling him into a hug. "I don't want to lose you, brother," he said in a gruff voice. Alec got a little emotional watching the two of them hug it out. It suddenly occurred to him that Will had never really vented his frustrations and fear for what Magnus had done. He felt horrible for fighting with him and not understanding where Will was coming from. He, of all people, knew exactly how Will felt.

Will pulled himself together and tried to play it off. He lightly punched Magnus's arm and said, "You call me from now on, asshole."

Magnus smiled and punched him back. "I'm okay, Will. And honestly, I'm not bothered being back in the neighborhood. I have a lot more great memories here than bad ones. Don't worry about me, alright?"

Will shuffled uncomfortably. "Yeah. I know. I just… There's a reason I'm willing to drop everything and come over when Alec wants to leave the apartment. I don't want to leave you home alone yet either."

Jem put his arm around Will, and Alec was grateful for it. He'd never seen Will so open and vulnerable. Magnus grabbed Will's hand and squeezed it. "I'm okay," he reiterated.

"Besides, we have months before this place will be done," Alec said again. "Hopefully, we'll all feel better about the situation by then."

After that, Alec called for the limo, and they locked up and left. As he climbed into the car, he noticed the kids across the street were gone. An hour later, with their bellies full from dinner, they said goodbye to Will and Jem, and went up the stairs to their apartment.

They got ready for bed even though the night was still young. They were emotionally spent and neither protested the early bedtime. Magnus curled against Alec, placing a hand over his chest, right where his heart beat was. Alec caressed Magnus's back with lazy strokes of his fingers, thinking all the while.

"You're still worried about moving, aren't you?" Magnus said after a long silence.

Alec's hand stilled and he craned his neck to look Magnus in the eyes. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I think it's a good idea. I want it to be a good idea."

"But…?"

"But I can't help wondering if Will's right. If taking you away from here, where he and Lex and Dr. Clark are just minutes away, is a good idea. What do you really think? Be honest. I can take it."

Magnus leaned on one elbow so he could face Alec better. "Honestly, I think it's a good idea. I think it will give both of us something to do, which we desperately need. And I'm excited about the idea of coaching. Scared shitless that I'll suck at it, but excited."

"But…?" Alec said, hearing the word Magnus didn't say this time.

Magnus smiled at him. "But, I don't know if it will work. It's a business proposition, and sometimes businesses fail. We could be spending millions of dollars for nothing."

"Like I said before, it's not for nothing. Even if the business doesn't make it. If it helps you feel better, and feel connected to basketball again, then it's worth it. I would spend every last dollar I have to make that happen, and I wouldn't regret a thing!"

"But what won't be pulling my weight. I won't be bringing in much, if any income, not if we are mostly working as a charity with the neighborhood kids."

"Don't worry about that. We have plenty of money already. The gym memberships and private lessons will supplement our income and repay me for the amount I take from my trust fund to pay to get started. We'll be fine. I just want you to enjoy life again, and basketball is the only way I see that happening. Please don't worry. Okay?"

Magnus kissed him. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Alec quirked a smile. "You said yes." Magnus raised an eyebrow. "When I asked you out, you said yes. Every time I've needed you, you said yes. I love you more than I could ever express in words. This is my way of showing you."

There was emotion in Magnus's eyes when he leaned in for the kiss this time. He cupped Alec's cheek and kissed him thoroughly, and Alec felt it to the tips of his toes. He responded to the kiss and to Magnus's touch as his hand slid down Alec's body, teasing and alluring, until it wrapped around Alec's cock and stroked him. Alec moved so they were lying on their sides, face to face, and he took hold of Magnus's cock with his free hand. He rested his forehead against Magnus's and matched Magnus's speed, stroke for stroke.

Alec let the sensations wash over him: Magnus's hand jerking him off while he reciprocated, his hot puffs of breath on Alec's face as their desire grew, the closeness and love and lust that flowed between them. After everything they had been through, knowing they were embarking on yet another chance to be happy together, made this moment that much more special. And when he reached his climax, he thought that was the best damn handjob he'd ever had.

**End Part 5**

* * *

**A/N: Hannah: Thanks for the long review (I love them) and I assure you I read every single one, even from my completed stories. Re Author's Notes: I mostly prefer to let the story do the talking. Sometimes I'll answer questions this way or send a PM if the questioner signed in. **


	131. Chapter 131

**A/N: I know you will all be horribly disappointed in me, and honestly, I'm pretty upset myself, but I don't have a chapter ready for this week. I have about 1800 words written and am literally writing this on my phone on my break because I can't find time to write anything! I'm so frustrated and stressed about it, too. It's not writer's block, don't worry. I know how the chapter goes I just can't get it written because I'm so freaking busy I can't see straight. You can have it now if you can read my mind! **

**My hubby is out of town this week and my bestie is in town next week. I knew there was a chance I wouldn't get a chapter ready for the week after he leaves, but I never thought this would happen. I'm so sorry. If I can get it done later in the week I'll post it, but at this point I'm just hoping to have one for next Monday. At least it's the beginning of a new story arc and not a cliffhanger? Ugh. **

**I will take this down and replace it with the real chapter once I'm done with it so the story will flow. So when you get a second notification about chapter 131, it'll be the real thing. Again, I'm so sorry. Thanks for understanding and not starting a witch hunt...**


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